You may have seen pictures of those crazy red skies in California and Oregon during the big fires last fall, well when it happened to us here in the SF Bay Area I instantly was like "this is a perfect representation of what dissociation feels like". I already struggle with dissociation (mostly derealization for me) as a symptom of my anxiety pretty frequently but all of that day it felt like my eyes couldn't adjust properly and like nothing was real tenfold of what I normally feel.  So anyone that saw those pictures or lived through the red skies of the west coast fires there you go that's what dissociation feels like inside our head.


Okay so I've done my personal thoughts on dissoc but here's some things I've found that help with dissociation:
-getting on with my day
-calmly stroking my cat
-staying away from artificial sweeteners (including in energy drinks and stuff)
-getting the right amount of sleep (about 8 hours, sleeping longer makes me feel SUPER out of it)
-doing things which you have to concentrate for
-meditation
-asmr
-journalling (organises my brain so things aren't so spinning around in it)
-generally trying not to obsess over it :/

Some days I will wake up and it will just be worse but I tell myself it won't be the same tomorrow and I've learnt that some days you do just have to write off
It's not ideal but at this point I mostly just tell myself that it is what it is

Ps I hope we all get through this soon ❣


I think I might be having  derealisation and the only reason I have any comfort is because I kind of know whats happening to me because ive heard you speak about it before. thank you :) its like all my senses are hightened and everything is bright and out of proportion and im a little dizzy and nothing seems real. everything feels weird to touch and I feel drunk. its like how i feel after a migraine - my senses arent back to normal.


Very DPDR video...  Your editing is an interesting expression of that.  Whether that's intentional or not, it's pretty neat seeing you doing that...


the reason i love dodie so much is because she made me understand im not alone, that what i have is real. i dont talk a lot about my dpd, i feel like ppl dont really want to listen to what they dont understand, so whenever dodie talks about it i feel like there is another person out there that cares and understands...


tho I don't have depersonalization I have maladaptive daydreaming caused by my ADHD which causes me to daydream a lot and when I don't really want to which cuts me off from the real world a lot but right now in covid its kind of helping to sink into a perfect daydream for hours, its a coping mechanism that has taken over my life but for this first time ever, I'm grateful for it


I was on Zoloft for a long time for anxiety and it worked for the most part, but I would also experience extreme depersonalization and dissociation. Don’t know if it was a side effect of the drug or just how I am naturally, but now I’m on Wellbutrin (a stimulant) and I haven’t rlly experienced it at all. But now my problem is I feel way too much. Like extreme rage or sadness that just overcomes me in a way that isn’t normal or sustainable. I don’t rlly know which one is worse. And I don’t want the responsibility of choosing which side effects I can handle and which ones I can’t. I just want to be able to talk to people without having a panic attack, feel feelings and not be overcome with violent rage and depression. That’s all I want lol


I had TMS this year and it was like a miracle treatment!

I know Dodie said she’s tried it just sharing my joy at feeling alive for the first time in my life


Same same but different. Thanks for being the first person to normalize these symptoms for me


I also have chronic depersonalization and for me it feels like I’m in a first person shooter game. Which If this is a game and someone is controlling me, what kind of fucked up route is this?


My best friend has struggled with dissociation and all that comes with it since early teens (among other things) and being his friend has helped me learn that everyone has different needs when they're in a crisis & that different things help ground different people.


It genuinely hurts my heart to hear that you were/are struggling because you are such a rad human, you're epic. You are so talented and pleasant and so un-problimatic. So when you say that you  are struggling I just want to hug you and tell you everything's going to okay. And I know the likelyhood of you seeing this comment is quite low but if you do just know that we all love and care about you and nothing you say or do will ever change that xxx


I feel this video here i had severe derealization as a consequence of major anxiety for two years and now it comes at times but is ok (lamotrilgine really helped).To me it came as kind of a "relief" of the attacks. And even thou im sure you tried mindfulness really helps. At least to center a bit if i was too spacey. Sending love 💖

@doddleoddle omg thank you so much for replying love from argentina 🧡

Fascinating I’ve been trying to get on that!!!


Ur amazing and you are strong and great 😊


you were the first person i came across to talk about depersonalization/derealization and that was a long time after i started watching your videos. and i was like - hold up. it's not just me?! so, thanks for making me realize i'm not alone and that's actually a medical condition. and now, years after, i've still got it. you've still got it. but it's like you said: we cope, we're in this together. a little community of spaced out people. we're basically aliens. and i'm glad i found other aliens like me. so. thanks, dodie. ❤


I didn't understand until now how much I appreciate you talking about this topic. It took me a while to figure out that I haven't been the same since my dad died, but I could never properly put into words to what was going on. Only recently I learned that I detach from the world, and now I'm starting to understand myself better.


i don’t have dpdr,, i experience dissociation as a result of ✨trauma✨ and it’s just my brain’s way of protecting me from the bad bits — but it’s actually just desaturating everything in it’s path, even (and especially) the good bits ),: but i’m really grateful that i only experience it as a trauma response and as a symptom of particularly bad anxiety/ocd days or depressive episodes,, i can only imagine the exhaustion of living with it for so long. my heart goes out to any of you dealing with it, i really hope more treatments are developed in the coming years because nobody should have to live like that forever ♡


Thank You For Probably Telling Me What Disorder I Done Got (I've always thought I just had bad depression). If I tell a gp about this will it get me anywhere? I've had bad luck with them for 'just' depression


I think a lot more people experience this than we know, but if you’ve been doing it since childhood (like me) it’s harder to define it as anything specific bc it’s your normal.


Hey dodie, I was wondering do you see a therapist? I’ve had Dp and Dp for 12 yrs now 24/7... how do you seem to cope?


The scariest part about it for me is how fast time flies. I'll wake up and it'll be months later and I'll have done nothing. I'm terrified that one day I'll wake up and I'll be on my death bed having wasted my entire life.


oh god I had THE WORST derealisation this year, it brought me so much anxiety. glad to know I'm not the only one


I totally relate to your dejected acceptance. 'its okay because it has to be' is so powerful. So much love to you 💕💕


As someone who has suffered from depersonalization and derealization for as long as I can "remember" (even though it is hard to remember a lot because I was so disassociated) hearing someone else talk about it is so calming because I know I am not the only one floating around. For me it varies, I sometimes panic when it happens, or sometimes it is a protective shield to protect me from external or the occasional internal factor. I guess what I am trying to say is that this made me feel less alone, and I want others to know that deal with this that you are not alone.


Correct me if I'm wrong...<br>I feel the same while in dream state. It's like I'm playing the main character in a movie who knows they're in a movie? Almost a meta state.

Correct me if I'm wrong...
I feel the same while in dream state. It's like I'm playing the main character in a movie who knows they're in a movie? Almost a meta state.


I struggle with hyper awareness (I’m an OCD babe) that descends into depersonalization and it SUCKS man. I speak and I know I like things but I’m like “why do I like these things?” And I look back at my memories in my head but they seem like they aren’t really mine. And I’m aware of who I am and then I space out really bad and the feeling often causes me to panic. I don’t know if anyone understands this but it’s v weird and not fun ... when I’m struggling with it I learn not to panic about it and just vibe with the feeling but when I’m doing well I’m terrified of this feeling and whenever I feel it creeping up I get so scared. It makes me nervous to be alone and be with my own thoughts ... it’s a strange feeling. And I’ll look at a mirror and be like “that’s me! That’s my face! These are my words coming out of my mouth!” It’s a strange thing man ... but i get to times where I don’t think about it as much,,, but in times of change it gets kinda rough. But I’m just learning to vibe with it now and I’m talking to my therapist about it and I think it’s going to get better. It just takes time


can you please think about writing more music about DPDR? I havent been able to find any good music to relate my dpdr to, and I feel like you would write amazing songs about it :)


Am I mistaken to think that those initial harmonies on each video are a way of dodie teasing us with her upcoming new music?


I think I’ve had depersonalization as a coping mechanism for a long time now. I first remember experiencing it in school when everyone got into “school spirit” at auditorium events and I started feeling like an observer calmly watching but not participating, I often feel like I am watching things happen from a distance instead of being within them. I have Anxiety Disorder and have taken nightly anti depressants for a few years now, the anxiety is more manageable but the depersonalization episodes seem to have never left, it’s not all the time but it is there when I need to separate myself from spiraling into an anxiety mental loop.


some days with depersonalization the best hope is comfort and content. I'm happy most of the time but I hope myself and my life will feel a bit more mine one day.


i always describe it as feeling like i’m in a video game that hasn’t loaded/rendered properly


i mean i totally get depersonalisation because i‘ve been having in too from time to time. but it‘s been just a few days where i just felt really disconnected from my body and my mind and everything but i also think our reality is so much and complicated and yes maybe also very unreal, so often times to me it feels totally okay that you can not comprehend everything that‘s going on and so after a moment of acceptance it doesn‘t bother as much anymore/just feels a bit normal to me. anyway i am a bit confused, because if you feel spacey all the time, maybe it‘s just your personal reception of our reality? i don‘t want do disrespect anyone here i‘d just really want to know how you know if you are spacey if you are all the time spacey.


Fuck, I feel like this a lot<br>Thank you for helping me understand myself

Fuck, I feel like this a lot
Thank you for helping me understand myself


Heyo, I've been searching for got literature on DPD and I just can't find anything. Don't matter if it is a novel or scientific book, I just wanna read as much relating to derealisation as my brain can comprehend. Thanks for any recommendations!<br>(sorry for requesting it under this video but you are apparently the only person who talks about this condition...)

Heyo, I've been searching for got literature on DPD and I just can't find anything. Don't matter if it is a novel or scientific book, I just wanna read as much relating to derealisation as my brain can comprehend. Thanks for any recommendations!
(sorry for requesting it under this video but you are apparently the only person who talks about this condition...)


I had a 9 day continuous chronic migraine last month and it caused constant disassociation with panic attacks. It was terrifying. I've been having migraines for 21 years and I've never liked them but I have never feared them until now. I have a 2 year old and being distant from him and not being able to do anything about it was so painful. Thank you for spreading awareness.


Will it be a jumper? (that would be a very cool fashion statement) or something you can wear? Please give me a cluee
Also regarding covid, I agree that the impossibility to do what we love to do and be away from a lot of the people we love definitely inhanced the unhealthy things that are present in our lives. And the fact that the end of this pandemic keeps being pushed and pushed away is clearly not good for our brains, and personally I feel kind of trapped in my own life where I just eat/work/sleep and it's very tiring lol
But on the brighter side, a lot of people started new hobbies so that kind of cool


Every time I remember that you have dpd I also remember that CIA article about ppl being able to take in energy or take part into another reality, really cool, even tho having it must really suck


it’s always hard trying to communicate depersonalisation/derealisation to others.

i’ve found it hard to connect with many people as all i get is the reflective response of everybody ‘switches off’.

these videos are so helpful and knowing someone i have enjoyed watching for many years put into words exactly how i feel all the time is so relieving.

it excites me to know there are more people who struggle to recognise themselves in the mirror, those who watch themselves from above their body, the people that can’t quite fully hear and see the present surroundings.

so thankyou for creating this space
where more can see (and understand) what we can.


I haven't experienced dp for years now but these last few covid weeks I've been thinking about it a lot and kind of wishing I could experience it now. I'm so sick of being present for this bullshite. Obviously I'm grateful that I'm now in better health now (mentally) and thats why I no longer dissociate but sometimes you miss the old coping strategies even if they were ultimately not the most positive??


hey @dodie, just curious if you ever heard of human design system. when I came across HD I had so many realizations about why I am the way I am. you might be a 'projector 'or a 'reflector', or maybe you a quad-right (like me).

just consider that there is nothing wrong with you, and you are just very unusual and all your uniqueness is not a deviation from an established normal but a gift and a blessing. I know that being different comes with a price. I say that because know it from my own experience. I've had "low energy" for my whole life. Struggled with the fact that I feel neutral (or low) most of the time until I turned 33, and then I realized that it is a gift. I just didn't know it was a gift, and I didn't know how to use it.

In our "you-can-do-it" homogenized world there is a lack of appreciation and support for sensitive people, for people with great listening skills and talents. Consider the thing: when someone thinks you are crazy they say "she is hearing things" or " seeing things" - it is in our freaking language!!! I hear and see things all the time. With my eyes closed in complete silence. That is called connectedness! That is being one with the world! Talking to plants and animals is considered weird but OK, while talking to the wind, sun, ocean waters, clouds or fresh air, your own heart or your sadness is absolutely nuts ... I hear music in my head all the time. Non-stop. That weird? Nope. Unusual -perhaps.

The same with what they call "depersonalisation" ... I must say (with all my appreciation for psychology and those who came up with fancy theories), most of the labels for conditions like that are created because nobody really understands what it is and how to relate to it. This world is ruled by "normies" and it is made for "normies". Sad but true. Hopefully, we still have a place. And when we learn how to apply ourselves correctly, our pains can turn into power.

I was also caught in the dilemma between being alone and being with people. The problem is not that one is better than the other. The problem is that most people make it too simplistic. It is not one or the other. There is value in both. There is a relationship. There is continuity. But most normies are just way too busy proving others and themselves that they are worthy. So, they are living someone else's life. Aren't we all? Yes, but we can do better.

That is one thing I am grateful for having learned from HDS. The system shows where I am living my life as myself, and where I am trying to mimic, where I hide, pretending to be someone I am not. I wouldn't believe everything that HDS is selling. But there is a lot. I mean a lot of insights I never had from anything else. And for that, I forgive all the questionable things about the origins and the original dude's attitude and mansplaining. Check it out. This woman (Laveena) - one of the certified analysts, is bs-free and sharp. She has an emotional authority, which is too strong for people like me, but I can learn from her, no problem. Anyway, there are others. You can google it. It is all over the internet. In fact, too many people are talking about it, which creates too much noise. Regardless, you'll feel if this is for you or not.

forgot say: I love your songs and your style. you are incredibly talented


That's being out of the matrix sweetheart...not in it. You are fine. ❤


One way I describe what depersonalisation/derealisation is like to others is it's like watching a budget knock-off film of your own life, the key parts are there and it's familiar but everything is slightly off. It's just not quite it.


I started disassociating for the first time during lockdown. I'm a law student and I found myself saying to friends "I wish I was having suicidal thoughts instead, because at least when I'm going through suicidal ideation I can concentrate and study. While I dissociate, I cant really read properly, let alone study." Its fucking rough. You really dont feel real.


i tend to disassociate more these past few years than ever before, i describe it as floating off into space, or that im in another dimension looking into this one, and and i can’t seem to snap out of it


I spent a long time not knowing about DP/DR, and I had always tried explaining to my wife about how I felt, but never had the way to put it into words the right way.

When social anxiety starts getting the best of me, I start to feel very "third person", like I'm outside of myself puppeteering myself, and sometimes it just feels like I'm along for the ride.
I didn't know until I was 28 that what I was experiencing was depersonalization.


"for some people it's a relief from panic attack and anxiety" yeah i work like that<br>"it's also very common for people who experience dysphoria" WAIT THAT EXPLAINS A LOT

"for some people it's a relief from panic attack and anxiety" yeah i work like that
"it's also very common for people who experience dysphoria" WAIT THAT EXPLAINS A LOT


how do you remain calm bc i have this but that feeling ALWAYS triggers a panic attack for me


Personally for me, I realised something about how i computed the world was off and blurry when i was about 15. It continued as i  grew, but i would find comfort in going home, getting into bed, and basking in my own company and thats when i began to really love myself. My own company was like having the most understanding, warm soul of a friend beside me, keeping me calm. Ive always seen the beauty in things, so it was easy for me to sit alone and notice every magical thing around me and inside me to keep me loving life, since it got hard when enjoyment and presence of things faded. I thought i had it all sorted and loved how i could escape for a lil and fix myself with these meditative tools i developed, but then when in early 2019, i got very lonely. i ended up going from a late night shift job, to an empty house, with all my friends away at uni. I fell. I fell hard. Like rock bottom, but truly, the very, very bottom . Nothing felt real anymore. Not my family. Not my body. Not the world around me. I would burst into tears in coffee shops with my family, because i didn't recognise them. I started thinking about the emptiness of death and how my life was so short and pointless, because id forget everything, and the world would forget me and all my friends. I don't want to describe it much because its making me very emotional thinking about it. long story short i had to call a helpline for my safety, because i truly believed nothing would look the same again, and death was the only way to not be scared for the rest of my life. It helped in the moment, but not really. The reason i'm explaining all this, is because even though it was the most painful experience of my life, it was the thing that truly made me grow. I experienced a full, completely enlightening spiritual awakening and understanding for life and this universe. Everything felt alien to me, because it was. I didn't live the way i should. Everything was fake, and kept secrets. Not an ounce of vulnerability. I started seeing beauty in the fact that everything felt unreal, because it was real. These crazy things, were real, and right in front of me. How did i manage to receive a life where i could experience the most rare things in the universe. like family, and nature, and love. Death now felt like a comforting friend, like home. But a home id been sent away from on a journey, for a purpose. Even if i didn't know what it was, me being here was validation enough that there is one. And when the journey is ended i will return. I still live with derealisation. strangely it shares the space that is my mind with presence now, and they work in harmony to keep me in the moment, but also with my higher consciousness, experiencing things blurred and from a distance, simply so i can take a breath, see the beauty in, and be grateful for it all. As much as it is painful, ive found staying productive and using my talents as well as educating myself helps, but then leaving some time to meditate with my depersonalised thoughts, and shift them into a magic gift. XX


I don't experience it nearly as bad as you do, but this started happening pretty early on in high school. Sometimes it gets so bad I have to go home if I'm out, and it may come in waves but they hit hard. I have you to thank for giving me a name for it though. I started getting it, and then I remember you releasing your first video on it years ago. Everything you said gave me chills because I thought it was just me going crazy. It was nice to know someone I looked up to also suffered with this, and it made me feel not so alone. Thank you Dodie <3


I have depersonalization and it can be weird. In 5th grade before I had my other mental illnesses diagnosed, it got really bad. Like to the point where I was convinced I was living in a movie/tv show for months on end because nothing felt completely real. I lost so much motivation because anything I did was done for the audience's amusement and I loathed that. Also it does this weird thing where my vision goes one dimensional. Does that happen to anyone else?


Hey Dodie, I'm very sure I have depersonalisation although it's not diagnosed yet. It's certainly a very constant symptom if anything. I wasn't able to describe the feeling and it felt extremely alienating. I felt really low about myself because I thought it was something I could fix and I wasn't trying hard enough. After the video you made like 4/5 years ago, I felt so validated and sure of myself. It felt really freeing being able to put words to the feeling, and to try and help others understand why I couldn't always feel present doing things. It comes and goes in waves of difficulty, but as you say it's always there. Thank you for being open about your illness. I'm seeing a therapist soon that I hope will take it more seriously than my previous one. My heart goes out to everyone else that struggles with this in their daily life.


I'm not a regular viewer of yours, but I really gravitate towards these videos because it's so refreshing to hear a <b>*mainstream*</b> youtuber talk about DPDR, and in such a genuine, well-spoken way. I suffered with DPDR as a kid, then it ebbed and flowed and 3 years ago came back with a vengeance. The lockdown has definitely made things worse - we need the regular activities of everyday life to distract us, and anchor us. Our brains don't participate in reality on an automatic level so it helps to have things that force us to. Without them we are untethered. We must create our own grounding situations: a consistent routine, regular physical exercise, and there's definitely some merit to avoiding alcohol and other depressants.

I'm not a regular viewer of yours, but I really gravitate towards these videos because it's so refreshing to hear a **mainstream** youtuber talk about DPDR, and in such a genuine, well-spoken way. I suffered with DPDR as a kid, then it ebbed and flowed and 3 years ago came back with a vengeance. The lockdown has definitely made things worse - we need the regular activities of everyday life to distract us, and anchor us. Our brains don't participate in reality on an automatic level so it helps to have things that force us to. Without them we are untethered. We must create our own grounding situations: a consistent routine, regular physical exercise, and there's definitely some merit to avoiding alcohol and other depressants.


i have depression but i think i might also have depersonalisation. how do you get tested/diagnosed for it?


I think I deal with something like this but I've never talked about it specifically with a professional so I'm not sure. For me it feels like I'm not connected to my body. Like I'm a shell. I don't feel like a human. I feel like a video game character but the world and everyone else is real. Sometimes looking back at experiences and conversations I've had, they don't feel real. I don't feel connected to that person or even like that person is real. Covid has definitely made it worse.  I have chronic depression I've been dealing with for 10 years so that probably has to do with it. Been through years of different types of therapies and meds. Newest thing I'm looking into is micro-dosing psychedelic mushrooms. It's still being studied, but some results seem like it's a promising treatment for depression.


ever since this whole thing started it kinda feels like the whole week or month is one long day and i'm taking a lot of naps in the middle of it.


I wonder what psychedelics would do to someone with depersonalization


I wish this didn’t sound exactly how I’ve felt for at least 5 years


it goes so much in the other direction too. you being open and willing to try and explain what experiencing things feels like has genuinely been so helpful, and learning about myself has opened up a whole new world of really feeling emotions again (and then writing many, many songs about them lol).

I remember the first time I watched some videos on the topic and said "huh. I don't get it, but I'm glad it got explained to me." the next time, I was almost through before I went "hold on a second–" because it hit /hard/ to realise I could vaguely put a word to when I felt spacey, or like I was experiencing everything through VR. I've finally gotten into therapy—not for dissociation, but for OCD treatment—and the psychologist who diagnosed me this summer suggested that it was maybe a symptom of all the mental stress that came with my obsessions and compulsions, and my first counsellor talked about how it may have been my brain's way of getting away from all of the guilt and fear I felt around life and parental influences.

I'm so grateful to you for sharing, and for showing us at the same time how healthy it is to take a step back. and for anyone reading this, you're never alone for long. there's always been a sunrise at the end of each night <3

@doddleoddle thank you!! this is also super uncomfortable lol but I do post original music + covers on my channel and it'd mean the world if you wanted to poke around <3

<3 I wish u so much luck and strength on ur journey bb


I am realizing that what I have dealt with for over 10 years is likely derealization and you have helped me realize it. I always wondered what was wrong with my eyes and why I never could focus and why I would just space out. I'd try to slap myself out of it and it would take SO MUCH to get me to "wake up", if anything.
I have tried so many things and I'm not sure if anything really works. I take this chocolate powder made from lions mane mushroom that is supposed to help with clarity, it kinda helps but nothing extreme. Caffeine or any kind of natural stimulant also helps me.
Nothing completely takes it away. Caffeine is like taking an ibuprophen for a migraine. Might help slightly, but it just masks it, it's still there underneath.


My mom is freaking out because of how living in a world where covid exists feels. And she doesnt understand why this all bothers me so little? And this video perfectly explains it. I dissociate constantly and have derealization/depersonalization aswell. On top of that I have DID. For me, these feelings arent new. But for my mom, shes never experienced the sameness, numbness, detachment from self and others that I always feel. Covid has given that feeling to so many now. But it hasnt drastically changed me because I was already feeling those things.


yesss why have i never thought about the fact that my "replacement/dealing behaviours" for covid are the same i use for derealisation... dodie wtf


i feel like watching these videos have taught me to knit more than anything


The lack of routine and real life human connection has been so hard for me. I need that connection to remind me I'm human and now it's all dogitalised and I'm stuck inside cause I lost my job. It's insane. I can't seem to connect with people anymore. Not properly. Things are just that little bit tougher right now


TW: suicude
I was having a tough time yesterday with my Anxiety and Depersonalisation. I cried so much because i just wanted to feel normal and safe and stable. Not being able to find a job in this economy is really hard on me. And since being so spacy, and it really worsen with Covid, I couldnt find the purpose of being alive anymore, since i feel so dead.
So im really grateful that you made this video, because i really need it at this point in my life.

@dontworrybehapppyy thank you so much!!! ❤

Hi, I don't struggle with depersonalization but I do struggle with anxiety and depression. And I want you to know you are not alone. You are so loved. I personally believe because of my own faith that Jesus loves you. And please don't ever give up. I hope things better for you! ❤


Dear Dodie,

I have depersonalization/ dissociation/derealization too. I have since I was very young. I also have CPTSD. Your videos really help me feel less alone, so I’m repaying the favor. I hope you can feel less alone too 💕

Much love from the US.


Hey! I've had derealization for 6 years now and it's wrongly comforting that you haven't found anything to "fix" it either! I've had some particularly horribly spacey days the last few days where my eyes really don't line up with the world which makes everything harder so it's nice in a weird way to be reminded that I'm not alone 🥰
Does anyone know where Dodie got her fact about DPDR being the third most common mental health symptom from?
Also does anyone else with DPDR feel like going on holiday is a waste? Like you're not really there and you can't remember things properly?
Also is that why I rely on taking photos for things so much? Aaafdhshshhh

There is something called the labile sleep wake cycle which a few studies have found can be linked to dissoc- from what I remember reading it says that your body cannot differentiate properly from being asleep and being awake and that sounds totally spot on for me<br>Unfortunately the articles are super dense and scientific and a bit dissoc triggering so I haven't got through reading them but I hope more research is done in that area bc it feels promising!

There is something called the labile sleep wake cycle which a few studies have found can be linked to dissoc- from what I remember reading it says that your body cannot differentiate properly from being asleep and being awake and that sounds totally spot on for me
Unfortunately the articles are super dense and scientific and a bit dissoc triggering so I haven't got through reading them but I hope more research is done in that area bc it feels promising!

I definitely feel like I'm just stressed all the time even when I'm not consciously stressed.. I also overthink and worry and am in my head far too much- all which I think doesn't help with dissoc
It's hard to know what's the right thing to be doing when even most therapists don't know what to do and I've had them say some very unhelpful things like how it could be a good thing like NO

(I jumped off something far too high bc I thought it was only a couple of feet and badly hurt my back and the nurse said I was lucky that I didn't break my ankle; all because my depth perception is that screwy bc of dissoc!
It's not something good! It's literally dangerous for me, which slows down my brain, messes with my memories and just generally isn't something one would want :/ )

I guess she was trying to foster an aspect of acceptance when she said it but it did fuck me off

We just have to find our own ways of dealing at the moment sadly I think


but for real!! since my school announced it was closing at the end of the school year in February (unrelated to corona) and then in March we were sent home for remote learning I feel so weird living my life now. It's like, I'm at a new school and life's getting okay again, but my brain still wants March-May of last year to happen. It's like I can imagine being there and being happy and okay. I try to accept that it's all gone now and never coming back but my brain really be sayin "no I think you're in a fever dream rn and your old school without corona will be back soon".

In conclusion:
my brain is crazy annoying and tbh not helpful rn


Awww.<br>But also I love the literal high note you left on!!

Awww.
But also I love the literal high note you left on!!


me hearing that dysphoria can cause derealisation: ✌🏼💀suddenly a lot makes sense!


is it possible to get this only sometimes ? I spend most of my time alone in my room (even before covid) and sometimes when I go to the supermarket and it's very busy it feels like I'm not really there, like I'm watching a movie on double speed because everyone just moves unnaturally fast, it's so weird


I think i had it in puberty due to bullying and an instable home. It felt like i was in a dream (i even asked friends if they had this abd of course they didnt) or my body was cut off from my mind. Like, i knew my body was there but my mind wasnt. Also my feelings were nonexistent to several events. I know how they are morally, but not how i felt personally. I experienced this also later in life at Partys (before covid of course), when i felt excluded for example and it made me feel safe. Sometimes i wish it back. Does that sound morbid? Possibly. But then my brain knew how to protect itself and now i have to FEEL all these feelings and abandonment issues and that hurts.<br>Does someone else here had it for a time and then it slowly faded away?

I think i had it in puberty due to bullying and an instable home. It felt like i was in a dream (i even asked friends if they had this abd of course they didnt) or my body was cut off from my mind. Like, i knew my body was there but my mind wasnt. Also my feelings were nonexistent to several events. I know how they are morally, but not how i felt personally. I experienced this also later in life at Partys (before covid of course), when i felt excluded for example and it made me feel safe. Sometimes i wish it back. Does that sound morbid? Possibly. But then my brain knew how to protect itself and now i have to FEEL all these feelings and abandonment issues and that hurts.
Does someone else here had it for a time and then it slowly faded away?


i have a depressive disorder and feeling depersonalized is a symptom of mine. i’ve been struggling with school. in classes i’m always distracted and i don’t remember anything i’m being taught. anyone have any tips?


Your DPDR videos always Make me cry. These comments... I'm not alone!!! I'm not mad!!!! Take care you all


Hey miss Doddle. I like your vid. One thing you must understand though is DP/DR is just a side effect of anxiety, a protection mechanism bought about from an intense period of anxiety like a shock to the system or frazzled nerves. Your mind is simply trying to protect you, while it can feel incredibly scary and debilitating it  causes you absolutely no harm at all, and is in fact nothing more than a very convincing bluff of the mind and in fact should not cause you to feel depressed in itself (not saying that you may not have other reasons to be depressed just saying DP shouldn't be one of them). I had DP/DR for literally ages when I was struck with anxiety for probably a year or two. Medication will never help your derealisation, because its not a disorder its a protection mechanism, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you, your mind and body are just responding to it in the wrong way. The only reason it stays with you is because you pay it attention and give it respect. You do not need therapy or CBT or anything for DP, it also does not matter how long it have had it.  Don't attempt to medicalise or diagnose or listen to anyone that tells you otherwise. Its complete rubbish, and can do you absolutely no harm at all. You must understand you have to completely normalise it, you have to do everything you would normally and become completely indifferent to its presence. You must live with it and every time you become aware of it you say say ' ahh thats just my mind trying to protect me its of no harm, do your thing buddy but i'm cool don't need protecting i'm gonna live life as normal'. Your concern and worry about it is literally the only thing that keeps it alive. I have no DP ever now, i still have anxiety but zero DP. The reason is I completely ignored its presence, I built trust in myself that it was harmless and eventually over time its slowly fades and disappears if you pay it no respect. Hope this helps you, you can be free of it believe me.


I'm glad I'm not alone with this with me it happens after a panic attack or sensory overload or sometimes during or it can happen randomly which it is not good when it does. I usually call it my ghost form and even though it's most likely a coping mechanism for my mind it really scares me because I feel so out of place with it and its honestly scary to me but its just how its out of my control which to me makes it scarier.


I HAVE ALSO HAD THIS SAME THOUGHT. everyone experiencing a form of depersonalization. welcome to ze club.


Before developing M.E/CFS I’d never experienced it before, but now since having M.E/CFS I have it constantly. Like you said, you sorta forget about it when you’re doing other things when you can but it’s always there.
I obviously don’t know your history with it / how much work you’ve done with your complex trauma etc, but have you ever had your spine checked out?... I know it sounds weird. But I’ve started having treatment on my spine as it was giving me brain inflammation and it’s definitely helping.
I’ve never broken a bone / had back issues, but the virus I had (glandular fever) triggered inflammation in my body, giving me M.E but affected my spine too, hence brain inflammation, depersonalisation. I know you said you’ve tried so many things! But maybe go to an Osteopath and just see if everything’s ok? I honestly thought nothing would be wrong with me but I was wrong! Sending you so much love, thank you for talking about this so openly and normalising it.


i believe i may have had derealisation and a bit of depersonalisation a few years back, lasting round 3 years but i do slip into it now. all of my family and myself thought that it was just anxiety but i didnt really panic that much. i felt empty, not in a depression way, and everything felt cloudy and memories were hard to remember. lights seemed brighter and i could focus on foregrounds against backgrounds. i found it hard to read emotions and connect with my friends. I would look at myself in the mirror for half an hour just wondering who this person was infront of me. everything made me uncomfortable, as if i was homesick ALL THE TIME when i didnt know what made me feel like home. cloudy minds and days merging into one another. my parents assumed it was anxiety and i did too, so i went to therapy and it helped. but wasnt targeted to my needs yunno but still let the worst pass. years later i watched back dodies videos and started crying, i finally found what was up!!!! although i am not diagnosed, this helped. i barely get it now but if i do its in times of stress or anxiety. thank you dodie for speaking about this <3


Derealization is wild not a good time. I’m lucky to only experience it intermittently. thx for talking about it dodie 🥺


I am not alone with dpd and drpd. It is a nice reminder since I often forget and feel alone.


i feel like everyone with complex trauma is doing pretty much the same during covid bc it's like 'oh wow cool i know this' lol.. we been there for years so we are totally prepared xD

also yeah 'its ok because it has to be' is like. my entire life summarized. just keep going and pushing because i gotta lol


this helped alot im curently in the proces of accepting my cfs (chronic fatigue syndrome)
it has gotten alot worse lately and I've gone from being able to work 15 hours per. week to 4 hours

being cronic i might never get better again but i hope still to enjoy life


I spent most of my life in a depersonalized state and had no idea that was not how most people felt until I started coming out of it in my mid-20s. For me, this happened because I finally found a stable environment, and I guess my brain decided I didn't need to be so protected. I have tried to explain to friends that 2020 is making me slip back into it and I am terrified of not being able to come out again, but it is difficult for people who have not had to deal with this to understand why being removed from reality and feelings can be a bad thing.


ngl i think that my derealization symptoms have gotten worse since being essentially forced back into school. because like, before i was just staying inside this bubble that was my house and it was okay. but like, with being back in school, i am doing fine grade wise but more often than not, i will miss a good five minutes of class because i just disassociated. especially with being around over a thousand people after only really being around two at most (if i was lucky)


You aren’t alone. It’s difficult, we will get through it though.


"it feels like i've put a limiter on the logic file of my life" is the most hilarious reference I've ever heard from anyone ever


What the hell! whenever i try to explain how i feel and btw it is exactly like you explained it, people look at me silelntly and NOTHING i get nothing


ooo boy “it’s okay, because it has to be” really got me. i’m gonna curl up in a ball and cry now


Those of you with depersonalization what’s the difference between that and extreme deactivation/disconnection?


Just... Thanks for letting us know we're not alone!


My fiance and I are not able to see eachother because of covid. I have been a mess and this was so very helpful. Thank you


Mine is usually a cushion...but sometimes it will happen for a full week, and I describe that as everything feeling like its shifted two seconds to the left when you werent looking. Like you've got one foot in one reality, and the other in  another reality. You have no idea which ones real or which way you should step. Eventually you just want to escape the malaise but you cant. You just want to cry or match the energy of something in one of the worlds. But ifs beyond your reach. When I'm feeling this version, I usually watch mushishi, because ifs the only energy that matches me. If makes sense.

The other times I'm usually at work and I've retreated as far back as I can go in my mind, and sometimes I wonder if I havent slipped out the back door, or if i could if i wanted to, and not return. I am removed from all emotions and actions, I'm given room to breath and be cynical and assessing. Sometimes I wonder if this is what being a psychopath is  like. I only care about consequences because my normal emotionsl self would be the one to deal with I.


Love, love, love. Just all I want to send you is love. Cause you are creative, lovely, an incredible singer and composer....


I am born just after midnight on 12th April 1995, which must have been not long after you. Our lives mirror each other a lot and my brain is very similar to yours. Music, mental health, sexuality, sense of humour etc.  This makes me believe in astrology even more. Had depersonalisation since I was 19, so around 6 years now. This was from prolong anxiety growing up and a horrible heart break. I'm here with you on this, we got this. It's horrible at times but also makes us see the world in a complete different light to many others, and I think that is special. We feel more from our other senses and find home in art, music and belly laughs than with our everyday eyes and normal perceptions. It is all happening for a reason, when the depersonalisation veil is lifted in the future (which it will do), we will see even more beauty and be so grateful for the little things. Even if it is my eyes just focusing for 10 seconds and taking in where I am.


lo fi music also hits different when u going through a derealization episode


I don't experience depersonalization in the way you do but I don't exactly find shaudenfreude in not having the same struggles mentally as someone else. When you've been in therapy and taken meds for a while you start to realize that having a different or "lesser" experience to someone else doesn't make your own experience better. I do experience some sense of disassociation or depersonalization. It seems to have happened because of the stuff I've been through and because of the previous and current struggle of other forms of mental illness. At times I've found that I feel "floaty" and when I can focus and understand it more, I have described it as not being with my body. I would reject or fail to understand sensations my body would experience. I would avoid feelings like hunger or sexual arousal because they didn't seem right. I don't know for sure if this was depersonalization as I'm not diagnosed with it like I have been with anxiety and depression. Sometimes I have just kind of felt like I'm hardly there. Which has definitely caused my anxiety to go into overdrive. I remember once I was just shut down and I ended up just typing and typing the random string of consciousness in my brain because of how my anxiety was reacting. I just was there but only kind of. And I didn't really move or interact besides that. My apologies if this experience isn't to be accurately described as disassociation but I thought it would be worth it to share my own experience here.


It all started for me around freshman year when I hit a low time low, as a coping mechanism I would cry n look n the mirror telling myself that it doesn’t matter it’s all a joke it isn’t real we all die someday anyway I kept doing this until one day I looked n the mirror n didn’t recognize myself n now it’s been 3 years n my anxiety panick attacks n depression make me feel so dead and exhausted that I jus can’t wait to die most of the time, to finally be able to rest sounds so nice n yet scary to die, Iam only 19 n have been through so much n yet it feels like I’ve been through nothing, bc I haven’t experienced tru joy in life for so long


You said you like when people comment who also experience this, so hi 👋 I think for me it's more dissociation than depersonalisation though it mixes sometimes. I don't have it as often anymore thankfully. It happens mostly in social situations or when I talk about trauma. For me it feels like my nerve circuits get clogged up, like everything takes longer to connect and process and some things are just too much to really grasp. If it gets really extreme it takes all my concentration to talk or move or do anything. Like my brain is screaming at my arm to move but the connection is too bad. Weirdly also visual input makes it worse, like if there are too many colors or patterns or movement so I often look at blank walls or close my eyes.  I think I also get it when I would otherwise have panic attacks so sometimes I am grateful for it.


Trauma seems to almost be the norm among youtubers. Almost as if by plan to bring it to light. In my study of our various afflictions and their nature, I have found that the light of truth is what heals. Have you tried telling the truth of what happened to you? because that will heal you. I would very much like to hear the story, pretty girl, as you would help many others as well.


I’m not saying I have DPD but during quarantine I feel like I’ve been disassociating a lot more. Like this morning I was brushing my teeth and I started to think that I wasn’t actually real and that there’s no way that thats me in the mirror even though it is and has been for 20 years. Minor things like that have been happening more and more and I’m a bit concerned but also not sure if it’s actually even a sign of an actual problem starting... Hopefully not, and this is only something happening because life has been messed up with corona. <br>Hope everyone is doing okay :)

I’m not saying I have DPD but during quarantine I feel like I’ve been disassociating a lot more. Like this morning I was brushing my teeth and I started to think that I wasn’t actually real and that there’s no way that thats me in the mirror even though it is and has been for 20 years. Minor things like that have been happening more and more and I’m a bit concerned but also not sure if it’s actually even a sign of an actual problem starting... Hopefully not, and this is only something happening because life has been messed up with corona.
Hope everyone is doing okay :)


honestly when this quarantine started i didn't complain at all because my anxiety became lessened (since I haven't been able to be around people).

but even with being an introvert, i am very at a low. i just miss seeing people i didn't know, smiling and walking down the hall of my highschool. i miss eating lunch with my friends, even though they really didn't care about my existence, laughing and such.

i don't know. i reminisce everything about being with people. human fucking beings.


i get the limiter part, speaking as a logic producer with depersonalisation 😩


I think I have a milder case of this thing, but I don't have a 'reason' to have it, there is no big trauma or anything around the time I can remember realising it started


i havent seen a lot of people talk about it and since we're on the topic, does depersonalization make anyone else feel super travel sick? i used to be completely fine before i developed depersonalization. ever since, being in a fast moving vehicle makes me want to freak out!! i hope I'm not the only one hahaah

I can see how that would happen since it messes with your vision and can make you feel dizzy and stuff like that.

@Anomaly whew i’m so happy to hear i’m not the only one. but sorry you have to experience it as well. sending love!! xx

YES! I can't remember much from before my depersonalization and dissociation started, but one of the only things I remember is that I had no motion sickness. But after that period in time, I got and still get extremely motion sick after about 40 minutes in any vehicle. It gets even worse and happens quicker if I'm doing something other than dissociating. So yes, you are definitely not the only one.


I feel like this all the fucking time to the point where I genuinely can not remember the last time I felt like anything was actually real


I may have a depressionesque mood disorder, gen anxiety with sprinkles of panic, social anxiety, frequent suicidal ideation, and derma, but i am very glad I do not have depersonalization.


Ive been really feeling like this worse than normal for a week or so now and it sucks alot and my GP doesnt seem to understand what i mean when i say "i dont feel real" or "things dont feel real"


Looking at ourselves in an electronic mirror will keep you in a loop of down. Your choice.


I feel that comment of "its like a pain in your arm, you may forget it for a while but its still there". I live with chronic pain, I wake up in pain, I go to sleep in pain and I go to work in pain. People at work will see me take pain killers and ask if I am in pain, my reply is "I am always in pain" and they don't understand. People without a constant problem rarely understand what its like to have one, that it slowly chips away at your energy on a daily basis and some days you only wake up with only one fuck left to give and you just don't care about their bullshit. Sometimes I get asked why I don't tell people when I am in pain so they can help, but I don't have the time to mention every possible pain haha I would never stop talking.


i rlly needed this tysm, i completely relate and felt so alone until now 😭xxx


i don't want to diagnose myself but I feel like i'm dreaming quite a lot. It scares me sometimes, especially when I'm not at home


I'm not sure if it's normal, I havent looked much into it, but I have to remind myself of consequences. Nothing feels real so the thought that my actions that feel like air could cause something else to happen doesn't occur to me naturally.


Me hoping they legalize magic mushrooms as a therapy for depersonalization soon, because it shows promise in cases that were resistant to other therapies. Single low dose of MDMA with medical monitoring and complementary therapy also seems to have a lot of potential. I wish legislators would shrug the damn stygma. People like you and me could get better help if they did.


Thank you for this. You are wonderful x.x.x


i know this is very serious and stuff, but i feel like, as someone who constantly had to touch their friends through high school to be certain that i wasn't hallucinating them, i have the right to say this:

why would you put yourself into a trance wherein you feel detached from your emotions and thoughts in order to try to alleviate a disorder wherein you feel detached from your emotions and thoughts


Did you get diagnosed for yours because idk if I should for mine but I have 5 years of trauma 💜🐛


ever since arms unfolding I can’t trust myself when i hear singy-talky dodie like is she just being dodie or is she giving us snippets of the song?? I’m probably over analyzing her videos now😅😂


I think I have derealization but anytime I try to reach out for help no one understands and just thinks I'm overreacting. It's been at least a year now and evey time I've tried to explain people just dismiss it like it's not real, idk what to do anymore:/


I have to admit I'm upset as I came across your vids on a video that was recommended from 6 years ago, and I really hoped it had just been a blip for you 😥 I am thirty and struggle with the weird depersonalisation/depression/anxiety mixture. Someone save us 😂😂😂🤦♂🤦♂🙋♂🙋♂


“Where we can all jump on each other and breathe into each others mouths” I WAS DRINKING MY MILK FROM MY CEREAL AND I DIED CHOKING


Definitely feeling the intense averageness of life right now


I don't watch videos/think about dprd bc it always makes it worse for me to think about it, but if any of you have gotten rid of it please let me know. I'm scared this will never end. I can't live like this.

@Sierra Farnum sorry for the delayed response. Im glad  the video was insightful. Watch as many videos as you can. He is very easy to understand and follow. And also like i said before, the power of now is an incredibe book and i cant recommend it enough.

@Chris Thank you, I just watched a video by Rupert Spira and it was insightful


Idk bro, the more i think about having DPDR the more it effects me. Like, it's always going to be there probably, but the more i focus on it the worse it is. I've kinda just tried to ignore it and just let every moment fly by as it does.
But lately, I've started wanting to actually live my life rather than watch it speed past me.
I know this sounds messed up, but I've lowkey just been waiting to die. Just going with the flow until it's over with. But i WANT to do things, i WANT to have meaningful relationships, i WANT to feel alive. I've been suicidal for years, it used to be alot more intense but now its just a feeling I've detatched from. But "everything is okay bc it has to be" has been my motto for a long time. It has to be, bc the only other option is for it not to be. And i can't stand living like that.


Its okay, despite this time being depressionalising, i also gotta do school, which is an anxietilisation


I've been spaced out of most of my life because of adhd, and lots of abuse and trauama


According to the Netflix documentary (Un)well, there is a clinical trial running on the effectiveness of Ayahuasca for treatment-resistent depression; wonder whether it could have an effect on depersonalisation as well


Hello love. I've misses you so much. I don't know if you know what a tulpa is, but I have one based off of you. Because you are the only person that makes me feel like I'm not alone in the world. Love you Dodie. ❤


Oh god the highs and low graph is so real. Especially "you can't see this hand". LOVE YOU x


I depersonalize/Derealize a lot because of anxiety but I’m in self isolation right now and it gets a little worse everyday that I can’t go experience my life as I know it. Also, just last week a new paper was published about possible brain links to derealization!


I had DR and DP chronically from the age of 17 to about 22/23. I'm 27 now, and the DP never went away the the derealisation (feeling like nothing is real) did. I still feel removed from myself and 'who I am', but I feel like I am here now and the world is real. When I was going through derealisation I never thought it would go away. Never ever ever. But it did. So please don't give up hoping Dodie because it will go eventually. Plus, you are so brave for living with it, now my confidence is better I am so proud of myself when I think of everything I went through and you should be too. You are an actual warrior. When you think that you got yourself through your worst times, you can get through anything.


"It it what it is" has become my motto in life the past year or two


hello dodie. I really enjoy your videos and normally don't comment on them but I have a question. I have the same condition and when I watched the movie the matrix it triggered me so much. do you fell the same way?


I am pretty sure I have this condition. I wasn't diagnosed with it but I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I feel like I'm constantly in a dream, everything is foggy and lights are too bright which makes me space out even more. It feels like I've been up for days even when I've had enough sleep. This feeling has been constant 24/7 for about four years now. I had panic attacks everyday and short feelings of dissociation following but then it became constant. I still feel emotions but it almost feels like I don't, I still cry and laugh but it doesn't feel the same if that makes sense. I'm really hoping there's a way to get out of it and feel normal again.


I struggle with derealization as a symptom of depression and probably complex ptsd. When I first started experiencing it it felt more like an out of body experience. I just wasn’t there and I didn’t feel like I had control. I was just going through the motions of life not really being present. Now, 4 years later, I still struggle with it, but not on a daily basis. Only when my depression gets worse or I get overwhelmed. Rn during covid usually when I’m at the grocery store, and I’m stressed about what food to get and also stressed about all the people around me. I usually notice it when I’m walking and the movement of my legs aren’t real. And I have to walk very slowly and then I start to feel so spacey. At those points sounds doesn’t really come through very well, I’m utterly confused and I just want to get away from the situation and go lay in my bed with my cat. That’s the only thing that really helps me come back from the derealization, to just take a break from the evening, even when I’m with friends, I’ll just piss off and go chill by myself and watch some crappy show you’ll still be able to follow if you’ve missed a couple episodes due to spacey-ness. If you’re experiencing the same stuff : just give yourself time. Try to find out what makes you feel safe. For some people the symptoms might never 100% go away, but taking care of yourself can make them feel less bad. Getting yourself into stressful situations might make them feel worse. Just take care of yourself and be kind to yourself 😘🥰❤(I also have the symptom where I won’t recognize people. For instance, I know I have a boyfriend, I know what he looks like etc. but sometimes when I’m overwhelmed it will take me a second to realize the stranger next to me on the couch is my boyfriend. So whenever I get overwhelmed I just touch his hair, because I know when I feel his hair it’s him, and that helps me stay grounded. Idk if that’s dumb but that’s what helps me😂)


Its hard when you have deprersonalization and you can't explain it to anyone


I've been too scared to tell anyone, but I've been feeling like that for a few years and I just don't know how to explain to my family. I also don't want to self diagnose. But I've always felt detached from everything around me. Like there's a fog on my vision that I can't get rid of. Like I'm watching a movie from first person view but I can't truly interact with life. I don't know. Covid definitely hasn't helped but. I feel like I just need to put that out there for my own sake.


im not trying to be like an attention seeker or self diagnose myself, but i feel like this video was made for me.. like 100% this is exactly how i feel-


I haven't been diagnosed with anything to do with disassociation but both me and my therapist are like uhhh yh this is majorly happening in your life
I will often not remember large chunks of time, I will space out, feel like the world isn't real, not make sense when people are talking to me, have the world go so out of focus I cant read things or disconnect enough I cant understand the words people are saying to me - its like being underwater with a chance of forgetting it after.
During covid, during now, I remember even less, everything feels less real and its really tough but it is what it is. you are by no means alone in this. look after yourselves peeps!


15. Been spaced since 13 or like very end of 12. This kinda stuff makes me feel normal for a moment (or 7) so well thanks for that😎😎


As a random person from the internet, I want you to know that you are loved!


I know this is a serious video and .. 💕 but the ending made me LOL 😂


the Logic Pro analogy was the most on the dot description of my mental health I  have ever felt


i've had like chroniccccc dissociation for over a year and a half and before that it was come and go for about a year. but trying to explain to people that it never goes away, it's just sometimes more noticeable and it's a bit frustrating but then it's like, i don't have a right to be frustrated because why should i expect them to understand. idk man it's difficult


I don't suffer from DPDR or anything but I do dissociate, and so I have some understand of what you're talking about. I'm one of those people that you talked about that suffers from panic attacks (official diagnosis of panic disorder), but the other side of the spectrum is when I'm depressed and dissociate. I find it's almost like I can't see properly or my memory is short circuiting and I forget where I am and what time it is and what I'm doing. It's as if I've shrunk right into my mind so far I can't see out anymore, the window of my eyes is too far away and im stuck in this foggy place? Idk I'm describing it so badly but thankfully since I left school and started college, the feelings have been much much improved (as well as years of therapy) I can't imagine having that feeling all the time, it must be so hard, but thanks for talking about it, and being an example of someone who lives with those feelings and is still killing it ❤


Did you ever think of writing down what you do everyday so that you can read what you did so you don’t feel like you’re dreaming


Story of my life for 35 years ang going.... Be strong


she's doing the song thing again<br>i feel it in my bones

she's doing the song thing again
i feel it in my bones


I think i have depersonalisation or something like that but ive had the feeling of this isnt real and a disconnect from reality my whole life so i dont really see it as a completlly bad thing as ive never known any different. Obviously its annoying that my memories are so distant and sometimes i just cant feel anything and everything feels hopeless as whats the pooint? It isnt real anyway but then again, it allows me to see the positive in thhinngs as, if it isnt real, what does it matter if i made a mistake, tthherres nno need tto worry aboout it. When sometthing abouuut my physical body hurts, i can disconect my brain from it which is also quite nice but at the same time difficcult cos it makes me more spacey. Its really sstrange to talk about it, especially as ive nevener knoown any differnet so thiis is my normmal.  Sending yyou. Love❤💛💛💚💙💜

(Btw, my keeyboard is brroken so sorry about. The typos😂)


She is very emotionally intelligent and articulate.


I have dissociative episodes that manifests in non-epileptic seizures. It is really hard and I am so grateful to dodie for speaking openly about her condition and advocating for education on the topic because it has helped me so much.


I struggle with dissociation when I leave the house - because it's a coping mechanism for my social anxiety. But when my depression is bad (or I've been drinking a lot) it gets even worse - and reality feels less real. Like if I'm on a walk outside, I try to accept and let in the sunlight and look at nature, but for some reason my mind/body won't let me let the light in and there is a shadow over the grass. It feels like a bigger distance has been created between me and nature. Even when I try and snap out of it by like staring at the grass for awhile. Sorry if this made zero sense. Thankfully as less stressors have been in my life, it seems to have been going away a bit, but still got a long way to go in terms of healing


I don’t know if I’ve experienced this or not but what I think I have had are panic attacks and during those everything looks and sounds like it’s far away and the edges of my vision go blurry, my extremities feel kind of “buzzy”(?) and I feel like I’m in a cold sweat (sort of too hot and too cold at the same time). I don’t really know what this is but if anyone else has had a similar thing, so let me know 💜


Excellent comparison between the two - couldn't agree more.  You're one of the only other people I've heard use the 'audio limiter' metaphor...music nerds unite ;-)<br>(P.S. DPD vs Covid is pretty much the Preface of the book! heh)

Excellent comparison between the two - couldn't agree more.  You're one of the only other people I've heard use the 'audio limiter' metaphor...music nerds unite ;-)
(P.S. DPD vs Covid is pretty much the Preface of the book! heh)


the whole of isolation just felt like one long anxious fever dream??? like everything's so foggy?? but somehow going back to school has made me have so many more anxiety attacks so who tf knows anymore


Bruh. I am so angry at everyone around me for not making me feel comfortable enough to tell them how I’ve been feeling literally for more than half of my life. Not even a freakin therapist.


I get something like depersonalisation a lot - I said to my girlfriend just today, looking at her in the kitchen, right in front of me, it felt like she was only a figment of my imagination, like she’s not really there. I often get the feeling that people aren’t really there - it’s sad when I think that way - it feels lonely, like some artificial intelligence has put some false image in my mind. Feels like that feeling just before you wake from a dream, and you sometimes become aware that you’re about to slip away from the dream world and lose what’s in front of you, like if I reach out to touch her, I wouldn’t feel anything; my girlfriend wouldn’t be there...


Have you considered this being a result of vestibular neuritis/vestibular migraines?  You mentioned in an earlier video that you have a "separate vision/eye issue"...could it be related?  People are healing from inner ear issues which can be a MAJOR cause of DP/DR!!!!!!


I'm not sure if I really have dpdr which makes things very confusing, but I started to assume I couldn't have it because I've never had any of the common symptoms - no panic attacks or visual distortions or weird thoughts etc. But hearing you talk about your experience sounds much more familiar. I simply constantly feel like the dumbest person on Earth when I used to pride myself on being quite smart, and this can lead to depression because it feels like I've somehow lost my identity. I'm still not sure whether I have it or not, but life has gotten slightly better since I've started accepting the feeling as much as possible, which can be very hard because you're constantly in the mindset that there has to be an answer and that you should've 'solved' this issue ages ago.<br>It seems like the worst thing to do is browse YouTube and Google for answers, but I don't mind videos like yours where it's clear you're being honest (there's a lot of charlatans out there!) Your analogy to Covid was VERY relatable - when I first got this I'd wake up and feel joy for half a second before remembering "Shit, my life is different now", much like people have reported their experience with Covid. Thanks for sharing and take care.

I'm not sure if I really have dpdr which makes things very confusing, but I started to assume I couldn't have it because I've never had any of the common symptoms - no panic attacks or visual distortions or weird thoughts etc. But hearing you talk about your experience sounds much more familiar. I simply constantly feel like the dumbest person on Earth when I used to pride myself on being quite smart, and this can lead to depression because it feels like I've somehow lost my identity. I'm still not sure whether I have it or not, but life has gotten slightly better since I've started accepting the feeling as much as possible, which can be very hard because you're constantly in the mindset that there has to be an answer and that you should've 'solved' this issue ages ago.
It seems like the worst thing to do is browse YouTube and Google for answers, but I don't mind videos like yours where it's clear you're being honest (there's a lot of charlatans out there!) Your analogy to Covid was VERY relatable - when I first got this I'd wake up and feel joy for half a second before remembering "Shit, my life is different now", much like people have reported their experience with Covid. Thanks for sharing and take care.


I am very lucky to not have chronic depersonalization, but I do have an anxiety disorder and when it gets really intense I do tend to have episodes of depersonalization.

At first for me like you said it is for some people initially it is a relief from the horrible anxiety, but that's also usually when I haven't registered yet that it has happened. There are times when it goes on for longer than usual and it makes me feel crazy. The world around me feels all out of sorts and I feel like when I don't have my glasses on. I can't seem to focus and everything feels spacy and dreamlike. It can then occasionally cause me more anxiety and I get stuck in an awful loop of depersonalized and anxiety. Luckily through therapy and coping mechanisms I've gotten better at calming myself down and trying not to long to focus on it and for me it eventually usually will go away with time and I can break the cycle. I can't imagine being stuck with it for years, a matter of hours or days is enough to make me very upset so my heart goes out to you dodie.

Sending you lots of love thank you for this lovely little community and all the content you create ❤❤❤❤


I wonder if MDMA could help. Like its already being tested as a treatment for PTSD maybe it there can be a trial for depersonalization


dodie scream-singing that last part of the song killed meeee 😂


the fact that dodie has shared so much about derealization/depersonalization/dpd literally saved my life. i never felt awake or present for most of my life and during middle school it sunk me into a super deep depression. i had a therapist, but when i told her about how i felt, she just chalked it up to symptoms of depression. after i heard dodie speak about dpd, i realized that it was exactly how i'd been feeling for years. i decided to bring it up to my therapist who did some research on it, came back, and was able to help me out of the hole i'd fallen so deep into. if it weren't for dodie being such an advocate for dpd and being so willing to speak about her experience with it, i might not be here right now. so if anyone's reading this whose struggling with dpd right now, it gets better. it's not always easy, but it gets better.


You are right that it's a time to de-personalization,  to De-conditioning,  to De-identification,  which is really helpful one's we separate self from the one who(object/people/outside/event/situations) is bound to change & bound to perished over a period of time & be crystal clearly aware & be to that which is eternal & im-mortal within each one to give chances to pop up & cherishes,  which is nothing but our true nature & our own higher potentials & possibilities.


All alone time, mixed with anxiety and lonliness, is gonna trigger dissociation, because dissociation is meant to be a coping mechanism for those times.


THE MORE I LISTEN THE LESS I TRUST HER SHES MAKING ANOTHER SONG IN A VIDEO AGAIN I SWEAR WHY IS SHE S I N G I N G  T O  M E


dissociation/depersonalization is something that i struggle with as a side effect from my other mental health problems. it's not a constant thing, but when it happens, it's extremely isolating and scary. for me, i feel like i can't even recognize myself anymore. my hands feel foreign and i can't control my thoughts. my head feels like static. the worst is when i'm talking to someone else, because i'll forget what they're like or if i know them.

i'm in a long distance relationship, and we haven't been able to see each other since last december due to covid (and it might be another year or so until we can meet again). only talking to her via skype makes my dissociative episodes even worse. she'll be talking, and all of a sudden i'll feel panicked, like she's a stranger. it's like her face even morphs.

i can't imagine what it's like to feel depersonalized or dissociated all of the time. if the comments are right and you're spelling out "build a problem" for whatever this song/album/announcement is, i can certainly see how it could be related to this feeling. because it seems like my mind is creating this terrible issue and pain that doesn't even need to exist. it feels useless and frustrating that my mind would choose to do this too me. anyways, i'm highly anticipating this reveal!! your daily videos have brought me an immense amount of joy, thank you :")

RELATE to suddenly freaking out about how and who someone you know is someone you know lol that happens allll the time


Hey Dodie, I have the same thing. Donn worry about it. It's kinda normal in real world. And I'm pretty sure you will have the top level of happiness and you're going to feel normal again soon. It just will come by itself. I promise. Nothing need to do. This is how it works. Sometimes it sucks, but in the end it's just great again.


Literally so depressed anyway so covid is just making it extremely hard


I don't experience it all the time, but I do have bouts of it every once and a while. Not sure if I technically have the condition or not with the amount I experience, but I feel you. Shit sucks and there are times it can be kinda scary. Especially when driving.


sending love from my dream bubble to yours !!


Wait I get that feeling like once every month or so I had no idea this was like not a normal thing.


Depersonalisation/derealisation is a normal thing for everyone - including neurotypical people - to experience.

My boyfriend experiences it more regularly than I do ( he suffers from BPII and I suffer from depression), and whenever I feel spacey I freak out and I wish that it would go away. Sometimes I cry. My boyfriend says that the feeling will come and go (for people that don’t suffer from it chronically), and doing grounding exercises will help you feel better and thinking about what the “threat” might be, which helps with anxiety too. Also, accepting that it will pass and trying to just go through the motions of it will make you feel much better.

I wish you all well in this time of uncertainty. Keep your heads up ☺


Explaining my brain to people had been so much easier lately and I kind of Hate It for everyone


my derealization has never been too bad. even now it’s not. for a little bit at the beginning of quarantine i would feel a little ｓｐａｃｅｙ and ｗｏｎｋｙ but i’ve been pretty good since. there were a couple moments when i was hanging out with my best friend and i just couldn’t have fun. like yeah it was nice to be with them but i didn’t really feel anything. now i have been and it makes me so grateful.

 but i only have had derealization some. mostly during school when i was little. things just felt unreal like a dream. i was much more curious about the way it felt. now it’s just like oh shoot not again lmao. the worst i’ve ever gotten it was a response to being nervous to go to a doctors appointment. the stress of it just switched on the derealization. and then i didn’t feel anything. but they i got blood drawn and i was freaking out because i could feel it flowing out and i couldn’t take the sensation. i can’t explain how horrible that was. and right after that i stood up and couldn’t see lmao. and i was in *space*. all the way there. and then i threw up on the floor. in front of people waiting. and because of my derealization i was just sort of laughing. i have no clue why. really really weird. that was a year ago now.

actually i take it back that may have not been the worst time. i just remembered the day i went to see Bastille in concert. after the show i felt really weird. i really just didn’t want that night to end. when i got home i felt so sad lol. and when i woke up the next morning i had something similar to derealization. i got so wrapped up in the concert being over from last night. it reminded me of the time i saw them before which was a few years ago. maybe realizing how much time had gone by is what freaked me out but i started crying and i felt so sick. through this whole thing i was super spaced out. it was almost like a panic attack where you feel so separates and alone from the world. but i don’t think i’ve ever had a full panic attack. i’ve had small ones but i just want to say that i don’t think this is comparable to a big one. unless i just think panic attacks are small because i expect the worst lmao.

anyways thanks to you for reading. whoever you are i hope you’re doing well. we can talk in the comments through replies if you’d like. ♥♥


Hi dodie! I'm not sure if you'll see this but you probably will and I just wanna say it might have do with school starting virtually but I have been really deep in depersonalization for a while and I'm not really sure how to get out because I cant really see my friends or at least hug them or touch them and overall I've just been feeling very weird. disassociation is something that's come and gone a lot in my life like itll just come for bursts and then goes away but right now I'm having a really hard time telling what's real and what's dreams and idk. when you said you liked reading peoples comments about this I instantly thought to comment because I'm so glad you are talking about this because it's something I relate to a lot and I just wanna say I'm so glad you are posting regularly again I totally get why you felt weird amd wanted to stop but watching you calms me down and makes my day so thank you so much for that!! I love you lots! good night or whatever time it is where you are.


Sometimes i feel like not a part of this world so that when people say my name, even if im already talking to them, it startles me


Wow Dodie singing Minnie Ripperton! That's just wonderful ☺


I have ptsd and when I dissociate it feels like suddenly I've been sucked back inside and I'm talking to people through a window and they're on the patio. And I'm trying to be with them and have fun, but there's this big barrier and distance between us. I act completely normally usually (which doesn't help because no one notices something has changed) but it's in response to being near something I'm afraid of or something triggering. Then later once the trigger is gone I'll have a full blown panic attack once it's "safe". But in the moment it's super frustrating. Like I'm watching myself do stuff from within my head instead of being present. That's my analogy for it anyway.


WAIT SO THAT'S WHAT THAT FEELING IS?? BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. Sorry for the caps dsgbdfibg

I'm just-  I didn't realize there was a name for this and I never knew, still don't know, how to describe it. And I'm glad to know this isn't just a thing I get so often that no one else understands-- anyways,, thank you to whoever took their time to read this. :)


I developed a chronic condition called vestibular migraine back in may. One of the symptoms is derealization, I struggle with it very heavily. Is it possible that you have migraine? I’m amazed by how many people have this condition. It is a living hell. I have to wear migraine glasses most of the time because the dimness is the only thing that really helps - along with an ice pack or cold water on my face.


Using your ummm example, I am always between 60%-75% alive.


sometimes i stare a little too long in the mirror and i stop looking like myself;  when i'm depressed is worse. thank god i asked for help, my life is much better now


Does anyone else ever feel so depersonalised or derealised that they dont even believe that they even have this disorder, I feel like I'm constantly going around and around in my head and never can see quite clearly what is wrong with me.


That little bit of Minnie at the end was a bright spot in my day.


I do this thing where I pace and day dream about fantasy worlds for hours everyday. I used to think it was a being a kid thing but now I'm 22 and it's still around so yeah that's a real pain. Sometimes I won't even notice I'm doing it I'll just look at my clock and a whole day will have gone by and I won't have been present for any of it. Also sometimes I become hyper aware of my surroundings and it freaks me out. Slightly wondering if it's a mental health thing but mostly willing to leave it alone and hope it doesn't bother me too much.


Does someone know what the words she's spelling is? Because I lost count and I was just so happy to see a daily Dodie video. She says a lot of people know, and I want to know lol😂


I wonder if meditation could help cope with it?


crying ❤ but it's fine aaahhfhd I think i have one of depersonalization or derealization and im thinking on bringing it up in therapy aaaah scary


This is like Hank Green’s video about the new normal and how he likened it to his Chrohn’s disease, comforting to think similar metaphors crop up


The highs and lows thing was something I never knew how to explain, that's exactly what it is, yeah


I really enjoy your daily posts. I have been a fan of your music for about 5 years now, and I am currently a junior in high school. I have been super stressed but these past few days I have been able to count on your videos to calm me 💛💛


My dissociation doesn't have a definable start... I have absolutely no clue when it started and I really think I've had it all of my life... Is anybody else the same?

I have derealization in case you were wondering...

@Joshua Huvenaars No problem, I'm also glad to know I'm not the only one!

@Anomaly thank you so much for responding! I thought it was wired that most people develop it after trauma but I don't really have much trauma... It's great to know that I am not the only one. Thank you 😊

I am very much the same. I don't remember when or why it started or if there even is a "why" for it starting. I've just kind of lived with it for as long as I can remember. You're not alone.


I understand what you mean about it being like a pillow for some people and not for others. For me, its almost comforting cos i dont have to deal or think, i can just 'zone out'. Sometimes its really uncomfortable, its kinda strange. It feels like my heads super foggy, were im trapped in a little bit of my head and i cant get full access to the other parts. When its super bad, others speak to me and  i cant process what there saying. Ive been told i seem rreally spacy haha. Its super hard to explain, i cant remember all of it. I hope this helps some people who are experiencing this too and  if its not as comfortable for you, i promise itll get better, you just gotta hold on <3<br>ps. You are loved, You are NOT worthless, You are MORE than enough. i love you  :)  <3

I understand what you mean about it being like a pillow for some people and not for others. For me, its almost comforting cos i dont have to deal or think, i can just 'zone out'. Sometimes its really uncomfortable, its kinda strange. It feels like my heads super foggy, were im trapped in a little bit of my head and i cant get full access to the other parts. When its super bad, others speak to me and  i cant process what there saying. Ive been told i seem rreally spacy haha. Its super hard to explain, i cant remember all of it. I hope this helps some people who are experiencing this too and  if its not as comfortable for you, i promise itll get better, you just gotta hold on <3
ps. You are loved, You are NOT worthless, You are MORE than enough. i love you  :)  <3


I never made this connection before but yeah, you're exactly right


For me it's a relief from panic and anxiety but it's long term effects aren't pretty


Loved that Arianna whistle/scream at the end 😂😂😂


Dodie. You might never see this. But thank you. I felt horribly broken and alone and was stressing about being a weirdo just because I have this very common, normal nervous system response to stress. Looking at how you accept it, and your attitude about it inspires me a lot to be patient and be okay with it as well. Thank you for talking about this, I genuinely, genuinely appreciate you


"it's ok because it has to be." you have grown so much


We all need to take extra care this winter for our mental health. It may be a particularly difficult few months, so let's take care of ourselves to the Nth degree.


i found out recently i, or i suppose i should say we, are a system, were undiagnosed, but at this point theres not really any denying it, and id just like to say that comparison kinda makes sense and i kinda like it


I don’t have chronic dissociation, but I can dissociate to a very high degree in very inappropriate situations. Dissociation in general is really difficult to handle, and Dodie, you seem to be doing so so well with the situation you’re in. Even small episodes tend to take me off my feet, it takes strength to keep going when in that state, and you’ve gotta know you are doing so incredibly well at managing it (from what I can tell)


describing it really reminded me that i had depersonalization damn but yes all of this completely understand agree it’s all ... yes


I really feel like I have some form of this,, because I feel like nothing is real Nd it’s like this dark dreadful cloud is always around me Nd each day that passes it gets bigger Nd scarier,, Nd I’m afraid to live because nothing feels real anymore.  I forget most of the conversations I have in person or online,, I feel like anytime someone says smth to me it just loses all depth and meaning,, I will look in the mirror for minutes trying to make sense of my face and if my eyes are my own and not just that of the eyes that belong to those fake dolls you see with realistic eyes but they are still off,, I find myself wanting to detach my limbs like you do a Barbie doll at a young age, because they no longer feel like they belong,, I feel like a television the has lost signal and is stuck on static not able to make sense of anything I’m doing or saying ,, it all feels off I can’t get rid of this feeling I can’t get my work done on time because online things with deadlines do not feel real unlike a physical piece of paper that you have to write the answers on,,  I feel as tho I am hollow my teeth feel like they want to hop out of my mouth at times,, days blend together and I spend most of it sleeping,, a dreamless sleep ,, a restless sleep of darkness and never ending confusion but it still is somehow better than having to deal with the weight of my brain in my head,,  they say it’s adhd but I fear that it’s much worse I feel like I am trapped in autopilot and some faceless nameless thing is controlling me and I am not all there nothing feels real and it fucking terrifies me Nd I feel the need to cry to someone about it but there is no one,, the last person I opened up to about this told others who used to be my friends that I was crazy so I stopped telling people because what if I am crazy and this is just wrong of me to try to self diagnose and just stick to the diagnosis they gave me,, I just want to cease to exist but also that is my greatest fear,, I feel like I am stuck in limbo with no sense of direction of where to go ... I’m sorry to anyone who actually reads this I just let it out here because dodie makes me feel safe and hopefully the people who love her as much as I will understand,, please understand


i get this a thousand percent - thank you.


idk why but when dodie explained the new normal thing it hit me i think worse than it has this whole quarantine, i just felt this pain in my chest and i finally comprehended that i will never get to go back,


I have this for 5 years and I’ve just had flashbacks recently and it sucks Did you get diagnosed for it cos I have had it for 5 years aaaaaaaa


„And we all will jump on eachother and breath into eachother‘s mouths again.“

honestly?

can‘t wait!!!

„And we all will jump on eachother and breath into eachother‘s mouths again.“

honestly?

*can‘t wait!!!*


dodie ... I'm just starting to watch this video, and I can't help but wonder ... do you think your condition may actually sharpen your creative talents? ... it would be nice to know there's something positive about it ... but it otherwise sounds like an all around pisser to deal with  ..Bart


My brain also decided it was better to check out at an early age. Not chronically, but I absolutely know the feeling, and I know the effects of trauma. <br>Indeed, it’s okay, because it has to be.

My brain also decided it was better to check out at an early age. Not chronically, but I absolutely know the feeling, and I know the effects of trauma.
Indeed, it’s okay, because it has to be.


Can’t watch bc I’ll b triggered a bit but thank u for spreading awareness


I don’t have depersonalization, but I do get quite bad disassociation. I have a progressive illness that is taking away the use of my joints and is going to kill me eventually. I was the one in the wheel chair at your Los Angeles concert last year. But it’s okay because it has to be. I remember flashes of before, but it makes me angry and sad. My emotions are numb and I feel so broken sometimes. You have been such a light in my life. For years you have been saving me. So thank you I guess. Cheers to mental illness and getting by.


'depersonalisation can stem from depression, trauma, or dysphoria'

me, w all three of those: FUCK


It sounds like how I feel when I drink alcohol


Depersonalization is like being in the sunken place


covid has rlly grabbed my deprsonalizatioj by the throat 😔


idk if its depersonalization but i feel the same way (from  what i got by the explanation) after a panic attack, its like i shut off for a day or two and just dont feel anything or am not aware of the world, its like im floating? but its super weird because on the inside im just super confused and panicky but on the outside its like im just plain like if someone saw me they'd be weirded out coz why is that girl so expressionless and also a weird that happens to me quite a few times is my hands feel separate from my body and its super weird but i just ignore it as mush as i can lol dk if that's a good thing but i dont really have any other remedy

coming back to this a year later yeee turns out i have dpdr. i had a giant episode of it in the first 4ish months of 2021 and its kicking my little bum its sucky and not good at all but we trying to make ourselves feel better and going to therapy and trying to be grateful and stuff


Girl I have maladaptive daydream, and I even don't know who I am anymore at this point


I thought it was normal to space out randomly, and go to Desiland, and check out of reality; Until I heard Dodie talk about it for the first time. Then I asked my therapist about it, and lo and behold it technically isn’t uncommon...but not most people’s reality. Who would’ve know? Not this bitch. About a year later I moved back in with my mom, for the first time since I was 9yo, after months of learning skills on how to still function while I visit Desiland. We were sitting in the porch, and it happened. I spaced out mid conversation. Lights are on, and nobodies home...UNTIL after what I’m sure was a uncomfortably long pause, I responded and she looked at me as if I had grown a second head and said “Hmmm that’s new”.


ok but where is that jumper from, it is the most lovely shade of green!!

also hard relate on covid time feeling like mental illness, it's a definitely familiar feeling. i guess that means we're better equipped to deal with it!


I can't even see my therapist anymore because my state won't allow online appointments anymore


I have depersonalization as well as depression and anxiety as well. It’s awful. Some days i’ll feel completely out of my body like I could fall asleep at any second and I’m just looking at myself hating what I see. I hate to be that guy that mentions this but making YouTube videos has really helped with my confidence and mental health. It’s kept me busy and kept my mind off things... But the depersonalization is still there sometimes and it feels like it paralyzes me? Idk. It’s hard to explain.


I often say that I am perpetually pessimistic so I am always pleasantly surprised.


Omggggg I can't believe this fuckkkkk. I have depression and anxiety, you know highs and lows, had ed, andd I didn't even think I could have despersonalisation, it makes sense now, I always have this feeling of something not right, there's something missing or it's just doesn't feel real or present, and I always thought depression "broke" me yk I should go back to therapy tho. Anyways I cried watching this lmao, I didn't see dodie for a while now, I realized I miss her talking like this, so thank you dodie <3


My dpdr became much worse after I recovered from covid. Now it's combined with the feeling of not breathing deep enough. This shit sucks.


6 years (or 7? Lost count) of not waking up properly. Thats what it is for me. I've woken up at The middle of The night, and started living that weird fuzzy, muffled Life I woke up to, not quite knowing I'm awake or not.<br>Social media helps me keep track of things, I have awful memory so I have an online presence to Look Back to. Future? Cant recognize that. Current moment? Not here. Past? Apparently it all happened.

6 years (or 7? Lost count) of not waking up properly. Thats what it is for me. I've woken up at The middle of The night, and started living that weird fuzzy, muffled Life I woke up to, not quite knowing I'm awake or not.
Social media helps me keep track of things, I have awful memory so I have an online presence to Look Back to. Future? Cant recognize that. Current moment? Not here. Past? Apparently it all happened.


“Very common in people who have dysphoria or even eating disorders”
I’m gonna pretend I didn’t see that

“Very common in people who have dysphoria or even eating disorders”
*I’m gonna pretend I didn’t see that*


Hello, I like to call it dep/der (pronounced deep deer) and imagine deep breathing while sitting with a baby deer in a quiet forest.


I don't dissociate often but I do agree that quarantine feels a lot like that. Everything's just quieter and at a lower level.


the other day in french class i like spaced out so bad i thought that i had fainted and i did not know where i was for a minute or two it was so weird and since going back to school after lockdown it happens all the time :((( brain=not happy


I do not have chronic dissociation, but I do have intermittent triggered dissociation. Whenever my brain goes to the deepest dark parts of itself I shut down, go limp, stop moving and stop understanding if I'm awake or not, where I am and how long I've been like that. It feels a bit like a robot being unplugged. I don't feel it that often, it's only when I'm triggered but it is terrifying.


The best way to heal yourself, at least it has worked for me, is stop worrying so much about what you have in your mind. Getting used to stop yourself from reacting negatively has cured me so much throughout the years, and I'm only 21. It's useless to think there's a way to fight for the cure, I agree. But there's also a good fight there for yourself if you stop worrying too much about what you could have.


Keep on swimming, swimming, keep on swimming, just keep swimming. Dory got it right.