“it’s okay because it has to be” the story of my life

It's the story of many lives unfortunately ~ watched Fiddler on the Roof on Netflix lately and it really hit that home. Great musical too if that's your jam, hope you get a few good days in <3

@Avin Saraji kind of yes, but at the same time, I personally get very upset & sad about it, because sometimes there are things that I would want to change so so so much, but it seems like, no matter how much effort I put in it, it doesn't. (which is partly due to my anxiety and partly because life's life haha)

If it can be "okay" right now, it will be Okay later.

i know it in my head, but it hurts to hear it

@Avin Saraji I fully agree but this also makes me even more anxious cos ~there's no other option~

fully how i'm coping with shitty life right now 🙃

but if i'm being honest that mindset has helped me a lot. It's gonna work out because there's no way it could not, there's no other option. So worrying is useless, you know?


My depersonalisation feels like I'm not real, but everyone else is. Everyone has a life and a goal and people they love or hate and a story and I'm so overwhelmed by that feeling that I feel myself disappear until there's only a body left that pretends to be me and looks mostly like me, but there's clearly something different. It's just hard to tell what

@TH C yes gone. I still have anxiety but no dp/dr

@corsinivideos Thanks for the information, and I know as long as you’re in stressful situations it will last, that’s why I’m cutting all the toxic people out of my life that’s keeping it here.

@Arn Arnie I had for about 2 years then on and off for a bit. Be sure to visit DPselfhelp forum for advice. It is a completely curable condition no need for medication.

@corsinivideos How long did you had it? I’ve been suffering 4 years with this pain, but thanks for the advice.

is it even YOUR depersonlization doesn't it even belong to YOU

oh my god story of my life, thank you for verbalizing it (although i wish it wasn't because you struggle with it too.) i constantly wonder what is so wrong when i'm with friends or reading people's texts, even if they're talking about negative things in their lives it's usually in reaction to something they've still achieved or progressed towards, and even if i have one or two of the things in common i feel like my experience isn't real while theirs is. and i don't just mean in the impostor syndrome realm, which i definitely have an intense form of, but i mean not being fully IN actual living breathing life

@Daisy H <br>I know. I ve had the same thing and I was terrified. Sometimes I would get really in my head and think, what if everything is a dream? It kinda switched to a different place where I still felt weird but I stopped questioning it a bit and now it has gotten way better! ❤ I am sure it will for you too!

@Daisy H
I know. I ve had the same thing and I was terrified. Sometimes I would get really in my head and think, what if everything is a dream? It kinda switched to a different place where I still felt weird but I stopped questioning it a bit and now it has gotten way better! ❤ I am sure it will for you too!

@corsinivideos so how many years it took you to recover ?

for me its the absolute opposite! it feels like im the only real thing in the universe, that i've been sucked into some parallel reality. LIke im a ghost living in dreamland, and everyone else is just little stars. i think that would probably fall into the realm of derealization rather than just dissociation

wow! Mine is the exact opposite. I feel like I'm the only one who exists and all my loved ones will slowly fade until there is nobody left

I feel that too, sometimes it even happens whilst I'm talking. I also feel that 'something's very different, but what is it?' kind of feeling, just replying so you know there are even more people who feel the exact same as you, you're not alone in your state of consciousness, or what seems like a lack thereof sometimes

What you must understand is that derealisation is nothing more than a protection mechanism. A clever bluff. Your soul/mind is absolutely fine. The only reason it stays with you is that you fear its presence and place importance upon it. I had DP for ages, a couple of years. I never have it anymore ever. You must completely normalise DP, you must tell yourself every day it is nothing more than a protection mechanism and is harmless, then  go about your daily business without fear of it. And over time you take the fear away from it and eventually itfades and disappears. Don't look too deep into it, you have not been extracted from your body or reality or your soul or anything like that. You must see it for what it is, a harmless trick of the mind and you will be able to free yourself from it. It really does work I promise, i'm living proof.

You've both worded excellently how I feel, so thank you for that!

same, i see everyone living and i feel like im watching myself live. it feels like im not connected to my body, im floating inside of this shell that's trying to look like me but somethings wrong about the face, or the hands, its just off..


My therapist told me that a lot of people’s mental health declined during COVID because it feels like trauma all over again and COVID is the abuser. It’s the same pattern except we don’t have access to our usual coping mechanism (going on walks, seeing family/friends, being distracted at work etc).


The "not being able to open my eyes wide enough" description is so accurate. Derealization freaks me out even after a few years of experiencing it on and off.

@George Weasley's Wife Yeah! Like I can’t take enough visual information in to process everything!

!!!yes!!! i've described it to myself as "i've lost my peripheral vision"


“Feels like I can’t SEE anything enough. Feels like I can’t open my eyes wide enough”<br>Holy shit you described it. That’s exactly what it feels like to me. Thank you thank you thank you

“Feels like I can’t SEE anything enough. Feels like I can’t open my eyes wide enough”
Holy shit you described it. That’s exactly what it feels like to me. Thank you thank you thank you


It's comforting to hear you talk about  this. Wanted to type out a whole thing but just.. thank you.

@Storyspren Same thing right here. It truly is exhausting but hey, we got this :)

I'm glad this is at the top right now. I was halfway through typing out a whole thing before I realized it's too much effort to try and put into proper words. I'm just... so fucking exhausted and exasperated...

many many people are nodding and smiling in our mind when we read this comment

I agree! So good to know I'm not the only one.

I second this sentiment 100%—Was gunna type out a huge thing but ultimately just want to say this is comforting and thank you.


"It's okay because it has to be" is a very powerful thing to internalize.

Forcing yourself into that mentality is very difficult sometimes.


why am i literally crying this is. how i've felt for years and I never knew it had a name I never knew other people experienced it too. just. thank you oh my god

It happend the same to me when I realized what I have. It was in 2020

same I cried so hard watching this!! Dodie describes it so well it’s refreshing to hear someone else’s words be so relatable


I was 20 when i got depressed and did absolutely nothing, no fun memories no fun experiences, just nothing  and when i turned 24 and I told myself im going to get my shit together im going to have so much fun its going to be THE year for me but COVID happened. i turned 25 yesterday, felt like nothing happened when i was 24 I achieved nothing and that makes me extremely depressed. I feel hopeless, i want to give up I feel so behind compared to other people my age

this comment thread was healing to read, although it wasn't even for me. thank you

@randomness051 yes we are all brainwashed by the media

Dude quit being distracted by the illusion of life .

i feel the same way as you - but dont despair. Something my older brother told me which really helped was that, you're not on a time limit. A lot of his friends who had houses and tons of money and a relationship by the time they were 24, are 30 now and completely miserable. Other ones ,who seemed WAY behind, who took an extra 5 years to start getting their shit together, are absolutely thriving now. just because you're 'behind' other people it doesn't mean you're worse off - take it at your own pace!

This might not apply but imma say it, Van Gogh started painting when he was 27. You’ve got time to become a brilliant painter yet, yes that’s just an art example, and I don’t know if that applies to you, but it works and shows my point, you at any age can do anything you want. Sure there are some limitations but you can achieve things yet. Also you’re here, isn’t that achievement enough, some don’t make it to their 20s, I’m proud of you for making it and powering through, I’m proud of everytime you did a little thing to take care of yourself, something as small as grabbing some water or brushing your teeth, I’m proud that you are here now. Even if you feel you’ve let another year pass by next year it’s okay cause you’re there to experience it and I’m proud. My pride probably doesn’t mean a lot to you but this still might help you. I feel sometimes like I’ve done both with my life but I’m here, that’s achievement enough. You can strive for more but realise that being alive is an achievement enough.

I'm in the same boat as you. Mid-March I had a really emotionally fulfilling night that had me feeling like I was going to be okay, that clarified what I needed to do to get my life on track. Literally two days later my job shut down. I had my birthday around the same time you did and basically ignored it and told friends in advance to please not to send anything. It's taking constant reminding that a lot of people our age are in this same boat right now. Please know you're not alone in this.

Hey, I feel you! I often feel like I’m missing out on all the cool stuff people our age do and I can’t really figure out how they do it... But right now I feel like it’s ok. It’s ok to take a bit longer but I’m convinced that we are going to have that someday, too. In whatever way fits us. We want to live, we are going to live. Just need patience. That’s what I believe and hope :) I wish you all the best!<br>And thank you, your comment really made me feel understood and not so alone with what I experience.

Hey, I feel you! I often feel like I’m missing out on all the cool stuff people our age do and I can’t really figure out how they do it... But right now I feel like it’s ok. It’s ok to take a bit longer but I’m convinced that we are going to have that someday, too. In whatever way fits us. We want to live, we are going to live. Just need patience. That’s what I believe and hope :) I wish you all the best!
And thank you, your comment really made me feel understood and not so alone with what I experience.

You're not behind you're just on time, figure out some things you would like for yourself in your life don't see how to get them but just what you would like. What you might like to bring to other people's lives also. Little by little you'll start getting intuitions if your following the right breadcrumbs. And boosts of confidence to put thoughts into action. Good luck and have fun x

Hi I know I don't know you but you are so loved. I struggle with mental health too and it can be so hard. People love you. You are special. All the best ❤

There's a secret I'll let you into. Everyone's just trying to make it look like they're having a great time and doing loads, but they actually aren't. Most people are struggling to figure their shit out just like you. No one has everything figured out. They just make it look like they have

please never compare yourself to others. there is no right way of living life, we are all going through this in our own way, so try not to be too hard on yourself ❤🙏🏼

My heart cries for you, it'll be your time soon 💓


i am sitting here, violently weeping. you just explained my life and i think i might have depersonalization. thank you for making me feel seen.

I know how u feel it’s horrible, hit me up if you need to chat I’m from the uk.


thank you.. for just being you. i was talking to my mom about all of the “dodie eras”, and she said “wow, you guys have really grown.”

i was in fifth grade when i found you. now i’m in high school and everything is very confusing and scary; i have no idea what i like, or what i dislike. i have no idea who i am. it’s terrifying.

one of the only things i can count on is my love for your music. while i’m trying to ‘find myself’ i always try to look for the constants. “i don’t like ketchup.” “i don’t like going in the ocean because of the creepy crawly creatures.” my brain would always go to the negatives. but, now i know.

“i like dodie.”

this is so pretty huhududjsk and i relate to the dodie phases so much too lol

I get this so much. I switched schools for the first time in 7th grade, and again in 9th. I'm in 10th now, and I keep telling myself I should be better now, like I shouldn't have to worry about who I am, or what I like, if I'm likable, or if I have a personality at all. I seem to just repeat what other people say. I have my own opinions, but I just seem bland in my eyes, so it's hard to make friends when you don't even know yourself sometimes. Both dodie's and Tessa's songs have really helped these past years, and seeing all these comments makes all this feel normal. Thank you

Dudedudedude i was in 5th grade and now im in highschool

22 y/o college dropout here, I feel the EXACT same way

This was really moving, thank you for sharing ❤

It’s scary, but it’s so exciting too! I’m in uni and i’ve embraced my personality being super fluid for now. It’s exactly like with the dodie ‘eras’, you know? Dodie has grown and changed and so has her taste and her music, but she’s still the same person we got to know years ago. You’re the same! Even if your favourite colour and your favourite band and your taste in clothes and music and films change!! ❤

I sometimes feel just as lost as you, and I'm now in my third year of university... so I giess it never stops for me 🙄 I found dodie at SitC 2017, but before I had seen a couple of her vkdeos and didnt really like them. Now I just love them and I could just relate to her book so much 🥰

I also do not like creepy crawly creatures at the beach, but I found peace at rock beaches recently! It's a lot scarier to be in the water at the shore because large rocks can come for your ankles anytime, but it's a lot of fun and considerably less stressful than sand to me. I genuinely hope you get to experience great things in the outdoors, be sure to enjoy the little things! Best wishes!

oh also, i can totally relate to what you said in your comment. i think all this isolation has gotten me too over analytical of everything, including myself. sometimes i feel like everything i see in myself is contradictory and im just a random blob of mess eek. this is also not fun when in the phase of life where we’re supposed to be deciding what we want to study and do for our entire lives. i hope things feel better when we’re back to some sort of normal, and i hope they get better for you too! hang in there <3

@Aaliyah Herrera oh i’m like that too i always think about doing fun things and take forever to get around to actually doing them hehe, well if you don’t write often i guess you’re just a naturally pretty writer! :)

Oh man, dude you are not alone. Back in high school I felt the same way. This is the time to not know who you are, cause it's pretty much the first time you're given a choice for who you want to be. And it's ok if five years from now you still don't know. So so glad you have music to keep you grounded, especially dodie's music cause it's just so honkin good! Enjoy this time learning about yourself, be kind to you, and have a lovely day!

I didn't know that was a way other people felt. Thank you for sharing. You make me feel like this is a normal part of life. I think we're gonna be okay.

Aaa i know how you feel its so terrifying to feel like i dont know my self i found her in 6th and im currently in 10th i dont know whatd id do without this little bit of constant

after reading these replies, i have the best feelings of butterflies and pure euphoria. going back to my original comment, dodie isn’t only someone to listen to. she created this beautiful community that supports and relates to each other. the internet is very expansive and overwhelming, much less the world, but it’s very comforting to know that there are people out there like me. it makes you feel less alone. :)!

@diego *—* i don’t really write often.. i’m trying to branch out. i’m thinking of maybe starting a youtube channel or exploring the vast and treacherous ocean of tumblr. i don’t know, these are all ideas.

im in high school now as well. i found dodie in middle school in like 2018? right when party tattoos was released. but we’re all trying to figure ourselves out. here’s a quote i like by a youtuber who’s name is nathaniel drew : “there’s no getting there. we’re already there.” <br>i use this quote for so many different situations  and i feel like finding yourself is definitely one it applies to.

im in high school now as well. i found dodie in middle school in like 2018? right when party tattoos was released. but we’re all trying to figure ourselves out. here’s a quote i like by a youtuber who’s name is nathaniel drew : “there’s no getting there. we’re already there.”
i use this quote for so many different situations  and i feel like finding yourself is definitely one it applies to.

you’re writing style is beautiful! do you write often?

yo we're in the same boat- i found dodie when i got my uke in grade 4 and now i'm in high school as well

this comment made me cry. I relate so hard

thank you for sharing hun, i’m in the same space but didn’t know how to put it into words <33

Thats so beautiful.
I used to feel just as lost as you. And when I read your comment I realized that I don't feel as lost as I did anymore. Don't get me wrong I will always be learning new things about myself haha. But just know that there is always progress. And the fun is actually in the process.
Anyway, lots of love :)


i’ve had derealization for almost 6 years now, and i hear you
the past 8 months have felt like a distant voice calling for me, like a distant and confused dream i can’t quite remember.
i lost so many weeks because i was so detached from reality that time flew by like it would during a dream, and i can barely remember what i did during that period.
i’m sorry, and i understand you


Depersonalisation story: <br>I was officially diagnosed with this charming condition about 3 years ago to go along side the severe anxiety and depression which was a relief to put a name to the feeling. I’ve been watching dodie for like 7 years and relating to her stories it was nice to know I wasn’t crazy. After a decent bit of therapy and doctors it’s believed I’ve had it for most of my life after some splendid childhood trauma but then the alarm bells went off after more lovely trauma my brain went into intense lockdown (pun intended) in about 2017 where I was in the lowest of lows and my knight in shining armour was the depersonalisation trying to save my brain from the trauma. It has definitely been in waves of severity but has definitely always been there. I have almost no connection to emotions thanks to my brains coping mechanism and might cry maybe twice a year if I’m lucky. The feelings of being spaced out are so current and I always feel like a robot when talking about emotions. I don’t remember doing everyday activities or at work will ask who did a task only to find out I did it but with no memory due to being on auto pilot. The energy trying to stay in the moment with friends and not zone out can be exhausting. Scratching or pinching my arms to feel something and keep myself in the moment. But it’s part of my life, I joke and laugh about it cause that’s all we can do. So here’s to us 🥂🤙

Depersonalisation story:
I was officially diagnosed with this charming condition about 3 years ago to go along side the severe anxiety and depression which was a relief to put a name to the feeling. I’ve been watching dodie for like 7 years and relating to her stories it was nice to know I wasn’t crazy. After a decent bit of therapy and doctors it’s believed I’ve had it for most of my life after some splendid childhood trauma but then the alarm bells went off after more lovely trauma my brain went into intense lockdown (pun intended) in about 2017 where I was in the lowest of lows and my knight in shining armour was the depersonalisation trying to save my brain from the trauma. It has definitely been in waves of severity but has definitely always been there. I have almost no connection to emotions thanks to my brains coping mechanism and might cry maybe twice a year if I’m lucky. The feelings of being spaced out are so current and I always feel like a robot when talking about emotions. I don’t remember doing everyday activities or at work will ask who did a task only to find out I did it but with no memory due to being on auto pilot. The energy trying to stay in the moment with friends and not zone out can be exhausting. Scratching or pinching my arms to feel something and keep myself in the moment. But it’s part of my life, I joke and laugh about it cause that’s all we can do. So here’s to us 🥂🤙

If you don't mind me asking, what trauma did you guys go through? I know it's hard to talk about so don't feel pressured to do so, share as much or as little as you like. I just feel like I never know if the stuff I went through is "bad enough" to be considered trauma, and if they could have caused my mental disorders. I'm curious to know what other people have been through so I can feel more welcome and comfortable.

Literally same. Ive had many intrusive thoughts about cutting myself just to feel something because emotionally its very hard to feel


Dodie I have followed you for years ♥ and a big part of that aside from your tremendously wonderful creative gifts is because you are so open about your depersonalization. I have Dissociative Identity Disorder, and you help me feel less alone in something that is so hard for most people to understand without experiencing it.


im literally crying watching this because I could never describe how it felt and you explained it perfectly. I also got depression after I got this symptoms and I just feel so similar to you...


I don’t have a diagnosis but most times i feel just out of it. like everything seems super bright and muffled and blurry and my brain can’t focus on anything and i’m just there. you just described how i feel and it makes me feel way less alone!


As someone who struggles with depersonalisation, the biggest low for me is when I’m even convincing myself that my depersonalisation isn’t real. That’s when I get really nervous. Because if what I’m feeling, is what everyones feeling then the world seems so sad to me....

Anyways, struggling to feel alive is awfull. Don’t ever make someone feel like they’re being silly or “fake” even.

We feel bad enough as we feel....


i have depression and anxiety, and i didn’t know how to explain that feeling of things not being real, or not feeling fully here, and now it makes so much sense to me. the way you explained it sounds exactly like how i feel


seeing someone with such a large platform talking about this and spreading awareness is so so important. you have helped me and so many other people that struggle with this so thank you 🥺


anxiety + weed + radical life changes + covid caused it all for me. i genuinely thought i had lost my mind and was going crazy until i found out just how common it was. you are not alone and i send so much love to anyone going through this x

@Chloe Rose hey i hope youre doing okay!!! its been about 4/5 months now and its getting better, distracting yourself by focus on other things (studying, reading, netflix, dancing) has helped me the most. also remember these are such weird times right now, so its bound to feel even weirder. so much love you will get better again  i promise x

This is literally me! Same exact situation!


i feel so sad for those of you who do have this, it must be a living hell. i cant imagine how it effects your daily life. i know this comment is probably useless to you, but i wish we were more aware of this. ive never heard of this until now, it really needs to be spoken about more.


Thank you for talking about your mental health—it made me realize I dissociate and it led to me finding out about my depression!!! I now am on meds and I’ve never felt more clear snd present. Life does feel like a cloud or that you have to blink all the time in order to see in those moments. I hope one day something will appear that helps a little!!! Sending so much love ❤


my anxiety has been something i can only describe as a wildfire during covid times due to being alone with myself and i’ve recently been feeling ‘disconnected’ with myself and everything feels... not real. but i do remind myself that you feel somewhat the same as me and it brings a little bit of comfort, i think? this video made me feel very seen and thank you very much, you’ve blindly been there for me since 2017 and i appreciate you a lot so thank you ❤


Dear Dodie. I usually never comment but I just felt like I have to tell you this. I've lived with DPDR for almost 10 years, probably due to some childhood trauma I repressed. I never knew about depersonalisation/-realization, but when I saw your video (something like "it feels like I'm dreaming all the time") I was like, oh god, that's what it feels like! And then I had a name for it, I knew I was not the only person in the world, feeling like this. It really gave me hope and strength during the time it was the worst.  You described it all so beautifully. It's like not being there 100%, vegetating between your subconscious and what's real, like you fell back in your mind and see everything through a grey veil. I never went to a therapist or got medication, I didn't even tell my parents about it. (I still haven't) Only a few friends, but talking about it made it more normal and I felt less like a non-existent person. I don't know if I'm cured now since I still have some moments in my life, where I feel dissociated and muted, but my illness has become a smaller part of my life. I don't think about it all the time and I can even "control" it at some times. And that's the biggest part about it: Not letting your DPDR take such a big part of your thoughts and your life. Trying to "zoom in", to not ask yourself all those philosophical questions all the time, to just accept your state-of-being. Because when you tell yourself all the time that you're not normal and something's wrong, then it won't end. Not thinking about it or "ignoring" the feeling is the best advice I can give you - it helped me to come back! And when I know think about my state, my DPDR feels so far away, I can't even totally describe the feeling I felt because it's so surreal to me now.<br>Wish you all the best! You can do this! Thank you for changing my life. <3

Dear Dodie. I usually never comment but I just felt like I have to tell you this. I've lived with DPDR for almost 10 years, probably due to some childhood trauma I repressed. I never knew about depersonalisation/-realization, but when I saw your video (something like "it feels like I'm dreaming all the time") I was like, oh god, that's what it feels like! And then I had a name for it, I knew I was not the only person in the world, feeling like this. It really gave me hope and strength during the time it was the worst.  You described it all so beautifully. It's like not being there 100%, vegetating between your subconscious and what's real, like you fell back in your mind and see everything through a grey veil. I never went to a therapist or got medication, I didn't even tell my parents about it. (I still haven't) Only a few friends, but talking about it made it more normal and I felt less like a non-existent person. I don't know if I'm cured now since I still have some moments in my life, where I feel dissociated and muted, but my illness has become a smaller part of my life. I don't think about it all the time and I can even "control" it at some times. And that's the biggest part about it: Not letting your DPDR take such a big part of your thoughts and your life. Trying to "zoom in", to not ask yourself all those philosophical questions all the time, to just accept your state-of-being. Because when you tell yourself all the time that you're not normal and something's wrong, then it won't end. Not thinking about it or "ignoring" the feeling is the best advice I can give you - it helped me to come back! And when I know think about my state, my DPDR feels so far away, I can't even totally describe the feeling I felt because it's so surreal to me now.
Wish you all the best! You can do this! Thank you for changing my life. <3

@rickstarz Not the OP, but it generally depends on what triggered it.

Overall, however, what helped me overcome it for the most part (still have isolated episodes here and there) is not focusing on how long it would take before I'd come out of it. I know it's very hard, and difficult to explain, but you just have to constantly try distracting yourself. Any time you start focusing too much on DPDR, find something else to do. Read, play a game, listen to music. Every time. In the beginning, it won't feel like you're making too much progress, but eventually you'll see the results.

Also, accepting that this will be a part of your life for a while definitely helps. In my case, I just told myself that if I'll be suffering from this for decades to come, I'll still do the things I've always wanted to do. Why? Because, in the event that I were only cured of DPDR at, say, age 60-70, the worst I could say is what a shame it was that I didn't get to fully enjoy my experiences, as opposed to, "I never did any of the things I wanted to do because of DPDR". Having some sort of experience is still better than none at all.

That's really interesting to hear! How long did you have to ignore it for before you started to notice changes? For me it can be tricky, like constantly trying not to think of a pink elephant...


I definitely understand this feeling ... it is so hard to explain to people. Even my doctor, which is extremely frustrating! It does make me feel better knowing that other people suffer from the same issue. Thanks for talking about these things dodie!


I've been telling myself for years "keep your head in the clouds, it's better than staring at your feet"

Seems deeper when walking along appreciating my surroundings with a cinematic soundtrack. I'd space out so bad I'd just walk along with my head hung low and not be present. Thanks for being so honest and open at this time, practicing gratitude and sharing joy xo


It‘s „good“ hearing you talk about it since I now know that I wasn‘t CRAZY as a child but very likely simply had a phase of derealisation... so as much as I wished it to be different for you, THANKS for talking so openly about it


I still have my doubts about wether or not what I experience is derealization, but the way you manage to put such a complicated thing into words, so many things make sense to me now. I wish you and whoever reads this the best of luck on this journey, stay safe everyone 💕


Honestly you coming to terms with the fact that you have this and watching your process on YT and other socials over the years helped me realize that I also suffer from this and looked for the help I needed to cope and find ways to manage my DPD


this video made me feel good, i love when you talk about your depersonalization because it brings other people here who deal with it and makes me feel so supported


Thank you for representing and introducing me to this illness I have! I didnt know the name until you! Ive been formally diagnosed now but I love having a fellow dreamy spreading the word


thank you for sharing. this means so much as someone who experiences life in similar ways. feels good to hear someone else say, in a positive way, "take what we can get"  ♡


Covid has been hard to live with, as I suffer from anxiety and depression as well as dysphoria and diabetes.
But because I've had experience of it before, I know how to deal with mental health. It just tires me since I have to deal with it so much though, which also throws my physical health off a bit.
North east here, very much back in lockdown again (and yes I should be asleep)


i struggle with derealisation, depersonalisation, dissociation, the whole lot. its a fight everyday hoping it wont happen. at one point i was dissociated 90% of the time really and had a bad time with derealisation yesterday. it sucks, and i cant imagine having it chronically. i hate  it when i loose my memory. knowing the answer to something i need to figure out like where am i but my head not allowing me to know the answer and accepting the knowledge into my head to comfort me. its so hard and i wish i knew how it could go away. but at the same time sometimes i do like that i can just float away for a little. not feel anything. im not saying that ignoring chronic suffers, i hate it most of the time. just trying to talk about things i guess.. this is long and im tired. thank you for the video it helped me focus for a bit when im kinda in crisis. hope your all okay, sending love. xx

i get that,<br>i'm not sure if i have it non-stop because everytime i think i feel 'real' i just dissociate harder than before, but I understand the part about liking it sometimes. Its an escape from reality, it has its cons but it has its pros. in a situation where everyone is scared or taken over by intense emotion dissociation allows me to step back from that and see it from an outsider view (just like always, but this time its helpful in the situation) and i wont have to feel so terrified or endangered yknow? or when i feel alone and i have nothing to distract myself from negative thoughts i can just let myself float away and dissociate and be numb

i get that,
i'm not sure if i have it non-stop because everytime i think i feel 'real' i just dissociate harder than before, but I understand the part about liking it sometimes. Its an escape from reality, it has its cons but it has its pros. in a situation where everyone is scared or taken over by intense emotion dissociation allows me to step back from that and see it from an outsider view (just like always, but this time its helpful in the situation) and i wont have to feel so terrified or endangered yknow? or when i feel alone and i have nothing to distract myself from negative thoughts i can just let myself float away and dissociate and be numb


Dodie, how do you stay motivated when you're feeling so out of it? I've been struggling lately and my depression and anxiety turns into apathy and disgust. Idk what to do.


“to be honest most of you have got it by now”<br>ITS BUILD A PROBLEM

“to be honest most of you have got it by now”
ITS BUILD A PROBLEM

@Maya Huling I have U_B_D A PROBLEM <br>Unbud? Upbid? Not sure, but I'm pretty sure its gonna be the name of her first full length album! Maybe with 13 songs?

@Maya Huling I have U_B_D A PROBLEM
Unbud? Upbid? Not sure, but I'm pretty sure its gonna be the name of her first full length album! Maybe with 13 songs?

I think you might have made a mistake but we'll find out 🤪

@habus no she doesn't, we already had O and that comes after L in the alphabet

bruh how do you even remember the letters this all just went over my dyslexic little head

i don't think do, she seems to be doing the letters in alphabetical order

I thought it was buried a problem but that makes sense

@As You Wes doesn't mean I don't want to know. I agree though. Album title seems likely

@Brett Goldsmith no one could possibly know what it means, because that hasn't been given to us yet. The clues are simply leading to the name. But album or song title sounds best

I spent most of yesterday puzzling it out, and I am IN AGREEMENT

@Kseniya Mak PLEASE!!! or maybe something different ........

I originally thought it could be Found A Problem, but it could be this too! I’m so excited either way


hi dodie, thank you for these little videos where everything’s quiet and calm for a bit and we can just listen to your thoughts. so far it’s been a nice thing to watch every day :) also thank your for the beautiful pain of the line “it’s okay because it has to be,” like oW-


With my depersonalization, at the beginning of COVID, I didn’t even notice how bad it was getting. Then I went grocery shopping during the like panicky no toilet paper phase, and I was SO spaced out it freaked me out. No one and nothing in that store felt real at all. It’s still pretty bad, but yeah I’ve gotten more comfortable with it and stopped like fighting it so much lol


Yes! Therapy! Dont let yourself sink, you/we got this. :) <3 I'm getting dissociation as part of a different personality disorder, its like an unwanted dream and hard to get out of sometimes.


this is something that i've recently been struggling with very badly. i had severe anxiety already and a panic disorder but after a bad high, I've been depersonalized for months. it's affected my life horribly and I'm still in the learning process on how to cope. when I depersonalize, it leads to a lot of panic and anxiety. i hope it goes away soon. seeing other people go through the same thing makes me feel less anxious. thank you for sharing, love you


thank you so much for being so open about depersonalisation/ derealisation, you describe it sooo well and I wish other people would understand as well 💛


This made me want to cry because everything u said felt so familiar and true, and you were able to put into words feelings I haven’t been able to. I’ve never received help for my dpdr or had anyone to talk to abt it, so whenever dodie posts a video it brings me so much comfort and a feeling that I’m not alone in this or crazy. Thank you dodie


I’ve been thinking about this exact concept with “covid time” feeling like depersonalisation. It’s been a while now since I was able to acknowledge my own journey with derealisation/depersonalisation. And it can be hard to see in the moment, especially when I am having more of a manic episode, but today’s not really a great day. Hearing someone else talk about it all is refreshing though


i had derealization at the beginning of this year for several months after doing psychedelics. I'm so sorry you've been dealing with it for so long. I'm better now sometimes it comes back for a short period when I'm really anxious, so I've been making sure to manage my anxiety. It's so hard though because human connection makes me feel grounded and its hard to get that now.

i remember when I was in the worst of my derealization and covid was starting to hit, I really was convinced that I was in a simulation. its not that I completely don't believe that anymore... but I've accepted that its ok. its ok to feel this way because life is still beautiful even if it may be fake


I’m 12 and you helped me realise what I was feeling wasn’t normal, not a lot of people believe me because of quarentine and “everyone feels that way right now” but I don’t think they’ve ever been up at 2:00am gripping at their scalp trying to ground themselves. Your video about depersonalization help me better understand that I’m not crazy. And it makes me feel better to know that this can stem from my gender dysphoria as well and not just deep rooted trauma. I cried watching this because it makes so much sense to me. I love u and ur music Dodie! <3

@Leah i completely understand what you’re saying. you have to figure out the problem so that you can fix it. saying it’s “normal” can make it seem like there is no problem and that it’s not fixable. but things can change and get better. anyways thanks for replying on here for all of us to see. it was helpful for me as well. ❤

It can definitely be reassuring to realise what you're feeling isn't normal. As odd as is sounds it can be extremely relieving.
People always say "don't worry, that's normal, we all feel that way" and I know people are only trying to be kind and supportive in most cases, but it just invalidates what you're feeling and make you feel like it doesn't matter, isn't real. Even if it's "normal" please realise it's unbearable. And if this is normal then god how can so many people live so care free?
Once you find out it isn't normal you realise it's not the world that's this way, it's you. Which sounds terrifying and can be at times. But it's still also somehow reassuring to know somethings wrong with you, that crying yourself to sleep and always feel hollow isn't normal. It means there can be hope. It means you can (and things can) get better, that this isn't the "normal" and therefor how things should be.

@that person thank you from the bottom of my heart these replies are making me feels so not alone <3

@Rose Lalonde thank you so much, 🥺<3 love to u

@Grace Law thank you so much, this mean so much to me. Thank you <3

Sending you love - I've been dissociating since I was 12, and I'm 20 now. Often, when I'm really spacey and sad and things are hard, I think about how I would care for my little traumatized kid self, and I do those things. Taking a bath in the middle of the night, making very sweet, weak tea, sleeping with a stuffed animal - these help you ground through your other senses. And even just having empathy for your mind and what it does for you - "this thing I deal with is really scary and upsetting, and my brain is still trying to protect me from it and doesn't know we're safe now. Thank you, brain, we're safe, and it's okay now." It at least brings me a little bit of comfort if I can't come down. I wish you the best, be well 💓

Hey. My DR symptoms started when I was 12, and I want you to know that it gets better! I'm 17 now, and I had a few years of pretty bad symptoms, followed by a long stretch of time where everything seemed pretty ok. The covid situation and some other life stuff has made it worse again, but even now it's not as bad as before because I know how to deal with it. I hope people will believe you-- getting help can be hard! Stay strong, I believe in you.

i found out that i have derealization a year or two ago when in like 8th grade. it’s really nice to know that there’s a reason why i feel so spaced out sometimes. it’s really difficult when i’m with my best friend and they’re having fun but i’m just trying to figure out how to not feel like a video game character lol. try your best not to get annoyed or angry with yourself for however you feel. this goes for anything. we get the best of ourselves sometimes. it’s also really nice to find others that you can relate to when it comes to derealization. anyways i hope you’re doing well. everything’s been super weird but you’re not alone with this feeling. ♥♥

Good luck my love, we support you!! I hope your friends can learn to understand where you're coming from a little better so they can support you xx
If you have anyone in your life who can help you through this, make sure you ask, you deserve someone to be there for you xx
Good luck with everything, and know that we love you for who you are here on this platform xx I believe in you ! xxxx

Sending lots of love to you!! Keep reaching out, someone will listen and understand, I promise <3


Thank you for continuing to talk about depersonalization. It really helps people ( like me ! ) who have the disorder, because it isn't talked about nearly enough, and it takes people who have it way too long to find out what it is. You've created a wonderful community ( pretty much the only one ) where we can all go and dissociate together and I thank you for it ☺


I have this problem too, and Im finally coming out of it. I highly recommend somatic therapies such as EMDR and Somatic Experiencing for trauma-related conditions (sry, talk therapy only gets you that far :( ) Orienting (literally looking around you) is an important and simple first step. Irene Lyon also has a lot of super helpful info on her YouTube channel. Hope you all figure it out!


its so comforting seeing a youtuber speaking abt depersonalisation cause genuinely theres like no youtubers that seem to have it or speak abt it and its just nice knowing that im not the only one so thank you


I only recently realized that I may have derealization and I feel like I get it in situations where I'm socially anxious. I always felt those surreal moments where it feels like you're watching "over" yourself or hearing yourself talk without feeling like it's actually you. It's very strange. I also get blurry vision which I thought was something wrong with my eyes and was considering seeing an optometrist about it, until I saw that distortions in the visual field is one of the possible symptoms of derealization. The scariest thing is that I sometimes get derealization when I drive and I have to force myself to feel something tangible in order to snap out of it. Music really helps me in those moments. I get it in crowds, used to get it in classrooms, I get it at the grocery store and pretty much anywhere that's public. Can people experience it at home as well? Because I don't think I do.


The lack of stimuli in my house has really made my derealization go crazy whenever I step outside lol

@melancholy_mushroom definitely!! especially since i wear glasses so they fog up and it just looks very weird

@melancholy_mushroom yesss or even when i wear sunglasses

same! where i live we're more "open" now but at the height of it, being inside and being outside were equally draining pretty much, because one was extremely underwhelming and the other overwhelming

@melancholy_mushroom Umm, not exactly, but the mask f's with my PTSD-hypervigliance, because it covers the air around my nose and mouth, and the space around my eyes, and then it catalyses a larger "stimulus overload" session.

@melancholy_mushroom yes. Particularly while wearing masks that aren't as breathable.

the lack of stimuli in my house made it feel like watching tv for 40 minutes is too damn much and it sucks

@melancholy_mushroom yes!! it still feels new and fake and as if I'm wearing a costume and I'm an actor in a dystopian film where the air is unsafe to breathe, if that makes any sense

does anyone else get a lot of depersonalization while wearing a mask? (I always wear my mask despite this, stay safe) I think the bit of vision it obstructs makes me feel like I'm not really there, and like I am in a dream


You taught me about this and helped me work out what I was feeling. Doctors still don't understand but I am grateful you are so open about it. Thank you Dodie! x


As someone with life long dissociation and depersonalization it’s really nice to hear someone I look up to talk about it. Thank you!


I felt this so much I have little tics now because they help me figure out if im asleep or not or if I still have my senses. <br>Like snapping next to my ear or knocking on my head, etc.

I felt this so much I have little tics now because they help me figure out if im asleep or not or if I still have my senses.
Like snapping next to my ear or knocking on my head, etc.


I feel this so much. I struggle with depression and DPDR as well from trauma. and trying to do college this semester has been a struggle bus. so much dissoication and apethic depression.


As someone who has depersonalisation, I feel like I'm much better at coping with this covid situation than people around me. It definitely has to do with the fact that I usually feel like this, so I know what to do when I feel like shit. It also feels like I'm losing less moments and life things than others, probably because my emotions are usually limited, and happiness is never really that happy. It's just a continuation of my limbo


Thank you for this video. I've been feeling like this a lot more lately even though I have a daily routine (going to school and what not). But I've been feeling like everything isn't real and started at the beginning of all this mess. huh yeah anyway. thank you dodie ❤


oh gosh, the covid derealization is sooo bad. my derealization always makes me feel like im in the uncanny valley, or, like, the upside down from stranger things. where things look the same but something's WRONG and i can't tell what it is and my brain starts to believe none of it's real. When things are strange and not quite right in real life, when my routine is broken, when things like COVID start happening, it triggers dissociation so hard.

Thankfully i dont have so many of the physical symptoms (like blurry vision), but my expereince is very emotional and just awful. I feel like there's somehting off about me, like the world is blurry (metaphorically) and im the only real thing in it. That feeling like you're in the matrix that dodie mentions, that everyone else is fake and you're the only real person, is so, so horrible. it's just... so lonely. It's like im a floating soul, the only soul around, and everyone else is just little tiny stars that all blend in together. it sounds nice when i say it like that but it's really scary - it's like i can't tell what's real and what's not and i feel like im going crazy and im scared that i will never be able to go back to normal, and i can't even go talk to people for help because i feel like im in a whole other UNIVERSE than them and they feel blurry and fake and then it causes panic attacks and it just... gah. At least it was nice to be able to vent!


I’m currently undiagnosed with BPD and on the way to a confirmed diagnosis and my disassociation has been really bad in the last couple of weeks


I experience depersonalisation as a secondary symptom of other things, and gosh if this didn't hit home. COVID has made the moments of it so much worse. Whilst I'm lucky that it's not a constant thing, the past year or so has been pretty close to that... if nothing else, it's taught me more about how I can cope with it when it flares up once things are safer ♥


the way this was worded is so nice, you can tell dodie really has grown a lot with dealing with this. :)<br>I have to say i am lucky in that sense i don't have depersonalisation as a full on disorder but i experienced this as a symptom of grief, right after my best friend died in a car crash last year (he was 19) .so it's always way nicer to hear when people tell you to enjoy what you still can, instead of this patronizing kind of advice like everything will be super amazing soon just hold on. Nah. while it's good to have hope, sometimes terrible things happen for no reason, you just have to learn how to pick yourself up again and again.

the way this was worded is so nice, you can tell dodie really has grown a lot with dealing with this. :)
I have to say i am lucky in that sense i don't have depersonalisation as a full on disorder but i experienced this as a symptom of grief, right after my best friend died in a car crash last year (he was 19) .so it's always way nicer to hear when people tell you to enjoy what you still can, instead of this patronizing kind of advice like everything will be super amazing soon just hold on. Nah. while it's good to have hope, sometimes terrible things happen for no reason, you just have to learn how to pick yourself up again and again.

@Jillian Rachel Thank you. I am sorry for your loss as well. It sucks, but we will make it through, I am sure of it.

i’m sorry for your loss. i lost my cousin last year, who was an incredibly close friend of mine, when she was only in her 20s and i was 19. the derealization that came with grief was truly like something i could never have imagined and would never wish on someone. its true, sometimes the most we can do is try and try again to pick ourselves back up. im wishing you peaceful healing, as this pain takes time to honor. sending love your way <3

I'm sorry about your friend. I have depersonalisation but it was never horrible until covid happened. It isn't the "cause" of my anxiety but it definitely doesn't help. Sometimes I will forget to respond to a text from a friend and go into a spiral of "they hate me because they think I don't want to talk to them" and such. My sister got diagnosed with something really bad(can't say) and then my Cousins horse died. the first horse I ever rode. She was so sweet and good with kids. I really just felt like I wasn't there. Everything was blurry and I don't remember most of it. I remember listening to dodie music constantly though and playing "big bowl in the sky" by cavetown. I dont know how to end this..<br>I hope you have a good day

I'm sorry about your friend. I have depersonalisation but it was never horrible until covid happened. It isn't the "cause" of my anxiety but it definitely doesn't help. Sometimes I will forget to respond to a text from a friend and go into a spiral of "they hate me because they think I don't want to talk to them" and such. My sister got diagnosed with something really bad(can't say) and then my Cousins horse died. the first horse I ever rode. She was so sweet and good with kids. I really just felt like I wasn't there. Everything was blurry and I don't remember most of it. I remember listening to dodie music constantly though and playing "big bowl in the sky" by cavetown. I dont know how to end this..
I hope you have a good day


I had depersonalization in certain period of my life, since I was a little children. But there was rare moments and them gone in a few minutes. <br>But now in 2020, I had experience depersonalization for longs and longs days, weeks, months. I thought that everything that I was living were a big dream from my head and nothing were real. I'm still into it, but now is less than was. Sometimes I focus on my hands and I'm thinking if is the real world. No doubts that the quarantine experience and the pandemic caotic world that we're still living is the reason for that. In my case, I'm not from England, USA or (insert another native English country here), I'm from a country in the South America, called Brazil. And here, the things are getting worse that the rest of the world, we have a president who kills the population (including the people who voted on him), we have groups and groups chilling at the bar, we have a parallel universe here. Sometimes I feel like it's just me who "believe" in Covid-19. My friends are making meetings, travelling, etc. and I'm still in home, me and my family, sometimes I feel like I'm in a scene from the movie "I'm the legend". I hope we get well better soon ❤🙏

I had depersonalization in certain period of my life, since I was a little children. But there was rare moments and them gone in a few minutes.
But now in 2020, I had experience depersonalization for longs and longs days, weeks, months. I thought that everything that I was living were a big dream from my head and nothing were real. I'm still into it, but now is less than was. Sometimes I focus on my hands and I'm thinking if is the real world. No doubts that the quarantine experience and the pandemic caotic world that we're still living is the reason for that. In my case, I'm not from England, USA or (insert another native English country here), I'm from a country in the South America, called Brazil. And here, the things are getting worse that the rest of the world, we have a president who kills the population (including the people who voted on him), we have groups and groups chilling at the bar, we have a parallel universe here. Sometimes I feel like it's just me who "believe" in Covid-19. My friends are making meetings, travelling, etc. and I'm still in home, me and my family, sometimes I feel like I'm in a scene from the movie "I'm the legend". I hope we get well better soon ❤🙏


I was so grateful that my medication was able to help me in this specific regard. Keep strong Dodie <3


hi, thank you... For being positive about all this, although it makes me fight back in my head, like it will never be any better anymore. I became aware that I also have depersonalisation in the early days because of your first video about it.<br>There's one thing that happened with you that bothered me so much.. I was at you concert in Amsterdam and because I live far away from the city, my friends and me had to leave early to catch our last train. I was so upset, because you saved the most beautiful and special songs, that made me cry for like a million times, for last. And because of the dissociation, I was so angry at myself for not soaking up every second. For some reason I also blamed you and the situation for this. It took me some time to come back to this beautiful place you've made and not remember the horrible event. And I don't know if it makes any sense but I forgive you for this.. And now I'm working at forgiving myself.

hi, thank you... For being positive about all this, although it makes me fight back in my head, like it will never be any better anymore. I became aware that I also have depersonalisation in the early days because of your first video about it.
There's one thing that happened with you that bothered me so much.. I was at you concert in Amsterdam and because I live far away from the city, my friends and me had to leave early to catch our last train. I was so upset, because you saved the most beautiful and special songs, that made me cry for like a million times, for last. And because of the dissociation, I was so angry at myself for not soaking up every second. For some reason I also blamed you and the situation for this. It took me some time to come back to this beautiful place you've made and not remember the horrible event. And I don't know if it makes any sense but I forgive you for this.. And now I'm working at forgiving myself.


Wait I'm bawling.. I've been looking for a sign for why I am like I am and I have depersonalisation<br> I've been looking for an answer all my life and my neurological doctor didn't even know. This is such a relief to know that I'm okay

Wait I'm bawling.. I've been looking for a sign for why I am like I am and I have depersonalisation
 I've been looking for an answer all my life and my neurological doctor didn't even know. This is such a relief to know that I'm okay


Dodie you've explained everything so well, THANK YOU for making me feel so much less alone ❤ Want to send this to EVERYONE in my life😭❤ WE'VE GOT THIS!!


Oh my goodness you just explained exactly how i feel in the first min of the video. Like its exactly how it is for me. It feels like ive been dreaming for so long. Sometimes i get to points in my life where i just cant take it anymore because i cant tell whats real or not, physical or like situations( if that makes sense)


Ive always felt that I was a casual observer of my own life instead of the one living it. Things are really foggy and hard to hold on to. I desperately want to be present and feel strong emotions but it happens so rarely. All that being said, I'm not unhappy, I just know that things could be even better, and that gets me down.


It’s amazing to be able to relate to your symptoms so closely, no other accounts match that true chronic feeling. Thank you Dodie for being here and speaking out 💖


you’re the one who helped me realize i’ve got this. getting help for it now. very appreciative of you being open about it :)


recently i reached out to one of my professors about lying on a “check-in quiz” (basically the class filled out a sheet online saying how we’re doing lately) and i was like “i lied!! im so so anxious” and we started talking about derealization because she gets that way too. and it was weirdly comforting knowing im not alone. and i hope you know youre not alone either💕


These vids make me feel so seen and understood, I had this feeling during lockdown but couldn't verbalize it at all


I have had derealization/depersonalization for three years now. I’m 17, and most of the time it feels like it’s not worth it. Every day, every second, is the same, it never goes away and my family and I have struggled with therapists and doctors to find a cure. I got into your music over quarantine, and I had no idea you struggled with the same thing I do. This video really made me feel known though, it made me feel like I wasn’t alone, and I’m grateful for that. Thank you.


At the end...made me feel so warm hearted, perfect rendition of the original <3 XD love you. So sorry about the disassociation...it does suck. But, it can be an advantage to understanding life in a way that otherwise we never would have.


My depersonalization feels like being a ghost in my own life, like my body is moving without me and I’m just watching from inside my mind. Love you, Dodie, I hope you find moments of relief <3

@SBJade I think you just gave the best explanation of it I have ever heard. It's so hard to put into words, but you did it really well!

Yes exactly. I struggle mostly with derealization, and Sometimes I describe it as looking at everything through a foggy glass door. You can still see through the door, see what’s going on through it, but it’s not quite as clear. You can still hear what’s going on on the other side but it’s slightly muffled. So you CAN participate in these senses but only a half of the way. And for now, I guess that’s okay 🤍

i feel the same exact way. you're not alone, stay strong <3


i have derealization too and for me, covid time has made it so much harder to deal with. thankfully i am a lot more used to feeling spaced out now than when it first set in, so it's a lot easier for me to cope now than if covid had happened 3 years ago. you sharing your own experience with depersonalization/derealization has really helped me feel less alone so thank you so much <3


I've had it for 17 years. Once, like 6 years ago I had one evening when it got about 50% better out of nowhere. I just couldn't stop laughing because I was feeling so good. Next morning it was back again though, and I haven't got a relief like that again since. Oh well...


I have DID! It's so nice to hear your perspective. Nothing helps us either, other than grounding and body-mindful activities. Which we do all day long haha


I’ve been here for a hot minute and I’ve watched you learn how to cope with your own brain and seen the way you view derealisation and how it affects you. It’s actually amazing to see and i am proud.


I have Depersonalisation, its horrible during these times, bless all of you.

@TH C Sorry to hear you are struggling. If I may ask what is the reason you don't want to go to a therapist?

Good news is if you’re able to manage your issues on your own a lot of the resources therapists use can be found online. And if you go through the public system mostly they will be handing you worksheets to do anyway. You can utilize self-studying by using online resources to figure out why you feel the way you do and what you can do to move past your issues. You can go to Google and type in social anxiety worksheets, or intrusive thoughts worksheets. Actually doing the mental activities in those worksheets sucks, you feel stupid, you feel like they won’t work, but give them time and most importantly keep working on them and you will feel a change. If your inner turmoil is something you can manage on your own, time is your biggest friend. With time come’s perspective and the ability to let things go and make peace with even the worst traumas. As long as you are in a healthy environment where the trauma is not being repeated or triggered constantly there is a lot of truth in the saying that "time heals all wounds".

But If the trauma is really serious you might have to push through your fears and go see somebody. Your best bet would be to get somebody who can advocate for you if you don't feel like you can handle the process of securing help, a mother, sister, friend, brother? My sister was in a similar situation to you, she didn't want to go to therapy despite needing it, so I ended up booking all the appointments, driving her to the therapy sessions, sitting in the waiting room, organising all the prescriptions and taking the load off where I could so she could just focus on the therapy part and now she’s doing really well in Uni, there is always a way to get better. Another example, one of my friend’s boyfriends REFUSED to go on anti-depressants despite needing them badly for his anxiety. He was at the point where he didn’t want to go to work anymore, but because of the stigma of mental health and men being idiots he refused to get help. So my friend( who is one of those where there’s a will there’s a way people😂) pretending SHE needed the prescription and got some Lexapro for him through the Gp, and now his anxiety is under control and he’s back to being his old class clown self. Lol I don’t recommend that and eventually he will have to go to the doctors himself, but if you really can’t handle going through the system there are ways around it. If you have a support network don't be afraid to use them. If there are people in your life who will take the load for you, don't be afraid to ask them or be honest about the kind of help you need, you’d be surprised how many people want to help you. You’d also be surprise by how many people will lie there ass off for you😂.

Also remember that you can do professional therapy online where you don't have to physically see a therapist, you would just type your issues into a chat box instead of sitting in an office you don’t feel comfortable in. As far as medication, If you can go to a GP and by pass a therapist and get on some anti-depressants that helps a lot, not just with depression, but things like anxiety and intrusive thoughts which is the shit that makes most of our issues unmanageable. It won't cure them but it will dull them ALOT so you can work through your issues and not be struggling in everyday activities.  Remember 1 in 4 adults go through a mental health crisis at one point in their life, the way you are feeling is common for at least 25% of us.

So in summary if you really don't want to see a therapist( although I would suggest talking with friends or family about your options in that area if you haven’t already) the best bets are going straight to the  GP to get some  relief through medication, self-studying online through worksheets and online resources, or considering online therapy. Apart from that, if you can talk to somebody in your physically life who can help advocate for you through the intimidating and often overwhelming process of getting help.

@oo oo how do i process unsolved trauma if i don’t want to go to a therapist ? What can i do to heal from these stupid shit that’s literally killing me inside

@Caffeine Overdose Yeah, I was the same, I repressed myself hard-core in my teens to deal with an unhealthy environment, and crappy circumstances and as a result I developed DP.

If it helps any this is what healing from DP looked like for me.

1 Identify the underlying issues: I did this via the Internet and YouTube videos like Dodie Clarks

2 Accept the underlying issues: talk therapy with friends, family and professionals, if your country has Medicare it’s free of cost. Medication might also be involved with the talk therapy.

3 Facing the underlying issue:  This one is so much harder than it seems. I thought that facing the issue meant professional therapy, but talk therapy was just accepting the issue. For me facing my trauma involved doing things I was scared of, Simple shit like going to the movies by myself, or more serious shit like tracking down somebody who was abusive towards me in my teens and having a conversation about the abuse. That was brutal because it wasn't therapist recommended, but I knew in my gut it's what I needed to do to move past it.(obviously if the person is dangerous that approach is not recommended, but the person who contributed largely to my DP was a dumb teen who didn't know how toxic their behaviour was, so I was able to find closure through confronting them) Talk therapy is great if you have access to it, but there's only so many work books and mental exercises you can do before you have to look inside yourself and ask your own psyche what it needs. One of the best quotes somebody told me in my journey was  “your body is a healing machine; it knows how to heal, trust what it’s telling you and meet it’s needs”.

4. The last one is Healing from the underlying issues. A huge part of depersonalisation is that you don't trust your mind or your body anymore, because you feel like it's betrayed you and the quality of your life. Looking inside yourself and choosing to trust your psyche enough to listen to what it needs is a huge part of the healing process. And unlike some people with mental illness who's issue is they can't necessarily trust their minds (suicidal ideation, schizophrenia).I think a big issue for people with DP is we NEED to learn to trust our bodies and minds again. Another piece of advice is go back to as many doctors as you need and keep going until you find a useful one. It took me 3 different therapists until I found a helpful one. Living in physical or mental pain or discomfort is not something you should have to accept. You’re healing and happiness is worth the fight. And you deserve all the mental health services that are available to you as well as the support from your family, friends and mental health professionals, because at the end of the day we're all just walking each other home.

Anyway, good luck with your DP, Some of us are dealt crappier hands than others in life, but it just means we are more complex souls at the end of the day ;)

@Caffeine Overdose My dissociation and depersonalization is completely gone. I don't feel spacy, and I haven't had one of those strange "complete and utter hopeless that reality isn't real" panic attacks that usually come with dissociation in years. Which has made life seem brighter and more enjoyable again. Music hits different, things taste better, being alive feels fuller again.  But the down side is now all of the trauma that I was repressing is very present and I deal with a lot of intrusive thoughts, anxiety and other issues. I've accepted that I'm not going to fix a life time of repressing trauma in a few short years and that the path way to true happiness and healing is going to be a loooooong journey, but there is a frustration that comes with beating one problem then being faced with a whole other set of demons.  I think something to keep in mind when it comes to DP is usually if you have it it's because you were repressing complex trauma that your brain didn't want you to face, and when you do finally start facing it it's going to be brutal. But still walking through the fire is better than being stuck in purgatory, at least that's my opinion. Most important thing is to believe you are capable of healing and fighting for a better future otherwise there's no point in even trying.

I had depersonalisation for about 3 years STRAIGHT. There was no break from it and the panic attacks that came with it were hell. I thought it would never end, then it just slowly went away as I came to terms with the Trauma I was supressing.  I still get intrusive thoughts and shit from past trauma but at least the depersonalization is finally gone. Those were dark times :(. When dodie said she's been dealing with it for 8 years plus I was like holy shit, I thought 3 years was hell on earth.

Yeah we have DID and it's such a weird time. Sending love to you

@despactio cheeto Don’t be afraid of psychiatry, you won’t get locked away, psychology helps.

@✿ evi ✿ I luckily have a great support team, I’m sure a lot of others are in tougher situations.. But its not great ❤


Thank you so much for this video, makes me feel a little bit less alone! We’ll get through this <3


I have anxiety so sometimes have bouts of depersonalisation - & most of the time I just try ignore it, but if I think about it too much I become terrified that I’ll feel like it all the time. If anyone else experiences anything like this, how do you deal with the fear? I feel like I live in fear that one day the feeling of living in a dream & that I haven’t really woken up, won’t go away :( but I know it’s silly worrying about things that haven’t happened yet. Thank you Dodie for being so open & honest 💛

@Mayo Sauce yeah it’s so hard not to worry - but YES I guess that’s the point isn’t it, living life to the fullest as much as you can no matter how your brain is feeling. It’s just trying to appreciate each moment as much as poss 💖

@Rose Lalonde that’s so true I love that mantra ❤ whenever I’m panicking I always say to myself over again in my head ‘you’ll feel fine in a minute. You’ll feel better in a minute’

oh god i feel the same way. I get so scared that i'll never be able to fully live or enjoy life, hell sometimes i get so frustrated that i can't feel teh depths of my own sadness. I haven't developed a surefire way to ease that fear, but what works for me is to think about how I'm going to live life whether it's to the fullest or not, so i might as well live as best as i can now and hope that the future holds feeling. mostly i just focus on what happening and not until when i get home, i'll let myself go "oh i feel real" because whenever i notice that i feel real or give attention to that feeling, my depersonalization/derealization causes me to float in to dissociativeness

One of my mantras is "this too shall pass". I say it all the time, about everything, and really try to internalize it. I also have anxiety, and I also freak out when other disorders flare up. I try to think of all the ups and downs of my life before, and then all the ups and downs of the future, and remind myself that life is all about ups and downs. There are no ups without the downs. I really try to meditate on that-- I have been down before, and up before. I will be up later, and down later. Life cycles through good feelings and bad feelings, and right now I am in the bad feelings, and later it will be good again. I try not to expect the good days to last forever-- when I am happy, I experience the joy but I know that the sorrow will come. When I'm sad, I experience the sorrow but I know that the joy will come. Change is constant. Life keeps moving, and it pushes you through everything into new feeling after new feeling and new situation after new situation. Whatever you feel, it will always pass.


you are the first person that i’ve heard who has this and makes me feel so comfy to know i’m not the only one and someone gets it! thank you dodie ❤


This is so relatable to me. Thank you for sharing, Dodie! You’re not alone. <3


hi from someone else with depersonalization!! :-) my name's mack and you talking about this is actually what made me aware of what i deal with. this makes SOOO much sense as to why i've been so unphased by covid times and why it feels almost comforting because like you said, it's familiar. my friends always looked at me like i was crazy when i mentioned it, but this made me feel less alone. <3 thank you dodie


I experience depersonalization in waves... thank you for this video dodie... it made me feel less alone ♥


I didn’t notice that I experience dissociation when I get anxious and depressed until you started talking about your struggles a couple years ago, dodie, so thank you so much for being open about it ❤


Thank you for talking about this! ❤ I’ve had this since I was 8 and had it constantly since 12. In a very similar way to you. Now I’m 25 and I’ve had a couple years where the happiness bar has become higher and there are moments where drd/dp is either gone or my focus is just elsewhere. It started with accepting it as it was, however much it sucked, and then trying to let people into the bubble I felt isolated in. It has taken work, but has been so so worth it. I’ll keep at it and hope others struggling do the same! World is real, we are real and connections are real! Love 💗


I just wanted to say that an overwhelming percentage of my life right now is struggling with PTSD and the things that come with it, one of those things being depersonalisation. While it luckily helps me coping, I just wanted to show support to all those that don't have that fortune: stay strong, do what you need to do, and be well. <3


I love how you talk about this. It's nice to know I'm not alone and you help me to understand my own feelings


It has never been fully diagnosed for me, but I recognise an awful lot of what you describe depersonalisation to feel like. I ended up moving away from the area I grew up and that has had some positive effect but yeah it doesn't seem to have gone away completely. :(


This is exactly how I've been feeling since covid started. I've never been diagnosed with depersonalization but I have felt like I'm 10 feet away from my body since my brother died six years ago. Thank you for all your online talks dodie, they have been so helpful to me.


Queen of making what i think in my head into actual comprehensive words. I sent this to like five people to see if they can understand what i meant when i said "oh i feel like this most of the time so I'm fine" when covid struck hard back in March.


I have depersonalization with my anxiety it’s been hard but my brain uses it as a cooping skill so at time I like it it’s crazy how our brains work


It’s so wild that I’ve been feeling these symptoms but had no idea what it was about but hearing Dodie talk about this helps me to actually know that it’s a thing that people go through, bless


Thank you for this, it's stuff like this that makes me feel like I'm not going crazy and that it's going to be ok ❤


You’ve put everything I’ve been feeling into words. Thank you!


Something that I find helps with my derealization is when I’m happy —deeply truly happy, even when I feel like I’m dreaming— I tell myself “in this moment I am happy” and then travel back to those times whenever I can’t feel the reality I’m in.


I struggled with Depersonalization for about a week and a half, I can't imagine having it chronically. I had every symptom you had, I snapped out of it at work by focusing on something wayyy too much and convincing myself that it's real and I snapped out of it and my world was turned way too vibrant. I hope you overcome this <3


Thank you so much for sharing, I've been feeling a lot like this recently and knowing that I'm not the only one feels really comforting <3


oh that's why everything feels like a cloud. just a cloud. i don't know how else to describe it but you really managed to put into words.

@SniKenna the technical term is called brain fog :) common symptom as well

Yeah I know what you mean. Like a literal fog over everything


Thank you Dodie for talking about this, you make me feel safe to talk about it as well. So here I go. I don't really care if no one reads this, it's just time that I told at least someone.

Trigger Warning: Suicidal thoughts and mental health talk

I started dissociating after I lost someone dear to me to suicide, I dissociate after a panic attack and sometimes I force myself into dissociating because I don't want to be present. Sometimes dreams feel so close to reality that I actually think they happened, the other way around as well. Last summer, I had suicidal thoughts almost daily, which now feels like something embarrassing to talk about. I know it sounds silly, I just sometimes feel like I can't feel those things, like I'm not allowed to. That's why they made me feel embarrassed. Dissociating can be helpful for me, but it has also been scary. When it happened for the first time I felt so scared.


Hey Dodie. I have depersonalization too. Thank you so much for talking about it. I’ve had a harder  time with it recently and this video helped me. Thank you ❤


i was diagnosed with depression when i was 14, although i think i suffered from it since i was 11. depersonalization hit me after i had an intense break up, the person and i easily got along and had been on and off for months and when i finally ended it, all my emotions turned off and it was so easy to do what everyone told me to do, go to school, do chores, do things for my friends. i even go good grades because my brain didn't have the capacity to deal with anything else. but it came back around spring, which is when i dropped out and had a whole debacle. i feel it now settling in after getting used to covid, derealization. it helps a lot now and i;m happy i have it but my anxiety gets a bit much from only being around family when i meet up with friends oops. guess its about making patterns and routines, like dodie said. i'm glad i'm not alone. aLSO! i'm getting tested soon for other mental illness so thats cool. :p


I’m not officially diagnosed but I say I have depersonalization because having a word for it makes me feel less crazy. I dissociate a lot when I go anywhere outside my house. Sometimes I’m in the car with a friend and I just space out and stare off and I feel like I’m not even there. Sometimes they’ll notice and say like “hey bro u ok?” And I just shake it off so I don’t worry them even though I barely recognize them in that moment. Idk man nothing feels real 🤷🏼♀


Ok the problem is that listening to people talk about depersonalisation triggers MY depersonalisation😂 sorry dodes, I'm gonna have to skip this one😬

Lots of love from Italy!❤

I do feel like that too, don't blame you!

same ahhh i shouldnt have watched this and I should stop reading the comments!!

same! it makes me anxious but i watch anyways, haha. stay strong!!

In case you missed it, the letter is "L."


Having DPD and living during COVID has been one of the most unique challenges I think those of us with this disorder will ever have to face. Thank you for this video- it’s how I’ve been feeling.


You're the reason I realized I was experiencing DPDR and also the reason I was able to get help. I have never heard someone talk about DPDR  in a way that I so closely relate to. Thank you for everything. <3


i'm literally so thankful to have a friend like you dodie. i have never felt so understood and safe as i have when hearing about your experiences. i love you


I have had depersonalization for almost 3 years now... I've been on meds for anxiety and depression too. These always seemed to make me feel worse. I was so glad when I found this video! I feel less alone now :) Thank you so much


Someone was saying the harmonies might not be from the album because they sound too similar, I think rather than being directly taken from songs in the album, they could be dodie using melodies from (different songs on) the album as a basis and adding harmonies for fun? Just a thought.

Also pals confirmed songs seem to be: cool girl, just fine, rainbow and the snippet we heard in the what u doing now video!!!

@Posie Queen haha yeah me too but this is the first time I’ve been early enough for my comment to be seen!

Yeah this is what I thought a few days ago

yeah i recognized one of the melodies from a lil demo she released a long time ago :)

Assuming the intros are part of the album (or related) then it looks like @Michaela Horan has spotted a clip of a song that will be on the album that we got to hear in May last year!
Comment Link: https://youtu.be/TUyE6MPEuz0?lc=UgxulS2tHhSLVmpZfOt4AaABAg

@doddleoddle love dodie being sneaky using the other channel so it doesn’t highlight this comment

@doddleoddle you do be laughing at your children for making us start theories like crazy ppl


i actually thought about this the other day. i've experienced depersonalisation and derealisation as a symptom in my life rather than a disorder but i've been realizing that being home by myself so much is just exacerbating it so much more.


i've been having derealization episodes back in 2018 and honestly, if i've never watched her video talking about her own experiences with it, i would've felt so much more anxious and depressed. dodie makes me feel so not alone and i really thank her for that so much ♥


Thank you so much for this video. I have had derealisation for quite some years now, but I have felt especially spaced out in this covid time. All of the things I usually did that made me feel alive have kind of dulled, and all of the changes in my life and in the world have resuted in me just kind of adapting to everyting and just being in my head. I have not been able to really feel present and I couldn't figure out why. You connecting the dots have really made a difference and made me realise that it's not something I'm doing wrong and that it is not my fault I am so disconnected in this time.


these times have been pretty hard for me mentally and I've recently started experiencing depersonalization from time to time and honestly I was only able to recognise it as such because of you... I think it would have been so much scarier if I knew nothing about it beforehand. so thank you so much


It's so scary, but the way you talk about it makes me feel more safe. I can't thank you enough.


Uhhh so my entire life I’ve always talked about how I feel like I’m in a dream and a lot of things don’t really seem like they’re happening and I just can’t pay enough attention. I’ve always wondered why I’ve felt like this. I’m not saying I deal with depersonalization for sure, but it really does help to know other people feel this way too.


its similar to my OCD in the way its worse than ever when I want to enjoy myself such as I am on holiday. the constant obsessive disturbing thoughts and feeling that the 'obsession' is real and panic because it feels real and the need to constantly do compulsions to try and cancel them out to try and convince myself the obsession isn't real, its a constant cycle with no peace, never mentally present or able to enjoy or experience anything. constantly preoccuppied with doing compulsions and obsessions and anxious and scared cos it feels so real and makes me feel so isolated because the 'obsessions' are so disturbing I can't tell anyone, or so they feel at the time during a current 'obsession'. During the pandemic I have felt so much worse, I didn't think it was possible, but if this pandemic isn't over soon I will probably end up in a straight jacket.. as being alone all the time over thinking is the worst thing for someone with OCD


This was really comforting (': I often doubt my own symptoms but hearing you explain exactly how I feel made me like. Oh she gets it. Your content in the past has always helped me understand my own mental health a lot more than I did before so thank you a lot Dodie <3


I’ve been way more dissociative and depressed the last 6 months, and desperately want to get back to my original baseline. And with complex trauma, healing is ongoing work. I really appreciate you Dodie. I thought about you recently, after realizing how much I need a mirror in my room! haha. We’ll just have to give ourselves a lot of grace for making it through 2020. Ps. I’m assuming the ‘bar’ is the edge of “the window of tolerance”. Such a helpful diagram


Thank you for mentioning dysphoria and eating disorders, that’s the times it affects me for sure and it’s so hard to explain but you articulated it really well


Thank you for talking about it and in a way that helps me talk to my friends about my derealisation. This video was so soft and calm. Perfection. Thank you for just being there


I've been depersonalized/derealized for about 5 years now, and it got so much better but I don't think it will ever go away. I've come to terms with it and I'm at peace. Thanks for being a voice for us doddie, when I found out you had it, it was a big relief to not be alone but at the same time it sucked to know somene so amazing was suffering from it as awell


Thank you for sharing this. I appreciated feeling connected and I can relate to a lot of what you said.


I have dpdr as well. It's been really hard. Just wanted to comment to let you know that you're not alone. Youve got your community of foggy drunk nonpersons all floating around the matrix together! It's good to hear you open up about it. That makes me feel validated and seen 🤗🥰


I'm right there with you. Thanks for sharing. Made me feel a little more "real" today.


No one will see this, but I started dealing with depersonalization around the time I got lasik eye surgery, eye doctors tell me my eyes are perfectly fine, so it may have nothing to do with the surgery and more with the trauma I experienced around that time, but it’s frustrating that no one knows what’s going on. I hope an effective treatment is found in the near future, until then we’ll continue to do the best we can <3


I also struggle with depersonalisation and it’s so scary, Thankyou for making me feel better about it :)


Thank you for talking about this. I had depersonalisation a lot when I was growing up and for so long was told it was just in my head, but it made me such an anxious person. Luckily I get it rarely now, usually when I'm drinking. I don't know what changed, I don't know if I grew out of it, I'm sorry you experience it so bad, hopefully you'll find a way to reduce it


Dodie, thank you soooo much for making this video! I feel so seen whenever you talk about your depersonalization. It is so hard to explain to people, and this video put it really clearly. When people ask me how I am, even sincerely, I find it hard to answer because it's not a question of a feeling--it's how I'm experiencing the world. It's another factor entirely. Whether I am happy or sad, it's still dulled. The texture of my life is different than everyone else's and I don't know how to tell them. The whole dullness of covid has made things a lot worse. It is a lot easier to slip into it now. But we will get through it!


I have dpdr and I love how dodie spreads awareness about it but for me hearing about it makes it worse


I've experienced depersonalization, dissociation, and derealization for the guts of ten years/half of my life but I still really struggle to find the words to express what it feels like. It really helps to hear someone else verbalize it so perfectly. Thank you <3


I relate to this so heavily. I've had such a hard time with my mental health growing up but being surrounded by family who also suffers from various mental illnesses with no treatment, I thought it was normal. I didn't realize how bad it truly was til this year (I'm going on 21, for reference) and just got my referrals for therapy sorted, hoping to have an actual diagnosis so I can have some answers. This makes me feel so much less afraid and alone, thank you.


I'd describe it as feeling like you're living someone else's life in their body or like you went on vacation and never came home and time does not feel REAL

lmao its like i went on vacation right before covid and now i can't come home, my body's just floating around and i'm watching from a crappy zoom call trying to gain control of it from afar.

@pluto That actually makes perfect sense! It's like you're trying to take everything in but it doesn't feel completely real so when something big like covid or even any minor change in your life happens you just can't process it

Yes! Like watching and living life in like a theatre through your eyes....nvm that doesnt make sense...sorry


this reminds me a lot of my journey with my anxiety disorder. It started to really affect me in my mid-teens and has really never gotten better since, I just have the skills to deal with it (or try and ignore it) <br>truly "it's okay b/c it has to be"

this reminds me a lot of my journey with my anxiety disorder. It started to really affect me in my mid-teens and has really never gotten better since, I just have the skills to deal with it (or try and ignore it)
truly "it's okay b/c it has to be"


I got out of a severe depressive and dissociative episode that had been lasting for around 2 years and hit its peak in December of last year, only to come into March of 2020 ready to socialize and get my life together. ✌🤡

My friend and I both got clean from some Big Sad behaviors in February, we were so excited to be doing better 🤡


Thanks for being a voice for depersonalization.

That feeling of being so close to describing it and so far from explaining what it feels like is the worst part sometimes.

I’ve had a similar feeling during quarantine.. that everyone else will have a visceral moment where they feel normal and connected and I will feel at least “as connected as much as I can be”.. and then it got further and further away.. but a lot of my loved ones have also grown so much and I’m so proud of how they’ve carried themselves and built themselves up through this life shattering experience! I can’t applaud them enough. It’s increasingly hard, but they’re working on it even when it breaks down those deep emotional barriers! Which is all I could ask for.

Thank you for practicing gratitude and thankfulness, appreciation for the friends and connections that break through, and the effort you’ve spent on yourself.

♥

We’re gonna fight this. We’re not done figuring this out.


Totally relate to that “highs and lows” graph. You explained it so well. I don’t have depersonalization, but over the past four or so years, I’ve grown to recognize and respond to the “lows”, thanks to retraining my mind-patterns and learning self-care. I still mess up A LOT, and I’m still learning, but when I’m lying defeatedly on the floor, I can find reasons to get up. Praise God <3


"when covid was around"... Meanwhile here in America *covid still very much around*

But for real, thank you for talking about this Dodie. Just recently started feeling derealization after having depression for a long time, and it's at least comforting to see and hear about others with it too.

"when covid was around"... Meanwhile here in America **covid still very much around**

But for real, thank you for talking about this Dodie. Just recently started feeling derealization after having depression for a long time, and it's at least comforting to see and hear about others with it too.

@Aimee Piper Yeah, I'm in the university bubble right now and it definitely doesn't feel as though it's gone away/on its way out. It's scary out here

switzerland has more cases in relation to our population than the us... and the uk and france are doing really bad too

Covid is very much still around in the UK, and we are going to end up in another lockdown very soon


it always makes me feel so much less lonely whenever you talk about this. thank you


thank you for sharing this. it's something that I feel so incredibly alone in and your experience helps me feel a little less alone. <3


Mmm love this. It’s so encouraging to hear you speak openly about it. I have CPTSD and have experienced this, I can’t imagine it being all the time though. That’s intense!


I have felt this way since 18, now nearly 26 I just accept it is part of the aftermath of ptsd, thank you for putting this feeling into words


You helped me realize that I had derealization when that first explanation came out, and this update is a lovely reminder that I'm not alone in it. That "cable unplugged in the TV of my brain" comment is a weird but fitting thing to describe what's happening, and it made me smile because of how strangely relatable it was. Thank you, Dodie.


Thank you for all your hard work, Dodie. And that screech at the end was a MOOD.


On this topic, I've finally set out to get a diagnosis from a psychologist on my own dissociation that I've had for so many years because I think there might be a bit more going on with it than I thought and my first meeting went well ^-^


i could listen to your voice for hours on end :) it makes me feel very calm and gives me a small break from my anxiety crowding thoughts :)


I relate so hard to the “oh are you feeling spacey?” thing because my family does that a lot whenever it’s really noticeable and I’m just like yeah I’ll be fine it’ll go away in a bit but it never really does it just kinda lessens slightly when I don’t give it a lot of attention?

goddamn i felt this. my parents dont really notice it but i'll notice and tell myself "ah it'll go away soon, just dont think about it" but it never really does. For me, everytime i notice i'm not feeling dissociative, it kicks right in x10.

there are so many things i just don’t say even if they told me to tell them. like of course my parents want to know how i’m feeling and how to help and i’m thankful for them. but the attention part of it is always to much for me. either i’m really anxious about it or i get annoyed because they don’t understand. whenever they’re concerned it puts me in a really weird position and id rather just not say anything.

i hope you’re doing well tho. ♥♥


Thank you Dodie for talking about depersonalization. I've been expirencing these symptoms for YEARS since I was ten I think but I could never find a way to talk to people or ask for help so I felt I was just crazy. I only just learned what it was a few months ago and it makes everything feel a lot less scary and lonely, knowing its real and there are countless other people out there learning to live with it or overcome the problems it brings :) you give me hope and courage ❤


Hey, thanks for putting this out there. It's really nice to hear all of this in such an articulate manner, and with such pleasant English accent!

I think it helps a lot of us get a hold of what's happening these days. Some of the feelings we're getting are either unfamiliar, or they have become so after so much time. In Spanish we have a phrase that says "estoy curado de espanto", which literally translates to "I'm cured of fright", and it has two interpretations. On the one hand, it's great, cause you don't get surprised anymore. On the other one, it means you've been scared so much you're just numb now, so it always has that bittersweet flavor of "I'm strong, but I wish I wasn't" to it. I think it says a lot of what we are going through lately.

What I take to heart the most from the video is the need for appreciation. Sometimes it may feel like it means ignoring what's going on, or being overly positive, when in reality it's the opposite. It's actually acknowledging what's in front of you for what it is and being thankful for having it. Reading birthday messages, even from afar, or getting a call and hearing a friend's voice and knowing they're smiling while they talk, or getting a present, or a caring meal, or a just a tea that's exactly as strong as it needs to be, just before the evening, watching the sun hide behind the prettiest sky. We might not get to hike over mountains yet, but we still have a lot on our hands :)

So thanks for taking the time to make this, I think a lot of us really appreciate it!


thank you! I have chronic dissociation and you're the only one I've heard describe it exactly the way I experience it. I feel a lot less alone and a lot more understood


You explained dpd so well in a short way which has been something I have never been able to do


6:08 “because it makes me feel like it’s a community rather than a shit thing i have” watching this gave me this same exact feeling, thank you


Thank you for this. It was really validating to hear.