but if i'm being honest that mindset has helped me a lot. It's gonna work out because there's no way it could not, there's no other option. So worrying is useless, you know?
@Avin Saraji kind of yes, but at the same time, I personally get very upset & sad about it, because sometimes there are things that I would want to change so so so much, but it seems like, no matter how much effort I put in it, it doesn't. (which is partly due to my anxiety and partly because life's life haha)
It's the story of many lives unfortunately ~ watched Fiddler on the Roof on Netflix lately and it really hit that home. Great musical too if that's your jam, hope you get a few good days in <3
My depersonalisation feels like I'm not real, but everyone else is. Everyone has a life and a goal and people they love or hate and a story and I'm so overwhelmed by that feeling that I feel myself disappear until there's only a body left that pretends to be me and looks mostly like me, but there's clearly something different. It's just hard to tell what
same, i see everyone living and i feel like im watching myself live. it feels like im not connected to my body, im floating inside of this shell that's trying to look like me but somethings wrong about the face, or the hands, its just off..
What you must understand is that derealisation is nothing more than a protection mechanism. A clever bluff. Your soul/mind is absolutely fine. The only reason it stays with you is that you fear its presence and place importance upon it. I had DP for ages, a couple of years. I never have it anymore ever. You must completely normalise DP, you must tell yourself every day it is nothing more than a protection mechanism and is harmless, then go about your daily business without fear of it. And over time you take the fear away from it and eventually itfades and disappears. Don't look too deep into it, you have not been extracted from your body or reality or your soul or anything like that. You must see it for what it is, a harmless trick of the mind and you will be able to free yourself from it. It really does work I promise, i'm living proof.
I feel that too, sometimes it even happens whilst I'm talking. I also feel that 'something's very different, but what is it?' kind of feeling, just replying so you know there are even more people who feel the exact same as you, you're not alone in your state of consciousness, or what seems like a lack thereof sometimes
for me its the absolute opposite! it feels like im the only real thing in the universe, that i've been sucked into some parallel reality. LIke im a ghost living in dreamland, and everyone else is just little stars. i think that would probably fall into the realm of derealization rather than just dissociation
@Daisy H I know. I ve had the same thing and I was terrified. Sometimes I would get really in my head and think, what if everything is a dream? It kinda switched to a different place where I still felt weird but I stopped questioning it a bit and now it has gotten way better! ❤️ I am sure it will for you too!
oh my god story of my life, thank you for verbalizing it (although i wish it wasn't because you struggle with it too.) i constantly wonder what is so wrong when i'm with friends or reading people's texts, even if they're talking about negative things in their lives it's usually in reaction to something they've still achieved or progressed towards, and even if i have one or two of the things in common i feel like my experience isn't real while theirs is. and i don't just mean in the impostor syndrome realm, which i definitely have an intense form of, but i mean not being fully IN actual living breathing life
@Arn Arnie I had for about 2 years then on and off for a bit. Be sure to visit DPselfhelp forum for advice. It is a completely curable condition no need for medication.
@corsinivideos Thanks for the information, and I know as long as you’re in stressful situations it will last, that’s why I’m cutting all the toxic people out of my life that’s keeping it here.
My therapist told me that a lot of people’s mental health declined during COVID because it feels like trauma all over again and COVID is the abuser. It’s the same pattern except we don’t have access to our usual coping mechanism (going on walks, seeing family/friends, being distracted at work etc).
The "not being able to open my eyes wide enough" description is so accurate. Derealization freaks me out even after a few years of experiencing it on and off.
“Feels like I can’t SEE anything enough. Feels like I can’t open my eyes wide enough” Holy shit you described it. That’s exactly what it feels like to me. Thank you thank you thank you
I'm glad this is at the top right now. I was halfway through typing out a whole thing before I realized it's too much effort to try and put into proper words. I'm just... so fucking exhausted and exasperated...
why am i literally crying this is. how i've felt for years and I never knew it had a name I never knew other people experienced it too. just. thank you oh my god
I was 20 when i got depressed and did absolutely nothing, no fun memories no fun experiences, just nothing and when i turned 24 and I told myself im going to get my shit together im going to have so much fun its going to be THE year for me but COVID happened. i turned 25 yesterday, felt like nothing happened when i was 24 I achieved nothing and that makes me extremely depressed. I feel hopeless, i want to give up I feel so behind compared to other people my age
please never compare yourself to others. there is no right way of living life, we are all going through this in our own way, so try not to be too hard on yourself ❤️🙏🏼
There's a secret I'll let you into. Everyone's just trying to make it look like they're having a great time and doing loads, but they actually aren't. Most people are struggling to figure their shit out just like you. No one has everything figured out. They just make it look like they have
Hi I know I don't know you but you are so loved. I struggle with mental health too and it can be so hard. People love you. You are special. All the best ❤️
You're not behind you're just on time, figure out some things you would like for yourself in your life don't see how to get them but just what you would like. What you might like to bring to other people's lives also. Little by little you'll start getting intuitions if your following the right breadcrumbs. And boosts of confidence to put thoughts into action. Good luck and have fun x
Hey, I feel you! I often feel like I’m missing out on all the cool stuff people our age do and I can’t really figure out how they do it... But right now I feel like it’s ok. It’s ok to take a bit longer but I’m convinced that we are going to have that someday, too. In whatever way fits us. We want to live, we are going to live. Just need patience. That’s what I believe and hope :) I wish you all the best! And thank you, your comment really made me feel understood and not so alone with what I experience.
I'm in the same boat as you. Mid-March I had a really emotionally fulfilling night that had me feeling like I was going to be okay, that clarified what I needed to do to get my life on track. Literally two days later my job shut down. I had my birthday around the same time you did and basically ignored it and told friends in advance to please not to send anything. It's taking constant reminding that a lot of people our age are in this same boat right now. Please know you're not alone in this.
This might not apply but imma say it, Van Gogh started painting when he was 27. You’ve got time to become a brilliant painter yet, yes that’s just an art example, and I don’t know if that applies to you, but it works and shows my point, you at any age can do anything you want. Sure there are some limitations but you can achieve things yet. Also you’re here, isn’t that achievement enough, some don’t make it to their 20s, I’m proud of you for making it and powering through, I’m proud of everytime you did a little thing to take care of yourself, something as small as grabbing some water or brushing your teeth, I’m proud that you are here now. Even if you feel you’ve let another year pass by next year it’s okay cause you’re there to experience it and I’m proud. My pride probably doesn’t mean a lot to you but this still might help you. I feel sometimes like I’ve done both with my life but I’m here, that’s achievement enough. You can strive for more but realise that being alive is an achievement enough.
i feel the same way as you - but dont despair. Something my older brother told me which really helped was that, you're not on a time limit. A lot of his friends who had houses and tons of money and a relationship by the time they were 24, are 30 now and completely miserable. Other ones ,who seemed WAY behind, who took an extra 5 years to start getting their shit together, are absolutely thriving now. just because you're 'behind' other people it doesn't mean you're worse off - take it at your own pace!
thank you.. for just being you. i was talking to my mom about all of the “dodie eras”, and she said “wow, you guys have really grown.”
i was in fifth grade when i found you. now i’m in high school and everything is very confusing and scary; i have no idea what i like, or what i dislike. i have no idea who i am. it’s terrifying.
one of the only things i can count on is my love for your music. while i’m trying to ‘find myself’ i always try to look for the constants. “i don’t like ketchup.” “i don’t like going in the ocean because of the creepy crawly creatures.” my brain would always go to the negatives. but, now i know.
Thats so beautiful. I used to feel just as lost as you. And when I read your comment I realized that I don't feel as lost as I did anymore. Don't get me wrong I will always be learning new things about myself haha. But just know that there is always progress. And the fun is actually in the process. Anyway, lots of love :)
im in high school now as well. i found dodie in middle school in like 2018? right when party tattoos was released. but we’re all trying to figure ourselves out. here’s a quote i like by a youtuber who’s name is nathaniel drew : “there’s no getting there. we’re already there.” i use this quote for so many different situations and i feel like finding yourself is definitely one it applies to.
@diego *—* i don’t really write often.. i’m trying to branch out. i’m thinking of maybe starting a youtube channel or exploring the vast and treacherous ocean of tumblr. i don’t know, these are all ideas.
after reading these replies, i have the best feelings of butterflies and pure euphoria. going back to my original comment, dodie isn’t only someone to listen to. she created this beautiful community that supports and relates to each other. the internet is very expansive and overwhelming, much less the world, but it’s very comforting to know that there are people out there like me. it makes you feel less alone. :)!
Aaa i know how you feel its so terrifying to feel like i dont know my self i found her in 6th and im currently in 10th i dont know whatd id do without this little bit of constant
I didn't know that was a way other people felt. Thank you for sharing. You make me feel like this is a normal part of life. I think we're gonna be okay.
Oh man, dude you are not alone. Back in high school I felt the same way. This is the time to not know who you are, cause it's pretty much the first time you're given a choice for who you want to be. And it's ok if five years from now you still don't know. So so glad you have music to keep you grounded, especially dodie's music cause it's just so honkin good! Enjoy this time learning about yourself, be kind to you, and have a lovely day!
@Aaliyah Herrera oh i’m like that too i always think about doing fun things and take forever to get around to actually doing them hehe, well if you don’t write often i guess you’re just a naturally pretty writer! :)
oh also, i can totally relate to what you said in your comment. i think all this isolation has gotten me too over analytical of everything, including myself. sometimes i feel like everything i see in myself is contradictory and im just a random blob of mess eek. this is also not fun when in the phase of life where we’re supposed to be deciding what we want to study and do for our entire lives. i hope things feel better when we’re back to some sort of normal, and i hope they get better for you too! hang in there <3
I also do not like creepy crawly creatures at the beach, but I found peace at rock beaches recently! It's a lot scarier to be in the water at the shore because large rocks can come for your ankles anytime, but it's a lot of fun and considerably less stressful than sand to me. I genuinely hope you get to experience great things in the outdoors, be sure to enjoy the little things! Best wishes!
I sometimes feel just as lost as you, and I'm now in my third year of university... so I giess it never stops for me 🙄 I found dodie at SitC 2017, but before I had seen a couple of her vkdeos and didnt really like them. Now I just love them and I could just relate to her book so much 🥰
It’s scary, but it’s so exciting too! I’m in uni and i’ve embraced my personality being super fluid for now. It’s exactly like with the dodie ‘eras’, you know? Dodie has grown and changed and so has her taste and her music, but she’s still the same person we got to know years ago. You’re the same! Even if your favourite colour and your favourite band and your taste in clothes and music and films change!! ❤️
I get this so much. I switched schools for the first time in 7th grade, and again in 9th. I'm in 10th now, and I keep telling myself I should be better now, like I shouldn't have to worry about who I am, or what I like, if I'm likable, or if I have a personality at all. I seem to just repeat what other people say. I have my own opinions, but I just seem bland in my eyes, so it's hard to make friends when you don't even know yourself sometimes. Both dodie's and Tessa's songs have really helped these past years, and seeing all these comments makes all this feel normal. Thank you
i’ve had derealization for almost 6 years now, and i hear you the past 8 months have felt like a distant voice calling for me, like a distant and confused dream i can’t quite remember. i lost so many weeks because i was so detached from reality that time flew by like it would during a dream, and i can barely remember what i did during that period. i’m sorry, and i understand you
Depersonalisation story: I was officially diagnosed with this charming condition about 3 years ago to go along side the severe anxiety and depression which was a relief to put a name to the feeling. I’ve been watching dodie for like 7 years and relating to her stories it was nice to know I wasn’t crazy. After a decent bit of therapy and doctors it’s believed I’ve had it for most of my life after some splendid childhood trauma but then the alarm bells went off after more lovely trauma my brain went into intense lockdown (pun intended) in about 2017 where I was in the lowest of lows and my knight in shining armour was the depersonalisation trying to save my brain from the trauma. It has definitely been in waves of severity but has definitely always been there. I have almost no connection to emotions thanks to my brains coping mechanism and might cry maybe twice a year if I’m lucky. The feelings of being spaced out are so current and I always feel like a robot when talking about emotions. I don’t remember doing everyday activities or at work will ask who did a task only to find out I did it but with no memory due to being on auto pilot. The energy trying to stay in the moment with friends and not zone out can be exhausting. Scratching or pinching my arms to feel something and keep myself in the moment. But it’s part of my life, I joke and laugh about it cause that’s all we can do. So here’s to us 🥂🤙
If you don't mind me asking, what trauma did you guys go through? I know it's hard to talk about so don't feel pressured to do so, share as much or as little as you like. I just feel like I never know if the stuff I went through is "bad enough" to be considered trauma, and if they could have caused my mental disorders. I'm curious to know what other people have been through so I can feel more welcome and comfortable.
Dodie I have followed you for years ♥️ and a big part of that aside from your tremendously wonderful creative gifts is because you are so open about your depersonalization. I have Dissociative Identity Disorder, and you help me feel less alone in something that is so hard for most people to understand without experiencing it.
im literally crying watching this because I could never describe how it felt and you explained it perfectly. I also got depression after I got this symptoms and I just feel so similar to you...
I don’t have a diagnosis but most times i feel just out of it. like everything seems super bright and muffled and blurry and my brain can’t focus on anything and i’m just there. you just described how i feel and it makes me feel way less alone!
As someone who struggles with depersonalisation, the biggest low for me is when I’m even convincing myself that my depersonalisation isn’t real. That’s when I get really nervous. Because if what I’m feeling, is what everyones feeling then the world seems so sad to me....
Anyways, struggling to feel alive is awfull. Don’t ever make someone feel like they’re being silly or “fake” even.
i have depression and anxiety, and i didn’t know how to explain that feeling of things not being real, or not feeling fully here, and now it makes so much sense to me. the way you explained it sounds exactly like how i feel
seeing someone with such a large platform talking about this and spreading awareness is so so important. you have helped me and so many other people that struggle with this so thank you 🥺
anxiety + weed + radical life changes + covid caused it all for me. i genuinely thought i had lost my mind and was going crazy until i found out just how common it was. you are not alone and i send so much love to anyone going through this x
@Chloe Rose hey i hope youre doing okay!!! its been about 4/5 months now and its getting better, distracting yourself by focus on other things (studying, reading, netflix, dancing) has helped me the most. also remember these are such weird times right now, so its bound to feel even weirder. so much love you will get better again i promise x
i feel so sad for those of you who do have this, it must be a living hell. i cant imagine how it effects your daily life. i know this comment is probably useless to you, but i wish we were more aware of this. ive never heard of this until now, it really needs to be spoken about more.
Thank you for talking about your mental health—it made me realize I dissociate and it led to me finding out about my depression!!! I now am on meds and I’ve never felt more clear snd present. Life does feel like a cloud or that you have to blink all the time in order to see in those moments. I hope one day something will appear that helps a little!!! Sending so much love ❤️
my anxiety has been something i can only describe as a wildfire during covid times due to being alone with myself and i’ve recently been feeling ‘disconnected’ with myself and everything feels... not real. but i do remind myself that you feel somewhat the same as me and it brings a little bit of comfort, i think? this video made me feel very seen and thank you very much, you’ve blindly been there for me since 2017 and i appreciate you a lot so thank you ❤️
Dear Dodie. I usually never comment but I just felt like I have to tell you this. I've lived with DPDR for almost 10 years, probably due to some childhood trauma I repressed. I never knew about depersonalisation/-realization, but when I saw your video (something like "it feels like I'm dreaming all the time") I was like, oh god, that's what it feels like! And then I had a name for it, I knew I was not the only person in the world, feeling like this. It really gave me hope and strength during the time it was the worst. You described it all so beautifully. It's like not being there 100%, vegetating between your subconscious and what's real, like you fell back in your mind and see everything through a grey veil. I never went to a therapist or got medication, I didn't even tell my parents about it. (I still haven't) Only a few friends, but talking about it made it more normal and I felt less like a non-existent person. I don't know if I'm cured now since I still have some moments in my life, where I feel dissociated and muted, but my illness has become a smaller part of my life. I don't think about it all the time and I can even "control" it at some times. And that's the biggest part about it: Not letting your DPDR take such a big part of your thoughts and your life. Trying to "zoom in", to not ask yourself all those philosophical questions all the time, to just accept your state-of-being. Because when you tell yourself all the time that you're not normal and something's wrong, then it won't end. Not thinking about it or "ignoring" the feeling is the best advice I can give you - it helped me to come back! And when I know think about my state, my DPDR feels so far away, I can't even totally describe the feeling I felt because it's so surreal to me now. Wish you all the best! You can do this! Thank you for changing my life. <3
That's really interesting to hear! How long did you have to ignore it for before you started to notice changes? For me it can be tricky, like constantly trying not to think of a pink elephant...
@rickstarz Not the OP, but it generally depends on what triggered it.
Overall, however, what helped me overcome it for the most part (still have isolated episodes here and there) is not focusing on how long it would take before I'd come out of it. I know it's very hard, and difficult to explain, but you just have to constantly try distracting yourself. Any time you start focusing too much on DPDR, find something else to do. Read, play a game, listen to music. Every time. In the beginning, it won't feel like you're making too much progress, but eventually you'll see the results.
Also, accepting that this will be a part of your life for a while definitely helps. In my case, I just told myself that if I'll be suffering from this for decades to come, I'll still do the things I've always wanted to do. Why? Because, in the event that I were only cured of DPDR at, say, age 60-70, the worst I could say is what a shame it was that I didn't get to fully enjoy my experiences, as opposed to, "I never did any of the things I wanted to do because of DPDR". Having some sort of experience is still better than none at all.
I definitely understand this feeling ... it is so hard to explain to people. Even my doctor, which is extremely frustrating! It does make me feel better knowing that other people suffer from the same issue. Thanks for talking about these things dodie!
I've been telling myself for years "keep your head in the clouds, it's better than staring at your feet"
Seems deeper when walking along appreciating my surroundings with a cinematic soundtrack. I'd space out so bad I'd just walk along with my head hung low and not be present. Thanks for being so honest and open at this time, practicing gratitude and sharing joy xo
It‘s „good“ hearing you talk about it since I now know that I wasn‘t CRAZY as a child but very likely simply had a phase of derealisation... so as much as I wished it to be different for you, THANKS for talking so openly about it
I still have my doubts about wether or not what I experience is derealization, but the way you manage to put such a complicated thing into words, so many things make sense to me now. I wish you and whoever reads this the best of luck on this journey, stay safe everyone 💕
Honestly you coming to terms with the fact that you have this and watching your process on YT and other socials over the years helped me realize that I also suffer from this and looked for the help I needed to cope and find ways to manage my DPD
this video made me feel good, i love when you talk about your depersonalization because it brings other people here who deal with it and makes me feel so supported
Thank you for representing and introducing me to this illness I have! I didnt know the name until you! Ive been formally diagnosed now but I love having a fellow dreamy spreading the word
thank you for sharing. this means so much as someone who experiences life in similar ways. feels good to hear someone else say, in a positive way, "take what we can get" ♡
Covid has been hard to live with, as I suffer from anxiety and depression as well as dysphoria and diabetes. But because I've had experience of it before, I know how to deal with mental health. It just tires me since I have to deal with it so much though, which also throws my physical health off a bit. North east here, very much back in lockdown again (and yes I should be asleep)
i struggle with derealisation, depersonalisation, dissociation, the whole lot. its a fight everyday hoping it wont happen. at one point i was dissociated 90% of the time really and had a bad time with derealisation yesterday. it sucks, and i cant imagine having it chronically. i hate it when i loose my memory. knowing the answer to something i need to figure out like where am i but my head not allowing me to know the answer and accepting the knowledge into my head to comfort me. its so hard and i wish i knew how it could go away. but at the same time sometimes i do like that i can just float away for a little. not feel anything. im not saying that ignoring chronic suffers, i hate it most of the time. just trying to talk about things i guess.. this is long and im tired. thank you for the video it helped me focus for a bit when im kinda in crisis. hope your all okay, sending love. xx
i get that, i'm not sure if i have it non-stop because everytime i think i feel 'real' i just dissociate harder than before, but I understand the part about liking it sometimes. Its an escape from reality, it has its cons but it has its pros. in a situation where everyone is scared or taken over by intense emotion dissociation allows me to step back from that and see it from an outsider view (just like always, but this time its helpful in the situation) and i wont have to feel so terrified or endangered yknow? or when i feel alone and i have nothing to distract myself from negative thoughts i can just let myself float away and dissociate and be numb
Dodie, how do you stay motivated when you're feeling so out of it? I've been struggling lately and my depression and anxiety turns into apathy and disgust. Idk what to do.
@Brett Goldsmith no one could possibly know what it means, because that hasn't been given to us yet. The clues are simply leading to the name. But album or song title sounds best
@Maya Huling I have U_B_D A PROBLEM Unbud? Upbid? Not sure, but I'm pretty sure its gonna be the name of her first full length album! Maybe with 13 songs?
hi dodie, thank you for these little videos where everything’s quiet and calm for a bit and we can just listen to your thoughts. so far it’s been a nice thing to watch every day :) also thank your for the beautiful pain of the line “it’s okay because it has to be,” like oW-
With my depersonalization, at the beginning of COVID, I didn’t even notice how bad it was getting. Then I went grocery shopping during the like panicky no toilet paper phase, and I was SO spaced out it freaked me out. No one and nothing in that store felt real at all. It’s still pretty bad, but yeah I’ve gotten more comfortable with it and stopped like fighting it so much lol
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Andre Heh2020-10-16 19:45:03 (edited 2020-10-16 19:50:39 )
Yes! Therapy! Dont let yourself sink, you/we got this. :) <3 I'm getting dissociation as part of a different personality disorder, its like an unwanted dream and hard to get out of sometimes.
this is something that i've recently been struggling with very badly. i had severe anxiety already and a panic disorder but after a bad high, I've been depersonalized for months. it's affected my life horribly and I'm still in the learning process on how to cope. when I depersonalize, it leads to a lot of panic and anxiety. i hope it goes away soon. seeing other people go through the same thing makes me feel less anxious. thank you for sharing, love you
thank you so much for being so open about depersonalisation/ derealisation, you describe it sooo well and I wish other people would understand as well 💛
This made me want to cry because everything u said felt so familiar and true, and you were able to put into words feelings I haven’t been able to. I’ve never received help for my dpdr or had anyone to talk to abt it, so whenever dodie posts a video it brings me so much comfort and a feeling that I’m not alone in this or crazy. Thank you dodie
I’ve been thinking about this exact concept with “covid time” feeling like depersonalisation. It’s been a while now since I was able to acknowledge my own journey with derealisation/depersonalisation. And it can be hard to see in the moment, especially when I am having more of a manic episode, but today’s not really a great day. Hearing someone else talk about it all is refreshing though
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pooh the winnie2020-10-16 01:19:23 (edited 2020-10-16 01:21:48 )
i had derealization at the beginning of this year for several months after doing psychedelics. I'm so sorry you've been dealing with it for so long. I'm better now sometimes it comes back for a short period when I'm really anxious, so I've been making sure to manage my anxiety. It's so hard though because human connection makes me feel grounded and its hard to get that now.
i remember when I was in the worst of my derealization and covid was starting to hit, I really was convinced that I was in a simulation. its not that I completely don't believe that anymore... but I've accepted that its ok. its ok to feel this way because life is still beautiful even if it may be fake
I’m 12 and you helped me realise what I was feeling wasn’t normal, not a lot of people believe me because of quarentine and “everyone feels that way right now” but I don’t think they’ve ever been up at 2:00am gripping at their scalp trying to ground themselves. Your video about depersonalization help me better understand that I’m not crazy. And it makes me feel better to know that this can stem from my gender dysphoria as well and not just deep rooted trauma. I cried watching this because it makes so much sense to me. I love u and ur music Dodie! <3
Good luck my love, we support you!! I hope your friends can learn to understand where you're coming from a little better so they can support you xx If you have anyone in your life who can help you through this, make sure you ask, you deserve someone to be there for you xx Good luck with everything, and know that we love you for who you are here on this platform xx I believe in you ! xxxx
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that person2020-10-16 00:40:34 (edited 2020-10-16 00:42:34 )
i found out that i have derealization a year or two ago when in like 8th grade. it’s really nice to know that there’s a reason why i feel so spaced out sometimes. it’s really difficult when i’m with my best friend and they’re having fun but i’m just trying to figure out how to not feel like a video game character lol. try your best not to get annoyed or angry with yourself for however you feel. this goes for anything. we get the best of ourselves sometimes. it’s also really nice to find others that you can relate to when it comes to derealization. anyways i hope you’re doing well. everything’s been super weird but you’re not alone with this feeling. ♥️♥️
Hey. My DR symptoms started when I was 12, and I want you to know that it gets better! I'm 17 now, and I had a few years of pretty bad symptoms, followed by a long stretch of time where everything seemed pretty ok. The covid situation and some other life stuff has made it worse again, but even now it's not as bad as before because I know how to deal with it. I hope people will believe you-- getting help can be hard! Stay strong, I believe in you.
Sending you love - I've been dissociating since I was 12, and I'm 20 now. Often, when I'm really spacey and sad and things are hard, I think about how I would care for my little traumatized kid self, and I do those things. Taking a bath in the middle of the night, making very sweet, weak tea, sleeping with a stuffed animal - these help you ground through your other senses. And even just having empathy for your mind and what it does for you - "this thing I deal with is really scary and upsetting, and my brain is still trying to protect me from it and doesn't know we're safe now. Thank you, brain, we're safe, and it's okay now." It at least brings me a little bit of comfort if I can't come down. I wish you the best, be well 💓
It can definitely be reassuring to realise what you're feeling isn't normal. As odd as is sounds it can be extremely relieving. People always say "don't worry, that's normal, we all feel that way" and I know people are only trying to be kind and supportive in most cases, but it just invalidates what you're feeling and make you feel like it doesn't matter, isn't real. Even if it's "normal" please realise it's unbearable. And if this is normal then god how can so many people live so care free? Once you find out it isn't normal you realise it's not the world that's this way, it's you. Which sounds terrifying and can be at times. But it's still also somehow reassuring to know somethings wrong with you, that crying yourself to sleep and always feel hollow isn't normal. It means there can be hope. It means you can (and things can) get better, that this isn't the "normal" and therefor how things should be.
@Leah i completely understand what you’re saying. you have to figure out the problem so that you can fix it. saying it’s “normal” can make it seem like there is no problem and that it’s not fixable. but things can change and get better. anyways thanks for replying on here for all of us to see. it was helpful for me as well. ❤️
Thank you for continuing to talk about depersonalization. It really helps people ( like me ! ) who have the disorder, because it isn't talked about nearly enough, and it takes people who have it way too long to find out what it is. You've created a wonderful community ( pretty much the only one ) where we can all go and dissociate together and I thank you for it ☺
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Re Peregrin2020-10-17 17:55:02 (edited 2020-10-17 18:56:07 )
I have this problem too, and Im finally coming out of it. I highly recommend somatic therapies such as EMDR and Somatic Experiencing for trauma-related conditions (sry, talk therapy only gets you that far :( ) Orienting (literally looking around you) is an important and simple first step. Irene Lyon also has a lot of super helpful info on her YouTube channel. Hope you all figure it out!
its so comforting seeing a youtuber speaking abt depersonalisation cause genuinely theres like no youtubers that seem to have it or speak abt it and its just nice knowing that im not the only one so thank you
I only recently realized that I may have derealization and I feel like I get it in situations where I'm socially anxious. I always felt those surreal moments where it feels like you're watching "over" yourself or hearing yourself talk without feeling like it's actually you. It's very strange. I also get blurry vision which I thought was something wrong with my eyes and was considering seeing an optometrist about it, until I saw that distortions in the visual field is one of the possible symptoms of derealization. The scariest thing is that I sometimes get derealization when I drive and I have to force myself to feel something tangible in order to snap out of it. Music really helps me in those moments. I get it in crowds, used to get it in classrooms, I get it at the grocery store and pretty much anywhere that's public. Can people experience it at home as well? Because I don't think I do.
does anyone else get a lot of depersonalization while wearing a mask? (I always wear my mask despite this, stay safe) I think the bit of vision it obstructs makes me feel like I'm not really there, and like I am in a dream
@melancholy_mushroom yes!! it still feels new and fake and as if I'm wearing a costume and I'm an actor in a dystopian film where the air is unsafe to breathe, if that makes any sense
@melancholy_mushroom Umm, not exactly, but the mask f's with my PTSD-hypervigliance, because it covers the air around my nose and mouth, and the space around my eyes, and then it catalyses a larger "stimulus overload" session.
same! where i live we're more "open" now but at the height of it, being inside and being outside were equally draining pretty much, because one was extremely underwhelming and the other overwhelming
You taught me about this and helped me work out what I was feeling. Doctors still don't understand but I am grateful you are so open about it. Thank you Dodie! x
I felt this so much I have little tics now because they help me figure out if im asleep or not or if I still have my senses. Like snapping next to my ear or knocking on my head, etc.
I feel this so much. I struggle with depression and DPDR as well from trauma. and trying to do college this semester has been a struggle bus. so much dissoication and apethic depression.
As someone who has depersonalisation, I feel like I'm much better at coping with this covid situation than people around me. It definitely has to do with the fact that I usually feel like this, so I know what to do when I feel like shit. It also feels like I'm losing less moments and life things than others, probably because my emotions are usually limited, and happiness is never really that happy. It's just a continuation of my limbo
Thank you for this video. I've been feeling like this a lot more lately even though I have a daily routine (going to school and what not). But I've been feeling like everything isn't real and started at the beginning of all this mess. huh yeah anyway. thank you dodie ❤
oh gosh, the covid derealization is sooo bad. my derealization always makes me feel like im in the uncanny valley, or, like, the upside down from stranger things. where things look the same but something's WRONG and i can't tell what it is and my brain starts to believe none of it's real. When things are strange and not quite right in real life, when my routine is broken, when things like COVID start happening, it triggers dissociation so hard.
Thankfully i dont have so many of the physical symptoms (like blurry vision), but my expereince is very emotional and just awful. I feel like there's somehting off about me, like the world is blurry (metaphorically) and im the only real thing in it. That feeling like you're in the matrix that dodie mentions, that everyone else is fake and you're the only real person, is so, so horrible. it's just... so lonely. It's like im a floating soul, the only soul around, and everyone else is just little tiny stars that all blend in together. it sounds nice when i say it like that but it's really scary - it's like i can't tell what's real and what's not and i feel like im going crazy and im scared that i will never be able to go back to normal, and i can't even go talk to people for help because i feel like im in a whole other UNIVERSE than them and they feel blurry and fake and then it causes panic attacks and it just... gah. At least it was nice to be able to vent!
I experience depersonalisation as a secondary symptom of other things, and gosh if this didn't hit home. COVID has made the moments of it so much worse. Whilst I'm lucky that it's not a constant thing, the past year or so has been pretty close to that... if nothing else, it's taught me more about how I can cope with it when it flares up once things are safer ♥
the way this was worded is so nice, you can tell dodie really has grown a lot with dealing with this. :) I have to say i am lucky in that sense i don't have depersonalisation as a full on disorder but i experienced this as a symptom of grief, right after my best friend died in a car crash last year (he was 19) .so it's always way nicer to hear when people tell you to enjoy what you still can, instead of this patronizing kind of advice like everything will be super amazing soon just hold on. Nah. while it's good to have hope, sometimes terrible things happen for no reason, you just have to learn how to pick yourself up again and again.
I'm sorry about your friend. I have depersonalisation but it was never horrible until covid happened. It isn't the "cause" of my anxiety but it definitely doesn't help. Sometimes I will forget to respond to a text from a friend and go into a spiral of "they hate me because they think I don't want to talk to them" and such. My sister got diagnosed with something really bad(can't say) and then my Cousins horse died. the first horse I ever rode. She was so sweet and good with kids. I really just felt like I wasn't there. Everything was blurry and I don't remember most of it. I remember listening to dodie music constantly though and playing "big bowl in the sky" by cavetown. I dont know how to end this.. I hope you have a good day
i’m sorry for your loss. i lost my cousin last year, who was an incredibly close friend of mine, when she was only in her 20s and i was 19. the derealization that came with grief was truly like something i could never have imagined and would never wish on someone. its true, sometimes the most we can do is try and try again to pick ourselves back up. im wishing you peaceful healing, as this pain takes time to honor. sending love your way <3
I had depersonalization in certain period of my life, since I was a little children. But there was rare moments and them gone in a few minutes. But now in 2020, I had experience depersonalization for longs and longs days, weeks, months. I thought that everything that I was living were a big dream from my head and nothing were real. I'm still into it, but now is less than was. Sometimes I focus on my hands and I'm thinking if is the real world. No doubts that the quarantine experience and the pandemic caotic world that we're still living is the reason for that. In my case, I'm not from England, USA or (insert another native English country here), I'm from a country in the South America, called Brazil. And here, the things are getting worse that the rest of the world, we have a president who kills the population (including the people who voted on him), we have groups and groups chilling at the bar, we have a parallel universe here. Sometimes I feel like it's just me who "believe" in Covid-19. My friends are making meetings, travelling, etc. and I'm still in home, me and my family, sometimes I feel like I'm in a scene from the movie "I'm the legend". I hope we get well better soon ❤️🙏
hi, thank you... For being positive about all this, although it makes me fight back in my head, like it will never be any better anymore. I became aware that I also have depersonalisation in the early days because of your first video about it. There's one thing that happened with you that bothered me so much.. I was at you concert in Amsterdam and because I live far away from the city, my friends and me had to leave early to catch our last train. I was so upset, because you saved the most beautiful and special songs, that made me cry for like a million times, for last. And because of the dissociation, I was so angry at myself for not soaking up every second. For some reason I also blamed you and the situation for this. It took me some time to come back to this beautiful place you've made and not remember the horrible event. And I don't know if it makes any sense but I forgive you for this.. And now I'm working at forgiving myself.
Wait I'm bawling.. I've been looking for a sign for why I am like I am and I have depersonalisation I've been looking for an answer all my life and my neurological doctor didn't even know. This is such a relief to know that I'm okay
Dodie you've explained everything so well, THANK YOU for making me feel so much less alone ❤️️ Want to send this to EVERYONE in my life😭❤️️ WE'VE GOT THIS!!
Oh my goodness you just explained exactly how i feel in the first min of the video. Like its exactly how it is for me. It feels like ive been dreaming for so long. Sometimes i get to points in my life where i just cant take it anymore because i cant tell whats real or not, physical or like situations( if that makes sense)
Ive always felt that I was a casual observer of my own life instead of the one living it. Things are really foggy and hard to hold on to. I desperately want to be present and feel strong emotions but it happens so rarely. All that being said, I'm not unhappy, I just know that things could be even better, and that gets me down.
It’s amazing to be able to relate to your symptoms so closely, no other accounts match that true chronic feeling. Thank you Dodie for being here and speaking out 💖
recently i reached out to one of my professors about lying on a “check-in quiz” (basically the class filled out a sheet online saying how we’re doing lately) and i was like “i lied!! im so so anxious” and we started talking about derealization because she gets that way too. and it was weirdly comforting knowing im not alone. and i hope you know youre not alone either💕
I have had derealization/depersonalization for three years now. I’m 17, and most of the time it feels like it’s not worth it. Every day, every second, is the same, it never goes away and my family and I have struggled with therapists and doctors to find a cure. I got into your music over quarantine, and I had no idea you struggled with the same thing I do. This video really made me feel known though, it made me feel like I wasn’t alone, and I’m grateful for that. Thank you.
At the end...made me feel so warm hearted, perfect rendition of the original <3 XD love you. So sorry about the disassociation...it does suck. But, it can be an advantage to understanding life in a way that otherwise we never would have.
My depersonalization feels like being a ghost in my own life, like my body is moving without me and I’m just watching from inside my mind. Love you, Dodie, I hope you find moments of relief <3
Yes exactly. I struggle mostly with derealization, and Sometimes I describe it as looking at everything through a foggy glass door. You can still see through the door, see what’s going on through it, but it’s not quite as clear. You can still hear what’s going on on the other side but it’s slightly muffled. So you CAN participate in these senses but only a half of the way. And for now, I guess that’s okay 🤍
i have derealization too and for me, covid time has made it so much harder to deal with. thankfully i am a lot more used to feeling spaced out now than when it first set in, so it's a lot easier for me to cope now than if covid had happened 3 years ago. you sharing your own experience with depersonalization/derealization has really helped me feel less alone so thank you so much <3
I've had it for 17 years. Once, like 6 years ago I had one evening when it got about 50% better out of nowhere. I just couldn't stop laughing because I was feeling so good. Next morning it was back again though, and I haven't got a relief like that again since. Oh well...
I have DID! It's so nice to hear your perspective. Nothing helps us either, other than grounding and body-mindful activities. Which we do all day long haha
I’ve been here for a hot minute and I’ve watched you learn how to cope with your own brain and seen the way you view derealisation and how it affects you. It’s actually amazing to see and i am proud.
I had depersonalisation for about 3 years STRAIGHT. There was no break from it and the panic attacks that came with it were hell. I thought it would never end, then it just slowly went away as I came to terms with the Trauma I was supressing. I still get intrusive thoughts and shit from past trauma but at least the depersonalization is finally gone. Those were dark times :(. When dodie said she's been dealing with it for 8 years plus I was like holy shit, I thought 3 years was hell on earth.
@Caffeine Overdose My dissociation and depersonalization is completely gone. I don't feel spacy, and I haven't had one of those strange "complete and utter hopeless that reality isn't real" panic attacks that usually come with dissociation in years. Which has made life seem brighter and more enjoyable again. Music hits different, things taste better, being alive feels fuller again. But the down side is now all of the trauma that I was repressing is very present and I deal with a lot of intrusive thoughts, anxiety and other issues. I've accepted that I'm not going to fix a life time of repressing trauma in a few short years and that the path way to true happiness and healing is going to be a loooooong journey, but there is a frustration that comes with beating one problem then being faced with a whole other set of demons. I think something to keep in mind when it comes to DP is usually if you have it it's because you were repressing complex trauma that your brain didn't want you to face, and when you do finally start facing it it's going to be brutal. But still walking through the fire is better than being stuck in purgatory, at least that's my opinion. Most important thing is to believe you are capable of healing and fighting for a better future otherwise there's no point in even trying.
@Caffeine Overdose Yeah, I was the same, I repressed myself hard-core in my teens to deal with an unhealthy environment, and crappy circumstances and as a result I developed DP.
If it helps any this is what healing from DP looked like for me.
1 Identify the underlying issues: I did this via the Internet and YouTube videos like Dodie Clarks
2 Accept the underlying issues: talk therapy with friends, family and professionals, if your country has Medicare it’s free of cost. Medication might also be involved with the talk therapy.
3 Facing the underlying issue: This one is so much harder than it seems. I thought that facing the issue meant professional therapy, but talk therapy was just accepting the issue. For me facing my trauma involved doing things I was scared of, Simple shit like going to the movies by myself, or more serious shit like tracking down somebody who was abusive towards me in my teens and having a conversation about the abuse. That was brutal because it wasn't therapist recommended, but I knew in my gut it's what I needed to do to move past it.(obviously if the person is dangerous that approach is not recommended, but the person who contributed largely to my DP was a dumb teen who didn't know how toxic their behaviour was, so I was able to find closure through confronting them) Talk therapy is great if you have access to it, but there's only so many work books and mental exercises you can do before you have to look inside yourself and ask your own psyche what it needs. One of the best quotes somebody told me in my journey was “your body is a healing machine; it knows how to heal, trust what it’s telling you and meet it’s needs”.
4. The last one is Healing from the underlying issues. A huge part of depersonalisation is that you don't trust your mind or your body anymore, because you feel like it's betrayed you and the quality of your life. Looking inside yourself and choosing to trust your psyche enough to listen to what it needs is a huge part of the healing process. And unlike some people with mental illness who's issue is they can't necessarily trust their minds (suicidal ideation, schizophrenia).I think a big issue for people with DP is we NEED to learn to trust our bodies and minds again. Another piece of advice is go back to as many doctors as you need and keep going until you find a useful one. It took me 3 different therapists until I found a helpful one. Living in physical or mental pain or discomfort is not something you should have to accept. You’re healing and happiness is worth the fight. And you deserve all the mental health services that are available to you as well as the support from your family, friends and mental health professionals, because at the end of the day we're all just walking each other home.
Anyway, good luck with your DP, Some of us are dealt crappier hands than others in life, but it just means we are more complex souls at the end of the day ;)
@oo oo how do i process unsolved trauma if i don’t want to go to a therapist ? What can i do to heal from these stupid shit that’s literally killing me inside
@TH C Sorry to hear you are struggling. If I may ask what is the reason you don't want to go to a therapist?
Good news is if you’re able to manage your issues on your own a lot of the resources therapists use can be found online. And if you go through the public system mostly they will be handing you worksheets to do anyway. You can utilize self-studying by using online resources to figure out why you feel the way you do and what you can do to move past your issues. You can go to Google and type in social anxiety worksheets, or intrusive thoughts worksheets. Actually doing the mental activities in those worksheets sucks, you feel stupid, you feel like they won’t work, but give them time and most importantly keep working on them and you will feel a change. If your inner turmoil is something you can manage on your own, time is your biggest friend. With time come’s perspective and the ability to let things go and make peace with even the worst traumas. As long as you are in a healthy environment where the trauma is not being repeated or triggered constantly there is a lot of truth in the saying that "time heals all wounds".
But If the trauma is really serious you might have to push through your fears and go see somebody. Your best bet would be to get somebody who can advocate for you if you don't feel like you can handle the process of securing help, a mother, sister, friend, brother? My sister was in a similar situation to you, she didn't want to go to therapy despite needing it, so I ended up booking all the appointments, driving her to the therapy sessions, sitting in the waiting room, organising all the prescriptions and taking the load off where I could so she could just focus on the therapy part and now she’s doing really well in Uni, there is always a way to get better. Another example, one of my friend’s boyfriends REFUSED to go on anti-depressants despite needing them badly for his anxiety. He was at the point where he didn’t want to go to work anymore, but because of the stigma of mental health and men being idiots he refused to get help. So my friend( who is one of those where there’s a will there’s a way people😂) pretending SHE needed the prescription and got some Lexapro for him through the Gp, and now his anxiety is under control and he’s back to being his old class clown self. Lol I don’t recommend that and eventually he will have to go to the doctors himself, but if you really can’t handle going through the system there are ways around it. If you have a support network don't be afraid to use them. If there are people in your life who will take the load for you, don't be afraid to ask them or be honest about the kind of help you need, you’d be surprised how many people want to help you. You’d also be surprise by how many people will lie there ass off for you😂.
Also remember that you can do professional therapy online where you don't have to physically see a therapist, you would just type your issues into a chat box instead of sitting in an office you don’t feel comfortable in. As far as medication, If you can go to a GP and by pass a therapist and get on some anti-depressants that helps a lot, not just with depression, but things like anxiety and intrusive thoughts which is the shit that makes most of our issues unmanageable. It won't cure them but it will dull them ALOT so you can work through your issues and not be struggling in everyday activities. Remember 1 in 4 adults go through a mental health crisis at one point in their life, the way you are feeling is common for at least 25% of us.
So in summary if you really don't want to see a therapist( although I would suggest talking with friends or family about your options in that area if you haven’t already) the best bets are going straight to the GP to get some relief through medication, self-studying online through worksheets and online resources, or considering online therapy. Apart from that, if you can talk to somebody in your physically life who can help advocate for you through the intimidating and often overwhelming process of getting help.
I have anxiety so sometimes have bouts of depersonalisation - & most of the time I just try ignore it, but if I think about it too much I become terrified that I’ll feel like it all the time. If anyone else experiences anything like this, how do you deal with the fear? I feel like I live in fear that one day the feeling of living in a dream & that I haven’t really woken up, won’t go away :( but I know it’s silly worrying about things that haven’t happened yet. Thank you Dodie for being so open & honest 💛
One of my mantras is "this too shall pass". I say it all the time, about everything, and really try to internalize it. I also have anxiety, and I also freak out when other disorders flare up. I try to think of all the ups and downs of my life before, and then all the ups and downs of the future, and remind myself that life is all about ups and downs. There are no ups without the downs. I really try to meditate on that-- I have been down before, and up before. I will be up later, and down later. Life cycles through good feelings and bad feelings, and right now I am in the bad feelings, and later it will be good again. I try not to expect the good days to last forever-- when I am happy, I experience the joy but I know that the sorrow will come. When I'm sad, I experience the sorrow but I know that the joy will come. Change is constant. Life keeps moving, and it pushes you through everything into new feeling after new feeling and new situation after new situation. Whatever you feel, it will always pass.
oh god i feel the same way. I get so scared that i'll never be able to fully live or enjoy life, hell sometimes i get so frustrated that i can't feel teh depths of my own sadness. I haven't developed a surefire way to ease that fear, but what works for me is to think about how I'm going to live life whether it's to the fullest or not, so i might as well live as best as i can now and hope that the future holds feeling. mostly i just focus on what happening and not until when i get home, i'll let myself go "oh i feel real" because whenever i notice that i feel real or give attention to that feeling, my depersonalization/derealization causes me to float in to dissociativeness
@Rose Lalonde that’s so true I love that mantra ❤️ whenever I’m panicking I always say to myself over again in my head ‘you’ll feel fine in a minute. You’ll feel better in a minute’
@Mayo Sauce yeah it’s so hard not to worry - but YES I guess that’s the point isn’t it, living life to the fullest as much as you can no matter how your brain is feeling. It’s just trying to appreciate each moment as much as poss 💖
hi from someone else with depersonalization!! :-) my name's mack and you talking about this is actually what made me aware of what i deal with. this makes SOOO much sense as to why i've been so unphased by covid times and why it feels almost comforting because like you said, it's familiar. my friends always looked at me like i was crazy when i mentioned it, but this made me feel less alone. <3 thank you dodie
I didn’t notice that I experience dissociation when I get anxious and depressed until you started talking about your struggles a couple years ago, dodie, so thank you so much for being open about it ❤️
Thank you for talking about this! ❤️ I’ve had this since I was 8 and had it constantly since 12. In a very similar way to you. Now I’m 25 and I’ve had a couple years where the happiness bar has become higher and there are moments where drd/dp is either gone or my focus is just elsewhere. It started with accepting it as it was, however much it sucked, and then trying to let people into the bubble I felt isolated in. It has taken work, but has been so so worth it. I’ll keep at it and hope others struggling do the same! World is real, we are real and connections are real! Love 💗
I just wanted to say that an overwhelming percentage of my life right now is struggling with PTSD and the things that come with it, one of those things being depersonalisation. While it luckily helps me coping, I just wanted to show support to all those that don't have that fortune: stay strong, do what you need to do, and be well. <3
It has never been fully diagnosed for me, but I recognise an awful lot of what you describe depersonalisation to feel like. I ended up moving away from the area I grew up and that has had some positive effect but yeah it doesn't seem to have gone away completely. :(
This is exactly how I've been feeling since covid started. I've never been diagnosed with depersonalization but I have felt like I'm 10 feet away from my body since my brother died six years ago. Thank you for all your online talks dodie, they have been so helpful to me.
Queen of making what i think in my head into actual comprehensive words. I sent this to like five people to see if they can understand what i meant when i said "oh i feel like this most of the time so I'm fine" when covid struck hard back in March.
It’s so wild that I’ve been feeling these symptoms but had no idea what it was about but hearing Dodie talk about this helps me to actually know that it’s a thing that people go through, bless
Something that I find helps with my derealization is when I’m happy —deeply truly happy, even when I feel like I’m dreaming— I tell myself “in this moment I am happy” and then travel back to those times whenever I can’t feel the reality I’m in.
I struggled with Depersonalization for about a week and a half, I can't imagine having it chronically. I had every symptom you had, I snapped out of it at work by focusing on something wayyy too much and convincing myself that it's real and I snapped out of it and my world was turned way too vibrant. I hope you overcome this <3
Thank you Dodie for talking about this, you make me feel safe to talk about it as well. So here I go. I don't really care if no one reads this, it's just time that I told at least someone.
Trigger Warning: Suicidal thoughts and mental health talk
I started dissociating after I lost someone dear to me to suicide, I dissociate after a panic attack and sometimes I force myself into dissociating because I don't want to be present. Sometimes dreams feel so close to reality that I actually think they happened, the other way around as well. Last summer, I had suicidal thoughts almost daily, which now feels like something embarrassing to talk about. I know it sounds silly, I just sometimes feel like I can't feel those things, like I'm not allowed to. That's why they made me feel embarrassed. Dissociating can be helpful for me, but it has also been scary. When it happened for the first time I felt so scared.
Hey Dodie. I have depersonalization too. Thank you so much for talking about it. I’ve had a harder time with it recently and this video helped me. Thank you ❤️
i was diagnosed with depression when i was 14, although i think i suffered from it since i was 11. depersonalization hit me after i had an intense break up, the person and i easily got along and had been on and off for months and when i finally ended it, all my emotions turned off and it was so easy to do what everyone told me to do, go to school, do chores, do things for my friends. i even go good grades because my brain didn't have the capacity to deal with anything else. but it came back around spring, which is when i dropped out and had a whole debacle. i feel it now settling in after getting used to covid, derealization. it helps a lot now and i;m happy i have it but my anxiety gets a bit much from only being around family when i meet up with friends oops. guess its about making patterns and routines, like dodie said. i'm glad i'm not alone. aLSO! i'm getting tested soon for other mental illness so thats cool. :p
I’m not officially diagnosed but I say I have depersonalization because having a word for it makes me feel less crazy. I dissociate a lot when I go anywhere outside my house. Sometimes I’m in the car with a friend and I just space out and stare off and I feel like I’m not even there. Sometimes they’ll notice and say like “hey bro u ok?” And I just shake it off so I don’t worry them even though I barely recognize them in that moment. Idk man nothing feels real 🤷🏼♀️
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Martina Passaggi2020-10-15 23:00:14 (edited 2020-10-15 23:01:17 )
Ok the problem is that listening to people talk about depersonalisation triggers MY depersonalisation😂 sorry dodes, I'm gonna have to skip this one😬
Having DPD and living during COVID has been one of the most unique challenges I think those of us with this disorder will ever have to face. Thank you for this video- it’s how I’ve been feeling.
You're the reason I realized I was experiencing DPDR and also the reason I was able to get help. I have never heard someone talk about DPDR in a way that I so closely relate to. Thank you for everything. <3
i'm literally so thankful to have a friend like you dodie. i have never felt so understood and safe as i have when hearing about your experiences. i love you
I have had depersonalization for almost 3 years now... I've been on meds for anxiety and depression too. These always seemed to make me feel worse. I was so glad when I found this video! I feel less alone now :) Thank you so much
Someone was saying the harmonies might not be from the album because they sound too similar, I think rather than being directly taken from songs in the album, they could be dodie using melodies from (different songs on) the album as a basis and adding harmonies for fun? Just a thought.
@doddleoddle love dodie being sneaky using the other channel so it doesn’t highlight this comment
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Jack Wright2020-10-16 13:11:21 (edited 2020-10-16 13:15:10 )
Assuming the intros are part of the album (or related) then it looks like @Michaela Horan has spotted a clip of a song that will be on the album that we got to hear in May last year! Comment Link: https://youtu.be/TUyE6MPEuz0?lc=UgxulS2tHhSLVmpZfOt4AaABAg
i actually thought about this the other day. i've experienced depersonalisation and derealisation as a symptom in my life rather than a disorder but i've been realizing that being home by myself so much is just exacerbating it so much more.
i've been having derealization episodes back in 2018 and honestly, if i've never watched her video talking about her own experiences with it, i would've felt so much more anxious and depressed. dodie makes me feel so not alone and i really thank her for that so much ♥
Thank you so much for this video. I have had derealisation for quite some years now, but I have felt especially spaced out in this covid time. All of the things I usually did that made me feel alive have kind of dulled, and all of the changes in my life and in the world have resuted in me just kind of adapting to everyting and just being in my head. I have not been able to really feel present and I couldn't figure out why. You connecting the dots have really made a difference and made me realise that it's not something I'm doing wrong and that it is not my fault I am so disconnected in this time.
these times have been pretty hard for me mentally and I've recently started experiencing depersonalization from time to time and honestly I was only able to recognise it as such because of you... I think it would have been so much scarier if I knew nothing about it beforehand. so thank you so much
Uhhh so my entire life I’ve always talked about how I feel like I’m in a dream and a lot of things don’t really seem like they’re happening and I just can’t pay enough attention. I’ve always wondered why I’ve felt like this. I’m not saying I deal with depersonalization for sure, but it really does help to know other people feel this way too.
its similar to my OCD in the way its worse than ever when I want to enjoy myself such as I am on holiday. the constant obsessive disturbing thoughts and feeling that the 'obsession' is real and panic because it feels real and the need to constantly do compulsions to try and cancel them out to try and convince myself the obsession isn't real, its a constant cycle with no peace, never mentally present or able to enjoy or experience anything. constantly preoccuppied with doing compulsions and obsessions and anxious and scared cos it feels so real and makes me feel so isolated because the 'obsessions' are so disturbing I can't tell anyone, or so they feel at the time during a current 'obsession'. During the pandemic I have felt so much worse, I didn't think it was possible, but if this pandemic isn't over soon I will probably end up in a straight jacket.. as being alone all the time over thinking is the worst thing for someone with OCD
This was really comforting (': I often doubt my own symptoms but hearing you explain exactly how I feel made me like. Oh she gets it. Your content in the past has always helped me understand my own mental health a lot more than I did before so thank you a lot Dodie <3
I’ve been way more dissociative and depressed the last 6 months, and desperately want to get back to my original baseline. And with complex trauma, healing is ongoing work. I really appreciate you Dodie. I thought about you recently, after realizing how much I need a mirror in my room! haha. We’ll just have to give ourselves a lot of grace for making it through 2020. Ps. I’m assuming the ‘bar’ is the edge of “the window of tolerance”. Such a helpful diagram
Thank you for mentioning dysphoria and eating disorders, that’s the times it affects me for sure and it’s so hard to explain but you articulated it really well
Thank you for talking about it and in a way that helps me talk to my friends about my derealisation. This video was so soft and calm. Perfection. Thank you for just being there
I've been depersonalized/derealized for about 5 years now, and it got so much better but I don't think it will ever go away. I've come to terms with it and I'm at peace. Thanks for being a voice for us doddie, when I found out you had it, it was a big relief to not be alone but at the same time it sucked to know somene so amazing was suffering from it as awell
I have dpdr as well. It's been really hard. Just wanted to comment to let you know that you're not alone. Youve got your community of foggy drunk nonpersons all floating around the matrix together! It's good to hear you open up about it. That makes me feel validated and seen 🤗🥰
No one will see this, but I started dealing with depersonalization around the time I got lasik eye surgery, eye doctors tell me my eyes are perfectly fine, so it may have nothing to do with the surgery and more with the trauma I experienced around that time, but it’s frustrating that no one knows what’s going on. I hope an effective treatment is found in the near future, until then we’ll continue to do the best we can <3
Thank you for talking about this. I had depersonalisation a lot when I was growing up and for so long was told it was just in my head, but it made me such an anxious person. Luckily I get it rarely now, usually when I'm drinking. I don't know what changed, I don't know if I grew out of it, I'm sorry you experience it so bad, hopefully you'll find a way to reduce it
Dodie, thank you soooo much for making this video! I feel so seen whenever you talk about your depersonalization. It is so hard to explain to people, and this video put it really clearly. When people ask me how I am, even sincerely, I find it hard to answer because it's not a question of a feeling--it's how I'm experiencing the world. It's another factor entirely. Whether I am happy or sad, it's still dulled. The texture of my life is different than everyone else's and I don't know how to tell them. The whole dullness of covid has made things a lot worse. It is a lot easier to slip into it now. But we will get through it!
I've experienced depersonalization, dissociation, and derealization for the guts of ten years/half of my life but I still really struggle to find the words to express what it feels like. It really helps to hear someone else verbalize it so perfectly. Thank you <3
I relate to this so heavily. I've had such a hard time with my mental health growing up but being surrounded by family who also suffers from various mental illnesses with no treatment, I thought it was normal. I didn't realize how bad it truly was til this year (I'm going on 21, for reference) and just got my referrals for therapy sorted, hoping to have an actual diagnosis so I can have some answers. This makes me feel so much less afraid and alone, thank you.
I'd describe it as feeling like you're living someone else's life in their body or like you went on vacation and never came home and time does not feel REAL
@pluto That actually makes perfect sense! It's like you're trying to take everything in but it doesn't feel completely real so when something big like covid or even any minor change in your life happens you just can't process it
lmao its like i went on vacation right before covid and now i can't come home, my body's just floating around and i'm watching from a crappy zoom call trying to gain control of it from afar.
this reminds me a lot of my journey with my anxiety disorder. It started to really affect me in my mid-teens and has really never gotten better since, I just have the skills to deal with it (or try and ignore it) truly "it's okay b/c it has to be"
I got out of a severe depressive and dissociative episode that had been lasting for around 2 years and hit its peak in December of last year, only to come into March of 2020 ready to socialize and get my life together. ✌️🤡
That feeling of being so close to describing it and so far from explaining what it feels like is the worst part sometimes.
I’ve had a similar feeling during quarantine.. that everyone else will have a visceral moment where they feel normal and connected and I will feel at least “as connected as much as I can be”.. and then it got further and further away.. but a lot of my loved ones have also grown so much and I’m so proud of how they’ve carried themselves and built themselves up through this life shattering experience! I can’t applaud them enough. It’s increasingly hard, but they’re working on it even when it breaks down those deep emotional barriers! Which is all I could ask for.
Thank you for practicing gratitude and thankfulness, appreciation for the friends and connections that break through, and the effort you’ve spent on yourself.
♥️
We’re gonna fight this. We’re not done figuring this out.
Totally relate to that “highs and lows” graph. You explained it so well. I don’t have depersonalization, but over the past four or so years, I’ve grown to recognize and respond to the “lows”, thanks to retraining my mind-patterns and learning self-care. I still mess up A LOT, and I’m still learning, but when I’m lying defeatedly on the floor, I can find reasons to get up. Praise God <3
"when covid was around"... Meanwhile here in America *covid still very much around*
But for real, thank you for talking about this Dodie. Just recently started feeling derealization after having depression for a long time, and it's at least comforting to see and hear about others with it too.
Mmm love this. It’s so encouraging to hear you speak openly about it. I have CPTSD and have experienced this, I can’t imagine it being all the time though. That’s intense!
You helped me realize that I had derealization when that first explanation came out, and this update is a lovely reminder that I'm not alone in it. That "cable unplugged in the TV of my brain" comment is a weird but fitting thing to describe what's happening, and it made me smile because of how strangely relatable it was. Thank you, Dodie.
On this topic, I've finally set out to get a diagnosis from a psychologist on my own dissociation that I've had for so many years because I think there might be a bit more going on with it than I thought and my first meeting went well ^-^
I relate so hard to the “oh are you feeling spacey?” thing because my family does that a lot whenever it’s really noticeable and I’m just like yeah I’ll be fine it’ll go away in a bit but it never really does it just kinda lessens slightly when I don’t give it a lot of attention?
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Replies (2)
that person2020-10-16 00:54:35 (edited 2020-10-16 00:54:54 )
there are so many things i just don’t say even if they told me to tell them. like of course my parents want to know how i’m feeling and how to help and i’m thankful for them. but the attention part of it is always to much for me. either i’m really anxious about it or i get annoyed because they don’t understand. whenever they’re concerned it puts me in a really weird position and id rather just not say anything.
goddamn i felt this. my parents dont really notice it but i'll notice and tell myself "ah it'll go away soon, just dont think about it" but it never really does. For me, everytime i notice i'm not feeling dissociative, it kicks right in x10.
Thank you Dodie for talking about depersonalization. I've been expirencing these symptoms for YEARS since I was ten I think but I could never find a way to talk to people or ask for help so I felt I was just crazy. I only just learned what it was a few months ago and it makes everything feel a lot less scary and lonely, knowing its real and there are countless other people out there learning to live with it or overcome the problems it brings :) you give me hope and courage ❤
Hey, thanks for putting this out there. It's really nice to hear all of this in such an articulate manner, and with such pleasant English accent!
I think it helps a lot of us get a hold of what's happening these days. Some of the feelings we're getting are either unfamiliar, or they have become so after so much time. In Spanish we have a phrase that says "estoy curado de espanto", which literally translates to "I'm cured of fright", and it has two interpretations. On the one hand, it's great, cause you don't get surprised anymore. On the other one, it means you've been scared so much you're just numb now, so it always has that bittersweet flavor of "I'm strong, but I wish I wasn't" to it. I think it says a lot of what we are going through lately.
What I take to heart the most from the video is the need for appreciation. Sometimes it may feel like it means ignoring what's going on, or being overly positive, when in reality it's the opposite. It's actually acknowledging what's in front of you for what it is and being thankful for having it. Reading birthday messages, even from afar, or getting a call and hearing a friend's voice and knowing they're smiling while they talk, or getting a present, or a caring meal, or a just a tea that's exactly as strong as it needs to be, just before the evening, watching the sun hide behind the prettiest sky. We might not get to hike over mountains yet, but we still have a lot on our hands :)
So thanks for taking the time to make this, I think a lot of us really appreciate it!
thank you! I have chronic dissociation and you're the only one I've heard describe it exactly the way I experience it. I feel a lot less alone and a lot more understood
ive been having hardcore derealisation for aaaggeessss now but i remember the year i found out that feeling like everything was a dream wasnt actually normal? and had a name for it was also the year that you made a video talking about it. i thought i was so weird and kinda alone in it but hearing you talk about it made me go "oh shit! this is like.. a thing other people experience" and slowly started finding more and more people who experience it.. basically, i wanna say thank you for putting it into words and spreading awareness, most people dont know its even a thing
same, i was looking through a journal i used to keep in gradeschool and i wrote about 'feeling in a dream' because that's the only way i could describe it. I tried explaining it to my parents but they didn't really get it, they just assumed i was talking about deja vu or 'maybe i wasnt getting enough sleep or drinking enough water'. I watched dodie's video and it made me realize that it wasn't normal to feel like this and it wasn't something as simple as lack of sleep or dehydration. I was kind of scared but knowing I wasn't alone, watching dodie's videos and reading the comments of others that felt so similar to how i felt, it made me feel like for a second i existed beyond the dreamy matrix i live in...
i remember first discovering i had dpdr by watching your video; when i was 13. i then told my therapist i thought i had it and he was surprised that i even knew what it was.
GUYS I FIGURED IT OUT!! I was just watching yesterday‘s video again, and I noticed something. Do y’all remember like a year ago when dodie made the video “what you up to” and about halfway through there was a little thing and she said “here’s a glimpse of a few musical endeavors I’ve been up to.” There were three one second clips of songs. The second one was guiltless, and the third one was boys like you, but the first one remains unknown known as of right now, and the tune is EXACTLY THE SAME AS YESTERDAYS HUMMING
They've done it, somebody give this person a job at gchq, they've cracked it. For context, the video they're referring to is here: https://youtu.be/UI0wAWqivDw?t=126
In said video, Dodie writes, "have not produced it yet but I think I'm gonna do it mostly myself" and when's a better time than when stuck alone to put in said work, hmmmmm?
i havent been diagnosed but i always have a feeling that I am in the back of my mind and watching life through a pane of glass as though it is a movie screen and that nothing is really solid, sorry if that doesn't really make much sense. i haven't told anybody about this but I don't feel comfortable enough with my parent to tell them about my depression, anxiety attacks and dprp, so I just live with it, but it gets too much and I get mad I don't know what to do please help (and dodie, you have helped so much with your videos, just seeing that I amnot the only one going through this)
Also "its fine because it has to be" is something I have found myself saying too much because you know im fine, its fine, EVERYTHING IS F I N E
thank you for making this, if been feeling like this ever since covid started and I just havent been able to place my feelings cuz I couldnt really grab then and put them in the right "box" .. if that makes sense.. This video helped me realized I don't have a new thing, just an old thing in a new way, so thank you❤️
I have depersonalization, I think it's my brain trying to shut out my really intense social anxiety, and your videos about it have always been really comforting. As soon as I saw the title I went "yeah that sounds exactly right". It's really as if the world is just not quite right.
I actually stumbled across your videos a few years ago when I was trying to work out why I feel so spaced out and dream swamped all the time, and then I was very pleasantly surprised when I saw that you write songs and sing as well. I think you're a very good singer and songwriter.
I really appreciate you talking about this and being open about it. You're the first person I've ever seen in the media that seems to actually have the same condition and feelings about it and I got it around 7-8 years ago same as you. It terrified me at the time as I had no idea what it was and felt like no one understood as like you say it's impossible to fully explain so your openness and honesty means a lot. We love you Dodie. <3
I’ve described it as feeling like I’m just a second behind the rest of reality, like I’m out of sync and can’t catch up. Hang in there. Sending hugs ❤️
Wow, I have been experiencing this for several years now and I never knew it was an actual condition. I just thought I'd snap out of it eventually and that is was a symptom of my lack of sleep due to other issues, but the sleep and issues changed and my ''blurry view'' didn't. I never really knew how to describe this, but the way you describe it feels really accurate, so thanks for that! Going for a run in the forest helps me, I sometimes feel less zoned out when I've ran in the morning. I'm trying not to be too panicky about it anymore. In the beginning I didn't dare to drive a car anymore, because I was afraid something might happen and I wouldn't notice. I wasn't even afraid of actually hitting someone while driving, I was afraid I wouldn't notice and just continue driving, because hitting someone with your car does not per se make you a bad person, but to continue driving does and how would I ever explain this to a judge? Depersonalisation has helped me through very dark moments of my life, but now I'm really eager to finally snap out of it like I've always been expecting to. I have no clue how to accept this state of mind with basically my whole life in front of me.
Thank you for sharing about this! At least now I feel less alone and weird. <3
i’m starting to deal with and finally face my dissociation and depersonalization and honestly it’s so scary but seeing people like you who i look up to deal with similar problems really means a lot
Thank you for posting this, and for always talking so openly about your depersonalization. I dissociate really heavily almost constantly due to trauma that closed me off from my emotions, and that particular illness is something so few people understand.
i just wanna say thank you, i know you probably wont see this but i was recently diagnosed with derealisation and you've always been in the back of my head during this process and actually all your videos have helped me a stupid amount. So thank you dodie because you have made this much easier and its less scary now because here is someone telling me its gonna be ok who isn't just guessing
Hi! My dpdr lasted about 14 years, but resolved when I fully processed my childhood trauma (using internal family systems). It took about three years of intense therapy. There is a light at the end of the tunnel!
I just wanted to say thank you for talking about your experience with this cause it really helps. You helped me reaize that I'm pretty sure I've been dealing with mostly derealization for a few years now but I've only begun to figure it out because corona has made it worse which is great fun lol, I'm trying to figure out how on earth to work on it because it seems impossible but I've got a lot going on in life and I'm taking it one step at a time :) Also I'd never heard the thing you mentioned about dysphoria and that got me thinking and I'm hoping the fact that i'm gonna be starting hormones soon will help so thank you for talking about these things!
as someone w dpd I don't really see it as dreaming all the time- but I know that the way I experience it is quite different for other people and am in no way saying the way you experience it is 'not correct' but anyways-
I feel many of the symptoms on a day to day basis, i.e. dysmorphia (the infamous what the HECK this toilet paper that's been sitting next to my screen for the past month now looks TWICE AS BIG or yk, any other 'wOW THIS IS BIG/SMALL WH A T' example) the questioning of whether my hands are moving by my own accord, the 'reality is real wow who knew huh' but there are some days where they get heightened, and then it all just. stops.
I have episodes where I feel nothing and care for nothing. they thankfully last less than a week but have been getting longer since I got my official diagnosis and became more aware of them and had a name to label my experience by. They mostly come in times where I am absolutely in a marvelous situation- a birthday party, a concert, anything that makes life fun becomes bland. as if the saturation was turned down.
I don't know why I'm writing this, but i just wanted to say it. so thank you if anyone reads this lol
watching your videos about depersonalization made me realize it was exactly what i had. I went to therapy because of you, dodie. thank you for talking about your experiences. it is so important.
Dodie, I also struggle with DPDR and it wasn‘t until I found your videos that I realised I had this and I could accept it and work on it. I know you don‘t want to overshare anymore when it comes to mental health but I am sooo so thankful for you talking about your issues. It just makes me feel less alone. ❤️
I just wanted you to know I have been dealing with this since I was 18. I’m 22 now and you are the only reason I was able to put a name to my feelings. I felt crazy before I saw your video 3 years ago
Okay. This. Is literally exactly how I feel and I've never been able to find out what it is because I've never been to a therapist so I had never known about this so I kind of just had my own things for it. Like every thing you talked about is the same exact way I feel to a T what the heck!!!!!
That screamed whistle note at the end really cracked me up. :D Just found your channels and so delighted about it! I really hope your highs will start to get higher than Minnie Riperton's voice could ever get. <3
Hey Dodie, I am 15 years old and from Germany and my mental illness was really concerning last October to December when I was dealing with Depersonalisation and Derealisation and Depression. I went to school and it was horrible, but I had my friends and now it got better, but because I have no feeling of time I don't get along with other things, that everyone else is able to deal with - I have problems with doing normal things like showering and doing homework. I try to convince myself, that right now I am recovering and that I can be happy and everything, but because everything I do is for the future and I cannot feel future I just can't handle it. Every night I go to bed and I think that my life is over because it is not real and just a dream and every dream ends when you wake up, but it doesn't. So every time that I am happy and I can enjoy life I feel like it wasn't good, because I'm getting to attached by something That isn't there. So I emotionally punish myself for being happy or a l i v e. Sorry, this got really messy. My favourite song of yours is 'Monster' btw. Love it❤️ Bye, love you Dodie💙
to me it always seems like I'm "zoning out"/"spacing out" but I'm not able to "snap back" to reality, even if someone tries to get my attention it all still seems so far away.
Thanks for sharing Dodie, I feel your coping strategies are applicable to so many of the challenges we all currently face. Take care and keep doing what you do! ❤️❤️❤️
I appreciate you making videos about depersonalization SO much. I’ve been dealing with it basically my entire life but I never knew what it was, i felt very alone and confused. But then I came across one of your videos about it and felt SO much weight come off my shoulders, you’ve helped me learn so much. Luv u 💕
depersonalization/derealization has changed my life so much, i forgot what reality feels like and it's terrifying. i've had it for almost 4 years now and i've been so close to giving up. it causes really bad panic attacks for me and i can't control myself. i tried to ask for help but my parents didn't understand me, they thought i had problems with my brain and made me get an mri scan. when i can feel it starting to get worse i always stop myself from looking down at my hand because when i do, it doesn't look real, it doesn't look like my hand and everything around it seems to disappear and when i lift my eyes up to see what's in front of me everything looks bright, it looks like someone has adjusted the sharpness on a editing app, yet i feel like i'm in a dreamy sort of state. i know that i'm going to start panicking when this happens and i either run to the bathroom at my school or start shaking and crying. i feel like i'm trapped in a dream, i want it all to go away and i feel like the only thing that makes me feel better is sleeping. i'm finding it really difficult to cope with it right now and i'm not sure what to do but my friend has been helping me a lot. i've been having panic attacks 5/6 times a week at the most and usually around about 3/4 on better weeks, but it just feels like everything is getting worse right now. i thought when i first started getting symptoms i was going crazy but now i know other people go through dpdr i feel so much better.
I promise you begin to adjust! like Dodie said, accepting it may feel like giving up on trying to be better, but really, you must accept it in order to start healing! keep doing research on it, look within yourself and your life for what may have triggered it (usually a traumatic event), and go to therapy if you’re able to. The first step is learning how to accept it as a part of your life now, telling yourself “I’m safe I’m safe. I may feel disconnected and so strange but I’m okay and I’m safe.” It takes a lot of mental work but it’ll make the panic subside I promise 💗 feel better 🥺
@SBJade aww :( this comment was really helpful tysm 💗 it's tough but i'm gonna try my hardest to get through it! i hope you have a lovely day/night, take care ❤
I get depersonalization as a symptom of my ADHD. There comes a point when I get too overwhelmed or get sensory overload and sort of slip away for a period of time. It comes in spurts but it happens. Its become some kind of coping mechanism to keep me from breaking down but it can be frustrating. It's just okay. You're right that it's okay because it has to be.
This 💙 I was officially diagnosed with CPTSD a few years ago, during which time I learned what depersonalization was and had a name to put to it. Turns out having entire chunks of your life missing from memory is not, in fact, normal. I wouldn't say I'm "better" now, but there is a sense of healing in knowing what your brain is doing? Thanks for sharing your experience - always a joy to see you making stuff 💙
my dpdr was at its highest when my friend passed away a few years ago, it’s been a consistent feeling for the past 4 years but as you said in the video, i was able to just .. set it on the back burner and sort of learn to live with it. and now, 10 months into covid it’s at an all time high again but this time i have absolutely nothing going on in my life, therefore i am left with ONLY my thoughts and i feel like i am constantly spiraling into it and as if i am trying to climb up this hole but someone is just shoving me back down every time i make any progress. covid DOES feel like depersonalization, so having depersonalization during covid feels so intense that i am barely making it by anymore
thank you so much dodie for making videos on this, i experience it a lot and you put it into words so well, i’m not so great at describing it and so these really help me,
It's really nice to hear somebody talk about this. I've been struggling with derealization for the past 5 months or so and everyday is terrifying. Back around when covid first happened I experienced multiple traumatic events over a pretty short period of time all while living alone in nyc. Ever since then I have been struggling with derealization nonstop. It's nice to know I am not the only person who is constantly experiencing this. The thought that you are also floating outside of reality makes me feel a little less disconnected.
thank u so much for this video. as someone with dpd i often feel alone and misunderstood and idk, the thing u said abt how things get less enjoyable is really clear and i’ll show it to my friends that have no idea how i feel. you don’t know me but i’ve been following ur work for like 3 years and i can only thank you for being so open and honest about ur struggles- i can really see how much you’ve grown over these years and how you’re better at expressing yourself without necessarily bringing up concern in ur followers. i’m really proud of you, and thank you so much for everything you’ve created! :)
I have derealisation too and it’s almost been a year since it started. Although it hasn’t gotten any better, I’ve learnt to accept it and do my best to live with it, and I’m certainly better at dealing with it. If you are experiencing this (or anything else that’s difficult), I want you to know that you’re going to be ok. It will get easier, I promise. You have the strength to get through it. And don’t be afraid to open up to people, having people around you be aware and there for you makes a world of difference. Have a good day/night ! <3
this makes me so less anxious, thank you <3 it started a couple months ago for me and i'm so scared it'll be this bad forever. stay strong, sending love!
Cela M in my experience, it was much worse at the start and it eased off with time. that or i just got used to it haha. either way, it’s going to get easier
As someone with depersonalisation (and derealisation too for that part) this resonated so incredibly much with me. I don’t think I could have described this better if I tried.
I'm not diagnosed or anything but watching your videos made me finally feel like I'm not alone and prompted me to try and get help. It's a slow process and nothing much has happened but I am extremely grateful for you. Thank you so much!!❤️
Ive been suffering the same condition for at least 3 years or so and this is really comforting. Mine started sometime after I graduated high school and gradually got worse, my dysphoria and stress is honestly really high right now and I wish I wasn't so lonely but also quarantine has been an issue cause I can't really go out when people near me have had covid
I recently got diagnosed with DPRD and I've been dealing with since i was 15 but i only realized it was a thing when you uploaded your last video about it and it was a huge breaking point for me. now I'm 20 and have finally gotten the diagnosis after 5 years. you literally made me feel, not crazy and I am so grateful that you talk about this cos otherwise I'd still feel like im going insane or not know where to get the right help for it. Thank you x
There’s so little research into disassociation because it hasn’t been in the DSM long apparently... but the lack of research is so frustrating because barely any of the therapists I’ve met in the UK have been able to help me at all 😣
I don’t know if you get this too but I also have visual distortions so like the person opposite me not only sounds like their voice is coming from outside of them they also look really really far away! Or too close up even though I know they’re not. It’s literally like hallucinating and makes me feel crazy. It often happens if I’m in a stressful convo or I’m extra anxious but I can hardly take someone seriously when they’re shrinking right before my eyes...
I feel like this sounds like complaining but I’m not, I’ve adapted to expect that when I talk to my friends I can never feel truly there or like I’m giving them the real me...
It absolutely sucks when our minds put a filter over the world without our consent but here’s hoping that reading my experience can comfort you a little so you know you’re not alone 🤍
Ahhaha yes the other day my friend jack looked like he was a tortilla was holes cut out for eyes and I tried so hard to not just laugh while he was talking
Yes, I totally understand the growing/shrinking thing. It's like one part of your brain knows it's not happening, but the other part thinks it is? It's like in movies when someone gets traumatized and everything gets all ringing and foggy and fades away, except with shrinking.
@doddleoddle yess! And then you have to try and explain that your mind has made them into a tortilla and it really does take the best of people to understand that concept :’) I’ve found that if I tell someone to google the ‘dolly zoom’ it’s the best way of letting them see what I mean when I say they look miles away when I know that they’re not
Wow so many thoughts I could share about this but for now I will just say this: I feel you! Much love, we're hanging in and doing our best, and thanks for being such a lovely presence!
It's very reassuring to hear that there's someone else that can relate to what I'm experiencing. Thank you so much for sharing this dodie ! you're amazing ! stay safe !
thank you so much for talking about this! Your original video on depersonalisation a couple years back made me realise that I was suffering from derealisation caused by anxiety. It made me feel so much less alone and I think you're very brave for talking about this online and sharing so much of such a difficult thing 💗 stay safe :)
I've always experienced depersonalization (and sometimes derealization) around very stressful situations or in the early stages of panic attacks, but during the summer I had some (non-COVID) medical issues and it became much common and easy to trigger. I've been trying to just deal with it and hope it would go away, as it was started by a short-term problem, but at this point I think I need to see someone about it. Thanks for talking about your experiences again, Dodie-- it helps me remember that it's important to accept what's happening and to take care of myself.
I haven't watched your channel in a long time (not on purpose, I just fell into other Internet holes) and am very happy I decided to watch this one <3 I'm starting counseling next week and am excited. I'm interested in your EMDR experience, as that's something I was prescribed.
Hi I have depersonalization and I really appreciated you making this video. Even though it’s a somewhat common disorder no one seems to talk about it, and it made me really happy to see this
Sometimes its so intense it affects me physically. I'll lay down it feels like im floating. Idk if these two could be connected somehow but when my depersonalization came around in 6th grade(im 17 now) i also couldnt and still cant ride rollercoasters or even ride in the car without feeling sick.
I actually realized this at the beginning of covid too! Especially video calls are hard for me, because it feels like being spaced out. I'm there, talking with other people, but at the same time I'm not there. The distance and the screen between us reminds me of DPDR and makes me freak out. That's why I try to do something with my hands at the same time, so I'm usually drawing during a video call. It makes me focus on that instead of how I'm feeling. I'm so glad you talked about this!
You should try somatic experiencing, its helped me so much! Usually "zoning out" is your nervous systems mechanism to protect itself from pain.. so feeling your trauma bit by bit is how you lesser the "zoning out" because life feels less scary. Anyway just an idea:) I'm not a psychologist but its helped me a lot so might help you:))
I found out I have DDNOS recently-ish(?) and...at first I was incredibly sad, but then I tried really hard to find out all I could about it. It just became too much and depressed me more. I don't feel like I'm in reality 100% of the time either. Sometimes it's nice, sometimes it's really hard... Thanks for this Dodie ❤️
I was talking about a similar feeling to my boyfriend the other day, I don’t have depression or anxiety but i’ve noticed that the range of what my mood used to be before covid was higher and now is like my mood got used to a new kind of “happy” but that in reality, compared to pre covid this “happy” that I feel now would actually be an ok or even sad mood, but this is all I have now and there’s nothing to do about it until this is all over :/ don’t know if any of that made sense
Definitely. I do have a few disorders, but pre-covid I was definitely happier than now. Now I get excited for just not being totally sad. I'm waiting for schools to open again, I think it'll make me feel better.
I think there’s a few theories that make sense. We can be pretty sure it’s BUILD A PROBLEM, if it’s words that are English & not just gibberish. Bc there’s 13 videos, 13 letters & the first video had 2 letters, the 13th video is probably gonna be the reveal/announcement! Here’s what I’ve seen that the letters could mean:
- Title of the album or title of a single off the album (or both). As many have pointed out, it’s a bit of a weird title, but hey, maybe! If dodie wants to title her album that way, I stan! (: - It’s an anagram & needs to be unscrambled. Possible theories are (ILEB) ALBUM DROP, with the first 4 letters being the initials of the actual album title. I think this makes sense insofar that she’s knitting the letters individually, which she then could rearrange & hang up in the right way in the reveal vid - The letters are an acronym for the first letters of each of the songs. An album with 13 songs & each letter represents a song! Question here is if they are in this actual order on the track list or if they were rearranged to produce words that have some sense. - An add-on to all these theories is that the humming at the beginning of each vid could represent each of the songs on the album in some way (maybe the key harmonies, or the beginnings of the songs, or “summaries” of the key melodies).
Thank you for typing this out! Honestly I'm too spacy to properly keep up (very keeping with this video's subject!) but I do wanna know what's going on.
I used to think I was alone and crazy and then a few years ago I found your video talking about your experiences with it. When I tell you it changed my life... it really did and I’m so so so thankful that you just opened up to us about your experiences with depersonalization
i've been watching your videos for four years now and i love hearing you destigmatize mental health because it really helped me accept that this is something that i don't deal with alone so thank you :)
whenever I feel my DP kicking in I pretend I'm one of those video game avatars that continue walking in place when they hit a wall, it makes it kinda fun.
Hi doodie, iam very thankful for your input on this, i discovered you when All this dp and Dr started one and a half years ago and i was in a really bad place back then and im still learning to live with this condition - thank you after such a long time that i got reminded of who got me through this :-)
You are a beautiful mind. even in your spacesuit. Much love from Berlin ♥ =)
really the way i'm trying to feel a bit better about this whole covid situation is saying that it will not last forever. when it begun i was trying to think of the exact time it was going to end, i thought maybe since september and generally the end of the year, now that we're here i know we'll have to deal with this longer. although i don't know how much longer, i'm comforted by knowing this too, shall pass. i just don't know when.
3.5 years now, sometimes i think or feel like im having a moment of clarity (in my brain it feels like the relief of a stuffed nose clearing up), but then im not so sure because tbh ive completely forgotten what it was like before.
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Jack Wright2020-10-16 12:58:45 (edited 2020-10-16 13:00:44 )
I think I often feel the effects of 'depersonalisation', I remember in high school I started saying to my friends "I feel like I've not woken up yet", "Things just don't feel real_", "It feels like things are just happening, not that I'm _doing them". It started happening more and more and now it's kind of my new normal, I recall watching your in-depth video on it a while back and thinking "Hey, maybe I should get this checked" and never bothered. I don't know if this is part of it (or if I've just got a bad memory) but I often find it hard to recall things that have happened as well, hell I barely remember what I ate for tea the night before! When I've gotten into a habit of doing something that causes progression, however, (ie. creating new software at work, working on my house, etc.) then it helps mitigate that sense of 'lost time'. I don't think anything will ever fix feeling like I'm asleep all the time but it least mitigate the sadness that it brings. That all changed when the covid virus attacked, it's put a halt on any of those things which I used to make progress on making me feel as I was back in college - when my spaciness was worst. I dread having to work back up to learning to function as a normal person again but at least it's made me aware as to how far I managed to get (and can get to again!) in terms of dealing with it
Also yeah, definitely "Build a Problem", good job, guys 👍 something something, build a problem, overcome it, very motivational, si si
thankyou for always talking about this dodie:( i constantly try explaining my experience with depersonalisation to people around me and when nobody gets it or understands, it makes me feel worse and i sink even further- whenever you talk about it i feel a little more normal and okay with the fact that i live this way:/ lov u lots
Your first video about depersonalization was the first time I’d heard someone talk about it and the first time I could put my own feelings into words. Thank you for being vulnerable and creating space for others to articulate what they’re struggling with💕
This reminds me of when people say "you never let it slow you down!" To someone with a chronic illness and I always think, well what else am I supposed to do? Life keeps going and so therefore I have to aswell
It's such a good analogy.. I also started with derealisation and depersonalisation like 8 years ago, but as a symptom of my anxiety and depression. I'm currently on medication for depression and anxiety, and it helps with those things, but the depersonalisation took a life on its own and, yeah, I'm constantly spacey. It's so nice to hear you talk about it.. because no one understands when I've tried to explain it in.. you really have made an impact in my life, so thank you ✨
wow this has been the video I needed. thank you for posting! I have been experiencing this on and off this year and had no idea what this sensation even was for a lot of it. if anyone knows how to help when this flares up, please let me know. i'd love to share stories!
I first experienced depersonalisation at uni, during a really stressful time. It's been better recently, but it comes back when I get stressed, so I've decided to use it to my advantage and write a novel where a character suffers from it and hopefully it will reach people and maybe make them feel less alone. Thank you for sharing your experience dodie!
my depersonalization has been the absolute worst since school went online in March. It's so refreshing to just feel, like I'm not alone. When I'm spaced out, it hurts most when people around me just don't understand and aren't sensitive. It really breaks me. But this is just what I needed; hearing that someone gets it.
i’m still looking into it but i think i have this during anxiety/panic attacks like you mentioned. for me it kinda feels like the room i’m in is the only thing and outside is just space if that makes sense. and then that makes me overwhelmed and panicky and i have to find a way to ground myself. outside of the attacks though everything is still a bit hazy, but not to that extent. i think it’s brought on by either anxiety or maladaptive daydreaming or both but like i said i’m still doing research but thank you dodie for teaching me more about it :)
Thank you Dodie🙏 I’ve bought your book and it helped me to know I’m not alone! But when I think about my DP lasting longer than four years or so... I think I’d be even more hopeless than I am now. I’m suffering from it now for two years. I know it’s not that “much”, but I don’t want it to last longer... it’s so hard to live in this unreal world.. I don’t know how to do it and I’m really fascinated about your strength to hold on🙏
I love what you said about practicing gratitude! I've always had dissociative tendencies and I went through a time in my life a while back where I got so overwhelmed with my life that they started to take over. I couldn't really feel what was happening in the moment at all and it scared me. Eventually since I didn't know of anything that could help I started to just be grateful for the feelings I was able to experience because that was the only option I had. I think I accidentally trained my brain to let me experience life more because as soon as I started thinking that way, more and more feelings started coming through and I feel like I'm in the present most of the time now. Thank you for your video!
Hmmm... I think I've been having something similar to this for the last 2 years. I've had a lot of chronic pain and I feel floaty and not really here anymore, but also not depressed. I don't really feel anything, the days blend into one and time doesn't quite go by like it used to. It's frustrating because it's hard to explain to people because the way I feel is so nuanced.
Had DP for about 7-8 yrs now, been through the works with it. Some days I almost forget I have it and sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night because of it lol. Glad to see you sharing your stories and experience, every little bit from one another other helps a day at a time. Keep moving forward
i remember i used to hear u talk about depersonalisation ages ago and i never understood it and then i went through a very traumatic event and now i feel the exact same. also ive had a loss for words of how to explain it and i think after watching this video i need to show it to my therapist to explain it a little better because ur analogies were very accurate so thank u dodie
thank you for making this video, i connected with it so much. its great to hear about other people’s experiences because for me i get dissociated when im panicky and it just comes in bouts, usually from certain triggers. i dont know how you live with it all the time, it fucks me up so much every time i get it. i haven’t tried treating it because im scared that any medication i take will just make it come on more and i don’t want any side effects considering i have a history of mental health issues that could come back at any time. its just good to know that there are so many people out there going through the same thing, so thank you.
I'm sorry this affects you all the time ❤️ You might have already thought about this, but I find my "spacey-ness" is sometimes linked to low blood pressure. I felt super zoned out 90% of the time growing up, but I started to feel much more present when I began started drinking coffee and running a few years ago. Nailing a regular sleeping pattern really helped too, I feel so zoned out if I sleep in past 7am! 2017-2019 are some of the most vivid memories for me, and I think it's because of those three factors. 2020 has been a write off, for obvious reasons 😂
u actually helped me realize dpd/drd for what it is. before I knew u and the name of the condition I just called it a glass fence between me and the world and I'm SO grateful I found u having the condition too it gave me strength <3
The way you describe depersonalisation is sort of how I feel about my ADHD, except the highs and lows are just massive but with medication they’re not so bad
I (thankfully) only tend to live 50% of my days depersonalized or derealized (or both), but I am always so grateful when someone is able to put it into some kind of words what it feels like. I explain everything in metaphors, but dissociation always feels too elusive to properly metaphor-ize. The limited audio levels, and also this past year, are perfect metaphors 👍🏼
I've felt like I have derealization/depersonalization for nearly 5 years, consistently. I've come to accept it more than when it first came on. I've been watching a lot of your videos lately because hearing you describe your symptoms is like hearing my own thoughts actually translated into words and feelings. And it's been a driving factor in me taking the first steps to pursue treatment. I've never been diagnosed or spoken to a medical professional about it before and I really just needed a push to start the process.
It's nice how you describe depersonalisation. I really know what you mean, I've never thought about a specific diagnosis for this kind of feeling. I've always tried to describe it to my therapist as just standing in a crowd of people, they are rushing around me like on a busy business street and me standing on that one spot not able to move, ppl are realizing me barely and I can barely realize them but can't remember and time rushes by and I should do so many things but I am standing outside time and I'm just watching, trying to reach out but also don't mind because life will carry me somewhere and I don't hav strength anyway.
It's like a smoll numb bubble swimming on a wide ocean and I should be bothered and is absolutely scary too, but it also numbs away stress and struggles with communicating and handling adult life. I'm autistic and I'm struggling with depression and eating disorders for many years now, and this feeling of standing outside is a daily thing I can't even remember when it started and it doesn't matter anyway. I don't know if it is a good or a triggering thing for me personally, I quess both. 🌼 But as you said, it's fine, it will be fine, I do accept it, I can't help it too, but we are still a life, right? So we can still figure things out about it ✨👍🏻
so i've been feeling like i'm dreaming non-stop since i was a child (even before i knew it was a condition - i would always ask my friends, 'do you guys ever feel like you're dreaming??' and they would always be SO confused)
and over the last couple of years, as i've watched your videos and started coming to terms with the fact that maybe i have dpdr and should get it officially diagnosed, i've described it in my head as a bit like a tv with a single cable unplugged
and that's exactly how you described it in the intro idk it just makes me feel like maybe i'm not crazy and i do actually have something that can be classified i've cried over my inability to describe it or put it into words bc it makes me feel like i'm insane sometimes so thank you for validating my thoughts <3
I remember when I struggled with this, I also didn’t like traveling because it felt like all of my surroundings were unfamiliar to the point it would give me anxiety. Even when my head would feel clear, I would live in fear of it coming back. It’s been a really long time since the sensation hit, but it scares me that there isn’t a cure and it could come back. I wouldn’t feel depressed, I just felt constantly anxious. I would question if anything was real. It made it worse not knowing what it was and thinking I was going crazy. It was only after the fact that I learned what it was called. It’s crazy how much I relate to what you are saying.
have you ever heard about high functioning autism in females? 🙂 i have depersonalisation from 6 years and finally i was diagnosed with aspergers syndrome recently which i’m 100% sure caused symptoms of the first disorder. i feel better with every new day!
Your first video about this is how i found you.. and you are just awesome for who you are.. spacey doddie is an inspiration.. i have chronic pain and its so hard to be in pain a l l t h e t i m e and having to accept that it is like that and make the best of it.. i know its a complete different thing but at one point i did feel like in a dream state trying my hardest not to feel my body because i couldnt stand the pain anymore and feeling like i could slip into something i wouldnt be able to control it and i started to look into it and you popped up and you are so cool and cute and talented and yeah thank you for being you ♡
firstly, this whole video really speaks to me and it really idk is very comforting to hear someone else talk about it. secondly,,, the energy of this video is so lovely. the soft knitting sounds, the light, and just calmly discussing depersonalization, i love it. ty
I only found out a few years ago what I was experiencing had a name, and I wasn’t alone. I remember telling my mom when I was like 8 that “I feel like I’m watching myself” and especially now more often than not I’m dissociated. Nice to know I’m not alone anymore.. do you have any tips, Dodie, to make it feel better? I haven’t talked to any kind of professional about it.
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Brian LO2020-10-16 13:15:37 (edited 2020-10-16 13:16:05 )
Depersonalization is kinda like being a fish in a fishbowl. You're physically seeing the world outside you, you can feel the movement but it all comes in mushy and wobbly. Experiencing the world through the glass wall. Like if you move a fishbowl, the fish inside moves with it, but it also kinda just wobbles. It's not....bad, it's just what it is.
I’ve heard her talk about this before and I’ve always just absorbed the information, tried to visualize/feel it, etc., but this time I just started tearing up? About 3 minutes into the video I just... felt like crying.
This video makes me feel a bit better when it’s so hard to be sick all the time. “It’s okay because it has to be” is a sad but true reminder. I have chronic dissociation from trauma too and it makes me feel a bit safer knowing there are others out there fighting the same thing every day, so thanks Dodie
Nice to see this video, I often feel the same way with the whole depersonalisation thingy. Alot of the time I feel like I should be doing something else but I don't know what I should be doing, kinda like time is running out to do stuff but I don't know what to do if that makes sense? But anyway I appreciate this video, nice to know I'm not alone and that we will get through these frustrating times. Thank you for sharing, it's hard to talk about these things, so I understand what your going through. ✌️
Hello to all my depersonalization pals! I’ve struggled with that shit for years and I just wanted to say that I know it sucks, but please don't beat yourself up for it or anything. Go to therapy or find a hobby and just do your best to live in spite of it 💛
@Traci J it might sound kind of weird, but I started writing songs to try and express how it felt! I didn't think it would work at first but putting those dulled feelings and experiences in the form of poetry made me feel a lot better. It turned a bad thing into art. (Obviously, the same thing doesn't necessarily work for everyone, but I would definitely recommend trying it!) 🥰
i'm sorry you feel like this. you such an amazing artist and omg stop been so cute. i actually never heard about it before. so for me its this whole new information about a health condition, and I think is important to put it out in the world. covid sucks, really, but its gonna be better <3
thank you for making this video!! there aren’t many people really talk about DPDR. I’ve struggled for so long and feel like people really don’t understand. This was a good way to explain it!
Thank you so much for creating this video as well as your first video talking about depersonalization; it introduced me to a name of what I have been feeling for years and made me feel less alone in the world. I am grateful for your platform as a creator and all of the art and knowledge you share with us. Thank you dodie. <3
Thank you for being so raw and honest about your personal struggles. I feel as though I may be experiencing depersonalization and I never knew much about it before your videos. About a year back I ruptured my eardrum really bad and I still experience really bad vertigo at times from it. I feel as though vertigo and depersonalization do not match well at all because I feel spacey not only mentally at times but also physically too. Anyway, I digress. Thanks again Dodie ❤️
awww hey dodie. I haven't been diagnosed, but i've known for some years that i experience dp/dr. And i have been since... forever basically. My memories are all foggy and unreal, so i don't even know since when. I love when you talk about it, it makes it feel less invisible and trust me, it makes me feel understood. I understand and experience everything you mentionned in that video. And same thing for the covid perspective. Thank you so much, truly. Love u from Canada xx
I didn't even know what depersonalisation was as a concept until I read your book and realised that you were describing my exact symptoms over the last umpteen years and decided to actually google it. I'd never been able to explain it and I just thought it was me overreacting most of the time and assuming I was different when I wasn't, and it was kind of a relief to realise that it's an actual thing, even if I can't really do anything about it. I've been saying that this year feels like what anxiety feels like, but you're right, it's more about depersonalisation than anything else. Anyway I just wanted to say thank you. ❤
Hearing you talk about this really makes a few years of my life make more sense. Obvs not gonna self diagnose, but when I reflect on my most depressed times, I was so disconnected. I would try to focus so hard I'd forget what I was even focusing on, I'd get lost in my head all the time 'daydreaming', everything felt like such a blur and I barely remember it. Brains, man. Fckn weird things.
woah! this made me both sad and happy, its like a window was just opened by a peep to let a lil bit of air in, now i know what depersonalization is and gosh i feel a lot less worried about being a vaguely 'bad' person for not fully being... there. it sucks but thanks for talking about this <3
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Elias J.2020-10-15 23:00:10 (edited 2020-10-15 23:10:31 )
Can it also be time travel? Because I still feel I'm in March and that nothing has happened all this time. also you HAVE to cover Lovin' you by Minnie Riperton after that tease
Thank you ever so much for bringing yourself to discuss this and help us understand that uncertainty and feeling like we're in a bit of a bubble (this might mean different things to different people but to me, it feels like I'm not as aware of the people around me as I used to be prior lockdown and that's very unfair on those people) is not so crazy as sucky as it is. This community that you have created where we can understand each other a little bit better, although we are different is so comforting for the very reason that we can reach out to eachother and listen to eachother's experiences. Hopefully more people can have access to this if they need it and hopefully feel that they are being taken note of. I can't possibly imagine what it feels like to have to try and hustle and possibly survive at the same time of dealing with icky sort of feelings. So if you are a person struggling in any type of way, you rock pretty darn hard!
hello dpd family <3 i love you. its hard to find something that long term cures symptoms without causing other problematic side effects. we do what we can. we experience what we can. it is what it is because while yes it sucks we cant change it yet so we might as well no dwell on it in the meantime. therapy is a godsend. find a good therapist if you can, i know especially in the usa it's quite expensive if you dont have health insurance that covers it. best of luck. you're not alone. there are a lot of us floating in the ~*weird little spacey universe * ~
Thanks so much for your vulnerability. Shit, you have tried a lot! . It being a response to complex trauma makes a lot of sense. It sounds like you're very well-informed. I respect your attitude toward this so much And I'm truly wishing you the very best. How did you knit letters like that? I wanna know how to do that! 😝
I first encountered depersonalization and derealization through a video of yours and wow did I feel connected to the things you said. I was so sad and relieved at the same time, that the way I had been feeling all this time... that there was an actual reason for it. Thank you so much for sharing your journey! It has helped me immensely with getting a diagnosis and proper psychiatric care and, well, my journey in general. Thank you so much for being the amazing human being you are and sharing your story so honestly with us! ❤️
I didnt know there was a name for it. Thank you for speaking about this. Sometimes I can feel that I’m grasping into the moment - trying to memorize reality but I know it will slip.
I don't think I've ever been able to thank you for talking about this topic! I got diagnosed with GAD very recently, and I've been dissociating a lot for the past 4 years. Dissociation is how I experience panic attacks, even. I feel like my entire body has shut down on itself and I'm just stuck inside and can't feel anything but hollowed out and spilling over at the same time? I'm sure you experience it differently, but your first video talking about your condition made me feel less alone and hopeless and like I was just overreacting or sth. Ever since, I'd been steadily seeking help, looking for therapists and psychiatrists. I've been taking medication and doing grounding exercises and taking little steps to be kinder to myself, and whenever I fall and relapse, I go back to your music and the stories in your book and these videos, and I feel a little bit lighter in a good way.
Thanks for helping me feel a little less mad, and for helping me put a name to the weird stuff my brain does. I hope you take care, and I'm so stoked for your album!!!
one of the things that i find the most discomfort in this condition is dissociative amnesia. often with my childhood friends, they tell stories from when we were super young, growing up on the same street, and i feel like it is in vivid technicolor for them but a stark black with bits of grey for me. is this something you have experience with? (or any kind people in the comments really!) again. thank you for opening up about this part of your life. like you said, it’s comforting to not feel entirely alone.
I think I understand because I have a similar thing with my memory. The only childhood things I really remember come from photos and videos or stories that other people have told. Most memories that I do have feel more vague and grainy
I don't experience derealization but Dodie has talked about how it sucks that it comes with a bad memory. Something that struck me is an instagram post she made saying that after a great day she sometimes tells her friend Shannon that she's scared she won't remember it, and Shannon answers "Then we'll just do it again" which I think is really sweet!
I'm not gonna lie, this comment actually scared me because of how accurate it is. My best friend since kindergarten will tell me all these things we did or that happened as kids and I just have absolutely no recollection of any of it. I very much understand that feeling.
all the damn time, i unfortunately have started getting it with short term memory too and even just flat out unable to concentrate on conversations. when i was younger, i definitely struggled more with remembering things when it came to friendships. then it went to just remembering only the bad memories. i started having dissociation since i was 14-ish and now i'm 22. my mind honestly draws a million blanks and it sucks a lot when i want to join in and remember the things everyone else does. instead, i just get faded feelings or nostalgia of what it was like at time and how they made me felt, not every moment can be recounted but like an overall sense of how that person made me feel at the time. its gotten me into so much trouble though as I find myself glossing over many important events that were positive and where people have helped me which then i seem so ungrateful.
big mood - I didn't realize how badly my mental illness had affected my memory until I went on antidepressants a year ago, and slowly but surely, everything sharpened up a little. It's nice to have progress, but it's horrible to know that those 19 years of memories are just ruined
wow!!!! this response is overwhelming, thank you guys for sharing. there is something so deeply painful in a way i can’t exactly describe about hearing stories about yourself from the people who were there. it’s always left me with a sense of feeling, half hearted i suppose! it’s nice to know that i am not unique and i am not alone. wishing all of you the best in these uncertain times!!! take care of yourself!!!
hii dodie. i have depersonalization disorder as well, and i really appreciate you spreading some awareness of it. it helps me to see you talk about it, and helps make me feel less alone. thank you
im recovering from a panic attack that i had over the idea of being in the same place as strangers and i realized dodie is the only person i wouldnt be that afraid to meet for the first time :") i just know she wouldnt judge me
Hi!! Umm I just wanted to say thank you because I watched your video talking about derealization a couple of years ago and it was the first time I realized that I had derealization and it helped me so much to know that I wasn’t the only person in the world who felt like that. I had felt really alone for a long time and watching that video made me a feel a little bit better. Thank you dodie :)
I’ve realised how I’m really spaced out again. I’m sitting in my chair all day in online college and nothing seems real. I’m listening to people I’ve never seen, have classmates I had no chance to meet. There is so much that is changing and I feel completely alone.
I definitely experienced some mild dpdr in high school - would zone out all the time, felt like the world wasn't real, and wanted to explain it to the school counselor when I started missing assignments bc it didn't feel like anything mattered, but had no idea how to. Grateful for people like you raising awareness so I'll know how to explain what I'm experiencing if/when it happens again.
Oh dodie thank you thank you for making this video. I have depersonalisation/derealisation and you're right it's so good to know I'm not alone. Some days I'm glad my brain has this defence mechanism (especially during this pandemic) but it's also upsetting sometimes because I have no choice or autonomy over my own brain. Thank you for sharing. sending virtual love
you helped me put a name to what ive been feeling for years with your first video on depersonalization and im really grateful :( it sucks especially bc i cant have medication or therapy to at least Try to feel better but it is what it is i guess haha..sending lots of love n good vibes to u!!
I wasnt aware of depersonalosation, I am glad that you are discussing it and so open about it. This year had been tough and everyone is doing so well to get through this huge change, that we have no control over. X
I'd like to say dodie looks so stunning and gorgeous in this vid wow !!!! and also that she always says exactly how I feel in exactly the way I would explain it and it genuinely makes me feel like I'm a person again and I'm not insane and people can relate to how I'm feeling so... thank you sm dodie lol =)
I have only experienced depersonalization once for about a week and I couldn't imagine experiencing it for so many years, I'm sorry that you've had to deal with this. The fact that you have talked about it has been so helpful though, and when I was experiencing depersonalization I had previously seen your video talking about it and it helped me a lot to understand what was going on <3
thank you for this dodie. the thing i enjoy most about you and what has made me want to stay by your side is your acceptance that things are shitty, and that you go through shit, but you try your best and you do what you can in the moment. i know you struggle with the expectations others have for you, but know that i don’t hold an expectation for you, i just enjoy what you give. and i hope you know we love you as you are :)
I have been struggling with anxiety for years, and when it gets extremely bad - depersonalisation kicks in and although it doesn't make me feel "better", it's still a change. And I am grateful to my brain for trying its best to manage my anxiety with tools it has, although it's not a cure. It's not getting better, but I find solace in the familiarity of it at this point. It's not as new and scary, as it used to be. I totally understand the comparison with arm pain: I don't always acknowledge it, if it's just in the background, and I guess I have to thank my brain for finding ways to distract me. It's always there, it influences my life... but it's also the only life I have. I can only carry on as best as I can, even if I am not as mentally stable, as some people. We all have our struggles, and I am getting more familiar with mine, which is way I don't hate ageing. Experience does help a lot.
Hi!! I can relate. Especially limiter. I'm in a DP/DR group on FB. Except I haven't been diagnosed. I have had other symptoms more prominent and it's a struggle to actually talk to professionals about it. I'm not really fighting.
Yesterday I went to hospital after my depersonalisation tricked me into thinking I was having a heart attack but then when I got there it made me believe it was all a dream and that everyone hated me for making it up.
I needed this video today to remind me I don't make it up and my brains an arse hole xx
I just wanted to thank you for talking about this. If it weren't for your first video on depersonalization I never would have been diagnosed as I thought everyone felt what I was feeling. So thank you for raising awareness and thank you for being amazing!
As someone who has experienced depersonalisation for as long as I can remember, it is so comforting to hear you talk about your experience. I have never met someone who I feel really gets what it's like to feel detached from your body 24/7 (it doesn't always feel shitty, I can be happy and depersonalised). But this doesn't take away from the fact that I wish it wasn't there at all. Just thankyou, for sharing your wisdom and light about this horribly unspoken about issue (at least in Australia) <3
About 3 years ago, I think, was when I saw your video about you talking about depersonalization/derealization and it all made so much sense to me, I had been constantly trying to figure out what it was that i was feeling and your video just clicked for me, though I haven’t been formally diagnosed so I won’t yet say it’s what I have, but it’s definitely what I most relate to. It scares me a lot and I feel like I’m forgetting everything because I’m not connecting to it and I space out...I want to say so much more but I really just want to say thank you for ever coming out with that video, it helped me know I wasn’t the only one, I love you dodie ❤️
Love u Dodie❤ This might sound really bad but I do feel some kind of comfort from this whole pandemic situation. Suddenly most people's highs seem to be lower. I'm on the autism spectrum with OCD, derealisation, anxiety, depression and all that shit. Now many people are concerned about germs, are housebounded, have anxiety etc...I feel less alone knowing everyone and everything is on hold, not only me. The gap between myself and others feels a bit smaller for once.
When I saw the title of this video I was like FINALLY! SOMEONE SAID IT! I have been constantly thinking of your video these past few months because I was feeling the same exact things you were describing.
omg i didn't realize how much i needed this until now.
during extreme lockdown, i had numerous panic and anxiety attacks (much more than i would used to), and was never really quite able to put my finger on what it was. but i finally do! "spacey" is the perfect word for it.
i told my mom after a few of them when i was really starting to worry and when i felt my self starting to slip away from reality... and of course, she was worried at first, but then kind of just brushed it off and never really did anything about it. which i guess is rightfully so, because i never brought it up again (even though they were still happening).
she later suggested i visit the school counselor. and so i did. but i felt completely out of place and awkward, and that i didn't connect with the counselor at all... so, after the first session, i told my mom that i was feeling better and wouldn't need any further help.
when i seriously thought i was losing my shiz, i Googled the symptoms, and "depersonalization" and "derealization" were the first results to pop up. i felt incredibly relieved that i had finally found a word for it, and did some more research on it until i was sure this is what i was feeling, so that my mom wouldn't worry for nothing.
i wish i could say that she doubted this... but we never discussed it again.
I know I have three things she said anxiety, dysphoric, and I have issues with disordered eating. I always knew I depersonalized but fo so long i would just have panic attacks scared and confused not knowing what was wrong with me and only recently ive accepted that that is what it is. After accepting that its been a lot less difficult considering ive been able to acknowledge the issue at hand. I assume that its a big portion from dysphoria because I tend to look in the mirror and say that GIRL has a attractive body tipe, but she isnt me because I am not a girl. But I also have depersonalization farther than dysphoria related, for example forgetting what i am and not knowing my own personality and not really being able to understand empathy and thats saying a lot considering I am an empath. Im happy that I have finally pined this because I kept feeling as if I was having issues that no one has, I would try to look up things but nothing pointed towards depersonalization, usually the symptoms would point to schizophrenia but I am positive that I do not have schizophrenia. I feel like this is something many dont talk about, maybe because when we have it we normalize that it happens to us, and it can sometimes be brushed off as a form of panic attack.
I don't experience it constantly, but when my anxiety levels climb I can recognize derealization going on. Hours and sometimes days go by without me noticing. It's like life has shifted out of reality and the wheel to turn back doesn't really exist. I started making the connection between hightened anxiety and derealization through your videos, so thanks, from both me and my therapist. I am going through an episode of anx+der for the past 1.5 months and this vid made me feel less alone. Hope this comment does the same.
I've never heard of this before. I disassociate family often and I very much feel this way everyday... it's like a zombie mode you just go through motions. I have anxiety/PTSd and depression, so maybe this is just my new normal after years of trying to cope. Time to get back into a mental health professional. Thank you for this viddo!
I have dpdr so I feel this on a spiritual level 😅 it's just something you get used to, and when you're friends are like 'oh honey are you dissociating ATM?' you have to go 'honey, I am always dissociating lol' 😅 I did a mental health video the other day, so check it out maybe if you have time? sending you love dodie 💖💗💕❤️
I love that you have brought depersonalization to the forefront. I had never heard of it before you brought it up, but I started experiencing it probably.. 2-3 years ago. I am an elementary (primary, in the UK) teacher. The first time I noticed myself depersonalizing I was in the middle of my classroom with 20+ kids around me, it was so scary. Just felt like none of them were real. I wasn't even there. So very scary. It has become a bit better, but it is definitely hard to get used to. I haven't felt high's and low's like I used to since developing or noticing that I had this. It is nice to hear you speak about it though, if it weren't for you speaking about it I would have probably thought I was just going crazy. So, thank you.
I just got here, but I already completely agree with this title. I’ve been feeling less and less like a real person being inside and isolated this long.
I also struggle with depersonalization! I'm 17 and I'm still struggling to figure out to drive and feel safe with it? I'm scared I'm gonna loose my focus and die horribly or something haha. Ha.
I’m also 17 and I’m also having the same problems with driving Lol. I’m afraid that while driving everything will just get too blurry and I’ll forget that I’m driving and cause a bad accident
Hello hi, you helped me realise I had depersonilisation and derealisation a few years ago now, and though nothing has happened with regards to solutions etc I feel so much less alone and I'm very thankful to you for that
This is something I had to deal with a long time before covid, because I'm disabled and mostly housebound. Covid-time has been weird because actually more people are around to hang out with online than before, but weirdly I feel I can't really relate to what everyone else is feeling about it. This is my permanent reality, there never will be a time I can "go back to normal" like everyone else has said. So in that sense I super relate.
At the same time, I feel like I've settled in to my little homebody life and in a lot of ways I love it. I can still experience joy, love, etc. Just because there's a "limiter" on my happiness (like you said, again, hard relate), doesn't mean I don't get to experience joy when it is here. I'm not going to fall into the trap of "this is good, but I'm still sad because it could be better". I'm just going to be happy that it's good.
I messaged you on Instagram about it. Didn’t know you were still dealing with it. I learned that when I ignore it and say it’s not there, that it starts to go away
Back when I saw your first video about depersonalisation/derealization years ago it literally changed my life. I felt so relieved that I had a name for the thing I was feeling. I felt so confused and alone and it made me so happy to see that I wasn't alone and that there were people who experience the exact same thing I do, especially people I look up to (you, for example). I'm not officially diagnosed but I'm finally in the process of getting into therapy and hopefully getting an official diagnosis and the proper help I need. I never would've done this if I hadn't watched your videos about it. I just wanted to say thank you for bringing awareness to this mental illness. You really are changing people's lives. Thank you so much, Dodie.
I used to have dpdr years back for a few months. I got better and i almost forgot that i had it. I can see it in your face what i used to also feel like. Im sure you will get better Aaaand you look gorgeous
I remember a year or two ago at work I had chronic stress/anxiety that led to derealisation. I was chatting to a colleague and when they finished their sentence and just looked at me for a second I could have sworn they were an NPC in a video game like Fallout or something, waiting blankly for me to pick from a list of responses on screen to advance the convo/plot. It didn't feel like he was a real person at all. I couldn't avoid recognising at that point that I really wasn't feeling normal anymore. I'm not sure if the 2020-spec mental fog is exactly the same as that, for me, but I do feel a bit half-alive and full of background dread. Thankfully there are nice relaxing people on the internet to listen to.
I hope you’re okay besides everything dodie, I also experience it, though not all the time, and it is hard. I won’t give advice just support from far away and so much love and good vibes.
Thanks for sharing and inspiring. I have dp, it came on all of a sudden when i was cycling through Bulgaria. Dizzy spell than bang, reality left. 4 years later and I'm still trying to get back to normal. I've also tried all sorts of treatments, I get obsessed with something, think it will be a miracle cure but never is. I think the only way to get over it is by fixing the way you think, but I have obsessive thinking and just go around in circles. I am improving though and think I'll get there one day. I've had a few flashes of what life was like before and its so nice, if I could feel like that all the time I would be the happiest man in the world. Anyway, wishing you all the best, I really appreciate you sharing so I don't feel so alone with it.
I also have depersonalisation and it’s how I came across you years ago, you made me feel less alone because it’s incredibly lonely as you would know. I was diagnosed at 17 and I’m 24 now and relate to what you said so much about just not being bothered about the symptoms anymore and in a way it is comforting when I have an episode because I would MUCH rather be zoned out then be having a panic attack. Thank you always for using your platform to spread awareness, it does help! I tried to make a video on my channel years ago lmao. You describe things so well that are almost impossible to describe. Big love to you dodie <3
It's so weird, I'm not sure if Its considered that I have depersonalesation most of the time I'm like 96% ok, but then every couple of days-week or so I get really depersonalised for a few hours- a few days. Idk it's weird
It's how I've felt my whole life and because of it I can't bring myself to shower or brush my teeth more than around 6 to 12 times a year and rarely do laundry or clean my surroundings. I space out a lot and often have debilitating vertigo.
I never rode a bike, danced, rollerbladed, swam, or drove a car. I've never even attempted more than a part-time job because I know I can't handle it and I've been unemployed since last year.
It's so nice to see another person, especially a fairly large YouTuber who has the same detachment disorder as me, talk about it online. I've had dr & dp since 8 years old & I experimented with weed at 16, it made it 10x worse, when I feel myself slipping into depersonalisation, I've noticed, the more I try & figure out why it's happening, the worse it gets, it happens most often when I'm in a restaurant or a room with bright lights and there's lots of loud chatter, a quiet, dark/dim room makes me feel calm and peaceful :-)
It's really tough. In March I had heard about a depersonalisation clinic that opened in London and was going to follow up with it, then everything with the virus kicked off. I was excited that such a thing even existed though. Best of luck xx
I have never been diagnosed with depersonalisation, but I can relate to the experience you describe. My gender dysphoria has just become a catch all for anything that hurts me mentally. We got this... I hope! Stay well Dodie.
Honestly I get some depersonalization symptoms one i get that's the strongest I call "dream state" and as you may guess its like Im in a dream but awake, and I can not imagine being stuck in that state my whole life. My heart goes out to you all
What a good time to post this, I was just talking about how I feel like I'm forgetting something and I don't feel fucking real and or sane anymore because my quarantine :)))
Hmm wow you explained this really well. I don't experience depersonalization or derealization in my normal life but I totally get this and your so right. Life is weird.
Sometimes I get this thing where you know when you look at the sky for too long and then you come into the house and it's all dark and weird? I remember becoming aware or "waking up" as I've dubbed it when I've had conversations with someone and completely forgot I was in that moment. When I do wake up my visions all dark like that. It also feels like I've been sat there for ages and also only a few seconds at once. I used to have panic attacks a lot so I always thought it might've been a part of it lol. I'm just sat listening to this person talk while my brains working rapid fire to try and piece together what's been happening in the past minute.
GOD this is SO real!!! i started feeling the effects of derealization/depersonalization in 6th grade, then it got worse and worse in high school to the point of not knowing what was wrong with me or how to fix it. i got tested for eyesight problems, for sleep problems, for seizures, etc because i couldn't even figure out how to describe what was wrong with me! i remember when dodie posted about depersonalization for the first time i started crying because i finally figured out what the fuck was wrong with me. and every time you talk about it i feel further validated. having a ceiling on the highs of my life, panicking when it gets worse which just fuels the cycle, finding ways to forget about it, feeling worse on vacation because it's an unfamiliar space and because i'm trying extra hard to enjoy my life.....i relate SO much to all of this!! thank you for putting a voice to p much exactly how i feel. and the way that covid relates to all of it is also so very real. thank you thank you thank you & i love this so much
It wasn’t really until your video you made about depersonalization/de realization that I realized how I felt and experienced things wasn’t the norm. Like there’s a veil between me and the world, or I’m dreaming when I’m supposed to be awake. I went to so many eye doctors by I thought I was going blind but every time they always said I was fine aside from just needing glasses. But I never wanted to believe them, because if everything was fine then why did I feel like I couldn’t see properly or my brain wasn’t registering it? The video you made resonated with me but I brushed it off because I didn’t want to self diagnose or claim that I experienced that when so many other people probably had it worse and I was just being pathetic. I remember experiencing that feeling beginning when I was about 10 (I’m 22 now) and I thought that everyone felt like that. Thank you for being open about this, it’s extremely comforting to know that I’m not alone in this. I moved to a new city right when things started getting super crazy, so that was a massive anxiety inducing change of being outside of my comfort zone as well as not being able to see people or leave the house, i spent about two whole months feeling like I didn’t really exist or I couldn’t tell what time it was, what day, and it was scary. I’m a little better now, but again, thank you for doing what you do, your videos bring me so much comfort and I’m so thankful that you have talked about this and been so open. Sorry for the long post ❤️❤️
I can't remember if I've been like this since I was young, or if I've only been like this for a shorter period of time than that, but I just can't remember what I felt like beforehand because it has been so long. I'm currently almost 22 and I think the most likely answer is that I first started experiencing DPDR both during and shortly after panic/anxiety attacks when I was 6. Then somewhere in the next 10 years, it started to become a persistent state of my everyday life in which I can't now remember what it's like not to feel the symptoms of DPDR.
It's been debilitating at times, caused me to question my own reality, sometimes I can ignore it enough to enjoy moments, and most of the time it's just there as a casual state of my mind that I grudgingly accept even though I don't want to. A lot of times it feels as if I've been thrust into the wrong reality and only have loosely familiar memories of my past life. On a daily basis, it feels like my real self is trapped behind a thick wall of glass, floating around in a void and desensitized from everything both outside of myself and inside myself. Then something else, my autopilot of some sort, is what controls my daily actions, only sometimes trying to communicate with the person behind the glass. Obviously, I know none of those things are true, but they're the best metaphorical explanations I have for this.
I've never had a name for it until this year and now that I do I hope I can start some more rapid progress towards hopefully someday not feeling like this anymore, but it's still something I'm slightly pessimistic about because I also have other conditions that make it difficult to stick to routines and have enough energy to make general progress in my life: ADHD, severe depression, severe anxiety, and POTS (postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome). The biggest struggle has been identifying what exactly caused DPDR so I can best know the treatment I need.
My current theory is that it could have been caused by either having a severe anxiety disorder, possible extreme brain fog from POTS, or childhood trauma. Another issue for me that makes it difficult in terms of recovery is that I don't remember much of my childhood or feel connected to the memories I do have, so I can't definitively say what could have caused DPDR. It may not be necessary for the treatment of DPDR, but it's definitely painfully confusing to be experiencing this and not have a real answer as to why it started. I've seen everywhere online that it is possible to recover, but just like you said, I'm finding that it's so far not happening in my favor so I've kind of learned to just live with it. I really hope though that more research can be done about this and that everyone dealing with this, especially for long periods of time, can eventually recover because I believe it's possible.
I can’t tell if it’s just depression causing me to not remember really much of this year, even pre COVID, or if it’s DP/DR especially because I had never even heard of it until right now. But either way, I’m glad to be made aware of it,
I wasn't expecting to get a hilarious and 100% accurate cover of a song my parents play frequently but I don't know the name of, but I am grateful for it
omg I feel exactly like this and all but I always feel like I’m making it up and don’t wanna get called out for “seeking attention” like, it totally gives me anxiety but it also just makes things really frustrating. Like, I’m really just trying put things together and be a person but it’s hella hard. It’s always just here and I haven’t been present since like before the pandemic and I’m so hella scared about it not being better ever again and the pandemic has REALLY just made my shit dissociate so much it’s more often than not that I’m here
sorry everyone just kinda wanted to vent lol have a neat day everyone
Hi! First symptom of my depression was depersonalisation and omg, the ups and downs bars make so much sense cause, since I was beginning to sink looow in a depressive episode (I had some other shit going on besides it, it felt like my head was the world's worst smoothie) and was depersonalized all the time, I could feel much shittier than I ever had before, and I also couldnt real happiness. It sucked. And I was only 15 so like, all my memories before were of a child's happiness, you know? I didn't know how teenagers and grown up people felt happy, so I just didn't know what happiness really felt like if it's not cause by an amusement park or yogurt candy. I'm better now, I almost never feel depersonalized, but depression still kicks my functionality (which is already not that good) down. But you know, it sucks, I know it sucks, but somehow it felt also like superpower, in the sense that "you can't really hurt me sweetheart, I'm already dead inside and feel no connection to reality whatsoever". If there can be a silver lining to something like that.
This really gives me such a good way of explaining what I feel to people. Before COVID started I used to have sorta bouts of derealization but after COVID has happened it’s pretty much just never stopping and it makes me feel like I’m trying to swim in maple syrup just trying to deal with it all the time.
I felt the exact same for a long time. It felt like nothing would help my symptoms. The only thing that’s helped has been ‘parts theory’ and understanding structural dissociation
On a good day, I'm maybe 90% alive 90% of the day. On a bad day, nothing is real and I lose time and forget where I am and don't eat. Today I was maybe 80% alive - got a single food in my body, but only one, did an exam, but nothing else. It's an accomplishment nonetheless.
Hey, until I heard you talking about your depersonalization I had no idea what was up with my brain. I get those good good robot feelings quite often, and don't feel like I'm a real person with actual emotions. It was really nice to know that what I was experiencing was real and an actual thing.... Anyway, thought I would share.
im constantly disassociating and parts of me like it because its how i cope and am able to function day to day, but its hard when you cant remember a thing youve done and you feel like youre just drifting through life blindly, empty
i want to be able to tell my story through a youtube video or podcast but i can hardly even keep a conversation going because of it now and embarrassing to never finish a convo with someone because my brain simply shuts off
I feel you so much, I developed derealization from smoking too much/bad weed (I honestly don't exactly know), it was only a couple of months for me, but the scariest thing I have ever experienced. I send you my love!
I have moments of depersonalisation and some days where it goes on all day. And my god it sucks. I cannot imagine living through it 24/7 and I hope that I never have to. So I send all the love to anyone who experiences it. And thank you Dodie for talking about it❤️
I heard someone explain DPDR really well. They said "Our brains get so overwhelmed that they revert to a survival state. Managing the brains resources to only the basic needs and survival." Basically said our brains are coping with the overwhelm and stress by disengaging from certain thoughts and feelings that are not necessary for us to stay alive.
I remember watching your first video about depersonalization so long ago because i want younger and thought "whoa that's crazy!" Then starting November 2019 after a really bad weed trip till like march I started experiencing a heaving dissociation episode without knowing. It just felt like I was high all the time, and numb as hell. I slowly started seeing and following more and more instagram therapist pages and realized what was actually happening to me. And now it's just my normal. I realized something was wrong when I was being talked to by administration about my academic problems and feeling absolutely no remorse in a situation where my anxiety would be so high. I think that my anxiety had gotten so bad that my body had to save me from myself. I'm really thankful to have prior knowledge about this from seeing your video so long ago, it made me feel less lonely.
its so funny to realize that actually we all are struggling in this quarantine. In my case my social anxiety gets worst every day even doing therapy and I feel so useless and hopeless rn but seeing that other people are also not ok and it's totally fine actually makes me not that much helpless
So grateful for dodie talking about this, I first ever had depersonalisation when I was about 12, and now it's been constant for like 3 years straight. So sick of it. Actually going to a therapist for the first time on Friday
said it again and i'll say it again, these last letters were all to do with "problem" so we still know nothing more than "_ U _ _ D A PROBLEM", with an additional B in that first word! probably build :)
I think that the U is the first letter. The B is definitely the third letter in the first word tho. If you look at the video, there were 2 spaces on both sides of the B. Maybe I'm wrong
Why are you so sure that the U is the second letter ? In the video with the U you don't see any lines before the U so you cant tell if its the first, second or third letter
@mikaelpa if you zoom in and compare the line to the lines in the first video it is clearly the second line that she writes the U on. there are 2 instances of the B and she said she threw us off with the second B because people were saying all kinds of weird things. but she also said she didn't knit a second B for nothing so there are definitely two Bs in the phrase so it has to be in the first word, but the location is not verified because the line she drew it on both times was the middle of the third word but that's obviously not possible
I've fallen back into my derealization since the pandemic, probably because my brain uses it as a coping mechanism for stress. It makes it extremely hard to focus on my classes, especially now that they're online :/. It sucks because I used to be an amazing student and now I can't get my shit together.
I've had DP/DR symptoms on and off for about 3 years. It started alongside panic attacks and dissociative seizures (yes seizures!) in response to a major bout of depression. But things were starting to get better and I wasn't experiencing DP/DR much anymore. After COVID hit, I remember going out for a walk in April to the chip shop along the road when everyone was still unsure of just how scary the virus was going to get and there were no people around outside and even just going to buy chips and exchange money with another human felt like a dangerous act. I felt this familiar feeling of dreamlike... off-ness as I walked down the street and I couldn't work out if it was the DP/DR starting up again or if things were really just so new and odd for us all and my head was just taking it all in. And I still get flashes of it and have the same thought process each time. Anyway, thanks for this video as you put some of my vague feelings into words!
I experience the same thing. Before it was for moments, but this year I feel it really settled in and won't leave, but I am trying to be okay with it and it's so nice to know I am not crazy and other people feel it to, so thank you for this and for being you also.
I used to get dissociated a lot, emdr trauma therapy helped me and now its much better/less common for me. Its a bit ironic but I find your music SO GROUDING, wish it it helped you as much as it does me!
You talking about depersonalization in a video years ago is what sort of sort of diagnosed it in me. It’s a scary thing to feel and experience while not knowing what it actually is, like oh lord oh no but then hearing you talk about it was something that really helped. So thank you Dodie <3
The more and more I come to terms with my mental health disorders on my own, the more often I get bouts of dissociation... And as weird as it sounds I sometimes flashback to all the times dissociation has disillusioned me to all the happy times in my life, birthdays, major milestones, life lessons, etc, and I get really depressed about it. I 100% empathize with Dodie’s description that it just feels less than what I see other people get to experience in their lives. I’m struggling to come to terms with the fact that I’ll never get those times back, and I’ll never fully be able to be as happy as everyone around me, and that my brain is blocking me from truly feeling all the emotions I should be able to as a human being on this planet. It’s a hard pill to swallow. I get comfort in Dodie’s music because it feels grounding when my metaphorical feet hover above the ground... hopefully one day I can get to where she’s at now, accepting, and coping, without the absence of hoping one day soon it will get better.
I have derealization and I feel exactly the same way. In fact, for me, nothing feels like it's changed. Life is still the same albeit with Covid hanging around now. It feels like everyone else has been forced to be on my level!
It seems like we're sort of in opposite situations. I spent my childhood/adolescence dissociated but didn't realize it. It's only now that I feel fully alive that I realize how stunted I was before. It makes feeling alive really scary. I'm afraid to feel, afraid to succeed, afraid of so much because before, it just...wasn't an option. Now it feels like there's so much variability, it scares me. But it's also good, I know that. Gratitude. I'm grateful to be able to feel more, even if it's scary.
It's almost such a relief to hear someone else describe my exact experience and I've honestly never heard anyone describe it so well. Thank you for making us all feel less alone and I hope that you can feel less alone as a result of that too <3 (I'm actually mostly recovered from it now, if I can say that? I still get little bouts of it here and there but it's no longer a constant world that I'm living in. There is hope for us all, though I know it can seem an unending thing. For me, it was a year and a half of trauma therapy, but it is a different path for everyone. No matter how long it takes your brain, remember that self-compassion is everything. You have survived so much, I'm literally so damn proud of all of you. Keep going <3)
Watching your first video about your experience of derealisation etc made me realise that it was some form of depersonalisation that I'd been experiencing for the entirety of my teenage years. It always felt like I was watching the world - and especially my friends and family - from behind a slightly foggy glass wall that I couldn't ever cross through to get truly close to people. The only thing in focus was myself and it felt SO isolating, like I could never truly feel to the extent that other people felt. While gaining more confidence and independence at uni, somehow, miraculously, over time it shrank to almost nothing. It pops up now and again but like you, I have the experience, tools and confidence to deal with it. I don't have the answer for how to make it fully go away, but I'm praying it goes away as much for you as it has for me. Thank you so much for talking about it ❤❤
When I first saw your video on depersonalisation I cried. And cried and cried. Because no one had ever put it into words before. This feeling or lack of feeling, that completely came out of left field for me, that was so sudden and permeating, made me feel confused and ashamed. It was so strange and bizarre and seemingly small that I had no idea how to begin to formulate an explanation for it. I felt alone. Much like in your case it was brought about by a traumatic situation, (or several, stacked in a trench coat) but one that was still ongoing. I felt like everyone else had been impacted so much worse than I, and yet I was the only one responding in this way, so dramatically.
I can't describe the level of sheer relief I felt in knowing that there were other people out there, like me, that I wasn't strange or abnormal. Just. Struggling. And that was okay.
"That's okay. Because it has to be." Really summarises a lot of feelings and experiences I've had over the past couple of years. Honestly, it's been shit. But there were and are bright spots. And your content has always been one of those bright spots for me. I've watched you for,, i don't even know how many years now, but watching your development as a person, understanding their boundaries and themselves, has really helped me come to terms with my own. I could spend days writing out all the ways your music and videos have helped me, so I'll stop now. But. I guess I wanted to say you've made an impact. A good one. On SO many people. You still constantly make me cry from how seen your videos and statements make me feel. And just. Not alone. In your music, in this community, I know, no matter what I'm going through, I'm not alone. That someone else has been through it, and made it to the other side. That I can too.
I disassociated so hard today that I needed up driving around in a circle for 20 minutes without realizing. The whole world feels fuzzy. I can remember being in my body but I feel like it will never happen again. Today has been hard. Thank you for making videos about your problems. They don’t make me feel better but they make me feel less alone. The only thing that helps me feel a little like me is having friends who will sit in silence with me. And baths. Ugh.
I went through a period of DR for a few months in 2016 and it lowkey actually was one of the worst phases of my life. Being awake was torture cos i was convinced nothing existed. I thought id be stuck in it forever but i managed to get out of it somehow, but im forever terrified I’ll get stuck in it again
Hi Dodie I have Depersonalization when my life is all over the place or at least that's when I notice it more. So ye corona made it a bit harder to deal with but it's okay 😊. Your vids help me alot in not feeling alone ❤️ so thanks dodie keeping doing what you are doing and so will I 🌻☀️🥰❤️🍂🍂🎃🤗😽😽
I'm not even sure what to say, I know that no one is even going to see this, but I just have to say; thank you, dodie. just knowing that there is someone who understands what I feel, and talks about it even if it's hard to describe, helps me feel better.
When I first started dissociating chronically it freaked me the fuck out. I was used to being so emotional and feelings EVERYTHING so fully and then it was like all the oxygen was sucked out of my fire. Now, 4 years later of pretty much solid dissociating, I am way more comfortable with it. I was so stressed about my dissociation making my interactions somehow ingenuine, but now I know this is my brain's preferred method of dealing with my PTSD and thats just how it is. I know I've still got a flame even if its small, and I do the best I can to feed it and prevent it from being entirely snuffed out. We got this, dissociation gang!
Depersonalization is something that always brings me dread to talk about, except when I hear your POV. You were the person who made me realize my condition. None of my friends ever know what to say, but hearing you talk about it feels like the acknowledgment I’ve never gotten. Hell, even my doctor thought I was making it up. Thanks for being so open all these years, you’ve helped me come to terms with not only my mental health, but also my sexuality and love for ukulele hah!
Thanks Dodie! Also does anyone know of a support group/ channel, where people with dpd can get together and talk about their situation? I have the feeling mine gets better, when I see people talking about theirs too! Im open for any help or also would build a new group for exchanging experiences with derealisation :)
Literally thank you so much for talking about this nobody ever does and I feel like I’m some weird alien who just feels spacey and nobody understands it or gets it?? Also like could you make a video about how you deal with it because sometimes it just gets too much for me to handle
I remember dodie first talking about dpd which helped me realise that I wasnt going insane It sucks that I'm here years later without any help with dpd :( (diagnosed)
I've had derealisation since almost 25 years now and it never went away. I first got it during a 6 months stay in England (I'm Swiss) as an exchange student. Now I'm 42 years old and still got it. Can’t believe it’s been more than half of my life. In the beginning it was the strange vision that bothered me the most. Made me feel so distanced from everything. Nowadays I can lead a normal and quite happy life, although I still feel restricted by it and I'd take back my former condition any time. I'm still trying to improve it, but if it stays like this forever, I can live with it. It’s not resignation, that I’m feeling, I’ve just learnt to cope with it and I’m glad I did. Now please don’t get me wrong. I don’t want to sound pessimistic and I don‘t want to take away your hopes. I‘m not telling you it‘ll never go away, I‘m just describing my own situation. I certainly hope you‘ll get rid of it eventually. I have so much respect for how you deal with it. So please go on doing wonderful music and being the heartful, gentle, humorous, ingenious (I could go on...😉) person, that you are. I wish you all the best!
Wow! Didn't know about depersonalisation, but I liked how you explained it so well. As a fellow musician I especially enjoyed the "limiter"-parable. Stay safe Dodie, love your music! :)
I had that thing for years and then suddenly, around a year ago, I think? I just, stopped feeling like I was dreaming and everything was fake? I realized slowly that I was actually living again, and now I rarely feel it again. I relate so much to everything you said, but I'm so thankful I don't feel that "barrier" as much as before ☺️ I hope everyone will get there too
Hey dodie... I got the coronavirus, no joke :( and i deal with depersonalization since almost 4 years now... I wonder how this will affect my dpdr... It feels good to hear someone who is experiencing more or less the same as me... I also went to 7 different therapists, 3 different doctors and 2 different psychologists. Even to buddhist monks 😂🤦♂️ and i really feel ya when u said it's better to learn to live with these new highs and lows... But now that i have covid my dpdr is not really important to me. I just want to survive this more or less healthy. :( it feels so strange. You never think u have such bad luck to be in the 1% that get the coronavirus but tbh i also never thought i would be in the 1% that get dpdr either... And getting both those things is like 1:10000 percent possibility... But like i allways use to say, the possibility to experience nothing unlikely to happen in your life is not really big 🤔 however when i get over this i swear to god i will become a youtuber no matter what. I think so much about this and never had the guts to do it...
i could type such a long comment of appreciation but thank you for your vulnerability is what im going to leave it at. thank you for making me feel like there are other people that struggle with the things that i do.
I recently just got diagnosed with anxiety and depression and I also experience depersonalisation sometimes it’s very scary. I’m currently on sertraline to try and help me be happy again however the side affects are horrible in my experience however I know I need to keep trying because it’s the only way we will all get through this.
Thanks for talking about this Dodie. I'm 47yrs old and have experienced bouts of derealization and depersonalization to some degree since childhood. I wasn't diagnosed until around age 43 and until I saw your video where you talked about it I didn't know of a single other person who experienced life like I do. I can think back on periods of my life that feel so alive and real, those times are like tiny little tastes of sweetness or tartness on the tip of the tongue that I just crave for more. Then there are huge periods of time that to look back on is like trying to remember an old TV show. I know it happened but the sound is weird, the colors are wrong, everything is fuzzy and vague. It's like there is cotton in my head muffling all my experiences. Anyways thank you for talking about your experiences with this condition.
So much of what you’ve said about dpd, i feel so deeply but for chronic pain. It still resonates, & I’m very grateful for you putting this into words 💙
This spaced out gal wants to thank you for speaking about dpdr! It’s been around ten years for me now (I think) and when you started talking about it years ago it was the first time I could stick a name on what was happening. It allowed me to figure out what (probably) caused it and although I am yet to go to therapy for it, it has been an immense comfort just to know what the beast looks like. For me, it’s at a constant base level with flares, but just knowing its shape has made it infinitely easier to deal with. So thank you ❤️
Julia Thomason2020-10-20 03:15:22 (edited 2020-10-20 03:16:15 )
Hi. I've kinda always just been a passive fan of everything I enjoy when I'm on the internet, but you said you like when people reach out, so I think I will this time. I'm one of those people who experience derealisation/depersonalization in bouts. The earliest one I can remember was probably around the age of 8 or 9, but they've gotten much more frequent over the years. I never knew exactly what it was, but it freaked the crap outta me, so I absolutely can't imagine experiencing it 24/7. Props to you for accomplishing everything you have while dealing with that 'cause frankly, that sounds terriyfing. Your earlier videos where you first talked about it were the first time I had a name to put to it, and it's always incredible to hear you describe to a tee this confusing thing that I've been experiencing and unable to explain. I've also struggled with depression and anxiety (they're all really interconnected, yeah?) and watching your videos and listening to your music has always been a form of comfort or distraction or a feeling of connection when I needed it. Thank you so much for continuing to put out content and perserving through your struggles, and I can't help but feel proud of how far you've come in the years I've been tuning in! :)
Hi dodie! You said that you appreciate real comments so here's one from me: I also struggle with derealisation, among depression and anxiety. However, I think it may have started with depression in my case - I honestly can't remember things being different anymore, all I know is that it used to be more episodic until it became constant. It got especially bad recently with extra stress but well, it is what it is and at least for once it's partially doing its job. Most importantly, even if we can't 100% feel it, we are still here, we are still looking ahead, and we are doing our best! P.S: Over time I thought of multiple analogies for this but I really like your bar reference - it's very accurate! DFTBA
I've had depersonalization when my anxiety and depression were at their worst. I remember just siting down for hours not remembering who I had talked to or how I got places. What helped me somewhat was stuffing something frozen into my clothes until I had to deal with how uncomfortable it was. But like everything, it's personal to me and everyone has different solutions.
All in saying is, I know it sucks, I know every new possible solution fills your heart with hope that turns into the bitterest of disappointment. But you (whoever is reading this) deserve to feel better, and you owe it to yourself to stick to therapy and keep trying out treatments because one day you'll make it.
Sending all my love and support to anyone who's struggling <3
Living Covid life with my chaotic, spastic brain, it was nice and calm just listening to you talk
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Andrei Schnittke2020-10-16 08:31:37 (edited 2020-10-16 08:35:49 )
You were the first person online that I've seen talk about this. When you put out your first videos on it i was soooo grateful. I've had derealization for a very long portion of my life. I had it for small streaks since I was in preschool. A lot of my childhood is really hard to remember because of that. I've had it none stop since I was 13. At one point I realized that it often reminds me of a really light version of acid. Or sometimes weed. So i kinda learned to utilize that at parties. Since I can't drink or smoke because meds, I just kinda let my self drift. I know it's fucked up. Like enjoying a disability. But also it sorta makes it easier to live with it. But bad trips are inevitable. And they happen a
I don't have it nearly as much as you, but I've been getting depersonalization/derealization episodes since I was a child and your videos are the first time I heard it be named. Tbf I haven't had it diagnosed but the feeling you describe is EXACTLY what I get
On the verge of tears here. I occasionally experience depersonalization as an anxiety/trauma symptom (except it doesn't feel like a relief in any way), and I never had words for it until you started talking about it a few years back. Covid has made it SO MUCH WORSE where time seems all wibbly wobbly like on Doctor Who. Everything is so close and so far and it's all moving so fast and crawling by. At least once a day I have to actively remind myself that this life is real. No one else in my life experiences this, and they think it means I'm hallucinating when I try to explain. Thank you for talking about it and making a little 70% alive community in the comments.
Okay, but since 2020 started (February or March) I started coping with my childhood trauma and holy shit depersonalization and dissociation hit me like a ton of fucking bricks. I can finally manage it enough to go to university but barely that. This video made me feel way less alone <3
I can get this way too when I get too stressed out. I remember last December Christmas shopping with my sister, she went to one store and I decided to go to another one and meet up with her later, but as I walked down the mall hallway passing stores, suddenly I felt very weird, like time was slowing down and the things around me were slipping away. I remember walking in a daze, everything around me looking and sounding blurry, like I was walking through a fog. I sat down and stared out at the food court in the back corner, eyes glazed over, feeling detached from everything and everyone around me. I've felt things similar to that time on and off, and today it hit me again in the grocery store. To me it kind of feels like existing on two planes or versions of reality, one in the physical present with people and objects around me, and another where I'm in a dark thick fog or floating underwater, and everything is muffled. I can't fully see, hear, feel or think clearly. It's kind of scary. Thank you for summing it up so well.
fuuuck man you visualized it in such a different way to how I'm feeling in a way that makes more sense. my dissociation has always been so bad. it sounds unhealthy but its actually been very relieving during quarantine to not feel as pressured to meet the same highs as everyone elses or what I know I could be capable of without the damn thing. if you couldnt tell, i constantly still struggle with accepting it because of how difficult it is to explain to people and have people understand how much it impacts day to day life when 90% of the day is in fact like being on automatic with fogged up glasses. quarantine made my life feel way more manageable because while others expectations of how quarantine has affected mental health, its starting to be more accepting in general of mental health conditions. the limitations covid gave so many people who i found were always care-free and productive feels relieving that they now have a taste of what it can be like for me when i get stuck and can't "snap out of it" but the fact that people are becoming more and more adaptable to ppls needs has made me hopeful.
I’ve had depersonalization/derealization ever since I can remember. I don’t remember what it feels like not to have it. I’m just glad that I know now I’m not alone (not glad you have it of course but you know what I mean). Sometimes I don’t mind it, sometimes I feel suffocated. I don’t know I guess it’s like I’m looking at the world through a telescope and like I only have peripheral vision. Like I can’t quite grasp what I’m seeing. Like I can’t quite step into my life completely things are just far away. It’s tough but it’ll get better at some point I hope! That’s all we can do is hope.
I have DPD as a symptom with my C-PTSD. I don't really know what it feels like to not be this way, it's been a part of me since I was very little. I'm also Autistic so I think and feel quite differently to the way lots of people seem to think and feel too. It fascinates me to see other people dealing with feelings and experiences which have been my normal for decades due to the way Covid has changed the way our world works here in the UK.
I've been shielding since the first week of March and will remain so until there is a safe vaccine I can take, I have multiple chronic illnesses and autoimmune diseases which put me at very high risk. I guess this is why I struggle to understand why it's so hard for other people, I have no choice but to live this way. I've been mostly housebound, Bedford much of that time, for over five years. It's difficult to not turn around to people, who have the chance of going back to some 'normal' or 'average' life in the future, and yell at them for being so selfish about not wearing masks and staying safe so everyone else makes it out alive, without long Covid, permanent new chronic illness, organ transplants needed or even stuck in a bed sick for the rest of their lives.
No one wants to join the ranks of the chronically sick, trust me. But so many people are willing to chance it for themselves, and for every person they come into contact with. No one so many of us with chronic mental illness are struggling.
its nice to see someone still talking about it. I feel like a lot of youtubers and influencers addressed covid in march and april, and then they just stopped talking about it. which I get. I tried to get out there and live a normal(ish) life, and my boyfriend got covid :( thank god his symptoms are pretty mild and he's getting through it, but that's what we get for trying to pretend this thing doesn't exist. I think now it's time for me to let go and accept it for what it is. so thank you
The combination of DR and ADHD in quarantine (and always) is just... AAAAHHH
It's like one part of my brain is like "I need stimulation!" and the other part is like "nothing is stimulating ever!" and then the one part goes "all the details of life are too sharp!" and the other goes "no, it's all just fog!". I feel like I'm dizzily swaying through a cloud all the time.
dodie, you were actually the first person I ever heard speak about depersonalization, and I'm so grateful for that because years later when I began to struggle with it for the first time, I had to word to call it and a way to describe my feelings thanks to all of your videos -- I don't know if I'll ever be able to thank you enough for that.
honestly this is so helpful to help process. like just hearing it all from someone else. due to beiung high risk and living in student halls i spent months alone and that has brought back everything (mental health wise) i have been working on so hard to overcome. just hearing that yeah this is just like that and everyone is feeling it from someone that dosnt try to convince me weekly everything is fine is nice.
hopefully dodie, or anyone feeling similarly, will see this and feel less alone in your endeavors of depersonalization.
i wouldn't consider myself as diagnosed with depersonalization, nor would i say it is a huge issue in my life. but i do experience it in times of heightened stress or when i'm feeling more depressed than usual that day. i hope i will never feel like that all the time, bc i know how it feels to have it for a few minutes or an hour, and it's pretty shitty. i would just like anyone reading this to know that i understand. (maybe not fully,) but i do understand how you are feeling, and you are not alone.
OMG Dodie you startled me when you sang Lovin You - firstly because I am currently practicing it with my singing teacher and secondly because of that scream at the end 😂😂😂💗💗💗 I love this song so much and hearing it from you makes me soooo happy PS: I can sing that High note btw 😅)
I wish I could word everything I wanted to say, but I'm far too rambly for that and so you'd end up with an essay that would make absolutely 0 sense because I'm just so, so filled with gratitude for you and the community you've made and god, I will never be able to show how much I appreciate your being in this world, but I'm just so glad that you're here and I'm here to experience this
Hi I really think I have depersonalization from multiple videos I found but my mom does not believe me so I wanted to let you know you are not alone I love you ❤️
For my post-grad, I wrote an essay about the link between attachment styles and dissociation! It showed that insecure attachment styles, specifically disorganised attachment where childhood was hectic and parental figures were unstable, can often lead to dissociation. I think it's more about momentary dissociation (not being there for a moment) than of chronic dissociation, but just commenting in case that's of any interest :)
i get the whole thing abt depersonalization/derealization coming from other mental illnesses...i’ve been struggling w ana for about 2 years now and ever since that starting life has never felt the same. i’m never in reality. i’m never me. so thank you for being open abt this dodie
I have never been diagnosed with anything... I’ve never even seen any type of mental health professional... but what you described is how I’ve been feeling for years... it’s so strange. I would try to explain how I was feeling to others and they wouldn’t understand. I felt so alone and honestly crazy. It made me feel like maybe what I was feeling wasn’t really what I was experiencing or maybe I’m just dramatic. But what you described is what I feel all the time. I feel like everything isn’t really here. Like I’m not really here. I want to feel alive and “icy” but I just can’t and I don’t know why. I don’t feel present or rooted. I feel like I’m dreaming but not in the good way. I don’t know if I have what you have but it feels good knowing that I’m not alone in feeling this way. Thank you.
At the beginning of covid, you sit around wondering what to do now. 7 months in there's still as much covid, but now you crochet. People say it gets better, but even if it doesn't, your ability to deal with it can. I don't have the depersonalization though, just the depression, although electroconvulsive therapy was my next treatment before I gave all that up, so maybe it's similar.
dodie i am so so glad you take the time to explain and talk about your experiences with derealization/depersonalization-- i've struggled with it as well for about 6 years now and seeing that first video you posted awhile back (the one abt feeling like you're dreaming) brought me a lot of comfort during a time i didn't have a grasp on what was happening with me and why i suddenly felt like i was 'underwater all the time'. the ways you verbalize the experience and try to find the upsides have continued to help me over the years and i'm just so grateful for that. thank you, and you're right- we will be okay.
You can feel normal again, or regain amounts of normalcy. It's going to be ok :) Jordan Hardgrave is a trauma therapist with a youtube channel and online course. It's helped me immensely in understanding what I was feeling exactly, and how to relax and live life to where traumatic triggers would slowly be desensitized through exposure.
shit man! i remember watching ur vid about depersonalisation a couple years ago not knowing anything about it and trying to imagine what it'd be like to experience myself, and now i have it and its such a real thing. i didn't know what it was for a while and was 15 when it started and i was so fucking confuused! and you talking about it was one of the main things that made me start thinking more ab it and decide to reach out n talk to a professional about it because i listen to you and its like you're taking words out my mouth. i'd been told by people that it wasn't real, and i started to believe it and think i was making it up or it wasn't a real enough feeling so listening to u rlly helped legitimise it. the way you said "i feel 70% alive" makes so much sense to me. it doesn't suck any less to feel like u r dreaming all the time and have 0 control over it, but listening to people who experience it definitely helps to navigate it a bit more n just makes it feel like a bit less lonely and a bit more hopeful :,) love u! <3
Im genuinely feeling so wild right now because you explained how I've felt for so long perfectly but i could never put it into words!!?!? holy shit!?! thank you. other people understand????????????????
Derealisation is a part of my and (coincidentally?) my sister's life as well. Sometimes I feel like I'm a pillowcase - sitting on the couch, empty inside, just staring in the distance. On other days I just do my daily activities, I notice it is there but try to shift my focus, refuse to let it take over. However, better moments do occur. Whilst riding my bike, feeling the wind on my eyes and skin, reality seems almost within reach and the derealisation vanished - albeit for a moment.
It sounds like you're more in tune with reality than most of us. I'm fascinated by the subject of reality itself. I'm subscribing ....I want to know more.
I too have dpdr and just found out about you after listening to your music for so long I feel kinda dumb now lol. You summed up perfectly how it feels, and made me realize why the pandemic hit me so hard mentally
Hi dodie I realized I experience depersonalization a few months ago and it's cool to see someone else talk about it. I noticed during a conversation with my friends, when I described my experience of being alive and they told me that it's not actually normal. When the symptoms kick in, I feel removed from the world like being tired, even though I'm fully awake. My vision is clear, but the part of my brain that makes sense of it is fogged up. During conversations, I randomly dissociate and suddenly don't care about listening or saying things anymore.
I think it has something to do with the amount of time I spend on the internet instead of doing things. Over the years, I just forgot how to be somewhere, because on the internet, I'm always somewhere else.
My coping mechanisms therefore are to go outside without my phone. Singing and exercising are good, they force me to be very in touch with my body. I'm still not sure whether mediation helps or makes things worse.
I managed somehow to get out of severe DPDR, now my symptoms accrue very rarely and I can feel them coming up before, so I don't let myself go into a panic and then it wears off. But when I was fully experiencing it, it was the hardest and most unpleasant year of my life. For me what was helpful was dealing with my trauma and avoiding triggers, which for me are shopping centres (because of the weird lights), conspiracy theories and thinking too abstractly, since it can get me to spiral.
Also sometimes when I'm reading about DPDR, the symptoms can start coming up, so I don't look into that stuff anymore.
Grounding is super important for me, which means working with my body but not meditation because it can trigger it.
So not overthinking and learning how to not let panic and anxiety take over me is the key right now. Sending hugs
I have dpdr since 4 years, in 2019 I was kinda better (I don't remember well) but with covid everything go wrong again, so yep here we are, in 2021 hopping that the time don't go faster and can live my life again.
The way you described how you feel is what I feel too. Sometimes I just give in and space out. Let myself fall into the void where I don’t think or feel anything and just let time pass. Sometimes for hours. It’s like a warm fuzziness that’s clouds my vision and brain. Somewhere between consciousness and unconscious. I guess it’s kinda a coping mechanism for me to not deal with stuff that’s going on and to let go of the stress for a while. It’s not good when my mind starts to wander when I’m in the middle of an important conversation with my boyfriend. And I have to respond but don’t really know what to say.
You described me perfectly, Dodie! Who knows how many things I have! lol ... The only officially diagnosed thing I have for now is RA (and that is something i will have forever), but I have anxiety and depression as well. And I'm convinced for a long long time that I have Asperger syndrome! I'm sure of that. But I never seeked professional help with this, because it's not curable anyway, I guess. That is something I have all my life and I can deal with that somewhat. It didn't affect my study results (I got a PhD), but it affected everything else (for example : job hunting - that is killing me lol). On the other hand, I was thinking, that depersonalisation could help a musician perform fantastically on stage before a big audience or crowd ...!!! A person could just imagine no one is there and play the best without anxiety at all. Performing greatly on stage in front of a big audience is a rare gift. And you are gifted!!! You're fantastic! You're so talented! Btw. I'm not from the UK! lol (but from other country in the EU)
Haven’t been diagnosed yet but I’m pretty sure I am experiencing this. It happens more when I’m talking to authoritative figures and people in general. I do have several disorders
I was diagnosed with depersonalization/derealization 3 years ago and have been trying to live with it for many many more years than that because I was too afraid that people would think I am crazy for the way that I feel, so I never brought it up to anyone. I am glad that I have now though. I also have an anxiety disorder and a panic disorder and that usually gets way worse when I have a depersonalization/derealization episode which could last 1 hour or a week. Mine comes and goes. Watching your videos and listening to your songs have been a great help and it makes me feel so much better knowing that I am not alone even though I wish no one felt the way I do because it does suck. Thanks Dodie!
when you said "take what you can get" at 6:01, that reminded me of your lyric "i'll take what i can get" in "when," and tbh i've listened to "when" so many times during quarantine/sheltering-in-place (which is still happening shoutout to america lolll)
I also got this after trauma, it's pretty distracting when you're walking outside especially. It's a pretty lonely condition because it makes you feel detached. I have basically learned to float with the feelings instead of trying to fight them because I've accepted that there's currently nothing that can be done about it. However i remain hopeful that one day there will be a cure for this, i have heard of an experimental treatment where they shock your brain to wake up some neurons or something like that which seems promising.
When I learned to accept my condition and "let it flow" (which is not so obvious and superficial as it may seem) it got waay better. But yeah, I'm always a little nostalgic of what things felt like before everything. I kinda miss me. Sometimes I also remember a nice (cheesy?) thing an old professor of mine used to say in class : "be careful of your depression, 'cause you're in danger of becoming an artist". Whether true or not I guess one should try to make the best out of everything.
I tried to explain this to my old therapist and she responded “that’s just what it’s like being human and to be aware of how little sense it all makes.” I wonder about that still.
God thank you so much for this. If you want a book that helps wrap your head around this topic is The Body Keeps The Score. It makes me feel a little bit more sane.
COVID has made my DPD experience 10 times worse. I was actually able to put a name to this thing I go through every day, but the symptoms got worse. The depression got worse. I’m slowly learning how to cope. I broke down sobbing at work in the midst of an “episode” (mine is constant, but definitely worse than others. Like when she mentions “indulging in it”. I call those “episodes”) and then cried in my managers arms. Some days are easier. It’s finding those coping mechanisms, not looking at myself for too long in a mirror, and distracting myself as much as possible. And it’s horrible.
I have had dpdr for as long as I can recall. Didn't realize I had it until last year after I did a deeper study into psychiatry for my psychology book I'm writing. So much disassociation that until about 3-4 years ago I could hardly taste food. Like 15-20% of taste at best.
According to modern psychology, I have an unorthodox treatment for dpdr which has had great results for myself. I hope someday this information gets to you.
you really hit the nail on the head when you were comparing covid times to dpdr. i have these weird moments of "i'm fine" while simultaneously feeling like something is wrong, or bad, but it's far, or fuzzy. like something's just wrong, something's shifted and i can't tell what, but it doesn't feel right. trying to describe dpdr makes me sound even crazier than i feel lol but thank u for this vid
I feel Derealization very often, and like you said it becomes easier to not notice. I get depersonalization on bad days and its hard not having the same vivid view of everything. Youre not alone dodie, or whoever is also reading this. Drink some water and breathe 💛
for me my dissociation seems to cause my panic attacks, a big turning point for me is switching my thinking from "I need this to end" "I will get cured and never feel this way again" to accepting that this is something that will always be a part of me and I should work with it rather than against it. still sucks a lot though i've been in this spacey state for around 9 years now casue of trauma but only had a name for it for 5. we're all in this together and your couple videos about dprp really made me feel like I wasn't alone. wising you the best as always
Hey! just saw your video with Kati! I learned that I deal with DT mainly and DP from time to time for wayyyy long time. So it's really nice to find someone else who has it :)
I totally relate to the "It's always there" feeling. I don't have DPD, but I have generalized anxiety (GAD) which never goes away. And it's weird to talk about it because when it's really bad, people can see it. The fear pulls harder on my chest or stomach. But when it's lesser, it's still there. It's always there, but you just can't see it.
<3333 you’re incredible for walking through life carrying something so heavy. I wish u peace <333
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Oli Jacobs2022-01-01 08:07:08 (edited 2022-01-01 08:16:42 )
this might be lost to the void, but I remember when you first posted about dpdr. it was the first time I'd ever heard of it, and I brought it up to my therapist quickly afterwards. it led to the biggest breakthrough I've had in therapy. I discovered my dissociative disorder actually runs pretty deep, and theres a lot of shit I've never had the language to deal with, because I thought most of it was normal. the feeling of not being able to see enough, or feel enough, or be present enough has been around my whole life, along with general fogginess and memory issues. I currently have the label DDNOS/OSDD, depending on who's doing the labeling. without your videos, and a few other resources, it would've taken me a while to pin down what was happening, so thanks for sharing, it has helped me infinitely.
Im pretty sure I've been disassociating and depersonalising for at least a few years now, but I'm also doubting myself and I hate talking about it with doctors because I feel like they don't take me seriously and just ahhhhhhhh
I feel like my depersonalization has if anything primed me for the surreal world of Covid. Also being physically disabled and having not left my house except for groceries/stocking up on things and having no friends. Really all around I feel guilty some times that this pandemic has been so hard on most people and I was primed for it almost 9 years ago so this doesn't feel all that crazy to me.
also that video you posted back in 2017 on DPD, i can’t even explain how much it saved me. you said that you scratch your palms and at the time when my DPD was at its worst, i tried this and it helped me ground myself almost every time i felt it coming. it has saved me so many panic attacks and general anxiety and helped me go a little out of my comfort zone because i know that there are ways i can deal with it. so just thank you so fucking much.
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cold lil moth2020-10-16 01:50:41 (edited 2020-10-16 01:51:09 )
Dodie I had no idea dp/dr existed before watching you and honestly, after getting a diagnosis it made a lot of sense. All your songs hit so hard, especially when. I swear I've gone off on countless rambles of analyzing it's lyrics to my friends. I feel like you just. Get it. I feel so seen and comforted when listening to your music and watching your videos. I can't thank you enough for sharing this part of your life with us 💖
Hi! I also dissociate (C-PTSD). For me, it feels like my life is just a show I'm watching and the most real times in my life are the ones when I'm most lonely/depressed, etc. Fun times! But yeah, I find your "it has to be comment" very true. I can get angry about it and freaked out about it but ultimately the best I can do is make myself comfortable, give myself the best life I can, and try to practice grounding myself. And ever since COVID, it's the same only even worse--it feels like I'm living my life through a screen except I really am. I'm trying to remind myself that people do exist in real life and that the world exists in real life. And trying to do things that remind me of my own body. Idk, I find physically focused things the most helpful I think.
I have hEDS and I can so relate, even though it's not the same. Like yes it hurts and it's uncomfortable when things dislocates, but I'm always in pain and sometimes it overflows me and sometimes I can handle it. It's the same type of pain and it's always there. It's okay because it has to be.
The best way I can describe it is that it feels like there is mesh layer or filter in front of your eyes so you can kind of see and feel but not completely and when your depersonalisation gets worse the filter changes into a more solid colour and then it feels like a wall separating ‘you’ from your body
I've had problems with denationalization when I'm anxious, sad or angry. I get a weird "buzzing" in my head. A year ago I had a panic attack, lost all of the feeling of the environment, the ground... I was feeling the car seat all the way to the new house... took me a day to get back up...
It sounds like a waking dream; when you're not quite all the way in sleep but you're definitely dreaming, yet you can also see the world around you. Which is one of my least favorite occurrences and if it's anything like that, I can only imagine how uncomfortable and unsure you are all the time. Endless love for you <3
You singing at the end actually made me finally feel really connected to somebody ~ because I was singing and 'dum dum dum' and 'EAAAEHHAHH' along with you! ^^
I am totally there with you! In the past, I have had to ask my husband almost daily, “Am I dreaming? Is this real life?” because it feels like a dream (I also suffer from VERY vivid dreams. Like I wake up and can tell you for 20 minutes all the details of my dreams EVERY MORNING. Yeah, the movie Inception. Most terrifying thing I’ve ever seen. Because that’s what it feels like to me). And just like Dodie mentioned, I will often do this as a response to panic, or instead of panicking. I will enter a nearly catatonic state where I can hear what is going on around me but can’t move or respond, other than maybe nodding or shaking my head and my husband has to slowly coax me out of it for 15 minutes and ends with him asking, “Are you back?” or him telling me, “Stay with me. It’s okay to be present”.
But you know what?? It gets better!! I’ve been in therapy for 5ish years now, I keep a therapy journal, I know my triggers and limits, and I RARELY have this happen anymore! I recognize that this isn’t the case for everyone, but it really can get better. I have a saying written above my bed on a post-it note that I read each night that says, “The emotions you are having right now, good or bad, will not last forever. They do not define you and are not indicative of how you will feel tomorrow”. Hang in there, friends! ❤️
Also, another comment: be willing to try techniques to help you feel present but recognize that not everything will work for everyone. For example, mediation of the type where you sit on the ground and focus on your breathing. Yeah. That didn’t work out for me. It will make me embrace the spaciness and enter so deeply in this openness that I would struggle to pull out of it and would have horrible migraines when I finished. So I had to adapt. Try something else. I’ve found just drinking water grounds me and helps keep me present. But don’t get discouraged if one thing doesn’t work for you when it seems to help other people. Be patient with yourself. My therapist taught me to tell myself, “Brain, you’re a slow learner, but I’m not going to give up on you”.
i remember holding my girlfriend’s hand (we’d been dating for like 8 months) and i went into a dissociative state and i felt like she was a complete stranger to me, like it felt like i had just met her a week before or something. and then i was like why am i holding this person’s hand? that feeling still comes and goes, but my girlfriend knows about it now and tells me “you’re safe.” and then it’s like a big wave of relief. still spacey, but it helps a little bit knowing my girlfriend is aware and that she can reassure me that i’m safe. i think it’s a result of my anxiety brain being like “dude what are you doing? remember when you were in that abusive relationship??? you’re gonna get hurt again.” and then my body just goes into what i like to call “ghost mode” 😂 love you, dodie :) thank you for talking about this
Dear miss Dodie, Thank you so much for this video (and other videos alike). Not only do they instill a sense of warmth and peace in me during this cold corona winter, you may also have helped me diagnose myself with this medical condition. I'm 19, and since i've been 16-ish I started noticing i felt less and less real, but i usually ignored it, because it never really bothered me, until i went to college. During this period of time i really started doubting reality, and whether i was real or if anything was real at all, and ive always thought that i was going crazy (or that the hardware of the matrix pod my áctual body was in was growing out of date xp). Especially during these lockdown times i felt specifically fake. Before summer i was doing relatively allright, because i was living towards the idea of everything being allright again, however now that the summer has ended, and i broke up with my girlfriend over the summer that fake feeling starts to get worse again... or maybe not worse, but i just notice it more.. Sorry if any of this is too much information, im just really glad to hear im not alone in this, and that im not going crazy. P.s. thank you for writing "she", it's one of my favourite songs in the whole wide world!
She describes it so well, better than I can when I'm trying to explain it to my friends and family. The shitty thing is, no one really understands it or they try and relate by saying "oh yeah I get days like that" when they forget its a constant thing for people who have it. Apositive I guess that came out of it for me is that I have a bit more confidence and less of a filter. I guess because I feel like I'm dreaming I think my brain thinks (to a certain extent) "oh well, doesnt matter if I say this, no real consequences.." I feel you Dodie, I have experienced all of this for 2 years now and still trying to accept its an ongoing thing indefinitely.. its ok to have down days. x
Have you heard of the lightning process? Its a really interesting course that dies t sound like should work but does. I don’t even know it it’s an option for depersonalisation but I used it for chronic pain and I have friends who have used it for chronic fatigue and depression. Maybe worth looking into? I’m so much healthier since doing it and have a far better quality of life now
I experience derealisation after my panic attacks, and it usually lasts for a few hours, a day max. When I was at my worst, having panic attacks every day, it was constantly there. I can't imagine how it feels like for you, experiencing this for 8 years straight, and I'm so thankful that you give me (and probably so many people) the feeling of not having to go through it alone. So that's what I want you to know as well: You're not alone in this! <3
I think I've experienced this properly twice in the past 20 days. It lasted between probably 8 hours to 2 days. But I'm not sure. It made me very anxious and afraid and I felt like I was dreaming or that nothing was real and I wanted to cry all the time and just ugh it was horrible. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this chronically.
I dissociate some times when I am experience symptoms of depression or extreme anxiety. And to me, it feels some times like I am high. Like there is a wall, a sheet, between me and the world.
I've only had a handful of depersonalisation/derealisation experiences that lasted a day or two, triggered by my anxiety. I can't imagine having it all the time. Thank you for showing it's possible to live with and for being such a beautiful wonderful soul 💕
DODIE 💖💖💖💖 Can't remember if I've commented this before but I wanted you to know that you are the person that introduced me to dissociation. I had been feeling.. like shit, to put it one way, for around two years and was just in constant mental turmoil trying to figure out what I was feeling and if it was even an issue or if it was just life. Then you posted the first video talking about your experience and I will never be able to describe that feeling of realizing you are not crazy and you are not alone. I cried and cried and it was the only thing I watched for a week. It's such a hard thing to describe but you do it so well even though it's different for everyone. For me personally I honestly am..like..so depersonalized I don't even know I'm depersonalized, you know? It's like when you have those come out of it a tad moments and all of a sudden I can SEE the wall in front of me and I'm like WOAH I forgot that I'm not actually seeing that normally! And like you said it makes me so upset that I just sink right back in and don't know how to crawl out. This all makes it hard to do therapy because how do you describe something you don't know you're feeling? So it took me a long time to seek help, but I am doing so now. And I feel like I've heard sooo many more people talk about dissociation in the past six months to a year and, in my world at least, it all started with you 💛 You're a queen, I'm sorry you feel this way, but I'm here with you. Thank you for being so instrumental in my mental health journey Love xx Jordan
one day I was talking to my boyfriend about how sometimes it's weird that we look in the mirror and suddenly realize we are a living breathing person and other people are real as well and we're alive and breathing and it feels weird to realize that almost like it makes it even less real? and he was like "yeah... I don't do that...". for most of my life I thought being spacey or feeling like I wasn't real, or forgetting about stuff cause it feels like I was in a dream was just something that everybody did. I am diagnosed with BPD but never got the diagnosis for depersonalization tho
YES! People I know are saying it still feels like march or time doesn't feel real, I'm like welcome to the club. It's kinda nice to not feel like the odd one out or the one with the weird brain tbh.
Hey! I don’t know if I went through a depersonalization thing, but I went through psychosis and feel all other the so many things that make up what it’s like to have mental illness. Also nice hand graphs btw
. the first video i've ever watched from Dodie was her derealization/depersonalization video. I was confused and scared and felt alone because nobody seemed to understand what I meant when I said i didn't feel real, like I was in a dream. So I turned to google. I watched a bunch of videos but Dodie's made me feel understood and like I wasn't alone. And that's when I started watching her videos. Its been a really long time, I forgot how long ago that was. It was the first time i felt like my mind wasn't foreign creature set on my demise. It was comforting, and helped me get through the beginning stages of realizing what was going on with me. I still don't know why I feel like this but at least I know that I'm not the only one. So, Thank you. Not only Dodie, but everyone here. Every comment that I read, everyone who feels like i do: thank you for existing. I don't think I'd feel so okay if you didn't.
The only things that helps my dissociations is to ground myself, there are acupressure points under your feet that you can press, as well as walking barefoot in grass or give yourself a foot massage (or have someone else do it). I’m bipolar type 2 but also very spiritual so from that perspective, I have an overactive third-eye chakra sometimes and there are great meditations on YT for that💕
ahhh I’ve been trying to explain this to my mom and my therapist, but I couldn’t put all the words together. I struggle with depersonalization and I completely understand what you’re saying. I keep waiting for everything to either “set in,” or be “normal” again. everything feels so weird and my “bouts” of dissociating come and go, but when I’m “back to normal” it still feels like I’m not here and nothing is real and everything is like a dream. I’m sorry, none of this probably made sense 😂
during times of stress and trauma, its more common for people to experience dissociation/depersonalization from time to time even if not affected by DPDR, so the pandemic probably has indeed probably been a big part of it!
@Abigail Lesniak I’ve been in a constant state of “disconnect” for a while now. Like... for example I genuinely don’t remember anything I’ve done all October which may seem vague but even after watching a video or writing something I don’t remember watching it. I constantly feel checked/spaced out all the time. Lol thx for replying and lowkey validating me I needed to know I’m not a crazy person 😂
@nutella 444_555 Yup! anytime :) these past few months have been incredibly strange and difficult, not to mention it's hard when things are so monotonous and there's nothing to do or remember(time feels weird, memories blur). Take care, and be gentle to yourself! But if this continues after things "get better" or go back to "normal", seek out some help if you can
I’m going through it right now , ever since Covid infection I got back but that came after my anxiety and I’m having Gi issues, I’ve always had it on and off , I won’t have it for 1 year and then I’ll get it for a month then hopefully it will go away. It sucks but I’m managing it as much as I can , the important thing is not to think or dwell on it
THIS. I've been so confused because I've experienced depersonalization on and off for about 2 years but ever since covid it's been way more constant. I just started talking about it and I'm so confused as to whether this is my brain or just my brain because of covid. :0
I’ve struggled with depersonalization for about... 6 years now. The last 5 years were awful. I honestly don’t notice it nearly as much now. It used to be 100% of the time. Now it’s maybe..... umm... I honestly don’t notice it that much anymore, but maybe because I don’t find it as upsetting. I just notice it without judgement and move on. Now it’s when I’m in large crowds, doing errands, or really overwhelmed or talking about ptsd triggers. So maybe.... 60% of the time? It used to make me so so so depressed, and I never believed it would get better. I thought one day the light would turn back on and it would completely vanish. But it’s been like a dial that’s turning and slowly getting back to where I used to be. So gradually that I didn’t notice it until just now. Wow. I wish I could have told myself this 6 years ago when I first got it.❤️
I have Maladaptive day dreaming which gets in the way with a lot of things but it also helps with my anxiety and depression. Maybe I day dream because of them but either way it helps more than it hurts.
Id never had any of those symptoms but I did notice the similarities during quarantine since I knew what depersonalization was. I keep thinking things that happened in August happened between February and May, it’s hard to get up out of bed and I almost feel that I’ve lost the ability to think. But I know it’s just lonesome here.
It's really comforting to see someone on as big of a platform as you talking about depersonalisation. Up until quarantine, I had no idea that it was a common thing and that I am not completely insane. I have had it for as long a I can remember. I don't feel like I'm alive the majority of the time and so I am never "in my body" or living in the moment. I feel like a character in a movie or someone else is living my life for me. But hey, I'm no longer alone. You are loved Dodie and you make everyone else feel loved. So... thank you! :)
In the summer time I had really bad derealization from consuming wAY too much thc in my body & I don’t have derealization like I used to have it but when I’m stressed , on my period, going through something or stressed I can feel derealizated not as extreme as the summer time though and quarantine doesn’t help but mines way better than it used to be I hope it gets better for you ❣️
i have never heard anyone else talk about depersonalization/derealization even after all of these years. i still have to explain it to people during every episode i have and its rly isolating. i cant express how comforting it is to hear someone else talk about it. its rly validating
I've never been officially diagnosed with CPTSD or Depersonalization, but during quarantine, after much self-examination and some memories revisiting me of past abuses I had forgotten about, I see it as likely that I have depersonalization in addition to the litany of other illnesses I have. I don't feel as much as I used to, or as strongly; it's like a callous on reality after someone pressed down too hard on the strings of my consciousness and everything's always dreamy. I feel, but less. But I'm also hypersensitive to physical sensation.
You are not alone, for certain. Gratitude is valuable, meditation is valuable. Fortunate for all, there are a million tools for it.
I dont have the chronic disease but I've been through many episodes during those covid times and I truly think you describe it perfectly. it feels like you've always been dreaming your life but you're only aware of it now and you still can't wake up so it's extremely unsettling, at least for me. hope you're doing better, I looooove your work and personality ♡
I explained depersonalization to my doctor as being in the twilight zone and she was like"O, that's called 'depersonalization, I'm gonna up your meds".
I’m just recently coming to the realisation that this is probably what I’ve been suffering from my entire life. I’ve been on depression medication for over 10 years, and just kind of assumed that was all that could be done. I go through most of my days feeling like a ghost, just barely visible. Enough to know I’m here, but not to really interact, contribute or really have any kind of impact. I sometimes get surprised when people talk to me because I forget I am actually there.
I’m 32, and I found out about depersonalisation yesterday. My entire life feels like it’s been put into some kind of context and it’s a strange feeling. Looks like there’s some work ahead of me yet!
im sorry if this makes you feel out of control but i really have to thank you. it was because of you that i had a name for what i felt. and, being a hypocondriac, that made it SO MUCH easier. i told my terapist that i might have it and they wete like "no no no you just anxious". then they did research and next week they were like "well, you have it". and if it wasnt your videos i might still be so scared and lost. thank you thank you thank you dodie. it changed my life. and also, good luck, its fucking hard
Your videos about depersonalization all have helped me so mcuh becausei have felt this before and when I felt it I was so freaking confused that what the hell is happening to me and I felt like I was In a dream and youre so brave for talking about this like literally no one else has ever spoken about this and I used to think I was the only one who has ever felt like that and you have helped me so so so so so much and I love you
i am pretty high on the dissociative scale and have been diagnosed with depersonalization and derealization and just thank you, this has put the feelings all into words so wonderfully. i've never had ways to describe it let alone someone really knowing how i feel and it's just nice to see someone else gets it. and thank you for being open about these experiences :) ♥ it's very appreciated:))
I’ve had depersonalisation for almost 5 years now and it can either be like I’m watching a dark movie scene with the lights on (I can barely see things but I still have a general idea of what’s happening) or I’m watching a scene where someone has been in the dark for a while and they’re going outside into a really bright world
I believe I have a form of depersonalization as well, but more so as part of the spectrum of my anxiety when it’s at its peak (based on what information I have). For me it’s been more sparse, fortunately, though it has gotten much worse as of late. But, I realized that it feels much like you’re in a video game simulation where you feel as if you are close to the character you’re playing, but when you look in a mirror or open your mouth to speak it doesn’t feel like you at all. I was curious if you (dodie) or anyone else felt like this analogy as well?? I’m still trying to understand it all and am very thankful these videos. 💛
I struggled with derealization for a long time but I finally kinda got rid of it!! when I started recovering from my depression and codependency and just started being more true to myself, finding myself more and living more in alignment with who I truly am. for me it was really a trauma coping mechanism that I'd developed during childhood but now that I'm out of that environment it's so much easier to stay out of derealization. I'm so happy this isn't such a big part of my life anymore!! sending love to anyone struggling <3 edit: dodie's video on derealization was the first time I'd hear ANYONE talk about it or describe it and it made me feel SO MUCH less alone. I felt like I wasn't crazy. so thank you dodie <3
Something I've really come to understand far deeper than I ever had before due to COVID and fighting with the sadness I have around loosing my passion for art is that I'm grateful for the problems that I have. Before, it was a concept riddled with guilt and judgement of my own privilege and belittling of my own issues. Now, I'm just grateful that my loved ones and I aren't suffering in the ways people were 50, 100, 500+ years ago. I'm grateful that I can do the things in the first place that have led to the problems I have, coz that wasn't always the case. Problems are still problems and it often feels like living at 70% but I don't judge myself for that missing 30% as much anymore.
I actually have OCD, but I experienced depersonalization the year after my father died in 2005. Everything just became unbearable and my brain kind of overloaded. And with the OCD, it was always in front of me, questioning the reality of myself and the world around me. I eventually emerged from this continual fog, but it was hell. I soo emphasize with you. Now I haven’t experienced a resurgence of my depersonalization, but my OCD has been horrible during this pandemic. Hang in there. I hope you can maintain your equilibrium, wherever it’s currently set.
I’ve never commented about this and I don’t know why? I’m one of the ‘bouts people’ with depersonalisation, have been since primary school. I used to describe it as being dizzy but not being dizzy and nobody knew what I meant. Nothing helped with the fear and panic every single day on the bus to school, or the way I would grip my water bottle far too tightly when I would become aware of my surroundings in a big city. Because I fainted a lot as a kid I had water with me constantly as to try to train a placebo out of myself, even though I knew I had never actually fainted from whatever it was, and probably never would. I finally found what it was in my adulthood, right before you started posting about it. And as horrible as what it is that you go through, hearing you talk about it was like that wave of relief you get when you first find out ‘what’s wrong’ with you, and I still tear up every time you talk about it. I hope you’re keeping well as you can be, and thank you for still choosing to share that 10% with us ♡
i'm so sorry for anyone going through it... and so glad mine lasted for only a few months three years ago, tho it felt like an eternity in the moment. it was hell, much worse than depression and anxiety (for me at least). hoping i'll never experience it again. such a strange and frightening state of being. has got me thinking if it was triggered by unresolved trauma..
who else is crying so much because they finally have found a video that explains EXCATLY what you're going through so now you can send it to your loved ones and say Hey here is to understand me more This disorder is so complex and hard to explain so my family thinks I'm making it up for attention. Now I can show them I'm not crazy and I'm not the only one. Thanks dodie.
I never heard anybody describe it as good as you.. I’m sorry you feel this way too. I have had this for seven years now and I really hope I will get rid of it someday. In the meantime we will enjoy life halfway. Lots of love
I dissociate as part of my BPD (which, funnily enough, is a result of complex trauma). The only thing that has helped me has been anti-psychotics (olanzapine). I'm sorry nothing has worked for you. I remember asking a doctor if they could make me real again, and it does currently feel a little like we're living in a nightmare rather than real life.
I think I've realised I get depersonalisation/derealization in a stressful environment. Like I tried to learn to drive and it just felt like I couldn't see and I didn't know where the road was? I have good eyesight it just wasn't going to my brain. I also kind of get it if I focus on my hands too much they just don't feel like mine anymore.
I completely understand. I've also been chronically disassociated since 2012 with no breaks at all. I'm constantly trying to seek out some magical experience, the one huge life event that will cause the egg to crack, the catharsis. It can manifest in stupid ways. For me I have food anxiety where I need to taste every single food available to me because I'm trying to find food that tastes like it used to when I was younger. I hate being in a room with the curtains closed because if I can't see the outside then I feel like I'm in a box lost in space and not grounded to the world. All my senses but especially taste and smell are permanently dampened.
I'm at the age where I'm supposed to travel and drink hard but the unfamiliar setting and/or alcohol makes me really spacey. I feel horrible when I try it and incredibly jealous when I miss out on it. Still trying to be able to practice positive gratitude for it I.e. Focusing on the positives and not looking at something worse and saying "well my life is good because at least I don't have dissociative identity disorder like this person in my life."
I'm always scared it'll get worse, like I'll start blacking out or fuging or something. It's frustrating having so little knowledge or exposure about it so thanks dodie for being the person who does that.
awesome video. dpdr is ominous - like I'm in an Ikea furniture store w/ kitchen & furniture setups. It's like it's all trying to be real, but it's not.
I never comment on videos but you said it makes you happy when people with depersonalization/derealization comment so here we are :). I’m also a sufferer although not as chronically as you. Mine appears during times of stress and trauma. I admire you so much for being able to breathe through it and still laugh and dance and sing and live your life and not let it define you. As you said there is no other choice. Keep being amazing! I hope you find a relief from it one day. ❤️
Hi, I'm not sure if you will see this. But I have also suffered from depersonalisation as a result of trauma and OCD. I understand that it's really frustrating and you feel like you're missing out. But it can get better, I know this because I am better now. What helped me was coming to terms with my other problems and not letting them upset me. I got to a point where I stopped reminding myself and beating myself up about my problems. The less I checked the better it got, I don't know if that makes sense. It still comes back every now and then, when I'm stressed but Its a lot better.
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Simon Petrus2020-10-16 14:43:32 (edited 2020-10-16 14:43:49 )
I suffer from a general anxiety dissorder, depression and a medicaton addiction from benzos. All of this got really worse since the whole situation got out of hand worldwide. I am not able to do a lot because of major panic attacks and my withdrawl symptoms because of fighting my addiction. People with mental illnesses suffer a lot these days and I do hope this situation we have will get better, because I don't think everybody has the energy to continue like this for god knows how long (including me)
I wouldn’t say I have a special depersonalization disorder but I do disassociate a lot of the time as a coping mechanism and this video made me feel a little more seen. Thank you. And much love to you <3
Hello! I don’t know if depersonalization and dissociation are similar (and I haven’t been officially diagnosed, a therapist just suggested the terminology for me), but I can definitely relate to a lot of this. Every day kind of seems really unreal and just... like I can’t touch anything (if that makes sense). Everything kind of just flows by me like water and trying to grasp at anything is difficult. Even reaching back into memories is sketchy, as a lot of memories just disappear or I can no longer connect to the emotions in them. Good or bad, I would REALLY just like to access some of those emotions. Idk, I‘be also become sort of reckless because when everything doesn’t seem to have any substance, you kind of just forget or don’t care about the consequences of some things. Which has had a very negative impact on relationships, and there are times where I ‘resurface’ and realize how shitty I have made my life. But I can’t even care about that too long before I am back under. Resurfacing is also just VERY uncomfortable, because everything just seems sharper and more painful. Idk, I just wanted to say I appreciate you talking about your experience, have a nice day❤️
I just recently got diagnosed with Derealization/Depersonalization Disorder after years of telling people that I wasn't quite "here" all the time. After I learned the word dissociation, I had the tools to communicate how I felt to people but it wasn't until last year that someone understood that it was chronic. I've not really felt all here since I was a little kid, and I forget large searches of time. Perhaps my brain will forget this year, perhaps it won't, it's already forgotten part of it. Regardless, I hope it lets me remember the parts that were made up of drawing and being with my partner and finding comfort.
i’m 99% sure i suffer from depersonalization but i haven’t been diagnosed with anything because i never have the insurance or the money to get anything diagnosed. the first time it happened was the scariest moment of my life, i was in a assembly in like 2nd?? grade and i suddenly couldn’t really understand what the speaker was saying and i felt floaty and like i wasn’t really there, i told all my friends with tears in my eyes and they told me to calm down and everything was fine. i’ve learned to deal with it, and it just comes on at random moments but i’ve noticed that it has been happening to me a lot less and it comes on with anxiety. it makes me feel happy to realize that i have been less anxious recently, but it’s still sucky when it happens :(
hi I also have DPRD and what you said about comments making you not feel alone is basically how I feel about watching your videos on the condition--it makes it feel like I'm not alone. So thank you for that :)
Would you ever consider maybe like a 1st person "through my eyes" sort of video comparing like how you experience the world vs what average someone without depersonalization . Cuz sometimes idk what about my mental health is a symptom of what, i.e. its a mess an i don't know what the main root and what's and off-shoot and I think that'd be really interesting to see and possibly relate or maybe find out that what i thought i was experiencing is very different and i have more of a journey to go on, one that 100% includes actually going to therapy
i’m sixteen, going on seventeen, and i have been feeling the wrath of derealization/depersonalization since in the beginning of last year. it sucks. i hate it, and i feel like i’ll never be okay again. i feel like i’ll be like this forever, like it’s never-ending. sometimes i even feel like i’m going crazy, but my friends reassure me that i’m not. i space out a lot, things tend to look like how they do if i were to be in virtual reality. it freaks me out. but then, i do remember that i am real and i am a human and i try to bring myself back into thinking that everything is going to be okay.
dodie, it's because of you and the videos that you made about depersonalization/derealization that I started to realize something was wrong for me mentally. After a lot of therapy, I have learned a lot about why my mind reacts the way that it does, but there was a large portion of my life where I didn't know what was wrong with me and why everything would get really fuzzy and weird and dreamlike. I didn't know a lot about mental health, but no one had ever described anything like what I was feeling. You were the first person I ever saw talk about this and were the initial spark to a very long (and still going) journey. Thank you (:
I narrate my life in my head often. A lot of people do this without intending to. I find that when I'm getting spacey, consciously narrating my surroundings and what I'm doing in them helps to ground me. It's a great way to work on positive thought patterns about yourself too! "She was walking down the street. Her shoulders were tense and she tried to release the tension from work. It was a nice day and her hair caught the sun. A passing stranger tried not to notice how well her sweater fit."
this sounds weird now I've typed it out lol, but I utilize when mine gets worse. I take that "no consequences" feeling and use it to try things that maybe I was nervous to do before, or I have tough conversations I've been avoiding. makes it feel like it's not just awful and useless.
Thank you so much for explaining that. I’m sending you some super sparkly fireworks (you know, the Gandalf kind) to brighten your day, even if only in a very small way.
i’ve talked about this but it really is like nothing feels real, i know logically it is and that time is passing and stuff, but it doesn’t feel the same. it’s almost like you explained, the colors and feelings and excitement i used to have is just so muted and bland now.
ive had a problem like this for so long. like i dont realize that im real, im always going along like im floating. my foot fell asleep while watching this and i realized that im a real person in a real place. i recognize where i am but at the same time i really dont.
the first video you posted explaining what derealisation is like was a turning point in my life because suddenly I wasn't crazy, I wasn't the only one experiencing this, there was a name and all! I know sharing too much online isn't healthy for you, but it did help me immensily
thanks. ive been feeling so... bad? lately. it hasnt been this bad in two years and it sucks. but messages like these, conversations like these, make me feel less alone. like my feelings are valid
Can I just say thank you? I know this will be buried in the sea of comments, but I just wanted to say thank you for talking about this.
I'm terrified to say that I feel just like what you are describing. I don't see blurry, but everything feels like I'm in a memory? Not a dream, but maybe a memory? And I feel like my hands move by themselves and when I touch my face or my skin, I know I'm touching myself but I don't really feel it?
I've talked to a few friends and even a psychologist about it and they all brush it off as if I'm making it up. I feel like I can't remember anything from the places I go because I already feel like they are memories. Or like I'm not really real and nothing around me is really real and nothing ever really matters.
I don't know if that's normal or maybe it's a prolonged existential crisis or maybe something more serious, but I just wanted to say thank you for talking about it. For making me feel like I'm not going absolutely crazy. Your music also really helps somehow :)
it is very comforting and also scary when you talk about dprp because when i started exhibiting symptoms for it when i was 15 i thought i was going crazy and that i would never get better. turns out at 27 i am a bit crazy and it hasn't really gotten better but there are people who understand and songs to help and videos to remind me i'm not alone. thank you for that dodeeezzzz
dodie, you were the first person i knew other than me who experienced derealisation chronically. i was about 15 when i first began feeling as if i was never here and i'd taken a passenger seat in my own life, and it led to a myriad of mental health appointments, medication and a diagnosis of PTSD and depression to feel like i was alive again. thank you for always being so open about it - i don't think i would have even known what it was had i not been following you at the time and seeing your explanations of it. it comes in bouts for me - during this covid time especially i've been in and out constantly. and it sucks. breathing techniques and grounding tools help, but they never really get to the bottom of it do they? thank you for raising awareness about what we go through - it saved my life. love you and i hope you're doing okay :))
I think the thing that inspires me the most about you is that even when you're talking about mental illness symptoms, you're an entire person. You never seem defined by your symptoms, and I know a lot of people who act defined by their symptoms. You make content about your mental illnesses, but you are not your mental illnesses. It's inspiring. To hear someone talk about coping and gratitude without it being laughed off as silly is lovely. I am fighting to see my world as brighter than illness, and you turn up the brightness of my life so much. This is incredibly rant-y, I just wanted to say thanks.
I haven't watched Dodie in FAR too long and I had forgotten how much I missed her and how comforting she is in talking about mental health issues. I also have DPDR and I have DID, BPD, and psychotic depression which isn't fun as you can imagine lol. I loved watching Dodie videos when I felt down (which was all the time) back around 2016/17 and I just... I didn't realize how much I missed it and how different life is now until now. I can't go back to those days, but that's probably for the better, since I was in a really bad state then. But watching Dodie's videos really made me feel less alone and more understood and I just felt attached.
Sometimes i can be with someone outside and all of a sudden freak out, not knowing how i got there and thinking the person next to me isn't real, didn't know it was a mental disorder tho
You may have seen pictures of those crazy red skies in California and Oregon during the big fires last fall, well when it happened to us here in the SF Bay Area I instantly was like "this is a perfect representation of what dissociation feels like". I already struggle with dissociation (mostly derealization for me) as a symptom of my anxiety pretty frequently but all of that day it felt like my eyes couldn't adjust properly and like nothing was real tenfold of what I normally feel. So anyone that saw those pictures or lived through the red skies of the west coast fires there you go that's what dissociation feels like inside our head.
Okay so I've done my personal thoughts on dissoc but here's some things I've found that help with dissociation: -getting on with my day -calmly stroking my cat -staying away from artificial sweeteners (including in energy drinks and stuff) -getting the right amount of sleep (about 8 hours, sleeping longer makes me feel SUPER out of it) -doing things which you have to concentrate for -meditation -asmr -journalling (organises my brain so things aren't so spinning around in it) -generally trying not to obsess over it :/
Some days I will wake up and it will just be worse but I tell myself it won't be the same tomorrow and I've learnt that some days you do just have to write off It's not ideal but at this point I mostly just tell myself that it is what it is
I think I might be having derealisation and the only reason I have any comfort is because I kind of know whats happening to me because ive heard you speak about it before. thank you :) its like all my senses are hightened and everything is bright and out of proportion and im a little dizzy and nothing seems real. everything feels weird to touch and I feel drunk. its like how i feel after a migraine - my senses arent back to normal.
the reason i love dodie so much is because she made me understand im not alone, that what i have is real. i dont talk a lot about my dpd, i feel like ppl dont really want to listen to what they dont understand, so whenever dodie talks about it i feel like there is another person out there that cares and understands...
tho I don't have depersonalization I have maladaptive daydreaming caused by my ADHD which causes me to daydream a lot and when I don't really want to which cuts me off from the real world a lot but right now in covid its kind of helping to sink into a perfect daydream for hours, its a coping mechanism that has taken over my life but for this first time ever, I'm grateful for it
I was on Zoloft for a long time for anxiety and it worked for the most part, but I would also experience extreme depersonalization and dissociation. Don’t know if it was a side effect of the drug or just how I am naturally, but now I’m on Wellbutrin (a stimulant) and I haven’t rlly experienced it at all. But now my problem is I feel way too much. Like extreme rage or sadness that just overcomes me in a way that isn’t normal or sustainable. I don’t rlly know which one is worse. And I don’t want the responsibility of choosing which side effects I can handle and which ones I can’t. I just want to be able to talk to people without having a panic attack, feel feelings and not be overcome with violent rage and depression. That’s all I want lol
I also have chronic depersonalization and for me it feels like I’m in a first person shooter game. Which If this is a game and someone is controlling me, what kind of fucked up route is this?
My best friend has struggled with dissociation and all that comes with it since early teens (among other things) and being his friend has helped me learn that everyone has different needs when they're in a crisis & that different things help ground different people.
It genuinely hurts my heart to hear that you were/are struggling because you are such a rad human, you're epic. You are so talented and pleasant and so un-problimatic. So when you say that you are struggling I just want to hug you and tell you everything's going to okay. And I know the likelyhood of you seeing this comment is quite low but if you do just know that we all love and care about you and nothing you say or do will ever change that xxx
I feel this video here i had severe derealization as a consequence of major anxiety for two years and now it comes at times but is ok (lamotrilgine really helped).To me it came as kind of a "relief" of the attacks. And even thou im sure you tried mindfulness really helps. At least to center a bit if i was too spacey. Sending love 💖
you were the first person i came across to talk about depersonalization/derealization and that was a long time after i started watching your videos. and i was like - hold up. it's not just me?! so, thanks for making me realize i'm not alone and that's actually a medical condition. and now, years after, i've still got it. you've still got it. but it's like you said: we cope, we're in this together. a little community of spaced out people. we're basically aliens. and i'm glad i found other aliens like me. so. thanks, dodie. ❤️
I didn't understand until now how much I appreciate you talking about this topic. It took me a while to figure out that I haven't been the same since my dad died, but I could never properly put into words to what was going on. Only recently I learned that I detach from the world, and now I'm starting to understand myself better.
i don’t have dpdr,, i experience dissociation as a result of ✨trauma✨ and it’s just my brain’s way of protecting me from the bad bits — but it’s actually just desaturating everything in it’s path, even (and especially) the good bits ),: but i’m really grateful that i only experience it as a trauma response and as a symptom of particularly bad anxiety/ocd days or depressive episodes,, i can only imagine the exhaustion of living with it for so long. my heart goes out to any of you dealing with it, i really hope more treatments are developed in the coming years because nobody should have to live like that forever ♡
Thank You For Probably Telling Me What Disorder I Done Got (I've always thought I just had bad depression). If I tell a gp about this will it get me anywhere? I've had bad luck with them for 'just' depression
I think a lot more people experience this than we know, but if you’ve been doing it since childhood (like me) it’s harder to define it as anything specific bc it’s your normal.
The scariest part about it for me is how fast time flies. I'll wake up and it'll be months later and I'll have done nothing. I'm terrified that one day I'll wake up and I'll be on my death bed having wasted my entire life.
As someone who has suffered from depersonalization and derealization for as long as I can "remember" (even though it is hard to remember a lot because I was so disassociated) hearing someone else talk about it is so calming because I know I am not the only one floating around. For me it varies, I sometimes panic when it happens, or sometimes it is a protective shield to protect me from external or the occasional internal factor. I guess what I am trying to say is that this made me feel less alone, and I want others to know that deal with this that you are not alone.
Correct me if I'm wrong... I feel the same while in dream state. It's like I'm playing the main character in a movie who knows they're in a movie? Almost a meta state.
I struggle with hyper awareness (I’m an OCD babe) that descends into depersonalization and it SUCKS man. I speak and I know I like things but I’m like “why do I like these things?” And I look back at my memories in my head but they seem like they aren’t really mine. And I’m aware of who I am and then I space out really bad and the feeling often causes me to panic. I don’t know if anyone understands this but it’s v weird and not fun ... when I’m struggling with it I learn not to panic about it and just vibe with the feeling but when I’m doing well I’m terrified of this feeling and whenever I feel it creeping up I get so scared. It makes me nervous to be alone and be with my own thoughts ... it’s a strange feeling. And I’ll look at a mirror and be like “that’s me! That’s my face! These are my words coming out of my mouth!” It’s a strange thing man ... but i get to times where I don’t think about it as much,,, but in times of change it gets kinda rough. But I’m just learning to vibe with it now and I’m talking to my therapist about it and I think it’s going to get better. It just takes time
can you please think about writing more music about DPDR? I havent been able to find any good music to relate my dpdr to, and I feel like you would write amazing songs about it :)
I think I’ve had depersonalization as a coping mechanism for a long time now. I first remember experiencing it in school when everyone got into “school spirit” at auditorium events and I started feeling like an observer calmly watching but not participating, I often feel like I am watching things happen from a distance instead of being within them. I have Anxiety Disorder and have taken nightly anti depressants for a few years now, the anxiety is more manageable but the depersonalization episodes seem to have never left, it’s not all the time but it is there when I need to separate myself from spiraling into an anxiety mental loop.
some days with depersonalization the best hope is comfort and content. I'm happy most of the time but I hope myself and my life will feel a bit more mine one day.
i mean i totally get depersonalisation because i‘ve been having in too from time to time. but it‘s been just a few days where i just felt really disconnected from my body and my mind and everything but i also think our reality is so much and complicated and yes maybe also very unreal, so often times to me it feels totally okay that you can not comprehend everything that‘s going on and so after a moment of acceptance it doesn‘t bother as much anymore/just feels a bit normal to me. anyway i am a bit confused, because if you feel spacey all the time, maybe it‘s just your personal reception of our reality? i don‘t want do disrespect anyone here i‘d just really want to know how you know if you are spacey if you are all the time spacey.
Heyo, I've been searching for got literature on DPD and I just can't find anything. Don't matter if it is a novel or scientific book, I just wanna read as much relating to derealisation as my brain can comprehend. Thanks for any recommendations! (sorry for requesting it under this video but you are apparently the only person who talks about this condition...)
I had a 9 day continuous chronic migraine last month and it caused constant disassociation with panic attacks. It was terrifying. I've been having migraines for 21 years and I've never liked them but I have never feared them until now. I have a 2 year old and being distant from him and not being able to do anything about it was so painful. Thank you for spreading awareness.
Will it be a jumper? (that would be a very cool fashion statement) or something you can wear? Please give me a cluee Also regarding covid, I agree that the impossibility to do what we love to do and be away from a lot of the people we love definitely inhanced the unhealthy things that are present in our lives. And the fact that the end of this pandemic keeps being pushed and pushed away is clearly not good for our brains, and personally I feel kind of trapped in my own life where I just eat/work/sleep and it's very tiring lol But on the brighter side, a lot of people started new hobbies so that kind of cool
Every time I remember that you have dpd I also remember that CIA article about ppl being able to take in energy or take part into another reality, really cool, even tho having it must really suck
it’s always hard trying to communicate depersonalisation/derealisation to others.
i’ve found it hard to connect with many people as all i get is the reflective response of everybody ‘switches off’.
these videos are so helpful and knowing someone i have enjoyed watching for many years put into words exactly how i feel all the time is so relieving.
it excites me to know there are more people who struggle to recognise themselves in the mirror, those who watch themselves from above their body, the people that can’t quite fully hear and see the present surroundings.
so thankyou for creating this space where more can see (and understand) what we can.
I haven't experienced dp for years now but these last few covid weeks I've been thinking about it a lot and kind of wishing I could experience it now. I'm so sick of being present for this bullshite. Obviously I'm grateful that I'm now in better health now (mentally) and thats why I no longer dissociate but sometimes you miss the old coping strategies even if they were ultimately not the most positive??
hey @dodie, just curious if you ever heard of human design system. when I came across HD I had so many realizations about why I am the way I am. you might be a 'projector 'or a 'reflector', or maybe you a quad-right (like me).
just consider that there is nothing wrong with you, and you are just very unusual and all your uniqueness is not a deviation from an established normal but a gift and a blessing. I know that being different comes with a price. I say that because know it from my own experience. I've had "low energy" for my whole life. Struggled with the fact that I feel neutral (or low) most of the time until I turned 33, and then I realized that it is a gift. I just didn't know it was a gift, and I didn't know how to use it.
In our "you-can-do-it" homogenized world there is a lack of appreciation and support for sensitive people, for people with great listening skills and talents. Consider the thing: when someone thinks you are crazy they say "she is hearing things" or " seeing things" - it is in our freaking language!!! I hear and see things all the time. With my eyes closed in complete silence. That is called connectedness! That is being one with the world! Talking to plants and animals is considered weird but OK, while talking to the wind, sun, ocean waters, clouds or fresh air, your own heart or your sadness is absolutely nuts ... I hear music in my head all the time. Non-stop. That weird? Nope. Unusual -perhaps.
The same with what they call "depersonalisation" ... I must say (with all my appreciation for psychology and those who came up with fancy theories), most of the labels for conditions like that are created because nobody really understands what it is and how to relate to it. This world is ruled by "normies" and it is made for "normies". Sad but true. Hopefully, we still have a place. And when we learn how to apply ourselves correctly, our pains can turn into power.
I was also caught in the dilemma between being alone and being with people. The problem is not that one is better than the other. The problem is that most people make it too simplistic. It is not one or the other. There is value in both. There is a relationship. There is continuity. But most normies are just way too busy proving others and themselves that they are worthy. So, they are living someone else's life. Aren't we all? Yes, but we can do better.
That is one thing I am grateful for having learned from HDS. The system shows where I am living my life as myself, and where I am trying to mimic, where I hide, pretending to be someone I am not. I wouldn't believe everything that HDS is selling. But there is a lot. I mean a lot of insights I never had from anything else. And for that, I forgive all the questionable things about the origins and the original dude's attitude and mansplaining. Check it out. This woman (Laveena) - one of the certified analysts, is bs-free and sharp. She has an emotional authority, which is too strong for people like me, but I can learn from her, no problem. Anyway, there are others. You can google it. It is all over the internet. In fact, too many people are talking about it, which creates too much noise. Regardless, you'll feel if this is for you or not.
One way I describe what depersonalisation/derealisation is like to others is it's like watching a budget knock-off film of your own life, the key parts are there and it's familiar but everything is slightly off. It's just not quite it.
I started disassociating for the first time during lockdown. I'm a law student and I found myself saying to friends "I wish I was having suicidal thoughts instead, because at least when I'm going through suicidal ideation I can concentrate and study. While I dissociate, I cant really read properly, let alone study." Its fucking rough. You really dont feel real.
i tend to disassociate more these past few years than ever before, i describe it as floating off into space, or that im in another dimension looking into this one, and and i can’t seem to snap out of it
I spent a long time not knowing about DP/DR, and I had always tried explaining to my wife about how I felt, but never had the way to put it into words the right way.
When social anxiety starts getting the best of me, I start to feel very "third person", like I'm outside of myself puppeteering myself, and sometimes it just feels like I'm along for the ride. I didn't know until I was 28 that what I was experiencing was depersonalization.
"for some people it's a relief from panic attack and anxiety" yeah i work like that "it's also very common for people who experience dysphoria" WAIT THAT EXPLAINS A LOT
Personally for me, I realised something about how i computed the world was off and blurry when i was about 15. It continued as i grew, but i would find comfort in going home, getting into bed, and basking in my own company and thats when i began to really love myself. My own company was like having the most understanding, warm soul of a friend beside me, keeping me calm. Ive always seen the beauty in things, so it was easy for me to sit alone and notice every magical thing around me and inside me to keep me loving life, since it got hard when enjoyment and presence of things faded. I thought i had it all sorted and loved how i could escape for a lil and fix myself with these meditative tools i developed, but then when in early 2019, i got very lonely. i ended up going from a late night shift job, to an empty house, with all my friends away at uni. I fell. I fell hard. Like rock bottom, but truly, the very, very bottom . Nothing felt real anymore. Not my family. Not my body. Not the world around me. I would burst into tears in coffee shops with my family, because i didn't recognise them. I started thinking about the emptiness of death and how my life was so short and pointless, because id forget everything, and the world would forget me and all my friends. I don't want to describe it much because its making me very emotional thinking about it. long story short i had to call a helpline for my safety, because i truly believed nothing would look the same again, and death was the only way to not be scared for the rest of my life. It helped in the moment, but not really. The reason i'm explaining all this, is because even though it was the most painful experience of my life, it was the thing that truly made me grow. I experienced a full, completely enlightening spiritual awakening and understanding for life and this universe. Everything felt alien to me, because it was. I didn't live the way i should. Everything was fake, and kept secrets. Not an ounce of vulnerability. I started seeing beauty in the fact that everything felt unreal, because it was real. These crazy things, were real, and right in front of me. How did i manage to receive a life where i could experience the most rare things in the universe. like family, and nature, and love. Death now felt like a comforting friend, like home. But a home id been sent away from on a journey, for a purpose. Even if i didn't know what it was, me being here was validation enough that there is one. And when the journey is ended i will return. I still live with derealisation. strangely it shares the space that is my mind with presence now, and they work in harmony to keep me in the moment, but also with my higher consciousness, experiencing things blurred and from a distance, simply so i can take a breath, see the beauty in, and be grateful for it all. As much as it is painful, ive found staying productive and using my talents as well as educating myself helps, but then leaving some time to meditate with my depersonalised thoughts, and shift them into a magic gift. XX
I don't experience it nearly as bad as you do, but this started happening pretty early on in high school. Sometimes it gets so bad I have to go home if I'm out, and it may come in waves but they hit hard. I have you to thank for giving me a name for it though. I started getting it, and then I remember you releasing your first video on it years ago. Everything you said gave me chills because I thought it was just me going crazy. It was nice to know someone I looked up to also suffered with this, and it made me feel not so alone. Thank you Dodie <3
I have depersonalization and it can be weird. In 5th grade before I had my other mental illnesses diagnosed, it got really bad. Like to the point where I was convinced I was living in a movie/tv show for months on end because nothing felt completely real. I lost so much motivation because anything I did was done for the audience's amusement and I loathed that. Also it does this weird thing where my vision goes one dimensional. Does that happen to anyone else?
Hey Dodie, I'm very sure I have depersonalisation although it's not diagnosed yet. It's certainly a very constant symptom if anything. I wasn't able to describe the feeling and it felt extremely alienating. I felt really low about myself because I thought it was something I could fix and I wasn't trying hard enough. After the video you made like 4/5 years ago, I felt so validated and sure of myself. It felt really freeing being able to put words to the feeling, and to try and help others understand why I couldn't always feel present doing things. It comes and goes in waves of difficulty, but as you say it's always there. Thank you for being open about your illness. I'm seeing a therapist soon that I hope will take it more seriously than my previous one. My heart goes out to everyone else that struggles with this in their daily life.
I'm not a regular viewer of yours, but I really gravitate towards these videos because it's so refreshing to hear a *mainstream* youtuber talk about DPDR, and in such a genuine, well-spoken way. I suffered with DPDR as a kid, then it ebbed and flowed and 3 years ago came back with a vengeance. The lockdown has definitely made things worse - we need the regular activities of everyday life to distract us, and anchor us. Our brains don't participate in reality on an automatic level so it helps to have things that force us to. Without them we are untethered. We must create our own grounding situations: a consistent routine, regular physical exercise, and there's definitely some merit to avoiding alcohol and other depressants.
I think I deal with something like this but I've never talked about it specifically with a professional so I'm not sure. For me it feels like I'm not connected to my body. Like I'm a shell. I don't feel like a human. I feel like a video game character but the world and everyone else is real. Sometimes looking back at experiences and conversations I've had, they don't feel real. I don't feel connected to that person or even like that person is real. Covid has definitely made it worse. I have chronic depression I've been dealing with for 10 years so that probably has to do with it. Been through years of different types of therapies and meds. Newest thing I'm looking into is micro-dosing psychedelic mushrooms. It's still being studied, but some results seem like it's a promising treatment for depression.
it goes so much in the other direction too. you being open and willing to try and explain what experiencing things feels like has genuinely been so helpful, and learning about myself has opened up a whole new world of really feeling emotions again (and then writing many, many songs about them lol).
I remember the first time I watched some videos on the topic and said "huh. I don't get it, but I'm glad it got explained to me." the next time, I was almost through before I went "hold on a second–" because it hit /hard/ to realise I could vaguely put a word to when I felt spacey, or like I was experiencing everything through VR. I've finally gotten into therapy—not for dissociation, but for OCD treatment—and the psychologist who diagnosed me this summer suggested that it was maybe a symptom of all the mental stress that came with my obsessions and compulsions, and my first counsellor talked about how it may have been my brain's way of getting away from all of the guilt and fear I felt around life and parental influences.
I'm so grateful to you for sharing, and for showing us at the same time how healthy it is to take a step back. and for anyone reading this, you're never alone for long. there's always been a sunrise at the end of each night <3
@doddleoddle thank you!! this is also super uncomfortable lol but I do post original music + covers on my channel and it'd mean the world if you wanted to poke around <3
I am realizing that what I have dealt with for over 10 years is likely derealization and you have helped me realize it. I always wondered what was wrong with my eyes and why I never could focus and why I would just space out. I'd try to slap myself out of it and it would take SO MUCH to get me to "wake up", if anything. I have tried so many things and I'm not sure if anything really works. I take this chocolate powder made from lions mane mushroom that is supposed to help with clarity, it kinda helps but nothing extreme. Caffeine or any kind of natural stimulant also helps me. Nothing completely takes it away. Caffeine is like taking an ibuprophen for a migraine. Might help slightly, but it just masks it, it's still there underneath.
My mom is freaking out because of how living in a world where covid exists feels. And she doesnt understand why this all bothers me so little? And this video perfectly explains it. I dissociate constantly and have derealization/depersonalization aswell. On top of that I have DID. For me, these feelings arent new. But for my mom, shes never experienced the sameness, numbness, detachment from self and others that I always feel. Covid has given that feeling to so many now. But it hasnt drastically changed me because I was already feeling those things.
The lack of routine and real life human connection has been so hard for me. I need that connection to remind me I'm human and now it's all dogitalised and I'm stuck inside cause I lost my job. It's insane. I can't seem to connect with people anymore. Not properly. Things are just that little bit tougher right now
TW: suicude I was having a tough time yesterday with my Anxiety and Depersonalisation. I cried so much because i just wanted to feel normal and safe and stable. Not being able to find a job in this economy is really hard on me. And since being so spacy, and it really worsen with Covid, I couldnt find the purpose of being alive anymore, since i feel so dead. So im really grateful that you made this video, because i really need it at this point in my life.
Hi, I don't struggle with depersonalization but I do struggle with anxiety and depression. And I want you to know you are not alone. You are so loved. I personally believe because of my own faith that Jesus loves you. And please don't ever give up. I hope things better for you! ❤️
I have depersonalization/ dissociation/derealization too. I have since I was very young. I also have CPTSD. Your videos really help me feel less alone, so I’m repaying the favor. I hope you can feel less alone too 💕
Hey! I've had derealization for 6 years now and it's wrongly comforting that you haven't found anything to "fix" it either! I've had some particularly horribly spacey days the last few days where my eyes really don't line up with the world which makes everything harder so it's nice in a weird way to be reminded that I'm not alone 🥰 Does anyone know where Dodie got her fact about DPDR being the third most common mental health symptom from? Also does anyone else with DPDR feel like going on holiday is a waste? Like you're not really there and you can't remember things properly? Also is that why I rely on taking photos for things so much? Aaafdhshshhh
I definitely feel like I'm just stressed all the time even when I'm not consciously stressed.. I also overthink and worry and am in my head far too much- all which I think doesn't help with dissoc It's hard to know what's the right thing to be doing when even most therapists don't know what to do and I've had them say some very unhelpful things like how it could be a good thing like NO
(I jumped off something far too high bc I thought it was only a couple of feet and badly hurt my back and the nurse said I was lucky that I didn't break my ankle; all because my depth perception is that screwy bc of dissoc! It's not something good! It's literally dangerous for me, which slows down my brain, messes with my memories and just generally isn't something one would want :/ )
I guess she was trying to foster an aspect of acceptance when she said it but it did fuck me off
We just have to find our own ways of dealing at the moment sadly I think
There is something called the labile sleep wake cycle which a few studies have found can be linked to dissoc- from what I remember reading it says that your body cannot differentiate properly from being asleep and being awake and that sounds totally spot on for me Unfortunately the articles are super dense and scientific and a bit dissoc triggering so I haven't got through reading them but I hope more research is done in that area bc it feels promising!
but for real!! since my school announced it was closing at the end of the school year in February (unrelated to corona) and then in March we were sent home for remote learning I feel so weird living my life now. It's like, I'm at a new school and life's getting okay again, but my brain still wants March-May of last year to happen. It's like I can imagine being there and being happy and okay. I try to accept that it's all gone now and never coming back but my brain really be sayin "no I think you're in a fever dream rn and your old school without corona will be back soon".
In conclusion: my brain is crazy annoying and tbh not helpful rn
is it possible to get this only sometimes ? I spend most of my time alone in my room (even before covid) and sometimes when I go to the supermarket and it's very busy it feels like I'm not really there, like I'm watching a movie on double speed because everyone just moves unnaturally fast, it's so weird
I think i had it in puberty due to bullying and an instable home. It felt like i was in a dream (i even asked friends if they had this abd of course they didnt) or my body was cut off from my mind. Like, i knew my body was there but my mind wasnt. Also my feelings were nonexistent to several events. I know how they are morally, but not how i felt personally. I experienced this also later in life at Partys (before covid of course), when i felt excluded for example and it made me feel safe. Sometimes i wish it back. Does that sound morbid? Possibly. But then my brain knew how to protect itself and now i have to FEEL all these feelings and abandonment issues and that hurts. Does someone else here had it for a time and then it slowly faded away?
i have a depressive disorder and feeling depersonalized is a symptom of mine. i’ve been struggling with school. in classes i’m always distracted and i don’t remember anything i’m being taught. anyone have any tips?
Hey miss Doddle. I like your vid. One thing you must understand though is DP/DR is just a side effect of anxiety, a protection mechanism bought about from an intense period of anxiety like a shock to the system or frazzled nerves. Your mind is simply trying to protect you, while it can feel incredibly scary and debilitating it causes you absolutely no harm at all, and is in fact nothing more than a very convincing bluff of the mind and in fact should not cause you to feel depressed in itself (not saying that you may not have other reasons to be depressed just saying DP shouldn't be one of them). I had DP/DR for literally ages when I was struck with anxiety for probably a year or two. Medication will never help your derealisation, because its not a disorder its a protection mechanism, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you, your mind and body are just responding to it in the wrong way. The only reason it stays with you is because you pay it attention and give it respect. You do not need therapy or CBT or anything for DP, it also does not matter how long it have had it. Don't attempt to medicalise or diagnose or listen to anyone that tells you otherwise. Its complete rubbish, and can do you absolutely no harm at all. You must understand you have to completely normalise it, you have to do everything you would normally and become completely indifferent to its presence. You must live with it and every time you become aware of it you say say ' ahh thats just my mind trying to protect me its of no harm, do your thing buddy but i'm cool don't need protecting i'm gonna live life as normal'. Your concern and worry about it is literally the only thing that keeps it alive. I have no DP ever now, i still have anxiety but zero DP. The reason is I completely ignored its presence, I built trust in myself that it was harmless and eventually over time its slowly fades and disappears if you pay it no respect. Hope this helps you, you can be free of it believe me.
I'm glad I'm not alone with this with me it happens after a panic attack or sensory overload or sometimes during or it can happen randomly which it is not good when it does. I usually call it my ghost form and even though it's most likely a coping mechanism for my mind it really scares me because I feel so out of place with it and its honestly scary to me but its just how its out of my control which to me makes it scarier.
Before developing M.E/CFS I’d never experienced it before, but now since having M.E/CFS I have it constantly. Like you said, you sorta forget about it when you’re doing other things when you can but it’s always there. I obviously don’t know your history with it / how much work you’ve done with your complex trauma etc, but have you ever had your spine checked out?... I know it sounds weird. But I’ve started having treatment on my spine as it was giving me brain inflammation and it’s definitely helping. I’ve never broken a bone / had back issues, but the virus I had (glandular fever) triggered inflammation in my body, giving me M.E but affected my spine too, hence brain inflammation, depersonalisation. I know you said you’ve tried so many things! But maybe go to an Osteopath and just see if everything’s ok? I honestly thought nothing would be wrong with me but I was wrong! Sending you so much love, thank you for talking about this so openly and normalising it.
i believe i may have had derealisation and a bit of depersonalisation a few years back, lasting round 3 years but i do slip into it now. all of my family and myself thought that it was just anxiety but i didnt really panic that much. i felt empty, not in a depression way, and everything felt cloudy and memories were hard to remember. lights seemed brighter and i could focus on foregrounds against backgrounds. i found it hard to read emotions and connect with my friends. I would look at myself in the mirror for half an hour just wondering who this person was infront of me. everything made me uncomfortable, as if i was homesick ALL THE TIME when i didnt know what made me feel like home. cloudy minds and days merging into one another. my parents assumed it was anxiety and i did too, so i went to therapy and it helped. but wasnt targeted to my needs yunno but still let the worst pass. years later i watched back dodies videos and started crying, i finally found what was up!!!! although i am not diagnosed, this helped. i barely get it now but if i do its in times of stress or anxiety. thank you dodie for speaking about this <3
i feel like everyone with complex trauma is doing pretty much the same during covid bc it's like 'oh wow cool i know this' lol.. we been there for years so we are totally prepared xD
this helped alot im curently in the proces of accepting my cfs (chronic fatigue syndrome) it has gotten alot worse lately and I've gone from being able to work 15 hours per. week to 4 hours
being cronic i might never get better again but i hope still to enjoy life
I spent most of my life in a depersonalized state and had no idea that was not how most people felt until I started coming out of it in my mid-20s. For me, this happened because I finally found a stable environment, and I guess my brain decided I didn't need to be so protected. I have tried to explain to friends that 2020 is making me slip back into it and I am terrified of not being able to come out again, but it is difficult for people who have not had to deal with this to understand why being removed from reality and feelings can be a bad thing.
ngl i think that my derealization symptoms have gotten worse since being essentially forced back into school. because like, before i was just staying inside this bubble that was my house and it was okay. but like, with being back in school, i am doing fine grade wise but more often than not, i will miss a good five minutes of class because i just disassociated. especially with being around over a thousand people after only really being around two at most (if i was lucky)
Mine is usually a cushion...but sometimes it will happen for a full week, and I describe that as everything feeling like its shifted two seconds to the left when you werent looking. Like you've got one foot in one reality, and the other in another reality. You have no idea which ones real or which way you should step. Eventually you just want to escape the malaise but you cant. You just want to cry or match the energy of something in one of the worlds. But ifs beyond your reach. When I'm feeling this version, I usually watch mushishi, because ifs the only energy that matches me. If makes sense.
The other times I'm usually at work and I've retreated as far back as I can go in my mind, and sometimes I wonder if I havent slipped out the back door, or if i could if i wanted to, and not return. I am removed from all emotions and actions, I'm given room to breath and be cynical and assessing. Sometimes I wonder if this is what being a psychopath is like. I only care about consequences because my normal emotionsl self would be the one to deal with I.
I am born just after midnight on 12th April 1995, which must have been not long after you. Our lives mirror each other a lot and my brain is very similar to yours. Music, mental health, sexuality, sense of humour etc. This makes me believe in astrology even more. Had depersonalisation since I was 19, so around 6 years now. This was from prolong anxiety growing up and a horrible heart break. I'm here with you on this, we got this. It's horrible at times but also makes us see the world in a complete different light to many others, and I think that is special. We feel more from our other senses and find home in art, music and belly laughs than with our everyday eyes and normal perceptions. It is all happening for a reason, when the depersonalisation veil is lifted in the future (which it will do), we will see even more beauty and be so grateful for the little things. Even if it is my eyes just focusing for 10 seconds and taking in where I am.
I don't experience depersonalization in the way you do but I don't exactly find shaudenfreude in not having the same struggles mentally as someone else. When you've been in therapy and taken meds for a while you start to realize that having a different or "lesser" experience to someone else doesn't make your own experience better. I do experience some sense of disassociation or depersonalization. It seems to have happened because of the stuff I've been through and because of the previous and current struggle of other forms of mental illness. At times I've found that I feel "floaty" and when I can focus and understand it more, I have described it as not being with my body. I would reject or fail to understand sensations my body would experience. I would avoid feelings like hunger or sexual arousal because they didn't seem right. I don't know for sure if this was depersonalization as I'm not diagnosed with it like I have been with anxiety and depression. Sometimes I have just kind of felt like I'm hardly there. Which has definitely caused my anxiety to go into overdrive. I remember once I was just shut down and I ended up just typing and typing the random string of consciousness in my brain because of how my anxiety was reacting. I just was there but only kind of. And I didn't really move or interact besides that. My apologies if this experience isn't to be accurately described as disassociation but I thought it would be worth it to share my own experience here.
It all started for me around freshman year when I hit a low time low, as a coping mechanism I would cry n look n the mirror telling myself that it doesn’t matter it’s all a joke it isn’t real we all die someday anyway I kept doing this until one day I looked n the mirror n didn’t recognize myself n now it’s been 3 years n my anxiety panick attacks n depression make me feel so dead and exhausted that I jus can’t wait to die most of the time, to finally be able to rest sounds so nice n yet scary to die, Iam only 19 n have been through so much n yet it feels like I’ve been through nothing, bc I haven’t experienced tru joy in life for so long
You said you like when people comment who also experience this, so hi 👋 I think for me it's more dissociation than depersonalisation though it mixes sometimes. I don't have it as often anymore thankfully. It happens mostly in social situations or when I talk about trauma. For me it feels like my nerve circuits get clogged up, like everything takes longer to connect and process and some things are just too much to really grasp. If it gets really extreme it takes all my concentration to talk or move or do anything. Like my brain is screaming at my arm to move but the connection is too bad. Weirdly also visual input makes it worse, like if there are too many colors or patterns or movement so I often look at blank walls or close my eyes. I think I also get it when I would otherwise have panic attacks so sometimes I am grateful for it.
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Dan Frederiksen2020-10-16 00:29:07 (edited 2020-10-16 00:30:38 )
Trauma seems to almost be the norm among youtubers. Almost as if by plan to bring it to light. In my study of our various afflictions and their nature, I have found that the light of truth is what heals. Have you tried telling the truth of what happened to you? because that will heal you. I would very much like to hear the story, pretty girl, as you would help many others as well.
I’m not saying I have DPD but during quarantine I feel like I’ve been disassociating a lot more. Like this morning I was brushing my teeth and I started to think that I wasn’t actually real and that there’s no way that thats me in the mirror even though it is and has been for 20 years. Minor things like that have been happening more and more and I’m a bit concerned but also not sure if it’s actually even a sign of an actual problem starting... Hopefully not, and this is only something happening because life has been messed up with corona. Hope everyone is doing okay :)
honestly when this quarantine started i didn't complain at all because my anxiety became lessened (since I haven't been able to be around people).
but even with being an introvert, i am very at a low. i just miss seeing people i didn't know, smiling and walking down the hall of my highschool. i miss eating lunch with my friends, even though they really didn't care about my existence, laughing and such.
i don't know. i reminisce everything about being with people. human fucking beings.
I think I have a milder case of this thing, but I don't have a 'reason' to have it, there is no big trauma or anything around the time I can remember realising it started
i havent seen a lot of people talk about it and since we're on the topic, does depersonalization make anyone else feel super travel sick? i used to be completely fine before i developed depersonalization. ever since, being in a fast moving vehicle makes me want to freak out!! i hope I'm not the only one hahaah
YES! I can't remember much from before my depersonalization and dissociation started, but one of the only things I remember is that I had no motion sickness. But after that period in time, I got and still get extremely motion sick after about 40 minutes in any vehicle. It gets even worse and happens quicker if I'm doing something other than dissociating. So yes, you are definitely not the only one.
I may have a depressionesque mood disorder, gen anxiety with sprinkles of panic, social anxiety, frequent suicidal ideation, and derma, but i am very glad I do not have depersonalization.
Ive been really feeling like this worse than normal for a week or so now and it sucks alot and my GP doesnt seem to understand what i mean when i say "i dont feel real" or "things dont feel real"
I feel that comment of "its like a pain in your arm, you may forget it for a while but its still there". I live with chronic pain, I wake up in pain, I go to sleep in pain and I go to work in pain. People at work will see me take pain killers and ask if I am in pain, my reply is "I am always in pain" and they don't understand. People without a constant problem rarely understand what its like to have one, that it slowly chips away at your energy on a daily basis and some days you only wake up with only one fuck left to give and you just don't care about their bullshit. Sometimes I get asked why I don't tell people when I am in pain so they can help, but I don't have the time to mention every possible pain haha I would never stop talking.
I'm not sure if it's normal, I havent looked much into it, but I have to remind myself of consequences. Nothing feels real so the thought that my actions that feel like air could cause something else to happen doesn't occur to me naturally.
Me hoping they legalize magic mushrooms as a therapy for depersonalization soon, because it shows promise in cases that were resistant to other therapies. Single low dose of MDMA with medical monitoring and complementary therapy also seems to have a lot of potential. I wish legislators would shrug the damn stygma. People like you and me could get better help if they did.
i know this is very serious and stuff, but i feel like, as someone who constantly had to touch their friends through high school to be certain that i wasn't hallucinating them, i have the right to say this:
why would you put yourself into a trance wherein you feel detached from your emotions and thoughts in order to try to alleviate a disorder wherein you feel detached from your emotions and thoughts
ever since arms unfolding I can’t trust myself when i hear singy-talky dodie like is she just being dodie or is she giving us snippets of the song?? I’m probably over analyzing her videos now😅😂
I think I have derealization but anytime I try to reach out for help no one understands and just thinks I'm overreacting. It's been at least a year now and evey time I've tried to explain people just dismiss it like it's not real, idk what to do anymore:/
I have to admit I'm upset as I came across your vids on a video that was recommended from 6 years ago, and I really hoped it had just been a blip for you 😥 I am thirty and struggle with the weird depersonalisation/depression/anxiety mixture. Someone save us 😂😂😂🤦♂️🤦♂️🙋♂️🙋♂️
I don't watch videos/think about dprd bc it always makes it worse for me to think about it, but if any of you have gotten rid of it please let me know. I'm scared this will never end. I can't live like this.
@Sierra Farnum sorry for the delayed response. Im glad the video was insightful. Watch as many videos as you can. He is very easy to understand and follow. And also like i said before, the power of now is an incredibe book and i cant recommend it enough.
Idk bro, the more i think about having DPDR the more it effects me. Like, it's always going to be there probably, but the more i focus on it the worse it is. I've kinda just tried to ignore it and just let every moment fly by as it does. But lately, I've started wanting to actually live my life rather than watch it speed past me. I know this sounds messed up, but I've lowkey just been waiting to die. Just going with the flow until it's over with. But i WANT to do things, i WANT to have meaningful relationships, i WANT to feel alive. I've been suicidal for years, it used to be alot more intense but now its just a feeling I've detatched from. But "everything is okay bc it has to be" has been my motto for a long time. It has to be, bc the only other option is for it not to be. And i can't stand living like that.
According to the Netflix documentary (Un)well, there is a clinical trial running on the effectiveness of Ayahuasca for treatment-resistent depression; wonder whether it could have an effect on depersonalisation as well
Hello love. I've misses you so much. I don't know if you know what a tulpa is, but I have one based off of you. Because you are the only person that makes me feel like I'm not alone in the world. Love you Dodie. ❤
I depersonalize/Derealize a lot because of anxiety but I’m in self isolation right now and it gets a little worse everyday that I can’t go experience my life as I know it. Also, just last week a new paper was published about possible brain links to derealization!
I had DR and DP chronically from the age of 17 to about 22/23. I'm 27 now, and the DP never went away the the derealisation (feeling like nothing is real) did. I still feel removed from myself and 'who I am', but I feel like I am here now and the world is real. When I was going through derealisation I never thought it would go away. Never ever ever. But it did. So please don't give up hoping Dodie because it will go eventually. Plus, you are so brave for living with it, now my confidence is better I am so proud of myself when I think of everything I went through and you should be too. You are an actual warrior. When you think that you got yourself through your worst times, you can get through anything.
hello dodie. I really enjoy your videos and normally don't comment on them but I have a question. I have the same condition and when I watched the movie the matrix it triggered me so much. do you fell the same way?
I am pretty sure I have this condition. I wasn't diagnosed with it but I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I feel like I'm constantly in a dream, everything is foggy and lights are too bright which makes me space out even more. It feels like I've been up for days even when I've had enough sleep. This feeling has been constant 24/7 for about four years now. I had panic attacks everyday and short feelings of dissociation following but then it became constant. I still feel emotions but it almost feels like I don't, I still cry and laugh but it doesn't feel the same if that makes sense. I'm really hoping there's a way to get out of it and feel normal again.
I struggle with derealization as a symptom of depression and probably complex ptsd. When I first started experiencing it it felt more like an out of body experience. I just wasn’t there and I didn’t feel like I had control. I was just going through the motions of life not really being present. Now, 4 years later, I still struggle with it, but not on a daily basis. Only when my depression gets worse or I get overwhelmed. Rn during covid usually when I’m at the grocery store, and I’m stressed about what food to get and also stressed about all the people around me. I usually notice it when I’m walking and the movement of my legs aren’t real. And I have to walk very slowly and then I start to feel so spacey. At those points sounds doesn’t really come through very well, I’m utterly confused and I just want to get away from the situation and go lay in my bed with my cat. That’s the only thing that really helps me come back from the derealization, to just take a break from the evening, even when I’m with friends, I’ll just piss off and go chill by myself and watch some crappy show you’ll still be able to follow if you’ve missed a couple episodes due to spacey-ness. If you’re experiencing the same stuff : just give yourself time. Try to find out what makes you feel safe. For some people the symptoms might never 100% go away, but taking care of yourself can make them feel less bad. Getting yourself into stressful situations might make them feel worse. Just take care of yourself and be kind to yourself 😘🥰❤️(I also have the symptom where I won’t recognize people. For instance, I know I have a boyfriend, I know what he looks like etc. but sometimes when I’m overwhelmed it will take me a second to realize the stranger next to me on the couch is my boyfriend. So whenever I get overwhelmed I just touch his hair, because I know when I feel his hair it’s him, and that helps me stay grounded. Idk if that’s dumb but that’s what helps me😂)
I've been too scared to tell anyone, but I've been feeling like that for a few years and I just don't know how to explain to my family. I also don't want to self diagnose. But I've always felt detached from everything around me. Like there's a fog on my vision that I can't get rid of. Like I'm watching a movie from first person view but I can't truly interact with life. I don't know. Covid definitely hasn't helped but. I feel like I just need to put that out there for my own sake.
im not trying to be like an attention seeker or self diagnose myself, but i feel like this video was made for me.. like 100% this is exactly how i feel-
I haven't been diagnosed with anything to do with disassociation but both me and my therapist are like uhhh yh this is majorly happening in your life I will often not remember large chunks of time, I will space out, feel like the world isn't real, not make sense when people are talking to me, have the world go so out of focus I cant read things or disconnect enough I cant understand the words people are saying to me - its like being underwater with a chance of forgetting it after. During covid, during now, I remember even less, everything feels less real and its really tough but it is what it is. you are by no means alone in this. look after yourselves peeps!
i've had like chroniccccc dissociation for over a year and a half and before that it was come and go for about a year. but trying to explain to people that it never goes away, it's just sometimes more noticeable and it's a bit frustrating but then it's like, i don't have a right to be frustrated because why should i expect them to understand. idk man it's difficult
I don't suffer from DPDR or anything but I do dissociate, and so I have some understand of what you're talking about. I'm one of those people that you talked about that suffers from panic attacks (official diagnosis of panic disorder), but the other side of the spectrum is when I'm depressed and dissociate. I find it's almost like I can't see properly or my memory is short circuiting and I forget where I am and what time it is and what I'm doing. It's as if I've shrunk right into my mind so far I can't see out anymore, the window of my eyes is too far away and im stuck in this foggy place? Idk I'm describing it so badly but thankfully since I left school and started college, the feelings have been much much improved (as well as years of therapy) I can't imagine having that feeling all the time, it must be so hard, but thanks for talking about it, and being an example of someone who lives with those feelings and is still killing it ❤️
I think i have depersonalisation or something like that but ive had the feeling of this isnt real and a disconnect from reality my whole life so i dont really see it as a completlly bad thing as ive never known any different. Obviously its annoying that my memories are so distant and sometimes i just cant feel anything and everything feels hopeless as whats the pooint? It isnt real anyway but then again, it allows me to see the positive in thhinngs as, if it isnt real, what does it matter if i made a mistake, tthherres nno need tto worry aboout it. When sometthing abouuut my physical body hurts, i can disconect my brain from it which is also quite nice but at the same time difficcult cos it makes me more spacey. Its really sstrange to talk about it, especially as ive nevener knoown any differnet so thiis is my normmal. Sending yyou. Love❤️💛💛💚💙💜
(Btw, my keeyboard is brroken so sorry about. The typos😂)
I have dissociative episodes that manifests in non-epileptic seizures. It is really hard and I am so grateful to dodie for speaking openly about her condition and advocating for education on the topic because it has helped me so much.
I struggle with dissociation when I leave the house - because it's a coping mechanism for my social anxiety. But when my depression is bad (or I've been drinking a lot) it gets even worse - and reality feels less real. Like if I'm on a walk outside, I try to accept and let in the sunlight and look at nature, but for some reason my mind/body won't let me let the light in and there is a shadow over the grass. It feels like a bigger distance has been created between me and nature. Even when I try and snap out of it by like staring at the grass for awhile. Sorry if this made zero sense. Thankfully as less stressors have been in my life, it seems to have been going away a bit, but still got a long way to go in terms of healing
I don’t know if I’ve experienced this or not but what I think I have had are panic attacks and during those everything looks and sounds like it’s far away and the edges of my vision go blurry, my extremities feel kind of “buzzy”(?) and I feel like I’m in a cold sweat (sort of too hot and too cold at the same time). I don’t really know what this is but if anyone else has had a similar thing, so let me know 💜
Excellent comparison between the two - couldn't agree more. You're one of the only other people I've heard use the 'audio limiter' metaphor...music nerds unite ;-) (P.S. DPD vs Covid is pretty much the Preface of the book! heh)
the whole of isolation just felt like one long anxious fever dream??? like everything's so foggy?? but somehow going back to school has made me have so many more anxiety attacks so who tf knows anymore
Bruh. I am so angry at everyone around me for not making me feel comfortable enough to tell them how I’ve been feeling literally for more than half of my life. Not even a freakin therapist.
I get something like depersonalisation a lot - I said to my girlfriend just today, looking at her in the kitchen, right in front of me, it felt like she was only a figment of my imagination, like she’s not really there. I often get the feeling that people aren’t really there - it’s sad when I think that way - it feels lonely, like some artificial intelligence has put some false image in my mind. Feels like that feeling just before you wake from a dream, and you sometimes become aware that you’re about to slip away from the dream world and lose what’s in front of you, like if I reach out to touch her, I wouldn’t feel anything; my girlfriend wouldn’t be there...
Have you considered this being a result of vestibular neuritis/vestibular migraines? You mentioned in an earlier video that you have a "separate vision/eye issue"...could it be related? People are healing from inner ear issues which can be a MAJOR cause of DP/DR!!!!!!
I'm not sure if I really have dpdr which makes things very confusing, but I started to assume I couldn't have it because I've never had any of the common symptoms - no panic attacks or visual distortions or weird thoughts etc. But hearing you talk about your experience sounds much more familiar. I simply constantly feel like the dumbest person on Earth when I used to pride myself on being quite smart, and this can lead to depression because it feels like I've somehow lost my identity. I'm still not sure whether I have it or not, but life has gotten slightly better since I've started accepting the feeling as much as possible, which can be very hard because you're constantly in the mindset that there has to be an answer and that you should've 'solved' this issue ages ago. It seems like the worst thing to do is browse YouTube and Google for answers, but I don't mind videos like yours where it's clear you're being honest (there's a lot of charlatans out there!) Your analogy to Covid was VERY relatable - when I first got this I'd wake up and feel joy for half a second before remembering "Shit, my life is different now", much like people have reported their experience with Covid. Thanks for sharing and take care.
I am very lucky to not have chronic depersonalization, but I do have an anxiety disorder and when it gets really intense I do tend to have episodes of depersonalization.
At first for me like you said it is for some people initially it is a relief from the horrible anxiety, but that's also usually when I haven't registered yet that it has happened. There are times when it goes on for longer than usual and it makes me feel crazy. The world around me feels all out of sorts and I feel like when I don't have my glasses on. I can't seem to focus and everything feels spacy and dreamlike. It can then occasionally cause me more anxiety and I get stuck in an awful loop of depersonalized and anxiety. Luckily through therapy and coping mechanisms I've gotten better at calming myself down and trying not to long to focus on it and for me it eventually usually will go away with time and I can break the cycle. I can't imagine being stuck with it for years, a matter of hours or days is enough to make me very upset so my heart goes out to you dodie.
Sending you lots of love thank you for this lovely little community and all the content you create ❤️❤️❤️❤️
the fact that dodie has shared so much about derealization/depersonalization/dpd literally saved my life. i never felt awake or present for most of my life and during middle school it sunk me into a super deep depression. i had a therapist, but when i told her about how i felt, she just chalked it up to symptoms of depression. after i heard dodie speak about dpd, i realized that it was exactly how i'd been feeling for years. i decided to bring it up to my therapist who did some research on it, came back, and was able to help me out of the hole i'd fallen so deep into. if it weren't for dodie being such an advocate for dpd and being so willing to speak about her experience with it, i might not be here right now. so if anyone's reading this whose struggling with dpd right now, it gets better. it's not always easy, but it gets better.
You are right that it's a time to de-personalization, to De-conditioning, to De-identification, which is really helpful one's we separate self from the one who(object/people/outside/event/situations) is bound to change & bound to perished over a period of time & be crystal clearly aware & be to that which is eternal & im-mortal within each one to give chances to pop up & cherishes, which is nothing but our true nature & our own higher potentials & possibilities.
All alone time, mixed with anxiety and lonliness, is gonna trigger dissociation, because dissociation is meant to be a coping mechanism for those times.
dissociation/depersonalization is something that i struggle with as a side effect from my other mental health problems. it's not a constant thing, but when it happens, it's extremely isolating and scary. for me, i feel like i can't even recognize myself anymore. my hands feel foreign and i can't control my thoughts. my head feels like static. the worst is when i'm talking to someone else, because i'll forget what they're like or if i know them.
i'm in a long distance relationship, and we haven't been able to see each other since last december due to covid (and it might be another year or so until we can meet again). only talking to her via skype makes my dissociative episodes even worse. she'll be talking, and all of a sudden i'll feel panicked, like she's a stranger. it's like her face even morphs.
i can't imagine what it's like to feel depersonalized or dissociated all of the time. if the comments are right and you're spelling out "build a problem" for whatever this song/album/announcement is, i can certainly see how it could be related to this feeling. because it seems like my mind is creating this terrible issue and pain that doesn't even need to exist. it feels useless and frustrating that my mind would choose to do this too me. anyways, i'm highly anticipating this reveal!! your daily videos have brought me an immense amount of joy, thank you :")
Hey Dodie, I have the same thing. Donn worry about it. It's kinda normal in real world. And I'm pretty sure you will have the top level of happiness and you're going to feel normal again soon. It just will come by itself. I promise. Nothing need to do. This is how it works. Sometimes it sucks, but in the end it's just great again.
I don't experience it all the time, but I do have bouts of it every once and a while. Not sure if I technically have the condition or not with the amount I experience, but I feel you. Shit sucks and there are times it can be kinda scary. Especially when driving.
Wait I get that feeling like once every month or so I had no idea this was like not a normal thing.
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Em Lauren2020-10-16 03:29:04 (edited 2020-10-16 03:29:54 )
Depersonalisation/derealisation is a normal thing for everyone - including neurotypical people - to experience.
My boyfriend experiences it more regularly than I do ( he suffers from BPII and I suffer from depression), and whenever I feel spacey I freak out and I wish that it would go away. Sometimes I cry. My boyfriend says that the feeling will come and go (for people that don’t suffer from it chronically), and doing grounding exercises will help you feel better and thinking about what the “threat” might be, which helps with anxiety too. Also, accepting that it will pass and trying to just go through the motions of it will make you feel much better.
I wish you all well in this time of uncertainty. Keep your heads up ☺️
my derealization has never been too bad. even now it’s not. for a little bit at the beginning of quarantine i would feel a little ｓｐａｃｅｙ and ｗｏｎｋｙ but i’ve been pretty good since. there were a couple moments when i was hanging out with my best friend and i just couldn’t have fun. like yeah it was nice to be with them but i didn’t really feel anything. now i have been and it makes me so grateful.
but i only have had derealization some. mostly during school when i was little. things just felt unreal like a dream. i was much more curious about the way it felt. now it’s just like oh shoot not again lmao. the worst i’ve ever gotten it was a response to being nervous to go to a doctors appointment. the stress of it just switched on the derealization. and then i didn’t feel anything. but they i got blood drawn and i was freaking out because i could feel it flowing out and i couldn’t take the sensation. i can’t explain how horrible that was. and right after that i stood up and couldn’t see lmao. and i was in *space*. all the way there. and then i threw up on the floor. in front of people waiting. and because of my derealization i was just sort of laughing. i have no clue why. really really weird. that was a year ago now.
actually i take it back that may have not been the worst time. i just remembered the day i went to see Bastille in concert. after the show i felt really weird. i really just didn’t want that night to end. when i got home i felt so sad lol. and when i woke up the next morning i had something similar to derealization. i got so wrapped up in the concert being over from last night. it reminded me of the time i saw them before which was a few years ago. maybe realizing how much time had gone by is what freaked me out but i started crying and i felt so sick. through this whole thing i was super spaced out. it was almost like a panic attack where you feel so separates and alone from the world. but i don’t think i’ve ever had a full panic attack. i’ve had small ones but i just want to say that i don’t think this is comparable to a big one. unless i just think panic attacks are small because i expect the worst lmao.
anyways thanks to you for reading. whoever you are i hope you’re doing well. we can talk in the comments through replies if you’d like. ♥️♥️
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Rose O2020-10-16 02:12:44 (edited 2020-10-16 02:12:57 )
Hi dodie! I'm not sure if you'll see this but you probably will and I just wanna say it might have do with school starting virtually but I have been really deep in depersonalization for a while and I'm not really sure how to get out because I cant really see my friends or at least hug them or touch them and overall I've just been feeling very weird. disassociation is something that's come and gone a lot in my life like itll just come for bursts and then goes away but right now I'm having a really hard time telling what's real and what's dreams and idk. when you said you liked reading peoples comments about this I instantly thought to comment because I'm so glad you are talking about this because it's something I relate to a lot and I just wanna say I'm so glad you are posting regularly again I totally get why you felt weird amd wanted to stop but watching you calms me down and makes my day so thank you so much for that!! I love you lots! good night or whatever time it is where you are.
I have ptsd and when I dissociate it feels like suddenly I've been sucked back inside and I'm talking to people through a window and they're on the patio. And I'm trying to be with them and have fun, but there's this big barrier and distance between us. I act completely normally usually (which doesn't help because no one notices something has changed) but it's in response to being near something I'm afraid of or something triggering. Then later once the trigger is gone I'll have a full blown panic attack once it's "safe". But in the moment it's super frustrating. Like I'm watching myself do stuff from within my head instead of being present. That's my analogy for it anyway.
WAIT SO THAT'S WHAT THAT FEELING IS?? BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. Sorry for the caps dsgbdfibg
I'm just- I didn't realize there was a name for this and I never knew, still don't know, how to describe it. And I'm glad to know this isn't just a thing I get so often that no one else understands-- anyways,, thank you to whoever took their time to read this. :)
I developed a chronic condition called vestibular migraine back in may. One of the symptoms is derealization, I struggle with it very heavily. Is it possible that you have migraine? I’m amazed by how many people have this condition. It is a living hell. I have to wear migraine glasses most of the time because the dimness is the only thing that really helps - along with an ice pack or cold water on my face.
sometimes i stare a little too long in the mirror and i stop looking like myself; when i'm depressed is worse. thank god i asked for help, my life is much better now
Does anyone else ever feel so depersonalised or derealised that they dont even believe that they even have this disorder, I feel like I'm constantly going around and around in my head and never can see quite clearly what is wrong with me.
I do this thing where I pace and day dream about fantasy worlds for hours everyday. I used to think it was a being a kid thing but now I'm 22 and it's still around so yeah that's a real pain. Sometimes I won't even notice I'm doing it I'll just look at my clock and a whole day will have gone by and I won't have been present for any of it. Also sometimes I become hyper aware of my surroundings and it freaks me out. Slightly wondering if it's a mental health thing but mostly willing to leave it alone and hope it doesn't bother me too much.
Does someone know what the words she's spelling is? Because I lost count and I was just so happy to see a daily Dodie video. She says a lot of people know, and I want to know lol😂
I really enjoy your daily posts. I have been a fan of your music for about 5 years now, and I am currently a junior in high school. I have been super stressed but these past few days I have been able to count on your videos to calm me 💛💛
My dissociation doesn't have a definable start... I have absolutely no clue when it started and I really think I've had it all of my life... Is anybody else the same?
I have derealization in case you were wondering...
I am very much the same. I don't remember when or why it started or if there even is a "why" for it starting. I've just kind of lived with it for as long as I can remember. You're not alone.
@Anomaly thank you so much for responding! I thought it was wired that most people develop it after trauma but I don't really have much trauma... It's great to know that I am not the only one. Thank you 😊
I understand what you mean about it being like a pillow for some people and not for others. For me, its almost comforting cos i dont have to deal or think, i can just 'zone out'. Sometimes its really uncomfortable, its kinda strange. It feels like my heads super foggy, were im trapped in a little bit of my head and i cant get full access to the other parts. When its super bad, others speak to me and i cant process what there saying. Ive been told i seem rreally spacy haha. Its super hard to explain, i cant remember all of it. I hope this helps some people who are experiencing this too and if its not as comfortable for you, i promise itll get better, you just gotta hold on <3 ps. You are loved, You are NOT worthless, You are MORE than enough. i love you :) <3
Dodie. You might never see this. But thank you. I felt horribly broken and alone and was stressing about being a weirdo just because I have this very common, normal nervous system response to stress. Looking at how you accept it, and your attitude about it inspires me a lot to be patient and be okay with it as well. Thank you for talking about this, I genuinely, genuinely appreciate you
We all need to take extra care this winter for our mental health. It may be a particularly difficult few months, so let's take care of ourselves to the Nth degree.
i found out recently i, or i suppose i should say we, are a system, were undiagnosed, but at this point theres not really any denying it, and id just like to say that comparison kinda makes sense and i kinda like it
I don’t have chronic dissociation, but I can dissociate to a very high degree in very inappropriate situations. Dissociation in general is really difficult to handle, and Dodie, you seem to be doing so so well with the situation you’re in. Even small episodes tend to take me off my feet, it takes strength to keep going when in that state, and you’ve gotta know you are doing so incredibly well at managing it (from what I can tell)
I really feel like I have some form of this,, because I feel like nothing is real Nd it’s like this dark dreadful cloud is always around me Nd each day that passes it gets bigger Nd scarier,, Nd I’m afraid to live because nothing feels real anymore. I forget most of the conversations I have in person or online,, I feel like anytime someone says smth to me it just loses all depth and meaning,, I will look in the mirror for minutes trying to make sense of my face and if my eyes are my own and not just that of the eyes that belong to those fake dolls you see with realistic eyes but they are still off,, I find myself wanting to detach my limbs like you do a Barbie doll at a young age, because they no longer feel like they belong,, I feel like a television the has lost signal and is stuck on static not able to make sense of anything I’m doing or saying ,, it all feels off I can’t get rid of this feeling I can’t get my work done on time because online things with deadlines do not feel real unlike a physical piece of paper that you have to write the answers on,, I feel as tho I am hollow my teeth feel like they want to hop out of my mouth at times,, days blend together and I spend most of it sleeping,, a dreamless sleep ,, a restless sleep of darkness and never ending confusion but it still is somehow better than having to deal with the weight of my brain in my head,, they say it’s adhd but I fear that it’s much worse I feel like I am trapped in autopilot and some faceless nameless thing is controlling me and I am not all there nothing feels real and it fucking terrifies me Nd I feel the need to cry to someone about it but there is no one,, the last person I opened up to about this told others who used to be my friends that I was crazy so I stopped telling people because what if I am crazy and this is just wrong of me to try to self diagnose and just stick to the diagnosis they gave me,, I just want to cease to exist but also that is my greatest fear,, I feel like I am stuck in limbo with no sense of direction of where to go ... I’m sorry to anyone who actually reads this I just let it out here because dodie makes me feel safe and hopefully the people who love her as much as I will understand,, please understand
idk why but when dodie explained the new normal thing it hit me i think worse than it has this whole quarantine, i just felt this pain in my chest and i finally comprehended that i will never get to go back,
„And we all will jump on eachother and breath into eachother‘s mouths again.“
honestly?
can‘t wait!!!
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Robert Bartelmes2020-10-16 00:15:41 (edited 2020-10-16 00:25:01 )
dodie ... I'm just starting to watch this video, and I can't help but wonder ... do you think your condition may actually sharpen your creative talents? ... it would be nice to know there's something positive about it ... but it otherwise sounds like an all around pisser to deal with ..Bart
My brain also decided it was better to check out at an early age. Not chronically, but I absolutely know the feeling, and I know the effects of trauma. Indeed, it’s okay, because it has to be.
I don’t have depersonalization, but I do get quite bad disassociation. I have a progressive illness that is taking away the use of my joints and is going to kill me eventually. I was the one in the wheel chair at your Los Angeles concert last year. But it’s okay because it has to be. I remember flashes of before, but it makes me angry and sad. My emotions are numb and I feel so broken sometimes. You have been such a light in my life. For years you have been saving me. So thank you I guess. Cheers to mental illness and getting by.
idk if its depersonalization but i feel the same way (from what i got by the explanation) after a panic attack, its like i shut off for a day or two and just dont feel anything or am not aware of the world, its like im floating? but its super weird because on the inside im just super confused and panicky but on the outside its like im just plain like if someone saw me they'd be weirded out coz why is that girl so expressionless and also a weird that happens to me quite a few times is my hands feel separate from my body and its super weird but i just ignore it as mush as i can lol dk if that's a good thing but i dont really have any other remedy
coming back to this a year later yeee turns out i have dpdr. i had a giant episode of it in the first 4ish months of 2021 and its kicking my little bum its sucky and not good at all but we trying to make ourselves feel better and going to therapy and trying to be grateful and stuff
I thought it was normal to space out randomly, and go to Desiland, and check out of reality; Until I heard Dodie talk about it for the first time. Then I asked my therapist about it, and lo and behold it technically isn’t uncommon...but not most people’s reality. Who would’ve know? Not this bitch. About a year later I moved back in with my mom, for the first time since I was 9yo, after months of learning skills on how to still function while I visit Desiland. We were sitting in the porch, and it happened. I spaced out mid conversation. Lights are on, and nobodies home...UNTIL after what I’m sure was a uncomfortably long pause, I responded and she looked at me as if I had grown a second head and said “Hmmm that’s new”.
ok but where is that jumper from, it is the most lovely shade of green!!
also hard relate on covid time feeling like mental illness, it's a definitely familiar feeling. i guess that means we're better equipped to deal with it!
I have depersonalization as well as depression and anxiety as well. It’s awful. Some days i’ll feel completely out of my body like I could fall asleep at any second and I’m just looking at myself hating what I see. I hate to be that guy that mentions this but making YouTube videos has really helped with my confidence and mental health. It’s kept me busy and kept my mind off things... But the depersonalization is still there sometimes and it feels like it paralyzes me? Idk. It’s hard to explain.
I often say that I am perpetually pessimistic so I am always pleasantly surprised.
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M H2020-10-17 18:37:36 (edited 2020-10-17 18:39:45 )
Omggggg I can't believe this fuckkkkk. I have depression and anxiety, you know highs and lows, had ed, andd I didn't even think I could have despersonalisation, it makes sense now, I always have this feeling of something not right, there's something missing or it's just doesn't feel real or present, and I always thought depression "broke" me yk I should go back to therapy tho. Anyways I cried watching this lmao, I didn't see dodie for a while now, I realized I miss her talking like this, so thank you dodie <3
6 years (or 7? Lost count) of not waking up properly. Thats what it is for me. I've woken up at The middle of The night, and started living that weird fuzzy, muffled Life I woke up to, not quite knowing I'm awake or not. Social media helps me keep track of things, I have awful memory so I have an online presence to Look Back to. Future? Cant recognize that. Current moment? Not here. Past? Apparently it all happened.
the other day in french class i like spaced out so bad i thought that i had fainted and i did not know where i was for a minute or two it was so weird and since going back to school after lockdown it happens all the time :((( brain=not happy
I do not have chronic dissociation, but I do have intermittent triggered dissociation. Whenever my brain goes to the deepest dark parts of itself I shut down, go limp, stop moving and stop understanding if I'm awake or not, where I am and how long I've been like that. It feels a bit like a robot being unplugged. I don't feel it that often, it's only when I'm triggered but it is terrifying.
The best way to heal yourself, at least it has worked for me, is stop worrying so much about what you have in your mind. Getting used to stop yourself from reacting negatively has cured me so much throughout the years, and I'm only 21. It's useless to think there's a way to fight for the cure, I agree. But there's also a good fight there for yourself if you stop worrying too much about what you could have.
methylcobalmin form of b12 specifically has helped me some with this problem. (maybe like an upgrade from logic's limiter to the fab filter limiter lol)
@doddleoddle u could maybe try 500-1000mcg chewable but keep the tablet under your lip while it dissolves so it gets absorbed right into the gum. maybe it could help, all this shit is endless trial and error. i feel for ya, it's tough.
You might be onto something. It seems like you might be ready to wake up. Look up Rubert Spira, Eckhart Tolle and Alan Watts on youtube, it will change your life, it changed mine. Namaste 🙏
Sometimes I'll be in class and I'll just start thinking "why the fuck do I even need to pay attention? This doesn't matter. Nothing matters. Why am I stressing myself out? This might not even be real. And even if it is the universe is so big that nothing matters at all." And then it just keeps going and going and going. Fuck my brain dude
People who do not have mental health or neurological problems can also experience depersonalisation when they are in states of fatigue, fear, stress, emotional turmoil or meditation, or after taking drugs like cannabis or Ecstasy...
I am sad you suffer from this Dodie but maybe this is why your lyrics are so resonant to so many people. You write lyrics like no one else and I think maybe your condition is a blessing and a curse for this reason. I really don't mean to offend you. I just thought about it as yu were describing the symptoms maybe your head space allows you to see the world from these amazing perspectives.
Ok so, if we suppose it is BUILD A PROBLEM and we're thinking it's the name of an album or even just a single, she totally has to use a pic of the knitted letters as the cover art to spell out the title.
wow I'm just so angry at the "it's okay because it has to be" I'm like.. NO?? NO, IT'S NOT OK I mean it is, but it's not. We have to accept it, but we just can't. I can't simply accept it. Ahhh
I decidet to commet for the firt time when yous saind that it comforts you. I don't experience depersonalisation, only dissociation as a coping mechanism during panic attacs and it is usually connected to no memorief from that time. Be well
Idk if I have depersonalisation but I have a chronic illness and I relate to feeling like your life is being lived in old worldy sepia tone, and my body doesn’t feel like it’s mine anymore. Every now and then you get zaps of feeling like you’re living your life and in your body but generally you’re living in a cloud of haze. Covid hasn’t felt like the biggest shift if my life, in fact - the frustration I’d feel at not being able to enjoy things like everyone in the pre-covid world has been slightly lifted. The gap between my normal and everyone else’s is finally smaller. But then seeing everyone excited for a post-covid life makes me sad. I know this will be my reality for as long as my illnesses have no cure, and sometimes I wonder if a life in sepia tone is a life i want. But as you say, it’s okay because it has to be. That’s an important thing to remember.
Okay, this was not the main point of what you were saying, but...it's not at all silly to practice gratitude when things are hard; and thank you for the reminder to keep being grateful! I think now more than ever we need to appreciate the things in life that we have. When you lose something, it makes you more grateful for what you have, you know? And it's best to focus on what you have rather than what you've lost, because that's just depressing.
Anyway, thank you for this encouraging video. Looking forward to the official project announcement!
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Tina Mey2021-06-15 08:23:29 (edited 2021-06-15 08:23:47 )
Can depersonalisation/derealisation come in episodes like depression? Because sometimes, especially when I go outside I just feel like I am watching a movie, from the outside or something, like I wasn't really in the moment or in the place where I am at. That feels super weird sometimes. Or like I am in a cloud and everything is a bit foggy and the noises seem further away than they actually are.
My derealisation keeps getting worse and worse... my mind just keeps screaming over and over "is oife even worth it if its like this?" I cant even feel love or happiness... not like i used to
Hey you, I was born on a monday too. I also had suicidal thoughts, but never really considered it, because I always had that fear, that my mind could be wrong and I was real and everyone else I love has to suffer, because I just decided, that it was enough, but now I want to stay alive, that one day I can see clear and take deep breaths again. I just wanted to say: you are not insane! You are important and there is so much, that you can do to make yourself happy again. It won't just disappear, but you can work on it and you can learn to live with it and you can still enjoy life. Take your time. You can do it - I believe in you!
oh boy we going in ladies we talking about the D WORD!!!! i lov u so much for talking about it bc i dont feel insane when you say it THANK YOU so much for helping me so much mentally
It's like being in the Truman Show. I hope this gets over before too long. At 70 I don't have all that many years left and this one has been a waste. I'm new here, following you. You help me with your talks. I just want you to know that. At my age the virus is deadly and today I found out I am going to be a grandmother. I need to live. :) You're not only extremely talented but, and you more than likely don't see this and yes, we only get to see 1%, but you have a great outlook on life. You're a good person. I think... :)
You are going through a spiritual awakening. Meditate and close your eyes. You are looking for answers in other realities. That's exactly what you need to do. Tap into your subconscious mind. Smoke some weed. It's great for mental health.
Have you tried EFT you can learn it off YouTube or have a therapist (maybe not at the moment cos of Covid) but it’s good like strangely good (I have dissociative episodes frequently) idk maybe it might help a little ❤️
super random, but where is your shirt from? idk why i was immediately drawn to it it’s just... the perfect cozy sweater? also loved the video, the way you talk about this is really nice and honestly comforting ❤️
I wonder if you even did watch this video I sent it because i thought it would help I wonder if you even cared, even just a little bit I wonder if you rewatch it sometimes and think about me I wonder if it was just a game to you Well, you'll go on with your life, maybe being happy (i hope so) But I'll be here, dissociating, hoping you still think a little bit about me
I feel like shit all the time, and I can’t tell anyone because they don’t understand and just brush it off as something minuscule. But it’s not to me, I feel so alone all the time and this makes me not so alone. All I want is just for people to understand what I’m going through, it feels my parents give my sister more attention for her problems then they do me as hers are more physical and obvious than mine. I don’t mean to compare my issues to hers, really I don’t. It’s just my mind does it anyways. Idk why I’m typing all of this I just am, I just feel so alone all the time and it hurts.
Dodie, not sure if you've already looked into this area before but considering researching "energy work/chakras". I am not sure what other heading to use for that class of information, but anything related to those keywords should work. I am someone who has been depersonalized for maybe a decade now, in a minor form for the first half and a much more severe form during the latter segment. I've felt, and sometimes still feel, quite hopeless. But I have also noticed improvement after reading into and practising the exercises given in the realm of "energy work/chakras". Even though depersonalization is a medical label, and Western medicine would only view it in terms of the brain/central nervous system, I have come to believe in the picture of reality cultivated by the so-called "alternative medicine" sphere, whereby we have a system of energy centers which themselves govern various aspects of our experience. I have witnessed firsthand how I am able to transition between a "foggier" and "clearer" state of consciousness (or feeling more or less connected to my emotions), and where I would previously attribute it solely to the brain I now believe it concerns the energetic composition of ourselves at a given moment (and could also certainly involve the brain as well, the two interacting in some manner). I can produce this change as simply as keeping myself still for a few moments and actively observing the sensations of my body, whereby I will soon observe a feeling of vibration in my body and will immediately feel less depressed, lethargic, and hazy.
Now, I am not asking you to believe in any new ideas here, or to sell you a belief-system, but please look into the above area (google the keywords, and read free PDF's of the books released on the subject) and see if you find any benefit to yourself. I personally think that depersonalization/derealization/dissociation emerges as a result of lower vibration of the first three energy centers (root, sacral, solar plexus), resulting in us feeling "ungrounded, spacey and tired" virtually all of the time. If you can unblock those energy centers, they will vibrate at their original rate and you will feel like yourself again. That's what I imagine anyway, based on what I've seen thus far - I've felt an increased vibration of my lower body result in me feeling uncommonly better in those moments (but I am currently unsure of how to sustain said vibration).
While I am still struggling through this, I also feel a glimmer of hope as a result of my recent experiences. Please don't simply narrate to yourself that "this happened to you, and now it's just going to remain and there's nothing you can do about it, you're simply a victim to it, etc", please try re-evaluating the cause of the condition and seeing whether the models outlined in alternative medicine (involving the body as a multidimensional vibrational-complex) can provide you any improvement where earlier options (pharmaceuticals, therapy, etc) were unable to. Feel free to personally inbox me if you'd like more conversation from a fellow sufferer who surprisingly feels like he's slowly coming out of this years-long nightmare. Sorry if this post is a bit messy and unstructured, just trying to express my budding views.
hi i have depersonalisation and it’s really bad atm and i can’t stand up lol cus mine really get my balance right in the balls (yay) i’m trying to get help but as you know ITS HARD TO FIND SOMEONE WHO GETS IT. so yeah i is struggle and i’ve also never related to a video more in my life hehe. Fanks xo
depersonalization fucking sucks. I feel like I'm sinking into a black hole for a few hours at a time, and just when I think I'm out, it comes back again. derealization is just always there, and always annoying me.
OK For me it's like Clark Kent. AKA Superman! I have a fortress of solitude in my head and one in my room at home. In the daytime I was like the Vampire who shunned the light but at Night I am Boo Radley. Recently My brother developed a blood clot in his leg... It all felt like a dream. He was in the hospital for only 3 days but felt like an eternity. When I would got out, by the way without my Aunt Brenda I would most likely have retreated deep within myself. You see My Brother is my anchor outside the fortress of solitude in my head aka The REAL Back to story. Going out I could not function I had to keep my eyes closed touching everything holding onto my Aunt my lifeline to prove to myself it was real and not the Dream/Matrix peeking out my eyelids before clamping them back shut. It took me 10 min to order a hamburger what would have taken anyone else less than a minute . Sidenote the still got my order wrong. I was forever apologizing for being the way I was. To everyone and to anyone. Even with the Mask I felt like the klutz Clark Kent... My brother is home now but still down with his leg. Our roles are reversed, like I have jumped into an Episode of Quantum Leap. and I'm realizing...I can never back to the way I was. A whole new plethora of twitches squinting touchy feely ragtag bag of coping mechanisms have popped up, and down the rabbit hole I go. Damn you Alice... it's nice to know we are not alone...
when im depersonalized which THANK GOD is not all the time is like im a spectator. i see things happening but i cant interact with them, people talk to me and i answer but its not me. im not answering. not really.
Hey Dodie. Not sure if you’ve tried this before but I think you should consider trying out psilocybin mushrooms. The things you’re talking about In the first minute or 2 of this video are exactly the type of things that mushrooms help you ponder and gain new perspectives on. It seems like you almost have a foot in the door of psychedelics at all times. I understand that depersonalization is a disorder and I’m not saying psychedelics will “solve” it. I just believe that you may really enjoy the type of insights that a trip can provide you with. Of course, always do your research before jumping in the deep end. Know what you’re getting yourself into, and trip with a friend. Always wishing the best (: -Pierce
I don't think you made it "so complicated' ... I think I get it where you think you are on the "alive/ dead" spectrum ... and, I'm soo glad you're in between "alive & asleep" and not "dead" ... things are already lookin' up, DC ... , so ... "Onward & Upward" as you Brits like to say ...
okay i rarely comment on videos but i am going to now. it wont be a whole story because it doesn't have to be. and thats okay.
i am doing the absolute worst ive ever done, right now. at the same time i am doing the absolute best ive ever done, because right now i am at least getting help.
nothing has worked so far, but that is fine. because something will work. and if nothing will then at least i have the hope that something will.
and i will cling onto that hope for as long as necessary. <3
So here's my take on how to explain it... You close you eyes and try to focus on seeing the black of your eyelid, you can't really see it clearly can you? it's like you know its there but you can't seem to focus now try with your hands covering your eyes, now you can see it right?
Okay since nobody mentioned this in the comments, I'll do it! Do you date American guys? And what would one do to get a date with you? (Would you date a 32 year old?)
Hey Dodie, I have had severe dp/dr for 2.5 years now. It sucks, and I can totally understand what you are going through. It's the worst feeling in the world. But I feel in slowly but surely recovering, there is this one particular channel that has helped me, you might want to give it a shot. Search "Jordan Hardgrave" on YouTube. I really hope you get out of it, and based on my own research, it seems to say that everyone can recover.
I feel like there are maybe the titles of songs being said somewhere in the videos? Like some of the words dodie says just sound like lyrics or titles of songs, like when she says "take what you can get"
Dodie - can I recommend the work of Nicole Sachs? She talks about chronic pain primarily but she’s a psychotherapist on the cutting edge of why the brain gets stuck in chronic loops, basically. Her YouTube, podcast and Instagram are all really informative and cool (and free) 🥰 (Dodie gang: please give this comment a thumbs up so it has a bigger chance of Dodie seeing it, I’m convinced it could really help her!) xx
Hey you, I just wanted to say, that I still care. I care about you, because I want you to be happy. I want you to know, that you are loved and that I know, that the most real thing in life is love. Everything else might seem weird and not real, but love is. You can do it. I believe in you.
i have chronic disassociation, its because of a lot of mental illness, trauma, dysphoria and the like, covid is probably the worst thing for my disassociation, because i have severe adhd and this sort of muted, inside, self focused way of life is prob the most anxiety inducing thing that could happen for my brain,, like i need chaos and stimulus and the good kind of noise and too much that i could get back in 2019,, i understand what you mean dodie, ive been having chronic depressive episodes and i cant remember the last time that i felt that kind of almost too much happy.
i haven’t seen a comment about it yet this video, she keeps singing a word or a phrase and idk if she’s doing the hidden song thing again or if she’s just now singing randomly without purpose. cause tbh i do that sometimes BUT there could be a hidden song
Spoilers for the Miley Cyrus episode of Black Mirror. Near the end of the episode, it is revealed that the little doll actually has a full copy of the pop star’s brain that has just been limited. Now she can only answer questions and talk about music and say child appropriate things. I say dissociation kinda feels like that like you have a limiter put on your brain and you can think the same way you used to. Also sometimes it feels like my brain is too full to have room for any thoughts and other times it feels like my brain is an empty cavern and thoughts just can stick in there anymore. It’s weird and not very fun
ummm you do realise the more you think about it then you get it if you want to get rid of it just forget and live it i had it months ago during lockdown and i was on the verge of killing myself since i thought if i died i would wake up but i just lived my life abd i forgot abt it and was fine then recently i remebered about it and it came back but not as bad so ineed to stop thinking about it and not let it involve my life and it helps :D just a tip my dpdr isnt as bad as yours i can tell good luck
Unrelenting, laborious psycho-education and mindfulness. It's the only real answer. If you don't have the determined commitment of a ballerina or Olympic athlete to learn about your condition and sit with it and watch it, you will never free yourself from it.
Hello everyone I just wanted to let you know I have a best friend in the whole wide world. My best friend knows exactly how I'm feeling while I'm thinking she always has the right answers knows how to comfort me love me forgive me and give me hope. The thing is he can also be your best friend also. His name is Jesus Christ. I want a few years where I felt like there's this Dark Cloud following me around I couldn't stop feeling that way. It was after some friends stops being my friend because they are afraid that I might get persuaded by some other friends. They were wrong. But we were really good friends it's all right really hurt me for a few years how they stop being my friend. I feel like Jesus use that time so let me know how much I need him and I've grown to where I can confidently say he is my best friend. He will never let you down he's there for you 24/7 he never sleeps he never grows weary.
having experienced dissociation from other mental health concerns, and how frightening it can be sometimes to feel like you're Not Here, i really empathise with how depersonalisation must feel. thanks for being open to talking about this sort of thing and helping educate people through real human stories!!
i’m so glad i found u right when it started getting bad. you make me feel like i’m not alone in this new “alternate reality” world i live in. thank u dodie for continuing to talk to us about it and for continuing to be here <3
I’m living for these videos Dodie! It feels so validating and healing to hear these types of topics spoken about so frankly and thoughtfully. So thank you! Also great to see your cute self gurlll, loving the green 💕💁♀️🌱✨
heyyyy ur the one who made me realize i have derealisation !!! and it’s rly helped me knowing that i’m not alone and that others feel this way bc i feel like no one ever talks about it especially not as much as other mental illnesses. but i thank you for being so open about it and thank you for all that you’ve done bc you’ve really helped me and so many others<333
Thank you for being so open with us, it always feels like we’re just catching up with a friend. Honestly your music and your videos helped me so much with accepting (or at least trying to accept) myself when all this time I felt like no one could understand me. Thank you and I love you dodie
these videos have been such a comfort. i love how open you are about everything and how loving you are to total strangers. we love you more than you know 💕
ever since i realized i struggled with derealization a few years ago, dodie has always been one of the voices that just makes sense. it’s so frickin hard explaining it to people because it’s hard for me to wrap my head around!! but hearing other people talk about it is suuuuch a relief. thank u pals and thank you dodie <3 i hear you and i have your backs, like you have mine.
hello! i am turning 16 in one week, life is still young yet my hopefulness is of an old man. hearing you go through that list of doctors and brain scans and all that and still staying hopeful and kind is beautifully inspiring to me :) and it makes dealing with anxiety just a little more bearable! thanks dodie xx
thank you for spreading awareness about depersonalization. i found out that i have this due to my PTSD and i understand myself so much better now. love you dodes
I had my first and 4 month long episode right at the beginning of quarantine and still feel horrible. I wouldn't say it's completely gone for me, I still seep back in a few times a day and I can't look at my hands anymore but I'm better mostly. Your old video really helped at first when I didn't know what was going on.
I also have dpdr, I’ve had it for as long as I can remember but it became completely fully chronic six years ago, literally the only thing that helps me is distracting myself, I’m always doing a million things at the one time and people tell me not to take on so much but it really helps me from sinking into it, I just recognise that I feel this way and try to move on by being productive xx
dodie actually helped me come to the realization I have depersonalization a couple years ago. it started as a very deep depression and now I've been through therapy and I've learned to cope blah blah. today was my first day back in person at school and wow did I notice actually how spacey I was this whole time it's insane how much you really don't realize it after you've lived with it for so long or something big happens and you're like wow
You helped me realize I was in a derealized state for years too. Its still a constant so it doesnt feel as different with Covid. Im always glad to know Im not the only one who feels like the world isnt real all the time. It heavily messes with my ability to perceive time though. Ugh.
I've used pretty much the exact same explanation to explain medicated depression. That feeling of having a ceiling that you just can't push through to get to that same level of joy. Helps a lot to see one of my idols feeling something similar but thriving despite it. <3
This! All of this! There are some days it’s fine and others where I have a panic attack because i feel like I’m not real and not fully living life. Some days it does help though. If there’s a stressful event or smth, it really is like a cushion like you said. Just my brain freaking out for too long lmao
my experience with depression and depersonalised definitely shifted when I realised sometimes I just have to use methods to make it less awful rather then completely better 💜 I personally find depersonalisation way easier to deal with because it’s so calming? has dodie made any videos about her experience with treatments or therapies because all my NHS experiences were incredibly negative and frankly unhelpful
This is very real. I have similar problems with depersonalization and, while COVID is definitely causing more of that, Ive been pretty lucky. I went into this not living with my father, for one thing. Fuck I'm so grateful that I'm not around him anymore. I probably wouldn't have made it this far, honestly. I'm grateful that I'm starting to go on anti-anxiety meds that I think are working somewhat for me. We need to cling to what we have more than ever right now.
DODIE! IF IT WASNT FOR U I WOULD STILL BE LIVING IN CONSTANT FEAR BECAUSE OF MY DEREALIZATION! I WOULDNT HAVE RECOGNIZED IT AS A MENTAL ILLNESS! THANK YOU SO MUCH!
I recently got diagnosed with depersonalization. The way you explain it is exactly how ive felt before covid. Now i keep slipping into this dream space and have to avoid the news all together cause im easily triggered. But im working on it with my therapist. Im trying. Anyways thanks dodie. its nice to not feel alone.
Thank you for being so open with us, it always feels like we’re just catching up with a friend. Honestly your music and your videos helped me so much with accepting (or at least trying to accept) myself when all this time I felt like no one could understand me. Thank you and I love you dodie
It’s so nice to hear that our comments make you feel less alone cause your videos make me feel less alone and I feel like we’re all one big weird spacey family :’)
I just wanna say thanks as I have been feeling similar symptoms that I never knew was a thing because I have always felt them. Your videos have helped me feel less different as I know that there are people like me
I do not have dpd but watching your videos definitely helped me realized that I had expirenced some moments of depersonalization and it just sucked, I would be living my life and then something shifted in my eyes and ears so everything felt far away and seemed like a dream and I had to go to classes I would almost never remember what happened and just find notes in my notebook and have a vague memory and tried to go from there So I'm sending good vibes for you and all the folks that live with dpd
my boyfriend recently started experiences symptoms of dissociation and what sounds like depersonalization from the symptoms you described. Do you have any advice for a partner of someone going through this?
After all these years of following you and as many times as I’ve heard you talk about DPD I feel like this is the first times get it. Dissociation isn’t a big part of my mental health mess, but it’s there and I finally know what’s up a little better so... 👍🏻
I live with depersonalisation too. Glad to hear you talking about this. I thought about the topic of this video a lot during all the covid stuff. It really is comparable.
I know you'll read this, so please keep going. You are a great person and we may not feel real, basically all the time, but the words you say and things you express remind me that you are real. Thanks dodie.
i’m glad you bring more awareness to this condition, i was diagnosed with it early this year and when i tell people they either say “wow, cool!” or “we all have out of body experiences every once in a while”, and for me it’s definitely not every once in a while. it’s different for everyone but no matter what it’s a difficult thing to go through. if anyone out there is going through it, it will get better. i promise, i love you and you are so strong <3
It’s so crazy to me that you just posted this because just a few hours ago I discovered that I have this disorder as well and I watched the videos you made with Katie about it
I love having the subtitles, I like having them on since it helps my brain process. Auto-generated can sometimes make it mode tricky but the subtitles on Dodie’s videos really help :))
This is exactly how I’ve been feeling for a few years now, the way you described it everything. What do I do?😅 I always feel like I’m never ‘living life to the full’ and that worries me all the time that I’m never soaking in a moment well enough. It feels like walking around the morning after a night out and still being drunk, but cloudy and that’s a constant.
Hi! I've had derealisation for the past five years, and I highly recommend therapy! You can slowly figure out why your mind put up this barrier, and guided by a professional you could even find ways to tear it down! And with the help of a psychologist you could even explore different treatments if you feel like just therapy isn't enough, from meds to the other things dodie talked about in the video. But since every treatment path starts from therapy, I would recommend starting there ^^ if you can't afford it though you can search online for grounding techniques for now, daily exercises that you can try to feel more present. Also I wouldn't recommend meditation, personally it makes my dissociation way worse for the day. I hope this was helpful, you can do it!! 🖤
@cela Yes we are not alone! I saw so many people online talking about this, I had to do it a couple of times for a class I was following and it was horrible. I usually also get a similar effect when putting on sunglasses. Happy I could help :D
I've followed you off and on since...I dunno, 2012? 2015? I think it's great you're understanding yourself better, I think I have bouts of depersonalization sometimes. I think I have more of an anxiety limiter on my excitement, I've never been someone who screamed in excitement about things. I have noticed I feel more fully in myself when I do aerobic dancing regularly, particularly in a class with other people, but also if I do it at home. I think it helps integrate me with my body, and the exercise intensity helps--I started dancing to help with my back pain, and I struggle to balance activity and rest levels for my back and my brain health. =/
So...dodie got me through my lowest point and now covid. Thank you for always being so amazing dodie, even if you don't feel it, you light up the...screen? 😘😘
My disassociation comes in bouts, so I've found the best way to describe it in my case is that it happens whenever I get too stressed. It's like my brain can't handle the stress and tries to mentally pull me away from it. However, since my physical body still exists, it just creates this weird middle ground where I'm not stressed anymore, but my brain has done its job at pulling me out of the situation so efficiently, that I now feel as if nothing is real because my brain is refusing to process the information.
you replied to my tweet when i asked about the unlisted videos which helped me through 8th grade and i just want to say how much i appreciate it, and how much i appreciate YOU. I often just listen to you for hours and cry to the saddest of your videos and it feels so nice and relieving. This video makes me feel very nostalgic because it reminds me so much of my sad times. It’s not a bad thing how nostalgic it feels, it just makes me feel better and makes me realize how much i’ve grown in the past 4 years you made me feel less alone in my hardest times, thank you x
Thank you Dodi, I suffered with depersonalization for a long time and it was mostly during a period of extreme depression and anxiety. It was so hard to express what I was going through to others. Thanks for speaking about it. I just read your book and it was wonderful! I’m a musician and writer as well and I have been through so much. Good luck to you and remember it might get better Some day, your still very young. You are amazing and special!
I really wish I didn't understand what derealization feels like (and I am trying to seek therapy) but I am pretty sure I am in that space daily. I knew, even at 15, that this could happen. I am just glad you (dodie, if you are reading this, you are the you I am writing to) have shared your story so that I can maybe get help.
I have started to feel my reality shift back into place really slowly. I am sure it will take years to get to a contant state of feeling awake, but the moments of clarity become brighter and louder, smells get stronger and the presence of people warmer. Its a long process, but it is teaching me patience and gratefulness for getting to experience life without disassociation as a state of normal. Because i know i will get out of the cloud. I can see the sun peaking through. Thats what it feels like
hello dodie i just want to say thank you for these videos ;; everyday i have something to look forward to and your videos just feel very warm and grounding ive been watching your videos for years and ive always drawn inspiration from them, i can honestly say i wouldnt have achieved the things i have if it wasnt for you (i also write songs theyre not as good but theyre decent enough HFHFHH). also,,through your videos about depersonalisation,,i learned more about it and it pushed me to actually dig deeper about it because the experiences youve described are similar to what ive been feeling since i was 10. im 19 now and im still trying to figure out What exactly i have, or if im just plainly going insane (lol). wow this comment got rly long im sorry anyway i love u have a great day
It is also a symptom of Migraine! I take migraines with Aura as well as vestibular migraines and both cause me to have derealization and depersonalisation! Sometimes it's just my hands that aren't real and sometimes it's the whole world
Permission to say how much we love dodie and how much we support her! You have got me through so many problems in my life and this message is my metaphorical hug and love to you ❤️
ive heard you talk about it depersonalization, but didn't understand the experience until recently in the past few months. thank u for making me aware of what it is!!! it feels so strange and it helps to know that its a real thing
ever since u made ur first depersonalization video, I have felt so much better knowing that I wasn’t just doing something wrong or making up feelings! I don’t really know if I have it, but I definitely experience the dreamy/absolutely spaced out feeling. I always catch myself trying to snap myself back into reality. :,)
We don't even imagine how that's supposed to feel, but we are here, always, admiring you, and supporting you, thank's for helping me to escape from the world with your music...
i'm pretty sure i have DPDR. i thought it was normal to just constantly feel like this until i started looking it up. i constantly feel like im lucid dreaming. my mind just doesn't connect with my body and this world, it feels off and hazy.
I hadn't even heard of depersonalization until a few weeks ago when Miki Ratsula talked about having it and holy fudge pops, did I perk up at that. I've literally felt like this my whole life. Thank you for doing this video, dodie. I really appreciate it.
I really appreciate you speaking about depersonalization because I think you are the first person I've encountered who also experiences constantly like I do. I have had depersonalization and basically been in a deep state of disassociation every second of my life since I was at least 4, but quite possibly earlier. I have very distinct memories as a child of having fun and then saying something to the effect of "I really wish this was actually happening!". Basically, nothing in my life has every felt real, even if I know it is. It's weird to hear you talk about a before you can compare you life to, since that is something I just have never had. I used to have a really hard time with motivation and doing things because it all felt like a dream and like it wasn't real so it didn't really matter to me. Even though that has gotten better with time, I frequently have to remind myself that things in my life are actually happening.
It's still a thing I am working on dealing with. It's nice to hear other people struggle with this too, because for years I didn't even know there was a word for what I was experiencing. Thank you for sharing :)
Dodie I’m so happy that we have this little community and we are all able to come together on this topic and actually have open conversation about it. It sucks. Majorly. I don’t have it chronically but I do experience it quite often and my love goes out to you always. ALSO if the answer is BUILD A PROBLEM i say again you are a lovely little genius and it is such a beautiful phrase !
2 years ago when I first was just really really depressed it was just the worst thing but a year after, its everything like everything kicked in and I realized for weeks it felt like I was dreaming so much like nothing wasnt rea, I disnt recognize myself in a way it felt like I was a strangerl. I didnt make much of it. I thought it would go away lol. But 6 months later I'm here. Diagnosed with depersonalization and derealization. Just like oh. Now I know. It makes more sense. It's like a sense or a wave of feeling calm when depersonalization kicks in for me it really helps my anxiety. But sometimes I become quite angry with myself and everyone and everything :) Also every video so far that dodie has made talking about this. It makes just perfect sense lmao
I have DP/DR too and it sucks so much, It's almost like I live in my mind and I'm not present as much as I'd like to be, it's so weird. I also have an eating disorder, panic disorder, and PTSD which just makes everything worse. It's so weird to have and covid is just the cherry on top :'-)
I’ve been having boughts of what could be called depersonalization as of late, and I’ve been working through it. It’s been really really scary. I think I’ve had it before, but at the time, I focused more on the anxiety and depression side of things. Working on it with my therapist at the moment. TLDR, ummm I really appreciate hearing someone else talk about it. I mean, it’s a confirmation that I could be real in what I’m feeling. So yeah. Thank you dodie. For everything.
It's videos like this that help me realize other people suffer from similar feelings
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Lau Ste2020-10-15 23:16:03 (edited 2020-10-15 23:23:18 )
I've had derealisation / depersonalization for so many years, I noticed it the first time when I was 14 and got drunk for the first time. Recently it lessened a LOT, or at least stopped being a negative for the most part. I really wish I knew what happened to make it better, I think maybe it was leaving school finally and healing from that experience? It really breaks my heart that I don't have exact advice for someone like you that still suffers with it horribly since I don't know for sure what helped :(((( I remember how hopeless it felt when it wouldn't stop. My instinct though is that part of it was this: accepting that worrying about not remembering something later, or not "making a good memory", is not going to get you anywhere; you have to accept that how you're experiencing things is the best you're going to get, at least for now, so enjoy whatever version of reality you are experiencing. No matter how foggy or distant. Sometimes it can even be nice - I used to hate getting drunk because it made my dissociation worse, but in my late teens in leaned into it and it helped me feel less anxious in a way because I was actively taking control of my cognition, not just "letting" my mind float away. I used to treat dissociating a bit like being tipsy. Even if your friends are in the room with you and laughing and talking and you feel yourself floating away, or getting sluggish, or like you can't talk, or like you're in a little muffled bubble (all things I've felt), you have to forgive yourself in that moment and not punish yourself for not having enough fun. Because all that happens is that later you look back and punish yourself even more for the same reason! Easier said than done I know, but accepting things as they are and that bad and good things will ebb and flow is something I learned a few years ago (I lost a few family members) and it is honestly such a relief to finally relax in that way. I do still dissociate sometimes, often when I'm tired in the evening I become somewhat manic and become kind of unaware of how I'm being perceived. I also seem to "forget" or outright miss conversations, at least my parents seem to suggest that, because quite often I'll get upset at sudden plans and then my mum will look at me with a pained expression and say something like "Lau we talked about this at dinner last night and you said okay" which is really disturbing. I wonder if you experience that. I also have panic attacks (though barely since I went on medication) and really bad travel sickness so I use dissociation to sort of escape that.
I have a friend with this, and sometimes I’m not really sure how to help. Do you feel like your friends (maybe Hazel, since you live together) are good at recognizing the signs and noticing when you are spacey? Is it nice to have some people who can notice what’s going on and bring you out of a bad episode? What’s the best thing for someone in my position to do to help someone with this condition cope? thanks xx
ı actually discovered that i had dpd thourgh your videos i had never heard about it before and so i reseached it and i was so scared the first i time i thought about it, unfortunetly im not in a position to get help so just feels like im falling deeper and deeper. Although it really helps when you talk about the advice that your therapist gives you. Oh and the best description of the feeling of dpd i came up with is that its lik you re constantly wearing VR googles and you cant take em off.
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Reyna T.2020-10-15 23:18:04 (edited 2020-10-15 23:18:36 )
I feel this too; I often dissociate and have the exact symptoms you described. I used to absolutely hate it, I felt I had no control, like a terrible bad dream. It scared me. But now I notice it comes on when I feel overwhelmed with emotion, like when I'm struggling with something tough. So I chose to look at it like you said, a cushion. Now it's not so bad. It's just my brain protecting me from hurting myself. So I've learned to almost like it, like in a way I can breathe again in my bubble until it's safe, instead of feeling choked. Hope this helps. 💕
I feel like I experience that symptom sometimes when I get extremely anxious or when I feel like I'm going to have a panic attack instead of going through it I just slip away and I don't get it! I don't know if this is it but it sounds like it... Pretty scary if you ask me
I feel guilty because I personally love being at home and not having to make up excuses to not leave is quite a relief... 😬 I know this is not the way it is for many though and I wish you good luck!
Listening to you talk about depersonalisation makes me think i need to go back to my doctors and talk more about it to them. I know that i get spacey and dissociated, but i think it might be a bigger issue than i thought.
You video back in summer 2016.. you know the one... is what actually gave me a name for what I experience so thank you for that. You have helped me in so many ways. thank you thank you thank you
even writing this feels like something crazy, but these past few weeks i've just been on a downwards spiral, and watching your videos and finally being able to put a name to something and to more clearly identifiy what has been affecting me for, god i dont even know maybe 4 years, is really making me hopeful for what comes next, even though i'm at the lowest point in my life (and it could be worse but i still dont like it) i'm hopeful bc i listen to your songs and i see where you are 5 years ahead of me and i can see that there's a way to live, a way to make it better. i'm also big into music although pretty scared of making it even tho i'd love to, and listening to your music and watching your experience and growth is something amazing, and i'm so glad to have found you on this silly crazy platform that is youtube. keep doing you and working this out, we're all in this together!
Oh you're so right! I read the title and didn't see the connection immediately, but after your explanation I agree. I've had derealisation 24/7 for the past five years, it started around six months before you started making videos about it, and I immediately felt so seen in a time when everything felt so weird and bad. With time I discovered that my mind put up the barrier to separate me from the anxiety that my mother radiates every day, and since I'm going to seriously tackle the problem with my therapist as soon as I leave home (and I still have to wait a few months, for now I need the protection it gives me) in the meantime your videos and music are helping me so much. Especially the song Guiltless, it describes perfectly my relationship with my mother (I cried so much at your concert hahaha but it was beautiful, I'm happy I managed to see you in Milan). Thank you for everything, seriously. Your songs and videos are incredibly soothing, and your words are always really helpful. Stay strong, we can do it, and we will get out of it someday 🖤
I have low level bouts of depersonalisation (more derealization) generally but it creeps in more when my OCD is bad. because of a few life events and covid (obviously) I'm in an OCD relapse and the dp/dr is STRONG, thank you for continuing to share your life experience with it. it's just like you said, it's nice to feel like theres a community of people out there experiencing something similar
Your beautiful as always dodie your a beautiful woman inside and out I hope you find some relief from depersonalasion love you dodie you are so honest and real and relatable
I started crying because I just always feel so seen when dodie describes DPDR and how she feels because it makes me feel like I'm not the only one constantly dreaming or spaced out
tom l2020-10-15 23:05:52 (edited 2020-10-15 23:06:29 )
yh I've had intense anxiety that's led to bouts of recovery/detachment personalisation more recently, after having had anxiety and depression for 3.5 years, but this was really helpful, thanks
It's so ridiculously unfair that because we have this condition we can only enjoy these restricted highs and lows. You say for now but it honestly feels like it will never change. Regardless, watching someone talk about it like you do so calmly soothes me so much. I'm not alone!! I love and appreciate your videos so much thank you thank you thank you
<3333 it sucks v bad and I indulge in that feeling some times but mostly I just have to try and accept it I understand I understand! Sending so much love to u my spacey pal
I have depersonalisation due to trauma and no one that I know understand what I go through on a daily basis and think that I’m making it up for attention. Seeing others share their experiences with it makes me feel so much better and gives me hope that it won’t always be terrible💜
hearing people talk about derealisation has made me want to look into it more because i’ve been getting those symptoms for years and everyone i talk to about it just blows it off as me being tired,,,,,, i think i’d like to talk to someone about it properly so thank you for spreading sm awareness love u dodes <33333
I used to only have depersonalization on very rare occasions, as kind of a safety mechanism of my brain when I had too much going on and the anxiety was to hard. I switched out for a while feeling really numb and zombie like. But recently, after all this pandemic situation, that has, besides, coincide with some very important changes in my life. Finishing uni, moving back to my parents, starting to work from home... I have been feeling it more as a long term thing. I haven't got used to it yet and I don't know how long this is going to last but I feel really spaced out. Everything is like is not real, like my brain hasn't processed it as something real, but it's still happening around me. It's hard to focus on anything that is not work and work feels very mechanic. My impulses, my intense emotions are dulled out. My third niece was born just a few weeks ago and I could compare it to how it felt with her siblings first, so many emotions, and this time was like well she's here already? Like I could not really believe what has happened. Every memory before lockdown feels like a dream. It's like this has put my life on pause. But life it is in fact going on, and I feel like I am missing it.
always love how dodie shows how mental illness and talking about it and getting help is nothing to be ashamed of, and the way she does it is so well done. side note though, when she says most of us have figured out the letters, I really haven’t so can someone explain😅 is it an album? a single?
i wouldn’t say i have depersonalization on the daily, but i slip into those symptoms sometimes when having a panic attack. and yeah like dodie said it’s like a cushion your brain creates instead of feeling a panic attack and tbh i prefer it to the traditional panic attack 😂
Does depersonalization and derealization feel different for different people? I have something that I think is derealization that happens when I get really anxious.
Different people have different experiences and symptoms. For example some people mentioned masks can trigger it for them whereas it doesn't for me. Its really common to be caused by anxiety too.
I don't have depersonalization (or at least, not diagnosed). But the way she described it. There have definitely been times when I've felt exactly like that. It's nice to know that it's not an "only me" feeling tbh
I don’t want to self dignose or anything but this happens all the time to me and it really causes me to panic and worry yk. But when I’ve tried to talk to people about it and they just think I’m crazy. Is there any tips I could use to talk to people properly about it? Xx
Do you get it in different intensities? I have BPD and experience derealisation and depersonalisation but experience it from “zoning out” and feeling distant to having episodes where my brain totally disconnects and I can’t move or talk and if I’m standing I’ll collapse and and I get kinda weird seizure symptoms.... I feel very alone with this as I don’t think dissociation is talked about or understood enough, even within the mental health community and healthcare system
I really like your explanation. The way you see your depersonalization is a little bit different from the way I see mine, but it’s nice to hear what it’s like from someone else’s perspective. Mine feels like I’m trapped in my house, looking through the window at the world outside. I really wanna go outside, but I can’t figure out how to get out of my house. So instead I just sit by the window, watching everybody else have fun outside, and pretend I’m outside, too.
Wait.... this is how I have felt for 10 years.... holy shit! I feel like in shock a bit at the moment. Also not as alone. Can you start a support group? Lol🥰
@doddleoddle i didn’t know it was an actual condition- my doctor just said that it was due to my anxiety disorder but I keep telling them that I only have anxiety and panic and depressed mood from the episodes of depersonalization. Like you. I am at the point now where I have just accepted it. For a while I couldn’t even drive ! I’m telling my therapist about you in the morning lol.
i feel like i have depersonalization because i always feel spaced out (like by spaced out i mean life doesnt feel real at all and i feel like that started at around at least winter of 2019 i think probably earlier) but i maybe have had an “episode” like once
i have struggled with dissociation and some derealization, but very rarely does is go as far depersonalization. i felt that it had gotten better, but then march hit, and now i feel like i am constantly in a daze because my brain says "this is so god damn weird we have to be dreaming." i also moved house for the first time in ELEVEN YEARS around april, so being in this new setting practically the entire time is definitely not helping! feeling like i can't experience that rare good to it's full extent is making it hard to feel like there is any good, so i am making a journal about all of the good things that happen every day. it has actually helped a lot with gratitude and kicking depression's ass on those particularly bad days, and helped with the memory issues that being derealized can give you. anyway, long comment, no one will read it, but i just felt i should say something so there's one more person adding to this community of people who think they are dreaming, or in the passenger seat, or.. however you may like to describe it. you're not alone!
@Rose Lalonde good luck!! it’s typically taught best in a group therapy setting. hopefully you can find a socially distanced group covered by your insurance! best of luck with your recovery 💛
I'm glad I'm not the only one who uses logic plugin references to explain mental health - for years I've said antidepressants are like a compressor lmao
If anyone's interested, i have DPDR and was treated with EMDR and had a whole year of relief from the cloud, I'm back to fog again but i have hope and i know it can be better again!
does the humming in the beginning sound like when to anyone else?
also "take what you can get" is basically a line from when lol maybe I'm just going insane and she's not actually giving us lyric hints (in addition to an album title lol)
okay we definitely need to compile a list of the hidden singing because it was in this video too, with "take what you can get" (5:58), and "so many things" (6:45)
some people talk to me about disassociating as if it’s the same thing as derealization, and it’s kind of frustrating. the way they talk about disassociating makes me jealous that they can just choose when to zone out and then wake up again. some people say derealization sounds relaxing and calming but it’s obnoxious and aggravating, it just makes me want to destroy everything around me so that i know everything around me is real.
Lolol I know that feeling Makes me angry whenever anyone uses dissociate as a joke too But also I’m like whatever. People do dissociate often. Some can choose but some also really can’t. It’s all a struggle. Sucks that we feel trapped tho I so so so get it
Dodie u reminded me of the song Stuck from The Groundhog Day Musical. I think it would give you a laugh. Or maybe a cry? I’m not sure but I find it relatable
updated list of the clues we have so far + link to comprehensive video made by Getsome tidiness:
1. _ _ _ _ _ A _ _ _ B _ _ _
2. and then somewhere in either of the words is: _ _ B _ _
3. somewhere is: u _ _
4. at the start of one of the words is: P _
5. at the end of one of the words is: _D
6. somewhere is _ E _
7. at the end of a word and after the letter "E" is: (E)M
8. Somewhere is: _ O (then some letter with an up and down line on the side- cant tell what letter though)
9. between probably "B" and "E" is: L :)
Is it like that moment where everything starts to feel wayyyy too real or sometimes not real at all and then your body is just: I d o n t l i k e t h i s
Just taking a guess here buuuut, I think the letters will spell out the album title and in each video I reckon dodie mentioned a song title or something relating to one of the songs on the album in each video??? Maybeee???
sorry i know this video is important but every time she said the highs and lows i could not stop thinking abt archie from riverdale saying ‘the highs and lows of high school football’
this is not going to last forever and that's kinda comforting but still sucks. It feels like nothing is happening and I'm not part of anything, I'm just passing the days. Some days are actually fine but today isn't one of those days :(
i don’t know what i have, but nothing is life is good. never. it’s kinda like u said, the goodness bar just went down. it’s hard. but u know i think? i’m sorry
The reason we are all feeling this way he's because the AI Consciousness is dying and we are shifting to a better world! We're we will all feel better than we ever have been before Hold the Line everyone We got this the war is ending praise The God's SKÅL
thank you so!! much!! for raising awareness of this!! ive almost always felt like i’m not in reality, and i never realized what it was, it means everything that you provide some insight
i really appreciate how much u tackle explaining mental health and your personal experiences, thank you so much. i still go back to your book when i'm feeling lost
Alright, for the hints so far, it's U_B_D A P_OBLEM I think. Anyone have any ideas of what the first word might be? I think that the last word is problem
7 letters: P _ O B L E M
problem
(I'm 99% sure it's problem...)
5 letters: _ U _ _ D
ruled
build
cured
guard
lured
outed
tuned
Current top guess:
build a problem
(a second B)
she's fully just singing lyrics in each video too, don't know where the initial hums for today's vids are from tho... Agree with a different commenter's idea about them being harmonies for different songs!
OH IDEA- the beginning humms are the order that the songs in the album will be in?? so like the kiss me one would be song number 8 on the album!!!
Thanks a whole lot for talking about this. I’ve had what seems like a chronic disassociation since the age of 12, it’s kind of odd to think about recovery because I sincerely can’t remember what reality felt like. This kind of content reminds me to try again, being able to take life seriously without constant reminder that what you will do will have consequences is a great blessing most people take for granted.
This is too relatable, I've never been officially diagnosed but I've felt all the symptoms of derealization for about 3 or 4 years now. It does often trigger panic attacks for me because I realize that I might never be able to feel normal again, and that scares me more than anything in the world. I've learnt to live with it as well, but I always feel like everybody else is experiencing life in a better, clearer way than me, if that makes sense. Thank you for making this video, it really does hit home, and for what it's worth, I'm glad I'm not alone.
“it’s okay because it has to be” the story of my life
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but if i'm being honest that mindset has helped me a lot. It's gonna work out because there's no way it could not, there's no other option. So worrying is useless, you know?
40 likesfully how i'm coping with shitty life right now 🙃
8 likes@Avin Saraji I fully agree but this also makes me even more anxious cos ~there's no other option~
8 likesi know it in my head, but it hurts to hear it
6 likesIf it can be "okay" right now, it will be Okay later.
2 likesi bursted into tears when she said that
3 likessame
1 like@Avin Saraji kind of yes, but at the same time, I personally get very upset & sad about it, because sometimes there are things that I would want to change so so so much, but it seems like, no matter how much effort I put in it, it doesn't. (which is partly due to my anxiety and partly because life's life haha)
1 likeIt's the story of many lives unfortunately ~ watched Fiddler on the Roof on Netflix lately and it really hit that home. Great musical too if that's your jam, hope you get a few good days in <3
0 likesMy depersonalisation feels like I'm not real, but everyone else is. Everyone has a life and a goal and people they love or hate and a story and I'm so overwhelmed by that feeling that I feel myself disappear until there's only a body left that pretends to be me and looks mostly like me, but there's clearly something different. It's just hard to tell what
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same, i see everyone living and i feel like im watching myself live. it feels like im not connected to my body, im floating inside of this shell that's trying to look like me but somethings wrong about the face, or the hands, its just off..
23 likesYou've both worded excellently how I feel, so thank you for that!
10 likesWhat you must understand is that derealisation is nothing more than a protection mechanism. A clever bluff. Your soul/mind is absolutely fine. The only reason it stays with you is that you fear its presence and place importance upon it. I had DP for ages, a couple of years. I never have it anymore ever. You must completely normalise DP, you must tell yourself every day it is nothing more than a protection mechanism and is harmless, then go about your daily business without fear of it. And over time you take the fear away from it and eventually itfades and disappears. Don't look too deep into it, you have not been extracted from your body or reality or your soul or anything like that. You must see it for what it is, a harmless trick of the mind and you will be able to free yourself from it. It really does work I promise, i'm living proof.
30 likesI feel that too, sometimes it even happens whilst I'm talking. I also feel that 'something's very different, but what is it?' kind of feeling, just replying so you know there are even more people who feel the exact same as you, you're not alone in your state of consciousness, or what seems like a lack thereof sometimes
4 likeswow! Mine is the exact opposite. I feel like I'm the only one who exists and all my loved ones will slowly fade until there is nobody left
2 likesfor me its the absolute opposite! it feels like im the only real thing in the universe, that i've been sucked into some parallel reality. LIke im a ghost living in dreamland, and everyone else is just little stars. i think that would probably fall into the realm of derealization rather than just dissociation
5 likes@corsinivideos so how many years it took you to recover ?
0 likes@Daisy H
2 likesI know. I ve had the same thing and I was terrified. Sometimes I would get really in my head and think, what if everything is a dream? It kinda switched to a different place where I still felt weird but I stopped questioning it a bit and now it has gotten way better! ❤️ I am sure it will for you too!
oh my god story of my life, thank you for verbalizing it (although i wish it wasn't because you struggle with it too.) i constantly wonder what is so wrong when i'm with friends or reading people's texts, even if they're talking about negative things in their lives it's usually in reaction to something they've still achieved or progressed towards, and even if i have one or two of the things in common i feel like my experience isn't real while theirs is. and i don't just mean in the impostor syndrome realm, which i definitely have an intense form of, but i mean not being fully IN actual living breathing life
3 likesI feel you...it hurts. Im sorry.
0 likesSame
0 likes@corsinivideos thank you
1 likeI feel you...
0 likesis it even YOUR depersonlization doesn't it even belong to YOU
0 likes@corsinivideos How long did you had it? I’ve been suffering 4 years with this pain, but thanks for the advice.
0 likes@TH C I had for about 2 years
0 likes@Arn Arnie I had for about 2 years then on and off for a bit. Be sure to visit DPselfhelp forum for advice. It is a completely curable condition no need for medication.
1 like@corsinivideos Thanks for the information, and I know as long as you’re in stressful situations it will last, that’s why I’m cutting all the toxic people out of my life that’s keeping it here.
0 likes@corsinivideos and it’s gone now?
0 likes@TH C yes gone. I still have anxiety but no dp/dr
0 likesMy therapist told me that a lot of people’s mental health declined during COVID because it feels like trauma all over again and COVID is the abuser. It’s the same pattern except we don’t have access to our usual coping mechanism (going on walks, seeing family/friends, being distracted at work etc).
183 likesThe "not being able to open my eyes wide enough" description is so accurate. Derealization freaks me out even after a few years of experiencing it on and off.
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!!!yes!!! i've described it to myself as "i've lost my peripheral vision"
1 like@George Weasley's Wife Yeah! Like I can’t take enough visual information in to process everything!
1 like“Feels like I can’t SEE anything enough. Feels like I can’t open my eyes wide enough”
41 likesHoly shit you described it. That’s exactly what it feels like to me. Thank you thank you thank you
It's comforting to hear you talk about this. Wanted to type out a whole thing but just.. thank you.
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I second this sentiment 100%—Was gunna type out a huge thing but ultimately just want to say this is comforting and thank you.
28 likesI agree! So good to know I'm not the only one.
3 likesmany many people are nodding and smiling in our mind when we read this comment
3 likesI'm glad this is at the top right now. I was halfway through typing out a whole thing before I realized it's too much effort to try and put into proper words. I'm just... so fucking exhausted and exasperated...
6 likes@Storyspren Same thing right here. It truly is exhausting but hey, we got this :)
3 likes"It's okay because it has to be" is a very powerful thing to internalize.
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Forcing yourself into that mentality is very difficult sometimes.
8 likeswhy am i literally crying this is. how i've felt for years and I never knew it had a name I never knew other people experienced it too. just. thank you oh my god
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same I cried so hard watching this!! Dodie describes it so well it’s refreshing to hear someone else’s words be so relatable
2 likesIt happend the same to me when I realized what I have. It was in 2020
1 likeI was 20 when i got depressed and did absolutely nothing, no fun memories no fun experiences, just nothing and when i turned 24 and I told myself im going to get my shit together im going to have so much fun its going to be THE year for me but COVID happened. i turned 25 yesterday, felt like nothing happened when i was 24 I achieved nothing and that makes me extremely depressed. I feel hopeless, i want to give up I feel so behind compared to other people my age
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My heart cries for you, it'll be your time soon 💓
13 likesplease never compare yourself to others. there is no right way of living life, we are all going through this in our own way, so try not to be too hard on yourself ❤️🙏🏼
29 likesThere's a secret I'll let you into. Everyone's just trying to make it look like they're having a great time and doing loads, but they actually aren't. Most people are struggling to figure their shit out just like you. No one has everything figured out. They just make it look like they have
36 likesHi I know I don't know you but you are so loved. I struggle with mental health too and it can be so hard. People love you. You are special. All the best ❤️
6 likesYou're not behind you're just on time, figure out some things you would like for yourself in your life don't see how to get them but just what you would like. What you might like to bring to other people's lives also. Little by little you'll start getting intuitions if your following the right breadcrumbs. And boosts of confidence to put thoughts into action. Good luck and have fun x
5 likesHey, I feel you! I often feel like I’m missing out on all the cool stuff people our age do and I can’t really figure out how they do it... But right now I feel like it’s ok. It’s ok to take a bit longer but I’m convinced that we are going to have that someday, too. In whatever way fits us. We want to live, we are going to live. Just need patience. That’s what I believe and hope :) I wish you all the best!
6 likesAnd thank you, your comment really made me feel understood and not so alone with what I experience.
I'm in the same boat as you. Mid-March I had a really emotionally fulfilling night that had me feeling like I was going to be okay, that clarified what I needed to do to get my life on track. Literally two days later my job shut down. I had my birthday around the same time you did and basically ignored it and told friends in advance to please not to send anything. It's taking constant reminding that a lot of people our age are in this same boat right now. Please know you're not alone in this.
3 likesThis might not apply but imma say it, Van Gogh started painting when he was 27. You’ve got time to become a brilliant painter yet, yes that’s just an art example, and I don’t know if that applies to you, but it works and shows my point, you at any age can do anything you want. Sure there are some limitations but you can achieve things yet. Also you’re here, isn’t that achievement enough, some don’t make it to their 20s, I’m proud of you for making it and powering through, I’m proud of everytime you did a little thing to take care of yourself, something as small as grabbing some water or brushing your teeth, I’m proud that you are here now. Even if you feel you’ve let another year pass by next year it’s okay cause you’re there to experience it and I’m proud. My pride probably doesn’t mean a lot to you but this still might help you. I feel sometimes like I’ve done both with my life but I’m here, that’s achievement enough. You can strive for more but realise that being alive is an achievement enough.
5 likesi feel the same way as you - but dont despair. Something my older brother told me which really helped was that, you're not on a time limit. A lot of his friends who had houses and tons of money and a relationship by the time they were 24, are 30 now and completely miserable. Other ones ,who seemed WAY behind, who took an extra 5 years to start getting their shit together, are absolutely thriving now. just because you're 'behind' other people it doesn't mean you're worse off - take it at your own pace!
3 likes❤❤❤❤❤❤
0 likesDude quit being distracted by the illusion of life .
0 likes@randomness051 yes we are all brainwashed by the media
0 likesthis comment thread was healing to read, although it wasn't even for me. thank you
0 likesi am sitting here, violently weeping. you just explained my life and i think i might have depersonalization. thank you for making me feel seen.
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<333
7 likesI know how u feel it’s horrible, hit me up if you need to chat I’m from the uk.
3 likesthank you.. for just being you. i was talking to my mom about all of the “dodie eras”, and she said “wow, you guys have really grown.”
1171 likesi was in fifth grade when i found you. now i’m in high school and everything is very confusing and scary; i have no idea what i like, or what i dislike. i have no idea who i am. it’s terrifying.
one of the only things i can count on is my love for your music. while i’m trying to ‘find myself’ i always try to look for the constants. “i don’t like ketchup.” “i don’t like going in the ocean because of the creepy crawly creatures.” my brain would always go to the negatives. but, now i know.
“i like dodie.”
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Thats so beautiful.
38 likesI used to feel just as lost as you. And when I read your comment I realized that I don't feel as lost as I did anymore. Don't get me wrong I will always be learning new things about myself haha. But just know that there is always progress. And the fun is actually in the process.
Anyway, lots of love :)
thank you for sharing hun, i’m in the same space but didn’t know how to put it into words <33
22 likesthis comment made me cry. I relate so hard
12 likesyo we're in the same boat- i found dodie when i got my uke in grade 4 and now i'm in high school as well
5 likesyou’re writing style is beautiful! do you write often?
7 likesim in high school now as well. i found dodie in middle school in like 2018? right when party tattoos was released. but we’re all trying to figure ourselves out. here’s a quote i like by a youtuber who’s name is nathaniel drew : “there’s no getting there. we’re already there.”
8 likesi use this quote for so many different situations and i feel like finding yourself is definitely one it applies to.
@diego *—* i don’t really write often.. i’m trying to branch out. i’m thinking of maybe starting a youtube channel or exploring the vast and treacherous ocean of tumblr. i don’t know, these are all ideas.
7 likesafter reading these replies, i have the best feelings of butterflies and pure euphoria. going back to my original comment, dodie isn’t only someone to listen to. she created this beautiful community that supports and relates to each other. the internet is very expansive and overwhelming, much less the world, but it’s very comforting to know that there are people out there like me. it makes you feel less alone. :)!
13 likesAaa i know how you feel its so terrifying to feel like i dont know my self i found her in 6th and im currently in 10th i dont know whatd id do without this little bit of constant
4 likesI didn't know that was a way other people felt. Thank you for sharing. You make me feel like this is a normal part of life. I think we're gonna be okay.
6 likesOh man, dude you are not alone. Back in high school I felt the same way. This is the time to not know who you are, cause it's pretty much the first time you're given a choice for who you want to be. And it's ok if five years from now you still don't know. So so glad you have music to keep you grounded, especially dodie's music cause it's just so honkin good! Enjoy this time learning about yourself, be kind to you, and have a lovely day!
7 likes@Aaliyah Herrera oh i’m like that too i always think about doing fun things and take forever to get around to actually doing them hehe, well if you don’t write often i guess you’re just a naturally pretty writer! :)
2 likesoh also, i can totally relate to what you said in your comment. i think all this isolation has gotten me too over analytical of everything, including myself. sometimes i feel like everything i see in myself is contradictory and im just a random blob of mess eek. this is also not fun when in the phase of life where we’re supposed to be deciding what we want to study and do for our entire lives. i hope things feel better when we’re back to some sort of normal, and i hope they get better for you too! hang in there <3
3 likesWHY AM I CRYING UGH
2 likesI also do not like creepy crawly creatures at the beach, but I found peace at rock beaches recently! It's a lot scarier to be in the water at the shore because large rocks can come for your ankles anytime, but it's a lot of fun and considerably less stressful than sand to me. I genuinely hope you get to experience great things in the outdoors, be sure to enjoy the little things! Best wishes!
4 likesI sometimes feel just as lost as you, and I'm now in my third year of university... so I giess it never stops for me 🙄 I found dodie at SitC 2017, but before I had seen a couple of her vkdeos and didnt really like them. Now I just love them and I could just relate to her book so much 🥰
4 likesIt’s scary, but it’s so exciting too! I’m in uni and i’ve embraced my personality being super fluid for now. It’s exactly like with the dodie ‘eras’, you know? Dodie has grown and changed and so has her taste and her music, but she’s still the same person we got to know years ago. You’re the same! Even if your favourite colour and your favourite band and your taste in clothes and music and films change!! ❤️
5 likesThis was really moving, thank you for sharing ❤️
2 likes22 y/o college dropout here, I feel the EXACT same way
3 likesDudedudedude i was in 5th grade and now im in highschool
1 likeI get this so much. I switched schools for the first time in 7th grade, and again in 9th. I'm in 10th now, and I keep telling myself I should be better now, like I shouldn't have to worry about who I am, or what I like, if I'm likable, or if I have a personality at all. I seem to just repeat what other people say. I have my own opinions, but I just seem bland in my eyes, so it's hard to make friends when you don't even know yourself sometimes. Both dodie's and Tessa's songs have really helped these past years, and seeing all these comments makes all this feel normal. Thank you
4 likesthis is so pretty huhududjsk and i relate to the dodie phases so much too lol
3 likesi’ve had derealization for almost 6 years now, and i hear you
41 likesthe past 8 months have felt like a distant voice calling for me, like a distant and confused dream i can’t quite remember.
i lost so many weeks because i was so detached from reality that time flew by like it would during a dream, and i can barely remember what i did during that period.
i’m sorry, and i understand you
Depersonalisation story:
92 likesI was officially diagnosed with this charming condition about 3 years ago to go along side the severe anxiety and depression which was a relief to put a name to the feeling. I’ve been watching dodie for like 7 years and relating to her stories it was nice to know I wasn’t crazy. After a decent bit of therapy and doctors it’s believed I’ve had it for most of my life after some splendid childhood trauma but then the alarm bells went off after more lovely trauma my brain went into intense lockdown (pun intended) in about 2017 where I was in the lowest of lows and my knight in shining armour was the depersonalisation trying to save my brain from the trauma. It has definitely been in waves of severity but has definitely always been there. I have almost no connection to emotions thanks to my brains coping mechanism and might cry maybe twice a year if I’m lucky. The feelings of being spaced out are so current and I always feel like a robot when talking about emotions. I don’t remember doing everyday activities or at work will ask who did a task only to find out I did it but with no memory due to being on auto pilot. The energy trying to stay in the moment with friends and not zone out can be exhausting. Scratching or pinching my arms to feel something and keep myself in the moment. But it’s part of my life, I joke and laugh about it cause that’s all we can do. So here’s to us 🥂🤙
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Literally same. Ive had many intrusive thoughts about cutting myself just to feel something because emotionally its very hard to feel
2 likesIf you don't mind me asking, what trauma did you guys go through? I know it's hard to talk about so don't feel pressured to do so, share as much or as little as you like. I just feel like I never know if the stuff I went through is "bad enough" to be considered trauma, and if they could have caused my mental disorders. I'm curious to know what other people have been through so I can feel more welcome and comfortable.
0 likesDodie I have followed you for years ♥️ and a big part of that aside from your tremendously wonderful creative gifts is because you are so open about your depersonalization. I have Dissociative Identity Disorder, and you help me feel less alone in something that is so hard for most people to understand without experiencing it.
4 likesim literally crying watching this because I could never describe how it felt and you explained it perfectly. I also got depression after I got this symptoms and I just feel so similar to you...
12 likesI don’t have a diagnosis but most times i feel just out of it. like everything seems super bright and muffled and blurry and my brain can’t focus on anything and i’m just there. you just described how i feel and it makes me feel way less alone!
33 likesAs someone who struggles with depersonalisation, the biggest low for me is when I’m even convincing myself that my depersonalisation isn’t real. That’s when I get really nervous. Because if what I’m feeling, is what everyones feeling then the world seems so sad to me....
17 likesAnyways, struggling to feel alive is awfull. Don’t ever make someone feel like they’re being silly or “fake” even.
We feel bad enough as we feel....
i have depression and anxiety, and i didn’t know how to explain that feeling of things not being real, or not feeling fully here, and now it makes so much sense to me. the way you explained it sounds exactly like how i feel
12 likesseeing someone with such a large platform talking about this and spreading awareness is so so important. you have helped me and so many other people that struggle with this so thank you 🥺
12 likesanxiety + weed + radical life changes + covid caused it all for me. i genuinely thought i had lost my mind and was going crazy until i found out just how common it was. you are not alone and i send so much love to anyone going through this x
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This is literally me! Same exact situation!
1 like@Chloe Rose hey i hope youre doing okay!!! its been about 4/5 months now and its getting better, distracting yourself by focus on other things (studying, reading, netflix, dancing) has helped me the most. also remember these are such weird times right now, so its bound to feel even weirder. so much love you will get better again i promise x
1 likei feel so sad for those of you who do have this, it must be a living hell. i cant imagine how it effects your daily life. i know this comment is probably useless to you, but i wish we were more aware of this. ive never heard of this until now, it really needs to be spoken about more.
4 likesThank you for talking about your mental health—it made me realize I dissociate and it led to me finding out about my depression!!! I now am on meds and I’ve never felt more clear snd present. Life does feel like a cloud or that you have to blink all the time in order to see in those moments. I hope one day something will appear that helps a little!!! Sending so much love ❤️
4 likesmy anxiety has been something i can only describe as a wildfire during covid times due to being alone with myself and i’ve recently been feeling ‘disconnected’ with myself and everything feels... not real. but i do remind myself that you feel somewhat the same as me and it brings a little bit of comfort, i think? this video made me feel very seen and thank you very much, you’ve blindly been there for me since 2017 and i appreciate you a lot so thank you ❤️
22 likesDear Dodie. I usually never comment but I just felt like I have to tell you this. I've lived with DPDR for almost 10 years, probably due to some childhood trauma I repressed. I never knew about depersonalisation/-realization, but when I saw your video (something like "it feels like I'm dreaming all the time") I was like, oh god, that's what it feels like! And then I had a name for it, I knew I was not the only person in the world, feeling like this. It really gave me hope and strength during the time it was the worst. You described it all so beautifully. It's like not being there 100%, vegetating between your subconscious and what's real, like you fell back in your mind and see everything through a grey veil. I never went to a therapist or got medication, I didn't even tell my parents about it. (I still haven't) Only a few friends, but talking about it made it more normal and I felt less like a non-existent person. I don't know if I'm cured now since I still have some moments in my life, where I feel dissociated and muted, but my illness has become a smaller part of my life. I don't think about it all the time and I can even "control" it at some times. And that's the biggest part about it: Not letting your DPDR take such a big part of your thoughts and your life. Trying to "zoom in", to not ask yourself all those philosophical questions all the time, to just accept your state-of-being. Because when you tell yourself all the time that you're not normal and something's wrong, then it won't end. Not thinking about it or "ignoring" the feeling is the best advice I can give you - it helped me to come back! And when I know think about my state, my DPDR feels so far away, I can't even totally describe the feeling I felt because it's so surreal to me now.
16 likesWish you all the best! You can do this! Thank you for changing my life. <3
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That's really interesting to hear! How long did you have to ignore it for before you started to notice changes? For me it can be tricky, like constantly trying not to think of a pink elephant...
1 like@rickstarz Not the OP, but it generally depends on what triggered it.
0 likesOverall, however, what helped me overcome it for the most part (still have isolated episodes here and there) is not focusing on how long it would take before I'd come out of it. I know it's very hard, and difficult to explain, but you just have to constantly try distracting yourself. Any time you start focusing too much on DPDR, find something else to do. Read, play a game, listen to music. Every time. In the beginning, it won't feel like you're making too much progress, but eventually you'll see the results.
Also, accepting that this will be a part of your life for a while definitely helps. In my case, I just told myself that if I'll be suffering from this for decades to come, I'll still do the things I've always wanted to do. Why? Because, in the event that I were only cured of DPDR at, say, age 60-70, the worst I could say is what a shame it was that I didn't get to fully enjoy my experiences, as opposed to, "I never did any of the things I wanted to do because of DPDR". Having some sort of experience is still better than none at all.
I definitely understand this feeling ... it is so hard to explain to people. Even my doctor, which is extremely frustrating! It does make me feel better knowing that other people suffer from the same issue. Thanks for talking about these things dodie!
3 likesI've been telling myself for years "keep your head in the clouds, it's better than staring at your feet"
1 likeSeems deeper when walking along appreciating my surroundings with a cinematic soundtrack. I'd space out so bad I'd just walk along with my head hung low and not be present. Thanks for being so honest and open at this time, practicing gratitude and sharing joy xo
It‘s „good“ hearing you talk about it since I now know that I wasn‘t CRAZY as a child but very likely simply had a phase of derealisation... so as much as I wished it to be different for you, THANKS for talking so openly about it
1 likeI still have my doubts about wether or not what I experience is derealization, but the way you manage to put such a complicated thing into words, so many things make sense to me now. I wish you and whoever reads this the best of luck on this journey, stay safe everyone 💕
2 likesHonestly you coming to terms with the fact that you have this and watching your process on YT and other socials over the years helped me realize that I also suffer from this and looked for the help I needed to cope and find ways to manage my DPD
1 likethis video made me feel good, i love when you talk about your depersonalization because it brings other people here who deal with it and makes me feel so supported
1 likeThank you for representing and introducing me to this illness I have! I didnt know the name until you! Ive been formally diagnosed now but I love having a fellow dreamy spreading the word
1 likethank you for sharing. this means so much as someone who experiences life in similar ways. feels good to hear someone else say, in a positive way, "take what we can get" ♡
1 likeCovid has been hard to live with, as I suffer from anxiety and depression as well as dysphoria and diabetes.
2 likesBut because I've had experience of it before, I know how to deal with mental health. It just tires me since I have to deal with it so much though, which also throws my physical health off a bit.
North east here, very much back in lockdown again (and yes I should be asleep)
i struggle with derealisation, depersonalisation, dissociation, the whole lot. its a fight everyday hoping it wont happen. at one point i was dissociated 90% of the time really and had a bad time with derealisation yesterday. it sucks, and i cant imagine having it chronically. i hate it when i loose my memory. knowing the answer to something i need to figure out like where am i but my head not allowing me to know the answer and accepting the knowledge into my head to comfort me. its so hard and i wish i knew how it could go away. but at the same time sometimes i do like that i can just float away for a little. not feel anything. im not saying that ignoring chronic suffers, i hate it most of the time. just trying to talk about things i guess.. this is long and im tired. thank you for the video it helped me focus for a bit when im kinda in crisis. hope your all okay, sending love. xx
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i get that,
0 likesi'm not sure if i have it non-stop because everytime i think i feel 'real' i just dissociate harder than before, but I understand the part about liking it sometimes. Its an escape from reality, it has its cons but it has its pros. in a situation where everyone is scared or taken over by intense emotion dissociation allows me to step back from that and see it from an outsider view (just like always, but this time its helpful in the situation) and i wont have to feel so terrified or endangered yknow? or when i feel alone and i have nothing to distract myself from negative thoughts i can just let myself float away and dissociate and be numb
Dodie, how do you stay motivated when you're feeling so out of it? I've been struggling lately and my depression and anxiety turns into apathy and disgust. Idk what to do.
1 like“to be honest most of you have got it by now”
2390 likesITS BUILD A PROBLEM
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:O
9 likesNOW I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHAT IT MEANS
62 likesBEAT ME TO IT
10 likes@trinity an album or a song maybe???
25 likesI originally thought it could be Found A Problem, but it could be this too! I’m so excited either way
22 likesYES I DID ITTTTT
5 likes@Kseniya Mak PLEASE!!! or maybe something different ........
1 likeI spent most of yesterday puzzling it out, and I am IN AGREEMENT
0 likesOk ok, but what does it mean?
1 like@Brett Goldsmith no one could possibly know what it means, because that hasn't been given to us yet. The clues are simply leading to the name. But album or song title sounds best
6 likes@As You Wes doesn't mean I don't want to know. I agree though. Album title seems likely
0 likesI thought it was buried a problem but that makes sense
2 likesi don't think do, she seems to be doing the letters in alphabetical order
0 likesbruh how do you even remember the letters this all just went over my dyslexic little head
2 likes@habus no she doesn't, we already had O and that comes after L in the alphabet
0 likes@Kseniya Mak probably
0 likesI think you might have made a mistake but we'll find out 🤪
1 like@Maya Huling I have U_B_D A PROBLEM
1 likeUnbud? Upbid? Not sure, but I'm pretty sure its gonna be the name of her first full length album! Maybe with 13 songs?
hi dodie, thank you for these little videos where everything’s quiet and calm for a bit and we can just listen to your thoughts. so far it’s been a nice thing to watch every day :) also thank your for the beautiful pain of the line “it’s okay because it has to be,” like oW-
1 likeWith my depersonalization, at the beginning of COVID, I didn’t even notice how bad it was getting. Then I went grocery shopping during the like panicky no toilet paper phase, and I was SO spaced out it freaked me out. No one and nothing in that store felt real at all. It’s still pretty bad, but yeah I’ve gotten more comfortable with it and stopped like fighting it so much lol
1 likeYes! Therapy! Dont let yourself sink, you/we got this. :) <3 I'm getting dissociation as part of a different personality disorder, its like an unwanted dream and hard to get out of sometimes.
1 likethis is something that i've recently been struggling with very badly. i had severe anxiety already and a panic disorder but after a bad high, I've been depersonalized for months. it's affected my life horribly and I'm still in the learning process on how to cope. when I depersonalize, it leads to a lot of panic and anxiety. i hope it goes away soon. seeing other people go through the same thing makes me feel less anxious. thank you for sharing, love you
1 likethank you so much for being so open about depersonalisation/ derealisation, you describe it sooo well and I wish other people would understand as well 💛
1 likeThis made me want to cry because everything u said felt so familiar and true, and you were able to put into words feelings I haven’t been able to. I’ve never received help for my dpdr or had anyone to talk to abt it, so whenever dodie posts a video it brings me so much comfort and a feeling that I’m not alone in this or crazy. Thank you dodie
1 likeI’ve been thinking about this exact concept with “covid time” feeling like depersonalisation. It’s been a while now since I was able to acknowledge my own journey with derealisation/depersonalisation. And it can be hard to see in the moment, especially when I am having more of a manic episode, but today’s not really a great day. Hearing someone else talk about it all is refreshing though
0 likesi had derealization at the beginning of this year for several months after doing psychedelics. I'm so sorry you've been dealing with it for so long. I'm better now sometimes it comes back for a short period when I'm really anxious, so I've been making sure to manage my anxiety. It's so hard though because human connection makes me feel grounded and its hard to get that now.
1 likei remember when I was in the worst of my derealization and covid was starting to hit, I really was convinced that I was in a simulation. its not that I completely don't believe that anymore... but I've accepted that its ok. its ok to feel this way because life is still beautiful even if it may be fake
I’m 12 and you helped me realise what I was feeling wasn’t normal, not a lot of people believe me because of quarentine and “everyone feels that way right now” but I don’t think they’ve ever been up at 2:00am gripping at their scalp trying to ground themselves. Your video about depersonalization help me better understand that I’m not crazy. And it makes me feel better to know that this can stem from my gender dysphoria as well and not just deep rooted trauma. I cried watching this because it makes so much sense to me. I love u and ur music Dodie! <3
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Sending lots of love to you!! Keep reaching out, someone will listen and understand, I promise <3
20 likesGood luck my love, we support you!! I hope your friends can learn to understand where you're coming from a little better so they can support you xx
14 likesIf you have anyone in your life who can help you through this, make sure you ask, you deserve someone to be there for you xx
Good luck with everything, and know that we love you for who you are here on this platform xx I believe in you ! xxxx
i found out that i have derealization a year or two ago when in like 8th grade. it’s really nice to know that there’s a reason why i feel so spaced out sometimes. it’s really difficult when i’m with my best friend and they’re having fun but i’m just trying to figure out how to not feel like a video game character lol. try your best not to get annoyed or angry with yourself for however you feel. this goes for anything. we get the best of ourselves sometimes. it’s also really nice to find others that you can relate to when it comes to derealization. anyways i hope you’re doing well. everything’s been super weird but you’re not alone with this feeling. ♥️♥️
12 likesHold the Line love! We got this!
6 likesHey. My DR symptoms started when I was 12, and I want you to know that it gets better! I'm 17 now, and I had a few years of pretty bad symptoms, followed by a long stretch of time where everything seemed pretty ok. The covid situation and some other life stuff has made it worse again, but even now it's not as bad as before because I know how to deal with it. I hope people will believe you-- getting help can be hard! Stay strong, I believe in you.
13 likesSending you love - I've been dissociating since I was 12, and I'm 20 now. Often, when I'm really spacey and sad and things are hard, I think about how I would care for my little traumatized kid self, and I do those things. Taking a bath in the middle of the night, making very sweet, weak tea, sleeping with a stuffed animal - these help you ground through your other senses. And even just having empathy for your mind and what it does for you - "this thing I deal with is really scary and upsetting, and my brain is still trying to protect me from it and doesn't know we're safe now. Thank you, brain, we're safe, and it's okay now." It at least brings me a little bit of comfort if I can't come down. I wish you the best, be well 💓
12 likes❤️❤️❤️ You got this, homie.
3 likes@Grace Law thank you so much, this mean so much to me. Thank you <3
0 likes@Rose Lalonde thank you so much, 🥺<3 love to u
1 like@that person thank you from the bottom of my heart these replies are making me feels so not alone <3
2 likes@Annabelle x thank you so much <3
1 like@Imogen Phillips <3
0 likes@BuggKidd rooting for ya ❤️❤️
1 likeIt can definitely be reassuring to realise what you're feeling isn't normal. As odd as is sounds it can be extremely relieving.
3 likesPeople always say "don't worry, that's normal, we all feel that way" and I know people are only trying to be kind and supportive in most cases, but it just invalidates what you're feeling and make you feel like it doesn't matter, isn't real. Even if it's "normal" please realise it's unbearable. And if this is normal then god how can so many people live so care free?
Once you find out it isn't normal you realise it's not the world that's this way, it's you. Which sounds terrifying and can be at times. But it's still also somehow reassuring to know somethings wrong with you, that crying yourself to sleep and always feel hollow isn't normal. It means there can be hope. It means you can (and things can) get better, that this isn't the "normal" and therefor how things should be.
@Leah i completely understand what you’re saying. you have to figure out the problem so that you can fix it. saying it’s “normal” can make it seem like there is no problem and that it’s not fixable. but things can change and get better. anyways thanks for replying on here for all of us to see. it was helpful for me as well. ❤️
3 likesThank you for continuing to talk about depersonalization. It really helps people ( like me ! ) who have the disorder, because it isn't talked about nearly enough, and it takes people who have it way too long to find out what it is. You've created a wonderful community ( pretty much the only one ) where we can all go and dissociate together and I thank you for it ☺
1 likeI have this problem too, and Im finally coming out of it. I highly recommend somatic therapies such as EMDR and Somatic Experiencing for trauma-related conditions (sry, talk therapy only gets you that far :( ) Orienting (literally looking around you) is an important and simple first step. Irene Lyon also has a lot of super helpful info on her YouTube channel. Hope you all figure it out!
2 likesReplies (2)
Thank you so much
0 likes@Pilar Silva <3
0 likesits so comforting seeing a youtuber speaking abt depersonalisation cause genuinely theres like no youtubers that seem to have it or speak abt it and its just nice knowing that im not the only one so thank you
2 likesI only recently realized that I may have derealization and I feel like I get it in situations where I'm socially anxious. I always felt those surreal moments where it feels like you're watching "over" yourself or hearing yourself talk without feeling like it's actually you. It's very strange. I also get blurry vision which I thought was something wrong with my eyes and was considering seeing an optometrist about it, until I saw that distortions in the visual field is one of the possible symptoms of derealization. The scariest thing is that I sometimes get derealization when I drive and I have to force myself to feel something tangible in order to snap out of it. Music really helps me in those moments. I get it in crowds, used to get it in classrooms, I get it at the grocery store and pretty much anywhere that's public. Can people experience it at home as well? Because I don't think I do.
1 likeThe lack of stimuli in my house has really made my derealization go crazy whenever I step outside lol
636 likesReplies (11)
does anyone else get a lot of depersonalization while wearing a mask? (I always wear my mask despite this, stay safe) I think the bit of vision it obstructs makes me feel like I'm not really there, and like I am in a dream
33 likes@melancholy_mushroom yes!! it still feels new and fake and as if I'm wearing a costume and I'm an actor in a dystopian film where the air is unsafe to breathe, if that makes any sense
24 likesthe lack of stimuli in my house made it feel like watching tv for 40 minutes is too damn much and it sucks
12 likes@melancholy_mushroom yes. Particularly while wearing masks that aren't as breathable.
5 likesSameee
17 likesSame, mate. ✌
3 likes@melancholy_mushroom Umm, not exactly, but the mask f's with my PTSD-hypervigliance, because it covers the air around my nose and mouth, and the space around my eyes, and then it catalyses a larger "stimulus overload" session.
4 likessame! where i live we're more "open" now but at the height of it, being inside and being outside were equally draining pretty much, because one was extremely underwhelming and the other overwhelming
3 likes@melancholy_mushroom yesss or even when i wear sunglasses
2 likes@melancholy_mushroom definitely!! especially since i wear glasses so they fog up and it just looks very weird
1 likeSAME
1 likeYou taught me about this and helped me work out what I was feeling. Doctors still don't understand but I am grateful you are so open about it. Thank you Dodie! x
0 likesAs someone with life long dissociation and depersonalization it’s really nice to hear someone I look up to talk about it. Thank you!
3 likesI felt this so much I have little tics now because they help me figure out if im asleep or not or if I still have my senses.
4 likesLike snapping next to my ear or knocking on my head, etc.
I feel this so much. I struggle with depression and DPDR as well from trauma. and trying to do college this semester has been a struggle bus. so much dissoication and apethic depression.
1 likeAs someone who has depersonalisation, I feel like I'm much better at coping with this covid situation than people around me. It definitely has to do with the fact that I usually feel like this, so I know what to do when I feel like shit. It also feels like I'm losing less moments and life things than others, probably because my emotions are usually limited, and happiness is never really that happy. It's just a continuation of my limbo
51 likesThank you for this video. I've been feeling like this a lot more lately even though I have a daily routine (going to school and what not). But I've been feeling like everything isn't real and started at the beginning of all this mess. huh yeah anyway. thank you dodie ❤
2 likesoh gosh, the covid derealization is sooo bad. my derealization always makes me feel like im in the uncanny valley, or, like, the upside down from stranger things. where things look the same but something's WRONG and i can't tell what it is and my brain starts to believe none of it's real. When things are strange and not quite right in real life, when my routine is broken, when things like COVID start happening, it triggers dissociation so hard.
4 likesThankfully i dont have so many of the physical symptoms (like blurry vision), but my expereince is very emotional and just awful. I feel like there's somehting off about me, like the world is blurry (metaphorically) and im the only real thing in it. That feeling like you're in the matrix that dodie mentions, that everyone else is fake and you're the only real person, is so, so horrible. it's just... so lonely. It's like im a floating soul, the only soul around, and everyone else is just little tiny stars that all blend in together. it sounds nice when i say it like that but it's really scary - it's like i can't tell what's real and what's not and i feel like im going crazy and im scared that i will never be able to go back to normal, and i can't even go talk to people for help because i feel like im in a whole other UNIVERSE than them and they feel blurry and fake and then it causes panic attacks and it just... gah. At least it was nice to be able to vent!
I’m currently undiagnosed with BPD and on the way to a confirmed diagnosis and my disassociation has been really bad in the last couple of weeks
5 likesI experience depersonalisation as a secondary symptom of other things, and gosh if this didn't hit home. COVID has made the moments of it so much worse. Whilst I'm lucky that it's not a constant thing, the past year or so has been pretty close to that... if nothing else, it's taught me more about how I can cope with it when it flares up once things are safer ♥
1 likethe way this was worded is so nice, you can tell dodie really has grown a lot with dealing with this. :)
291 likesI have to say i am lucky in that sense i don't have depersonalisation as a full on disorder but i experienced this as a symptom of grief, right after my best friend died in a car crash last year (he was 19) .so it's always way nicer to hear when people tell you to enjoy what you still can, instead of this patronizing kind of advice like everything will be super amazing soon just hold on. Nah. while it's good to have hope, sometimes terrible things happen for no reason, you just have to learn how to pick yourself up again and again.
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I'm sorry about your friend. I have depersonalisation but it was never horrible until covid happened. It isn't the "cause" of my anxiety but it definitely doesn't help. Sometimes I will forget to respond to a text from a friend and go into a spiral of "they hate me because they think I don't want to talk to them" and such. My sister got diagnosed with something really bad(can't say) and then my Cousins horse died. the first horse I ever rode. She was so sweet and good with kids. I really just felt like I wasn't there. Everything was blurry and I don't remember most of it. I remember listening to dodie music constantly though and playing "big bowl in the sky" by cavetown. I dont know how to end this..
3 likesI hope you have a good day
i’m sorry for your loss. i lost my cousin last year, who was an incredibly close friend of mine, when she was only in her 20s and i was 19. the derealization that came with grief was truly like something i could never have imagined and would never wish on someone. its true, sometimes the most we can do is try and try again to pick ourselves back up. im wishing you peaceful healing, as this pain takes time to honor. sending love your way <3
4 likes@Jillian Rachel Thank you. I am sorry for your loss as well. It sucks, but we will make it through, I am sure of it.
1 likeI had depersonalization in certain period of my life, since I was a little children. But there was rare moments and them gone in a few minutes.
1 likeBut now in 2020, I had experience depersonalization for longs and longs days, weeks, months. I thought that everything that I was living were a big dream from my head and nothing were real. I'm still into it, but now is less than was. Sometimes I focus on my hands and I'm thinking if is the real world. No doubts that the quarantine experience and the pandemic caotic world that we're still living is the reason for that. In my case, I'm not from England, USA or (insert another native English country here), I'm from a country in the South America, called Brazil. And here, the things are getting worse that the rest of the world, we have a president who kills the population (including the people who voted on him), we have groups and groups chilling at the bar, we have a parallel universe here. Sometimes I feel like it's just me who "believe" in Covid-19. My friends are making meetings, travelling, etc. and I'm still in home, me and my family, sometimes I feel like I'm in a scene from the movie "I'm the legend". I hope we get well better soon ❤️🙏
I was so grateful that my medication was able to help me in this specific regard. Keep strong Dodie <3
0 likeshi, thank you... For being positive about all this, although it makes me fight back in my head, like it will never be any better anymore. I became aware that I also have depersonalisation in the early days because of your first video about it.
1 likeThere's one thing that happened with you that bothered me so much.. I was at you concert in Amsterdam and because I live far away from the city, my friends and me had to leave early to catch our last train. I was so upset, because you saved the most beautiful and special songs, that made me cry for like a million times, for last. And because of the dissociation, I was so angry at myself for not soaking up every second. For some reason I also blamed you and the situation for this. It took me some time to come back to this beautiful place you've made and not remember the horrible event. And I don't know if it makes any sense but I forgive you for this.. And now I'm working at forgiving myself.
Wait I'm bawling.. I've been looking for a sign for why I am like I am and I have depersonalisation
3 likesI've been looking for an answer all my life and my neurological doctor didn't even know. This is such a relief to know that I'm okay
Dodie you've explained everything so well, THANK YOU for making me feel so much less alone ❤️️ Want to send this to EVERYONE in my life😭❤️️ WE'VE GOT THIS!!
0 likesOh my goodness you just explained exactly how i feel in the first min of the video. Like its exactly how it is for me. It feels like ive been dreaming for so long. Sometimes i get to points in my life where i just cant take it anymore because i cant tell whats real or not, physical or like situations( if that makes sense)
1 likeIve always felt that I was a casual observer of my own life instead of the one living it. Things are really foggy and hard to hold on to. I desperately want to be present and feel strong emotions but it happens so rarely. All that being said, I'm not unhappy, I just know that things could be even better, and that gets me down.
1 likeIt’s amazing to be able to relate to your symptoms so closely, no other accounts match that true chronic feeling. Thank you Dodie for being here and speaking out 💖
0 likesyou’re the one who helped me realize i’ve got this. getting help for it now. very appreciative of you being open about it :)
49 likesrecently i reached out to one of my professors about lying on a “check-in quiz” (basically the class filled out a sheet online saying how we’re doing lately) and i was like “i lied!! im so so anxious” and we started talking about derealization because she gets that way too. and it was weirdly comforting knowing im not alone. and i hope you know youre not alone either💕
1 likeThese vids make me feel so seen and understood, I had this feeling during lockdown but couldn't verbalize it at all
0 likesI have had derealization/depersonalization for three years now. I’m 17, and most of the time it feels like it’s not worth it. Every day, every second, is the same, it never goes away and my family and I have struggled with therapists and doctors to find a cure. I got into your music over quarantine, and I had no idea you struggled with the same thing I do. This video really made me feel known though, it made me feel like I wasn’t alone, and I’m grateful for that. Thank you.
3 likesAt the end...made me feel so warm hearted, perfect rendition of the original <3 XD love you. So sorry about the disassociation...it does suck. But, it can be an advantage to understanding life in a way that otherwise we never would have.
0 likesMy depersonalization feels like being a ghost in my own life, like my body is moving without me and I’m just watching from inside my mind. Love you, Dodie, I hope you find moments of relief <3
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i feel the same exact way. you're not alone, stay strong <3
1 likeYes exactly. I struggle mostly with derealization, and Sometimes I describe it as looking at everything through a foggy glass door. You can still see through the door, see what’s going on through it, but it’s not quite as clear. You can still hear what’s going on on the other side but it’s slightly muffled. So you CAN participate in these senses but only a half of the way. And for now, I guess that’s okay 🤍
4 likes@SBJade I think you just gave the best explanation of it I have ever heard. It's so hard to put into words, but you did it really well!
0 likesi have derealization too and for me, covid time has made it so much harder to deal with. thankfully i am a lot more used to feeling spaced out now than when it first set in, so it's a lot easier for me to cope now than if covid had happened 3 years ago. you sharing your own experience with depersonalization/derealization has really helped me feel less alone so thank you so much <3
1 likeI've had it for 17 years. Once, like 6 years ago I had one evening when it got about 50% better out of nowhere. I just couldn't stop laughing because I was feeling so good. Next morning it was back again though, and I haven't got a relief like that again since. Oh well...
1 likeI have DID! It's so nice to hear your perspective. Nothing helps us either, other than grounding and body-mindful activities. Which we do all day long haha
1 likeI’ve been here for a hot minute and I’ve watched you learn how to cope with your own brain and seen the way you view derealisation and how it affects you. It’s actually amazing to see and i am proud.
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<3
1 likeI have Depersonalisation, its horrible during these times, bless all of you.
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I hope you feel well <3
3 likes@✿ evi ✿ I luckily have a great support team, I’m sure a lot of others are in tougher situations.. But its not great ❤️
3 likeswhat do i do
0 likes@despactio cheeto Don’t be afraid of psychiatry, you won’t get locked away, psychology helps.
1 likeYeah we have DID and it's such a weird time. Sending love to you
0 likes@Mosaic ❤️
0 likesI had depersonalisation for about 3 years STRAIGHT. There was no break from it and the panic attacks that came with it were hell. I thought it would never end, then it just slowly went away as I came to terms with the Trauma I was supressing. I still get intrusive thoughts and shit from past trauma but at least the depersonalization is finally gone. Those were dark times :(. When dodie said she's been dealing with it for 8 years plus I was like holy shit, I thought 3 years was hell on earth.
1 like@Caffeine Overdose My dissociation and depersonalization is completely gone. I don't feel spacy, and I haven't had one of those strange "complete and utter hopeless that reality isn't real" panic attacks that usually come with dissociation in years. Which has made life seem brighter and more enjoyable again. Music hits different, things taste better, being alive feels fuller again. But the down side is now all of the trauma that I was repressing is very present and I deal with a lot of intrusive thoughts, anxiety and other issues. I've accepted that I'm not going to fix a life time of repressing trauma in a few short years and that the path way to true happiness and healing is going to be a loooooong journey, but there is a frustration that comes with beating one problem then being faced with a whole other set of demons. I think something to keep in mind when it comes to DP is usually if you have it it's because you were repressing complex trauma that your brain didn't want you to face, and when you do finally start facing it it's going to be brutal. But still walking through the fire is better than being stuck in purgatory, at least that's my opinion. Most important thing is to believe you are capable of healing and fighting for a better future otherwise there's no point in even trying.
0 likes@Caffeine Overdose Yeah, I was the same, I repressed myself hard-core in my teens to deal with an unhealthy environment, and crappy circumstances and as a result I developed DP.
1 likeIf it helps any this is what healing from DP looked like for me.
1 Identify the underlying issues: I did this via the Internet and YouTube videos like Dodie Clarks
2 Accept the underlying issues: talk therapy with friends, family and professionals, if your country has Medicare it’s free of cost. Medication might also be involved with the talk therapy.
3 Facing the underlying issue: This one is so much harder than it seems. I thought that facing the issue meant professional therapy, but talk therapy was just accepting the issue. For me facing my trauma involved doing things I was scared of, Simple shit like going to the movies by myself, or more serious shit like tracking down somebody who was abusive towards me in my teens and having a conversation about the abuse. That was brutal because it wasn't therapist recommended, but I knew in my gut it's what I needed to do to move past it.(obviously if the person is dangerous that approach is not recommended, but the person who contributed largely to my DP was a dumb teen who didn't know how toxic their behaviour was, so I was able to find closure through confronting them) Talk therapy is great if you have access to it, but there's only so many work books and mental exercises you can do before you have to look inside yourself and ask your own psyche what it needs. One of the best quotes somebody told me in my journey was “your body is a healing machine; it knows how to heal, trust what it’s telling you and meet it’s needs”.
4. The last one is Healing from the underlying issues. A huge part of depersonalisation is that you don't trust your mind or your body anymore, because you feel like it's betrayed you and the quality of your life. Looking inside yourself and choosing to trust your psyche enough to listen to what it needs is a huge part of the healing process. And unlike some people with mental illness who's issue is they can't necessarily trust their minds (suicidal ideation, schizophrenia).I think a big issue for people with DP is we NEED to learn to trust our bodies and minds again. Another piece of advice is go back to as many doctors as you need and keep going until you find a useful one. It took me 3 different therapists until I found a helpful one. Living in physical or mental pain or discomfort is not something you should have to accept. You’re healing and happiness is worth the fight. And you deserve all the mental health services that are available to you as well as the support from your family, friends and mental health professionals, because at the end of the day we're all just walking each other home.
Anyway, good luck with your DP, Some of us are dealt crappier hands than others in life, but it just means we are more complex souls at the end of the day ;)
@oo oo how do i process unsolved trauma if i don’t want to go to a therapist ? What can i do to heal from these stupid shit that’s literally killing me inside
0 likes@TH C Sorry to hear you are struggling. If I may ask what is the reason you don't want to go to a therapist?
0 likesGood news is if you’re able to manage your issues on your own a lot of the resources therapists use can be found online. And if you go through the public system mostly they will be handing you worksheets to do anyway. You can utilize self-studying by using online resources to figure out why you feel the way you do and what you can do to move past your issues. You can go to Google and type in social anxiety worksheets, or intrusive thoughts worksheets. Actually doing the mental activities in those worksheets sucks, you feel stupid, you feel like they won’t work, but give them time and most importantly keep working on them and you will feel a change. If your inner turmoil is something you can manage on your own, time is your biggest friend. With time come’s perspective and the ability to let things go and make peace with even the worst traumas. As long as you are in a healthy environment where the trauma is not being repeated or triggered constantly there is a lot of truth in the saying that "time heals all wounds".
But If the trauma is really serious you might have to push through your fears and go see somebody. Your best bet would be to get somebody who can advocate for you if you don't feel like you can handle the process of securing help, a mother, sister, friend, brother? My sister was in a similar situation to you, she didn't want to go to therapy despite needing it, so I ended up booking all the appointments, driving her to the therapy sessions, sitting in the waiting room, organising all the prescriptions and taking the load off where I could so she could just focus on the therapy part and now she’s doing really well in Uni, there is always a way to get better. Another example, one of my friend’s boyfriends REFUSED to go on anti-depressants despite needing them badly for his anxiety. He was at the point where he didn’t want to go to work anymore, but because of the stigma of mental health and men being idiots he refused to get help. So my friend( who is one of those where there’s a will there’s a way people😂) pretending SHE needed the prescription and got some Lexapro for him through the Gp, and now his anxiety is under control and he’s back to being his old class clown self. Lol I don’t recommend that and eventually he will have to go to the doctors himself, but if you really can’t handle going through the system there are ways around it. If you have a support network don't be afraid to use them. If there are people in your life who will take the load for you, don't be afraid to ask them or be honest about the kind of help you need, you’d be surprised how many people want to help you. You’d also be surprise by how many people will lie there ass off for you😂.
Also remember that you can do professional therapy online where you don't have to physically see a therapist, you would just type your issues into a chat box instead of sitting in an office you don’t feel comfortable in. As far as medication, If you can go to a GP and by pass a therapist and get on some anti-depressants that helps a lot, not just with depression, but things like anxiety and intrusive thoughts which is the shit that makes most of our issues unmanageable. It won't cure them but it will dull them ALOT so you can work through your issues and not be struggling in everyday activities. Remember 1 in 4 adults go through a mental health crisis at one point in their life, the way you are feeling is common for at least 25% of us.
So in summary if you really don't want to see a therapist( although I would suggest talking with friends or family about your options in that area if you haven’t already) the best bets are going straight to the GP to get some relief through medication, self-studying online through worksheets and online resources, or considering online therapy. Apart from that, if you can talk to somebody in your physically life who can help advocate for you through the intimidating and often overwhelming process of getting help.
Thank you so much for this video, makes me feel a little bit less alone! We’ll get through this <3
0 likesI have anxiety so sometimes have bouts of depersonalisation - & most of the time I just try ignore it, but if I think about it too much I become terrified that I’ll feel like it all the time. If anyone else experiences anything like this, how do you deal with the fear? I feel like I live in fear that one day the feeling of living in a dream & that I haven’t really woken up, won’t go away :( but I know it’s silly worrying about things that haven’t happened yet. Thank you Dodie for being so open & honest 💛
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One of my mantras is "this too shall pass". I say it all the time, about everything, and really try to internalize it. I also have anxiety, and I also freak out when other disorders flare up. I try to think of all the ups and downs of my life before, and then all the ups and downs of the future, and remind myself that life is all about ups and downs. There are no ups without the downs. I really try to meditate on that-- I have been down before, and up before. I will be up later, and down later. Life cycles through good feelings and bad feelings, and right now I am in the bad feelings, and later it will be good again. I try not to expect the good days to last forever-- when I am happy, I experience the joy but I know that the sorrow will come. When I'm sad, I experience the sorrow but I know that the joy will come. Change is constant. Life keeps moving, and it pushes you through everything into new feeling after new feeling and new situation after new situation. Whatever you feel, it will always pass.
2 likesoh god i feel the same way. I get so scared that i'll never be able to fully live or enjoy life, hell sometimes i get so frustrated that i can't feel teh depths of my own sadness. I haven't developed a surefire way to ease that fear, but what works for me is to think about how I'm going to live life whether it's to the fullest or not, so i might as well live as best as i can now and hope that the future holds feeling. mostly i just focus on what happening and not until when i get home, i'll let myself go "oh i feel real" because whenever i notice that i feel real or give attention to that feeling, my depersonalization/derealization causes me to float in to dissociativeness
1 like@Rose Lalonde that’s so true I love that mantra ❤️ whenever I’m panicking I always say to myself over again in my head ‘you’ll feel fine in a minute. You’ll feel better in a minute’
0 likes@Mayo Sauce yeah it’s so hard not to worry - but YES I guess that’s the point isn’t it, living life to the fullest as much as you can no matter how your brain is feeling. It’s just trying to appreciate each moment as much as poss 💖
0 likesyou are the first person that i’ve heard who has this and makes me feel so comfy to know i’m not the only one and someone gets it! thank you dodie ❤️
0 likesThis is so relatable to me. Thank you for sharing, Dodie! You’re not alone. <3
0 likeshi from someone else with depersonalization!! :-) my name's mack and you talking about this is actually what made me aware of what i deal with. this makes SOOO much sense as to why i've been so unphased by covid times and why it feels almost comforting because like you said, it's familiar. my friends always looked at me like i was crazy when i mentioned it, but this made me feel less alone. <3 thank you dodie
1 likeI experience depersonalization in waves... thank you for this video dodie... it made me feel less alone ♥️
1 likeI didn’t notice that I experience dissociation when I get anxious and depressed until you started talking about your struggles a couple years ago, dodie, so thank you so much for being open about it ❤️
1 likeThank you for talking about this! ❤️ I’ve had this since I was 8 and had it constantly since 12. In a very similar way to you. Now I’m 25 and I’ve had a couple years where the happiness bar has become higher and there are moments where drd/dp is either gone or my focus is just elsewhere. It started with accepting it as it was, however much it sucked, and then trying to let people into the bubble I felt isolated in. It has taken work, but has been so so worth it. I’ll keep at it and hope others struggling do the same! World is real, we are real and connections are real! Love 💗
0 likesI just wanted to say that an overwhelming percentage of my life right now is struggling with PTSD and the things that come with it, one of those things being depersonalisation. While it luckily helps me coping, I just wanted to show support to all those that don't have that fortune: stay strong, do what you need to do, and be well. <3
0 likesI love how you talk about this. It's nice to know I'm not alone and you help me to understand my own feelings
0 likesIt has never been fully diagnosed for me, but I recognise an awful lot of what you describe depersonalisation to feel like. I ended up moving away from the area I grew up and that has had some positive effect but yeah it doesn't seem to have gone away completely. :(
3 likesThis is exactly how I've been feeling since covid started. I've never been diagnosed with depersonalization but I have felt like I'm 10 feet away from my body since my brother died six years ago. Thank you for all your online talks dodie, they have been so helpful to me.
0 likesQueen of making what i think in my head into actual comprehensive words. I sent this to like five people to see if they can understand what i meant when i said "oh i feel like this most of the time so I'm fine" when covid struck hard back in March.
1 likeI have depersonalization with my anxiety it’s been hard but my brain uses it as a cooping skill so at time I like it it’s crazy how our brains work
2 likesIt’s so wild that I’ve been feeling these symptoms but had no idea what it was about but hearing Dodie talk about this helps me to actually know that it’s a thing that people go through, bless
0 likesThank you for this, it's stuff like this that makes me feel like I'm not going crazy and that it's going to be ok ❤️
0 likesYou’ve put everything I’ve been feeling into words. Thank you!
0 likesSomething that I find helps with my derealization is when I’m happy —deeply truly happy, even when I feel like I’m dreaming— I tell myself “in this moment I am happy” and then travel back to those times whenever I can’t feel the reality I’m in.
0 likesI struggled with Depersonalization for about a week and a half, I can't imagine having it chronically. I had every symptom you had, I snapped out of it at work by focusing on something wayyy too much and convincing myself that it's real and I snapped out of it and my world was turned way too vibrant. I hope you overcome this <3
0 likesThank you so much for sharing, I've been feeling a lot like this recently and knowing that I'm not the only one feels really comforting <3
0 likesoh that's why everything feels like a cloud. just a cloud. i don't know how else to describe it but you really managed to put into words.
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Yeah I know what you mean. Like a literal fog over everything
7 likesI call it my misty brain. 😖
1 like@SniKenna the technical term is called brain fog :) common symptom as well
0 likesThank you Dodie for talking about this, you make me feel safe to talk about it as well. So here I go. I don't really care if no one reads this, it's just time that I told at least someone.
0 likesTrigger Warning: Suicidal thoughts and mental health talk
I started dissociating after I lost someone dear to me to suicide, I dissociate after a panic attack and sometimes I force myself into dissociating because I don't want to be present. Sometimes dreams feel so close to reality that I actually think they happened, the other way around as well. Last summer, I had suicidal thoughts almost daily, which now feels like something embarrassing to talk about. I know it sounds silly, I just sometimes feel like I can't feel those things, like I'm not allowed to. That's why they made me feel embarrassed. Dissociating can be helpful for me, but it has also been scary. When it happened for the first time I felt so scared.
Hey Dodie. I have depersonalization too. Thank you so much for talking about it. I’ve had a harder time with it recently and this video helped me. Thank you ❤️
0 likesi was diagnosed with depression when i was 14, although i think i suffered from it since i was 11. depersonalization hit me after i had an intense break up, the person and i easily got along and had been on and off for months and when i finally ended it, all my emotions turned off and it was so easy to do what everyone told me to do, go to school, do chores, do things for my friends. i even go good grades because my brain didn't have the capacity to deal with anything else. but it came back around spring, which is when i dropped out and had a whole debacle. i feel it now settling in after getting used to covid, derealization. it helps a lot now and i;m happy i have it but my anxiety gets a bit much from only being around family when i meet up with friends oops. guess its about making patterns and routines, like dodie said. i'm glad i'm not alone. aLSO! i'm getting tested soon for other mental illness so thats cool. :p
1 likeI’m not officially diagnosed but I say I have depersonalization because having a word for it makes me feel less crazy. I dissociate a lot when I go anywhere outside my house. Sometimes I’m in the car with a friend and I just space out and stare off and I feel like I’m not even there. Sometimes they’ll notice and say like “hey bro u ok?” And I just shake it off so I don’t worry them even though I barely recognize them in that moment. Idk man nothing feels real 🤷🏼♀️
3 likesOk the problem is that listening to people talk about depersonalisation triggers MY depersonalisation😂 sorry dodes, I'm gonna have to skip this one😬
132 likesLots of love from Italy!❤️
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In case you missed it, the letter is "L."
13 likesheheh <33 protect urself my sweet bb
56 likessame! it makes me anxious but i watch anyways, haha. stay strong!!
5 likessame ahhh i shouldnt have watched this and I should stop reading the comments!!
6 likessame
1 likeI do feel like that too, don't blame you!
1 like@doddleoddle ❤️❤️❤️
0 likes@Omac that's very sweet, thank you!
0 likesHaving DPD and living during COVID has been one of the most unique challenges I think those of us with this disorder will ever have to face. Thank you for this video- it’s how I’ve been feeling.
0 likesYou're the reason I realized I was experiencing DPDR and also the reason I was able to get help. I have never heard someone talk about DPDR in a way that I so closely relate to. Thank you for everything. <3
0 likesi'm literally so thankful to have a friend like you dodie. i have never felt so understood and safe as i have when hearing about your experiences. i love you
0 likesI have had depersonalization for almost 3 years now... I've been on meds for anxiety and depression too. These always seemed to make me feel worse. I was so glad when I found this video! I feel less alone now :) Thank you so much
0 likesSomeone was saying the harmonies might not be from the album because they sound too similar, I think rather than being directly taken from songs in the album, they could be dodie using melodies from (different songs on) the album as a basis and adding harmonies for fun? Just a thought.
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heheheh
101 likeshaha i think you're right
5 likes@doddleoddle you do be laughing at your children for making us start theories like crazy ppl
13 likes@doddleoddle love dodie being sneaky using the other channel so it doesn’t highlight this comment
16 likesAssuming the intros are part of the album (or related) then it looks like @Michaela Horan has spotted a clip of a song that will be on the album that we got to hear in May last year!
3 likesComment Link: https://youtu.be/TUyE6MPEuz0?lc=UgxulS2tHhSLVmpZfOt4AaABAg
yeah i recognized one of the melodies from a lil demo she released a long time ago :)
2 likesYeah this is what I thought a few days ago
2 likes@Posie Queen haha yeah me too but this is the first time I’ve been early enough for my comment to be seen!
0 likesAlso pals confirmed songs seem to be: cool girl, just fine, rainbow and the snippet we heard in the what u doing now video!!!
0 likesi actually thought about this the other day. i've experienced depersonalisation and derealisation as a symptom in my life rather than a disorder but i've been realizing that being home by myself so much is just exacerbating it so much more.
0 likesi've been having derealization episodes back in 2018 and honestly, if i've never watched her video talking about her own experiences with it, i would've felt so much more anxious and depressed. dodie makes me feel so not alone and i really thank her for that so much ♥
0 likesThank you so much for this video. I have had derealisation for quite some years now, but I have felt especially spaced out in this covid time. All of the things I usually did that made me feel alive have kind of dulled, and all of the changes in my life and in the world have resuted in me just kind of adapting to everyting and just being in my head. I have not been able to really feel present and I couldn't figure out why. You connecting the dots have really made a difference and made me realise that it's not something I'm doing wrong and that it is not my fault I am so disconnected in this time.
1 likethese times have been pretty hard for me mentally and I've recently started experiencing depersonalization from time to time and honestly I was only able to recognise it as such because of you... I think it would have been so much scarier if I knew nothing about it beforehand. so thank you so much
0 likesIt's so scary, but the way you talk about it makes me feel more safe. I can't thank you enough.
0 likesUhhh so my entire life I’ve always talked about how I feel like I’m in a dream and a lot of things don’t really seem like they’re happening and I just can’t pay enough attention. I’ve always wondered why I’ve felt like this. I’m not saying I deal with depersonalization for sure, but it really does help to know other people feel this way too.
0 likesits similar to my OCD in the way its worse than ever when I want to enjoy myself such as I am on holiday. the constant obsessive disturbing thoughts and feeling that the 'obsession' is real and panic because it feels real and the need to constantly do compulsions to try and cancel them out to try and convince myself the obsession isn't real, its a constant cycle with no peace, never mentally present or able to enjoy or experience anything. constantly preoccuppied with doing compulsions and obsessions and anxious and scared cos it feels so real and makes me feel so isolated because the 'obsessions' are so disturbing I can't tell anyone, or so they feel at the time during a current 'obsession'. During the pandemic I have felt so much worse, I didn't think it was possible, but if this pandemic isn't over soon I will probably end up in a straight jacket.. as being alone all the time over thinking is the worst thing for someone with OCD
1 likeThis was really comforting (': I often doubt my own symptoms but hearing you explain exactly how I feel made me like. Oh she gets it. Your content in the past has always helped me understand my own mental health a lot more than I did before so thank you a lot Dodie <3
0 likesI’ve been way more dissociative and depressed the last 6 months, and desperately want to get back to my original baseline. And with complex trauma, healing is ongoing work. I really appreciate you Dodie. I thought about you recently, after realizing how much I need a mirror in my room! haha. We’ll just have to give ourselves a lot of grace for making it through 2020. Ps. I’m assuming the ‘bar’ is the edge of “the window of tolerance”. Such a helpful diagram
23 likesThank you for mentioning dysphoria and eating disorders, that’s the times it affects me for sure and it’s so hard to explain but you articulated it really well
0 likesThank you for talking about it and in a way that helps me talk to my friends about my derealisation. This video was so soft and calm. Perfection. Thank you for just being there
0 likesI've been depersonalized/derealized for about 5 years now, and it got so much better but I don't think it will ever go away. I've come to terms with it and I'm at peace. Thanks for being a voice for us doddie, when I found out you had it, it was a big relief to not be alone but at the same time it sucked to know somene so amazing was suffering from it as awell
0 likesThank you for sharing this. I appreciated feeling connected and I can relate to a lot of what you said.
0 likesI have dpdr as well. It's been really hard. Just wanted to comment to let you know that you're not alone. Youve got your community of foggy drunk nonpersons all floating around the matrix together! It's good to hear you open up about it. That makes me feel validated and seen 🤗🥰
32 likesI'm right there with you. Thanks for sharing. Made me feel a little more "real" today.
0 likesNo one will see this, but I started dealing with depersonalization around the time I got lasik eye surgery, eye doctors tell me my eyes are perfectly fine, so it may have nothing to do with the surgery and more with the trauma I experienced around that time, but it’s frustrating that no one knows what’s going on. I hope an effective treatment is found in the near future, until then we’ll continue to do the best we can <3
2 likesI also struggle with depersonalisation and it’s so scary, Thankyou for making me feel better about it :)
0 likesThank you for talking about this. I had depersonalisation a lot when I was growing up and for so long was told it was just in my head, but it made me such an anxious person. Luckily I get it rarely now, usually when I'm drinking. I don't know what changed, I don't know if I grew out of it, I'm sorry you experience it so bad, hopefully you'll find a way to reduce it
0 likesDodie, thank you soooo much for making this video! I feel so seen whenever you talk about your depersonalization. It is so hard to explain to people, and this video put it really clearly. When people ask me how I am, even sincerely, I find it hard to answer because it's not a question of a feeling--it's how I'm experiencing the world. It's another factor entirely. Whether I am happy or sad, it's still dulled. The texture of my life is different than everyone else's and I don't know how to tell them. The whole dullness of covid has made things a lot worse. It is a lot easier to slip into it now. But we will get through it!
0 likesI have dpdr and I love how dodie spreads awareness about it but for me hearing about it makes it worse
0 likesI've experienced depersonalization, dissociation, and derealization for the guts of ten years/half of my life but I still really struggle to find the words to express what it feels like. It really helps to hear someone else verbalize it so perfectly. Thank you <3
0 likesI relate to this so heavily. I've had such a hard time with my mental health growing up but being surrounded by family who also suffers from various mental illnesses with no treatment, I thought it was normal. I didn't realize how bad it truly was til this year (I'm going on 21, for reference) and just got my referrals for therapy sorted, hoping to have an actual diagnosis so I can have some answers. This makes me feel so much less afraid and alone, thank you.
0 likesI'd describe it as feeling like you're living someone else's life in their body or like you went on vacation and never came home and time does not feel REAL
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Yes! Like watching and living life in like a theatre through your eyes....nvm that doesnt make sense...sorry
3 likes@pluto That actually makes perfect sense! It's like you're trying to take everything in but it doesn't feel completely real so when something big like covid or even any minor change in your life happens you just can't process it
1 likelmao its like i went on vacation right before covid and now i can't come home, my body's just floating around and i'm watching from a crappy zoom call trying to gain control of it from afar.
2 likesthis reminds me a lot of my journey with my anxiety disorder. It started to really affect me in my mid-teens and has really never gotten better since, I just have the skills to deal with it (or try and ignore it)
0 likestruly "it's okay b/c it has to be"
I got out of a severe depressive and dissociative episode that had been lasting for around 2 years and hit its peak in December of last year, only to come into March of 2020 ready to socialize and get my life together. ✌️🤡
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My friend and I both got clean from some Big Sad behaviors in February, we were so excited to be doing better 🤡
1 likeThanks for being a voice for depersonalization.
0 likesThat feeling of being so close to describing it and so far from explaining what it feels like is the worst part sometimes.
I’ve had a similar feeling during quarantine.. that everyone else will have a visceral moment where they feel normal and connected and I will feel at least “as connected as much as I can be”.. and then it got further and further away.. but a lot of my loved ones have also grown so much and I’m so proud of how they’ve carried themselves and built themselves up through this life shattering experience! I can’t applaud them enough. It’s increasingly hard, but they’re working on it even when it breaks down those deep emotional barriers! Which is all I could ask for.
Thank you for practicing gratitude and thankfulness, appreciation for the friends and connections that break through, and the effort you’ve spent on yourself.
♥️
We’re gonna fight this. We’re not done figuring this out.
Totally relate to that “highs and lows” graph. You explained it so well. I don’t have depersonalization, but over the past four or so years, I’ve grown to recognize and respond to the “lows”, thanks to retraining my mind-patterns and learning self-care. I still mess up A LOT, and I’m still learning, but when I’m lying defeatedly on the floor, I can find reasons to get up. Praise God <3
0 likes"when covid was around"... Meanwhile here in America *covid still very much around*
130 likesBut for real, thank you for talking about this Dodie. Just recently started feeling derealization after having depression for a long time, and it's at least comforting to see and hear about others with it too.
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Good old 'murica, the "best" country
9 likes@Rose Lalonde haha good one
4 likesCovid is very much still around in the UK, and we are going to end up in another lockdown very soon
15 likesswitzerland has more cases in relation to our population than the us... and the uk and france are doing really bad too
1 like@Aimee Piper Yeah, I'm in the university bubble right now and it definitely doesn't feel as though it's gone away/on its way out. It's scary out here
1 likeit always makes me feel so much less lonely whenever you talk about this. thank you
0 likesthank you for sharing this. it's something that I feel so incredibly alone in and your experience helps me feel a little less alone. <3
0 likesMmm love this. It’s so encouraging to hear you speak openly about it. I have CPTSD and have experienced this, I can’t imagine it being all the time though. That’s intense!
0 likesI have felt this way since 18, now nearly 26 I just accept it is part of the aftermath of ptsd, thank you for putting this feeling into words
0 likesYou helped me realize that I had derealization when that first explanation came out, and this update is a lovely reminder that I'm not alone in it. That "cable unplugged in the TV of my brain" comment is a weird but fitting thing to describe what's happening, and it made me smile because of how strangely relatable it was. Thank you, Dodie.
0 likesThank you for all your hard work, Dodie. And that screech at the end was a MOOD.
0 likesOn this topic, I've finally set out to get a diagnosis from a psychologist on my own dissociation that I've had for so many years because I think there might be a bit more going on with it than I thought and my first meeting went well ^-^
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Congrats!
1 likei could listen to your voice for hours on end :) it makes me feel very calm and gives me a small break from my anxiety crowding thoughts :)
0 likesI relate so hard to the “oh are you feeling spacey?” thing because my family does that a lot whenever it’s really noticeable and I’m just like yeah I’ll be fine it’ll go away in a bit but it never really does it just kinda lessens slightly when I don’t give it a lot of attention?
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there are so many things i just don’t say even if they told me to tell them. like of course my parents want to know how i’m feeling and how to help and i’m thankful for them. but the attention part of it is always to much for me. either i’m really anxious about it or i get annoyed because they don’t understand. whenever they’re concerned it puts me in a really weird position and id rather just not say anything.
4 likesi hope you’re doing well tho. ♥️♥️
goddamn i felt this. my parents dont really notice it but i'll notice and tell myself "ah it'll go away soon, just dont think about it" but it never really does. For me, everytime i notice i'm not feeling dissociative, it kicks right in x10.
5 likesThank you Dodie for talking about depersonalization. I've been expirencing these symptoms for YEARS since I was ten I think but I could never find a way to talk to people or ask for help so I felt I was just crazy. I only just learned what it was a few months ago and it makes everything feel a lot less scary and lonely, knowing its real and there are countless other people out there learning to live with it or overcome the problems it brings :) you give me hope and courage ❤
0 likesHey, thanks for putting this out there. It's really nice to hear all of this in such an articulate manner, and with such pleasant English accent!
0 likesI think it helps a lot of us get a hold of what's happening these days. Some of the feelings we're getting are either unfamiliar, or they have become so after so much time. In Spanish we have a phrase that says "estoy curado de espanto", which literally translates to "I'm cured of fright", and it has two interpretations. On the one hand, it's great, cause you don't get surprised anymore. On the other one, it means you've been scared so much you're just numb now, so it always has that bittersweet flavor of "I'm strong, but I wish I wasn't" to it. I think it says a lot of what we are going through lately.
What I take to heart the most from the video is the need for appreciation. Sometimes it may feel like it means ignoring what's going on, or being overly positive, when in reality it's the opposite. It's actually acknowledging what's in front of you for what it is and being thankful for having it. Reading birthday messages, even from afar, or getting a call and hearing a friend's voice and knowing they're smiling while they talk, or getting a present, or a caring meal, or a just a tea that's exactly as strong as it needs to be, just before the evening, watching the sun hide behind the prettiest sky. We might not get to hike over mountains yet, but we still have a lot on our hands :)
So thanks for taking the time to make this, I think a lot of us really appreciate it!
thank you! I have chronic dissociation and you're the only one I've heard describe it exactly the way I experience it. I feel a lot less alone and a lot more understood
0 likesYou explained dpd so well in a short way which has been something I have never been able to do
1 like6:08 “because it makes me feel like it’s a community rather than a shit thing i have” watching this gave me this same exact feeling, thank you
0 likesThank you for this. It was really validating to hear.
1 likeive been having hardcore derealisation for aaaggeessss now but i remember the year i found out that feeling like everything was a dream wasnt actually normal? and had a name for it was also the year that you made a video talking about it. i thought i was so weird and kinda alone in it but hearing you talk about it made me go "oh shit! this is like.. a thing other people experience" and slowly started finding more and more people who experience it.. basically, i wanna say thank you for putting it into words and spreading awareness, most people dont know its even a thing
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same, i was looking through a journal i used to keep in gradeschool and i wrote about 'feeling in a dream' because that's the only way i could describe it. I tried explaining it to my parents but they didn't really get it, they just assumed i was talking about deja vu or 'maybe i wasnt getting enough sleep or drinking enough water'. I watched dodie's video and it made me realize that it wasn't normal to feel like this and it wasn't something as simple as lack of sleep or dehydration. I was kind of scared but knowing I wasn't alone, watching dodie's videos and reading the comments of others that felt so similar to how i felt, it made me feel like for a second i existed beyond the dreamy matrix i live in...
1 likei remember first discovering i had dpdr by watching your video; when i was 13. i then told my therapist i thought i had it and he was surprised that i even knew what it was.
1 likeGUYS I FIGURED IT OUT!! I was just watching yesterday‘s video again, and I noticed something. Do y’all remember like a year ago when dodie made the video “what you up to” and about halfway through there was a little thing and she said “here’s a glimpse of a few musical endeavors I’ve been up to.” There were three one second clips of songs. The second one was guiltless, and the third one was boys like you, but the first one remains unknown known as of right now, and the tune is EXACTLY THE SAME AS YESTERDAYS HUMMING
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WOWOW u right!!
4 likesthat's pretty sick
1 likeThey've done it, somebody give this person a job at gchq, they've cracked it.
13 likesFor context, the video they're referring to is here:
https://youtu.be/UI0wAWqivDw?t=126
In said video, Dodie writes, "have not produced it yet but I think I'm gonna do it mostly myself" and when's a better time than when stuck alone to put in said work, hmmmmm?
You are so smart
1 likeWhich tune is the first one again?
0 likesi havent been diagnosed but i always have a feeling that I am in the back of my mind and watching life through a pane of glass as though it is a movie screen and that nothing is really solid, sorry if that doesn't really make much sense. i haven't told anybody about this but I don't feel comfortable enough with my parent to tell them about my depression, anxiety attacks and dprp, so I just live with it, but it gets too much and I get mad I don't know what to do please help (and dodie, you have helped so much with your videos, just seeing that I amnot the only one going through this)
4 likesAlso "its fine because it has to be" is something I have found myself saying too much because you know im fine, its fine, EVERYTHING IS F I N E
yeah, totally get it... I've been living with my depersonalisation for nearly 5 years... that sucks.
0 likesSending love💜
thank you for making this, if been feeling like this ever since covid started and I just havent been able to place my feelings cuz I couldnt really grab then and put them in the right "box" .. if that makes sense.. This video helped me realized I don't have a new thing, just an old thing in a new way, so thank you❤️
0 likesI have depersonalization, I think it's my brain trying to shut out my really intense social anxiety, and your videos about it have always been really comforting. As soon as I saw the title I went "yeah that sounds exactly right". It's really as if the world is just not quite right.
0 likesI actually stumbled across your videos a few years ago when I was trying to work out why I feel so spaced out and dream swamped all the time, and then I was very pleasantly surprised when I saw that you write songs and sing as well. I think you're a very good singer and songwriter.
0 likesI really appreciate you talking about this and being open about it. You're the first person I've ever seen in the media that seems to actually have the same condition and feelings about it and I got it around 7-8 years ago same as you. It terrified me at the time as I had no idea what it was and felt like no one understood as like you say it's impossible to fully explain so your openness and honesty means a lot. We love you Dodie. <3
0 likesThis was equal parts entertaining and informative. Ive never heard of that condition before so thank you for making a video on it
0 likesThank you so much, I've been dealing with dissociating for idk how long so far, and this was really comforting
0 likesI’ve described it as feeling like I’m just a second behind the rest of reality, like I’m out of sync and can’t catch up. Hang in there. Sending hugs ❤️
0 likesWow, I have been experiencing this for several years now and I never knew it was an actual condition. I just thought I'd snap out of it eventually and that is was a symptom of my lack of sleep due to other issues, but the sleep and issues changed and my ''blurry view'' didn't. I never really knew how to describe this, but the way you describe it feels really accurate, so thanks for that!
0 likesGoing for a run in the forest helps me, I sometimes feel less zoned out when I've ran in the morning. I'm trying not to be too panicky about it anymore. In the beginning I didn't dare to drive a car anymore, because I was afraid something might happen and I wouldn't notice. I wasn't even afraid of actually hitting someone while driving, I was afraid I wouldn't notice and just continue driving, because hitting someone with your car does not per se make you a bad person, but to continue driving does and how would I ever explain this to a judge?
Depersonalisation has helped me through very dark moments of my life, but now I'm really eager to finally snap out of it like I've always been expecting to. I have no clue how to accept this state of mind with basically my whole life in front of me.
Thank you for sharing about this! At least now I feel less alone and weird. <3
Thank you so much for this slice of relatability- I had no idea I wasn’t the only one! 💛 keep on!
0 likesi’m starting to deal with and finally face my dissociation and depersonalization and honestly it’s so scary but seeing people like you who i look up to deal with similar problems really means a lot
0 likesThank you for posting this, and for always talking so openly about your depersonalization. I dissociate really heavily almost constantly due to trauma that closed me off from my emotions, and that particular illness is something so few people understand.
0 likesi just wanna say thank you, i know you probably wont see this but i was recently diagnosed with derealisation and you've always been in the back of my head during this process and actually all your videos have helped me a stupid amount. So thank you dodie because you have made this much easier and its less scary now because here is someone telling me its gonna be ok who isn't just guessing
0 likesHi! My dpdr lasted about 14 years, but resolved when I fully processed my childhood trauma (using internal family systems). It took about three years of intense therapy. There is a light at the end of the tunnel!
0 likesi've been experiencing this since i was 15 and i'm 22 now. thank you for talking about this, especially because it's been amplified since covid hit.
0 likesI haven't watched you for a while, but it seems like you're in such a better place mentally and it's so nice to see:)
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weeeeell
1 likeI mean def better lol but still not great
I just don’t share it as much
I just wanted to say thank you for talking about your experience with this cause it really helps. You helped me reaize that I'm pretty sure I've been dealing with mostly derealization for a few years now but I've only begun to figure it out because corona has made it worse which is great fun lol, I'm trying to figure out how on earth to work on it because it seems impossible but I've got a lot going on in life and I'm taking it one step at a time :) Also I'd never heard the thing you mentioned about dysphoria and that got me thinking and I'm hoping the fact that i'm gonna be starting hormones soon will help so thank you for talking about these things!
0 likesthank you for putting into words something I've never been able to describe. I feel much less alone thanks to this. 💕
0 likesas someone who's been suffering from DPDR for at least 6 years and feels hopeless sometimes; I agree with you sooo much
0 likesyou're always very comforting, dodie ❤️
0 likesI’m so happy that you speak about your dpdr. Your words are the ones that became what defined my reality. I cannot thank you enough for that.
0 likesas someone w dpd I don't really see it as dreaming all the time- but I know that the way I experience it is quite different for other people and am in no way saying the way you experience it is 'not correct' but anyways-
1 likeI feel many of the symptoms on a day to day basis, i.e. dysmorphia (the infamous what the HECK this toilet paper that's been sitting next to my screen for the past month now looks TWICE AS BIG or yk, any other 'wOW THIS IS BIG/SMALL WH A T' example) the questioning of whether my hands are moving by my own accord, the 'reality is real wow who knew huh' but there are some days where they get heightened, and then it all just. stops.
I have episodes where I feel nothing and care for nothing. they thankfully last less than a week but have been getting longer since I got my official diagnosis and became more aware of them and had a name to label my experience by. They mostly come in times where I am absolutely in a marvelous situation- a birthday party, a concert, anything that makes life fun becomes bland. as if the saturation was turned down.
I don't know why I'm writing this, but i just wanted to say it. so thank you if anyone reads this lol
watching your videos about depersonalization made me realize it was exactly what i had. I went to therapy because of you, dodie. thank you for talking about your experiences. it is so important.
0 likesDodie, I also struggle with DPDR and it wasn‘t until I found your videos that I realised I had this and I could accept it and work on it. I know you don‘t want to overshare anymore when it comes to mental health but I am sooo so thankful for you talking about your issues. It just makes me feel less alone. ❤️
0 likesI just wanted you to know I have been dealing with this since I was 18. I’m 22 now and you are the only reason I was able to put a name to my feelings. I felt crazy before I saw your video 3 years ago
0 likesOkay. This. Is literally exactly how I feel and I've never been able to find out what it is because I've never been to a therapist so I had never known about this so I kind of just had my own things for it. Like every thing you talked about is the same exact way I feel to a T what the heck!!!!!
1 likeThat screamed whistle note at the end really cracked me up. :D Just found your channels and so delighted about it! I really hope your highs will start to get higher than Minnie Riperton's voice could ever get. <3
0 likesHey Dodie, I am 15 years old and from Germany and my mental illness was really concerning last October to December when I was dealing with Depersonalisation and Derealisation and Depression. I went to school and it was horrible, but I had my friends and now it got better, but because I have no feeling of time I don't get along with other things, that everyone else is able to deal with - I have problems with doing normal things like showering and doing homework. I try to convince myself, that right now I am recovering and that I can be happy and everything, but because everything I do is for the future and I cannot feel future I just can't handle it. Every night I go to bed and I think that my life is over because it is not real and just a dream and every dream ends when you wake up, but it doesn't. So every time that I am happy and I can enjoy life I feel like it wasn't good, because I'm getting to attached by something That isn't there. So I emotionally punish myself for being happy or a l i v e.
1 likeSorry, this got really messy.
My favourite song of yours is 'Monster' btw. Love it❤️
Bye, love you Dodie💙
people call me space cadet because i’m always oUT oF tHIS wORLD
437 likesand not like in the above average way in the it feels like my head is FULL of s a n d
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SKCNNSNFS FULL OF SAND YES
9 likesIt really be like that
4 likesｗｈｅｒｅ. ａｍ ｉ？？
4 likesi JUST got a astronaut tattoo today to symbolize my derealization HAHA
10 likes@pooh the winnie I love that! It makes me feel cool rather than a problem lol
2 likes@Rose Lalonde exactly! i feel like i've accepted it and am gonna embrace it
1 like@pooh the winnie You go! I'm proud of you!
1 likeThis brain/body has DID and holy heck is that a mood
3 likesYES, mine is full of cotton and clouds
4 likes@pooh the winnie okay but why i’d that genius, i just got a faceless cowboy tattoo with its head detached, similar vibeee
2 likes@pooh the winnie I love that!!
0 likesto me it always seems like I'm "zoning out"/"spacing out" but I'm not able to "snap back" to reality, even if someone tries to get my attention it all still seems so far away.
1 likethank you dodie, for everything you do 💛
0 likes"It feels like I put a limiter on the Logic file of my life" ... that's an incredibly powerful way to describe it.
6 likesThanks for sharing Dodie, I feel your coping strategies are applicable to so many of the challenges we all currently face. Take care and keep doing what you do! ❤️❤️❤️
0 likesOmg, I have this too. Thank you so much for making us not feel alone❤️
0 likesI appreciate you making videos about depersonalization SO much. I’ve been dealing with it basically my entire life but I never knew what it was, i felt very alone and confused. But then I came across one of your videos about it and felt SO much weight come off my shoulders, you’ve helped me learn so much. Luv u 💕
0 likesdodie: "so I'll take what I can get"
61 likesMe: "cause I'm too damp for a spark--"
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kisSING SICKLY-SWEET GUYS CAUSE THEY SAY THEY LIKE MY EYES
7 likes@Esme L but I'd only ever see them in the dark
6 likessilviaonline im sick of faking diary entries
6 likes@idkeither can i get it in my head?? ill never be sixteen again :(
2 likes@alienbang im waiting to live, and waiting for love
0 likesIt'll be over and I'll still be asking when
0 likesIt was so comforting to see someone talk about this😭💞
0 likesdepersonalization/derealization has changed my life so much, i forgot what reality feels like and it's terrifying. i've had it for almost 4 years now and i've been so close to giving up. it causes really bad panic attacks for me and i can't control myself. i tried to ask for help but my parents didn't understand me, they thought i had problems with my brain and made me get an mri scan. when i can feel it starting to get worse i always stop myself from looking down at my hand because when i do, it doesn't look real, it doesn't look like my hand and everything around it seems to disappear and when i lift my eyes up to see what's in front of me everything looks bright, it looks like someone has adjusted the sharpness on a editing app, yet i feel like i'm in a dreamy sort of state. i know that i'm going to start panicking when this happens and i either run to the bathroom at my school or start shaking and crying. i feel like i'm trapped in a dream, i want it all to go away and i feel like the only thing that makes me feel better is sleeping. i'm finding it really difficult to cope with it right now and i'm not sure what to do but my friend has been helping me a lot. i've been having panic attacks 5/6 times a week at the most and usually around about 3/4 on better weeks, but it just feels like everything is getting worse right now. i thought when i first started getting symptoms i was going crazy but now i know other people go through dpdr i feel so much better.
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You're definitely not alone in this! Don't give up hope it can get better I promise
2 likes@Aria R thank you ❤
0 likesI promise you begin to adjust! like Dodie said, accepting it may feel like giving up on trying to be better, but really, you must accept it in order to start healing! keep doing research on it, look within yourself and your life for what may have triggered it (usually a traumatic event), and go to therapy if you’re able to. The first step is learning how to accept it as a part of your life now, telling yourself “I’m safe I’m safe. I may feel disconnected and so strange but I’m okay and I’m safe.” It takes a lot of mental work but it’ll make the panic subside I promise 💗 feel better 🥺
4 likes@SBJade aww :( this comment was really helpful tysm 💗 it's tough but i'm gonna try my hardest to get through it! i hope you have a lovely day/night, take care ❤
1 likeLongterm DPDR sufferer here and longtime fan. This video found me when I needed it to... something about a community in this that feels alright.
0 likesI get depersonalization as a symptom of my ADHD. There comes a point when I get too overwhelmed or get sensory overload and sort of slip away for a period of time. It comes in spurts but it happens. Its become some kind of coping mechanism to keep me from breaking down but it can be frustrating. It's just okay. You're right that it's okay because it has to be.
0 likesThis 💙 I was officially diagnosed with CPTSD a few years ago, during which time I learned what depersonalization was and had a name to put to it. Turns out having entire chunks of your life missing from memory is not, in fact, normal. I wouldn't say I'm "better" now, but there is a sense of healing in knowing what your brain is doing? Thanks for sharing your experience - always a joy to see you making stuff 💙
0 likesmy dpdr was at its highest when my friend passed away a few years ago, it’s been a consistent feeling for the past 4 years but as you said in the video, i was able to just .. set it on the back burner and sort of learn to live with it. and now, 10 months into covid it’s at an all time high again but this time i have absolutely nothing going on in my life, therefore i am left with ONLY my thoughts and i feel like i am constantly spiraling into it and as if i am trying to climb up this hole but someone is just shoving me back down every time i make any progress. covid DOES feel like depersonalization, so having depersonalization during covid feels so intense that i am barely making it by anymore
1 likeI love how you're so open and honest about this disorder, it makes me feel so much less alone... Thank you Dodie💛
8 likesthank you so much dodie for making videos on this, i experience it a lot and you put it into words so well, i’m not so great at describing it and so these really help me,
0 likesi've been really struggling to find a way to explain how depersonalization feels to my mom and im so relieved bc now i can just send her this video
0 likesIt's really nice to hear somebody talk about this. I've been struggling with derealization for the past 5 months or so and everyday is terrifying. Back around when covid first happened I experienced multiple traumatic events over a pretty short period of time all while living alone in nyc. Ever since then I have been struggling with derealization nonstop. It's nice to know I am not the only person who is constantly experiencing this. The thought that you are also floating outside of reality makes me feel a little less disconnected.
0 likesthank u so much for this video. as someone with dpd i often feel alone and misunderstood and idk, the thing u said abt how things get less enjoyable is really clear and i’ll show it to my friends that have no idea how i feel. you don’t know me but i’ve been following ur work for like 3 years and i can only thank you for being so open and honest about ur struggles- i can really see how much you’ve grown over these years and how you’re better at expressing yourself without necessarily bringing up concern in ur followers. i’m really proud of you, and thank you so much for everything you’ve created! :)
0 likesI have derealisation too and it’s almost been a year since it started. Although it hasn’t gotten any better, I’ve learnt to accept it and do my best to live with it, and I’m certainly better at dealing with it. If you are experiencing this (or anything else that’s difficult), I want you to know that you’re going to be ok. It will get easier, I promise. You have the strength to get through it. And don’t be afraid to open up to people, having people around you be aware and there for you makes a world of difference. Have a good day/night ! <3
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this makes me so less anxious, thank you <3 it started a couple months ago for me and i'm so scared it'll be this bad forever. stay strong, sending love!
1 likeCela M in my experience, it was much worse at the start and it eased off with time. that or i just got used to it haha. either way, it’s going to get easier
1 likeAs someone with depersonalisation (and derealisation too for that part) this resonated so incredibly much with me. I don’t think I could have described this better if I tried.
0 likesI'm not diagnosed or anything but watching your videos made me finally feel like I'm not alone and prompted me to try and get help. It's a slow process and nothing much has happened but I am extremely grateful for you. Thank you so much!!❤️
0 likesIve been suffering the same condition for at least 3 years or so and this is really comforting. Mine started sometime after I graduated high school and gradually got worse, my dysphoria and stress is honestly really high right now and I wish I wasn't so lonely but also quarantine has been an issue cause I can't really go out when people near me have had covid
0 likesI recently got diagnosed with DPRD and I've been dealing with since i was 15 but i only realized it was a thing when you uploaded your last video about it and it was a huge breaking point for me. now I'm 20 and have finally gotten the diagnosis after 5 years. you literally made me feel, not crazy and I am so grateful that you talk about this cos otherwise I'd still feel like im going insane or not know where to get the right help for it. Thank you x
0 likesThere’s so little research into disassociation because it hasn’t been in the DSM long apparently... but the lack of research is so frustrating because barely any of the therapists I’ve met in the UK have been able to help me at all 😣
31 likesI don’t know if you get this too but I also have visual distortions so like the person opposite me not only sounds like their voice is coming from outside of them they also look really really far away! Or too close up even though I know they’re not. It’s literally like hallucinating and makes me feel crazy. It often happens if I’m in a stressful convo or I’m extra anxious but I can hardly take someone seriously when they’re shrinking right before my eyes...
I feel like this sounds like complaining but I’m not, I’ve adapted to expect that when I talk to my friends I can never feel truly there or like I’m giving them the real me...
It absolutely sucks when our minds put a filter over the world without our consent but here’s hoping that reading my experience can comfort you a little so you know you’re not alone 🤍
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Ahhaha yes the other day my friend jack looked like he was a tortilla was holes cut out for eyes and I tried so hard to not just laugh while he was talking
7 likesYes, I totally understand the growing/shrinking thing. It's like one part of your brain knows it's not happening, but the other part thinks it is? It's like in movies when someone gets traumatized and everything gets all ringing and foggy and fades away, except with shrinking.
1 likeYeah I have times where objects or patterns look like they are moving or growing when they're not, and kind of what you're describing as well
1 likeYesss visual distortions are a pain ngl, it's like I lost my depth perception 100%
3 likesAnd idk if it's just the dissoc but I feel like I have visual looming syndrome aswell/as a result of dissociation
0 likes@doddleoddle yess! And then you have to try and explain that your mind has made them into a tortilla and it really does take the best of people to understand that concept :’) I’ve found that if I tell someone to google the ‘dolly zoom’ it’s the best way of letting them see what I mean when I say they look miles away when I know that they’re not
0 likesYeah I have to tell my therapist what it was. She hadn’t even heard of it before.
0 likesWow so many thoughts I could share about this but for now I will just say this: I feel you! Much love, we're hanging in and doing our best, and thanks for being such a lovely presence!
0 likesIt's very reassuring to hear that there's someone else that can relate to what I'm experiencing. Thank you so much for sharing this dodie ! you're amazing ! stay safe !
0 likesthank you so much for talking about this! Your original video on depersonalisation a couple years back made me realise that I was suffering from derealisation caused by anxiety. It made me feel so much less alone and I think you're very brave for talking about this online and sharing so much of such a difficult thing 💗 stay safe :)
0 likesI've always experienced depersonalization (and sometimes derealization) around very stressful situations or in the early stages of panic attacks, but during the summer I had some (non-COVID) medical issues and it became much common and easy to trigger. I've been trying to just deal with it and hope it would go away, as it was started by a short-term problem, but at this point I think I need to see someone about it. Thanks for talking about your experiences again, Dodie-- it helps me remember that it's important to accept what's happening and to take care of myself.
0 likesI haven't watched your channel in a long time (not on purpose, I just fell into other Internet holes) and am very happy I decided to watch this one <3 I'm starting counseling next week and am excited. I'm interested in your EMDR experience, as that's something I was prescribed.
0 likesHi I have depersonalization and I really appreciated you making this video. Even though it’s a somewhat common disorder no one seems to talk about it, and it made me really happy to see this
0 likesSometimes its so intense it affects me physically. I'll lay down it feels like im floating. Idk if these two could be connected somehow but when my depersonalization came around in 6th grade(im 17 now) i also couldnt and still cant ride rollercoasters or even ride in the car without feeling sick.
0 likes“I always like it when people with depersonalization comment on my stuff” MEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEEEEEE you literally get me through this
10 likesI actually realized this at the beginning of covid too! Especially video calls are hard for me, because it feels like being spaced out. I'm there, talking with other people, but at the same time I'm not there. The distance and the screen between us reminds me of DPDR and makes me freak out. That's why I try to do something with my hands at the same time, so I'm usually drawing during a video call. It makes me focus on that instead of how I'm feeling. I'm so glad you talked about this!
0 likesYou should try somatic experiencing, its helped me so much! Usually "zoning out" is your nervous systems mechanism to protect itself from pain.. so feeling your trauma bit by bit is how you lesser the "zoning out" because life feels less scary. Anyway just an idea:) I'm not a psychologist but its helped me a lot so might help you:))
0 likesI found out I have DDNOS recently-ish(?) and...at first I was incredibly sad, but then I tried really hard to find out all I could about it. It just became too much and depressed me more. I don't feel like I'm in reality 100% of the time either. Sometimes it's nice, sometimes it's really hard...
0 likesThanks for this Dodie ❤️
I was talking about a similar feeling to my boyfriend the other day, I don’t have depression or anxiety but i’ve noticed that the range of what my mood used to be before covid was higher and now is like my mood got used to a new kind of “happy” but that in reality, compared to pre covid this “happy” that I feel now would actually be an ok or even sad mood, but this is all I have now and there’s nothing to do about it until this is all over :/ don’t know if any of that made sense
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Definitely. I do have a few disorders, but pre-covid I was definitely happier than now. Now I get excited for just not being totally sad. I'm waiting for schools to open again, I think it'll make me feel better.
1 likeI think there’s a few theories that make sense. We can be pretty sure it’s BUILD A PROBLEM, if it’s words that are English & not just gibberish. Bc there’s 13 videos, 13 letters & the first video had 2 letters, the 13th video is probably gonna be the reveal/announcement! Here’s what I’ve seen that the letters could mean:
52 likes- Title of the album or title of a single off the album (or both). As many have pointed out, it’s a bit of a weird title, but hey, maybe! If dodie wants to title her album that way, I stan! (:
- It’s an anagram & needs to be unscrambled. Possible theories are (ILEB) ALBUM DROP, with the first 4 letters being the initials of the actual album title. I think this makes sense insofar that she’s knitting the letters individually, which she then could rearrange & hang up in the right way in the reveal vid
- The letters are an acronym for the first letters of each of the songs. An album with 13 songs & each letter represents a song! Question here is if they are in this actual order on the track list or if they were rearranged to produce words that have some sense.
- An add-on to all these theories is that the humming at the beginning of each vid could represent each of the songs on the album in some way (maybe the key harmonies, or the beginnings of the songs, or “summaries” of the key melodies).
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Thank you for summing it all up and sharing your theories! I'm so excited to see what it'll be
1 likeThank you for typing this out! Honestly I'm too spacy to properly keep up (very keeping with this video's subject!) but I do wanna know what's going on.
1 likeHow about Bile Album Drop? Gross! 😂
1 likeI used to think I was alone and crazy and then a few years ago I found your video talking about your experiences with it. When I tell you it changed my life... it really did and I’m so so so thankful that you just opened up to us about your experiences with depersonalization
0 likesi've been watching your videos for four years now and i love hearing you destigmatize mental health because it really helped me accept that this is something that i don't deal with alone so thank you :)
0 likeswhenever I feel my DP kicking in I pretend I'm one of those video game avatars that continue walking in place when they hit a wall, it makes it kinda fun.
6 likesDP: Hello!
Me: aw shit, here we go again
Hi doodie, iam very thankful for your input on this, i discovered you when All this dp and Dr started one and a half years ago and i was in a really bad place back then and im still learning to live with this condition - thank you after such a long time that i got reminded of who got me through this :-)
0 likesYou are a beautiful mind.
even in your spacesuit.
Much love from Berlin ♥ =)
really the way i'm trying to feel a bit better about this whole covid situation is saying that it will not last forever. when it begun i was trying to think of the exact time it was going to end, i thought maybe since september and generally the end of the year, now that we're here i know we'll have to deal with this longer. although i don't know how much longer, i'm comforted by knowing this too, shall pass. i just don't know when.
5 likes3.5 years now, sometimes i think or feel like im having a moment of clarity (in my brain it feels like the relief of a stuffed nose clearing up), but then im not so sure because tbh ive completely forgotten what it was like before.
0 likesI think I often feel the effects of 'depersonalisation', I remember in high school I started saying to my friends "I feel like I've not woken up yet", "Things just don't feel real_", "It feels like things are just happening, not that I'm _doing them". It started happening more and more and now it's kind of my new normal, I recall watching your in-depth video on it a while back and thinking "Hey, maybe I should get this checked" and never bothered. I don't know if this is part of it (or if I've just got a bad memory) but I often find it hard to recall things that have happened as well, hell I barely remember what I ate for tea the night before! When I've gotten into a habit of doing something that causes progression, however, (ie. creating new software at work, working on my house, etc.) then it helps mitigate that sense of 'lost time'. I don't think anything will ever fix feeling like I'm asleep all the time but it least mitigate the sadness that it brings.
0 likesThat all changed when the covid virus attacked, it's put a halt on any of those things which I used to make progress on making me feel as I was back in college - when my spaciness was worst. I dread having to work back up to learning to function as a normal person again but at least it's made me aware as to how far I managed to get (and can get to again!) in terms of dealing with it
Also yeah, definitely "Build a Problem", good job, guys 👍
something something, build a problem, overcome it, very motivational, si si
thankyou for always talking about this dodie:( i constantly try explaining my experience with depersonalisation to people around me and when nobody gets it or understands, it makes me feel worse and i sink even further- whenever you talk about it i feel a little more normal and okay with the fact that i live this way:/ lov u lots
0 likesYour first video about depersonalization was the first time I’d heard someone talk about it and the first time I could put my own feelings into words. Thank you for being vulnerable and creating space for others to articulate what they’re struggling with💕
0 likesThis reminds me of when people say "you never let it slow you down!" To someone with a chronic illness and I always think, well what else am I supposed to do? Life keeps going and so therefore I have to aswell
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Ohmygod I have a chronic illness and derealisation and FELT this
1 likeive had moments of spaciness in really low times with ed or depression, dont know if its the same but i still.. i feel this
0 likes"i'll try and enjoy this because it's all I have right now"... Hit me really hard. Gives me strength and pulls me down the same time❤️ 6:55
0 likesWow! I have never heard this explained so accurately. Thank you SO SO MUCH ! You’re amazing !!
0 likesIt's such a good analogy.. I also started with derealisation and depersonalisation like 8 years ago, but as a symptom of my anxiety and depression. I'm currently on medication for depression and anxiety, and it helps with those things, but the depersonalisation took a life on its own and, yeah, I'm constantly spacey. It's so nice to hear you talk about it.. because no one understands when I've tried to explain it in.. you really have made an impact in my life, so thank you ✨
3 likeswow this has been the video I needed. thank you for posting! I have been experiencing this on and off this year and had no idea what this sensation even was for a lot of it. if anyone knows how to help when this flares up, please let me know. i'd love to share stories!
0 likesI first experienced depersonalisation at uni, during a really stressful time. It's been better recently, but it comes back when I get stressed, so I've decided to use it to my advantage and write a novel where a character suffers from it and hopefully it will reach people and maybe make them feel less alone. Thank you for sharing your experience dodie!
0 likesmy depersonalization has been the absolute worst since school went online in March. It's so refreshing to just feel, like I'm not alone. When I'm spaced out, it hurts most when people around me just don't understand and aren't sensitive. It really breaks me. But this is just what I needed; hearing that someone gets it.
1 likeThank you again dodie, for this 1% of your life
i’m still looking into it but i think i have this during anxiety/panic attacks like you mentioned. for me it kinda feels like the room i’m in is the only thing and outside is just space if that makes sense. and then that makes me overwhelmed and panicky and i have to find a way to ground myself. outside of the attacks though everything is still a bit hazy, but not to that extent. i think it’s brought on by either anxiety or maladaptive daydreaming or both but like i said i’m still doing research but thank you dodie for teaching me more about it :)
1 likeThank you Dodie🙏 I’ve bought your book and it helped me to know I’m not alone! But when I think about my DP lasting longer than four years or so... I think I’d be even more hopeless than I am now. I’m suffering from it now for two years. I know it’s not that “much”, but I don’t want it to last longer... it’s so hard to live in this unreal world.. I don’t know how to do it and I’m really fascinated about your strength to hold on🙏
0 likesI love what you said about practicing gratitude! I've always had dissociative tendencies and I went through a time in my life a while back where I got so overwhelmed with my life that they started to take over. I couldn't really feel what was happening in the moment at all and it scared me. Eventually since I didn't know of anything that could help I started to just be grateful for the feelings I was able to experience because that was the only option I had. I think I accidentally trained my brain to let me experience life more because as soon as I started thinking that way, more and more feelings started coming through and I feel like I'm in the present most of the time now. Thank you for your video!
0 likesYou are great! Really appreciated this and loving your recent videos x
0 likesHmmm... I think I've been having something similar to this for the last 2 years. I've had a lot of chronic pain and I feel floaty and not really here anymore, but also not depressed. I don't really feel anything, the days blend into one and time doesn't quite go by like it used to. It's frustrating because it's hard to explain to people because the way I feel is so nuanced.
0 likesHad DP for about 7-8 yrs now, been through the works with it. Some days I almost forget I have it and sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night because of it lol. Glad to see you sharing your stories and experience, every little bit from one another other helps a day at a time. Keep moving forward
0 likesi remember i used to hear u talk about depersonalisation ages ago and i never understood it and then i went through a very traumatic event and now i feel the exact same. also ive had a loss for words of how to explain it and i think after watching this video i need to show it to my therapist to explain it a little better because ur analogies were very accurate so thank u dodie
0 likesthank you for making this video, i connected with it so much. its great to hear about other people’s experiences because for me i get dissociated when im panicky and it just comes in bouts, usually from certain triggers. i dont know how you live with it all the time, it fucks me up so much every time i get it. i haven’t tried treating it because im scared that any medication i take will just make it come on more and i don’t want any side effects considering i have a history of mental health issues that could come back at any time. its just good to know that there are so many people out there going through the same thing, so thank you.
0 likesI'm sorry this affects you all the time ❤️ You might have already thought about this, but I find my "spacey-ness" is sometimes linked to low blood pressure. I felt super zoned out 90% of the time growing up, but I started to feel much more present when I began started drinking coffee and running a few years ago. Nailing a regular sleeping pattern really helped too, I feel so zoned out if I sleep in past 7am! 2017-2019 are some of the most vivid memories for me, and I think it's because of those three factors. 2020 has been a write off, for obvious reasons 😂
0 likesI love these videos, they are the high point of my day 🙂
0 likesu actually helped me realize dpd/drd for what it is. before I knew u and the name of the condition I just called it a glass fence between me and the world and I'm SO grateful I found u having the condition too it gave me strength <3
0 likesThe way you describe depersonalisation is sort of how I feel about my ADHD, except the highs and lows are just massive but with medication they’re not so bad
0 likesI (thankfully) only tend to live 50% of my days depersonalized or derealized (or both), but I am always so grateful when someone is able to put it into some kind of words what it feels like. I explain everything in metaphors, but dissociation always feels too elusive to properly metaphor-ize. The limited audio levels, and also this past year, are perfect metaphors 👍🏼
0 likesI’m glad you have your toolkit. You are so strong and optimistic and it’s wonderful
0 likesI've felt like I have derealization/depersonalization for nearly 5 years, consistently. I've come to accept it more than when it first came on. I've been watching a lot of your videos lately because hearing you describe your symptoms is like hearing my own thoughts actually translated into words and feelings. And it's been a driving factor in me taking the first steps to pursue treatment. I've never been diagnosed or spoken to a medical professional about it before and I really just needed a push to start the process.
0 likesIt's nice how you describe depersonalisation. I really know what you mean, I've never thought about a specific diagnosis for this kind of feeling. I've always tried to describe it to my therapist as just standing in a crowd of people, they are rushing around me like on a busy business street and me standing on that one spot not able to move, ppl are realizing me barely and I can barely realize them but can't remember and time rushes by and I should do so many things but I am standing outside time and I'm just watching, trying to reach out but also don't mind because life will carry me somewhere and I don't hav strength anyway.
0 likesIt's like a smoll numb bubble swimming on a wide ocean and I should be bothered and is absolutely scary too, but it also numbs away stress and struggles with communicating and handling adult life. I'm autistic and I'm struggling with depression and eating disorders for many years now, and this feeling of standing outside is a daily thing I can't even remember when it started and it doesn't matter anyway. I don't know if it is a good or a triggering thing for me personally, I quess both. 🌼
But as you said, it's fine, it will be fine, I do accept it, I can't help it too, but we are still a life, right? So we can still figure things out about it ✨👍🏻
so i've been feeling like i'm dreaming non-stop since i was a child (even before i knew it was a condition - i would always ask my friends, 'do you guys ever feel like you're dreaming??' and they would always be SO confused)
0 likesand over the last couple of years, as i've watched your videos and started coming to terms with the fact that maybe i have dpdr and should get it officially diagnosed, i've described it in my head as a bit like a tv with a single cable unplugged
and that's exactly how you described it in the intro
idk it just makes me feel like maybe i'm not crazy and i do actually have something that can be classified
i've cried over my inability to describe it or put it into words bc it makes me feel like i'm insane sometimes
so thank you for validating my thoughts <3
I remember when I struggled with this, I also didn’t like traveling because it felt like all of my surroundings were unfamiliar to the point it would give me anxiety. Even when my head would feel clear, I would live in fear of it coming back. It’s been a really long time since the sensation hit, but it scares me that there isn’t a cure and it could come back. I wouldn’t feel depressed, I just felt constantly anxious. I would question if anything was real. It made it worse not knowing what it was and thinking I was going crazy. It was only after the fact that I learned what it was called. It’s crazy how much I relate to what you are saying.
0 likeshave you ever heard about high functioning autism in females? 🙂 i have depersonalisation from 6 years and finally i was diagnosed with aspergers syndrome recently which i’m 100% sure caused symptoms of the first disorder. i feel better with every new day!
1 likeYour first video about this is how i found you.. and you are just awesome for who you are.. spacey doddie is an inspiration.. i have chronic pain and its so hard to be in pain a l l t h e t i m e and having to accept that it is like that and make the best of it.. i know its a complete different thing but at one point i did feel like in a dream state trying my hardest not to feel my body because i couldnt stand the pain anymore and feeling like i could slip into something i wouldnt be able to control it and i started to look into it and you popped up and you are so cool and cute and talented and yeah thank you for being you ♡
1 likefirstly, this whole video really speaks to me and it really idk is very comforting to hear someone else talk about it. secondly,,, the energy of this video is so lovely. the soft knitting sounds, the light, and just calmly discussing depersonalization, i love it. ty
0 likesI only found out a few years ago what I was experiencing had a name, and I wasn’t alone. I remember telling my mom when I was like 8 that “I feel like I’m watching myself” and especially now more often than not I’m dissociated. Nice to know I’m not alone anymore.. do you have any tips, Dodie, to make it feel better? I haven’t talked to any kind of professional about it.
0 likesDepersonalization is kinda like being a fish in a fishbowl. You're physically seeing the world outside you, you can feel the movement but it all comes in mushy and wobbly. Experiencing the world through the glass wall. Like if you move a fishbowl, the fish inside moves with it, but it also kinda just wobbles.
1 likeIt's not....bad, it's just what it is.
I’ve heard her talk about this before and I’ve always just absorbed the information, tried to visualize/feel it, etc., but this time I just started tearing up? About 3 minutes into the video I just... felt like crying.
0 likesThis video makes me feel a bit better when it’s so hard to be sick all the time. “It’s okay because it has to be” is a sad but true reminder. I have chronic dissociation from trauma too and it makes me feel a bit safer knowing there are others out there fighting the same thing every day, so thanks Dodie
0 likesIve been experiencing this especially badly lately, it feels like Im going crazy.
0 likesNice to see this video, I often feel the same way with the whole depersonalisation thingy. Alot of the time I feel like I should be doing something else but I don't know what I should be doing, kinda like time is running out to do stuff but I don't know what to do if that makes sense? But anyway I appreciate this video, nice to know I'm not alone and that we will get through these frustrating times. Thank you for sharing, it's hard to talk about these things, so I understand what your going through. ✌️
0 likesBefore I knew what I was experiencing was actual dysphoria, and before your original introduction video, I had no idea this was a common occurrence.
0 likesAnd even better now that I know these two things, I feel more equipped to handle it. Thanks for speaking up. <3
It's good to know there are more of us who have, and are coping with all these symptoms, it makes me think it's worth it to stand up again.
0 likesHello to all my depersonalization pals! I’ve struggled with that shit for years and I just wanted to say that I know it sucks, but please don't beat yourself up for it or anything. Go to therapy or find a hobby and just do your best to live in spite of it 💛
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thank you i hope you’re doing well. ♥️♥️
1 likeThank you. 💕 What did you do to overcome dp/dr?
1 like@Traci J it might sound kind of weird, but I started writing songs to try and express how it felt! I didn't think it would work at first but putting those dulled feelings and experiences in the form of poetry made me feel a lot better. It turned a bad thing into art.
1 like(Obviously, the same thing doesn't necessarily work for everyone, but I would definitely recommend trying it!) 🥰
@that person thank you so much!
1 like@Enverrex no problem <3 :)
1 likei'm sorry you feel like this. you such an amazing artist and omg stop been so cute.
0 likesi actually never heard about it before. so for me its this whole new information about a health condition, and I think is important to put it out in the world. covid sucks, really, but its gonna be better <3
You were there years ago posting about your experiences with depersonalization when I felt alone and as if I’m the only one experiencing it. Thank you
0 likesShe is just the cutest human being alive. That hewo in the beginning was everything ♡
3 likesthank you for making this video!! there aren’t many people really talk about DPDR. I’ve struggled for so long and feel like people really don’t understand. This was a good way to explain it!
0 likeswho else now wants to hear her sing "for forever"?
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after singing waving through a window i have craved her singing every single deh song (except to break in a glove 🤢)
11 likes@Vonny Enos OMG PETITION FOR DODIE TO SING BOTH PARTS IN TO BREAK IN A GLOVE
2 likes@guy fieri fanclub 😤😤😤
1 likeyou always help me feel less alone, so glad we all are not alone in this
0 likesThank you so much for creating this video as well as your first video talking about depersonalization; it introduced me to a name of what I have been feeling for years and made me feel less alone in the world. I am grateful for your platform as a creator and all of the art and knowledge you share with us. Thank you dodie. <3
0 likesThank you for being so raw and honest about your personal struggles. I feel as though I may be experiencing depersonalization and I never knew much about it before your videos. About a year back I ruptured my eardrum really bad and I still experience really bad vertigo at times from it. I feel as though vertigo and depersonalization do not match well at all because I feel spacey not only mentally at times but also physically too. Anyway, I digress. Thanks again Dodie ❤️
0 likesawww hey dodie. I haven't been diagnosed, but i've known for some years that i experience dp/dr. And i have been since... forever basically. My memories are all foggy and unreal, so i don't even know since when. I love when you talk about it, it makes it feel less invisible and trust me, it makes me feel understood. I understand and experience everything you mentionned in that video. And same thing for the covid perspective. Thank you so much, truly. Love u from Canada xx
0 likesThank you for sharing. The beauty and rawness of everything you produce is probably thanks to the way you are. Thank you for being the way you are.
0 likesI didn't even know what depersonalisation was as a concept until I read your book and realised that you were describing my exact symptoms over the last umpteen years and decided to actually google it. I'd never been able to explain it and I just thought it was me overreacting most of the time and assuming I was different when I wasn't, and it was kind of a relief to realise that it's an actual thing, even if I can't really do anything about it. I've been saying that this year feels like what anxiety feels like, but you're right, it's more about depersonalisation than anything else. Anyway I just wanted to say thank you. ❤
1 likeHearing you talk about this really makes a few years of my life make more sense. Obvs not gonna self diagnose, but when I reflect on my most depressed times, I was so disconnected. I would try to focus so hard I'd forget what I was even focusing on, I'd get lost in my head all the time 'daydreaming', everything felt like such a blur and I barely remember it. Brains, man. Fckn weird things.
0 likeswoah! this made me both sad and happy, its like a window was just opened by a peep to let a lil bit of air in, now i know what depersonalization is and gosh i feel a lot less worried about being a vaguely 'bad' person for not fully being... there. it sucks but thanks for talking about this <3
0 likesCan it also be time travel? Because I still feel I'm in March and that nothing has happened all this time. also you HAVE to cover Lovin' you by Minnie Riperton after that tease
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Yeah... to me it never has felt like 10 months this year
4 likesExactly!!!
0 likesThat song was popular when I was a kid... I'm surprised Dodie would know that song.
0 likesThank you ever so much for bringing yourself to discuss this and help us understand that uncertainty and feeling like we're in a bit of a bubble (this might mean different things to different people but to me, it feels like I'm not as aware of the people around me as I used to be prior lockdown and that's very unfair on those people) is not so crazy as sucky as it is. This community that you have created where we can understand each other a little bit better, although we are different is so comforting for the very reason that we can reach out to eachother and listen to eachother's experiences. Hopefully more people can have access to this if they need it and hopefully feel that they are being taken note of. I can't possibly imagine what it feels like to have to try and hustle and possibly survive at the same time of dealing with icky sort of feelings. So if you are a person struggling in any type of way, you rock pretty darn hard!
0 likeshello dpd family <3 i love you. its hard to find something that long term cures symptoms without causing other problematic side effects. we do what we can. we experience what we can. it is what it is because while yes it sucks we cant change it yet so we might as well no dwell on it in the meantime. therapy is a godsend. find a good therapist if you can, i know especially in the usa it's quite expensive if you dont have health insurance that covers it. best of luck. you're not alone. there are a lot of us floating in the ~*weird little spacey universe * ~
0 likesThanks so much for your vulnerability. Shit, you have tried a lot! . It being a response to complex trauma makes a lot of sense. It sounds like you're very well-informed. I respect your attitude toward this so much And I'm truly wishing you the very best. How did you knit letters like that? I wanna know how to do that! 😝
0 likesI first encountered depersonalization and derealization through a video of yours and wow did I feel connected to the things you said.
0 likesI was so sad and relieved at the same time, that the way I had been feeling all this time... that there was an actual reason for it.
Thank you so much for sharing your journey! It has helped me immensely with getting a diagnosis and proper psychiatric care and, well, my journey in general. Thank you so much for being the amazing human being you are and sharing your story so honestly with us! ❤️
i’m having back to back panic attacks and have done for several weeks this quarantine, idk what to do but this video helped a bit
1 likeI didnt know there was a name for it. Thank you for speaking about this. Sometimes I can feel that I’m grasping into the moment - trying to memorize reality but I know it will slip.
0 likesI don't think I've ever been able to thank you for talking about this topic! I got diagnosed with GAD very recently, and I've been dissociating a lot for the past 4 years. Dissociation is how I experience panic attacks, even. I feel like my entire body has shut down on itself and I'm just stuck inside and can't feel anything but hollowed out and spilling over at the same time? I'm sure you experience it differently, but your first video talking about your condition made me feel less alone and hopeless and like I was just overreacting or sth. Ever since, I'd been steadily seeking help, looking for therapists and psychiatrists. I've been taking medication and doing grounding exercises and taking little steps to be kinder to myself, and whenever I fall and relapse, I go back to your music and the stories in your book and these videos, and I feel a little bit lighter in a good way.
0 likesThanks for helping me feel a little less mad, and for helping me put a name to the weird stuff my brain does. I hope you take care, and I'm so stoked for your album!!!
i love this kind of videos <3 you're awesome dodie
0 likesone of the things that i find the most discomfort in this condition is dissociative amnesia. often with my childhood friends, they tell stories from when we were super young, growing up on the same street, and i feel like it is in vivid technicolor for them but a stark black with bits of grey for me. is this something you have experience with? (or any kind people in the comments really!) again. thank you for opening up about this part of your life. like you said, it’s comforting to not feel entirely alone.
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I think I understand because I have a similar thing with my memory. The only childhood things I really remember come from photos and videos or stories that other people have told. Most memories that I do have feel more vague and grainy
1 likeI don't experience derealization but Dodie has talked about how it sucks that it comes with a bad memory. Something that struck me is an instagram post she made saying that after a great day she sometimes tells her friend Shannon that she's scared she won't remember it, and Shannon answers "Then we'll just do it again" which I think is really sweet!
3 likesI'm not gonna lie, this comment actually scared me because of how accurate it is. My best friend since kindergarten will tell me all these things we did or that happened as kids and I just have absolutely no recollection of any of it. I very much understand that feeling.
1 likeall the damn time, i unfortunately have started getting it with short term memory too and even just flat out unable to concentrate on conversations. when i was younger, i definitely struggled more with remembering things when it came to friendships. then it went to just remembering only the bad memories. i started having dissociation since i was 14-ish and now i'm 22. my mind honestly draws a million blanks and it sucks a lot when i want to join in and remember the things everyone else does. instead, i just get faded feelings or nostalgia of what it was like at time and how they made me felt, not every moment can be recounted but like an overall sense of how that person made me feel at the time. its gotten me into so much trouble though as I find myself glossing over many important events that were positive and where people have helped me which then i seem so ungrateful.
1 likebig mood - I didn't realize how badly my mental illness had affected my memory until I went on antidepressants a year ago, and slowly but surely, everything sharpened up a little. It's nice to have progress, but it's horrible to know that those 19 years of memories are just ruined
1 likewow!!!! this response is overwhelming, thank you guys for sharing. there is something so deeply painful in a way i can’t exactly describe about hearing stories about yourself from the people who were there. it’s always left me with a sense of feeling, half hearted i suppose! it’s nice to know that i am not unique and i am not alone. wishing all of you the best in these uncertain times!!! take care of yourself!!!
0 likeshii dodie. i have depersonalization disorder as well, and i really appreciate you spreading some awareness of it. it helps me to see you talk about it, and helps make me feel less alone. thank you
0 likesI needed this today, thanks Dodie ❤️
0 likesim recovering from a panic attack that i had over the idea of being in the same place as strangers and i realized dodie is the only person i wouldnt be that afraid to meet for the first time :") i just know she wouldnt judge me
0 likesHi!! Umm I just wanted to say thank you because I watched your video talking about derealization a couple of years ago and it was the first time I realized that I had derealization and it helped me so much to know that I wasn’t the only person in the world who felt like that. I had felt really alone for a long time and watching that video made me a feel a little bit better. Thank you dodie :)
0 likesI’ve realised how I’m really spaced out again. I’m sitting in my chair all day in online college and nothing seems real. I’m listening to people I’ve never seen, have classmates I had no chance to meet. There is so much that is changing and I feel completely alone.
0 likesI definitely experienced some mild dpdr in high school - would zone out all the time, felt like the world wasn't real, and wanted to explain it to the school counselor when I started missing assignments bc it didn't feel like anything mattered, but had no idea how to. Grateful for people like you raising awareness so I'll know how to explain what I'm experiencing if/when it happens again.
0 likesOh dodie thank you thank you for making this video. I have depersonalisation/derealisation and you're right it's so good to know I'm not alone. Some days I'm glad my brain has this defence mechanism (especially during this pandemic) but it's also upsetting sometimes because I have no choice or autonomy over my own brain. Thank you for sharing. sending virtual love
0 likesyou helped me put a name to what ive been feeling for years with your first video on depersonalization and im really grateful :( it sucks especially bc i cant have medication or therapy to at least Try to feel better but it is what it is i guess haha..sending lots of love n good vibes to u!!
0 likesI wasnt aware of depersonalosation, I am glad that you are discussing it and so open about it. This year had been tough and everyone is doing so well to get through this huge change, that we have no control over. X
0 likesI'd like to say dodie looks so stunning and gorgeous in this vid wow !!!! and also that she always says exactly how I feel in exactly the way I would explain it and it genuinely makes me feel like I'm a person again and I'm not insane and people can relate to how I'm feeling so... thank you sm dodie lol =)
1 likeI have only experienced depersonalization once for about a week and I couldn't imagine experiencing it for so many years, I'm sorry that you've had to deal with this. The fact that you have talked about it has been so helpful though, and when I was experiencing depersonalization I had previously seen your video talking about it and it helped me a lot to understand what was going on <3
0 likesThank you for making us feel less alone in dpd!
0 likesthank you for this dodie. the thing i enjoy most about you and what has made me want to stay by your side is your acceptance that things are shitty, and that you go through shit, but you try your best and you do what you can in the moment. i know you struggle with the expectations others have for you, but know that i don’t hold an expectation for you, i just enjoy what you give. and i hope you know we love you as you are :)
0 likesThank you for these short little 10 min videos, they really make my day x
0 likesThank you for sharing ✨♥️🤗 I suffered this as a teen
0 likesI have been struggling with anxiety for years, and when it gets extremely bad - depersonalisation kicks in and although it doesn't make me feel "better", it's still a change. And I am grateful to my brain for trying its best to manage my anxiety with tools it has, although it's not a cure. It's not getting better, but I find solace in the familiarity of it at this point. It's not as new and scary, as it used to be. I totally understand the comparison with arm pain: I don't always acknowledge it, if it's just in the background, and I guess I have to thank my brain for finding ways to distract me. It's always there, it influences my life... but it's also the only life I have. I can only carry on as best as I can, even if I am not as mentally stable, as some people. We all have our struggles, and I am getting more familiar with mine, which is way I don't hate ageing. Experience does help a lot.
0 likesI love how all of us love dodie so much so we all investigated and already know her secret muahahahaa
1 likeHi!! I can relate. Especially limiter. I'm in a DP/DR group on FB. Except I haven't been diagnosed. I have had other symptoms more prominent and it's a struggle to actually talk to professionals about it. I'm not really fighting.
0 likesYesterday I went to hospital after my depersonalisation tricked me into thinking I was having a heart attack but then when I got there it made me believe it was all a dream and that everyone hated me for making it up.
0 likesI needed this video today to remind me I don't make it up and my brains an arse hole xx
I just wanted to thank you for talking about this. If it weren't for your first video on depersonalization I never would have been diagnosed as I thought everyone felt what I was feeling. So thank you for raising awareness and thank you for being amazing!
0 likesAs someone who has experienced depersonalisation for as long as I can remember, it is so comforting to hear you talk about your experience. I have never met someone who I feel really gets what it's like to feel detached from your body 24/7 (it doesn't always feel shitty, I can be happy and depersonalised). But this doesn't take away from the fact that I wish it wasn't there at all. Just thankyou, for sharing your wisdom and light about this horribly unspoken about issue (at least in Australia) <3
0 likesAbout 3 years ago, I think, was when I saw your video about you talking about depersonalization/derealization and it all made so much sense to me, I had been constantly trying to figure out what it was that i was feeling and your video just clicked for me, though I haven’t been formally diagnosed so I won’t yet say it’s what I have, but it’s definitely what I most relate to. It scares me a lot and I feel like I’m forgetting everything because I’m not connecting to it and I space out...I want to say so much more but I really just want to say thank you for ever coming out with that video, it helped me know I wasn’t the only one, I love you dodie ❤️
0 likesLove u Dodie❤ This might sound really bad but I do feel some kind of comfort from this whole pandemic situation. Suddenly most people's highs seem to be lower. I'm on the autism spectrum with OCD, derealisation, anxiety, depression and all that shit. Now many people are concerned about germs, are housebounded, have anxiety etc...I feel less alone knowing everyone and everything is on hold, not only me. The gap between myself and others feels a bit smaller for once.
0 likesWhen I saw the title of this video I was like FINALLY! SOMEONE SAID IT! I have been constantly thinking of your video these past few months because I was feeling the same exact things you were describing.
0 likesomg i didn't realize how much i needed this until now.
0 likesduring extreme lockdown, i had numerous panic and anxiety attacks (much more than i would used to), and was never really quite able to put my finger on what it was. but i finally do! "spacey" is the perfect word for it.
i told my mom after a few of them when i was really starting to worry and when i felt my self starting to slip away from reality... and of course, she was worried at first, but then kind of just brushed it off and never really did anything about it. which i guess is rightfully so, because i never brought it up again (even though they were still happening).
she later suggested i visit the school counselor. and so i did. but i felt completely out of place and awkward, and that i didn't connect with the counselor at all... so, after the first session, i told my mom that i was feeling better and wouldn't need any further help.
when i seriously thought i was losing my shiz, i Googled the symptoms, and "depersonalization" and "derealization" were the first results to pop up. i felt incredibly relieved that i had finally found a word for it, and did some more research on it until i was sure this is what i was feeling, so that my mom wouldn't worry for nothing.
i wish i could say that she doubted this... but we never discussed it again.
and now, here we are.
wow ,, you put what i have been feeling with dpdr in words. I love your way with words , so comforting ,, I love you dodie 🥺💜
0 likesI know I have three things she said anxiety, dysphoric, and I have issues with disordered eating. I always knew I depersonalized but fo so long i would just have panic attacks scared and confused not knowing what was wrong with me and only recently ive accepted that that is what it is. After accepting that its been a lot less difficult considering ive been able to acknowledge the issue at hand. I assume that its a big portion from dysphoria because I tend to look in the mirror and say that GIRL has a attractive body tipe, but she isnt me because I am not a girl. But I also have depersonalization farther than dysphoria related, for example forgetting what i am and not knowing my own personality and not really being able to understand empathy and thats saying a lot considering I am an empath. Im happy that I have finally pined this because I kept feeling as if I was having issues that no one has, I would try to look up things but nothing pointed towards depersonalization, usually the symptoms would point to schizophrenia but I am positive that I do not have schizophrenia. I feel like this is something many dont talk about, maybe because when we have it we normalize that it happens to us, and it can sometimes be brushed off as a form of panic attack.
2 likesI don't experience it constantly, but when my anxiety levels climb I can recognize derealization going on. Hours and sometimes days go by without me noticing. It's like life has shifted out of reality and the wheel to turn back doesn't really exist. I started making the connection between hightened anxiety and derealization through your videos, so thanks, from both me and my therapist.
0 likesI am going through an episode of anx+der for the past 1.5 months and this vid made me feel less alone.
Hope this comment does the same.
Thanks for sharing! You explain it so well. We’re not alone!
1 likeI've never heard of this before. I disassociate family often and I very much feel this way everyday... it's like a zombie mode you just go through motions. I have anxiety/PTSd and depression, so maybe this is just my new normal after years of trying to cope. Time to get back into a mental health professional. Thank you for this viddo!
0 likesI have dpdr so I feel this on a spiritual level 😅 it's just something you get used to, and when you're friends are like 'oh honey are you dissociating ATM?' you have to go 'honey, I am always dissociating lol' 😅 I did a mental health video the other day, so check it out maybe if you have time? sending you love dodie 💖💗💕❤️
0 likesI love that you have brought depersonalization to the forefront. I had never heard of it before you brought it up, but I started experiencing it probably.. 2-3 years ago. I am an elementary (primary, in the UK) teacher. The first time I noticed myself depersonalizing I was in the middle of my classroom with 20+ kids around me, it was so scary. Just felt like none of them were real. I wasn't even there. So very scary. It has become a bit better, but it is definitely hard to get used to. I haven't felt high's and low's like I used to since developing or noticing that I had this. It is nice to hear you speak about it though, if it weren't for you speaking about it I would have probably thought I was just going crazy. So, thank you.
0 likesI just got here, but I already completely agree with this title. I’ve been feeling less and less like a real person being inside and isolated this long.
6 likesWas watching your video literally last night about this hoping for an update soon. This has been hitting me hard this year, thanks so much
0 likesI also struggle with depersonalization! I'm 17 and I'm still struggling to figure out to drive and feel safe with it? I'm scared I'm gonna loose my focus and die horribly or something haha. Ha.
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I’m also 17 and I’m also having the same problems with driving Lol. I’m afraid that while driving everything will just get too blurry and I’ll forget that I’m driving and cause a bad accident
0 likes"It's okay. Because it has to be." This line really spoke to me
0 likesNever been diagnosed with depersonalisation but all the signs are there. Thanks for sharing.
0 likesHello hi, you helped me realise I had depersonilisation and derealisation a few years ago now, and though nothing has happened with regards to solutions etc I feel so much less alone and I'm very thankful to you for that
0 likesThis is something I had to deal with a long time before covid, because I'm disabled and mostly housebound. Covid-time has been weird because actually more people are around to hang out with online than before, but weirdly I feel I can't really relate to what everyone else is feeling about it. This is my permanent reality, there never will be a time I can "go back to normal" like everyone else has said. So in that sense I super relate.
0 likesAt the same time, I feel like I've settled in to my little homebody life and in a lot of ways I love it. I can still experience joy, love, etc. Just because there's a "limiter" on my happiness (like you said, again, hard relate), doesn't mean I don't get to experience joy when it is here. I'm not going to fall into the trap of "this is good, but I'm still sad because it could be better". I'm just going to be happy that it's good.
Thank you for all your videos on depersonalization/derealization it really helps me explain my own brain to friends and family
0 likesHi hun, I totally get it. We do got this. Great ending and exceptional hand graphs.
1 likewow ive been going through this as well 💕 comforting to know you are too
0 likesI messaged you on Instagram about it. Didn’t know you were still dealing with it. I learned that when I ignore it and say it’s not there, that it starts to go away
0 likesThank u thank u thank u dodie x u are often a light in my depersonalised times, I v much appreciate it
0 likesBack when I saw your first video about depersonalisation/derealization years ago it literally changed my life. I felt so relieved that I had a name for the thing I was feeling. I felt so confused and alone and it made me so happy to see that I wasn't alone and that there were people who experience the exact same thing I do, especially people I look up to (you, for example). I'm not officially diagnosed but I'm finally in the process of getting into therapy and hopefully getting an official diagnosis and the proper help I need. I never would've done this if I hadn't watched your videos about it. I just wanted to say thank you for bringing awareness to this mental illness. You really are changing people's lives. Thank you so much, Dodie.
0 likesthis is so corny but I want to give u all a big hug honestly everyone here deserves the best
4 likesYOU DESERVE THE BEST
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Haha thanks I want to give you a big hug too you deserve it, unlike me :)
0 likeshearing you talk about your experience was the first time i was able to vocalise what what what happening to me and im really grateful for that
0 likesI used to have dpdr years back for a few months. I got better and i almost forgot that i had it.
0 likesI can see it in your face what i used to also feel like.
Im sure you will get better
Aaaand you look gorgeous
As someone without Depersonalisation this was the best description of it I've ever gotten
0 likesI remember a year or two ago at work I had chronic stress/anxiety that led to derealisation. I was chatting to a colleague and when they finished their sentence and just looked at me for a second I could have sworn they were an NPC in a video game like Fallout or something, waiting blankly for me to pick from a list of responses on screen to advance the convo/plot. It didn't feel like he was a real person at all. I couldn't avoid recognising at that point that I really wasn't feeling normal anymore. I'm not sure if the 2020-spec mental fog is exactly the same as that, for me, but I do feel a bit half-alive and full of background dread. Thankfully there are nice relaxing people on the internet to listen to.
0 likesi really should start again looking for a therapist, I've kinda felt like this for ages now. not as bad I think but relatable and constant ...
4 likesI hope you’re okay besides everything dodie, I also experience it, though not all the time, and it is hard. I won’t give advice just support from far away and so much love and good vibes.
0 likesthe way you described it perfectly described how It works for me. it feels good to not be alone
1 likeThanks for sharing and inspiring. I have dp, it came on all of a sudden when i was cycling through Bulgaria. Dizzy spell than bang, reality left. 4 years later and I'm still trying to get back to normal. I've also tried all sorts of treatments, I get obsessed with something, think it will be a miracle cure but never is. I think the only way to get over it is by fixing the way you think, but I have obsessive thinking and just go around in circles. I am improving though and think I'll get there one day. I've had a few flashes of what life was like before and its so nice, if I could feel like that all the time I would be the happiest man in the world. Anyway, wishing you all the best, I really appreciate you sharing so I don't feel so alone with it.
0 likesI also have depersonalisation and it’s how I came across you years ago, you made me feel less alone because it’s incredibly lonely as you would know. I was diagnosed at 17 and I’m 24 now and relate to what you said so much about just not being bothered about the symptoms anymore and in a way it is comforting when I have an episode because I would MUCH rather be zoned out then be having a panic attack. Thank you always for using your platform to spread awareness, it does help! I tried to make a video on my channel years ago lmao. You describe things so well that are almost impossible to describe. Big love to you dodie <3
0 likesIt's so weird, I'm not sure if Its considered that I have depersonalesation most of the time I'm like 96% ok, but then every couple of days-week or so I get really depersonalised for a few hours- a few days. Idk it's weird
4 likesIt's how I've felt my whole life and because of it I can't bring myself to shower or brush my teeth more than around 6 to 12 times a year and rarely do laundry or clean my surroundings. I space out a lot and often have debilitating vertigo.
0 likesI never rode a bike, danced, rollerbladed, swam, or drove a car. I've never even attempted more than a part-time job because I know I can't handle it and I've been unemployed since last year.
It's so nice to see another person, especially a fairly large YouTuber who has the same detachment disorder as me, talk about it online. I've had dr & dp since 8 years old & I experimented with weed at 16, it made it 10x worse, when I feel myself slipping into depersonalisation, I've noticed, the more I try & figure out why it's happening, the worse it gets, it happens most often when I'm in a restaurant or a room with bright lights and there's lots of loud chatter, a quiet, dark/dim room makes me feel calm and peaceful :-)
1 likeI've always felt like I could be in a coma and not know that's how unreal my life feels. I used to enjoy feeling refreshed by the sun... I miss that
0 likeswhen dodie went " la LA LA LA LA la la la la aAaAaAahaahahaaaahaaAaAAA " at the end, i felt that
18 likesIt's really tough. In March I had heard about a depersonalisation clinic that opened in London and was going to follow up with it, then everything with the virus kicked off. I was excited that such a thing even existed though. Best of luck xx
0 likesI have never been diagnosed with depersonalisation, but I can relate to the experience you describe. My gender dysphoria has just become a catch all for anything that hurts me mentally.
0 likesWe got this... I hope!
Stay well Dodie.
Dodie, honestly you really nailed it on the head in terms of describing what depersonalization feels like.
0 likesHonestly I get some depersonalization symptoms one i get that's the strongest I call "dream state" and as you may guess its like Im in a dream but awake, and I can not imagine being stuck in that state my whole life. My heart goes out to you all
0 likesWhat a good time to post this, I was just talking about how I feel like I'm forgetting something and I don't feel fucking real and or sane anymore because my quarantine :)))
3 likesYou speak on my frequency
0 likesIn a depersonalization way
It's hard to tell people what it's like but you do it well
Hmm wow you explained this really well. I don't experience depersonalization or derealization in my normal life but I totally get this and your so right. Life is weird.
0 likesI didn't know why i attracted to your music so much, now i know. We are in this together. 🥺
0 likesSometimes I get this thing where you know when you look at the sky for too long and then you come into the house and it's all dark and weird? I remember becoming aware or "waking up" as I've dubbed it when I've had conversations with someone and completely forgot I was in that moment. When I do wake up my visions all dark like that. It also feels like I've been sat there for ages and also only a few seconds at once. I used to have panic attacks a lot so I always thought it might've been a part of it lol. I'm just sat listening to this person talk while my brains working rapid fire to try and piece together what's been happening in the past minute.
0 likesI like that green color, DODIE GREEN
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Her new brand. Just don't blow it up in her face or she'll get over it.
20 likes@Brooks Kirsch lol yeah
3 likesomg we'll have a whole dodie rainbow soon
10 likesGOD this is SO real!!! i started feeling the effects of derealization/depersonalization in 6th grade, then it got worse and worse in high school to the point of not knowing what was wrong with me or how to fix it. i got tested for eyesight problems, for sleep problems, for seizures, etc because i couldn't even figure out how to describe what was wrong with me! i remember when dodie posted about depersonalization for the first time i started crying because i finally figured out what the fuck was wrong with me. and every time you talk about it i feel further validated. having a ceiling on the highs of my life, panicking when it gets worse which just fuels the cycle, finding ways to forget about it, feeling worse on vacation because it's an unfamiliar space and because i'm trying extra hard to enjoy my life.....i relate SO much to all of this!! thank you for putting a voice to p much exactly how i feel. and the way that covid relates to all of it is also so very real. thank you thank you thank you & i love this so much
0 likesIt wasn’t really until your video you made about depersonalization/de realization that I realized how I felt and experienced things wasn’t the norm. Like there’s a veil between me and the world, or I’m dreaming when I’m supposed to be awake. I went to so many eye doctors by I thought I was going blind but every time they always said I was fine aside from just needing glasses. But I never wanted to believe them, because if everything was fine then why did I feel like I couldn’t see properly or my brain wasn’t registering it? The video you made resonated with me but I brushed it off because I didn’t want to self diagnose or claim that I experienced that when so many other people probably had it worse and I was just being pathetic. I remember experiencing that feeling beginning when I was about 10 (I’m 22 now) and I thought that everyone felt like that. Thank you for being open about this, it’s extremely comforting to know that I’m not alone in this. I moved to a new city right when things started getting super crazy, so that was a massive anxiety inducing change of being outside of my comfort zone as well as not being able to see people or leave the house, i spent about two whole months feeling like I didn’t really exist or I couldn’t tell what time it was, what day, and it was scary. I’m a little better now, but again, thank you for doing what you do, your videos bring me so much comfort and I’m so thankful that you have talked about this and been so open. Sorry for the long post ❤️❤️
1 likeAs u said is so good to feel you are not alone, thank you for speaking about it
0 likesi hope you read this dodie i really like your videos you helped me so much whenever i felt alone i listen to your songs/videos ♥️♥️
0 likesknitting is really the cure to all of this, isn't it
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You're so damn right
1 likeIt's what have been keeping me sane and floating instead of sinking these past months.
0 likesThank you for talking about this, i feel so alone with this alot and you talking abt it helps
0 likesI can't remember if I've been like this since I was young, or if I've only been like this for a shorter period of time than that, but I just can't remember what I felt like beforehand because it has been so long. I'm currently almost 22 and I think the most likely answer is that I first started experiencing DPDR both during and shortly after panic/anxiety attacks when I was 6. Then somewhere in the next 10 years, it started to become a persistent state of my everyday life in which I can't now remember what it's like not to feel the symptoms of DPDR.
0 likesIt's been debilitating at times, caused me to question my own reality, sometimes I can ignore it enough to enjoy moments, and most of the time it's just there as a casual state of my mind that I grudgingly accept even though I don't want to. A lot of times it feels as if I've been thrust into the wrong reality and only have loosely familiar memories of my past life. On a daily basis, it feels like my real self is trapped behind a thick wall of glass, floating around in a void and desensitized from everything both outside of myself and inside myself. Then something else, my autopilot of some sort, is what controls my daily actions, only sometimes trying to communicate with the person behind the glass. Obviously, I know none of those things are true, but they're the best metaphorical explanations I have for this.
I've never had a name for it until this year and now that I do I hope I can start some more rapid progress towards hopefully someday not feeling like this anymore, but it's still something I'm slightly pessimistic about because I also have other conditions that make it difficult to stick to routines and have enough energy to make general progress in my life: ADHD, severe depression, severe anxiety, and POTS (postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome). The biggest struggle has been identifying what exactly caused DPDR so I can best know the treatment I need.
My current theory is that it could have been caused by either having a severe anxiety disorder, possible extreme brain fog from POTS, or childhood trauma. Another issue for me that makes it difficult in terms of recovery is that I don't remember much of my childhood or feel connected to the memories I do have, so I can't definitively say what could have caused DPDR. It may not be necessary for the treatment of DPDR, but it's definitely painfully confusing to be experiencing this and not have a real answer as to why it started. I've seen everywhere online that it is possible to recover, but just like you said, I'm finding that it's so far not happening in my favor so I've kind of learned to just live with it. I really hope though that more research can be done about this and that everyone dealing with this, especially for long periods of time, can eventually recover because I believe it's possible.
I feel so much better when I see people talking about it online thank you so much for these videos they have literally saved me
0 likesI have DID and other forms of chronic dissociation and it just means so much to me that you’re open about it. Thank you 💗✨
0 likesMe: it looks like dodie knits backwards THAT'S WEIRD
9 likesalso me: Wait im left handed 😂😂
Stay strong and keep going forward. I try to do that
0 likesI can’t tell if it’s just depression causing me to not remember really much of this year, even pre COVID, or if it’s DP/DR especially because I had never even heard of it until right now.
0 likesBut either way, I’m glad to be made aware of it,
I wasn't expecting to get a hilarious and 100% accurate cover of a song my parents play frequently but I don't know the name of, but I am grateful for it
0 likesomg I feel exactly like this and all but I always feel like I’m making it up and don’t wanna get called out for “seeking attention”
0 likeslike, it totally gives me anxiety but it also just makes things really frustrating. Like, I’m really just trying put things together and be a person but it’s hella hard. It’s always just here and I haven’t been present since like before the pandemic and I’m so hella scared about it not being better ever again and the pandemic has REALLY just made my shit dissociate so much it’s more often than not that I’m here
sorry everyone just kinda wanted to vent lol have a neat day everyone
THE HARMONIES AT THE BEGINNING AHAHJHSSH
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My friend said it’s from what u up to
1 likeHi! First symptom of my depression was depersonalisation and omg, the ups and downs bars make so much sense cause, since I was beginning to sink looow in a depressive episode (I had some other shit going on besides it, it felt like my head was the world's worst smoothie) and was depersonalized all the time, I could feel much shittier than I ever had before, and I also couldnt real happiness. It sucked. And I was only 15 so like, all my memories before were of a child's happiness, you know? I didn't know how teenagers and grown up people felt happy, so I just didn't know what happiness really felt like if it's not cause by an amusement park or yogurt candy. I'm better now, I almost never feel depersonalized, but depression still kicks my functionality (which is already not that good) down. But you know, it sucks, I know it sucks, but somehow it felt also like superpower, in the sense that "you can't really hurt me sweetheart, I'm already dead inside and feel no connection to reality whatsoever". If there can be a silver lining to something like that.
0 likesThis really gives me such a good way of explaining what I feel to people. Before COVID started I used to have sorta bouts of derealization but after COVID has happened it’s pretty much just never stopping and it makes me feel like I’m trying to swim in maple syrup just trying to deal with it all the time.
0 likesi understand now why i like covid time bc it’s forcing everyone else to experience similar feelings to how i’ve felt for a while now
1 likeI felt the exact same for a long time. It felt like nothing would help my symptoms. The only thing that’s helped has been ‘parts theory’ and understanding structural dissociation
0 likesOn a good day, I'm maybe 90% alive 90% of the day. On a bad day, nothing is real and I lose time and forget where I am and don't eat. Today I was maybe 80% alive - got a single food in my body, but only one, did an exam, but nothing else. It's an accomplishment nonetheless.
3 likesYou have much support! We love self care and encourage it
0 likesHey, until I heard you talking about your depersonalization I had no idea what was up with my brain. I get those good good robot feelings quite often, and don't feel like I'm a real person with actual emotions. It was really nice to know that what I was experiencing was real and an actual thing.... Anyway, thought I would share.
0 likesim constantly disassociating and parts of me like it because its how i cope and am able to function day to day, but its hard when you cant remember a thing youve done and you feel like youre just drifting through life blindly, empty
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i want to be able to tell my story through a youtube video or podcast but i can hardly even keep a conversation going because of it now and embarrassing to never finish a convo with someone because my brain simply shuts off
1 likethe limiter analogy is so specifically on point, and it really helped me understand what I am going through
0 likes“when COVID was around” [cries in American]
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COVID is still very much around in the uk lol :(
3 likesI feel you so much, I developed derealization from smoking too much/bad weed (I honestly don't exactly know), it was only a couple of months for me, but the scariest thing I have ever experienced. I send you my love!
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That’s super common! Thank u my b, sending love right back!
1 likeits always nice to hear that i'm not the only one going through this shit
1 likeI have moments of depersonalisation and some days where it goes on all day. And my god it sucks. I cannot imagine living through it 24/7 and I hope that I never have to. So I send all the love to anyone who experiences it. And thank you Dodie for talking about it❤️
0 likesI heard someone explain DPDR really well. They said "Our brains get so overwhelmed that they revert to a survival state. Managing the brains resources to only the basic needs and survival." Basically said our brains are coping with the overwhelm and stress by disengaging from certain thoughts and feelings that are not necessary for us to stay alive.
0 likes6:00 she’s defo singing “take what you can get” bruhhhhHhhhh
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i think since arms unfolding we cant trust her no more :D
22 likesAnd “so many things” at 6:48 as wel
13 likes@Veronica Gould I was just about to comment this!
1 likeshe replied to someone else on another video and said it wasn’t another hidden song thing but now I’m confused?? 😭
7 likesI think it's a reference to her song When! "I'll take what I can get cause I'm too damp for a spark"
1 like6:53 “but while I wait” sounds like it is sung!
2 likesI promise u it isnt
26 likes@doddleoddle dammit really thought i had something lmao
3 likes@doddleoddle Well then just sing because you can!
0 likesI remember watching your first video about depersonalization so long ago because i want younger and thought "whoa that's crazy!" Then starting November 2019 after a really bad weed trip till like march I started experiencing a heaving dissociation episode without knowing. It just felt like I was high all the time, and numb as hell. I slowly started seeing and following more and more instagram therapist pages and realized what was actually happening to me. And now it's just my normal. I realized something was wrong when I was being talked to by administration about my academic problems and feeling absolutely no remorse in a situation where my anxiety would be so high. I think that my anxiety had gotten so bad that my body had to save me from myself. I'm really thankful to have prior knowledge about this from seeing your video so long ago, it made me feel less lonely.
0 likesits so funny to realize that actually we all are struggling in this quarantine. In my case my social anxiety gets worst every day even doing therapy and I feel so useless and hopeless rn but seeing that other people are also not ok and it's totally fine actually makes me not that much helpless
0 likesSo grateful for dodie talking about this, I first ever had depersonalisation when I was about 12, and now it's been constant for like 3 years straight. So sick of it. Actually going to a therapist for the first time on Friday
0 likesHi dodie <3 You are loved, valued, and important. Sending you love.
0 likessaid it again and i'll say it again, these last letters were all to do with "problem" so we still know nothing more than "_ U _ _ D A PROBLEM", with an additional B in that first word! probably build :)
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I think that the U is the first letter. The B is definitely the third letter in the first word tho. If you look at the video, there were 2 spaces on both sides of the B. Maybe I'm wrong
2 likeslol u da problem
27 likesWhy are you so sure that the U is the second letter ? In the video with the U you don't see any lines before the U so you cant tell if its the first, second or third letter
3 likesShe said “most of you have got it by now” so I think it’s build a problem
2 likes@ofri c. me looking at the mirror lmao
2 likes@Sleepwxlker if you zoom in and compare the line to the lines in the first video it is clearly the second line that she writes the U on.
1 like@Whelve Tooth if you zoom in and compare the line to the lines in the first video it is clearly the second line that she writes the U on.
0 likes@mikaelpa if you zoom in and compare the line to the lines in the first video it is clearly the second line that she writes the U on. there are 2 instances of the B and she said she threw us off with the second B because people were saying all kinds of weird things. but she also said she didn't knit a second B for nothing so there are definitely two Bs in the phrase so it has to be in the first word, but the location is not verified because the line she drew it on both times was the middle of the third word but that's obviously not possible
0 likesI've fallen back into my derealization since the pandemic, probably because my brain uses it as a coping mechanism for stress. It makes it extremely hard to focus on my classes, especially now that they're online :/. It sucks because I used to be an amazing student and now I can't get my shit together.
0 likesI've had DP/DR symptoms on and off for about 3 years. It started alongside panic attacks and dissociative seizures (yes seizures!) in response to a major bout of depression. But things were starting to get better and I wasn't experiencing DP/DR much anymore. After COVID hit, I remember going out for a walk in April to the chip shop along the road when everyone was still unsure of just how scary the virus was going to get and there were no people around outside and even just going to buy chips and exchange money with another human felt like a dangerous act. I felt this familiar feeling of dreamlike... off-ness as I walked down the street and I couldn't work out if it was the DP/DR starting up again or if things were really just so new and odd for us all and my head was just taking it all in. And I still get flashes of it and have the same thought process each time. Anyway, thanks for this video as you put some of my vague feelings into words!
0 likesI experience the same thing. Before it was for moments, but this year I feel it really settled in and won't leave, but I am trying to be okay with it and it's so nice to know I am not crazy and other people feel it to, so thank you for this and for being you also.
0 likesI used to get dissociated a lot, emdr trauma therapy helped me and now its much better/less common for me. Its a bit ironic but I find your music SO GROUDING, wish it it helped you as much as it does me!
0 likes6:46 “so many things” - sung like that...another secret scrapbook song??!!
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Yes!
0 likesYou talking about depersonalization in a video years ago is what sort of sort of diagnosed it in me. It’s a scary thing to feel and experience while not knowing what it actually is, like oh lord oh no but then hearing you talk about it was something that really helped. So thank you Dodie <3
0 likesMaybe it's just me, but it's so incredibly soothing to just listen to your voice
0 likesThe more and more I come to terms with my mental health disorders on my own, the more often I get bouts of dissociation... And as weird as it sounds I sometimes flashback to all the times dissociation has disillusioned me to all the happy times in my life, birthdays, major milestones, life lessons, etc, and I get really depressed about it. I 100% empathize with Dodie’s description that it just feels less than what I see other people get to experience in their lives. I’m struggling to come to terms with the fact that I’ll never get those times back, and I’ll never fully be able to be as happy as everyone around me, and that my brain is blocking me from truly feeling all the emotions I should be able to as a human being on this planet. It’s a hard pill to swallow. I get comfort in Dodie’s music because it feels grounding when my metaphorical feet hover above the ground... hopefully one day I can get to where she’s at now, accepting, and coping, without the absence of hoping one day soon it will get better.
0 likesI have derealization and I feel exactly the same way. In fact, for me, nothing feels like it's changed. Life is still the same albeit with Covid hanging around now. It feels like everyone else has been forced to be on my level!
0 likesgoing to listen to orla’s song but i will be back
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she has a new song !?
6 likes@Sleepwxlker yes it comes out at midnight whatever time zone ur in x
10 likeslegend i support that decision
3 likesrly was hoping to find a comment in the replies of u saying you're back ajdlkfaljsd
0 likeswhat’s the name of the song? i can’t find it,, :/
0 likes@Mariam it's called Pretending !
0 likesIt s l a p s so hard
2 likes@Nola Gatto thank u!! i just listened to it, and omg it’s a bop!!
0 likes@Antoinettemey omg sorry to let u down 💔 i came back to watch it and fell asleep hahahah
2 likes@Katie Freedman it really does
0 likes@holly aw that's all cool <3
0 likesI was going through it for 3 months from March to May now it's mostly gone until I think too hard about it. It's terrifying!
0 likesI have never related to a video more. I would always describe it as what you are describing it as. Thank you dodie, your amazing
0 likesfor me, it's the trauma that made me derealise 😎 and I still do that in stressful situationssssss✨
0 likesi've never found a video that better describes how I feel when experiencing depersonalization
0 likesThese videos really help me, i struggle so hard with it
0 likesIt seems like we're sort of in opposite situations. I spent my childhood/adolescence dissociated but didn't realize it. It's only now that I feel fully alive that I realize how stunted I was before. It makes feeling alive really scary. I'm afraid to feel, afraid to succeed, afraid of so much because before, it just...wasn't an option. Now it feels like there's so much variability, it scares me. But it's also good, I know that. Gratitude. I'm grateful to be able to feel more, even if it's scary.
0 likesthank u for being open and talking about this, u are incredible.
0 likesIt's almost such a relief to hear someone else describe my exact experience and I've honestly never heard anyone describe it so well. Thank you for making us all feel less alone and I hope that you can feel less alone as a result of that too <3
0 likes(I'm actually mostly recovered from it now, if I can say that? I still get little bouts of it here and there but it's no longer a constant world that I'm living in. There is hope for us all, though I know it can seem an unending thing. For me, it was a year and a half of trauma therapy, but it is a different path for everyone. No matter how long it takes your brain, remember that self-compassion is everything. You have survived so much, I'm literally so damn proud of all of you. Keep going <3)
Watching your first video about your experience of derealisation etc made me realise that it was some form of depersonalisation that I'd been experiencing for the entirety of my teenage years. It always felt like I was watching the world - and especially my friends and family - from behind a slightly foggy glass wall that I couldn't ever cross through to get truly close to people. The only thing in focus was myself and it felt SO isolating, like I could never truly feel to the extent that other people felt. While gaining more confidence and independence at uni, somehow, miraculously, over time it shrank to almost nothing. It pops up now and again but like you, I have the experience, tools and confidence to deal with it. I don't have the answer for how to make it fully go away, but I'm praying it goes away as much for you as it has for me. Thank you so much for talking about it ❤❤
0 likesWhen I first saw your video on depersonalisation I cried. And cried and cried. Because no one had ever put it into words before. This feeling or lack of feeling, that completely came out of left field for me, that was so sudden and permeating, made me feel confused and ashamed. It was so strange and bizarre and seemingly small that I had no idea how to begin to formulate an explanation for it. I felt alone. Much like in your case it was brought about by a traumatic situation, (or several, stacked in a trench coat) but one that was still ongoing. I felt like everyone else had been impacted so much worse than I, and yet I was the only one responding in this way, so dramatically.
0 likesI can't describe the level of sheer relief I felt in knowing that there were other people out there, like me, that I wasn't strange or abnormal. Just. Struggling. And that was okay.
"That's okay. Because it has to be." Really summarises a lot of feelings and experiences I've had over the past couple of years. Honestly, it's been shit. But there were and are bright spots. And your content has always been one of those bright spots for me. I've watched you for,, i don't even know how many years now, but watching your development as a person, understanding their boundaries and themselves, has really helped me come to terms with my own. I could spend days writing out all the ways your music and videos have helped me, so I'll stop now. But. I guess I wanted to say you've made an impact. A good one. On SO many people. You still constantly make me cry from how seen your videos and statements make me feel. And just. Not alone. In your music, in this community, I know, no matter what I'm going through, I'm not alone. That someone else has been through it, and made it to the other side. That I can too.
So, thank you. For everything.
I disassociated so hard today that I needed up driving around in a circle for 20 minutes without realizing. The whole world feels fuzzy. I can remember being in my body but I feel like it will never happen again. Today has been hard.
0 likesThank you for making videos about your problems. They don’t make me feel better but they make me feel less alone.
The only thing that helps me feel a little like me is having friends who will sit in silence with me. And baths. Ugh.
I went through a period of DR for a few months in 2016 and it lowkey actually was one of the worst phases of my life. Being awake was torture cos i was convinced nothing existed. I thought id be stuck in it forever but i managed to get out of it somehow, but im forever terrified I’ll get stuck in it again
0 likesHi Dodie I have Depersonalization when my life is all over the place or at least that's when I notice it more. So ye corona made it a bit harder to deal with but it's okay 😊. Your vids help me alot in not feeling alone ❤️ so thanks dodie keeping doing what you are doing and so will I 🌻☀️🥰❤️🍂🍂🎃🤗😽😽
0 likesI'm not even sure what to say, I know that no one is even going to see this, but I just have to say; thank you, dodie. just knowing that there is someone who understands what I feel, and talks about it even if it's hard to describe, helps me feel better.
0 likesWhen I first started dissociating chronically it freaked me the fuck out. I was used to being so emotional and feelings EVERYTHING so fully and then it was like all the oxygen was sucked out of my fire. Now, 4 years later of pretty much solid dissociating, I am way more comfortable with it. I was so stressed about my dissociation making my interactions somehow ingenuine, but now I know this is my brain's preferred method of dealing with my PTSD and thats just how it is. I know I've still got a flame even if its small, and I do the best I can to feed it and prevent it from being entirely snuffed out. We got this, dissociation gang!
0 likesDepersonalization is something that always brings me dread to talk about, except when I hear your POV. You were the person who made me realize my condition. None of my friends ever know what to say, but hearing you talk about it feels like the acknowledgment I’ve never gotten. Hell, even my doctor thought I was making it up. Thanks for being so open all these years, you’ve helped me come to terms with not only my mental health, but also my sexuality and love for ukulele hah!
0 likesThanks Dodie! Also does anyone know of a support group/ channel, where people with dpd can get together and talk about their situation? I have the feeling mine gets better, when I see people talking about theirs too! Im open for any help or also would build a new group for exchanging experiences with derealisation :)
0 likesLiterally thank you so much for talking about this nobody ever does and I feel like I’m some weird alien who just feels spacey and nobody understands it or gets it?? Also like could you make a video about how you deal with it because sometimes it just gets too much for me to handle
0 likesI remember dodie first talking about dpd which helped me realise that I wasnt going insane
0 likesIt sucks that I'm here years later without any help with dpd :( (diagnosed)
I've had derealisation since almost 25 years now and it never went away. I first got it during a 6 months stay in England (I'm Swiss) as an exchange student. Now I'm 42 years old and still got it. Can’t believe it’s been more than half of my life. In the beginning it was the strange vision that bothered me the most. Made me feel so distanced from everything. Nowadays I can lead a normal and quite happy life, although I still feel restricted by it and I'd take back my former condition any time. I'm still trying to improve it, but if it stays like this forever, I can live with it. It’s not resignation, that I’m feeling, I’ve just learnt to cope with it and I’m glad I did. Now please don’t get me wrong. I don’t want to sound pessimistic and I don‘t want to take away your hopes. I‘m not telling you it‘ll never go away, I‘m just describing my own situation. I certainly hope you‘ll get rid of it eventually. I have so much respect for how you deal with it. So please go on doing wonderful music and being the heartful, gentle, humorous, ingenious (I could go on...😉) person, that you are. I wish you all the best!
0 likesWow! Didn't know about depersonalisation, but I liked how you explained it so well. As a fellow musician I especially enjoyed the "limiter"-parable. Stay safe Dodie, love your music! :)
0 likesI had that thing for years and then suddenly, around a year ago, I think? I just, stopped feeling like I was dreaming and everything was fake? I realized slowly that I was actually living again, and now I rarely feel it again. I relate so much to everything you said, but I'm so thankful I don't feel that "barrier" as much as before ☺️ I hope everyone will get there too
0 likesHey dodie... I got the coronavirus, no joke :( and i deal with depersonalization since almost 4 years now... I wonder how this will affect my dpdr... It feels good to hear someone who is experiencing more or less the same as me... I also went to 7 different therapists, 3 different doctors and 2 different psychologists. Even to buddhist monks 😂🤦♂️ and i really feel ya when u said it's better to learn to live with these new highs and lows... But now that i have covid my dpdr is not really important to me. I just want to survive this more or less healthy. :( it feels so strange. You never think u have such bad luck to be in the 1% that get the coronavirus but tbh i also never thought i would be in the 1% that get dpdr either... And getting both those things is like 1:10000 percent possibility... But like i allways use to say, the possibility to experience nothing unlikely to happen in your life is not really big 🤔 however when i get over this i swear to god i will become a youtuber no matter what. I think so much about this and never had the guts to do it...
1 likei could type such a long comment of appreciation but thank you for your vulnerability is what im going to leave it at. thank you for making me feel like there are other people that struggle with the things that i do.
0 likesthis is what i feel like a lot of the time and i’ve never had a word for it, and it’s scary but also nice to know i’m not alone?
0 likesI recently just got diagnosed with anxiety and depression and I also experience depersonalisation sometimes it’s very scary. I’m currently on sertraline to try and help me be happy again however the side affects are horrible in my experience however I know I need to keep trying because it’s the only way we will all get through this.
0 likesThanks for talking about this Dodie. I'm 47yrs old and have experienced bouts of derealization and depersonalization to some degree since childhood. I wasn't diagnosed until around age 43 and until I saw your video where you talked about it I didn't know of a single other person who experienced life like I do. I can think back on periods of my life that feel so alive and real, those times are like tiny little tastes of sweetness or tartness on the tip of the tongue that I just crave for more. Then there are huge periods of time that to look back on is like trying to remember an old TV show. I know it happened but the sound is weird, the colors are wrong, everything is fuzzy and vague. It's like there is cotton in my head muffling all my experiences. Anyways thank you for talking about your experiences with this condition.
0 likesI suffer from derealization and It makes me so sad I will never feel the same again, I'm not strong enough
1 likeSo much of what you’ve said about dpd, i feel so deeply but for chronic pain. It still resonates, & I’m very grateful for you putting this into words 💙
0 likesThis spaced out gal wants to thank you for speaking about dpdr! It’s been around ten years for me now (I think) and when you started talking about it years ago it was the first time I could stick a name on what was happening. It allowed me to figure out what (probably) caused it and although I am yet to go to therapy for it, it has been an immense comfort just to know what the beast looks like. For me, it’s at a constant base level with flares, but just knowing its shape has made it infinitely easier to deal with. So thank you ❤️
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<3333
1 likeHi.
0 likesI've kinda always just been a passive fan of everything I enjoy when I'm on the internet, but you said you like when people reach out, so I think I will this time.
I'm one of those people who experience derealisation/depersonalization in bouts. The earliest one I can remember was probably around the age of 8 or 9, but they've gotten much more frequent over the years. I never knew exactly what it was, but it freaked the crap outta me, so I absolutely can't imagine experiencing it 24/7. Props to you for accomplishing everything you have while dealing with that 'cause frankly, that sounds terriyfing. Your earlier videos where you first talked about it were the first time I had a name to put to it, and it's always incredible to hear you describe to a tee this confusing thing that I've been experiencing and unable to explain.
I've also struggled with depression and anxiety (they're all really interconnected, yeah?) and watching your videos and listening to your music has always been a form of comfort or distraction or a feeling of connection when I needed it.
Thank you so much for continuing to put out content and perserving through your struggles, and I can't help but feel proud of how far you've come in the years I've been tuning in!
:)
Hi dodie! You said that you appreciate real comments so here's one from me:
0 likesI also struggle with derealisation, among depression and anxiety. However, I think it may have started with depression in my case - I honestly can't remember things being different anymore, all I know is that it used to be more episodic until it became constant. It got especially bad recently with extra stress but well, it is what it is and at least for once it's partially doing its job.
Most importantly, even if we can't 100% feel it, we are still here, we are still looking ahead, and we are doing our best!
P.S: Over time I thought of multiple analogies for this but I really like your bar reference - it's very accurate!
DFTBA
I've had depersonalization when my anxiety and depression were at their worst. I remember just siting down for hours not remembering who I had talked to or how I got places. What helped me somewhat was stuffing something frozen into my clothes until I had to deal with how uncomfortable it was. But like everything, it's personal to me and everyone has different solutions.
0 likesAll in saying is, I know it sucks, I know every new possible solution fills your heart with hope that turns into the bitterest of disappointment. But you (whoever is reading this) deserve to feel better, and you owe it to yourself to stick to therapy and keep trying out treatments because one day you'll make it.
Sending all my love and support to anyone who's struggling <3
Living Covid life with my chaotic, spastic brain, it was nice and calm just listening to you talk
0 likesYou were the first person online that I've seen talk about this. When you put out your first videos on it i was soooo grateful. I've had derealization for a very long portion of my life. I had it for small streaks since I was in preschool. A lot of my childhood is really hard to remember because of that. I've had it none stop since I was 13. At one point I realized that it often reminds me of a really light version of acid. Or sometimes weed. So i kinda learned to utilize that at parties. Since I can't drink or smoke because meds, I just kinda let my self drift. I know it's fucked up. Like enjoying a disability. But also it sorta makes it easier to live with it. But bad trips are inevitable. And they happen a
0 likesI don't have it nearly as much as you, but I've been getting depersonalization/derealization episodes since I was a child and your videos are the first time I heard it be named. Tbf I haven't had it diagnosed but the feeling you describe is EXACTLY what I get
0 likesOn the verge of tears here. I occasionally experience depersonalization as an anxiety/trauma symptom (except it doesn't feel like a relief in any way), and I never had words for it until you started talking about it a few years back. Covid has made it SO MUCH WORSE where time seems all wibbly wobbly like on Doctor Who. Everything is so close and so far and it's all moving so fast and crawling by. At least once a day I have to actively remind myself that this life is real. No one else in my life experiences this, and they think it means I'm hallucinating when I try to explain. Thank you for talking about it and making a little 70% alive community in the comments.
0 likesOkay, but since 2020 started (February or March) I started coping with my childhood trauma and holy shit depersonalization and dissociation hit me like a ton of fucking bricks. I can finally manage it enough to go to university but barely that. This video made me feel way less alone <3
1 like"It feels like I can’t see anything enough." You nailed it. ❤️
0 likesI can get this way too when I get too stressed out. I remember last December Christmas shopping with my sister, she went to one store and I decided to go to another one and meet up with her later, but as I walked down the mall hallway passing stores, suddenly I felt very weird, like time was slowing down and the things around me were slipping away. I remember walking in a daze, everything around me looking and sounding blurry, like I was walking through a fog. I sat down and stared out at the food court in the back corner, eyes glazed over, feeling detached from everything and everyone around me. I've felt things similar to that time on and off, and today it hit me again in the grocery store. To me it kind of feels like existing on two planes or versions of reality, one in the physical present with people and objects around me, and another where I'm in a dark thick fog or floating underwater, and everything is muffled. I can't fully see, hear, feel or think clearly. It's kind of scary. Thank you for summing it up so well.
0 likesI could honestly listen to Dodie all day
2 likesfuuuck man you visualized it in such a different way to how I'm feeling in a way that makes more sense. my dissociation has always been so bad. it sounds unhealthy but its actually been very relieving during quarantine to not feel as pressured to meet the same highs as everyone elses or what I know I could be capable of without the damn thing. if you couldnt tell, i constantly still struggle with accepting it because of how difficult it is to explain to people and have people understand how much it impacts day to day life when 90% of the day is in fact like being on automatic with fogged up glasses. quarantine made my life feel way more manageable because while others expectations of how quarantine has affected mental health, its starting to be more accepting in general of mental health conditions. the limitations covid gave so many people who i found were always care-free and productive feels relieving that they now have a taste of what it can be like for me when i get stuck and can't "snap out of it" but the fact that people are becoming more and more adaptable to ppls needs has made me hopeful.
0 likesI’ve had depersonalization/derealization ever since I can remember. I don’t remember what it feels like not to have it. I’m just glad that I know now I’m not alone (not glad you have it of course but you know what I mean). Sometimes I don’t mind it, sometimes I feel suffocated. I don’t know I guess it’s like I’m looking at the world through a telescope and like I only have peripheral vision. Like I can’t quite grasp what I’m seeing. Like I can’t quite step into my life completely things are just far away. It’s tough but it’ll get better at some point I hope! That’s all we can do is hope.
0 likesI have DPD as a symptom with my C-PTSD. I don't really know what it feels like to not be this way, it's been a part of me since I was very little. I'm also Autistic so I think and feel quite differently to the way lots of people seem to think and feel too. It fascinates me to see other people dealing with feelings and experiences which have been my normal for decades due to the way Covid has changed the way our world works here in the UK.
0 likesI've been shielding since the first week of March and will remain so until there is a safe vaccine I can take, I have multiple chronic illnesses and autoimmune diseases which put me at very high risk. I guess this is why I struggle to understand why it's so hard for other people, I have no choice but to live this way. I've been mostly housebound, Bedford much of that time, for over five years. It's difficult to not turn around to people, who have the chance of going back to some 'normal' or 'average' life in the future, and yell at them for being so selfish about not wearing masks and staying safe so everyone else makes it out alive, without long Covid, permanent new chronic illness, organ transplants needed or even stuck in a bed sick for the rest of their lives.
No one wants to join the ranks of the chronically sick, trust me. But so many people are willing to chance it for themselves, and for every person they come into contact with. No one so many of us with chronic mental illness are struggling.
its nice to see someone still talking about it. I feel like a lot of youtubers and influencers addressed covid in march and april, and then they just stopped talking about it. which I get.
0 likesI tried to get out there and live a normal(ish) life, and my boyfriend got covid :( thank god his symptoms are pretty mild and he's getting through it, but that's what we get for trying to pretend this thing doesn't exist.
I think now it's time for me to let go and accept it for what it is. so thank you
The combination of DR and ADHD in quarantine (and always) is just... AAAAHHH
0 likesIt's like one part of my brain is like "I need stimulation!" and the other part is like "nothing is stimulating ever!" and then the one part goes "all the details of life are too sharp!" and the other goes "no, it's all just fog!". I feel like I'm dizzily swaying through a cloud all the time.
dodie, you were actually the first person I ever heard speak about depersonalization, and I'm so grateful for that because years later when I began to struggle with it for the first time, I had to word to call it and a way to describe my feelings thanks to all of your videos -- I don't know if I'll ever be able to thank you enough for that.
0 likesThank you so much for posting this. You are an inspiration.
0 likesI was starting to get symptoms of derealization and depersonalization for about a year before COVID started, but it was generally manageable, but now.
0 likesOof.
honestly this is so helpful to help process. like just hearing it all from someone else. due to beiung high risk and living in student halls i spent months alone and that has brought back everything (mental health wise) i have been working on so hard to overcome. just hearing that yeah this is just like that and everyone is feeling it from someone that dosnt try to convince me weekly everything is fine is nice.
0 likeshopefully dodie, or anyone feeling similarly, will see this and feel less alone in your endeavors of depersonalization.
0 likesi wouldn't consider myself as diagnosed with depersonalization, nor would i say it is a huge issue in my life. but i do experience it in times of heightened stress or when i'm feeling more depressed than usual that day. i hope i will never feel like that all the time, bc i know how it feels to have it for a few minutes or an hour, and it's pretty shitty. i would just like anyone reading this to know that i understand. (maybe not fully,) but i do understand how you are feeling, and you are not alone.
OMG Dodie you startled me when you sang Lovin You - firstly because I am currently practicing it with my singing teacher and secondly because of that scream at the end 😂😂😂💗💗💗 I love this song so much and hearing it from you makes me soooo happy
0 likesPS: I can sing that High note btw 😅)
I wish I could word everything I wanted to say, but I'm far too rambly for that and so you'd end up with an essay that would make absolutely 0 sense because I'm just so, so filled with gratitude for you and the community you've made and god, I will never be able to show how much I appreciate your being in this world, but I'm just so glad that you're here and I'm here to experience this
0 likesHi I really think I have depersonalization from multiple videos I found but my mom does not believe me so I wanted to let you know you are not alone
1 likeI love you ❤️
talking about the different ways depersonalization can be experienced definitely made me feel validated in my experience with dissociation :)
0 likesFor my post-grad, I wrote an essay about the link between attachment styles and dissociation! It showed that insecure attachment styles, specifically disorganised attachment where childhood was hectic and parental figures were unstable, can often lead to dissociation. I think it's more about momentary dissociation (not being there for a moment) than of chronic dissociation, but just commenting in case that's of any interest :)
0 likesi get the whole thing abt depersonalization/derealization coming from other mental illnesses...i’ve been struggling w ana for about 2 years now and ever since that starting life has never felt the same. i’m never in reality. i’m never me. so thank you for being open abt this dodie
0 likesI have never been diagnosed with anything... I’ve never even seen any type of mental health professional... but what you described is how I’ve been feeling for years... it’s so strange. I would try to explain how I was feeling to others and they wouldn’t understand. I felt so alone and honestly crazy. It made me feel like maybe what I was feeling wasn’t really what I was experiencing or maybe I’m just dramatic. But what you described is what I feel all the time. I feel like everything isn’t really here. Like I’m not really here. I want to feel alive and “icy” but I just can’t and I don’t know why. I don’t feel present or rooted. I feel like I’m dreaming but not in the good way. I don’t know if I have what you have but it feels good knowing that I’m not alone in feeling this way. Thank you.
0 likesAt the beginning of covid, you sit around wondering what to do now. 7 months in there's still as much covid, but now you crochet. People say it gets better, but even if it doesn't, your ability to deal with it can. I don't have the depersonalization though, just the depression, although electroconvulsive therapy was my next treatment before I gave all that up, so maybe it's similar.
0 likesdodie i am so so glad you take the time to explain and talk about your experiences with derealization/depersonalization-- i've struggled with it as well for about 6 years now and seeing that first video you posted awhile back (the one abt feeling like you're dreaming) brought me a lot of comfort during a time i didn't have a grasp on what was happening with me and why i suddenly felt like i was 'underwater all the time'. the ways you verbalize the experience and try to find the upsides have continued to help me over the years and i'm just so grateful for that. thank you, and you're right- we will be okay.
0 likesYou can feel normal again, or regain amounts of normalcy. It's going to be ok :) Jordan Hardgrave is a trauma therapist with a youtube channel and online course. It's helped me immensely in understanding what I was feeling exactly, and how to relax and live life to where traumatic triggers would slowly be desensitized through exposure.
0 likesshit man! i remember watching ur vid about depersonalisation a couple years ago not knowing anything about it and trying to imagine what it'd be like to experience myself, and now i have it and its such a real thing. i didn't know what it was for a while and was 15 when it started and i was so fucking confuused! and you talking about it was one of the main things that made me start thinking more ab it and decide to reach out n talk to a professional about it because i listen to you and its like you're taking words out my mouth. i'd been told by people that it wasn't real, and i started to believe it and think i was making it up or it wasn't a real enough feeling so listening to u rlly helped legitimise it. the way you said "i feel 70% alive" makes so much sense to me.
0 likesit doesn't suck any less to feel like u r dreaming all the time and have 0 control over it, but listening to people who experience it definitely helps to navigate it a bit more n just makes it feel like a bit less lonely and a bit more hopeful :,) love u! <3
Im genuinely feeling so wild right now because you explained how I've felt for so long perfectly but i could never put it into words!!?!? holy shit!?! thank you. other people understand????????????????
0 likesDerealisation is a part of my and (coincidentally?) my sister's life as well. Sometimes I feel like I'm a pillowcase - sitting on the couch, empty inside, just staring in the distance. On other days I just do my daily activities, I notice it is there but try to shift my focus, refuse to let it take over. However, better moments do occur. Whilst riding my bike, feeling the wind on my eyes and skin, reality seems almost within reach and the derealisation vanished - albeit for a moment.
0 likesThanks for sharing this and showing me this is a thing, feels very familiar.
0 likesIt sounds like you're more in tune with reality than most of us. I'm fascinated by the subject of reality itself. I'm subscribing ....I want to know more.
0 likesI too have dpdr and just found out about you after listening to your music for so long I feel kinda dumb now lol. You summed up perfectly how it feels, and made me realize why the pandemic hit me so hard mentally
0 likesHi dodie
0 likesI realized I experience depersonalization a few months ago and it's cool to see someone else talk about it.
I noticed during a conversation with my friends, when I described my experience of being alive and they told me that it's not actually normal.
When the symptoms kick in, I feel removed from the world like being tired, even though I'm fully awake. My vision is clear, but the part of my brain that makes sense of it is fogged up. During conversations, I randomly dissociate and suddenly don't care about listening or saying things anymore.
I think it has something to do with the amount of time I spend on the internet instead of doing things. Over the years, I just forgot how to be somewhere, because on the internet, I'm always somewhere else.
My coping mechanisms therefore are to go outside without my phone. Singing and exercising are good, they force me to be very in touch with my body.
I'm still not sure whether mediation helps or makes things worse.
Anyways, it's pretty okay.
I managed somehow to get out of severe DPDR, now my symptoms accrue very rarely and I can feel them coming up before, so I don't let myself go into a panic and then it wears off. But when I was fully experiencing it, it was the hardest and most unpleasant year of my life. For me what was helpful was dealing with my trauma and avoiding triggers, which for me are shopping centres (because of the weird lights), conspiracy theories and thinking too abstractly, since it can get me to spiral.
0 likesAlso sometimes when I'm reading about DPDR, the symptoms can start coming up, so I don't look into that stuff anymore.
Grounding is super important for me, which means working with my body but not meditation because it can trigger it.
So not overthinking and learning how to not let panic and anxiety take over me is the key right now.
Sending hugs
yes you describe the feelings so so well, you are so brave
0 likesI have dpdr since 4 years, in 2019 I was kinda better (I don't remember well) but with covid everything go wrong again, so yep here we are, in 2021 hopping that the time don't go faster and can live my life again.
1 likeWhen she started singing Lovin’ You I nearly lost it😂 love you dodie!
0 likesThe way you described how you feel is what I feel too. Sometimes I just give in and space out. Let myself fall into the void where I don’t think or feel anything and just let time pass. Sometimes for hours. It’s like a warm fuzziness that’s clouds my vision and brain. Somewhere between consciousness and unconscious. I guess it’s kinda a coping mechanism for me to not deal with stuff that’s going on and to let go of the stress for a while. It’s not good when my mind starts to wander when I’m in the middle of an important conversation with my boyfriend. And I have to respond but don’t really know what to say.
0 likesYou described me perfectly, Dodie! Who knows how many things I have! lol ... The only officially diagnosed thing I have for now is RA (and that is something i will have forever), but I have anxiety and depression as well. And I'm convinced for a long long time that I have Asperger syndrome! I'm sure of that. But I never seeked professional help with this, because it's not curable anyway, I guess. That is something I have all my life and I can deal with that somewhat. It didn't affect my study results (I got a PhD), but it affected everything else (for example : job hunting - that is killing me lol). On the other hand, I was thinking, that depersonalisation could help a musician perform fantastically on stage before a big audience or crowd ...!!! A person could just imagine no one is there and play the best without anxiety at all. Performing greatly on stage in front of a big audience is a rare gift. And you are gifted!!! You're fantastic! You're so talented! Btw. I'm not from the UK! lol (but from other country in the EU)
0 likesHaven’t been diagnosed yet but I’m pretty sure I am experiencing this. It happens more when I’m talking to authoritative figures and people in general. I do have several disorders
0 likesI was diagnosed with depersonalization/derealization 3 years ago and have been trying to live with it for many many more years than that because I was too afraid that people would think I am crazy for the way that I feel, so I never brought it up to anyone. I am glad that I have now though. I also have an anxiety disorder and a panic disorder and that usually gets way worse when I have a depersonalization/derealization episode which could last 1 hour or a week. Mine comes and goes. Watching your videos and listening to your songs have been a great help and it makes me feel so much better knowing that I am not alone even though I wish no one felt the way I do because it does suck. Thanks Dodie!
0 likeswhen you said "take what you can get" at 6:01, that reminded me of your lyric "i'll take what i can get" in "when," and tbh i've listened to "when" so many times during quarantine/sheltering-in-place (which is still happening shoutout to america lolll)
1 likeMaybe look into RRT (rapid resolution therapy) for CPTSD. It helped me with some of my dissociative symptoms that I have as a result of BPD and CPTSD.
0 likesI also got this after trauma, it's pretty distracting when you're walking outside especially. It's a pretty lonely condition because it makes you feel detached. I have basically learned to float with the feelings instead of trying to fight them because I've accepted that there's currently nothing that can be done about it. However i remain hopeful that one day there will be a cure for this, i have heard of an experimental treatment where they shock your brain to wake up some neurons or something like that which seems promising.
0 likesWhen I learned to accept my condition and "let it flow" (which is not so obvious and superficial as it may seem) it got waay better. But yeah, I'm always a little nostalgic of what things felt like before everything. I kinda miss me. Sometimes I also remember a nice (cheesy?) thing an old professor of mine used to say in class : "be careful of your depression, 'cause you're in danger of becoming an artist". Whether true or not I guess one should try to make the best out of everything.
0 likesI tried to explain this to my old therapist and she responded “that’s just what it’s like being human and to be aware of how little sense it all makes.” I wonder about that still.
0 likesDisassociation nation here 🙋🏽♀️ this year has been super weird. I know what you mean. Knit your heart out ❤️
0 likesGod thank you so much for this. If you want a book that helps wrap your head around this topic is The Body Keeps The Score. It makes me feel a little bit more sane.
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COVID has made my DPD experience 10 times worse. I was actually able to put a name to this thing I go through every day, but the symptoms got worse. The depression got worse. I’m slowly learning how to cope. I broke down sobbing at work in the midst of an “episode” (mine is constant, but definitely worse than others. Like when she mentions “indulging in it”. I call those “episodes”) and then cried in my managers arms. Some days are easier. It’s finding those coping mechanisms, not looking at myself for too long in a mirror, and distracting myself as much as possible. And it’s horrible.
0 likesI have had dpdr for as long as I can recall. Didn't realize I had it until last year after I did a deeper study into psychiatry for my psychology book I'm writing. So much disassociation that until about 3-4 years ago I could hardly taste food. Like 15-20% of taste at best.
0 likesAccording to modern psychology, I have an unorthodox treatment for dpdr which has had great results for myself. I hope someday this information gets to you.
you really hit the nail on the head when you were comparing covid times to dpdr. i have these weird moments of "i'm fine" while simultaneously feeling like something is wrong, or bad, but it's far, or fuzzy. like something's just wrong, something's shifted and i can't tell what, but it doesn't feel right. trying to describe dpdr makes me sound even crazier than i feel lol but thank u for this vid
0 likesI feel Derealization very often, and like you said it becomes easier to not notice. I get depersonalization on bad days and its hard not having the same vivid view of everything. Youre not alone dodie, or whoever is also reading this. Drink some water and breathe 💛
0 likesfor me my dissociation seems to cause my panic attacks, a big turning point for me is switching my thinking from "I need this to end" "I will get cured and never feel this way again" to accepting that this is something that will always be a part of me and I should work with it rather than against it. still sucks a lot though i've been in this spacey state for around 9 years now casue of trauma but only had a name for it for 5. we're all in this together and your couple videos about dprp really made me feel like I wasn't alone. wising you the best as always
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💕💕💕
2 likesI'm so happy someone finally brought this up...Nothing feels real
0 likesHey! just saw your video with Kati! I learned that I deal with DT mainly and DP from time to time for wayyyy long time. So it's really nice to find someone else who has it :)
0 likesI totally relate to the "It's always there" feeling. I don't have DPD, but I have generalized anxiety (GAD) which never goes away. And it's weird to talk about it because when it's really bad, people can see it. The fear pulls harder on my chest or stomach. But when it's lesser, it's still there. It's always there, but you just can't see it.
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<3333 you’re incredible for walking through life carrying something so heavy. I wish u peace <333
0 likesthis might be lost to the void, but I remember when you first posted about dpdr. it was the first time I'd ever heard of it, and I brought it up to my therapist quickly afterwards. it led to the biggest breakthrough I've had in therapy. I discovered my dissociative disorder actually runs pretty deep, and theres a lot of shit I've never had the language to deal with, because I thought most of it was normal. the feeling of not being able to see enough, or feel enough, or be present enough has been around my whole life, along with general fogginess and memory issues. I currently have the label DDNOS/OSDD, depending on who's doing the labeling. without your videos, and a few other resources, it would've taken me a while to pin down what was happening, so thanks for sharing, it has helped me infinitely.
0 likesIm pretty sure I've been disassociating and depersonalising for at least a few years now, but I'm also doubting myself and I hate talking about it with doctors because I feel like they don't take me seriously and just ahhhhhhhh
0 likesI feel like my depersonalization has if anything primed me for the surreal world of Covid. Also being physically disabled and having not left my house except for groceries/stocking up on things and having no friends. Really all around I feel guilty some times that this pandemic has been so hard on most people and I was primed for it almost 9 years ago so this doesn't feel all that crazy to me.
0 likesalso that video you posted back in 2017 on DPD, i can’t even explain how much it saved me. you said that you scratch your palms and at the time when my DPD was at its worst, i tried this and it helped me ground myself almost every time i felt it coming. it has saved me so many panic attacks and general anxiety and helped me go a little out of my comfort zone because i know that there are ways i can deal with it. so just thank you so fucking much.
0 likesDodie I had no idea dp/dr existed before watching you and honestly, after getting a diagnosis it made a lot of sense. All your songs hit so hard, especially when. I swear I've gone off on countless rambles of analyzing it's lyrics to my friends. I feel like you just. Get it. I feel so seen and comforted when listening to your music and watching your videos. I can't thank you enough for sharing this part of your life with us 💖
0 likesHi! I also dissociate (C-PTSD). For me, it feels like my life is just a show I'm watching and the most real times in my life are the ones when I'm most lonely/depressed, etc. Fun times! But yeah, I find your "it has to be comment" very true. I can get angry about it and freaked out about it but ultimately the best I can do is make myself comfortable, give myself the best life I can, and try to practice grounding myself. And ever since COVID, it's the same only even worse--it feels like I'm living my life through a screen except I really am. I'm trying to remind myself that people do exist in real life and that the world exists in real life. And trying to do things that remind me of my own body. Idk, I find physically focused things the most helpful I think.
0 likesDodie making limiter metaphors to describe the realities of quarantine and derealization is something I didn't know that I needed until right now.
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I loved that! It makes so much sense, and I kinda love how she 가 didn't explain it, she just left it there for the people who get it.
0 likesI have hEDS and I can so relate, even though it's not the same. Like yes it hurts and it's uncomfortable when things dislocates, but I'm always in pain and sometimes it overflows me and sometimes I can handle it. It's the same type of pain and it's always there. It's okay because it has to be.
0 likesThe best way I can describe it is that it feels like there is mesh layer or filter in front of your eyes so you can kind of see and feel but not completely and when your depersonalisation gets worse the filter changes into a more solid colour and then it feels like a wall separating ‘you’ from your body
0 likesI’ve been away from YouTube for a while and I’m very glad this is the video I came back for. Thank you ❤️
0 likes"It eez what it eeez" is what I tell myself during depressive episodes, that meme has become my motto - it'll get better Dodie! :)
0 likesWow. You've described this moment so well.
0 likesI've had problems with denationalization when I'm anxious, sad or angry. I get a weird "buzzing" in my head. A year ago I had a panic attack, lost all of the feeling of the environment, the ground... I was feeling the car seat all the way to the new house... took me a day to get back up...
0 likesBeing yourself is a reflex. The "solution" is your decision...when you become it. You just fall into it not even knowing it.
0 likesIt sounds like a waking dream; when you're not quite all the way in sleep but you're definitely dreaming, yet you can also see the world around you. Which is one of my least favorite occurrences and if it's anything like that, I can only imagine how uncomfortable and unsure you are all the time. Endless love for you <3
0 likes"I'm just going to try this (small lower bit) because it's all I have right now." Great relatable quote to keep us all going.
1 likeYou singing at the end actually made me finally feel really connected to somebody ~ because I was singing and 'dum dum dum' and 'EAAAEHHAHH' along with you! ^^
0 likesI am totally there with you! In the past, I have had to ask my husband almost daily, “Am I dreaming? Is this real life?” because it feels like a dream (I also suffer from VERY vivid dreams. Like I wake up and can tell you for 20 minutes all the details of my dreams EVERY MORNING. Yeah, the movie Inception. Most terrifying thing I’ve ever seen. Because that’s what it feels like to me). And just like Dodie mentioned, I will often do this as a response to panic, or instead of panicking. I will enter a nearly catatonic state where I can hear what is going on around me but can’t move or respond, other than maybe nodding or shaking my head and my husband has to slowly coax me out of it for 15 minutes and ends with him asking, “Are you back?” or him telling me, “Stay with me. It’s okay to be present”.
0 likesBut you know what?? It gets better!! I’ve been in therapy for 5ish years now, I keep a therapy journal, I know my triggers and limits, and I RARELY have this happen anymore! I recognize that this isn’t the case for everyone, but it really can get better. I have a saying written above my bed on a post-it note that I read each night that says, “The emotions you are having right now, good or bad, will not last forever. They do not define you and are not indicative of how you will feel tomorrow”. Hang in there, friends! ❤️
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Also, another comment: be willing to try techniques to help you feel present but recognize that not everything will work for everyone. For example, mediation of the type where you sit on the ground and focus on your breathing. Yeah. That didn’t work out for me. It will make me embrace the spaciness and enter so deeply in this openness that I would struggle to pull out of it and would have horrible migraines when I finished. So I had to adapt. Try something else. I’ve found just drinking water grounds me and helps keep me present. But don’t get discouraged if one thing doesn’t work for you when it seems to help other people. Be patient with yourself. My therapist taught me to tell myself, “Brain, you’re a slow learner, but I’m not going to give up on you”.
0 likesi remember holding my girlfriend’s hand (we’d been dating for like 8 months) and i went into a dissociative state and i felt like she was a complete stranger to me, like it felt like i had just met her a week before or something. and then i was like why am i holding this person’s hand? that feeling still comes and goes, but my girlfriend knows about it now and tells me “you’re safe.” and then it’s like a big wave of relief. still spacey, but it helps a little bit knowing my girlfriend is aware and that she can reassure me that i’m safe. i think it’s a result of my anxiety brain being like “dude what are you doing? remember when you were in that abusive relationship??? you’re gonna get hurt again.” and then my body just goes into what i like to call “ghost mode” 😂 love you, dodie :) thank you for talking about this
0 likesDear miss Dodie,
0 likesThank you so much for this video (and other videos alike). Not only do they instill a sense of warmth and peace in me during this cold corona winter, you may also have helped me diagnose myself with this medical condition. I'm 19, and since i've been 16-ish I started noticing i felt less and less real, but i usually ignored it, because it never really bothered me, until i went to college. During this period of time i really started doubting reality, and whether i was real or if anything was real at all, and ive always thought that i was going crazy (or that the hardware of the matrix pod my áctual body was in was growing out of date xp). Especially during these lockdown times i felt specifically fake. Before summer i was doing relatively allright, because i was living towards the idea of everything being allright again, however now that the summer has ended, and i broke up with my girlfriend over the summer that fake feeling starts to get worse again... or maybe not worse, but i just notice it more..
Sorry if any of this is too much information, im just really glad to hear im not alone in this, and that im not going crazy.
P.s. thank you for writing "she", it's one of my favourite songs in the whole wide world!
X,
Hugo
She describes it so well, better than I can when I'm trying to explain it to my friends and family. The shitty thing is, no one really understands it or they try and relate by saying "oh yeah I get days like that" when they forget its a constant thing for people who have it. Apositive I guess that came out of it for me is that I have a bit more confidence and less of a filter. I guess because I feel like I'm dreaming I think my brain thinks (to a certain extent) "oh well, doesnt matter if I say this, no real consequences.."
0 likesI feel you Dodie, I have experienced all of this for 2 years now and still trying to accept its an ongoing thing indefinitely.. its ok to have down days. x
Have you heard of the lightning process? Its a really interesting course that dies t sound like should work but does. I don’t even know it it’s an option for depersonalisation but I used it for chronic pain and I have friends who have used it for chronic fatigue and depression. Maybe worth looking into? I’m so much healthier since doing it and have a far better quality of life now
0 likesI experience derealisation after my panic attacks, and it usually lasts for a few hours, a day max. When I was at my worst, having panic attacks every day, it was constantly there. I can't imagine how it feels like for you, experiencing this for 8 years straight, and I'm so thankful that you give me (and probably so many people) the feeling of not having to go through it alone. So that's what I want you to know as well: You're not alone in this! <3
0 likesI think I've experienced this properly twice in the past 20 days. It lasted between probably 8 hours to 2 days. But I'm not sure. It made me very anxious and afraid and I felt like I was dreaming or that nothing was real and I wanted to cry all the time and just ugh it was horrible. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this chronically.
0 likesI dissociate some times when I am experience symptoms of depression or extreme anxiety. And to me, it feels some times like I am high. Like there is a wall, a sheet, between me and the world.
0 likesWhen I went through a deep depression I thought I was living in a computer game and everything was just an image and not real
2 likesI think I've been feeling depersonalization recently... it pops up when I get anxious/push my comfort zone, and I just space out.
0 likesI've only had a handful of depersonalisation/derealisation experiences that lasted a day or two, triggered by my anxiety. I can't imagine having it all the time. Thank you for showing it's possible to live with and for being such a beautiful wonderful soul 💕
0 likesDODIE 💖💖💖💖
0 likesCan't remember if I've commented this before but I wanted you to know that you are the person that introduced me to dissociation. I had been feeling.. like shit, to put it one way, for around two years and was just in constant mental turmoil trying to figure out what I was feeling and if it was even an issue or if it was just life. Then you posted the first video talking about your experience and I will never be able to describe that feeling of realizing you are not crazy and you are not alone. I cried and cried and it was the only thing I watched for a week. It's such a hard thing to describe but you do it so well even though it's different for everyone. For me personally I honestly am..like..so depersonalized I don't even know I'm depersonalized, you know? It's like when you have those come out of it a tad moments and all of a sudden I can SEE the wall in front of me and I'm like WOAH I forgot that I'm not actually seeing that normally! And like you said it makes me so upset that I just sink right back in and don't know how to crawl out. This all makes it hard to do therapy because how do you describe something you don't know you're feeling? So it took me a long time to seek help, but I am doing so now. And I feel like I've heard sooo many more people talk about dissociation in the past six months to a year and, in my world at least, it all started with you 💛 You're a queen, I'm sorry you feel this way, but I'm here with you. Thank you for being so instrumental in my mental health journey
Love xx
Jordan
one day I was talking to my boyfriend about how sometimes it's weird that we look in the mirror and suddenly realize we are a living breathing person and other people are real as well and we're alive and breathing and it feels weird to realize that almost like it makes it even less real? and he was like "yeah... I don't do that...". for most of my life I thought being spacey or feeling like I wasn't real, or forgetting about stuff cause it feels like I was in a dream was just something that everybody did. I am diagnosed with BPD but never got the diagnosis for depersonalization tho
0 likesYES! People I know are saying it still feels like march or time doesn't feel real, I'm like welcome to the club. It's kinda nice to not feel like the odd one out or the one with the weird brain tbh.
1 likeHey! I don’t know if I went through a depersonalization thing, but I went through psychosis and feel all other the so many things that make up what it’s like to have mental illness. Also nice hand graphs btw
0 likes. the first video i've ever watched from Dodie was her derealization/depersonalization video. I was confused and scared and felt alone because nobody seemed to understand what I meant when I said i didn't feel real, like I was in a dream. So I turned to google. I watched a bunch of videos but Dodie's made me feel understood and like I wasn't alone. And that's when I started watching her videos. Its been a really long time, I forgot how long ago that was. It was the first time i felt like my mind wasn't foreign creature set on my demise. It was comforting, and helped me get through the beginning stages of realizing what was going on with me. I still don't know why I feel like this but at least I know that I'm not the only one.
0 likesSo, Thank you. Not only Dodie, but everyone here. Every comment that I read, everyone who feels like i do: thank you for existing. I don't think I'd feel so okay if you didn't.
The only things that helps my dissociations is to ground myself, there are acupressure points under your feet that you can press, as well as walking barefoot in grass or give yourself a foot massage (or have someone else do it). I’m bipolar type 2 but also very spiritual so from that perspective, I have an overactive third-eye chakra sometimes and there are great meditations on YT for that💕
0 likesahhh I’ve been trying to explain this to my mom and my therapist, but I couldn’t put all the words together. I struggle with depersonalization and I completely understand what you’re saying. I keep waiting for everything to either “set in,” or be “normal” again. everything feels so weird and my “bouts” of dissociating come and go, but when I’m “back to normal” it still feels like I’m not here and nothing is real and everything is like a dream. I’m sorry, none of this probably made sense 😂
0 likesThat’s crazy... my whole depersonalization and disconnect issues started during COVID. Anxious to see what the videos about
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during times of stress and trauma, its more common for people to experience dissociation/depersonalization from time to time even if not affected by DPDR, so the pandemic probably has indeed probably been a big part of it!
1 like@Abigail Lesniak I’ve been in a constant state of “disconnect” for a while now. Like... for example I genuinely don’t remember anything I’ve done all October which may seem vague but even after watching a video or writing something I don’t remember watching it. I constantly feel checked/spaced out all the time. Lol thx for replying and lowkey validating me I needed to know I’m not a crazy person 😂
1 like@nutella 444_555 Yup! anytime :) these past few months have been incredibly strange and difficult, not to mention it's hard when things are so monotonous and there's nothing to do or remember(time feels weird, memories blur). Take care, and be gentle to yourself! But if this continues after things "get better" or go back to "normal", seek out some help if you can
1 like@Abigail Lesniak thank you 😌
1 likeevery time u talk about depersonalization it helps me so much bc i remember im not the only one
0 likesI really appreciate your willingness to share this.
0 likesI tell everyone I meet about complex trauma. It's such an important way to understand other people.
0 likesthank you for making this, i feel much less alone
0 likesI’m going through it right now , ever since Covid infection I got back but that came after my anxiety and I’m having Gi issues, I’ve always had it on and off , I won’t have it for 1 year and then I’ll get it for a month then hopefully it will go away. It sucks but I’m managing it as much as I can , the important thing is not to think or dwell on it
0 likesTHIS. I've been so confused because I've experienced depersonalization on and off for about 2 years but ever since covid it's been way more constant. I just started talking about it and I'm so confused as to whether this is my brain or just my brain because of covid. :0
0 likesI’ve struggled with depersonalization for about... 6 years now. The last 5 years were awful. I honestly don’t notice it nearly as much now. It used to be 100% of the time. Now it’s maybe..... umm... I honestly don’t notice it that much anymore, but maybe because I don’t find it as upsetting. I just notice it without judgement and move on. Now it’s when I’m in large crowds, doing errands, or really overwhelmed or talking about ptsd triggers. So maybe.... 60% of the time? It used to make me so so so depressed, and I never believed it would get better. I thought one day the light would turn back on and it would completely vanish. But it’s been like a dial that’s turning and slowly getting back to where I used to be. So gradually that I didn’t notice it until just now. Wow. I wish I could have told myself this 6 years ago when I first got it.❤️
0 likesI have Maladaptive day dreaming which gets in the way with a lot of things but it also helps with my anxiety and depression. Maybe I day dream because of them but either way it helps more than it hurts.
0 likesId never had any of those symptoms but I did notice the similarities during quarantine since I knew what depersonalization was. I keep thinking things that happened in August happened between February and May, it’s hard to get up out of bed and I almost feel that I’ve lost the ability to think. But I know it’s just lonesome here.
0 likesIt's really comforting to see someone on as big of a platform as you talking about depersonalisation. Up until quarantine, I had no idea that it was a common thing and that I am not completely insane. I have had it for as long a I can remember. I don't feel like I'm alive the majority of the time and so I am never "in my body" or living in the moment. I feel like a character in a movie or someone else is living my life for me. But hey, I'm no longer alone. You are loved Dodie and you make everyone else feel loved. So... thank you! :)
0 likesIn the summer time I had really bad derealization from consuming wAY too much thc in my body & I don’t have derealization like I used to have it but when I’m stressed , on my period, going through something or stressed I can feel derealizated not as extreme as the summer time though and quarantine doesn’t help but mines way better than it used to be I hope it gets better for you ❣️
0 likesi have never heard anyone else talk about depersonalization/derealization even after all of these years. i still have to explain it to people during every episode i have and its rly isolating. i cant express how comforting it is to hear someone else talk about it. its rly validating
0 likesI've never been officially diagnosed with CPTSD or Depersonalization, but during quarantine, after much self-examination and some memories revisiting me of past abuses I had forgotten about, I see it as likely that I have depersonalization in addition to the litany of other illnesses I have. I don't feel as much as I used to, or as strongly; it's like a callous on reality after someone pressed down too hard on the strings of my consciousness and everything's always dreamy. I feel, but less. But I'm also hypersensitive to physical sensation.
0 likesYou are not alone, for certain. Gratitude is valuable, meditation is valuable. Fortunate for all, there are a million tools for it.
A few days ago I thought about dp and how you're doing
0 likes<3
Glad you made the video about it again
I dont have the chronic disease but I've been through many episodes during those covid times and I truly think you describe it perfectly. it feels like you've always been dreaming your life but you're only aware of it now and you still can't wake up so it's extremely unsettling, at least for me. hope you're doing better, I looooove your work and personality ♡
1 likeI explained depersonalization to my doctor as being in the twilight zone and she was like"O, that's called 'depersonalization, I'm gonna up your meds".
0 likesI’m just recently coming to the realisation that this is probably what I’ve been suffering from my entire life. I’ve been on depression medication for over 10 years, and just kind of assumed that was all that could be done.
0 likesI go through most of my days feeling like a ghost, just barely visible. Enough to know I’m here, but not to really interact, contribute or really have any kind of impact. I sometimes get surprised when people talk to me because I forget I am actually there.
I’m 32, and I found out about depersonalisation yesterday. My entire life feels like it’s been put into some kind of context and it’s a strange feeling. Looks like there’s some work ahead of me yet!
im sorry if this makes you feel out of control but i really have to thank you. it was because of you that i had a name for what i felt. and, being a hypocondriac, that made it SO MUCH easier. i told my terapist that i might have it and they wete like "no no no you just anxious". then they did research and next week they were like "well, you have it". and if it wasnt your videos i might still be so scared and lost. thank you thank you thank you dodie. it changed my life. and also, good luck, its fucking hard
0 likesYour videos about depersonalization all have helped me so mcuh becausei have felt this before and when I felt it I was so freaking confused that what the hell is happening to me and I felt like I was In a dream and youre so brave for talking about this like literally no one else has ever spoken about this and I used to think I was the only one who has ever felt like that and you have helped me so so so so so much and I love you
0 likesi am pretty high on the dissociative scale and have been diagnosed with depersonalization and derealization and just thank you, this has put the feelings all into words so wonderfully. i've never had ways to describe it let alone someone really knowing how i feel and it's just nice to see someone else gets it. and thank you for being open about these experiences :) ♥ it's very appreciated:))
0 likesI’ve had depersonalisation for almost 5 years now and it can either be like I’m watching a dark movie scene with the lights on (I can barely see things but I still have a general idea of what’s happening) or I’m watching a scene where someone has been in the dark for a while and they’re going outside into a really bright world
0 likesI believe I have a form of depersonalization as well, but more so as part of the spectrum of my anxiety when it’s at its peak (based on what information I have). For me it’s been more sparse, fortunately, though it has gotten much worse as of late. But, I realized that it feels much like you’re in a video game simulation where you feel as if you are close to the character you’re playing, but when you look in a mirror or open your mouth to speak it doesn’t feel like you at all. I was curious if you (dodie) or anyone else felt like this analogy as well?? I’m still trying to understand it all and am very thankful these videos. 💛
0 likesI never fully understood depersonalization when you first started talking about it, but OH BOY DO WE HAVE SHARED EXPERIENCES NOW
0 likesI struggled with derealization for a long time but I finally kinda got rid of it!! when I started recovering from my depression and codependency and just started being more true to myself, finding myself more and living more in alignment with who I truly am. for me it was really a trauma coping mechanism that I'd developed during childhood but now that I'm out of that environment it's so much easier to stay out of derealization. I'm so happy this isn't such a big part of my life anymore!! sending love to anyone struggling <3 edit: dodie's video on derealization was the first time I'd hear ANYONE talk about it or describe it and it made me feel SO MUCH less alone. I felt like I wasn't crazy. so thank you dodie <3
0 likesSomething I've really come to understand far deeper than I ever had before due to COVID and fighting with the sadness I have around loosing my passion for art is that I'm grateful for the problems that I have. Before, it was a concept riddled with guilt and judgement of my own privilege and belittling of my own issues. Now, I'm just grateful that my loved ones and I aren't suffering in the ways people were 50, 100, 500+ years ago. I'm grateful that I can do the things in the first place that have led to the problems I have, coz that wasn't always the case. Problems are still problems and it often feels like living at 70% but I don't judge myself for that missing 30% as much anymore.
0 likesThanks for sharing this I think I can start cope with it
0 likesI actually have OCD, but I experienced depersonalization the year after my father died in 2005. Everything just became unbearable and my brain kind of overloaded. And with the OCD, it was always in front of me, questioning the reality of myself and the world around me. I eventually emerged from this continual fog, but it was hell. I soo emphasize with you. Now I haven’t experienced a resurgence of my depersonalization, but my OCD has been horrible during this pandemic. Hang in there. I hope you can maintain your equilibrium, wherever it’s currently set.
0 likesXD I'm so happy I'm not the only one that randomly squeals out that 'for forever' high note <3
1 likeI’ve never commented about this and I don’t know why? I’m one of the ‘bouts people’ with depersonalisation, have been since primary school. I used to describe it as being dizzy but not being dizzy and nobody knew what I meant. Nothing helped with the fear and panic every single day on the bus to school, or the way I would grip my water bottle far too tightly when I would become aware of my surroundings in a big city. Because I fainted a lot as a kid I had water with me constantly as to try to train a placebo out of myself, even though I knew I had never actually fainted from whatever it was, and probably never would. I finally found what it was in my adulthood, right before you started posting about it. And as horrible as what it is that you go through, hearing you talk about it was like that wave of relief you get when you first find out ‘what’s wrong’ with you, and I still tear up every time you talk about it. I hope you’re keeping well as you can be, and thank you for still choosing to share that 10% with us ♡
0 likesi'm so sorry for anyone going through it... and so glad mine lasted for only a few months three years ago, tho it felt like an eternity in the moment. it was hell, much worse than depression and anxiety (for me at least). hoping i'll never experience it again. such a strange and frightening state of being. has got me thinking if it was triggered by unresolved trauma..
0 likesI love hearing you speak introspectively !!!
0 likeswho else is crying so much because they finally have found a video that explains EXCATLY what you're going through so now you can send it to your loved ones and say Hey here is to understand me more
0 likesThis disorder is so complex and hard to explain so my family thinks I'm making it up for attention. Now I can show them I'm not crazy and I'm not the only one. Thanks dodie.
I never heard anybody describe it as good as you.. I’m sorry you feel this way too. I have had this for seven years now and I really hope I will get rid of it someday. In the meantime we will enjoy life halfway. Lots of love
0 likesI dissociate as part of my BPD (which, funnily enough, is a result of complex trauma). The only thing that has helped me has been anti-psychotics (olanzapine). I'm sorry nothing has worked for you. I remember asking a doctor if they could make me real again, and it does currently feel a little like we're living in a nightmare rather than real life.
0 likesI think I've realised I get depersonalisation/derealization in a stressful environment. Like I tried to learn to drive and it just felt like I couldn't see and I didn't know where the road was? I have good eyesight it just wasn't going to my brain. I also kind of get it if I focus on my hands too much they just don't feel like mine anymore.
0 likesI completely understand. I've also been chronically disassociated since 2012 with no breaks at all. I'm constantly trying to seek out some magical experience, the one huge life event that will cause the egg to crack, the catharsis. It can manifest in stupid ways. For me I have food anxiety where I need to taste every single food available to me because I'm trying to find food that tastes like it used to when I was younger. I hate being in a room with the curtains closed because if I can't see the outside then I feel like I'm in a box lost in space and not grounded to the world. All my senses but especially taste and smell are permanently dampened.
0 likesI'm at the age where I'm supposed to travel and drink hard but the unfamiliar setting and/or alcohol makes me really spacey. I feel horrible when I try it and incredibly jealous when I miss out on it. Still trying to be able to practice positive gratitude for it I.e. Focusing on the positives and not looking at something worse and saying "well my life is good because at least I don't have dissociative identity disorder like this person in my life."
I'm always scared it'll get worse, like I'll start blacking out or fuging or something. It's frustrating having so little knowledge or exposure about it so thanks dodie for being the person who does that.
awesome video. dpdr is ominous - like I'm in an Ikea furniture store w/ kitchen & furniture setups. It's like it's all trying to be real, but it's not.
0 likesI never comment on videos but you said it makes you happy when people with depersonalization/derealization comment so here we are :). I’m also a sufferer although not as chronically as you. Mine appears during times of stress and trauma. I admire you so much for being able to breathe through it and still laugh and dance and sing and live your life and not let it define you. As you said there is no other choice. Keep being amazing! I hope you find a relief from it one day. ❤️
0 likesHi, I'm not sure if you will see this. But I have also suffered from depersonalisation as a result of trauma and OCD. I understand that it's really frustrating and you feel like you're missing out. But it can get better, I know this because I am better now. What helped me was coming to terms with my other problems and not letting them upset me. I got to a point where I stopped reminding myself and beating myself up about my problems. The less I checked the better it got, I don't know if that makes sense. It still comes back every now and then, when I'm stressed but Its a lot better.
1 likeI suffer from a general anxiety dissorder, depression and a medicaton addiction from benzos. All of this got really worse since the whole situation got out of hand worldwide. I am not able to do a lot because of major panic attacks and my withdrawl symptoms because of fighting my addiction. People with mental illnesses suffer a lot these days and I do hope this situation we have will get better, because I don't think everybody has the energy to continue like this for god knows how long (including me)
0 likesI wouldn’t say I have a special depersonalization disorder but I do disassociate a lot of the time as a coping mechanism and this video made me feel a little more seen. Thank you. And much love to you <3
0 likesHello! I don’t know if depersonalization and dissociation are similar (and I haven’t been officially diagnosed, a therapist just suggested the terminology for me), but I can definitely relate to a lot of this. Every day kind of seems really unreal and just... like I can’t touch anything (if that makes sense). Everything kind of just flows by me like water and trying to grasp at anything is difficult. Even reaching back into memories is sketchy, as a lot of memories just disappear or I can no longer connect to the emotions in them. Good or bad, I would REALLY just like to access some of those emotions. Idk, I‘be also become sort of reckless because when everything doesn’t seem to have any substance, you kind of just forget or don’t care about the consequences of some things. Which has had a very negative impact on relationships, and there are times where I ‘resurface’ and realize how shitty I have made my life. But I can’t even care about that too long before I am back under. Resurfacing is also just VERY uncomfortable, because everything just seems sharper and more painful. Idk, I just wanted to say I appreciate you talking about your experience, have a nice day❤️
0 likesI just recently got diagnosed with Derealization/Depersonalization Disorder after years of telling people that I wasn't quite "here" all the time. After I learned the word dissociation, I had the tools to communicate how I felt to people but it wasn't until last year that someone understood that it was chronic. I've not really felt all here since I was a little kid, and I forget large searches of time. Perhaps my brain will forget this year, perhaps it won't, it's already forgotten part of it. Regardless, I hope it lets me remember the parts that were made up of drawing and being with my partner and finding comfort.
0 likesi’m 99% sure i suffer from depersonalization but i haven’t been diagnosed with anything because i never have the insurance or the money to get anything diagnosed. the first time it happened was the scariest moment of my life, i was in a assembly in like 2nd?? grade and i suddenly couldn’t really understand what the speaker was saying and i felt floaty and like i wasn’t really there, i told all my friends with tears in my eyes and they told me to calm down and everything was fine. i’ve learned to deal with it, and it just comes on at random moments but i’ve noticed that it has been happening to me a lot less and it comes on with anxiety. it makes me feel happy to realize that i have been less anxious recently, but it’s still sucky when it happens :(
1 likehi I also have DPRD and what you said about comments making you not feel alone is basically how I feel about watching your videos on the condition--it makes it feel like I'm not alone. So thank you for that :)
0 likesWould you ever consider maybe like a 1st person "through my eyes" sort of video comparing like how you experience the world vs what average someone without depersonalization . Cuz sometimes idk what about my mental health is a symptom of what, i.e. its a mess an i don't know what the main root and what's and off-shoot and I think that'd be really interesting to see and possibly relate or maybe find out that what i thought i was experiencing is very different and i have more of a journey to go on, one that 100% includes actually going to therapy
0 likesi’m sixteen, going on seventeen, and i have been feeling the wrath of derealization/depersonalization since in the beginning of last year. it sucks. i hate it, and i feel like i’ll never be okay again. i feel like i’ll be like this forever, like it’s never-ending. sometimes i even feel like i’m going crazy, but my friends reassure me that i’m not. i space out a lot, things tend to look like how they do if i were to be in virtual reality. it freaks me out. but then, i do remember that i am real and i am a human and i try to bring myself back into thinking that everything is going to be okay.
0 likesI’ve been depersonalizing alot lately (also derealizing) it hurts mentally my spirit isn’t in my body it’s blurry weird and tired
0 likesdodie, it's because of you and the videos that you made about depersonalization/derealization that I started to realize something was wrong for me mentally. After a lot of therapy, I have learned a lot about why my mind reacts the way that it does, but there was a large portion of my life where I didn't know what was wrong with me and why everything would get really fuzzy and weird and dreamlike. I didn't know a lot about mental health, but no one had ever described anything like what I was feeling. You were the first person I ever saw talk about this and were the initial spark to a very long (and still going) journey. Thank you (:
0 likeslmao experienced dissociation for multiple days for the first time last weekend, was v scary did not know who i was so this was nice and relatable TM
0 likesI narrate my life in my head often. A lot of people do this without intending to. I find that when I'm getting spacey, consciously narrating my surroundings and what I'm doing in them helps to ground me. It's a great way to work on positive thought patterns about yourself too! "She was walking down the street. Her shoulders were tense and she tried to release the tension from work. It was a nice day and her hair caught the sun. A passing stranger tried not to notice how well her sweater fit."
0 likesthis sounds weird now I've typed it out lol, but I utilize when mine gets worse. I take that "no consequences" feeling and use it to try things that maybe I was nervous to do before, or I have tough conversations I've been avoiding. makes it feel like it's not just awful and useless.
0 likesdamn thought I was the only one feeling this kind of stuff. :)
0 likesThank you so much for explaining that. I’m sending you some super sparkly fireworks (you know, the Gandalf kind) to brighten your day, even if only in a very small way.
0 likesi’ve talked about this but it really is like nothing feels real, i know logically it is and that time is passing and stuff, but it doesn’t feel the same. it’s almost like you explained, the colors and feelings and excitement i used to have is just so muted and bland now.
0 likesive had a problem like this for so long. like i dont realize that im real, im always going along like im floating. my foot fell asleep while watching this and i realized that im a real person in a real place. i recognize where i am but at the same time i really dont.
1 likeLove you doodie take care <3
0 likesthe first video you posted explaining what derealisation is like was a turning point in my life because suddenly I wasn't crazy, I wasn't the only one experiencing this, there was a name and all! I know sharing too much online isn't healthy for you, but it did help me immensily
0 likesthanks. ive been feeling so... bad? lately. it hasnt been this bad in two years and it sucks. but messages like these, conversations like these, make me feel less alone. like my feelings are valid
0 likesthis was so well explained.
0 likesCan I just say thank you? I know this will be buried in the sea of comments, but I just wanted to say thank you for talking about this.
0 likesI'm terrified to say that I feel just like what you are describing. I don't see blurry, but everything feels like I'm in a memory? Not a dream, but maybe a memory? And I feel like my hands move by themselves and when I touch my face or my skin, I know I'm touching myself but I don't really feel it?
I've talked to a few friends and even a psychologist about it and they all brush it off as if I'm making it up. I feel like I can't remember anything from the places I go because I already feel like they are memories. Or like I'm not really real and nothing around me is really real and nothing ever really matters.
I don't know if that's normal or maybe it's a prolonged existential crisis or maybe something more serious, but I just wanted to say thank you for talking about it. For making me feel like I'm not going absolutely crazy. Your music also really helps somehow :)
Dodie have you tried to test for MTHFR mutation?
0 likesDo you have Amalgam fillings in your teeth?
It’s worth checking those out 💚
it is very comforting and also scary when you talk about dprp because when i started exhibiting symptoms for it when i was 15 i thought i was going crazy and that i would never get better. turns out at 27 i am a bit crazy and it hasn't really gotten better but there are people who understand and songs to help and videos to remind me i'm not alone. thank you for that dodeeezzzz
0 likesdodie, you were the first person i knew other than me who experienced derealisation chronically. i was about 15 when i first began feeling as if i was never here and i'd taken a passenger seat in my own life, and it led to a myriad of mental health appointments, medication and a diagnosis of PTSD and depression to feel like i was alive again. thank you for always being so open about it - i don't think i would have even known what it was had i not been following you at the time and seeing your explanations of it. it comes in bouts for me - during this covid time especially i've been in and out constantly. and it sucks. breathing techniques and grounding tools help, but they never really get to the bottom of it do they? thank you for raising awareness about what we go through - it saved my life. love you and i hope you're doing okay :))
0 likesI think the thing that inspires me the most about you is that even when you're talking about mental illness symptoms, you're an entire person. You never seem defined by your symptoms, and I know a lot of people who act defined by their symptoms. You make content about your mental illnesses, but you are not your mental illnesses. It's inspiring. To hear someone talk about coping and gratitude without it being laughed off as silly is lovely. I am fighting to see my world as brighter than illness, and you turn up the brightness of my life so much. This is incredibly rant-y, I just wanted to say thanks.
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<3 this is so lovely
0 likesThank u
I haven't watched Dodie in FAR too long and I had forgotten how much I missed her and how comforting she is in talking about mental health issues.
0 likesI also have DPDR and I have DID, BPD, and psychotic depression which isn't fun as you can imagine lol.
I loved watching Dodie videos when I felt down (which was all the time) back around 2016/17 and I just... I didn't realize how much I missed it and how different life is now until now. I can't go back to those days, but that's probably for the better, since I was in a really bad state then. But watching Dodie's videos really made me feel less alone and more understood and I just felt attached.
I hope Dodie is doing well these days
dodie, I did a series of paintings about depersonalization disorder. I would love to talk to you about them and show them to you if you want to.
0 likesSometimes i can be with someone outside and all of a sudden freak out, not knowing how i got there and thinking the person next to me isn't real, didn't know it was a mental disorder tho
2 likesYou may have seen pictures of those crazy red skies in California and Oregon during the big fires last fall, well when it happened to us here in the SF Bay Area I instantly was like "this is a perfect representation of what dissociation feels like". I already struggle with dissociation (mostly derealization for me) as a symptom of my anxiety pretty frequently but all of that day it felt like my eyes couldn't adjust properly and like nothing was real tenfold of what I normally feel. So anyone that saw those pictures or lived through the red skies of the west coast fires there you go that's what dissociation feels like inside our head.
0 likesOkay so I've done my personal thoughts on dissoc but here's some things I've found that help with dissociation:
0 likes-getting on with my day
-calmly stroking my cat
-staying away from artificial sweeteners (including in energy drinks and stuff)
-getting the right amount of sleep (about 8 hours, sleeping longer makes me feel SUPER out of it)
-doing things which you have to concentrate for
-meditation
-asmr
-journalling (organises my brain so things aren't so spinning around in it)
-generally trying not to obsess over it :/
Some days I will wake up and it will just be worse but I tell myself it won't be the same tomorrow and I've learnt that some days you do just have to write off
It's not ideal but at this point I mostly just tell myself that it is what it is
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Ps I hope we all get through this soon ❣️
0 likesI think I might be having derealisation and the only reason I have any comfort is because I kind of know whats happening to me because ive heard you speak about it before. thank you :) its like all my senses are hightened and everything is bright and out of proportion and im a little dizzy and nothing seems real. everything feels weird to touch and I feel drunk. its like how i feel after a migraine - my senses arent back to normal.
1 likeVery DPDR video... Your editing is an interesting expression of that. Whether that's intentional or not, it's pretty neat seeing you doing that...
1 likethe reason i love dodie so much is because she made me understand im not alone, that what i have is real. i dont talk a lot about my dpd, i feel like ppl dont really want to listen to what they dont understand, so whenever dodie talks about it i feel like there is another person out there that cares and understands...
0 likestho I don't have depersonalization I have maladaptive daydreaming caused by my ADHD which causes me to daydream a lot and when I don't really want to which cuts me off from the real world a lot but right now in covid its kind of helping to sink into a perfect daydream for hours, its a coping mechanism that has taken over my life but for this first time ever, I'm grateful for it
0 likesI was on Zoloft for a long time for anxiety and it worked for the most part, but I would also experience extreme depersonalization and dissociation. Don’t know if it was a side effect of the drug or just how I am naturally, but now I’m on Wellbutrin (a stimulant) and I haven’t rlly experienced it at all. But now my problem is I feel way too much. Like extreme rage or sadness that just overcomes me in a way that isn’t normal or sustainable. I don’t rlly know which one is worse. And I don’t want the responsibility of choosing which side effects I can handle and which ones I can’t. I just want to be able to talk to people without having a panic attack, feel feelings and not be overcome with violent rage and depression. That’s all I want lol
0 likesI had TMS this year and it was like a miracle treatment!
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I know Dodie said she’s tried it just sharing my joy at feeling alive for the first time in my life
0 likesSame same but different. Thanks for being the first person to normalize these symptoms for me
0 likesI also have chronic depersonalization and for me it feels like I’m in a first person shooter game. Which If this is a game and someone is controlling me, what kind of fucked up route is this?
0 likesMy best friend has struggled with dissociation and all that comes with it since early teens (among other things) and being his friend has helped me learn that everyone has different needs when they're in a crisis & that different things help ground different people.
0 likesIt genuinely hurts my heart to hear that you were/are struggling because you are such a rad human, you're epic. You are so talented and pleasant and so un-problimatic. So when you say that you are struggling I just want to hug you and tell you everything's going to okay. And I know the likelyhood of you seeing this comment is quite low but if you do just know that we all love and care about you and nothing you say or do will ever change that xxx
0 likesI feel this video here i had severe derealization as a consequence of major anxiety for two years and now it comes at times but is ok (lamotrilgine really helped).To me it came as kind of a "relief" of the attacks. And even thou im sure you tried mindfulness really helps. At least to center a bit if i was too spacey. Sending love 💖
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Fascinating I’ve been trying to get on that!!!
1 like@doddleoddle omg thank you so much for replying love from argentina 🧡
0 likesUr amazing and you are strong and great 😊
0 likesyou were the first person i came across to talk about depersonalization/derealization and that was a long time after i started watching your videos. and i was like - hold up. it's not just me?! so, thanks for making me realize i'm not alone and that's actually a medical condition. and now, years after, i've still got it. you've still got it. but it's like you said: we cope, we're in this together. a little community of spaced out people. we're basically aliens. and i'm glad i found other aliens like me. so. thanks, dodie. ❤️
0 likesI didn't understand until now how much I appreciate you talking about this topic. It took me a while to figure out that I haven't been the same since my dad died, but I could never properly put into words to what was going on. Only recently I learned that I detach from the world, and now I'm starting to understand myself better.
0 likesi don’t have dpdr,, i experience dissociation as a result of ✨trauma✨ and it’s just my brain’s way of protecting me from the bad bits — but it’s actually just desaturating everything in it’s path, even (and especially) the good bits ),: but i’m really grateful that i only experience it as a trauma response and as a symptom of particularly bad anxiety/ocd days or depressive episodes,, i can only imagine the exhaustion of living with it for so long. my heart goes out to any of you dealing with it, i really hope more treatments are developed in the coming years because nobody should have to live like that forever ♡
0 likesThank You For Probably Telling Me What Disorder I Done Got (I've always thought I just had bad depression). If I tell a gp about this will it get me anywhere? I've had bad luck with them for 'just' depression
0 likesI think a lot more people experience this than we know, but if you’ve been doing it since childhood (like me) it’s harder to define it as anything specific bc it’s your normal.
0 likesHey dodie, I was wondering do you see a therapist? I’ve had Dp and Dp for 12 yrs now 24/7... how do you seem to cope?
0 likesThe scariest part about it for me is how fast time flies. I'll wake up and it'll be months later and I'll have done nothing. I'm terrified that one day I'll wake up and I'll be on my death bed having wasted my entire life.
0 likesoh god I had THE WORST derealisation this year, it brought me so much anxiety. glad to know I'm not the only one
0 likesI totally relate to your dejected acceptance. 'its okay because it has to be' is so powerful. So much love to you 💕💕
0 likesAs someone who has suffered from depersonalization and derealization for as long as I can "remember" (even though it is hard to remember a lot because I was so disassociated) hearing someone else talk about it is so calming because I know I am not the only one floating around. For me it varies, I sometimes panic when it happens, or sometimes it is a protective shield to protect me from external or the occasional internal factor. I guess what I am trying to say is that this made me feel less alone, and I want others to know that deal with this that you are not alone.
0 likesCorrect me if I'm wrong...
0 likesI feel the same while in dream state. It's like I'm playing the main character in a movie who knows they're in a movie? Almost a meta state.
I struggle with hyper awareness (I’m an OCD babe) that descends into depersonalization and it SUCKS man. I speak and I know I like things but I’m like “why do I like these things?” And I look back at my memories in my head but they seem like they aren’t really mine. And I’m aware of who I am and then I space out really bad and the feeling often causes me to panic. I don’t know if anyone understands this but it’s v weird and not fun ... when I’m struggling with it I learn not to panic about it and just vibe with the feeling but when I’m doing well I’m terrified of this feeling and whenever I feel it creeping up I get so scared. It makes me nervous to be alone and be with my own thoughts ... it’s a strange feeling. And I’ll look at a mirror and be like “that’s me! That’s my face! These are my words coming out of my mouth!” It’s a strange thing man ... but i get to times where I don’t think about it as much,,, but in times of change it gets kinda rough. But I’m just learning to vibe with it now and I’m talking to my therapist about it and I think it’s going to get better. It just takes time
0 likescan you please think about writing more music about DPDR? I havent been able to find any good music to relate my dpdr to, and I feel like you would write amazing songs about it :)
2 likesAm I mistaken to think that those initial harmonies on each video are a way of dodie teasing us with her upcoming new music?
1 likeI think I’ve had depersonalization as a coping mechanism for a long time now. I first remember experiencing it in school when everyone got into “school spirit” at auditorium events and I started feeling like an observer calmly watching but not participating, I often feel like I am watching things happen from a distance instead of being within them. I have Anxiety Disorder and have taken nightly anti depressants for a few years now, the anxiety is more manageable but the depersonalization episodes seem to have never left, it’s not all the time but it is there when I need to separate myself from spiraling into an anxiety mental loop.
0 likessome days with depersonalization the best hope is comfort and content. I'm happy most of the time but I hope myself and my life will feel a bit more mine one day.
0 likesi always describe it as feeling like i’m in a video game that hasn’t loaded/rendered properly
0 likesi mean i totally get depersonalisation because i‘ve been having in too from time to time. but it‘s been just a few days where i just felt really disconnected from my body and my mind and everything but i also think our reality is so much and complicated and yes maybe also very unreal, so often times to me it feels totally okay that you can not comprehend everything that‘s going on and so after a moment of acceptance it doesn‘t bother as much anymore/just feels a bit normal to me. anyway i am a bit confused, because if you feel spacey all the time, maybe it‘s just your personal reception of our reality? i don‘t want do disrespect anyone here i‘d just really want to know how you know if you are spacey if you are all the time spacey.
0 likesFuck, I feel like this a lot
0 likesThank you for helping me understand myself
Heyo, I've been searching for got literature on DPD and I just can't find anything. Don't matter if it is a novel or scientific book, I just wanna read as much relating to derealisation as my brain can comprehend. Thanks for any recommendations!
0 likes(sorry for requesting it under this video but you are apparently the only person who talks about this condition...)
I had a 9 day continuous chronic migraine last month and it caused constant disassociation with panic attacks. It was terrifying. I've been having migraines for 21 years and I've never liked them but I have never feared them until now. I have a 2 year old and being distant from him and not being able to do anything about it was so painful. Thank you for spreading awareness.
0 likesWill it be a jumper? (that would be a very cool fashion statement) or something you can wear? Please give me a cluee
0 likesAlso regarding covid, I agree that the impossibility to do what we love to do and be away from a lot of the people we love definitely inhanced the unhealthy things that are present in our lives. And the fact that the end of this pandemic keeps being pushed and pushed away is clearly not good for our brains, and personally I feel kind of trapped in my own life where I just eat/work/sleep and it's very tiring lol
But on the brighter side, a lot of people started new hobbies so that kind of cool
Every time I remember that you have dpd I also remember that CIA article about ppl being able to take in energy or take part into another reality, really cool, even tho having it must really suck
0 likesit’s always hard trying to communicate depersonalisation/derealisation to others.
0 likesi’ve found it hard to connect with many people as all i get is the reflective response of everybody ‘switches off’.
these videos are so helpful and knowing someone i have enjoyed watching for many years put into words exactly how i feel all the time is so relieving.
it excites me to know there are more people who struggle to recognise themselves in the mirror, those who watch themselves from above their body, the people that can’t quite fully hear and see the present surroundings.
so thankyou for creating this space
where more can see (and understand) what we can.
I haven't experienced dp for years now but these last few covid weeks I've been thinking about it a lot and kind of wishing I could experience it now. I'm so sick of being present for this bullshite. Obviously I'm grateful that I'm now in better health now (mentally) and thats why I no longer dissociate but sometimes you miss the old coping strategies even if they were ultimately not the most positive??
0 likeshey @dodie, just curious if you ever heard of human design system. when I came across HD I had so many realizations about why I am the way I am. you might be a 'projector 'or a 'reflector', or maybe you a quad-right (like me).
0 likesjust consider that there is nothing wrong with you, and you are just very unusual and all your uniqueness is not a deviation from an established normal but a gift and a blessing. I know that being different comes with a price. I say that because know it from my own experience. I've had "low energy" for my whole life. Struggled with the fact that I feel neutral (or low) most of the time until I turned 33, and then I realized that it is a gift. I just didn't know it was a gift, and I didn't know how to use it.
In our "you-can-do-it" homogenized world there is a lack of appreciation and support for sensitive people, for people with great listening skills and talents. Consider the thing: when someone thinks you are crazy they say "she is hearing things" or " seeing things" - it is in our freaking language!!! I hear and see things all the time. With my eyes closed in complete silence. That is called connectedness! That is being one with the world! Talking to plants and animals is considered weird but OK, while talking to the wind, sun, ocean waters, clouds or fresh air, your own heart or your sadness is absolutely nuts ... I hear music in my head all the time. Non-stop. That weird? Nope. Unusual -perhaps.
The same with what they call "depersonalisation" ... I must say (with all my appreciation for psychology and those who came up with fancy theories), most of the labels for conditions like that are created because nobody really understands what it is and how to relate to it. This world is ruled by "normies" and it is made for "normies". Sad but true. Hopefully, we still have a place. And when we learn how to apply ourselves correctly, our pains can turn into power.
I was also caught in the dilemma between being alone and being with people. The problem is not that one is better than the other. The problem is that most people make it too simplistic. It is not one or the other. There is value in both. There is a relationship. There is continuity. But most normies are just way too busy proving others and themselves that they are worthy. So, they are living someone else's life. Aren't we all? Yes, but we can do better.
That is one thing I am grateful for having learned from HDS. The system shows where I am living my life as myself, and where I am trying to mimic, where I hide, pretending to be someone I am not. I wouldn't believe everything that HDS is selling. But there is a lot. I mean a lot of insights I never had from anything else. And for that, I forgive all the questionable things about the origins and the original dude's attitude and mansplaining. Check it out. This woman (Laveena) - one of the certified analysts, is bs-free and sharp. She has an emotional authority, which is too strong for people like me, but I can learn from her, no problem. Anyway, there are others. You can google it. It is all over the internet. In fact, too many people are talking about it, which creates too much noise. Regardless, you'll feel if this is for you or not.
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forgot say: I love your songs and your style. you are incredibly talented
0 likesThat's being out of the matrix sweetheart...not in it. You are fine. ❤
0 likesOne way I describe what depersonalisation/derealisation is like to others is it's like watching a budget knock-off film of your own life, the key parts are there and it's familiar but everything is slightly off. It's just not quite it.
0 likesI started disassociating for the first time during lockdown. I'm a law student and I found myself saying to friends "I wish I was having suicidal thoughts instead, because at least when I'm going through suicidal ideation I can concentrate and study. While I dissociate, I cant really read properly, let alone study." Its fucking rough. You really dont feel real.
0 likesi tend to disassociate more these past few years than ever before, i describe it as floating off into space, or that im in another dimension looking into this one, and and i can’t seem to snap out of it
0 likesI spent a long time not knowing about DP/DR, and I had always tried explaining to my wife about how I felt, but never had the way to put it into words the right way.
0 likesWhen social anxiety starts getting the best of me, I start to feel very "third person", like I'm outside of myself puppeteering myself, and sometimes it just feels like I'm along for the ride.
I didn't know until I was 28 that what I was experiencing was depersonalization.
"for some people it's a relief from panic attack and anxiety" yeah i work like that
0 likes"it's also very common for people who experience dysphoria" WAIT THAT EXPLAINS A LOT
We got this ❤
0 likeshow do you remain calm bc i have this but that feeling ALWAYS triggers a panic attack for me
0 likesPersonally for me, I realised something about how i computed the world was off and blurry when i was about 15. It continued as i grew, but i would find comfort in going home, getting into bed, and basking in my own company and thats when i began to really love myself. My own company was like having the most understanding, warm soul of a friend beside me, keeping me calm. Ive always seen the beauty in things, so it was easy for me to sit alone and notice every magical thing around me and inside me to keep me loving life, since it got hard when enjoyment and presence of things faded. I thought i had it all sorted and loved how i could escape for a lil and fix myself with these meditative tools i developed, but then when in early 2019, i got very lonely. i ended up going from a late night shift job, to an empty house, with all my friends away at uni. I fell. I fell hard. Like rock bottom, but truly, the very, very bottom . Nothing felt real anymore. Not my family. Not my body. Not the world around me. I would burst into tears in coffee shops with my family, because i didn't recognise them. I started thinking about the emptiness of death and how my life was so short and pointless, because id forget everything, and the world would forget me and all my friends. I don't want to describe it much because its making me very emotional thinking about it. long story short i had to call a helpline for my safety, because i truly believed nothing would look the same again, and death was the only way to not be scared for the rest of my life. It helped in the moment, but not really. The reason i'm explaining all this, is because even though it was the most painful experience of my life, it was the thing that truly made me grow. I experienced a full, completely enlightening spiritual awakening and understanding for life and this universe. Everything felt alien to me, because it was. I didn't live the way i should. Everything was fake, and kept secrets. Not an ounce of vulnerability. I started seeing beauty in the fact that everything felt unreal, because it was real. These crazy things, were real, and right in front of me. How did i manage to receive a life where i could experience the most rare things in the universe. like family, and nature, and love. Death now felt like a comforting friend, like home. But a home id been sent away from on a journey, for a purpose. Even if i didn't know what it was, me being here was validation enough that there is one. And when the journey is ended i will return. I still live with derealisation. strangely it shares the space that is my mind with presence now, and they work in harmony to keep me in the moment, but also with my higher consciousness, experiencing things blurred and from a distance, simply so i can take a breath, see the beauty in, and be grateful for it all. As much as it is painful, ive found staying productive and using my talents as well as educating myself helps, but then leaving some time to meditate with my depersonalised thoughts, and shift them into a magic gift. XX
0 likesI don't experience it nearly as bad as you do, but this started happening pretty early on in high school. Sometimes it gets so bad I have to go home if I'm out, and it may come in waves but they hit hard. I have you to thank for giving me a name for it though. I started getting it, and then I remember you releasing your first video on it years ago. Everything you said gave me chills because I thought it was just me going crazy. It was nice to know someone I looked up to also suffered with this, and it made me feel not so alone. Thank you Dodie <3
0 likesI have depersonalization and it can be weird. In 5th grade before I had my other mental illnesses diagnosed, it got really bad. Like to the point where I was convinced I was living in a movie/tv show for months on end because nothing felt completely real. I lost so much motivation because anything I did was done for the audience's amusement and I loathed that. Also it does this weird thing where my vision goes one dimensional. Does that happen to anyone else?
0 likesHey Dodie, I'm very sure I have depersonalisation although it's not diagnosed yet. It's certainly a very constant symptom if anything. I wasn't able to describe the feeling and it felt extremely alienating. I felt really low about myself because I thought it was something I could fix and I wasn't trying hard enough. After the video you made like 4/5 years ago, I felt so validated and sure of myself. It felt really freeing being able to put words to the feeling, and to try and help others understand why I couldn't always feel present doing things. It comes and goes in waves of difficulty, but as you say it's always there. Thank you for being open about your illness. I'm seeing a therapist soon that I hope will take it more seriously than my previous one. My heart goes out to everyone else that struggles with this in their daily life.
0 likesThank you for talking about this <3
0 likesI'm not a regular viewer of yours, but I really gravitate towards these videos because it's so refreshing to hear a *mainstream* youtuber talk about DPDR, and in such a genuine, well-spoken way. I suffered with DPDR as a kid, then it ebbed and flowed and 3 years ago came back with a vengeance. The lockdown has definitely made things worse - we need the regular activities of everyday life to distract us, and anchor us. Our brains don't participate in reality on an automatic level so it helps to have things that force us to. Without them we are untethered. We must create our own grounding situations: a consistent routine, regular physical exercise, and there's definitely some merit to avoiding alcohol and other depressants.
0 likesi have depression but i think i might also have depersonalisation. how do you get tested/diagnosed for it?
0 likesI think I deal with something like this but I've never talked about it specifically with a professional so I'm not sure. For me it feels like I'm not connected to my body. Like I'm a shell. I don't feel like a human. I feel like a video game character but the world and everyone else is real. Sometimes looking back at experiences and conversations I've had, they don't feel real. I don't feel connected to that person or even like that person is real. Covid has definitely made it worse. I have chronic depression I've been dealing with for 10 years so that probably has to do with it. Been through years of different types of therapies and meds. Newest thing I'm looking into is micro-dosing psychedelic mushrooms. It's still being studied, but some results seem like it's a promising treatment for depression.
0 likesever since this whole thing started it kinda feels like the whole week or month is one long day and i'm taking a lot of naps in the middle of it.
0 likesI wonder what psychedelics would do to someone with depersonalization
1 likethis video made me feel safe <3
0 likesI wish this didn’t sound exactly how I’ve felt for at least 5 years
0 likesit goes so much in the other direction too. you being open and willing to try and explain what experiencing things feels like has genuinely been so helpful, and learning about myself has opened up a whole new world of really feeling emotions again (and then writing many, many songs about them lol).
0 likesI remember the first time I watched some videos on the topic and said "huh. I don't get it, but I'm glad it got explained to me." the next time, I was almost through before I went "hold on a second–" because it hit /hard/ to realise I could vaguely put a word to when I felt spacey, or like I was experiencing everything through VR. I've finally gotten into therapy—not for dissociation, but for OCD treatment—and the psychologist who diagnosed me this summer suggested that it was maybe a symptom of all the mental stress that came with my obsessions and compulsions, and my first counsellor talked about how it may have been my brain's way of getting away from all of the guilt and fear I felt around life and parental influences.
I'm so grateful to you for sharing, and for showing us at the same time how healthy it is to take a step back. and for anyone reading this, you're never alone for long. there's always been a sunrise at the end of each night <3
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<3 I wish u so much luck and strength on ur journey bb
0 likes@doddleoddle thank you!! this is also super uncomfortable lol but I do post original music + covers on my channel and it'd mean the world if you wanted to poke around <3
0 likesI am realizing that what I have dealt with for over 10 years is likely derealization and you have helped me realize it. I always wondered what was wrong with my eyes and why I never could focus and why I would just space out. I'd try to slap myself out of it and it would take SO MUCH to get me to "wake up", if anything.
0 likesI have tried so many things and I'm not sure if anything really works. I take this chocolate powder made from lions mane mushroom that is supposed to help with clarity, it kinda helps but nothing extreme. Caffeine or any kind of natural stimulant also helps me.
Nothing completely takes it away. Caffeine is like taking an ibuprophen for a migraine. Might help slightly, but it just masks it, it's still there underneath.
My mom is freaking out because of how living in a world where covid exists feels. And she doesnt understand why this all bothers me so little? And this video perfectly explains it. I dissociate constantly and have derealization/depersonalization aswell. On top of that I have DID. For me, these feelings arent new. But for my mom, shes never experienced the sameness, numbness, detachment from self and others that I always feel. Covid has given that feeling to so many now. But it hasnt drastically changed me because I was already feeling those things.
0 likesyesss why have i never thought about the fact that my "replacement/dealing behaviours" for covid are the same i use for derealisation... dodie wtf
0 likesi feel like watching these videos have taught me to knit more than anything
0 likesThe lack of routine and real life human connection has been so hard for me. I need that connection to remind me I'm human and now it's all dogitalised and I'm stuck inside cause I lost my job. It's insane. I can't seem to connect with people anymore. Not properly. Things are just that little bit tougher right now
0 likesTW: suicude
0 likesI was having a tough time yesterday with my Anxiety and Depersonalisation. I cried so much because i just wanted to feel normal and safe and stable. Not being able to find a job in this economy is really hard on me. And since being so spacy, and it really worsen with Covid, I couldnt find the purpose of being alive anymore, since i feel so dead.
So im really grateful that you made this video, because i really need it at this point in my life.
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Hi, I don't struggle with depersonalization but I do struggle with anxiety and depression. And I want you to know you are not alone. You are so loved. I personally believe because of my own faith that Jesus loves you. And please don't ever give up. I hope things better for you! ❤️
1 like@dontworrybehapppyy thank you so much!!! ❤
1 like@Jay Jay you're welcome!!! ❤️
0 likesDear Dodie,
0 likesI have depersonalization/ dissociation/derealization too. I have since I was very young. I also have CPTSD. Your videos really help me feel less alone, so I’m repaying the favor. I hope you can feel less alone too 💕
Much love from the US.
Hey! I've had derealization for 6 years now and it's wrongly comforting that you haven't found anything to "fix" it either! I've had some particularly horribly spacey days the last few days where my eyes really don't line up with the world which makes everything harder so it's nice in a weird way to be reminded that I'm not alone 🥰
0 likesDoes anyone know where Dodie got her fact about DPDR being the third most common mental health symptom from?
Also does anyone else with DPDR feel like going on holiday is a waste? Like you're not really there and you can't remember things properly?
Also is that why I rely on taking photos for things so much? Aaafdhshshhh
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I definitely feel like I'm just stressed all the time even when I'm not consciously stressed.. I also overthink and worry and am in my head far too much- all which I think doesn't help with dissoc
0 likesIt's hard to know what's the right thing to be doing when even most therapists don't know what to do and I've had them say some very unhelpful things like how it could be a good thing like NO
(I jumped off something far too high bc I thought it was only a couple of feet and badly hurt my back and the nurse said I was lucky that I didn't break my ankle; all because my depth perception is that screwy bc of dissoc!
It's not something good! It's literally dangerous for me, which slows down my brain, messes with my memories and just generally isn't something one would want :/ )
I guess she was trying to foster an aspect of acceptance when she said it but it did fuck me off
We just have to find our own ways of dealing at the moment sadly I think
There is something called the labile sleep wake cycle which a few studies have found can be linked to dissoc- from what I remember reading it says that your body cannot differentiate properly from being asleep and being awake and that sounds totally spot on for me
0 likesUnfortunately the articles are super dense and scientific and a bit dissoc triggering so I haven't got through reading them but I hope more research is done in that area bc it feels promising!
but for real!! since my school announced it was closing at the end of the school year in February (unrelated to corona) and then in March we were sent home for remote learning I feel so weird living my life now. It's like, I'm at a new school and life's getting okay again, but my brain still wants March-May of last year to happen. It's like I can imagine being there and being happy and okay. I try to accept that it's all gone now and never coming back but my brain really be sayin "no I think you're in a fever dream rn and your old school without corona will be back soon".
0 likesIn conclusion:
my brain is crazy annoying and tbh not helpful rn
Awww.
0 likesBut also I love the literal high note you left on!!
me hearing that dysphoria can cause derealisation: ✌🏼💀suddenly a lot makes sense!
0 likesis it possible to get this only sometimes ? I spend most of my time alone in my room (even before covid) and sometimes when I go to the supermarket and it's very busy it feels like I'm not really there, like I'm watching a movie on double speed because everyone just moves unnaturally fast, it's so weird
0 likesI think i had it in puberty due to bullying and an instable home. It felt like i was in a dream (i even asked friends if they had this abd of course they didnt) or my body was cut off from my mind. Like, i knew my body was there but my mind wasnt. Also my feelings were nonexistent to several events. I know how they are morally, but not how i felt personally. I experienced this also later in life at Partys (before covid of course), when i felt excluded for example and it made me feel safe. Sometimes i wish it back. Does that sound morbid? Possibly. But then my brain knew how to protect itself and now i have to FEEL all these feelings and abandonment issues and that hurts.
0 likesDoes someone else here had it for a time and then it slowly faded away?
i have a depressive disorder and feeling depersonalized is a symptom of mine. i’ve been struggling with school. in classes i’m always distracted and i don’t remember anything i’m being taught. anyone have any tips?
0 likesYour DPDR videos always Make me cry. These comments... I'm not alone!!! I'm not mad!!!! Take care you all
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SAME <333
0 likesHey miss Doddle. I like your vid. One thing you must understand though is DP/DR is just a side effect of anxiety, a protection mechanism bought about from an intense period of anxiety like a shock to the system or frazzled nerves. Your mind is simply trying to protect you, while it can feel incredibly scary and debilitating it causes you absolutely no harm at all, and is in fact nothing more than a very convincing bluff of the mind and in fact should not cause you to feel depressed in itself (not saying that you may not have other reasons to be depressed just saying DP shouldn't be one of them). I had DP/DR for literally ages when I was struck with anxiety for probably a year or two. Medication will never help your derealisation, because its not a disorder its a protection mechanism, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you, your mind and body are just responding to it in the wrong way. The only reason it stays with you is because you pay it attention and give it respect. You do not need therapy or CBT or anything for DP, it also does not matter how long it have had it. Don't attempt to medicalise or diagnose or listen to anyone that tells you otherwise. Its complete rubbish, and can do you absolutely no harm at all. You must understand you have to completely normalise it, you have to do everything you would normally and become completely indifferent to its presence. You must live with it and every time you become aware of it you say say ' ahh thats just my mind trying to protect me its of no harm, do your thing buddy but i'm cool don't need protecting i'm gonna live life as normal'. Your concern and worry about it is literally the only thing that keeps it alive. I have no DP ever now, i still have anxiety but zero DP. The reason is I completely ignored its presence, I built trust in myself that it was harmless and eventually over time its slowly fades and disappears if you pay it no respect. Hope this helps you, you can be free of it believe me.
0 likesI'm glad I'm not alone with this with me it happens after a panic attack or sensory overload or sometimes during or it can happen randomly which it is not good when it does. I usually call it my ghost form and even though it's most likely a coping mechanism for my mind it really scares me because I feel so out of place with it and its honestly scary to me but its just how its out of my control which to me makes it scarier.
0 likesI HAVE ALSO HAD THIS SAME THOUGHT. everyone experiencing a form of depersonalization. welcome to ze club.
0 likesBefore developing M.E/CFS I’d never experienced it before, but now since having M.E/CFS I have it constantly. Like you said, you sorta forget about it when you’re doing other things when you can but it’s always there.
0 likesI obviously don’t know your history with it / how much work you’ve done with your complex trauma etc, but have you ever had your spine checked out?... I know it sounds weird. But I’ve started having treatment on my spine as it was giving me brain inflammation and it’s definitely helping.
I’ve never broken a bone / had back issues, but the virus I had (glandular fever) triggered inflammation in my body, giving me M.E but affected my spine too, hence brain inflammation, depersonalisation. I know you said you’ve tried so many things! But maybe go to an Osteopath and just see if everything’s ok? I honestly thought nothing would be wrong with me but I was wrong! Sending you so much love, thank you for talking about this so openly and normalising it.
i believe i may have had derealisation and a bit of depersonalisation a few years back, lasting round 3 years but i do slip into it now. all of my family and myself thought that it was just anxiety but i didnt really panic that much. i felt empty, not in a depression way, and everything felt cloudy and memories were hard to remember. lights seemed brighter and i could focus on foregrounds against backgrounds. i found it hard to read emotions and connect with my friends. I would look at myself in the mirror for half an hour just wondering who this person was infront of me. everything made me uncomfortable, as if i was homesick ALL THE TIME when i didnt know what made me feel like home. cloudy minds and days merging into one another. my parents assumed it was anxiety and i did too, so i went to therapy and it helped. but wasnt targeted to my needs yunno but still let the worst pass. years later i watched back dodies videos and started crying, i finally found what was up!!!! although i am not diagnosed, this helped. i barely get it now but if i do its in times of stress or anxiety. thank you dodie for speaking about this <3
0 likesDerealization is wild not a good time. I’m lucky to only experience it intermittently. thx for talking about it dodie 🥺
0 likesI am not alone with dpd and drpd. It is a nice reminder since I often forget and feel alone.
0 likesi feel like everyone with complex trauma is doing pretty much the same during covid bc it's like 'oh wow cool i know this' lol.. we been there for years so we are totally prepared xD
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also yeah 'its ok because it has to be' is like. my entire life summarized. just keep going and pushing because i gotta lol
0 likesthis helped alot im curently in the proces of accepting my cfs (chronic fatigue syndrome)
0 likesit has gotten alot worse lately and I've gone from being able to work 15 hours per. week to 4 hours
being cronic i might never get better again but i hope still to enjoy life
I spent most of my life in a depersonalized state and had no idea that was not how most people felt until I started coming out of it in my mid-20s. For me, this happened because I finally found a stable environment, and I guess my brain decided I didn't need to be so protected. I have tried to explain to friends that 2020 is making me slip back into it and I am terrified of not being able to come out again, but it is difficult for people who have not had to deal with this to understand why being removed from reality and feelings can be a bad thing.
0 likesngl i think that my derealization symptoms have gotten worse since being essentially forced back into school. because like, before i was just staying inside this bubble that was my house and it was okay. but like, with being back in school, i am doing fine grade wise but more often than not, i will miss a good five minutes of class because i just disassociated. especially with being around over a thousand people after only really being around two at most (if i was lucky)
0 likesYou aren’t alone. It’s difficult, we will get through it though.
0 likes"it feels like i've put a limiter on the logic file of my life" is the most hilarious reference I've ever heard from anyone ever
0 likesWhat the hell! whenever i try to explain how i feel and btw it is exactly like you explained it, people look at me silelntly and NOTHING i get nothing
0 likesooo boy “it’s okay, because it has to be” really got me. i’m gonna curl up in a ball and cry now
1 likeThose of you with depersonalization what’s the difference between that and extreme deactivation/disconnection?
0 likesJust... Thanks for letting us know we're not alone!
0 likesMy fiance and I are not able to see eachother because of covid. I have been a mess and this was so very helpful. Thank you
0 likesMine is usually a cushion...but sometimes it will happen for a full week, and I describe that as everything feeling like its shifted two seconds to the left when you werent looking. Like you've got one foot in one reality, and the other in another reality. You have no idea which ones real or which way you should step. Eventually you just want to escape the malaise but you cant. You just want to cry or match the energy of something in one of the worlds. But ifs beyond your reach. When I'm feeling this version, I usually watch mushishi, because ifs the only energy that matches me. If makes sense.
0 likesThe other times I'm usually at work and I've retreated as far back as I can go in my mind, and sometimes I wonder if I havent slipped out the back door, or if i could if i wanted to, and not return. I am removed from all emotions and actions, I'm given room to breath and be cynical and assessing. Sometimes I wonder if this is what being a psychopath is like. I only care about consequences because my normal emotionsl self would be the one to deal with I.
Love, love, love. Just all I want to send you is love. Cause you are creative, lovely, an incredible singer and composer....
0 likesI am born just after midnight on 12th April 1995, which must have been not long after you. Our lives mirror each other a lot and my brain is very similar to yours. Music, mental health, sexuality, sense of humour etc. This makes me believe in astrology even more. Had depersonalisation since I was 19, so around 6 years now. This was from prolong anxiety growing up and a horrible heart break. I'm here with you on this, we got this. It's horrible at times but also makes us see the world in a complete different light to many others, and I think that is special. We feel more from our other senses and find home in art, music and belly laughs than with our everyday eyes and normal perceptions. It is all happening for a reason, when the depersonalisation veil is lifted in the future (which it will do), we will see even more beauty and be so grateful for the little things. Even if it is my eyes just focusing for 10 seconds and taking in where I am.
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<333
0 likeslo fi music also hits different when u going through a derealization episode
0 likesI don't experience depersonalization in the way you do but I don't exactly find shaudenfreude in not having the same struggles mentally as someone else. When you've been in therapy and taken meds for a while you start to realize that having a different or "lesser" experience to someone else doesn't make your own experience better. I do experience some sense of disassociation or depersonalization. It seems to have happened because of the stuff I've been through and because of the previous and current struggle of other forms of mental illness. At times I've found that I feel "floaty" and when I can focus and understand it more, I have described it as not being with my body. I would reject or fail to understand sensations my body would experience. I would avoid feelings like hunger or sexual arousal because they didn't seem right. I don't know for sure if this was depersonalization as I'm not diagnosed with it like I have been with anxiety and depression. Sometimes I have just kind of felt like I'm hardly there. Which has definitely caused my anxiety to go into overdrive. I remember once I was just shut down and I ended up just typing and typing the random string of consciousness in my brain because of how my anxiety was reacting. I just was there but only kind of. And I didn't really move or interact besides that. My apologies if this experience isn't to be accurately described as disassociation but I thought it would be worth it to share my own experience here.
0 likesIt all started for me around freshman year when I hit a low time low, as a coping mechanism I would cry n look n the mirror telling myself that it doesn’t matter it’s all a joke it isn’t real we all die someday anyway I kept doing this until one day I looked n the mirror n didn’t recognize myself n now it’s been 3 years n my anxiety panick attacks n depression make me feel so dead and exhausted that I jus can’t wait to die most of the time, to finally be able to rest sounds so nice n yet scary to die, Iam only 19 n have been through so much n yet it feels like I’ve been through nothing, bc I haven’t experienced tru joy in life for so long
0 likesYou said you like when people comment who also experience this, so hi 👋 I think for me it's more dissociation than depersonalisation though it mixes sometimes. I don't have it as often anymore thankfully. It happens mostly in social situations or when I talk about trauma. For me it feels like my nerve circuits get clogged up, like everything takes longer to connect and process and some things are just too much to really grasp. If it gets really extreme it takes all my concentration to talk or move or do anything. Like my brain is screaming at my arm to move but the connection is too bad. Weirdly also visual input makes it worse, like if there are too many colors or patterns or movement so I often look at blank walls or close my eyes. I think I also get it when I would otherwise have panic attacks so sometimes I am grateful for it.
0 likesTrauma seems to almost be the norm among youtubers. Almost as if by plan to bring it to light. In my study of our various afflictions and their nature, I have found that the light of truth is what heals. Have you tried telling the truth of what happened to you? because that will heal you. I would very much like to hear the story, pretty girl, as you would help many others as well.
0 likesI’m not saying I have DPD but during quarantine I feel like I’ve been disassociating a lot more. Like this morning I was brushing my teeth and I started to think that I wasn’t actually real and that there’s no way that thats me in the mirror even though it is and has been for 20 years. Minor things like that have been happening more and more and I’m a bit concerned but also not sure if it’s actually even a sign of an actual problem starting... Hopefully not, and this is only something happening because life has been messed up with corona.
0 likesHope everyone is doing okay :)
honestly when this quarantine started i didn't complain at all because my anxiety became lessened (since I haven't been able to be around people).
0 likesbut even with being an introvert, i am very at a low. i just miss seeing people i didn't know, smiling and walking down the hall of my highschool. i miss eating lunch with my friends, even though they really didn't care about my existence, laughing and such.
i don't know. i reminisce everything about being with people. human fucking beings.
i get the limiter part, speaking as a logic producer with depersonalisation 😩
1 likeNeeded this, thank you very much :+)
0 likesI think I have a milder case of this thing, but I don't have a 'reason' to have it, there is no big trauma or anything around the time I can remember realising it started
0 likesi havent seen a lot of people talk about it and since we're on the topic, does depersonalization make anyone else feel super travel sick? i used to be completely fine before i developed depersonalization. ever since, being in a fast moving vehicle makes me want to freak out!! i hope I'm not the only one hahaah
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YES! I can't remember much from before my depersonalization and dissociation started, but one of the only things I remember is that I had no motion sickness. But after that period in time, I got and still get extremely motion sick after about 40 minutes in any vehicle. It gets even worse and happens quicker if I'm doing something other than dissociating. So yes, you are definitely not the only one.
1 like@Anomaly whew i’m so happy to hear i’m not the only one. but sorry you have to experience it as well. sending love!! xx
1 likeI can see how that would happen since it messes with your vision and can make you feel dizzy and stuff like that.
1 likeI feel like this all the fucking time to the point where I genuinely can not remember the last time I felt like anything was actually real
0 likesI may have a depressionesque mood disorder, gen anxiety with sprinkles of panic, social anxiety, frequent suicidal ideation, and derma, but i am very glad I do not have depersonalization.
0 likesI feel this so hard
0 likesIve been really feeling like this worse than normal for a week or so now and it sucks alot and my GP doesnt seem to understand what i mean when i say "i dont feel real" or "things dont feel real"
0 likesLooking at ourselves in an electronic mirror will keep you in a loop of down. Your choice.
1 likeI feel that comment of "its like a pain in your arm, you may forget it for a while but its still there". I live with chronic pain, I wake up in pain, I go to sleep in pain and I go to work in pain. People at work will see me take pain killers and ask if I am in pain, my reply is "I am always in pain" and they don't understand. People without a constant problem rarely understand what its like to have one, that it slowly chips away at your energy on a daily basis and some days you only wake up with only one fuck left to give and you just don't care about their bullshit. Sometimes I get asked why I don't tell people when I am in pain so they can help, but I don't have the time to mention every possible pain haha I would never stop talking.
0 likesi rlly needed this tysm, i completely relate and felt so alone until now 😭xxx
0 likesi don't want to diagnose myself but I feel like i'm dreaming quite a lot. It scares me sometimes, especially when I'm not at home
0 likesyou make me feel less alone :)
0 likesI'm not sure if it's normal, I havent looked much into it, but I have to remind myself of consequences. Nothing feels real so the thought that my actions that feel like air could cause something else to happen doesn't occur to me naturally.
0 likesMe hoping they legalize magic mushrooms as a therapy for depersonalization soon, because it shows promise in cases that were resistant to other therapies. Single low dose of MDMA with medical monitoring and complementary therapy also seems to have a lot of potential. I wish legislators would shrug the damn stygma. People like you and me could get better help if they did.
0 likesThank you for this. You are wonderful x.x.x
0 likesi know this is very serious and stuff, but i feel like, as someone who constantly had to touch their friends through high school to be certain that i wasn't hallucinating them, i have the right to say this:
0 likeswhy would you put yourself into a trance wherein you feel detached from your emotions and thoughts in order to try to alleviate a disorder wherein you feel detached from your emotions and thoughts
Did you get diagnosed for yours because idk if I should for mine but I have 5 years of trauma 💜🐛
1 likeever since arms unfolding I can’t trust myself when i hear singy-talky dodie like is she just being dodie or is she giving us snippets of the song?? I’m probably over analyzing her videos now😅😂
1 likeI think I have derealization but anytime I try to reach out for help no one understands and just thinks I'm overreacting. It's been at least a year now and evey time I've tried to explain people just dismiss it like it's not real, idk what to do anymore:/
0 likesI have to admit I'm upset as I came across your vids on a video that was recommended from 6 years ago, and I really hoped it had just been a blip for you 😥 I am thirty and struggle with the weird depersonalisation/depression/anxiety mixture. Someone save us 😂😂😂🤦♂️🤦♂️🙋♂️🙋♂️
0 likes“Where we can all jump on each other and breathe into each others mouths” I WAS DRINKING MY MILK FROM MY CEREAL AND I DIED CHOKING
1 likeDefinitely feeling the intense averageness of life right now
0 likesI don't watch videos/think about dprd bc it always makes it worse for me to think about it, but if any of you have gotten rid of it please let me know. I'm scared this will never end. I can't live like this.
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@Chris Thank you, I just watched a video by Rupert Spira and it was insightful
0 likes@Sierra Farnum sorry for the delayed response. Im glad the video was insightful. Watch as many videos as you can. He is very easy to understand and follow. And also like i said before, the power of now is an incredibe book and i cant recommend it enough.
1 likeIdk bro, the more i think about having DPDR the more it effects me. Like, it's always going to be there probably, but the more i focus on it the worse it is. I've kinda just tried to ignore it and just let every moment fly by as it does.
0 likesBut lately, I've started wanting to actually live my life rather than watch it speed past me.
I know this sounds messed up, but I've lowkey just been waiting to die. Just going with the flow until it's over with. But i WANT to do things, i WANT to have meaningful relationships, i WANT to feel alive. I've been suicidal for years, it used to be alot more intense but now its just a feeling I've detatched from. But "everything is okay bc it has to be" has been my motto for a long time. It has to be, bc the only other option is for it not to be. And i can't stand living like that.
Its okay, despite this time being depressionalising, i also gotta do school, which is an anxietilisation
0 likesI've been spaced out of most of my life because of adhd, and lots of abuse and trauama
0 likesAccording to the Netflix documentary (Un)well, there is a clinical trial running on the effectiveness of Ayahuasca for treatment-resistent depression; wonder whether it could have an effect on depersonalisation as well
1 likeHello love. I've misses you so much. I don't know if you know what a tulpa is, but I have one based off of you. Because you are the only person that makes me feel like I'm not alone in the world. Love you Dodie. ❤
0 likesOh god the highs and low graph is so real. Especially "you can't see this hand". LOVE YOU x
0 likesI depersonalize/Derealize a lot because of anxiety but I’m in self isolation right now and it gets a little worse everyday that I can’t go experience my life as I know it. Also, just last week a new paper was published about possible brain links to derealization!
0 likesWe love you Dodie
0 likesI had DR and DP chronically from the age of 17 to about 22/23. I'm 27 now, and the DP never went away the the derealisation (feeling like nothing is real) did. I still feel removed from myself and 'who I am', but I feel like I am here now and the world is real. When I was going through derealisation I never thought it would go away. Never ever ever. But it did. So please don't give up hoping Dodie because it will go eventually. Plus, you are so brave for living with it, now my confidence is better I am so proud of myself when I think of everything I went through and you should be too. You are an actual warrior. When you think that you got yourself through your worst times, you can get through anything.
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Oh wow! <333
1 like"It it what it is" has become my motto in life the past year or two
0 likeshello dodie. I really enjoy your videos and normally don't comment on them but I have a question. I have the same condition and when I watched the movie the matrix it triggered me so much. do you fell the same way?
0 likesI am pretty sure I have this condition. I wasn't diagnosed with it but I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I feel like I'm constantly in a dream, everything is foggy and lights are too bright which makes me space out even more. It feels like I've been up for days even when I've had enough sleep. This feeling has been constant 24/7 for about four years now. I had panic attacks everyday and short feelings of dissociation following but then it became constant. I still feel emotions but it almost feels like I don't, I still cry and laugh but it doesn't feel the same if that makes sense. I'm really hoping there's a way to get out of it and feel normal again.
0 likesI struggle with derealization as a symptom of depression and probably complex ptsd. When I first started experiencing it it felt more like an out of body experience. I just wasn’t there and I didn’t feel like I had control. I was just going through the motions of life not really being present. Now, 4 years later, I still struggle with it, but not on a daily basis. Only when my depression gets worse or I get overwhelmed. Rn during covid usually when I’m at the grocery store, and I’m stressed about what food to get and also stressed about all the people around me. I usually notice it when I’m walking and the movement of my legs aren’t real. And I have to walk very slowly and then I start to feel so spacey. At those points sounds doesn’t really come through very well, I’m utterly confused and I just want to get away from the situation and go lay in my bed with my cat. That’s the only thing that really helps me come back from the derealization, to just take a break from the evening, even when I’m with friends, I’ll just piss off and go chill by myself and watch some crappy show you’ll still be able to follow if you’ve missed a couple episodes due to spacey-ness. If you’re experiencing the same stuff : just give yourself time. Try to find out what makes you feel safe. For some people the symptoms might never 100% go away, but taking care of yourself can make them feel less bad. Getting yourself into stressful situations might make them feel worse. Just take care of yourself and be kind to yourself 😘🥰❤️(I also have the symptom where I won’t recognize people. For instance, I know I have a boyfriend, I know what he looks like etc. but sometimes when I’m overwhelmed it will take me a second to realize the stranger next to me on the couch is my boyfriend. So whenever I get overwhelmed I just touch his hair, because I know when I feel his hair it’s him, and that helps me stay grounded. Idk if that’s dumb but that’s what helps me😂)
0 likesIts hard when you have deprersonalization and you can't explain it to anyone
0 likesI've been too scared to tell anyone, but I've been feeling like that for a few years and I just don't know how to explain to my family. I also don't want to self diagnose. But I've always felt detached from everything around me. Like there's a fog on my vision that I can't get rid of. Like I'm watching a movie from first person view but I can't truly interact with life. I don't know. Covid definitely hasn't helped but. I feel like I just need to put that out there for my own sake.
0 likesim not trying to be like an attention seeker or self diagnose myself, but i feel like this video was made for me.. like 100% this is exactly how i feel-
0 likesI haven't been diagnosed with anything to do with disassociation but both me and my therapist are like uhhh yh this is majorly happening in your life
0 likesI will often not remember large chunks of time, I will space out, feel like the world isn't real, not make sense when people are talking to me, have the world go so out of focus I cant read things or disconnect enough I cant understand the words people are saying to me - its like being underwater with a chance of forgetting it after.
During covid, during now, I remember even less, everything feels less real and its really tough but it is what it is. you are by no means alone in this. look after yourselves peeps!
15. Been spaced since 13 or like very end of 12. This kinda stuff makes me feel normal for a moment (or 7) so well thanks for that😎😎
0 likesAs a random person from the internet, I want you to know that you are loved!
0 likesI know this is a serious video and .. 💕 but the ending made me LOL 😂
0 likesthe Logic Pro analogy was the most on the dot description of my mental health I have ever felt
0 likesi've had like chroniccccc dissociation for over a year and a half and before that it was come and go for about a year. but trying to explain to people that it never goes away, it's just sometimes more noticeable and it's a bit frustrating but then it's like, i don't have a right to be frustrated because why should i expect them to understand. idk man it's difficult
0 likesI don't suffer from DPDR or anything but I do dissociate, and so I have some understand of what you're talking about. I'm one of those people that you talked about that suffers from panic attacks (official diagnosis of panic disorder), but the other side of the spectrum is when I'm depressed and dissociate. I find it's almost like I can't see properly or my memory is short circuiting and I forget where I am and what time it is and what I'm doing. It's as if I've shrunk right into my mind so far I can't see out anymore, the window of my eyes is too far away and im stuck in this foggy place? Idk I'm describing it so badly but thankfully since I left school and started college, the feelings have been much much improved (as well as years of therapy) I can't imagine having that feeling all the time, it must be so hard, but thanks for talking about it, and being an example of someone who lives with those feelings and is still killing it ❤️
0 likesDid you ever think of writing down what you do everyday so that you can read what you did so you don’t feel like you’re dreaming
0 likesStory of my life for 35 years ang going.... Be strong
0 likesshe's doing the song thing again
0 likesi feel it in my bones
I think i have depersonalisation or something like that but ive had the feeling of this isnt real and a disconnect from reality my whole life so i dont really see it as a completlly bad thing as ive never known any different. Obviously its annoying that my memories are so distant and sometimes i just cant feel anything and everything feels hopeless as whats the pooint? It isnt real anyway but then again, it allows me to see the positive in thhinngs as, if it isnt real, what does it matter if i made a mistake, tthherres nno need tto worry aboout it. When sometthing abouuut my physical body hurts, i can disconect my brain from it which is also quite nice but at the same time difficcult cos it makes me more spacey. Its really sstrange to talk about it, especially as ive nevener knoown any differnet so thiis is my normmal. Sending yyou. Love❤️💛💛💚💙💜
0 likes(Btw, my keeyboard is brroken so sorry about. The typos😂)
She is very emotionally intelligent and articulate.
0 likesI have dissociative episodes that manifests in non-epileptic seizures. It is really hard and I am so grateful to dodie for speaking openly about her condition and advocating for education on the topic because it has helped me so much.
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<3!!
0 likesI struggle with dissociation when I leave the house - because it's a coping mechanism for my social anxiety. But when my depression is bad (or I've been drinking a lot) it gets even worse - and reality feels less real. Like if I'm on a walk outside, I try to accept and let in the sunlight and look at nature, but for some reason my mind/body won't let me let the light in and there is a shadow over the grass. It feels like a bigger distance has been created between me and nature. Even when I try and snap out of it by like staring at the grass for awhile. Sorry if this made zero sense. Thankfully as less stressors have been in my life, it seems to have been going away a bit, but still got a long way to go in terms of healing
0 likesI don’t know if I’ve experienced this or not but what I think I have had are panic attacks and during those everything looks and sounds like it’s far away and the edges of my vision go blurry, my extremities feel kind of “buzzy”(?) and I feel like I’m in a cold sweat (sort of too hot and too cold at the same time). I don’t really know what this is but if anyone else has had a similar thing, so let me know 💜
0 likesExcellent comparison between the two - couldn't agree more. You're one of the only other people I've heard use the 'audio limiter' metaphor...music nerds unite ;-)
0 likes(P.S. DPD vs Covid is pretty much the Preface of the book! heh)
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<333
1 likethe whole of isolation just felt like one long anxious fever dream??? like everything's so foggy?? but somehow going back to school has made me have so many more anxiety attacks so who tf knows anymore
0 likesBruh. I am so angry at everyone around me for not making me feel comfortable enough to tell them how I’ve been feeling literally for more than half of my life. Not even a freakin therapist.
0 likesI get something like depersonalisation a lot - I said to my girlfriend just today, looking at her in the kitchen, right in front of me, it felt like she was only a figment of my imagination, like she’s not really there. I often get the feeling that people aren’t really there - it’s sad when I think that way - it feels lonely, like some artificial intelligence has put some false image in my mind. Feels like that feeling just before you wake from a dream, and you sometimes become aware that you’re about to slip away from the dream world and lose what’s in front of you, like if I reach out to touch her, I wouldn’t feel anything; my girlfriend wouldn’t be there...
0 likesHave you considered this being a result of vestibular neuritis/vestibular migraines? You mentioned in an earlier video that you have a "separate vision/eye issue"...could it be related? People are healing from inner ear issues which can be a MAJOR cause of DP/DR!!!!!!
0 likesI'm not sure if I really have dpdr which makes things very confusing, but I started to assume I couldn't have it because I've never had any of the common symptoms - no panic attacks or visual distortions or weird thoughts etc. But hearing you talk about your experience sounds much more familiar. I simply constantly feel like the dumbest person on Earth when I used to pride myself on being quite smart, and this can lead to depression because it feels like I've somehow lost my identity. I'm still not sure whether I have it or not, but life has gotten slightly better since I've started accepting the feeling as much as possible, which can be very hard because you're constantly in the mindset that there has to be an answer and that you should've 'solved' this issue ages ago.
0 likesIt seems like the worst thing to do is browse YouTube and Google for answers, but I don't mind videos like yours where it's clear you're being honest (there's a lot of charlatans out there!) Your analogy to Covid was VERY relatable - when I first got this I'd wake up and feel joy for half a second before remembering "Shit, my life is different now", much like people have reported their experience with Covid. Thanks for sharing and take care.
I am very lucky to not have chronic depersonalization, but I do have an anxiety disorder and when it gets really intense I do tend to have episodes of depersonalization.
0 likesAt first for me like you said it is for some people initially it is a relief from the horrible anxiety, but that's also usually when I haven't registered yet that it has happened. There are times when it goes on for longer than usual and it makes me feel crazy. The world around me feels all out of sorts and I feel like when I don't have my glasses on. I can't seem to focus and everything feels spacy and dreamlike. It can then occasionally cause me more anxiety and I get stuck in an awful loop of depersonalized and anxiety. Luckily through therapy and coping mechanisms I've gotten better at calming myself down and trying not to long to focus on it and for me it eventually usually will go away with time and I can break the cycle. I can't imagine being stuck with it for years, a matter of hours or days is enough to make me very upset so my heart goes out to you dodie.
Sending you lots of love thank you for this lovely little community and all the content you create ❤️❤️❤️❤️
I wonder if MDMA could help. Like its already being tested as a treatment for PTSD maybe it there can be a trial for depersonalization
0 likesdodie scream-singing that last part of the song killed meeee 😂
0 likesthe fact that dodie has shared so much about derealization/depersonalization/dpd literally saved my life. i never felt awake or present for most of my life and during middle school it sunk me into a super deep depression. i had a therapist, but when i told her about how i felt, she just chalked it up to symptoms of depression. after i heard dodie speak about dpd, i realized that it was exactly how i'd been feeling for years. i decided to bring it up to my therapist who did some research on it, came back, and was able to help me out of the hole i'd fallen so deep into. if it weren't for dodie being such an advocate for dpd and being so willing to speak about her experience with it, i might not be here right now. so if anyone's reading this whose struggling with dpd right now, it gets better. it's not always easy, but it gets better.
0 likesYou are right that it's a time to de-personalization, to De-conditioning, to De-identification, which is really helpful one's we separate self from the one who(object/people/outside/event/situations) is bound to change & bound to perished over a period of time & be crystal clearly aware & be to that which is eternal & im-mortal within each one to give chances to pop up & cherishes, which is nothing but our true nature & our own higher potentials & possibilities.
0 likesAll alone time, mixed with anxiety and lonliness, is gonna trigger dissociation, because dissociation is meant to be a coping mechanism for those times.
0 likesTHE MORE I LISTEN THE LESS I TRUST HER SHES MAKING ANOTHER SONG IN A VIDEO AGAIN I SWEAR WHY IS SHE S I N G I N G T O M E
1 likedissociation/depersonalization is something that i struggle with as a side effect from my other mental health problems. it's not a constant thing, but when it happens, it's extremely isolating and scary. for me, i feel like i can't even recognize myself anymore. my hands feel foreign and i can't control my thoughts. my head feels like static. the worst is when i'm talking to someone else, because i'll forget what they're like or if i know them.
0 likesi'm in a long distance relationship, and we haven't been able to see each other since last december due to covid (and it might be another year or so until we can meet again). only talking to her via skype makes my dissociative episodes even worse. she'll be talking, and all of a sudden i'll feel panicked, like she's a stranger. it's like her face even morphs.
i can't imagine what it's like to feel depersonalized or dissociated all of the time. if the comments are right and you're spelling out "build a problem" for whatever this song/album/announcement is, i can certainly see how it could be related to this feeling. because it seems like my mind is creating this terrible issue and pain that doesn't even need to exist. it feels useless and frustrating that my mind would choose to do this too me. anyways, i'm highly anticipating this reveal!! your daily videos have brought me an immense amount of joy, thank you :")
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RELATE to suddenly freaking out about how and who someone you know is someone you know lol that happens allll the time
1 likeHey Dodie, I have the same thing. Donn worry about it. It's kinda normal in real world. And I'm pretty sure you will have the top level of happiness and you're going to feel normal again soon. It just will come by itself. I promise. Nothing need to do. This is how it works. Sometimes it sucks, but in the end it's just great again.
0 likesLiterally so depressed anyway so covid is just making it extremely hard
0 likesI don't experience it all the time, but I do have bouts of it every once and a while. Not sure if I technically have the condition or not with the amount I experience, but I feel you. Shit sucks and there are times it can be kinda scary. Especially when driving.
0 likessending love from my dream bubble to yours !!
0 likesWait I get that feeling like once every month or so I had no idea this was like not a normal thing.
0 likesDepersonalisation/derealisation is a normal thing for everyone - including neurotypical people - to experience.
0 likesMy boyfriend experiences it more regularly than I do ( he suffers from BPII and I suffer from depression), and whenever I feel spacey I freak out and I wish that it would go away. Sometimes I cry. My boyfriend says that the feeling will come and go (for people that don’t suffer from it chronically), and doing grounding exercises will help you feel better and thinking about what the “threat” might be, which helps with anxiety too. Also, accepting that it will pass and trying to just go through the motions of it will make you feel much better.
I wish you all well in this time of uncertainty. Keep your heads up ☺️
Explaining my brain to people had been so much easier lately and I kind of Hate It for everyone
0 likesmy derealization has never been too bad. even now it’s not. for a little bit at the beginning of quarantine i would feel a little ｓｐａｃｅｙ and ｗｏｎｋｙ but i’ve been pretty good since. there were a couple moments when i was hanging out with my best friend and i just couldn’t have fun. like yeah it was nice to be with them but i didn’t really feel anything. now i have been and it makes me so grateful.
0 likesbut i only have had derealization some. mostly during school when i was little. things just felt unreal like a dream. i was much more curious about the way it felt. now it’s just like oh shoot not again lmao. the worst i’ve ever gotten it was a response to being nervous to go to a doctors appointment. the stress of it just switched on the derealization. and then i didn’t feel anything. but they i got blood drawn and i was freaking out because i could feel it flowing out and i couldn’t take the sensation. i can’t explain how horrible that was. and right after that i stood up and couldn’t see lmao. and i was in *space*. all the way there. and then i threw up on the floor. in front of people waiting. and because of my derealization i was just sort of laughing. i have no clue why. really really weird. that was a year ago now.
actually i take it back that may have not been the worst time. i just remembered the day i went to see Bastille in concert. after the show i felt really weird. i really just didn’t want that night to end. when i got home i felt so sad lol. and when i woke up the next morning i had something similar to derealization. i got so wrapped up in the concert being over from last night. it reminded me of the time i saw them before which was a few years ago. maybe realizing how much time had gone by is what freaked me out but i started crying and i felt so sick. through this whole thing i was super spaced out. it was almost like a panic attack where you feel so separates and alone from the world. but i don’t think i’ve ever had a full panic attack. i’ve had small ones but i just want to say that i don’t think this is comparable to a big one. unless i just think panic attacks are small because i expect the worst lmao.
anyways thanks to you for reading. whoever you are i hope you’re doing well. we can talk in the comments through replies if you’d like. ♥️♥️
Hi dodie! I'm not sure if you'll see this but you probably will and I just wanna say it might have do with school starting virtually but I have been really deep in depersonalization for a while and I'm not really sure how to get out because I cant really see my friends or at least hug them or touch them and overall I've just been feeling very weird. disassociation is something that's come and gone a lot in my life like itll just come for bursts and then goes away but right now I'm having a really hard time telling what's real and what's dreams and idk. when you said you liked reading peoples comments about this I instantly thought to comment because I'm so glad you are talking about this because it's something I relate to a lot and I just wanna say I'm so glad you are posting regularly again I totally get why you felt weird amd wanted to stop but watching you calms me down and makes my day so thank you so much for that!! I love you lots! good night or whatever time it is where you are.
0 likesSometimes i feel like not a part of this world so that when people say my name, even if im already talking to them, it startles me
0 likesWow Dodie singing Minnie Ripperton! That's just wonderful ☺️
0 likesI have ptsd and when I dissociate it feels like suddenly I've been sucked back inside and I'm talking to people through a window and they're on the patio. And I'm trying to be with them and have fun, but there's this big barrier and distance between us. I act completely normally usually (which doesn't help because no one notices something has changed) but it's in response to being near something I'm afraid of or something triggering. Then later once the trigger is gone I'll have a full blown panic attack once it's "safe". But in the moment it's super frustrating. Like I'm watching myself do stuff from within my head instead of being present. That's my analogy for it anyway.
0 likesWAIT SO THAT'S WHAT THAT FEELING IS?? BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. Sorry for the caps dsgbdfibg
1 likeI'm just- I didn't realize there was a name for this and I never knew, still don't know, how to describe it. And I'm glad to know this isn't just a thing I get so often that no one else understands-- anyways,, thank you to whoever took their time to read this. :)
I developed a chronic condition called vestibular migraine back in may. One of the symptoms is derealization, I struggle with it very heavily. Is it possible that you have migraine? I’m amazed by how many people have this condition. It is a living hell. I have to wear migraine glasses most of the time because the dimness is the only thing that really helps - along with an ice pack or cold water on my face.
0 likesUsing your ummm example, I am always between 60%-75% alive.
1 likesometimes i stare a little too long in the mirror and i stop looking like myself; when i'm depressed is worse. thank god i asked for help, my life is much better now
0 likesDoes anyone else ever feel so depersonalised or derealised that they dont even believe that they even have this disorder, I feel like I'm constantly going around and around in my head and never can see quite clearly what is wrong with me.
0 likesThat little bit of Minnie at the end was a bright spot in my day.
0 likesI do this thing where I pace and day dream about fantasy worlds for hours everyday. I used to think it was a being a kid thing but now I'm 22 and it's still around so yeah that's a real pain. Sometimes I won't even notice I'm doing it I'll just look at my clock and a whole day will have gone by and I won't have been present for any of it. Also sometimes I become hyper aware of my surroundings and it freaks me out. Slightly wondering if it's a mental health thing but mostly willing to leave it alone and hope it doesn't bother me too much.
0 likesDoes someone know what the words she's spelling is? Because I lost count and I was just so happy to see a daily Dodie video. She says a lot of people know, and I want to know lol😂
0 likesI wonder if meditation could help cope with it?
0 likescrying ❤️ but it's fine aaahhfhd I think i have one of depersonalization or derealization and im thinking on bringing it up in therapy aaaah scary
0 likesThis is like Hank Green’s video about the new normal and how he likened it to his Chrohn’s disease, comforting to think similar metaphors crop up
0 likesIt’s okay dodie ... It’s all okay 😔
0 likesThe highs and lows thing was something I never knew how to explain, that's exactly what it is, yeah
0 likesI really enjoy your daily posts. I have been a fan of your music for about 5 years now, and I am currently a junior in high school. I have been super stressed but these past few days I have been able to count on your videos to calm me 💛💛
1 likeMy dissociation doesn't have a definable start... I have absolutely no clue when it started and I really think I've had it all of my life... Is anybody else the same?
2 likesI have derealization in case you were wondering...
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I am very much the same. I don't remember when or why it started or if there even is a "why" for it starting. I've just kind of lived with it for as long as I can remember. You're not alone.
1 like@Anomaly thank you so much for responding! I thought it was wired that most people develop it after trauma but I don't really have much trauma... It's great to know that I am not the only one. Thank you 😊
1 like@Joshua Huvenaars No problem, I'm also glad to know I'm not the only one!
1 likeI understand what you mean about it being like a pillow for some people and not for others. For me, its almost comforting cos i dont have to deal or think, i can just 'zone out'. Sometimes its really uncomfortable, its kinda strange. It feels like my heads super foggy, were im trapped in a little bit of my head and i cant get full access to the other parts. When its super bad, others speak to me and i cant process what there saying. Ive been told i seem rreally spacy haha. Its super hard to explain, i cant remember all of it. I hope this helps some people who are experiencing this too and if its not as comfortable for you, i promise itll get better, you just gotta hold on <3
0 likesps. You are loved, You are NOT worthless, You are MORE than enough. i love you :) <3
I never made this connection before but yeah, you're exactly right
0 likesFor me it's a relief from panic and anxiety but it's long term effects aren't pretty
0 likesLoved that Arianna whistle/scream at the end 😂😂😂
0 likesDodie. You might never see this. But thank you. I felt horribly broken and alone and was stressing about being a weirdo just because I have this very common, normal nervous system response to stress. Looking at how you accept it, and your attitude about it inspires me a lot to be patient and be okay with it as well. Thank you for talking about this, I genuinely, genuinely appreciate you
0 likes"it's ok because it has to be." you have grown so much
0 likesWe all need to take extra care this winter for our mental health. It may be a particularly difficult few months, so let's take care of ourselves to the Nth degree.
0 likesi found out recently i, or i suppose i should say we, are a system, were undiagnosed, but at this point theres not really any denying it, and id just like to say that comparison kinda makes sense and i kinda like it
0 likesI don’t have chronic dissociation, but I can dissociate to a very high degree in very inappropriate situations. Dissociation in general is really difficult to handle, and Dodie, you seem to be doing so so well with the situation you’re in. Even small episodes tend to take me off my feet, it takes strength to keep going when in that state, and you’ve gotta know you are doing so incredibly well at managing it (from what I can tell)
0 likesdescribing it really reminded me that i had depersonalization damn but yes all of this completely understand agree it’s all ... yes
0 likesI really feel like I have some form of this,, because I feel like nothing is real Nd it’s like this dark dreadful cloud is always around me Nd each day that passes it gets bigger Nd scarier,, Nd I’m afraid to live because nothing feels real anymore. I forget most of the conversations I have in person or online,, I feel like anytime someone says smth to me it just loses all depth and meaning,, I will look in the mirror for minutes trying to make sense of my face and if my eyes are my own and not just that of the eyes that belong to those fake dolls you see with realistic eyes but they are still off,, I find myself wanting to detach my limbs like you do a Barbie doll at a young age, because they no longer feel like they belong,, I feel like a television the has lost signal and is stuck on static not able to make sense of anything I’m doing or saying ,, it all feels off I can’t get rid of this feeling I can’t get my work done on time because online things with deadlines do not feel real unlike a physical piece of paper that you have to write the answers on,, I feel as tho I am hollow my teeth feel like they want to hop out of my mouth at times,, days blend together and I spend most of it sleeping,, a dreamless sleep ,, a restless sleep of darkness and never ending confusion but it still is somehow better than having to deal with the weight of my brain in my head,, they say it’s adhd but I fear that it’s much worse I feel like I am trapped in autopilot and some faceless nameless thing is controlling me and I am not all there nothing feels real and it fucking terrifies me Nd I feel the need to cry to someone about it but there is no one,, the last person I opened up to about this told others who used to be my friends that I was crazy so I stopped telling people because what if I am crazy and this is just wrong of me to try to self diagnose and just stick to the diagnosis they gave me,, I just want to cease to exist but also that is my greatest fear,, I feel like I am stuck in limbo with no sense of direction of where to go ... I’m sorry to anyone who actually reads this I just let it out here because dodie makes me feel safe and hopefully the people who love her as much as I will understand,, please understand
1 likei get this a thousand percent - thank you.
0 likesidk why but when dodie explained the new normal thing it hit me i think worse than it has this whole quarantine, i just felt this pain in my chest and i finally comprehended that i will never get to go back,
0 likesI have this for 5 years and I’ve just had flashbacks recently and it sucks Did you get diagnosed for it cos I have had it for 5 years aaaaaaaa
1 like„And we all will jump on eachother and breath into eachother‘s mouths again.“
0 likeshonestly?
can‘t wait!!!
dodie ... I'm just starting to watch this video, and I can't help but wonder ... do you think your condition may actually sharpen your creative talents? ... it would be nice to know there's something positive about it ... but it otherwise sounds like an all around pisser to deal with ..Bart
0 likesMy brain also decided it was better to check out at an early age. Not chronically, but I absolutely know the feeling, and I know the effects of trauma.
0 likesIndeed, it’s okay, because it has to be.
Can’t watch bc I’ll b triggered a bit but thank u for spreading awareness
0 likesI don’t have depersonalization, but I do get quite bad disassociation. I have a progressive illness that is taking away the use of my joints and is going to kill me eventually. I was the one in the wheel chair at your Los Angeles concert last year. But it’s okay because it has to be. I remember flashes of before, but it makes me angry and sad. My emotions are numb and I feel so broken sometimes. You have been such a light in my life. For years you have been saving me. So thank you I guess. Cheers to mental illness and getting by.
0 likes'depersonalisation can stem from depression, trauma, or dysphoria'
2 likesme, w all three of those: FUCK
This is the most validating video ever
1 like7:20 i felt that
1 likeIt sounds like how I feel when I drink alcohol
0 likesDepersonalization is like being in the sunken place
0 likescovid has rlly grabbed my deprsonalizatioj by the throat 😔
0 likesidk if its depersonalization but i feel the same way (from what i got by the explanation) after a panic attack, its like i shut off for a day or two and just dont feel anything or am not aware of the world, its like im floating? but its super weird because on the inside im just super confused and panicky but on the outside its like im just plain like if someone saw me they'd be weirded out coz why is that girl so expressionless and also a weird that happens to me quite a few times is my hands feel separate from my body and its super weird but i just ignore it as mush as i can lol dk if that's a good thing but i dont really have any other remedy
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coming back to this a year later yeee turns out i have dpdr. i had a giant episode of it in the first 4ish months of 2021 and its kicking my little bum its sucky and not good at all but we trying to make ourselves feel better and going to therapy and trying to be grateful and stuff
0 likesGirl I have maladaptive daydream, and I even don't know who I am anymore at this point
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Me
1 likeI thought it was normal to space out randomly, and go to Desiland, and check out of reality; Until I heard Dodie talk about it for the first time. Then I asked my therapist about it, and lo and behold it technically isn’t uncommon...but not most people’s reality. Who would’ve know? Not this bitch. About a year later I moved back in with my mom, for the first time since I was 9yo, after months of learning skills on how to still function while I visit Desiland. We were sitting in the porch, and it happened. I spaced out mid conversation. Lights are on, and nobodies home...UNTIL after what I’m sure was a uncomfortably long pause, I responded and she looked at me as if I had grown a second head and said “Hmmm that’s new”.
0 likesok but where is that jumper from, it is the most lovely shade of green!!
0 likesalso hard relate on covid time feeling like mental illness, it's a definitely familiar feeling. i guess that means we're better equipped to deal with it!
yes. yes, you got everything right.
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I can't even see my therapist anymore because my state won't allow online appointments anymore
2 likesI have depersonalization as well as depression and anxiety as well. It’s awful. Some days i’ll feel completely out of my body like I could fall asleep at any second and I’m just looking at myself hating what I see. I hate to be that guy that mentions this but making YouTube videos has really helped with my confidence and mental health. It’s kept me busy and kept my mind off things... But the depersonalization is still there sometimes and it feels like it paralyzes me? Idk. It’s hard to explain.
0 likesI often say that I am perpetually pessimistic so I am always pleasantly surprised.
0 likesOmggggg I can't believe this fuckkkkk. I have depression and anxiety, you know highs and lows, had ed, andd I didn't even think I could have despersonalisation, it makes sense now, I always have this feeling of something not right, there's something missing or it's just doesn't feel real or present, and I always thought depression "broke" me yk I should go back to therapy tho. Anyways I cried watching this lmao, I didn't see dodie for a while now, I realized I miss her talking like this, so thank you dodie <3
0 likesMy dpdr became much worse after I recovered from covid. Now it's combined with the feeling of not breathing deep enough. This shit sucks.
0 likes6 years (or 7? Lost count) of not waking up properly. Thats what it is for me. I've woken up at The middle of The night, and started living that weird fuzzy, muffled Life I woke up to, not quite knowing I'm awake or not.
0 likesSocial media helps me keep track of things, I have awful memory so I have an online presence to Look Back to. Future? Cant recognize that. Current moment? Not here. Past? Apparently it all happened.
“Very common in people who have dysphoria or even eating disorders”
0 likesI’m gonna pretend I didn’t see that
Hello, I like to call it dep/der (pronounced deep deer) and imagine deep breathing while sitting with a baby deer in a quiet forest.
0 likesI don't dissociate often but I do agree that quarantine feels a lot like that. Everything's just quieter and at a lower level.
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Yis yis!
1 likethe other day in french class i like spaced out so bad i thought that i had fainted and i did not know where i was for a minute or two it was so weird and since going back to school after lockdown it happens all the time :((( brain=not happy
0 likesI do not have chronic dissociation, but I do have intermittent triggered dissociation. Whenever my brain goes to the deepest dark parts of itself I shut down, go limp, stop moving and stop understanding if I'm awake or not, where I am and how long I've been like that. It feels a bit like a robot being unplugged. I don't feel it that often, it's only when I'm triggered but it is terrifying.
0 likesThe best way to heal yourself, at least it has worked for me, is stop worrying so much about what you have in your mind. Getting used to stop yourself from reacting negatively has cured me so much throughout the years, and I'm only 21. It's useless to think there's a way to fight for the cure, I agree. But there's also a good fight there for yourself if you stop worrying too much about what you could have.
0 likesKeep on swimming, swimming, keep on swimming, just keep swimming. Dory got it right.
0 likesThank you for this.
0 likesmethylcobalmin form of b12 specifically has helped me some with this problem. (maybe like an upgrade from logic's limiter to the fab filter limiter lol)
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! Interesting
0 likes@doddleoddle u could maybe try 500-1000mcg chewable but keep the tablet under your lip while it dissolves so it gets absorbed right into the gum. maybe it could help, all this shit is endless trial and error. i feel for ya, it's tough.
0 likeswhat if everyone has depersonalisation cause we're in the matrix but only few of us can notice it
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You might be onto something. It seems like you might be ready to wake up. Look up Rubert Spira, Eckhart Tolle and Alan Watts on youtube, it will change your life, it changed mine. Namaste 🙏
2 likes“it feels like the highs of being alive have been shrunk” YEP
2 likesSometimes I'll be in class and I'll just start thinking "why the fuck do I even need to pay attention? This doesn't matter. Nothing matters. Why am I stressing myself out? This might not even be real. And even if it is the universe is so big that nothing matters at all." And then it just keeps going and going and going. Fuck my brain dude
0 likesPeople who do not have mental health or neurological problems can also experience depersonalisation when they are in states of fatigue, fear, stress, emotional turmoil or meditation, or after taking drugs like cannabis or Ecstasy...
0 likesI am sad you suffer from this Dodie but maybe this is why your lyrics are so resonant to so many people. You write lyrics like no one else and I think maybe your condition is a blessing and a curse for this reason. I really don't mean to offend you. I just thought about it as yu were describing the symptoms maybe your head space allows you to see the world from these amazing perspectives.
0 likesOk so, if we suppose it is BUILD A PROBLEM and we're thinking it's the name of an album or even just a single, she totally has to use a pic of the knitted letters as the cover art to spell out the title.
0 likes5:14 had me wheezing
1 likeyou look so good i’m so excited for new music aaaaaa
0 likeswow I'm just so angry at the "it's okay because it has to be"
1 likeI'm like.. NO?? NO, IT'S NOT OK
I mean it is, but it's not. We have to accept it, but we just can't. I can't simply accept it. Ahhh
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I knowww I know I know I feel this so hard
1 likeIdk what to add to this but wanted to say HI! From a fellow depersonalized human 👋
1 likeCovid is making me so depressed and suicidal so well-
0 likesDodie you are so lovely :)
0 likesthe Minnie Riperton moment was beautiful
0 likesWhat a time to be asleep!
0 likesi needed this. thank you.
0 likesoh my gosh yes thabk u for mentioning it i’ve felt like a floaty ghost and it’s so so frustrating
0 likesAndrew Huberman has been really good information source for me for brain things :)
0 likes6:01 "take what you can get" sounds like a song lyric
0 likesHave you tried cbt or systemic relational therapy?
0 likesdoes anyone know which lens dodie is using in this video?? ♥️♥️♥️
0 likesI just don’t feel real sometimes esp after a flashback
1 likeI decidet to commet for the firt time when yous saind that it comforts you. I don't experience depersonalisation, only dissociation as a coping mechanism during panic attacs and it is usually connected to no memorief from that time. Be well
0 likesok but that "lovin you" cover at the end was hilarious lol
0 likeshi !! im a newfound member of the dissociation due to intense trauma squad !!
0 likesIdk if I have depersonalisation but I have a chronic illness and I relate to feeling like your life is being lived in old worldy sepia tone, and my body doesn’t feel like it’s mine anymore. Every now and then you get zaps of feeling like you’re living your life and in your body but generally you’re living in a cloud of haze. Covid hasn’t felt like the biggest shift if my life, in fact - the frustration I’d feel at not being able to enjoy things like everyone in the pre-covid world has been slightly lifted. The gap between my normal and everyone else’s is finally smaller. But then seeing everyone excited for a post-covid life makes me sad. I know this will be my reality for as long as my illnesses have no cure, and sometimes I wonder if a life in sepia tone is a life i want. But as you say, it’s okay because it has to be. That’s an important thing to remember.
0 likesOkay, this was not the main point of what you were saying, but...it's not at all silly to practice gratitude when things are hard; and thank you for the reminder to keep being grateful! I think now more than ever we need to appreciate the things in life that we have. When you lose something, it makes you more grateful for what you have, you know? And it's best to focus on what you have rather than what you've lost, because that's just depressing.
0 likesAnyway, thank you for this encouraging video. Looking forward to the official project announcement!
Can depersonalisation/derealisation come in episodes like depression? Because sometimes, especially when I go outside I just feel like I am watching a movie, from the outside or something, like I wasn't really in the moment or in the place where I am at. That feels super weird sometimes. Or like I am in a cloud and everything is a bit foggy and the noises seem further away than they actually are.
0 likesMy derealisation keeps getting worse and worse... my mind just keeps screaming over and over "is oife even worth it if its like this?" I cant even feel love or happiness... not like i used to
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Hey you, I was born on a monday too. I also had suicidal thoughts, but never really considered it, because I always had that fear, that my mind could be wrong and I was real and everyone else I love has to suffer, because I just decided, that it was enough, but now I want to stay alive, that one day I can see clear and take deep breaths again. I just wanted to say: you are not insane! You are important and there is so much, that you can do to make yourself happy again. It won't just disappear, but you can work on it and you can learn to live with it and you can still enjoy life. Take your time. You can do it - I believe in you!
0 likes7:21 had me DYINGGGGGG
0 likessometimes I feel my dpd isn't bad enough.. or valid enough..
0 likesThe intros are so magical
0 likesI WAS RIGHT 😁 I don't wanna spoil it though in case some people haven't gotten it 😚
0 likesoh boy we going in ladies we talking about the D WORD!!!! i lov u so much for talking about it bc i dont feel insane when you say it THANK YOU so much for helping me so much mentally
0 likesidk if hearing about it helps me or gets my dissociation worst
0 likesthis means so much
0 likesThe chord at the beginning reminded me of "Anything"
0 likesthis is such an interesting connection wow
0 likesIt's like being in the Truman Show. I hope this gets over before too long. At 70 I don't have all that many years left and this one has been a waste. I'm new here, following you. You help me with your talks. I just want you to know that. At my age the virus is deadly and today I found out I am going to be a grandmother. I need to live. :) You're not only extremely talented but, and you more than likely don't see this and yes, we only get to see 1%, but you have a great outlook on life. You're a good person. I think... :)
0 likesYou are going through a spiritual awakening. Meditate and close your eyes. You are looking for answers in other realities. That's exactly what you need to do. Tap into your subconscious mind. Smoke some weed. It's great for mental health.
0 likesThe song at the end when she's screeching! I listen to that song all the time omg I love it!
0 likesthanks for saying stuff i don’t have words for
0 likesHave you tried EFT you can learn it off YouTube or have a therapist (maybe not at the moment cos of Covid) but it’s good like strangely good (I have dissociative episodes frequently) idk maybe it might help a little ❤️
0 likessuper random, but where is your shirt from? idk why i was immediately drawn to it it’s just... the perfect cozy sweater? also loved the video, the way you talk about this is really nice and honestly comforting ❤️
0 likesMinnie Riperton would be so proud of that ending
0 likesomg i just thought imagine if all the humming at the start of these vids was part of a secret song
0 likesI wonder if you even did watch this video
0 likesI sent it because i thought it would help
I wonder if you even cared, even just a little bit
I wonder if you rewatch it sometimes and think about me
I wonder if it was just a game to you
Well, you'll go on with your life, maybe being happy (i hope so)
But I'll be here, dissociating, hoping you still think a little bit about me
I feel like shit all the time, and I can’t tell anyone because they don’t understand and just brush it off as something minuscule. But it’s not to me, I feel so alone all the time and this makes me not so alone. All I want is just for people to understand what I’m going through, it feels my parents give my sister more attention for her problems then they do me as hers are more physical and obvious than mine. I don’t mean to compare my issues to hers, really I don’t. It’s just my mind does it anyways. Idk why I’m typing all of this I just am, I just feel so alone all the time and it hurts.
0 likesThank you for this
0 likesDodie, not sure if you've already looked into this area before but considering researching "energy work/chakras". I am not sure what other heading to use for that class of information, but anything related to those keywords should work. I am someone who has been depersonalized for maybe a decade now, in a minor form for the first half and a much more severe form during the latter segment. I've felt, and sometimes still feel, quite hopeless. But I have also noticed improvement after reading into and practising the exercises given in the realm of "energy work/chakras". Even though depersonalization is a medical label, and Western medicine would only view it in terms of the brain/central nervous system, I have come to believe in the picture of reality cultivated by the so-called "alternative medicine" sphere, whereby we have a system of energy centers which themselves govern various aspects of our experience. I have witnessed firsthand how I am able to transition between a "foggier" and "clearer" state of consciousness (or feeling more or less connected to my emotions), and where I would previously attribute it solely to the brain I now believe it concerns the energetic composition of ourselves at a given moment (and could also certainly involve the brain as well, the two interacting in some manner). I can produce this change as simply as keeping myself still for a few moments and actively observing the sensations of my body, whereby I will soon observe a feeling of vibration in my body and will immediately feel less depressed, lethargic, and hazy.
0 likesNow, I am not asking you to believe in any new ideas here, or to sell you a belief-system, but please look into the above area (google the keywords, and read free PDF's of the books released on the subject) and see if you find any benefit to yourself. I personally think that depersonalization/derealization/dissociation emerges as a result of lower vibration of the first three energy centers (root, sacral, solar plexus), resulting in us feeling "ungrounded, spacey and tired" virtually all of the time. If you can unblock those energy centers, they will vibrate at their original rate and you will feel like yourself again. That's what I imagine anyway, based on what I've seen thus far - I've felt an increased vibration of my lower body result in me feeling uncommonly better in those moments (but I am currently unsure of how to sustain said vibration).
While I am still struggling through this, I also feel a glimmer of hope as a result of my recent experiences. Please don't simply narrate to yourself that "this happened to you, and now it's just going to remain and there's nothing you can do about it, you're simply a victim to it, etc", please try re-evaluating the cause of the condition and seeing whether the models outlined in alternative medicine (involving the body as a multidimensional vibrational-complex) can provide you any improvement where earlier options (pharmaceuticals, therapy, etc) were unable to. Feel free to personally inbox me if you'd like more conversation from a fellow sufferer who surprisingly feels like he's slowly coming out of this years-long nightmare. Sorry if this post is a bit messy and unstructured, just trying to express my budding views.
She is definitely singing something when she is speaking and maybe the song she is singing is like Build a Problem!
0 likeshi i have depersonalisation and it’s really bad atm and i can’t stand up lol cus mine really get my balance right in the balls (yay) i’m trying to get help but as you know ITS HARD TO FIND SOMEONE WHO GETS IT. so yeah i is struggle and i’ve also never related to a video more in my life hehe. Fanks xo
0 likes3:02--3:13 Me (a music producer): Okay, now you're speaking my language
0 likesdepersonalization fucking sucks. I feel like I'm sinking into a black hole for a few hours at a time, and just when I think I'm out, it comes back again. derealization is just always there, and always annoying me.
1 likeOK For me it's like Clark Kent. AKA Superman! I have a fortress of solitude in my head and one in my room at home. In the daytime I was like the Vampire who shunned the light but at Night I am Boo Radley.
0 likesRecently My brother developed a blood clot in his leg... It all felt like a dream. He was in the hospital for only 3 days but felt like an eternity. When I would got out, by the way without my Aunt Brenda I would most likely have retreated deep within myself. You see My Brother is my anchor outside the fortress of solitude in my head aka The REAL Back to story. Going out I could not function I had to keep my eyes closed touching everything holding onto my Aunt my lifeline to prove to myself it was real and not the Dream/Matrix peeking out my eyelids before clamping them back shut. It took me 10 min to order a hamburger what would have taken anyone else less than a minute . Sidenote the still got my order wrong. I was forever apologizing for being the way I was. To everyone and to anyone. Even with the Mask I felt like the klutz Clark Kent... My brother is home now but still down with his leg. Our roles are reversed, like I have jumped into an Episode of Quantum Leap.
and I'm realizing...I can never back to the way I was. A whole new plethora of twitches squinting touchy feely ragtag bag of coping mechanisms have popped up, and down the rabbit hole I go. Damn you Alice... it's nice to know we are not alone...
when im depersonalized which THANK GOD is not all the time
0 likesis like im a spectator. i see things happening but i cant interact with them, people talk to me and i answer but its not me. im not answering. not really.
this video feels like a hug
0 likesI don't know what it's like to be really be awake I think.
0 likesHi. Just wanted to say i also suffer from ddd
0 likes'you're feeling spacey' sounds so much like a lyric... arms unfolding sequel?
0 likesNice old school South Park reference at the end there. Thank you for that!
0 likesThank god someone is talking about it
0 likesHey Dodie. Not sure if you’ve tried this before but I think you should consider trying out psilocybin mushrooms. The things you’re talking about In the first minute or 2 of this video are exactly the type of things that mushrooms help you ponder and gain new perspectives on. It seems like you almost have a foot in the door of psychedelics at all times. I understand that depersonalization is a disorder and I’m not saying psychedelics will “solve” it. I just believe that you may really enjoy the type of insights that a trip can provide you with. Of course, always do your research before jumping in the deep end. Know what you’re getting yourself into, and trip with a friend.
0 likesAlways wishing the best (:
-Pierce
it feels like i'm waiting for someone or something to be like haha just kidding and wake me up and take me to the real world or something
0 likeshello friend. Thank you, sending you all love at this moment whatever you're at <3
0 likesThat colour suits you so well!
0 likesI feel like my dissociation has gotten worse due to social isolation because my brain literally does not need to be "aware" as much as it did?
0 likesI don't think you made it "so complicated' ... I think I get it where you think you are on the "alive/ dead" spectrum ... and, I'm soo glad you're in between "alive & asleep" and not "dead" ... things are already lookin' up, DC ... , so ... "Onward & Upward" as you Brits like to say ...
0 likesokay i rarely comment on videos but i am going to now.
0 likesit wont be a whole story because it doesn't have to be. and thats okay.
i am doing the absolute worst ive ever done, right now.
at the same time i am doing the absolute best ive ever done, because right now i am at least getting help.
nothing has worked so far, but that is fine.
because something will work. and if nothing will then at least i have the hope that something will.
and i will cling onto that hope for as long as necessary. <3
heyyy my dissociated/depersonalised pals, wtf is up my friendsssss, my pals, my comrades, we got this, don’t pinch yourself too hard today, ok?
0 likesthat scream at the end ahhahahah you fuckin WOKE UP MY DOG XDD
0 likesRight there with you.
0 likesSo here's my take on how to explain it... You close you eyes and try to focus on seeing the black of your eyelid, you can't really see it clearly can you? it's like you know its there but you can't seem to focus now try with your hands covering your eyes, now you can see it right?
0 likesno one is talking about how 6:00 was 100% a lyric and SHE'S DOING ANOTHER SCRAPBOOK SONG !!!!
0 likesThe Minnie Riperton singing thooo😂
0 likesit's nice to know it's not just me, so thanks
1 likeI have dysphoria and had no idea there was a connection omgggg
0 likesI wonder if this is how captive animals feel.
1 likeThis video made me realize a few things...
0 likesYou should make a podcast!
0 likesthank you dodie
0 likesthank you dodie
0 likesOkay since nobody mentioned this in the comments, I'll do it! Do you date American guys? And what would one do to get a date with you? (Would you date a 32 year old?)
0 likesDoes your head ever go into a bubble. Like it is floating.
0 likesthe title is so relatable
0 likesedited : this video is so relatable
I love the sound of your knitting
0 likesSo our world is depersonalised
1 likeAnd your depersonalised world Is depersonalised
Hi dodie,
0 likesI'll be praying for you :) I hope you try talking to God <3 He cares. I wish you the best :)
* waves at you in disassociation! *
0 likesCovid actually caused my dp lol
0 likestotally unrelated but dodie i am 99% sure i have that exact same sweater and i looooove it its my fave!!!
0 likesHey Dodie, I have had severe dp/dr for 2.5 years now. It sucks, and I can totally understand what you are going through. It's the worst feeling in the world. But I feel in slowly but surely recovering, there is this one particular channel that has helped me, you might want to give it a shot. Search "Jordan Hardgrave" on YouTube. I really hope you get out of it, and based on my own research, it seems to say that everyone can recover.
0 likesAt first I agreed with ‘build a problem’ but now I see the L is between the B and E so now I’m unsure
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Parable?
0 likes6:46 sounds like she’s singing scrapbooky again WAHHHHHHH
0 likesI loved this video
0 likesat 3:18 she says "you're feeling spacey" with a singsongy lilt and I wonder if she's doing another hidden song thing :0
0 likesclicking on the ads as a thank you for the new content :) #dont call me a hero
0 likesI feel like there are maybe the titles of songs being said somewhere in the videos? Like some of the words dodie says just sound like lyrics or titles of songs, like when she says "take what you can get"
0 likesDodie - can I recommend the work of Nicole Sachs? She talks about chronic pain primarily but she’s a psychotherapist on the cutting edge of why the brain gets stuck in chronic loops, basically. Her YouTube, podcast and Instagram are all really informative and cool (and free) 🥰 (Dodie gang: please give this comment a thumbs up so it has a bigger chance of Dodie seeing it, I’m convinced it could really help her!) xx
0 likesThe smiley face in the back trying so hard to get into focus
0 likesI’ve convinced myself that nothing is real and I stopped caring completely
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Hey you, I just wanted to say, that I still care. I care about you, because I want you to be happy. I want you to know, that you are loved and that I know, that the most real thing in life is love. Everything else might seem weird and not real, but love is. You can do it. I believe in you.
1 likeu hv the most adorable personality in the world <3
0 likeswait wait wait.. are we just NOT gonna talk about that majestic intro or?
0 likesIts like your asleep and everyone else is awake
0 likesThank you...just...thank you
0 likesHave you ever recovered from dpdr
0 likesdodie where did you get that shirt because it is the perfect color and the perfect style and i love it
0 likeswhen she quoted dear even hansen...
0 likesim in love
Im sad thinking once she spell the word and the album comes out she wont post as much
0 likesyou know that video of miley cyrus screaming ‘what does it mean’ at the piano that’s me with build a problem
1 likeIts even worse when you have both covid and depersonalision
0 likesEdit: i cant spell i apologize
*depersonalization
I feel 2% alive 😭
0 likesOh how I’ve missed you
0 likes6:46 “ SHE LITERALLY SANG “so many thingssss” DODIE ARE U HIDING ANOTHER SONG IN UR VIDEOS
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She didnt
0 likesok we know the words now but is she going to connect them and make a big blanket at the end?? I hope sooooo
0 likesdodie have you listened to the musical SIX? It seems like a thing you would be really in to!
0 likesi have chronic disassociation, its because of a lot of mental illness, trauma, dysphoria and the like, covid is probably the worst thing for my disassociation, because i have severe adhd and this sort of muted, inside, self focused way of life is prob the most anxiety inducing thing that could happen for my brain,, like i need chaos and stimulus and the good kind of noise and too much that i could get back in 2019,, i understand what you mean dodie, ive been having chronic depressive episodes and i cant remember the last time that i felt that kind of almost too much happy.
0 likesi haven’t seen a comment about it yet this video, she keeps singing a word or a phrase and idk if she’s doing the hidden song thing again or if she’s just now singing randomly without purpose. cause tbh i do that sometimes BUT there could be a hidden song
0 likesSpoilers for the Miley Cyrus episode of Black Mirror.
0 likesNear the end of the episode, it is revealed that the little doll actually has a full copy of the pop star’s brain that has just been limited. Now she can only answer questions and talk about music and say child appropriate things.
I say dissociation kinda feels like that like you have a limiter put on your brain and you can think the same way you used to. Also sometimes it feels like my brain is too full to have room for any thoughts and other times it feels like my brain is an empty cavern and thoughts just can stick in there anymore. It’s weird and not very fun
I don’t care. I love you.
1 likeI get craazy existential thoughts
0 likesmmm felt this one
0 likesAs soon as I saw the caption - YESSS, EXACTLY!!!
0 likesits build a problem!
0 likesokay im suuuuper excitedd. can't wait.
Isn't that derealization rather than depersonalization?
0 likesWAIT UH I FEEL LIKE THAT ALL THE TIME?????! WHAT
0 likesthank you. thank you so much
0 likes7:21 - dodie.exe has stopped working
0 likes6:00 sounds like it would be part of a hidden song ? Maybe lol ?
0 likesWe got this
0 likesGreat Video!
0 likesI am always depersonalizing. This shit really sucks. You articulate it so well. It’s ok, because it has to be
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<33
1 likeNuh uh I hear you singing in your sentences, you're not getting us twice
0 likeswe do be building a problem doe
1 likeIs it an album...? An ep? A song...? A NEW BOOK....??????
1 likeBeautiful
0 likesfeelin v safe and comforted in this comment section
0 likesSHE SANG SO MANY THIIIINGS WHAT DOES IT MEAN
0 likes💙💙💙
0 likes7:21 you’re welcome
1 like"Doin doodoodoodoooooo...
0 likesA A A A H"
Thank you
0 likesThank you
0 likesthink the hums at the beginning are from when!
1 likeIt's not fine. It can't be fine.
0 likesummm you do realise the more you think about it then you get it if you want to get rid of it just forget and live it i had it months ago during lockdown and i was on the verge of killing myself since i thought if i died i would wake up but i just lived my life abd i forgot abt it and was fine then recently i remebered about it and it came back but not as bad so ineed to stop thinking about it and not let it involve my life and it helps :D just a tip my dpdr isnt as bad as yours i can tell good luck
0 likes♥️♥️♥️
0 likeshi to you aswell. and yes, we do got this.
0 likesH.....i de-what....you know....I'm thankful I try really hard.. I want to talk to you but why....thanks
0 likesUnrelenting, laborious psycho-education and mindfulness. It's the only real answer. If you don't have the determined commitment of a ballerina or Olympic athlete to learn about your condition and sit with it and watch it, you will never free yourself from it.
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Mmmm oof
1 likeAlso have it but thinking about it kind of scares me
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Skating fucking helps me lol
0 likesHello everyone I just wanted to let you know I have a best friend in the whole wide world. My best friend knows exactly how I'm feeling while I'm thinking she always has the right answers knows how to comfort me love me forgive me and give me hope. The thing is he can also be your best friend also. His name is Jesus Christ. I want a few years where I felt like there's this Dark Cloud following me around I couldn't stop feeling that way. It was after some friends stops being my friend because they are afraid that I might get persuaded by some other friends. They were wrong. But we were really good friends it's all right really hurt me for a few years how they stop being my friend. I feel like Jesus use that time so let me know how much I need him and I've grown to where I can confidently say he is my best friend. He will never let you down he's there for you 24/7 he never sleeps he never grows weary.
0 likesBECAUSE. IT. HAS. TO. BE.
0 likesDidn't know this many people also had this
0 likesthe evan hansen musical 😼
0 likeshaving experienced dissociation from other mental health concerns, and how frightening it can be sometimes to feel like you're Not Here, i really empathise with how depersonalisation must feel. thanks for being open to talking about this sort of thing and helping educate people through real human stories!!
2 likesi’m so glad i found u right when it started getting bad. you make me feel like i’m not alone in this new “alternate reality” world i live in. thank u dodie for continuing to talk to us about it and for continuing to be here <3
1 likeI’m living for these videos Dodie! It feels so validating and healing to hear these types of topics spoken about so frankly and thoughtfully. So thank you! Also great to see your cute self gurlll, loving the green 💕💁♀️🌱✨
1 likeheyyyy ur the one who made me realize i have derealisation !!! and it’s rly helped me knowing that i’m not alone and that others feel this way bc i feel like no one ever talks about it especially not as much as other mental illnesses. but i thank you for being so open about it and thank you for all that you’ve done bc you’ve really helped me and so many others<333
2 likesThank you for being so open with us, it always feels like we’re just catching up with a friend. Honestly your music and your videos helped me so much with accepting (or at least trying to accept) myself when all this time I felt like no one could understand me. Thank you and I love you dodie
1 likethese videos have been such a comfort. i love how open you are about everything and how loving you are to total strangers. we love you more than you know 💕
1 likeever since i realized i struggled with derealization a few years ago, dodie has always been one of the voices that just makes sense. it’s so frickin hard explaining it to people because it’s hard for me to wrap my head around!! but hearing other people talk about it is suuuuch a relief. thank u pals and thank you dodie <3 i hear you and i have your backs, like you have mine.
1 likeDodie, you're amazinggggggg. You're such an amazing role model, and you're so beautiful too. I hope you're doing well, or better than normal anyways
1 likeI absolutely had never thought of it this way and wow its so spot on. I adore whenever you talk about depersonalization as i also suffer from it!
1 likehello! i am turning 16 in one week, life is still young yet my hopefulness is of an old man. hearing you go through that list of doctors and brain scans and all that and still staying hopeful and kind is beautifully inspiring to me :) and it makes dealing with anxiety just a little more bearable! thanks dodie xx
1 likeThankyou for still talking about this, I started watching you when I was 15 and I’m 21 now and still feel so comforted by your voice 💕
1 likethank you for spreading awareness about depersonalization. i found out that i have this due to my PTSD and i understand myself so much better now. love you dodes
1 likeI had my first and 4 month long episode right at the beginning of quarantine and still feel horrible. I wouldn't say it's completely gone for me, I still seep back in a few times a day and I can't look at my hands anymore but I'm better mostly. Your old video really helped at first when I didn't know what was going on.
1 likeI also have dpdr, I’ve had it for as long as I can remember but it became completely fully chronic six years ago, literally the only thing that helps me is distracting myself, I’m always doing a million things at the one time and people tell me not to take on so much but it really helps me from sinking into it, I just recognise that I feel this way and try to move on by being productive xx
1 likedodie actually helped me come to the realization I have depersonalization a couple years ago. it started as a very deep depression and now I've been through therapy and I've learned to cope blah blah. today was my first day back in person at school and wow did I notice actually how spacey I was this whole time it's insane how much you really don't realize it after you've lived with it for so long or something big happens and you're like wow
2 likesYou helped me realize I was in a derealized state for years too. Its still a constant so it doesnt feel as different with Covid. Im always glad to know Im not the only one who feels like the world isnt real all the time. It heavily messes with my ability to perceive time though. Ugh.
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Sem
1 likeI've used pretty much the exact same explanation to explain medicated depression. That feeling of having a ceiling that you just can't push through to get to that same level of joy. Helps a lot to see one of my idols feeling something similar but thriving despite it. <3
1 likethank u dodes for spreading awareness for depersonalization!! thanks for using ur platform babe 🥰
1 likeThis! All of this! There are some days it’s fine and others where I have a panic attack because i feel like I’m not real and not fully living life. Some days it does help though. If there’s a stressful event or smth, it really is like a cushion like you said. Just my brain freaking out for too long lmao
1 likemy experience with depression and depersonalised definitely shifted when I realised sometimes I just have to use methods to make it less awful rather then completely better 💜 I personally find depersonalisation way easier to deal with because it’s so calming? has dodie made any videos about her experience with treatments or therapies because all my NHS experiences were incredibly negative and frankly unhelpful
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what methods have you used if you don't mind sharing? i'm so glad you're feeling better, sending love <3
0 likesThis is very real. I have similar problems with depersonalization and, while COVID is definitely causing more of that, Ive been pretty lucky. I went into this not living with my father, for one thing. Fuck I'm so grateful that I'm not around him anymore. I probably wouldn't have made it this far, honestly. I'm grateful that I'm starting to go on anti-anxiety meds that I think are working somewhat for me. We need to cling to what we have more than ever right now.
1 likeDODIE! IF IT WASNT FOR U I WOULD STILL BE LIVING IN CONSTANT FEAR BECAUSE OF MY DEREALIZATION! I WOULDNT HAVE RECOGNIZED IT AS A MENTAL ILLNESS! THANK YOU SO MUCH!
1 likeI recently got diagnosed with depersonalization. The way you explain it is exactly how ive felt before covid. Now i keep slipping into this dream space and have to avoid the news all together cause im easily triggered. But im working on it with my therapist. Im trying. Anyways thanks dodie. its nice to not feel alone.
1 likeThank you for being so open with us, it always feels like we’re just catching up with a friend. Honestly your music and your videos helped me so much with accepting (or at least trying to accept) myself when all this time I felt like no one could understand me. Thank you and I love you dodie
2 likesIt’s so nice to hear that our comments make you feel less alone cause your videos make me feel less alone and I feel like we’re all one big weird spacey family :’)
1 likeI just wanna say thanks as I have been feeling similar symptoms that I never knew was a thing because I have always felt them. Your videos have helped me feel less different as I know that there are people like me
0 likesI do not have dpd but watching your videos definitely helped me realized that I had expirenced some moments of depersonalization and it just sucked, I would be living my life and then something shifted in my eyes and ears so everything felt far away and seemed like a dream and I had to go to classes I would almost never remember what happened and just find notes in my notebook and have a vague memory and tried to go from there
1 likeSo I'm sending good vibes for you and all the folks that live with dpd
my boyfriend recently started experiences symptoms of dissociation and what sounds like depersonalization from the symptoms you described. Do you have any advice for a partner of someone going through this?
1 likeAfter all these years of following you and as many times as I’ve heard you talk about DPD I feel like this is the first times get it. Dissociation isn’t a big part of my mental health mess, but it’s there and I finally know what’s up a little better so... 👍🏻
2 likesI live with depersonalisation too. Glad to hear you talking about this. I thought about the topic of this video a lot during all the covid stuff. It really is comparable.
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I know you'll read this, so please keep going. You are a great person and we may not feel real, basically all the time, but the words you say and things you express remind me that you are real. Thanks dodie.
1 likei’m glad you bring more awareness to this condition, i was diagnosed with it early this year and when i tell people they either say “wow, cool!” or “we all have out of body experiences every once in a while”, and for me it’s definitely not every once in a while. it’s different for everyone but no matter what it’s a difficult thing to go through. if anyone out there is going through it, it will get better. i promise, i love you and you are so strong <3
0 likesIt’s so crazy to me that you just posted this because just a few hours ago I discovered that I have this disorder as well and I watched the videos you made with Katie about it
1 likeI love having the subtitles, I like having them on since it helps my brain process. Auto-generated can sometimes make it mode tricky but the subtitles on Dodie’s videos really help :))
0 likesThis is exactly how I’ve been feeling for a few years now, the way you described it everything. What do I do?😅 I always feel like I’m never ‘living life to the full’ and that worries me all the time that I’m never soaking in a moment well enough. It feels like walking around the morning after a night out and still being drunk, but cloudy and that’s a constant.
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Hi! I've had derealisation for the past five years, and I highly recommend therapy! You can slowly figure out why your mind put up this barrier, and guided by a professional you could even find ways to tear it down! And with the help of a psychologist you could even explore different treatments if you feel like just therapy isn't enough, from meds to the other things dodie talked about in the video. But since every treatment path starts from therapy, I would recommend starting there ^^ if you can't afford it though you can search online for grounding techniques for now, daily exercises that you can try to feel more present. Also I wouldn't recommend meditation, personally it makes my dissociation way worse for the day. I hope this was helpful, you can do it!! 🖤
1 like@Martina i thought i was the only one who got worse when i meditated! glad to see other people experience the same thing. thank you for the advice :)
1 like@cela Yes we are not alone! I saw so many people online talking about this, I had to do it a couple of times for a class I was following and it was horrible. I usually also get a similar effect when putting on sunglasses. Happy I could help :D
0 likesI've followed you off and on since...I dunno, 2012? 2015? I think it's great you're understanding yourself better, I think I have bouts of depersonalization sometimes. I think I have more of an anxiety limiter on my excitement, I've never been someone who screamed in excitement about things. I have noticed I feel more fully in myself when I do aerobic dancing regularly, particularly in a class with other people, but also if I do it at home. I think it helps integrate me with my body, and the exercise intensity helps--I started dancing to help with my back pain, and I struggle to balance activity and rest levels for my back and my brain health. =/
1 likeSo...dodie got me through my lowest point and now covid. Thank you for always being so amazing dodie, even if you don't feel it, you light up the...screen? 😘😘
0 likesMy disassociation comes in bouts, so I've found the best way to describe it in my case is that it happens whenever I get too stressed. It's like my brain can't handle the stress and tries to mentally pull me away from it. However, since my physical body still exists, it just creates this weird middle ground where I'm not stressed anymore, but my brain has done its job at pulling me out of the situation so efficiently, that I now feel as if nothing is real because my brain is refusing to process the information.
1 likeproud of you <3 ur a wonderful human being and i’m v grateful for you and your art
0 likesyou replied to my tweet when i asked about the unlisted videos which helped me through 8th grade and i just want to say how much i appreciate it, and how much i appreciate YOU. I often just listen to you for hours and cry to the saddest of your videos and it feels so nice and relieving.
2 likesThis video makes me feel very nostalgic because it reminds me so much of my sad times. It’s not a bad thing how nostalgic it feels, it just makes me feel better and makes me realize how much i’ve grown in the past 4 years
you made me feel less alone in my hardest times, thank you x
Thank you Dodi, I suffered with depersonalization for a long time and it was mostly during a period of extreme depression and anxiety. It was so hard to express what I was going through to others. Thanks for speaking about it. I just read your book and it was wonderful! I’m a musician and writer as well and I have been through so much. Good luck to you and remember it might get better Some day, your still very young. You are amazing and special!
0 likesI really wish I didn't understand what derealization feels like (and I am trying to seek therapy) but I am pretty sure I am in that space daily. I knew, even at 15, that this could happen. I am just glad you (dodie, if you are reading this, you are the you I am writing to) have shared your story so that I can maybe get help.
2 likesI have started to feel my reality shift back into place really slowly. I am sure it will take years to get to a contant state of feeling awake, but the moments of clarity become brighter and louder, smells get stronger and the presence of people warmer. Its a long process, but it is teaching me patience and gratefulness for getting to experience life without disassociation as a state of normal. Because i know i will get out of the cloud. I can see the sun peaking through. Thats what it feels like
1 likehello dodie i just want to say thank you for these videos ;; everyday i have something to look forward to and your videos just feel very warm and grounding
0 likesive been watching your videos for years and ive always drawn inspiration from them, i can honestly say i wouldnt have achieved the things i have if it wasnt for you (i also write songs theyre not as good but theyre decent enough HFHFHH). also,,through your videos about depersonalisation,,i learned more about it and it pushed me to actually dig deeper about it because the experiences youve described are similar to what ive been feeling since i was 10. im 19 now and im still trying to figure out What exactly i have, or if im just plainly going insane (lol). wow this comment got rly long im sorry anyway i love u have a great day
It is also a symptom of Migraine! I take migraines with Aura as well as vestibular migraines and both cause me to have derealization and depersonalisation! Sometimes it's just my hands that aren't real and sometimes it's the whole world
1 likePermission to say how much we love dodie and how much we support her! You have got me through so many problems in my life and this message is my metaphorical hug and love to you ❤️
0 likesYour videos always make my day, just like having a lil chat with a pal :)
0 likesYou're a saint. Your work keeps me present 🙌💓💫
1 likeive heard you talk about it depersonalization, but didn't understand the experience until recently in the past few months. thank u for making me aware of what it is!!! it feels so strange and it helps to know that its a real thing
1 likeever since u made ur first depersonalization video, I have felt so much better knowing that I wasn’t just doing something wrong or making up feelings! I don’t really know if I have it, but I definitely experience the dreamy/absolutely spaced out feeling. I always catch myself trying to snap myself back into reality. :,)
1 likeWe don't even imagine how that's supposed to feel, but we are here, always, admiring you, and supporting you, thank's for helping me to escape from the world with your music...
2 likesi'm pretty sure i have DPDR. i thought it was normal to just constantly feel like this until i started looking it up. i constantly feel like im lucid dreaming. my mind just doesn't connect with my body and this world, it feels off and hazy.
1 likeI hadn't even heard of depersonalization until a few weeks ago when Miki Ratsula talked about having it and holy fudge pops, did I perk up at that. I've literally felt like this my whole life. Thank you for doing this video, dodie. I really appreciate it.
0 likesi’m so glad u can share your story comfortably😌🖤
0 likesI really appreciate you speaking about depersonalization because I think you are the first person I've encountered who also experiences constantly like I do. I have had depersonalization and basically been in a deep state of disassociation every second of my life since I was at least 4, but quite possibly earlier. I have very distinct memories as a child of having fun and then saying something to the effect of "I really wish this was actually happening!". Basically, nothing in my life has every felt real, even if I know it is. It's weird to hear you talk about a before you can compare you life to, since that is something I just have never had. I used to have a really hard time with motivation and doing things because it all felt like a dream and like it wasn't real so it didn't really matter to me. Even though that has gotten better with time, I frequently have to remind myself that things in my life are actually happening.
1 likeIt's still a thing I am working on dealing with. It's nice to hear other people struggle with this too, because for years I didn't even know there was a word for what I was experiencing. Thank you for sharing :)
This was really calming I feel like I needed it
0 likesThanks for the video! I appreciate your thoughts and insights
1 likeDodie I’m so happy that we have this little community and we are all able to come together on this topic and actually have open conversation about it. It sucks. Majorly. I don’t have it chronically but I do experience it quite often and my love goes out to you always.
0 likesALSO if the answer is BUILD A PROBLEM i say again you are a lovely little genius and it is such a beautiful phrase !
2 years ago when I first was just really really depressed it was just the worst thing but a year after, its everything like everything kicked in and I realized for weeks it felt like I was dreaming so much like nothing wasnt rea, I disnt recognize myself in a way it felt like I was a strangerl. I didnt make much of it. I thought it would go away lol. But 6 months later I'm here. Diagnosed with depersonalization and derealization. Just like oh. Now I know. It makes more sense. It's like a sense or a wave of feeling calm when depersonalization kicks in for me it really helps my anxiety. But sometimes I become quite angry with myself and everyone and everything :)
1 likeAlso every video so far that dodie has made talking about this. It makes just perfect sense lmao
The harmonies at the start of her videos make me so happy oml
1 likeThis was a learning experience for me, Thanks!
1 likeI have DP/DR too and it sucks so much, It's almost like I live in my mind and I'm not present as much as I'd like to be, it's so weird. I also have an eating disorder, panic disorder, and PTSD which just makes everything worse. It's so weird to have and covid is just the cherry on top :'-)
1 likeI’ve been having boughts of what could be called depersonalization as of late, and I’ve been working through it. It’s been really really scary. I think I’ve had it before, but at the time, I focused more on the anxiety and depression side of things. Working on it with my therapist at the moment. TLDR, ummm I really appreciate hearing someone else talk about it. I mean, it’s a confirmation that I could be real in what I’m feeling. So yeah. Thank you dodie. For everything.
0 likesit's definitely build a problemm. can't wait for the official announcement/reveal to happen!!
1 likeIt's videos like this that help me realize other people suffer from similar feelings
0 likesI've had derealisation / depersonalization for so many years, I noticed it the first time when I was 14 and got drunk for the first time. Recently it lessened a LOT, or at least stopped being a negative for the most part. I really wish I knew what happened to make it better, I think maybe it was leaving school finally and healing from that experience? It really breaks my heart that I don't have exact advice for someone like you that still suffers with it horribly since I don't know for sure what helped :(((( I remember how hopeless it felt when it wouldn't stop. My instinct though is that part of it was this: accepting that worrying about not remembering something later, or not "making a good memory", is not going to get you anywhere; you have to accept that how you're experiencing things is the best you're going to get, at least for now, so enjoy whatever version of reality you are experiencing. No matter how foggy or distant. Sometimes it can even be nice - I used to hate getting drunk because it made my dissociation worse, but in my late teens in leaned into it and it helped me feel less anxious in a way because I was actively taking control of my cognition, not just "letting" my mind float away. I used to treat dissociating a bit like being tipsy. Even if your friends are in the room with you and laughing and talking and you feel yourself floating away, or getting sluggish, or like you can't talk, or like you're in a little muffled bubble (all things I've felt), you have to forgive yourself in that moment and not punish yourself for not having enough fun. Because all that happens is that later you look back and punish yourself even more for the same reason! Easier said than done I know, but accepting things as they are and that bad and good things will ebb and flow is something I learned a few years ago (I lost a few family members) and it is honestly such a relief to finally relax in that way.
0 likesI do still dissociate sometimes, often when I'm tired in the evening I become somewhat manic and become kind of unaware of how I'm being perceived. I also seem to "forget" or outright miss conversations, at least my parents seem to suggest that, because quite often I'll get upset at sudden plans and then my mum will look at me with a pained expression and say something like "Lau we talked about this at dinner last night and you said okay" which is really disturbing. I wonder if you experience that.
I also have panic attacks (though barely since I went on medication) and really bad travel sickness so I use dissociation to sort of escape that.
I have a friend with this, and sometimes I’m not really sure how to help. Do you feel like your friends (maybe Hazel, since you live together) are good at recognizing the signs and noticing when you are spacey? Is it nice to have some people who can notice what’s going on and bring you out of a bad episode? What’s the best thing for someone in my position to do to help someone with this condition cope? thanks xx
0 likesı actually discovered that i had dpd thourgh your videos i had never heard about it before and so i reseached it and i was so scared the first i time i thought about it, unfortunetly im not in a position to get help so just feels like im falling deeper and deeper. Although it really helps when you talk about the advice that your therapist gives you. Oh and the best description of the feeling of dpd i came up with is that its lik you re constantly wearing VR googles and you cant take em off.
1 likeI feel this too; I often dissociate and have the exact symptoms you described. I used to absolutely hate it, I felt I had no control, like a terrible bad dream. It scared me. But now I notice it comes on when I feel overwhelmed with emotion, like when I'm struggling with something tough. So I chose to look at it like you said, a cushion.
0 likesNow it's not so bad. It's just my brain protecting me from hurting myself. So I've learned to almost like it, like in a way I can breathe again in my bubble until it's safe, instead of feeling choked. Hope this helps. 💕
going through depersonalisation when i was 14 was quite a scary time
0 likesI feel like I experience that symptom sometimes when I get extremely anxious or when I feel like I'm going to have a panic attack instead of going through it I just slip away and I don't get it! I don't know if this is it but it sounds like it... Pretty scary if you ask me
0 likesI feel guilty because I personally love being at home and not having to make up excuses to not leave is quite a relief... 😬 I know this is not the way it is for many though and I wish you good luck!
0 likesas someone who didn't know they had dprp before seeing your videos on it, you have been a blessing for me, thank u doodlenoodle
0 likesListening to you talk about depersonalisation makes me think i need to go back to my doctors and talk more about it to them. I know that i get spacey and dissociated, but i think it might be a bigger issue than i thought.
0 likesYou video back in summer 2016.. you know the one... is what actually gave me a name for what I experience so thank you for that. You have helped me in so many ways. thank you thank you thank you
1 likeeven writing this feels like something crazy, but these past few weeks i've just been on a downwards spiral, and watching your videos and finally being able to put a name to something and to more clearly identifiy what has been affecting me for, god i dont even know maybe 4 years, is really making me hopeful for what comes next, even though i'm at the lowest point in my life (and it could be worse but i still dont like it) i'm hopeful bc i listen to your songs and i see where you are 5 years ahead of me and i can see that there's a way to live, a way to make it better. i'm also big into music although pretty scared of making it even tho i'd love to, and listening to your music and watching your experience and growth is something amazing, and i'm so glad to have found you on this silly crazy platform that is youtube. keep doing you and working this out, we're all in this together!
0 likesOh you're so right! I read the title and didn't see the connection immediately, but after your explanation I agree. I've had derealisation 24/7 for the past five years, it started around six months before you started making videos about it, and I immediately felt so seen in a time when everything felt so weird and bad. With time I discovered that my mind put up the barrier to separate me from the anxiety that my mother radiates every day, and since I'm going to seriously tackle the problem with my therapist as soon as I leave home (and I still have to wait a few months, for now I need the protection it gives me) in the meantime your videos and music are helping me so much. Especially the song Guiltless, it describes perfectly my relationship with my mother (I cried so much at your concert hahaha but it was beautiful, I'm happy I managed to see you in Milan). Thank you for everything, seriously. Your songs and videos are incredibly soothing, and your words are always really helpful. Stay strong, we can do it, and we will get out of it someday 🖤
0 likesI have low level bouts of depersonalisation (more derealization) generally but it creeps in more when my OCD is bad. because of a few life events and covid (obviously) I'm in an OCD relapse and the dp/dr is STRONG, thank you for continuing to share your life experience with it. it's just like you said, it's nice to feel like theres a community of people out there experiencing something similar
1 likeYour beautiful as always dodie your a beautiful woman inside and out I hope you find some relief from depersonalasion love you dodie you are so honest and real and relatable
0 likesVideos like this make me wonder if I have depersonalization-- I knew exactly what feelings you were trying to explain.
0 likesyou give me hope. for myself and for the planet.
1 likeWishing you the best dodie💙
0 likesI started crying because I just always feel so seen when dodie describes DPDR and how she feels because it makes me feel like I'm not the only one constantly dreaming or spaced out
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Ur not! <3333
1 like@doddleoddle <3
0 likesyh I've had intense anxiety that's led to bouts of recovery/detachment personalisation more recently, after having had anxiety and depression for 3.5 years, but this was really helpful, thanks
0 likesI also suffer from dpd and you make me realise that I'm not alone
0 likesHold the Line everyone! you're going to be okay goddess! everybody keep fighting don't give up! For the Gods SKÅL
0 likesu never fail to make me feel calm
0 likesIt's so ridiculously unfair that because we have this condition we can only enjoy these restricted highs and lows. You say for now but it honestly feels like it will never change. Regardless, watching someone talk about it like you do so calmly soothes me so much. I'm not alone!! I love and appreciate your videos so much thank you thank you thank you
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<3333 it sucks v bad and I indulge in that feeling some times but mostly I just have to try and accept it
1 likeI understand I understand! Sending so much love to u my spacey pal
im a little tipsy, but this helped so much. im so hard on myself and this let me be less hard on myself for feeling shitty sometimes, thanks <3
0 likesI have depersonalisation due to trauma and no one that I know understand what I go through on a daily basis and think that I’m making it up for attention. Seeing others share their experiences with it makes me feel so much better and gives me hope that it won’t always be terrible💜
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<3
0 likeshearing people talk about derealisation has made me want to look into it more because i’ve been getting those symptoms for years and everyone i talk to about it just blows it off as me being tired,,,,,, i think i’d like to talk to someone about it properly so thank you for spreading sm awareness love u dodes <33333
0 likesI used to only have depersonalization on very rare occasions, as kind of a safety mechanism of my brain when I had too much going on and the anxiety was to hard. I switched out for a while feeling really numb and zombie like. But recently, after all this pandemic situation, that has, besides, coincide with some very important changes in my life. Finishing uni, moving back to my parents, starting to work from home... I have been feeling it more as a long term thing. I haven't got used to it yet and I don't know how long this is going to last but I feel really spaced out. Everything is like is not real, like my brain hasn't processed it as something real, but it's still happening around me. It's hard to focus on anything that is not work and work feels very mechanic. My impulses, my intense emotions are dulled out. My third niece was born just a few weeks ago and I could compare it to how it felt with her siblings first, so many emotions, and this time was like well she's here already? Like I could not really believe what has happened. Every memory before lockdown feels like a dream. It's like this has put my life on pause. But life it is in fact going on, and I feel like I am missing it.
0 likesalways love how dodie shows how mental illness and talking about it and getting help is nothing to be ashamed of, and the way she does it is so well done. side note though, when she says most of us have figured out the letters, I really haven’t so can someone explain😅 is it an album? a single?
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We haven't figured out what it's for but we know it's most likely "build a problem" (with a slight doubt for the first word)
0 likes@Aria R thank you!
0 likes@annemartina No problem! :)
0 likesToday was a day my dissociation won... i almost quit my job and other scary things.... but this helped... thanks dodie
0 likesHello. It is a community. Thank you for speaking about it. It means a lot.
1 likei wouldn’t say i have depersonalization on the daily, but i slip into those symptoms sometimes when having a panic attack. and yeah like dodie said it’s like a cushion your brain creates instead of feeling a panic attack and tbh i prefer it to the traditional panic attack 😂
0 likesDoes depersonalization and derealization feel different for different people? I have something that I think is derealization that happens when I get really anxious.
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Different people have different experiences and symptoms. For example some people mentioned masks can trigger it for them whereas it doesn't for me. Its really common to be caused by anxiety too.
1 likeI don't have depersonalization (or at least, not diagnosed). But the way she described it. There have definitely been times when I've felt exactly like that. It's nice to know that it's not an "only me" feeling tbh
0 likesI don’t want to self dignose or anything but this happens all the time to me and it really causes me to panic and worry yk. But when I’ve tried to talk to people about it and they just think I’m crazy. Is there any tips I could use to talk to people properly about it? Xx
1 likeDo you get it in different intensities? I have BPD and experience derealisation and depersonalisation but experience it from “zoning out” and feeling distant to having episodes where my brain totally disconnects and I can’t move or talk and if I’m standing I’ll collapse and and I get kinda weird seizure symptoms.... I feel very alone with this as I don’t think dissociation is talked about or understood enough, even within the mental health community and healthcare system
0 likesdoes your depersonalisation ever make it hard to remember stuff because your brain doesn't focus hard enough on what's going on?
1 likeReplies (2)
dude yes. I think it can also happen because of trauma.
1 likeBig yep
1 likeI really like your explanation. The way you see your depersonalization is a little bit different from the way I see mine, but it’s nice to hear what it’s like from someone else’s perspective. Mine feels like I’m trapped in my house, looking through the window at the world outside. I really wanna go outside, but I can’t figure out how to get out of my house. So instead I just sit by the window, watching everybody else have fun outside, and pretend I’m outside, too.
0 likesWait.... this is how I have felt for 10 years.... holy shit! I feel like in shock a bit at the moment. Also not as alone. Can you start a support group? Lol🥰
0 likesReplies (2)
Ur in it! Here we are!
1 like<3 sending u luv bb
@doddleoddle i didn’t know it was an actual condition- my doctor just said that it was due to my anxiety disorder but I keep telling them that I only have anxiety and panic and depressed mood from the episodes of depersonalization. Like you. I am at the point now where I have just accepted it. For a while I couldn’t even drive ! I’m telling my therapist about you in the morning lol.
0 likesi feel like i have depersonalization because i always feel spaced out (like by spaced out i mean life doesnt feel real at all and i feel like that started at around at least winter of 2019 i think probably earlier) but i maybe have had an “episode” like once
0 likesTry somatic experiencing! It completely changed the way I think about mental health
0 likesi feel like i’m dreaming quite a lot, it happens for like a week or two every few months hmm
0 likesI just sit in my room all day now... doing nothing. It’s like the whole year is in a dream, especially not being able to see people much oh wellll
0 likesi have struggled with dissociation and some derealization, but very rarely does is go as far depersonalization. i felt that it had gotten better, but then march hit, and now i feel like i am constantly in a daze because my brain says "this is so god damn weird we have to be dreaming." i also moved house for the first time in ELEVEN YEARS around april, so being in this new setting practically the entire time is definitely not helping! feeling like i can't experience that rare good to it's full extent is making it hard to feel like there is any good, so i am making a journal about all of the good things that happen every day. it has actually helped a lot with gratitude and kicking depression's ass on those particularly bad days, and helped with the memory issues that being derealized can give you. anyway, long comment, no one will read it, but i just felt i should say something so there's one more person adding to this community of people who think they are dreaming, or in the passenger seat, or.. however you may like to describe it. you're not alone!
0 likescan depersonalization happen only sometimes instead of always? like it happens often but it isn’t always there.
0 likesi highly recommend trying dialectic behavioral therapy for anyone suffering with complex trauma
2 likesReplies (2)
I will talk to my therapist about it! Thank you!
1 like@Rose Lalonde good luck!! it’s typically taught best in a group therapy setting. hopefully you can find a socially distanced group covered by your insurance! best of luck with your recovery 💛
0 likesI'm glad I'm not the only one who uses logic plugin references to explain mental health - for years I've said antidepressants are like a compressor lmao
0 likesReplies (1)
Haha yes!!!
1 likeIf anyone's interested, i have DPDR and was treated with EMDR and had a whole year of relief from the cloud, I'm back to fog again but i have hope and i know it can be better again!
0 likesReplies (1)
That’s amazing! Keep at it pal
1 likedoes the humming in the beginning sound like when to anyone else?
0 likesalso "take what you can get" is basically a line from when lol
maybe I'm just going insane and she's not actually giving us lyric hints (in addition to an album title lol)
okay we definitely need to compile a list of the hidden singing because it was in this video too, with "take what you can get" (5:58), and "so many things" (6:45)
0 likesReplies (1)
U won’t find anything lol that’s just how I talk
0 likesEvery day I'm just religiously waiting for your video, please don't stop posting 🥺
0 likesI have a quick question! If it’s kind of like a co-morbidity thing with anxiety, could it be helped with SSRI’s?
0 likesReplies (1)
I was on ssris and for me it made me spacier bc it flattened out my emotions! But it’s definitely helped other peopl!
1 likeIt happens too often for me. And always at the worst times.
0 likes:{ I feel the same way!
1 likeMy experience of dp is the more I search for answers the worse it gets, just let go !
0 likesMy experience of dp is the more I search for answers the worse it gets, just let go !
0 likesdamn dodie should go into maths with those graphs
0 likesnot gonna lie, the chords this time sounded like into the unknown but a very specific part of it
1 likeReplies (1)
OH MY GOD IT DOES
1 likequiet observer who heard you said the comments make you feel like community 💖
0 likesyou calm down my anxiety
1 likesome people talk to me about disassociating as if it’s the same thing as derealization, and it’s kind of frustrating. the way they talk about disassociating makes me jealous that they can just choose when to zone out and then wake up again. some people say derealization sounds relaxing and calming but it’s obnoxious and aggravating, it just makes me want to destroy everything around me so that i know everything around me is real.
0 likesReplies (1)
Lolol I know that feeling
0 likesMakes me angry whenever anyone uses dissociate as a joke too
But also I’m like whatever. People do dissociate often. Some can choose but some also really can’t. It’s all a struggle. Sucks that we feel trapped tho I so so so get it
Dodie u reminded me of the song Stuck from The Groundhog Day Musical. I think it would give you a laugh. Or maybe a cry? I’m not sure but I find it relatable
0 likesMe, myself and I with DID:
0 likesonly present in my life is present simple
Replies (1)
Also I remember the worst depersonalization moment: I found myself shaking and twitching on a bench not understanding who am I and why an I here
0 likeslove the Minnie riperton riff (also she’s maya Rudolph’s mom!?!?)
0 likesI am here for Minnie Ripperton impressions and producer dodie's logic/depersonalisation analogies
0 likesReplies (1)
Heh
1 likeThank you, just... thank you
1 like"it's okay. it's okay, because it has to be" re-fucking-tweet
0 likesI used to get depersonalisation badly from weed
0 likes“oOoOOhhH~ two weeks? This will be a nice break!”
2 likesnow it’s October 15th 4:00pm 2020. wHy dO I sUdDeNLy rEgReT lIfE
Play with your band all 6 feet apart in a tent outside.
0 likesCASI NO ENTENDI NADA PERO ESPERO QUE TE MEJORES Y RECUERDA SIGUE ´PERRON
0 likesThe captions came up before she started talking and for a second I thought the whole video was going to be interpretive dance
1 likeReplies (1)
hahaha omg i went back to the beginning and youre so right. im pissing myself laughing <3
1 likeI.feel.this.video 😳
0 likesi feel like one day I'm gonna wake up and it'll me March again and it scares me
0 likesI started getting kind of worried earlier because I hadnt seen a new video notification yet
0 likesupdated list of the clues we have so far + link to comprehensive video made by Getsome tidiness:
0 likes1. _ _ _ _ _ A _ _ _ B _ _ _
2. and then somewhere in either of the words is: _ _ B _ _
3. somewhere is: u _ _
4. at the start of one of the words is: P _
5. at the end of one of the words is: _D
6. somewhere is _ E _
7. at the end of a word and after the letter "E" is: (E)M
8. Somewhere is: _ O (then some letter with an up and down line on the side- cant tell what letter though)
9. between probably "B" and "E" is: L
:)
link to a comprehensive video made by getsome tidiness: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8yzj7icEdvc
It’s definitely “Problem” 👀
0 likescan you talk about getting hypnotised?
0 likesI got a tattoo that reminde me that I am here because I disociate do much 😅
1 likeOmg I think I have the same condition
0 likesI was waiting for you to say here are the highs and lows of highschool football
1 likeIs it like that moment where everything starts to feel wayyyy too real or sometimes not real at all and then your body is just: I d o n t l i k e t h i s
1 likeOops i dissociated during the video about dissociation 😅
1 likeJust taking a guess here buuuut, I think the letters will spell out the album title and in each video I reckon dodie mentioned a song title or something relating to one of the songs on the album in each video??? Maybeee???
0 likesdoes anyone know where her jumper is from? 🥰
0 likesit really lookes like theres a depressed teen sitting w their leg out in the sofa uh
0 likesi miss dodie asmr
0 likesWho else is trying to crack the code at the end of the videos? (:
0 likesare you hiding another song in your videos again or am I tripping
0 likesWhy do I know that song she sang for a quick moment at the end
0 likes❤️
0 likesme too girl
1 likeive never been early to a dodie vid before—
0 likes6:46 wE kNoW wHaT yOu’Re DoInG
0 likesDerealisation gang gang
1 likevisit some parts of the US. It's been 'over' since April.
0 likes💗💗💗
0 likesI luwww youuuuuuuuuu!
0 likesMe too, me fucking too
0 likesthank you
0 likesLovin youuuuuu is easy cuz you beautifullllll
0 likesLmao, victoria still can't do anything
0 likessorry i know this video is important but every time she said the highs and lows i could not stop thinking abt archie from riverdale saying ‘the highs and lows of high school football’
0 likesAlright, hangman dodie.... I have A, L, O and i think i saw a B once... Anything..?
0 likesHave you tried Jordan Hardgrave’s course
0 likesthe 2 dislikes LMAO
0 likes"EEEeAHHHH" - dodie 7:21
0 likesit simply has to be BUILD A PROBLEM
0 likes6:46 dodie please don’t
0 likesteach us to knit!!
0 likesDoes any else have Alice in wonderland syndrome?
0 likesWAS THAT A WILL & GRACE REFERENCE
0 likesHello from my derealization :)
0 likes♡
0 likeswhats the song dodie sings at the end just a little bit bc its stuck in my HEAD but i can not place my finger on it
0 likeswow i ✨RELATE✨
0 likesdesperately searching the comments for my other spacey pals
1 likeReplies (2)
I’m here :)
1 like@bee marie 💙💙💙
1 likethe ending where she sings that song (la la la la) wtf is it I'm so stuck!!!! I know it but I can't remember what it is send helppppp
0 likesWhat made you suddenly decide to start uploading so much?
0 likesthis is not going to last forever and that's kinda comforting but still sucks. It feels like nothing is happening and I'm not part of anything, I'm just passing the days. Some days are actually fine but today isn't one of those days :(
0 likesi don’t know what i have, but nothing is life is good. never. it’s kinda like u said, the goodness bar just went down. it’s hard. but u know i think? i’m sorry
0 likeswhy did u sing "so many things" I CANNOT HANDLE ANOTHER HIDDEN SONG AOIDNOVIAV
0 likeswhere is ur sweater from!!!!
1 likeHas anyone kept track of the letters??
0 likesbrb just need to listen to orla’s new song
0 likescan someone tell me the name of the song she was humming??
0 likesAIR SO SWEET
0 likesHmm u dont do snappy clap clap anymore for the intros :o
0 likesThe reason we are all feeling this way he's because the AI Consciousness is dying and we are shifting to a better world! We're we will all feel better than we ever have been before Hold the Line everyone We got this the war is ending praise The God's SKÅL
1 likeI think I might of used to have this but I’m not sure,
0 likesyou look like the girl from the show pure
0 likeshums are from . (full stop) or air so sweet? i think
0 likesReplies (1)
nah it’s def full stop i think
0 likeshave you tried diet? who knows
0 likesfelt.
0 likesIt’s build a problem!
0 likes"L" .....like "Hell" ???
0 likesthx for that
0 likesthank you so!! much!! for raising awareness of this!! ive almost always felt like i’m not in reality, and i never realized what it was, it means everything that you provide some insight
2 likesI've tried explaining this to people and you've summed it up perfectly. Thank you
1 likeYour videos about this always make me feel so safe. I have the same condition, and it’s so comforting knowing someone else goes through this.
1 likeYou saved my life dodie. I can’t thank you enough 💕
1 likeI love how you are so open about these things :) thank you
1 likeyou explained disassociation so well it made me have ✨flashbacks✨
1 likeI've been waiting for this. I haven't even watched this video and I already agree that depersonalisation and derealisation is worse in COVID times 😔
1 likeLovely video, I’ve suffered from derealizarion before in my life, so I understand the feeling.
1 likeReplies (1)
Derealization*
1 likei really appreciate how much u tackle explaining mental health and your personal experiences, thank you so much. i still go back to your book when i'm feeling lost
0 likeslove the mental health awareness nd love uuuu 🥰✨🥰
0 likesI LOVE YOUUUU 🥺u helped me a lot with this
1 likeReplies (1)
like u make it less scary bc ik im not alone 👉👈
1 likeFirst also I love you so so much and all of your music. You’ve changed my life for the better dodie!
1 likevery-very-very relatable :,(
1 likeLove you Dodie
0 likesHope you’re alright king
0 likes🤭how did she know i was struggling with this
1 like4mins to spare hell yeah go dodie
0 likesalso i really like the hums! some very nice a major today.
1 likeReplies (1)
or e, i guess. however you want to look at it!
0 likesI love you. Be safe
0 likesOoh the hums in the beginning were super pretty
1 likeLove you❤️
0 likesHiii ilysm dodie 💗💗💗
0 likesTHE HUMS THOUGH
1 likehello yes !! also ily n i hope you're doing at least ok! <3 :)
0 likesLove you ❤️☺️💓
0 likeswow this is super interesting ! damn
0 likesilysm 🥺
0 likesAlright, for the hints so far, it's U_B_D A P_OBLEM I think. Anyone have any ideas of what the first word might be? I think that the last word is problem
1 likeReplies (2)
I think the general consensus is that it's Build A Problem
0 likesIt can also be UNBID a problem (though, BUILD is the most probable answer)
0 likesI thought you're not going to upload! I was so worried
0 likesthese are killing meee
0 likes❤❤🥺
0 likesI Love you <3
0 likesThis is the latest I have been to one of these
1 likedodiee !!
0 likesJust in time aha
0 likesbuild a problem!
1 likeBuild a problem!
0 likesi love uuu
0 likes7:11:
0 likeslalalalala
doodeedoodeedoo
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Love u
0 likes"Only June" JNFJNKFSJ that's it, exactly.
0 likesi love you
0 likesi love you
0 likespersonal notes:
0 likes_ U _ _ D A P _ O B L E M
7 letters: P _ O B L E M
problem
(I'm 99% sure it's problem...)
5 letters: _ U _ _ D
ruled
build
cured
guard
lured
outed
tuned
Current top guess:
build a problem
(a second B)
she's fully just singing lyrics in each video too, don't know where the initial hums for today's vids are from tho... Agree with a different commenter's idea about them being harmonies for different songs!
OH IDEA- the beginning humms are the order that the songs in the album will be in?? so like the kiss me one would be song number 8 on the album!!!
you gotta try ketamine
0 likesReplies (1)
Lmao doesn’t ket literally give u hardcore depersonalisation
0 likesI think I’d lose my fukin mind so
I’m gd
bo burnhams inside lol
0 likesYour not in the matrix most people are actually
0 likesbuild a problem
1 likeThat little hewo
0 likesThanks a whole lot for talking about this.
0 likesI’ve had what seems like a chronic disassociation since the age of 12, it’s kind of odd to think about recovery because I sincerely can’t remember what reality felt like. This kind of content reminds me to try again, being able to take life seriously without constant reminder that what you will do will have consequences is a great blessing most people take for granted.
love u
0 likesHehe i can see the porg in the background
0 likeshiya dodie
0 likes👍🏻 cptsd gang what’s up
1 likeThis is too relatable, I've never been officially diagnosed but I've felt all the symptoms of derealization for about 3 or 4 years now. It does often trigger panic attacks for me because I realize that I might never be able to feel normal again, and that scares me more than anything in the world. I've learnt to live with it as well, but I always feel like everybody else is experiencing life in a better, clearer way than me, if that makes sense. Thank you for making this video, it really does hit home, and for what it's worth, I'm glad I'm not alone.
0 likesit’s made me lose my memory i hate this shit
0 likesMan I wonder what the word is.... . .P _ O B L E M
0 likesdodie i wanna date u
0 likes6:46 👀👀👀
0 likesYup yup
0 likeshow many letters are left?
0 likes6:43
0 likesHi! hugs! <3
0 likesi’m SO EARLY
0 likeshugs
0 likesIm so early!!!
0 likesyeah I do
0 likesI made it wow
0 likes26 seconds and there is already a comment
1 likeluv u
0 likesDamn I'm early
0 likesomg hey it’s meeee
0 likeshi i love you
0 likesOh yeah. Do you love me? 😍💋 💝💖❤️
0 likesSTOP GIVING US LETTERS TO WORD WE ALREADY KNOWWWWW !!!!! we wanna see the first word!!
1 likeCovid sucks. Your knitting is cool.
0 likesiss oh kkay...
0 likesHi Boys 😍💋 💝💖♥️❤️
0 likesI'm Single 😍😥
0 likes6:13 Hi🖐🏽
0 likeshi dodie ily
2 likesReplies (1)
You were the first comment, how does that feel?
0 likesI did not know
0 likesgamer
0 likesHIIII
0 likesO h
0 likesdpdr sucks. my dpdr has gotten so much worse since covid and it just sucks.
0 likesAha first
1 like73rd
1 likeFIRSTN'T
2 likes