I heard someone explain DPDR really well. They said "Our brains get so overwhelmed that they revert to a survival state. Managing the brains resources to only the basic needs and survival." Basically said our brains are coping with the overwhelm and stress by disengaging from certain thoughts and feelings that are not necessary for us to stay alive.


6:00 she’s defo singing “take what you can get” bruhhhhHhhhh

@doddleoddle Well then just sing because you can!

@doddleoddle dammit really thought i had something lmao

6:53 “but while I wait” sounds like it is sung!

I think it's a reference to her song When! "I'll take what I can get cause I'm too damp for a spark"

she replied to someone else on another video and said it wasn’t another hidden song thing but now I’m confused?? 😭

@Veronica Gould I was just about to comment this!

i think since arms unfolding we cant trust her no more :D


I remember watching your first video about depersonalization so long ago because i want younger and thought "whoa that's crazy!" Then starting November 2019 after a really bad weed trip till like march I started experiencing a heaving dissociation episode without knowing. It just felt like I was high all the time, and numb as hell. I slowly started seeing and following more and more instagram therapist pages and realized what was actually happening to me. And now it's just my normal. I realized something was wrong when I was being talked to by administration about my academic problems and feeling absolutely no remorse in a situation where my anxiety would be so high. I think that my anxiety had gotten so bad that my body had to save me from myself. I'm really thankful to have prior knowledge about this from seeing your video so long ago, it made me feel less lonely.


its so funny to realize that actually we all are struggling in this quarantine. In my case my social anxiety gets worst every day even doing therapy and I feel so useless and hopeless rn but seeing that other people are also not ok and it's totally fine actually makes me not that much helpless


So grateful for dodie talking about this, I first ever had depersonalisation when I was about 12, and now it's been constant for like 3 years straight. So sick of it. Actually going to a therapist for the first time on Friday


Hi dodie <3  You are loved, valued, and important.  Sending you love.


said it again and i'll say it again, these last letters were all to do with "problem" so we still know nothing more than "_ U _ _ D  A  PROBLEM", with an additional B in that first word! probably build :)

@mikaelpa  if you zoom in and compare the line to the lines in the first video it is clearly the second line that she writes the U on. there are 2 instances of the B and she said she threw us off with the second B because people were saying all kinds of weird things. but she also said she didn't knit a second B for nothing so there are definitely two Bs in the phrase so it has to be in the first word, but the location is not verified because the line she drew it on both times was the middle of the third word but that's obviously not possible

@Whelve Tooth  if you zoom in and compare the line to the lines in the first video it is clearly the second line that she writes the U on.

@Sleepwxlker if you zoom in and compare the line to the lines in the first video it is clearly the second line that she writes the U on.

She said “most of you have got it by now” so I think it’s build a problem

Why are you so sure that the U is the second letter ? In the video with the U you don't see any lines before the U so you cant tell if its the first, second or third letter

I think that the U is the first letter. The B is definitely the third letter in the first word tho. If you look at the video, there were 2 spaces on both sides of the B. Maybe I'm wrong


I've fallen back into my derealization since the pandemic, probably because my brain uses it as a coping mechanism for stress. It makes it extremely hard to focus on my classes, especially now that they're online :/. It sucks because I used to be an amazing student and now I can't get my shit together.


I've had DP/DR symptoms on and off for about 3 years. It started alongside panic attacks and dissociative seizures (yes seizures!) in response to a major bout of depression. But things were starting to get better and I wasn't experiencing DP/DR much anymore. After COVID hit, I remember going out for a walk in April to the chip shop along the road when everyone was still unsure of just how scary the virus was going to get and there were no people around outside and even just going to buy chips and exchange money with another human felt like a dangerous act. I felt this familiar feeling of dreamlike... off-ness as I walked down the street and I couldn't work out if it was the DP/DR starting up again or if things were really just so new and odd for us all and my head was just taking it all in. And I still get flashes of it and have the same thought process each time. Anyway, thanks for this video as you put some of my vague feelings into words!


I experience the same thing. Before it was for moments, but this year I feel it really settled in and won't leave, but I am trying to be okay with it and it's so nice to know I am not crazy and other people feel it to, so thank you for this and for being you also.


I used to get dissociated a lot, emdr trauma therapy helped me and now its much better/less common for me. Its a bit ironic but I find your music SO GROUDING, wish it it helped you as much as it does me!


6:46 “so many things” - sung like that...another secret scrapbook song??!!


You talking about depersonalization in a video years ago is what sort of sort of diagnosed it in me. It’s a scary thing to feel and experience while not knowing what it actually is, like oh lord oh no but then hearing you talk about it was something that really helped. So thank you Dodie <3


Maybe it's just me, but it's so incredibly soothing to just listen to your voice


The more and more I come to terms with my mental health disorders on my own, the more often I get bouts of dissociation... And as weird as it sounds I sometimes flashback to all the times dissociation has disillusioned me to all the happy times in my life, birthdays, major milestones, life lessons, etc, and I get really depressed about it. I 100% empathize with Dodie’s description that it just feels less than what I see other people get to experience in their lives. I’m struggling to come to terms with the fact that I’ll never get those times back, and I’ll never fully be able to be as happy as everyone around me, and that my brain is blocking me from truly feeling all the emotions I should be able to as a human being on this planet. It’s a hard pill to swallow. I get comfort in Dodie’s music because it feels grounding when my metaphorical feet hover above the ground... hopefully one day I can get to where she’s at now, accepting, and coping, without the absence of hoping one day soon it will get better.


I have derealization and I feel exactly the same way. In fact, for me, nothing feels like it's changed. Life is still the same albeit with Covid hanging around now. It feels like everyone else has been forced to be on my level!


going to listen to orla’s song but i will be back

@Antoinettemey omg sorry to let u down 💔 i came back to watch it and fell asleep hahahah

@Nola Gatto thank u!! i just listened to it, and omg it’s a bop!!

what’s the name of the song? i can’t find it,, :/

rly was hoping to find a comment in the replies of u saying you're back ajdlkfaljsd

@Sleepwxlker yes it comes out at midnight whatever time zone ur in x


I was going through it for 3 months from March to May now it's mostly gone until I think too hard about it. It's terrifying!


I have never related to a video more. I would always describe it as what you are describing it as. Thank you dodie, your amazing


for me, it's the trauma that made me derealise 😎 and I still do that in stressful situationssssss✨


i've never found a video that better describes how I feel when experiencing depersonalization


These videos really help me, i struggle so hard with it


It seems like we're sort of in opposite situations. I spent my childhood/adolescence dissociated but didn't realize it. It's only now that I feel fully alive that I realize how stunted I was before. It makes feeling alive really scary. I'm afraid to feel, afraid to succeed, afraid of so much because before, it just...wasn't an option. Now it feels like there's so much variability, it scares me. But it's also good, I know that. Gratitude. I'm grateful to be able to feel more, even if it's scary.


thank u for being open and talking about this, u are incredible.


It's almost such a relief to hear someone else describe my exact experience and I've honestly never heard anyone describe it so well. Thank you for making us all feel less alone and I hope that you can feel less alone as a result of that too <3<br>(I'm actually mostly recovered from it now, if I can say that? I still get little bouts of it here and there but it's no longer a constant world that I'm living in. There is hope for us all, though I know it can seem an unending thing. For me, it was a year and a half of trauma therapy, but it is a different path for everyone. No matter how long it takes your brain, remember that self-compassion is everything. You have survived so much, I'm literally so damn proud of all of you. Keep going <3)

It's almost such a relief to hear someone else describe my exact experience and I've honestly never heard anyone describe it so well. Thank you for making us all feel less alone and I hope that you can feel less alone as a result of that too <3
(I'm actually mostly recovered from it now, if I can say that? I still get little bouts of it here and there but it's no longer a constant world that I'm living in. There is hope for us all, though I know it can seem an unending thing. For me, it was a year and a half of trauma therapy, but it is a different path for everyone. No matter how long it takes your brain, remember that self-compassion is everything. You have survived so much, I'm literally so damn proud of all of you. Keep going <3)


Watching your first video about your experience of derealisation etc made me realise that it was some form of depersonalisation that I'd been experiencing for the entirety of my teenage years. It always felt like I was watching the world - and especially my friends and family - from behind a slightly foggy glass wall that I couldn't ever cross through to get truly close to people. The only thing in focus was myself and it felt SO isolating, like I could never truly feel to the extent that other people felt. While gaining more confidence and independence at uni, somehow, miraculously, over time it shrank to almost nothing. It pops up now and again but like you, I have the experience, tools and confidence to deal with it. I don't have the answer for how to make it fully go away, but I'm praying it goes away as much for you as it has for me. Thank you so much for talking about it ❤❤


When I first saw your video on depersonalisation I cried. And cried and cried. Because no one had ever put it into words before. This feeling or lack of feeling, that completely came out of left field for me, that was so sudden and permeating, made me feel confused and ashamed. It was so strange and bizarre and seemingly small that I had no idea how to begin to formulate an explanation for it. I felt alone. Much like in your case it was brought about by a traumatic situation, (or several, stacked in a trench coat) but one that was still ongoing. I felt like everyone else had been impacted so much worse than I, and yet I was the only one responding in this way, so dramatically.

I can't describe the level of sheer relief I felt in knowing that there were other people out there, like me, that I wasn't strange or abnormal. Just. Struggling. And that was okay.

"That's okay. Because it has to be." Really summarises a lot of feelings and experiences I've had over the past couple of years. Honestly, it's been shit. But there were and are bright spots. And your content has always been one of those bright spots for me. I've watched you for,, i don't even know how many years now, but watching your development as a person, understanding their boundaries and themselves, has really helped me come to terms with my own. I could spend days writing out all the ways your music and videos have helped me, so I'll stop now. But. I guess I wanted to say you've made an impact. A good one. On SO many people. You still constantly make me cry from how seen your videos and statements make me feel. And just. Not alone. In your music, in this community, I know, no matter what I'm going through, I'm not alone. That someone else has been through it, and made it to the other side. That I can too.

So, thank you. For everything.

When I first saw your video on depersonalisation I cried. And cried and cried. Because no one had ever put it into words before. This feeling or lack of feeling, that completely came out of left field for me, that was so sudden and permeating, made me feel confused and ashamed. It was so strange and bizarre and seemingly small that I had no idea how to begin to formulate an explanation for it. I felt alone. Much like in your case it was brought about by a traumatic situation, (or several, stacked in a trench coat) but one that was still ongoing. I felt like everyone else had been impacted so much worse than I, and yet I was the only one responding in this way, so dramatically.

I can't describe the level of sheer *relief* I felt in knowing that there were other people out there, like me, that I wasn't strange or abnormal. Just. Struggling. And that was okay.

"That's okay. Because it has to be." Really summarises a lot of feelings and experiences I've had over the past couple of years. Honestly, it's been shit. But there were and are bright spots. And your content has always been one of those bright spots for me. I've watched you for,, i don't even know how many years now, but watching your development as a person, understanding their boundaries and themselves, has really helped me come to terms with my own. I could spend days writing out all the ways your music and videos have helped me, so I'll stop now. But. I guess I wanted to say you've made an impact. A good one. On SO many people. You still constantly make me cry from how *seen* your videos and statements make me feel. And just. Not alone. In your music, in this community, I know, no matter what I'm going through, I'm not alone. That someone else has been through it, and made it to the other side. That I can too.

So, thank you. For everything.


I disassociated so hard today that I needed up driving around in a circle for 20 minutes without realizing. The whole world feels fuzzy. I can remember being in my body but I feel like it will never happen again. Today has been hard.
Thank you for making videos about your problems. They don’t make me feel better but they make me feel less alone.
The only thing that helps me feel a little like me is having friends who will sit in silence with me. And baths. Ugh.


I went through a period of DR for a few months in 2016 and it lowkey actually was one of the worst phases of my life. Being awake was torture cos i was convinced nothing existed. I thought id be stuck in it forever but i managed to get out of it somehow, but im forever terrified I’ll get stuck in it again


Hi Dodie I have Depersonalization when my life is all over the place or at least that's when I notice it more. So ye corona made it a bit harder to deal with but it's okay 😊. Your vids help me alot in not feeling alone ❤ so thanks dodie keeping doing what you are doing and so will I 🌻☀🥰❤🍂🍂🎃🤗😽😽


I'm not even sure what to say, I know that no one is even going to see this, but I just have to say; thank you, dodie. just knowing that there is someone who understands what I feel, and talks about it even if it's hard to describe, helps me feel better.


When I first started dissociating chronically it freaked me the fuck out. I was used to being so emotional and feelings EVERYTHING so fully and then it was like all the oxygen was sucked out of my fire. Now, 4 years later of pretty much solid dissociating, I am way more comfortable with it. I was so stressed about my dissociation making my interactions somehow ingenuine, but now I know this is my brain's preferred method of dealing with my PTSD and thats just how it is. I know I've still got a flame even if its small, and I do the best I can to feed it and prevent it from being entirely snuffed out. We got this, dissociation gang!


Depersonalization is something that always brings me dread to talk about, except when I hear your POV. You were the person who made me realize my condition. None of my friends ever know what to say, but hearing you talk about it feels like the acknowledgment I’ve never gotten. Hell, even my doctor thought I was making it up. Thanks for being so open all these years, you’ve helped me come to terms with not only my mental health, but also my sexuality and love for ukulele hah!


Thanks Dodie! Also does anyone know of a support group/ channel, where people with dpd can get together and talk about their situation? I have the feeling mine gets better, when I see people talking about theirs too! Im open for any help or also would build a new group for exchanging experiences with derealisation :)


Literally thank you so much for talking about this nobody ever does and I feel like I’m some weird alien who just feels spacey and nobody understands it or gets it?? Also like could you make a video about how you deal with it because sometimes it just gets too much for me to handle


I remember dodie first talking about dpd which helped me realise that I wasnt going insane<br>It sucks that I'm here years later without any help with dpd :( (diagnosed)

I remember dodie first talking about dpd which helped me realise that I wasnt going insane
It sucks that I'm here years later without any help with dpd :( (diagnosed)


I've had derealisation since almost 25 years now and it never went away. I first got it during a 6 months stay in England (I'm Swiss) as an exchange student. Now I'm 42 years old and still got it. Can’t believe it’s been more than half of my life. In the beginning it was the strange vision that bothered me the most. Made me feel so distanced from everything. Nowadays I can lead a normal and quite happy life, although I still feel restricted by it and I'd take back my former condition any time. I'm still trying to improve it, but if it stays like this forever, I can live with it. It’s not resignation, that I’m feeling, I’ve just learnt to cope with it and I’m glad I did. Now please don’t get me wrong. I don’t want to sound pessimistic and I don‘t want to take away your hopes. I‘m not telling you it‘ll never go away, I‘m just describing my own situation. I certainly hope you‘ll get rid of it eventually. I have so much respect for how you deal with it. So please go on doing wonderful music and being the heartful, gentle, humorous, ingenious (I could go on...😉) person, that you are. I wish you all the best!


Wow! Didn't know about depersonalisation, but I liked how you explained it so well. As a fellow musician I especially enjoyed the "limiter"-parable. Stay safe Dodie, love your music! :)


I had that thing for years and then suddenly, around a year ago, I think? I just, stopped feeling like I was dreaming and everything was fake? I realized slowly that I was actually living again, and now I rarely feel it again. I relate so much to everything you said, but I'm so thankful I don't feel that "barrier" as much as before ☺ I hope everyone will get there too


Hey dodie... I got the coronavirus, no joke :( and i deal with depersonalization since almost 4 years now... I wonder how this will affect my dpdr... It feels good to hear someone who is experiencing more or less the same as me... I also went to 7 different therapists, 3 different doctors and 2 different psychologists. Even to buddhist monks 😂🤦♂ and i really feel ya when u said it's better to learn to live with these new highs and lows... But now that i have covid my dpdr is not really important to me. I just want to survive this more or less healthy. :( it feels so strange. You never think u have such bad luck to be in the 1% that get the coronavirus but tbh i also never thought i would be in the 1% that get dpdr either... And getting both those things is like 1:10000 percent possibility... But like i allways use to say, the possibility to experience nothing unlikely to happen in your life is not really big 🤔 however when i get over this i swear to god i will become a youtuber no matter what. I think so much about this and never had the guts to do it...


i could type such a long comment of appreciation but thank you for your vulnerability is what im going to leave it at. thank you for making me feel like there are other people that struggle with the things that i do.


this is what i feel like a lot of the time and i’ve never had a word for it, and it’s scary but also nice to know i’m not alone?


I recently just got diagnosed with anxiety and depression and I also experience depersonalisation sometimes it’s very scary. I’m currently on sertraline to try and help me be happy again however the side affects are horrible in my experience however I know I need to keep trying because it’s the only way we will all get through this.


Thanks for talking about this Dodie. I'm 47yrs old and have experienced bouts of derealization and depersonalization to some degree since childhood. I wasn't diagnosed until around age 43 and until I saw your video where you talked about it I didn't know of a single other person who experienced life like I do. I can think back on periods of my life that feel so alive and real, those times are like tiny little tastes of sweetness or tartness on the tip of the tongue that I just crave for more.  Then there are huge periods of time that to look back on is like trying to remember an old TV show. I know it happened but the sound is weird, the colors are wrong, everything is fuzzy and vague. It's like there is cotton in my head muffling all my experiences.  Anyways thank you for talking about your experiences with this condition.


I suffer from derealization and  It makes me so sad I will never feel the same again, I'm not strong enough


So much of what you’ve said about dpd, i feel so deeply but for chronic pain. It still resonates, & I’m very grateful for you putting this into words 💙


This spaced out gal wants to thank you for speaking about dpdr! It’s been around ten years for me now (I think) and when you started talking about it years ago it was the first time I could stick a name on what was happening. It allowed me to figure out what (probably) caused it and although I am yet to go to therapy for it, it has been an immense comfort just to know what the beast looks like. For me, it’s at a constant base level with flares, but just knowing its shape has made it infinitely easier to deal with. So thank you ❤


Hi.
I've kinda always just been a passive fan of everything I enjoy when I'm on the internet, but you said you like when people reach out, so I think I will this time.
I'm one of those people who experience derealisation/depersonalization in bouts. The earliest one I can remember was probably around the age of 8 or 9, but they've gotten much more frequent over the years. I never knew exactly what it was, but it freaked the crap outta me, so I absolutely can't imagine experiencing it 24/7. Props to you for accomplishing everything you have while dealing with that 'cause frankly, that sounds terriyfing. Your earlier videos where you first talked about it were the first time I had a name to put to it, and it's always incredible to hear you describe to a tee this confusing thing that I've been experiencing and unable to explain.
I've also struggled with depression and anxiety (they're all really interconnected, yeah?) and watching your videos and listening to your music has always been a form of comfort or distraction or a feeling of connection when I needed it.
Thank you so much for continuing to put out content and perserving through your struggles, and I can't help but feel proud of how far you've come in the years I've been tuning in!
:)


Hi dodie! You said that you appreciate real comments so here's one from me:
I also struggle with derealisation, among depression and anxiety. However, I think it may have started with depression in my case - I honestly can't remember things being different anymore, all I know is that it used to be more episodic until it became constant. It got especially bad recently with extra stress but well, it is what it is and at least for once it's partially doing its job.
Most importantly, even if we can't 100% feel it, we are still here, we are still looking ahead, and we are doing our best!
P.S: Over time I thought of multiple analogies for this but I really like your bar reference - it's very accurate!
DFTBA


I've had depersonalization when my anxiety and depression were at their worst. I remember just siting down for hours not remembering who I had talked to or how I got places. What helped me somewhat was stuffing something frozen into my clothes until I had to deal with how uncomfortable it was. But like everything, it's personal to me and everyone has different solutions.

All in saying is, I know it sucks, I know every new possible solution fills your heart with hope that turns into the bitterest of disappointment. But you (whoever is reading this) deserve to feel better, and you owe it to yourself to stick to therapy and keep trying out treatments because one day you'll make it.

Sending all my love and support to anyone who's struggling <3


Living Covid life with my chaotic, spastic brain, it was nice and calm just listening to you talk


You were the first person online that I've seen talk about this. When you put out your first videos on it i was soooo grateful. I've had derealization for a very long portion of my life. I had it for small streaks since I was in preschool. A lot of my childhood is really hard to remember because of that. I've had it none stop since I was 13. At one point I realized that it often reminds me of a really light version of acid. Or sometimes weed. So i kinda learned to utilize that at parties. Since I can't drink or smoke because meds, I just kinda let my self drift. I know it's fucked up. Like enjoying a disability. But also it sorta makes it easier to live with it. But bad trips are inevitable. And they happen a


I don't have it nearly as much as you, but I've been getting depersonalization/derealization episodes since I was a child and your videos are the first time I heard it be named. Tbf I haven't had it diagnosed but the feeling you describe is EXACTLY what I get


On the verge of tears here. I occasionally experience depersonalization as an anxiety/trauma symptom (except it doesn't feel like a relief in any way), and I never had words for it until you started talking about it a few years back. Covid has made it SO MUCH WORSE where time seems all wibbly wobbly like on Doctor Who. Everything is so close and so far and it's all moving so fast and crawling by. At least once a day I have to actively remind myself that this life is real. No one else in my life experiences this, and they think it means I'm hallucinating when I try to explain. Thank you for talking about it and making a little 70% alive community in the comments.


Okay, but since 2020 started (February or March) I started coping with my childhood trauma and holy shit depersonalization and dissociation hit me like a ton of fucking bricks. I can finally manage it enough to go to university but barely that. This video made me feel way less alone <3


"It feels like I can’t see anything enough." You nailed it. ❤


I can get this way too when I get too stressed out. I remember last December Christmas shopping with my sister, she went to one store and I decided to go to another one and meet up with her later, but as I walked down the mall hallway passing stores, suddenly I felt very weird, like time was slowing down and the things around me were slipping away. I remember walking in a daze, everything around me looking and sounding blurry, like I was walking through a fog. I sat down and stared out at the food court in the back corner, eyes glazed over, feeling detached from everything and everyone around me. I've felt things similar to that time on and off, and today it hit me again in the grocery store. To me it kind of feels like existing on two planes or versions of reality, one in the physical present with people and objects around me, and another where I'm in a dark thick fog or floating underwater, and everything is muffled. I can't fully see, hear, feel or think clearly. It's kind of scary. Thank you for summing it up so well.


I could honestly listen to Dodie all day


fuuuck man you visualized it in such a different way to how I'm feeling in a way that makes more sense. my dissociation has always been so bad. it sounds unhealthy but its actually been very relieving during quarantine to not feel as pressured to meet the same highs as everyone elses or what I know I could be capable of without the damn thing. if you couldnt tell, i constantly still struggle with accepting it because of how difficult it is to explain to people and have people understand how much it impacts day to day life when 90% of the day is in fact like being on automatic with fogged up glasses. quarantine made my life feel way more manageable because while others expectations of how quarantine has affected mental health, its starting to be more accepting in general of mental health conditions. the limitations covid gave so many people who i found were always care-free and productive feels relieving that they now have a taste of what it can be like for me when i get stuck and can't "snap out of it" but the fact that people are becoming more and more adaptable to ppls needs has made me hopeful.


I’ve had depersonalization/derealization ever since I can remember. I don’t remember what it feels like not to have it. I’m just glad that I know now I’m not alone (not glad you have it of course but you know what I mean). Sometimes I don’t mind it, sometimes I feel suffocated. I don’t know I guess it’s like I’m looking at the world through a telescope and like I only have peripheral vision. Like I can’t quite grasp what I’m seeing. Like I can’t quite step into my life completely things are just far away. It’s tough but it’ll get better at some point I hope! That’s all we can do is hope.


I have DPD as a symptom with my C-PTSD. I don't really know what it feels like to not be this way, it's been a part of me since I was very little. I'm also Autistic so I think and feel quite differently to the way lots of people seem to think and feel too. It fascinates me to see other people dealing with feelings and experiences which have been my normal for decades due to the way Covid has changed the way our world works here in the UK.

I've been shielding since the first week of March and will remain so until there is a safe vaccine I can take, I have multiple chronic illnesses and autoimmune diseases which put me at very high risk. I guess this is why I struggle to understand why it's so hard for other people, I have no choice but to live this way. I've been mostly housebound, Bedford much of that time, for over five years. It's difficult to not turn around to people, who have the chance of going back to some 'normal' or 'average' life in the future, and yell at them for being so selfish about not wearing masks and staying safe so everyone else makes it out alive, without long Covid, permanent new chronic illness, organ transplants needed or even stuck in a bed sick for the rest of their lives.

No one wants to join the ranks of the chronically sick, trust me. But so many people are willing to chance it for themselves, and for every person they come into contact with. No one so many of us with chronic mental illness are struggling.


its nice to see someone still talking about it. I feel like a lot of youtubers and influencers addressed covid in march and april, and then they just stopped talking about it. which I get.
I tried to get out there and live a normal(ish) life, and my boyfriend got covid :( thank god his symptoms are pretty mild and he's getting through it, but that's what we get for trying to pretend this thing doesn't exist.
I think now it's time for me to let go and accept it for what it is. so thank you


The combination of DR and ADHD in quarantine (and always) is just... AAAAHHH

It's like one part of my brain is like "I need stimulation!" and the other part is like "nothing is stimulating ever!" and then the one part goes "all the details of life are too sharp!" and the other goes "no, it's all just fog!". I feel like I'm dizzily swaying through a cloud all the time.


dodie, you were actually the first person I ever heard speak about depersonalization, and I'm so grateful for that because years later when I began to struggle with it for the first time, I had to word to call it and a way to describe my feelings thanks to all of your videos -- I don't know if I'll ever be able to thank you enough for that.


Thank you so much for posting this. You are an inspiration.


I was starting to get symptoms of derealization and depersonalization for about a year before COVID started, but it was generally manageable, but now.

Oof.


honestly this is so helpful to help process. like just hearing it all from someone else. due to beiung high risk and living in student halls i spent months alone and that has brought back everything (mental health wise) i have been working on so hard to overcome. just hearing that yeah this is just like that and everyone is feeling it from someone that dosnt try to convince me weekly everything is fine is nice.


hopefully dodie, or anyone feeling similarly, will see this and feel less alone in your endeavors of depersonalization.

i wouldn't consider myself as diagnosed with depersonalization, nor would i say it is a huge issue in my life. but i do experience it in times of heightened stress or when i'm feeling more depressed than usual that day. i hope i will never feel like that all the time, bc i know how it feels to have it for a few minutes or an hour, and it's pretty shitty. i would just like anyone reading this to know that i understand. (maybe not fully,) but i do understand how you are feeling, and you are not alone.


OMG Dodie you startled me when you sang Lovin You - firstly because I am currently practicing it with my singing teacher and secondly because of that scream at the end 😂😂😂💗💗💗 I love this song so much and hearing it from you makes me soooo happy <br>PS: I can sing that High note btw 😅)

OMG Dodie you startled me when you sang Lovin You - firstly because I am currently practicing it with my singing teacher and secondly because of that scream at the end 😂😂😂💗💗💗 I love this song so much and hearing it from you makes me soooo happy
PS: I can sing that High note btw 😅)


I wish I could word everything I wanted to say, but I'm far too rambly for that and so you'd end up with an essay that would make absolutely 0 sense because I'm just so, so filled with gratitude for you and the community you've made and god, I will never be able to show how much I appreciate your being in this world, but I'm just so glad that you're here and I'm here to experience this


Hi I really think I have depersonalization from multiple videos I found but my mom does not believe me so I wanted to let you know you are not alone<br>I love you ❤

Hi I really think I have depersonalization from multiple videos I found but my mom does not believe me so I wanted to let you know you are not alone
I love you ❤


talking about the different ways depersonalization can be experienced definitely made me feel validated in my experience with dissociation :)


For my post-grad, I wrote an essay about the link between attachment styles and dissociation! It showed that insecure attachment styles, specifically disorganised attachment where childhood was hectic and parental figures were unstable, can often lead to dissociation. I think it's more about momentary dissociation (not being there for a moment) than of chronic dissociation, but just commenting in case that's of any interest :)


i get the whole thing abt depersonalization/derealization coming from other mental illnesses...i’ve been struggling w ana for about 2 years now and ever since that starting life has never felt the same. i’m never in reality. i’m never me. so thank you for being open abt this dodie


I have never been diagnosed with anything... I’ve never even seen any type of mental health professional... but what you described is how I’ve been feeling for years... it’s so strange. I would try to explain how I was feeling to others and they wouldn’t understand. I felt so alone and honestly crazy. It made me feel like maybe what I was feeling wasn’t really what I was experiencing or maybe I’m just dramatic. But what you described is what I feel all the time. I feel like everything isn’t really here. Like I’m not really here. I want to feel alive and “icy” but I just can’t and I don’t know why. I don’t feel present or rooted. I feel like I’m dreaming but not in the good way. I don’t know if I have what you have but it feels good knowing that I’m not alone in feeling this way. Thank you.


At the beginning of covid, you sit around wondering what to do now. 7 months in there's still as much covid, but now you crochet. People say it gets better, but even if it doesn't, your ability to deal with it can. I don't have the depersonalization though, just the depression, although electroconvulsive therapy was my next treatment before I gave all that up, so maybe it's similar.


dodie i am so so glad you take the time to explain and talk about your experiences with derealization/depersonalization-- i've struggled with it as well for about 6 years now and seeing that first video you posted awhile back (the one abt feeling like you're dreaming) brought me a lot of comfort during a time i didn't have a grasp on what was happening with me and why i suddenly felt like i was 'underwater all the time'. the ways you verbalize the experience and try to find the upsides have continued to help me over the years and i'm just so grateful for that. thank you, and you're right- we will be okay.


You can feel normal again, or regain amounts of normalcy. It's going to be ok :) Jordan Hardgrave is a trauma therapist with a youtube channel and online course. It's helped me immensely in understanding what I was feeling exactly, and how to relax and live life to where traumatic triggers would slowly be desensitized through exposure.


shit man! i remember watching ur vid about depersonalisation a couple years ago not knowing anything about it and trying to imagine what it'd be like to experience myself, and now i have it and its such a real thing. i didn't know what it was for a while and was 15 when it started and i was so fucking confuused! and you talking about it was one of the main things that made me start thinking more ab it and decide to reach out n talk to a professional about it because i listen to you and its like you're taking words out my mouth. i'd been told by people that it wasn't real, and i started to believe it and think i was making it up or it wasn't a real enough feeling so listening to u rlly helped legitimise it. the way you said "i feel 70% alive" makes so much sense to me.<br>it doesn't suck any less to feel like u r dreaming all the time and have 0 control over it, but listening to people who experience it definitely helps to navigate it a bit more n just makes it feel like a bit less lonely and a bit more hopeful :,) love u! <3

shit man! i remember watching ur vid about depersonalisation a couple years ago not knowing anything about it and trying to imagine what it'd be like to experience myself, and now i have it and its such a real thing. i didn't know what it was for a while and was 15 when it started and i was so fucking confuused! and you talking about it was one of the main things that made me start thinking more ab it and decide to reach out n talk to a professional about it because i listen to you and its like you're taking words out my mouth. i'd been told by people that it wasn't real, and i started to believe it and think i was making it up or it wasn't a real enough feeling so listening to u rlly helped legitimise it. the way you said "i feel 70% alive" makes so much sense to me.
it doesn't suck any less to feel like u r dreaming all the time and have 0 control over it, but listening to people who experience it definitely helps to navigate it a bit more n just makes it feel like a bit less lonely and a bit more hopeful :,) love u! <3


Im genuinely feeling so wild right now because you explained how I've felt for so long perfectly but i could never put it into words!!?!? holy shit!?! thank you. other people understand????????????????


Derealisation is a part of my and (coincidentally?) my sister's life as well. Sometimes I feel like I'm a pillowcase - sitting on the couch, empty inside, just staring in the distance. On other days I just do my daily activities, I notice it is there but try to shift my focus, refuse to let it take over. However, better moments do occur. Whilst riding my bike, feeling the wind on my eyes and skin, reality seems almost within reach and the derealisation vanished - albeit for a moment.


Thanks for sharing this and showing me this is a thing, feels very familiar.


It sounds like you're more in tune with reality than most of us. I'm fascinated by the subject of reality itself. I'm subscribing ....I want to know more.


I too have dpdr and just found out about you after listening to your music for so long I feel kinda dumb now lol. You summed up perfectly how it feels, and made me realize why the pandemic hit me so hard mentally


Hi dodie
I realized I experience depersonalization a few months ago and it's cool to see someone else talk about it.
I noticed during a conversation with my friends, when I described my experience of being alive and they told me that it's not actually normal.
When the symptoms kick in, I feel removed from the world like being tired, even though I'm fully awake. My vision is clear, but the part of my brain that makes sense of it is fogged up. During conversations, I randomly dissociate and suddenly don't care about listening or saying things anymore.

I think it has something to do with the amount of time I spend on the internet instead of doing things. Over the years, I just forgot how to be somewhere, because on the internet, I'm always somewhere else.

My coping mechanisms therefore are to go outside without my phone. Singing and exercising are good, they force me to be very in touch with my body.
I'm still not sure whether mediation helps or makes things worse.

Anyways, it's pretty okay.


I managed somehow to get out of severe DPDR, now my symptoms accrue very rarely and I can feel them coming up before, so I don't let myself go into a panic and then it wears off. But when I was fully experiencing it, it was the hardest and most unpleasant year of my life. For me what was helpful was dealing with my trauma and avoiding triggers, which for me are shopping centres (because of the weird lights), conspiracy theories and thinking too abstractly, since it can get me to spiral.

Also sometimes when I'm reading about DPDR, the symptoms can start coming up, so I don't look into that stuff anymore.

Grounding is super important for me, which means working with my body but not meditation because it can trigger it.

So not overthinking and learning how to not let panic and anxiety take over me is the key right now.
Sending hugs


yes you describe the feelings so so well, you are so brave


I have dpdr since 4 years, in 2019 I was kinda better (I don't remember well) but with covid everything go wrong again, so yep here we are, in 2021 hopping that the time don't go faster and can live my life again.


When she started singing Lovin’ You I nearly lost it😂 love you dodie!


The way you described how you feel is what I feel too. Sometimes I just give in and space out. Let myself fall into the void where I don’t think or feel anything and just let time pass. Sometimes for hours. It’s like a warm fuzziness that’s clouds my vision and brain. Somewhere between consciousness and unconscious. I guess it’s kinda a coping mechanism for me to not deal with stuff that’s going on and to let go of the stress for a while. It’s not good when my mind starts to wander when I’m in the middle of an important conversation with my boyfriend. And I have to respond but don’t really know what to say.


You described me perfectly, Dodie! Who knows how many things I have! lol ... The only officially diagnosed thing I have for now is RA (and that is something i will have forever), but I have anxiety and depression as well. And I'm convinced for a long long time that I have Asperger syndrome! I'm sure of that. But I never seeked professional help with this, because it's not curable anyway, I guess. That is something I have all my life and I can deal with that somewhat. It didn't affect my study results (I got a PhD), but it affected everything else (for example : job hunting - that is killing me lol). On the other hand, I was thinking, that depersonalisation could help a musician perform fantastically on stage before a big audience or crowd ...!!! A person could just imagine no one is there and play the best without anxiety at all. Performing greatly on stage in front of a big audience is a rare gift. And you are gifted!!! You're fantastic! You're so talented! Btw. I'm not from the UK! lol (but from other country in the EU)


Haven’t been diagnosed yet but I’m pretty sure I am experiencing this. It happens more when I’m talking to authoritative figures and people in general. I do have several disorders


I was diagnosed with depersonalization/derealization 3 years ago and have been trying to live with it for many many more years than that because I was too afraid that people would think I am crazy for the way that I feel, so I never brought it up to anyone. I am glad that I have now though. I also have an anxiety disorder and a panic disorder and that usually gets way worse when I have a depersonalization/derealization episode which could last 1 hour or a week. Mine comes and goes. Watching your videos and listening to your songs have been a great help and it makes me feel so much better knowing that I am not alone even though I wish no one felt the way I do because it does suck. Thanks Dodie!


when you said "take what you can get" at 6:01, that reminded me of your lyric "i'll take what i can get" in "when," and tbh i've listened to "when" so many times during quarantine/sheltering-in-place (which is still happening shoutout to america lolll)


Maybe look into RRT (rapid resolution therapy) for CPTSD. It helped me with some of my dissociative symptoms that I have as a result of BPD and CPTSD.


I also got this after trauma, it's pretty distracting when you're walking outside especially. It's a pretty lonely condition because it makes you feel detached. I have basically learned to float with the feelings instead of trying to fight them because I've accepted that there's currently nothing that can be done about it. However i remain hopeful that one day there will be a cure for this, i have heard of an experimental treatment where they shock your brain to wake up some neurons or something like that which seems promising.


When I learned to accept my condition and "let it flow" (which is not so obvious and superficial as it may seem) it got waay better. But yeah, I'm always a little nostalgic of what things felt like before everything. I kinda miss me. Sometimes I also remember a nice (cheesy?) thing  an old professor of mine used to say in class : "be careful of your depression, 'cause you're in danger of becoming an artist". Whether true or not I guess one should try to make the best out of everything.


I tried to explain this to my old therapist and she responded “that’s just what it’s like being human and to be aware of how little sense it all makes.” I wonder about that still.


Disassociation nation here 🙋🏽♀ this year has been super weird. I know what you mean. Knit your heart out ❤


God thank you so much for this. If you want a book that helps wrap your head around this topic is The Body Keeps The Score. It makes me feel a little bit more sane.

COVID has made my DPD experience 10 times worse. I was actually able to put a name to this <b>thing</b> I go through every day, but the symptoms got worse. The depression got worse. I’m slowly learning how to cope. I broke down sobbing at work in the midst of an “episode” (mine is constant, but definitely worse than others. Like when she mentions “indulging in it”. I call those “episodes”) and then cried in my managers arms. Some days are easier. It’s finding those coping mechanisms, not looking at myself for too long in a mirror, and distracting myself as much as possible. And it’s horrible.

COVID has made my DPD experience 10 times worse. I was actually able to put a name to this *thing* I go through every day, but the symptoms got worse. The depression got worse. I’m slowly learning how to cope. I broke down sobbing at work in the midst of an “episode” (mine is constant, but definitely worse than others. Like when she mentions “indulging in it”. I call those “episodes”) and then cried in my managers arms. Some days are easier. It’s finding those coping mechanisms, not looking at myself for too long in a mirror, and distracting myself as much as possible. And it’s horrible.


I have had dpdr for as long as I can recall. Didn't realize I had it until last year after I did a deeper study into psychiatry for my psychology book I'm writing. So much disassociation that until about 3-4 years ago I could hardly taste food. Like 15-20% of taste at best.

According to modern psychology, I have an unorthodox treatment for dpdr which has had great results for myself. I hope someday this information gets to you.


you really hit the nail on the head when you were comparing covid times to dpdr. i have these weird moments of "i'm fine" while simultaneously feeling like something is wrong, or bad, but it's far, or fuzzy. like something's just wrong, something's shifted and i can't tell what, but it doesn't feel right. trying to describe dpdr makes me sound even crazier than i feel lol but thank u for this vid


I feel Derealization very often, and like you said it becomes easier to not notice. I get depersonalization on bad days and its hard not having the same vivid view of everything. Youre not alone dodie, or whoever is also reading this. Drink some water and breathe 💛


for me my dissociation seems to cause my panic attacks, a big turning point for me is switching my thinking from "I need this to end" "I will get cured and never feel this way again" to accepting that this is something that will always be a part of me and I should work with it rather than against it. still sucks a lot though i've been in this spacey state for around 9 years now casue of trauma but only had a name for it for 5. we're all in this together and your couple videos about dprp really made me feel like I wasn't alone. wising you the best as always


I'm so happy someone finally brought this up...Nothing feels real


Hey! just saw your video with Kati! I learned that I deal with DT mainly and DP from time to time for wayyyy long time. So it's really nice to find someone else who has it :)


I totally relate to the "It's always there" feeling. I don't have DPD, but I have generalized anxiety (GAD) which never goes away. And it's weird to talk about it because when it's really bad, people can see it. The fear pulls harder on my chest or stomach. But when it's lesser, it's still there. It's always there, but you just can't see it.

<3333 you’re incredible for walking through life carrying something so heavy. I wish u peace <333


this might be lost to the void, but I remember when you first posted about dpdr. it was the first time I'd ever heard of it, and I brought it up to my therapist quickly afterwards. it led to the biggest breakthrough I've had in therapy. I discovered my dissociative disorder actually runs pretty deep, and theres a lot of shit I've never had the language to deal with, because I thought most of it was normal. the feeling of not being able to see enough, or feel enough, or be present enough has been around my whole life, along with general fogginess and memory issues. I currently have the label DDNOS/OSDD, depending on who's doing the labeling. without your videos, and a few other resources, it would've taken me a while to pin down what was happening, so thanks for sharing, it has helped me infinitely.


Im pretty sure I've been disassociating and depersonalising for at least a few years now, but I'm also doubting myself and I hate talking about it with doctors because I feel like they don't take me seriously and just ahhhhhhhh


I feel like my depersonalization has if anything primed me for the surreal world of Covid. Also being physically disabled and having not left my house except for groceries/stocking up on things and having no friends. Really all around I feel guilty some times that this pandemic has been so hard on most people and I was primed for it almost 9 years ago so this doesn't feel all that crazy to me.


also that video you posted back in 2017 on DPD, i can’t even explain how much it saved me. you said that you scratch your palms and at the time when my DPD was at its worst, i tried this and it helped me ground myself almost every time i felt it coming. it has saved me so many panic attacks and general anxiety and helped me go a little out of my comfort zone because i know that there are ways i can deal with it. so just thank you so fucking much.


Dodie I had no idea dp/dr existed before watching you and honestly, after getting a diagnosis it made a lot of sense. All your songs hit so hard, especially when. I swear I've gone off on countless rambles of analyzing it's lyrics to my friends. I feel like you just. Get it. I feel so seen and comforted when listening to your music and watching your videos. I can't thank you enough for sharing this part of your life with us 💖


Hi! I also dissociate (C-PTSD). For me, it feels like my life is just a show I'm watching and the most real times in my life are the ones when I'm most lonely/depressed, etc. Fun times! But yeah, I find your "it has to be comment" very true. I can get angry about it and freaked out about it but ultimately the best I can do is make myself comfortable, give myself the best life I can, and try to practice grounding myself. And ever since COVID, it's the same only even worse--it feels like I'm living my life through a screen except I really am. I'm trying to remind myself that people do exist in real life and that the world exists in real life. And trying to do things that remind me of my own body. Idk, I find physically focused things the most helpful I think.


Dodie making limiter metaphors to describe the realities of quarantine and derealization is something I didn't know that I needed until right now.

I loved that! It makes so much sense, and I kinda love how she 가 didn't explain it, she just left it there for the people who get it.


I have hEDS and I can so relate, even though it's not the same. Like yes it hurts and it's uncomfortable when things dislocates, but I'm always in pain and sometimes it overflows me and sometimes I can handle it. It's the same type of pain and it's always there. It's okay because it has to be.


The best way I can describe it is that it feels like there is mesh layer or filter in front of your eyes so you can kind of see and feel but not completely and when your depersonalisation gets worse the filter changes into a more solid colour and then it feels like a wall separating ‘you’ from your body


I’ve been away from YouTube for a while and I’m very glad this is the video I came back for. Thank you ❤


"It eez what it eeez" is what I tell myself during depressive episodes, that meme has become my motto - it'll get better Dodie! :)


Wow. You've described this moment so well.


I've had problems with denationalization when I'm anxious, sad or angry. I get a weird "buzzing" in my head. A year ago I had a panic attack, lost all of the feeling of the environment, the ground... I was feeling the car seat all the way to the new house... took me a day to get back up...


Being yourself is a reflex.  The "solution" is your decision...when you become it.  You just fall into it not even knowing it.


It sounds like a waking dream; when you're not quite all the way in sleep but you're definitely dreaming, yet you can also see the world around you. Which is one of my least favorite occurrences and if it's anything like that, I can only imagine how uncomfortable and unsure you are all the time. Endless love for you <3


"I'm just going to try this (small lower bit) because it's all I have right now." Great relatable quote to keep us all going.


You singing at the end actually made me finally feel really connected to somebody ~ because I was singing and 'dum dum dum' and 'EAAAEHHAHH' along with you! ^^


I am totally there with you! In the past, I have had to ask my husband almost daily, “Am I dreaming? Is this real life?” because it feels like a dream (I also suffer from VERY vivid dreams. Like I wake up and can tell you for 20 minutes all the details of my dreams EVERY MORNING. Yeah, the movie Inception. Most terrifying thing I’ve ever seen. Because that’s what it feels like to me). And just like Dodie mentioned, I will often do this as a response to panic, or instead of panicking. I will enter a nearly catatonic state where I can hear what is going on around me but can’t move or respond, other than maybe nodding or shaking my head and my husband has to slowly coax me out of it for 15 minutes and ends with him asking, “Are you back?” or him telling me, “Stay with me. It’s okay to be present”.

But you know what?? It gets better!! I’ve been in therapy for 5ish years now, I keep a therapy journal, I know my triggers and limits, and I RARELY have this happen anymore! I recognize that this isn’t the case for everyone, but it really can get better. I have a saying written above my bed on a post-it note that I read each night that says, “The emotions you are having right now, good or bad, will not last forever. They do not define you and are not indicative of how you will feel tomorrow”. Hang in there, friends! ❤

Also, another comment: be willing to try techniques to help you feel present but recognize that not everything will work for everyone. For example, mediation of the type where you sit on the ground and focus on your breathing. Yeah. That didn’t work out for me. It will make me embrace the spaciness and enter so deeply in this openness that I would struggle to pull out of it and would have horrible migraines when I finished. So I had to adapt. Try something else. I’ve found just drinking water grounds me and helps keep me present. But don’t get discouraged if one thing doesn’t work for you when it seems to help other people. Be patient with yourself. My therapist taught me to tell myself, “Brain, you’re a slow learner, but I’m not going to give up on you”.


i remember holding my girlfriend’s hand (we’d been dating for like 8 months) and i went into a dissociative state and i felt like she was a complete stranger to me, like it felt like i had just met her a week before or something. and then i was like why am i holding this person’s hand? that feeling still comes and goes, but my girlfriend knows about it now and tells me “you’re safe.” and then it’s like a big wave of relief. still spacey, but it helps a little bit knowing my girlfriend is aware and that she can reassure me that i’m safe. i think it’s a result of my anxiety brain being like “dude what are you doing? remember when you were in that abusive relationship??? you’re gonna get hurt again.” and then my body just goes into what i like to call “ghost mode” 😂 love you, dodie :) thank you for talking about this


Dear miss Dodie,
Thank you so much for this video (and other videos alike). Not only do they instill a sense of warmth and peace in me during this cold corona winter, you may also have helped me diagnose myself with this medical condition. I'm 19, and since i've been 16-ish I started noticing i felt less and less real, but i usually ignored it, because it never really bothered me, until i went to college. During this period of time i really started doubting reality, and whether i was real or if anything was real at all, and ive always thought that i was going crazy (or that the hardware of the matrix pod my áctual body was in was growing out of date xp). Especially during these lockdown times i felt specifically fake. Before summer i was doing relatively allright, because i was living towards the idea of everything being allright again, however now that the summer has ended, and i broke up with my girlfriend over the summer that fake feeling starts to get worse again... or maybe not worse, but i just notice it more..
Sorry if any of this is too much information, im just really glad to hear im not alone in this, and that im not going crazy.
P.s. thank you for writing "she", it's one of my favourite songs in the whole wide world!

X,
Hugo


She describes it so well, better than I can when I'm trying to explain it to my friends and family. The shitty thing is, no one really understands it or they try and relate by saying "oh yeah I get days like that" when they forget its a constant thing for people who have it. Apositive I guess that came out of it for me is that I have a bit more confidence and less of a filter. I guess because I feel like I'm dreaming I think my brain thinks (to a certain extent) "oh well, doesnt matter if I say this, no real consequences.." <br>I feel you Dodie, I have experienced all of this for 2 years now and still trying to accept its an ongoing thing indefinitely.. its ok to have down days. x

She describes it so well, better than I can when I'm trying to explain it to my friends and family. The shitty thing is, no one really understands it or they try and relate by saying "oh yeah I get days like that" when they forget its a constant thing for people who have it. Apositive I guess that came out of it for me is that I have a bit more confidence and less of a filter. I guess because I feel like I'm dreaming I think my brain thinks (to a certain extent) "oh well, doesnt matter if I say this, no real consequences.."
I feel you Dodie, I have experienced all of this for 2 years now and still trying to accept its an ongoing thing indefinitely.. its ok to have down days. x


Have you heard of the lightning process? Its a really interesting course that dies t sound like should work but does. I don’t even know it it’s an option for depersonalisation but I used it for chronic pain and I have friends who have used it for chronic fatigue and depression. Maybe worth looking into? I’m so much healthier since doing it and have a far better quality of life now


I experience derealisation after my panic attacks, and it usually lasts for a few hours, a day max. When I was at my worst, having panic attacks every day, it was constantly there. I can't imagine how it feels like for you, experiencing this for 8 years straight, and I'm so thankful that you give me (and probably so many people) the feeling of not having to go through it alone. So that's what I want you to know as well: You're not alone in this! <3


I think I've experienced this properly twice in the past 20 days. It lasted between probably 8 hours to 2 days. But I'm not sure. It made me very anxious and afraid and I felt like I was dreaming or that nothing was real and I wanted to cry all the time and just ugh it was horrible. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this chronically.


I dissociate some times when I am experience symptoms of depression or extreme anxiety.  And to me, it feels some times like I am high. Like there is a wall, a sheet, between me and the world.


When I went through a deep depression I thought I was living in a computer game and everything was just an image and not real


I think I've been feeling depersonalization recently... it pops up when I get anxious/push my comfort zone, and I just space out.


I've only had a handful of depersonalisation/derealisation experiences that lasted a day or two, triggered by my anxiety. I can't imagine having it all the time. Thank you for showing it's possible to live with and for being such a beautiful wonderful soul 💕


DODIE 💖💖💖💖
Can't remember if I've commented this before but I wanted you to know that you are the person that introduced me to dissociation. I had been feeling.. like shit, to put it one way, for around two years and was just in constant mental turmoil trying to figure out what I was feeling and if it was even an issue or if it was just life. Then you posted the first video talking about your experience and I will never be able to describe that feeling of realizing you are not crazy and you are not alone. I cried and cried and it was the only thing I watched for a week. It's such a hard thing to describe but you do it so well even though it's different for everyone. For me personally I honestly am..like..so depersonalized I don't even know I'm depersonalized, you know? It's like when you have those come out of it a tad moments and all of a sudden I can SEE the wall in front of me and I'm like WOAH I forgot that I'm not actually seeing that normally! And like you said it makes me so upset that I just sink right back in and don't know how to crawl out. This all makes it hard to do therapy because how do you describe something you don't know you're feeling? So it took me a long time to seek help, but I am doing so now. And I feel like I've heard sooo many more people talk about dissociation in the past six months to a year and, in my world at least, it all started with you 💛 You're a queen, I'm sorry you feel this way, but I'm here with you. Thank you for being so instrumental in my mental health journey
Love xx
Jordan


one day I was talking to my boyfriend about how sometimes it's weird that we look in the mirror and suddenly realize we are a living breathing person and other people are real as well and we're alive and breathing and it feels weird to realize that almost like it makes it even less real? and he was like "yeah... I don't do that...". for most of my life I thought being spacey or feeling like I wasn't real, or forgetting about stuff cause it feels like I was in a dream was just something that everybody did. I am diagnosed with BPD but never got the diagnosis for depersonalization tho


YES! People I know are saying it still feels like march or time doesn't feel real, I'm like welcome to the club. It's kinda nice to not feel like the odd one out or the one with the weird brain tbh.


Hey! I don’t know if I went through a depersonalization thing, but I went through psychosis and feel all other the so many things that make up what it’s like to have mental illness. Also nice hand graphs btw


. the first video i've ever watched from Dodie was her derealization/depersonalization video. I was confused and scared and felt alone because nobody seemed to understand what I meant when I said i didn't feel real, like I was in a dream. So I turned to google. I watched a bunch of videos but Dodie's made me feel understood and like I wasn't alone. And that's when I started watching her videos. Its been a really long time, I forgot how long ago that was. It was the first time i felt like my mind wasn't foreign creature set on my demise. It was comforting, and helped me get through the beginning stages of realizing what was going on with me. I still don't know why I feel like this but at least I know that I'm not the only one. <br>So, Thank you. Not only Dodie, but everyone here. Every comment that I read, everyone who feels like i do: thank you for existing. I don't think I'd feel so okay if you didn't.

. the first video i've ever watched from Dodie was her derealization/depersonalization video. I was confused and scared and felt alone because nobody seemed to understand what I meant when I said i didn't feel real, like I was in a dream. So I turned to google. I watched a bunch of videos but Dodie's made me feel understood and like I wasn't alone. And that's when I started watching her videos. Its been a really long time, I forgot how long ago that was. It was the first time i felt like my mind wasn't foreign creature set on my demise. It was comforting, and helped me get through the beginning stages of realizing what was going on with me. I still don't know why I feel like this but at least I know that I'm not the only one.
So, Thank you. Not only Dodie, but everyone here. Every comment that I read, everyone who feels like i do: thank you for existing. I don't think I'd feel so okay if you didn't.


The only things that helps my dissociations is to ground myself, there are acupressure points under your feet that you can press, as well as walking barefoot in grass or give yourself a foot massage (or have someone else do it). I’m bipolar type 2 but also very spiritual so from that perspective, I have an overactive third-eye chakra sometimes and there are great meditations on YT for that💕


ahhh I’ve been trying to explain this to my mom and my therapist, but I couldn’t put all the words together. I struggle with depersonalization and I completely understand what you’re saying. I keep waiting for everything to either “set in,” or be “normal” again. everything feels so weird and my “bouts” of dissociating come and go, but when I’m “back to normal” it still feels like I’m not here and nothing is real and everything is like a dream. I’m sorry, none of this probably made sense 😂


That’s crazy... my whole depersonalization and disconnect issues started during COVID. Anxious to see what the videos about

@nutella 444_555 Yup! anytime :) these past few months have been incredibly strange and difficult, not to mention it's hard when things are so monotonous and there's nothing to do or remember(time feels weird, memories blur). Take care, and be gentle to yourself! But if this continues after things "get better" or go back to "normal", seek out some help if you can

@Abigail Lesniak I’ve been in a constant state of “disconnect” for a while now. Like... for example I genuinely don’t remember anything I’ve done all October which may seem vague but even after watching a video or writing something I don’t remember watching it. I constantly feel checked/spaced out all the time. Lol thx for replying and lowkey validating me I needed to know I’m not a crazy person 😂

during times of stress and trauma, its more common for people to experience dissociation/depersonalization from time to time even if not affected by DPDR, so the pandemic probably has indeed probably been a big part of it!


every time u talk about depersonalization it helps me so much bc i remember im not the only one


I really appreciate your willingness to share this.


I tell everyone I meet about complex trauma. It's such an important way to understand other people.


thank you for making this, i feel much less alone


I’m going through it right now , ever since Covid infection I got back but that came after my anxiety and I’m having Gi issues, I’ve always had it on and off , I won’t have it for 1 year and then I’ll get it for a month then hopefully it will go away. It sucks but I’m managing it as much as I can , the important thing is not to think or dwell on it


THIS. I've been so confused because I've experienced depersonalization on and off for about 2 years but ever since covid it's been way more constant. I just started talking about it and I'm so confused as to whether this is my brain or just my brain because of covid. :0


I’ve struggled with depersonalization for about... 6 years now. The last 5 years were awful. I honestly don’t notice it nearly as much now. It used to be 100% of the time. Now it’s maybe..... umm... I honestly don’t notice it that much anymore, but maybe because I don’t find it as upsetting. I just notice it without judgement and move on. Now it’s when I’m in large crowds, doing errands, or really overwhelmed or talking about ptsd triggers. So maybe.... 60% of the time? It used to make me so so so depressed, and I never believed it would get better. I thought one day the light would turn back on and it would completely vanish. But it’s been like a dial that’s turning and slowly getting back to where I used to be. So gradually that I didn’t notice it until just now. Wow. I wish I could have told myself this 6 years ago when I first got it.❤


I have Maladaptive day dreaming which gets in the way with a lot of things but it also helps with my anxiety and depression. Maybe I day dream because of them but either way it helps more than it hurts.


Id never had any of those symptoms but I did notice the similarities during quarantine since I knew what depersonalization was. I keep thinking things that happened in August happened between February and May, it’s hard to get up out of bed and I almost feel that I’ve lost the ability to think. But I know it’s just lonesome here.


It's really comforting to see someone on as big of a platform as you talking about depersonalisation. Up until quarantine, I had no idea that it was a common thing and that I am not completely insane. I have had it for as long a I can remember. I don't feel like I'm alive the majority of the time and so I am never "in my body" or living in the moment. I feel like a character in a movie or someone else is living my life for me. But hey, I'm no longer alone. You are loved Dodie and you make everyone else feel loved. So... thank you! :)


In the summer time I had really bad derealization from consuming wAY too much thc in my body & I don’t have derealization like I used to have it but when I’m stressed , on my period, going through something or stressed I can feel derealizated not as extreme as the summer time though and quarantine doesn’t help but mines way better than it used to be I hope it gets better for you ❣


i have never heard anyone else talk about depersonalization/derealization even after all of these years. i still have to explain it to people during every episode i have and its rly isolating. i cant express how comforting it is to hear someone else talk about it. its rly validating


I've never been officially diagnosed with CPTSD or Depersonalization, but during quarantine, after much self-examination and some memories revisiting me of past abuses I had forgotten about, I see it as likely that I have depersonalization in addition to the litany of other illnesses I have. I don't feel as much as I used to, or as strongly; it's like a callous on reality after someone pressed down too hard on the strings of my consciousness and everything's always dreamy. I feel, but less. But I'm also hypersensitive to physical sensation.

You are not alone, for certain. Gratitude is valuable, meditation is valuable. Fortunate for all, there are a million tools for it.


A few days ago I thought about dp and how you're doing
<3
Glad you made the video about it again


I dont have the chronic disease but I've been through many episodes during those covid times and I truly think you describe it perfectly. it feels like you've always been dreaming your life but you're only aware of it now and you still can't wake up so it's extremely unsettling, at least for me. hope you're doing better, I looooove your work and personality ♡


I explained depersonalization to my doctor as being in the twilight zone and she was like"O, that's called 'depersonalization, I'm gonna up your meds".


I’m just recently coming to the realisation that this is probably what I’ve been suffering from my entire life. I’ve been on depression medication for over 10 years, and just kind of assumed that was all that could be done.
I go through most of my days feeling like a ghost, just barely visible. Enough to know I’m here, but not to really interact, contribute or really have any kind of impact. I sometimes get surprised when people talk to me because I forget I am actually there.

I’m 32, and I found out about depersonalisation yesterday. My entire life feels like it’s been put into some kind of context and it’s a strange feeling. Looks like there’s some work ahead of me yet!


im sorry if this makes you feel out of control but i really have to thank you. it was because of you that i had a name for what i felt. and, being a hypocondriac, that made it SO MUCH easier. i told my terapist that i might have it and they wete like "no no no you just anxious". then they did research and next week they were like "well, you have it". and if it wasnt your videos i might still be so scared and lost. thank you thank you thank you dodie. it changed my life. and also, good luck, its fucking hard


Your videos about depersonalization all have helped me so mcuh becausei have felt this before and when I felt it I was so freaking confused that what the hell is happening to me and I felt like I was In a dream and youre so brave for talking about this like literally no one else has ever spoken about this and I used to think I was the only one who has ever felt like that and you have helped me so so so so so much and I love you


i am pretty high on the dissociative scale and have been diagnosed with depersonalization and derealization and just thank you, this has put the feelings all into words so wonderfully. i've never had ways to describe it let alone someone really knowing how i feel and it's just nice to see someone else gets it. and thank you for being open about these experiences :) ♥ it's very appreciated:))


I’ve had depersonalisation for almost 5 years now and it can either be like I’m watching a dark movie scene with the lights on (I can barely see things but I still have a general idea of what’s happening) or I’m watching a scene where someone has been in the dark for a while and they’re going outside into a really bright world


I believe I have a form of depersonalization as well, but more so as part of the spectrum of my anxiety when it’s at its peak (based on what information I have). For me it’s been more sparse, fortunately, though it has gotten much worse as of late. But, I realized that it feels much like you’re in a video game simulation where you feel as if you are close to the character you’re playing, but when you look in a mirror or open your mouth to speak it doesn’t feel like you at all. I was curious if you (dodie) or anyone else felt like this analogy as well?? I’m still trying to understand it all and am very thankful these videos. 💛


I never fully understood depersonalization when you first started talking about it, but OH BOY DO WE HAVE SHARED EXPERIENCES NOW


I struggled with derealization for a long time but I finally kinda got rid of it!! when I started recovering from my depression and codependency and just started being more true to myself, finding myself more and living more in alignment with who I truly am. for me it was really a trauma coping mechanism that I'd developed during childhood but now that I'm out of that environment it's so much easier to stay out of derealization. I'm so happy this isn't such a big part of my life anymore!! sending love to anyone struggling <3 edit: dodie's video on derealization was the first time I'd hear ANYONE talk about it or describe it and it made me feel SO MUCH less alone. I felt like I wasn't crazy. so thank you dodie <3


Something I've really come to understand far deeper than I ever had before due to COVID and fighting with the sadness I have around loosing my passion for art is that I'm grateful for the problems that I have. Before, it was a concept riddled with guilt and judgement of my own privilege and belittling of my own issues. Now, I'm just grateful that my loved ones and I aren't suffering in the ways people were 50, 100, 500+ years ago. I'm grateful that I can do the things in the first place that have led to the problems I have, coz that wasn't always the case. Problems are still problems and it often feels like living at 70% but I don't judge myself for that missing 30% as much anymore.


Thanks for sharing this I think I can start cope with it


I actually have OCD, but I experienced depersonalization the year after my father died in 2005. Everything just became unbearable and my brain kind of overloaded. And with the OCD, it was always in front of me, questioning the reality of myself and the world around me. I eventually emerged from this continual fog, but it was hell. I soo emphasize with you. Now I haven’t experienced a resurgence of my depersonalization, but my OCD has been horrible during this pandemic. Hang in there. I hope you can maintain your equilibrium, wherever it’s currently set.


XD I'm so happy I'm not the only one that randomly squeals out that 'for forever' high note <3


I’ve never commented about this and I don’t know why? I’m one of the ‘bouts people’ with depersonalisation, have been since primary school. I used to describe it as being dizzy but not being dizzy and nobody knew what I meant. Nothing helped with the fear and panic every single day on the bus to school, or the way I would grip my water bottle far too tightly when I would become aware of my surroundings in a big city. Because I fainted a lot as a kid I had water with me constantly as to try to train a placebo out of myself, even though I knew I had never actually fainted from whatever it was, and probably never would. I finally found what it was in my adulthood, right before you started posting about it. And as horrible as what it is that you go through, hearing you talk about it was like that wave of relief you get when you first find out ‘what’s wrong’ with you, and I still tear up every time you talk about it. I hope you’re keeping well as you can be, and thank you for still choosing to share that 10% with us ♡


i'm so sorry for anyone going through it... and so glad mine lasted for only a few months three years ago, tho it felt like an eternity in the moment. it was hell, much worse than depression and anxiety (for me at least). hoping i'll never experience it again. such a strange and frightening state of being. has got me thinking if it was triggered by unresolved trauma..


I love hearing you speak introspectively !!!


who else is crying so much because they finally have found a video that explains EXCATLY what you're going through so now you can send it to your loved ones and say Hey here is to understand me more<br>This disorder is so complex and hard to explain so my family thinks I'm making it up for attention. Now I can show them I'm not crazy and I'm not the only one. Thanks dodie.

who else is crying so much because they finally have found a video that explains EXCATLY what you're going through so now you can send it to your loved ones and say Hey here is to understand me more
This disorder is so complex and hard to explain so my family thinks I'm making it up for attention. Now I can show them I'm not crazy and I'm not the only one. Thanks dodie.


I never heard anybody describe it as good as you.. I’m sorry you feel this way too. I have had this for seven years now and I really hope I will get rid of it someday. In the meantime we will enjoy life halfway. Lots of love


I dissociate as part of my BPD (which, funnily enough, is a result of complex trauma). The only thing that has helped me has been anti-psychotics (olanzapine). I'm sorry nothing has worked for you. I remember asking a doctor if they could make me real again, and it does currently feel a little like we're living in a nightmare rather than real life.


I think I've realised I get depersonalisation/derealization in a stressful environment. Like I tried to learn to drive and it just felt like I couldn't see and I didn't know where the road was? I have good eyesight it just wasn't going to my brain. I also kind of get it if I focus on my hands too much they just don't feel like mine anymore.


I completely understand. I've also been chronically disassociated since 2012 with no breaks at all. I'm constantly trying to seek out some magical experience, the one huge life event that will cause the egg to crack, the catharsis. It can manifest in stupid ways. For me I have food anxiety where I need to taste every single food available to me because I'm trying to find food that tastes like it used to when I was younger. I hate being in a room with the curtains closed because if I can't see the outside then I feel like I'm in a box lost in space and not grounded to the world. All my senses but especially taste and smell are permanently dampened.

I'm at the age where I'm supposed to travel and drink hard but the unfamiliar setting and/or alcohol makes me really spacey. I feel horrible when I try it and incredibly jealous when I miss out on it. Still trying to be able to practice positive gratitude for it I.e. Focusing on the positives and not looking at something worse and saying "well my life is good because at least I don't have dissociative identity disorder like this person in my life."

I'm always scared it'll get worse, like I'll start blacking out or fuging or something. It's frustrating having so little knowledge or exposure about it so thanks dodie for being the person who does that.


awesome video. dpdr is <b>ominous</b> - like I'm in an Ikea furniture store w/ kitchen & furniture setups. It's like it's all trying to be real, but it's not.

awesome video. dpdr is *ominous* - like I'm in an Ikea furniture store w/ kitchen & furniture setups. It's like it's all trying to be real, but it's not.


I never comment on videos but you said it makes you happy when people with depersonalization/derealization comment so here we are :). I’m also a sufferer although not as chronically as you. Mine appears during times of stress and trauma. I admire you so much for being able to breathe through it and still laugh and dance and sing and live your life and not let it define you. As you said there is no other choice. Keep being amazing! I hope you find a relief from it one day. ❤


Hi, I'm not sure if you will see this. But I have also suffered from depersonalisation as a result of trauma and OCD. I understand that it's really frustrating and you feel like you're missing out. But it can get better, I know this because I am better now. What helped me was coming to terms with my other problems and not letting them upset me. I got to a point where I stopped reminding myself and beating myself up about my problems. The less I checked the better it got, I don't know if that makes sense. It still comes back every now and then, when I'm stressed but Its a lot better.


I suffer from a general anxiety dissorder, depression and a medicaton addiction from benzos. All of this got really worse since the whole situation got out of hand worldwide. I am not able to do a lot because of major panic attacks and my withdrawl symptoms because of fighting my addiction. People with mental illnesses suffer a lot these days and I do hope this situation we have will get better, because I don't think everybody has the energy to continue like this for god knows how long (including me)


I wouldn’t say I have a special depersonalization disorder but I do disassociate a lot of the time as a coping mechanism and this video made me feel a little more seen. Thank you. And much love to you <3


Hello! I don’t know if depersonalization and dissociation are similar (and I haven’t been officially diagnosed, a therapist just suggested the terminology for me), but I can definitely relate to a lot of this. Every day kind of seems really unreal and just... like I can’t touch anything (if that makes sense). Everything kind of just flows by me like water and trying to grasp at anything is difficult. Even reaching back into memories is sketchy, as a lot of memories just disappear or I can no longer connect to the emotions in them. Good or bad, I would REALLY just like to access some of those emotions. Idk, I‘be also become sort of reckless because when everything doesn’t seem to have any substance, you kind of just forget or don’t care about the consequences of some things. Which has had a very negative impact on relationships, and there are times where I ‘resurface’ and realize how shitty I have made my life. But I can’t even care about that too long before I am back under. Resurfacing is also just VERY uncomfortable, because everything just seems sharper and more painful. Idk, I just wanted to say I appreciate you talking about your experience, have a nice day❤


I just recently got diagnosed with Derealization/Depersonalization Disorder after years of telling people that I wasn't quite "here" all the time. After I learned the word dissociation, I had the tools to communicate how I felt to people but it wasn't until last year that someone understood that it was chronic. I've not really felt all here since I was a little kid, and I forget large searches of time. Perhaps my brain will forget this year, perhaps it won't, it's already forgotten part of it. Regardless, I hope it lets me remember the parts that were made up of drawing and being with my partner and finding comfort.


i’m 99% sure i suffer from depersonalization but i haven’t been diagnosed with anything because i never have the insurance or the money to get anything diagnosed. the first time it happened was the scariest moment of my life, i was in a assembly in like 2nd?? grade and i suddenly couldn’t really understand what the speaker was saying and i felt floaty and like i wasn’t really there, i told all my friends with tears in my eyes and they told me to calm down and everything was fine. i’ve learned to deal with it, and it just comes on at random moments but i’ve noticed that it has been happening to me a lot less and it comes on with anxiety. it makes me feel happy to realize that i have been less anxious recently, but it’s still sucky when it happens :(


hi I also have DPRD and what you said about comments making you not feel alone is basically how I feel about watching your videos on the condition--it makes it feel like I'm not alone. So thank you for that :)


Would you ever consider maybe like a 1st person "through my eyes" sort of video comparing like how you experience the world vs what average someone without depersonalization . Cuz sometimes idk what about my mental health is a symptom of what, i.e. its a mess an i don't know what the main root and what's and off-shoot and I think that'd be really interesting to see and possibly relate or maybe find out that what i thought i was experiencing is very different and i have more of a journey to go on, one that 100% includes actually going to therapy


i’m sixteen, going on seventeen, and i have been feeling the wrath of derealization/depersonalization since in the beginning of last year. it sucks. i hate it, and i feel like i’ll never be okay again. i feel like i’ll be like this forever, like it’s never-ending. sometimes i even feel like i’m going crazy, but my friends reassure me that i’m not. i space out a lot, things tend to look like how they do if i were to be in virtual reality. it freaks me out. but then, i do remember that i am real and i am a human and i try to bring myself back into thinking that everything is going to be okay.


I’ve been depersonalizing alot lately (also derealizing) it hurts mentally my spirit isn’t in my body it’s blurry weird and tired


dodie, it's because of you and the videos that you made about depersonalization/derealization that I started to realize something was wrong for me mentally. After a lot of therapy, I have learned a lot about why my mind reacts the way that it does, but there was a large portion of my life where I didn't know what was wrong with me and why everything would get really fuzzy and weird and dreamlike. I didn't know a lot about mental health, but no one had ever described anything like what I was feeling. You were the first person I ever saw talk about this and were the initial spark to a very long (and still going) journey. Thank you (:


lmao experienced dissociation for multiple days for the first time last weekend, was v scary did not know who i was so this was nice and relatable TM


I narrate my life in my head often. A lot of people do this without intending to. I find that when I'm getting spacey, consciously  narrating my surroundings and what I'm doing in them helps to ground me. It's a great way to work on positive thought patterns about yourself too!  "She was walking down the street. Her shoulders were tense and she tried to release the tension from work. It was a nice day and her hair caught the sun. A passing stranger tried not to notice how well her sweater fit."


this sounds weird now I've typed it out lol, but I utilize when mine gets worse. I take that "no consequences" feeling and use it to try things that maybe I was nervous to do before, or I have tough conversations I've been avoiding. makes it feel like it's not just awful and useless.


damn thought I was the only one feeling this kind of stuff. :)


Thank you so much for explaining that. I’m sending you some super sparkly fireworks (you know, the Gandalf kind) to brighten your day, even if only in a very small way.


i’ve talked about this but it really is like nothing feels real, i know logically it is and that time is passing and stuff, but it doesn’t feel the same. it’s almost like you explained, the colors and feelings and excitement i used to have is just so muted and bland now.


ive had a problem like this for so long. like i dont realize that im real, im always going along like im floating. my foot fell asleep while watching this and i realized that im a real person in a real place. i recognize where i am but at the same time i really dont.


the first video you posted explaining what derealisation is like was a turning point in my life because suddenly I wasn't crazy, I wasn't the only one experiencing this, there was a name and all! I know sharing too much online isn't healthy for you, but it did help me immensily


thanks. ive been feeling so... bad? lately. it hasnt been this bad in two years and it sucks. but messages like these, conversations like these, make me feel less alone. like my feelings are valid


Can I just say thank you? I know this will be buried in the sea of comments, but I just wanted to say thank you for talking about this.

I'm terrified to say that I feel just like what you are describing. I don't see blurry, but everything feels like I'm in a memory? Not a dream, but maybe a memory? And I feel like my hands move by themselves and when I touch my face or my skin, I know I'm touching myself but I don't really feel it?

I've talked to a few friends and even a psychologist about it and they all brush it off as if I'm making it up. I feel like I can't remember anything from the places I go because I already feel like they are memories. Or like I'm not really real and nothing around me is really real and nothing ever really matters.

I don't know if that's normal or maybe it's a prolonged existential crisis or maybe something more serious, but I just wanted to say thank you for talking about it. For making me feel like I'm not going absolutely crazy. Your music also really helps somehow :)


Dodie have you tried to test for MTHFR mutation?
Do you have Amalgam fillings in your teeth?
It’s worth checking those out 💚


it is very comforting and also scary when you talk about dprp because when i started exhibiting symptoms for it when i was 15 i thought i was going crazy and that i would never get better. turns out at 27 i am a bit crazy and it hasn't really gotten better but there are people who understand and songs to help and videos to remind me i'm not alone. thank you for that dodeeezzzz


dodie, you were the first person i knew other than me who experienced derealisation chronically. i was about 15 when i first began feeling as if i was never here and i'd taken a passenger seat in my own life, and it led to a myriad of mental health appointments, medication and a diagnosis of PTSD and depression to feel like i was alive again. thank you for always being so open about it - i don't think i would have even known what it was had i not been following you at the time and seeing your explanations of it. it comes in bouts for me - during this covid time especially i've been in and out constantly. and it sucks. breathing techniques and grounding tools help, but they never really get to the bottom of it do they? thank you for raising awareness about what we go through - it saved my life. love you and i hope you're doing okay :))


I think the thing that inspires me the most about you is that even when you're talking about mental illness symptoms, you're an entire person. You never seem defined by your symptoms, and I know a lot of people who act defined by their symptoms. You make content about your mental illnesses, but you are not your mental illnesses. It's inspiring. To hear someone talk about coping and gratitude without it being laughed off as silly is lovely. I am fighting to see my world as brighter than illness, and you turn up the brightness of my life so much. This is incredibly rant-y, I just wanted to say thanks.


I haven't watched Dodie in FAR too long and I had forgotten how much I missed her and how comforting she is in talking about mental health issues.
 I also have DPDR and I have DID, BPD, and psychotic depression which isn't fun as you can imagine lol.
I loved watching Dodie videos when I felt down (which was all the time) back around 2016/17 and I just... I didn't realize how much I missed it and how different life is now until now. I can't go back to those days, but that's probably for the better, since I was in a really bad state then. But watching Dodie's videos really made me feel less alone and more understood and I just felt attached.

I hope Dodie is doing well these days


dodie, I did a series of paintings about depersonalization disorder. I would love to talk to you about them and show them to you if you want to.


Sometimes i can be with someone outside and all of a sudden freak out, not knowing how i got there and thinking the person next to me isn't real, didn't know it was a mental disorder tho