@Don’t mind me. I’m just afraid of everything. because This is a good description of depression your life is good you have good grades,friends ,games and good parents but you are not happy you don't know why,your hobbies also get boring
Everyone is they're own main character in their own books. It's a bit weird and actually really interesting that people see, think and live their lives differently. They have their own lives, they live their whole life through their own eyes. Nothing can change that. You will always be your own main character, in your book. We are all main characters, in our own books. and that's what's important to remember.
Ok that's strange... I feel the same way. Sometimes I narrate what I do in my head. You may have meant something completely different but somwrimws I look at myself as if I am an author narraring a charachters story.
I always feel like I’m in a movie that I’ve wrote. It’s really not ok and it’s terrifying. I sometimes have to just snap out of it, but then I fall back into it the next second. I’m getting better but it’s still awful.
Maja Kaja there u go “im the author narrating the charactors story” if u havent gotten over this yet, whose the author, and why do u HAVE to narrate the story? Cant you just write the story and make mistakes? Thats how we learn. Idk love the edge🖤
Minty Bliss same, it’s like the main character can be anywhere in the world and your only purpose is to be 1 in the 7 billion just be be apart of the population count.
I'm very late to this, but I always either feel like I'm the side character or the main one, depending on how I feel. I don't really feel like the world exists in the way it should, like my actions are being controlled and I can't resist certain impulses. I can't not push people away, and whatnot. I don't think I have a mental illness though I've never gotten tested. I think I'm just confused. My experiences seem so much more insignificant than others, that I can't help but feel like I'm faking it.
Minty Bliss and that is okay! As long as it is not harming you, and you are happy and well. There’s no shame being the side character, just look at Hermione Granger!
I know you posted this a year ago but I still wanna share my experience with this incase it helps anyone. I used to feel this. a lot. to the point where i genuinely thought I mattered so little to people that no one would notice if I just disappeared one day. it was honestly one of the worst parts of my life mental health wise and it kinda scares me to realise how bad I felt at the time. but it got better. after years of feeling shitty I reached out and went to a doctor. I went to therapy and two years later I'm honestly doing 10 times better than I was. I understand that therapy and seeing doctor's for this shit isn't always an option but I want you to know your are not alone. i know it's cheesy and everyone says it and it's so hard to believe when you're going through it but you are loved and you are important to people. i know this is quite possibly the last thing you want to hear right now but find some new people. people that care for you as much as you care for them. I know that sounds really hard but trust me there are some amazing people who you will meet one day who will make you feel valued and loved. whether that's online or irl. also some stuff I find helped me cope: 1. journaling - scribble your thoughts and feelings down into a journal or on a document until you've written everything you need to get out. if it's not too triggering and doesn't make you feel shitty analyse it. see if you can work out why you feel that way. or destroy it. again it sounds cheesy but God it helped me a lot. 2. I know it's hard but know that it will get better. there are so many more people that love you and care for you than you can imagine right now. speak to someone you're close to about it trust me it really helps to get it off your chest. I know it's hard af right now but believe me you are the centre of your own story and it will begin again. this is a time that will undoubtedly teach you a lot about yourself and the world and how to treat others and will leave you a better person in the end. I hope this is no longer needed but it's something I definitely would have wanted to hear when I was struggling and I hope you're doing well <3
i feel similar in the way that i have loads of different worlds and characters that i can BE. it's weird. like the MC Of a world that doesn't exist when everything irl is going wrong.
I relate to you so so much. I'll be sitting with people and it will hit me and never leave me. Especially with my best friend molly, I exist more in her life than mine. I'm 'molly's best friend' like in a story book and when i eventually think about me and my problems I think about how it effects her life and her story and the other peoples stories. And even weirder...I kinda like it. I don't want my own story I just want a little place in everyone else's, especially Molly's. She once said to me that maybe she had no friends so she made me up. and i LOVE that. I love that. I am an imaginary friend. but real. a real imaginary friend. :)
Jesus loves you, it's written in the Bible in the Gospel of John 3:16; For God loved the world so much that He gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life. God loves you, and Jesus loves you, have a good day.
@Mia S ( hopefully you see this, lol )[I know it's a tad late, lol but I saw this video awhile ago, and was reading some of the comments] I saw yours and really enjoyed it! Thank you so much! This was how I've been feeling about a couple months ago, I'm getting better each day but continue to work on myself. Thank you so much for the tips I think I will try them! Something new to try! You have been wonderful! Thank you again! Let me know if you want to chat! Lol
I feel like this constantly. I know I'm not someone's favourite person and I dont feel important. I try really hard to be important and I make myself noticable but I still feel like a nothing. I don't get why I feel like this.
hey, i know you’ve tried everything and nothing seems to work but i promise GOD can heal you and be the answer to your problems. HE designed us in a way that only HE can fill the void within, but despite that, we still run to things that actually destroy the body and soul. alcohol/drugs/weed etc - liver damage, brain damage, cancer, lowers your ‘vibrations’, alters your state of mind and become entranced, invites evil entities. partying/clubbing - drains the soul of energy, invites evil entities. sexual activities (sex,porn) - leaves you empty, disgusted with self, shameful, creates soul ties (e.g. 10 bodies = 10 soul ties with each individual you had sex with including oral, and whichever evil spirits they have, they become yours also), invites evil entities. secular music - affects your subconscious by its frequency, invites evil entities. i know you believe in a higher power but maybe you just don’t know who that higher power is, but imma tell you that it’s GOD. not no religion, that’s man made, but the creator of the heavens and the earth. you can get to know HIM today. you can begin your journey of faith & spirituality. all you need to do is to ask for forgiveness and accept JESUS as your messiah. once you do that, the Holy Spirit will guide you into all truth. the veil will be lifted 👁 and the truth shall set you free. you’ll become awakened into the reality of this world.. the irreversible gene altering vaccines, the poisoned food and water supply, the 5G frequency manipulation, the government and their agendas, big pharma, truth behind social media, fake news, freemasonry, satanic cabal elites, the pope and religion, the flat stationary earth, the nasa space hoax, the truth behind school and why they indoctrinate us at a young age, the truth behind 9 to 5 jobs, the live to work until death regime, heaven & hell, the spiritual realm where demonic entities and angels operate and all things spiritual. there’s a lot to uncover, unlearn and unpack but the journey to salvation is narrow and only a few make it. choose which pill you will take - the blue pill (accept your fate and live life as it is, walk in the wide path of destruction which many are on) or the red pill (awake to this satanic matrix beast system, walk in the narrow path with CHRIST as your light, lose friends and validation but gain the reward of everlasting life in heaven) .. it’s up to you.
I'm a year late but I kinda wanna make this happen. Besides a regular group hug, of course, a mega-hug at some fan convention or something where everyone can feel loved anonymously ._. The internet has too little love.
Okay, but like, I have the empathy levels of a rock. Like, it's extremely rare for me to feel empathetic, and i FUCKING CRIED and had to take like a 30 minute break and cry before watching the rest of the video
Jesus loves you, and God loves you, it's written the words of Jesus in the Gospel of John 3:16; For God so loved the world, that He gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life. Jesus loves you.
As I can't remember a time when I would like to go back to and know that's when I didn't have DP/DR I don't know this feeling of longing for that room/space in time when it was ok.
I always get depersonalization at the most weird moments. I'll always be at a friend's house or out at the pool and I just can't function. It's not because of anxiety that I can put my finger on because I don't feel scared I just feel very blank. My eyes sort of glaze over and I end up sitting in a corner for the rest of the night. Sometimes I can barely talk because my words all get jumbled. It's very on and off though and it only occurs very rarely and only for about an hour or so.
Wait, this is also Depersonalization? When dodie describes it I’m like “that’s happened to me but it only last a short amount of time”. I thought I was just going crazy for a bit.
Me too ah this has been happening to me since I was about 6 or 7 and it comes in waves and lasts id say 2 minutes but occurs often and idk it’s really hard to describe I tried telling my friends because I was finally ready to talk about it but they didn’t really get it but this video helped so much even though it’s from 2016😂🤧
+IINotKawaii Thanks for the Video! Sorry for chiming in, I would appreciate your opinion. Have you heard the talk about - Lammywalness Erase Depression Guide (search on google)? It is a great one of a kind guide for beating depression without the headache. Ive heard some interesting things about it and my cooworker at very last got great success with it.
me too. I know exactly what she is going through. I can't drive at night because I am unaware of my surroundings and I feel like I am in another world but yet still able to obey the speed limit. it is so scary
I feel like im going schizophrenic, i cant stop having anxiety attacks, I’m so obsessed with my dpdr that I cant stop thinking about it. Quarantine isn’t helping at all. We can get through this. 😔
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Replies (4)
The SaddestDude2021-09-04 00:38:42 (edited 2021-09-04 00:39:28 )
Don't worry i don't think you are turning schizophrenic at all, its a normal thing for people with DPDR so worry about, but DPDR is actually the bodies respons to Anxiety, its a defense mechanism that fails to go away or stays persistent becaus you are constantly on the edge. Alot of people worry that they are going isnane becaus it feels like it but its important to know that you are not, you are completely sane. I actually hear this alot when talking with others who have DPDR, and i myself even felt a bit like this, but at the same time i have had it for so long that it has become normal. But don't worry, anxiety attacks can be treated with therapy and if treated your DPDR will get better aswell. Actually its one of the disorders where most people recover and almost everybody has some recovery from it, just know that its not a permanent state of mind and it will get better, if you are in your teens its also important to know that anxiety usually becomes less severe once you start reaching your early 20s but this is only the majority, theres still lots of cases that manifest in people at a later age, and this is not cause for extra concern at all.
@David Jones hey man, i know it’s only been five months since i made this comment, but things have been so much better for me. i rarely depersonalize and things are almost back to normal, which i didn’t think was possible five months ago. it feels amazing to feel better :)
"When I'm visiting my old home, I'm not visiting 2012, I'm just visiting a house I used to live in. But it's 2016, I'm 21 - and I feel different now" 💔
Jesus loves, and God loves you, it's written the words of Jesus in the Gospel of John 3:16; For God so loved the world, that He gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life. Jesus loves you, have a good day.
If it helps I thought I was going mad because of it, thought it would never go away, after 9 months of healthy food and exercise I barely notice it, the thing which helped me most out of all of it was embracing it fully, without resistance it almost seemed enjoyable like it changed my perspective on life
Lavenderain4 Plays I don’t know is this will help you out or make you feel any better but at least I could try because that’s what I wanted when I felt like this. Anyways for me it did get better slowly. The best thing that I did was find someone to talk to and just distract myself. I know it’s sososo hard because the thoughts just take over your head but maybe just do something simple like for me it was making beaded bracelets with someone that I love and create a nice environment in your room. Like a fort or something. I can’t say that things like this would work for everyone but that just worked for me. Just try things and distract yourself. Don’t get yourself down if you feel like this is going to last forever, because it won’t. It may take a while but just don’t give up. It’s so scary but know that you are not alone❤️❤️❤️❤️
I don't want to frighten you but, there are theories that real life is just a mega-simulation and we're just very very intricate NPCs. That said if we are NPCs I do want for all NPCs to be given human rights because we resemble a human in experience, feelings and thought, therefore, we are human. Now all player characters will have to feel bad reading this and knowing I, a philosophically fellow human, will be stopped and therefor killed if this world is ever unloaded. Unless they moved past philosophy and see the world in cold hard facts, then they are arsholes and I'd formerly request to be taken out of the simulation, by all means, necessary without consideration of the circumstances of my primary mode of existence. My brain went places, I'm sorry but this reads to good to be deleted now ._.
Depersonalization? Are you serious people? If you want to know what really mean to lose your ego take LSD - for expierience you won't be related to all your problems in any way. That mean that you won't be deoressed and if you'll do it right you'll learn that you doesn't have to be depressed - psychedelics are great for spiritual experiences! But what is most important - depersonalization. What does this really mean? You change with every second - I mean physically. Your cells are dying, changing and being born. Moreover your character changes - maybe slower but it changes. People change. You won't be the same person forever. So what is this problem of depersonalization if it's sth normal? And anxiety - everybody have an anxiety. But some people deal with this and others - they can't because they don't like hard work.
yes. though I don't think I have the disorder, I definitely have dissociative episodes where the world doesn't feel real, or I don't feel real, sometimes to the point where I panic and almost have a breakdown because nothing feels right, that this body doesn't belong to me
Oh my god. I haven't looked at this comment for 2 years. For some reason I haven't got any notifications for it. But thank you. All of you. It really does get better when cared for correctly, and having a support system there ready to squeeze your hand when the you or the world start feeling sort of nonexistent. I still have my moments, but I'm so much better than I was when I wrote this. I am not alone. I'm real, and so are all of you. It may not feel like it sometimes, but you in the world in this moment, are real and you are not alone.
@JonnesTT i appreciate the scifi stuff and the writing and all but do you understamd how damaging it can be to someone who's constantly dissociating to feel like they and the world theyre living in arent real. It can really make your symptoms a lot worse and it makes a lot of things more difficult. So cool comment, i appreciate the sentiment and stuff, but be careful about what you post, b/c you might trigger someone.
@Hannah Holmes Your response was a year ago as well... has it gone away for you yet? Mine used to be super bad when I was a teenager but I'm 24 now and it's been gone for about 2 years now xx
@Jan Kowalski so you dont get it that its an issue that I feel like I am living someone elses life in someone elses body? It scares me to look into the mirror because what I see doesnt feel like me. My hands feel like they arent mine. Im still living and „doing hard work“ because I have to go on but I dont really feel alive and its really hard to be happy while feeling that way.
@Selina S Yes, I do not get why its an issue. If you feel like you live somebodys live then why don't you just acceot it? Whats the difference which life you live? :-) Mirror isn't you - its just a reflection. Why to be scared of product of light? I'm sure you ain't afraid of sun or electric light, right? :-)
Did you ever try to think that maybe probolem isn't this alone but the fact that you care about this? Stop care about everything and eventually you'll be happy. People care too much about things which doesn't matter.
Maybe its not your body and life - naybe you are bad spirit which took this body fron someone? If so - why care about this? You took tgis life so you should feel s a conqueror :-)
@B T Im neither anxious nor depressed. If it was that simple to get rid of dp, it would have gone away sometime in the past 5 years. I have been suffering fom this for so long so please dont tell me it is "simple" if you dont have a specific tip or any advice at all.
@Jan Kowalski I´ve actually tried a couple of times to just accept that Im in this body now and I cant (or wont) change anything about it, but the feeling of for example when I look at my hands and then get reminded that this is supposed to be my body, so its supposed to be me or at least a part of me, never went away. I have also tried to ignore this feeling (to "stop caring about it") for the last 5 years and it didnt work, in the last year it got even worse. To make this clear, I hate this feeling and if it was easy to change it, I would just do that. Im not doing it for attention if thats what you may think, actually noone around me knows about it. There is absolutely no reason for me to fake it so again, if it was easy, I would just "make it go away".
@Selina S This is your problem - you tried. Like Yoda said "Do or do nkt. There is no try."which is very wise sentence. Its not about trying, its about doing. What is you is very philisophical question for which answer is not easy. You ain't even one living organism - but many in sone kind of symbiosis. So no reason to think about such abstract concepts. Is not always about seeking atention - sone people like to have problems because tgis make feel important. Sad but most of the time - true. They feel better feeling worse. You are just one of those people. It can be change only if you deeply want to change this but your problem is - you don't want to.
@Selina S of course I didn't. I won't lose energy on somebody who doesn't even seek help. I would lose energy and you wouldn't care. No, I don't do this kind of thing no more. Its waste of time to help somebody who don't want to gwt helped. Its as easy as this.
@Jan Kowalski Glad to hear that you stop wasting your time with me, so that i can do the same and continue going to therapy where there is someone who can actually help me because they know what they are talking about.
I've been having the "drunk" feeling for several months now. Almost like I'm numb and I find myself constantly feeling like this isn't real. I feel like I'm losing my mind.
@rosieroo I didnt get the notification 7 months ago but better late than never. It comes and goes in episodes now. I'm going through one right now actually.
You are not crazy. I feel the exact same. I can’t talk properly, I can’t recognize myself when I look in the mirror sometimes, and I feel detached from the world. A few days ago, my friend told me he had a panic attack. Then, I talked about it with my other friend. She told me to calm down and relax, because there’s nothing I can do about his panic attacks. But, I couldn’t, my heart has been pounding really fast and really hard lately. I don’t recognize myself anymore and I just feel like I’m in a dream. I don’t even know why I’m typing this right now. No ones gonna read it but I just wanted to tell someone. Bye, I hope it gets better. Also, I’m really confused about my sexuality. I don’t even know if I like guys anymore. But do I like girls? Do I like everyone? Do I like different kinds of people? I don’t even know who I am anymore. I’m sorry, to anyone reading this, if you have gotten this far. I just had to tell someone or at least know that I tried to. I’m sorry 07/01/19
Konstantina Vasileiadi hey, i completely relate to everything u said. I feel like I am mad sometime, I look in the mirror and can not recognize myself, When i am confused about something I think about it and then realize I do not know anything about myself. Who is this person? This probably does not make sense, i am sorry.
Luisa F it 100% makes sense. Sometimes, it’s scary to look in the mirror and see a stranger. I completely get you. But sometimes I am in my body, I see me but I don’t see the world. It feels like a dream. I can’t open my eyes wide enough and everything just really blurry but other times I can just see everything really clearly. Yep, I have officially gone insane. I’m sorry
Hey, sorry to interfere, but um.... Does it count as not recognizing yourself if your brain knows it's you, your rational thinking says *that's me*, but you expect your reflection to talk back? Like it's glass and you're looking through to a person you recognize but do not know? Idkkkkk but this is how it feels for me! Maybe it's different for you....
Hey, I hope you got some help in the past few months. I hope you're feeling a bit better. I hope got some of the answers you're looking for, and that you're okay with the things you still don't know. Hang in there.
Praying for you Shanna. Better days are ahead for you my friend. Always remember, Jesus loves you deeply and passionately no matter what you're feeling or going through. Call upon His name when things get dark. Please take care of yourself.
I'm so afraid to feel like this one day. I know that most people get depressed these days and I'm scared that I will too. I see these videos and relate to a minimal amount of it and I'm happy about that. Just a little personal thing. dodie is amazing and so strong! She's doing so well now! :')
astrid london2018-04-18 07:17:47 (edited 2018-04-18 07:18:18 )
eve moon Same, I miss the easy days of primary school when I had the courage to talk to everyone, when I had a constant positive and optimistic attitude about everything that ever happened. Before I hurt people and got ignored by the people closest to me. Before I questioned my sexuality and was just unaware of any romantic feelings. I miss those days so much it hurts.
Astrid L Yes. Especially when you could just talk to another kid and not get nervous. Now you have to worry about your hair, your clothes, is your tummy sticking out too much, is there food in your teeth, is there food on your face, and what if they talk about you behind your back to their friends? Back then we were so unaware of what was actually happening in the world. Way back in my old primary school years, we had lived in an apartment. Of course I thought it was cool because it was like a huge house with a bunch of people living in it. But we were actually broke at that time and I barely got to see my dad because he worked over hours. Looking back at it now it breaks my heart because I hadn't known about this bankruptcy time until recently. Back then, the worst insult was, "I don't want to play with you anymore!" And now, it's completely different. Everything's different now
I’m gonna vent~ when I was around seven my family would go to nature parks, invite my cousins over to our one story, cute, Florida house. We went to zoos, theme parks, and church every week. I had a next door neighbor named junior and I had a crush on him. He was my very best friend and I miss him a lot and we played everyday. But it scares me that my memories of these times are getting hazier and less vivid and happy as time goes on. I don’t want to forget my sleepovers, play dates, and bike rides. It’s hard to remember them because there’s no memories that have the same happy warm feeling to help make the old ones alive again. I don’t want to forget the feeling of pure happiness. I used to be a girl that hasn’t worried about things she can’t see yet. The most elaborate things she thinks about when she goes to bed is what she can draw her mom for her bed side wall. Her wall used to be covered in my sister’s and my colorful drawings of every person I met. I used to pray that everyone I knew could go to heaven but now I only worry about if one person will make it. Things were never not okay in my mind but now it takes me way longer to think if anything is okay
I don’t have this illness, thank god. But I also feel like somethings wrong and I just wish I could go back to when I was a kid and innocent and had no worries
When this video came out, I was in a really bad place too. Watching it now is so strange; I’m in a better place but I’m not properly better just yet. But thank you for making me feel less alone when I needed it Dodie
I know I'm five years late to this, but you described it perfectly. I've been feeling like this since a spike of anxiety a month ago. It's so tiring and so terrifying. I get the feeling I've died a couple of days ago and now I'm in some weird limbo.
i haven't felt really "off" these days because it mostly happens when i'm depressed but depersonalization is literally the worst thing... when i'm depressed i'm like depressed and spaced out and it's insane, i feel insane all the time and I just don't care about stuff, which is so terrible because i'm naturally an empath. so i guess it was even worse because of it. i just truly hate my depersonalization so much... i almost commited suicide more than twice because of it
it's like i go through these weird phases where sometimes i'm in a very anxious moment and it is torture so i get depressed because of it and it brings depersonalization and then i'm back to reality but then i get anxious again and it re starts and between all of this i eat and eat so much i just can't control it, I eat until i'm sick and i just hate it so much and i have all these weird behaviors... i just get obsessed with little behaviors that I just can't stop doing (it isn't as bad as ocd tho) and get so paranoid and it makes me feel so crazy. i mean i just hate all of it, i don't have a sense of self so i just can't love myself as i should.. i hate my brain and I hate that i hate it
This video sounds like me when I tell my friends how I am feeling lmao. Fun fact: I study Psychology (I started before my anxiety kicked off) and I think it just makes things worse lol.
i get depersonalization every few months or so,usually when im really depressed.its the scariest thing ever,you feel like a ghost just watching a movie but that movie is your life and you cant feel or hear anything properly and anything you say sounds like its from a different person and you are so aware of what everyone thinks of you,,its terrifying
The worst thing for me was being around people who've known me all of my life like my family because there's this expectation to be "someone" and when you literally feel like nothing, much less no one, it's just so terrifying because it's not even something you can explain, everything just feels alien and even the expectation to be yourself is too hard. Thank you for posting your comment, I thought I was alone but God bless human connection. I've missed that a lot. Thank you so much.
It took me about 3 years from the first day I had an panic/depersonalization attack to start feeling completely normal again. That's something most people don't mention, that it can take a long time to "recover". But good luck man, I hope everything gets better for you =)
I got depersonalisation when I was 12 years old, it feels like nothing has really been right since then but it gets really bad when I'm stressed or having an anxiety attack. It's such a scary feeling like you're constantly an outside observer of your thoughts and everything seems so unreal
+Enthusiasm Fracture thank you! I know I just got pretty annoyed there because that person had no clue, I've calmed down now though that person is irrelevant lol!! I really hope no one takes to heart what they said
+Kateraina Needs to sleep I cried when i saw this. I've had depression, depersonalization, and anxiety for a few years now. it started to get better during the summer, but I feel like I'm falling again. Most the time I don't feel emotion, unless its sadness, and it hurts. I feel like I'm just going through the days. The only time I feel human is during choir.
@If Only Oh I'm sorry you have to go through that. I'm very similar to you, with a few add ons, lol. You'll feel better again, but right now, you just have to roll with the punches I guess. That's what I'm trying to do. Taking each day as it comes. I'm trying out mindfulness/meditation since it seems to help a lot for people with anxiety and/or depersonalization, so maybe try that out and hopefully it helps you! I'm glad you have a place where you feel human. Try to hold on to that. Attend choir and practice it, and hang out with the people from there. You'll feel better - maybe not today, maybe not tommorow, but you will feel better. All the best xo
@Angle Damion people like you is the reason why our world sucks. You feel like you have to bring anyone and everyone down. But its the internet! Nobody actually knows you, so the people you know (and acctually care about) won't know how much you hurt people. You are a cyber bully. I hope you realize this and stop. I hope that your life starts to be better so you don't feel the need to ruin others, too. Get better.
Sorry that was harsh. I'm just... sick of people who think that they can hurt others and get away with it. I didn't mean it. that you were the reason why society sucks. You aren't. I'm sure you're just having a bad day, or that you are feeling just as miserable as us. I'm sorry.
I care. I feel the exact same way, and not a lot of people know about it. Only my siblings, and a few close friends. I am doing this on my own because if I tell anyone else, I feel like they wont believe me.
I never would have thought that so many people would be experiencing the same thing. Like here you are for years thiking that you should just avoid the entire world because you dont deserve to be part of it because of this stuff, yet so many other people describe the same problem to a t.
omg I think I have that too, its weird I never knew how to explain, but u described it perfectly, i usually get that around the same time when an existencial crisis kicks in, which I have at least once ever 2 days
+Lgbtqa LoveIsLove when I was like 9 I got existential crisises all the time, and now I just get really annoyed when people who think they're being clever are like "what if ur actually in a coma and this whole world is a dream." I'm like "look, I've spent way too much of my childhood having panic attacks about death and existential shit, and I don't want to listen to your crap now. it's not clever or funny or deep, it's just annoying, and honesty rather triggering."
I know what you're going through, and I hope you know that it does get better. you're getting stronger every day, and you're never alone. I hope you're having a lovely day, and that you get through anything that tries to pull you down
Angle Damion sir, I'm going to politely ask you and Kateraina to stop bickering. I acknowledge the fact that this is screen of which I know nothing of your life by looking upon it and your hateful words, but please, there is no need to be rude.
Kateraina Needs to sleep getting a therapist really helps too. People may look at you weird when you tell them you go to a therapist every week or so but it makes you feel tens times better ( unless the reason for the disorder are chemical imbalances in the brain, but there are medicines for that) and I've been through the same things. I've been wanting to try meditation too but I've had other things to do. I'll have to try it soon!
it got 792 likes and so many confirming same experience familiarity reply, I also say you placed it really well to words I have knwn this depersonalization sensation it is impossible to describe but very possible to recover. I am possitively amazed that people are truer with own self. It is the last thing one wold like to speak with others about and it used to be real taboo.
Oh this mental state is actually a thing?! I actually just thought I was going insane or was soon about to leave earth x3 Thank you all for sharing your experiences with this illness! Since I've found it hard to speak for about a year now I undeveloped my language alot and struggles to find peace in my head so nothing disturbs me in a sentence... Can't look people in the eyes when talking- especially not those who knew me before this weird shit- and all that made me think as little as possible (to avoid crying over how stupid I feel), so now I don't know how to get help... Pills are not an oportunity, but no therapist has the time I need to open up and get my language to work OK, and I don't have my best friends around anymore since it seems like I've faithed out of everyone's life because I can't call people on the phone(anxiety!), I struggle to text, so when I finally answer ppl I don't have energy for replying back again- and my life is a mess, so I can't afford traveling to them and it's not guest friendly at my place :((( .... How long does your therapy sessions last, and do you feel it is enough for you?
i always say its kind of like youre playing a video game with a vr head set and you like touch things and see things and hear things but you arent really feeling it
Wow I'm in shock that I found ppl that know exactly what it's like! !!!Because I'm 32 now but this happened to me around 17 after my sister who I loved dearly passed away....I was crying in a corner at home when my other sister knew something was wrong, so I go to hospital and then a psychologist who diagnosed me finally could do NOTHING other than tell me that if your aware of these strange dissociative feelings then your not crazy....ugh okay, so how do I fix it because it's exhausting trying "perform" out act how I thought I used to act while ignoring the alien surroundings which takes tremendous focus......but it seems there is a light at the end of the tunnel cuz this condition isn't just an isolated case and I'm not the only poor soul dealing with this on the daily!....Anyways I've been dealing with this everyday for 15 years all be it some days it's easier to ignore but for me it has been a constant battle!!!For people who don't have it here's an example of how this effects us. ......Imagine you're engaged in a conversation with someone who you actually really are interested in the topic BUT you can't help but notice the figurines on the table that you know without a doubt are real but feel like they are a holographic projection of said figurine this scenario is as distracting as one's toddler child screaming at you while talking to this person...Yet we still manage to finish the conversation which is really hard to do just imagine the focus it takes us just to live our everyday lives! !......WE ARE THE STRONG WE ARE THE IN BETWEEN
wow i would not like to have that i only have depression and anxiety which does suck but that seems so scary and i dint know that it was a thing until now and yea sorry for rambling ^_^
see I always thought something was wrong with me.... I got scans etc everything was good. wow I'm not alone thank you for the boost it helps so much. Just know we are human and this is what were dealt so let's build together and conquer out disorder. much love brothers and sisters.
thelastofrobyn it's literally the scariest thing ever right?!? I constantly have derealisation/depersonalisation and it sucks so bad! I never feel like I'm here, and I never feel like I can enjoy anything! Mine resulted from ptsd and insomnia, and even when I went to New York with my mum I didn't feel like I was there! I felt so bad cause she'd spent so much money to get us both there! Urgh the struggles😭
over the past couple of weeks I've been like this, and i'm not sure if i should go to a doctor or not cause I've told my friend and some family and they seem to think i'm going crazy and i just want to scream at something i'm not sure how to do this while being in school.
+Fawn hey! I know what you're feeling. I felt like I was screaming at my friends trying to make them realize I was not ok. None of them knew what to say or do and I didn't feel like they were listening to me.
My suggestion is to take some deep breaths, think of things that make you feel alive, memories that bring you back to what you know is real and for me, being around close friends and family has helped bring me back as well.
Take a mental health day from school and responsibilities and sleep or feel everything that you need to feel. Write or paint or run or eat or what ever you do to just feel alive.
Try to remember who you are and what you want <3 You are not crazy, and you are important and beautiful and you can make it through this. Find me on facebook or write back on here if you need someone to talk to. <3
+Liz Casavan thank you :), I've been off the past two days which honestly made it worse because my mum doesn't understand and she never will be able to, and I don't want her too. But being stuck at home is worse and I already miss enough school as it is due to anxiety
Fawn I hope going back to school helps :) even if you don't feel like you can talk to your mom, maybe a friend would understand :) I was shocked to find a friend had gone through the same thing. keep your head up! :)
thelastofrobyn yeah, you're so right, it's terrifying. When I'm going through hard-core, whatever this is.., I don't think that the person I am exists and that its just a corpse. When I look in the mirror I think "that's not me" and I shake, and my mind goes blurry, almost like I already don't exist. Then there are other times when my thoughts seem to disappear and I can't talk; almost like I disappeared. And I don't like living in a world that's not real To me. It should be real, But it's not
thelastofrobyn Cheers for the video content! Sorry for butting in, I would love your thoughts. Have you researched - Lammywalness Erase Depression Guide (Have a quick look on google cant remember the place now)? It is a great one of a kind product for beating depression minus the hard work. Ive heard some unbelievable things about it and my buddy got cool results with it.
This happens to me pretty often and normally after being inebriated even more and I don't know what to do to help myself besides wait the few weeks to normal out.
thelastofrobyn i totally agree, i've gotten depersonalization anxiety before and i just couldn't stop crying bc i was so confused and was so scared and i thought something was wrong with me. but it all turned out okay 🙂 and that happened like a few months ago
Kirstin Belle what you described LITERALLY just happened to me and I'm crying and I'm confused and I have been confused for about 2-3 months seriously. And its 2:12 am so this probably doesn't make sense.
thelastofrobyn me too but I usually get it when I'm having fun and it ruins everything I'll just be all happy and then I'll feel fake and like I'm sitting back in my head watching my body moving on its own doing things I'm not doing and it's even wise having really bad anxiety and it causes anxiety attacks and my depression and then it all crashes down and I just don't want to exist it is the worst
Until now I thought that was just me, I didn't know it was an actual disorder. I feel like this whenever I go out and have fun and it really just ruins everyone's mood, my mom thinks I'm weird and my whole family never want to take me anywhere and honestly I don't blame them. I never knew other people felt like this to.
For me, I'm having a episode right now. And I just feel empty. I don't feel anything. I don't like anything of the things I do or I used to. I just cry a lot and take naps.
God I love this video.. I watch it at least once a day. In times when I feel terrible and depressed, I’ll just watch this and realize how much dodie has gone through. You’re so strong and amazing, keep doing what you😃
I feel you. I feel every word you said. I'm sending a HUGE hug from Portugal and I hope you feel better now. Don't feel ashamed, don't hide in a corner, seek help, go find your friends and treat yourself. It's my best advice. Love you
I'm so glad I found this video. I've been feeling the whole depersonalization thing for like 11 years. I'm 16 now, I didn't realize that what I was feeling was a problem until recently. It's honestly all I've ever known. This video made me feel a lot less alone. Thank you
I remember one day I woke up and ran into my parents room crying and asked them to say my name so it felt like I was real. I once heard it described as 'eavesdropping on a conversation you're part of'.
I just found out that I've had anxiety for 3 years, and sometimes I feel depressed too. I feel like the big things in life don't get to me at all, like I'm desensitized by them, but small things like social interaction or waking up too late feel like the weight of the world. I constantly feel like I've lost control, like my life is on autopilot and there's no way out. I waste every day by being unproductive and every night I find that I hate myself more for wasting my own time by staring at a screen. I can't even bring myself to tell my parents because I think they wouldn't care or wouldn't help me, just pity me and move on. I know it's not true, but something inside me is still holding me back.
Hey, I don't know you, but I hope you have been able to tell your parents or any other adult figure who can help you. More power, strength, and warmth to you. Take care.
This might be an old video, but it really helped me put that step towards seeking help. Even if it's just talking to friends about it. It's a step... Babysteps... It's more effort than i've made in my entire life since i've felt depressed or down about the way i feel. Thanks for that. Thanks a lot <3
May God be with you and show you His wonderful kindness and grace dear friend. May the love of His Son Jesus surround you and embrace you warmly. Please take care.
It's so sad that we can't explain our mental illness without trying to frantically explain that we aren't high or aren't on drugs. I dunno it's something I and others have had to say before when explaining how I feel. It's upsetting.
I understand. It's really frustrating. Something else that's happened to me before, is I take medication, and people have been like "OOOOH LUCKY!! I WISH I WAS ON THAT!" Or like, "Damn, what'd you say to your psychiatrist to get that?" And it's extremely invalidating.
I just want to come back after 5 years and say thank you for this video. I started experiencing depersonalization due to anxiety right before the pandemic, and having a name for it from watching your video helped me not feel like I was going crazy.
I suffer from schizoaffective disorder and along with that I suffer from Derealisation/depersonalisation day in, day out... sometimes it gets worse for short episodes but it’s there all the time. I made a video about it where I showed a clip of me in a bad episode and it’s weird to watch :/ I feel weird, I feel broken, I am tired of seeing and hearing things no one else can perceive and I am sick of being in this bloody dream world all the time. It sucks so I totally understand you...
I have been watching videos/vlogs on depression and anxiety all night and this one is the most real I've seen. Thank you for putting yourself out there for all to see. It's brave and inspiring. Thank you again from someone who knows how you feel. Thank you. Side note, I didn't realize this was 3 years ago. I hope things have gotten easier and know that we are with you.
I'm 13 and I have depression, I only found that out a few months ago. All my symptoms started to make sense. It's so hard to come to school and put a mask on my face till I'm alone again, it's hard to believe things are real and it's hard to know if I'm awake or dreaming, my friends still think I'm that bubbly and happy girl I was in primary because I hide away in the school bathrooms when I feel like I'm going to break. I come close to crying in class but somehow I manage to suck it all in and say I'm fine I'm just tired and it's hard to keep this secret to myself
Same, I'm glad you found the word to define it so early on, I didn't know what "mental health" was until uni. When my "friends" in middle school ostracized me (2x in 2 diff. places), something just clicked in my brain, and I started being scared all the time of what people think of me, feeling lonely, and crying easily, but I hoped it would go away, hoped time would heal..but it didn't, I continued to feel like a shitty version of myself, and despite trying to pretend I'm still this very happy, bubbly girl for everyone around, I really hoped someone would see the truth and help me. But nobody took it seriously enough, dismissed it as "just teenage angst" probs, so now I'm trying to deal with it in my 20s (where have the past 14 years gone??) and it's so haard. Sticking together with people who understand helps, yes! <3
Can't believe how I've felt so moved by your words, I'm really struggling from persistent depressive disorder and the way you describe your feelings and your plans ...I definatly relate to the strange world, foggy mind, dream like state experience. You make so much sense to me.
mackenzie frecloud I 100% feel that. All I want anymore is just to go home. That’s all I’ve wanted for 9 years but realistically I’m the only living member of my family left and everything is gone and there’s nothing there anymore.
@Andrew Lewis stay strong all of you I know I can't tell anyone that I know what they feel like, I know that's not how it works. But I really hope and wish the best for you. it's gonna be fine
Vincent Lindhorn Really man? I understand you’re just trying to help, but come on. Don’t preach to a bunch of people when they’re down, that just shows that you’ve got nothing.
i’ve only recently started feeling this way & turned to dodie’s videos bc i knew she had experienced something similar — so i lost it as soon as she started crying.
it's taken me 4 years to accept that there was something wrong and to finally know about dpdr. one of the worst parts for me is the emotional numbess and the inability to cry. i managed to cry this year but it's still pretty few and unpredictable. this video is one of the 5 things that has made me cry. i have watched this video many many times in the past month, and that part has made me weep so bad. what she says has been my life for 4 years - everyday. i want to get in my old bed, in my old room, and feel normal again all the time.
Depersonalization is really really one of the worst conditions I know. Because you kinda function somehow normal but at the same time you live subjectively in hell...
Only thing that helps me is being pragmatic, not obsessing about existential thoughts and don't avoid situations because I don't feel good.
I wish you all the best dodie I can relate soo damn good.
I've had these similar feelings when I was 13, that was 2 years ago and I feel like this has still been in my head ever since. I went to therapy for it but I just felt like it was hard to explain anything and I was afraid I was wasting my time. Ever since I have been supressing it, the feeling of anything is real or not and feeling like a robot who is subconsciously doing everything without feeling anything, I want to feel alive again, be able to see the world like I used to and see everything for the reality that it is, every once in a while I get a few seconds of a glimpse of what everything used to feel like but I go right back to feeling this way. I don't what to do :(
I always had this feeling that I wasn’t there and I wasn’t really in my body. I never new what it was and I always wanted to put a name to it. This has helped me realise that I have depersonalisation and derealisation. This is why I love Dodie so much💛💛💛
Depersonalisation is the worst feeling in the world, I still suffer from it today at times when I get really anxious or worried. I thought I was going mental for ages until I researched into what was happening. I thought I felt lightheaded but I realise now it's completely different. It feels like your observing yourself from outside of your body and it's not nice at all because you know your talking but you can't register that you are. It's like your part of yourself but your not. I've found ways to cope now, basically I make sure that I stay hydrated all the time if I'm in a social situation and I try to find things around me to stabilise myself to make sure I "stay in my own head" like I make sure I don't panic when it kicks in, I make sure I look around me and see the room I want to stay in. I felt like this before I ever felt drunk so I never realised the similarities until the first time I got drunk, then I freaked out. Trust me when I say this
It will pass and you're not alone, you're not crazy at all! You will feel like yourself again, I know it doesn't feel like you will be now but you will. Take time to feel yourself again and take time out to chill you deserve it and everyone will understand, lots of love xxx
You're probably suffering from episodes not the disorder. it's fucking horrible I know, but when it has turned into the f disorder you're already in. there's no way out because it's a lifetime feeling, you're IT. all the time, it's your reality you don't know how else it is, not anymore. and the horrible huge part about DPD: medication doesn't work.
+Wra8h That's completely and utterly not true. it's impossible dp is just a "feeling" nobody is capable of feeling this forever a while maybe but not forever I'm sorry you've lost hope.
Just stumbled across this. Wow. Thank you for opening up and being honest and talking about such a difficult subject. Mental health is important, and people take ot for granted until they spiral down. I'm currently struggling with anxiety and depression. They are very difficult to explain to people that havent experienced it. Thank you for putting yourself out there and reminding us that no one is perfect, but everyone deserves love and respect.
When dodie said, "I just want to get into my old bed and be normal again." I cried so hard. Like, I can't relate, but it makes me so heartbroken that there are people who have to feel like that.
you know, i dont usually cry, and when people tell me the things theyre experiencing, even if they are exactly the same things i am experiencing, my mind finds some way to say to me: no. youre different. youre not worth it, and youre never going to get better. So thank you for this video. Because I cried my eyes out and i felt so understood and ive been looking for that understanding for about a year now. I'll try to continue my life with the thought that I am not crazy, that I am a person worthy of attention, and that i am good enough. I hope you will find your happy place soon, I really hope you do. Until then, I hope youre proud of yourself, and the fact that youve helped so many people by the stories you tell
i remember watching this video for the first time several years ago, when i was still in high school. i was crying so hard because i was feeling everything you were saying on such a deep level. i was so scared, and i still am sometimes. the first time i recognized that i was experiencing derealization/depersonalization, i think i was around 9 or 10. i of course had no idea what it was called, i didn’t figure that out until i watched this video for the first time. but, i remember telling my mom about it. i said i felt like i was dreaming, but she didn’t know what it was or what to say so she just kind of brushed it off. i’ve been struggling with this at varying levels throughout the years and it’s never fully gone away. i’m 19, so i’ve felt like this for half of my life. i was so young when it started that i can’t even remember what it felt like before. anyways, i just wanted to write this here to kind of get it off of my chest, and maybe someone reading the comments will be able to relate to it and feel a little less alone in their struggle. also, thank you for sharing your experience dodie, it’s made feel a lot less alone and a little less scared. x
dodie I love you so much, I hope you can stay strong an get through this, we are all here for you, your subscriber, family, friends and all that jaazzity jazz, really I do hope you feel better soon... love you! <3
Thank you! I thought I was going crazy. I sometimes feel like my hands aren't my own, like looking at them through a window. I didn't know there was a name for it. Thank you for your honesty and openness in your vlogs.
You are not nearly crazy. Thank you so much for sharing this means a lot to a lot of teens struggling and thank you for letting us know about you and sharing yourself. I hope you are doing okay, I hope you can be okay <3
I know exactly that feeling and have gone through it twice in my life. I know this video is super old but it is nice to not be alone in that experience and just know so truly that your experience is the same as someone else's. Hope you got through it as I did <3
I relate to Dodie so much. I feel we have similar features, ones I’ve struggled to love before. And we both have similar mental difficulties and similar issues. It’s so comforting to hear her talk about this. Because something I felt so alone in really isn’t
I am watching this in 2019. I have never ever ever ever related to a video and ever found a video to describe how I am feeling better than this one. Thank you!
I saw this when it came out and related to it but i've been going through a really tough few weeks lately and this was comforting to come back and watch. Thank you for sharing dodie.
I know what you are going through, I've been through anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts all at once and Im eleven, the only thing that gets me through it is you music and my favorite youtuber, Jacksepticeye.
I've been going and continue to go through this. You have helped me feel a little less insane, and god bless you beautiful girl, I don't know how it is for you personally but for me it's mind fracturing and scary. Learning of psychic distance has helped me a little bit.
I've dealt with derealisastion and depersonalisation my whole life. I always felt like my life was a movie but I could tell who I was and everything, I was pretty much fine.It really got worse when my dad died, but the weird part is, the only time when I've ever truly felt I was in my body was when I was crying at his funeral. Everything was real and vivid, and as soon as I stepped out of there, it was like a dream. I've never gotten out of this dream, I can kind of tell I'm here, but it feels as though I'm not controlling myself. It's hard to explain, it if you've ever felt it you would understand. I hate it and sometimes I wish I could experience the world as it is and not like I'm looking through a bad quality camera. Playing guitar and watching your videos bring me into the world a little more, but I'm never truly here.
the way i keep coming back to dodie for music and mental health because their videos and songs make my dpdr consumed brain feel like it’s allowed to exist :’’’’’)
cried so hard at 4:14, sigh i just wanna go back in time to my old room and lie on my old bed with the light reflecting off of those orange walls and although dissociation was almost a daily occurrence, it didn’t consume me then like it has the past few years. i wanna be 15 again. i want that sense of normalcy, i want to feel like i’m not going insane, i want to look at the mirror and not be scared (because goddamn depersonalisation makes that so bad), i wanna be able to watch tv and be able to stay sane in my reality, i want to stop seeing things from the outside, i want to stop floating in dream-like states. i want to wake up one day and actually.wake. up.
dodie’s videos were how i found out about dissociation/dpdr. my entire life - my entire freaking life - made more sense. i wasn’t going insane. there was a name to what i felt. i wish i reached out for help then. i wish i didn’t wait for things to get too bad before taking my mental health seriously. i was barely living by the time i actually got help, but getting a diagnosis did give me a lot of clarity.
to everyone who struggles with dpdr/dissociative disorders/other mental health conditions: i see you. i goddamn see you. hang in there. i know it feels like you’re alone, but you’re not. you’re actually not. there are a lot of us out here. don’t hesitate to talk or get help. and live your life as much as you can - truth be told, i don’t know if i’m ever going to stop feeling this way. but i’m tired of not living cause of it. there will be ups and downs, but all you can do is keep going, cause there are things in life that are worth it. worth all of this. if you don’t think there is, you just haven’t found it. keep searching, my love. keep going.
I've watched you for years honestly and recently I've had a bit of a tumble in the brain department, to a whole new level than normal. Pretty sure I have c-ptsd after a lot of (healthy to the best possible extent) research. Thank you so much for all your content on dissociation it's honestly so so so bloody helpful!!!!
Nothing in this video sounded like you were trying to just get attention...thank you for validating your fan's problems...but please know that your problems are valid as well. You are so brave and I'm so impressed by you
+doddlevloggle thank you for sharing this with us. Do whatever you need for you. if it means taking time off for yourself do it we understand. sending lots of love and thoughts your way <3
Well done Dodie! We know it's hard, and you're trying. We support you. Take time off if you need. Mental health issues are a real thing, as important and real as physical health issues - we believe you. Well done for keeping trying. Whatever you need to get better. ❤❤❤
I've been there (I still am kinda), I know how all that feels, and I also know mental illness is important and needs to be treated right. But what REALLY has helped me to feel so much better is stop trying to fight against it all the time. The more you fight against it, and try to feel "normal" (we're still normal), the bigger the feeling will get. All those symptoms need to drain of our bodies, if we just try aaaall the time to put it off and don't actually face it and say "ok, let's feel it and then let it go" (as terrifies as it sounds) it just will keep getting bigger and worse. Just try as hard as you can to not think all the time about how horrible it is, and how you wish you feel normal like before, try with all your strength to keep doing your life with all these symptoms and bad feelings, and just let them be so then they can't leave you alone. Another thing that helps me, it's not saying "I'm this" you are not depression, you are not anxiety, you are not whatever process you are going through. You are just at a phase of your life where your body and mind are speaking and telling you something through symptoms/illness, and we gotta listen them and change what it's causing us so much damage. Everything changes, and life is a rollercoaster, maybe right now you feel only going down.....but one day it will start going up and up......hope all this can help someone ♡
Is it anxiety and depression when every time you try to talk about your feelings, it's like they are shoved into the walls of your throat so you keep your mouth cemented shut to stop you from bursting? Is it anxiety and depression when you have to scribble circles or lines or dots on your homework and then jab yourself in the hand with the same pen during class? Is it anxiety and depression when you are constantly in a dreamscape and all the lights are too bright and every single thing is buzzing around you but you know you can't be in it so you'd rather be invisible? Is it anxiety and depression when you you keep these negative words in your head that you keep chanting to yourself whenever your put in a situation where you know you're not good enough? Is it anxiety and depression when once everyone sees you crying and begins to ask if your ok, your knees give way and you collapse because all of your emotions are working at once and they're weighing you down like there's a cannonball in your backpack?
Is it anxiety and depression when you have to build a wall of false positivity to shelter your insecurities whilst trying to keep your friends close by, but really, you just keep adding more and more bricks to it and it's just separating you from them...
Thank you so much for sharing these videos about your struggles with mental health, there’s just not enough videos with people who I can relate to but I’m happy to find this
Dodie I don't know if this helps, but I love you :) you inspire me and make me feel so much more confident about myself and I feel bad that there is nothing that I can do but I can tell you that you are so beautiful, gorgeous, inspiring, and you make a shit ton of people happy. It makes me upset that you are not well, but stay strong, do your best, I know you have been doing that this whole time but keep it up. God I love you so much!
I'm so proud of you for actually doing stuff when you're feeling like this...i can't make myself go for a run or make a video or eating breakfast or whatever..
I just wanted to say that I am so grateful and appreciative of this and other videos as this is the only thing I've truly related to for a long time now and it's so reassuring knowing that I'm not the only one who feels this way. Thank you so much xxx
Man I feel this so much. I went to the doctors 3 times in one day before because I got told Anxiety wasn't a big enough problem and I wept on the walk home. It's so so hard to describe to someone what it's like, everything is huge. You opening up is literally amazing I don't wanna sound patronising but that's fab. Honestly. Use the people around you, it's okay to. That's what they are there for. Remember we're all here. I don't know what more I can say. Also random but if anyone is Uni age and applying for DSA and needs help hit me up (message me or something) I'm here to help :) I've gone through almost every shitty part xxx
Watching these videos helps so much! I came to this video because I was freaking out about what’s going on in my head and whether I’ll ever get back to normal, but seeing other people saying how they feel, and it being how I feel is so helpful and makes me feel less alone, even though my brain says I am
I don't have a mental illness - which I am so incredibly grateful for, mind you - and it absolutely breaks my heart that lovely human beings like Dodie, or even people who don't have fanbases of hundreds of thousands of other human beings, who just have hearts of gold are cursed to live their lives in brains that do have mental illnesses. It always seems like the best people have these illnesses, and it just seems unfair. And I see videos like this of genuine sweethearts talking about these experiences that seem so unthinkable to my 'normal' brain, but I still try to think about what it would be like. And I always feel bad talking about things like this, because I feel like I'll say something wrong or inconsiderate about it, and I really don't want to. I would feel horrible. And I feel bad even writing this comment, because I know that my pity and misunderstanding of this subject will not do anything for anyone, yet here I am, and I'm sorry to whoever's still reading. I don't even know what the point of this comment was. I think that I wanted to say that it isn't fair for anyone, even the worst of people, to be... cursed, I suppose, with this burden. I'm sorry again to whoever's reading this, because you're just wasting your time reading my rambling about a topic I'm ignorant of. If anyone seeing this knows more about mental health, feel free to inform me about why this type of thing happens, because I really want to learn more. Maybe this comment doesn't make sense because I've been writing this at 1:00 a.m. in my bed for the last ten or so minutes. Or because I'm literally eleven. Again, sorry, this information has no importance to you. Have a nice day. ❤️
Even though this was posted almost a year ago, I still feel so freaking proud that Dodie felt able to make and post this video. Thank you Dodie, you're beautiful and amazing xx
I am so happy you've uploaded a video about this!! Makes people aware of depersonalisation and how u shouldn't feel crazy or weird because the brain is just odd and sometimes u can't help what u think
Thank you so much dodie I’ve been going to therapy for the past few weeks and I’ve been trying to explain what’s going on (and been doing it horribly) I felt like it was just me and I was going crazy This video sincerely helped me and I’m now on the right track on getting back to get normal and happy 😊
For me depersonalization started when I was sick over my summer break which wasn’t to long ago and I really don’t want to stress anyone in my family about it and they ask me how I feel and I don’t know how to respond because I personally don’t know how I feel I really do feel like I’m not alive and I still to this day do not know what to do and it really does make me upset because I want to be able to feel things again how I used to so I can completely relate to this video i have not had this for a year I’ve only had it for almost 2 months now
This video broke my heart. I honestly, sincerely hope you will start to feel better and find the help you need. We love you, don't forget that. Stay safe, you can do this! Huggggs
I want to give everyone who's commented here a hug ok? ok I can't go through and say this to everyone personally, but I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry that you're going through everything that you are and I hate that you have to deal with everything so here have the idea of a hug from a stranger on the internet, ok? It's gonna be okay eventually, I promise- someday you'll figure it out and everything will be, if not entirely wonderful, at least tolerable and okay and better than it is now. And maybe it will be wonderful. But I promise it'll get better. I don't know if that helped and I also don't know if that was just me telling myself that it'll be okay, but this applies to you too.
When i'm "sad" (as my mum calls it) She says "Why can't you be a NORMAL child!?" "be happy!" "smile!" "act happy!" a c t... Right.. She gives out to me for being "sad"
Phils Bubble Tea y’know I feel this way with my mum. I love her and all but sometimes the things she says really hurts me and I just have to nod and smile. I hope you’re okay dude I’m here for you. <3
I’ve been feeling very out of it lately, and I relate to the depersonalization/derealization stuff. I don’t have depression (I was healed of that), but I think this is tied to the level of anxiety I’ve been feeling. My last track season ended, I graduated hs, I turned 18, and I’ve been pressuring myself to start my life. Help, I can’t stop stressing
I felt every bit of that . Described how I feel down to a T. I can barely look at pictures of myself before I became mentally ill without bursting into tears. Feel like I’ve lost me.
It's quite worrying how you went to see someone when you were 16 and they thought you were making it up. If anyone ever says that, YOU ARE NOT MAKING IT UP. Your experiences and feelings are valid. You know yourself better than anyone, and if you know something is up, IT PROBABLY IS and don't let anyone make you feel as though you don't know yourself. Know thyself and all that. <3
the "you know yourself better than anyone" bit is my problem. That's what's wrong with me. I don't know myself. I don't remember thing properly, and even if I do (I'm not really sure) I don't feel like I can trust my own mind to be right about anything, not memories, not itself, not common sense, not anything. I don't know how I feel, and I think that's what got me to first realise that something wasn't right, when anyone asked me how I felt, I would always say, "Eh." and shrug and play it off as a joke, or say "Fine" or "Good" so no one would worry, but it wasn't because I felt like being funny or anything, it was because I honestly didn't know, and if I said "I dunno" to "How are you?" I would sound weird, and I didn't want that. Having said that, I don't really know what I want, or who I want to be, or what I want to feel, or how i should feel. I don't know who I am, or anything really. I think I have actually lost my mind. When I say that, I don't really mean that I've gone crazy, I mean that I feel like I've lost my mind in a box somewhere, and I can't find it. I don't know exactly when this started, but I think it might have been when my dad left. I don't know why this affected me so much as to make me LOSE MY MIND, but it seems like it did. It might have been the stress of not having much money, combined with the sudden change and my seven-year-old mind, but I really don't know. I'll be okay though, I'll get help and I'm sure it'll get better. I'll be okay. I hope.
P.S I might be making this up, this might not really be a problem, and I might have just dug myself into a hole, this could be my own fault, I don't know. Also, please don't worry. I don't know why you would worry about some random internet person you don't even know, but still, don't worry about the random interpersonal you do t even know. Also also, if anyone has heard of something like this, please tell me, I would really do well knowing at least what's wrong (if anything) with me.
So many doctors don't believe you, especially if your younger because they just blame it on your age and that your just being negative and it's really upsetting because it's not fair that mental illnesses are treated differently to physical illnesses 😔
+HopeMappley Yes! I wish this was spoken about more often. Every self help video is like "Go see someone! They'll make it all better!". When in reality you will probably have to go through a couple of people before you get the help you need. And in that process you might encounter some "professionals" that make you feel worse before someone actually does their job properly and helps you.
whenever i try to tell people about how i feel, they tell me its just ''puberty''. It's not. i actually feel like i'm not in control of my own mind and like i cant trust anyone and everything is just dark and bad and i feel like i have to put on a fake smile for everyone so they dont know, because i want help but im afraid to ask for it. I just dont feel okay anymore.
+Luba Brodsky ikr like I've mentioned to my mom multiple times that I'd like to get a therapist and she believes me, but she's a doctor and I think she thinks I'm just growing and not getting enough sleep or that I have iron deficiencies, and I'm like "yes, I had mental breakdowns and anxiety attacks and depression and suicidal thoughts because I'm missing a couple doses of iron."
Exactly! Anyone could have a mental illness. It doesn't have requirements, anyone could have one, no matter their age, the place they live in, how wealthy they are, your illness is valid no matter who you are.
Thank you. I'm 16 right now and I'm trying to tell my parents I've been feeling awful for such a long time! A year I think? But they always cut me off telling me everything is just part of being a teenager. I'm going to talk with my school counselor. 💟
First Name Surname wow it's been a year but I really really hope you feel better now.
1 like
K Murph2017-10-22 01:42:37 (edited 2017-10-22 01:43:21 )
What if there is no self to be realized, it's all made up of a collection of ideas passed down to us from generation to generation...one causes their own suffering.
I do believe that you are among one of my greatest hero’s dodie. It’s so helpful and nice to have someone just speak up and be so open about these things. And it takes guts and I love you so much and I wish the world for you❤️
A few months ago I was feeling similar to this and I think I might have been having some sort of identity crisis but anyways I’ve spent the past couple of years being VERY nostalgic for the past in a very unhealthy way and one night I watched an episode of black mirror that I am convinced is our future and I started freaking out and I was texting my friend crying and saying all sorts of horrible things and that I wanted to die and I felt really bad. That was probably one of the worst feelings I’ve ever experienced and one of my darkest moments. So I woke up the morning and I realized I didn’t want to live my life wishing I was in the past and try to ignore the things I hate about the present and stop being so sad all the time. I don’t know how I did it but I managed to push all those thoughts to the back of my brain and I’ve been a lot happier.
So back when I first watched this video, a couple of years ago, I remember feeling like this described me oddly well. So I looked up depersonalization and went down the list and I was still quite blown away by how well that fit me. Then I, being the dumbass that I am, for some reason just...convinced myself I was being delusional and that there was no reason for me to feel that way. I thought I was just aligning what I read with my thoughts because I wanted an excuse for why I was the way I was.
WELL I finally got over myself and went to talk to a counsellor and as it turns out, what I was feeling was depersonalization. I don't know what to make of that. I guess the moral is that if you feel like something is wrong, like you need to talk to someone or like you need help, please don't deny yourself that. You will be sparing yourself so much confusion and pain. Take care, loves.
Thank you for putting words to how much mental illness can effect someone's life and how awful it feels when you are objectively fine but mentally you can't function. Your videos have helped me calm myself and realize that I'm not alone in my struggles with my own mental illnesses so thank you
I had a similar experience with a doctor. When I was 9 or 10, I began having what I know now were panic attacks. My whole body would go numb, I would shake, cry, it felt like the whole world was collapsing in on me. So my mom took me to the doctor, because she thought maybe I was having seizures or something. They ran a bunch of tests, and they all came back fine. I was healthy. But I wasnt, and I knew I wasnt and when the doctor came back with the test results with the conclusion "You're perfectly healthy, its all in your head" I felt lost. The panic attacks didn't stop. I felt helpless. This is why mental illness awareness is SO SO SO important. Thank you for sharing your story and I wish you the best of luck in finding true happiness again. You are so strong, you can do it ♥️
oh dodie it makes me so devastated to hear you say you’ve gone mad, you’re crazy. You are not crazy, your emotions and your thoughts are very very valid.
I’m like a year late to this video but thank you so much dodie because I’ve been feeling this way far too long and thinking no one understands and you are so helpful I feel less alone when I watch your videos about mental health thank you so much
I'm dealing with this right now! It's the most scariest thing ever I thought I was going mad! Thank you for this video I now feel like I'm not alone xx
+Bryony Harris yeah me too. i was going through the exact same thing last year and coming into this year and wow i really did think i was going mad. ive been diagnosed and am much better now through getting the help i need and i really hope that you too are on your way to recovery xx
I've come back to this video after 3 years since its release. I did it because I'm feeling bad again. Another low has been hit, and I felt like going through videos that used to help me back in a day. One of these was this one. Even though we all have different stories and feel it differently, I am speechless at how your words help me, Dodie. Thank you so much. So much.
i come back to this video from time to time. every time i'm feeling kind of lost, i always come to dodie's channel and songs and i'm still lost, but i feel better. it's been long since i haven't felt like myself. and this video feels like a hug for me. maybe that's sickening, maybe it's not, who knows. but if it wasn't because of dodie, those dark times where i felt nothing at all would have been way worse. thank you so much for always being you.
Whenever i get into my funks, very similar to how you explain, i always, ALWAYS come back to this video because i pretned it doesnt exist and just a lot of other things go on and i basically just lose alp sight of any reason to live but you have always helped me realize that im not okay and that i have a problem no matter how many times my parents tell me im just making excuses and im just so thankful that you exist. Thank you so much Dodie💜
It’s a really vicious cycle!! I’ve been depersonalised and dissociated for a few weeks now mostly, and I feel like everything I see isn’t the same, even photos on my wall look different, looking at my dog doesn’t feel right, and I’m a lot more distant from my partner.. I get in to these deep depression episodes where my mind feels like it’s in the middle of nowhere and I feel no emotions when it happens.. I got so bad just the other day where I was sitting down and I stared blankly then all of a sudden I couldn’t think and it felt like my brain completely died, I felt like I was officially crazy and it made me panic and all I could do was cry and be scared. Sitting alone with yourself doesn’t make depersonalisation or dissociation any better, which I still need to learn, but going out in public is scary when you feel scared at every noise and things sound so much louder but they sound different at the same time or you can’t recognise the sound at all but you know what the noise is deep down.. it’s so frustrating and scary. Some days even finding it difficult to reach for my phone because my surroundings become such a blur . Definitely know how you feel ❤️❤️❤️ stay strong, even the darkest of moments don’t last forever xxxx
Hey Dodie. I just needed to say that you're so brave and amazing. I think this video will help other people.
I don't know if you've heard of this but it can be calming if you're feeling down or stressed, It's called tapping. You pretty much tap certain areas on your body (lol this sounds really weird) whilst thinking/saying that it's okay to feel like this and then you normally end it on a happy note.
I'm the worst at explaining things but you can google it.
I think she might know what it is, she mentioned doing something similiar in a previous video (im really scared of dying lol) but she used it more in a way that people with OCD do, so i think this is definitely a healthier way to cope. I might try this too, cause i cope by tapping alot as well, so this is probably alot healthier. Thanks for posting this!
I can vouch for this! You tap a certain pattern on various pressure points across your upper body and as crazy as it sounds, it has brought me down from countless anxiety attacks. Would recommend :)
dodie!! i love u so much!! i am going through very similar things and i just wanted to let you know that when i'm starting to feel weird or panicky i always come and listen to your music to help me feel better, and it always does. I hope for u to have an amazing future and we love you so much!!!
I'm thirteen. I've had suicidal thoughts before, and now I feel like I'm already dead, which is worse. I cried a lot before, but now I feel numb. At night, I can't sleep, and I stare into the darkness for hours, thinking thoughts that really hurt. Sometimes I cry, and it's the biggest relief. Sometimes I have panic attacks, and honestly, they make me feel more normal, because at least that reaction to my depressing thoughts seems more appropriate than being numb. Sometimes I have anxious episodes and think everyone's judging me. Sometimes I welcome death and sometimes I fear it because my life so far has been lived deep in an ocean where there's no one and I haven't had an effect on anyone's life, so if I die I'll have died having had a completely pointless existence of pain. I understand so many things that my mind can't handle. I'm sinking, but I can't tell which way's up. I only know I'm sinking because of the voices that tell me I am. People say they're in my head. That's just an ignorant way of saying the voices are me. Ignorance is bliss. I wish I were ignorant.
I know you probably don't feel like you have anyone, but you should seek help or even just a bit of advice! Recovery is possible, you just need a bit of hope and guidance along the way :) I hope you find peace soon!
I feel the exact same way. I can't help you on all of it but, I do believe or I think I can with feeling important and that you've changed anthers life. I started asking people if I ever had an impact on them or if i ever helped them through a bad day. It was also than I realized who really cares about me. Something else that helped was doing random acts of kindness. Which can go from saying thank you to one of my teachers or smiling at a stranger to going to the soup kitchen and serving meals to the homeless. I suggest little ones first, than if you feel the need move your way up. Lastly something that helped me the most, and I don't know if you are religious or not, but I am and I started praying my Heavenly Father about what i was feeling and he helped me and is still helping me, anyone who's not religious wouldn't understand i don't think and I might sound crazy but without him id probably wouldn't still be here. I hope this helps
A writer with a reason to write the song numb by marina and the diamonds describes this feeling well. Her transition into happiness through music is inspiring. If you're looking for a good cry, listen to her
A writer with a reason to write you have every reason to live. you may not know this but a lot of people, including me, care about you. I don't even know you. I suffer with mental health issues and I know how hard it is. stay strong x
my friend is like this. it hurts me to see it. i know that she thinks she makes no differece in anyone life, that shes a burden, better off with no friends, or worse yet, dead. I cry thinking of that. Cry so hard and wish and hope with all my might that she can somehow read my mind, because no matter how many times I tell her how important she is, she will not believe it. She's ill, I cant blame her. You dont know how everyone sees you, people can suprise you. There is an island in that sea, theres a boat there too. Dont give up just because you think it will never come.
But seriously, get help, even call a hotline. (I wish I could tell you some but idk where you are from).
3 likes
Rose Lalonde2017-03-11 03:12:55 (edited 2017-03-11 03:14:11 )
I'm a lot better now. I finally broke down and lost it a bit, and then I started to realize that the way I see things is wrong, and that I was driving myself crazy over other people's problems. My dad was depressed as well, and he's gotten better, and my brother is probably autistic and he was having a lot of issues, especially when my dad was. They've both gotten better, and so have I. I've focused myself a lot more on the things that matter to me, and I'm not numb. I'm not hurting, either. I did, and I still do sometimes, but not as much as I used to. Thank you so much for the support and prayers (I'm Christian as well). I'm praying for all of you as well. Anyone reading these who are in pain right now, know that it really does get better. Just hold on, and don't be afraid to hurt, because it's the only way to feel human. Just remember that you need to feel joy and love and hope to be human, too.
Hope everything's okay, I'm 15 and I'm dealing with I suppose "de-personalisation." I try to "feel" emotion, but I feel empty. I feel like I'm not really alive, I've been feeling like this since October/November.
hey if any on you just need to talk to a random person who doesn't know you just so you can talk about it with someone, I'm willing to help. I'm always willing to help. so if anyone's actually interested, say so because then I'll leave an emailaddress in the comments.
Rose Lalonde I honestly relate so much. I'm also 13 (almost 14) And i have been going through The same thing but haven't been able to put it into words
Rose Lalonde I think I know how you feel. I'm thirteen and it's been a year since I felt real hapiness. In the last 6 months, I've been hospitalized ( don't know if that's how you write it, I'm brazilian, sorry) 4 times for different reasons. And that's how I realized all of us can get sick, anytime. In one second, you're fine, and in the next one, you're a mess. That's what I went/am going throught. I'm a mess. I had problems that had nothing to do with each other and made a mess, because it was all at the same time. And I keep thinking about people who have a lot more issues than me, and sometimes these issues are even worse then mine. I keep trying to keep that kind of thoughts away, but it only made me worse, it kept me wondering about existance, life and why are we all here, living. I'm pretty sure that I'll get better with time, that's what pushes me on. Maybe you should keep in mind that when you've reached the bottom, there's only one way out: up. It'll probably take a while, but you'll get there. We will.
Rose Lalonde I realate it has only happened once though I was at a dance party and i felt like I was watching a movie. I'm scared I am scared of mental illness it's only happened once I am not sure what happened it has been about six months ago and hasn't happened since I am only 11. I keep on writhing it of as growing up but I'm scared I haven't told anyone else because my best friend is hanging out with her crush so I don't have anyone to talk to anymore. I wish I wasn't so scared so I could tell someone I'm lost.
Trust me, we are SO proud of you for being able to pour out your feelings like this. Just know that you are going to be okay. Keep fighting, you're here for a reason. Believe me, you aren't alone, and you never will be. :)
Rose Lalonde wow. I may as well pour out my soul also. I am 11 years old. I have two suicidal friends and one friend who has attempted suicide. twice. I talk to a counsellor but sometimes (this will sound weird) I forget everything. who I am. What's wrong. where I am. it's so brief but so scary.
You are so strong and you can get through this I know this sounds really hard but you have gone through so much and your still here, still breathing, still thinking, still talking and again you are so strong and I believe in that you can get through this. Try talking about how you feel to a trusted friend that you know listen well- talking about it really helps, or a trusted grownup xx
I really liked what you said, that was very brave of you. I don't really tell anyone but I really really wish I could talk about it as openly as you can. Sometimes I feel like everything is just flat, like the view from the eyes is just flat, my emotions are flat, my reactions that are normally happy and optimistic are just flat and I really hate that feeling. For me too, crying helps so very much. I really think its very therapeutic. And I don't know if anyone's really gonna read this or whatever but I am probably sounding very stupid and dumb right now but thanks for reading anyway.
Wow, you were just thirteen. You're so much mature than older people I know. I hope you're feeling better now, based on this (totally relatable) I can see you're such a great and interesting person. I wish you the best 💟
Rose Lalonde I’m so sorry, please try and get the help you need. Try talking to someone. Try for a therapist or maybe a mental hospital. I know a hospital sounds scary but sometimes it really really helps people. I can’t do anything for you but please try and get help, don’t leave this alone. You sound in danger
This is the first video of yours I had ever seen. I was experiencing really bad depersonalisation and I was going insane. This made me sob when I watched it. I still felt spaced out and terrified, but I felt less crazy. Thank you.
Omg thank you SO SO SO much for making this video and being so friggin honest about this. It feels INCREDIBLE listening to someone else describe how they feel and finally seeing someone put into words what’s happening to me. Thank you thank you thank you. 😌
Even in 2019 I come to ur videos to cope with my depression I feel like anything I do i don’t feel like I would normally feel I feel like I’m not there just a human body and I’ve been through so much it just burys me deeper into depression
Dodie, thank you so so much for making this video. I can relate to this on so many levels, life seems like an eternal dream, but not in a positive way. Everything seems new and weird and unusual like I am an alien visiting this world for the first time, not familiar with basic human emotions. I came back from my trip to America yesterday. It was my first time flying, first time out of Europe and first time in another country on my own. It was an amazing trip, we went to New York, I celebrated my birthday there... You would think I would feel amazing, on top of the world, inspired. But instead, I felt nothing. I am a skin without a soul, the eyes without the sparkle. The flame has been blown out and I can't find any matches. My mom doesn't take me seriously, my dad doesn't even know and although my friends love me and care for me, they aren't therapists. When school starts again I'll go to my counsellor and see if he/she can help me get in touch with a therapist. Again, thank you so much. It is good to know I am not the only one feeling this way and I hope that one day we all can feel "normal" again.
felt the same way for a while, like I was not really here but just in a dream and I was sooo scared that I would wake up and that all of it was a dream.. had a lot of panic attacks around that time 0_o but you know what: I'm feeling way better now it has been a year since I had a panic attack :) so don't give up it's really gonna be okey ^-^ hope you will feel well soon
There's weeks where nothing feels real like it freaks like a nightmare and I feel like I'm watching everytimg go on around me in a kinda slow mo but I'm not contributing it. It usually happens when I'm really down and kinda numb and anxious idk it's scary as fuck.
@Lindsey McCormack I am so sorry to hear this, love. I promise you, we'll be alright. It will take some time, but you are stronger than you think, you can do this x
i know how you feel, I've been feeling like this for like four months. But I have to tell you something, it gets better. I started to see a therapist, and with time therapy worked! I started to feel less foggy, more connected, less panicky and less anxious. Sure, I'm not completely cured and there are days when I feel bad, but there are days when I feel great! Always remember that mental illness is CURABLE, and with time, patience, and the help that works for you, you will start to notice that symptoms fade, till its completely gone, good luck!!
You. Are. So. Strong. You have been through so much, and yet here you are, still living, still thriving, still thinking positive. You are an inspiration to us all and I am so grateful that you have decided to share your story with us. You have helped me realize that it's totally okay not to feel happy all the time, that it's normal. That there are ups and downs in every person's life. That being positive isn't being happy all the time, it's knowing that when hard times come that better ones are ahead. You truly have helped me see my mental illnesses in a different light and I will be forever in your debt. <3
I’ve never related to a video more in my entire life. This is exactly how I feel and also I feel like I can’t speak to anyone about it because they don’t understand or they think I’m just being dramatic or attention seeking. But mental illnesses are just as real as any other illness and no one should feel this way. I really just hope it gets better because I hate feeling this way❤️ I love all of you and I hope that you can find happiness and hope and someone kind to talk to❤️ and please don’t give up💕
my mom tends to use my mental illness against me, saying things like "everyone feels like that sometimes" or "do you want to go to [local mental health institution]? that place will really mess you up if you don't have anything wrong with you." i love writing, and she thinks i'm one of those writers that has to have "a troubled soul" to write. it makes me so scared, thinking that everything i feel is a lie when i know it's not. i feel like i can't talk to anybody seriously, especially after a few very serious conversations with my mom that didn't result in me getting medical help, so i use my mental illness, my depression, as a punchline or a joke because i feel like it's the only catharsis i have. i know it's ridiculous and irrational and i know joking about it is the worst way to cry for help, but i feel like it's all i can do. that being said, thank you dodie for speaking so openly about your mental health and reminding me that i'm definitely not as alone as i think i am.
mine does too, can't amount the number of times she's told me to just stick it out, or think happy so I can be happy, or just to tell the thoughts no, like that's ot how it works
Before I was diagnosed with depression I knew I was depressed. The few times I approached my Mum about it she told me that I was just having a bad day or similar to what your Mum says to you. After I was diagnosed she admitted to me that she didn't want to admit it to herself that I was depressed. It may be the same with your Mum. I understatement how hard it is to go to a doctor but I really recommend doing it. You know yourself best, nobody else, so if you are unhappy then you know best. I hope you can find someone to talk to who listens and understands you. X
i am absolutely aware of how you feel because i do the same thing and the people i know irl also treat me the same way, or say the same things and it bothers me so much but i can't do anything about it. 3 years since I've been dealing with mental illness and now i consider it the official joke punchline of my life and i know that's not healthy but i feel like it's the only way i can talk about it without being degraded by others and it sucks bcz i don't know what else to do.
My mom does the same thing and threatens me with psychologists or having mental illness or 'How can you be depressed or have anxiety I had it so much worse' and 'what's wrong with you'
this is exactly what my mom would say. even after my suicide attempt and she told me it was all for attention. three years later and I've gotten help and see a therapist and take medication that helps me. you're definitely not alone and things do get better and you will get help in the future. I think your mom won't except it because in her mind it means she was a bad parent, or thats why my mom wouldn't except it along with that she had a terrible childhood and she didn't see my experiences comparable to hers. people suck but don't let yourself think what your feeling isn't real. if it makes you feel bad and you're trying to make it go away that's how you know it's real. you wouldn't fake something you wouldn't want to feel, thats ridiculous.
I couldn't talk about it with my mom either because even if she's the best she wouldn't understand it. I mean she's introvert to but she would never talk about these things to anyone if she felt any anxiety stuff. She would just cover it and without ever telling me to do it or something like that I do it to. Cover it up and don't talk about anxiety, panic fear. Fake it till you make. Even if I'm pretty sure that I'll never make it.
Depersonalisation. Feeling like you're going mad. I've never really been able to describe how I am and this is the closest thing I have heard to what I felt and that is amazing because I knew it was a form of anxiety but I never understood it. Thank you for this dodie.
I'm going to the doctors soon but I'm 13 and I'm so scared that they'll patronize me and tell me that I'm fine and i should just go on walks or something
I've been to the doctor's twice, the optician and a blood test for this and everyone has just told me to get more sleep and I'm just tired and stressed. Obviously, when I'm stressed it's worse but I've literally been feeling like I'm dreaming since 2018 ahh
@Army omg hey i forgot about this comment!! thankfully things got a bit better since i wrote this but it sucks that doctors don’t believe people when they are struggling with their mental health :(( i hope everyone in this comment sections finds something that can help them - love you all <3
Guuuurl. All too relatable. Especially when you were talking about going back to visit your old family home. So sorry to hear that you've been struggling but it's nice to know that I'm not alone with these feelings and experiences. This video (and your other videos related to mental health) are going to be so helpful to a lot of people. Thank you for continuing to share parts of your story. Sending you lots of love!!
I've experienced depersonalization only once, and it might have been the most terrifying experience I've ever had. I think it was like my brain trying to ignore my ptsd, but I felt completely insane. I'm lucky it hasn't happened again.
Im so glad I found your channel, I've never met or seen anybody who feels the same way as me, down to the last detail even the whole thing about needing anything familiar so you can feel normal again like you did at the time of the familiar thing or memory, I've been stuck in my house for 4 years, that's when it started and I feel like I look as weird as I feel like I don't look human any more and I feel like I don't know how to do anything normal even down to blinking walking anything, it made me cry when I watched this video not just knowing I'm not the only one, but also because I understand what you're going through I felt your pain, I haven't been to a doctor about anything other than depression and anxiety and body dismorphia disorder, because I feel like they'll shrug it off as they did with you, anyways thankyou for you're stories you are amazing, and I hope we can one day feel like ourselves again 🙏🏼
I'm so glad you've described this and said all of this. I felt like anything I felt was so small and insignificant and whenever I would try to talk about it, I felt like it was being received at dramatic or made up and it made me feel crazy. I'm only 18 and I'm in that part of existence where you're supposed to have yourself together and sorted and I just feel... nothing. I can sit and do nothing for hours and feel nothing of it until repercussions hit me. And it's generally around my study so I'm really "damaging my future" or whatever. I just don't feel like I'm physically and mentally here.. I'm off somewhere else and no one seems to get it so I've always thought I was making it up. I should talk to someone about it.
I thought I was the only one who felt like this. Honestly it helps so much to know there are other people going through the same thing. I literally thought I was going insane and i felt so ashamed. Thank you for making a video on this Dodi ❤️
This is so accurate to how I'm feeling. I've never known how to explain this and I was terrified I was alone and going insane, but now I'm so relieved that someone actually understands and I'm not on my own in feeling this way. Thank you for making this video, you truly helped. I love you
Of course you're not insane. Don't let anybody tell you that. I'm sorry you might've had a difficult time with that in the past. Things can only get better from here. I hope you feel better really soon, you deserve it. :)
+Lauren Bolton Your not alone, just looking through this comment section, most people have felt like that at least once in there life. - I had major depression and thought about ending my life but here I am loving every second of life even if it's cruel sometimes
And when people say 'Be with someone who motivates you, read, or watch something motivational' it is actually way more soothing, when you see someone who feels the same like you, because this is what really cheers you up! Thanks for your video!
i cant even explain the feeling. i have all of these. my family always tells me "your life isnt even bad" i know. its pretty amazing but the issue isnt my life. its the life im living inside my head.
i see myself in you so much. I just broke down crying to my boyfriend, feeling the same way. He unfortunately had to leave for work and I came across your video, thank you. im distracted now and I feel like im not alone
I'm sorry to be a bother but... Is it weird when I just break down crying in my bed for no reason? And you yell at yourself to stop because there's nothing going on and people are out there doing way worse than you. Then you see these posts about being strong for way to long. And you think that's not me I'm just a whinny little brat. But deep down u think it might be. I don't really know these things happen to me every month of waves of crying for no reason. I have never told anyone about this so :p. But I'm 12 and is it normal to have these things happen? Probably I'm just rambling...
@Bri Roster well..I have clinical depression & severe anxiety (yay me..it's not that sad, I'm on meds & life is great again) so I have a bias opinion. It's really healthy to let out your emotions & burst out into tears from time to time. I don't do that..I usually bottle things up until I have no choice but to cry, hence why I break down when I'm at the therapist...I finally face my fears. but she tells me all the time that it's good to cry. I mean, you are 12 so you're probably going through a shit ton of emotional changes bc puberty but I wouldn't let it bother you too much...I don't think you should seek any medical attention for it unless it's affecting your every day life. If you're just breaking down every now & then..whateverrrr..we're all humans, we all cry. You're nothing but normal :P but if it's stopping you from enjoying life, like physically not wanting to get out of bed, not enjoying yourself even though you know you should be (like at a party or with friends), feeling like you aren't inside your body..I'd get some help. Hope that helps.
I don't know enough about your context to feel I can be all that helpful, but there's one thing that I think is really important to keep in mind. Reading through the comments, I found someone else say it well, so here's how Eva Kirk put it (in response to Melanie C.): "here's the thing- everyone's feelings and problems are relevant to them. If you are struggling mentally and it is affecting your everyday life, you should never ever deny yourself help just because someone else out there might have it worse than you do. That's like refusing to go to the doctors to treat your broken wrist because someone else in the world has a broken neck which is more serious. ... You deserve true happiness so don't ever believe that you are unworthy of help or treatment. Wish you all the best xx." I hope this helps! :)
Just got diagnosed with depersonalisation I feel scared and like I’m never gonna feel normal again. Thank you for this video it solidified in my mind the fact that I’m not going insane. And that I’m not alone. Thank you sm.
dodie it warms my heart so much to see your videos and hear you talk, it reminds me so much of how I feel myself, and the fact that you are still here and is doing this youtube thing and talking openly about all these things is soo important and amazing and I LOVE YOU and I hope that you will never give up and never stop being exactly who you are <3
This feeling,that everything feels so deaf and unreal,makes me feel that I'm not real...like I wear a 360°Glasses/Camera AND this is not the real world.... 😕
I've had depersonalisation for 8 years now. When it first started back when I was 13 I felt exactly the same, like I was crazy and that I was going to spiral into madness. Since I found a name for it and realised it's an actual condition I realised that I wasn't alone and there were things I could do about it. I got therapy which unfortunately didn't help for me but now I'm doing what I love and not letting it beat me, im happy and the illness no longer controls me. Anyway, the moral of the story to anyone reading is don't let these things break you down, you're not alone and there is help :)
This is exactly how I've been feeling for the past year or so. It stated when I was 12 and it's slowly been getting harder and harder to deal with. Up until now I didn't know what it was of how to describe it, but you've put it into words and I wanted to let let you know that I understand how you're feeling, and I hope that one day you'll feel better, as I hope that one day I will too <3
Same for me, only I'm not sure how long this has been going on, (at the most three years) and that I don't really feel like this video describes, but I'm close. I'm ten years old, and I'm so confused it almost hurts. I dont know, I just don't know. I don't know who I am, who I want to be, who I should be, or who i should act like. This isn't peer pressure or me wanting to fit in, I just honestly dont know who I am. I think I may have lost my mind, but not in the "I'm going crazy" kind of way, it's more in a "Hey, where did I go? I'm sure I had Me somewhere around here... Hold on, didn't I once have a soul and a sense of purpose once? I wonder where I went..." kind of way. I feel like I put all of Me in a box somewhere while I was working on my brain (as in my knowledge of physics and science and brainy smarts stuff), and when I went back to start working on the rest of me, I found that it was gone. I don't know if this is even real, or something that's made up, but it kind of feels like it is. I feel like I'm not me anymore, but a jumble of other people, jammed together in a makeshift attempt at becoming a person. I think I'll get better though, and maybe it's just maintenance on me again, because I was feeling really depressed and suicidal for a few years, until suddenly I just kind of felt like... I could be happy again. I could smile and laugh and I didn't really see the point in dying anymore. Maybe this will work the same, and one day I'll just wake up and think, "Hm, I know who I am now." and everything will be okay again. And even if it doesn't, I'll get help, and things will be better, at the very least. I'm ten years old, so confused it almost hurts, but I'll be okay.
You will be better =) Distract yourself, do things you love and don't give in to depersonalisation. Be positive and enjoy life. I know that is easier said than done, but that's what I've been doing and it's getting a little bit better. 2 steps forward, 1 step back. This is a slow recovery. We WILL all get out of this! Keep believing, and keep living. Good Luck with your recovery <3
@Cute Cupcake "Be positive" 😂 That just makes me laugh, being a pessimist down to the deepest pits of my soul, I am a pessimist, and "being positive" isn't exactly one of my strong points. 😂 Thanks for kinda making my day. 😂
@Cute Cupcake Not gonna happen for me, I like being pessimistic all the time, it's a good laugh when I can point at something really positive and twist it so that THE WHOLE WORLD IS GOING TO DIE!!! 😂 Serious though, we're all going to die one day, and then our children will be dead, and all the millions of people throughout history are dead, every single one of them...😶
+Nuala Halpin I remember being ten years old and feeling so isolated from everyone and everything. I spent a lot of time outside alone in nature and sometimes I'd just go somewhere and cry. At ten years old your brain is starting to change really fast so it can feel like your old self is dying because in your brain old neurological pathways are literally dying and new ones are being formed. I learned that in a brain course I took in college. I've also been a generally depressed person ever since I started kindergarten and didn't fit in with people so it's hard to say where one's problems truly begin. Anyway, I hope that things get better for you. Being a kid in school is really the hardest part of anyone's life in my opinion.
Also, don't ever let adults just brush off your problems because you're young. Your emotions are valid no matter what age you are and you deserve to be listened to. Wishing you the best.
(Also also, this is completely off-topic but you're a very eloquent writer for your age. If you have interest in pursuing writing as a career you should definitely go for it! You'd be awesome.)
its 2021, my mental health is shit and everything keeps getting worse to the point that I'm failing school. Currently doing a project where I have to search up about people I look up to, and stumbled on this video.
Thank you. I needed this. and like you said then, I will try my bloody hardest :)
I Love your attitude! I'm also in the dp hole and it can really be hell sometimes but what else can you do than to do the things you enjoy and make you feel better, seek help if needed, accept it and laugh at and through it? Namaste!
I just wanted to say that even though I don’t know you, I’m proud of you for fighting how you feel. Its clear you want to be happy again and thats the most important thing because in the end, you are the only person with enough power to do this. You’re genuinely dealing with it in the best way u can. Good job 🥺❤️
I’ve had a tough year with change and new things. This video has summed up everything I’ve been feeling. I’m too scared to ask for help so I’m just trying to get better on my own. But this video and comments gave me hope. ❤️
i used to smoke a lot to cope with depression so the whole time I thought that that was just how getting high feels like( it was not an enjoyable experience, but i would choose the altered reality feeling and hyper awareness/ dreamlike state over being depressed in my bed. because at least when I was dealing with it I was laughing and "watching" myself laugh so I convinced myself I was happier that way) , and then it started happening on days in which I wasn't even high and over the years it's gotten worse and worse but now it's something I still deal with. Still need to get help but am too uncomfortable to talk to my parents about it. :/
It's so scary feeling that strange and you can't explain it. I'm glad more people are being open with their symptoms and feelings so people who are going through the same thing can see that it's happening to others too. Good luck in your recovery !
Hello I can relate your story to mine. My boyfriend is my world my soulmate and my my future husband. We met up 4 weeks ago and stayed to his place for 5 days! We celebrate out first anniversary. But now he just broke up with me that he couldn't handle the pressure of being in a relationship and that he doesn't want to be with me! I felt to shocked and cried a lot! He still calls me but never message. I don't know what to do! Anyone please help me what to do! Because I know this is not him! I know he is the loving guy I saw 4 weeks ago and we were so close! Is the depression something to do with this? Or is it just me? I'm truly lost. Need your advice I appreciate it! Thank you!
I'm glad her symptoms do not seem so physical because when i went through depression i couldn't eat anything and constantly threw up anything that I've managed to put in my stomach, as well as not being able to go to sleep because of constant heart throbs and anxious thoughts. And all these happened next to the general feeling of being mentally seperated from everyone else like she's describing it. It was definitely the worst phase of my life that I've ever been through but i'm okay now.
Ever since I was 11 I have had really bad anxiety, but for the past 6 months I have felt exactly like this. I try explaining it to my friends and family and even went to see a therapist, but nobody understands what I actually mean when I talk about it or they think I've gone insane. I haven't really watched any of Dodie's videos but for some reason I still clicked on this video. And as soon as she started talking about depersonalization I was so relieved. This made me feel so much better knowing that somebody actually gets it. Somebody actually understands what I'm going through. Thank you for making me feel not so alone. I'm officially a fan now.❤️
This was just what I needed. Took me 7 years since my first crisis to look for help. I thought it was some teenage phase and now that I`m an adult I see I have an issue and I needed help. I`m on medicine for two months now and it`s starting to help a lot. Lots of strength for you.
Props to you for reaching out to people to talk about what you're going through <3 those message are way more than I've ever told most of my friends/family about my experiences!
I can so relate. Thank you for putting this out there. Shame your first doctor consolidate the idea that you were making it up; that's just awful. I'm with you on the journey, though a little farther along. The struggle is real. You're an inspiration.
Whatever your going through, we will be there by your side and try our absolute best to support you. <3 I have been rematching all of your original songs and you are incredibly talented, i know you know that but... yeah. In that sense your quite lucky i guess :) Its ok if you can't explain what your going through. You will have people who will listen to you and help you, even if you make no sense whatsoever. You have us and you have your family and friends. I know you know that too but i just wanted to say... ur crazy, and thats ok, you'll get through it, I believe in youuuuuu! <3 <3 <3
Dodie your the best! I go through stages of my life when I have depression but I now have great friends , music, art to fight/distract it. It was impossible at the start because I was all alone but there is always hope even when the illness has got you 24/7 there's always a spark. I bet you help people who we're in my position and are fighting with them now even though it might seem your doing nothing. XD Dodie, we are all here for you, tears are allowed to be shed because it will all be over soon!! <3 <3 <3 'Life is cruel but also the best place ever'
hey, I just wanted to say that I have had a similar experience with a doctor dismissing how I felt and watching your video kinda gives some strange courage to try looking for help again.
I know exactly what you are going through, I ignored my derealisation for so long that it triggered panic attacks and from having panic attacks multiple times a day my world became very small, I lost my job and became housebound. This was 3 years ago and I got a new job and I'm doing so much better! I have learned better coping skills and something what really helped me was the thought of ''even if this is a dream, it's okay and I can rock this' like some real dreams can be fun. That is like my anchor thought when going through an 'episode'. Some of my friends did understand my thoughts too (or atleast some), most people think about life and the meaning behind it all. The difference it was for me compared to them was that I saw this as something scary and to be afraid off while it's not! It's okay to feel weird, dreamy, like you're out of your body, aliened etc. Just don't forget that the thought on it self can never harm you. A distraction helps me if I just seem to not be able to get the feeling out of the way. If you want to chat, feel free :-)
As someone who knows how difficult it is to say 'I'm at a point where I can't work myself out of this mental state - I need help' I just want to say you've done so so so good, sweet Dodie. I hope you can feel the hugs and the love I send your way 💛 thank you for this video, this level of honesty, but I hope you don't feel like you have to invite the Internet and strangers into your head if you don't want to Be good to and take care of yourself (whispers: it's super important)! xoxo
Hi Dodie! I absolutely adore your videos and really appreciate the grace and kindness with which you share your life and music with us! After watching this video I was just wanting to suggest that there is perhaps an underlying affect of what you're experiencing. I experience the same thing and through trying to figure out why I learned that I have chronic Lyme disease and my personal experience with depersonalization is very much so intertwined with my Lyme and it's affects and can only be relived by taken medicines and supplements that lessen the inflammation caused by my disease.
i had never heard of depersonalization before this video, or that it was what i am feeling. i feel the same way as you, that i am living in a dream world with no escape, and i thought if i talked about it, people would think i'm just weird and disregard it. i tried talking to my friend about it once but she just kinda glazed over it and continued talking. this is also coupled with depression and anxiety. she also has depression and anxiety, but i know she has it and she doesn't know i have it, nor does anyone. this means that she thinks she can talk to me to let loose her feelings, which of course she can, but all her feelings have been combining with mine to create the mess that i am. my family just thinks i'm tired when i show these symptoms, and my friend just brushes them off. all throughout this i feel like i'm in a dream world where this is all just some sort of messed up simulation to make me feel the worst i can, when i know it's not. the feelings that i have are distant, but extremely strong. sorry if i made anyone read this, no one will care, i just needed a place to tell my feelings because there is no one else to tell
Hi. I know this might seem weird and it's a comment that has been posted one year ago, but while I was watching the video, I was thinking of literally what you just said.And when I saw your comment I started tearing up because your words just perfectly match what I'm going through right now. It's been like this for some time...So I thought I'd ask you. Did you manage to overcome it? Are you better now?What helped you?
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Hala Bahaa2019-04-17 10:26:58 (edited 2019-04-17 10:27:14 )
this is exactly how I’ve been feeling for over a year now, except that I don’t cry at all. I just feel numb. I never thought There’ll come a day when I relate to a person with depression, or at the very least understand how they feel. I am sorry you have to go through this.
God Dodie... Ignoring the deep subject for a while, this was beautifully edited. Now going to the deep subject, I feel you, 100%. It's such a difficult thing to deal with and I feel like you really expressed these things so well. I'm also very very happy that you're getting help because God knows it's a tough journey and it's so fucking shit but I really hope that getting help will help your brain on that journey
Woah, I got deprsonilization really badly, its was so scary, like almost didnt recognise my movements or voice! Anyway, just wanted to say, if you raw going thru this, dont worry your not mad, it will pass. I love u xx
I feel this way when I’m hungover except it’s all day and I also feel this was when I don’t tell myself I need to focus but even then I feel it sometimes
When my symptoms of Depersonalization began I did the EXACT same thing she did. I withdrew from my university and went back to my home home. So when she said, “I just wanted to get into my old bed in my old room and feel normal again” that hit so hard because it’s such a scary feeling to go through.
oh dodes...you've really captured how i feel at times. its so difficult to explain how we feel sometimes. thank you for being able to share all your thoughts and feelings with us. i hope things look up for you, love ❤
Just stumbled on this and even though its from 2016 its incredibly relevant ... beautifully and simply and plainly and honestly said Dodie ... its crazy how even now mental health is still misunderstood ... and people till think ... Oh your just feeling a little down ... pull yourself together ... as you said it is sooo much more complicated than that .... well said Xx
Dodie!!! I wish I had found this three years ago, I had bad episodes of depersonalization since 2013 at the age of 16. It was great to have google and be able to have a name for this feeling. When it happened I knew I had a mental illness, though I never thought I would get one. When getting to college I was able to find friends who dissociate and it helped me heal. I love that you posted this. You are so relate-able and wonderful.
I watched this video the day it came out and I didn’t get it fully. at the time I only had struggled with anxiety and something I️ was unaware of and during that summer my mental illnesses were in an odd dormant state. since then I have been diagnosed with depression and I truly struggle with depersonalization. today I rewatched this video and I am in tears. You probably won’t ever see this dodie but thank you for sharing this. thank you for showing me I’m not alone. thank you for being confident enough to self diagnose because I was unable to and later I️ went into denial. and thank you for sharing my insanity :P
The way I would describe depersonalization is that it feel like I have never existed or had a life before the point of feeling depersonalized...every time I talk it feel so foreign like it's someone else talking and I'm so aware that I'm looking through my eyes and at my hands and my legs as I sit down and think of nothing and evrything....I feel like my life is a dream or a tricked played on me and I'm just gonna suddenly wake up and not be me but someone else and that will feel more normal than this life
Keisha Brooks same, I feel like I can't talk to my friends or family about anything, I'm not close to my family or anyone in that way, and I spend so much time wishing I was 💛
i can't relate but i feel like i really do understand (?) like sometimes i have bursts of feeling like im not in the moment and its like im looking through a camera. love you dodie, just remember how many people care about you
I have anxiety and i have that same feeling sometimes. like when I'm stressed i don't really believe i'm in the moment that's happening right now....But like I'm really asleep in bed not outside or in school or whatever. It's really freaking me out. And i agree with your message to dodie! xx
ya know, i think i feel like a 6/10. but i swear, when i watch your videos or listen to your music, it just fills me up with so much happiness. thank you.
Wow, I actually think a lot of the same things which you said. As much time as I feel bad for myself sometimes, I also feel for you and the others here too. Right now I'm using this time just to have me a moment to feel better and not be as pessimistic as usual.
I feel like I'm experiencing everything exactly the same as you. It got really bad last night and it felt like my brain was heating up and the warmth was just spreading all over my head and becoming painfully so i felt i had to shut my self off and just flop down into just becoming a body instead of a body with a brain inside it. I'm still being affected by it today, my brain still hurts D:
i just found this video and I've felt this for a couple months now and i really thought i was the only one going through things like this. thank you so so so so so much for this. now i know I'm not insane and this is a real thing that people deal with. thank you thank you thank you.
It hurt me so much when you couldn’t say that sentence without bursting into tears because I can relate to everything you said in that sentence. I want to feel normal again too.. how are you doing? I hope you are recovering:)
Hey I just want to say I love this video and want to say for the longest time I did the same I pushed down my feelings of anxiety and just choked it up to just being easily worked up and I felt lonely cause I was the only one that felt this way and worked up over making a call or asking my dad or anyone for anything and that's why I love videos that talk openly about anxiety as someone that struggles with this it's good to not feel alone in this fight and I have being seeming a therapist since August
Also I would really recommend the book Furiously Happy by Jenny Lawson. It's hilarious and when you said that thing about laughing at the fact that your a bit mental I thought of this book.
There are probably people who are, that's the thing with a big audience. But I agree with this little add-on, because the most of us viewers are indeed being good human beings on this matter.
It's a thing started a couple days ago by Hank Green on the vlogbrothers channel, a way to semi-fix the comment system. Since the comments algorithm pushes comments with a lot of replies to the top, controversial or offensive comments get seen first, because that's what people reply to. We're helping to correct that by pushing up comments we like and adding replies to them with a simple +.
Dodies like the best honestly I could never find someone who knew how this felt and it's just inspiring to hear her talk about it it makes me want to get as better as I can
I am so glad I just came over this video After a month of thinking I am crazy because everything suddenly looked different and felt different and having panick attacks about it while my doctors just advised me to "drink water and wait" bacause they thought it to be the flu, I was diagnosed with depression, depersonalisation and anxiety yesterday. I can really relate to your story, thats 100% how I am feeling right now Your video really gives me hope that I am going to get better and feel like myself again one day:)
and here i am returning to this video. for two years, i’ve been weirded out by why i was so... facilitated by this mental illness. i’ve felt minor versions of this for three years now, and now i’m actually diagnosed. it got too damn scary so i finally did something about this. i feel crazy. i feel absolutely insane. nothing is real. anyway, thx for getting it.
wow, you've basically explained my everyday experience with life. Its extremely exhausting and confusing.. but I believe that since my depression and anxiety has gone down a wee bit, my disassociation has also gone down. But not completely. Its still here everyday for the most part, I guess i'm just not as scared of it anymore. Anyone ever notice that it isn't there first thing when you wake up ? Its almost like your brain has forgotten about it, and then through out the day you maybe remind yourself of it and it slowly seeps back in. The mind is so powerful. Any who, I hope you're doing better, I feel your pain and everyone else who experiences disassociation/depersonalization. I know how it feels to think youre going crazy, that youre not real and everything around you is distorted. You feel tired, exhausted everyday, questioning your thoughts actions and if things will ever get better. I think it can get better.. I cut drinking, drugs, shitty people and stressful things that were triggering my depression and anxiety and I think things have gotten a bit better but not completely. Im on this journey myself as well so we shall see how it goes. I wish you all the best, take care
You are amazing! Telling everyone about your illness. I only just come across your channel and I am glad I did my partner has suffered with depression and suicidal thoughts on a daily basis for around 7 years maybe longer, and no pills are working. The reason I'm saying this is because I think my partner will benefit from watching your vlogs (and me too) anyway I'm blabbing on :-p keep strong! Your awesome. ❤
Stay Strong Sophie, there is sooooo much in the world to see and experience your partner needs to talk openly , im a fulltime carer for 12 years of a sufferer of depression,anxiety and agoraphobia , pills are a means to an end that sometimes make the situation worse an more complicated , open and honest dialogue between partners, carers and mental health professionals in my opinion is the best type of medication....drop me pm if you ever want to chat..Don (Dad)
+Luc&Dad Break FREE thank you very much that's really kind of you, my partners mental health team don't seem to want to help him, because he has a carer (me) which is stupid. and like wise if you need to talk feel free to message me. :) Thank you again I really appreciate it 🌹
I have depersonalization disorder too and hearing you speak about it makes me feel so much less insane. It feels so weird living life like you’re not actually living and life feels all fuzzy but I’m just glad I’m not alone in it.
Dodie, I know you made this video over two years ago, but I am just finding it now and honestly the timing is perfect. Hearing you talk about depersonalization helped me a lot as I have recently realized after talking with my therapist that I’ve been dealing with the same thing. So thank you for talking about it, it’s definitely a lesser known aspect of mental illness and should be discussed more. I hope you have a wonderful day!
I know this video is a year old but 4:15-4:20 basically totally encompasses how I get when my depression and anxiety start spiraling out of control. Thank you for making these videos and talking about what's going on with you.
I am so glad you made this. Recently a friend brought up that she was having a hard time describing a weird feeling she would get and didn't have a word for it. I immediately realized she meant "depersonalization" and pulled up this video for her. And it's because of Dodie that not only do I know about it, but also was able to help someone else learn about it. Thank you so much for sharing Dodie
soulfulpizza14 I feel exactly the same with the "weird feeling". Sometimes there's even a few different ones, but I can't make sense out of any of them. Is this how your friend was feeling?
I haven't had a day in my entire life when I haven't felt depersonalized. I didn't fully understand that there was something wrong with me until I saw this video last December, and then I realized that this is what I have been feeling forever. I used to be really scared because I thought I had a brain tumour or something that made me feel so distanced from my life, but now I understand that it's DPD. But it's ok, because now that I know what it is maybe I can get help. And maybe I can lift this perpetual fog that's been floating in my head for my entire life. I just come back to this video occasionally to remind myself that I am real, what I'm feeling is real, and that there are other people out there who are feeling it too. Thank you, dodie. You've honestly changed my life forever.
I know this video is old but I would like to thank you dodie so much. I never knew what mental illness is because no one ever talked about it, and when they rarely did, it seemed like something that people didn't want to touch on. You introduced me to the whole idea. I've realized and researched, as you did, about everyday things that seemed a bit strange to me. I've talked about it before to my parents and people close to me and they've always brushed it away. I never really knew what to do about it. I can relate to things you are saying, I also have Derealization and I'm also depressed. I'd push it to the side as well because I though it was normal, but it became worse. I have a friend now who has exactly what you have and watches you, and we discuss our issues and how to ground ourselves, and it has really helped me and it's because of you. Thank you so much for letting me and my bestfriend understand that yes it sucks, but we will find a way through with this. Thank you so much, you've changed a lot in my life, in the best way.
I have DPD (depresonalisation disorder), and I'm nearly certain that depersonalisation is what you're experiencing. It's horrible and dreadful, and I am so sorry you have to go through it. For me it usually helps to stay in bed for one day and simply do things I do a lot, like watch YouTube videos or play video games. It gives me a sense of familiarity and lessens my depersonalisation. I don't know if it will help you, but it might, so I figured I should share it anyway. I feel so alone with DPD (which isn't the same as just having depersonalisation, it's a more complex disorder), so hearing that someone else is experiencing a similar thing is relieving. You are not going mad. You aren't mad, okay? You will be okay.
thank you for making this video. I have depression and anxiety (and getting treatment for those) and latley i've been feeling the symotoms of derealisation. I had no clue it was a thing and actually thought that it was normal to feel like your in a dream like state until i started asking friends and they said they never expirenced this. It's scary and I've felt mad but watching this video made me realise I'm not alone. I am going to seek a diagonises. But really, thank you for making this and letting me know that I'm not crazy nor am I alone.
I had the same thing happen but I only realized it because it keeps getting worse and no one has any idea what I'm talking about. I cried tears of joy when I saw Dodie's video on derealization and depersonalization because at that point I felt so crazy that I was on the verge of breaking down and crying in public. I am so happy that it is real and that something can make it stop, going to the psychiatrist about it in a few days like my new therapist recommended. The world needs to be more aware about these disorders even though it affects very few of us because if you don't know what is happening you just feel alone and crazy.
4:15 I’m glad she left this in. She almost sounded like a child, which related back to what she were talking about, and it just shows the humanity of it, and that it’s normal to wish you are a child again. The world is a lot, and it’s not bad to just want to escape, curl up in a ball, and cry.
Dodie I feel so sorry for you I know what it feels like to have depression I once did and you are doing the right thing to get over your depression by doing stuff that makes you happy.
i know this video is from 2016 but hi you are the strongest girl dordy. i sometimes get exact the same thing every now and then but not everyday constantly like you. i can't even imagine what it is like having this issue every single day for that long years. i had the same thing yesterday for like 5hours but even that it made me panicky so so so badly. you are strong girl.
One of my friends one day sayed she was starting to not see, not like blurry or not seeing in the distance, just not seeing. So her mother took her to the doctors and theymade her talk about it and stuff like making her look to letters of different typos and the doctors sayed she was making all up and that she was perfect. She insisted on her mother saying that she was telling the true and that she didn't actually see and her mother took her to another doctor where they looked at her brain (idk). It turned out she had a tumor in her head that was making her lose vision and it was squashing the gland that makes you grow up and puberty and stuff. She could only see with 40% of one eye and with 70% of the other eye. He spent like 3 months in hospital. If her mom hadn' listened to her she could had ended blind and looking like a 9 year old child for the rest of her life
When I lost my site, my school thought I was cheating on my work because I was asking my friends. My mum believed me though and it turned out that I needed glasses.
Doctors saying that kids or young people are "making things up" are just the worst. Proof positive that we live in a culture that devalues young people.
when I had a brain tumor it was in the summer and I had really bad headaches bad I would cry but my mum was like "just drink more water!" And it got to the point my school had to take me to hospital and it was shit
I always feel great when I'm depersonalized because I feel like my body is a robot and I'm in complete control and I think logically and objectively without having to worry about emotions. It gets to the point where I don't even try to ground myself before I go into an audition or an exam or test because I know logically I'll do better.
I know some people feel like they're watching their entire life as a movie or something but I feel as if my brain not even my brain my thoughts are the only real thing to me and my body is just a robot that I control. So I can cut myself or scratch myself and even though I feel it I don't really feel it emotionally. You know when you were a kid and you would fall down and scrape your knee and you would cry and cry even though it didn't really hurt that bad it was the emotional after effect that would really hurt you. I don't really feel the after effect I feel the pain and just move on
Everything you said in the beginning just clicked for me. You have no idea how hard I've tried to come up with the right words to explain how I feel but I think you done it justice. Thank you
Sometimes I feel really alone with depersonalisation and derealisation. No one I know can really relate and I feel like It’ll never end. Hopefully, more treatment will be available for me and others with these conditions on the nhs soon. but in the mean time, thank you dodie for making beautiful videos and helping so many people through so so much, including myself 💛
I watched 30 seconds of this video and I knew exactly what you were feeling because I feel like that so much. I could recognize it just through your body language and I feel like that's really weird and maybe I just need to go to bed but I understand how you feel even if it is crazy
and another thing is make sure MAKE SURE you get diagnosed by a professional. Self diagnosis is very dangerous. Take care though I hope you the best :)
hi, not trying to cause a shitstorm here, but the thing about self diagnosis is that you're the only one who knows how you feel. it's good to be able to say to someone- be it a friend or family member or doctor or therapist- "this is how i feel and this is what i think is causing it." especially when talking to a medical professional it's good to give them any ideas you can because that will lead to a professional diagnosis. idk if that made any sense but my point is ur the only one who knows how u feel so to tell someone that they don't know that is a p shitty thing to do.
+zoe nope. I see where you might be coming from but self diagnosis isn't what your identifying. I'm not gonna give you the proper definition but essentially self diagnosis is where the person them self tries to identify what their symptoms represent. A perfect example is Type 2 Bipolar disorder and Major depressive disorder. Both have the EXACT SAME syptoms but BPD type 2 has people going through depression as the nominal chemical balance. (And yes depression is chemical thing as well as a social thing before anyone starts complaining.) Professionals go to school for a minimum of 8 years in the states, psychologists are specialists in identifying the key differences hence why it's dangerous. There are other reasons why it's dangerous like a sub concess syptom set that people create. Very complicated and very dangerous
Dodie, I have some of the same symptoms as you and I know this was made a while ago and things might've changed but I got a blood test and found I have lyme disease. It might not be in your case but if you where looking for things to rule out i suggest checking for lyme disease.
I have dealt with a lot of anxiety my whole life and depersonalisation was something I always experienced but didn’t know was an actual thing I thought I was going crazy, I didn’t realise that so many people get it and this video and reading the comments made me feel not so alone and also helped my anxiety because knowing that it’s an actual thing has been preventing me from spiraling. A book I actually recommend reading its called “but first we make the beast beautiful” and it is great for anyone living or going through a period of mental illness Know you are all loved❤️
Through experience, I've come to believe that many mental disorders such as anxiety, depression, panic attacks, depersonalization, etc... are also symptoms of a set of more societal and cultural interrelationship problems (a general culture of fear & separation, vestiges of primate like male-dominator hierarchies) rather than mere brain chemistry alone. So it's just as much a part of how the environment & culture affects our upbringing as well as our own internal self, amygdala, brain state, actions & reactions, "the whole thing"! There is no separating out the U from the Universe ;-)
Rather than lament over this, and our collective existential circumstances, perhaps it's more constructive to learn new skills such as CBT, meditation, healthy habits, exercise, hobbies, passions, and spiritual practices to further engage with life and find our own pursuit of happiness. Finding & pursuing ones' dreams, engaging the conscious attention to shift ones' thoughts, and to seek the inner knowing & wellness that comes from seeing our interconnection with everyone else, nature, and the rest of the universe. Engaging with life again as if you were a child can provide an opening to fall in love with what it is you're passionate about and get into those positive flow states where everything feels right with the world.
I’ve been experiencing this for over half a year. I get it girl, trust me. I know exactly how you feel. CBD has helped me tremendously. Please please please try it. It will help you.
It’s crazy I used to watch you and noodlerella and I would have never guessed you have depersonalization too. It’s so hard. Nothing feels real and I feel so foreign around people. I’ve lost my family and a lot of friends who just don’t understand and tell me I’ve changed. Thank you for bringing it into the light. It means sm Dodie 😞💜
As I watch dodie in this video i get such a strong sense of familiarity from her. I watch, each minute my heart sinking lower. Then, it's like a light-bulb goes out in my head. That familiarity is me. . Dodie I'm sorry you're feeling this way or felt. I'm a bit relieved to see that I'm not alone and there's someone out there that understands me. I just want to say thank you for your videos and all the joy you've brought in to my life. You're strong, and beautiful. You give me sm hope. So thank you. 💕
Dodie, you are such a strong, beautiful person and I am so grateful that there are people out there like you. I am a mental health therapist; one who has diagnoses of depression, anxiety, ADHD and bouts of depersonalization and derealization. I work with so many people to help them own their diagnoses and realize that they are not alone and don't need to he ashamed. Thank you for being a face for mental health and I cannot tell you how much it means to those who watch you.
Recently i was at Disney with my friends for a week and i was super derealized the entire time. I think it was triggered by a panic attack i had on the plane but it lasted the whole week and it was so strange. I couldn’t process anything right and everything felt like a dream and when people talked to me it felt like there was a foggy glass window between us so i could hear them and see them but it was hard to like process and respond right. And i kept thinking oh I’ll wake up tomorrow and it will be better I’m probably just tired, but it didn’t until finally like a day after i got home. Anyway yeah i relate a lot to what you are saying in this video ❤️
God you described this feeling so eloquently and accurately I’m so sorry you’re struggling with this shit I know how terrifying it is. Just put one foot in front of the other. I’d love to see more videos about your journey with mental illness. This was immensely helpful for me. Thank you so much
So basically I’ve been feeling like this for years, what you’re describing is exactly how I feel. I’m crying watching this!! I constantly feel like I’m not really in the moment and all I want to do is go home and be by myself. My doctor’s described me medicine but I don’t want to take it, I’m too scared to. She’s not diagnosed me with anything even though I described how I was feeling which makes me not want to take medicine until I’m sure what I’ve got
Wow...you're completely me trying to share my darker thoughts, fighting with my own body's natural response to want to cry and pep talking myself to get the words out right
This video honestly really helps me. I feel like I have anxiety and a bit of depression and something else that I couldn't really point out, but now that I have watched this video and done a little more research I am pretty sure that thing is depersonalisation. I feel like it is not a big enough deal to actually go to someone about it and I've talked to one of my friends about it maybe twice but it wasn't very helpful and her and I have kind of separated a bit and I feel like it is my fault because I tried to talk to her about my problems but her problems are way worse than mine. I think I don't necessarily think it is important for me to get help because it seems like most of my friends are way worse off so I feel like I shouldn't be worried about my problems because I should be worrying about my friends' mental health and helping them be okay. Its very difficult for me to think about myself and try to help myself without feeling selfish.
'especially if you've never dealt with mental illness at all, you're probably thinking "dodie, just turn it off like just shut up. just stop talking about it, stop obsessing over it. you're attention seeking, you're making this up and making yourself believe that you're ill' that^made me very very close to crying
I can't even say how much I related to this video. I am so constantly spaced out and just disconnected from everything and honestly it sometimes freaks me out so much I end up having panic attacks leading to breakdowns. Sometimes I feel so weird and everything looks so weird I can't stand opening my eyes because it freaks me out too much. Dodie, I'm glad you know now that you're not going crazy and thank you for making me feel a little less crazy too ♥
I’m 26, and my grandma just passed a month ago. Nothing explains how I feel better than this. I’m not even here, I’m seeing life so differently. 3 years later and I appreciate this video so much Dodie. Positive energy 🌸
@Lily Stultz Oh my gosh, this is so freaking sweet. I'm finding myself again in a strange spot, but figuring it out. I still come back and listen from time to time. More importantly, how are you? What a sweet soul you are to ask how I am. Sending you so much positive energy, would love to offer you a hug.
Lots of love to you Dodie, the texts you were reading out at the start are exactly how I've felt lately. I've been up and down with my emotions, but those texts were worded poetically and how I feel. We're here for you Dodie, we all love you so so much. ❤️❤️
"Everyone is going to think I'm high"- To someone that suffers from depression you sound so normal to me you have this thing were you can put the way i feel into words and it makes perfect sense but then i say it to my friends and they just cannot understand
Thank you so much for making this video. There are so many people who this helps in understanding themselves and others and you. You don't have to make happy videos or justify yourself, do whatever helps you. Look after yourself - that's the best thing you can do to help us and yourself. Take breaks and be yourself and rest. Cry as much as you want.
I relate to this so so so much. I spent a very long time feeling disconnected from reality, unable to truly interact with the outside world or fully experience sensations. It's only been through focusing on spirituality that I've been able to shake it. I still have some occasional moments of depression, anxiety, and derealization... but it's nothing like it was and it doesn't last anywhere near as it used to. This may seem a bit "churchy" but it's genuinely by the grace of God that I got out of my head. You're a lovely human being and I'll be keeping you in my prayers. "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid." -Psalm 14:25
You seem like such a nice, sweet, person who just wants to being beauty and love to the world. I'm sorry you have to go through all these terrible things. I wish I could send you strength and comfort.
This happened to me a few days ago. I watched this video before it happened to me, and I didn't fully understand it. Now I do, and I have discovered how absolutely terrifying depersonalization really is. Since it happened, I've been feeling very off and tired and my head hurts. I can't tell my family, they'll dismiss it as teenage hormones or something. I hate summertime because I spend a lot of time at home doing nothing, so my brain has a lot of time to overthink and panic and there's no one home to talk to. I need someone to help me and believe me, and I have no way to get to a therapist because I'm young. I asked my mom to take me to a doctor, but she just said 'Why would you need a doctor? You're perfectly healthy.' Even if there is nothing wrong, I still want someone to confirm that I'm fine.
Oh love, this happens to me sometimes. I understand this. What I do is just blast music, read, or just watch Netflix. I'm an introvert this may only work for my hun. I know you're pretty extroverted but I use alone time to become myself. You may need other people, I'm not sure❤️ I really do admire you so much and I'm going to become that person who is super ignorant and rude for a moment to tell you that you can do it and you're fantastic!(I hate it when people say that and don't understand what I'm going through) I understand how horrible you feel. You feel like a stranger who's daydreaming. Kind of just sleepwalking through life. We love you❤️
I literally had a breakdown this week because of depersonalization disorder. I felt as if I were crawling in my own skin, and I couldn't get out so I sat there helpless in my bed. I felt extra dead this week, and I'm really happy I'm not alone. It's scary and very difficult trying to convince yourself that you're alive when you feel like you're constantly dreaming.
See that's the thing, I don't really know what depression is, nor do I know anything about anxiety or depersonalisation. Sometimes I feel like I have depression; and I always feel like I have anxiety. But how would I know? And I'm scared looking up these symptoms is just gonna cause me to correlate and assume I have all these mental disorders
If you're worried, your best point of call is probably to see your GP. Normally they'll have you fill out a depression assessment like what I linked above and they'll refer you on to a therapist. I'm not sure where you're from, but in Australia if you're referred to a psychologist by a GP you can get up to 10 free or subsidised sessions per year. If money isn't an issue, then you can always see a psychologist without a referral, and they'll be happy to talk about how you're feeling and what you want to achieve by engaging in therapy.
There is nothing different from having a mental illness to a physical illness. The brain is just as important as the heart. We should nurture, take care of it, and check on it just as much as any other organ! There is a huge genetic component to mental health. If someone is really going to judge you for any kind of illness, do you really want them in your life? No one says your messed up if you get cancer...so don't let them tell you that you're messed up if you have depression or anxiety! @therapylifetips (twitter)
+Jasmine Teylor I wanted to say the same thing. Take a good look at your life and how you're coping, try to stay objective though. Are there things you don't do because if anxiety? Are there feelings you just can't shake off, no matter how hard you try? Reading into to has helped me but it can be confusing as well. Just trust yourself. It can take some time but if sometimes is wrong, you will notice it.
I think a lot of people feel that way. It helps knowing others feel the way you do. But know that reading about it will only bring you knowledge and empathy. It won't induce anything in you and perhaps it will help put your feet firmly on the ground. I used to feel the same as you. I still sometimes do but knowing can also help you to helps others.
I've always struggled with something I couldn't quit put my finger on. I've always been quiet, I've always watched from the sidelines. (For as long as I can really remember) In highschool I forced myself into activities, it helped me a bit to enjoy something and make friends. But then highschool ended, and I had the roughest patch of my life. Needless to say a lot of difficult things happened, and I didn't at all feel like myself. I couldn't put it into words, my boyfriend tried to help me as much as he could, but eventually my depersonalization became too much for him. I don't blame him, but it made my life spiral even more out of control. I somehow managed to pull myself out of the darkness, I'm living more normally but I'm feeling myself slowly slip right back in. I'm realizing that I should get the help I deserve rather than push it off. But man is it scary. Then again so is not being myself
When you were talking about going to the doctor it's harder when you're a teen, or younger because for me personally it's scary to talk about it and you can't always just "go to the doctor"
when people say to stop obsessing over what your feeling, it makes (at least) me feel so insignificant and makes me even question if i'm feeling what i'm feeling. whether it be mental or physical pain, it sucks when people brush it off as nothing.
I told my friend about how sometimes I go into a state of feeling like I'm a piece of crap and how I kinda suffer from depression and she said " You're just a teenager, it hit you early." Im always told how pretty I am but I don't believe it. My friend doesn't think that something is actually wrong with me. She thinks it's just hormones. Honey, no.
I wanted to hug her before watching this video. She has mentioned mental illness and generally feeling like utter crap before, but (as she made an entire video dedicated to it) a lot of people only started picking up on it now :( it's a shame to see such a wonderful, caring person have to deal with these awful things
+ekeetley123 I couldn't agree more. Dodie is just so undeserving of anything except happiness. It's so sad that she assumed people would judge her or dismiss her feelings as fake or for attention. She's one of the most genuine YouTubers out there. I hope she knows what a loving fan base she has, because it's nearly an extra 300,000 reasons for her to get better
I completely agree. It upsets me so much that people who are so loved have so much fear that they hold back important things for fear of the few cruel trolls out there. It's horrible.
this made me cry. I feel kind of the same. minus the depersonalisation. though i don't want to go to therapy because I'm scared im quite scared of the outside world lol...
I'm finally going to see a therapist this week. I can't deal with this on my own, anymore. I have an AMAZING family and new job and nothing should be wrong, but it is. I want my head to stop being my enemy.
I've never had any mental illness except for some anxiety from when I was 9 to 11 but I was way too young to really count that. I also have something at the moment which I think is extremely mild anxiety that just makes me weird and shaky and teary most of the time, but I know that their are so many people who are so much worse off than me, including some of my friends. I'm only 13 so I feel like I'm too young to really feel anything major even now and I'm entirely diagnosed from YouTube and Google, mostly because I cry way too much if I try to talk about it out loud. I'm not really sure what the point of this comment was but thanks for reading my spiel if you got this far.
I’ve been depressed for the last 3 years, and I started taking drugs about 4 months ago. I smoked weed everyday for about 6 weeks, and since then I’m feeling exactly what you describe as depersonalised and I just can’t shake it off. I think it was the weed, but not sure???
I've experienced something similar to this I think and it really is hard to explain. For me, there also seemed to be no point in explaining it, not in the sense that people wouldn't understand, but in the sense that, whilst I was going through this, I wasn't even sure if people were real and I was half convinced that I was a guinea pig being manipulated by some higher being to see how I'd respond to the mental torture of obsessive thoughts. It started in my first year of university and I really went hard at it in the first month or so in terms of going out every night, drinking way too much and experimenting. I suddenly became overwhelmed with work and social pressures and became a sort of recluse. I wouldn't talk to my flat mates voluntarily (which is so much different to how I presented myself in the first few weeks) and I almost made it my goal to get to Christmas without seeing or talking to anyone I didn't already know from home. I kinda tried to get on with my work, but I was failing that so I thought, well if I'm failing uni then I might aswell try to have a good time while I'm here. So some time in November, I decided to go on a night out with one of my friends from home and I went at it hard again - drinking probably the most I ever have and ever will do again. My friend told me that when we were in the club, I said to him that I wanted to leave as I felt like the worst person there and that everyone was looking at me which he confirmed wasn't the case and I was being paranoid. The next morning I felt extremely detached, as if my body was on autopilot and I took the front seat and the scary part didn't really kick in until the day after that. I was laid in my room after waking up at around 2pm and felt a little on edge so decided to take a shower. Then I felt really really weird, a feeling that I couldn't even imagine let alone try and describe right now. The best I can say is that my thoughts kinda felt like waves. Really powerful when they hit, like an obsession and then becoming slippery and impossible to recollect. I'd never thought so fast in my life and I wasn't able to hold onto each of the racing thoughts more than about 5 seconds before they vanished from my head. And they were thoughts that I had never considered before. They weren't 'real' thoughts (I can't really empathise now with what this was like, I just know that the only way I could describe my thoughts then was that they weren't real) and it felt as though I wasn't doing the thinking, that my brain was on autopilot now as well as my body and I wasn't in control of anything. I was just sat there watching as my brain unhinged itself. I went for a walk and it carried on so I called my friend and tried to explain that I was going out for a walk and the reason why. He later said that he couldn't understand what I was saying and I knew he couldn't. I was physically violently shaking and I couldn't compose myself enough to put words in the right order. I'd had little, very mild 'episodes' like this before which usually lead to a panic attack but I was always able to compose myself within 5 - 10 minutes. This time it was very different as following on from this night, the feeling persisted and I thought I had genuinely just lost it. When I tried to sleep, I could hear random chatting in my head, not like people talking to me, but just people talking and when I closed my eyes I could see dark face-like shadows that would morph into monsters and then unrecognisable blobs. I was in this state and feeling on the verge of insanity throughout all of November and December, over Christmas and the first couple of months into 2018. It honestly didn't go away until I, like you said, decided I would act normal and try to get used to this new way of thinking and feeling, however I didn't see a doctor. It's now August 2019 and I am 100% better and I'm still not sure if I think in the same way as I did before but I am doing so much better in my life than I was before. I decided to act as normal as possible quite early on (about 4 months into it) and maybe this is why it worked for me (although to actually feel somewhat normal again I think it took about a year of doing this). But I can't see why people can't recover if it's been longer than that. I do understand the idea of 'wedging yourself into a corner of your brain' as this is exactly how I felt and the more I thought about that, the more obsessive the thoughts would get. So yes, this is the best solution I've come across and it seems to have worked for me. I think what I experienced was a drug/alcohol triggered psychosis episode as a result of my obvious underlying anxiety. I think the depression I felt during that time was probably due to exhaustion from the anxiety of being on 'the verge' constantly. The only way I could sleep for the first few weeks was by waiting for my body to exhaust itself from physically shivering all day, and luckily, most of the time my mind would follow. So yeah this is just my experience and a message to say that acting normal and voluntarily taking responsibility for more things in my life definitely worked for me and I think it could for many others. Love you guys
ive had a similar experience, i felt like i was dreaming and everything wasnt real but i knew i was alive. ive felt this way for a few years (3rd grade, some of 4th, most of 5th, some of 6th) and it was super weird. every now and then it comes back and im like "whoa im like dreaming.." but i havent had it in awhile. btw, i just entered 8th and im 13, everything feels fine now but i wish i told someone then and didnt assume it was normal because now i dont remember like 3/4 of most of my grades.
Oh my god Dodie you are SO not insane. I don't think I've ever related so much to a video. The way you describe that feeling, I understand that feeling. I feel like my whole life is a mess, I feel like I'm watching a movie and I don't like the movie because it makes me sad and uncomfortable so I want to turn the movie off but I can't because I have to finish the movie. I so understand how you feel. I always tell myself that I need to stop and realize that there is nothing wrong with me and that I am being stupid for no reason. I wish I could put this feeling into words. Thank you for putting this into words. <3 +doddlevloggle
+Skylar Lange Depending on how old you are, schools and unis have to have councillors, just walk in casually and not. e super stressed, ask if you can talk. Its amazing to finally talk, and its not mega stressful bc its just walking into another room.
+Skylar Lange I notice you put that "nothing is wrong," which is a true statement in my opinion. There is a problem, but it isn't something that is "wrong." If you do feel like your life is a broken record, help is nice. All you need to do is know how to find it. :3 and it is an interesting journey... goes from painful to enlightening and peaceful. Over time, however!!
Sometimes it can take awhile to realize that how you are feeling is not "normal" -- that not everyone feels like they are falling apart, and like they don't want to go to bed because then it will be tomorrow and today will be a failure. But how you are feeling is not "normal" - you are not supposed to be miserable and feel lost. There are people out there who can help you, but taking the first step can be the hardest. If there is someone in your life you trust, I suggest asking them for help. It can make a big difference. Otherwise, tey and take advantage of the websites there are and helplines and anything and everything you can. And if you can't do it today, because you just can't, try not to beat yourself up about it. You can do it, and people do care about you. You are not being stupid for no reason (I hope this helps)
I've had the problem of not knowing how to get help for so long and I just found a way so maybe my experience can help you a bit? The way I did it was I got help to ask for help. Meaning I went to my university's mental health counselling and told them that I want to get help because of how I'm feeling and that I didn't know how to go about it. They explained the process to me and what different kinds of therapy there are so I could choose one that sounded the best. Schools or Universities usually have mental health counselling or at least a teacher you can talk to. If you don't have access to those you could just go to a regular doctor and ask them, I'm sure that if they're competent they at least know where you can find out more about that. If you can, talk to your parents or other people you trust! They might not know how to go about getting help either, but if they can support you that's great as well! There will always be people who tell you that there's nothing wrong with you, that you need to turn it off or just continue until it goes away, but sadly it doesn't work like that. If you feel like you need to get help then you do. And you deserve to feel better.
+Skylar Lange There are good people in the world. Just gotta find 'em... we hide. :3 there definitely are people that will help others with no questions. Something called empathy. I'm sure a lot of us hanging around here have it!!
I remember my childhood and how free i was back then. Even though you live by your parents and have to follow rules, you are just carefree and enjoy every day as they come, because there has been so much to look forward to. I was happy As i grew older i started to get more and more worried about my life. Where will i end up? Will i make it in society? Will i stand on my own feet? It feels like you lost paradise.
I used to think depression was just being sad. Now I know its not. For 2 months strait I have felt bad, there have been good days, but the rest bad. As I clicked on this video I burst out into tears. Dodie has helped me so much with mental health, thanks xx
Had this when i went on a holiday to new york last week. I'd been worried this would happen months prior to going so i went to see a therapist who went through a "window of tolerance" and breathing techniques to help with this anxiety. Once landed in new york i felt strange, like i should be a lot happier than i was since my dad had paid out alot of money for us to go. Everyday we went out to go somewhere such as the empire state, ground zero (9/11 memorial) or staten island i felt very disconnected to reality and couldn't pinpoint if it was down to the anxiety and depression or just the disbelief that i was in a city i wanted to go to since i was about 6. At the end of the holiday i researched what i'd been feeling and the first thing that came up was "denationalisation" mirrored what i was feeling in some ways. I feel like i should of had a much better time looking back at it and the pictures i took, especially since every single person i've spoken to says it's "amazing" and a once in a "lifetime experience". But now that i'm back home in a place of familiarity i can say that the trip was amazing, just not at the time i was there.
I felt the same way when I found out what it was as well. It's like this crazy disconnect that you can't fucking control, but it's so much more heavy than that. When I found out I cried tears of joy that I wasn't going crazy and that I wasn't the only person that this was happening to. I would tell someone what I was feeling, explaining that I'm sober and am not an airhead but they couldn't relate, had no idea what I was talking about so I probably sounded so weird to them and nuts. Why the hell is help so hard to get? I think I'm on the right path to getting it now but it takes so much work that I already don't have the energy for to get.
I love you Dodie, you're not alone. I've been struggling with depression and anxiety for years. I can't say I know exactly how you feel bc no one ever could. But I feel for you and understand you can't just turn it off. You can only do and be the best you can ❤️ stay true to yourself and try to stay positive!
Also one of the only things that keeps me going and keeps me happy is YouTube. Watching and creating. Being able to physically make something that you really want to do is such a good feeling and makes my mood do a complete 180. I may not be as successful as you are but I can only keep trying(: ily
i didn't know that depersonalizations was a thing 😭😭i can finally put a name to it, i've felt this so intensely but i thought i was just tired but i'm not , it has a name and it's a thing
I had this video on my watch later list for quite some time now. I would see it but always glance over it. For a long time I feel it was cause I never want to admit in my own life that I feel exactly as you just described. And it kind of sucks. Watching it now makes me feel a tad better that I'm not the only one who wakes up and has so much going on in their head. So here's hoping I can work like you to do better each day. Cause right now its really hard.
I definitely cried during this video because I can really relate. You start feeling empty and far away, then you start getting worried, paranoid, and depressed. then you have doubts and feel like 'what if Im doing this to myself?' I know I often feel like Im just a robot and everyone else is human, and you might feel like this for a long time before you have a good day, but you can live for those happy days because they are worth it. Just know that we care about you, and we think YOU are awesome; and I do mean the real you! We will be there for you no matter what and so will your friends and family. Just keep going and and I believe that you can make it.
P.S. No one thinks your high or are making this up! Many people can relate to what your talking about and it doesn't make us think any less of you! If anything, lots of people are happy that your talking about mental illness. Your definitely helping a lot of people just by having made this vid.
My mom noticed a little too much of her own childhood problems in me when I was about 10 years old. She didn't realize hers was depression and didn't get the help she needed until she was a married woman. She didn't want me to have to do that and so she took me to a psych and we found out it was depression and anxiety. Cue ten-ish years of trying out a plethora of different medications (nothing worked for long due to changing prepubesent body chemistry), visiting out-patient clinics, group therapy sessions, a lot of tears, skipping school, and a short stint in a youth psychiatric ward, until finally, we found a combination of drugs that worked and I was pretty good for a few years. Recently there's been a small relapse, probably due to my body acclimating to the medications; so I talked to my doc and we're gonna try and fix it. It won't be as painful as before because my body has stopped growing mostly, but it'll be hard. I know things will go haywire during meds transitions and not everything will work for me, but I accepted long ago that I'll always have my depression and every few years I WILL have to find a better option. But going through the tough stuff only made me stronger in the past, and I know that I have people who will love and support me no matter what, just like my mom was constantly there for me growing up. I would not have survived middle school or high school without my mom knowing what was up and stepping in so early on. She put up with a lot from me and saved my life. She taught me that seeking psychiatric help is nothing to be ashamed of and sometimes necessary. As for the depersonalization, I had several bouts in the past. I don't remember most of middle school, and sometimes I've felt like I'm just floating and observing instead of actually being present. It's scary and difficult, but it can be fixed.
You're really lucky to have gotten so much support and help. It's been 4 years since my parents were told I have depression and they still don't believe me
She's so lucky. Its been ten years for me and while my parents believe in depression, they don't believe in me. They don't understand that physical/financial support is not enough and seem incapable if offering emotional support. I am barely able to do it myself, but a friend and many pets and books have made me far more empathetic than they will ever be. I just hope that's not what kills me.
I hope you get better. We all will someday, I'm sure of that. Good Luck with your meds, and good luck with your recovery. :) I hope that you'll be fine one day.
when I was 8, suicidal thoughts started to come to my mind and the feeling of like I dont want to be here, this is not where I need to be. It was because I didnt have friends and I wasnt able to talk to anyone about it. Im eleven now (turning 12 in 4 months👏) and my depression havent left my mind yet nor did the suicidal thoughts and honestly it has gone worse Ive tried self harming and unfortunately my parents saw me and brought me to the hospital.
i have derealisation and life feels like i’m wearing goggles while watching a movie while daydreaming. i know it sounds very strange but it does feel like exactly that.
this is so fucking important to me. i don't know why this hits me so hard but i relate to this so intensely. "when the it is the thing you're fighting with" it's so hard. when depression is in your brain so deeply rooted it's eating at your happiness, you can't fight it. mental illness is in your brain. it is invading everything you are because your brain is everything. it really is like a bad dream 24/7 and everything is dulled. sorry for ranting.
i just want to feel okay and normal again and hearing that someone i love and respect can relate makes me so sad. i wouldn't wish this feeling on anyone, especially not dodes because she deserves the world. i'm so sorry dodie.
Don't be sorry, what you said was right (at least for me). I wish there was a way to fix it or at least to separate the 'it' from your brain. It shouldn't become us. We don't deserve that and you're right, nobody deserves that. I hope you are feeling better soon. Just remember that there is a chance at happiness and we've come so far already. Really though, I wish I could send you a hug or something to make you feel better. Here, I'll attempt: insert hug here
I've been depressive for like 4 years now, never told anyone about it and started cutting myself like half a year ago, can't walk at the moment because my leg (thats where I usually cut myself, because noone sees it there) hurts way too much to do that kind of thing...I also don't trust anyone, don't think I will in the future, because everytime I do trust someone it seems like they just use me and dont really like me at all...aditionally I have a light trauma and always when I see naked legs, even if they're in hotpants or so, I get a flashback to when a friend of mine showed me her cuts... And now I forgot what I wanted to say, but it still felt really good telling someone this... Sorry for being such a downer...
do your best, don't think you're alone. I was depressed for nine years and suicidal. It's a long hard battle but I beat it and if I did tomorrow I will have no regrets and die happy because I'm happy. I didn't do therapy or medication but maybe I should have. Please get help. Anyway depression does take over but you can beat it. Things get better if you want to. Do things that make you happy. Enjoy the small things. I know it's hard because it's hard to enjoy things but it takes time to heal.
+Tlowief Kcalb YOU ARE A SURVIVOR. you have lived through so much and you are so above cutting. think of your life. you've been an adventurer, a lover, a fighter. you've been the sunshine on someones dreary day, and you'll find your sunshine too. don't cut like i do. you are so above it and so precious i promise you.
This is me too and I want to cry because its been this way for about a year now and I'm only twelve. I feel like my life's not normal, and I don't want to tell any of my friends, because I don't feel like they'd really understand. I'm the person who acts like everything is fine 24/7 even when its not. I have a whole bunch of anxiety, I'm pretty sure I'm depressed, and I know I've experienced depersonalisation. (by the way I fought putting this out here since there are so many haters).
+K Resler try to talk to someone you feel comfortable with. Someone you know won't judge you and will be open to listening to you. It will be much more beneficial than pretending you are okay. If you can't find someone try to express yourself in a healthy way please especially since you're so young
@emma taylor Thanks for your support, really means a lot to me ^^ Please don't cut yourself either, I know I'm probably like the worst person to say something like that, but it hurts the people around you too...You're really helping me... Thanks again for your support, you seem like a wonderful and nice preson, and I'm sure a lot of people think that way too
Something you said hit close to home in this video. You said "I keep seeing everyone as humans and I am a robot" and "Everyone is gonna think I'm high. Everyone's going to think I'm on drugs". I have had my own mental health issues throughout my life and to this day, and even though my experiences are so different to yours I feel like we have had the same feelings at certain points in our life. So I feel a strong empathy with you. Everyone used to ask me if I was high all the time and they still do sometimes when I dissociate. I recently found the song "I am not a robot" and i have been told I am like a robot before and I feel like a robot often. But the song has encouraged me to start telling myself I am not a robot. It hasn't started helping me feel more like a person yet, but I still have hope it will.
You put my thoughts into words perfectly with your texts to your friends. Sometimes you can't even explain what you're feeling. It's absolutely miserable. Basically all you feel is, I'm here..but I'm not.
I stumbled upon a video of yours on you publishing your book and I watched it and was drawn in immediately because I understood how you felt because I went through it for 3 years straight with no relief and I don’t remember any of that 3 years because I wasn’t there. I picked up your book and reading through it I find myself highlighting things and crying because holy crap I thought I was the only one and that I was crazy. I feel saved knowing its not only me. I’m reading this part of your book right now for the second time!.❤️❤️❤️❤️thank you seriously, you have no idea.. you talking publicly about your struggle is so brave and you save people.
+cary watts Some people don't have as extreme depression as others! I have depressed friends (who have been diagnosed by doctors) that don't feel suicidal, but that doesn't mean their illness isn't real. Recognising your illness and wanting to get better doesn't mean you're not I'll anymore. Sorry if this sounded confrontational. I haven't suffered from mental health problems since last year so I know your opinion definitely counts for more than mine: but remember that everyone's mental illness is different and personal to them! I hope you have as nice a day as you can possibly have! ❤️
U r so amazing .I read an article where u described this .I have been getting help for most of my life and I thought no one ever would get me .omg u get it .now i will share this with my therapist and i shared article with my mom .....i have spent more half of my like like this .i am better now.dbt has helped me ...mindfulness...medicine....u are an angel .
it makes me so sad to see you trying to explain it, and how you have to apologize for the people who've never dealt with mental illnesses when they don't understand, because its unfair that you can be in so much pain and nobody can see it from the outside. Like, for me, i have really bad insomnia, and i have ever since i was 6. I had a best friend at the time, and she didn't really understand at all (which is fine, those things are hard to understand if you don't deal with them). But anyway, I can remember one day when i was maybe 8 years old we were talking and she said "Why can't you just fall asleep, its so easy, ", and I just lost it. I started crying and she had to leave, it was terrible. Mental stuff like that is so hard because its on the inside, you could be dying and nobody could know.
i know you won't see this dodie, but this video helped me very much three years ago when i suddenly felt depersonalisation for the first time at sixteen. literally felt like a filter was switched in my brain, the change was so sudden. that whole month during the summer i felt so fucking weird, so so so weird. i'm extremely glad i came out of it. now i've developed a mild(?) depression, but i'll take this anytime instead of that shit, ewww it makes me gag even thinking about that time. to anyone finding themselves depersonalized right now: IT WILL PASS! i promise, it'll feel like it's going to be the state you'll be stuck in for the rest of your days, but IT'S NOT. give it time, fight through. try to do normal things, but don't force yourself to socialize. increase your interactions gradually. this is just a passing stage to something new, i think at least.
i've had depersonalization and derealization, and the thing that really helped me was knowing that these things were called illnesses for a reason. these aren't "normal" or everyday things that humans are supposed to live with. it helped me to know that i could rationalize with it... it wouldn't make any sense at all that the world was "fake" or "unreal", would it?! i'm living with an illness, but i can, at least, try to really think through things. i know where i live, i know who my parents are, and i know where i am currently. i'll try to not let my brain (my illness) take over, because i know that it is just an illness. i am fully aware of where i am at this current second, typing this at my computer. i won't let an illness make me think i'm not. even though it doesn't FEEL real and i don't know who i am/what i'm doing here, i know that it IS REAL. time and "being a human being" is a really weird thing for me, but i know that it IS real, even though it doesn't feel like it at the moment. ^this is just something that helped me, but everyone has their own ways of dealing with depersonalization and derealization. i'm not a medical professional at all hahaha. although, i do hoped that this helped.
Oh my goodness I relate to this so much. You don't sound crazy at all. It's bizarre because your experiences sound really similar to mine in the sense I moved away from my family home at the age of 18 and have craved that feeling of 'home' ever since (I'm now 22). I hope you found a good therapist and are getting on well!
I have suffered from depression, anxiety and ocd for as long as I can remember, and when I first watched this video, I was actually kind of healthy, mind-wise. Happiness didn't seem as much as a distraction, my chest didn't physically ache all the time, my brain wasn't blurry. And here's the thing- I watched this, and I found it hard to identify. Because that is exactly what depression etc is! Even when you've experienced it as extremely as possible, when you finally break through for a little while, you forget how bloody awful and difficult it is. And now I'm re-watching this, because I am a bloody mess right now, mentally. And it makes me angry with myself for momentarily forgetting what it's like, but at the same time, if we didn't sometimes forget during the 'okay' parts, we would be stuck forever. And I guess that gives me hope. Anyway this is rambly. My brain is rambly at the moment. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I am so lost and my brain refuses to shut up for even a second, but if I come back to this in six months and if I feel slightly better, I'll see if I can identify with myself now. It's an interesting thought.
yeah I definitly can relate to that, too. One day I feel deeply depressed, thinking there is just one single permanent solution and that this solution would make sense, although I know it shouldn't and everyone and anyone would tell me that it doesn't in case I would tell them about my thoughts... just few days later I can feel ok again, feeling like a completely different person, which can hardly imagine how to come to that dark down moments, although I kind of remember some thoughts that brought me there. And then I think: How could just anyone who did not experience all these mental health issues for a long time ever imagine, how it is, if I myself even can't sometimes?? So yes, that makes mental health issues so super complicated and difficult to communicate.
I can't emphasise enough how right Dodie is that anyone feeling this way should seek help as soon as possible. You might face a bit of a battle to get relevant help/treatment, but things can get a whole lot worse if you don't.
And I say this as a 45 year old who'd been struggling with Anxiety and Avoidant Personality Disorder as long as he can remember being alive.
I had anxiety for so long (years) that eventually my body and mind couldn't take it anymore and I got depersonalised from the world. And this was so scary, I thought I was going crazy. Which just made my anxiety worse. This was years back and finally I've been able to accept whatever I'm feeling (or not feeling) so that I can accept everything. And I've honestly gotten so much better. If someone has a serious mental illness they will need more serious help. But for me giving up the fight is finally when I started getting better. Not trying to figure out what was wrong with me every.single.day. And just being, feeling, thinking. Whatever I was. And it's taken SO LONG. But I can finally say I've gotten there. I think I've gotten my old self back.
I have never been able to understand this video until now. I have felt depressed for the last few months sporadically and the last few weeks, everyday. I miss the person I used to be. So, so much.
nothing or everything. Non-stop for weeks or never. This is how I feel Yes, I'm a year late but I just need to vent and scream and cry and laugh and just feel good. I have felt strange ever since I was 8, I was never like the other girls. They would be asking boys out, I would be laying in bed looking out the window. This strange feeling turned into sadness at about 10, I would have random panic attacks, burst out crying for no reason, for be completely numb, feel nothing, and it would be like I left my body and I was just watching everything around me from someone that wasn't me. Everything was hurting and was numb at the same time I tried to tell my parents I tried to seek for help I tried everything, I was getting worse and worse now never sleeping seeing hallucinations feeling like I'm going insane always being put off being told, "Your just a kid you don't know what this is" "just a hormonal teenager" "your making it up for attention". And that's when I cut myself, multiple times, going as deep as I could. I was still numb. I'm somewhat better now, I refuse to go near knives, but nobody believes me whenever I express that I don't feel right or normal, they all just think I'm a hormonal teenager who wants attention and spends to much time online. I'm sorry, but I just had to put it all out in words.
I hope you are feeling better now and that the therapist helps you - I know this is so difficult to deal with. Thank you so much for sharing your story. We are all here for you and you are so valuable. Meditation and hobbies are so helpful. Love you
My gosh, Depersonalization has affected me greatly before. I struggled with feeling like I wasn't there and that I felt like I wasn't in my body, like my brain didn't work at all in correlation to the real world. It all came as a side effect of my hypothyroidism and as I took my medication, it left me, however, I occasionally get it sometimes at night and that leads to thinking about death and therefore panic. I loved this video because it made so much sense and it's something that is hard to put into words. Thank you <3
I definitely recommend getting your thyroid checked. If you're extremely tired, cold or other it's often a side effect and a lot of people aren't aware of it. I hope you get well soon, dear.
Hey Dodie. New follower Here as someone who has recently come out of therapy I can honestly say you have nothing to fear. In fact you are entering the system at a ideal time after the recent etc funds it's received. My main thing I would say is focus hard on what they have to say and take each day as it comes mental illness as I'm sure you know is unlike any physical ailment. You'll get through this peep, stay strong and 'just keep swimming' big hugs
I have had Depersonalization Disorder symptoms since I've had an Epileptic Seizure of sorts, in addition to being extremely overwhelmed and stressed. I researched the symptoms I was experiencing after a couple months, feeling as though I was just tired due to excessive schoolwork. I related to all the symptoms and began to tell my friends and ask them what I should do. They all directed me to tell my parents, so, I told my mom but she didn't believe me and didn't want to take me to the doctor. I always felt like I wasn't having enough fun because I couldn't take things in, and that I felt spacey, and that I felt like my senses were wrong, that I didn't exist. At random points I would space out completely and forget who and where I was. I felt like when I spoke the voice wasn't mine, I truly felt like you, like I was going mad or insane. But, this video made me feel happy and welcomed, like someone who I loved shares the thing that was previously "made up". I've been feeling a bit better, but not completely. My mom still won't take me to a therapist, so if you wouldn't mind (therapy being a very personal thing that you are in no way obliged to share) making a video on some of the tips your therapist gives to you? I'm sorry if I'm intruding or reminding you of the topic at hand, I just really want to know. Thank you.
i have a client who's a neurologist and after watching this video I asked him a bit about depersonalization. His theory is that it's a mild form of schizophrenia.
One of the biggest hurdles for my mental health was that I'm part of a culture that doesn't really believe it to be a legitimate illness. Which in return, I never valididated myself to get help if that makes sense. I was only clinically diagnosed with depression & anxiety just before I left for uni.
It's not over in a snap & while I am grateful that I'm a place where it is more accepted- To anyone who was in my position & is desperate, You matter & how you think/feel/behave are just as important. "It'll all work out in the end. If it hasn't, it's not the end yet." xo
I can relate to you being upset about your bed so much because it is exactly what I felt as well. Unfortunately my parents throw it away for space reason and no one got why I became so mad about it.
I'm watching this 9 months after published, I understand what's happening with you and I want to go see a doctor but I'm too scared to because I feel like my family will tell me that I'm attention seeking and that I should just get over it...
About two weeks ago I had a very strange experience and I couldn't quite define what it was or describe it. It was the day me and my girlfriend got together so I was obviously very happy, this is why it was so weird that something like that happened on that day. I was in life skills sitting next to my friend and everything was super normal and I had the giggles and was happy lol. But then a fire drill went off which immediately through me out of my comfort zone. I still felt kind of ok though. Afterwards we were told to go back to class because we still had about 15 minutes of the day left. As I started walking. suddenly I felt weird. It was like when you are having a dream but you know you are in a dream so you know something odd or scary is going to happen. I felt detatched from reality, and the sky seemed to go dark. I stayed with my friends for as long as possible for comfort (but still didn't tell them how I felt) but of course I eventually had to split up from them and go to my class. Then everything got worse. I knew my way around perfectly but still felt like I didn't know where to go. I couldn't talk and felt suffocated and afraid. I didn't manage to get back to class and just stood behind a tree. When I got on the bus and sat with my friend she went on her phone and didn't really talk to me all too much, but when she did I couldn't really compremend what she was saying. I tried to talk back but my voice seemed too loud and sounded odd. when we got off the bus I felt slightly better, and by the time I got home I felt fine. I didn't even know what depersonalisation was until now.
the terrible thing about depression in my experience is that you think "oh ill just do xyz because i've always enjoyed that" but then.... you find that you dont enjoy it. its just flat. and it sucks. its so hard to be "normal" and happy.
that sounds really cruel, but what i mean to say is that if your plan doesnt work out, you didn't fail or anything. some days are harder than others. mental illness is really tough and it doesnt make a lot of sense. thats okay.
I honestly felt the same way. I feel like nothing is real its all a dream. I slept in a lot more, separated myself from everyone etc... I still go to school so a bunch a ppl forced me to go to the guidance councillor and I never felt comfortable to opening to this adult I met 5 mins ago. So I'm stuck with this
i'm watching this whilst i feel like i am literally going insane. things are making me literally scared of myself because i don't want to hurt myself and other people.
i'm going to try and book an appointment (again) and try and get therapy... i've been before but it gets worse every time i stop
Hey! Ive been struggling with depersonalization for awhile now but I didn't know that is what its called. AFTER SEEING THIS VIDEO IT CLICKED and i was like OHHH YES I GET YOU I KNOW HOW IT FEELS. I hope you are doing better and i start doing better as well:)) Thank you for your videos?? I feel like i relate to you a lot. You're like my role model basically lmao. ANYWAYS IM GONNA BLAST!! THANK YOU FOR ALL THAT YOU DO DODIE, YOU TRULY WARM MY HEART. MUCH LOVE <3 - A girl who relates
Respect to you I no exactly how you feel I have the same condition as you expect mine was triggered due to damage in my neck and spine which destroyed vital nerves.
I can't believe a doctor would tell you that you were making your mental illness up ugh. It's so disappointing that mental illness is brushed off by some doctors just like that. You should definitely attempt to seek out someone who will be more understanding and give you an actual diagnosis other than just "making it up".
Good luck, Dodie. I hope you'll feel much better and happier soon <3
+Cj she said it was dangerous to diagnose a 17 year old and put a label on me because I'd obsess over it - she thought at worst I had "low mood" aghhhhhh lol
Psychologists have to diagnose a lot of people, after a while they get affected as well and might react like tis. I've heard of it many times. You just have to find another one, it's that simple. Sometimes you are not being helped, sometimes you are not compatible. You just find another one. Good luck. And thanks for the video.
She ain't depressed if she has the ability to see a brighter future. She doesn't have chronic anxiety because she really just has no idea what it's like. Bitch made all this shit up and it makes me mad because depression is so real in my life.
+doddlevloggle if you didn't get diagnosed then you don't have it. These people are experts. What you described is low mood not depression. Maybe if you spent every Waking minute thinking about, fantasizing about how good it's gonna be and the peace you will feel when you die then that's depression. A truly depressed person has no ability to see a brighter future and you clearly have that ability. I encourage you to go to group therapy and see what people who actually have depression go through. You'll be shocked.
+cary watts What are you even on about? Because the way depression affects you is the only way depression ever affects anyone or what? People have different brains, different experiences and thereby differences in the way mental illness infests.
they told me I was "too young to believe that and it was just having "teen puberty mood swings". my mum has since complained it got worse and the doctor shouldn't have just pushed it of and at least given me some good options to keep myself happy. we haven't her from her yet.
+Ekaekto depressed people all have the same brain activity scans. They think the same. It's a very similar disorder in all people they all share certain symptoms. Which is why treatment is generic not personalized beyond circumstances. You would know that if you were ever diagnosed as depressed.
+Jemima Budd talk to me when you've held a knife to your wrist for the past 2 weeks and eventually just cried yourself to sleep because you see no hope. That was me before I went to the hospital.
+Reina Malyn it's just that the evidence and facts aren't on your side. Depressed people have done brain scans and they all come out the same. True Depression manifests itself the same in every person which is why treatment is generic not personalized beyond circumstances. You would know that if you received any treatment for depression or got diagnosed.
+doddlevloggle She was very bad , I am sorry you had her , anxiety is a big part of your teen years , that's why so many of us have OCD and depression what she said made no sense
+NekoNat Oh my , I am so sorry , please find help , anyone who says it's not true is crazy ! why would anyone make something like that up .I havr been so lucky with therapy , they all understood what I was going through. Maybe , find someone who treated your friend or someone in your family , someone recomended . Or maybe look for someone who is specialized in OCD and depression
+cary watts There are many types of depression , the one where you think of killing yourself is the most serious form of depression . But they come in different ways to different people .
cary i am sorry to hear that you are going through this. This hate you are projecting towards doddie is however not helpful nor appropriate. What you did here is mix up a chronic depression with a depressive episode and/or a depression. Those a three different clinical diagnosed forms of "depression" which alone vary in symptoms. And then also depression varies between people and in time too. "A truly depressed person has no ability to see a brighter future and you clearly have that ability" is just plain wrong. You cant make statements like that, just because your chronical depression is making you feel that way. I am glad that doddie is not feeling like this, because it would be shocking (and nearly impossible) if she is already that far and has developed a chronical depression within our watch.
Now for doddie: (psychotherapist in training talking) You are on the right way. You have narrowed down your symptoms and i am glad you are ready to visit a doctor about it, even when other people here might be belittling what you experience. Dont listen to them. From what you describe it might definetely be possible to be a depressive episode, which most of the time when not treated will get worse and worse. And its especially dangerous because a diagnose which is the most common form of depression (F33 recurrent depressive episode) shows itself by depressive episodes which come and go , so it sometimes may look like your problem is gone, but then 2 month after it is there again, and this cycle goes over and over (worsening in altitude) So better be safe here and get yourself checked out. For that i definetly personaly recommend not going to a psychiatrist first and formost, instead try to get a psychotherapist (especially a cognitive behavioral therapy practicing one) to see you. Because thats the most effective therapy for affective disorders (state of the art) and with a psychotherapist you wont be having the issue that you would just get meds and no further help. (even though sometimes meds are needed, but the practice should be to ONLY give meds if you first developed a threatment plan (psychotherapy) and only then) Because some psychiatrist are lazy to do that first and only perscribe meds, which is NEVER a good idea. All the best, get well soon, my dear.
That is wrong and makes it so much worse because you end up convincing yourself that it must be normal and everyone must be feeling it however bad you get and how much more ill you feel and act than everyone else (that's my experience of it anyway). I typed a whole comment out and then really scared myself by quite how mental I sound so i''m going to have to leave it at that. I hope that the doctors are helpful once you see them and if they're not keep fighting until they help you because you don't deserve to feel like this xx
+cary watts +cary watts +cary watts the biology of depression may be the same in all people, possibly. But the cognition of it is different in every human being. Brain scans and the way someone thinks are two very different things. Saying depression is the same for all people is like saying everyone feels happiness from the same things, or everyone should like the same band because they make 'good music'. It's cognition that separates people, and nothing is the same in the brain of each and every person. So please stop generalising things. Everyone deals with it in different ways, everyone feels it differently, and everyone expresses it (or doesn't in many cases) differently too. All you're doing is hurting others with depression right now, and if you do have it you should know how lethal that can be.. So please stop..
depression isn't just self harm and wishing for death lmao. yeah, it is like that for some people but depression is a pretty common illness & there isn't just one "true depression". it's a broad term with a whole array of symptoms and saying that depressed people can never hope for a better future and have to be suicidal at every waking hour invalidates people with depression that experience it differently than that.
+kaylee Finally someone who gets it!! You're so right. So many people with depression are trying so hard to just cope with the way they feel. Not everyone will fall into such a dark place that they want to hurt themselves or worse. Everyone copes with it in different ways
+cary watts I hope you feel good about yourself after you try to diminish someone else's pain because it's not the same as yours. How would you feel if someone was to tell you that the way you feel was just an act? Probably not good. Sometimes it's better to leave comments like the one you posted to yourself. You don't have to believe dodie but you certainly aren't welcome to make someone feel like their pain isn't serious or real. Doctors can often lack understanding about mental illnesses, just like regular people do. Hopefully this comment, along with other people's helps you to better understand where dodie is coming from. All the best!
I'm so glad you brought this up, spreading awareness. I honestly don't watch you or listen to your music, I'm sorry :(, but I can tell you have a beautiful soul. I'd like to tell you about my experience. I'm not going to diagnose myself, but I've definitely felt (a sense of) depersonalization. The first time was long, long ago, I can't even pinpoint it, it was when I was a child. I would have brief moments of "Wait, hold on, I need to just take this all in for a second." Now I'm sixteen. For some reason, this year, I've really tried super hard with school, more than I ever have and I think DP is how I coped with the stress. One day, I woke up. Everything felt different, just wrong. I felt detached from myself. I couldn't listen to my own music because it didn't feel like my music. I'd talk to my best friend and I'd have this disturbing thought like "what if I'm not real, she's not real, and things are just working all on their own..?" Does that make sense? Probably not. My vision also felt distorted, like I was under harsh fluorescent light. Basically, think about sitting in a small, white room with fluorescent lights on, that's it. Everything just felt two-dimensional. I explained it to my family and they just laughed at me while I was scared shitless pretty much. I felt like I was losing my mind. I looked it up and saw DP. I was disappointed to see that there was no cure. It makes it even worse. I experienced it for 8 days non-stop. Now, I'll get the feeling at the worst times, when I'm happy, hanging out with my friend. I'll just be acting as usual and then I get this overwhelming feeling and I sit there for 5 minutes and react minimally because I get so engulfed by this hallow feeling. It wears off and I'm me again, but it's still scary. I can feel it starting to creep up on me again and I don't know why. Sometimes I wonder if I'm making this up. If it's all fake, but seeing people talk about their experiences really help me out and I'm so grateful that you did. I feel so much better. Thank you, truly.
ive been feeling this way as long as i can remember; everyone that i talked to about this has said that im just making this up. most times (including now) i feel like im never there - just watching as life passes, watching the world go by as if it's just one big drama show going on for eternity. sometimes i forget who i am and how to talk, and others i just lose my memory as if i was never there. there's also a lot of deja vu - everything is so familiar yet so distant. you making this video gave me a lot of information and told me that im not the only one going through this, so thank you for sharing your experience. according to some, it's meant to be a phase that will pass but for me it's as if it was always there - does anyone know how long this is meant to last or is it just infinite?
This is 1000000% how I feel I relate so hard to this video and you're giving me hope:).. when my depersonalisation got really really really terribly bad like for the first time it was a month or something that it has been like.. there (bc sometimes it's not there and other times it's terrible.. idk how to describe it). I was about to go to ballett class and I was doing my hair in the bathroom and looking in the mirror then suddenly everything got so weird I saw everything as if it was a movie, I saw myself standing in front of that mirror.. I ignored it, went downstairs and it just wouldn't stop being that terrible so I would see my mom and burst into tears and I just wont stop crying I cried and cried and looked at my shaking hands shouted at my mom some weird stuff like "that's not real, what is that, I'm freaking out" and my mom tried to calm me down a good 20mins I then she would just put me into my bed, lying next to me until I finally calmed down.. it was the worst experience I've ever had in my entire life and I'm just so goddamn thankful to have my mom and my best friend (which are the only two persons that know of that scenario and who understand me). That all happened like a year ago I think and gladly it was never that bad again, it was nearly as bad but not THAT bad. I'm struggling but it's getting better and I'm also hoping to start a therapy soon :) It's just really really good to know that we as people are never alone with such things and that we're not turning mad or making that up.. well, maybe we are turning mad but you know at least we're not alone.^^
i have anxiety and depression as well these super deep thoughts that really freak me out ??? it sounds confusing but i randomly think things like "am i even alive" or "am i imagining my entire life, is anything even real" and sometimes i feel like i'm the only person alive if that makes sense. i know i sound crazy i just need to rant lmao. another thing recently that has been freaking me out is how fast time goes. like you think about a certain event or day for so long, for example, my the 1975 concert. it was november 22nd of this year. i was looking forward to it for so long and then boom, it's over. that's so crazy to me. time just moves so fast it scares me. i've gotten really off topic but i just need to say what i'm feeling and get it off my chest.
Sophie Grace do you also sometimes be going somewhere and when you get back home you be like wait did i really go there ? like ofc you know you went there it's not like you forgot but like you don't feel like you actually did?? i really can't explain it exactly but i hope you know what i mean
Sophie Grace omg girl i just found out that it's a thing i've always wondered what it was i thought i was crazy this whole time😭 i've had this since i was like 8 or 9 and now i'm 19 and when first told my mom about it she literally got mad at me for sounding crazy so i didn't even think about googling it until recently can you believe that
Lena yay! it's honestly the best feeling when you think something is happening to only you and then you google it and you figure out that it happens to other people as well
I have the same exact thoughts. Just realizing that I live in this huge space with all kinds of strange undiscovered parts makes me all baffled and the overwhelmingness of it sometimes makes me anxious...
Sophie Grace I know, when I was younger and was like 9 it felt like a year was forever and now it's almost halfway through the year and I just don't get It
i've had depersonalization and derealization, and the thing that really helped me was knowing that these things were called illnesses for a reason. these aren't "normal" or everyday things that humans are supposed to live with. it helped me to know that i could rationalize with it... it wouldn't make any sense at all that the world was "fake" or "unreal", would it?! i'm living with an illness, but i can, at least, try to really think through things. i know where i live, i know who my parents are, and i know where i am currently. i'll try to not let my brain (my illness) take over, because i know that it is just an illness. i am fully aware of where i am at this current second, typing this at my computer. i won't let an illness make me think i'm not. even though it doesn't FEEL real and i don't know who i am/what i'm doing here, i know that it IS REAL. time and "being a human being" is a really weird thing for me, but i know that it IS real, even though it doesn't feel like it at the moment. ^this is just something that helped me, but everyone has their own ways of dealing with depersonalization and derealization. i'm not a medical professional at all hahaha. although, i do hoped that this helped.
I have just got over the second bout of DP/DR in my life. For me, the second time around, I discovered the my DP/DR is largely depression based. Depression creeps up on me without any signs or signals, leading me to believe what my own brain is telling me i.e. the world is strange, odd, grey and empty. The worst thing of them all is the feeling of detachment and unfamiliarity of my surroundings and also myself. I've started new meds for depression, and over the past few weeks of taking them, I've started to find myself again and find the lost familiarity with my surroundings. I'm not saying everyone's DP/DR could just be depression, but it might be worth looking into.
I luv u. I still never knew you made videos on this (where have I been??) but it's helped me so much. thank you. though I don't think I have the disorder, I definitely have dissociative episodes where the world doesn't feel real, or I don't feel real to the point where I was so afraid to look at myself in a mirror that I shut the bathroom lights so I wouldn't have to see someone else staring back at me. I completely feel you on feeling crazy, but you're not crazy (as what my friend told me) it's just your brain's way of dealing with things when it all gets too much. I'm sending all my love always<3
This video may be from 2016, yet still, As a fellow person with anxiety and depression, I understand the feeling. My heart breaks seeing you cry, and most of the times, I cry with you. I listen to you when studying or having a panic attack. For me it does help, and even if I'm young, I can still relate. -Love from a fan, 2018 (Yes, again, this video is old, yet I still felt like commenting this)
i have depersonalization and derealization or atleast i think i do. i try to talk about it but no one understands. this sums up everything that i feel. thank you for making this video
When I was 7 or 8 (yes that young!!!!) I would think that my days were dreams and I would be like "I can do this dangerous thing bc I'll wake up soon" and I would be a danger to myself and I seriously thought I wasn't living my life. I never talked to anyone about it because I was so young and "young minds are creative" and I never even knew mental illness was a thing. It scares me how careless I was when I was so small. I could've killed myself because it wasn't me.
when dodie almost cried I felt like crying because she is such a sweet nice person and she deserves to be happy and if I could help I would but I don't really know what to do because I'm in a different country but I can do one thing, tell you that you are amazing and have great friends and music helps if you want to write and I hope that you can get better. you help me all the time so I want to help you, even though this probably didn't work, if you ask I will help.
Hi! I was a child when I first felt like I was "dreaming" or "floating", like I was there, but I didn't really felt like I was there, like my mind wasn't there, but my body was. I talked and laughed, I ate and touched the things around me, but there was no sensation of reality, of how it used to be. I remember knowing that it wasn't normal, that this wasn't how I was supposed to be like. I told my parents and they didn't really understand what I was talking about, I was a kid and I just thought "maybe this is how it's supposed to be like when you grow up" so I never really gave it much of a thought but the feeling persisted and I wasn't as happy as I used to be, I felt like I was watching my life from the outside, like I didn't really knew my friends. When I was walking I sometimes caught myself thinking "am I really outside, walking among these strangers? Where am I going? Why can't I feel myself living?" but I never thought about it much. It was "normal", right? I am 20 years old now and I found your videos about this condition after almost 10 years of feeling like I was floating through my life. I don't ever know what to say... I am still wondering if I am actually suffering from this or if my mind is just making it up. I am so confused... Anyways, I haven't given this a serious thought is such a long time and your videos just opened a door for me. Thank you! 💛🌼
I've experienced depersonalisation, but when I changed my diet and stopped partying it went away in about a year. I'd suggest trying the same. And stay away from pharmaceuticals, especially benzos.
I don't want to be the guy who diagnoses stuff online, and I am no therapist, but I do study psychology, and from what I can tell the illnesses you are feeling could be caused by the "living-in-the-past Dodie" that you are. The further from your childhood you go, the more detached you may feel from your 'old self'. Another cause could be a change in sleep pattern. My experiences with my mental illness were due to me staying up into the early hours of the next day. Again, I can't really prescribe any sort of treatment to anyone experiencing this but if Dodie's experiences feel similar to yours, taking these things into consideration may help.
As for anyone angry or annoyed at Dodie not keeping up VEDJ, remember that youtube channels most of the time are for both the viewer and the creator, and this applied to VEDJ. Therefore, recognise that if Dodie doesn't feel like making videos will be good for her, then she doesn't have to and probably shouldn't for her benefit.
Almost every moment of my life, I feel like I'm trying extremely hard to be normal and feel right, but I can't lie all the time so sometimes I just don't say a word to people because I feel that if I do, they might think I'm sad or something and I don't want anybody to feel bad or have their time wasted on me.
I was reaching out to my friends about my severe depression and one said "You just need to think positive!" And another said "Maybe Harry Potter will cheer you up!" Like that's not how it works at all I appreciate the effort but you don't understand it unless you have been through constantly being at war with yourself and feeling so numb and dead but still fighting the courage to go to school when you have almost completely shut down and given up on trying anymore
Ive been in and out of this my whole life, as a kid I noticed it but I never saw it as depersonalization i just saw it as me living my life. 2 years ago it really hit me and i spent time trying to fix myself now coming back to realisation i kept trying to fix the wholeness in myself which im seeing now was stupid asf. I never seeked help. And I really am glad I didnt in a sense as im learning so much about myself getting “out of it” which is ridiculous to even say cuz u cant get out of life cuz it kinda um feels like nothing? Idfk lol my life mental illness isnt jokesss its actually really fucking annoying if your struggling with it and yea your probably going insane if your dealing with it. Advice just to go with the flow. Blahh thats my comment
I'm so happy you were able to create a life for yourself. Many people fall into holes when trying to build a life for themselves and never really get out of them. And to answer the rhetorical question: I feel like I fell into some mental hole after I finally finished my... I think it's like the A levels in Brittain or uhm highschool in America ._. And I don't really know how to get out of this hole when in reality I've just left the biggest and in all honestly most useless seeming time sink (really I remember more from documentaries I've watched as a child than from those last 3 years -.-) while also leaving the one thing I've actually personally had to complain about and I have my spot in uni secured to find a way to enter the one industry I've always dreamt of entering so I should be fine but I am not which scares the shit out of me ;-; especially after I had a episodes of depersonalization or... the other thing I don't remember the term ._. shortly after entering vacation and the day after read about it to be a symptom of extreme stress but I didn't have stress at the time or at least not that I would recognize. ._. And wtf am I writing a comment about my mental health to a video that's 3 years old by now? Fuck it this is going out into the world -.-
dodie, night in the woods is a game who taught me what depersonalisation is alongside a friend. thank you so much for sharing and im glad you're still here and trying to live every day. i love your music, alsooo you are so beautiful! <3 kisses from Argentina
My mental health has plummeted in the past few months and I often feel dissociated because of sensory overload. I don’t know why it happens to me or what’s going on in my head. And I’m going to see a neurologist for it. I just wish I could keep up with everyone else and enjoy the same things I used to. It sucks to realize how much depression has controlled my life.
4:13 I started crying when dodie got so sad over a bed cuz I feel sad over small things I can’t go back to and I believe that I shouldn’t because it’s dumb and I’m only 15 so I haven’t even had time to feel that way about anything
I can relate to all that you're saying completely and I know many other people can. We'll find hope and happiness again, many people before us also did. :)
I have depersonalisation as well and it can be the loneliest place to be. This quote has helped me alot. "You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars, you belong here." Every other quote seems irrelevant to me but this one connects me to the world I feel so disconnected from. Hope it helps you too Dodie. You're not alone.
i do go to my school counsler now but i still can't stop feeling so guilty because people are dying and starving and shit and yet i cry like every night because of something thats in my Head or in the past and i fell so freaking dumb because im so privliged
i know what you mean.. people are telling me all the time I should stop complaining and being sad but I just can't, most of the time I feel so weird, and sad.
I felt like this for so long, I refused to get help for so long because other people had it worse but a counsler once told me something that super applies to this: It's not about others, its about how YOU feel, and if you don't feel right you should do what you can to feel better.
When I feel something similar, it helps me to think of it like a physical illness -- because a mental illness is an illness. If you had a really bad flu, even if it wasn't going to kill you, would you still do what you could to feel better? Mental illnesses don't tend to go away on their own. It sounds kind of odd to say it, but a mental illness has nothing to do with you -- it may have some genetic links, but it can happen to anyone, no matter how happy their life is. I'm really glad you are going to see your counsellor. Getting help is super important!
Everybody has their own struggles, please don't beat yourself up over your own feelings by comparing them to other struggles, your feelings are valid and you are worthy of support.
tip for how not to feel this way!! imagine if you were happy and someone was like "?? you can't be happy, people are getting married today, someone just won the lottery, they deserve to be happy, you don't" that sounds really dumb right? well apply that to you being sad. just because in your head someone has it 'worse', that doesn't mean you don't have it bad. you can't control your feelings and if that's how your brain reacts, then its valid. think of if the things that were happening to you were happening to a friend. you wouldn't think that way, you'd be understanding and compassionate and try to help them. apply that to yourself!
Your pain and your feelings are 100% valid and you deserve help. Your problems impact your life and you are allowed to seek help for them - there is no need to compare. Keep seeing the counsellor xx
Hi, I suffer from the exact same thing. I watched your video on how you feel like your dreaming 24/7 and I was blown away. I would really like to talk to you about it. Its ruining my entire life. :(
Currently seeing my school counsellor about self harm 🤷🏻♀️. It sucks soooo much and I'm on the verge of cutting every night but then I remember great youtubers like you that manage to pull me out of that state of just utter confusion mixed with stress, so thanks ♥️. To anyone out there fighting: you can do it, we all believe in you and we have your back. Currently 2 weeks clean ✌🏻
recently i’ve realized i’ve been in a dissociated state for about three years now. it affects my life so so much. nothing being real and me not being real. i do impulsive things and then regret them. i either cry or don’t cry depending on the month. having no sense of self is so strange and difficult. especially being a 17 year old in the peak of my teenage years figuring out who i am. i also have double vision and oh god does this affect me. luckily i’m on meds for certain situations now but overall it’s bad. i know this is caused by anxiety inducing situations but despite the situations that are anxiety inducing, i feel like this 99% of the time and it’s so difficult.
I'd really love to talk with you if you're still going through this or what you did to cope? or anyone else that see's this comment. It's never happened to me before and it's happened so much lately. I'd just really like to talk to someone.
I understand, I surffer with DP and its been almost 8 months since I got My first episode but theres nothing to worry about This is just a defense mechanism to deal with a stress factor or a traumatic event, This is not permanent and It isin' t harmful its just your minds way of coping with stress, I know It can be like your losing you mind but everything is gonna be ok. Stay strong.❤️Some things that I do that might work for others to stay in the present is put Some ice on your hands, maybe Talk to someone and take Deep Breaths, Focus on something you like doing. Hope This works💕
I went through a similar type of thing during and around my most recent exam period. I remember just going through the days and having sudden moments of lucidity like 'what the fuck, is this real, how am I here, it feels like 5 minutes ago was hours ago, am I in a dream'. It's hard describe my vision, but it was almost smokey. I'd go home and I'd be so tired and I'd lie down and think back to the day and be like 'did that actually happen? Was I actually there?'. I wasn't as scared as you seem to be, but I did keep wondering stupid things, like maybe I'd only just at that moment come into existence, and that all the previous things that had 'happened' had just been implanted into my brain, and that was why the memories seemed so far away. Yeah, I know it's really stupid. That went on for about 3-4 months, but since then I've taken time off, and it began to happen less and less, and with less intensity. I still get them now and then. I never told anyone about it though, because I didn't believe it was serious enough but, thinking back, it did have a really detrimental effect on my moods. This probably wasn't what you were talking about, but I just thought I'd try and describe to myself how exactly it affected me.
To anyone experiencing derealization, did you find any kind of therapy for this? I’ve been having chronic derealization for 8 months. What i mean by chronic is that it started and never went away ever since. My vision is weird and when i listen to music it feels like i don’t ‘feel’ it. I got used to it, but sometimes i get so sick of it... Lots of love and support to everyone:) that’s about it
depression, suicidal thoughts, anxiety, depersonlisation and eating disorders...
trust me I have tried multiple ways of self harm, crying myself to sleep but just trust me the best thing to do is talk about it and please don't do anything stupid that you can't undo :) btw you look nice today and everyday
yes I know this was made in 2016 but when I just now watched it I felt like I needed to get her out of what she was feeling, boy did this make me sad, hit me right in the feels
I always felt that my dog was sad all the time so one day I wanted to do something about it. I noticed that he always looks at the birds out side so I believe that he just wanted to fly so one day I took him to the roof and threw him hoping he would fly but he didn't and I think that made him more sad knowing he can't fly because he won't get up from where he landed. I believe he won't be sad for long because he is only 9 months old so I hope for the best :-)
Sometimes out of nowhere I have these really weird thoughts. One that keeps coming back is that everyone has their own world. Every single person is saying different things than what I hear and everyone has different relationships with people. It's kinda like I'm in a bubble watching a tv screen and I keep thinking that I am not hearing what people are actually trying to say. Ugh I can so clearly describe the feeling in my head but as soon as I try to talk or write about it I sound crazy.
I know what it's like, everyone just ignores mental illnesses but they really have no idea, I'm always here for you. I have mental illnesses too, your not alone ❤️❤️❤️
hi dodie! i'm so proud of you for coming to the realization of some of the obstacles you're facing and really seeking help from professionals. i have an anxiety disorder as well that causes me to vom (cyclic vomiting syndrome). no one understood what i was going through and i sounded crazy for a long time. people thought i was pregnant since i was throwing up all the time and for no good reason other than i was extremely anxious all the time. after a few years of struggling with it, i got put on medication that changed me a bit but i don't get sick anymore and i have anxious moments here and there but it's not like the hell i was in before. dodie, you can do this. although i don't know you, i can tell you're being genuine, honest, kind, and the best you can be. it's so brave that you're making videos about this! it's so important! i wish the best of luck to you. dissociation is really difficult and talking it out in therapy, practicing meditation, and even eating right can benefit your mental health. stay strong dodie!!
+erin nesbitt it sucks!!! And it's pretty rare esp. For adults (more common with children, not sure how old you are). For me, it got worse as time passed - instead being nauseous every morning, it would go all day and more throughout the week. I hope you're getting treated! I'm on a med called amitryptaline (don't know exact spelling) on a very low dose that really helps me. Let me know if you have any questions about it! It's a terrible thing.
I know your feeling, I'm 11 years old. When I woke up last night, in the middle of the night, I didn't even know if I was still dreaming, I've permanently had DPDR, I have it 24/7/4/12/365. I had it before I knew about it, and I found out about it by some random dude in a chatroom asking if anybody else heard of it, I looked into it, and I already knew everything fit in with what I had felt, I only had a few episodes every once in a while, yet it got worse. I try to go to sleep early so I don't cry myself to sleep with nostalgia and when I didn't have this stupid disorder. I don't know a single one of my friends that relate to me. I thought as a young 5 year old kid that no problems existed at all, and the medicine I took for my seizures wasn't anything at all. Looking back at it all, I want my same innocent mind back, because even since I'm still a kid, overhearing everything about my parents, war, politics, I can't forget it, I can only think of something else to cancel it out. I feel like I get panic attacks every time I try to think about an idea for a story or something, because I start living in another world. But even as a kid, even I know what to do, and how to handle this easy peasy, lemon squeazy.
Fuck It.
i am real. i am not fake. i am an actual, living human being. My mind is a fucking liar, telling myself that nothing around me is real, that I'm just a made up person in a made up universe, I tell my mind to shut the fuck up, and I talk to my friends with the same smile I always had when I was that innocent 5 year old boy. i can't change the past, my past feelings, my past mistakes, but I can change how I feel now, and I feel real, i feel like I can make my mark on the world, and typing this right here and now made me realize that.
But it isn't that easy, you see? I may tell that to myself, but it doesn't change anything, it helps, but now, I have to just forget it, like everything else I forgot about. So that's how I feel, I'll leave it in the back of my mind until night, because this is the real world, and the real world is a fucked up place.
omg dodie o m g i discover your chanel some time ago and i'm just watching this video now i feel exactly like this, not all the time but my emotions are so low and everything so away from me, looks like i fucked up my brain Just tell me things are better now, please
i wish i had a mom who would help me with my mental illnesses. every time i try to tell her how i am how absolutely terrible my anxiety is. she says: "oh well you don't need to feel like that you're thirteen you have nothing to worry about just stop being worried." it's been three years. three agonizing years. i've tried to talk to friends about it but all they say is: "if it's that bad just tell your mom and ask to see a therapist." after that i feel so insignificant. they don't care about me. i tell them what my moms says and all they do is say: "well that is good advice." if only they know how i've realized at this point the only way out would be to end my own life. i've moved slightly away from that option. but it will always be in the back of my head. and another thing, i'm not trying to say i'm super smart or something but i do have a very powerful mind. so powerful i have convinced myself on multiple occasions that i am completely worthless and a waste of oxygen. not one person as ever taken me seriously. not ever. if i don't get help soon it's not going to be good, the mental illness will completely have taken over my brain and i will be nothing but an empty shell of anxiety. if anyone has any ideas to help me it would be greatly appreciated.
I remember when I was like 16 I also had a doctor that damaged me with her words. I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis (an inflammatory bowel disease) a few years ago and only just a few months ago, I felt finally okay again (I'm 19 now and was diagnosed when I was about 15). The last few years I just couldn't find a medication that would help me. I got bad side effects on most of it or it simply didn't work and I had to deal with the colitis. I felt so miserable, but I would hate to go the doctors, so I only went I couldn't take it any longer. And I reached that point again, so I went to the doctor and she was just so horrible to me. I was 16. And she told me I should suck it up. I should stop running to the doctors with every little pain and just accept the fact that I have a dangerous disease and claimed I wasn't strong enough. And that fucking broke me. A doctor may have a degree, but they can't see in your brain. And a doctor doesn't have the right to treat someone that way. They have no idea what damage that can cause. I'm sorry for such a long comment with a personal story that probably nobody wants to read... but that video really hit home to me. And the doctor part just makes me so mad. I hope it doesn't really affect you anymore, because I know for me it sometimes still does. When you're young, words can stick with you, because they can hit you so deep. I could relate so much to this video. I had to pause every few minutes, because it was so relatable. Please don't stress yourself, Dodie. I like how structured you still seemed even though your mind probably is a mess. You still gave good advice and could explain it so well. Thank you. I hope you find a good therapist :) (Also I hope my english doesn't suck. I'm not a native speaker. Feel free to correct me :))
+Kate K I hope you are doing well! I have had a very similar situation when I was diagnosed with IBD, the doctor also told me that I was needed to suck it up and deal with it. It really did make the pain so much worse. I hope you start to feel better!
@Dani P I'm way better now because I figured out much about myself. It's kinda scary how much influence the psyche has on the disease. But now I know it and try to face it the right way :) I hope you're feeling better aswell! xx
+Kate K I absolutely feel for you and hope you have finally found something that helps you. I had a very similar situation last year where doctors ended up switching around my birth control pill 9 times (finally landed with a hormonal IUD and a huge bill for it) because of the amount of side effects they caused me. As well as a 7 month struggle to get anyone recognise that there was a cyst that had grown on my ovary as a result of this (grapefruit sized, extremely painful, and required urgent surgery at the time the found it). It was so painful having the receptionist at my doctors ask me "why am i back here again" every time i came in, and is now part of the reason I'm anxious about going to the Doctors. however I have now found a dr that I trust to not be horrible about anything, and understands that it terrifies me, and a counselor which is helping me work through all the mental issues that I have. I sincerely hope it hasnt effected you in thee long term and you've found someone you can go to, and I hope that you are on the improve, I can only imagine how horrible UC is. Sending all my love through the keyboard to you!! <3 (sorry for the long reply but thought you might appreciate the story :) )
I'm so sorry you had that experience! I have had a chronic illness since I was 7 (I'm 16 now) and I wasn't diagnosed until 13. Doctors spent years saying I was making stuff up for attention or that I didn't really know how I felt. I think it actually messed up my brain a bit cause now I think I actually have some anxiety especially related to feeling sick. Anywho, to anyone who's had this experience, do go to a doctor but only to confirm what you already know and to help you feel better and if they're dicks about it, find a new one immediately.
i suffer from depression anxiety and depersonalization. it's crazy and hard to deal with honestly. depersonalization feels like you've died and your seeing yourself as a ghost.
I dont think I've ever related so much to a video , it feels so good but i feel so bad for dodie , i know exactly how she feels. dp / dr is so hard to deal with and i dont know what to do
The more you think you are odd or going mad the more you stress your mind, so the more anxiety and symptoms. Don't be harsh on yourself, you are pretty, intelligent and interesting. You have high levels of anxiety there is nothing wrong with you apart from that.
Same here. It's awful. Just keep distracted always. I usually do things that gets my heart going like exercise or I go dancing. I also try meditating, play with my pets and all. I also sleep a whole lot
I watched this video when it came out roughly 2 years ago and I couldn't relate. I didn't think that she was making it up for attention or anything but I just couldn't empathise with what she was feeling. Recently, I smoked probably about 1/2g of weed and had a bit of an anxiety attack. I didn't think anything of it at the time because I sometimes got very anxious when smoking weed and it would usually go away after a few mins. However, when I woke up my mind felt cloudy and it was like my mind was not processing the world properly anymore. When I try to memorise things that have happened recently I can remember them but at the same time, they seem hard to visualise and sort of jumbled in my mind. Sometimes I feel relaxed and normal for a couple of hours but most of the time I feel like this and it causes me to have major anxiety because I'm not sure it will ever go away and now I feel isolated from others even though I can hear and talk to them. It's been like 5 days now and some people have reported getting better within a couple of weeks, whereas some people have reported getting better after 6 months so I don't know. I wish I could go back to normal again.
I can't imagine what it's like for you...the way you described it is nothing like I've heard before. And you're not insane, it sounds like a mental illness. Go get some help love <3 good luck
+doddlevloggle I feel the same which is probably bad as I'm only 14 but I know that you can't help it and neither can I but I can't get help as my parents will think I'm making it up and I don't want them to worry about me. Do you have any advice?
+Heart Eyes Howell I know I'm not Dodie, but I went through a similar thing earlier this year. I wrote a letter to my parents, telling them everything that had been going on, but they took me to the doctors and I got diagnosed with depression and anxiety, then referred to a psychiatrist. I'm now having therapy, and telling my parents that way was the best thing for me. I had kept it secret for about 6 months, although I had been feeling that way for years before. Just tell your parents, because they may take a while to figure it out, but they just want to help you.
She clearly doesn't have depression. I would say low mood at best. A truly depressed person sees no better future and has no hope, no motivation to do the things they used to love. No motivation to be them anymore. If she had depression she wouldn't even get out of bed to make videos but she's active as all hell. She also has no idea about what having anxiety is like, it's literally like I cannot relax, in always on edge, I have zero appetite(lost 20 pounds in 2 Months) and I get panic attacks randomly(key word). Normal people get anxiety for a reason but for a depressed person they often have it all the time for no reason. You people haven't got a clue. Yes I'm diagnosed yes I got put in the hospital against my will on suicide watch because My plan to kill myself was found our and yes I know she doesn't have what I do.
+cary watts I don't think you should assume what she is or isn't suffering with. Just because she seems happy doesn't mean she really is. I don't know what she's feeling but you shouldn't assume things.
+cary watts different people experience different mental health issues differently. While I'm deeply sorry you're going through that, Dodie may be experiencing a less severe type of depression, or it may affect her differently than it does to you.
+Music Madness we a psychiatrist agrees with me and I see people every day who struggle with real depression and this video just seems like someone who wants to be fucking depressed because she hasn't got a clue what it's really like and as every psychiatrist will say depression always manifests itself in the same ways. That's why treatment is generic not personalized. You would know if you've ever been to rehab.
+Anessa Garcia a psychiatrist can and the psychiatrist agrees with me. Any person with diagnosed depression would know that she doesn't have it. She hasn't go a clue.
+cary watts I haven't been diagnosed but I personally don't think it's fair to say she wasn't depressed only she knows what she is really thinking and this is her coping mechanism to make videos and that doesn't mean she isn't depressed it means she has something that she can say how she really feels to which sometimes you can't do with a psychiatrist
+cary watts I have been diagnosed with depression, I see a psychiatrist, I see a therapist every week. I have friends who are doing the same thing, and it affects us all differently.
Depression, anxiety, depersonalization, suicidal thoughts and inclinations, and all other mental illnesses occur differently and uniquely in each and every individual. Some people, like me, are functional depressives. I was diagnosed with MDD nearly two years ago now, after severe panic attacks and having made multiple attempts to self-harm. But I can walk around, can live my life. I wake up some mornings fresh-faced and bright-eyed, happy with the world, ready to take on the day. Other days I wake up and I stare at the walls for hours, unfeeling, miserable and empty and alone. Still others, I get up and walk around but I couldn't tell you jack shit about where I was or what I was doing. Some days I feel like my skin is on fire and I can't breathe. Some days I have a mixture of all these things, and honestly, those are kind of the worst.
But I do so much, you wouldn't think it was as severe as it is. I run two school clubs, I act, I dance, I play guitar, I run a D&D game and draw a lot. I have an interest in photography and photo editing, I do yoga when the mood takes me. And yet, so many of those things drain me. I can't be around people for so much of the time because if I'm in close quarters with others for more than six hour periods I get irritable and upset and start to panic.
Your anxiety and depression are far more severe than mine because you do not function in depressive states. You cease to exist, in some ways, because your body and your mind are so overwhelmed by stress that you don't know how to handle it.
What you describe is depression that has not been coped with. You are still far, far down in the pits of it, and your recovery is a slow crawl. Not everyone experiences it like that.
Moreover - you are not a psychiatrist, nor a therapist. You are not a medical professional, and you can't make that call no matter how intimately you know the process. Your experience with mental illness is not universal, and your experience is not the standard for diagnosis. Just because someone has Stage 4 lung cancer doesn't mean that someone who has Stage 2 lung cancer doesn't have lung cancer at all.
I sincerely hope that your recovery is unimpeded, and that one day, you can find the will to live again. I know it's difficult. I do not know your experience, but I have a friend with an experience similar to yours. He lived off of hard drugs and self harm for nearly fifteen years, and he was admitted into a mental hospital in his late teens for rehabilitation from suicidal tendencies and heroin and cocaine addiction. His longest running streak without a suicide attempt is two years, and that's the last two years, with multiple near misses. It is incredibly hard to live through all that and come out the other side hopeful and willing to go on. But it's possible. And the experience changes you, makes you see things differently. Makes you feel things differently.
Do not invalidate someone for being different. It's an experience you're all too familiar with, I'll bet, and telling someone that they aren't unhappy only replicates your misery in them.
+cary watts What a ridiculous thing to say. How do you know this isn't the first time she's even out of bed in weeks? But I don't think you have to stay in bed to have depression, it's different for everyone. The last thing she needs (or anyone) is to be doubted and dismissed when feeling this way.
+cary watts I'm not one to comment too often on here, and there certainly are some clear refutations of what you're saying, but I do want to add my dissent to your comment as well. I am diagnosed with depression, I see a psychiatrist, and some of what Dodie resonates very strongly with me. It certainly seems to me she's depressed. Granted I'm no psychiatrist, and I suspect neither are you, so our opinions to her state are moot. And maybe she's not being clear enough or communicating all of her symptoms so that it doesn't seem to you like she's depressed, but if she's down and struggling with life, regardless of the severity, she needs support not criticism.
I am sorry that you are struggling with depression, and I hope you can overcome it. And I'm thankful that Dodie, you and others are sharing your story because it is nice (well, maybe not nice, but comforting in some weird way), that I am not alone in my struggle. I can make it to work every day, but food (which is one of my few pleasures in life) has started to taste like ashes, and I have a date set for my closing bow (I'm talking to my therapist, maybe it will change). I'm trying to fight it, but it is hard. So again, thank you Dodie and everyone else for sharing, good luck. I think I'll go watch Sick of Losing Soulmates again...
+cary watts that's ridiculous to say because you don't know how her anxiety is because she didn't tell you. Or how her depression feels. You're wrong. Depression isn't only wanting to die and hating your life. Depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain. There's also different levels of depression. MDD: Major depression disorder. Which is quite close to what you were describing. She didn't tell you what she has and to its extent. Dude, you're talking out of your ass mate.
+cary watts it isn't a competition? What you're going through is horrible, and I'm sorry, but you cannot tell someone how they feel. You cannot pull the 'I have it worst than you do your problems are invalid!' Card. That is not how it works. How fucking dare someone with a mental illness, someone who knows what it's like to have your brain not function, tell another person that they're faking it?
My cousin has been diagnosed with depression. Everyday is a struggle for her and she's been to the hospital numerous times due to suicide, but nevertheless she can still sing, do her gymnastics, create costumes for plays and she can talk to her friends + family. She gives the greatest advice and tries to make anyone she loves feel needed and happy.
Depression is different for everyone. Just because you and some other people feel this way about your depression does not mean that every single human being on the planet that has been diagnosed (or not) with depression feels this way. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this hell of "there is no good future for me. I'm hopeless" (i used to think that way as well) but I don't think ti's anyones place (besides a doctor maybe) to say that someone who feels depressed does not know what is like and just feels down because they don't know what's going on. Sure she isn't diagnosed but she clearly feels some kind of depression. She's talked about her feeling depressed for ages
+cary watts can I say, I really hope you are better & that you're staying strong :) however can I also say that I've also tried to kill myself before and have a diagnosed depressive disorder but I still pull myself out of bed everyday out of fear of failing school, and it's like I put on a costume when I'm at school, I'm completely different and act loud and bubbly but at home I cry all evening and can't sleep, and would stress vomit etc etc. The point is ppl experience mental illness differently, you me and Dodie may all have depression but people react differently to it.
last time I went to a doctor I expressed my worry that I wasn't going to be able to get better because I feel like if it was up to me I wouldn't be able to change anything. She told me I was right and that I shouldn't waist her time because there was a waiting list of people she could actually be helping...
I felt like this for a while. I just felt disconnected and cloudy, like I was a ghost and it worried me for ages. It didn't help that my anxiety was really bad because I was going through health problems. Even now when ever I have something important to do or I'm having a bad day I can just sit there for hours because they day didn't feel real. I'm on a waiting list for therapy but I'm scared because I've had therapy before and didn't like it.
This is me too, i feel like im dreaming and nothing feels real. The only way im able to move on is to just think that even if this all a dream or feels fake, i can still make the best of it and try to have fun in this weird reality.
I went to three different therapists before I found one I could trust so not liking it the first time isn't unusual. It's really scary, but I'm sure u'll find a method of therapy that works for u xx
+Sian C thanks. The one I went to before wasn't too bad but it's opening up that's difficult and nothing worked. Talking and breathing exercises to 'calm' me don't work.
I know what u mean... What I'm doing is experiential therapy (which I hadn't even heard of before) and it's worked way more than just talk therapy and all. I really hope u find the method that works for u.
It's odd to me that people never had felt this. I though this was normal. To have days and months where things don't fit right. I've never talked to anyone about to happening to me for that reason. I guess I always waited things out until I shrunk back into the world or it stretched back around me. Thank you, next time I feel off like this I'll look around for a reason and a cure
a problem i have is that everytime i start thinking about mental illness and i wonder "do i feel like this?" i have no idea of how i feel. it's like "i might feel like this but what if its just a normal amount?" like, i know there is an amount thats not healthy but everyone feels down sometimes, right? i cant exactly tell where it starts becoming unhealthy and i have no idea what's going on. does that mean that even if my down days are really bad i'm okay or does this mean the exact opposite of that?
4:11 I always want to get into my parents bed and talk to them and just pour everything out but i can never do it. i want to tell them that i want to see a therapist but i can't bring myself to say it.
holy shit holy shit holy shit this is making me feel so flipping sad because I relate to most of this and I don't know what is wrong with me half the time and I don't know why i have these messed up thoughts flying around in my mind or why I just break down and cry a lot of the time and I wonder what the fuck is wrong with me because of all of that. I'm 16. I have visited the school counsellor in the past, I was referred to the doctor but didn't go to the counselling sessions they planned for me. I went to the doctor asking to be referred again recently because I feel like I really need it by I couldn't explain how I was feeling because I don't know how I am feeling. it's like I'm feeling sad and angry and twisted and all those feelings are so heavy inside me but at the same time I don't feel anything. but I couldn't word that and the doctor said she'd see what she could do but I could see how was looking at me like I was crazy and a waste of time and making it up, and I haven't heard anything back from the doctors since I went in like march. this is so long I'm sorry but I haven't written/said this properly I don't think so thank you.
You're definitely not a waste of time, and the things you're feeling are valid. It's really cool that you recognised something was wrong and tried to get help, doctors can be shitty and I'm so sorry yours didn't take the proper action. Like Dodie says, it might be important to keep trying until you can speak to a counsellor. Even if you don't know what's wrong, I've found it can be really helpful to speak to them and they can help you put into words how you're feeling, in a way you didn't even know was possible! Mainly, I want you to know that there's nothing 'wrong' with you and things definitely can get better, you can do this :)
Hmm, that's really tough. Is it possible for you to go to the doctors without telling your mum? Perhaps you could take a friend with you for support. The other thing you might be able to try is I know that some places have self-referral counselling centers, so you wouldn't need to go via a doctor first. It could be worth looking up if your town/city etc. has anything like that?
I find the hard thing with feelings is that words can't always describe them and that finding other outlets (creative) can help you put them in a form to explain to others and to help you better comprehend. I hope that makes sense.
@sunshinejessie yes I probably could, but I still wouldn't know how to explain it any differently. And because of where I live I wouldn't be able to easily accessible anywhere like those self referral places, but thank you so much for your help!
The more my life goes on the more I find out about the people in my life's depression. More and more people around me get depressed. Leaving me feeling like I'm responsible to make them feel better and to lift them up. But how do you lift someone out of the hole of depression and anxiety when your already falling in it yourself? I feel like they're... influencing me even though they don't mean to. That's when you stop taking care of yourself. The other day I cried. Not for myself but for my friend with depression. Now I'm lost.
Useful upload. . In life there are only 2 problems—mind and the body. To feel better reduce negative thoughts and overthinking. Your breathing is closely related to the brain [mind] and gives good relief from stress-anxiety. To relax sit on a chair or lie down, neck straight, eyes closed and observe the sensations of your incoming-outgoing breath at the entrance of the nostrils for 5-10-15 minutes or more. Don’t fight your thoughts. With daily practice the mind will relax. No deep breathing needed. Observe your breath sensations when you experience multiple thoughts anywhere-anytime- before sleep, in college, before sleep, in the kitchen, when reading, etc. Like me, make this a lifetime daily habit to have a better life. Reduce negative social media, take morning sunlight walks and avoid constipation as it affects the mind instantly. Best wishes--Counsellor.
Dodie did your eyesight improve at all after treatment. I watches your video on BBC radio 5 and literally have the same shit with my eyes (can't keep them open like looking through a marble). Does the transcranial shizzle work in your case?
I don't think I've ever related to a video more... I've got Depression and an Anxiety Disorder. Before I was Diagnosed, I would try and put a name to it too, as it made me feel a little more... sane?
I don't feel numb, I feel hollow. Like I'm inside a shell. I have a therapist, she helps me with my anxiety. I haven't brought this up. I don't want to acknowledge that something is wrong all though I just have. I see her again next week, I will tell her. I'm making a promise here. I won't break it
Wow, so sorry you've experienced this but well done for trying to be positive and making an effort to move forward. This video made me feel less crazy because I literally have all the same symptoms as you. I feel drunk constantly and scared to even look at anything. I have to keep closing my eyes cos everything looks so trippy and messed up. I've actually been off work for 2 months and will probably lose my dream job because of it. It was two years ago now so did you get over it and if so how? I'd love to know! Thanks x
Rant time! I'm 14. I attempted suicide once and almost did it another time. Both of these happened in 8th grade. I constantly go through mood swings and don't know where my mind is. I've always been told how to be and I just don't want to. Im bisexual and non binary and I've only told 2 people. Im scared and confident and I'm going through one big panic attack. The music I'm listening to isn't keeping me alive anymore and I'm drifting away into my abyss and my best friend doesn't have her phone so I can't text her when I'm feeling depressed and I'm always depressed and I'm angry that I only lean on her and I'm trying to be better and refrain from making her sad. I'm sorry everyone. You won't miss me. Good bye. Thank you for your time, but move on. I'll be with you, but you need to realise that I've been dead inside for years. I'll miss my friends, but I'll see them in time
Okay so 1) thank you so much for making this video because I generally feel horrendous and bad and it's kinda like "oh, I'm gonna see my best friends! Why am I not really really excited that I'm going to get to see my best friends?" And then I feel really bad for not feeling happy and it's just really sad and just no like just why am I like this I'm so awful and I hate myself wow And 2) I really hope you feel better even though that's a really weird thing to say because you can't just feel better but I just hope that you eventually feel okay xx
I know exactly what you mean. I went to a concert last year to see my favourite band- I was lucky enough to get a ticket (they sold out in 40 seconds flat) and I wasn't at all excited for it. I kept telling myself "oh, you'll get more excited as the date gets closer don't worry" and it got to a stage where I was in the line outside of the venue and I still wasn't even a little bit excited about it. It took me until they were about two songs into the show for me to actually enjoy it and have even a little bit of fun- to be honest, once that happened I had this incredible feeling of freedom that was like nothing I've ever experienced before in my entire life. Now as I'm writing this I can't remember what happened. I don't feel any excitement about the fact that I went there, and the only way I think I can get that wonderfully free, euphoric feeling back is to go to another one of their concerts. Hell, I have a ticket for their next concert in my area and the whole situation is repeating itself. I'm not excited at all. Not even a little bit. I'm just really hoping that feeling comes back- I've been pretty heavily depressed for almost five years now (that and a shitpile of other mental illnesses and symptoms and whatnot) and the way I felt that night was the best feeling I've ever had- in fact I think it's the only time I've ever felt truly happy since I was a hell of a lot younger. Whenever I sort of re-realise that I'm not looking forward to it, I feel like crap because I know just how lucky I am to have been able to see my favourite band even once, let alone twice; and because I know I should be happy and it feels kinda stupid when everyone else around you is more happy for you than you are for yourself.
I have exactly this.. buddy, I am so gone that I cannot even take a full breath in.. I feel super spaced out when someone is talking to me or especially when I'm talking to them. Every day is a struggle... I dont want to get up in the morning, walking is scary on its own.. I wish I can just wake up one day and this just be over. Also my memory is awful... awful awful
Honestly I'm so lucky my mother is a licenced social worker because my problems with mental health would exponentially worsen without her. I love having support.
This video makes me so sad because I'm 17 now, and I have really really bad derealization most of the time. When I'm at my home relaxing with my family it's usually gone, and it scares me because I know that I'll start to dissociate more and more once I move out and my brain has more to stress about. Once I go full-time at my job or go to college or join the military. I'm scared of not feeling like I really exist anymore, and I'm terrified that there will be no solution and as long as there is stress, I won't feel like anything is real. I'm scared of not feeling present during important times in my life. I'm scared of forgetting something important during my dissociation and accidently getting myself or someone else hurt. I'm scared of life not being vivid anymore.
First of all, I admire you for the bravery to not only explore these feeling to "figure it out" and to "cure" it and to also share it. It takes a lot of courage and strength. Second, you are not crazy. The organ in your head is too complex for something to not go a little askew. It's okay. And third, THANK YOU for sharing. For about 4 years, I've been trying to delve into and understand my mentality and recently before this video, I realized that the experience of depersonalization really fits what I'm going through. And so now I know that you, someone I Do look up to (but not put on a pedestal), experiences a similar thing. And I feel not so alone. We've got this, Dods. I know we can do this.
This might sound weird but depersonalization sounds like a blessing. I have depression and anxiety and im always trying to find a way out of this reality, but even weed doesnt help me anymore. I just want to be somewhere else.
I have been diagnosed with anxiety since I was 7 and depression since I was 8 this all was because of people in my family and now that I'm a little older and my mom has done all see can I am finally doing better. for the past year I was feeling as though I was not me but I was me I looked in the mirror it was me but I didn't like anything the 'other' me liked. I am now doing so much better and an now actually genuinely happy!
I intro reminds me of the texts I sent to my mom when I was depersonalizing and I told her I wasn't me and someone else was in my body and she thought i was schizophrenic turns out I was just depersonalizing and manic
the part where she says she used to believe that if she got dementia she would just fight it but how can you fight it when the it is the thing you're using to fight with.
Yes me too the past few months my anxiety has been really high and now I'm in two deep personalization feeling exactly what the young lady said in her video I personally am going through literally a weird scary dream I weather feel straight anxiety then this deep personalization it's like what I try to talk I can't talk I have the weirdest dreams if I sleep I'm just getting tired of this does anybody have any tricks that I can do to step out of this please
I watched this video when you posted it and I felt so sorry for you but didn't quite understand the panic and fear and general feelings you described- a year later this video scarily describes how I'm feeling and the way you're behaving and saying how others must think gives me chills as even just today my mum said similar things to me and and a week or two ago I was in an even worse place than I am now (good to know I'm not alone or crazy or hopeless or all of the above though)
Bro the whole everything being bright thing is so annoying to me with depersonalization. I wear sunglasses all the time now lol. Edit: since it’s been 5 years have you gotten over depersonalization?
I’m not diagnosed with anything as far as I know but I have talked to a therapist and it did help but I feel as though I may have derealisation. I get this feeling that lights are too bright, or that I’m not real, bit like a movie at points, bouts of panic or a feeling that someone is waking me up from a dream but I’m still in the dream? I also struggle with some awful intrusive thoughts sometimes that can be triggered very easy and it’s just very frustrating now. I have gotten better but I struggle a lot at school especially in school assemblies, which make me panic a lot. I have a fear of fainting since I’ve fainted a few times before and it really scared me for a long time. But hey. At least I have mostly accepted these moments of panic, I’m learning to fully ignore intrusive thoughts. It almost makes me feel a bit brave or proud that I’ve powered through it and that I have knowledge about anxiety and the ability to help others understand what it is 🤷♀️ I am trying to learn how to cope and I’m glad that my anxiety isn’t as bad as it used to be 🙂
so like....i've always had random flashes of derealization, my whole life, as any normal person. But lately I've come out of a reaaaaaally long period of deep unhappiness, only to have it replaced by derealization. It's not random flashes anymore, though. It's been going on for the past few weeks nonstop. yay. I am going through stress, but no more than I usually have anyway. I really don't understand why I have it. I don't have anxiety either. I just don't know. I suppose it started around the time I got into studying Mormonism and questioning purpose, life, and existence from that standpoint. Everything felt like it was clicking into place and making sense. But ever since such a deep mental growth, it's as if my brain couldn't handle the magnitude of it and is half-asleep/dreaming constantly.
Still beautiful, you can fight mental illness but you need a very, very strong amount of willpower, you need to find out what you have as soon as possible and get help as soon as possible, you gave very good advice, regardless of how you got it, if you can fight it or not get medical help.
(Continuing) loved making people laugh, I was sad and gloomy all the time. I acted like everything was fine when it really wasn't. Finally my parents took me to a teenage phycologist and she made me tell her everything. From why I thought I was feeling this way, to what I hated about myself. But anyway, I'm better. And I don't want anyone commenting, "Oh my god she's just looking for attention" I'm not doing this for attention, I'm doing this so Dodie and other people who read this know they are not alone. So stay strong Dodie 💖💖💖
5:23 this is how I felt aswell , and the thing about not looking for it , I tried to tell my mother and that's what she said I was doing . Today though cause of these videos I'm going to try and talk to her again , now that I now I'm not alone in this , thx <3.
Nevermind I'm telling her now , she came in and saw me crying and said that later if I'm ready to to tell her I should text her so I'm gonna mentally prepare myself.
So I'm back I did speak to her yesterday she said she would book an appointment and got straight of the topic and didn't even try to talk or ask me about it. I'm probably never gonna get that appointment .
I get depersonalization constantly. It's odd... usually it hangs in the back of my mind, the idea of "but this isn't real, right? you're not controlling yourself?" If I see my shadow or reflection, it ups rapidly, like I was shoved out of my own body and couldn't come back. If I see myself or lose my inner monologue, my own personal narrator, I can't be myself until I gain my inner voice again. In radio, they call silence "dead air." That's exactly what it feels like. A pause in the constant rush, the constant speed of my own over-thinking. It's odd... I've gotten so used to my own anxiety that a lack of it is disorienting to me.
To anyone else struggling with any kind of mental health issues in any way, please please please open up. Open up to a friend, a family member or a professional, preferably all 3.
Mental health is never the same as what people might consider to be a "physical" injury. Two people suffering from the "same" thing will have very different experiences and therefore should have personalised healing plans which are tailored to them as a unique individual.
To anybody who has a loved one who has opened up, all I can say from my experience is: Sometimes it's very difficult and virtually impossible to understand what another person is going through, for me it was more than enough just to know somebody cares.
To anybody who has walked, or is still walking this road and has opened up, please be here for those who are maybe fearful of doing the same 👍
ive been listening to your videos on auto play for a good hour and a half now and this one popped up and god, im not one to cry (says the kid who full on had a breakdown today in front of my own family) but i started crying a little when you mentioned asking for help and not denying what you have. there have been so many times ive pushed my problems down and beaten myself up because the thought that 'my problems arn't significant' have come to my mind. that these unexplained fears and feelings that spring up on a daily basis dont matter because there are so many other things going on in the world and that no one has time for me and my problems. (which my wonderful significant other has taught me other wise, bless them) i lost my train of thought, but id like to say that after twoish years of having something wrong with my brain, ive finally told my parents that i wanna get things checked out and get medication and finally feel safe and ok for once. and im gonna try my hardest to actually feel the most ok i have ever, weather it be with medication, therapy, or other forms of help. and on a side note, thank you so much dodie. for existing and being alive and talking about your feelings and making videos and all that good stuff that we all enjoy. i really hope youre having a good day/night/evening today and that youre feeling better then when you made this video. i honestly love you so much and im excited for your new ep (in 1 day !!! aaa !!!) thats comin out !! okok im done here bye <3
I took acid once and smoked weed with it. I was suddenly hit with what I can only describe as a wave of derealisation/depersonalisation and it was fucking terrifying. My friend thought I was joking at first but things took such a severe turn when I grabbed her hand and said help me over and over again. It was probably a bad trip triggered by anxiety and the drug combo. But for about 6 hours, my thoughts felt like sand slipping through my fingers, like I nothing was normal and it would never be again. The feeling kept triggering worse anxiety. The problem with mental health disorders is that they’re very cyclical. They’re self-propagating. So the only way out is through baby steps; slowly making the cycle go from clockwise to anti-clockwise. What you said about “just acting normal” was the conclusion I best came to in my weird little episode. Because people will treat you as such, and you’ll start responding genuinely normally. 😊
I've gotten depersonalization before, it's the scariest thing, it's like you're dead, a ghost, or just aren't in your body, and everything and everyone seems so fake it's like you're watching yourself and just so freaking scary I also usually get really nauseous and anxious as hell
See, I've been alone for over a month. Though I'm introverted, being with my friends helps me not think about my depression and I don't have anxiety attacks when I am around them. Being alone for so long, I've started thinking about how scary growing up is, and how I should just be able to ignore my feelings so I don't burden anyone else around me... This video was wonderful because for two weeks, I have been telling myself that I'm going mad, and I related to everything
Hello. :) I have anxiety and depression as well and I just wanted you to know that it can get better. I'm on the mend after a pretty rough time in my life. Just keep on trying and get help where possible. If you need anything I'm sure this community will be here to support you. It does get better okay? Try not to be too scared. <3
I've felt like this so many times, it's horrible!! You described it sooo well in your texts to people. That mad feeling is awful!! So frightening and disorienting!!!
Dodie why haven’t I seen your videos sooner. I feel this so hard I started crying. Thank you for making this video. I always feel so alone bc it feels like no one else can feel what I feel when I get “too in my head” I call it. So this makes me feel better. Thank you, thank you!
I hate depersonalizing. I once felt it for an entire week (bc mines just an extension of my social anxiety) and that was the longest I’ve had it, I think. It was terrifying. I was so scared that I’d never fully come back. Bc when I depersonalize it can last as short as a couple minutes. The hyper awareness and lack of control I feel is scary. But yeah, thank you again dodie!
POV: ur scrolling through the comments crying in happiness understanding your normal 😂
I’m 13 next month and I’ve had this for over a year and guys trust me the only way to get rid of it is not care about it like legit forget about it I’ve started doing that and it’s going slowly like you are real your not dreaming and you are ok trust me if you wanna talk that’s fine just reply to this and go ahead 👍
for the past year I've not felt what is deemed "normal" I've felt sad for such a long time and I was so nervous to tell my mom that I needed to talk to someone, who wasn't her. So now we are trying to find a good therapist for me and I'm excited and nervous to tell someone whats been going on in my life. I absolutely love you Dodie and I hope that you get a great therapist💙
I'm coming back to this video, my face covered in tears and in great need of a tissue. I'm trying to cry silently so I won't wake up my mom sleeping in the room next to me. I commented on this video a long time ago saying I was getting better, but I haven't, I get worse everyday. I have no one I can talk to. It's not that I don't have friends, i just don't have good friends, and I feel so alone. It feels like no one cares, and they probably would if I just asked them for help, but I don't know how. I'm scared they'll say I'm just going through an emo phase, or I'm just a kid who had nothing to be depressed about. I'm scared they'll say I'm doing it for attention. I don't want attention at all, I just want to talk to someone I can trust and won't judge me. I feel so hopeless, and it feels like I'm always dreaming. My family says I'm just lazy, but I have no motivation to do anything. My teachers tell me I have potential to make a good future for myself, but I don't give a shit, I just want to curl up in a tiny ball and disappear. I just feel so lonely. My eyes burn from crying and wiping and crying again. I want it to stop, but it won't and I'm just so scared I'll do something stupid. I don't want to hurt myself, but I don't think I'm stable enough to stop myself if I start. I always try to tell people it will get better, but it's only half-assed because I don't feel like I'm ever going to get better. I just needed to get all of this out somehow, even if it was a YouTube comment that no one will read. Yet I still feel just as bad, and hopeless, and scared. I wish it would stop.
One of the hardest things about derealisation for me is that I try so hard to convince myself that this is all real and normal and fine but even the reality is strange! We're literally on a sphere of rock floating in nothingness, I don't understand what space is, I don't get what humans actually are, why we're here..... ugh. Have to find a way to be comfortable with uncertainty.
I’ve been derealised like chronically since I was about 6 years old , I’m fifteen now and way too scared to tell anyone . I told one of my old friends but he didn’t understand and now we’re not friends and he’s like forgotten about it . I really am sick of this limbo feeling and it’s horrible watching my life without being able to experience it . I’ve also been self harming on and off since I was about 11 or twelve , and am now self harming regularly because I am of course depressed like many people at school . How can I get help and feel normal without telling my family ? My family has had a lot of mental health issues and isn’t exactly going to welcome even more with open arms .
Hello I'm Grace. And I have to say some things. Oh Dodie you are the world's brightest charm even on days that aren't bright. I am not diagnosed with any disorders, however, I may want to consider seeing a therapist or counselor of the sort because I do have mental stress like everyone faces at some point as well as some things that may be considered fitting to a mental disorder. Nowadays, glorification of mental disorders have lead my past self to believe that self diagnosis was "cool" or "edgy" or whatever. I would speak to my friend who has real depression and anxiety in technical terms, making me seem like someone who shared these struggles when I am not anywhere near the level of pain she has gone through. I feel guilty about it. It's in the past of course. There was no hatred or anything and she is still my friend and she didn't think much of it, but even being the offender, I am offended by past me. I am disgusted nowadays to see merchandise glorifying depression, anxiety, social anxiety, etc. This is indeed a problem. When young people are introduced to the ideas that mental disorders are something to flaunt and wear like a badge in the attempts to be "relatable", is horrific. The reality is that I do have mild anxiety every once and a while, and it's not even fun to have moderate anxiety. Also, as many people do, I could feel depressed or angry on a certain day and while I don't have the real disorder, people still feel these ways. I couldn't imagine what it would be like to live with severe anxiety or depression every single day. To everyone who faces struggles that are moderate, and to those who face hell every single day, you are loved. I love you, Dodie loves you, and millions of people are on your side. (Like Nationwide lol im sorry i had to.) Don't you ever forget how genuinely beautiful you are. I know it's incredibly difficult to trust an online stranger, but we are all no strangers to hard times. If you read this far, then shoot you loyal. If you didn't I don't blame you. But I just had to say my thoughts which is something we are all privileged with. Dodie's channel is safe and loving and caring. Thank you Dodie and thank you to every beautiful person reading this. Stay strong friends. ❤️
The problem with going to a therapist is that it's so expensive and at the moment, I cannot afford it. I have to save up my money and then I can go. I had some unexpected large costs a few months that kinda threw me under. Gotta build that back up.
@Marlene Kostka Thanks, sweetie! I'll be okay, though. I'm working on other ways to improve myself. It's tough. It's so fucking tough, but I'm pushing to get through.
hey! just remember that therapists are just people with a fancy certificate, and I know that sounds a bit harsh but I found that a therapist didn't help me at all. It was almost as if it was a waste of money, what really helped me was a friend I met via the internet, they were a way better help than a therapist maybe because they completely understood everything that I had gone through and I could relate to them a whole lot more. Just always try to remember that you shouldn't have to pay money to feel happy, there is always someone that will listen and understand you. :)))
@Renee Campbell Thanks. However, I don't need someone to listen. I have friends for that. I need professional help. And I have gone to therapy sessions with therapists I didn't get along with. Not every therapist is the right fit... I might have found another one though so fingers crossed. She's younger but I loved her lectures and we starting chatting on facebook so we'll see. :)
Depersonalization is SCARY. Mine started recently. (at least to the point where i noticed because I've always felt like i was not in my body... That my body wasn't mine). Ive been feeling numb and as if I am physically floating within my "body" for months now. When ever i have panic attacks it gets BAD!!!!! I get nauseous and really dizzy because "I'm floating within myself" Anyways I've found that if I try focus on the real world and try to focus on feeling the world it kinda tones down the symptoms.
Omg it's so terrifying, I relate to dodie saying she felt drunk because mine started after a night drinking and through i was just still drunk but it continued for two weeks.
Its so horrible..Honestly when this happend to me i was just looking at myself in the mirror and i was just like "this doesnt feel like me, this person looks like a stranger" And i broke down in tears still looking at myself, and oh god that made it worse. I felt so alone and unimportant and alone. Idk why but its probably the worst feeling ever
@Lydia Highfield same. sometimes when I'm eating i can't feel the texture of things in my mouth but i recognize the taste so i know what it is but i can't feel it. its really weird. After I started becoming comfortable(????) with it... i releaized i wasn't i afraid of certain things anymore. like heights. i used to be TERRIFIED of heights. now its what ever. this whole experience made me more spiritual to some extent. i am not as connected to material things anymore. mostly because i can't feel them (LMAO).
it truly is. i feel like.... you know those underwater pictures where there is a diver in the distance and all you see is the ocean and a spec for the diver. if that could be translated into a feeling that is how i feel. like I'm alone in the ocean and i see the shore but it seems like ill never reach it... And i've been in the water for so long that I may or might not know what being dry and non shriveled is like. being on shore would probably feel heavy anyways.
when dodie's eyes got wet and her voice started to crack a little bit made me feel so sad??? like, i emphatize too much and this just broke my heart in half
Sometimes I get good episodes of depersonalization like listening to good music and looking out a car window is so much more enjoyable when I am in a depersonalization state. However, if I'm depressed and depersonalizing it's like I'm locked out of my own body. No emotions, I don't want to move, and it's like I'm alive but not living.
You're probably not going to see this but if any of you also deal with this and there are times when it's REALLY bad, please do this: -Name 5 things you can see -Name 4 things you can feel -Name 3 things you can hear -Name 2 things you can smell -Name 1 thing you are ABSOLUTELY sure of.
I hope I helped atleast one person with this. <333
Today I told my little brother I was depressed. As I expected he asked me why I was sad but I said "no, depression, as in the mental disorder." He looked me in the eye and said "depression isn't a mental disorder." I'm going to have to give him a talk about a disorder deeply rooted in our family, me and my relatives with ADHD, as well as my older brother who doesn't have ADHD, have all been depressed. Looking back I know why he slept so much. Ugh I hate feeling empty inside. Then when I'm not depressed I just cry about girls because...yay me I'm bad at that whole subject. Crying still feels better than feeling nothing from anything though.
i’ve been feeling out of it and drunk like - although i haven’t been drinking. and i haven’t felt ‘here’ for like a month now, v glad i found this vid : )
the comments on this video; the people posting literal paragraphs, i hope you are doing well and if you're not, i hope you can overcome it & learn that it's a mental illness and it doesn't have to control your life :) i love you & stay safe <3
the fact that you tell all your friends this stuff is so different from my experience. I don't tell anyone, not cause they won't understand but I just don't care to? it doesn't matter if they know? I guess. does it help?
I just feel so scared, all the time. But what of? What exactly is there to be scared of? It's all irrational. It doesn't make sense. All my fears are irrational, but me being aware of that makes it even worse. I'm not sure if I have social anxiety or not. Now that I think about it, I displayed signs of it from a young age. When I was about eight I went to a book signing. The room was packed of people, and my claustrophobia didn't help that. I panicked. There were people, everywhere. People. Lots of people. That's my main fear. Irrational as it is. I badly wanted to meet my favourite author, but these people...and what would I say to her? I made my dad take me home. Something like this has happened before. When I was nine I was at a TV studio when they told me to step in front of the camera and speak. I had the perfect script in my head, rehearsed. But, as I stood there with them watching and the cameras rolling, I froze. Nowadays, things that make me anxious/panic are: When the teacher says the word 'presentation'. When you speak and everybody's like 'omg, she can talk!' When a teacher sends you into another classroom to ask for something. When you're trying to talk in class and somebody yells 'I can't hear her!' When you're speaking to your friends but their other friends come so you have to shut up. When you say something dumb and spend the next year of your life dwelling on it. When the teacher puts you in a pair with somebody you barely know. When the teacher makes a joke about you in class and everybody else laughs and you're trying not to cry with embarrassment. When your mum tells you to call your friend to ask how they are. When you have to read a page in class. When you have to eat your lunch around other people so you just go hungry. When your friend won't come with you to the toilet or the canteen. When you are mentally preparing every single scenario. When somebody asks if you're okay. When you get offered something and automatically say no so you can't be a hassle. When the teacher says pick a partner but none of your friends are in that class. When the teacher won't let you work by yourself. When you ask for something and they reply with 'help yourself'. When you forget your earphones and are scared that somebody might try and talk to you. When somebody says something nice to you and you don't know how to respond and you also immediately don't trust them because they just lied. When you have to repeat yourself in class. When you have to count up coins in a shop. When you're the first to finish your test but you wait for somebody else to finish before getting up. When you hold onto rubbish for a whole hour because the bin's on the other side of the classroom. When you get the answer wrong in class. When you get the answer right in class. When the teacher says you can choose your groups. When the teacher picks you to do something. When you need help but you're too scared to ask. When you make a carefully rehearsed comment and it gets ignored. When they've seen the text, but haven't replied. When you aren't sure what classroom you are meant to be in. When you send random texts to yourself just to look busy. When your friend doesn't want to come to the after school club with you. When you need to buy something but the cashier is intimidating. When you answer a question in class and your heart pounds. When the teacher says 'remind me'. When you are walking in the wrong direction but you can't turn around because you'll look stupid. When you can hear people laughing and you think it's at you. When somebody calls your name and you turn about but they weren't calling you. When you have a good contribution to a conversation or the right answer but when you finally are brave enough to put your hand up the subject has changed. When class has just started and everybody's talking to each other and you just sit there. When you have to hold back a panic attack and just sit there all casual. When you get put into a class with new people and you think 'crap! I was only just getting to know my last class!'. When a teacher's speaking about a topic that relates to you and you feel all self conscious. When you feel like you're going to cry if you somebody embarrasses you. When you don't bother asking because you don't want to annoy people. When you know something is stupid but you can't stop thinking about it. When you are told to 'stop worrying'. When you over think literally everything. When you are worried that people are put off by you. When you're home alone and you hear a noise and accept that you're going to die. //////////////////////////////////////
When you hold it in all lesson because you're too nervous to ask to go to the toilet. When you don't know what to do with your hands. When you really need to cough but you hold it in so you don't draw attention to yourself. When people think you are ignoring them but you just don't know what to say. When people think you are 'just shy'. When you're told it's all in your head!!! When nobody understands!! When people don't believe you are anxious because you talk a lot. When you're terrified about walking in late. When you have to count money in a shop and it seems like you are holding up the whole queue. When your mum says she'll be ten minutes and she's not back after eleven and you think something awful has happened to her. When you miss a lesson and when you come back you're like 'what if the seating plan has changed?' 'What if I don't know what I'm doing?' What if... When you are late and everybody looks at you When somebody compliments you and you don't know how to respond. When your friend won't come with you to buy a drink/to the loo so you go thirsty/hold it When people say don't worry. When the teacher praises you When the teacher mentions something you like and everybody turns to look at you sorry if you read this, this was really long I just needed to get my feelings out. Also, I over think everything and something I break down and have an anxiety/panic attack. I can be triggered by the smallest things like the thought of Dan and Phil leaving YouTube, but most of the time its social situations like going into school in the morning or performing in drama. help, please? xx
Pierce the Daizy hello, i am sorry I don't understand how you feel but I would recommend going to try to find the right doctor to help you or maybe going to therapy. But whatever you do I wish you the best of luck trying to figure this out. (Also I just realized this comment is a month later... oops?)
My fucking God I can relate to almost everything you said and that does sound alot like social anxiety you should try and talk to a doctor or maybe therapy??? idk that might help
dddaizy I surprisingly relate to this... if this is what social anxiety is like then damn I might have it but I know that I can be social to new people and dont feel introverted, more ambiverted. Strange.
I literally just sat here and read every single scenario, and genuinely related to all of them. I almost teared up a bit because I could feel the pain in this comment. I've felt that pain. It's good to know that there are other people out there who are the same. Though, it still hurts when all your friends are normal, functioning extroverts that have good charisma. Just know that you are a badass and you are strong because you deal with this pain every day, and you're still here. Stay strong ❤
when you are depressed your spirit is like a shadow to your body. you need to ground and feel roots come from your body to the center of the earth. i have gone through very similar things and this, combined with other things, helped me be happy again
OMG ive never related to a video more. its reached a point where people are making me feel like im making my sadness and depressive episodes up. as in ive even been diagnosed with depression but my parents have refused and said the psychoanalyst is wrong
I know this doesn't help, but I'm sorry you're going through that. You are such a lovely person and don't deserve to feel this way, you deserve to be happy and healthy.
this is probably the 3rd or 4th time i've watched this video. why? because i relate to it. i know the feeling of "maybe i'm going insane" and googling signs of insanity because you feel so isolated and like nothing is really real and like your life is a 3d movie and you're the only one in the theatre with glasses. i know the feeling of going back to an old place before things got bad, before your life changed dramatically in just a few weeks and all of these feelings getting worse. and like you can't escape these feelings, no matter how many distractions you make. no matter how many homework assignments you complete in a weekend or times you reorganize your room in a week, you're still restless. you still feel like an alien and like your skin isn't made as the same as everyone else's. when you drink 3 glasses of water but you're still thirsty. everything you see is out of focus, despite wearing glasses. and i hate this feeling. watching this video comforts me because i know im not the only one with these 'sensations' (or lack thereof) and that another person hates it just as much as me. my problem? im too scared to open up about it to anyone who isn't a stranger and seek help.
Life feels like a blur, my memories are mixed up and sometimes I feel like today never happened,everday is the same and i feel stuck with the same feelings and im scared ill be like this forever
Alone as in a different world, and i dont belong in that world And everyone thinks this world is normal but you dont ( which makes it worse because theyll never really understand)
Oh dodie, how I wish the US had something like the NHS. I had depression when I was 13-14 and often dreamed about going to therapy but little did I know how expensive it actually is. Thankfully I don't have depression anymore, but it turned into very problematic anger issues. My family is poor and we have problems and I wish we had a family counselor or something like that. My mom knows we need one but we just don't have the money. So basically all I have right now is short term coping mechanisms, suppressing my issues, or taking it out by screaming. If I felt comfortable talking to my friends I would, but I am not the type to be emotionally vulnerable around them. I don't know what to do except just sit and realize nobody has it easy.
I'm in 6th grade and basically I feel like everybody hates me and that they think that I'm weird or stupid. These feeling are eating me up. They're the first and last thing I think of in the day. Sometimes I get this feeling in my chest and I can't even pinpoint why it's there.
Recently I moved away and after 2 years I think it finally hit me. I just don't think that I had accepted that I wouldn't ever go home again. Since then, I have been a lot more conscious of myself. I think I feel that because these people that I am now spending everyday with don't know me, not the real me. And I'm afraid that they never will. I really miss my old friends that have been there throughout my life.
I'm just so so confused with who I am or who I want people to see me as.
I was so scared of going to the doctor because I was 15 and my mum didn't believe in mental health. Which ended up with me getting an eating disorder. However I'm all better now about years of therapy!
Recently I feel like I've related to this more and more. I consider myself to have some sort of mental illness. Probably a depressive disorder. Idk. I've had whatever that is for years. Maybe about 5. Recently I've had a pretty ugly mental breakdown. I live in a house with parents that won't really help much. They insist I'm fine. I'm really not. My exams (GCSE's) are in a week. I don't know what to do anymore.
Hey girl you should try and maybe get a dp manual might help :) I heard it’s helped a lot of others , and way of trying through it is acceptance also starts accepting instead of fighting the feelings you have overtime will get better
this video hit me hard. i never talk about my problems to anyone because i always feel that i have no right to complain because my problems are so insignificant compared to other people. so i just kinda keep pushing them down deeper and deeper and hope that when i eventually explode, no one is around so i can keep up the image of being the happy friend without a care in the world. i really don't know what's wrong with me...
Some questions for you dodie or anyone with depersonalization/derealization. For me the times where I wonder the most if I might have one of them is when I am majorly depressed. When I am "normal" aka not depfessed I look in the mirror and what I see is beautiful. But when I am depressed, I look in the mirror and what I see is ugly. I literal cannot see the tjings I love about myself. I dont see me. I am not sufe if this is just depression or maybe something more. I have never said that ever so yeah. Thanks for reading. Any help would.be amazing. I know I should get help, but rn my house is crazy so it wont happen rn.
I'm so glad YouTube has recommended this to me. Mental illness hurts so much that it's taken me a year to even do... Anything. I wish it would get easier. Damn it. Why am I watching this at 4:40am. Damn it all.
as you were talking, i started to realise its EXACTLY how i feeel, how ive been feeling like looking back the symptoms have just got worse and its been the past few years or so tht ive not felt right, and had weird symptoms but then its just got worse over this past year, and it has got worse, like i kept ignoring ove tthe years but i thought it would get better and there were moments that it did, but then cae back again and i just kept pushing it to aside nd now its got so bad that ive forgotten to talk to my friends, or even make plans or do everyday thing, and im really scared to go to the doctor , im just scared and alone right now because i know that something is wrong with me, because i feel so bad
this sounds a lot like how ive been feeling lately. i just dont quite feel like im all the way here. i know i have anxiety, but i dont know about the depression. it seems like ive been going on and off the he whole depression thing, ive been battling with myself, trying to figure out if im depressed or not, trying to tell myself im not or that i am. nobody want depression, but sometimes i wish it would just happen so that i wouldnt have to question myself all the time. life just not easy anymore, nothing makes me happy.
depersonalization. it's a thing? I've been feeling this way for a long time. I developed depression in 3rd grade and had anxiety all my life. I've been diagnosed by a doctor with them. I feel that way, but I thought it was just a little effect of my anxiety. I'm only 13 but these feelings run in my family so it's kind of normal for me to get it. My parents understand and know how to help with my depression because my older siblings went trough the same things, but they never wet through depersonalization. I go to therapy and I'll try to bring up this topic. thank you so much !
I don't know if I have depersonalization or if I dissocate. Sometimes I look at my hands and it doesn't feel like they're mine. I don't feel drunk or detached from reality, but I do have to remind myself that I'm real sometimes. It feels like nothing matters when I get like this. idk, I do suffer from depression and anxiety.
It is ok to cry, it is always ok to cry. You are also obviously going trough something really hard, so you have a good reason for it.
I might have a mild version of depersonalisation, but not that it becomes a huge problem i think.
When ever I am in a social context three things may happen. 1: I am back inside my self and still quite conscious about what I do. 2: I first black out while talking and after a while returns to consciousness. Some times when I then return to consciousness I feel like I am looking down up on my self talking to another person. And i think like "what the fuck am I going on about". When this happens I start to worry that I might say something I shouldn't say. Because I feel like I have no control over my self. But it never happens that I say something that ruins the conversation. But most of the times I come back after I said something and can't remember what I was talking about. 3: I feel like I am looking down up on a group of people that I am a part of. Then I try to understand the chemistry of the group.
I often feel like I am looking at my self from the outside. This makes it easier for me to question and understand my own nature. I like questioning things.
Another very strange thing that happened to me when I was a kid was that the area where I use to live just changed. Everything hade a slight offset of color and geometry. It was as if I one day woke up in another world. Where everything was similar, but not completely. I remember that I got a bit of a panic and told my parents that this is not where we live. That everything was wrong. After that day everything was different and would never change back again. For a long time I really missed the time before that day, I still do. But with time I have more and more accepted that it will never return to me. Now it feels like the word home is nothing more but a word that doesn't mean anything on an emotional level.
Dodie, i love you very much. I feel the same. I'm so proud of you for recognizing your illnesses and symptoms and actively trying to fix it. It's so easy to just find comfort in it and stay there, like I've been doing for the last five years. You're such a beautiful person and I look forward to the day that you recognize that again. ❤️ keep on keeping on dod
i feel like those background characters in Harry Potter that are unimportant and nonrelevant and just referred to as something like "a Ravenclaw girl" and I'm like a side character in my own life idk it's weird and im trying to use my fandom to explain how i feel daily ndcjnrlcjenocnwodndlciao
I know exactly how you feel. It sucks being that random Ravenclaw girl that the Golden Trio pass in the halls, or something, or in the back of a charms class. But in a reality, everyone's the Harry of their own story. Or Hermione, who is much cooler, and is the real main character. Ugh this is such a weird reply this probably doesn’t help at all.
Depersonalisation is something I can relate to. I could be walking down a path that I have walked down the past 20 years and feel no connect to the area. Same with my childhood friend, I could be talking to her and feel no connection. I always know thats when my anxiety and depression is at its worse. It's a horrible feeling because you feel like you don't belong anywhere and that you have no home. When you are going back to the places from your past your technical wanting to go back to the way you felt in the past and that is to feel comfortable again.
Have you had your ferritin/iron level tested? I have been experiencing depersonalisation for 4 or 5 years and have had low ferritin the whole time, I've just found out iron defiency can cause depersonalisation so I am now focusing on raising my my iron levels..
I've had this disorder for about 3 or 4 years now and I never know how to describe it to people I talk to about it, so I always send them to this video to help them understand it better.
Man this hit me hard. We are writing letters to our future self’s in school (I’m in 9th and well the school is going to send our letter to us when we graduate high school.) I didn’t know how to write the letter cuz I have so much to tell myself. We have to follow a certain direction to write it. We have to talk about our selfs now , our fears, what we hate about us or like. We pretty much have to have a self reflection and it sucks cuz the teachers gonna read it and when she read mine she’s gonna feel so bad for me. Here’s the thing, I like myself but I struggle with ptsd , depression, and anxiety...:.
I have a phobia of doctors, hospitals etc, and it took me 3 years to build up the courage to go to the doctors, who told me I'm making it up. People don't realise how much of an effect small comments like that have on people's lives, so please think before talking to people with mental health issues x
I really needed to see this video. I searched for people struggling with this type of stuff. Please understand what I am about to say is not meant to be mean or judgmental. It is meant to help you. You are talking about issues that people who really need help need to hear. It would help if you planned out your videos more. Dont go down rabbit trails.
The most difficult part is to find out whether you are just a spoiled, sheltered brat who needs a slap from the real world or you actually need help from professionals. While I recognise symptoms associated to mental disorders such as depression and anxiety, I do not experience more serious symptoms like panic attacks and suicidal thoughts, making me doubt my own suspicions about the possibility of having mental problems. I honestly cannot tell if I am just seeking attention at this very moment and what I am doing is an insult to people who truly suffer, or I actually need to find a therapist. The counsellor from my previous school is on holiday at the moment and I don't really want to bother her, so I just don't know what to do with myself anymore.
I SO understand what you are talking about, I used to feel the exact same way! But here's the thing- everyone's feelings and problems are relevant to them. If you are struggling mentally and it is affecting your everyday life, you should never ever deny yourself help just because someone else out there might have it worse than you do. That's like refusing to go to the doctors to treat your broken wrist because someone else in the world has a broken neck which is more serious. That mentality is useless and will only result in you feeling more guilty and depressed. Talk to someone now before your negative feelings manifest themselves and become 10 times bigger. You deserve true happiness so don't ever believe that you are unworthy of help or treatment. Wish you all the best xx
Yeah, I'm not really sure about myself. On one hand I do have some of the symptoms like loss of interest in activities I'd normally be interested in and being tired a lot. On the other hand, it's not like I can't enjoy little things anymore. I can still laugh with friends and enjoy a good tv show. But sometimes I'm just sad and can't determine why. I'd rather lay in bed then go out anywhere. Idk if I actually have a problem or...
@Niamh Jac Yeah, I went to the see a doctor who said I show signs of moderate depression, but I think I'd have to get a diagnosis from a psychiatrist or psychologist or something.
I feel the same. when I get waves of depression, I'm like "wow this is horrid, I need help rn" and then after if happens I can't remember how it felt, so I'm like "oh, I'm probably alright. I don't need to waste peoples time, I just had a mood swing or something" but it's been going on for 2 years and it's a lot worse than I make it out to be, and I'll be getting help soon.
please listen to the little voice telling you that you need help. your future self will thank you.
Congratulations Enna! Getting help for some can be a sing of weakness, but its really a sing of courage. Remember that your problems are not "less" than others, just because some have it worse, it doesnt mean that you dont deserve to be acknowledged. I wish you the best in your recovery!!
RITHVIK wonderful! I'm so proud of you! don't give up on yourself. please take care of yourself, and talk to people, and have an amazing day/evening. you are so lovely, and you deserve the absolute best. I wish you so much health and happiness.
RITHVIK Over the past two years, I've struggled with on and off depression and anxiety, but it was hard to say to myself "Emma, I'm pretty sure you have depression, and you need to get help." because it comes in waves and when i come out of the wave and I can breathe clearly, I forget how it feels to drown. but with the help of my wonderful best friend, youtubers like dootie, I've been talking to my parents about getting me a therapist. I'll be going to my first appointment in a few months, and right now I'm doing great. just remember it'd OKAY to talk to people. yell and about if you have to. don't let yourself be a ghost.
I wish you the brightest morning, the freshest air, and the sweetest fruit :)
RITHVIK oh my gosh, I'm gonna cry, that is so touching. wow, I'm so proud of you for being persistent and having faith in your self. you are amazing, and I'm so glad I found this video and your comment. I have an Instagram and my account is called @chaotic_stargirl. I also have a tumblr and it's called wanderingstarkid. if you have Instagram or tumblr, I'd love to follow you and keep in touch every so often
Melanie C. Here's my opinion on the "seeking attention"
Even if you were "just" seeking attention you deserve to talk to a professional because getting yourself into these mindsets where you experience symptoms of a mental illness is still an unhealthy way of coping with things in your life Someone once said "if it's bothering you, it's enough to get help" And seeing how you described it you don't seem to know how to get that "slap of reality" yourself and someone could give you a hand with that
You can even go to a therapist and say "I'm not sure if it's right to be here" and they will decide after your first session Just don't go in there thinking you're wasting anyone's time, I promise you you're not! Have a nice day and I hope you feel better soon :) xx
I know how You feel, i had the same thing, i thought i am just an attention seeker. It came to the Point where i couldnt believe my psychoatrist when she was prescribing me my medicine. Well, now i know that i have a pretty big Depression and anxiety. Get help! Dont feel like You are doping this for attention
Melanie C. wow Im like this too but then I'm in the cycle of thinking where I'm like "I don't want to bother anyone they'll think I'm stupid" and then I'm like "that's probably a symptom of anxiety" and then i don't know what to do and I can't talk to anyone about it😖
i've felt like this too, like it's weird living in a first world country with nice things and clean water etc but feeling so shit at the same time. people will always be there telling you "at least you're not a starving child in africa" and yes thats true but its hard to get into that mindset that you are lucky when bad stuff is going on in your head. hopefully by now you've seen someone and if you have, good luck
my problem exactly! what doesn't help is that my mum feels that all teenagers just make up mental illness and have no reason to go to a doctor! she refuses to accept that I might have a problem so I doubt that I do when all I feel all the time is just crippling anxiety....
honestly seeing all of these replies to this makes me feel so much better about myself because feel the exact same way, I feel some symptoms but nothing too bad and this just made me realize I still should deal with thank all of you
Melanie C. Sometimes you don't have the worst symptoms, this does not mean you don't have depression or anxiety. It means you might. You still might need the help, don't feel down because people have it worse. You still have it pretty bad, and that's ok.
Reading this comments really helped me. I also have a lot of symptoms (for 2 Month now) but I haven't the worst ones like suicidal thoughts. And I don't know what I should do now bc my parents wont take ma serious, they'll just laugh at me and say that I'm too young (I'm 15) and I haven't any problems, I have though. Does someone know what I should do? It really botheres me. I also feel a lot like I'm seeking attention or something like that
Melanie C. That's what I did but what I didn't realize was there was suicidal thoughts at that time and at some point these suicidal thoughts got really big and I needed professional help. If I didn't get this I wouldn't be here today
Always remember that the chemicals in your brain aren't affected by your privilege or place in the world. You have every right to admit you are suffering from mental illness, no matter who you are.
+Melanie C. and +Emma Freeman and a few others (it feels awesome that so many people have been impacted by what you shared half a year ago :) ) I have felt exactly the same as your original comments, and have struggled to talk to anyone, even my best friend, and I feel like I can't talk to parents/therapists/friends as I "forget how it feels to drown" and worry that I'm attention seeking, and other people have worse mental issues than me and so how i'm feeling is illegitimate
I am having mentoring sessions with my sixth form therapists, but am unable to say how I feel, and since you two have basically said it, I'm gonna quote you if that's alright, as I don't feel able to explain my struggles otherwise
to people who are struggling, and have unsympathetic/not understanding friends and family.... PLEASE, try to talk to someone who understands mental health issues in general, like a therapist/doctor , and try to find a way to communicate in which you can say how you truly feel without having to hide anything, as I find typing how I feel is SO much easier than trying to talk about it e.g
whoever you are, thankyou for sharing, and to whomever out there is struggling to find hope, and can't keep their head above water, you are not alone, you can keep fighting, exhausting though it may be, and you are loved, and you matter (and in true cringeworthy-youtube-comment fashion... stay alive frens |-/ :) )
I used to feel that way and I still saw a therapist to help work it out and I was doing great and I felt happier and "normal." I felt depressed all the time but I never wanted to kill myself because I am so afraid of death and there are things I want to see. But then I began feeling very aware over the fact that I felt that way and proceeded to obsess over it to the point where I was and am not sure if I want attention at this point and it's making it a whole lot worse
Ok reading this makes me want to vent because I cried. I feel like I can't have any mental illnesses even while I'm writing this it's weird just because everyone knows me as THE HAPPY EXTROVERTED PERSON that's a little bit stupid and I have a nice house and a sweet family and a cool room and the best friends and that just kind of.. idk when I feel bad I feel guilty and I KNOW ITS STUPID BECAUSE EVERYONE CAN BE DOWN OR STH LIKE THAT but ugh.. can't express my feelings..
I feel like I'm making things up because my life's too happy.. sounds stupid and it is stupid. And yes I feel like I'm attention seeking and that's why I don't talk to anyone about it but I think about what I feel all the time because there's not really something REALLY BAD I SHOULD TALK TO SOMEONE ABOUT but it's not positive either? I'm just here, existing and thinking about my feelings and wow what a rant bye
Das Klopapapier would it surprise you if I said that is exactly the same as me? Started about 4 years ago and is coming to an end as we speak. I swear I was exactly the same, and when everyone you make eye contact with you have to flash your smile because it's such a huge secret to us that deep down we don't know who we are or what we feel, right?
Das Klopapapier it sounds like maybe you don't trust someone to regulate your feelings. The thing is, I felt this way because I had completely detached from everything and everyone (subconsciously) and then I was practically and emotionally (not physically) but all my feelings, they began storing up because I had no one to share them with, know my life share my experiences with. And this can be extremely tough because then I started to think it was my duty to act like the perfect person and that everything was always okay, but of course I was very lonely even if I had lots of acquaintances. I don't know if you can relate to this?
Well I have a best friend who I COULD TALK ABOUT ANYTHING TO but now that you're saying it.. I think in the past weeks I always was like 'naaah that seems so..unrealistic or not important enough to tell' and maybe is that it..what did happen next if I may ask?
And the second one too but the first one about "have to flash your smile"??? Like?? EVERYTIME i smile at someone I'm thinking like "hahah what what what" ..something in that way lol..yes
Das Klopapapier firstly, I want to make this perfectly clear, I don't know who you are, your life experiences or what your back ground is but I can assure you, what you are feeling or thinking is ALWAYS relevant and important, if you want to know why... it's because it's you, and you my friend, are a special person, remember that little girl you were at 4?? Well that is still you and her needs are very important. I suppose what I'm trying to say here is that, if you are honest enough and look deep enough, you will find someone you can trust, even if it starts out messy and confusing, but slowly those feelings you can share with somebody else-even the most embarrassing secretive ones (trust me I've been there hiding away in the toilets😂😂) it's highly likely you've lacked someone true to confine in and perhaps you've faced let downs from those you love and those who were supposed to love you.
I'm still healing I'd be lying if I said I was better because in all honestly, it's a process, an extremely long one at that. But finding yourself anyone, you can just let yourself relax and know what you're feeling is important, you will get somewhere. Parents? A teacher? Friends or boyfriend? Anyone. I think change in me began when I accepted the fact that I was deeply unhappy inside and that I was very far from my true self (I know those words haunt people like me) you hate your position but you have no clue where to even start so you just build more and more walls
Emma Smith I get the thing about that you don't know who I am but I will try to be more open about my feelings in the future and i'll try to remind myself that my feelings are relevant and...yes thank you
I get depersonalization constantly every day, and I didn't think that many other people got it, this makes me feel so much better. My parents want to send me to a therapist but I'm way too scared because I see going to a therapist as another thing that makes me different and weird to everyone else I know. They only started caring when my mental problems affected them, like me getting panic attacks at random moments, even though I had tried talking to them about my suicidal thoughts and sadness and despair before but they didn't really care, and wouldn't listen. I self harm, but its not cutting, its slapping myself on the head really hard until i get headaches and dizziness, because it doesn't leave marks or scars, there's no bloodshed, I can kid myself that its not self harm. My parents always talk about supporting mental illness until it affects them.
Depression sucks. I have a wonderful concoction of anxiety, depression, and anorexia. It's good fun :) Everyone who watches this video, I hope you can feel the sun and I hope it feels nice. I hope that, if you can't, you can somehow remember that, even though you can't see it, the sun is still there, no matter how far away it feels x
the funny thing is,the lack of awareness is what made me get so late to treatment,i never EVER knew mental illnesses existed just 3 years ago!! i was very insecure during my childhood and i'd find myself shaking,crying,out of breath and nauseous when i'm worried and the whole time i thought it was normal,then i started to read online about it,and that's when i was like "shit do i have anxiety ???" and the answer was yes,i did, for long years i thought it was normal but again,no one around me seemed to struggle like me,no one ever sat before an exam and cried and was uncontrolably shaking ,now i'm living with anxiety,depression,depersonalisation ,eating disorder and an obsessive skin picking ,my dad doesn't believe any of these are actually happening to me (even after being there while i was having a panic attack)and i'm just sort of .....existing
I love when ppl on YouTube talk abt mental illness bc as someone w a personality disorder it's so easy for me to think that I'm the only person who feels this way but like ik ur a real person idk this vid just hit home v hard
also for other minors who's parents don't support them getting help for mental health online counseling is actually so good like it's not as good as a psychiatrist and a therapist irl but it's better than nothing
after the fires that burnt everything and lots of towns i came back from evacuation and i didnt feel...my self everything felt different and wrong and i couldnt take it people got so worried they called a counsellor to talk to me and i just cried and that was a year after it happened i thought i would never feel normal again but because i was so young there wasnt normal my mind went crazy the same time i grew up so there was no normal feeling that i wanted back i just knew it would never be the same and the way i kind of... not fixed it but got better at controlling it and now im better than ever was but doing things.. memorable things amazing things but for me it was a horrible heart breaking thing that shaped me so much into who i am today and it made me learn and grow like normal but it also made a feeling a normal feeling like there was but this time it was better i was more aware of what i was saying and doing and after a couple years i was a new and improved me and as of now im going through a tough time but that doesnt trigger the feeling of not being here not being myself just everything feeling wrong it turned into depression almost and then i knew how to defeat it so i did so it went from denationalisation to depression to anxiety to me defeating it and controlling it some days i do get that feeling again tho the feeling that you arent your self and u look around and something just feels wrong and u see some things bigger and somethings just dont seem right and it scares me but i sleep because i feel like sleep is my escape but then sleep became horrible it almost became a chore because i started having dreams about what i was feeling about what happened that was heartbreaking about it and i couldnt take that but sometimes the only way to fix it is to grow and learn and change so much so that the old you before that horrible feeling is horrible compared to the you now i hope that my story helps someone out there <3
dodie is so real and says how it is and i admire that. most people dont have the confidence to make something like this but its helped people ly dodie x
Oh my god I just. This is how I feel, I swear to you this is how I feel. Im not really sure when it started, I just know I got worse once I came to college. Though in some way I think Im in a slighter lower lever. JDKSJ I dont kNOw. This is probable the most surreal thing xD Just. You gave me more to think about. Thank you for making this video, it's like you get it.
Im watching this for the fourth time in two days now. I just need to tell my mam i think im depressed. Ive been meaning to do it for a month. I just cant
Those people that would judge you have not been through your pain. You are so strong to live with your problems and sharing them with others makes them feel less alone and 'freakish'. I give you my full support!
I'm sure loads if people have already suggested this, but CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) helped two of my friends with depression and anxiety and is still helping so if that's what your planning on doing, rest easy knowing that it is effective and helpful!!! I love our videos so much, stay strong, you can get through this <3
hello to anyone who might read this I'm 14 and I think I recently started derealising? I haven't gotten anything confirmed yet but I do relate to a lot of this. I constantly feel like I am in a dream and that I might wake up any second, but also I know I won't. I am able to communicate with the people around me and I still know who I am (or at least as much as I can know about myself at 14) but I feel very distant and I constantly look at other people wanting to be them, to stop feeling like this. I'm pretty sure though, that it won't go away. My therapist says it's because I've been stressing a lot lately, but looking back at these last few weeks I can't say I have. I'm also afraid that I've been scaring my friends, because at one point I ended up telling them "I'm afraid nothing is real". Thankfully, they're amazing and I've told them to just be patient with me. To anyone who might be feeling the same as me, I recommend making yourself a calendar of what's happening the next few weeks, and then going along day by day. Also, if you haven't already, please get help and know that you're not alone.
Guys, I've been doing a lot of research on this and I think it has a lot to do with the limbic system, and there are ways of retraining your brain, like it's possible to feel normal again...I hope I can :/
I have little episodes that make me feel like I’m in a video game or something, I don’t feel real in my own body and I’m so sick of overthinking everything but I just can’t control it, it takes over my brain. I have times when I feel like there is no point to life and nothing I seem to enjoy makes sense. I feel like I just can’t avoid them. I overthink every little thing, and the whole world feels scary. I feel non existent. If you’re going through the same thing, please reply I just want a friend to talk to about it with.
@Chanbemo Kikon Yeah exactly it’s like I’m in a video game. It’s still happening and quite bad but I’m learning more coping mechanisms and ones that work better. How are u going?
@HRY FA it’s still the same The worse part is when iam inside a car and everything outside seems unreal like those people and I can’t take sunlight man it gives me anxiety ? How’s your coping mechanisms?
@Chanbemo Kikon yeah same it’s pretty bad when I’m in a car but for some reason it’s also really bad in the shower. I’m trying to teach my self to embrace it and also just trying to distract my self as much as possible but it still gets really bad
@HRY FA . ow are you now? In life there are only 2 problems—mind and the body. To feel better reduce negative thoughts and overthinking. Your breathing is closely related to the brain [mind] and gives good relief from stress-anxiety. To relax sit on a chair or lie down, neck straight, eyes closed and observe the sensations of your incoming-outgoing breath at the entrance of the nostrils for 5-10-15 minutes or more. Don’t fight your thoughts. With daily practice the mind will relax. No deep breathing needed. Observe your breath sensations when you experience multiple thoughts anywhere-anytime- before sleep, in college, before sleep, in the kitchen, when reading, etc. Like me, make this a lifetime daily habit to have a better life. Reduce negative social media, take morning sunlight walks and avoid constipation as it affects the mind instantly. Best wishes--Counsellor.
I fee the same way.... I'm just scared to tell my fam. I feel like everything is a dream. It's always hard one day will prob. Be ok but we do need help.... and it suck, and it hurts and you can't breath but you can be strong. Don't deal with it by your self.
At the part where you said you just wanted to get into your old bed in your old room and feel normal again made me tear up because that's exactly how I feel but when I get into my bed and try to feel normal again, I'm left with my own thoughts and my anxiety takes over and it makes me feel even more insane. Then the part at the end when you said our problems do matter made me cry because that's exactly what my sister said because I've been too scared to tell anyone about my anxiety and so I've been trying to put off telling anyone about it. Also, the fact that you're going to get help to solve/cure your problems makes me want to get help too but I'm scared. Scared that I'm gonna be made fun of for being weak and developing a mental disorder. Scared that people are gonna find out about me being bisexual too. Scared of pretty much everything really.. God, I sound so stupid and weak 😶😓
no, no one struggling from a mental illness is weak or stupid. we're all very strong for not letting it defeat us completely. yes, things like depression and anxiety may throw us around like crazy sometimes, and can beat us up pretty well, so naturally we feel weak. but the fact that you are still here and still fighting despite all the bad stuff in your head makes you incredibly strong. and i believe that soon enough, you'll be comfortable enough to open up to the people closest to you about your anxiety as well as your sexuality. if you never try, you'll never know. i hope you can find the help you need, and feel better about yourself. baby steps. it takes time, but you will get there <3
+ginger soul Thank you for actually letting me know that there's people in the world that can care for complete strangers. <3 In the past couple of days I've told my closest friends about my mental illness and sexuality and they accept me for who I am and are actually researching and trying to come up with ways to help me not let it take over me completely. Also, the second person I came out (the first being my best friend Carys) to was my closest friend Darcy and the way it actually happened was we both said we wanted to talk to each other in private as we were at school and we didn't really want everyone to know what we were gonna say. So we went to a little private place on school site and said we needed to tell the other person something. We both agreed to say it at the same time (it sound so cliché) so we did and we ended up saying the same thing - we're both bisexual. So since then we've told our other close friends (Molly & Berfin) and become really, really close as friends.
@Stacie-Lou that's amazing!! I'm so glad that you have such supportive friends. And i'm glad you and Darcy are so close now. Therapy can also really help. i've been in therapy for my mental illnesses for a while now, and it really has helped. it reminds me that i'm not crazy, and that i'm more than what's in my head. i'm slowly learning to not let it control me, because it doesn't have to control me. i don't have to listen to it, even though my mind tells me I'm supposed to. so when you're comfortable enough, i suggest you talk to your parents/guardians about finding a therapist for you. there are plenty out there who specialize in anxiety.
I think once you get depersonalisation it can come back as I suffered 20 years ago with it badly it stopped for a number off years yet it does raise it's ugly head from time to time if I get very anxious or things are different I'm a creature off habit if my day is different I'll get it. I've had it bad today because we had a guest stay over so in my world it made the day different. It's such a pain but at least we know what is happening.
It’s crazy because I was depersonalised not so long ago and upon searching for answers, your videos were what I came across and there was comfort in not feeling alone and that there’s someone brave enough to publicly explain their journey through this. When you say you’re not making it up, when I was going through the same I was like, of course you are not, why would you? But now seeing from an outsider’s perspective once feeling better, you seem and talk fine, which is why it was hard to convince those around me what I was going through. It’s a real and scary thing and sometimes I’m scared it’s going to come back but I’m glad to feel more normal when I can
I thought i wouldn't find someone who have the same mix of the mental illnesses i have. Bit the sad thing is i am feeling numb almost all the time, and there is nothing to make me feel better. literally. It gets worse when your family arent helping.
im telling you, this video is helping lots of people dodes. lots of people feel the same, especially i can relate to the depersonalisation thing i REALLY can. its awful awful and you feel like you are watching life go by on a screen or in a weird game or something. we are all here for you and love love love you
this sounds weird(i am a pessimist) but I feel happy, but all I can think about is the low I'm about to feel, because there's always a low. I'm waiting for the rain to come once again.
Whenever I walk into a dark room or a dark space I feel like I'm dreaming, I just go in and out of reality, when something or someone lets out a noise i go back to life but everything is blurry and loud and dizzy, I get headaches and I feel so light headed. I'm not saying I have something because I don't know but that happened like a couple of times and I feel like I'm going crazy.
he NHS may be free but it's not bloomin easy lol. gotta say making this video was super healthy for me. It was good to edit together and see that I can pass as a functioning human.
So many doctors, therapist, and psychiatrists have been more hurtful than helpful. Saying things like "attention seeking" and "making it up". Them of all people shouldn't say that. That's who is supposed to help. I've found a therapist who is like a second mother to me. She's so amazing. I've had to move four hours away but we still stay in contact. I can understand what you mean by this. You're not mad. Unless I am too. Then we are mad together. But I feel like I'm not really here and this is all a dream or fake or something. It's hard to explain but I understood. Depression and anxiety have always been a struggle for me and especially feeling "out of it". And it's nice to know that someone else has experienced it. But it's awful. Because it hurts. It's sad. No one should feel that. You can't turn it off. You can't just wake up and be better. There's no real reason for the depression or strange feeling of not being there. It just happens. You go on with life doing things as you normally would but it just feels fake. Not real. I broke down when you said you wanted to go back to your old bed. Because I want my old bed. I want to be happy again like I used to be. I also live in the past and don't want to grow up. Im terrified. Please take your time to take care of yourself. I know how much this hurts. Please don't worry about entertaining us. just please care for yourself. We love you and just want you to be healthy.
possibly because many teenagers go there attention seeking (in my experience what they say they have is not genuine but rather to gather attention), hard truth. just because you dont feel happy all the time does not mean you are depressed or whatever tumblr teenagers call it (anxiety or depersonalization bullshit)
Sometimes I feel like I'm going through a dream (life) and I'm gonna wake up and be born again and relive it. Sometimes I feel like I'm in a movie (life) and one day the credits are gonna roll. Sometimes I feel like I'm in a book (life) and the last page will turn. Sometimes I don't feel all there. Not drastically but it's there. Sometimes I feel weird. Sometimes I can deal. Sometimes I can't. Sometimes that's okay. It's always okay to let it out. I feel like I need self discovery. It sucks. We've all gone through a lot and that's okay. It. Fucking. Sucks. But we have to deal.
Dodie, I honestly think this video is so important and needed. Mental illness has such a huge stigma attached to it, and the more we talk about it, the less that stigma will exist! Thank you for being such a shining light in a dark place, and having the courage to say this when it must have been so hard to be vulnerable ❤️ You are such a fierce, badass, warrior of a human and even if I don't know you, I love you. We all do.❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Ima not give up. I can do this! I will keep getting back up! Been at it, collect ways to get better. Right now, mindfulness and loving yourself n life and honesty.
May God be with you and show you His wonderful kindness and grace dear friend. May the love of His Son Jesus surround you and embrace you warmly. Please take care.
I am scared that I may have depersonalizations disorder. Over the past two years I have started to feel this strange thing that I can't describe over and over, and it's the worst strangest feeling. I still just put on my favorite US navy sweatshirt and lay down and cry. Because there is nothing else I can do. Most times, once I am out of a period like that, I will kind of forget what it felt like and that makes it very hard to describe. I have been constantly researching mental illness, trying to figure out what's wrong with me, and I still don't think depersonalization is it but it's getting closer ?? I have no fuckin idea, but because I can't describe it to anyone and I am too young to get help because no one will listen to me. They always say 'oh you're just a teenager everyone feels like this all the time hahaha you silly bean' but like no most teenagers don't have this longing for nothing and they want to actually die because they can't figure out what they're missing. I don't know, this was a long comment that no one is going to read. Fuck
i would do anything to talk to someone like you who literally just described my whole life to the point i broke in tears especially the whole old room and bed stuff i cant keep living feeling so alone if you would follow my instagram and dm me i would do anything to talk @my_w0nd3rland_
i would do anything to talk to someone like you who literally just described my whole life to the point i broke in tears especially the whole old room and bed stuff i cant keep living feeling so alone if you would follow my instagram and dm me i would do anything to talk @my_w0nd3rland_
Hi Dodie...I doubt you'll see this, but I'm really scared. I have been having really bad depersonalization feelings lately and I don't know what to do about it. It feels so scary and weird to feel detached from everything around me. Like I'm not actually me. And I'm just so so scared. I've been panicking all day and I don't know how to stop it and feel like myself again...does anyone have any advice on how to stop any of this?
Oh I know this feeling all too well, it sucks so hard. Life is scary, but a poem that's personally helped me a lot is "the perfect panic attack" by Patrick Roche, it's here on youtube. give it a watch, try and take a good, warm shower, hang out with some good friends or hug anyone you're close to. Even if it sounds cheesy, surrounding yourself with people may help a lot.
meditation helps me alot, grounding myself. theres alot of literature out there that can help you. and just knowledge about the human brain. its not preventable which is both terrifying and comforting in a way. also please go talk to a professional, if its bad enough youtube comments only help so much.
cough I like how ppl with depression, anxiety etc still use "crazy" as an insult and distance themselves from us like we aren't real ppl with real feelings lololol no shade tho
This makes me sad. No one should feel this way 💔 You're not abnormal or mental; you're striking! I hope things have gotten better since the making of this video.
watching dodie's videos is kinda therapeutic in a way because she faces the problem head on and talks about it and I can feel myself relating to her and i don't know just how to explain it exactly but she just makes me feel better, you know? like, a weight has lifted off my chest to know that there's someone who understands
I am going through something like this. I feel like nothing is real. My entire life is just a movie and I'm an audience member watching it on the screen. Everytime I do something, I doubt it really happened. Nothing is real. This is all a dream. There's no point. We don't exist. Everything feels like a deam.I know it's real and I know it's all happening, but it just doesn't feel like it is for me. I laugh, eat, sleep, and do everything I would normally do. But when I get even a second to think to myself I fall into this hole of 'nothing exists. you aren't here.' and I can't get out. No one has said anything because I keep acting normally. I tried bringing it up to my parents but they just said 'huh. that's odd.' and left it. I'm so scared. What do I do? I want to feel normal. I don't know what this is but I want it to stop. I want to go back to how I was. I want to fee alive. I want to be able to enjoy life again.Someone please help me and tell me what I should do. I'm lost.I look around and I know they feel normal. They can just live in the moment. But I can't. I'm just stuck thinking 'I'm gonna die and nothing will matter. nothings even real.'I'm kinda freaking out. But when I start to have a full blown 'oh my god what the living hell am I supposed to do??' moment, my brain just says "it's not real so you have no reason to freak out." and then goes into a shut down mode where I can't feel anything but terror.Someone please help me and tell me what I'm supposed to do.
I would like to point out that my body is basically on auto pilot. I'm getting good grades, eating well, exercising no less then usual, and reacting to things as I should. But nothing is going through my brain.
Don't Ask I completelyy understand what you're going through, this may not even be helpful to you at all but I feel the exact same way. you know in your head that you're here but you're not really here and its sort of like you're just in a play or movie where things just happen and you have no control over it. I don't know where I wanted to go with this but if someone would of told me that they understood what I was feeling it would have helped me a lot knowing I'm not alone. maybe you could try seeing a therapist?? talk to other people around you and ask if they've ever felt like this? I don't really know the answer but im sure you'll get through it, babe. just keep fighting ❤❤
Don't Ask, it sounds like you're experiencing 'derealization' more than 'depersonalizaton'. I get derealization a lot and have been doing for the last few months. You feel detached from the real world, everything seems strange and you have trouble believing that anything that is happening is real. If you're seeking help, then maybe suggest to your family or doctor that you may me experiencing derealization and/or depersonalisation and if your doctor doesn't know what that is, then find one who does. They may not necessarily have a 'cure' but putting a name to it really helped me, particularly as there are a good number of articles about it online which reassured me that I'm not the only person ever to have experienced this. From my understanding it's a symptom of anxiety (even though you don't necessarily 'feel' anxious the whole time you experience the weird sensations) where your brain is trying to protect you from trauma by dissociating from the real world. I hope this helps.
Don't Ask I relate to this so much that it hurts. When I get stuck in this thoughts I panic, because it feels so claustrophobic, because I don't know how to get out of it. It gets better when I'm busy and don't have time to think much about it, but as soon as I'm alone with my thoughts or in an uncomfortable situation it hits me like a bunch of bricks. I keep thinking about it over and over again and I feel this claustrophobic horrible feeling...
So my tip is: try not to get stuck in those feelings, meet up with people and try to find an environment where you feel save. Consult a doctor. I wish you the best, you're not alone.
I can relate to that. Also "But when I get even a second to think to myself I fall into this hole of 'nothing exists." reminds me of "I'm not okay" by Flatsound. A spoken word you may enjoy c:
My bad xDD It was "You said okay" May sound stupid but I was a little bit, I don't know how to say it (I'm french) Uh I felt sad because of the video so I just wrote somethig like that and...anyway.
Don't Ask Thank you for putting this into words. For the longest time, I had no idea how to describe this even to myself. I'm so glad I have so many people to relate to.
Thank you for describing this for me. I've been experiencing the same thing and I could never put it into words and explain it to myself. I'm happy that I now know that I'm not alone, and neither are you, or anyone.
first thing I'd say is don't worry. Eventually your life will fall into place you just have to wait and take time but most importantly in that time you have to figure yourself out. The way you described that is the exact same way I feel, and getting into cognitive therapy and medication can be really hard and personally for me it doesn't help. I'd say for you pay attention to the times you feel at your best and the most "you" and do everything in your favor to have more times like that. Also make sure your aware of the times your at your worst state and why. If you can start to learn about yourself like this you can try and develop some sort of way to help yourself out, just know that even if you don't have that support from your parents there are plenty of educated people online to talk to and help you. I am very interested in listening to other people's experiences with depersonalization and I would love to do anything to help my email is juliannarosec@gmail.com if you'd ever need to chat :)
Eliraz Biton meditating is helpful but here's the thing with just partying to ignore things, it will help you feel things in the moment but then there's the times where you're alone and things will typically feel worse.
Don't Ask this is EXACTLY how i feel. up until now, i always thought i was just weird or messed up, and that no one else went through this, but now im finding so many people that are feeling the same exact thing. i dont know how to make it go away, but talk to a doctor, and im sure theyll know how to help.
Don't Ask hi I'm a little bit late, I apologise. But if anyone out there has gone through this and somehow passed it please reply to this. I've been stuck in this place for a while and I'm scared it's driving me to insanity. I find it hard to even go outside because I just don't feel real. I'm not enjoying living anymore. Please can someone tell me how they've gotten through this or just tell me there is light at the end of the tunnel. I'm honestly so lost right now
Leanne ♡ of course there is a light in the end of the tunnel ! Ive been introduced to mental illness the first time in my life about 9 months ago.. a bad trip from weed (only smoked twice in my life..) was rehappening to me all out of a sudden in a big panic attack.. For the next months I felt like a shadow of myself.. the thoughts didnt stop.. everything flooded.. I felt insane guilt for every bad thing ive done. And confessed to everyone i needed. The ocd kicked in with intrusive thought that paralized me to my bed 24/7.. the anxiety was over the roof.. going to my job was the worst thing ever - nothing seemed normal.. anxiety and depression can cause that. I started therapy and immediately after the first session i felt more relaxed.. the therapist made me sure im.not insane and im not going to lose my mind.. ( was my main concern.)but that didnt stop my anxiety.. I started taking pills but stopped after the first one.. didnt want any side effect.. having a super supportive environment and girlfriend has made things easier.. but the first time i felt a stone going off of my heart was the first time I meditated.. I was in a bus reading about meditation and immwdiately thought.. this is exactly what I need.. please please try this.. give in to this.. meditate, and party hard.. thats what helped me..right now i feel completely normal and back to my old self.. some times i begin to think again.. but i know how to handle that. That experience left me with scars that will probably never heal.. but it also made me a better and more mature person..
Don't Ask your not alone. I had dp for many years. I gets better. Just stay away from weed it makes it worse. Keep yourself busy. Go out like normal. Even tho i know it's horrible what your feeling. Distraction really helped. I remember their were time when I just wanted to sleep all the time. It was the only time when I could have a break from the ongoing nightmare.
Eliraz Biton thank you so much for this! It's so weird that I think mine may be weed related also. I smoked it a few times last year and I get the same feeling now. I might look into meditation I've heard it helps so much. Thank you for reassuring me 😊
Leanne ♡ you're welcome.. its tricky and seems impossible at times.. but its not! Its dangerous to mess with the mind with drugs.. I know meditation sounds stupid.. but once you hear the science behind it you will understand.
I am going through this as well but I went to the Dr and we are doing cognitive behavioral therapy, and ASMR so thats what I would try for you the ASMR since your parents don't understand...
Don't Ask this has happened to me every day and I just assumed this was normal. I don't find joy in doing anything. I feel like I'm drowning sometimes in my fatigue. It's always been a constant presence, but I'm always half-scared that sometimes I'll slip away. The only thing that really keeps me anchored is the phone, I guess because it's kind of the opposite? Everything is crazy and spacey and somehow I feel at home.
Sorry for the sob story, I don't want to bother you with my shit, but I totally understand how you feel and it sucks.
claimica I go through the exact same thing. I had a full blown panic attack a few weeks ago because I could physically feel my thoughts and felt like I was trying to dig my way out of them. It was so strange...
Recently my anxiety has gotten worse. I go into states where I have days that I can't function. I'll have a really horrid panic attack and I can't get out of it. I cry myself to sleep and I feel like there's nothing I can do about it. Sometimes I feel like nobody cares, like everybody thinks that I'm faking it. Sometimes I'll be in a great mood and I get hit with a wave of fear and regret and sadness and negativity and I just feel like I have to run. I have to get out of that situation but even when I got to my "happy place" (my closet in my hopefully soon to be boyfriends jacket, long story) and sob I don't feel better. Some days I just wake up and don't want to leave my room. I have panic attacks and the first real unprovoked panic attack I had was right after I got out of school. I was turning off my closet light and then it felt like my heart stopped. I hid in my bathroom in the bath tub sobbing and I was terrified of leaving. I thought that if I left the bathroom I would be killed. I haven't talked to a doctor yet but this video makes me feel better about considering that. It's hard to talk about because people treat mental illness like a made up condition for attention and I wish that's what it was because its torture. It's hard to have any will to live when you're in a constant state of fear and depression but I have to remind myself that suicide doesn't make things better it only ruins the chances of things ever getting better. Sometimes I'm afraid of myself but I have to remind myself that no matter what, there's a chance that things can get better.
Sometimes I cannot tell if I have these strange/scary thoughts that I force myself to have or the opposite. However even if there is something actually wrong with me, I won't be able to get help from a doctor for a while, there's just many things that I have to do (but won't because...... )Honestly idk one moment I'm motivated and the next thing you know I'm just...... Nahhhh and then absently binge watch YouTube videos. I feel like I get too attached to people (primarily those who are not in my family) it's been a while since I actually got out of the house. It's like I really desire staying at home and not talk to anyone but at the same time I'm like "oh no my friends are gonna forget about me I gotta do something" and then get too scared to text them because I'm thinking "but what if they're busy and dismiss me?? Like I know I shouldn't bother them buUUTT..."
Idk my brain feels like mush but then again it's late
Fear and sadness arent so good. Maybe think of it like an oyster suffering to mature a pearl. What doesnt kill you, etc.
As far as the weirdness goes, depersonalization and all that, i try to enjoy the utter strangness of it all. Appreciate the ineffability of the truth, revel in the mystery. Normal is boring.
so, i took a test thing at the doctors to test for anxiety and depression. they said im high on anxiety and normal for depression. i may have lied a lil bit. im pretty sure I have depression but i won't say it's true because it's not diagnosed. im most likely going to see a therapist and ill probably have to lie to them sooo that's great. oh and if you're curious to why i think I have depression,, i have done some "things" and thought some "thoughts". the anxiety is aaaaalllllwwwwaaaayyyys around buuuut i lied on that too and said it was only on certain days so that's wonderful too. anyone have any advice
when she started crying about her old flat & bed i resonated with that so much. about a year ago i cleared my room out ready to move house and i gave away/sold so many old toys and books and belongings i thought i didn't need. it didn't bother me at the time because i felt like i didn't use or need any them and they might be useful for someone else. it wasn't until a few weeks ago when i was feeling depressed that i felt like i was almost grieving for the items i no longer had. i kinda had a small breakdown over a specific Polly Pocket set where i was crying and sobbing and searching for this item that i thought id kept but i couldn't find it. it was really special to me and i wanted it so bad so i searched my whole house and room for 2 days but to no avail. later the evening of the second day i found it under my bed where i must have placed it over a year for safe keeping. moral of the story is, depression sucks. i wasted 2 days of my life over something insignificant that in the end wasn't a problem. i guess what i learnt from it is that nothing lasts forever and in one way or another everything will work put even if it isn't in the way you expected <3
I have these weird depersonalization episodes where they only last a few hours, and the world around me doesn’t really look different, it’s just me feeling very detached from myself, like I’m somewhere in the back of my brain just watching myself do things. Not sure what to do about it. :/
I have so much anxiety and depression I dealt with that I try to get my words out I don’t feel like myself i cry every day I get panic attacks I’m dealing with that like saying someone doesn’t like me like They used I get that feeling
I've had chronic depersonalisation and derealisation for four years. Ive struggled with depression, chronic anxiety, complex PTSD, ADHD, and sequential processing for the majority of my life. Emotions are far and few in between moments and days and weeks. I have forgotten how to laugh and smile. I am trying to learn how to appear normal and alive and human, but everything is blurry and foggy, like a dream that I can't wake up from. I am cold. I am dizzy. I'm just an actor pretending to feel.
I am so glad you have made this, I did what you did and recently through Google found I had depersonalization. It sometimes gets worse some days and it is horrible. I am 15 and I wish I had nothing wrong with me. I want to do so many things with my life and I wish it would go away. But I need to fight it and I need to be strong. I am currently sitting on my bed typing this crying because it feels so good to find another person who understands and I am not alone. Thank you 💕
I don't necessarily feel like I'm watching the movie that is my life, I feel like I am featuring in the movie. Whenever something good happens I'm like "this is where the good music would play". And I want to cry but tears don't come so easily to me anymore? At school I laugh, I speak and i interact with everyone but I don't feel like I'm there and I feel so lonely even though my friends can be easily reached. I feel like everything is just out of reach. Am I really typing this on my phone right now? Is this real? I don't feel anything anymore. But sometimes on good days I feel like everything just goes away and I tell myself that I made it all up and it feels that way. I do not know what is happening. I can't keep ignoring myself.
You just gotta let it happen. It's scary but once you understand it it's nothing and your body will be yours again. And after awhile it's not as scary to think about and it'll go away.
im 15 and especially lately iv been getting moments. i could have the best day with no disturbance and then suddenly when i get home i will get in bed and just do nothing. i dont think of anything to be honest. my friends say they understand and they really are there for me but they will ask me what i think started it or what i was thinking about to trigger it and the answer is simply. nothing. i will be walking home with my friends having a laugh and smiling. i will watch youtube videos and then suddenly like there is no change in movement or anything i will casually turn everything off and then lie down. and do nothing. think nothing. feel nothing but darkness and being alone. i know im not alone and i know what i have but the feeling is so overwhelming that all i want to do is kill myself. i try to do things i usually love but it bores me and i have no attention span. i dont tell my family or get help because in my mind they are just moments and no matter how bad they get i will always go back to "normal" and i will just feel ashamed for hurting myself. i dont expect anyone else to understand if the only time even i understand is when i get those episodes
Always know you can get a second opinion. Anytime a medical person dismisses you as "just making it up", probably a good time to seek a new doctor/therapist whatever.
i'm not diagnosed with depersonalization, but it's awfully similar to how i feel and what i'm experiencing. honestly, it hurts. at first i was just getting distant, and i simply stopped talking to people as much. school had just ended, so i thought i was just getting lonely, but when i actually looked at it from all angles, i noticed that my friends were blowing up my phone, but i never responded, no matter how much i felt like i should've. i had also lost interest in more than just conversation: i lost my spark to play ukulele, to draw, to write, to take care of myself, to eat, to stay awake, everything. so, i tried to confront my closest friend about it, but when i did, i realized i had no idea how to speak to her. get that this was my oldest, closest, most accepting, most personal friend i had, and still have, yet i couldn't, for the life of me, figure out what to say. everything i had texted her felt so scripted ; it wasn't me. everything i texted her, i took time to think about what should i say, not what i /would/. after i read over our conversation, i noticed that nothing i had said sounded like me at all. as i began to notice that something was definitely off, i also noticed how it felt as if i was drifting through life. i felt like i was watching a movie of my life, yet i wasn't the actress playing me. i heard everything, i felt everything, yet i felt so numb. i couldn't feel like i used to. i didn't even laugh as much, and whenever i did, it was so obviously forced. i began to start randomly bursting into tears out of sadness of loss of — well, myself, and out of frustration with myself.
what i mean by feeling, is that i could hear, smell, taste, touch, and see, yet i wouldn't feel. i was numb. i felt like an empty vessel, only filled halfway with knowledge, yet lacking the rest of myself, which was my emotions. i knew when to be happy, and when to be sad... but i never was. at the time, my cat, that i had been having for nearly seven years, had died. my mom, sisters, ad brother had all cried and grieved, but i didn't. i tried to force myself to be sad, to make tears fall from my eyes, but they never did.
i'm so glad you made this video, because if not, i'd feel alone. and dodie, you kinda helped; my heart wrenched when you nearly cried for a minute there :):
It's usually just four or five hour spells. Sometimes it'll happen for a day or two, and once it's happened for a week straight. I've never really thought about it much. My sister called it an out-of-body experience last time it happened. It was really bad that time. I was fine, and then everything felt wrong, and I kinda just sat on the ground hugging myself and laying on the floor. I wouldn't speak. It felt like a panic attack, but instead of panic, it's complete calm. Not blissful calm, though. More of what felt like calm before a storm. I was anxious but not panicked, and I wasn't sure what was happening. Everything just felt wrong.
A happy world with happy people and happy things and happy thoughts and just... happy. And I wasn't. I was this shadow. I was there but I wasn't. I don't really know how to explain it. I want to call it a conscious coma of anxiety and existentialism that I just can't interpret, so I lay on the ground refusing to interpret anything. I need to let my happy thoughts in, but opening myself up to those opens myself to all of the thoughts that I don't want, so I just lay on the ground in a quiet lull of nothing.
Looking back on it, I should've known that it wasn't normal. A lot of things I go through aren't normal. I wasn't aware for a long time that my depression and anxiety weren't normal. That I wasn't supposed to be this paranoid about what others think about me. Or that I'm not supposed to feel like I'm always going to be tackled by this feeling of vulnerability and self-hatred and plain fear of my thoughts. I started to realize that it wasn't normal to fear the dark thoughts in my head. To feel that you were alone and forgotten, not loved or wanted. I realized that it was really bad when I began to fear for my life because eof how dark my thoughts of, and what I became during bad depressive episodes. When I started taking my medicine to my room and began pondering that there's a possibility to overdose on antidepressants. I refuse to keep anything dangerous in my room anymore. It's sad. I can't trust myself to want to live.
Also, in the video, Dodie said that she wasn't looking for a way to fit a title, and that she just found something to describe what was already happening... I'm typing this now because I typed the majority of these comments before I watched the video. I paused about ten seconds in and just.... typed. I should probably write all of this somewhere else besides the comment section on YouTube, but it felt necessary.
Also, after just watching the part about people not understanding mental illnesses... I'm so happy for them. I am. It hurts when they talk that way, but I'm glad that they can. A lot of my friends are like that, but most of them understand. There's one in particular who I still don't think gets it. I know that he's trying to, and he says that he does, but I can feel that he just doesn't get it. And I'm happy that he doesn't, because I don't think anyone can really understand unless they've been there, but I still wish that he could understand, because he's one of my favorite people, and he's one of my best friends, and sometimes I just wish that I could talk to him about this kind of stuff when it gets really bad. He's an optimist, and one of the happiest people I know, and he usually balances me out quite well... But when I have a bad depressive episode, it all just kind of clashes, and his happiness feels like an insult. I wish it didn't, but it does. And I think it's because she just doesn't understand that you can't just ignore it. It's not just a thought, it's a being. It's like trying to ignore my existence. I am this illness, but I'm still myself... And he's just himself. He thinks through himself, and that's it. I have to think through my personality as well as my mental illnesses, and it's a weird kind of handicap that he doesn't understand. Yes, I'm glad that he doesn't get it. But I almost wish he would just accept that he doesn't, rather than deny it. I wish he would be there for me in a different way. He can still be there for me and make me feel better, but his misinterpretation of how I feel just makes me feel worse. I'd rather him be there as a sign that it does get better, and that I am loved. But it feels like he's telling me that I should be able to turn off these thoughts. That I should be able to be like him. Because that's what he thinks it is. I just... I want him to be there for me without feeling the need to understand. To just be there. That's what would help me the most from him. For him to just be there for me.
Oh, I just watched the go to a doctor bit. I have a psychiatrist, but it's not the same as a psychologist. I can't talk to her because she isn't that type of doctor. However, I need her, which means I can't afford a psychologist. I was going to one for a while, but once they recommended antidepressants, I had to stop. I can't afford both, but I need both. That's probably the reason I'm pouring my heart out in the comments section. I think I'm going to record all of this into a document. Who knows, maybe one day I can share all of this and help someone else who's going through it, like Dodie did. I mean, that all I really care about anymore. I'm going in to psychology. That's what I want to do with my life. Help others so that they don't have to feel how I do. And of they already do, I want to make sure that they don't go through it alone.
You can completely "cure" yourself in a very short amount of time . We all know its a result of "Trauma " either from a panic attack or drugs a way to protect your body . So stop that worry its not a mental disorder , but actually I congratulate you all . Your brain is working perfectly as its supposed to work . Your trauma has put your Amygdala to a sensitized state . Consider the sensitized state as scale high/low in just temperature . Now have you experienced , when you didn't have anxiety disorder / DP you were emotionally strong or not sensitive to emotional thoughts or worries . So it answers your first anxious question "Will it will come back again just by feeling worried about your exams or any worry in the future ?" After going away Amygdala would not be "sensitized" So it will not come back .
Again we all very well know that stopping the anxiety cycle would all together heal you as you have read everywhere . The real deal is to quieten the mind which keeps on having anxious thoughts no matter how much you distract myself or no matter how much you fight it . These anxious thoughts keeps on cycling you though the same anxiety cycle and slightest anxiety during "de-personalized state " makes DP/DR stay and we know why "sensitized Amygdala". In normal state if you have same level of worrying thought it wouldn't trigger back anxiety because Amygdala is no sensitized. Only if 1000 pound grizzly bear is running after you in the jungle then there is a chance getting it back again :) .
If you can spend a week totally not being anxious about it or any future anxiety about it 95% of your symptoms would go away . Rest 10% is just passing time to forget that you once had it :D
Anxiety basically comes after thoughts arise in mind .
Now how do you stop your thoughts?
NO ! NO ! you cant stop thoughts or fight thoughts that is where you are going wrong about it . Thoughts are the product of Subconscious mind in other words "Conditioned mind". In a scenario of anxiety/DR/DR its a mind "Conditioned" by your anxiety. "Conditioned mind" or Subconscious mind basically has no connection with logical brain . It basically throws thoughts and then your "conscious mind" is just at a mere mercy of those thoughts . Now if you fight it becomes become stronger and thoughts persist. You resist it persist . One cant stop it :D. So the trick is to "Separate your self from thoughts" . So whenever any anxious thoughts appear . Don't reply, don't fight back . Just watch and listen to them . Identify that these are from automatic "Conditioned mind" . These thoughts are not True. Its the same voice that sometimes tells you "You are not good enough ", "You wont be able to do it", "People don't like me", etc etc all that bullshit Its automatic and has no logic . We are not our thoughts or images perceived in our head. Just listen to that anxious voice in your head and laugh at it . Anxiety is a LIE , its a lie and it wants you to believe its lies . This would make more sense when you will be able to see the "LIE" in it . Do this for one week . Symptoms almost go and then you would be actually know the lie of anxiety /DP DR. Would you ever follow that lie again ? thats the cure .
Now thought comes "is it true? what if it wont heal me ? what if I am different ? what if he was different and I am not? what if I am going crazy ? what if it comes back in future ? " These are all thoughts and automatic . Are you going to believe them ? change the perception of your source of these thoughts and see what happens . best way if to visualize them as coming from a monster in your head . That fucker doesn't want you to recover ( which is true indeed) once you stop believing that monster thoughts lose power and slowly they disappear . After sometime you mind will be left with nothing and you can focus attention to you normal things , but if you fight it as you have been doing till now and it hasn't helped and never will . it hits back . You are trying to solve a problem that doesn't exist . You are fighting your minds self defense mechanism that's DP/DR which is pointless to fight ? It needs a calm mind to go away .
PS : No medication . Its not an illness . Its a thought perception problem and cant be solved by a pill :)
Idek what to say, I've been through so many counsellors and therapists but I never thought I was depressed enough and after somebody accused me of attention seeking I started believing it so I turn down help and keep it to myself because I'm terrified people will think I'm attention seeking, but every single day I think about suicide and stuff and I've lost all of my hope, it's only recently that my teachers have started worrying about me because I haven't been eating and I've been purging and stuff and they made me see another counsellor but I'm already ignoring her texts and calls because I don't see the point in getting help anymore, on good days I really want help because I know I need it but then bad days show up again and I just don't see the point anymore, tbh I feel really messed up and my family just make it so much worse 😟
I've had depersonalisation once in my life and I thought I was losing my fucking mind...and it goes away and comes back, it's weird and depressing shit.
this how i been feeling lately and i just can't pick myself up. what is a way to do and kind of get myself human and my mum keeps saying i'm to young to be dealing with mental illness because she thinks i haven't dealt with anything,when really i get bullied, i've had a few suicide attempts and i just feel so lost and non-human
so last night and this morning I've had this feeling of just worry and fear and nausea and I barely got any sleep but there's no problem and I've never felt this before in such a sense, and that makes me even more scared... Someone please help me am I having a panic attack?
honestly i have random spurts of not feeling like i'm in my body. my main way of combating this is throwing myself into doing things and going out with friends. this doesn't work sometimes tho. i have no real advice to be honest and am rambling.
also i've had people tell me i'm making up the fact i have autism but ??? i have no idea why i would make this up it makes me hate myself??? so it doesn't make sense to say someone is making up things
i hope going to the doctors can help you a lot more. also routine is a very good thing to help you feel back to normal but do not get to sunk into the routine because you might have to change that routine then end up having a panic attack from change of routine
Oh my gosh, yes! Long, hot showers for me are the most (and sometimes ONLY effective) stabilizing thing. And showering in the dark is so nice (when you don't trip :P). I can go into a shower anywhere from moderately anxious to suicidal and just stay under the water until I'm something close to calm. They might be the only way I've survived so long... :')
i used to cry all the time. every night near enough i'd break down about how my life had gone wrong (even if there's nothing particularly wrong, just everything) and it'd be gone by the morning. i'd feel great all day and break down at night, but its weird now. i don't breakdown i just feel kinda empty and bored of life. i don't have waves of emotions during the day and at night, its just all day nothingness. i cant talk to my friends because i've drifted away from them now and i don't want to talk to them because i wonder how they can be so happy and smiley all the time. they get sick of my sarcastic comments and my constant turning down their invitations to stuff. i hate their company and i prefer silence, but the silence still feels empty and lonely. i don't know whether i prefer being alone or with others. i just dont like being. someone's coming over later to watch a movie with me and i already tried to cancel and failed. someone potentially attractive, at that. i used to be kinda funny (my friends used to think so anyway) and i used to hold social events all the time, sleepovers and bonfires and cinema trips... i don't do anything anymore because i dont want to. it seems like so much work to force a smile and have a good time. i think i've just lost faith in humanity.
Sometimes i'll be somewhere that i have been a thousand times before and my whole memory will go blank like when im at work and ill be standing there trying to remember where i am
6:05-6:10 this is kinda what my parents say. They say things like, “you’re not really _depressed_. You calling it that makes your brain magnify it and make it real because your subconscious mind can’t say no to anything. Stop calling it that and live life” thats pretty much what they say. But they’re wrong and I think I told them that but I don’t know. But yeah it does suck cause it makes me sad that my depression that is real is being neglected. I do have a counselor, so it’s not like they just ignored it completely, they did notice it. They just keep saying to stop calling it depression. Then what am I supposed to call it? Sadness? Anxiety? Self deprecation? All are just as bad. So idk why people say that cause it’s pretty hurtful to those who actually feel these things and yet people still say things like that to them.
I can give some advice about anxiety if you like lol. If you get a therapist I bet he/she will advise you to realise that you are having the attack- go with it, realise that you are still alive and that it will all be o.k. you are not having a heart attack. And you are you and it is totally fine that this is happening. It will always be a part of you but you will learn to control it. Oh and it will happen without warning. Anyone else was told this???? lol! Meditation and mindfulness is really helpful. That is for anxiety anyway- Depression well that is a whole different ball game my friend. It's a tough one! All the best.
Oh oh and that anxiety is energy so you could use that energy in positive ways e.g. being creative etc rather than using it to get anxious. Depression though I guess is the opposite you don't want to get out of bed let alone make art.
So I’m pretty sure I don’t have depersonalization, but I have felt the way she is explaining before, for me it was kind of like zoning out but I wasn’t staring at a certain place or anything. I was still answering questions and processing what other people were saying. It feels like I’m a part of a movie but I’m not the actor, I’m the one watching it or something. I rarely ever feel this way, and when I do it’s only for like 5 minutes at the most. Can anyone relate lol?
When I had a panic attack in school my dad said I'm watching too much YouTube and I need to grow up after that I never opened up my feelings to anyone again
I know this video was back in 2017, but whatever. 7:58 hit me really hard in the chest. I'm currently 13 with anxiety (not sure), not diagnosed. I stay at home a lot and usually cry myself to sleep. I want to feel happy, I try to be happy, but the happiness I showed was just toxic. It wasn't me anymore. I only became happy so nobody else would see the crumbling being behind the smile. I was scared what they would think and scared that I'd hurt them.
And it hurt me even more when I was scrolling through social media and saw a post that said something along the lines of "If you're below 20 and say you have depression or anxiety, you're probably just trying to be edgy or want attention!" That post made me question so many things, I would curl up in the corner or cry in the bathroom thinking: "AM I FAKING?" "WHAT IF THIS ISN'T REAL?" AND I WAS TERRIFIED MORE THAN EVER BEFORE. I didn't know who I was anymore. I still don't know there's just this massive hole in my personality, my very being. and so I smile to cover up the hole that's been growing since I don't even know when.
If you read this, then thanks. I'm genuinely happy someone cares.
I care:) I'm 16, and was recently diagnosed with depression. Is there someone you can go to for help? A doctor you can see? They can take assessments and be sure if they can start you on medication. I've seen a major boost in my mood since then, although I still above dark days. Bottom line, mental illness doesn't discriminate. You can't control your anxiety, but you can control whether you let it get worse or stop it becoming too severe. Please get help if you can and talk to an adult you trust:)
sometimes (certain times worse than others) I’ll be completely fine and laughing and happy, then right after i can’t talk right, I can’t concentrate, my eyes can’t focus on one thing and I feel like I’m in a dream and I’m not actually alive. this sucks but I love this video
I have episodes at weird times. I act different. When I was in highschool it was the days I didnt take my meds. And I felt stoned but I had never smoked. Or drunk. I had a rough childhood and such but it was so strange walking the streets of this tiny town that I knew like the back if my hand and not know it at all. Not find one little nook that I could call my home. I was very lost. One time my friends and I went to target this was a few months ago and we were just ya know shopping and I did smoke a bit before but I was like woah I shouldnt be high still. I ate food i drank water i pulled out my sunglasses. But nothing could bring me into my shoes. It's like my body was trying to escape and i felt nauseous and dizzy. I couldn't walk or talk right. My friends say they were hella scared and didkt know what was happening. My episodes are very strange and yet I smoke weed even though that's apparently a no no with depersonalization and derealization disorder. Just any drug or alcohol use. I've been suffering from ADHD and major depressive disorder and major anxiety disorder. And now this. Its kinda always been with me and I just grew up with the disorder. It comes and goes. And its fucking scary. I say it does make me manic a lot of times. But that's my story. You just gotta ground yourself. Try to get through it
I felt what you felt too but i have 13 and i think this is just a think that comes in the mind of teenagers, even if you're 21 or 23 at the moment, being a teenager is until 25 sooooo you are good but if your feelings are so strong you should talk and do what you already do now
idk if it's just me but you can tell she cried before filming because her cheeks are bit shinier than usual :((((( It's been 2 years already but I hope she's doing better <3 <3 <3
I find that lots of people who have mental illness or that go through bad things sometimes joke about it. Like, I personally think I could have social anxiety, and I joke about my panic attacks a lot despite them being traumatic experiences. I think it's sort of a coping thing maybe
I have chronic depression and it's upsetting feeling like you'll never be okay and being scared about how long it'll take to feel okay again and especially when your family act like you're making it up and you just want attention they make it feel like im crazy seeing things that aren't there and it only makes things worse
i would do anything to talk to someone like you who literally just described my whole life to the point i broke in tears especially the whole old room and bed stuff i cant keep living feeling so alone if you would follow my instagram and dm me i would do anything to talk my_w0nd3rland_
@ 6:00 whO EVER SAID THAT NEEDS TO GO AWAY BECAUSE YOU CANT JUST TURN IT OFF AND BE HAPPY BECAUSE wHo cAn dO tHaT?!? Dodi you are so inspiring and extremely lovely and i know this video is old and you might have changed a bit but regardless, you're so amazing and keep doing what you're doing❤️
Ever wonder what it's like to be one of those people who only get sad sometimes and have never been seriously depressed or anxious? must be nice
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Anna I2018-11-08 18:44:01 (edited 2018-11-08 18:45:04 )
I wonder how many more times I'll have to think "I really have to go see a doctor" to myself before actually going because I feel like I really can't do that idk
oh my god dodie in gonna fucking sob, i haven't even finished watching the video yet in so sorry but i understand so much, depersonalization is the worst and im so sorry you have to experience this oh my god i really hope everything gets better. mine has been getting so bad again
Okay, I'm going to just open up. At first the only mental illness I've ever been familiar with was anxiety (idkw I'm balling my eyes out right now) I was first familiar with anxiety at the age of 7/8? I had a traumatic childhood I guess? I was sexually assaulted at the age of - what, 5? I have no memories of my mum and dad together, I've only ever been familiar with going house to house. I've suffered with hearing loss..that is what caused my anxiety. But as a teen I have felt very depersonalised...I feel fucking fake, like my thoughts aren't me. I've been looking into mental illness because I just want a fucking explanation. I've been thinking about self harming, but I've always backed off because I tell myself. You're an attention seeker if you self harm, do you want to be an attention seeker? Do you? You haven't got depression, it's not true..you're just making it up because - attention. YOU'RE FUCKING FAKE! Then this girl who is diagnosed with those things said to me "don't try and diagnose yourself..you don't know what it feels like, you're just making it up" and it made it worse, I felt like I was even more fake and I just feel fucked. I don't know what to do and I feel SO lost..idk if what I have is depression..maybe I'm just attention seeking, maybe what I'm feeling isn't depression..you're making it up. I've asked my mum to get a check up, but all she said was to talk about it when we get home..but we never did because I was too scared and embarrassed.
It's my biggest fear is that the doctor I go to next month is going to tell me that I'm just making it up or that it's all in my head or I don't actually have anxiety and I just need to get over it. I spent the longest time trying to tell my mom to get an appointment with a psychiatrist, and all she did was get books about getting over shyness or try to force me to be social and make friends. It makes me want to cry, because there isn't a single person in my life who understands what it's like, and it's so frustrating to think I could potentially go to this person and she does the same thing. I have a lot of control issues when it comes to my own life, but it's to the point that I'd swallow a thousand pills to distort my reality if it meant I'd just be normal again.
I don't want to call it depression, because I feel like I'm labeling myself for attention, but I get into these weird head spaces where everything is numb. i can't feel or think, just numbness. It randomly happens too. I will be fine one moment, and the next I'm not. It doesn't last for a long day, just maybe 10 to 15 minutes and I'm not sure what it is. I am scared to call it depression because I feel like i'm looking for attention, or I feel this way because i'm being influenced. I have been told many times times that i'm just looking for attention/ i'm being influenced, so my parents try to break all contact with the internet and tv. i don't know what to call it and sometimes it scares me. sometimes i envelop it with open arms, and i don't know what to do.
i always cry when i watch this video because every time i see my counceller i think this time i`ll tell her about my depression and i never do ive been depressed since i was 8 and im now 13 and it started after my parents split up it sucks so bad and i always feel like killing myself and im not here im scared im going mad and i dont know what to do
I'm on autopilot and I don't know what to do. I feel like I am viewing my life in third person rather than first. Like all my friends are not my own, or my own head isn't mine. Any suggestions/ideas on how to fix it ? :(
I feel weird too like everyone is in a dream but mine comes with extra fever i can't feel pain my pain got normal some people have nightmares, and i get a glimpse of those sometimes i feel weird my insides burn or fill up with the water clogging my throat and filling my eyes the people can't see my dream nooses are covered in flowers, guns throw candy, our blood is maple syrup my life is a lie someone is gone, but others can't see i feel like they're blind and want me to be as well but i see all of those colors, they hurt my eyes they drive me insane please help me
tell the right people, like professionals. start by asking them if they know what derealization is. if they do, proceed. if they dont, spare yourself the pain of being misunderstood. dont start with telling your friends, they might invalidate your feelings. i know this from experience; having people speak shit about your pain because they dont udnerstand it is the worst fckn shite in the world.
Please don't think I am creepy, I don't mean this in the weird, creepy way. I love you so much. Just watched two videos and you are super-relatable! BTW, this is not to make you feel better (if it does, great), 'cause I hate when people try to do that. But I just needed to get that off my chest! BTW again, people always do that, huh. Even my best friends think that saying they love me makes everything normal again. So sweet, but so ignorant. I love them too though!
Since August something was wrong. This last month it is unbearable and I can't think straight. I don't want to ask for help because I am scared, so I struggle on my own. I have panic attacks so often, I cry endlessly because I feel like the world is fake. I can't think straight, so I don't know what to do. Any advice on how to tell people that I feel like I am watching someone else's world or a dream. I think it might be Depersonalisation but I don't want to skip to any conclusion. Any help? Thank you.
I know this vid was a long time ago but I have to say that you are the most wonderful lil princess on this earth and its sad to see the sweetest human ever is ill you'll never see this but it'll be nice to write this anyway but you're songs have helped me I loved you so much I wish we were friends cause I need a musical friend just please stay with us cause we all love you so much hope you have dodie day love ya ✌🏾️😬
I know this vid was a long time ago but I have to say that you are the most wonderful lil princess on this earth and its sad to see the sweetest human ever is ill you'll never see this but it'll be nice to write this anyway but you're songs have helped me I loved you so much I wish we were friends cause I need a musical friend just please stay with us cause we all love you so much hope you have dodie day love ya ✌🏾️😬
i think your perfectly you, i yhink your very interested. cry and let it out do not spupress your feelings on your videos. i appreciate the honesty and it really inspires me. i respect peopl who ate raw,real and are open. you seem very in touch with your feelings and you have great conversational skills. no ones got a perfect life. half our lives feel dreamy. sometime we laugh,sometimes we cry. some times i cry fof somethings that are not even sad. sometimes im laughing and dont know why sometimes i feel on top of the word and a secod later im ina dark place. sometimes i recluse other times im social. i have a good side, a happy side, a clever side, a dark side a secret side,a hungry side, a sad side, a lonely side a hopless side an empty side a mad aide an ok side a revel side a crazy side some times i take sides and sometimes i sleep all day sometimes i do nothing. sometimes i get it and sometimes im confused,sometimes i let others down, sometimes im scarey, sometimes im lazy, sometimes i want to disappear some days ate not worth living some days are empty,some days make no sense, somedays i learn,somedays i win. we are all just being who we are for that moment we feel or were stuck feeling for that moment. sometimes moments are long some are short, some sneak in and some jump on us, some things or feelings come visit some vacation in us and some move in others move out. you see we live in s spiritual world and we cant see they but they influence us. sometimes its just us. sometimes its someone elses thoughts feeling or actions against us or are on our side. some things support us some things inspire some things dissappear some things change somethings dont,somethings are remember some forgotten.some remind us some scate us som even terrorize and freak us out. some things cause panic. just realize you afe the result of everthing in around and the sum of all you experiend in this world and much of life are theories. you are loved. your accpted. your apprcuated for your honest and i appreciate having shared this piece of life to glimpse into your soul and say hi,thanks right on keep kt real its refreshing. your better then a book. your real and i like being human and im listening.
when she started leaking tears i wanted to genuinely wipe her cheeks through my screen 'cause it just made me sad how dodie always helped me thru anything im going thru but i couldnt return the favor
i get spacey all day until i dont know what happened. my head will hurt and i cant go to sleep. i cant wake up without a thousand alarms. i took a history test today but i couldnt tell you what is was on. my anxiety gets the better of me until ive convinced myself that i am wrong and invalid. i feel like im in a dream or a movie. my hands dont look like my hands. my face looks like a strangers.
i don't think i 'have' depersonalization but i definitely feel it from time to time, as a result of being sleep deprived and depressed for a few days. the day before i feel actually better not 'recovered' but just better than i was is just so spacey and i can't focus on words because my brain has shut down in order to repair itself.
depersonalization is terrifying. you seem like you're invisible, and everything is hazy. you start to see the world differently. everything feels like it's pulling up off the ground and you're floating but then there is a huge weight on your chest. it's just scary. at least that's what it's like for me.
How to cure Depersonalization in three simple steps.
Introduction:
Depersonalization is a state of mind where you feel unreal and emotionally numb. The environment around you seems unfamiliar, strange and almost fake as if it were made of plastic.
People then begin to feel changes in themselves, where they begin to question if anything is real or if anything exists. Eventually, they become so engrossed by these thoughts; they begin to believe them.
What causes these sensations?
A series of events may trigger this feeling of being 'unreal' that would varry from anxiety, panic attacks, mental trauma, etc. (e.g. a person may have witnessed a horrific incident that could cause him/her to feel this way, temporarily.)
How long does this last?
Not for very long. If you have previously experienced visual distortions, chances they have probably subsided by now. All that remains are worrying, intrusive thoughts that seem overwhelming and almost impossible to overcome.
If still experience visual distortions you are most likely still overwhelmed by these events and are overly anxious (constantly on edge). Regardless, both of these disturbances can be overcome very easily.
Why do people continue to feel this way?
Interestingly, this has much less to do with the root cause and more to do with the strange thoughts the person experiences on a frequent basis.
Here is the pattern:
1- Thought arises telling the person that nothing is real, nothing feels real.
2- The person then believes the thought and acknowledges it.
3- Then the person feels boggled and confused, questioning the validity of his thoughts.
The cycle repeats.
What do thoughts have to do with feeling unreal?
When you touch something, feel something, or say something, you would experience thoughts in your mind telling you what you are touching does not feel or seem real. When you are talking, the same thought arises telling you that it is not you speaking, that the words coming out of your mouth are automated and you have no control over it.
Some people believe these thoughts, even though they know they are not true.
Only when a person believes these thoughts does he become an observer. Which is something that many people complain about.
How do we cure Depersonalization and reduce the intensity of these thoughts?
There are three simple steps that should be taken when facing these situations. With daily use and practice they will become second nature.
1- Realize that these thoughts are not yours. (Any deceitful thoughts that would cause you mental pain, wasting of time, etc.) e.g. Thoughts of feeling unreal fit in all these categories. (1- Deceitful = Not true 2- Mental Pain = Stress, Anxiety. 3- Wasteful = Analyzing and evaluating)
2- Don't believe the thoughts. (You might think theres something more, don't believe the thoughts, they are not true. They shouldn't be analyzed or evaluated, they will simply waste your time.)
3- Don't blame yourself for having these thoughts. (Self-blame will cause you to fall back into the viscous cycle, you will begin to feeldepressed > worrying thoughts arise > anxiety.
How does this help?
By implementing these 3 simple steps into your daily routine, you will eliminate the feeling of Depersonalization as well as anxiety.
1- You will not be troubled by the thoughts, because they don't belong to you. (Reduces thinking about thoughts)
2- You will not believe deceitful thoughts that only aim to cause you mental pain. (Reduces anxiety)
3- You will not blame yourself for having these thoughts and will learn to deal with them more effectively in a healthy way. (Reduces the likelihood of falling into a depressed state)
I hope this helps and benefits you all as much as it has helped me.
I feel like the memories I have are more precious than moments I live currently because everything from the past seems so perfect and colourful but when I live today it's all just black and white, I want to appreciate something I want to feel it but I just feel like I'm forcing myself to the point it's not natural. There are certain things I enjoy like time with friends and a good laugh but I can no longer experience the feelings I had long ago - the feeling of having a boyfriend (God I miss that), the amazing feeling of the sea and beach (which now feels like cold water and annoying sticky sand) and those nights where you just pop on a fleece and star gaze (which is now boring and time consuming). I feel like I've desensitised myself to beautiful complex feelings. Sure I feel happy, sad, glad, whatever - but where's the deeper feeling? I can feel but not FEEL. Everything is shallow, like I'm desperately trying to swim but staying on the bank. The hardest feeling to part with is the excitement of seeing my family.. they've all changed :( the cousins I knew to be cute and chubby and innocent now stay attached to their phones, put their noses up and dismiss the childlike sense of excitement they used to have. It's so depressing being a teenager, when those around you can only have fun drunk or high. TRUE fun comes from childhood wonder and innocence. Why is it that I feel so self conscious and hunched up with that feeling that whatever I say to that old family member might not strengthen the precious relationship I am losing grip of? Why can't I just hug them relentlessly, talk a lot, and just have a laugh? It's cause as years go by I'm detaching myself. I do it out of the lack of feeling, I have nothing to give to people so they can't give back. I'm lazy in the way I interact and it's impossible to tighten a bond that was just so amazing long ago. I roll my eyes back, stare into space, I don't feel anything! FEEL, Eliza, FEEL!!!! The past is so melancholic when you can't have something beautiful back. When you're a teenager you should be experiencing the new, having new relationships and boyfriends and sex and parties. But I just have everything I had as a kid, but less. It's all luke warm. It feels like I'm not moving on from childhood cause I'm too shy. I haven't transitioned to the stage beyond my comfort zone. So, is this me forever? Will I just go to uni and wonder through the corridors and grounds like a kid in a lost playground, move into my own home and have a job but treat it like I'm going to school? Visit my old grandparents desperately trying to make the most and get excited to go to their wonderful countryside village but just seeing them all ill in a bed that's not their own? Then when my parents die, what happens then? It's all gone. My childhood is gone. So I'm depressed, cause there's nothing of me nothing I have developed or grown into but that. I'm living alone eating sausage and beans with a cat. I go to parks then realise I'm too old.. I go to the seaside and realise it's too cold.. I meet with friends but why would I? They've all grown up, had kids, living life as they should. Life is just a black hole. Where's the light at this point. I'm 15 and I'm in the dark, but not the darkest dark just yet.
I can't think like this.. it's toxic. I want to feel that I do feel different and I'm not just a child losing everything. I actually do have a new life, with new emotion, new experience, new intention, new friends.. I mean, I do have friends! I have interests! I've improved in my art, my style.. there are things I can say I'm proud of: I helped out at my nursery, I've had a date (well, a year and a bit ago but it counts), I've been for walks with my guy and girl friends, I've done scary stuff like scaresville and talking to people. I completed a graphic novel course, in London, on my own (child me would've HATED that!) I went on a school residential abroad, I've had alcohol at a party (family party but whatever), I've gotten into Netflix series (skins! It's the best), I've learnt to horseride, I've had new crushes, I've been to see musicals.. in fact there's a lot I'm not even mentioning the best! I'm going to start my gcses this year as well and I know that that's something different and it's going to change my life. I am already excited for sixth form and meeting new people as well as having new teachers, I think I should think of the past a healthy amount and live life not dwell on life. I can't do this all the time I have depression. This is me forcing out everything happy me has told me when I'm not sad.
the hardest thing for me about mental illness is feeling unsure if I'm sad "enough". i think I've unconsciously done what you ate trying to do, live my life as well as i can with this. i just hope i can be strong enough to talk to someone
I struggled with the "but am i sad enough to be depressed" thing for a while. i think the best thing to do is probably seek a diagnosis from a doctor, which i didn't do - i just let it get worse and worse until i was definitely sad enough! please talk to someone :)
sometimes I go to wash my hands glimpse in the mirror and think "who the fuck is that" and stand in the mirror looking at myself and moving my arms and I'm like "is this me?" and yeah the movie life thing started happening to me like 2 years ago and if was so bad the first time that I literally controlled my body to walk over to my locker and then I broke out of it and was like "oh shit did I say anything weird to anyone??!!" I forgot everything I did
ive commented about this once before and someone told me to get therapy for what i was feeling and i did online therapy and everything was turning good again but then recently ive just not felt anything good and i just cry until im numb and i feel like nothing is working inside me and i cant tell anyone fully because i feel like my problems arent as important as other people as my friends have experienced things much worse and mine just feel childish. i just dont want to feel this nothingness anymore but it just wont leave and i was so happy before and ive just ruined everything good i ever had because i feel like a shitty insensitive person because people have gone through worse but i just cant stop
I'm 16,male & have the exact same problem. It's so fucking weird and over the past year it's just hit me out the blue. I'm forgetting who I fucking am and I feel like I'm watching myself outside myself. Just completely fucking numb what do I do. I've forgotten what I want from life, what I like in life and even my own personality. Shit I need to sort this shit out, but being a 16 year old male I can't talk to the 'boys' about this😂. AHHHHHHHH
16 is a really difficult time for most teenagers, its that weird period of time where you brain is going crazy of all the changes.. But don't let being a men stop you from seeking help from others if you really need it :)
Dude, you gotta find someone who you can trust and talk to honestly. It's super hard to work through things by yourself, and it can make it more stressful!! Even go ahead and visit a psychologist, they exist to help you with things like that. I'm 16 as well, and I struggle with a lot of depression and anxiety ))): but I've got a couple friends who I can talk to, and I see a psychologist from time to time and both of those things really really help! Try and sort something out soon, cause as dodie said it can get worse if you just bottle it up!! I hope everything goes well for you, you can get through this ((:
If you speak to anyone about it, don't let them convince you it's your age (being 16 and all). People say it gets better when you get older but it really doesn't if you ignore the issues you have now. Find someone you can have a serious conversation about it with.
yo i'm 16 and male and feeling like this, we should talk sometime if you're up for it, not knowing each other at all might make it easier promise i'm not a 60 year old man haha
Your not crazy use it to your advantage it sounds sooo silly but you will think everything is fake I take it so just make your own world out of this reality
I have felt horrible lately, I've been really depressed and I feel like I'm not here at all ,school is starting and I'm scared because I'm going into a new school. I'm trying so hard to get better but it's so hard. I hope I get better
I feel so frustrated and annoyed that I can't properly phrase what anxiety and panic attack is to anyone that hasn't experienced it before. I wanna make sure that who I'm talking to can understand what I'm saying but I can't and I hate it
If there's anyone still on this video who has gone through the constant state of not feeling real and has passed it, please can you tell me how. I am so desperate at this point I just wanna know there's a light at the end of the tunnel, thank you
hi, i'm so sorry if i will vent my feelings here, i know all of you are not interested but i have to tell someone. i have to let this out of my chest and i have nobody to talk to so i thought you guys might understand.
i'm 14 years old, i live in the philippines (it's a small fucked up country somewhere in asia), and i'm currently in 10th grade. i've been suffering from severe depression for the past months. long story short, i f--king hate my life. i hate it. i'm surrounded by shitty toxic people who did nothing but pull me down. i've been constantly feeling like i'm drowning and most of the time i have a really hard time breathing. my family always fight specially at night. it's kinda been a routine, every night before i go to bed, i would close my bedroom door and play dodie's songs as loud as i can so that i won't be able to hear my parents fighting, my younger brother crying and whining, and my older sister screaming. it's always been like that. most of the times i just want to be invisible. i just want to runaway and go somewhere i'm alone. a place where i would want people to see me. a place where there's peace. a place where i'm happy. today i was just sitting on my bed and me and my sister had an argument. i ended up crying alone in the dark when she left my room. i hate people. is it normal to hate people so much? every little thing they do annoys me. i don't appreciate anything anymore. nothing makes me happy anymore. i'm drowning and soon enough i will run out of breathe. i hate my life. i hate everything. i wish i could grow old, earn my own money, buy/rent a house or a flat, be by myself, not deal with other's shit, and just be happy. damn, i just wanna be happy. is that too much to ask?
i'm depressed, but i guess i'm not suicidal. i would never want to end my own life but i am ready to die. i do know that one day all of this will come to an end. i only have three years of high school left and then i'll go to college. i swear i will study hard. i will have a good decent job. i will earn myself some money. i will buy my own house. i will find great friends. someday, i will be happy. i will work hard to get out of this place. if you're going through something right now, please hold on. let's fight this together. slowly. step by step. someday we will learn how to swim, or maybe someday we will discover that we're actually fucking mermaids and then we'll stop drowning. you decide.
also, my family is broke as f--- and help for mental problems is not common and is really expensive here in my country so it's not that easy to say "just go and get some help". sighs i don't know what to do with my life at the moment
Franchesca Grace I know it's rough, but you'll get through all of this. many people have gone through the same as you, and they've gotten through it. think of how amazing it'd be to feel normal again. or if you've never felt normal, just think of how good it'll feel to live a normal life. it's hard to go through all this as a kid, cause you can't run away from it. you can't move to a different state. I know it sounds messed up, but I always think of people who have it worse than me. know you're not alone, and you'll get through this. stay strong.
I always feel like am not me, if that makes any sense. I feel like I'm watching myself in a tv show or something. I just don't feel like I'm me. I just feel like I'm just floating on threw life watching this person live their life and my just watching from a first person view. I've never talked about this with anyone and I don't even know why I'm commenting about it, I think I just really admire Dodie being able to tell us is so amazing.
I also find myself not relating to myself, I don't like my name but I don't like any other names. I feel like I'm just sitting and watching me on a screen or something. I only recently realized that I'm not me am just a viewers watch me. I think
Wish I could text 5 friends to complain about how low I'm feeling. Oh wait, I don't have the privilege of having friends or making friends anymore because depression is real for me and has kept me isolated. But here you are, uploading videos daily and smiling in the majority of them (not this one since you have to play the part) saying depression has affected you. If you have depression then it stems from your desperate need for approval. Grow up, wish I had it as easy as you and so do people dealing with depression and other serious issues affecting their daily lives
See I have depression and depersonalisation disorder on and off. And I’m trying to get a diagnosis for anxiety and get therapy but my mum doesn’t take me seriously.
It’s like I’m trapped in my own head, like I’m looking Through a wall of water and everything I do feels like a dream and eveything is slow and moments just pass. I’ve had it 4 times and they always last for a week or two and everytime I feel like I’m never going to “wake up” again.
I can’t control what I say, how I move, what I do. And I feel like I’m going mad, and I’m trying I’m fucking trying to get help and my mum jaut thinks it’s hormones and I can’t do this myself anymore. I can’t.
Sad thing is, I personally believe that I have something wrong, but I can't go to the therapist because A-my parents where my dad says something about my situation being normal and my mom fretting over the fact that she loved me, B-money, C-I can't tell my parents what the bloody hell is wrong with me...
It hurts me to see that there are over 300 people out there that would take the time to dislike this video rather than liking it or just moving on but it is what it is I suppose.
I am pretty sure that none of us were going "just shut up and turn it off". I think a good large section of us were thinking "Oh God please talk to a professional you need support please we love you"
Hamish Woodland who other then yourself is a professional on yourself? Help is okay but when it comes to depersonalization the best way to deal with it is not to deal with it.
depersonalization is a BITCH. my mom recently passed away and i experienced a few episodes over the past month and it was the worst feeling i've ever felt.
i'm not the type of person who comments on things, it's probably the first and last time i'll be doing this, but i feel like i have to give you a HUGE thank you. i felt like i was going crazy for years. therapists also ignored the way i was feeling and since now i felt like i was making it up. i still struggle with this, but hearing you say that i am not alone, not even crazy, and what i'm feeling is valid and real is a huge help for me. more than anything, understanding that what i feel EXISTS and has a name is the biggest help i could ever receive. thank you so much for sharing your experience and thank you so much for helping other people's out with this hell.
I'm not aware of the diagnosis of depersonalisation but wonder if I have it /it happens to me! I definitely have anxiety and depression. I also go through the days acting normally but not really feeling there!! It's a very strange feeling, like my head has broken!!! (seriously) I really hope you get the help you need. It will get better, it will pass I'm sure. Don't panic about being strange. You're not. You just need help!!!! ❤️❤️❤️
This is an old video , but sometimes I tend to want to comment , share how I feel on here or any video about dispersonlization + depression because i know that others most likely know what I'm referring to when I say I feel like I don't exist / or others most likely will understand but I end up deleting what I type of giving up because I feel that no one will reply or answer or relate or even care , I tend to feel that really it doesn't matter or it'll go away or it's not important, it's just too much
I do believe i have depersonalization disorder. It doesn't happen to me as often as it used to but i do become dizzy and... well the best way i can explain it is i feel like im dreaming. It's been happening to me since i was little. I am 13 years old and the first time i remember it happened to me was before i was in kindergarten, when i was 5 or so. I was at the fair with my siblings and father. I remember getting on the swings for the very first time and it being so fun. My brother sat beside me. He asked, "Are you having fun?" and i responded with, "I feel like im dreaming." Naturally, you wouldn't assume much of the response at all because it seems like i meant something else than what i actually meant considering I was only 5. I've talked with my dad about it but it never came across him as a serious topic. He thought that it may be because i don't get enough sleep but i believe it may be something much more serious than that. It's scary to think about. I feel like no one understands me.
So ive had chronic derelization for about a year now with little episodes of depersonalization and lately forming sentences have been sorta hard to form.Well thats not fully true i can from sentences but it takes me a sec to do so and thus talking to people is hard. I can understand what people are saying but puting a response in to words in a normal amount of time is hard.
Sometimes I think I'm not actually on earth because when I try and talk to my friends no one listens to me and I just feel like I'm not really there and I ask myself "is this actually happening?" Ok sorry for being depressing be happy and smile 😊
I GET YOU SO MUCH ITS SCARY.i have moved into 4 houses of the past 4 years and i absoultly HATE change and one day i just got fed up of change.i wanted to be in my first house where live was good and i wasnt mental and had fits where no one sees me.i missed no still miss my room and my garden and i miss being best friends with girls i only talk to because our mothers are close.i just miss my old life and i want the good bits of my new life to mesh with the good bits of my old live.that would be lovely.
I hope everyone who is here feeling this finds help it’s hard to get out of this iv been in such a cycle I was getting better then it gets worse it’s back and forth I hate feeling like I’m not here. 😐
its fucking crazy to me that other 13 year olds are just like- stably happy. like imagine being happy and not worrying that at any moment you’re gonna break down crying in the middle of class. they’re so lucky and i’m so jealous.
sometimes i just feel like i literally cannot smile? like even if i focus all my energy into it i just cant. i end up just opening my lips and showing my teeth. its not even when im sad neccessarily, i just feel so disconnected from my body and whats happening around it that i just cant show or feel any emotion at all. luckily this feeling only comes in waves and it is not permanent, but its so scary when it happens and it always happens so suddenly.
It's like when I wake up sometimes I know what I should feel and what I should want to do and so I create this other me that I assume all day and it feels like I can't remember anything I did that day and I'm so so tired. That's another thing. Tired, so so so so tired. When I sit down in my bed alone I just like go into this like super glazed over me. The one my duplicate had been talking for all day and I look into myself to find nothing. Sometimes I feel like I'm just watching my life happen and I'm not involved at all, like a movie. It's really hard to talk to peoplr because its hard to figure out what I should feel. Like should I shrug or should I shake my head or should I just say no? Even something like that takes a little time to figure out. The best way to describe it is if one day you woke up and you like don't want to do anything but you have to predend you do. It sucks.
I’m in a really bad place right now with my depression. I can’t get out of bed, not even to feed myself or go to the toilet, only get up when the pain in my stomach is unbearable, I sleep for hours and hours and when I’m about to wake up I feel like the world is turning around me and I’m the only thing that has stopped. I look around in my room and I recognize the things in it but everything feels strange, like I’m in some kind of set. When I go out of my house I feel like everyone is judging me, all eyes on me or not at all, they can’t even notice I’m there, no in between.
hey, listen to me :) a couple years back i hit rock bottom, too. no one could ever say something to me that would make me feel better, i would just think ‘oh p*ss off, no one understands’. so because of that, this comment could mean absolutely nothing to you, but i’ll try anyway. sometimes we dig ourselves in ruts, not purposely, but kind of accidentally. it’s a bloody viscous cycle, you feel worse, and worse, and worse. to get out of this rut there is simply, one solution; and the majority of the time it’s the hardest solution. the solution is to get a routine again. start really really small, i mean really small. like sitting up in bed, getting out and walking around your room, then you can get back into bed again. even small steps that seem pointless are always, always better than nothing. smaller steps will turn into bigger steps. my best piece of advice is to always do something productive. it may not seem productive to anyone else, but other people don’t matter. get out of the viscous cycle because trust me, really trust me here.... as soon as you’re out of it; no matter how hard it is to actually get out of it, things slowly start progressing from there. i hope this helps you, remember you’re not alone :’)
Sometimes I think it's so strange that there are people who don't panic after they say stuff and there are people who don't want to sleep constantly so they don't have to be //there//
ive been diagnosed with social anxiety and chronic anxiety induced depersonalisation and derealization and honestly it's the worst thing ive ever experienced, i hate having to deal with being disassociated every second of every day but seeing that im not alone and you feel the same honestly helps so much, it feels nice to know im not going insane and other people feel the same way xx luck and love to you and anyone else with similar issues
depersonalisation. i think i have that?? I've been feeling like this for over a year, everyone just told me it was just my depression messing with my head.
i haven't been diagnosed with anything but i am almost sure i suffer with depersonalisation and anxiety. i'm spaced out all the time and i'm so anxious about everything. the past few months i just haven't been happy. i'm just sad. i will keep telling myself "you are supposed to be happy" and "you have nothing to be sad about" which are both true but i'm just sad all the time. i don't know why and i want to know why. i try talking to people about it and they're just like "you're fine. just smile and you'll be okay" which i do because i am desperate to feel happy again but it doesn't work. i don't know what to do anymore
FallingOutOfYourTwentyOnePanicking!PilotsWithMCR get help. you've said it on the Internet, you can tell someone you love and trust like a friend or parent. Also remember there are people experiencing the same thing.
I can understand you girl. and I have called distress hotlines because I don't know what else t0 do. but also I dating someone who has judged me and called me down whenever I try to improve my mental health. I've been very alone and every time I think I can't handle these thoughts anymore I push through it because I have my 2 babies. ever since I was in grade 5 I have dealt with depression due to abuse and when I had my first baby I went to a doctor to get he and she brushed me off nd told me she can't help me because I'm more at risk by using anti depressant so basically I am still dealing with the problem 3 years later but now I'm experience very bad depersonalisation and I'm getting scared.
i can really relate to when dodie was struggling not to cry when talking about this. i hate hate hate hate crying in front of people, and whenever i try to then talk about my problems with mental illnesses or things that have happened to me that have damaged me, it's like waterworks and i can't turn it off, which makes it really difficult to talk about things like this that truly are important. :////
You didn't seem weird at all. If you weren't able to acknowledge and admit the feelings and sensations you were going that would have been weird. You seem like an awesome normal human being that is going through a very difficult, strange and scary time and you knew you just wanted to feel normal and be a happy person. Hopefully your doing A LOT better now!
I don't depersonalize, but I have bipolar disorder, GAD, and BPD. I've been hallucinating every night before bed, and it is driving me insane. I don't feel fully manic, but I do feel a bit depressed, so maybe a bit mixed. I'm struggling with my meds at the moment, I see my therapist weekly, my psychiatrist every week or two, and have ECT once or twice a week. I've been to the psychiatric ward 17 times, locked up, and under supervision. I feel like I'm going crazy at the moment, and would love to get a grip on myself. The hallucinations are occurring at the moment, and it's difficult to get a hold of yourself in these situations.
These past few months I've felt like other people aren't really there?? Like they feel like all their movements are rehearsed, scripted maybe. They just feel like all their eyes are looking into my brain and they can hear my thoughts and it's so scary. It feels like this is all just a big, sick recreation of a stage, and someone put me in the middle and told me to start acting, except I don't know the lines or how I'm supposed to move. I keep seeing things like people passing by me but then I look and nothing is there. And I feel so crazy that I can't tell anyone about it.
my stepdad of 9 years broke up with my mother and left for another country. i cried when i said goodbye and ive cried since then also. but it wasnt because i was sad. i cried because i thought I should. its a normal reaction to cry so why didnt i? why must i force myself to cry just to feel some emotional releif?! why am i a pitiful mixture of sad and numb?
a few of my friends left to go to another school, leaving me behind to deal with my problems. again, i forced myself to cry because i thought i should. when i go to school, i look forward to coming home, curling up into my dark room and listening to music while i force myself to cry.
i feel happiness in certain moments but its always bittersweet and fake because i know that it wont last. when i hang around my friends i cant help but think they dont want me there. that i am a nusiance and they only laugh and smile to be polite. i walk away from interacting with people and spend hours obsessing over how annoying and loud i sounded..
ive seen those show or cover snapchat stories marking me as the most obnoxious and least favourite person in my classes. i thought I would cry and moan and whine. instead, I felt cold and empty. I'm desperately longing for something but i dont know what it is or how to get it.
I don't really know what to say because your positive attitude to the whole thing is pretty much everything I might have said. I just really hope that it all works out for you and then one day, hopefully soon, you'll make a video about how you're feeling so much better <3
oh oh oh actually i can think of something useful to say - you could try yoga! It's like moving meditation. If you get the right instructor, it's got all the benefits of mindfulness and awareness of yourself and the moment etc, but you're also getting the blood flowing and feel great for doing some exercise. Idk, i just find I prefer it to stuff like mediation cos I can't sit still, so I thought I'd recommend it :)
today I'm going to my first therapy session after putting it off for so many weeks. I'm so very scared and I feel like I can't breath. I don't know how it will go and how my therapist will be and what she will say and I should say and it's just so very frightening and I feel like crying. I know it's important and necessary but all I want to do right now is tell her I can't go today and never speak to her again. I'm not doing that, I can't. I'll go and see how it goes, if I love it, great, if I hate it, that's fine. Wish me luck, I feel like I'm going to pass out.
sometimes i pretend i’m in a movie and i spend days acting as if i’m being filmed. i also make up random conversations in my head and start saying them out loud as if there was actually someone else standing in front of me, i do it out of no where and normally i don’t even notice i am until i look up and my sister is standing at my door looking at me weird. no one needed to know that, and this video is years old, i just feel so stupid about it
My eyes hurt from crying so much. I'm trying to stop because I'm a functioning human with things to do BUT I CAN'T HELP BUT THINK THERE'S SERIOUSLY SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME. It's just probably only anxiety because it just builds up and I break down. So many people are going through so much worse I'm just extremely emotional and anxious and overthinking about so much. Thank you for whoever who read this, even though this is from 3 years ago.
I kinda relate.....Lately I've honestly been so anxious lately. I haven't had a break from feeling nervous, on edge, like something bad is going to happen, and just awful for probably 2-3 weeks nonstop. I'm used to dealing with anxiety but recently it's gotten so much worse. Every second of everyday I'm on edge and nervous and I don't even know why or about what. Mostly it's school stuff, did I do my homework? Well yes, but let me just check 500 more times. What if I forgot something? What if I fail everything? What if I made a minor mistake on my homework and now that teacher hates me? What if the school burns down and I die today? I worry about being so worried that I won't be able to concentrate or I'll just go mad. I constantly worry and overthink every single thing I do and say, every move I make. I constantly worry that every single person hates me, and for no logical reason. This stuff has gotten so bad that I literally feel nauseous before Spanish because I forgot to ask for a book and even something as small as that makes me feel as though my world is going to implode. I'm always just SO scared and worried and I'm SICK of it. I just can't anymore I just want to get out of my brain, I just want to be normal. I just want to go to school and be with friends and and finish homework and do normal things without always feeling like the roof will come crashing down. I just want it to stop and it won't. My brain won't shut up no matter how hard I try. I don't even know WHY I'm so anxious....I just am.
I am praying for you dear friend. May the love of Jesus surround you and embrace you warmly, just like He did for me. Remember Rosemary, He is only a prayer away, and He loves to hear from the hurting. Please take care.
I would like to die, every day is a struggle I rely on alcohol to cope with struggles. I love your channel please be safe and yourself you are amazing.
Dear Dodie, I keep looking back on this video because I feel like something is wrong with me and I feel like I need to just get it out. Basically, early 2016 I was doing research on all of this because I had read some stuff saying that "depression is beautiful" and me being dumb and ignorant I started searching for reasons on why I might have depression and anxiety. I ended up digging and convincing myself so much that I was depressed, then I stumbled upon this video. You were right, now that I had been convinced all these years that I had depression, I feel like it's taken over me and now, I have no idea how to feel. I tell myself that I'm happy and that there is nothing wrong with me but there is always I voice inside my head telling me there is something wrong and that I'm mad. Honestly, I don't know which feelings are real or fake because it's all just a jumbled mess. Most times I'm happy and laughing like normal person, but when I'm alone I always think and fight with my feelings because my mind keeps trying to figure out which side of me is real and which one has been morphed and pushed into my brain by society. Please, if anyone can help me try to understand all of this, it would be a miracle.
I'm no doctor at all, but maybe you've made yourself feel this feelings? I'd advice you to go to a therapist. Do what you need to do to get yourself fixed :) Also, remember: you're in control of your own brain :)
There are these moments where I'm just tired but I can't sleep, I look in the mirror and a whole new person is starting back at me, I feel like the rest of the human race are robots, I don't know who or where I am and I don't eat as much or sleep, I feel like my insides are buzzing and I freak out and cry about it I've seen multiple doctors but they don't know. Does anyone know what this is called or does anyone else feel something like this?
I feel like this is what's wrong with me, but I'm not sure as it's not as full grown, I can feel some of the things you mentioned, but not at the same time
I honestly dont know if you're going to see this but please dont focus on what a grup of people might think because maybe people that aren't or haven't gone through what you are please dont think we dont sympathize with you because we might know ore than you think and I personally know more and i just want you to know that you dont sound crazy you are going through though things and an accumulation of many feeling ( I believe) and that in some sort of way has happen to everyone. Also one last thing , I might not know you personally but as a fan of yours i care a lot about you and i'm glad you are seeking help for what you are going through p.s. English is not my first language so this might not be well written also this is a very very late response but I felt like I needed to say this I hope that's okay
I felt this way off and on since i was 3 years old. Antidepressant paxil worked awesome for five years. Then it quit working. Now this crap returned worse than ever. My memories are like dreams that are hard to remember.. i feel like everything has a grey color, i get nervouse scared. I don't wanna do anything go anywhere, when i do i feel like we need to hurry up and get back home.. light seems to make me worse like the lights around me have lost there purpose. Its the weirdest damn thing. Anyone else have this? Sorry for my poor writing.
it bothers me how people actually think that you can CONTROL HOW YOU THINK. when you tell your brain to stop thinking about something it just continues to think about it. it's hard to stop thinking about something. I'm probably the only one who thinks that but I don't have any control over suicidal thought, depressing thought, anxious thoughts, scary thoughts, etc.
off topic: i'm very young (between 11-13) i don't feel like specifying because i hate the stereotype of the 12 year old (even though i'm turning 13 soon) and i am about 185lbs. i have been trying to loose weight (keep in mind i have anxiety and depression) but i can't and people always tell you to love yourself but how can you love yourself when yourself is 100 pounds heavier than what you should be? i don't know what to do. i've been suicidal and (long story short for about 2 years i was seriously bullied) self-harming for a long time and i just don't know what to do. i don't want help but i don't know what i should do send help
Well, I got depression since last year, and I feel horrible and this is the roughest part of my entire life honestly. Do I feel ok? No. Then I decided to tell my mom that I think I need to see a doctor (because I'm still 17 by now and I can't go to the doctor alone). But guess what she say, she said that I don't need a doctor. She said I have no reason to be depressed and I supposed to be grateful and happy. Believe me or not, I've tried that. I tried to "throw away" my depression, think positively, and tried to be "happy". When I did that, honestly I can function normally, but I feel like I'm hiding something while doing that. And if I do that, I'll get overwhelmed at the next week/month. I'm tired. It's just getting over and over again. I have to wait until I reach my adult age so I can go to a doctor by myself. But, you know, I want to get out of here really quick. I can't stand it anymore honestly. The thing I've learned about depression is that I try to survive everyday not because of other people or other creature or anything else, it's because of me. I try to survive from myself (I have the most toxic relationship with myself like suicide thoughts etc.) every single day, and it was damn tiring🗿.
I started off just being anxious. Then someone who i thought was my best friend completely abandoned me, which has just destroyed me. My anxiety is higher than ever before, everything i'm feeling points towards me probably having depression too, i think about killing myself, i can't trust anyone and nothing seems real anymore, everything just seems like a figment of my imagination or a dream. It's torture but i can't even bring myself to tell my parents so i can get help because of how my Mum acted when i told her about JUST my anxiety, she freaked out. I don't wanna do that to her
Do I have anxiety? I am a huge worrier, I worry 24/7, I overthink basically everything I do, if I'm left alone in silence I drift into a dark place in my mind. I tend to bottle up my feelings because a lot of my friends are fake. I have trust issues. I feel like I'm describing what every edgy tumblr girl says these days but that is truly how I'm feeling lately. Sometimes I don't do certain things because I keep thinking of all the things that could go wrong, it holds me back. I feel like people will think that I'm saying all of these things just for attention, so I say nothing. Whenever I go to school I feel like everyone is staring at me and judging me. I feel insecure all the time, even though people tell me that I shouldn't. My friends will not understand and I'm to shy to go to a professional. I feel that the only place I am comfortable to share this is on the internet, where no one really knows who I actually am.
I hope you're feeling better now, but in case you aren't (or if you experience this again in the future), I'll share a piece of advice I picked up from Jenny Lawson aka the Bloggess: depression lies. It tells you horrible things, like you're worthless and crazy and no one cares, that the world would be better without you. It's terrifying what we tell ourselves in those times.
So if your depression ever tells you things like this, remember that depression lies... these things just aren't true. I wish I had better advice, something more helpful to share, but it sounds like you were working with a good plan.
So I've never experienced this (severely) (but like I'm a teenager I get sad sometimes but I do not have mental illness) but this really reminds me of something that happened in second grade STORY TIME HELL YEAHHH
Ok so anyway in second grade I had a friend (let's call her Julie) and we were sitting on the carpet learning about I forgot what we were learning about, and Julie had her head in her hands and me and my friend group (little second grade cliques SO CUTE) were like "YO ARE YOU OK" and she was like "I feel like I'm not real, I feel like I'm not here, I feel like I'm a ghost." And naturally, we all started freaking out. We were like "MMK GIRL GO TO THE NURSE MRS N SHE DOESNT FEEL GOOD HEELLPP," (everyone in our class had little jobs to do everyday mine was unplugging the lamp before we went home) the girl in our friend group who had the job of walking ppl to the nurse went to go walk Julie down to the nurse but like a minute later she came back and was like "JULIE CANT WALK SHE SAID HER LEGS FEEL WOBBLY," and then we had to delay class and mrs n had to LITERALLY CARRY HER TO THE NURSES OFFICE and she went home. I just thought she had a really bad fever but like A SEVEN YEAR OLD SAYING THAT THATS sCaRyYyYyYyYyYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
Everyone tries to label me, or tell me whats wrong, I don't know if this helps me, personally, or if it just gives me an excuse or a reason or, i don't know, something to say to people when i haven't got anything else to say. i have a great support network and all my friends are AMAZING but i always feel bad when i message them like, "plz save me i think i'm drowning in my own head" because i don't want to dump it all on them and i don't want that to be something that they dread. i cant get counselling coz my mother is slightly demented and wont let me but i've got this teacher who is always there only i hate emailing he in the holidays even though she tells me to because i feel like this is her time and she doesn't need student dumping all their sh*t on her. i don't know why i commented this...sorry...ok i'm done. luv u dodie, thank you.
Darkness called... ...but I was on the phone, so I missed him. I tried to *69 Darkness, but his machine picked up. I yelled, "PICK UP THE PHONE, DARKNESS!", but he ignored me.
At the moment for the past two weeks I've felt like I wasting here & everything that is happening wasn't and isn't real . like a dream. Like Everything and everyone was moving really fast and I was hardly moving at all .
(Yes I know I replying to my self) I don't really know what's going on and I haven't really thought about it ( & I probably should) or talked about it yeah I go to therapy but she doesn't think anything is wrong witch I guess is a good thing but if nothing wrong y do I feel this way and y don't I feel like I'm here & I still have these bad daymares I still over think (I know everyone one always overthinkings ) but it's what I think about)
I feel the exact same for two years non stop. there is something fucked up in my mind, I know it, but because I'm 11 years old everyone tell me it's ok. Nothing is ok. I feel like reality isn't real for TWO YEARS, I have anxiety problems, and I am sooooo confused.
I’m just annoyed because there’s no way to tell when you’re okay again. I feel like it’s been constantly there for a year and a half but in reality I know it hasn’t. If I tell myself that I’m actually okay then my brain tells me that I’m lying to myself but if I’m spaced out then I’m doing it on purpose. I haven’t had a bad episode in a while so I don’t know if I’m better or not and I know it’s not as simple as just saying this means you’re okay and this means you’re not, but if there’s not a problem then I’m creating one and worrying unnecessarily, and if there is then I’m ignoring it and that never ends well. Does anyone have any advice?
i sleep all the time like all the time unhealthily i get home from school at 4, sleep till 7, eat dinner, and then go to sleep about 9 i get panic attacks at least once a week over school and being a failure and the end of the world i go through these episodes of deep sadness and emptiness where i know i can’t do anything useful so why should i try i apologise to everyone all the time to the point where my friends are getting annoyed about it i have my a level exams in two weeks and i’m so terrified because i feel like i can’t function properly i told my friend once that it feels like i’m in a bubble when i’m with my friends and i can only leave it when someone asks me something but everyone’s voices are muffled so i miss questions and jokes and conversations i had the same feelings about two years ago and thought i had depression my now ex best friend told me i was being stupid and that i was making it up because she’d suffered with depression and it was different to how she felt i self harmed for about a year and haven’t since i was 15 (i’m now 17 turning 18 next month) i recently tried to get therapy on the nhs i had an assessment and i was finally officially told that i have ‘moderate to severe depression and severe anxiety’
Since everybody is talking about ther experience i think im gona say mine to So it started in high school i just was around people that were dicks and i didn't helpe that 100% were boys but i was bullied 6 months kick, made fun of,got hit and then 2 people got expelled for some violent acts in school,but that left the other 2 and sometimes others joined in so i felt sad for 2 years and the previous 4 for the same reason. Tryed to tell my family but that lead to nowhere so back to my 18 year old self final found some friends 3 of them and for 2 years it was normal still sad felt like i was worthless,pussy ... And then for no reason at all i get nervous ,anxious and started thinking this weird thought for 8h in my bed and when i sleep for 1h and woke up i put my glasses on i couldn't see everything was blurry and i start panicking after a week of that a ajusting to my new vision i started to get mone sad but no just sad just empty like when i looked at my body its like i was looking and some wired skit type monster i watche a movie and thought it was reality i was in my room white no one in my house for 3 h contemplating life myself and all that the next 6 months i was a mess in school i was loud and annoying couldn't remember the days before or what was thought in school and finally got myself together and FINISHED high school and took 3 months of rest before getting my driver's license still hade problama remember stuff and oh beings in a car with wishion like im drunk was terrifying. Got my driver's license(still bad a driving) started an internship in a mechanic stor 1 and a half year working white a abusive asshole of a machinist hit me 1 time and every day just yells at me for the most smallest thing my hand written,my inability to count fast,to understand the things he is teaching me and i broke my drawing arm on the job but i still got to go to work because if you don't you don't get payed or you get laid off if you don't come to work and yeah its still and internship so i started fixing my arm,eating health,sleeping normally,started drawing more and meditation.So after all of this i got a loooooooong way to go before in right in the upstairs think box but im trying to maximize on the good thing in life one day at s time
The only problem with going to seek help to someone is that then it feels real; like something really is wrong and I’m not just making things up to myself
You're not alone. To me it's the worst illness on earth but we are not alone ! And we can do it. We can get better or learn to live with it. It's okay and we don't have to be ashamed for being like that. And if we're crazy, than we're crazy together ^^
Ryan True2017-08-06 18:58:29 (edited 2017-08-06 19:01:57 )
I wake up and just think about my bed all day, i struggle to see the good side of things, i dont smile even when i am happy, i struggle to see the future and i have no idea how i got to this point in life and have done the things im doing and have done. I also get so bored of things so quickly. Only things i want is to be in bed reading a book listening to music. Oh yeah, i also struggle with social situations.
I also think i cant go to a dr because of my job and the job i want
i've read the book "every day" by david levithan and that shit messed me up cause I sometimes wonder if yesterday I was me or if that was someone else and i just think it was me and idk
After my girlfriend passed away, then my grandpa and my grandma, and 3 other friends in a short period, i hid my emotions, i spent my time alone, always wanting to help others to smile, but i havent been able to myself for years, i just want to be a kid again, be happy, and have the girl i love back, its been 4 years, but its always stuck in my mind, and i just want to be happy again, i want someone in my life rather than making others happy and forgetting about myself
Idk if I have depersonalization, but sometimes i feel like im watching a video, or looking at someone elses perspective, and i know im moving and doing things but it doesnt really feel that way.. like im a robot on automatic or something
when i look at the comments, i see most of them are about “i just wanted to get into my old bed in my old room and feel normal again” and everybody relates to this, but i don’t. i truly don’t. i don’t have a past of feeling normal, i never felt like i was a “normal” person in a “normal” life. i can’t go back to my old bed, because if i will i’d have a panic attack that would send me to the hospital. i feel numb most of the time, i don’t feel “anything”. i don’t have a safe place, my house isn’t a home, i don’t have a place or a person i can call home. and it’s killing me.
it'd be very hard for some younger people to try and get a therapist or so since some parents usually say "know you don't have that, you're happy. I'm giving you shelter and food " and such. cri
My therapist even said that I didn't have confidence issues. I do not even think she can evaluate that. (She said that because I said that I thought I was good at soccer)
That is true. Not everyone has access to the services that would help them whether that is due to age, location or even money for the therapy. If you or anyone you know needs a bit of help, I try using this check list to get me started. (If you need further help you can always call a hotline - you'll have to google to find one for your area though.)
+india pearl mine told me the same when I told him I was shy. He said that I had introduced myself confidently and he disagreed. I told him I had taught myself to do that because people judge you when you first meet them, and pointed out that I hadn't been able to make eye contact since that initial introduction. Needless to say I never went back to him. I wanted help with not being so shy and anxious, not for him to tell me I'm not.
@india pearl I'm sorry that happened to you. Please try not to feel too disheartened. It took me a long time to realise that not every therapist will be the right fit for you. If you can, I would suggest trying a different one. Maybe even get a referral from a GP that knows you and may know a therapist that would suit you. Obviously this may not be available to you but I hope it is. I hope your confidence issues improve. :)
@XthecadburykidX Therapists like that can make it really difficult to see that they can help. Obviously not that particular one, but if you can try another therapist (obviously you may not be able to) I think that would be a good thing to try. Being shy can be really rough especially teamed with anxiety. :( I hope that you can get some help with it. :)
@XthecadburykidX I'm really happy to hear from someone who can relate. I think that saying we don't have a problem (no matter how big or small) is not always the solution. I really hope you're able to become more confident and feel better! It's definitely about finding the right person to talk to.
After watching this video, a lot of things make sense now... Depersonalization... it just sort of clicked when you described it... It just soon much clicked.. And i am 10000000% stuck in the past and honestly it messes me up so much but idk how to fix it.. There so much I want to say and describe and talk about but idk how and I'm almost just too tired to. idk I'm in a weird place rn i guess. hello anyone reading this. Hope your day is going alright. Drink water, take a breath, listen to your fave song, pet something fluffy. Just do nice things for / to yourself.
Id also like to add (because its super important to me rn) that graduating made everything a billion times worse and I'm am defiantly just looking for something to feel familiar and comfortable again. I literally carry old keychains I made for the Killjoys characters (book by Gerard Way) just because they can make me think of good things and stuff in the book – not whatever I'm doing/feeling. Idk when you said you just want to feel familiar things again it just really clicked with me..
My (maybe) problem is: I don't think that it actually IS a problem. I feel bad living with it but thinking about it I come to the result that it is just a normal life crisis. Ok, maybe mine are a little more long term than those of others...
this made me so sad because i feel like im going crazy because i cant describe the way i feel to anyone but at the same time i feel like its not bad enough to go to the doctors im scared that this is normal but i dont want to deal with this i feel so awful and like im insulting people with actual mental illnesses if theres nothing wrong with me i need help
but i totally relate to the childhood home thing theres nothing i want more in the world than to go back to 2007 in my old house in my old bed and to never leave. i find it really really distressing that i cant relive the moments i so desperately want to and never leave. i feel trapped in growing up if that makes any sense and i hate it. i just dont want to be like this but i feel guilty and i dont know why. im crazy.
Go get help, I felt exactly the same way and I felt like shit for nearly a year and then when I hit bottom I got help and it's taken a while but I feel so much better and I think I could have got help a year ago and saved myself a lot of grief but oh well, please save yourself a lot of grief and get help ^^
+Sara Botero thank you, but im just scared that what im feeling isnt bad enough to get help if you know what i mean, im worried im exaggerating my problems because i cant see any particular reason why im feeling this way and i feel terrible for it
yes i completely understand what you mean. there doesn't have to be a particular reason for what you're feeling, not a reason that you can figure out anyway thats why we need professionals. its sort of like if you had a really really painful and reoccurring stomach pain and its not that time of the month and you didn't eat anything dodgy that you know, you don't really know why its hurting, however not knowing what it is doesn't stop you going to the doctor right? thats the reason we go. tell your doctor that you've been afraid of going because you don't think its serious enough but that friends are worried for you and wanted you to seek help because you're not behaving like you used to and then tell the doctor how you feel, you don't have to tell them why, thats their job :)
Yeah by all means go but if you live in England don't expect much, at least with all the GPs I've seen about my depressive disorders have basically said "make some friends & eat even more healthily". I had to see a psychologist before I was diagnosed and got a counsellor.
I know what you mean by you feel crazy. And when you said people are going to think you're on drugs it just kind of clicked lol. I've had weeks where Ive been acting so weird I can feel it but I can't stop, because everything feels so fake and I can't make myself believe that any of it matters. But I was told that one of my friends mums thinks I'm on drugs because of how I'm acting?? But it just feels wrong to pretend that life is normal
Sometimes I feel like I'm not physically where I am and I feel like I'm just going through the motions in a bit of clear glue. I'm also very scared. I don't feel like trying at anything in the present because I feel like I can't do the future. It's weird.
When she said go to the doctor before it manifests I couldn't help but just cry because I have a family that thinks I'm a condescending lier and would never believe me if I told them I'm ill and need medical care. They only believe physical pain is the only pain and that I'm a attention seeker and they said it themselves. I would go myself but I'm 13 and although in my head I'm convinced that I'm 18 I'm not, and the void of reality would suck me back inside but I would still have my foot on the flip side of things.
I feel like expecially now alott of young people amd teens have depression amd otherental illnesses due to how forcefull things can be. And how things are more presurred then they were yearrrsss ago
I’ve always wanted to be an engineer in the navy but they won’t let you do it if you have had depression in the last three years. I need help badly but if I go to a doctor and they say that I have depression then I’ll never achieve my dream.
Has she been through anything traumatic? That can often cause depersonalisation as the brain disassociates to avoid reliving or remembering the event(s)
That thing that you said about not being here, do you know what it is because I am always like that. I'm really scared and it really messes up my life in lessons and talking and basically everything. This isn't worded properly and it probably doesn't make sense but I am really scared that it's going to get worse.
I have so many mental illnesses. Its terrible, I have major depressive order (Just depression but on a life threatening level), OCD (Obsessive Compulsive disorder- The one where you obsess over things and people, not the organizing one), Bipolar disorder, anxiety disorder, panic attack, insomnia, I have sleep paralysis, and I have a eating disorder where I don't eat.
I haven't gotten any help at all. I don't know how. Therapy cost money, right? My family can't even spare any for simple things let alone take care me and me being over emotional and dramatic.
i'm 13 today(and probably going to get mugged in the comments), and i match with most of the depression symptoms on the web. although i know you can't believe blindly the web, in every page i encounter the symptoms always match with me. is this teen depression? am i making this up for attention? am i supposed to chin up because this thing i have is only imaginary and that i'm supposed to live a life because i have been given one, and so not be depressed because others have it more difficult? that's why i don't want to get therapy. i don't want to tell anybody. i stopped talking to my friends for fear of being busted, for fear of not being the good actor, and masquerading my phase. i have brought up to my mum mental ilness diagnoses with a smile, in hope i will get a clearer perspective of my situation. but for now, i'm in limbo. i'm attached to my body with a cord, and i look at my body living through life smiling, laughing, whilst i am here, in the nowhere.
and i'm afraid to seek help. not only because it's a waste of time for everybody, but also because on the internet, in communities, with my social anxiety, comes the fear of being judged, criticized and mugged for "making this up", "live your life, other people are more depressed than you, you must appreciate living" and so forth.
and i'm afraid. afraid of seeking help, and getting slapped in return. and i have dealed enough in the real life, to deal with internet trolls.
i'm mildly afraid of writing this, my hands are shaking, i'm afraid i will get judged. because i will.
the only reason i'm writing, is because i have that hope, that small hope every human has, on the cliff, toes lying on nothing, eyes gazing in the ocean, and thinking: give life a shot.
itisnotafriday Ok listen I’m thirteen as well, I was in your exact situation when I was around twelve. For me I didn’t even know I could get help and I though I was making it up but don’t think that! When you start therapy they give you this test to see what your kinda mental state is and for each mental illness there is a graph from 0-100 if you are over 50 you get diagnosed with it. I was 75 with depression. Even if you are making it up if you keep thinking that, it helps so much! I have had to deal with my abusive dad my whole life and even recently there was a court case against him for it and we lost so I have to see him. Even if I say I don’t want to he says he will stop my school fees. So I’m kinda forced to see him but even though I take his punches and everything I try and talk to friends and even though I don’t do therapy anymore it definitely did help. I’ve also been diagnosed with depersonalisation which is harder to deal with for me, admittedly but I’m still trying. Don’t give up hope. Also with my friends one of them literally told me he though I was faking about suicidal thoughts and I was just like ‘what?’ and we had a long talk about it and he is quite supportive now. Hope your situation gets better. 💙
okay so I think I may have a problem.. 2 years ago I sufferd from a lot of panic attacks and I started getting sessions from a therapist but as another one of my problems was social anxiety and just talking to people in general I didn't feel comfortable opening up so the sessions didn't really help (well they didn't feel like they were). however by the following year I had considerably less panic attacks but I also started to not care that much. I ended up not caring about anything at all. and I sort of switched to depression.. maybe. I'm not sure though and I'm still not confident to get help from a professional. I have been getting a lot of suicidal thoughts but that's normal right? I mean I'm 15 now. and don't all teens go through the whole I want to die thing?. currently I haven't felt like I'd ever actually do anything but I have spent some bad nights with a blade pressed to my skin. I never actually cut tho. I never go through with it so I'm okay right? I'm not so sure..
I have major depression but my mom doesn't believe in medication or therapy. Dodie please help me. You know how I feel. You know how hard it is. PLEASE help me. I haven't laughed in so long and all I can do is keep a straight face. I feel like I have no emotion. I feel like I'm not here. I feel empty. I NEED help.
I am not okay. I know that this is just another comment down here but I really need some help, and need to know that someone cares. Please Dodie, help me. I'm only 13, and I've have severe panic attacks for just about the last two years, and recently, I found that I'm extremely depressed as well. I just really don't know how to 'shake this off' I suppose. And I feel that if I tell anyone, they will tell me I'm making it up, and that my problems are insignificant. I can't stop having 'existential crisis' at all. Even just walking down the halls at school, I can't help but wonder if there is really a point. I'm scared. I'm so scared Dodie. Please help me, anyway you can. Even a like on this comment would brighten up my day. I love you so much, and believe you can get through this tough time. Good luck on your path to happiness!
i know this is a very old video but i need to comment this because i don't have anyone else to say it to, and maybe someone else that experiences this will read it. i found out today (not a full diagnosis, more of that i researched it myself) that i experience really bad derealization and depersonalization. i feel empty, and i don't know what's real or fake. i have "theories" about the world, why humans are here, etc. and of course with most of those thoughts come the same way of thinking with myself as the lead. i thought that these were just me being religiously ambiguous, or maybe just quirky. but it's escalated recently to the point where i thought i had religious psychosis. i felt pulled away from myself and away from everyone else, i didn't feel like a person. turns out this isn't normal at all but. i dont know what to do about it, so im just gonna deal 🤷🏼♀️
Dodie (sorry if i spelled it wrong i just started watching you) ik this is a late comment on this vid but check out I Wanna Go Back by David Dunn. I think you'll like it gl with your life, God Bless.
Ok I'm two minutes in but I have to type I'm so excited by this topic coming up: I HAVE DEREALISATION!!! It sounds like you're describing derealisation not depersonalisation? Depersonalisation is more outer body type experience, it's what my ex had, whereas derealisation is what I have, where I can't access the info of what one side of the room looks like by the time my eyes have gone to the other side of the room, it's like being blind but it's my brain that's not taking in the information, nothing wrong with my eyes, and it feels like brain blindness, not eye blindness, I can tell the difference! (I once went blind for 3 minutes when someone threw a snowball with a rock at my face in high school. Lol. Shit happens. So yeah, they are distinctly different feelings, in case anyone wants to question that). Anyway, so yeah, back to describing my derealisation... my mind has just chosen to shut down and go on autopilot because it finds the outside world too stressful, and I can't get it back into manual, and I'm just awake enough to be aware of it, but lacking the control I would normally otherwise have, and I'm doing and saying very strange things. I thought I'd gone crazy. it's so sad to me now that it took me months to build up the courage to google my symptoms because I thought I'd lost it and might end up in a mental asylum if I told anyone. Turns out it's just a symptom of severe anxiety! Started getting derealisation 5 years ago now, but it's almost gone! MINDFULNESS! Strongly recommend it. Let go of the past, don't worry about the future, and live in the here and now <3 <3 <3 It's been 5 years since I was living in peak anxiety, but I'm now getting there, it takes a while for your brain to stop freaking out at the slightest thing, 5 years and I still get it occasionally. I was waking up and going to sleep still in derealisation, and didn't stop feeling nausea whatsoever for a period of 3 entire months though, so I figure that's got to be pretty extreme, no wonder I still suffer. Naturally, I was a total trainwreck at the time as I'm sure you can imagine xD I'm still on Citalopram, but doing so so well for me! I'm even moving to London soon to pursue my dreams of being a singer-songwriter (what stressed me out in the first place). I'm going to keep going back to Wales to pick up my prescriptions, as they're free here haha. Hope you feel better soon, Dodie. The mental health system is fucked, the first doctor I went to said he was "sceptical as to the existence of derealisation." Makes me angry, frustrated, sad, disappointed, and restless just thinking about it, I burst into tears in the doctor's surgery. I wish I could get him written off, he upset me so, so deeply. Thanks for sharing this :) You're a bit of an idol tbh, you keep talking about all the right things such as mental health, and also write epic tunes. Also, I'm a total hippie now as an aside, it's brought me peace :D :D So I love that you're wearing a hippie top hahaha. Namaste, girlfriend ;) xxxxx :*
I'd love to hear more about the differences between depersonalisation and derealisation if you fancy talking about yours more. I'm sure you know which one you have, sorry, didn't mean to question your judgment xD :P
@Mel Mull Oh yeah, I have an anxiety disorder, yeah. It's slowly getting better though, I have to have faith that it will go, just like it came. Hope you have that faith too. You must, it will do you the world of good in recovery. As the good Buddha says, the mind is what you make of it. X
I know this is old but I woke up late today and my mom was yelling at me and said she was going to take my phone away and I said my phone isn’t the problem and she said to take responsibility of my problems and not to make excuses as metal heath being an excuse and she said that people have bigger problems than me and that basically my problems are insignificant and i know they are but I still don’t understand why they control me so much then
Seriously the realist thing I have heard in a while. People don't understand. They think you're just making it up for attention, or having a pity party. Its neither of those things. Its a constant battle.
Obviously everyone is different but your explanation is so accurate and exact. It turned out I had a sleep disorder that didn't let me get into deep sleep and caused me to feel like shit and off and unpresent and bored but terrible this numb numb numb agitated feeling. It also turned out that this sleep disorder was caused by vitamin D deficiency and luckily for me THAT HAPPENED TO BE MY PROBLEM AND THATFIXED MY SLEEP DISORDER AND I FEEL SO LUCKY THAT THAT HAPPENED TO BE MY ISSUE AND I HAPPENED TO DISCOVER IT. I am aware this is not everybodys problem for me it was and I just wanted to share in case the cause was the same for some random person out there.
I don't know if this counts as depersonalization, and it probably doesn't, since it's only happened once, and I don't plan on self-diagnosing myself. but the one time it happened, I was at a track meet. I don't know if it was induced by too much social interaction, or something. But I was just having a normal conversation with two of my friends, and we suddenly just stopped talking. guess we ran out of things to say. so I started looking around, to feel less awkward. then it suddenly felt like I was just sucked out of my regular life. everything just turned to white noise, and I started freaking out inside. I don't know if it looked like I was on the outside. my friends started talking again, but I couldn't concentrate on them. I just stared at them for a bit, confused, not knowing what was happening, then suddenly thought "no". I closed my eyes briefly, and opened them, and I was fine. I was me again. but even before then I felt off. people have asked me if I'm okay, and I say yes. why do I keep lying?
someone please help. recently, whenever i would have a drive around with my mom, i start to feel sick in my stomach and i start to breath heavily since i couldn’t feel like i could breath normall and i cry along with it not knowing why. i thought it was a one time thing and after that day, i felt okay. but in the afternoon, my head started to feel like crap, and pain in different parts of my body just appeared and i cried the whole day, feeling guilty as a person for not being good enough. i just kept saying “sorry, sorry” in my mind to my mom since she would always be stressed and it bugged me so much that i just want to sleep. i don’t lnow what to do, i can’t tell myself to do anything, everything hurts.
I really believe everyone has a mental illness. Most people just hide it because they don't like saying it. I'm so proud of the people who can talk about it.... but sadly, the only people at my school who do talk about it only talk about it negatively and make everyone else upset.
I feel that. I feel all of this but I’m scared to go to the doctor. Cus I’m know I’m bunkers but i don’t need someone else to tell me I’m bunkers. You know?
You are so right, if anyone is feeling this way, seek help as soon as possible. You might think you are getting over it but it can come back if you don't deal with it fully x
Ugh I've written about this so much that it just feels useless. But here we go... Okay so I'm just not here, and I'm not me? Whatever me is, I feel like I'm living in a shell of myself bc me and myself are completely different things. I'm just watching my life roll past me with blurry eyes and it's so scary bc I'm just floating and I CAN'T FEEL I WANT TO FEEL SOMEONE JUST HELP ME FEEL. I'M SO STUCK IN MY HEAD AND I DO NOTHING ALL DAY BC THERE'S NOTHING IN MY TOWN AND IT'S ALL USELESS AND I GET THESE SCARY THOUGHTS THAT I SHOULD JUST DIE BC IF I CAN'T FEEL WHAT GOOD AM I?? I'M JUST STUCK BETWEEN THE WALLS AND I'M POUNDING SO HARD BUT NO ONE CAN HEAR ME AND MY HANDS ARE BLEEDING FROM POUNDING. BUT IT'S TOO HARD TO EXPLAIN TO PEOPLE THAT YOU FEEL LIKE AIR. AND LIKE EVERYTHING IS JUST A BIG PAINTING. AND I DON'T RECOGNIZE MY FACE OR MY HANDS AND I'M JUST STUCK. I'M GLUED TO THIS FUCKING FLOOR YET I'M SOMEHOW STILL FLOATING AROUND MYSELF AND I'VE BEEN THIS WAY FOR SO LONG THAT IT'S JUST ME. BUT I'M SICK OF IT, I JUST WANT TO DIE. THE OTHER DAY I WAS TALKING WITH MY PARENTS AND I NEVER REALIZED THAT I'VE NEVER REALLY NOTICED THEM?? LIKE THEY'VE ALWAYS BEEN THERE BUT THEY'VE JUST BEEN BLURRY. DO YOU KNOW HOW SCARY IT IS TO NOT RECOGNIZE YOUR OWN PARENTS??? SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME
I'm just a bitch, what more can I say? OK I have been in your exact situation when I was 12 and had been dealing with my dads abuse and I attempted suicide and at that point I went to see a therapist and was diagnosed with depression and depersonalisation. I think that is what you have based on the not noticing part 💛
It makes me so sad and angry that you go to a doctor or psychologist so you can deal with these problems you are facing and they either look at you or make it out to not be as big of an issue as you say it is. Well let me tell you something, if there's something going on in your head that you're having to deal with that causes you pain or anxiety, it is NOBODY'S right to tell you that it isn't a real problem. No one can feel what you feel, so nobody, ESPECIALLY a trained doctor should tell you otherwise. Their job is to make you feel better, not to make you reevaluate and doubt yourself. I have been dealing with depersonalization for a year now, have made some stupid mistakes that made it go worse but now I'm on the right path. Good lock to all of you
Thinking (ego thinking) lead to discontinuity & disconnection to the continuity of life. Thinking less, allows to live continuously & connected with the continuity of life. I practice empty minding along deep continuous breath serving me also as a distraction allowing me to not think but feel, and regain connection with the continuity of life.
I wish I could tell my mom that i'm anxious and depressed. But in my mind the results is: "your a kid your not even ready for depression." Idk how did I got my depression and anxiety but in 5th grade I started feeling that I'm useless and hopeless and no one loves, everyone is laughing at me, they think I'm crazy bla bla bla. And stop saying "DePrEsSiOn CaN oNlY gEt TeEnS" not only teens can get depression. Adults can be depressed even kids. So shut up.
Sadly thinks so relatable, I feel so bad for u I know exsactly how u feel and it freaks me out and just makes me so depressed I can't socialise when I'm like this and people think I'm jut doing it for attention but I'm not also I'm 13 (14 in 4 days aha)
yeeet well umm i started IB about 4(?) weeks ago and my anxiety has just been off the charts and recently i started getting paranoid that i was going insane ? like at dinner, my food just seemed kinda flat and 2D and i got scared bc i started to feel like im not real yknow? and its kinda dumb but i felt like i was in a simulator or a book or something and i panicked cuz i thought i was going crazy like erGH! it felt like i wasnt real and it made me want to hurt my legs or arms to convince myself that i AM real and it sucks and it made me even more anxious cuz i didn't know why i was feeling that way and enghh just thank you so so much for putting a name to it.
I have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety/social anxiety, panic attacks, mild autism, suicidal, ptsd and I also think I have depersonalisation, I feel like I'm not here and I don't belong here. It's a huuuuge struggle every single bloody day.
chanelnadia I'm so sorry, that's so terrible. I have existential depression and it's crushing (kinda like depersonalization mixed with fast anxiety and existential thoughts) idk how you handle it
I'm deeply sorry for what you're going through. I can feel what you're going through because it's what I'm going through at the moment. Now, I know this is like 3 months late but is there anyway I could contact you? I hope to talk to you if it's not too late, I want to talk to someone who is going through the same thing. Instagram: @rubirosettee
same as all of you guys ... i wishi knew people like me where i live i feel like being able to hang out with people like that and talk and all that would be so much relief because i feel so alone i want to die sometimes. Thanks to music to being here because it seems that its the only thing that bring me a little bit of peace and joy
i wish i had free health care where i live i have no money and my insurance doesn't cover therapy and i have so many mental health questions that i need answered by a professional
I feel so bad now. I hate it how you talk about that and meanwhile I love it more than everything.
I must tell you something. I am afraid. So afraid of getting a mental illness. I'm really in my way to get One I don't know.
Sometimes there are times when I feel ok, like it's all cool, I'm ok, I got friends and it's really ok, but sometimes I feel like I can't laugh and I can't smile for days and more days.
The thing is right now I really feel ok, I got a cool time and I feel like a normal kid. But I am SOOO afraid of those bad things to come back and me being sad again.
And you must know One thing. I am 13 years old. I am really young and I have no depression or anything like that yet but I'm afraid of getting it soon.
Because I feel so unnormal, so weird. Not that kind of good-weird but some sort of insane. I feel more like an adult than all the other kids and I overthink everything soooo many ways too often!!
I could cry right now. I don't want that. I want to be a normal *
And my very best friend wich I really love is really not supportive.
She told me "You really have psychological problems." But then she went and acted like everything was normal and I don't understand that. When she DOES notice me being not completely alright why does she not help me or whatever but just tell me about that and go?
Oh my gosh I didn't even want to write that much. No idea. I just feel odd and stupid and wrong here.
And on top of that I also just feel like I am not even allowed to think these things I do think, because I am so young and nobody at the same age thinks about these things the way I do.
Just so you know you're never "too young" and you should probably seek help as soon as possible. I know it may seem like no one else feels the same at your age but I can guarantee that you aren't on your own in what you are feeling. Myself and several friends of mine developed mental illness' at young ages but didn't get help because you assume you're "too young to know" and it can manifest. It's a much better idea to see someone like a GP or parent/guardian or teacher you trust. Not many people your age will know how to be supportive so I would recommend seeing a professional or at least an adult. (i know i'm not dodge but i hope you feel better/get help soon)
This sounds like you may already have depression or possibly bipolar disorder. I think you should go see a doctor for some kind of definitive diagnosis <3
+Vlogging Julez first of all, I know that I'm no Dodie Clark, but I saw your comment and I read it. I read all of it, and I just really hope that you're okay. I think that worrying this much about getting a mental illness is probably not good and that you should talk to someone about it. Speaking of which, have you spoken about this to someone other than your friend who is unsupportive? Maybe you should find someone who believes you more; someone good for your mental health in that way.
+Iain Gillespie I know you may be right. I've already thought about that but the thing right now is:
I've lately started to feel ok with that. Learned many things and learned how to be cool with how odd I am and stupid stuff like that.
And if I now began to talk to someone about that, all my feelings would come back you know?
All I want is to be happy and forget about ALL THESE DAMN THINGS.
I can't even describe about what silly things I think. I feel like no human being should ever think about stuff like that and I also think no one does and has ever done.
And I think if I talked to nobody and enjoyed my time as long as it's not bad I'm ok and I'm gonna forget about stuff.
+Vlogging Julez So... I may not be Dodie but I've been trying to write this for around 10 minutes and the thing I want to say is that I feel the same and I was thinking that we could talk...idk... (sorry if my english is bad, i speak spanish...)
Hey, I'm not Dodie (obviously) but still I thought I reply to you because what you said really resonated with me. I am actually 20 years old and still feel too young to speak up about all the weird and strangely complex seeming thoughts and worries I'm having. Also I too have recently experienced phases of good-normal-well being followed by phases of weird-sad-pointlessness feeling. It has recently gotten better since I am now finally starting to settle on a decision I needed to make for quite a while and that had been stressing me out so very much. All this time I had not really talked to anybody about this and the longer I kept it to myself I felt it getting worse and worse. At some point I talked to a friend about it and he kind of dismissed it as something we all go through in life at some point. I actually agree to the degree that we all have probably at some point in our life experiences the very basis of one mental illness or another maybe even without realizing it. But *
I understand how you feel and I know you feel ok sometimes but it's better to get support than to have bad times come back. I know you feel like you're alone in how you're thinking but you aren't, but no matter what you can get the support to get to the happy place you want to get to. I hope that you find your way to a better place.
+Iain Gillespie my problem is... Nobody even knows that I am sometimes this kind of sad. And I don't want them to know. I don't want to be threatened like I'm not ok because I am ok
Everybody has their times when they're a bit sad haven't they?
* saying that I don't want to take away from the experiences of those with serious mental illnesses. That thought is just something that kind of helped me normalize and accept mental illness as something unpleasant, yes, but also something that is part of life and not something that makes the one experiencing it that "crazy person" that one just identifies as crazy and with that almost doesn't see them as human anymore. Being mentally ill is just about as human as it gets really. We are sentient beings after all and the way our brains work that simply includes a proneness to getting stuck on some thoughts and developing a mental illness or something of the sort every now and again. But I'm getting off topic here. What I really wanted to say was that if you are worried about a mental illness growing inside you, you definitely should go to the doctor no matter how old you are. Just tell them and have them make sure that you are ok/not ok. If you are ok, they will give you a reason why *
+Countless Colors I am ok. Even those "bad times" are not really bad. Yet. I'm just afraid that it gets worse because I think of so many things, I guess I can't get happy that way.
+Vlogging Julez i understand that and you don't have to let people know if your don't want to. Doctors are completely anonymous (unless they think you will hurt yourself or someone else) so unless you want others to know you don't have to let them know. Yes everyone gets sad sometimes but it's better to be safe and get support than risk it becoming worse.
* you think the way you think and it will reasonable with you making it all alright. If you are not ok and they tell you you are then you will feel that they are wrong and even though it will be hard to stand up to that kind of situation and essentially rejection, you will need to try again by talking to another doctor. Maybe even more than just these two. But if you feel you are not ok and none of the reasons someone gives you to tell you that what you feel is normal, chances are you are not ok and that person simply doesn't understand how you are truly feeling. That sucks, I know, the whole process does, but it is better to get help now while others bearly notice anything being "wrong" and while you still have the will and energy to find help than let it get worse to the point where you might be too deep into it get help as easily and especially learn to handle it as easily. (P.S.: your friend probably simply didn't know how to handle the situation and without meaning to hurt you)
Ok to all of you now: You are so nice and supportive and I want to thank you so much because you really helped me in a way, thanks!
I guess I don't (really don't I'm sure) need a doctor right now. I'm ok right now. But now I promise you I will go to a doctor as soon as I notice anything getting worse.
please don't listen to anyone on the internet "diagnosing" you with some kind of disorders. don't worry too much about getting any either. if you feel like you have some genuine problems, go see a doctor but if you're just worried you might face such deep problems that you might get sick, then try to block that out. you're perfectly normal and i promise you that most people around you are going through the same thing, or at least something similar. cheer up a bit, kiddo and if you can't, go see a doctor!!
Hey I know you already have a lot of comments and advice, but I just want to say that it's okay to be afraid of getting a mental illness, but having one isn't the end of the world. Often fixating on something can make the danger seem more real or worse than it is, and although I know it sounds dumb like "Just don't think about it!!" instead maybe try when you start worrying, say to yourself "I'm having the thought that _", accept the thought then push it away. I hope you feel better soon, and don't be afraid to ask someone you trust for advice. <3
I feel the same and I hate it because I'm scared to get help and I constantly deny myself of having anything wrong with me at all. It might not be depression but the amount of sadness and overthinking and constant breakdowns I have is becoming abnormal :/
I know how you feel... and I think this is more confusong than always being sad etc. becouse I would know that something is wrong with me? like, I would be able to tell myself that I might have depression or anxiety. but becouse those thoughts or feelings are not always there I'm afraid if I talk about it to someone they would think that I'm making all these up for attention. and sometimes I think to myself if I'm making all these up, not for attention but maybe becouse I've been seeing more and more people with those problems? it is complicated and I'm afraid about many things. I get why you don't want to talk about it to anyone. and to be honest it is good to know I'm not the only one. so I hope we will find some way of help? and btw I'm 17.
I came to watch this video not to feel alone.. I have been feeling pretty meh sometime now i guess.. I dont remember well. Even though everything is fine i feel like its not.. And i feel like im in the dream, its scary.. Sorry for writing this.. I dunno where else..
I just can't stand it, I developed insomnia because of this shitty disorder and everything fells fake plastic flat and overwhelming I just feel like throwing up constantly and like I'm allways on the verge of completely losing my mind its insufferable, i constantly feel like my head is going to explode, I wouldnt even want my worst enemy to go through this, but I feel like things are getting better and I constantly remind myself that if others got through this I can too, I am strong and brave, I've made it this far and I'll keep improving, and I pray to whatever may be up there you get though this too because it's really a shitty and unfortunate thing to be going through this but I know that things can and allways will get better, stay strong and hopefull, others have and we too will get through this
I have a lot of anxiety. I really don't like going on meds cause I have a lot health problems too. I feel completely lost in my life and don't know what to do. But I gave my life to Jesus and became a christian its helped me to feel a little better. I'm still praying that the lord will heal me but it gave me a feeling of hope and comfort
My head hurts so much while watching this cuz im.trying so hard to cry but its not coming out. Why does nothing want to listen to me? No one even bothers to talk to me anymore. When i ask for help they call me attention seeking so i stopped trying and this led to self harm and staying up all night so that i can feel more pain than i already do.
Dodie, try to stay strong. This may sound stupid from a 13 year old girl in the middle of school, who is a complete stranger to you but I want you to know loads of people are here for you. Your amazing and you can get over this, lots of people get over stuff like this, I got over something like that. I didn't know what it was but I felt like digging a hole and living in it until I die and like I wanted to block everything and everyone out of my life because if sly so down. Then stuff started getting better but it was still bad, I went out more and did more but I still felt grey. I have never put a name to it so I just call it 'my grey days'. It started when I was about 11 and a half and I slowly felt better about a year and a bit later. Now when I tell people why I was off school for a bit they say I was making it up for attention and to get out of school, but I like school (in a way). I told 2 of my closest friends and my girlfriend. They where really supportive and helped me get
I have anxiety but sometimes i wonder if i'm kinda depressed, like not full on depressed, just extremely negative and mentally unwell-ish. But i don't know and i feel bad because i know that whatever i have (if i do have anything) is no where near as bad as what other people have and then i feel myself wishing that it was worse, and i know that i should never ever ever think that because i am so lucky to not have depression or anything worse and i hate myself for thinking it but i just kind of want an excuse, a reason. But then again i feel like im just a negative bitch who needs to wake up and stop being so ungrateful but i just cant and i put myself down a lot. And i feel that im actually ok and im just thinking it all up and making excuses because i actually feel ok most the time and i have came a long way. (I used to be extremely negative and nearly depressed but i got out of it) and now i just don't know anymore. Am I ok? Maybe i'm just making a big deal about nothing. I don't know.
Ive had a couple of spells of this. I dont know if it is normal to not have it all the time but have it once or twice or 3 times. I only got it when i was walking on a really busy street. I had to sit down because everything was bright, i felt like i was dreaming and like i wasn’t really there, i couldnt remember the last 5 seconds. I felt really strange. Does anyone know if it is normal to only have it afew times
hi, i wonder if someone can help me. i suffer from panic attacks and anxiety which sucks but i am getting therapy so thats cook. but sometimes i get this really intense feeling of anxiety in my tummy, the only way i can describe it is that it feels like when i felt homesick when i was younger (if i was at sleepover or something) but i could get it at home or anywhere. Its really wierd and its started happening more. Does anyone else get this?
You know, I... i feel like this is a safe space so I can say what I feel and I can delete a comment if things don't go well. I honestly have been feeling very down not just lately but for the past year so I looked into it and took some mental online screenings because honestly I couldn't stop obsessing over it and they said that i was showing symptoms of certain disorders. I want to seek help but I don't want to waste my family's time or money and every time I've brung it up to someone, they've said it's because I'm growing up since I am still relatively young. Nothing hurts me more than that because I am constantly obsessing over the fact that I don't know whether what I feel is real or not or if a part of me hidden in the dark abyss of my mind is just seeking attention so I just keep to myself and honestly i just don't know what to do. Wow it feels good to get that off my chest. Good luck, Dodie. I know that this comment may not have a lot to do with you per say but I want to thank you for creating such a safe environment that I along with many others feel comfortable with expressing ourselves here.
Sonus Isawesome I relate to what you're saying. I feel like I don't deserve to be sad, and that what if I'm making up these bad thoughts and they're all not real, and if thinking these thoughts and doubting them is worse than actually thinking them and if I'm making things up for attention or why if I do want attention. very confusing. so you're not alone I guess.
Its weird It feels like that nothing is really real People are just moving around and around me Im a burden like a rock No one wants a rock for a friend For the people who are my friensd I have no idea why they want to talk to me Some days its really bright and weird. Like is that the sun? No one think theres nothing wrong I wish i could go back. To when i was younger because it was easier
+doddleoddle you are wonderfully brave for making this video. These are hard things to talk about. I know because I suffer from anxiety too. Keep pressing on....it will get better....I promise. :)
I understand that you're probably getting advice from everywhere and you probably don't want more. Having said that, I've been told that documenting the good things that happen in pictures and in videos so that you have evidence of them happening and constructing your personal timeline can really help with depersonalisation. It's just a thought. I love you!
nothing feels normal or ok. I'm waking up everyday and the first thing I think is 'what is the fucking point in doing this again?' on a day to day basis I can't be bothered to do anything. I don't want to eat or read or watch my favourite TV shows or movies because nothing makes me happy and I don't see the point in anything. I think about the future and I just cry and I can't stop crying. I feel like there is no point in doing anything because nothing will ever make me happy and I will never be OK. there is no point in anything because I think I'm incapable of feeling anything at all and life is pointless and I shouldn't try because I'll never feel right again and I'll just hate everything and everyone forever. I don't think I'll ever be satisfied. I've forgotten what happiness feels like and I don't think I'll ever feel it again.
this video is old but I came back to it because I love dodie and I just wanted to vent.
buy a bike and ride it - sounds arbitrary but it changed my life 10 years ago. I had Councillors and psychologists and then i rode a bicycle. There are so many reasons why it helped me, just try it.
Sorry, but you don't have a right to feel perfect and happy and sorted 24/7. It's just life. You moved. So do millions of people. You miss your old house and familiar surroundings. So do millions of people. Life is shit, deal with it. Writing it all off to "mental illness" isn't neccessarilly the answer, you don't always need help to not be unhappy, sometimes we're just unhappy due to circumstance and none of us like it.
I have experience of anxiety too but I don't try to ascribe it to anything other than myself, and I take responsibility for dealing with it, though if I need objective professional input I seek it. Too many people of your age lack the ability to be unhappy and just sit with it. Nobody has the automatic right to be happy, we can't all be famous, successful, rich or in the media.
Not meant to be harsh just pragmatic. Love your music x
I’m so confused I just feel blank all the time like I have no emotions and sometimes when I’m in class or something I just space out and just feel secluded from the world like I’m just an onlooker I’m just soo confused idk anymore honestly I just have been feeling like what’s the point of life anymore
when you were starting to think that maybe you were making up your undiagnosed anxiety but then you watched this and started crying and then had an anxiety attack because you had to see people in like two minutes and you needed to stop crying so they wouldn't see you cry and then she got to the part where she was saying to get help and it got worse because you really need to get help and you think maybe you can actually say it this time but you're not home and you don't feel safe telling the people with you about this and it's not okay ☺
this is a perfect video though and i love it and im thankful because i think when i get home im going to actually tell someone about it which ive been trying to work myself up to doing and this gave me kind of a big realization that i should stop putting it off
+doddlevloggle oh doddie.... We love you so. I'm here if you ever need to talk. I relate so much, panic attacks, depression, ect.... So I know how you feel. And crying definitely makes me feel better. Cry it out dear ❤️
+HeyHolly'sOnline what...? I'm simply saying her name is spelled dodie...such a genuine comment, saying you love someone, should start with spelling their name correctly. That's all... :) please try not to get worked up over a tiny thing.
+ekeetley123 well.... Okay I'll spell her name with one d instead of two next time. Thanks for correcting me. However, I feel like you're the one who made a slightly larger thing out of something small 😜 have a nice day
I never comment much personal things but she is so sweet and she expresses it in a way that is accurate and gentle because of the ducking stigma. But I notice many people commenting that they feel like they're watching a movie when they go through depersonalization-derealization episodes and I felt like writing what I feel. I feel like I'm in a simulation. Like a group of creatures or aliens are watching me and nothing is real like Doddle said she felt like a robot and everyone else was human I feel the exact opposite and it's really scary since I can't feel safe anywhere, not even home. Home seems unreal and everything seems so geometrical and the colors are bright in an overwhelming way. It feels as if every object in the room is staring at you. With difficulty breathing I feel cornered and uncomfortable anywhere. You know how some used to think that monsters hide under our beds? And therefore they avoid the floor when going to bed-falling asleep? (Does that make sense) I feel scared of every single surface. I feel unsafe sitting on the ground, the furniture, standing up, I feel like everything's gonna swallow me into a strange dimension that's full of weird and dangerous things, a place from which I can never go back. WOOOP THATS ENOUGH OVERSHARING FOR TODAY IDK IF ANYONE WILL READ THIS WHOLE THING BUT if you've felt this way before know that you're not alone. I know it all seems weird and out of place at times but when the physical feels unreliable, focus on what your soul truly feels. Don't listen to your head. Focus on what your soul is thinking and follow those thoughts because they're the purest we have and even if you feel that you're dying, your soul is always going to shine a light. Some believe that after your body decays your essence shines in the night sky as a star. I'm glad some understand; I maybe will delete this because it's long and whatever but please try to understand if you haven't gone through this. This is not for attention seeking. It's an extremely scary and confusing situation and I'm glad Doddle did a video about this. Stay alive everyone
Two days good two days Bad and every now and again i have weeks where i only sleep and weeks where i just dont because of Paranoia. But its good. Getting better. I have a Routine. I dont et that many random mood swings anymore. I think i'll make it. I know you will too.
I'm 16 and people say I act 8 ._. I put on a mask and they like me better. A lot of people hate my personality. IAM better of being the quiet kid at school... ;-;
I'm scared I'm under 18 and Its been a year that I have been " obsessing " over depression about a year ago I just wanted to read about it I just enjoyed learning about mental illnesses as I find them interesting but I can't get out of it ( wow I just said that ) I have re visited this video and the part where Dodie talks about how it's easy and dangerous to fall into it if you read the symptoms has really scared me...I don't want depression but I can't help crying every day and being " down " I can't help always smiling when I'm around people even though I know I look retarded and fake I don't know what to do because I'm worried I might have fallen but I don't know if I really have...I re watch and watch videos about depression and read articles about it I do this to anxiety, dp, dr, adhd.... But there's something with depression that has made me take all the tests read all the articles and continuously obsess about for a year I hope this may just be a phase and I will get over it
I always used to watch (still do) documentairies on youtube, there were also a couple on eating disorders and depression. Now, I've had the same as Dodie said, I thought my depression was insignificant and I was making it up, because my parents never say the word depression in relation to me. So, watching these documentairies made me even more sad and depressed. Almost exactly a year ago I started developing anorexia (omg I gues I have it) and just like Dodie and you I started to obsess more and more, watchig the four documentairies I knew of everyday, sometimes multiple times a day. It was in my head almost litterally from the moment I woke up till the moment I went to sleep. I even had dreams about eating something and feeling very guilty and me family leaving me behind. Anyway, I've been rambling for too long, when I lost a significant amount of weight (bmi was 14.5) my mom too me to a psychotherapist and she thought I was getting better because I was gaining weight but in fact it's way worse now, so we're now waiting until we can get my intake at an eating disorder unit. Meanwhile I'm desperately trying to lose weight so I can feel I have control for a little longer, until they take it from me.
Jade Nanarjain you're beautiful and perfect the way you are, I hope everything works out for you, please message me if you need someone to talk to, you've got this :)
Same.. i feel so stupid and don't want to tell anyone that I only got these feelings when I started to learn about them because that means that i'm only making it up doesn't it? IDK BECAUSE I'M THE ONE MAKING IT UP and what? There aren't any suicidal thoughts or panic attacks just really weird and down feeling moments, mostly at night and idk if I have to take that seriously? Probably sounds stupid bye what
EvieJo Brown these feelings dont come from looking up mental illness. you just always (not knowingly if course) had these feelings. But now that you know what to look out for, you start finding them in yourself. dodie said in a different video "if you check you will find. So I stopped checking".
this is incredibly reassuring because it's the only thing that I can find close to what I'm feeling. though I doubt anyone will read this, I'm still going to let it out. I feel like I'm getting addicted to the idea of depression. I don't believe that I'm sad enough or have crossed the bridge of depression yet, I'm sad and I injoy things less and I have trouble remembering but it doesn't seem like enough to self diagnosis myself. but I'm so obsessed by the idea of it, it's something so intriguing that I know is horrible for me and I should feel grateful for being ok but there's something so inticing about having the label and the feeling. I do belive that there have been days where I've gotten a taste of depression if anything, and though they pained me, after it was all done I wanted it back. I intend on figuring this out, and hopefully getting rid of this possible addiction.
depression is usually a most commonly caused be a chemical imbalance in your brain. It's also hereditary. I wouldn't worry too much about it. if you've been feeling down, you may just be going through a phase. That being said it's important you see a doctor so they can perform a medical examination on you because it is an illness and does require medical examination. As much as I'm for self-dx, I do think it's important that if you have the chance/opportunity to see a doctor, to contact them. There could be an underlying physical condition for why you feel this way or you may me misdiagnosing! Good luck dear ❤️
Hey. I feel horrible today. Nothing works. I can't function. I don't feel anything. For clarification, I believe I have depression, anxiety, and adhd. Quite the trifecta. Depression makes you numb, adhd makes you overactive, and anxiety makes you worry about everything. On top of all of that, panic attacks are fun. I don't really talk to people, not really, so it's weird that I'm spilling my metaphorical guts to strangers. I'm going through the motions. Defintely, definitely not okay. I want to be a singer, and a musician, and in acting. I don't know how to talk to people. I don't know how to get out of bed, and part of me wonders if I even want that anymore. I don't know if there's anything else I should say? Don't reply with bullshit, I guess. Don't want to hear, "I've been sad/stressed too". Bye.
omigod I just when she starts nearly crying I just I can't I hate that this all hurts you so much darling and i know it's been a while now and idk I hope you feel better than this because that sucks and i care about you a lot and so do so many people and I never want you to feel like that ever again but that's not the reality idk.
Gosh, Dodie. I know you don't believe in God, and I know you'll probably scoff at this comment, but my heart is aching for you. Jesus saved my life, okay. I was going to kill myself. I was depressed and I still struggle with depression daily. I hated myself. I had bad social anxiety and panic attacks. I felt detached, like you. Like I was on drugs or something. I felt like a ghost just sort of floating around observing the world but not really being a part of it. I would look up and see the world moving in fast motion. I thought my vision was starting to fail; my eyes were all blurry and I thought I needed glasses. I couldn't sleep, and when I could I was restless. But, Dodie, I mean, Jesus turned my whole life around. I was raised Christian but didn't really have a strong personal faith. But when I found that; when I gave in to God and let Him show me Himself, I just saw Him in everything. He was right there with me the whole time I was suffering. He was holding me and waiting for me.
Waiting for me to come to Him so He could heal me. And I found so much peace and so much comfort. His yoke is easy and His burden is light. I have no idea what you think of God apart from that you don't believe in Him or Jesus, and you probably think Christians are judge mental and horrible and whatever (sorry about that by the way, Jesus is nothing like Westboro Baptist, I promise). But I'm not trying to convert you or judge you. I'm just hurting for you. And Jesus is healing my hurt everyday. I'm sorry if you hate me for this. I just like you a lot.
+Mikkayyy I can totally relate. My soul doesn't feel broken anymore. While my body still suffers from anxiety and tiredness, my soul feels differently. It's definitely frustrating sometimes when I am calm on the inside and my body decides to panic! But it makes a world of difference that I know in the deepest place of my heart that I am truly safe and loved. Not that my soul cant get hurt - it can- but I have an assurance that the supreme power (God) wants nothing for me but to see me live a whole, meaningful, fulfilled life.
+Nikkayyy God I think is helping me through my times of trouble. I think he works through my friends especially because they are there for me and I just feel so comforted when they look out for me. Also, my church is great and our teen 'Sunday school' (basically drinking tea and coffee while eating cake or French patisserie stuff from the co op) is so inspiring and it's convincing me I have things to live for.
I'm not religious but happy that people like you can find a way through mental illnesses with God, real or not there is no doubt that God does bring a lot of good to the world through lives such as your own :)
Wow. This is not the reaction I expected. This is awesome! I should have known the people who would comment under one of Dodie's videos would be so nice :') This is all so encouraging.
The dovan part ah, I think both dodie and Evan feel at home with each other? Evan describes her as an angel and dodie seems herself when with Evan idk but ah
,my situation is that when i was 17 yr old i complete my high school from Boston in us and then i decide to go to college but recently i got a call from hospital that my family-dad, mom and a brother are died in car accident ,now i see no hope, i feel to kill myself i have no friend im ugly and stupid ,i cry every night but still trying to improve myself
Derealization is horrible, and so, so, so, scary. I have a history with it myself - though i'm so lucky that it's usually just in short bursts, lasting only a day, or a night, or at worst a couple days. I can't imagine what it would have felt like to be in that constantly. Gosh.
I know this video is old and people won't probably read it... but if you stumble over this, please do. I was 13. I felt big and mature, no one understood me. I guess I was just stressed, but it felt different at the time. I self diagnosed, anxiety, (then started going to therapy). I had my fucking life sorted out, and I spent six months that I'll never get back pushing people outside my life with whom I'll probably never have the same relationship again. Looking back, I could've sorted it out in a month or two, alone. I said that was hard. It had been the hardest time of my life, but now I was so much stronger and wiser, I had suffered enough. My life was going to be happy from now on.
It's been ten months since I made that statement. I would give up everything just to feel that way again. It scares me to think that I might just be doing the same, making things up where there's none, and that this will get worse and worse each day. I'm two levels deeper than I was back then, and I know bloody well that when this ends, I won't have suffered enough. I still have decades left. My point here is, don't be me. Try to not adopt this as your signature. It wasn't only until I told myself that no one would fight this monster for me that I started trying to beat it. I know it's hard, I know it consumes you, I know. Just, please, don't make it yours. Don't wait until it's too late.
ok this is so weird and idk if this is depersonalization or disacociation or something but when im hanging out with my friends sometimes..i become really aware of the situation and it's like im there but not there at the same time?? idk if that makes any sense at all.. probably not
I can't deal with real life anymore. I'm so tried and I go through so much shit and I feel so fucking dead. I walk into my school looking like a zombie because I don't know how to process my emotions anymore. Should I show the real, over-thinking, crying me? or should I smile and giggle and laugh and stay at the verge of tears every day? So many people say, "others have it worse than you!!!1!!" I am fully aware, I'm not asking for this shit. I hate waking up and dealing with my thoughts. They are constantly digging at my mind. I try so hard to be happy and I can't do it. I can't go to therapy because my family is some of what is causing me to be this way and I can't tell them that. I don't know how to explain what I'm feeling, Its just... Sad and being tired of being sad. fuck.
I've seen different therapists, counsellors, and psychologists over the last 5 and a half years. Let me tell you this. I don't know how the fuck I would have gotten through university had I not started seeing one. I was finally diagnosed with depression, anxiety, OCD, and ADHD, at 18. I am 23 now and I am still seeing a therapist. I am only learning now at my age that the reason we feel overwhelmed and like life is too much to deal with is because we obsess over finding reasons as to why we feel depressed and/or anxious instead of just letting ourselves feel the way we feel. I cannot stress how true that is. I have only recently learned to let myself be upset when I am upset (usually not in front of people because I hate getting emotional at all to begin with), because by fighting how you are really feeling, you are making yourself feel worse! You don't need to tell your family that they are a part of what is causing you stress (until you are ready), but I would definitely suggest you see a therapist/counsellor. You are 100% not alone in feeling like shit and being sad. Believe it or not though, it does get better with time and a lot of help.
Diana5513 do you think that all the councillors/psychologists/therapists helped you? If so, which was the best? Ik u probably won't see this but I really hope u do
I never understood how terrible this is having (depression and anxiety mixed) when I was young but now I’m 16 and ever since last year I’ve gained a lot of weight and now I’m constantly doubting, bullying, and isolating myself and I want it to stop but it won’t I go to sleep one night with slim hope that tomorrow will be better but its always the same I’m so terrified because it’s not Changing I feel so dreadful all the time that I’m terrified I’ll end up ending my own life because it’s so bad and I can’t take it I don’t wanna die
I wish i could figure it out. Mental heath, I mean. I don’t know how I feel or who I am, and when I’m not around others, I don’t know who I am. I just kind of.. feel.. nothing. Well, I can feel emotions, but from a third person, I guess? But I don’t even know if that’s it. I don’t know. I don’t know who I am, or could be. I can’t cry. I can’t really smile for myself. It’s all for someone else. I’m only really here, on this planet, for others, and when they don’t need me, I just kind of float off. I’ll also feel worthless and feed off of belief. I take any compliments or support and hoard it, trying to use it to fill the hole of where my self love should be. Does that make any sense? I don’t know if anything makes sense anymore, so I think it’ll do. I also don’t know how or when or what to talk about what I’m feeling. I’m under 13 (I don’t want to state my age) so no one would take me seriously. I desperately want to come out as pansexual and say that I have mental heath problems, but I don’t.. I can’t. If I ever do figure out how to tell people, they would tell me to decide when I’m older. But I don’t know how long I can keep my mental heath problems tamed. Thank you, if you read this, for listening to me. You can do it. I believe in you! Stay strong. ♥️
fucking hell dodie I'm crying so much I know exactly how you feel all I want is my old happy little bed and my old happy little life and my old happy little me
@Mysterywhiteboy78 I really hope that you realise that the things you just said are very rude. I have no intention to hate on you but if Katy suffers of depression, anxiety or depersonalisation, it is something very normal to miss the old times, where the mental illness wasn't there (or hadn't shown up totally). Mental illnesses can be very hard and challenging, both mentally and physically and me myself have wished to go back in time just to forget. This isn't about "special snowflakes" or something, these things are legit side-effects of these three mental illnesses. She isn't ruining society, she is just describing her feelings, that are totally legitimate. Why do you hate on someone and tell them to grow up, even though you don't know their age? You say that the things she feels are dumb although they are totally understandable. Instead of spreading hate, please think about what you have done and think before you speak. Even though you were rude, I wish you a lovely day and a nice week. Thank you for reading this.
@SnowAline Hate all you like but this is equal to Narcissism anyone with any integrity or courage would go about things in a private and dignified way. I don't trust people who make videos about their every waking moment.Thanks for reading.
Sorry if this is to personal, but do you think you got depersonalization because of youre manipulative relationship? Also I l o v e you sooo much and I hope everything is ok now
I'm just in the beggining of the video watching you reading the txt you send to your friend, and this is basicly wath I'm passing thru, and wath I said to my best friend almost every day .-.
Can someone please help me! I have derealization (same thing as Dodie) but, I'm only thirteen so aren't as many treatment options. I'm using a vape pen made by a company called corked and it helps with the symptoms but, it won't go away. I need help, advice, something please.
I think I want to see someone about this, however I don’t want to get labelled with depression and then make this effect my future chances of getting a job etc, can anyone help me with this?
I just need to vent for a moment. I can't deal with anything anymore. I just always worry about what is going to happen after every choice I make. I don't feel like I can be myself around anyone and I just feel like crying but I can't because everyone judges me and every action I make. I feel like I am always second best or worse I feel like I will never be as good as anyone else. I feel stupid and childish admiring these feelings as I know people (including my friends) have experienced worse and that I am just overreacting or overthinking. but of course no one who I have told believes me and tells me I'm just doing it for attention but sometimes I do want attention and I know it's selfish but no one focuses on me anymore, my sister is always with her boyfriend and is never at home and my parents have struggles with their jobs and relationship and I just want to be someone's priority but I'm not and I can't changing because I feel like I am attention seeking. rant carried on below||
Caitlin Amber Ok I used to be in your exact situation and I did attempt suicide and at that point I though I had to see a therapist and it helped so much! Please, please see a therapist before something terrible happens 💛
+Cocaine Aleks i have stared online therapy as feel like if i carry on like i am i will do something that will hurt people or i will regret. thank you for recommending that because i wouldn't have done it myself because id believe i was overdramatising it 💛
When I get sad I think I get depersonalisation but I'm not gonna bet on it anyway when I get sad I feel as if I'm not inside my body like I'm walking along next to it and my body looks lifeless and I get really lonely and like I want to hide and cry idk someone helo
I get the opposite of this kinda? Like reality suddenly feels very real and intense and it's terrifying I just can't ignore that everything is like .real. and I can touch things and feel things and move and stuff and it feels horrible? And I'm just so scared and the worst is when it happens in band because I can't play my instrument properly and I feel like my hands aren't mine and my mouth and body isn't connected to my brain and I just see everyone else around me doing things and i force myself to do the same but I feel like they're gonna notice that inside I'm freaking out and I'm just faking knowing how to play an instrument? It's awful but idk what it is???
I have Depression, I hate my therapist because they r always putting me down by saying that I will never make music, so I should stop making music and stop following my dreams
(ich hoff, es stört dich nicht, wenn ich auf deutsch zurückschreibe(sry, hab dich gestalkt, um zu schauen, ob du eigene musik auf deinem kanal hast) hör bitte niemals damit auf, deinen träumen zu folgen! wenn musik etwas ist, das dir gut tut, dann mache musik! vielleicht hast du die möglichkeit, einen anderen therapeuten aufzusuchen, der nicht solchen unsinn erzählt?
hey! how about F**K what the therapists say, if you love something, then do it! don't ever doubt yourself!! you''l be ok, someday you will look back at your past and be glad you went through it, because pain and suffering creates a truer Human Bieng :)
Switch therapists! Most have a different approach, view, advice and such. If you can't get along with yours or don't find their advice helpfull, you can look for someone else. It happens ALL THE TIME, don't worry they will be mad or anything.
if you don't like your therapist, you should find a new one. there's nothing wrong with finding a new therapist if you don't trust yours. many people go through 2 or 3 until they find the right one
I'm not an expert on what the best treatment option is, but I know that negative influences are NOT what you should be around when you're feeling "blah". When I'm feeling sad or anxious or angry, I confide in some of my best friends because they understand. And thus, I recommend talking to close friends about it until you can find a much better therapist 💛
Please tell me if anyone feels the same . I think i am alone feeling this way. (What i feel is i am not alive it's like i dont exist. When i feel i dont exist it's a sad sigh that i dont care anything. When i am severaly hurt by someone or something i feel even happy by a childish thinking i am not even alive. During middle of gossip and talk i feel like i am not talkin or it's feel unreal. Even sometimes i have to hit myself just to be sure that it's not dream it's reality. When it rains or every phenomena i feel like it's unreal. Everything around me feels it's unreal. Most importantly i feel I AM IN FRONT OF GOD and he is showing me the deeds i did on earth and i am SEEING ALL MY LIFE (even now too commenting) IN A BIG TV. Means i feel i don't exist ) Only pains, hardships,cuts, bruises and love are making me feel Alive. I personally i i don't exist at all and the world around me is fake and WHAT I AM DOING NOW is writing a comment and this too i am seeing myself in a tv (from different dimensions )
I can relate, depression, anxiety and mental illness are very real. If you get the chance come see my vid, if not then I pray you have a happy life, sending you hugs and happy, healing vibes :)
My heart longs for you O child My heart aches for you My heart reaches out to you My heart is hungry for you My heart is waiting for you My heart is patient for you My heart is crying out.... I know your pain I have felt pain I have been through agony I know your despair I have lived it I have been rejected and hated I know the love you need Open the door my child And let Me come in Receive Me And let Me love you I will love you like no other -The Lord Jesus Christ
someone plz help me i've recently been feeling all worried out of nowhere or out of breath, out of place and insecure. i mean i let the good times roll and shit, but inside i'll be anxious looking for a purpose, what do i have then?
try this app called headspace. it's been helping me lots with anxiety :) also, see a psychologist if you can. it's a bit of a stressful process but totally worth it when you find someone who gets you, who's compatible.
Natasha Hertanto I'd like to thank you for suggesting the Headspace app. I read your comment about a month or so back when my anxiety was really bad, and decided to try the app. My anxiety isn't completely gone, and I don't think it ever will be, but the app has been teaching me how to deal with panic attacks and unneeded anxiety. Again, thank you for suggesting this app to them, it had really helped me.(:
@Jewel Bass hiya! so so glad i'm able to help. I don't think anxiety is something that can completely go away either, but we can push through :D <3 lots of love (and calming vibes) from melbs!
Elisa Palacios I feel the same.. I asked my dad if he thinks I might have anxiety and he said that its probably a phase, but I cant stop thinking about it and Im scared..
If you still have that condition, go to a doctor if you haven't already. I don't think some app or random people in the comment section (no offense) are qualified to diagnose you or even advise you on how to cure it.
melodramaticfool its been a few months and that feeling kind of vanished, but i still feel like when im not screaming at my friends i feel like nothing bUT i'm not a psychologist and if i go to one i'll probably feel like an attention seeker,, I'm really hoping it's just a phase and i don't wanna diagnose myself ~~ but thanks for the comment <3
and i kind of feel like I'm unoriginal and can't have an opinion because i agree with everything but just the thought of going to a psychologist makes me feel embarassed and an edgy tumblr girl
i dont think so? 6/10 means average, you're not really important, just another person etc etc. I think thats what the song's about (i know you commented 9 months ago sorry lol)
Zornica, How are you now? It usually takes 2-3 months time to taper off SSRI as the brain takes time to adjust. Consult your physician. In life there are only 2 problems—mind and the body. To feel better reduce negative thoughts and overthinking. Your breathing is closely related to the brain [mind] and gives good relief from stress-anxiety. To relax sit on a chair or lie down, neck straight, eyes closed and observe the sensations of your incoming-outgoing breath at the entrance of the nostrils for 5-10-15 minutes or more. Don’t fight your thoughts. With daily practice the mind will relax. No deep breathing needed. Observe your breath sensations when you experience multiple thoughts anywhere-anytime- before sleep, in college, before sleep, in the kitchen, when reading, etc. Like me, make this a lifetime daily habit to have a better life. Reduce negative social media, take morning sunlight walks and avoid constipation as it affects the mind instantly. Best wishes--Counsellor.
How to you keep functioning with this... I am so stuck... I've lost my job. I'm failing my college classes and I'm just so stuck nothing helps there is no reasons to do anything anymore... I'm a burden and a leech. I am sitting in my room and the walls are bending away from me and I'm not sure if my room mate is actually real most of the time I feel as if everything is floating away from me and every outside sound is so so deafening... the posters on my all are vibrating and many little flies coming through the air I don't know to do Im so scared and so alone here
Hey, I don't have any experience with what you're going through (though I am depressed and know what it's like when your own mind becomes your enemy) but I just wanted to say that you're not alone. It might not be much but I genuinely hope you'll feel better soon. You're strong because you still want to fight and I hope you're able to be proud of that. Hold on. It will get better.
I hate feeling depersonalization. I have anxiety and depression but I had to take a medicine and that was a side effect. It was so so so so terrifying. It only happened once but it's like depression and anxiety mixed into one and I hate it so much. You feel like you are scared of dying but you aren't there. I hate it so much.
I hate depersonalization so much. It's like anxiety and depression mixed in to create something terrible and it makes you feel like you can't do anything because you are losing touch with you.
hearing dodie talk makes me realize that I'm not really here and notice nothing things are weird I'm not here you are living with an alien everything i do is an illusion my parents never had me I'm going insane this isn't normal I'm not panicking but i am but panicking is all in my head and I can't do this because I'm not here
scrolling fast through my tumblr distracting me from my mind and world so fast that the posts don't even load just begging not to go insane while not wanting to think or live
I love the "I'm going to laugh that I'm a bit mental!" I love her! I always joke about my disorder. Even though it's clearly not funny.. but eh I've got to make humor with it! <3
Thank you for making this video. I have dealt with both anxiety and depression on and off for over 10 years and I have recently started traveling continuously and making youtube videos. It has brought out my anxious side quite intensely. To hear you speak so honestly about your experience is helpful. i have been grappling with incorporating it into my videos, not sure if it would be a good idea. Because of course so many people say "no one wants to listen to a Debbie Downer" But I think there is more to it than that. And being able to see you has shown me that it's not about being a downer, and that's not how you are at all. It's showing others that you are human and on a level opening the door for them to feel okay with not being okay too.
After struggling with depersonalization for three years at such a young age, it's comforting to see other people com out and talk about their experiences with it.
These text you sent to your friends is exactly how I am feeling right now! thanks for sharing and allowing me to feel less alone and giving me hope that I will feel normal again!
Thank you so much for putting everything into words!!! I was diagnosed last year with dp/dr, it took more than two years for me to figure out what it was and in that time I messed up my exams and came out with awful grades. I have a great family but I could never talk to them about it because they didn't understand, so this video really helps me feel valid and real, I love you!!
I'm going through the same thing right now, and I've started going to a therapy and I'm starting to take medicine! I'm glad to know that there are many other people who feel the same way i do.
Oh my GOD i am so glad I found this video. This is exactly what I've been feeling for 3 years and I thought I was crazy and have been too afraid to say anything
Honestly one of the most helpful things I've watched, thank you so much. You're super inspiring and make me feel like I'm not crazy haha thank you dodie xx
Oh, I wish I found this last year when I was suffering from depression. I feel like you're describing a state in which I was before for so long. Watching this was still really helpful because I can see that I'm not alone and what I felt was real and not just a thing that I made up in my head. Apart from anxiety I also suffered from eating disorder and sleep deprivation. I also tried to get back to normal but communicating with my family didn't help (only made it worse). My home where I had spent most of my happy childhood (I'm 22) changed in a way that there are constant shoots and shelling near the village I used to live in. (I'm from Ukraine). So even when I come back there everything is different now. Anyway I try to be better, eat healthier, work out, do yoga. Thank you so much, Dodie, for this video. ♥♥♥
This video helped me so much, I was going through a really rough day today and this video really pulled me to reality, I too feel like same way that you do, thank you.
this actually helped so much, I'm just discovering DP because I was looking for an explanation to what I'm experiencing and its helpful to know that I'm not just going crazy and that these feelings are an actual thing
thank you so much for this video. it's helping so much because currently I feel the same way, and I can finally use this to explain how I feel to other people. all of us love you so much and I cried a bit when you were trying not to cry❤ gonna go get myself a therapist. we're all in this together, always. sending hugs xxx
You explained how I am feeling perfectly. I've had this off and on for the past 5 years and it is the scariest and most uncomfortable thing I've ever experienced. The hardest part for me is socializing it's always hard for me to speak or get my thoughts out and when I do talk it feels so disconnected almost like I can't control how the words sound when they come out. I slur my words like I am drunk or loose my train of thought and just start trailing off..... You will be ok though it comes and goes.
Just stumbled upon this video and I can totally relate and think it's great to speak about mental health with such a large audience. I have had panic attacks, GAD and any other mood disorder and as part of depersonalization I experienced was thinking no one is real. You're right bout talking, if I get anxious I can I will literally start a conversation to anyone.
Hey lovely ❤ Just stumbled on your channel and loved your singing then came across this video. Thank you for sharing your struggle, it's an extremely hard thing to do something so publically and it takes a very strong person to do so when they're already down. I've struggled and still do occasionally struggle with anxiety and depression myself and I can certainly empathize with all of those feelings. I hope you are in a much better place now and I wish you all the best for recovery and happiness ❤ xxxx
Thank you dodie. Im 16 years old and I dont really remember when it started, but ever since , i've just constantly tried to normalise it and dismiss it. I've liked to think that everybody thinks this way and maybe they're better at coping. Until this video, i didnt think it was real. Its weird cause i knew it was ' real' but i also had convinced myself it wasnt.!? anyway, i have been a mess for a pretty long time and I did'nt even acknowledge that , until i realised i was crying amidst watching your video.. Thank you so much for this dodie. Thank you. I love you Dodie.
This made me cry n smile and omg so many emotions. I completely understand all of this omg you literally just voiced all my thoughts on the subject of mental illnesses ah. I have anorexia n also deal with a bit of anxiety and depression as a result of that. Last year when I was in the real depths n worst parts (mentally) of my illness I remember just repeating to myself in my fits of tears and distress that I was 'crazy' and I needed to die and I was a horrible person etc. I was just falling to pieces inside and I could not see how anything could ever be ok, how everyone was just going about their life when I was barely living. I've got help now and I'm well on the way to recovery and hearing about you being so determined to get help n not giving up just made me so so happy! I love your videos so much they're so cute n relatable and make me smile and cry and laugh and ah❤ don't stop being you xx
Thank you for making me realise that I was indeed dealing with depression and was not making this up, overthinking or "not normal". I hope you will get better and build your home in the time you live in (if this even make sens, I am tring to translate my french in english meh).
this made me cry so much, i never realised how much i could relate to this and now im sad. people have always said that im just exaggerating things so i convinced myself that i was and that just made it worse. thank you Dodie, for making me realise im not the only one
Omg dodie I really hope you see this. When u first uploaded this video I was struggling with my own derealisation depersonalisation and god I just know how difficult it is. I've tried so much to stop it but one thing that I think is sort of helping is to just forget. Wake up one morning and tell yourself "today I am not going to think about how spaced out I am" distract yourself the whole day, work, talk to friends etc and don't give yourself a moment to panic or think "oh god I'm not here" slowly, it becomes a habit and you will forget about it. I'm not going to say there aren't moments I think I'm alone or not alive, that I've made myself up and around me but just forget. I think this works for me because my dp/dr is anxiety induced and my brain sort of shut itselves down because I was so stressed all the time. It's difficult at the beginning but right now I'm telling you I feel like I'm here. I feel like I'm on planet earth and I exist and my friends exist and my mum and dad exist too. I hope you're okay and also that you get referred to that doctor in London for the pills <33
this video literally relates to everything going on with me right now, excluding some other things. however this is not something you should feel alone about because i previously stated that i felt the same, your not alone.
especially you guys in the comments with me, we have each other and each experience is validated and life is not something to fear constantly, sometimes it can manifest itself into something beautiful :)
Dodie, thank you. You made me feel like I'm not alone. I can relate to everything said in this video and it almost made me cry happy tears knowing that someone knows how I feel. I'm sorry that you have to go through this too, but maybe we can go thought this together?? Also if you have anytips, please help. Xxx thanks
I have suffered from all of the above for years, and I finally forced myself to seek help, and I can honestly say it was one of the best decisions of my life so far. I tried different medications and started seeing a therapist. I started meds for anxiety instead of depression and I can really see a difference. Everyone always says it gets better, and I can finally agree. If you are scared or unsure about whether or not you should try and find help, please, please, please take a shot in the dark and ask for help until you get it.
I feel the same way as you. It's really hard to get out of the house because I have socal/ death anxiety and depression. Therapist are very benifical and it helps me to talk about what I'm thinking about, even if it is ridiculous and crazy thoughts.
I got depersonalisation last year and found out when I had an anxiety attack on Christmas Day at 4am I could sleep and for the rest of that week I couldn't accept I was real but I never knew it was so common and I'm so happy I found this video because I understand her
When I first watched this video, I was just interested in what you had to say. I never thought that a few months later I would feel pretty similar. I started getting spaced out and I just couldn't concentrate. I felt like I was in a dream and everything was the same but my perception of it was not. The more people I am around the more I felt sick and confused, I just forget simple things. I am glad that I am not just going crazy and that I can relate to others after finding out about derealisation.
I really am thankful I experience derealisation only when I'm really depressed, in a really dark place and that doesn't happen too often now. I'm getting more and more healthy and I'm really proud of that. I get what you feel, it's some scary shit. I'm a psychology student, 3rd year of uni and it's even scarier to see what you feel on those classroom boards. I hate it with all my heart because of the panic that it won't ever come back to normal. Because you wake up and you feel like you're high and still dreaming but you're not dreaming and know it. I hate that everything is so weirdly looking and that it just feels floaty and absurd. I hate that everyone is going to think I'm weird and crazy on my way to uni. I hate that even I feel crazy. And finally, I hate that my own brain can go through the day without any problem and the next day, throw some vicious shit at me. Thank you for that video Dodie. It's not my first time watching it, i find comfort seeing I'm not crazy and other people have that too. It will get better. It's been three months now since it last happened and I hope it stays that way. Much love. C -
I understand this aw and you explained it all pretty well like I haven't heard someone describe something so close to what I have experienced
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Jon Pitman2017-04-12 20:20:59 (edited 2017-04-12 20:23:54 )
That was great! I think you did a really great job here. Evidently 44, 342 other people also think so :) You come across as very genuine, funny, quirky, honest, and open. Which can be difficult to do. So nice one. Keep up the great work. Hope your depression is getting better. Your plan sounds like an excellent one :) Oh, good job on the editing too :)
You inspire me so much 😭because you make such beautiful music and also struggle with so many things I do too. And you make me feel like I can have success, and like I exist, because you exist and you're getting success. ❤️
I don't know you, I haven't even watched a lot of your videos. But I wish I could give you the biggest hug ever, and let you know that I understand. Depersonalisation is the scariest thing I've ever experienced. It does get better though. It comes back every now and then when things get stressful, but better it does get. 💜
thank you dodie. thank you . so much. im 16 and i domt really remember when it started, but ever since , ive just constantly tried to normalise it and diamiss it. ive liked to think that everybody thinks this way and maybe theyre better at coping. until this video, i didnt even know this was real. its so weird cause i knew it was real' but i also had convinced myself it wasnt. anyway, i have been a mess for a veryyy long time. and ive not even acknowledged that until i atarted cryig midst watchung your video.. thank you so much for this dodie. i love you.
I've had depersonalisation since I was 12 or so, it's been 13 years now. By now it has gotten to a point that 98% of the time I have really forgotten that I have it. I still have it but I have learned how to cope with it, I'm doing good, I finished school, got my B.Sc, made a lot of friends, now I'm travelling in Australia. Honestly, I think in a way it has made it easier for me to do things like travelling and making friends because for some time before that my anxiety was so crippling, I think DP is kind of like a shield from my anxiety but the side effect of numbing anxiety is that it also numbs other things and makes me disoriented and confused and forgetful at times. All the feeling of not knowing how to talk to people or dizziness and bright lights is so familiar. Sometimes when I happen t think about it all I long for "feeling real" again, it has happened only about 4-5 time since and for only very brief periods of time, like few hours and then it goes away but it has been really special and magical when I can feel everything and actually feel comfortable again. I hope I can feel more of it, and maybe one day I will feel real again for real, but I really don't even know if I am ready for it, sometimes I think I can't handle the world right now without it.
The bright lights and feeling drunk and not knowing how to talk part will get better as you get used to it. I hope you don't have to deal with it as long to get used to of course. What I have found for me what makes it better is when I suddenly feel really comfortable or safe somewhere, some little thing or thought makes me feel safe and then I would feel more real again.
Like this one time I saw an old couple with cheesy t-shirts they had bought from travelling Norway and they looked happy and I thought I would like to live in Norway in a village and be an old person with grey hair and just live and be there, happy with a cute house and go be a tourist and see pretty things. I would be retired already and not have to think about what to do with my life and how to be somebody and be successful and how make my peers like me. I felt a glimpse of simpler life that took a lot of pressure off and then I felt weird somehow, wanted to get away from people, then I sat outside and suddenly looked at my feet and they actually looked like my feet this time, and I started to feel more and more real and normal. It was so weird and I actually enjoyed existing every moment and felt every moment. Maybe I should try to somehow trigger this reaction more but life gets in the way and somehow it's really hard to deal with it. Sorry, I'm not sounding too positive or anything, but I just want to say that it's possible to live with it and be ok and also that it can feel normal again, even if for short period of time.
7:58 This. I understand that it's important not to misdiagnose someone. But it frustrates me that so many teenagers are being left untreated because people - including professionals - ignore mental health problems in adolescents because they think teenagers are "just making it up". Had Dodie been given better support at 17, perhaps things would not have gotten so out of hand. I genuinely think this is one of the most important reasons we need to reduce the stigma and devote more to mental health research.
+doddlevloggle you are strong and brave for posting this! I'm curious to know how you're doing with everything now and if you ended up going to therapy, if you found that it's helped significantly?
I just recently experienced depersonalization and it's the strangest feeling of just not being alive or yourself. The weirdest things trigger it and it's not super common so most people have no idea what you're talking about.
My depersonalization came about after I smoked some pot which I did to try to suppress the empathy I felt after 2 of my close friends lost very important people in their lives. I've always had strange reactions to marijuana and usually it gets to a point where I just want to "wake up" from the high feeling.
I went to bed and never "woke up" Though I feel like a totally different person than I have the past few weeks, I'm not completely back to "me" yet. It's gotten much better after doing these things...
1. Realize that you are alive. You have a purpose. There are people that truly love and need you.
2. Try to remember things that bring you back to life. Mine were thinking of memories of things that I've experienced. I have a dog, so making sure that I'm taking care of his needs.
3. Being around people I love and trust helped bring me back a lot. Even though I don't think they fully understand what I'm going through, they were there for me and have loved me through it. I reached out to people when I was feeling off. Which is ok to do <3
4. I found outlets to let go of things that were weighing me down that I hadn't fully dealt with yet (a breakup, sexual assault, death). I wrote blog posts, songs and painted pictures. I did this to release these horrible stressful things that have been in the back of my mind just eating away.
Know that this feeling doesn't last forever and that it can get better <3
this video actually saved my life. thank you thank you a million times over. gotta ask though, do you actually know how this depersonalization disorder come about? did you just wake up one day completely aware that nothing is normal anymore or did something induce it?
I create scripts out of text messages and conversations I have about the mind and how my mind works (because the way my brain functions is weird) so to see you do this is really relatable and honestly, I'm 20 seconds in and this is already my favourite video of yours, dodie x I really do wish you well in the future Xx
I've felt this way for a while. Like I'll think when I'm hearing myself talk it's someone else talking, as in it's not coming from me. My brain will feel weird cloudy and muddy and I feel like I can't open my eyes at all.
I am extremely happy that you made this video, because I started watching it and I was mind blown of what you friends are feeling. And you have made me come to realize that I have depersonalization, my depersonalization was triggered by smoking pot. And It was an after affect on smoking, but it's not. And I am just thankful that I came across your video because without it i wouldn't know where to start looking for a cure. ❤❤
I'm 16 and I have had these derealization feelings for a long ass time and it just really hit me hard recently and it feels like I'm watching a movie that I don't want to watch but something is forcing me to and I feel a little happier that I'm not alone 👍👍
Wow I can completely relate to this 100% I thought I was going insane .. Two things that have helped me immensely was the book 'hope and help for your nerves' by Claire Weekes and secondly magnesium supplement - if I don't take it I start to feel breathless and weird again.. The gut is the second brain so one of the best things is getting allergy testing done .. Also of course therapy helps but I've found its a combination of things over time which help recovery .. I know what it feels like to feel like you'll never feel normal again
I know this is an older video but just wanted to say I also experience anxiety depression and depersonalization. You are not alone and you have lots of people who want to help you .
i have been diagnosed with so many mental illnesses i lose track of them sometimes...and i related to this video so much because everything you said was something that has or had crossed my mind and i've spent so many hours reading articles and stories online and being like "yes that's me i am that too" and then there's the fear of "oh do i really feel like this, do i really have this? or is this all in my head?" to the point that you just cry because these obsessions are all you have. thank you for making this video, if i could sit and talk with anyone in the whole world, it would be you because i feel like you would understand where people usually don't, but just...thank you for feeling like a friend...if that makes any sense? thank you for talking about these things, it's so nice to hear such real struggles from someone i admire so much
I feel ya Dodie, I visited my old primary school the other day, and while it wasn't abandoned or overgrown, it was certainly an experience. The classrooms had been gutted and completely made over. Buildings had been removed and new ones put in their place. Gardens had been trimmed and replanted and destroyed, trees had been chopped and sawed and turned into firewood. My favourite toilet block was bolted up and collecting dust behind some tires. It was so strange and painful
sometimes, whenever I look in the mirror, i get these intense feelings of not being the person I see in the mirror. it doesn't happen very often, but it freaks me out every time
Am I seeing some dermatillomania on your chest area? (I've had it since 2011) Also I love your attitude, I mean the fact that you're determined to find a cure. You will find it because you seem like a clever girl (you know how to describe and analyze your feelings impressively) but I have to warn you that it's not going to be easy. Sometimes you'll want to give up trying, but don't. When you overcome this problem you will feel (and be) the strongest and happiest person alive. You will appreciate life a lot more.I believe in you. Much respect .
I watched this video a few months ago and I just watched it and thought nothing of it. I just watched your cutting ties video again today because I think I need to stay away from a very close friend of mine that I have strong feelings for and it suggested this one again and this is exactly how I feel. Sometimes I feel like I'm watching a movie staring everyone I know and love, I feel things but I sometimes feel like I'm not controlling my own body and thinking the things that I'm saying and that there's another person in my head and we think two different things but the other person has control of my body.
i suffer from derealization and depersonalization. every so often. and the last time was at my camp and I remember walking around and talking to people without knowing what I was saying. and being around people and not knowing to do. I remember Looking down at my walking feet and wondering whose legs these belonged too.
This happened to me last May. I couldn't stop crying and thought I was going crazy. Nothing felt the same after that. I still feel odd. But not near as much as last May. I always think about it. Can't stop everyday. I still laugh and sometimes when I forget about it I feel normal again. I'm obsessing over it. And sometimes I get depressed. But my main fear is the major anxiety. I got this major anxiety, and couldn't stop crying. I'm too scared to search for therapy because then I start crying again. I hate talking about it. But I know it will help. I want it to go away. It's been almost a year. I don't want to worry my parents because of all the shit going on. And the only escape from t is the internet. I feel normal on it, watching videos, on Instagram but know I can't function without it. I'm scared.
I've had persistent symptoms of depersonalization and derealization for 8 yrs now. At times I get really anxious when I'm really depressed. Everything is foggy. especially at night time
I've come back to this video because today I sort of felt like this. Whenever something exciting is happening (today is my birthday and I'm going on a big trip in a few days) I always feel super weird and I'm not sure if this is the same thing or not. I just felt really hazy and off today. Is this different?
Hiya, I don't think I've watched anything that I can relate to so much!! I'm a DPD sufferer myself and for my final major project at uni I'm making a documentary on this because it's so confusing and I'm trying to raise awareness and make people understand. Would you be able to have a little chat with me over Skype do you think? This would be sooo helpful and you're super engaging. Let me know, Ellie :)
It has been months now, its stressing me out. Not as much as the first few months i got panic attacks back then just from how overwhelming the feeling of dr/dp, now i still deal with it but im kind of used to it. Hopefully everything will get better for all of us soon. Knowing im not the only one dealing with things like this calms me down.
I started feeling this way over a year ago. I went to a party and it was the first time I was properly drunk. For a whole week afterwards, I felt like everything was a dream. This has happened roughly once a month since. It's a feeling like your asleep permanently. I start doubting things are real; I might be speaking to a friend and I convince myself that I am imagining them. The colours are too bright, the sounds are too loud. My voice doesn't sound like me. The only way I manage is if I sleep, because then I can drown in the darkness. Because that's what it feels like; you're floating through life, barely holding yourself above the water. It's a struggle to even communicate with people. I've lost friends who didn't understand my sudden change in personality. I was at a meal with my boyfriends family and to just pretend I was okay was draining. When I do sleep, I can let myself fall down. But when I sleep, I have these vivid dreams which are exhausting in themselves, so I wake up feeling like I haven't slept. I've been to the hospital multiple times. They thought it was Lupus. And then a brain tumour. Now I've been diagnosed with confusional migraines. I've been on various medications which haven't worked. Until I saw this video, Dodie, I had never heard of depersonalisation. But you described something that until now I've struggled to describe.
i have been stuck in this dream world for about a year now and i have depersonalization/derealization disorder. it is so scary and terrifying and idk when ill be ok if ever. I hope that you find a way to get through it and that youre doing ok.
I can even explain how wonderful it is to know that I'm not the only person suffering from derealisation! Obviously it's the suckiest thing to have, but I legit thought I was the only one! I never feel like I'm here, I never feel like I can have a nice time, and I feel so bad about it at the same time! My mum took me to New York last year, and I felt so bad as I never felt like I was there! She'd spent so much money to get us there, and I completely fucked it up😞
I told my parents that I wanted to see a therapist for my anxiety and depression before they worsened, and they understood the anxiety part, but said that I was not depressed. My dad told me that I am happiest kid he has ever met and that I am and never will be depressed. He never had depression or ever needed a therapist so clearly he does not understand that I act all happy and say that I feel okay but when I go in my room and don't come out for hours or never, I am crying or having panic attacks or both. I am frantically trying to find anything to make me happy and it kills me because my dad can't comprehend that someone may seem happy but is actually the exact opposite
I'm not sure what your views are on spirituality, but seeing an intuitive/getting a few readings made an immense difference on understanding what was going on in my head and why, whether it is stuff left over from past lives, or if you're super unrooted/not grounded in your body. I feel/felt the same way, for as long as i can remember i've dealt with how you're feeling, depression, social anxiety, identity crisis etc... anyway, just offering a different perspective that maybe you haven't thought of? Sending you good vibes angel <3 you'll be just fine.
I was wondering if anyone has any ideas about how I could talk to my mum about my mental health when I've been faking a smile for so long and she won't believe me. My councillor and friends both think I should go to the doctor but I cannot persuade her and it's just so hard and frustrating.
I totally understand how you feel during school its anxiety anxiety and some more anxiety. But I don't know what to do and I think I will take your advice. Thanks
you shouldn't have to feel like you have to fight back tears just because you are making a video we will accept whoever you are no matter how you portray yourself online (unless you do something actually bad)
I play the ukulele and have been a fan of your videos since a friend showed me one of your covers. I have had anxiety for as long as i can remember leading to depersonalization the last few years and honestly felt like nobody else in the world could ever feel this strange. However this is a thank you for being so inspiring and as rare as it is to relate to something like this, it's relieving. Maybe one day depersonalization will not take a toll on me, it's just a goal to work towards now though.
Here, I'll toss my depression into this mess of a comments section.
Okay, so pretty much all of my friends (all as in, like, 4) have some form of depression or anxiety. I've always felt a little weird, though, because when they would go to each other for counseling, they would help each other out. If I came to them for counseling or they came to me, neither could help each other. We'd try our best, but it never really clicked. I ended up going to a therapist, still am, but I just felt a little...I dunno, lonely. I started getting that feeling that what I had was invalid and like it was wrong. Like they had worse depression than me, and that I was making it up in my head to fit it with them.
But recently, VERY recently, like the past few weeks, I stumbled across a little game called Night In The Woods. May have heard of it. The main character felt the exact same way I always did - this kind of sadness Dodie explains, where everything is "Just shapes," as the main character describes it. God, I am so happy I found that game. All the comments of those videos were saying that they felt the same as the character. And now I just watched this video. I wish I had found all of these videos sooner. It makes me feel like, you know, this is real. Like I'm actually feeling these things, it's not just something I made up.
I did NOT intend for this to be this long. Thanks for reading me ramble. Yalls is not alone.
When I'm in my depersonalized state I don't really feel any emotions. I know I might be sad but I don't FEEL sad. I also can't focus on anything and my thoughts drive me insane.
I kind of feel the same things, and I've tried to talk to my parents about it, but they don't really listen if that makes sense? They just told me to "not think about it" and that it was all in my head, and I have no idea what to do anymore about it. I've tried telling them I need to go to therapy, and they just push it off. It's just terrifying for me :(
I cannot stress enough how incredibly insulting it can be for a professional to tell you what they think is wrong with you, rather than listening to what you have to say. I had to go to a few interviews with psychologists over the past weeks and the amount of times they asked leading questions, made uncertain links to do with pointless emotional memories that they brought up or even worse focusing on things you said claiming they're issues rather than focusing on what you think are your personal issues surprised me EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I went in believing i had some sort of obsessive compulsive thought processing that LEAD me to become depressed over time (even talking about my depression doesn't help it just results in me thinking even more about it and concluding on an even lower note) and instead of helping me with this they just made the presumption of "I'm depressed" their response was "you sometimes have trouble sleeping so we're going to give you this antidepressants that sedate you so you can sleep better" they looked at the symptom and how to prevent that rather than the cause of the issue and how it can be resolved. I can wholeheartedly say that i'm finding the NHS more stressing than beneficial. Sorry, I don't really have anyone to talk to about this and i needed to rant.
I can't believe it? I finally realized that this is why I don't feel normal. Iv'e been living my life out the way you would expect what society thinks 'normal' people live their life. Iv'e been feeling emotions but I haven't every day is foggy and blurry and confusing. I can't exactly describe it. At first I wonder if its just me being me or if that mean voice in my head came back to say something bad to me, but instead of the voice speaking to me it just watches. Watches my life with me. I have conversations with my friends and almost completely forget what we talked about a couple seconds later. Sometimes I feel like every laugh is forced, or I don't even think its me who was laughing.
When I try to explain this to my friends they all say "Oh you're just sad. It's okay. You'll feel better later!" and I believe them. Everything makes me happy but it doesn't. I tell myself "Cutting your hair will fix it!" so I get my hair cut short. It doesn't help. I'll say "Invite friends over!" And I do. It wont help. Sometimes I feel like I walk out of this state and I actually feel like me again but as soon as I run into something that saddens or angers me it goes right back to me watching my life happen.
I honestly think I'm too much like you. This video is just me in a nutshell, I constantly feel like this but I get way too many panic attacks and I see things. It started when I was 10 and my friend died..which sucked
I'm going to therapy but I don't know if it'll help. Plus the fact that I'm afraid of my own home (dad).
All I want to do is to go back to when I was 9 and happy and watching Hercules everyday and playing super Mario galaxy with my neighbor 24/7. But I can't. I'm older, my family wants me to not watch Hercules, my wii is broken, and my neighbor barely talks to me. I've told my friends and the only one that didn't basically say I was going insane lives hours away from me
I want to fix it. I want to fight it but I don't know how please send help
I never really understood what depersonalisation was and i just kinda experienced it without thinking much of it and then i realized that not everyone felt that way and now im in therapy because i cant feel like myself and i cant talk to people and i forgot how to talk to my friends
hello. i don't know where else to go because i'm scared and i asked my mum about it and she kinda just shrugged. i looked it up and still don't know really how to fix it. i woke up with a cold this morning. it felt like someone was holding my mouth and nose shut. so i got up, had and anxiety attack, breathed deeply for about 2 minutes, and immediately felt as though i were dreaming. i have dealt with depersonalization before, but not as freaky as this. i've found that if it having fun in a situation i'll think to myself, "i feel like i'm dreaming!" and then it REALLY does. like i feel dazed and dizzy, the day goes by much faster than it was before, and it feels like i'm recalling a memory much more than living my life. if you have any ideas as to what to do please please PLEASE help.
I tried to explain why I think I may have depersonalization to my friend bc I have the same thing where you feel like your in a dream and I can't make connections with people bc I feel this way. But all she said was "stop pretending that you have a mental problem. We all feel crazy sometimes. You're fine." Ok I understand that all of us occasionally feel overwhelmed or tired but I feel like this ALL THE TIME. I feel like I should get help but idk how to tell my family bc I've tried before and they were like "you just need more sleep" so yeah. This was unnecessary but I just thought I'd get it off my chest
HOW I COPE WITH DR/DP: - I tell myself, "I THINK THEREFORE I AM", "I DIDN'T DIE" - I wear an elastic around my wrist and snap it, feel the pain - I am not alone - I am on medication - feel textures, smells, tastes - try not to focus on it, keep busy - keep away from caffeine, alcohol, drugs - focus on name brands - call friends HOPE THIS HELPS MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS.
my friend told me she has this so I'm trying to look into it so I can help or or at least realise when its happening so I can sit her down and tell her that its her life etc... so if anyone can tell me some more about it or if you could tell me some tips on how to help her with it when she's going through it that would be great thanks! I know that I can't exactly help her and stop it because its a process and it has to "fade away" ←what she said to me.
I always find some comfort when I find people who understand. I exchange notes with people. I have noticed people who have food and digestive related issues have neurological issues as well. not saying that is always related. One friend has IBS and she is 100% sure that is the cause of her issues. Your gut and your brain are very closely connected. I have to watch what I eat because certain things well set me off. My nephew has certain food allergies that make him crazy.everybody is wired just a little differently. Sometimes its social issues or stress that trips me. Everyday I am discovering new things. why's it so complicated.I just try to grin and bear it. Sometimes i feel like I'm in a movie or I'm dreaming. Sometimes I hallucinate. A whole spectrum. A fun roller coaster. People who don't have it don't really understand it the same way. It is like trying to explain what it is like to be drunk or stoned to someone who has never been I guess.
I watched this video when it first came out and couldn't relate at all but recently I've changed my life motto and I think this reflects best how I've felt recently because if I try to put it into words I don't think I'll be able to but these are words so take it or leave it... "Do what you want cause life is meaningless anyway" i say it to my friends all the time and follow it by saying that I'm being optimistic but I don't think I am and i don't really know but like idk it just fucking hurts.
I think depersonalisation is like, well it feels like you're different from everyone else like the real reality which there is no reality and I feel like nobody else around me realises the "real reality"
Your plan has been my plan too lol. Since I was a teenager I've had fleeting thoughts of "am I real? is anything real? are we all a matrix or is everything just my imagination?" etc....probably read too much about philosophy. Anyway, a couple months ago I started seriously thinking I was in (am in) an alternate universe. Like everything is the same, but somehow different. Like even people I interact with on a daily basis just seem kind of off. But any time I bring it up they'll just be like "hmm, interesting". Then I get even more freaked out cause like what else would an alternative version of someone say?? So I figured since I can't think of anything particular I did to start feeling this way I'd just continue acting normal and hope that one day I wake up in the original universe I was in. I'm pretty resigned to the fact that I'm probably crazy. But I'm glad I'm not the only person that feels like things are weird. Also I've been diagnosed with panic attacks, so I'm thinking they're totally related.
This is quite late, but, I have depersonalization as well. I'd say I have depression and anxiety but I think those are just symptoms of depersonalization altogether. I've realized reasons why I have it and I've even found aids for it, not a cure though, which I've come to terms with. My father is emotionally and verbally abusive and I've always had him on a pedestal; the man I've placed my hope in love and honor in. He is, was, the one I was supposed to learn how to love and respect from but I've realized, now, that that is something I need to get out of my head. Depersonalization, for me obviously there are many cases, has become because of his abuse and my childhood full of blaming all the fault on myself. I don't mean to blame, I'm just coming to terms with it so that my life would seem normal and make my thoughts seem less crazy. I also have candidiasis so sugar and carbs already negatively affect me physically but they do negatively help DP. Whenever I eat extremely healthy and work out for at least 20-30 mins a day I feel the best. I also open my mind to things and my memories of them, telling myself that they are real and I really was doing those things. I'm slow to make judgements and quick to be calm; I think all these things help significantly and I can't help but to suggest anyone who has DP to try them out as well :)
This really hit home. I'm currently in college studying to be a graphic designer and every single assignment that I do it feels like a robot is doing it. It feels like I'm never truly into my work or truly enjoying it. I don't want to do anything. I always just want to lay down with my eyes closed and block out everything. Everything is so, so, so overwhelming and I feel like I'm just trying to ignore that.
I feel you...i too suffer from depression and with it comes chronic insomnia that just cxrushes me day after day and adds to my already bad mood. It is not nice to not be able to sleep properly. I tried everything natural, but nothing helped. Then i got hard (And i mean HARD!!!!!) medication and that just makes you feel bad in another way. It is like...taking a sledgehammer to the head each night, so you can sleep.
People usually do not understand how things are, when you are depressed and i have to say, that i am in a "lucky" position, that my mum also suffers from depression, so my parents know how things go, but... I have seen people being turned down by their parents, because they think depression is some kind of abnormal desease. Let me tell you one thing: It is not, allright?
I'd go ahead and say, that 50% of our western society suffers from depressive symptoms, but most don't know it, because they don't understand. Depression is more than just feel bad... You don't know rock bottom...i have been there...
Rock bottom isn't the point, where you are sitting in a corner and cry!
Rock bottom is, when you are sitting in a corner and don't cry. In fact you don't do anything. You aren't mad anymore, not frustrated, not sad. You feel...yeah...you don't feel in fact. Not nothing! You DON'T feel. Someone, who was never there cannot understand how it is to NOT feel at all! It isn't like feeling empty...you just are a mere shadow of the someone you were before and everything has no meaning to you. At that point and i am not making this up, at that point someone could've killed my parents and it wouldn't trigger a single emotion inside of me.
It presses every! LITTLE! BIT! Of motivation out of you. You'd be happy, if you'd be able to cry, but i reached a point, where i couldn't even motivate myself to do that.
Also i am eating a lot of unhealthy stuff out of frustration (Which is a very common thing, when you have depression!) and that makes me...well not fat, but i should lose at least 10 Kg. However it makes me REALLY uncomfortable being in my body. Add that to the depression and you feel even more like shit.
And that is not all of it. Every day is a fight against yourself losing control. In my case i also suffer from anxiety and anger management problems.
Anger is a feeling you get, when you are in a situation you don't like, but you can't do a thing about it and i have this situation day by day. Just people asking for a favour is enough to trigger me and then comes anxiety...
WHAT! A! B!TCH!
You thought depression is bad? OH BOY, think again! Anxiety is the devil that keeps you in his claws, whispering sweet lies into your ear, telling you, that it is good to stay at home (It is not!) to abandon your friends (IT IS NOT!) to never leave your bed, because there you are safe (IT! IS! NOT!).
All this is just a giant middlefinger up the ass signed by: YOUR LIFE!
And that is, what keeps me going. I will show life my middlefinger with all the might i have, by not giving up!
It is a hard war you have to fight, because the crulest enemy you'll face there is yourself. Trust me when i say: Uncovering the deepest and darkest things about yourself is scary. I am afraid of myself. I really am, but i have to go through all this shit. No matter what! In order to accept yourself and feel better, you have to learn, what it means "being yourself" and what makes you...well...you!
I want vengance!
I will make this desease pay!
I will kick its ass, and punch it to hell and back!
PS: This is very important! 1.) Don't give up, because then: you've lost! 2.) Give yourself a hug! 3.) Treat yourself! 4.) YOU DESERVE IT! 5.) FISTBUMP!
I really don't know what to do... me and my (officially diagnosed) friends are pretty sure I have pretty bad anxiety and depression and I know I get panic attacks a lot and less so, anxiety attacks.... my only problem is... my mum. My brother has autism which links into anxiety and he gets socially anxious quite a lot, which I know I do as well, but my mum always disregards it, brushes it aside or invalidate it because 'your brother has it worse than you'. I would go to the doctor but I can't without her knowing and questioning and putting it off and although I'd like to go about it after secondary school, I don't know how to talk about it? As I said, some of my friends are officially diagnosed and they're getting help but I really don't know how to get there as people around them believe and trust that there might be something going on and I've reached a point now where I literally can't go into detail about anything that happens at school in that respect- for example, on Monday we had a fire drill that triggered me to have a panic attack and since I HAVE to tell my mum about it I did but she dismissed it saying 'if it was bad enough the school would have phoned'. On Friday I managed to completely blank out during a french speaking exam where we were in pairs for the whole class and I started to have an anxiety attack. My friend asked if I wanted to let our teacher know and I got so scared she was going to tell my mum and I had no clue what to do so I just ended up bottling it up. The rest of the day carried on and continued to be absolutely horrendous, until I got home and found out my mum wasn't home and I just felt so drained. I didn't have to make sure I looked like I was ok and I could feel tears but I honestly felt so drained by everything and I just lay there on my bed not knowing what to do. I still don't and I don't think I will for quite a while and I just....? I don't know.
Ugh depersonalization is absolute shit. It's always in the back of my mind, it never goes away, and I really just want to feel normal, because I've never known even what that is.
Ahhhh oh no now I know I'm not alone in feeling like this. I constantly feel like I'm dreaming, like everything that happens in the moment is a distant memory, like, I would say something, look down, and when I looked back up it felt like it was a new day. Idk yeh what's wrong with memahhhh
i can totaly relate, and it sucks that i cant even explain how i feel but i know that somethings wrongs with me, and people who never felt some kind of mental illness cant get it. its like u said, i can try to be happy but not at like my whole potential
I am feeling the same thing. I can't seem to function in real life. Nothing feels the same than when it did when I had the friends that I did when I was happy. I still have the same friends but they have changed (as in they have gotten more popular than me) and I just feel less than everybody in the world.
I'm a teen at the moment, and I'm going through that sucky phase that's where I'm trying to find out who I am. I don't know anymore, and I feel like everyone would be better without me... I'm not doing self harm, and I'm certainly not suicidal, but life is a biatch
i still struggle with depersonalization and derealization because of my ptsd. depersonalization feels so odd, like everything else is hazy and bright and you're tired and you can't really feel anything in your body like if someone hit you with a truck you wouldn't really feel it, and like you can see yourself but can't connect, like you can talk but it's not really you talking. derealization feels just as weird, like you're seeing the world through a piece of glass and you're cut off from it, like it feels ripply and watering and fake and flat and not real like you're in a cartoon but the world is the cartoon. having them both is so horrid. i hope you are starting to feel better dodie. 💗
i think i feel depersonalization too. like my brain and body are different things and the person i see in the mirror isn't really me. and i'm in a coma or something, nothing feels real and it's terrifying. but i can't do anything about it. there's no medicine or amount of sleep that can fix it
I've been experiencing depersonalization, and I only just discovered it has a name. I thought I was going insane. Whether I'm inside or outside, nothing seems real and everything seems quite hazy, like I'm not really there. I'd take my dog for a walk and just feel completely spaced out. It's terrifying. At one point, I thought my eyesight was going bad, but apparently my vision is fine...it's just THIS. This is what's happening to me and I hate it.
When I was a kid, I remember having scary experiences of depersonalization, but in a different way. Nothing was hazy, but I felt like I wasn't a real person. Like I was living in some sort of virtual reality (yes, like a Sim), or that I was some kind of alien/robot solely put here to learn about human life, and try to connect with it, without really being part of it. Yes, I'm aware of how bizarre that sounds and I promise I'm not on drugs, but that's the only way I can really explain it...
I found this video looking for someone who can relate, maybe bigger YouTubers and when I found dodie I was in shock because I only discovered her recently but she can relate. I made a weird depersonalization short film on my channel (kms it was so amateur) so yeeee
My comment is probably a bit late considering this video was almost a year ago but I want to encourage anyone who maybe is feeling like something is wrong mentally and like Dodie said some people will try to dismiss what you're feeling and/or thinking. Quite a few years ago my mind was a mess and I felt like I was going insane but because of some of the people around me I didn't ask for help or speak out about how I was feeling at all and I thought I could just repress it and I was able to for awhile. But last year something fell apart in my personal life and everything came back to me and I finally started admitting that I need help. I think it's better to be safe than to be sorry; don't wait until it's too late. (I felt like both of those were a tad too cheesy but I couldn't pick just one). The process of getting better/getting help may be really long and you may meet a lot of people that just think you're making it up but you deserve to be happy and feel good. <3
I have started going through puberty and middle school and everything is changing and I'm having anxiety attacks and I'm scared. I'm just like everyone else, but I've just started bottling up everything and I need help
I can't look in the mirror for too long or think about me as a person for any amount of time without feeling completely disconnected from my body. It makes feel like im having some sort of psychotic break or like im losing my mind and its been happening for too long for me to even remember when it started. It comes to a point where i just sit and cry because i cant make it go away and i cant feel normal or even feel at all. The outer edges of my vision go blurry and i cant do anything but pace my room trying to see things like i did before the feeling arrived. It's so unbelievably terrifying I'd much rather have a regular panic attack and have it over with in 20 minutes than have this constant feeling of distorted reality
It seems like I've had depersonalization... not anything severe it seems like. I just woke up one day and nothin felt normal. It felt like nothing was happy or interesting in life. My mind was in a fog and I just sat around my home all day watching TV. I looked it up and it is exactly how I felt--- Depersonalization or depersonalisation can consist of a reality or detachment within the self, regarding one's mind or body, or being a detached observer of oneself. Subjects feel they have changed and that the world has become vague, dreamlike, less real, or lacking in significance. It can be a disturbing experience.--- I don't remember how long it lasted. It might had only been that one day but it may have been a few days. The days felt so insignificant that I can't remember how long it was :(
i am not diagnosed, but I think I have anxiety disorder. and I can't say I felt depersonalization, but about a week ago, for three days straight I felt really spaced out, and like nothing really mattered. I felt numb. I had to study for an exam and I didn't even realise I wasn't studying. and one day before the exam, it all came to me and I think I had a panic attack. I felt light-headed, and like there was no oxygen. and when it was over, I started crying. It was weird. I felt like myself was put back into my body again.
Let me once again post the definition of depersonalizaton for anybody who thinks they have experienced it.---- Depersonalization or depersonalisation can consist of a reality or detachment within the self, regarding one's mind or body, or being a detached observer of oneself. Subjects feel they have changed and that the world has become vague, dreamlike, less real, or lacking in significance. It can be a disturbing experience.
whilst watching this i got a mystic messenger notification that said "find a new path that makes you happy" and i feel like that kind of relates to the video haha
I wish I could talk to someone about myself but if I did they'd all get bored and sick of me and stop hanging out with me so I put up a happy facade but its getting bad like I had to sit in a room with the light out during school and just cry it out :(
I really don't know what I have. I think it's a mixture of Anxiety and Depression, and I have a therapist but it just hurts soooo much that she wont diagnose me. She always says: no what you are experiencing is normal in your age blah blah. But I've talked to a lot of others who are claiming not to have a mental illness and don't feel the way I do. And I've spoken to a lot of others who indeed are diagnosed with depression or anxiety and they are experiencing the same things. And on top of that, my mother has depression and so does my father so there is no doubt I could've inherited it by both or one of them. But urgh. I hate it so mich that she puts of everything I tell her. I hate that now and I hate that since I am child.
I'm 13 and I have extreme anxiety and depression. Everything is like you're falling back on a chair but you never hit the ground or laying in bed crying then staring at the wall for 3 days because you have absolute no motivation at all. Everyone I talk to about it says I'm too young or I'm lazy or I'm over exaggerating. I tell myself I'm getting better but now I'm beginning to realize I'm not.
im gunna rant about my feelings and shit because i feel like this is a safe video to do so. well first of all, i feel like I have anxiety. I've not been diagnosed because I don't want to tell my mum to go to the doctors. When I feel anxious my hands start to sweat and shake, I become a complete different person because I can't laugh or even smile, I have a really bad sick feeling in my stomach, I get a headache and my breathing becomes shaky. This lasts until the situation is solved. I feel like this every morning before school. Every night before I sleep instead of thinking positive I think of at least one thing I have to worry about tomorrow. If I can't i'll do it in the morning. I always find something because there always is something. I cry an awful lot and am a sensitive person. When I cry and say to my mum no one likes me and I shouldn't have been born she tells me to grow up like it's something just can grow out of. Like I'm a six year old having a temper tantrum when I'm not, I just want someone to listen to me for once. I self harm slightly. I've never tried with an actual blade, just knives and scissors. I want to try with a sharpener blade but a girl used mine yesterday and never gave it back. I have nothing but scissors. Im so selfish for doing this I know but I can't stop. Then I found out my friend is depressed, self harms properly with razor blades and almost killed herself last year. I always thought I was the only one that had a bad life but now she's told me this for one I feel worthless and not good enough and for two I feel like her life is so much worse that my problems aren't even worth thinking about. I never imagined her as that type of person and it just hit me, I got told she couple of weeks ago and since I've cut a lot more. Pretty much every day I have to. She's doing it more regular now too and I'm trying so hard to stop her but it's not working. I feel like I can't carry on anymore sometimes. But I'm gonna keep trying so stay alive |-/
i don't know if this is anything like what you're going through or it it's just me?? who knows. but i constantly feel like i can't remember anything? like my life is happening and stuff going on around me but after it's happened i can't remember it. it's like i made everything up?? does anyone know what this is or if it even is a thing? i'll be grateful for anything anyone can tell me xxxxxx
Hi to whoever that is reading this. I think I have a problem with myself but I don't know what exactly that is. I constantly have crying spells and I do keep a journal where I scribble my sad thoughts when I have crying spell in the middle of the night. This month alone I've had 5 crying spells, and I don't know if that's normal. I have existential anxiety and I often worry about not living and stuff like growing up and being closer to death. At night especially, I worry about my parents dying or having to grow old and I feel dreadful because of the fact that everything in the world is impermanent. But also, sometimes I feel okay and when I look back at the nights where I cried and sobbed everything seemed irrational BUT THEN THE NEXT DAY OR NIGHT I WOULD CRY AND BREAKDOWN ALL OVER AGAIN. It's like a perpetual cycle and it has been going on for years now. I genuinely don't know what to do :( Am I okay or have I gone insane? I don't want to go to the extent saying that I am bipolar bcs I don't want to self-diagnose but this whole thing is really bothering me. someone help :(
I went throguh a terrible bout of panic attacks, generalized anxiety, depression, and depersonalization all together..it kinda got better.. now i just get depersonalization sometimes...especially when I'm at the grocery store! meds made my anxiety so much worse just when i felt like i was getting better. made me feel absolutely insane. it really does change how you look at mental illness...I used to think like that too "i would just fight it". god you said SO many things in this video that made things click with me that i just didn't know how to verbalize. thank you <3 hope you're doing better now I realize now this video is from last summer.
Someone made a comment, it got a lot of likes so you'll probably see it (the poster's name is Melanie C) and I relate to it a lot. I feel constant, constant guilt over thinking that I have anxiety and possibly depression. My brain likes to yell at me, saying that I'm just making everything up and that I don't deserve anything that I own. It likes to say, "Your family is comfortable, you have clothes and food and you can sleep at night, so shut the fuck up and stop pretending." I had two anxiety attacks, back to back, at the beginning of this school year. My lunch room is super loud and there was a lady using a microphone to tell people to sit down and she doesn't know how to use the microphone (she's practically eating it every time she talks) and she yelled and I just lost it, I started shaking and crying and I couldn't breathe properly and I had to be taken to the bathroom by a friend to calm down. Then I came back and it happened again, and this time I was taken to the nurse. So now I think I have anxiety and I think it's getting worse, but my parents refuse to do anything about it. I think they see therapy as a failure on their part, as they weren't there for me. They really aren't nowadays either, I don't know why they pretend they are. I'm worried that I'm developing some sort of illness relating to a constant routine or relating to being constantly clean because I've started obsessing over it. I don't have experiences to show it, no freakouts or anxiety attacks. All I have is the disgusting feeling of my skin crawling if my hands aren't washed after using the bathroom or using a school laptop or eating, which eventually crawls down to my stomach and makes me feel sick. I mentioned earlier that I get extremely guilty about certain things. I'll be lying in bed feeling empty and drained and I'll want to talk to a friend, so I'll pick up my phone and I'll go to my messages and I'll see that I talked earlier in the day and they listened and that'll flip a switch in my head. I mentioned earlier that my brain likes to yell at me. This is what it's the loudest about. Sometimes if it gets too loud and too convincing I'll end up scratching myself, then I'll look at the pink and white lines and I'll hate myself even more. It's a cycle, and I hate it. I hate it so much and I hate myself so much and yet I still don't believe that I need help.
If I go to a therapist with this, they'd laugh me out of the office. I can't dump all of this on my friends. Where can I go? What can I do? Is there anyone else with these problems? Please tell me I'm not alone.
There's no words to describe anxiety and depression, it's painful and confusing and it drives you insane it feels like it's eating you alive like there's a monster eating your insides slowly it's so painful and I wouldn't tell anyone cuase they would say I'm seeking attention or being dramatic they would say awful things that would make me feel worse until I finally told my best friend and sent him the lengthiest text but he said it was okay and that he'll help me, dodie your doing a wonderful job at battling this I'm trying too just remember that no matter how worthless you feel people are still out there for you
im 14 and i will say that i have go through hard things since im 5 yrs old my dad and mum divorce, then mum got mental breakdown she was totally diffrent from before our family broke and thyre kinda unique..not a good unique.. my grandma gets alzheimer ,my 1st aunt ego is soo high so we cant ask any help from her and her mouth is just as sharp as sword , hypocritice aunt, sharp tongued gay mean uncle , no father , suicidal cousin live in on house i never happy there it maybe a thing called house but i dont feel like home i try to be in a reltionship for distracted myself from everything it lasted 8 months with unhealthy relationship, bully then i got myself deep into internet to entertain myself and not talking about how i feel then i got schizophrenia and now my life is all a worthless. youtubers the only one motivates me and theyre the reason i smile so thank you for entertaining us including you dodie<3
I really don't know if I have a mental illness but I always feel down and at night I tend to think really scary and "depressing" thoughts I guess you can say. I only want to listen to music or read books that me cry or really sad. I'm always tired and I always want to sleep. my mom has taken me to doctors before and they say that nothing is wrong with me. but I'm not entirely sure they are right. I feel as if there might be something wrong with me but at the same time I feel like if I were to tell this to somebody or even the doctors they would think that I'm just seeking for attention and that I'm faking it. well idk sorry for ranting. I feel like this is all so insignificant and that my problems are so little that I don't even need to worry about it because there are people with a much worse life then me but like I don't know. I don't know what to do about all of this.
Can anyone help me? I'm just 12. And im feeling like this. I feel like im in a dream. I cant control what i do or what i say. I just stay quiet since i cant say something nice. I dont have the energy to play games or do fun things i did. My mom knows i have anxiety but im hiding these anyway. i guess i overthink my future too much that ive became like this. When i look at a mirror i feel like i dont know myself. its just like, a simulation and everything or everyone doesnt exist. i feel like im the only one whos real
but it causes depression in itself, I have friends who drink because they are depressed, and I ask them why they think they are depressed and they don't know.
Alcohol is a depressant, and apparently causes your brain to become more depressed if you're already depressed. But if you're so tired of feeling the way that you do, then you don't really care so much.
But if you notice it's making things a lot worse- like if it's so hard to get out of bed in the mornings because you're hungover and even more scary sad, or you're doing dangerous things when you're fucked up, or you're drinking like all the time and by yourself - then maybe you want to try to stop. Because it really can make things a lot worse and make it harder to get better. So just watch out for that stuff.
It's all really hard but you can do it Dod's! And you can feel really great again :)
I think alcohol (like most mind-altering chemicals) largely (and paradoxically) serves to amplify and dull: depression if that's where you're at, or good feelings, or angry feelings, etc. She says "visit my old school friends and have a drink" during an upward-trending day. This implies a) minor to moderate consumption, meaning little risk of extreme results unless predisposed to an inability to control oneself (i.e. alcoholism), and b) a generally pleasant and positive atmosphere. In such a case, bonding is more likely than further spiraling.
This is not an advocacy for alcohol consumption (seriously, it's not a viable coping mechanism), but a caution to those who would demonize it (and those who consume it) out of turn.
+Dook Leeto Logically yes, but logic tends to fly out the window when depressed etc. So the alcohol might help for a second & you might feel worse after, bit for that one second it feels worth it. Of course it's not really but when you're that desperate to feel ok, well yeah. Hope that might kind of explain it?
+opuskrokus what u said is so typical of someone who hasn't suffered from mental health problems lucky u honestly another one is " youl have to pull yourself together" of course in an ideal world that's exactly what you would do everyone with mental health problems would do if they could & there wouldn't be anyone suffering from experience alcohol can dampen your depression down, for that moment but you pay hell for it next day & sometimes when you are feeling so so low you will do anything not to feel as bad even if it's only for one nite sadly with mental health problem you don't control them they control you, you are at their mercy sadly x
+doddlevloggle I really hope u see this & know u helped me so much having mental health issues can be a very lonely dark place as you feel no one understands you, you're weird I want you to know you have shined a light when I needed it most the only way I can describe having depression it is being in a pitch dark room no windows you've been spun around so many times and your trying to find the light switch some times it's pitch dark & some times you can see a little light at the door, u were that light for me Thanku xxx
Sounds like you need people around you so you do not feel alone. If you are away from your dad, mom, and siblings, just call them. Problem is that people cut others off to be independent. This is the result. This seriously looks like a cry for help. Go find a therapist or your dad.
When you have that sort of mental disorder, it becomes very difficult to speck to people. You know how she mentioned that she forgot how to talk to her flat mate? That's someone she's obviously really comfortable with but still had trouble speaking to, so while it'd be wonderful if we could just talk to someone and our problems would go away, that's not the reality of it.
I guess its hard to relate to it, but if you have an issue. Solve it! Maybe its a guy thing of solving problems or dealing with it one way or another. Go stand outside a therapist and don't go away until there is a solution or bribe them with cookies. LOL.
Unfortunately mental illness isn't like your standard medical problem and can't be found by checking your temperature or using a stethoscope lol. Having suffered from it I have experiences a lot of doctors who don't even know how to approach it and the solution is different for each person and is definitely not a quick fix. Trust me I wish it was! lol
I discovered that women feel depressed, anxious, or inattentive, and are more likely to take prescription medication than men as per Medco Health Solutions. Women are at 29% while men are at 15%. That is almost double the value between the genders. I have a very educated guess as to why. Men are biologically used to be on their own and independent from their hunter gatherer societies. Go hunting in the woods and you will see the isolation. Women on the other hand were more socially interconnected and need it to survive mentally because they did not need deal with such a situation. Humans may have moved into buildings in this modern age, but the underlying biological/evolutionary mechanisms are still there. In the present day, women have been brain washed by feminism into thinking they can do it all by themselves and thrive in isolation like men. It will not work and you start seeing this massive difference in depressed and anxiety between the sexes. Even in my work place there are girls moving to cities with more people they know because they can stand the isolation.
@FreedomBreeze24 On an individual level everyone is different. However, statistically women prefer company in trying times while men prefer solitude.
This has been shown in various studies, the one I remember most entailed telling people they were going to have to go through a painful operation while conscious. The women in the study preferred to have a large group of friends with them before the ordeal (obviously there was no operation, they just entered a room and were told what was going on) while the men preferred to be in the waiting room alone.
I can try and find the paper if you are interested. However it's been a long time since I last read it...
It's due to the hormonal differences, the average man has 5 times the testosterone the average woman has running through their body.
Testosterone is responsible for men's (generally) higher aggression and competitive nature but also causes a trend towards stoicism in personality.
Males with severe testosterone deficiency almost always become depressed so the typical hormonal differences between women and men are more likely the reason for the difference in rate of depression between the genders rather than the 'Women can't stand to be alone!' argument.
Of course, individuals on both sides subvert these trends because the human brain is basically evolution on steroids. Because we are forming new connections in our brains all the time and because out brains are also in control of our hormones we can make significant mental changes (on an individual basis) withing a single generation.
If you raised a woman in an environment in which typically masculine behaviours created greater reward than typically feminine behaviours, the brain would learn this and up the levels of testosterone (especially during and after puberty) making them more stoic and creating a preference for solitude in hard times. In some cases this can actually result in minor physical changes such as a tendency to grow more, thicker facial hair etc.
Similarly if you were to raise a man in an environment which rewards typically feminine behaviours over typically masculine ones their brain would adapt and they would be less stoic, more emotionally open and cause them to prefer company and emotional support during hard times.
Well, that turned into a bit of an information splurge... Sorry about that. I just find neurology, mental health and (providing it's actually done properly) psychology incredibly interesting.
TLDR: You are right, depression in women has nothing to do with an 'inability to live and thrive independently' however, under typical non mental health related stresses and trials women do prefer people and support so the guy saying 'surround yourself with people' isn't entirely off track, it just doesn't fit for situations like these...
@MrSquishedsquashed Wow! Thank you so much for the in depth response! Was such an interesting read, and it makes a lot of sense. I love learning about this kind of stuff too :) I totally get ya. Great points :)
If you went to a party and someone slipped some chemical into your drink and it made you feel weird then you would go see a doctor to find something to counteract that chemical and that would be a normal thing for you to do. Depression is not really different than that because your brain chemistry is not working for you. Finding a doctor for correcting brain chemical changes is even harder than dating or finding some one to marry. Meet as many doctors as the system will allow and try dozens of meds because each one is going to be different for each person. Some will only work for little while and then you will have to try another. But Keep Trying. Correcting brain chemistry is like preforming surgery on an ant through a telescope when the ant is on the moon and your wearing boxing gloves. Hugs.
QUICK! get to the WORD OF GOD (Holy Bible kjv): Isaiah 61:3, Matthew 6:34, and the POWER to overcome these DEMONIC attacks of Heaviness (Depression) & Anxiety (Fear): Acts 1:8 & Hebrews 11:1 - only THROUGH Jesus😇 HE IS A VERY PRESENT HELP IN TROUBLE-Psalm 46:1...PROVERBS 3:5&6...Luvv You 😘
exactly i was born addicted to heroin never met my birth family was adopted then my adopted dad left i lived a life stuck in sin then god blessed me with lyme disease for 15 years the anxiety and depression i had was to much to bear it was a hell no one could imagine i am a fighter but i just kept smoking weed watching porn drinking putting my girlfriend over god because of her looks god showed me a separation from god is death i finally gave up my family had abandoned me my grandmother was about to die my girl took off with someone else i used to weigh 200 pounds i was an athlete then i was 138 I'm 6 feet tall i was about to die i was alone on christmas eve i got on my knees alone in front of the cross at the church i went to as a kid that night i decided to go put everything i had in an envelope and wrote merry christmas Jesus loves you i placed it on a homeless man sleeping under a bridge on the way home i chose to help someone at my darkest hour this earth is about love and compassion. the next day i threw everything i had negative away hundreds of dollars of stuff video games bongs everything god came to me he told me to trust him with my life and he would set me free i had been taking meds for a long time nothing was working i was done so i said god I'm ready to die my body is yours i moved into my closet with my dog and a my bible and my guitar he healed me it took about a month now no more anxiety depression my disease is gone i ran up a mountain today thank you Jesus king of kings if any one reads this go help someone with less than you. you can't do it alone ask god to help you then don't sin ask him to help you not sin thats what he is there for its hard at first but if you hang in there read your bible don't hang out with anyone till you make it through the storm ask him to put the right people in your life to help you he will. if you call out to him he will come he hates to see his children suffer the devil loves it and let me tell you he is very real. trust god and he will set you free if not it will only get worse god will let you suffer more and more until you repent and come to him this is for the good soil i love you all I'm praying for you all god bless!!
It’s all well saying read the bible but my brain works on fact. And I know for a fact the bible is just a made up story (possibly created to control and conquer humanity) so if you enjoy fairy tails the bible is for you but if you are like me you need facts to help you.
I got so many friends who try to be 'not normal' by saying 'uhh Pls hurt me' or 'Oh oh look now! I'm shaking! Sorry if I scare you bc I'm crazy' and do thingts like totally freaking out about something so small or they constantly try to get attemntion by telling other people how they're 'not normal'. I'm a very..peaceful?...girl so I'm just like 'oh' and 'yeah I know that feeling' but it still hurts to see them trying so hard to be not okay. And they don't get it.
No matter how many people tell me that 'my problems are not insignificant' I always believe that they are. I've often thought that I have social anxiety but I refuse to tell anyone because I have friends who have been properly diagnosed with anxiety by a doctor and I don't wont to 'self diagnose' myself because I feel like that is really ignorant to do, I don't know what's wrong with me someone help please omg
So I thought this was just some existential crisis thing but it may be a bit of depersonalization. I was born at 27 weeks. And sometimes I wonder if this is all a dream, if I've never woken up and my mom is by my bedside of 13 year old comatose me and so upset. Or that theory that we're aliens and aliens could be real freaks me out. And religion contradicts with science and makes me doubt myself and that theory and the idea that we're all in a video game and sorry it's just me. Maybe it's not just me. You're not alone if you think this too. I'm probably not alone.
sometimes it'll be the first week of school and then it feels like I blink or go to sleep and I wake up and it's the last day of school and I have no idea what happened in between and that I was just like a robot or numb or something for a year
Is this me? A lot of time I just can't focus, I'm just not there, like I can't even focus my eyes at all like I just do things and stuff. Also right now I'm admitting to cutting myself and hurting myself in other ways. I have a lot of suicidal thoughts but most of the time I just want to do *something*, in the middle of the night just run. So I don't know if I actually have a mental illness but yeah that is how I feel thanks
Im a sci fi fan, Im just nerdy im sick of just not being able to be myself. Im not attention seeker Im the type thats like to just be in the background. People always stare and make me feel uncomfortable. They always expect that you're got it sorted. Now I deliberately dress scruffy with hoodies and joggers cause Ive totally lost interest in fashion and looking good. But even now I cant win cause people look at me, some even act like, why you looking like that dude? that isnt you. I cant even focus right now and really say what I want to say about this and let it out cause Im just too self concious of everyone in this damn library all glancing over. I hate people, especially young generation, they act so vain and shallow, what a shit society today.
I really don't have anything to say besides that I hope you get well soon and that you are really beautiful. I would give you a hug but you're not near me and it would be weird because you don't know me so that would make it creepy :)
i had edibles (weed) a few days ago and i feel depersonalized from it and it hasn't ended and i feel scared that i will stay like this for a long time and i won't be able to pass my classes and i'm so scared
Someone help please?? Lately I've been getting really good grades in school, the best in my class actually. And any normal person would say to just be thankful and happy about that, that's what I tried to tell myself for a while. But the problem for me is how much I've had to sacrifice in order to get those grades. I spend hours at a time studying and just trying to understand anything in my books and also trying to manage to do all my homework, which has resulted in major damages in my social life, mentality, physical appearance and other things that you want to keep nice and healthy. And the problem is that when I have free time, I start to search my mind for books I have to study and just things I have to do and that I worry about in general. And then when I have literally nothing to do, I get stressed because I feel like I'm forgetting something or being incredibly unproductive. It's kind of like that guilty feeling you get in the summer when everyone is out having fun and doing really cool shit but you've been inside on your computer for the whole day, except I get that feeling when ever I'm not doing anything involving school. I can't even shower or eat anymore without thinking "wow, I'm wasting so much time right now." And it's not just school. I've been struggling with my weight (even though I'm technically underweight), my skin, my braces, things that nobody even cares about, yet I can't help but to feel insecure about them. Sometimes I also feel like my friends and family don't care about me. I haven't even spoken to my parents this week. They always avoid me whenever I walk in to the same room as them.They know somethings wrong with me, but they just don't know how to help me and they alway make me feel like I'm a constant burden, and that at my inability to see my fiends that often has resulted in me feeling constantly alone. And god I miss my them so much. I miss the times when I wouldn't have to worry about anything except for when the watermelon seeds I had swallowed would start to grow inside my stomach. I miss the carelessness of the summer nights I would spend laughing till I couldn't breathe. I searched some symptoms of depression online just to check, and it turns out I have most of them. As if the recurring dream I've been having of me killing myself wasn't enough. I also already know I have anxiety. Probably because I moved from America to Greece when I was six and always thinks I'm an idiot just because I can't remember some random word or a phrase in one language or the other, and i feel like all my teachers label me as that one stupid foreign exchange student, even though that obviously isn't happening, I can't help but worry about it all the time. Now that I think about it , it seems like the majority of my problems are created be me. I think I'm just very self destructive. There's so much more that's wrong with me that I could write but I feel like I already wrote too much. I guess this was more venting than what it was meant to be in the beginning. If you're still reading I don't really know what to say. Thanks and sorry?? I'm going to be pasting this comment on a few other videos as well so more people can see it. I think I'm going to go take a shower now. Oops I just realized that I haven't taken I shower in an entire week. Ok bye
i know that this was made a little while ago but i feel the exact same way that i'm not really here but i can see and kinda feel what's going on but i'm not really here already said that but i don't really even know whats going on in this exact moment so i don't know. i'm not truly knowing what going on i'm sad and on top of that i don't even know what's going on. Iv'e tried therapy before but they said the same thing, try being more you. But how can you be "more you" if you don't even know who "you" are. And i'm overwhelmed with all of this and find myself crying out of no where and over legit nothing at all
I don't disbelieve in drs. it's just I'm not sure I have realistic expectations of what they should do. then I wonder is it worth it since they can't cure me, nore can i? how does one progress to solve a problem which can't be solved?
I'm 13...I have depression depersonalization anxiety and panic attacks. I just left school and I said that I have a headache..Gosh I wanna die. I just have panic attacks with everything. I can't watch the sky it makes me panicking
in one of her newer videos "why covid time feels like depersonalisation" she talks about how after trying many different treatments it still is not cured and she's coping by just accepting it's there
I always come to this video when I'm struggling. This just helps me get out of my head when I'm in one of my lower moments of depression. It reminds me that alot of people go through it. It just puts how I feel into words and that makes it seem easier to handle. Thank you, Dodie.
I've felt this everyday of my life for two years and I never knew anyone else felt like this. It's like a whole new world. Thank you for my realization it is scary but a little relieving and it's getting better but sometimes it doesn't feel like things are real
Dear Dodie, I've fallen in love with you (and your face) over the past few weeks and I'm so proud that you are able to talk about your mental health so openly and honestly. I nearly cried when you talked about wanting to go back in time because that's something I've always thought about and longed for, and I really appreciate knowing I'm not the only one in this world who has feelings like this- Feeling like the world is big and scary and you just want to be ten again and go play with sticks and grass outside and feel safe. I think you're on to something with meditation. It's hard to make a place for yourself in life as you get older in which you can feel a similar kind of safe and as I've started meditation here and there over the last few years I've come to realize the safe place must reside within you so you can carry it with you always. I applaud you for seeking help so your mind can be healthy. I see both a psychologist and a psychiatrist, and I find the two together to be of immense help because when one changes my medication and my thoughts get weird I can talk to the other about it and sort out all the weird in my head. I love love love that you talk about acting normal when you don't feel like it because there are still things that make you happy and you can still have fun in your life and be happy even if you secretly feel weird inside. Those, for me, are words of encouragement and I love your tenacious and positive approach to life. Sarah
So much love for you Dodie. This video sums up my life, as well as the life of hundreds of people. I hope these last few months have been better for you, and that you're getting the support you need. 💖💖
Hopefully you're doing better now dodie! I can't imagine how hard it was to film this video, but thank you for doing it. Helps me a lot with my own demons.
i understand sm honestly, i get/have all of these conditions and i get emotional attachment to like everything. Every day is hard and seeing that someone else has these problems too helps me. Keep fighting dodie ily WE CAN DO THIS TOGETHER!
Thank you Dodie. You've expressed in 9.53 what I've been tumbling with since I was about 8... I'm now nearing 40. The NHS sounds good to me, here in Australia, patients only get 10 sessions with a Psych per year, then it becomes expensive (for me at least) per session - it's like - here's some help but heal fast or you're on your own again!
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Julia Arthur2017-02-04 19:42:57 (edited 2017-02-04 19:44:51 )
Brilliantly put! It is such a hard subject to talk about when experiencing it, but I'm happy for you that you did. Thank you for making this, I wish you the best of luck and lots of love!
Thank you so much for helping me identify my depersonalization/derealization. For about two years I have been trying extremely hard to discover what was wrong. I would cry and get upset because I knew it was something but I could not figure it out. I would describe if to friends sand family and they had no idea what I was talking about. My parents wouldn't take me to the doctor because they didn't even believe me. Thank you so much dodie.
I've lived my entire life going back and forth to a doctor, each time I come to terms with one thing, I realise something else is fucked up. Generalised anxiety, social anxiety, borderline personality disorder. It never stops. It hurts to know that you struggle with depersonalisation disorder, as I haven't been diagnosed so I didn't mention it but I can easily relate to many parts of that. I hate seeing people around me upset and would prefer to take all the weight of there problems by myself, and then not get any help because I'm convinced I'm strong enough to deal with it. Doesn't help that my dad works in the CQC and could easily throw me into some mental hospital somewhere lmao.
Hey. You're not alone! I've found that just remembering that and listening to meditation videos helps me quite a bit. This struggle, as awful as it is, can help you grow.
Dodie, I just want you to know that this video was enormously helpful to me when one of my students started experiencing depersonalisation at school. I had never heard of it before seeing your video but hearing about it made me do a little research so when my student told me about it (cos it caused her to have a panic attack, I think) I recognised it and was able to reassure her a bit instead of wondering what on earth she was talking about. I'm sorry that this is something you have to deal with but thank you so much for sharing your experiences with us because I don't know how I would have handled this situation without it xx
I've suffered from major depressive disorder since 2001. I've been through the ringer over the years and feel for anyone who has to go through life battling an illness that most people don't care to talk about. Thanks for the you tube videos on depression🙏🙏
Dodie, thank you so much. I have been so sad---you know, the kind of sad where you feel like it's just the end of all other feelings because there isn't room for any others--- and I've been thinking about my life a lot. Like in the sense that if it wouldn't make my friends and family sad, how much easier my life would be if it were just poof gone. This video is so helpful.
Thank you for being brave and sharing this! This doesn't make you not you anymore. Your still you. This is a thing that happens. I'm SO! glad your taking really good steps to do the best you can!
I've literally just been through this entire situation exactly, I started experiencing the depersonalization thing after a band competition one afternoon and I didn't know how to explain it so when it happened more often I'd be like "oh it's just like after the band competition" and dude it was weird I had to have friends remind me that I did indeed still exist and my friend Gigi would have to tell me the date and time to set that in and maaaan it's fucked
I can relate to you. I am almost 13 and I suffer with self harming and anxiety issues. you have inspired me to do something about it I love you and stay strong for me xxx
I have been going through the exact same thing you are. Well, not really, because everyone is different, but still. Every time you felt crazy or like people were judging, those were the same thoughts that went through my head. Your symptoms sounded like mine. I am a happy kid with depression, anxiety, and depersonalization. You gave me such a brilliant outlook, because I see myself similar to you. We aren't crazy we are unique and you inspire me this was a brilliant video I wish I saw a few months ago. Thank you for being you and talking about it so people like me can relate to you and feel a little less crazy.
I experienced depersonalisation before and I only hound out what it was from this video. Thanks dodie for helping me I love you so much and your whole channel helps me get through every day
dodie i have been subscribed for so long, i never seen this video until now. I have depersonalisation and derealisation. I have it 24/7. it's EXTREME. ALL - THE - TIME. ALL THE TIME. I know exactly how you feel. I wish I could take it all away from you.
To anyone else. No one believed me either. I found a psychiatrist who believed me. If medical staff are not helping. ALWAYS try someone else people.
I feel the same. I think I've had symptoms that lead to depression for around 6 years (4 years at the least) and anxiety has become a little more prominent for me in the past couple of years, but every time I go to the doctor, I get shut down, and I'm too scared to just outright say "I'm mentally ill" (I'm in a really awkward life situation where it's far too difficult to do that) and idk what to do. I can't concentrate in school and my grades have been slowly dropping and I'm so tired all the time. I can't do it myself and I can't speak to people and it's so annoying waiting for someone to pick up on it because I've been like it for so long and it's seen as part of my personality
This video means so much to me because I 'suffer' from depression, anxeity and depersonalisation too. I went through the same process as you did thinking I was going mad and losing my mind and it scared the shit out of me. It started when I was 13-14 and it has taking me untill now, I'm 18, to finally feel somewhat normal and h a p p y agian. I have some really great people and friends around me who has helped me talk about and deal with this. Talking about it really helps and Im so happy im not alone with feeling like this. Stay strong ❤
so much love for you. you're an amazing human. you are strong and loved
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Tin Velasco2016-12-11 15:13:31 (edited 2016-12-11 15:18:06 )
Hey dodie. I've been going through this right now. I also research and found out what I am feeling is DPD through internet. I am not ready yet to walk into a doctor because I am a bit hopeful. Then I came across your video, I am a fan of your music and this is the only thing makes me feel better since I felt the anxiety. It is really a bit comforting to realize you are not alone. I know its going to be a battle but Im gonna hang on. I thought I just wan you to know this vid made me feel alive.
i love you for this. so much. i feel similar a lot of the time. every time i tell anyone (about these sorts or feelings or even actually being physically ill) everyone acts like im making it up.
like i had salmonella a few weeks ago and legit thought i could have been dying and everyone, even the effin doctor was acting like i was making it up. i was literally bleeding from places i shouldnt have been bleeding and in so much pain i thought i was dying and everyone kept acting like i was making it up. until they called me with test results and everyone was like "oh im sorry... i thought you were faking"
i dont know how to convince people that what i feel is actually what im feeling if they cant even believe me when i have physical symptoms. and no one understands when i say it feels like im not there. or when everything feels like a dream. i dont know how to tell anyone in a way that makes them understand
Thank you so much for your strength and for talking about this. We all care a lot about you, and I hope you feel better. I never hear anyone talking about Depersonalization, and I have been dealing with it since I was 15. I cannot talk to parents about it, or get mental health help because it is too expensive, and it helps to hear others talk about their experiences. It helps me feel less isolated. I love you <3
To anyone else who keeps feeling compelled to come back and watch this video over and over because you can relate to it so much, I hope you're ok and looking after yourselves <3
I feel like this all the time, usually it's pretty lowkey, just sitting in the back of my head. and then there are days like today, where it's sitting on my chest restricting my breathing making it all I can see. I spend a hour laying my floor questioning everything.
Never in all this time I've felt this way have I heard someone say the words that describe how I'm feeling. It's surreal but it's so good. I told people how I felt and they thought it was a physical thing so I assumed it was. Maybe some balance disorder or something with low blood pressure that made me feel out of it. I've been skipping so many lectures and calling in sick at work thinking I was gonna die, I had a brain tumor or something, I couldn't figure it out and felt hopeless and mad. I can't thank you enough for the words you spoke. It made me feel a bit less alone and even if that's just a tiny bit, it's something. I'm starting therapy on the 24th. Thank you.
this is the first video of yours that i've watched and ever since then i've been watching you and you have inspired me so much. i'm 15 and i feel exactly like you discribed. i've been feeling like this for a while now(year or so). i used to ignore it really easily but it has only gotten worse. i have no one to talk to nor can i go to therapist because it's considered weird here where i am from. i recently told a friend about this but i kinda regret it for unknown reason. i just don't know what i feel anymore.
I've been getting derealization for six months after some trauma and depression. It's so scary I feel like I'm going crazy. I tried to tell people how I feel but they thought I was on drugs. I don't know what to do anymore to be honest.
I've suffered from depersonalization for years.. I cried to the receptionist on the phone at a therapist office - that's how desperate I was for answers as to what I was feeling. It is really the worst feeling in the world and unless the people you talk to about it have experienced it, they will never know truly what it's like. Things get better, you will have better days and worse days. Just have to do your best to cope with the weird feelings. At least that's what I do.
this video is what helped me finally realise what is my main problem. I seem to suffer badly from a lot of similar things to you, from depersonalisation especially. I never really feel there, I don't remember a lot of things that happen. I often can just see me living my life, but I'm not living it. It makes life very difficult, especially school. I don' t know when or how to combat this and get over it, but I'm lucky enough to have a few people to help (thanks l <3). I need help, I really do. but dodie you've helped. Maybe we can get through this together.
i've felt like that. i've like i'm in a movie watching myself go through the motions of the day. i feel like i'm watching my friends talk to me and watching everyone go around which means i'm literally surprised when i have to speak
Ugh, I've had depersonalisation once or twice. Its the most terrifying thing ever. You really feel like you're never going to be normal old you again. I've read about it on the internet too but I never talked to someone who actually experienced it before. Nice to know that I'm not alone. But not nice for you that you experience it :( Thanks for making this video.
This was some time ago and I am very happy that Dodie is better now. Though i am just a passing comment on a past video i want to thank Dodie for making many people, including myself, feel better.
Just stummbled upon this video... dealing with depression for several years now I can relate to what you're/you were going through.
Mental illness is no joke and you can't really describe it so others can understand. You just feel... unnormal and down and powerless and stuff. So I hope you are better now and that everything is okay with you now :) Really love the fact that you don't pretend to be happy or something you are not, stay awesome <3
I haven't felt myself in months and it's so hard. I feel like I'm crazy and like I'm just stuck in this huge whirlwind of anxiety and not feeling myself and I don't know what to do.
how did I miss this video... how... I feel like an ass for not being there for you. I adore you so much . seeing you sad is heart wrenching. dodie I love you be strong because you're a beautiful person.
oh man, i bursted out crying >< when you said you're probably thinking Dodie stop being silly etc i was like I AM NO WHERE NEAR THINKING THIS I AM THINKING DODIE THANK GOD I'M NOT ALONE QQ
You'll be ok, hard work and love. And you're not crazy ;p You're just having a hard time. So am I, so hugs hopefully this message makes you feel good :3
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rat kid2017-01-10 23:20:41 (edited 2017-01-10 23:20:54 )
i really relate to the texts in the beginning but i always pushed it off to the side bc i have this endocrine thing that makes me emotional if my prescription is off so i never really thought about mental illness until recently and finding someone who feels the same is really comforting bc i know i'm not alone
I so relate to this video. And I haven't gotten to the point of depression (yet) but I have recently had a mental breakdown because I just felt like myself as I was years ago and as I liked myself and I hadn't felt that in such a long time that I just had a metal breakdown and broke off in tears and I was in tears the whole weekend
I am so proud of you for having this plan and getting help. It isn't easy, it's not gonna be easy, but one day, you'll wake up and realize, that you're feeling so much better, than you did back then. I am/was myself struggling with depression, social anxiety, panic attacks, bulimia and depersonalisation (which really is terrifying). I am in recovery for 2 yrs, I have even been hospitalised. And I am not okay, but I feel so much better than I did before. So if anyone of you is struggling, I promise I get better.
Lately I've been feeling detached from the world and myself. I've been having troubles falling asleep and I've been scared of stupid things that wouldn't normally scare me. I know something is wrong with me. For the past half a month I've been feeling very off/detached. I haven't brought this up to anyone, but I think I should at this point. I'm not feeling any better. (Sorry I just needed to say something I don't expect anyone to reply. I just needed to let it out somehow)
ive been watching 2 of your videos and i feel better knowing someone feel the same as i do. i dont know is it a good thing or no for feeling better while you on the other hand is suffering too, but having someone that has the same problem makes me feel better and not alone. i swear i dont want anybody to feel as shitty as i am right now because the feeling that i feel right now its the last thing i expect everyone to feel while i am alive. it feels like empty, i no longer cry about my problems, but when i saw your video i cried. and it was a good thing that i cried because you make me feel more normal, its better than i feel nothing. i know how you feel but please, dont give up in everything around u. please dont feel worthless or anything like that, cause i know you will pass this thing sooner💜 xx
Depersonalisation. It is the scariest thing I have ever experienced. Comes back every now and then. Makes everything so... lonely. And it's like it ensures things will remain that way. What if this is it? What if I will always see things from the outside? The closest thing I can compare it to is those dreams you wake up in that seemingly never end, you can't discern things from dream and reality.
My mouth fell open when you said that your doctor told you that you were making it up. It disgusts me that medical professionals have the capacity to tell their patients that they are simply not experiencing something. I know that this video is old, but for anyone watching it (and for Dodie as well if you're still struggling with this), you are real. You are experiencing this. Your feelings are real and you deserve help. As someone who has struggled (and continues to struggle) with anxiety and depersonalization, I know that it's scary, but you will be okay. I promise. Stay strong everyone!
I've experienced probably the same exact thing she has, I am not sure because I don't have the lexicon to describe it accurately and thoroughly haha. But hearing from her and all you guys makes me feel so much better because it makes me feel like I am not as insane as I thought as I was. So thank you for sharing your experience, Dodie, and everyone else!! :D
so I feel like I've been dealing with anxiety for a very very long time. I don't just get worried about things, I completely obsess over them to the point of not being about to talk or think about anything else for days, and I have experienced panic attacks due to this. I also get very bad crowd anxiety to the point where I can no longer go to concerts without having a panic attack. I read symptoms of anxiety and I literally feel every single one... but it doesn't impact my life "enough" for me to feel like I should go to a doctor.
my question here is do I go to a doctor anyway and stop this before it gets worse? the only issue is my mum, who I am very close with, has a very shaded view of mental illness and, unless a person is acc "crazy", she doesn't think mental illness exists in the same way that physical illnesses do.
so idk what to do... can someone give me some advice maybe? thanks xxx
I think it's nice to see you open up, yes it hurts to see you nearly cry and be so upset. But honestly it makes me feel better. To see someone I love and care about so much have been through the same things as me and I have been going to a therapist councillor person and she thinks I'm either autistic or have depersonalisation, it's scary right now but whilst you're here and I can see that it's helping. I have you showing us that it's ok to be not ok and I have my friends who have depression and anxiety and autism. It helps to see that maybe I'm not making it up even if people are telling me I am. Thank you dodie your helping a lot xx
It gives me so much comfort that someone with depersonalisation can be so positive and achieve so many amazing things, you honestly are an inspiration. I haven't had a whole lot of social interaction for the past few years apart from close friends and family, and have been off work for a while because of a breakdown which caused depersonalisation. I actually managed to find the courage and apply for my first job in 3 years the other day and have been offered an interview, which i'm very very nervous about because it's so difficult to think straight, but this video has honestly been such a comfort knowing that I'm not alone
okay, i have an issue. i've been pretty badly depressed for a while now, and it's taken a long time but i've finally come to terms with it and stopped denying it. i have a lot of symptoms, and it took me a while, but i realised that that's what it was. i really want to go to therapy bc i think it will help with my depression, but i'm really scared to ask my mum because we haven't talked about anything like that, like, ever, and i'm scared she'll think i'm making it up, which she probably won't, but i still can't stop thinking she will. and i know in the logical part of my brain that therapy will help me, but some part of me gets REALLY panicky about the thought of telling anyone but my friends about how i feel. i know i need to tell my mom that i'm depressed, but 1. i'm 12 so she may think it's a phase (which is unlikely but still) 2. we haven't really talked about stuff like that, and while i am open about liking girls (i've told my mum about girls i've had crushes on and even asked her permission to date one of my friends before when she asked me out, to which my mum said yes), i have no idea how to approach her about something like this 3. again, the panicky thing. my heart is racing at even the thought of telling my mum. it's probably totally irrational, because my mum is great and really accepting, but as we've never discussed mental illness before, i have NO IDEA how she will react, and that's what's scary. can anyone help me? i really think therapy will be a good idea but i need to ask my mum first. does anyone have any suggestions?
whenever i experience depersonalization it's like im watching myself from the outside and everything around me is just a lesser version of itself? like sounds are duller and i can't properly focus on things, kind of like a dream effect filter in a movie or something. it feels like im in an alternate universe of what i remember the world being like. im not sure if that makes sense but it's the best way of describing it.
hello! I just wanted to say I understand and can relate to this a lot, please know you're not alone and you can do this love 💕 take care of yourself, excersize, eat healthy and preach that self love, run yourself a hot bath and have some tea !
I'm dealing with anxiety and depression and it sucks because I can't tell my parents because they 'don't believe in mental illnesses' and im not close enough to my friends to feel able to talk about it I just feel so alone
ever since i began watching my fave youtuber, I've been really depressed. no one understands how i feel and they keep pushing me away purely bc they cba to help me. im really really scared, and i cant tell my parents how i feel as they will tell me its nothing or im making it up and wont let me get help 😖
you are allowed to cry in front of your audience. you are allowed to take time away from YouTube. know that depression takes time as well anxiety. you have taken bigger steps than I would have. thank you for being role model for me.
I've never never seen anyone really talk about depersonalization or disassociation, so thanks for this. I havent had to deal with really bad depersonalisation in a year or two but, it was really good (?) to hear someone talk about it so frankly and honestly about how weird and crazy and floaty it all feels. And I wish you so so much good luck! I just really really appreciate this video. I hope youre feeling a little more real these days. I feel like I have so much more to say but basically just thank you for being so real (lol), and thank you for making this video and talking about a less common side of mental illness and for being brave enough really, cause talking about it can be really terrifying? But yes, I really appreciate this video a lot
I'm 14 and a while ago I had a few days of feeling very strange. I wasn't sad it was just nothingy, and I felt like I was up in the sky watching myself walk around instead of being in my own body. It wasn't an out of body experience or something, it was like I had been replaced with an airy high person. It was very strange, and worrying. I don't know.
Hi to whoever is reading this, I want to share my story so far. School as been dreadful to me, I've lost my friends.... I feel like as if I don't even exist. I hated when people pitied me. Its absolute trash, I wanted something better. I feel like no one cares about me. Usually I'd sit by myself and mutter things to myself. I was insecure. Pretty much I'd give all my food away 'til i was left with fruit. One day I just thought about school and how mad I was at myself! I was crying because I feared everyone hated me. Now you may not agree with me but I've learned friends are never there for you.... Except family. I'm still getting used to build myself up again, but yeah. Thats my story, bye!
dodie what you just described is scarily similar to what I'm feeling right now. i went into collage the other day and was asked if i had done drugs my concentration was completely gone and i felt to disconnected it really hit me then that there is something wrong but i just cant even bring myself to get help. you saying this has helped me realise that im not alone and it is real and im not just losing it. thank you
I am so fortunate to have grown up in a family and community where mental health was, for the most part, understood and accepted. I have been seeing a qualified psychologist for four years and a school councillor previous to that and have recently started medication to control my anxiety as I am about to enter some major life changes. I thoroughly appreciate that you have made a video about this (even if I'm a bit late to find it) and that you are able to talk about it at the beginning stages of receiving help because it allows people who have never been told that it's okay to get help, to have the courage to recognise and sort out their own issues. Maintaining your mental health is so important and I love seeing people like yourself, use their platform to discuss it openly; so thank you.
Dodie I love youuuu!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know this comment is hella late but I can relate to you. It has never gone to your level but it has gotten it close and then I am usually able to get it away before it gets serious. But I love you! And thank you for being you! I love your videos! All of it makes me so happy! Your voice alone just cheers me up and keeps me from crying on my most depressed days.
I'm really scared of getting a doctor, but it's inevitable. The only therapist I ever trusted was only allowed to give me 6 sessions since it was through my schooling and I am now bejng referred to a therapist outside of school. She would be the fourth one I've been to yet my previous one is the only one I feel like I only ever had faith in. It's so daunting to know it's possible I could never see her again, I don't want to feel alone anymore but in some strange way it's like I'm scared to be happy - it's like I've been so used to being depressed and in the dark for so long that I know if someone turns on a light it's going to hurt my eyes. I feel like I'm going insane, I've been diagnosed with severe depression, social anxiety, body dysmorphia and acute ocd. I don't want to be defined by my mental health issues, but it's like they're the only thing I know now. I just don't want to be alone - I honestly can't see a way out of this. I just wish I wasn't me.
Hey there bud, YOU aren't defined by your mental health issues, they are just shaping your view on the world a lot right now. But you as a person are a lot more than that! You have a lot more things to give the world, and to get from it, and those things can happen whether you have mental illnesses or not. I'm really sorry you're having to leave a therapist who you've connected with and who's helping you, that's really sad. Can you talk to her about whether you might be able to contact her in the future, or if she can at least give you some advice on how to ask for the things you need from your next therapist? It's understandable to feel scared about the idea of suddenly coming out of the darkness, but it's not really going to feel like that - these things change gradually (and that's how you know they're sustainable - little steps that lead to steady change), so you'll have time to adjust. You might possibly already be taking some of those steps now yourself, if your therapist has been helpful. It's going to take time, but you can make it... there are a lot more things you have yet to be, and some of them are going to be really wonderful.
I understand what you mean, Dodie. I don't often feel "out of it", as you described, but I do feel like it sometimes. The depression and anxiety usually don't surface until I'm alone, which makes it super difficult to show anyone how crap I'm really feeling. I only ended up actually trying to make a difference when I tried to hurt myself at work for more-or-less 4 straight hours. I went to a doctor about a year ago, but she didn't think I had any problems, and gave me the number for Let's Talk (basically, Let's Talk helps you with your mental health issues. I think) (also note: since I was feeling pretty darned crap, being given a phone number to call was... to put it simply, bloody terrifying). I went to a group session on negative thinking - helped a teeny, tiny bit, I guess. I'm now taking St John's Wort, a herbal antidepressant (basically. It's not exactly a herbal antidepressant, but it's used to relieve anxiety and low mood. I'm on the high strength ones), and I feel okay. Not 100%, but better. I had a good couple of weeks where I felt... normal. I felt happy, and could experience things the way I wanted. I even felt proud of myself sometimes, which is bloody amazing. I think it's just general hormones that have brought my good mood to a halt recently, to be honest. Well, I hope. I really was enjoying feeling happy.
Sooooo yeah. To anyone who happens to be scrolling through the comments (and Dodie :D), if you feel like crap, or you even suspect something might be wrong but are opposed to seeing a professional for whatever reason, I would recommend at least giving St John's Wort a try. Even if it does nothing for you, at least you can say you tried to make yourself feel better <3
I have crippling social anxiety and have struggled with depression since I was 13, self-harm since I was 14, and depersonilasation since I was 15. My parents don't really understand mental health and don't seem to grasp how much I'm suffering going to a large high school. I have had many panic attacks during which I feel like I am dying and going crazy. We are no longer able to afford therapy and my mum mon't let me take medication because she thinks I don't need it despite what my doctor said.
This had literally been the worst year of my life 😒 literally 5 days in and something happened that I got blamed for when I was the victim, but since then, my heads just had a cloud blocking everything and I've pretty much just felt depressed and like crap
I feel like that but not to where it's debilitating. I feel like everyone is real and I'm nothing. It's not something you can turn off. There are many things wrong, I need to work on my brain but I need to get out of this place to do so.
I've been sleeping very bad over the last few weeks and last thursday I started feeling really weird, like everything I said wasn't coming from my mouth and it felt like everybody was constantly looking at me and if I did or said something I immediatly doubted if it really happened. It was like I was living in this cloudy world and I felt like crying the entire day and I didn't know why. That night I typed into google: I feel like I'm living in a dream, what is happening? and the first thing that came up was depersonalisation and then I remembered watching this video and I watched it again and I got really really scared, especially the messages at the beginning sound like the thing I experienced. And I know that this may be just a temporary thing or maybe it's the lack of sleep or the fact that I don't live close to my family anymore, but I now know it can last for years and that makes me so scared. I want to be me again..
i've watched this so many times. this video is a bit old so you might not even see this, but this video gives me so much comfort. knowing other people feel this craziness too is strangely consoling. i absolutely love your videos because you're so real and down to earth and watching your videos makes me feel a bit better. i'm so so sorry that you're going through this, too. does therapy help? i really want to start seeing a therapist, but i'm not even sure what my problem is so i don't know how they could help me, ya know? anyway, thank you for existing and for making videos like this--hopefully we can all get through this together :)
I have panic attacks and I know exactly what theyre about. A secret I've told nobody ever and I want to tell people but I just can't I will never. I'd like to try therapy but I always feel like I'm just always nagging and I don't want to talk about my problems idk I just I feel like how dodie described in her texts
I was 11 when i first got depression and i am 13 now,and i overcame it kind of and i see it as an achievement now like i MADE myself believe I wasnt crazy and DIDNT need help and that these are just thought and i dont need to be loved by someone to live and that I AM stronger than a silly thought in my head and jus BELIEVED in myself to overcome it and now whenever it comes back i thinkIm stronger than this i can do this i control me not a feeling So its okay to cry i tend to do it out of sight and be sad let it all out BUT just believe in yourself (sounds cringey-IT DOES WORK THO) and ITLL GET BETTER :)
Did anybody feel this way while in pospartum depression? im going thru this. i literally think im insane. i was about to leave my family n baby. cuz this its just too much
Okay so I watched this video when it first came out and was one of those people that didn't really understand it but I came back to watch it because recently I've had periods of time when my hands or my feet don't feel like mine and I'm all numb. Idk why I'm sharing this with the internet but my grandad died of cancer right before Christmas and when I came back to school I had exams so I was just like ahh major anxiety and then the 'depersonalisation' started (I don't want to call it that because idk if it is that) but yeah like in the exams I felt like it wasn't me writing or I feel like I come out of a room and everything is too bright and too fake and I'm just numb. It's so scary because everyone else can carry on as normal whereas I know that it's not normal
'Here's the thing, I am alive, I can breath, and eat and talk and sleep and see and feel. And objectively I am fine, so why am I not?' ouch, I feel this too much
I really should be sleeping rn but I'm glad I didn't go to sleep early otherwise I may have never come across this channel or video. I relate a lot rn to everything you said and I'm glad you openly talked about your mental health issues as there's such an unnecessary stigma surrounding it still. Hope you are feeling more yourself now and/or have lots of supportive people around you. I'd like to end this with one of my favourites quotes which you may or may not like... "It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.” - Krishnamurti ☮♥
I'm in the face of depression. I feel it coming, I know that it will arrive soon. I'm just dealing with so many things, I feel like a ticking time bomb and soon I'll explode or fall apart. one of my friends cuts and it's partially my fault, another friend has anorexia, I have a crush on my best friend, I have terrible insomnia, I have awful self esteem, and JUST TODAY I found out that my grandma only has a few months to live before she dies of Leukemia. honestly, I feel like I can't hold up anymore.
I have the exact same issue. is it depersonalization? is it just lack of sleep? what is it?! I can never understand why i feel so off.. and weird.. but i relate so much. i know its so hard to talk to people but I am always here and your fan base is fucking amazing! i wish i had this support. I love you dodie. We love you.
I completely understand. You are so strong for getting a doctor and making this video. The exact feelings you have are not fictitious, and you are not going crazy. I am so sorry you also have to to deal with this, but you are so strong and beautiful and one day you will see the stars sky and the sun and stars again and not feel the weight of life on you chest, and you'll be able to smile and laugh again. Don't give up. There is a way out. :)
Dear Doddie, Hello I am a 11 year old girl and I go to a counselor for my anxiety and because sometimes I feel like I want to die I don't know why I feel this way but I do. I do not have schizophrenia but there is just a little voice that pops into my head at times and says "I want to die" and "just stop torturing yourself and end it" and because I don't feel welcomed or safe here on earth, but you and a lot of other you tubers have helped me in staying happy though I am still going through this I just wanted you to know how much you have helped me and one day I hope to meet you (and the company of Hamilton) even if you live in England and I live in Texas. ~ a lonely potato
Dear Doddie, Hello I am a 11 year old girl and I go to a counselor for my anxiety and because sometimes I feel like I want to die I don't know why I feel this way but I do. I do not have schizophrenia but there is just a little voice that pops into my head at times and says "I want to die" and "just stop torturing yourself and end it" and because I don't feel welcomed or safe here on earth, but you and a lot of other you tubers have helped me in staying happy though I am still going through this I just wanted you to know how much you have helped me and one day I hope to meet you (and the company of Hamilton) even if you live in England and I live in Texas. ~ a lonely potato
I get tho. my mum always tells I'm making everything up but I'm not. I know I'm not. you don't just randomly start hyperventilatingm you don't think like, yolo I'd like to hyperventilate now let's do it, when you're sitting in class or at a party. Finally took a step to get help
I hate how I always feel the only thing that helps me is YouTube and dodie that's exactly how I feel everyone else I see through a window even if I'm outside their not me I'm not them they are normal and I'm a robot and I hate it and I hope you can get better dodie 💖
I have depression when im at school, i had friends, a lot of friends, but now in 7th grade i feel like i have no friends. They still talk to me, but i feel like they talk about me behind my back. At home on the weekends i feel so very happy. I dont know. My mom said that both sides of my family has a history of depression
i derealize a lot (which is sort of similar but without the out of body thing) and recently it's been really bad. when i watched this i just started sobbing because of this ME TOO feeling and i lost it when she started crying wow. I'm so sorry dodie, i get it (ish) and its awful and i hate it too and want it to go away too
On Christmas I felt alone and confused. I put on the happy emotion. What I mean by the happy emotion is what I call a Fake emotion. I don't remember how being happy felt. So what I do is smile and laugh. Yes I do laugh and enjoy myself but once I'm done being "happy" I feel so horrible. Like I'd done something really wrong. This happened at least two months ago and it wasn't that bad, I mean it was bad for the first week but after a while I got used to it. At least four days ago (The day before Christmas Eve) It got at least 80-90 percent worse and I feel so fucking strange. I can't speak to my mum because she doesn't understand and she would cry. My dad has been suffering with depression for a few years but I can't talk to him. My girlfriend doesn't understand although I explained it all to her. I've been listening to Secret For the Mad on repeat and it's helping.
it's so strange to me, not in a bad way, but in a curious way. cuz I used to have the opposite feelings of this, from the time I was about 10 up to last year I struggled with this thing that convinced me that everyone around me was a projection of my imagination and everyone was a robot and I was the only real human. I'm not sure why it happened but it did a few times a year. it hasn't happened in a long while and I think I'm getting healthier mentally because I now have genuine friends who are lovely and adoring. I don't know what my point of this was. I hope you are getting better. You are truly one of my biggest inspirations in life. <3
I'm sad, I tell my self that I'm ok. I try to describe my feelings but I just end up making everything worse. I keep pushing it aside because I think it will get better. I don't know what to do. Everything is just a mess. I'm afraid to talk to people about it because I keep telling my self that what I feel isn't reel. But, if these feelings aren't reel why do I ceep crying. It's my fault for feeling this way, I don't know how to fix it.
I've been having panic attacks about death and just an overall existential crisis for about...well honestly I can't remember when it started. They've just kind of always been there. I also find myself half of the time, feeling no emotions whatsoever. I just feel nothing. I'm not happy or mad or sad or hungry or tired...And on top of all of that, I get these weird instances (kind of like how you described, Dodie) how you are there, but not really. I can still feel and see and hear, but it almost feels like anything I do has no consequences or reactions. I can't ever explain it...the best I can do is say it feels like a dream, a dream that is terrifying enough to be a nightmare because you feel trapped and nothing can pull you out of your delusion or...whatever the hell it is.
But the worst thing is, whenever I try to talk to anyone about it: friends, parents or others who are close to me, they all don't understand or take it seriously. "It's just a teenager thing." "Everyone goes through that, just stop thinking about it."
i hope everything goes better doddie, i also kinda felt the same and cant figure out what is it that i'm experiencing, i know im not happy it's just recently i realize that i feel depressed, empty, and all of that after kinda ignoring those feeling for a year or two, plus having a mid life crisis, and someone really important died, wow.. i can't even, but i hope everything goes well for you!
I've been feeling similar to you and would like to start making youtube videos to kind of talk about it and maybe just do some fun things.. could you do a video showing your set up?
Jillian Ellis if you ever wanna talk about it, feel free to message me @meepismeeptastic. I feel exactly like dodie and I would love to talk to someone and not feel alone for once...
this is gonna sound weird but I'm sure it's probably completely normal (I've never told anyone about this before though) But like sometimes when I am doing something really exciting that I never thought I'd be able to do (for example when I finally found my dream horse and test rode her for the first time before I bought her) for a few seconds I always have this weird out of body feel where I feel kinda dizzy and in my head I'm like "wow I can't believe this is really happening" and questions myself on whether I'm actually just dreaming it all or not
I wish I didn't know you what your talking about but I door and now I'm watching someone I love feel the exactly the same way and don't how to stop it or fix it.
So I am literally bawling because for once someone is describing what have been trying to describe for months and, it's so scary. I'm young. 13 years old young. I am so terrified about what is happening to me. I remember one day I didn't know how to function correctly. It was like I had lost all my coordination and my eyes were wobbly and I just remember crying all day. I have this constant feeling like, me, myself, I'm in a cloud in the sky hovering and flying over top of my body just watching me go through life, without, anything. It is really scary and i don't know who I am, or what I am anymore. Like somedays I wonder if this is even real life or if it's a dream, or if I died in my dreams and this is the afterlife taking me through everything that has already happened. I am just really scared Doddie.
Ignorant therapists are honestly very damaging and invalidating to those who are suffering mental illness, but to reiterate Dodie YOUR PROBLEMS ARE NOT INSIGNIFICANT THEY ARE VALID AND YOU DESERVE HELP, HEALTH AND HAPPINESS
I pray all you younger [OR ANY AGE] people can accept these problems are real...if you feel anything is different, odd or scary, or intrusive, depressing or making you feel a panicky feeling...because today in 2017 so much is now medically known and so much progress has been made in the studies of mental illness. There are good treatments now and new ways to cope. You are not alone! NEVER GIVE UP HOPE.
I have a lot of symptoms for depression (for 2 Month now) but I haven't the worst ones like suicidal thoughts. And I don't know what I should do now bc my parents wont take ma serious, they'll just laugh at me and say that I'm too young (I'm 15) and I haven't any problems, I have though. Does someone know what I should do? It really botheres me. I also feel a lot like I'm seeking attention or something like that
80% of ppl saying they feel the same have twenty one pilots on their profile pictures damn it skeleton clique were broken people stay alive i love and i wish u good ❤
ive been trying to get help, and my mom took me to a therapist who told me that if i cut myself i would just heal back up, and so i stopped talking to people about it because my mom calls it a "poor me phase" and just doesnt understand, help please
I just constantly feel so different.Like it's consuming me and the only thing I can hear and see and feel is just, I don't even know it's just a constant feeling of not even knowing what I'm feeling andI just feel so useless and worthless. I just can't even get happy, lets take Christmas for example, lats year I was so excited for it I liked to spend time with my family and my brother an laugh with my sister and then this years Christmas came around and I didn't care, now this may be just because I'm getting old and it's less exciting and I didn't want to be wth people I just wanted to stay in my room and play the keyboard, then my brother came it and we started to play piano and I realised what I was feeling.I felt like I was missing something yet I had no idea what I was missing then christmas was over and I was lying in my bed and i just kinda just let some tears out nad I hate that I've let it get to the point were I finally realise I'm not okay.I keep obsessing over my onw thoughts and I constantly feel like I just aren't alive because what the point I hate going outside or hanging with friends cause I'm scared and nervous that I'm gonna do something wrong.I've realise how little life that I have and how the best moments can go by so fuc8ng fast, I just don't want it anymore.I just want to be sitting on my parks swings with my best friend next to me and some of my other friends on the other swings as we watch the boys(one of wich I may have a crush on) play football or mess around.I don't care if I'm happy or confused or sad I just want to feel somthing again.I'm sorry that this made no sense I'm just trying to make sense of my thought.'My thoughts are stars i can't fathom into constellations'
is this a thing? depersonalization? i feel it alot, like it's not real, and it's odd and just kinda uncomfortable and makes me feel unreal. i really relate to Dodie on the level about the past and just wanted to go back but time passes is fast and there's no way to just stop and i hate thinking about that because it makes me want to cry. i wanna go back to when i was little and lived with my dad. ugh.
"Just turn it off. Just shut up. Just stop talking about it. Stop obsessing over it. You're attention-seeking, you're making this up, and you're making yourself believe that you're ill." sounds like something straight from that lil voice in my brain~
Hi Dodie, I am Piper and I am going to be 13 on March 24, I have depression and anxiety and I don't really know what to do about it?? I have told my mom and I have gotten a doctor and a therapist but it's not working?? I know this is an old video but if you see this comment I would love some advice, Thank you!
I would go to a therapist and we do have a councillor at school and a couple of my friends go to her but they have told me that it doesn't help and it stresses them out when they talk to her and she asks them personal questions. I have been putting it off cause I hate opening up to people and I have serious trust issues because of a few thing in the past and I don't think therapists help at all. It might just be me but I'm terrified of talking to strangers about my life and my personal issues. I wish there was an alternative to therapy that I could do and it could have the same effect.
Hi. Idk if anyone is going to see this or not but sometimes I just start sweating and start having trouble with breathing . And I sometimes feel like all my friends and family all of a sudden just hate me . And even if people compliment me, I don't feel "pretty" and just not myself and I just live in the past. What do I have then?
please, could you let me know what do you usually eat during the day, and for the past week. it's definitly some food that affect your gut health. please let me know.
I'm a very joyful person and I have depersonalisation it's horrible !! the worst time I had it was the other day when I asked my crush out (she said yes😍😂) but the whole time I was just spaced out and confused and seems it was the other day even to now I'm thinking 'is she actually my girlfriend?' 'Is she a real person ' and it's so scary and horrible!! Xx
I don't feel like I would be anyone or anything without whatever I have my 'demons' I guess. I don't know who I would be I just feel like I couldn't possibly exist without them and I don't know what to do about that because if I get rid of them then I just won't be anyone I just don't know what to do but I really hope that she is feeling better
dodie, mental illnesses suck. But that doesn't mean you aren't normal. It also doesn't mean you can't do normal things. For me, the best advice I could say is to surround yourself with positive people, so when you're alone, you're thinking about the things that you and someone talked about, rather than all of the reasons why life sucks. It's something that helps me, I also take medicine to help me get to sleep faster so when I'm not thinking about the things I did that day, I'm sleeping. Dodie I really hope you feel better about this and are able to find a coping method. I'm still looking for one, but hopefully this will all change soon.
hey comments sorry for interrupting your scrolling and feel free to ignore me.
lately I've felt like I can't feel I don't find things funny or sad or happy or emotional. I just feel dull. like a light that's going out. I'm only 14 so don't know what to do but I know this isn't normal. my mum suffers from depression and I don't feel close enough to any of my friends to make them understand. they would think im making it up. I feel alive but not human like I have no emotions. it's horrible and sad and I don't know how to cope. school pressure is adding to this feeling and I don't feel like there's an escape. I feel bored and tired and not completely sane. I feel I'm acting all the time and don't know what to do
I feel like i am literally going mad. Its because of a a bully who won't leave me alone. My stomach hurts and i feel like kinda killing myself and I've never felt this way before and its like i am gonna pop and explode or somethnig. yup... i think i'm crazy
Oliver Seddon ok I experience it quite a lot and basically imagine that you always feel tired and drunk and you just want to feel sober again. It also affects your memories so they feel like dreams and what is real and what isn’t sort of mix and your brain just goes fuzzy for a while
Check out this free audio book on youtube. "the power of your subconscious mind" by dr. joceph murphy. I don't believe the bible parts but is otherwise a great book.
im only 14 so i might be making shit up or being stupid and making assumptions but i think i have depersonalization? I have two types, like sometimes when its more mild i just feel like Im in locked in a tiny tiny box inside my body and I'm gonna wake up any minute, and then when it gets bad (which is usually when im really tired , sometimes combined with an adrenaline rush) i feel like like floating above myself and the world and I lose control over everything thing I say and do, which usually goes away after i sleep and then im back to the first feeling?
And it hurts and I spend my days crying and some days not feeling at all. And everyday feeling like I'm not real like I'm looking through a window or I'm not sure how to explain. No one reads the comments anyway. I am in so much pain and I don't know how to feel it anymore.
Guys I need your help. I'm someone who overanalyzes a lot and feels like shit everyday. When I'm happy, I forget that I feel like shit (it's like a distraction) but when the happy moments are gone, I'm just left with worthlessness and self-doubt.there are times when i'm happy, but sometimes I remember that I am happy and it makes me guilty being happy and I feel like i deserve to be miserable. So I overanalyze again and I can't have fun and be happy without feeling guilty and everything is just shitty. And at those really bad moments where I experience emotional, mental and/or physical distress, I just sort of space out. Like I know it hurts but it doesn't hurt as much as my feelings. Like this is the primary reason why self harming doesn't work for me because I just kinda space out when I go through physical pain that's extreme (I have a low pain tolerance) and it doesn't distract me from my emotional pain. I know I need some kind of psychological help but I don't know what it is. Like I don't have a label for it and I'm just confused.
I can relate to the feeling happy when you're distracted part. It's like, "you were laughing with your friends a few hours ago, you can't be that unhappy. Get a grip." But then if I have to drive or something and can't distract myself, I end up a bawling mess. I'd really like to stop feeling so terrible.
It's been a month since you commented. How's it going?
I'm just upset and angry about the stupidest things and I wanna scream and yell and throw things, and stay in bed forever and forget about school and people and everything.
Nothing makes sense to me anymore. Not only do I not feel like others or myself is real but I also feel like what will happen when we die none of this makes sense will it ever ? Is this all s dream?
Is anyone else jealous? Not because she has this but because she can get help, I’ve told my parents I feel empty and sad all the time and I get panic attacks but they just say I need more sleep and need to do more exercise, personally it doesn’t help and I just wanna know what’s wrong with me, I just want to go to the doctor and know what’s wrong with me
When I feel depressed or I have anxiety I can't think straight or people want to think for me or tell me what to do or they make me nervous or get after me why can't they let me handle it I don't need there advice on how to take my deportation or anxiety away I just need someone to lisson to me and try to understand so then why do I ask them
this is kinda irrelevent but does anyone like, actually convince themselves that someone they care about (for me its always this girl i have a crush on) is watching them? like, just from their house on a tv. they are watching me go about my day, and it just makes me feel less lonely? i sound crazy but idk like i know they obviously arent watching me but at the same time whenever im alone i am just so convinced and just feel them watching me and i feel much less alone. idk i think im just weird
emilie I felt this starting around 16 or so. I’m 35 now. And your comment made such a great connection to me and how I felt. I didn’t know how to describe it to anyone because it was so weird, but I’m seeing this now. With your comment as a big helper! I wonder- what caused my brain to shift this way?
i know this is late, and you are probably not even reading this but Dodie, please don't pretend. i have learnt this. i pretended for years then there was this one person, someone i love and care about and one day it just all came out. nothing was right, and she helped. I'm not going to say I'm fine now, because I'm not, in fact at the moment I'm pretty bad, but I'm talking to her, and I'm being kind to myself. i want to dislike this video because i don't want to like something that is so horrible and bad. so I'm not going to like or dislike it, sorry. i wanted to say how much you have inadvertently helped me by just posting such realistic and relate-able videos that make so much sense and are so true. so yeah...be kind to yourself and thank you SO much!
Im 17 and have had depression and anxiety for a few years now. Its so hard to put most of the symptoms in to words. Anyone else whos going through this as well stay strong you just have to keep fighting and eventually you will break free <3
Thank you Dodie, I needed to hear this. About two day ago I had a anxiety attack and I haven't been the same since. My mind blank and I feel like I'm a robot. But now I'm getting help so thank you so much
Recently; I've been feeling that I'm not really there and now I'm glad you've brought to light something in which you can explain this, depersonalisation
4:15 That really broke my heart, Dodie I know what it is sort of.. Cause I'm going through something quite similar to what you described and I just wanted to say that I love you and I'm happy you exist and you got me through a lot. I know you won't see this but I hope I can meet you one day. You've helped me so much thank you. <3
Thank you for making this video because I feel this way! It was so crazy because hearing someone else describe it made me feel so validated! Thank you for your video! 😭💕
I'm relatively new to your channel and when listening to your songs, I noticed the continuous sad tone to them and I was honestly terrified that this was the case. I'm so, so sorry Dodie. We're all here for you. I know you can get through this 💜💜
OMG Dodie you're wonderful! Thanks for sharing this video, there's so many people out there with mental issues, anxiety, depression... I'm exactly in the same moment you're now and it really helps seeing that we're dealing with it kind of the same way. I'm sure that means we're on the right path =D Keep it up!!
Wow, I just have to say thank you for this video. I've known for a long time that I have depression and social anxiety, but the depersonalizations feelings that you described are similar to what I've been feeling for longer than I can remember, to varying degrees. And looking it up I'm almost entirely sure that I have depersonalization disorder or something similar. I've literally been looking for the answer to what this feeling is for so so long, having no clue why I felt like this, and finally finding an answer to it? Just wow, I'm relieved
i relate to this so much and am also finally talking to someone about it, and it feels like its helping a little bit! i'm happy you're also actively working through it also!
I watched this video before I experienced derealization. Now that i'm in the midst of this, I'm taking in this information very differently. Thank you so much for sharing your experience.
This has helped me out more than you know. I made a video on my anxiety and I'm doing a series following my journey with mental health and I want to thank you for sharing your story. ❤️ stay strong. I know it's hard ❤️
thank you. I've known I've had depersonalization for a while but recently its heightened and watching this back has helped put into words how i feel. thank you for this. hopefully we'll be alright
I've never heard someone describe depression so in line with my personal experience with it. I'm also 22 and so much of what your saying is what I've have been working on for the last two years. Thank you Dodie, there's times when it's nice to be reminded you are not alone.
I thought I was the only one, Dodie thankyou, so many times I have felt some way that my family cant relate to and I feel like I'm the only one and then I find videos of yours like this and it makes me feel so much happier to feel not as alone
Thank you for sharing your experience with this, I didn't know there was a name for it until today. I have experienced things similar to this in the past but it usually only lasts for less than a few days. I find it useful to write down lists and facts about myself and my life as well as looking at photographs or spending time with my family. I've always had really strange phases where I feel super weird and disassociate myself from my surroundings wich often happens when I read a book or get into a tv show. Like I can't separate my world from the world in the book. Anyway, it's helpful to know others feel this too. Love you Dodie, :)I hope you get the help you need
I'm experiencing depersonalization from 6 months EVERYDAY, I know exactly how you feel, it sucks because you would live your life, and you know everything around is real but you can't actually feel as it is. It calmed me a little but knowing there's someone out there who feels my same way
I never knew that there is something like depersonalisation, but it just perfectly describes my feelings. I don't know what to say about it... thank you so much for putting this out in the world!
Ok this is how I have been feeling for a long time. I totally feel you dodie you are not insane. I feel like I'm on another planet than everyone else it's so weird!!! Thank you for sharing this. I so appreciate it.
I just wanna say... thank you. I feel like I don't have as major problems as other people, but it's nice to see someone else dealing with anxiety and talking about it. This video really helped.
I want to thank you for speaking so openly about this I'm 13 and I deal with depression and panic attacks and everything is so messed up right now But I want to thank you for being so open so people who suffer mental illnesses like me know that we are not alone I know you can't snap your fingers and make this go away but we can fight this together.
i love this , its sort of comforting to know that i am not the only one who feels this way , last year i was so depressed and shuttered for three whole months , i got better but i still have those days where i cannot shut my mind off , when everything is just too much and sometimes you just want to go back in time when everything was haqqy and not too much. so thank you @doodlevloggle . i am even going to try vlogging , well soon
Damn. I hope you get better soon, you beautiful, talented girl. I wish I could just take the pain away from you... All I can do is send you my best wishes and love. You are amazing and you can get through this - the fact that you see your problem and are seeking help goes to show how strong you are.
This is the most relateable video that I have ever watched. Although I was diagnosed with depersonalisation disorder years ago, this has made me realise once again that what I feel isn't "normal" and that I can't just sweep it under the rug of my anxiety disorder. I can quite clearly see that they are separate things so I can talk to my therapist about it and maybe sort it out once and for all! Thank you so much x
Two weeks ago I moved to uni and got really homesick. My brain's reaction to moving away from home was mild depression. I wasn't enjoying the things I did before and I lost my appetite, which is drastic for me as I usually always feel like eating unless I have just had a massive meal. I felt really alone as none of my other flatmates seemed to have been negatively affected by moving to uni and I every time I was alone in my room I would be crying either silently or down the phone to my parents or on skype to my friends. This feeling of mild depression got a lot heavier after I saw my Mum for a day. My brain thought I'd be going back home with her but then we parted our separate ways at piccadilly circus station and my low feelings got even lower. I was feeling the unmovable darkness that I'd heard of but never felt myself. I was sitting with my flatmates and they were all laughing and having fun and I was sitting there silently crying. I eventually talked to one of them which was a massive help and since then I've been doing better. I guess what I'm saying is even just from that 48 hours snapshot of horrible dark hopeless depression I have become so much more aware of how hard it is. You really cannot escape it and that's what I think gets some of us stuck. It isn't a place you can leave or a person you can stop talking to. It's your brain and you start to question whether this is just you forever. But it gets better. For me, I was just not busy enough to have other distractions from the dark feelings. I'm starting my actual uni course in two days and I can't wait.
I've come back to watch this after a long time. You're so brave to post this and be able to push through life and handle what you're going through. It feels so funny to say this because I've never met you, but I'm so proud of you for realizing and dealing (not dealing... but getting help) with your mental illness. Seeing that someone I look up to is also going through things like this has really helped me with getting through the days. Thank you.
"I just wanted to get into my old bed, in my old room and feel normal again" oh my freaking god as soon as those words came out your mouth i balled my eyes out. The feels are all too real.
I already know that I have depression and anxiety and I didn't know depersonalization was a thing, and I knew that I felt disconnected but I thought I was the only one who felt like that?? Idk this video helped me understand so much. Thank you
I don't know if you read these, but I can't tell you how good it feels to not be alone. even when I don't feel like me I feel like knowing others go through the same thing helps me feel connected. I wanted to say thank you on behalf of all of us
I wish it was that easy, you said that you're happy that some people don't understand because it means they don't feel this way and never have. To me that's one of the worst parts, people not knowing, not understanding and not even trying to understand. People only see what you let them and not what's actually going on inside and that sucks because if I have a broken arm everyone goes "ooh poor Luke he broke his arm" but when you're so depressed you don't have the energy to get out of bed but you can't even sleep people always seem to think that just "getting over it" is an option, but it's never that easy. Even other people with mental illnesses won't be able to understand properly, depression and anxiety are different for everyone and people get it in different severities and none of it is fair at all. More often than I'd care to admit I'll end up crying and screaming begging to know why I'm not normal, wanting to know why it happened to me, what I did to deserve it all but because they are questions without answers it usually just makes me feel worse. I know I'm far from perfect and I know I'm an asshole but I still feel like I don't really deserve everything that has happened to me, and I know I need to talk about it more but when I say thing like this fact to face to someone I either shut down and can't say anything or just cry. I try to joke about everything because that makes it somewhat easier but when it comes to my childhood even trying to joke about it often breaks me. I don't want to just complain to everyone but I know I need to learn to be more open but in my defence, I'm much more open about life than I use to be but I don't like feeling that all I'm I doing is complain to everyone
Sorry if anyone actually read all of this I just needed to vent
i read it too and it's so accurate but everything has an end remember that. -we are all here if u ever need to vent some more, u can even vent to me personally if u want to:)))
Lepong20 it's okay, i feel the exact same way. I understand everything you said. Every time I'm in therapy I am starting ro cry because she makes me realize things that happened to me in the past that I've pushed away for 6 years. And she makes me talk about my feelings and I just can't handle that. An plus that I have anxiety and depression problems (things that she is not seeing) I'm thinking: wow she must be totally pissed that you cry every time you see her. Even though she says it's fine to her. My mind just wont shut up
Lepong20 I don't think I can explain to you how much I relate to all of what you just said. Thank you, this is a start on getting better and going and getting help.
I don't think you're high and I don't think you're insane. I do think you're goddamn awesome to share this with everyone because, dude, we ALL OF US EVERY ONE have something at some point in our lives and it's real and valid and there are things we can do to help and make it more bearable if not completely better. I hope you are feeling loads better and that there are more good, clear days than not. ❤️❤️
God I really understand this. Oh lord. Even with meds and therapy and trying to do everything I can I still feel like this. Thank you so much for putting this into words. I always feel like I need to go to a mental ward because I truly feel I need to. Knowing other people feel this way makes me feel a bit more sane.
I'm sorry you feel this way. I recently discovered your videos and since then, you have made me so happy. I struggle with depression and quite a few of my schoolmates joke about depression (not knowing I have it) and it makes me sad because they don't understand how difficult it is to feel happy and how messed up it makes you feel. It's really hard to be in 8th grade to go through all this crap. I don't want to make you feel sad, I wanted to let you know that you have been such an inspiration to be and that you're helping me out of this hole that I've created. You have inspired me to be creative, crafty, and musical. I stared playing the ukulele so I could play along with your songs. Thank you for being amazing and I hope that this comment can make you feel the smallest bit better inside.
I understand how u feel I've had depression and anxiety synse 3rd grade I'm in 7th now and I'm starting to feel way better now all I have is these little sparks that happens for a week then it's done 😘
Dodie. I literally just came across your videos alright night .I have watched quite a few of them, and after watching this one I literally want and need to have a conversation with you. I have never before heard a person out into words what I feel and experience every single day. Our past relationships echo of eachother. I feel like I am being really crazy, but I just cannot believe how badly watching this video made me want to speak with you. It would be simply incredible to exchange thoughts and words with someone who absolutely, without a doubt is in my head and knows my minds ways. I feel a kindred spirt in you girl, it is terrifying, and incredible all at once. ...great things you know. Terrible! Yes...but great. Holy shit do I sound high or what.
So I'm probably really late for this comment section.. I was recently diagnosed with chronic depression, anxiety and PTSD and started treatment too. I can really really relate with what you feel because I have felt that way too for years. I'm so glad I found you. I believe you will be ok soon.
I've had issues since I was 14 years old and I attempted suicide twice in my life (when I was 18 and 22 respectively). After my second suicide attempt at age 22 I was finally diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, after months of just going mental (paranoia, auditory hallucinations, and severe mood swings - I'd be laughing the one minute and the next minute I'd be crying my eyes out for no reason). A lot of people are in denial upon being diagnosed with a mental illness but I was just so happy that I finally knew what was wrong with me. I was seeing a psychiatrist for a few months after but I wasn't happy with my progress and decided to start seeing a different one and he has completely turned my life around - if you aren't happy with your therapist or psychiatrist, go see a new one!
Basically just wanted to say to anyone having problems, it will get better - it takes work and doesn't always happen quickly, but you can get better. The road has been shaky at times and I had to quit my job because I couldn't handle the stress anymore, but now at the age of 25 I finally feel happy and normal.
The scariest part of all of this is when Dodie said that she sounds insane and that it sounds like a joke, even though I understood and recognised all of the feelings described. Even the part about the bed. I want my old bed. I want my old room. I want my old self. What on earth has happened to me?
You're not strange, you're not crazy, you're alone. It's okay, we accept you, we love you. Everyone has problems, and they may look different and be different, but they are all valid and are no reason for shame. You're okay. It's all okay. Thank you for your bravery, your heart, and your courage. You're not alone.
wow first of all thank you for this video because i just googled depersonalisation and it felt so good to breathe a sigh of relief knowing that there is a name for what i've been feeling for so many years and that im not going crazy and that im not the only one and also darling one im so sorry you have to experience this being someone who has battled with anxiety, depression, and depersonalisation for years i know the struggle and i wish you a mentally and physically healthy future ( if that made any sense )
i just wanted to say that (and I don't know why) but watching this video really helped, it was comforting to hear that even though you yourself didn't know how to interpret it I felt like I could relate to you, i know that if I made a video like this I'd only be able to express what I feel the same way you have, which is just weird because I've never come across anyone who's manage to explain it in a better way, just the way you talk about what you're truly feeling. I may have just failed at life and got you completely wrong but either way this video really did help and I just wanted to say thank you and I really do wish you the best with everything. <3
this video really helped me. i've been suffering with my mental health for a few years and during the last month i slumped. i felt alone, drunk, like life was a hallucination, and completely stupid and that i just wasn't good enough anymore and that i couldn't do anything right . i think my friends had started to see a difference , or it felt like they saw a difference because i just didn't feel like they would understand what was happening. i tried talking to one of them and she just told me to get a good nights sleep. even my boyriend, who has suffered with his mental health for years, seemed to want to push it away because "i was probably just stressed". it got to the point where my mum tried to get me think about what was wrong but she didn't understand until she finally said i was depressed, still don't think she completely understands. i'd already signed up to an nhs service in my area for anxiety so a lot of the things that i was doing for that online helped me calm down a bit. it's hard cos no one can see whats wrong, and you can't put a finger on what's actually wrong, but everything's so wrong at the same thing. since my really low point i've been trying to focus on one positive thing a day to try and focus myself a bit more on the better things, and try not to let things that aren't worth stressing about take over. but this really helped me today, especially, so thank you ( and sorry for the long-ass comment lol)
You probably wont read this, but I just wanted to say thank you. It's comforting just to know that you're not the only one who has felt like this, just knowing that you aren't 100% alone in feeling this way. Although, I would never wish for anyone else to feel like this. So just, thank you.
I have just bawled my eyes out watching this video which my friend redirected me to. I can honestly say that I've been feeling detached from everyone for the best park of 6 months and haven't been able to describe to anybody how I'm feeling without them thinking I need to be locked up. It wasn't until today when a friend put something up in social media that I talked to her and could relate to her feelings without being ashamed or scared. I am going to seek help because today is the first time in around 2 months that I have allowed myself to cry.
I have been depressed for several months and for me it comes in waves, so sometimes I feel fairly stable and other times I feel absolutely awful. I put of seeing someone for so long and I'm glad that I'm getting help even though it's scary to talk about things. I know what you're going through, it feels like hell and there's days I want to be dead. I just want to be okay but it takes time and even though that frustrates me, I just have to keep trying to fight these battles and not let myself lose.
Just wanna say that I think you handled this in a very mature, responsible way. You realized you needed help, figured out a plan, and aren't letting yourself wallow. You've set a very good example of how to deal with mental illness.
Hey, I just want to put out there to anyone that suffers from mental illness right now that it doesn't stay forever! You will get help and it will get better! It's hard and you have to give yourself time, months, years, but you will heal (or learn to deal with it) and you will have a good life! Stay strong! And talk to people that care about you and to professionals! Wish you all the best!! <3
so I watched this a few months ago because I was starting to see this in my own life but I just kind of put it off hoping it would somehow magically fix itself and that's not going to happen and it's gotten worse so I've gone to the counselors at school and they told me it's moderate to severe anxiety so yay? Good for me? Anyway I'm going to a therapist sometime and I hope it will help me :). Dodie thank you so much for putting up this video I know it can be really hard to talk about it maybe that's why I haven't gotten help because every time I start to talk about it I just forget how to talk..? So it's good to know I'm not the only one who gets this. Also I think I may have derealization which is basically when you feel you're dreaming all the time idk how to describe it all my friends kinda think I'm insane but that's fine dodie doesn't :))
it is so nice to hear someone describe depersonalisation in such a way, so open and honest... unafraid... I've suffered from depression and ptsd since i was very young and i didn't realize it until it manifested into full blown depersonalisation, that feeling of everything being slow, like tredging through a fog that is also like jolly... if that makes any sense. And no i don't think you sound mad, I think you sound like someone describing what's happening to you and others as best you can. You really made me feel not alone tonight, and i hope out of all the 7000 comments you find this one.
Finally, i thought i was weird. Or mad. Or really sick. i feel like that constantly and i'm terrified that no one undertands. Finally im not so, idk... finally im not so shut off? Just thank you Dodie. <3
I've been throught that kind of feelings for maybe one year. I know it's a never ending state that just don't leave you, BUT It never comes from nowhere, you have to be absolutly sure of that. Bad Times always leeds you to rebirth, be sweet with yourself, and allow yourself to ask help. Because you'll find a way to go through. I did. And I swear I felt so bad I tought It was impossible to be fine again, secure and serene. But today, I am. And I think I had to live this feeling to make the peace with a fucking insecurity of my chilhood.
I saw this video when it was first uploaded, but wanted to avoid it because that was a rough time. My sister has depression and anxiety, and this was at about the time after her suicide attempt. And I just didn't want to think about it, i guess my method of dealing was to just completely block it out. Now I brought myself to watching this and thank you. I haven't really had the courage to actually talk to my sister about it but I feel like you have helped me understand the mental illness and what it feels like a little better. And I hope you can keep working towards a healthy mentality! Thank you!
Holy crap this is literally everything that I try to explain to my friends but don't know how. I'm just gonna... Shares video to all freinds There we go 👍
wow Dodie I have no words but at the same time I have too many!! someday I'll write you a letter. thank you so much for making this video!! having the courage to share this must have been so hard and you must of thought you were strange but you're not!! XxxX
Dodie you are an amazing, awesome, honest and kind human being; you will survive this. I probably sound so stupid right now because I've never felt severely depressed other than the times when a loved one passed away, but my friend has something that sounds like what you've got. She seems distant all the time and really forgetful and tired. I will try to cheer her up but it feels like she's lost her laughter. It's like she's unable to enjoy anything no matter how hard I try and she keeps calling herself stupid and annoying and saying that she's gonna kill herself. At first I thought she was joking, but I know better now. I want to help her but I just don't know how. I'm getting worried because a few days ago she took a knife to her arm. Every time I try to help her and try to convince her to go to therapy, she gets very angry at me, and starts to say she's gonna kill herself if I don't stop talking. She used to be so kind and happy.... Should I get her help anyway? What should I do?
Having the perspective to see yourself and know the problems can be fixed (even if your heart is screaming at you that you're wrong and things won't ever get better) is 80% of the tools you need to feel better. I just watched your Pasta Good/Life is SAD video and ended up here -- so you might already be feeling the effects of it -- but I just wanted to share some support and empathy from across the pond. Glad you're on the mend, slow as I'm sure it feels sometimes.
Good for you Dodie. I've been battling these issues, and have a great therapist who helps. After making some bad life choices and not always putting my trust in the right people, I overanalyze everything instinctively. I psyche myself out of applying for jobs and overthink any type of romantic signal to the point where I just don't act on impulses. It's become pretty depressing, but I try moving forward with a brighter outlook.
I didn't know that depersonalization was a thing. I didn't know there was a word to describe the feelings I've been having for years. Thank you for making a video about this because it made me feel so much better about feeling the same way as you do. Also, props to you for putting your mental health out there for the internet to see (it really helps others that also have mental illnesses) and taking care of yourself. Always take care of yourself 😊
I think this is how one of my friends get every now and again because she has anxiety which I know a bit about but then she'll say things like 'i don't feel like i'm here today' and I'm like whaaat but this makes a lot more sense now I've realised that I've even felt like that at times but not known how to describe it!
I just want to give Dodie a hug. She is so brave putting her feelings on the internet when it's hard enough in itself. I'm in awe of her and everything she does and I just want to give her a hug and say thank you because she is so beautiful and important to me.
because of this video i finally can put a name to what has been happening to me the past couple of months. i'm not depressed, neither do i feel anxious, but sometimes, i feel like two people in my thoughts, or when i look in the mirror i feel like i'm looking at somebody else. kind of, as if i was talking to an actual other person in my head, where the other person is myself, and i am a stranger in my body. it really creeped me out, and it still does, but realizing this is something that happens not only to me, is insanely helpful. thank you!
I went back to watch this video after a really crappy day mostly full of anxiety that I had because I thought I was going crazy. It was really helpful. I do currently go to therapy, every other week, but lately my mental health seems to be getting worse, and I'm wondering if maybe I do need medication. I dunno, but I just wanted to say thanks for this video. It made me feel a little better after a hard day.
I making a series on my channel about my mental health journey! I'll be posting an update every Monday if you want to check it out and subscribe. My anxiety and panic attacks are so bad and I just want to be able to help people that are going through the same thing. Stay strong, beautiful ❤️
I'm bipolar and when I'm manic I get depersonalisation at least twice a day and it's terrifying. It only happens in short bursts of about 1-2 hours, and usually ends up in a panic attack. When I'm in a depressive episode it happens a lot less, but when it does happen it's longer but less extreme.
ever since the beginning of last year i've been feeling so so sad and so panicky and i just thought i had nothing to be sad about and nothing to worry about, so i suppressed it. 8th grade, middle of the year, i went to the hospital because the whole day my chest felt like it was on fire and i couldn't breathe and felt like i was gonna throw up, and thats when i figured out i had anxiety, the doctors didn't diagnose me but i just knew. oh, and all of my life, i was called lazy and stupid because i could never remember to do anything, especially hw. but this year i went to my guidance counselor(more like forced to by my english teacher) and have been seeing her more often and she told me i am depressed, with anxiety disorder, and adhd, which is amazing(notice my sarcasm) and now i am going through a rough patch in my life where im more depressed than ever, but hopefully i can start some therapy and try and overcome this because i want to feel normal and happy again. sorry if this is all over the place, but i'm just letting it out for my sake, and please no hate:(
I've seen this video mann times, and I have read through the comments. It's weird, because I don't feel like I'm alone. I think I have depression or something that way. I'm just sad, constantly. I have my ups and downs, like everyone else. But for me, A good day is when I'm less sad, and that I'm able to get out of bed and actually do something. Go outside, be with friends, go to school and (kinda) concentrate. And bad days is when I don't get out of bed easily, I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. I need to force myself out of bed and go to school. I've felt like this since I was 9. And every year It kind of upped, at 10% every year. So almost 5 years. It started at 30%, and now it's at 80%. I'm having breakdowns regularly. Thanks dodie, thank you everyone, I don't feel alone.
The depersonalisation thing of going all dreamy and not feeling anything, I think that happens to me maybe every 2 weeks for like half an hour or so... Or maybe that's something else. Either way it feels strange.
Wow Dodie that is so brave of you to share. I have suffered from anxiety and depression for many years, and it is genuinely hard to pull yourself out of that hole you are in. And unfortunately there is no quick fix. It takes time, and effort, and therapy and medication. But I believe that if you want to get to a better space badly enough, then there's no reason you can't. Not to say that you won't sometimes feel down for no reason, or feel like you are watching yourself live your life from a distance (if that makes sense), but if you keep at it, and know that it is a life long journey, then you can pull yourself out of this. I had my breakdown 7 years ago now, and I still know that I will always have depression and anxiety, but it is at a point where it is manageable, and at least I don't feel like that often anymore - it has become less and less frequent as the time has passed. You will become stronger, and feel happier and more positive in time. One thing I also want to say is that it is not your fault you feel these things. It is not you 'overreacting' as some people may think, or just being a pessimist. It is the chemicals in your brain. Your brain is simply not producing enough dopamine and serotonin. So if for some reason you do have to be on medication for a while, like I still am, just know that you are taking "happiness supplements" - think of it like a multivitamin. You may have no need for medication one day, or you may be on meds forever, but that is nothing to be ashamed of. You can take steps to manage your condition and live a normal happy life. That doesn't make one weak at all - that to me is the epitome of strength. The first step to your recovery really is seeking help from a doctor - so well done!! Saying lots and lots of prayers for you, and I hope you get better soon <3
I think I've had on and off depression for the last 2 years, and anxiety started when I was about 9, and it comes and goes situationally. I've been thinking about getting a therapist, and I want one, but I haven't gotten one yet because for the longest time I just brushed it off and thought I was overreacting. sometimes I even have imaginary conversations in my head where I'm talking to a therapist. I want to cry, but I can't. I just always want to be crying or laughing. I'm sick of being tired and bored
You really should see someone. My situation is quite similar, except nkw it's gotten much much worse. I remember thinking that I could never hurt myself, and that happened. Then I thought I could never possibly be suicidal, and now that's starting to happen. Luckily, I have a therapist to talk to about that. But, depression and anxiety can really sneak up on you and they snowball into something worse very quickly if you don't seek help. Good luck
I sometimes have symptoms of depression but rarely anxiety. Derealization happens every week or two usually when I'm really sad or empty or stressed or tired
I sometimes have symptoms of depression but rarely anxiety. Derealization happens every week or two usually when I'm really sad or empty or stressed or tired
Honestly, I relate to so much you've said. Except I can't cry anymore or feel much of anything. For as long as I can remember I've just loathed myself and loved others. I've been jealous of how normal they seem and how nothing in life seems to be quite as impossible as it is when I do it. All I do is drown my pain with words and laughter and I want so desperately to just shut up. I want to stop thinking and stop saying but I just fill every silence with noise and intoxicate myself with thought. There's just so much of it there and I can't write it or cohesively describe it and sometimes I can't even draw it because it all adds up to nothing. Just an ocean of white noise that I am drowning in and anytime I talk to or attempt to relate to another person I just feel like I'm latched on to them and dragging them into the endless hole of anxiety that I'm in. I feel claustrophobic, like even when I'm breathing air outside I'm never truly experiencing freedom.
im 15 for about three years ive had major anxiety, depression and aspergers. when I frist went tot he doctor they laughed at me. after it getting to the point of me attamepting suicide twice im finally getting help but I feel like its never going to get better. your video helped a lot. love you loads, im sorry you feel like this :(
this video is surreal for me. I've been feeling depersonalization basically ever since my depression started but i never really knew what it was actually was called, or that it was a thing that other people experienced. i'll be going about my day perfectly normally and i'll suddenly feel the sensation of nothing really existing, which doesnt make much sense and isnt a very good description but it's sort of like looking in the mirror and not recognizing the person looking back. it's being sitting in school and suddenly feeling almost dizzy because how the hell am i here, i genuinely do not feel that the past year and a half or so has existed. rationally, i know it must exist, that what im feeling is all in my head and this past year has indeed happened with me living it. but that doesnt stop the feeling that my life isnt real, that i do not exist and that what i experience is all like some strange dream. you know how dreams feel, when you are doing things and it's all too blurry and doesnt quite move right? it's like that, but you dont wake up at the end. Dodie, thank you for making this video, because i do already see a therapist and take meds, but now i can recognize that feeling of not being myself. thank you.
Obsessive is a good way to describe it. When you get anxious to the point of tears and puke and other fun things over something insignificant. It's really strange how easily you describe exactly what I'm feeling when I have been unable to.
I used to get derealisation (similar to depersonalisation) a lot in school and stuff and it was really scary... I've been getting it a lot less recently which is really lovely, but it used to be horrible. I have had panic attacks before and nearly had one the other day but controlled it. I hope everyone's okay xxx
It's kind of funny. I was watching g this and thinking really hard about it and my life and my mental health. I was relating to dodie because I could see her struggle with explaining it because it's hard. Depression and anxiety and any kind of mental health problems don't have a concise one. And as I was really taking in her words I got a pop up reminder that I have a therapy appointment today.
I have anxiety. When I have a panic attack, I feel like I'm going to die. All the light in the world drains. I only feel safe in my own bed, but sometimes, my anxiety comes into my safe place with me, and that's when I feel lost. And I'm crying watching this video because it's so real, it's so real. And sometimes, I wish my brain was like everyone else's brain...I don't know what it would be like to be free from my brain. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. And I've hated it since I was 6 when my mom put me in therapy.
Here's me rambling because I feel so dodie's channel is a safe channel to comment lololol Ever since i started going to college in a different town I've only seen my two best friends once a week and I'd convinced myself I was only feeling weird because I missed them or grew out of the friendship, it was like a homesick feeling. Except in November I realised waking to the train station without feeling my feet as I walk wasn't normal, I couldn't feel anything and I'd had constant fear that I didn't know who I was, everything happened quickly and change was inevitable to feel weird but it wasn't normal to still feel weird three months in. I know I suffer anxiety and depression and to find this is a symptom (depersonalisation) made me feel more secure(??) I look into mirrors and at photos yet I don't know who I really am, so I constantly change (my hair colour, style, make up) and it gets me more confused and I feel like I'm not connected to gravity yet there's a weight stopping me and I'm also numb and bleh it feels weird but I know it's not only me so it's all going to be okay.
I can relate too much. Sorry that you are in this strange and painfull thing. I hope we both can go out of this, and be happy for the rest of our lives ! Stay strong, you're a gem Dodie, we love you and you are a beautiful person ! :) (Sorry for my english, he is not perfect, but, hey, I'm trying !) Love u ♥
You don't sound crazy, I can relate a bit. depression is so weird in how it just holds on, but it's fine not to be ok sometimes. a weird lesson I learned. What helped me was fighting to not be angry, and having someone there for me that would just give me joy not just a distraction even if it was just for 5 min. for me that was God. I don't wanna preach but
I just sort of ignored that I wasn't feeling so good and it manifested into a constant state of wanting to die and hiding from my emotions with humour. Yay me.
Please, once I'm getting into YouTube, please do a collab video with me, you are an amazing human, this "thing" as I'm going to call it, does get better, only with help, good luck on your quest for good old dodie😊
I remember one time I was at school and well I had only one friend basically I still have only one friend. ok what I'm trying to say is that in that moment (still) I am very very awkward and strange I always feel uncomfortable and bad around people and sometimes I feel horrible besides people I really don't want to see I also feel sad to everything sometimes even so angry I cannot control myself the issue is at school I was with my friend we didn't really talk about what I felt like and well we were in the library at recess and as soon as I entered there was a lot of people and I started feeling pressured and scared and I wanted to leave as soon as possible well my friend didn't understand and he wanted to stay there because his crush was there and told me if I wanted to leave I should leave by myself so I left . I started feeling so sad and lonely I cried so hard outside by myself that I felt like I couldn't even breath I felt people staring at me although there was probably no one I felt so horrible about myself and didn't know what was happening still I do not know what happend although it still happens every now and then and when I'm home I still feel horrible like if I'm being pressured to do something but nothing is happening I feel angry and disappointed all the time and have really bad headaches I feel like I'm alone all the time but really there's a lot of people with me and I haven't told them yet
I just got home from the hospital due to a suicide attempt. my therapist gave me until tomorrow to write down how I felt and what was in my head. I couldn't put anything into words. but after I watched this it was so much easier to write, because now I feel like I'm not completely insane, because I'm not completely alone. if that makes any sense...
I feel the same. Have done for a year. Been diagnosed. But who cares that means nothing. When she cried I Cried, I felt safe to cry in 'the company if Dodie'
I get depersonalization when I'm panicking, stressed, anxious etc. It's a horrible thing and I feel like it ruins my life. Which makes me even more stressed.
i am a german exchange student right now and I'm only 15 and my anxiety feels like i shouldnt be doing what i am now and its literally the worst feeling
"Dodie stop obsessing about it, just turn it off" "If you think like this, you obviously can't relate."
I actually burst into tears at this, because if you do think like this, then fuck you, because you can't turn off a fucking mental illness. I used to have panic attacks every day, I used to be terrified to go to school for two months, I still won't let anyone touch me, and you want me to fucking shut it off?
I sincerely hope you're getting help. I signed up for therapy recently, and it's helping so much. I hope you're getting the help you need and that your situation is improving. I love you so much, and you mean the world to me.
I'm almost 14 and I've gone through a lot well a lot for me it's not like I'm homeless or something and I know that but it's just hard to think how lucky I am when there are people that have it so much better.2 years ago I was told I had severe scoliosis and I had to get a surgery soon or I could die I was in horific pain for about a year after that I missed so much time off school and I grew distant from a lot of people this made me depressed. I didn't know it at first I taught it was just a few bad days but then I started having bad thoughts about really bad things like if I was gone no one would care and stuff like that.i grew up with a lot of fighting a lot of my family had depression and it was really hard to deal with it sometimes but I think in the future hopefully everything I've gone through will make me stronger
aww keep being strong sweetie :) life is messed up and I guess we'll just get used to it soon :3 stay positive and keep in touch with your family, friends and all the people that you love ♥♥
I know this was a while ago, but I want to let you know that you're not alone. Mental illness is underestimated. All your subscribers love you, and none of this is your fault. I hope you've recovered by now. If not, don't worry and good luck.
Wait so I sometimes will feel like I'm not in my own body. Like I'm watching a movie about my life and not living it. Everything is brighter, speaking is weird and just attempting to think feels wrong. Is that what depersonalization is?
my problem is that i dont know if i'm truly depressed or not. i basically experience all the symptoms of depression but i keep thinking things like 'oh everyone feels that way sometimes! you're overreacting and the fact that you think you have depressio is just insulting to everyone truly suffering' and idk what to do. i dont trust anyone enough to tell them that i feel like this and im not close with my dad and i dont want my mum to worry and be disappointed or even pay for therapy because im they're already paying so much for me. i just dont know what to do.
I truly hate depression, I feel like I'm fat even though I know I'm not.... I feel this (life) will never get better, but it always does. I never seem to understand how one day I feel ok and the next I don't... or how some people have this horrid disease others don't. Like, why dose my brain have to be the fucked up one? I Hate This!
it gets better dodi. im so sad knowing you are going through it. i hated it. i can relate to you so much. but i seeked out. i reached out to my doctor and got a therapist and just talking helps SOO MUCH. i felt strange as well like no one knew what was wrong with me. worst part is i didnt know what was wrong with me. until i broke. you inspire me and many more. hang in my love, it gets better. a quote that made me feel a bit better is "Its okay not to be okay" much love <3
I used to get depersonalization things every month or so but now I feel like I'm constantly dreaming and today I thought I was hallucinating being at school niCE any tips? :((
I recently lost my emotions. I woke up on day and I felt wrong. I felt like I wasn't there. I haven't felt like I was there. Yesterday I went to comicon and I met my idol. But I wasn't excited I mean I was but why couldn't I I can't explain it but I smiled but I wasn't happy. I laughed and looked happy but I really couldn't be? This is hard to explain . I tried doing things that I thought would make me normal like writing , drawing or simply lie in my bed, cuddled against a hot water bottle. Why am I not happy? Why can't I relate to people? Why cant I feel like everyone else? I can laugh and eat but I'm going to act like everyone else? I actually already have therapy for my anxiety and depression. I feel shit
ive been looking at the comments and try to find comments I can relate to. but you were right. mental disorders are different. theyre hard, and scary. recently I started to open up to my parents about my mental illnesses. and they say that they are going to get me a therapist. but much like other things I never get it. im still sitting here. fighting for myself. im not willing to fight. the person I love is ignoring me, and probably comit suicide. i cant go to a doctor. because they say that mental disorders dont exist in kids. or young teenagers. so, now im stuck. alone.
OK so I wasn't going to post anything lengthy about my own MH issues but I do think having watched the whole vid that maybe it is relevant after all. When I was 22ish I took a LOT of acid for about a week, and when I came down I felt frankly awful. For about a year I felt like nobody I met could possibly be on the same wavelength as myself. It was like being the only alien in normal Earth society, or possibly like being the only human on a planet full of aliens. Mostly I stayed home for the next year and a bit. I did 2 A-levels in 9 months & barely talked to anyone in this time. At the shop I'd silently put my stuff up on the cash desk then when done snatch it away & run off, avoiding eye contact. It took ages to get back to "normal". I think I did it by watching a comedy show, "Northern Exposure" where the whole thing is so gentle & nice & human & people are genuine & good to each other. It's not like there's no conflict at all but on the whole everyone looks after each other in it. It took months but eventually I could laugh at it, and sometimes cry, but generally just feel again. So Dodie - I hope you find a safe space where you can feel OK for a bit. I think I do totally get what you're experiencing. All I can really say is, I wish you well, hope you feel better & this is an e-hug you can click and activate any time. You Are A Good Person and you are valued & loved by a great many of us. Be well.
Heres a quick tip for some relief from derealization/depersonalization: Put on some sunglasses, it kinda tones everything down and makes you feel more like you're not in a movie.
I've recently started to have depersonalization and it's just the worst fucking thing I've ever experienced. It's very hard when your familiarization with things that you have been around your whole life just disappears. It's like you forget everything in that moment and you question your own existence. Not only that, I also suffer from depression and severe anxiety and they really don't go well together. It's very hard to explain to my parents and my therapist. I feel like I'm insane ugh
don't entertain the thoughts that don't make you feel good about yourself there not from God we have good voices and bad ones, silence the bad ones and let God's voice speak to you, I promise you I've been where you were but I cried out and was not disappointed and i still struggle with it ,before I even didn't go out for a year and a half and I throw myself into how God sees me/us and it's awesome!!!! God made you PERFECT you are PERFECT, he gave you such a wonderful personality and you are beautiful and so creative!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! positive thoughts and prayers coming your way from me.
Slam Poem written about this: I don’t care. I don’t care. I spend so long each day telling myself that I don’t care. That I'm beginning to obsess over why I do. Because I do care. I am riddled with anxiety over everything and anything. School deadlines, the fact I forgot to buy the milk my mum asked me too, why my stomach hangs the way it does. How many calories in this? Have I met the word limit yet? Why does she look at me like that? Will I loose it all now I'm loosing myself? I am in a dream world. A toy-world where my decision matter but not very much, determinism was right. We are on a set path. Free-will is a thing of the past. My path is clear and ahead of me. I can see it in the distance. Only it's not so distant anymore. The dark horizon is looming closer and I can't stop it. So I carry on. I binge I purge I stress I think what it would be like to just do it and kill myself because I am no longer myself. I wonder how many times a day I fuck up and wonder how many times I should have. I think about me. It's all about me. Because when what you are fighting is what is inside you, you become the center of your world. And people notice. Or you think they do. That you aren't really there anymore, that you're wrapped up in your own shit. So you lie and cry and smile and dance. You take drugs and hook up with random girls just to get out of your head for one second. To be wrapped up in the world around you rather than yourself. But then you come down and it's no longer about the world. The swirling lights stay and they enter your brain and they run away with you, or the you that you now are. Gradually people realise you're mental. And they leave. Like any normal person would. And you don’t care. Because you're not normal. Well you say you don’t care because inside it eats you alive taking everything you love and every part of you that was good until you are a shell. I am mental. I am not me. I am alive and breathing and that should be enough but it is not anymore. Life is tough when you aren't you, anymore.
I have a therapist but I haven't been able to talk to them for a while and I'm getting really stressed and anxious because I think I'm dealing with anxiety (I'm not diagnosed or anything but I'm definitely not shy) and I have a test coming up and then I have like swimming lesson but I hate wearing a swim suit and I have to write a speech about how I would solve one of the world's problems if I was a superhero which means we have to dress up all silly. I just need to share this because if I don't I feel like I'll break because no one listens to me, my mum doesn't understand and my best friend doesn't know how to respond. I've had about five panic attacks since in the past 7 days all of which I've been alone in my room with only my horrible thoughts, i feel like such a mess and i don't know what to do.
Salutations, My name is [Megan], if you can't see your therapist because of scheduling/money issues or something like that you can always call a crisis hotline and have a good cry/talk there (or maybe you can even call your therapist and have a session that way). It's not quite the same as actually talking face to face but it can help a lot. If you feel like you can't talk to your therapist then maybe the two of you aren't a good fit (it happens) and it would be better if you try to find a new one. You could also open up to a teacher you trust or the school nurse, a lot of schools offer free counselling for their students or have programs where you can meet up with others, who feel the same way, and talk about your problems (or something similar). Just know that you are not alone and there are people there who'll listen and try to help you if you reach out. And even if your best friend doesn't understand or know how to help (don't be mad at her, it's hard to understand) I'm sure they wouldn't mind just being there for you, so you can pour your heart out to them.
And I'm also sure that you can find a solution for your school work. Who decided that superheroes can't wear a comfortable pair of jeans and a cool T-shirt? Or some sportswear (super comfy and also practical for running, fighting and saving the world?
But what if I'm scared of going to therapy? First, I know I won't be able to tell my problems to a stranger. I can't even go to a shop and ask how much is something. And secondly, the doctors in my town are such idiots. I went last year because I was dizzy (for a month!) and she didn't give me a solution. I had to discover by myself that I needed glasses. Glasses! Simple as that. So I don't believe in doctors anymore. What can I do?
We've all considered once to get some therapy at some point , but trust me it won't help at all maybe at first but then after getting a shit ton of drugs things might get even worse cuz you'll get used to it and then you'll not be able to live normally without it, what I recommend,is to give yourself some time, your mind will get tired of overthinking about everything and that will put you in a state where you just live practically doing your own shit, minding your own business, and depression will progressively fade away. good luck ;)
My parents don't believe anxiety is real and they think I'm making it up and it just makes everything worse. I had an anxiety attack and they thought it was my fault and said to calm down and 'turn it off.' It's just making everything worse and I don't know what to do
I hate my anxiety. I feel like it isn't real because I've never been diagnosed even my friend said it doesn't count but I know have anxiety. There's always a thought in my mind saying everyone hates you they are laughing at you she doesn't want to be your friend anymore she doesn't like you they don't like you they don't care about you and it freaks me Out that I think these things and i have these attacks where I'll be sitting and get into my head and all hell breaks lose and I shake and I cry and I can't breathe and it's awful and I don't know how to deal with it
i need to rant and where better to do it then a youtube comment section !! i had a mental breakdown 2 weeks ago in front of my mom and only shared like 20% of my issues. she then offered me therapy !! my sister is in therapy and they put her on meds that made her issues even worse and she wasn't herself. i'd like to get help but i don't want to get meds that ive seen make people unlike themselves. so without even thinking it through i just immediately told my mom it's depressing for me, a 14 year old, to be such a fuck up in the head and going to therapy at my age was depressing. i definitely don't actually think that, you can get help at any age. but i said it as a split second decision thinking about how it would only make everything worse with some medicine they'd give me or a doctor thinking its hormones. i need help but i don't know what to do. do i get therapy and try to see if it helps or is it better to not go through pills and tears in an attempt to fix my unfixable problems?? i don't know and maybe some random stranger on the internet may give me advice on my life !!!
i cant seek help, in need to go to my parents, that will probably say its ridiculous, that we will have some fun and it will go away. i dont think they understand what im going through, i dont think they understand what depression is really. i wish i could just go and ask them but im too scared, and the saddest thing? thats the only place that i can share without being judged, or somebody saying to me "its gonna be ok" because it wont. and somebody giving some shitty advice to just breathe or something, or to do something fun,. i just know whats coming and the fact that i have no where to go to is the thing i hate most. thank you for reading this, if you did, i really needed to say that somewhere.
I have the exact same issues. it really pains me to see dodie like this because i know personally how confusing it is when you don't know what's wrong with yourself, but you try so hard to be okay and make everything alright because life just isn't going to stop and wait for you to WILL your mental illness away. depersonalization is the hardest thing to deal with personally because all you can do is try, and if that doesn't work, then you try harder. im still struggling with all of these symptoms, but im seeking help from a professional soon. thank you dodie for making it easier for me to cope.
can someone plz help calm me down this disorder has ruined my life I'm 14 and my parents don't believe me and the doctors don't but I don't feel anything I feel like I'm in a dream
Hey dodie you probably won't see this but I just want your opinion. I have chronic headaches which means a headache that doesn't go away for 4 years now. I want to die. Honestly I'm not sure what to do to combat this because I'm on medication and I have a therapist but nothing is helping. I just was wondering if you have any advice to help me stop this feeling.
I have this problem that I just don't care about anything like I didn't care about school so I got a shitty degree I didn't care about my friends now I almost got none left and I didn't care about food so I'm underweight now but I don't know what will help me start caring again it's like it doesn't matter what happens to me because I don't really feel things anymore and I feel like I'd rather watch everybody else live their life instead of living my own and I feel like if my life was a movie I wouldn't be the main character .. Probably not even the side character but just someone in the background
I haven’t related more to a video ever. I promise I’m not feeling like this for attention. I just don’t know what to do. I’m so tired and yet I never do anything productive ever. I feel like such a garbage human. I don’t know anything anymore. I just wish, just one wish to go back in time and prevent my mom and dad from fucking that one night so I did not exist. I’m so, so sad and feel like I don’t exist and it’s so scary.
Whu ever is reading this comment may your day be blessed good luck in your dialy life what ever you do think about it to remember our lord whu gave his life for you! tell him my freind tell him in prayer how you feel
Anna Rychok2018-10-02 20:20:12 (edited 2018-10-02 20:21:28 )
I`m 16. I don`t see the point of living. Not because I haven`t find it yet or whatever, but because there is no point. If you want to laugh just look at the way this damn world is made. Life is the biggest joke ever, sorry if I sound very cliche, but it`s true. I don`t ever feel happy, not for a moment, I always go back to the thought that i`m just tired of everything. Yes, i am loved, respected and have good family. I don`t have any problems at school, where i`m also very much loved by teachers. But it`s not nearly enough, when life doesn`t have a point. I feel, I will end this all eventually.
Hi this is a bit random but i have a problem but i dont have friends to talk to so im gonna say it here ok ok ty.
Ok soooooo...I became friends with a girl ( Lets call her Eva for now xD) because she had a crush with my friend, we would talk for hours and hours but the topic was always about her crush a.k.a my friend. 2 or 3 months later someone messaged Eva asking what her problem was with my group of friends so i asked her if she did something bad to my friends she sad no and i believed it. A week later someone messaged her again asking the same question so since i was friends with the people who were asking Eva I decided to ask them why they're asking her they then said that my other friend (lets call her Gwen cuz its fucking confusing when i just keep calling her my other friend so ya) said that Eva said that my group of friend are really mean since Eva was my friend i didnt believe it so Eva got angry at my group of friends but i was dumb so I got angry at them too. Later that day my friend said I've changed (lets call her Lea). I said ok. Lea said I became mean because of Eva so I decided to kind of ignore Eva but everytime I try to ignore her she gets angry and i get scared so I cant stay away from her. Once in class she passed a paper to me asking if I was mad at her I said No please stop we're in class, she got angry and I got scared so I said sorry. My problem is that Lea thinks Ive changed so i told her that I would try my best to stay away from eva BUT I JUST FUCKING CANT SHE MAKES ME HAPPY BUT LEA ISNT EVEN THERE WHEN IM SAD ONLY EVA I JUST CANT STAY AWAY FROM HER HELP ME PLEASE! I CANT DEAL WITH THIS PROBLEM BY MY OWN IF NO ONE HELPS ME I HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO KILL MYSELF jk i still have to achieve my goals
The thing you said about the bed really got me. When I started feeling like I was 'going insane' (then went to the doctor, got meds for anxiety/depression and started counselling, getting there) I would also be lying in my room surrounded by all my things and cry my eyes out because I just wanted to 'go home' to my previous rented apartment.
I've had severe depression, DP/DR since I was 15, I've been suffering for a long time. I truly empathize with you, and lots of what you say resonates with me.
Hey, I'd just like to thank you for making this. I quite recently got DPD myself but for the first 2 months or so i genuinely thought I was going mad. You made me realize that this is an actual thing that exists and that even though there's something wrong with both of us, we'll be ok :) I really hope you'll get better soon. I will certainly try :)
I love how you try to help people even when you're the one needing help. You are a wonderful person . Keep it up! I hope it gets better. Greetings from Argentina :)
Thank you Dodie. This was so incredibly brave of you to talk about on such a public platform, and it really is important to talk about these things. I wish you all the best.
Thank you for making this video, after 4 years I fell back into my mental issues and got an extra: anxiety! Wiehoe. You talking about it makes me feel less alone, makes it more real and will help me explain to people in my surroundings!
Dodie thank you so much for sharing this. I can imagine it is a difficult thing to do but it such a comfort for me to be able to turn to the internet on my darkest days and find people who understand the struggle of mental illness. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Really. this video came at just the right time for me.
I'm so proud of you and the way you are approaching this! I hope you start to work this out and feel better soon, you deserve to feel happy and normal! <3
Oh my goodness. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way, you're such a beautiful and talented person and in every video you make you're always so adorable and genuine, and I'm not even saying that to sugarcoat things. You're honestly the person I go to if I need a pick-me-up. I really wish you didn't feel this way, no one deserves this. I'm happy to hear that you're going to find a therapist because I think that'll help a lot. I hope you get better really soon. <3
I just started watching your videos recently, and I'm really glad I did. I just graduated high school, and my senior year was the happiest year of my life. Right after graduation my family and I moved closer to where my dad worked and closer to where I'm going to college this fall. It's so weird, because I recall feeling something like this years ago but not quite like this, it felt like things I've felt before but more urgent, complex, real. And it's really terrifying that depersonalization is part of a mental health issue in and of itself because I've been experiencing that and I didn't want it to happen again. It's usually easier for me to find a way to claw back to a positive mental state and I'd always been able to be confident that even when my anxiety peeked I had the knowledge that there would come a time soon where it would pass and I'd feel better. But I'd felt what it feels like to feel changed forever and scared that I'd never feel better or like I used to again. I even started to change my opinions on several topics, it was strange, I felt like I was seeing things from another point of view and worried I would never truly saw anything for what it was or if anyone did. It was scary. I didn't know there was a word for it, and it didn't feel like just depression. I'd felt that numb feeling and lack of passion before but this was not it. I guess as you get more complex as a person through life, so does your psyche.
This is the realest thing I've ever watched. I've been trying to convince myself to go to therapy for weeks but whenever I get close I talk myself out of it. I feel like I'm constantly in a dream, and I can't remember the last time I was genuinely excited about something. Thanks for your authenticity.
Get well soon, Dodie. I had a monstrous depression for most of my life and only just solved it recently. You are far too talented, smart, pretty and clever! You will get the help you need and I swear if I ever find that doctor who told you you were "making it up" I will slap them so hard they'll feel it two years from now!!
Thank you for posting such an honest video, I know it's difficult to open up about depression and anxiety issues because basically everyone who deals with them has heard people dismissing them. Seeing videos like this always makes me feel slightly less insane for the way my own brain works. I hope that you're having brighter days now, and I hope that if you're not this comment is at least positive enough to help a little.
this is my new favorite video it good to know that someone actually understands and can put feelings into words. I hope that every thing is okay with you please do a update
I feel the same as you and it's honestly so conforming to know that someone else feels the same way as I do like I actually thought I was going insane but apparently not? so thank you so much for making this dodie I'll forever appreciate it
Dodie, I just wanna thank you for making this video. For awhile I've felt that feeling of depersonalisation but I just didn't have a word for it neither did I know it was an actual thing that people experienced. I thought I was going mad just like you described in your video. Therefore, I am so glad I found this video on your channel because it has really made me feel less panicky about my situation but also made me think about how I treat my own emotions and that I'm way too quick on judging them because I simply feel ashamed for having them. I just wanted you to know that you have a helped me during a still going and scary process into being a less lonely one.
when i first discovered depersonalization i was very relieved too! it was something that i always tried to describe to people but never knew how
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max hodgkinson2016-08-27 20:48:11 (edited 2016-08-27 20:56:17 )
hey dodie, thankyou for making videos like this. you are part of the reason i had the courage to make a documentary about my experience of depression and talk about it with people! you are awesome and lovely and thanks for dodying
I get it dodie and I really hope you get the support you need to carry on. Thank you for being so open and talking about it as it has really helped me with my depression and the self hate I have for myself xx We all love you dodie!
I've been gone with no access to YouTube for a while and I just watched this video now. I just want to say how relieving it is to know that the people you admire and look up to struggle with the same isues I do. Ever since I started watching you videos, I've related to you and everything you've said. What you said in this video, specifically the texts at the beginning, remonds me of me so much it's crazy. I think your amazing and thank you so much for making this video ❤️
Thank you so much for saying this. You are so lovely and brave and thank you for how much you have helped me through this. I really hope you can feel better soon. I know that sounds shallow and superficial but I hope you feel a lot better soon. xxx
I know just how you're feeling. I've been experiencing depersonalization for years now, and I'm only 13! The way you described it is relatively similar to the way it feels for me: it's almost like the world around me is moving too fast, but also too slow (if that makes any sense). I can see, feel, hear, smell, and taste just like usual, but nothing feels truly real. It's a bit like having a veil that separates me from the rest of the world, a veil that nobody can see but myself. It makes it hard to properly focus on anything, because it almost feels like everything in the world could disappear at any given moment, and it makes talking more difficult because I feel like I'm not in control of the words that come out of my mouth, even though I am. In my case, I think it comes more from my anxiety than depression, and I've never really been in a constant state of depersonalization lasting for more than one day. Anyway, I just wanted to say that I hope you're going well/better! :D Ciao!
Thank you so much.. I honestly think I'm insane sometimes. I think I over think too much and you explain everything I feel so perfectly and I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels like this. I'm glad to know I'm not alone. And I'm happy that you have this plan to cure your mind. I think an important tip I can offer is paying attention to small details and little things in your life that make moments matter most. I find in these moments to be very helpful and very present which I lack there of most of the time. gratitude is also another thing that helps, doing small things for people on the daily and reading to keep your mind busy and out of your thoughts can help too. These are just small things I apply in my life when I over think and I lack sleep and I feel consumed by my own thoughts and feelings. even exercising can help with depression. but regardless I believe in you and I believe you will be okay. Find your mantra and just relax. just let it be.
4:15 "i just wanted to get into my old bed in my old room and feel normal again..." This line really spoke to me. After I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, I cried myself to sleep/couldn't sleep so many times, and I was lying in my bed, in my bedroom, in my family home - the ones I've had for 10 years. It's just as bad having all those familiar things around you and knowing that the problem is you, you're not "normal" anymore.
oh man i went through this about five years ago and I'm so sad that other people have felt like this and are feeling this and this video brought back every single memory of the emotions and pain was going through
never have I ever related so much to a youtuber before. I'm in high school, and I'm mentally ill. it's not every day you see someone you admire talking about mental illness. you are very, very brave to speak openly about your own experiences like this. thank you for making this video <3
thank you for talking about all of this because everything you talked about hit spot on to what I'm going through. so thank you and even if you feel a little mad, don't worry just remember there's someone else out there just as mad as you<3
Going back to places you one loved and seeing how small, decrepit and overgrow they look is so symbolic and fills me with a profound sadness. Why does this always seem to happen?
Thank you 🙂 I'm 17 and have been dealing with depression for maybe about 4 years and I've always felt internally concious and anxious about my entire life and the way I operate. I don't really want to think about that way but I do its just the way I work. I recently broke up with my girlfriend feel so empty and completely disinterested in most of the activities I normally do..I'm finally gonna go to therapy tomorrow after years of ignoring it due to my pride getting away with me thinking that everything will be fine and I could do it all by myself because I do want to get better... I really do.. I was quite nervous about but after watching this and seeing your lovable energy and nature bursts through, I find it very admirable and I now feel more confident in finally getting a hold of myself for once in my fucking life 😂
I've had depression for most of my life, starting at the age of 10. It's hard as hell. It can be isolating, exhausting, and demoralizing. In all likelihood, I will be fighting it for the remainder of my life. I know that a lot of the time I won't be okay. I know that even right now I'm on the edge of not being okay. But I also know that I've been okay before, and logically I probably will again. There are moments of genuine happiness that I can remember and look forward to. My point is, I'm going to get through this, and you are too. <3
I've felt exactly like what you've described in this video and I tried to go to my school's psychiatrist. They called my mum and she basically accused me of making it up to get attention.
Hi Dodie :) Glad you make such open videos, it makes everyone else know that other people are going through the same thing & aren't alone. I just wanted to recommend something that maybe you'd like to try.... My brother found this doctor who successfully treated lots of patients with mental health disorders using Niacin (vitamin B3). I dunno if you've ever taken this before? It makes you 'flush' (go red & feel a bit hot & prickly), but only for a little while. I'm currently taking it myself because I have some mental health issues of my own - depersonalisation, like you (which is why I was so surprised & happy that you made this video!), & also misophonia & depression etc... If you do wanna try taking the niacin, apparently it's completely safe to take, as long as you don't get the 'non-flushing' type - make sure to get the proper 'flushing' type. I got the Solgar one, which you can find in Bodywise :) Start off with their recommended dose on the back, & increase when you get used to it, until you feel it's helping :)
Anyways, I hope you see my comment, I just want to help :) & also eating healthily (I.e. fresh fruit, veg, nuts, seeds, raw organic milk, cheese, butter, etc..) really helps a lot :) I hope you feel better soon.
Hey dodie and to everyone dealing with this or something similar! I've had pretty severe depression and especially in the last few weeks strong anxiety and panic attacks and as a lot of you was/am quite reluctant to go to a psychologist! I didn't even leave my house anymore! But for the panic attacks I found a book and some short introductory YouTube videos by David Carbonell Ph.D. and also by Barry McDonagh that really saved me/helped me deal and understand what is going on with my mind and body! Both of them described my feelings dreads and worries to a t!!!! Finally I feel a little better! So I just wanted to share this, cause I know how hard it is and personally would have wished for someone to point me to something! Hopefully this will help some of you!!!!
Thank you so much for making this video and for opening up so that others may have a chance to at least try to understand what's going on in their heads.. I think you should manage expectation for finding a "cure".. going to a doctor and thinking they can make "it" go away can be so disheartening when you realise that they too, are just a person. Focus instead on feeling as good as you can every day and forgive yourself when you cant muster the energy to get out of bed or to feel like the ends of your fingers belong to the same body and brain that is making you feel like you're not here. The recovery and the ability to master ways to overcome frustration and nothingness and doubt is going to take a long time. Thinking about how lucky you are to be in the position that you are in rarely ever helps, it only fuels the voice telling you that it's not real, that you should settle into the rut you're in because it's just easier to sleep than to be awake, with your eyes open, feeling nothing.. You can be okay again, and as this comments section proves, you have so many people who are willing to offer a hand to you while you're journeying, and to help you feel like a human being again (whatever that means)
I'm so happy I came across this video. I'm sorry you've had to go through this and it sucks, but I think it helps to know that you aren't the only one and that there are people willing to talk about it. And seeing someone going through something similar to what I am and seeing them be able to not only have the mindset to want to get better, but actively trying is so relieving. Thank you for posting this, we're that much closer to wanting to get better
you put this into such good words, i always feel like this but i never know how to deal with it, i just wait until time passes and then i eventually feel better
I've had derealization for about 5/6 years. My doctor hadn't even heard of it and the psychiatrist in my area has a two year waiting list that you only qualify for if you're suicidal. Joy.
I've felt the same way ever since I was 12. (I'm 14 now.) I've wanted to maybe see a doctor about it, but then I'd have to tell my mom and I know she wouldn't believe. She never does. So I've just kept it to myself.
Thank you so much for making this video. I have had this for a month, and even though it hasn't been that much time, it ruined me. Not like I wan't to kill myself (because I don't, I don't have the courage to do that) but it simply affects me. It mostly affects my sleep (I get really weird dreams, and I wake up in the middle of the night a lot from depersonalisation) and it also affects my capacity of speaking to other human beings. Before, I'd feel this but it would go away if I went to sleep. But once, from being sleep deprived, I had a panic attack. I went to the doctors, and came back home. I felt like I wasn't a part of this world, that I wasn't there. Since I was sleep deprived that day, I decided to go to sleep. I slept for about 21/22 hours because that's how much sleep deprived I was. I didn't feel that weird feeling at first, but within a couple of hours I started to feel it again, and it simply wouldn't go away. And I've had it until now. That makes it a total of a month or a month and a half. This is awful. Some days I felt like I was getting better, but other days I was as depressed as it can be. The only thing that would "cure" me temporarily or make me forget it, was riding horses, because that's by far my favorite thing to do (I'm an equestrian). Also sometimes I feel like I want someone to hold me tight and to say that it is alright. That I will get better. I know I will get better though. I have a couple of tips for who is suffering from this like me. Firstly, try to ignore it and enjoy life. I know it's hard, trust me. But it really makes it better. Secondly, do some exercise (exercise makes your mind connect with your body, since you are having to make all that effort) or something you love. Distract yourself. For me that was riding horses, reading books, watching videos, etc. I feel myself quite better from doing all of those things. Also, don't search about it, pretend it isn't there. If you give into the depersonalisation, and if you keep thinking about it, more it will be active. Enjoy your friends, family. Overall, enjoy life. Don't consume yourself with this thing. Enjoy life, you only have one. Also, remember that this is just a feeling. You will get better. This can't actually harm you. And also, you are not alone. We're all in the same boat. It's impossible that you will have this all your life. The only reason that there's people who have had this for 10/20 years, it's because back then they didn't knew what this was, but now they do. You will get out of this. Be positive. I know it's easier said than done, but try.
Good Luck people! I hope you can get out of this really soon.
When you first posted this video, I kinda went 'oh poor Dodie :( I want her to be happy' but also I'm really glad you made this video? Because not long after this I started going through a similar thing (feeling detached, none of my memories felt like they belonged to me, etc) and I would feel 100% shittier about it if I didn't know what it was (at first I thought it was dissociation, then I remembered this video and what you said about it)
I have recently gone through this for the last 3 weeks and I have felt the same way. I started taking liquid vitamin D3 and Lemon flavor fish oil, (it doesn't taste like fish) you can get it on Amazon or CostCo. These two things have really helped me although it takes awhile to work, maybe a week or so. Also keeping to a routine helps me. I know its hard but hang in there and try natural things instead of pills...Also, Not to scare anyone but virus and autoimmune disease can cause what might look and feel like mental illness but it actually the inflammation in the brain causing bouts of anxiety and depression.
I might be wrong but, in the past few months after this video, you said you were getting a bit better. I think a long with that your skin got better! It looks brighter and cleaner, even under makeup in recent videos.💜💜💜💜💜💜I love you, Dodie
It's so sad to hear that someone you care about, regardless of whether they're a friend or a youtuber you watch, is going through something that sounds so similar to your situation. But at the same time this video has given me a lot of comfort, to know that if someone else feels this way - then you can't be mad because you're not the only one. Thank you for sharing, I feel a lot less alone now. And I hope we both, and everyone else who has felt this or something similar, will get through it <3
This hit me so hard as this has been happening to me for almost two years now. Like I used to get depersonalisation when I was a kid and oh my god now I'm crying. Anyway, two years I've been feeling this way ever since I had my first extreme panic attack at 3am after I got drunk at a party. Literally thought I was dying… called an ambulance and the whole thing was just fucked and ever since then I get really bad anxiety and panic attacks. It's incredibly scary when you get into that state where you feel all bubbly and weird and unfocused and you feel like you're not actually here… I always thought that I was the only one. I would never wish this upon anyone, it's bloody terrifying.
As someone who has struggled with mental illness, you don't sound crazy and I really relate to how a thought or feeling can become a spiraling obsession. But things can get better! Good luck!! Sending as many positive vibes your way as I can :)
Oh Dodie, I completely understand all of this. So damn well. There's nothing I want more than to go back in time, but Dodie we just need to try our best and find new things to love that can replace the old things we loved! This doesn't mean anything relationship wise, but a song or movie, or a friend, or a spot in the city. Something that you can love now, in the moment. We're all here for you and some of us are going through this too. Just know I'm here for you ❤❤
watching this had made me realise that the way I've been acting the past few months is not normal, not right, I've ignored my friends telling me the same thing but this video just kind of ?? This is the first video of yours I've really watched. I need to see a doctor and get help before I alienate myself from everyone.
I can relate so much to this, but when I try to explain it to my friends and my family they just ignore it like it will go away... But it won't. Its not so bad as it was the beginning of the year its getting better.. I generally think that school (or at least my school) is part of the problem its just so negative and fake and basically hell... You inspire me to stay strong and not because of your talent or your job as a youtuber but because your not perfect, no one is really, and you know that and you stop underating imperfectionous (thats not a word is it?) and thats why I love you as a person! <3 Thank you so much for making my year just the tad bit better! xx Stay strong Dodie x
"[...] nothing is the same again an everything feels a little bit different, because you can't go back in time"
Up at this point I was holding my tears but as soon as you said this I just started sobbing. Ever since I moved from my homecountry everything's been weird and different and nothing's ever been okay again It's been years since I've felt at home, or like my own self
I cant tell you how, but just know that i know the feeling and that your not alone. Thank you for making that video. It may sound crazy but it really helps to know that your not alone in having such thoughts. I just started therapy myself (thanks free university psykologist!) and i am already learning more about myself and what i live with. I am finally dealing with the problems that have followed me for several years now.
I have depersonalization since I can remember. Started on medication on 2013 after telling my doctor how I felt (or not felt) and the diagnosis was depression. Last year I thought I was cured so I stopped taking the meds. Actually I just stopped thinking about it. My depression went away but the depersonalization is so strong, and I can't find time anymore to see a doctor because of work. I feel like I'm losing it, I just Hope there's a cure for it
Craziest thing stumbling upon this video. I subscribed to you about a month ago and randomly found this. I have "depersonalization disoder." I had it for years. Fortunately, medication helped me overcome it. It was pure anxiety causing it, I guess. Unfortunately, I'm still retaining a lot of the emotion I lost and every month or so, I have a bad panic attack after releasing all of the anxiety that has built up :( Overall, life has improved. The world is bright and beautiful. I can think clearly and critically, and no longer feel "robotic." Hope you're doing better!
I had anxiety and my dad suffered from depression and what we both tried to do was to find what was wrong, and try to change it, like for my dad then if unfortunately stopping to play music for a little bit but he does play again now. and for me it was finding a new socal group. you have to find the things that make you unhappy and change them.
It makes me so angry how many young people are dissuaded from seeking help by their doctors. Pretty much everyone I know with a severe mental illness (and myself; I have bipolar disorder) was called a liar, ungrateful, or an attention-seeker by their GPs when they tried to get help as teenagers. Like literally EVERY other illness, if it's caught early it can be treated before it gets too unmanageable.
I really hope the NHS can help you, Dodie, but they can be utterly shit towards adults, too. If you can, think about investing in a private psychiatrist and therapist. The UK's MH service is basically a postcode lottery and if you're not happy with your treatment you can't really go elsewhere. Private therapy would be best for depersonalisation, IMO, because it's a deeply-rooted problem and they'll give you as much time as you're happy to pay for, as opposed to the NHS's attitude of, "Here's a six-week course of CBT and if you're not happy with that... Well, bye!"
My mom thought I was feeling anxious and depressed simply "for attention" and she told me to my face that I was making it up for a good 4 months until I almost attempted suicide and went to my school counselor with the support of my best friend and needless to say I was sent to the hospital for 5 days in result. I'm not completely better, but I'm not in that deep dark well that I was in a few weeks ago, and I'm getting the help that I need now, so I'm very grateful.
5:39 My friend also said that to me. That a cough turns into a deadly illness if you search for it.
It is quite bizarre that you also understand how that feels.. I saw one of your recent videos and immediately "liked" your videos. I was mainly just intrueged by the way you speak and acted.. Not sure if it is possible to pick something like this up immediately like that?
I have never known someone to make a video that was so true. I don't even know how this video was suggested to me. I can relate so much to EVERY word that is coming out your mouth.
Maybe it's a part of you realizing that you're becoming a self-sufficient adult and that you will have to depend on your self for everything. That can be scary in itself ("you can never go home again") - but it's a growing, evolving process. You're a wonderful person and it's very important that you can talk bout this - watch your own videos and it can be self-therapy too! Remember that we love you and admire and respect the wonderful young woman that you are! Do something radical (but safe) - cut your hair short - you would look marvelous with short hair - (but please keep it dk brown!) Love K - ever since I saw you with Tessa a few weeks ago.
It's very weird watching this video after the one you posted today, "Angry". Especially when you mentioned the part about "not feeling normal since 17." My best advice is there is someone perfect everyone, and mental illness does suck. Because it is totally independent of any normal emotion, and then it ramps up every emotion. Do you in life, and don't be afraid. Everyone I know has depression, but as I like to say, "I'm just less good at hiding it."
It's ok I totally understand I have never felt like that before but I understand because my mom is a therapist so I totally understand so you can work through this it will be ok I believe in you!!
I can relate to that sooooo much. Ive been told that I just make everything up. That I just want attention and that nothing is wrong with me. I just don't know anymore. But this isn't normal. I often feel on the brink of a mental breakdown and have broken down many times. I am loosing interest in things that i have loved before. I am just not sure whats wrong. I'm too scared and too confused to go seek help and i know thats bad. I know i should seek help but then again what if what they say is right. I'm just a bundle of nerves and confusion atm.
Do what you need to. You are the most important person your life and you come first. I'm very impressed at what you've been able to do so far with everything that you've been dealing with. Just take care of yourself the best you can and let those that love you help you if you need it. We support you.
It's been getting better now, but I started having depersonalization in fourth grade and I thought nothing of it. Once I got to seventh grade I finally googled it and realized it was an actual thing. There was one point where for almost an entire month I almost had derealization or depersonalization nonstop and I searched everywhere for a cure and I just wanted to die.
I had depersonalization for the longest time. From about my freshman year of high school until my senior year. It is hands down the WORST thing I've ever gone through. It's worse than a prison. You are worse than trapped. It's utterly terrifying. I would lay awake for hours and hours at night repeating the alphabet, spelling my own name, saying things over and over again because none of it felt REAL. Which sounds insane to people. How can something not feel real to you? How can you look at your own hands and not feel like they're a part of your body? Or you legs or feet? How can you speak words and feel as if you're just observing yourself saying these words? I thought I was utterly crazy and that's not even the tip of the iceberg. Most people experience depersonalization at some point in their lives. It's like being at a crowded restaurant and suddenly the noise and all the people overwhelm you and you suddenly feel out of it, not all together there, everything is loud and bright but foggy and far away. But this usually goes away. I went to bed and woke up with it and INSTANTLY knew something was wrong. Instantly thought I was crazy. I kept waiting and waiting for it to go away and wear off but it just didn't. Luckily a quick google search told me what it was, but it was also linked to schizophrenia and other mental illnesses that scared the shit out of me. My thoughts became obsessive. I could never not think about it. I sobbed about it on end, told my mom who listened to every word, went to a therapist but no one really knew what it was at the time, not chronically at least, so I couldn't find help. I read books, which did help. Made me feel less alone. Made me feel understood at a time where I didn't feel anything other than crazy. I learned to just live with it, tho not a day went by that I didn't think or obsesses about it. I knew what caused it. Most people get trigged by traumatic accidents/occurrences (car accident/rape/abuse/family deaths/etc). Its your body's way of protecting you and disassociating itself from these feelings. But it doesn't really work because it disassociates your own brain, from your thoughts, so you just feel fuckin mental. Mine was not traumatic in that traditional sense. I was just having a lot, a lot, a lot of anxiety attacks, which at the time I didn't realize was being fueled by my sudden introduction and love for coffee, which was full of caffeine which I've found I'm very sensitive to. I had a lot of stress in my life and then on top of this new intense wave of extra anxiety, my brain disassociated itself from the anxiety. And it worked. I immediately stopped having anxiety attacks after that. Not a single one. Because I didn't feel anything. I didn't feel real once I got the depersonalization. It was an awful trade of which I would not ever let someone choose no matter how appealing that sounds. It's not. It's obsessive thinking and pure hell. I finally got rid of it one day with I decided to take a bath and listen to a guided meditation. I closed my eyes, listened all the way through, and when I opened them again everything was suddenly different. I can't even describe the feeling. I was suddenly PRESENT again. If you haven't experienced this I cannot explain it in words. The best I can say is that imagine suddenly having to live your life under water, to see things, hear things, even your own thoughts and feelings, from under water, completely distorted and distant and then to suddenly come to the surface again and see and feel and experience the world again. I can't explain the utter, blissful, excruciating relief I felt. And the complete terror at it only being temporary. Luckily, I am 23 years old now and have not gotten it back. I have had little tiny pieces of it for a night or a few minutes, but it's always left again. I'll never be the same. I still question reality. Is this how i felt before the depersonalization or just a better version of it? What is reality? I try not to think too much about it anymore just for fear of it coming back. But I do get anxiety attacks now and then again, which I'll gladly take, but I avoid caffeine like nobody's business and just try to accept me for myself. I still fear going "crazy" later in life, but I try not to dwell. If anyone has ever had these thoughts or wishes to know more (as I've only scratched the surface) feel free to contact me. I'm an open ear. Or Dodie, if you ever read this, I'm a new viewer to your channel but if you need to talk to someone who actually, honestly, 100% knows what you're feeling and experiencing, feel free to contact me. I will listen. And share. And be there. Cheers, MJ.
Dodie, please can you film a minute insta video telling me (Rosanna) that life is going to be ok. that mental health won't kill everyone i care about. i love you and you are amazing x such an inspiration
I dont know how to thank you in a way that does not say like "oh im so you", but fuck this made me feel like i am not weird. I've tried so hard to explain this, just this, to my friends and family, and they just do not understand, they say that is my fault that i feel that way, told me to just act normal. And the only thing that I wanted to do was just that, to enjoy life, and laugh, and happy stuff, i couldnt. There was something in my head that reminded me all day about my problems, and how wrong were the things that i did, and why i was trying to act normal if a normal person doesnt have to "try" and, everything really confusing. That happened about 4 years now, i tried a fucking ton to heal it just like a pre-teen would do, like cuts and punchs and ice and cold showers. I was so afraid of me, and no one could really help me because anyone knew about these things My point is thank you, and god damn you're smart on getting medical atention, I should have done that a long time ago. Now i am feeling wonderful because of this, of course im still with panic attacks but nothing compared to before, i'm able to enjoy the grass, the sun, the little things that a couldn't feel before.
oh dodie, i feel you. everyone always says "you look sick, are you ok?" "are you getting enough sleep?" and i just don't know an answer honestly? i'm definetly not ok in my brain but i can't tell anyone because no one fucking understands and everyone thinks that i'm just this little short idiot that no one cares about and it's just gotten worse and i know it will feel worse but the worse fucking part is, is that i can't get any help in a place that's so easy to get to at the moment because anyone who actually fucking gets what i'm going through is on the internet. and there's just this sort of, fake connection? like you know that everyone is there, but they're like illegally downloaded helpers. it's just, everyone says i'm so great and sweet and helpful but i'm NOT and i will stop talking now but yeah, you're right. it is so more than cats and rainbows
tldr; colleen relates and feels like a peice of shit
hey there... I hope that your best got you the help that you truly deserve. And, if it has not yet paid off, please keep asking; it often takes awhile for the right help to be granted, but you are so worth it and I really hope that it is working out! I know the NHS issues quite well myself. x
i found a simple solution to all my anxieties and depressed thoughts, and i found it in psychedelic substances, in a way they're kind of like a teacher, because they can rip into everything you think you know. In a way they lift a veil that seems to be blinding us in ordinary life, and it's through venturing into my own mind that i was able to realize that a lot of my own emotions are down to my ego, which everyone has. and it's because of this ego that we have bad things such as war, because we all have our own ideologies that we think are right, the same as in society we are told that you shouldn't feel good about yourself unless you're (insert certain weight) or unless you're perceived as good looking under the social constructs that we have built. so of course it's almost impossible to be happy when as people we've set impossible standards and ideals. But through psychedelics it's almost like you can see clearly because you get to look at your life through a new perspective, through the perspective of someone else almost. you see the world rid of greed, and self loathing and sadness because how can you be upset when you don't even know who you really are as a person anymore, your emotions seem almost ridiculous you'll find yourself unite with your enemies, because without the ego you realize that we are all just magnificent brains that can work together to create extraordinary things and move forward with society as one, and i truly think the more people come to this realization the sooner we will all find world peace and happiness. I'm not condoning any use of elicit substances and it's not always a wise move to use substances to help cope with things like depression these are purely my own opinions. There is a channel i found called Psyched Substance which really goes into more details about psychedelic and gives safety guides for using such substances if you so choose to venture down that rabbit hole. (Be safe, Test your substances)
Of course not everyone who takes psychedelics will have these epiphanies as each Epiphany will be personal to you however you will learn some interesting life lessons.
Nothing lately feels real, and at the same time so real. I feel everything and nothing at the same time. Nothing is as clear as things used to be. I went to camp and was "happy" and did things I know I love and I felt the feeling "love", but for so reason it didn't feel real or clear. I just feel as though I am here but my mind is somewhere else. I want to thank you for posting this. I felt really alone and crazy. I was losing it. I wouldn't leave my room, eat or even sit up from bed. Then I went off to camp and watched this (again) This time around it gave me a little more insight so thank you!
The most surprising part of this video was the bit where you highlighted that you thought that we might be judging you and tell you to just turn it off and think of cats. I have never suffered from any kind of illness but cannot consider a world where you would be lying about this. Well done for talking. I'm glad you're going to seek help. It's awful that a doctor told you you were making it up. Unfortunately we have to battle through the shit doctors to find people who will help us.
hey dodie im sure you wont see this comment, but i just watched your video about your experiences with emotional and sexual abuse, and i want to mention that disassociation occurs when ur brain is afraid and is trying to protect itself. and since you endured long term abuse its highly probably your dissociation can stem from that. i think you should def mention that to your therapist if you havent!! sorry if this isnt my place to say but i was just giving my 2 cents
WoW I feel like I just got sucker punched. . .this video very randomly came up in my feed, I don't know why I decided to watch it. . . when she began read the text to Sammy I almost cried. I experience it (what I now just learned is derealization) in every social setting in my life. I've chalked it up to being an "introvert" I had NO idea others felt that way specifically. I'm so grateful to watch this and begin my journey to learning more
Well I'm a bit late..but I just wanted to share this. I suffered depression for 3 years, and although I'm better it still comes back now and then (because let's be honest, depression never really fully goes away) I was bullied from k-6 and I hated every second of school, I wanted all of it to be over. Although I never self-harmed myself because of my paranoia + sensitivity, I'd still wonder what the world would be like if I was dead, would anyone even care? I don't really remember the years when I was depressed, it's such a blur, but I still do remember some memories that break my heart, memories I don't wanna remember. I actually don't really know how I became better, I never took anti-depressants, but somehow I survived all the pain and I became better. As cliche` as this sounds, it really does get better. If you're dealing w/depression, please please please don't lose hope, because you can win this war. Hell if an unsocial potato like me can do it, you can too <3
Dodie, you don't know how thankful I am for this video. Nobody understands how complex it is. I suffer from anxiety in a non-textbook way. My friend once thought she was helping by giving me a 'How To Deal With Panic Attacks' book. It's full of the techniques that people think 'work'. 1. Breathe deeply 2. Remember, everything will be okay 3. Remember, nobody is judging you. But when I'm battling the constant worry of health problems and dying, breathing deeply is impossible. Nothing seems like it will be okay because death is what I think awaits me so soon. And I couldn't care less that I may be being judged. It's so much bigger than a bad thought. Because when people ask "why can't you just switch it off?" Or say "but just stop thinking about it" they don't realise that it's the mental illness that blocks the rational thoughts. I can't stop thinking about something which comes more naturally to me than sleeping or eating. It becomes bigger than the person you are. Terrifyingly so.
I never got diagnosed or went to the doctor because I didn't know how to explain it to anyone. I thought I was just being dramatic and going crazy. I remember in the eight grade I was struck with this feeling in school. I went to the nurses office, but I wasn't physically sick. I chose to go home because of the anxiety I felt, but it's not something she could've fixed. The scariest thing was knowing that the nurse couldn't give me ice or medicine to fix the problem. The worst was explaining the way I felt but feeling like I was crazy. I do get depersonalization time to time and it is the scariest thing. I have never been drunk before, but I it's like the feeling you get after getting laughing gas at the dentists. It may not sound so bad to someone who doesn't have it, but imagine feeling as though nothing is real. You are almost stuck in your own world where nothing makes sense. Your surroundings and sense of time is warped. You feel like you have no control over your mind.
i have the exact same thing and built up the courage to go to the doctors and when i got there i chickened out and rambled about my fatigue and idk what to do now huh
I don't have anything like this, but it made me cry seeing my idol upset. It upsets me to see someone I love so much feel so bad, and out of yourself. I really hope any therapy you are having helps, I don't know anything about this but I wanna just say we all love you, and we are all here, take a break if you need. Hopefully you feel slightly better as you seemed fine at sitc when I met you, I hope you had the time of your life performing main stage. You'll never see this but I love you loads <3
There should be a few gold stars for you here. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️. Best of luck with what you try and I hope it helps you. I have been feeling a similar way, while I don't know what you are going through I do think I understand. hugs as long as you can keep that attitude of wanting to make it ok and keep seeking it I believe (as much as that means from a stranger) it will be ok. Don't forget your towel.
Ok so i don't know if you will reply to this or even read it because of all the other comments, but I just wanted to tell you that you're one of my favourite people in the whole world. I've seen this video over 10 times because of how much it relates to me and I really appreciate how honest you are. I don't know you but I already feel like you are my friend and I appreciate that dodie, I really do. Thank you. Sorry if my english is bad. I'm from Ecuador btw
i have the same issues .. i graduated in 2012 and it started ... i have the same reaction to everything if someone died i think that their better off dead. my mother said i might be given the evil eye by someone thats jealous or that i am hexed or cursed by a known old lady in our family circle doctors say its exactly depression anxiety depersonalization. Every time if do something thats stressful or needs mental effort i have a breakdown. The years before 2012 were different like parallel universe of something. What i know helped a little is praying , living a healthy lifestyle and not force my self do things that stress me out like unnecessary traveling. I hope you feel better
Dear dodie , I hope you are feeling a little better , and I think it's really good you are talking about how you're feeling . I kind of relate to what your saying - every few months for around 2 weeks I feel really empty. Sometimes is happens every days , I don't feel like I know who I am anymore and that I've lost the people that I used to me and I'm pointless. Hearing someone talk about something similar really made me feel like I'm not alone. Thanks dodie , we love you :)💗💗
If only my family understood but they've never dealt with this. I wonder if it's OK to go see a therapist when you're 17 in the UK, because I don't want my parents to know and think as usual that I'm over dramatic when I've had several breakdowns this summer and the only thing that helps is exercise and meditation for me. I'm a bottler so I bottle things up and it's bad, really bad. But then i think, people have had worse, which is what my sisters always say to me when I'm being "overdramatic" . Also I never like saying that I have anxiety or depression because what if I'm just being a teenager, I don't want to assume I have it or self diagnose myself
Dodoie ( if that's how u spell it ) I have watched this vid 5 times already and I sereously feel for u so bad. You can push though because I believe in u. I really love u and I can't relate but I can in a way?? ://))
I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I have been through so much shit and I more than anything I just want everyone else to be okay. I don't want anyone else to go through this. I'm so sorry. I haven't been through what you have been through because my mental illness is due to genetics. Probably not entirely due to genetics but that's what I tell myself. I never got help because I was convinced that everyone else had it worse. I just want to be happy. But I feel like no matter what changes in my life, no matter how many bad things go away, the feelings will stay. I feel like I'll never be happy.
Take care of yourself...allow yourself time. Time & the help your searching for (doctors & therapist) will yet you get well. Best Wishes, a new subscriber.
what i would like to note is that you're not going crazy, dodie (or anyone else). derealization and other dissosiative things are just a way for your body to tell you something is not right, which may seem kind of obvious, but it's not an attack. it's a protection mechanism. it's your brain saying 'hold on, this is dangerous for you'. i read somewhere you should try and accept it as normal. try not to think about it as much. think to yourself, 'no i'm not going mad, this is what reality is like'. it's easier the less severe you have it and i've been struggling with this but i''m trying. also a good thought: it's not actually harmful and it won't kill you. it's just going to be there and that's alright even if it seems kind of scary. i've had pretty bad chronic derealization and depersonalization for about 2 years (so, the weird movie sensation where nothing looks or feels real, but also something that's messed with my sense of personality leaving me bland and confused and feeling dissociated from my name/reflection in the mirror) there is not a lot of research done on dpdr compared to more common things like depression and anxiety, but trying to fight it will not help you. everyone is different. one man got dpdr because his t levels were too low and other dude smoked too much weed and was cured by realizing it was just anxiety. if you get there early, it will be alright. it will be alright even if you don't get there early. the worst thing you can do is turn it into a battle. i hope you get the help you need dodie, and i was glad someone familiar was feeling the same way as me honestly. (sorry that was long)
Depersonalization sucks. And it's really hard to find professionals who understand this symptom/know anything about treating it :/ Good luck, though. Thank you for being open and just know that you're not alone and treatments exist
omg you poor girl. i have bipolar and i know just what u r saying. i now have antidepressant, antianxiety drugs and mood stabilisers. i am also havibg therapy and i feel sooo much better. seek help! much love to you
there isn't necessarily a cure for mental illness, theres just coping and managing the symptoms. I've come to the realisation that (for me at least, from my experiences with severe depression) that I'm never completely going to "free" or "cured" of my mental health problems (esp my ADD ahaha)
I hope things improve for you Dodie 💖 and that you start to get better
Dodie please just know that your not the only one feeling this way lots of people including me feel like this me personally i have anxiety , depression ,depesonilisation and social anxiety if that last one counts but my point is that we all love you so so much even if we haven't met you personally but please please please know that we are here and we will listen and be patient because lots of us understand what you going through I know I'm very late but i hope you see this
The only thing I wanted while watching this video was to be a qualified person to help you or maybe not so much qualified and just hug you and console you...
When someone asks "how are you" i never say "i'm good" or "i'm fine" because i'm not. It's like my own personal rule. I refuse to lie and say that i'm okay when i'm not. If anything most of my days i feel.. Neutral. I don't feel anything. I don't feel like i'm living if that makes any sense? I feel as though i am just... A lifeless person going through a bland life... Like i have no goals, or no future to look forward to. I'm unsure of how to describe it.
I always say "i'm alright" because that is what i am. I am not good.. I am not necessarily feeling terrible. I'm just alright. I'm making it by. I am breathing, my heart is beating, my blood is pumping so i'm alright. At the very least i'm alive.
hi I doubt you will read this because its pretty early, I honestly thought I was crazy I cant explain what is wrong mainly the fact that I feel like my life is a dream and its really scary because I don't know how to explain it to my friends I have other mental illnesses but this is reallu scary I was considering the fact that I could be possessed and I know I am not thankyou so much for this video I rewatched recently and it is very relatable and reassuring x
I'm 17. I finally got a mental health orientated therapist who gave me a diagnosis. Today I got scared and cancelled all my appointments so discharged myself. Regret. regret, regret.
I could relate to that first message way too much.
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king baby2016-09-21 19:31:25 (edited 2016-09-21 19:32:04 )
Ayyy finally someone else that has anxiety and depersonalisation. This is difficult to say, but it feels like this body isn't mine. It sounds weird, and I think if I told my friends they'd be like "it's just because you're trans!" but no. It's like there's more than one person living in my head. Like i borrowed this body. when something happens, sometimes I can't remember if it's real or not. All I know is that I'm borrowing this body and that there's so many people in here. There's the body, An, there's me, Mikey, (I think the one borrowing the body) and Debbie, all the anxiety and depression in one voice, talking me down. Uh, yeah, help
I told one of my friends that I self harm and are really sad at 13 then they judged me and said I was aattention seeker. I told my family that I was just so sad I cried everynight and cut myself everynight. They didn't do anything but one meeting with a GP doctor. They told me I was just self harming for no fucking reason and just attention seeking. And why the fuck would I be self harming for attention when I'm still cutting myself at 15 and starting to feel numb with no tears left. I try to tell myself I don't have depression... Cause apparently it's attention seeking.
There are a lot of mental illnesses, disabilities, etc. The list is long. I really doubt there is a person who knows all of them. lots of similar and different symptoms. You have to separate them to know what your working with. Can't sit there and say someone is making something up because you don't believe what their saying. That makes a person feel worse than they already are. Help them go through what their going through. You may learn new things helping them. I have my problems. We all do. How can you go an entire life on this planet without developing something. You can't. Not with how this world works. We all live in our own little worlds. Our worlds collide with others and their worlds. Some will be around a short time. Their world moves on and so does ours. They may collide again later on but not always. Some worlds stay together our whole lives. Each little world interacting together. Those worlds growing bigger. Our personal worlds always stay small. That's our space to do things on our own time. To get away from things time and time again. Then we join our friends, family, etc. in their worlds. Becoming a bigger world once again. Help each other grow. Be better people. Hurting others makes things worse. I work on my problems everyday. Sometimes I mess up. I hope I made sense in some way. You are a great person. Love your songs, Dodie. Anything you set your mind to you can accomplish. Have an awesome day.
Hey. Im really sorry you're going through this. Please don't think there is anything wrong with you or with depression. Sometimes its just our brains saying 'whoa slow down' and trying to care for us. Take time to heal, to really feel how you feel, and to go to all those 'ugly' places. You don't have to pretend or to try to be happy right now, because you are no longer capable of being okay and taking care of yourself is your priority right now. Just remember that you deserve patience and love and understanding. And give those bad feelings as much love as 'good' feelings because our feelings are just trying to talk to us and our bodies want the best for us. Best of luck. X
My problem with depersonallization is that nothing feels like it matters because nothing feels real. Like how am I supposed to do work or keep up relationships or take showers when nothing matters and nothing is real? ugh
Hello I can relate your story to mine. My boyfriend is my world my soulmate and my my future husband. We met up 4 weeks ago and stayed to his place for 5 days! We celebrate out first anniversary. But now he just broke up with me that he couldn't handle the pressure of being in a relationship and that he doesn't want to be with me! I felt to shocked and cried a lot! He still calls me but never message. I don't know what to do! Anyone please help me what to do! Because I know this is not him! I know he is the loving guy I saw 4 weeks ago and we were so close! Is the depression something to do with this? Or is it just me? I'm truly lost. Need your advice I appreciate it! Thank you!
Dodie! Consider watching boyinaband's video about how he responded to his depression! I think, even if you don't take his suggestion, it's worth considering.
I am shocked. I was absolutely shocked scrolling down my YouTube home and just almost passing past the video because it's another video about anxiety and depression that I've watched enough videos about and it's all over YouTube. and then, I read "depersonalization" What??? the horrible disgusting illness I struggle of and think about with every breath my body takes. I'm sad and devastated! Not another fucking human [me here!]!!!!! and SHE?? fuckkkk. I don't know what to say, I've always thought theres no such thing AS "the worst thing could happen to anyone" but with DPD, it is. I'm gonna go finish the video now
I want to comment on this, but I'm not sure how. I completely relate what you're describing on the text to Jon, but it's only really around people. Maybe it social anxiety or something But I love my friends and I'm a pretty happy person I think.. Well, honestly I'm not really sure. Can you be only a tiny bit depressed?
I can't afford therapy nor am I in a country that pays attention to mental illnesses, so I have no access to decent mental healthcare... For years, I've been feeling this... I'm terrified about it and I don't even want to go on Google and self diagnose myself with depression, I don't wanna be attention seeking, I don't want to have that word "depressed" define me. I tried to push that word to the back of my mind, maybe I'm just weird and sad for only this moment and not a moment longer. But why I end up on the bathroom floor crying or in a crowd, feeling detached but at the same time suffocating as I realised I'm about to have a panic attack... where is the smile that would reach my eyes? You know what's worst? I find comfort in it, as if it's an old friend there to greet, a familiar cold blanket that hugs me. I wish you the best in your road to recovery... And that I envy that you can find help somewhere. thanks for sharing, dodie, much love to you.
it's the worst thing to realize that after you've moved out you can't just go back because your home has changed too and you have changed of course so nothing is the way it used to be. Plus that Doctor you went to, oh my god how can she say "you're making it up" ?? did she expect you to say "ah yes, thanks for pointing it out, I know it now and I will just stop."
Depersonalisation is so horrible - everything feels surreal, bright and just uncomfortable. I suffer from panic attacks but depersonalisation is what I find the hardest, you feel like you'll never feel the way you used to again but I promise it will get better!
I feel like I might have bipolar for a while but no one wants to believes me and my mental state is just getting worst and I'm struggling with school and truancy and I just feel like such a bad person and that something is wrong with me. I feel like a mental case or a felon :(
You can spend your whole life acknowledging the symptoms but you will never achieve anything UNTIL YOU FACE YOUR PROBLEMS THAT APPLY TO YOU AND NO ONE ELSE.
+Carolyn Perkins I'm glad you think that. Since I've overcame all my mental illnesses (lies). And I guarantee I had a worse case of any the mental illnesses you have. And now my mind is ordered. It sickens me to see so many of you who won't even try to fight this. You want it because it feeds you. But little do you know, it is you that feeds it.
my friend had depression and she's not responding to my messages im really freaked out she lives all the way across the country and I'm just really upset
Hey Dodie, I don't really have anyone I can talk to about it but I am feeling the same way. I just feel like I am going through the motions I don't really know where I'm going with this comment so nrvm
Okay, so I can't really relate to this; I mean I do get sad and worried and anxious about things sometimes and just want to be alone and shut everyone out for a while but it's exactly that: for a while. I'd say I'm a happy person. I have great friends, great parents, a great school and overall a really good life. So when I see things like this, or hear about friends saying they're depressed: I can't relate. I wish I could sometimes. Not as in "I want to feel bad myself" way, more like I want to be able to say something that... Helps? I have a really good friend who suffers from panic attacks, depression and anxiety. And I really really want to help. Just do something. Anything. But I don't know how? I don't know what it's like, and I feel bad for the people that do. I want to know but I don't want to. And for someone who just wants to understand and help, it's heartbreaking to see anyone suffering like this. I don't even know why I'm commenting this. I just hope that you're all okay.
depression and anxiety are NOT obsessive disorders. an obsessive disorder is like OCD. something i and many other people deal with. please do not compare those disorders. OCD is extremely difficult. but its been heavily stereotyped by the media to make it seem like its all about being 'clean' when its actually about intrusive thoughts and these threats being lashed at you by your own brain. its not fun. but neither is depression and anxiety. i also struggle with anxiety. it feeds my OCD as again, many others do. anyways. get well soon Dodie. we all love you :) you can get through this.
I relate to all of this and it really sucks because no one takes me seriously except for my Doctor, who grew concerned at the results of a mental health test they made me take. people think you're just going through a phase or that you need to get out more to feel better but that's not how it works. that's not how any of it works.
Is it wrong to want more? To not be okay with you just having a cozy life, food, school, water, the basic stuff? I feel bad and spoiled for being depressed while having all of that. But is it wrong? I want to feel good not just have the basics, I'm a human being meaning not just fisical stuff affect me but also psychological and sentimental stuff. Why do I have to judge myself for my own feelings
The reason why I don't go to the doctor is because I'm afraid that he won't take me serious. I thought about getting help so many times but I'm just too scared of telling anyone because to other people I seem like a happy person and therefore no one would belive me. I just don't know what to do :l
Can't even read the comments because they all seem far too fantastical and worded much too flowery. Hope you can find a way to deal, though. Even though you know you're shit, I like you. Peace x
I have this thing where I don't feel anything where I can tell myself I'm happy and I think I'm happy and come up with reasons why I'm happy but the I can say I am sad and feel horrible and come up with reasons why I am sad but if I ask myself how am I feeling right now I don't know I don't feel anything I'm just neutral and idk if everyone anyone nobody feels like this too I just kinda feel empty and idk
i'm 13 and i'm so so so confused about my sexuality my mental health and if my friends my rly like me, sometimes i wish i could talk and talk and not stop till i've lifted all the weight on my chest, but everyone i talk to seem to disregard my feelings or say something like i understand but how can they understand, i want to see the counselor but i don't know her i worried that they might tell school or my parents, people will judge me, im worried im going mental i seem to be very happy a bd cheery one moment and very sullen and mean the next i seem to be rly happy around friends so i try to surround myself with them but as im an only child and my friendship with parent ain't that strong i have no one to talk to and i still feel like they will nvr understand a smidgen of what i'm thinking and over that im worried that i do have mental illness and my friends secretly dislike and im so afraid of the world and all the consequences of being a feminist and supporting lgbt+ and so much more, i feel like one day i ould explode and no one will be there to pick up the pieces,m so worried that all these insecurities are nothing and that its just me thinking weirdly. im afraid ppl won't like or see me in a different light because i was once called depressing and many other sad things im so scared of myself and im so scared of realising that all of my feelings are real hey crus me and so so so so despratley want someone to talk to someone who won't judge or analyse me.... im so afraid of the world problems i also feel so sorry and sad for all the suffering and i want to help it all but i now i cant and the things i cant help is going to crush me i feel so alone but when i realise have friends that make me happy im fine i just fall into a spiral on and on of ym own thoughts sometimes happy mostly bad and i afraid of if someone comments back itll be insensitive i feel so worried, but not all the time...
I don't know if i have a mental illness because i don't think it is as serious as other people's, but sometimes i just feel really down and i just want a car to hit me or some other accident to happen to me. But other days i feel pretty normal and happy. I don't want to kill myself, but if i was to die tomorrow, i wouldn't care. I have also self harmed a few times. I haven't told anyone because i just feel like it is so pathetic because i always act tough around others. Can anyone help me out?
Is there any way you can get a new therapist? Clearly they're not good enough if they can't do their one task: listening to you. Pls get help and don't be afraid to talk to someone you trust. I know that's easier said than done but it can literally be the difference between life and death:) stay alive
siobhan murray i would but its really difficult to get anybody to listen cause in the uk they pretty much dont care until youre 18 they wont diagnose me or give me any type of medication cause om not 18 thia therepst is the only one i can get for another 3 years til im 18
I've really been struggling with body dysmorphia, and I don't know what to do.. I feel like I can't talk about it to anyone I know without sounding selfish idk if that makes sense :/
This happened to me when I was 15. It took me 5 years to recover. So, it gets better with time. I hope you recover sooner rather than later. It gets better!!!
This hits so close to home, Dodie. You've put into words what I never really could. It's probably one of the hardest things I've had to struggle with, for a few years now. I know how it feels, you feel like a hallow image of yourself, still able to do everything as before, but being so "out of it" in a way. I remember reaching out my hand to touch an object, and telling myself that I should be feeling SOMETHING, but never really could. I understand being a robot, I understand seeing everyone else as humans while we somehow aren't. You go into a form of autopilot, going through the motions of life to still sustain living, but it's all very, very different. It's scary, yes, but stay strong, it gets better, I promise you. I've learned to face my demons, and grow a lot from this kind of illness. For me, there was no kind of "quick fix" for it. It was a continuous day by day cycle that I had to learn to manage, it was something that I slowly had to work around, and not let it get the best of me. I was afraid of everything, and afraid that everyone would think I'm crazy, so I ended up staying at home, neglecting friends, neglecting everything just hoping that things would get better on their own, but even you're own negative thoughts can still drown your own sane thinking too. So, don't do what I did. My only advice is to keep living, keep going out, keep writing and creating music, keep visiting friends, keep being happy and doing things that make you happy, literally live life as if nothing is weighing you down. The one thing I've noticed is the more time you're happy and doing things you love, the less time it may take to heal and be in a much, much better headspace. You're strong, you're brave, and you can get through this. I'm here for you, and so are so, so many other people to help. We'll get through this, keep you're chin up, Dodie! <3
I'm sorry you are going through this Dodie ❤️. Thank you for making this video, I have struggled with mental illness for years now. There is a stigma on mental illness that shouldn't be there and it videos like this help bring new light on the issue
Dodie, I really hope you're doing okay, this had me in tears, you're such an inspirational and beautiful person and I really hope everything sorts itself out in the end. I love you ❤
You are amazing Dodie! I have suffered with depression three times in my teenage years. I am now 24 and have been 'well' for six years. It gets easier I am a testament to that. Take care of yourself and don't over do it but staying in a routine will definitely help! Xx
Love and positive vibes to you Dodie. Hope you're doing well! :D and this was a lovely video and these videos give me hope in the dark shit storm of what YouTube and YouTubers have become. You're awesome and beautiful and you'll slowly get better! Thank you for sharing this.
I seriously love you as a person! Even when fighting a mental illness you manage to think about other people and love them. You are so full of love and I really hope you will recover soon!!
I cried through most of this video. Thank you for articulating the way I feel. I'm 51 and have been struggling with this since preteen years and it's still unbelievable to me that this is a thing. I'm a successful electric engineer who will be going back to school and changing careers to psychology and counseling because I need to help people who feel like me. Thank you for your amazing channel. You are one of a kind!
Your texts just connected so much with me and how I feel right now. I felt I could have written them to my friends. Thank you for this video because I don't feel so alone now. I hope you feel a little better soon x
I wish I had seen this video back when my depersonalization (I call it disassociation) was bad. I just felt like I was high all the time and I just wanted to feel "sober" again. I know this probably doesn't help, but it sorted itself out and I feel okay again. you can get through this dodie, we love you.
you're really brave dodie for addressing all of this. I've been dealing with various forms of dissociation myself, and it's not fun, it's really awful. I wish you all the best, take it slow and try and be gentle with yourself!
Therapy helped me masses to the extent that I feel like the mentally ill person I was is a stranger to me now. Throw yourself into it and you will thank yourself!!! Lots of love and luck to you dodie Xx
I know no one will read this comment, but I'm so glad that there is someone out there who feels like I do. It really helps to see someone who gives off positive vibes despite everything they've been through. Thank you Dodie for being a truly phenomenal person.
I've been watching you for years and I just met you this year at vidcon I know you won't remember me or respond to this comment but thank you just thank you. Firstly you've always inspired me in every way and just kind of helped me escape seeing someone so happy do what she loves. I have bipolar disorder I've always known this and I haven't told anyone I've anonymously talked to counselors and therapists and I've been diagnosed. Ironically it June 21st only a couple days before I met you. I don't think I've ever been happier than in that moment you hugged me and Evan hugged me and it was a huge moment for me so thank you for that. And thank you for being open about you mental illness in my eyes this only makes you stronger. Your a warrior Dodie and I hope to be jut like you some day.
I just wanted to say thank you for making this and opening up about what you're going through. It helps a lot to know there are others out there feeling the same way. I feel like there is still somewhat of a stigma against mental health issues in our society, so thank you for talking about it.
I just wanna thank you for putting this video out there. I've been dealing with depersonalization/derealization for the longest time and i always feel so alone because i thought it was an uncommon thing and that no one else had it. I feel as if i am crazy and that there is no fix. It's so hard to put these types of things in words. but just knowing i'm not alone means the world to me. I hope you find the help you deserve and overcome this foggy feeling. i'll always be here for you and i love you<3
I want you to also add to your list: "I will be kind to myself." I think you are. I see a young girl trying to keep going and keep her chin up and that takes strength. :)
I've experienced all 3 of these mental health issues to some extent. Thankfully I have never been to the stage you are but I really hope that you manage to get through this 😊❤️
Struggling with anxiety can be hard sometimes for me and its nice to relate to someone who has been going through the same kind of thing (but differently than I have). Thank you so much for making this video. I hope that things get better for you soon. Please stay strong. :)
This video came at the right time. I know I have some sort of issue and know I need therapy, I've just been putting it off. This has definitely motivated me to do something about it. Thank you Doodie! 😊
Thank you, thank you, thank you for making this video. I have been dealing with the same things lately and I had no idea how to explain it to people around me. The way you explained it in the text messages it exactly.. it. That's the problem. That's how it feels. That's how it goes. And it's so comforting to hear that I'm not the only one who experiences this. Thank you.
I was just diagnosed with depersonalization and derealization the other day. on top of depression and anxiety with panic. we can make it through this tho ♡ love you so much dodie.
Goodness I'd never related to something so much. I have very similar conditions, mine including mostly anxiety, agoraphobia and depersonalization, but also OCD and hypochondria. Thank you
I think you're incredibly brave to talk about this. And I know, even though I have been depressed earlier and I have anxiety, I have never gone through depersonalisation and I cannot imagine how it must feel. Though all this, I will say a few things. I don't know you and I will not pretend that I know you, but through your channel and your videos, I've picked up on some stuff. By personal experience, I know these things are not something you normally notice yourself and you don't even think about it. This is going to sound so stupid and like I'm telling you to forget everything, but I will assure you, I am not. I will advice you to try and do things that make you happy.
Through what I have seen of you on this channel, I've noticed that you always say you love making videos, especially these chatty videos. You love the "video every day of the month" things. Also, buy yourself some exclusive tea; treat yourself. Or a nice bathbomb (or 5). Write down everything thats floating around in your head. Do easy DIY-stuff with your friends, in those videos you always laugh so much. You don't even have to film it, just do it for yourself. Drink water, a lot of it. Take small breaks in your day. I will advice you to try and rub your hands together to create friction and warmth. When your hands are warm, place the palm of your hands over your eye sockets and rest the fingers on your forehead. This is surprisingly relaxing and only takes a few seconds. Take care of yourself, in all the ways you can. I know you can get through all this. And do visit that doctor. I wish you all the best xx
What a beautiful video! You expressed yourself in a very articulate way and showed how you are trying to make the best out of a not so fun situation. I've dealt with a number of depressive disorders on and off since my teens years and you are very right that it isn't always easy. Keep doing the best you can and give yourself space to feel these things ,when you are able of course :)
We're all right here for you dodie, and thank you for opening up about how you're feeling, it is an incredibly difficult and scary thing to do, but it is worth it. You're doing the right thing in seeking help, and please know that you are a loved and beautiful person, even when your mind is telling you other wise 💜
I have this as part of my psychosis - I have anxiety and you met me at a gig where I was hiccuping badly - I can now say i've been hiccuping for two years straight! Well done for getting making this though, I hope you get the help you need :)
I'm unsure what depression feels like or anxiety even though I feel like I may suffer from both. I don't want to go to the doctors incase they tell me I'm lying or I'm just attention seeking and I don't want to research the symptoms in case I (like you said) match the symptoms to my life. This was such a great video, it legitametly made me cry :) Hope you feel better soon <3
i get how you feel i have been struggling for 4 years on and off, i wish you the best with therapy, and it works well for you! good job for taking action. would love to hear about experiences of therapy, i think it would help so much as I'm afraid to go. But of course get your self sorted and happy first! :) xx
you dont seem insane at all, Im glad you can publicly talk about this stuff cause im going through mental health issues and I find it hard to even tell my friends or any family
When she mentioned depersonalization I hadn't heard about it so I searched it and when I saw what it was I just gasped and went into hysterics because I always thought I was going crazy when I would have an episode of it and I just need to thank you so much for helping me with this
Thank you so much Dodie. I really needed to hear someone else talk about this, especially as of late. But I am really sorry that you're having to deal with it because it really is the worst. I think I've possibly suffered from depersonalisation for at least 5 or 6 years? But honestly I'm not sure when it began. I might know what the trauma was that caused it though. I'm already being treated for depression and anxiety, but yeah, I've been struggling again with depersonalisation stuff recently and I feel like now's the time I try to talk to a doctor about it. It's such a difficult thing to talk about too because you feel bad for saying that the world around you doesn't seem real?? Especially to friends?? Like it's not that we don't think they're real, but that things don't seem real.. which probably doesn't sound like much of a difference but D: So yeah I really appreciate you making this video! <3 Take care honey x
i've dealt with derealization and depersonalization for the past 5 years and it took a visit to a mental hospital for me to realize that i wasn't going completely insane. i wish i would have realized sooner that i was not alone. this illness is a thing that exists and is common, but it is not talked about enough. we are not insane. we may be a little sick in the brain, but we are not crazy. and we are real and alive.
Thank you so much for making this video. I've felt terrible for the past weeks and I've been trying to surpress it but it didn't work. I was and am so scared but this video actually helped because now I know that I'm not insane and there actually is a cure for my 'illness'. The point is that my mum says I should just let it go, but I can't and I want to go to therapy. I'm only seventeen so I can't just go to therapy I need her approval. How do I do this?
Just going to put it out there, you are my hero and I hope I will be as awesome as you one day. I am going to imitate you and try to overcome my own grief and weird depression. Thank you.
omg yes, I've had DPD all my life and it comes and goes in waves. No idea what it was until I went to google a few years ago - felt so weird to know I wasn't the only one feeling like that, and actually reassured me when my doctor diagnosed me.. not crazy lol
I hope everything works out for you, I have had many problems with trying to get into doctor appointments and oh boy is it frustrating since you just want to get help. Also I can't thank you enough for helping me find the word for what I have been feeling the last 4 weeks which is depersonalisation and I can't wait to ask my therapist about it.
Thank you so much for this video! I am really really sorry your doctor didn't acknowledge your struggle, and I'm glad that sharing your experience had a positive influence on you too. I can totally relate to your struggle with your emotions during the video. They are so out of control and you try to keep yourself together but they just do their own thing.... :( since there seems to be this huuuge stigma in society surrounding mental health issues, antidepressants etc. i thought i'd debunk some myths, and put a video up about it on my channel, maybe you wanna check it out :) Lots of love, Tirsa
Thanks for making this and thanks for being honest. You do NOT sound crazy. You are not strange. You are wonderful and talented and valuable. I can't say I know exactly how you feel, because we all go through things differently, but you need to know you are not alone and you are not wrong and you should not have to pretend. I have been dealing with my own struggles in the same categories, and it is hard, but you can do this. Much love!
Love this video. In my case, it isn't really mental illness, but I'm going to the doctor because I've been feeling exhausted. I was trying to keep it together and eventually my family noticed, and I was told I could have low thyroid. Such a simple thing!! I would have never thought that my fatigue could be a symptom of something more. It's important to have people around you that take you seriously and are willing to help you.💟
I've dealt with minor depersonalization consistently for the past 2 years. So believe me when I say that you don't sound crazy at all because I go through almost the exact same thing! Thank you so much for sharing cause it really does help me, and hopefully others, by hearing about other people going through this. The video did kinda confirm my worst fear however, that at some point in my life, this feeling may get worse. But maybe now I can prepare by finally going to therapy or who knows. Just know that the intense depersonalization you are going through will not last forever, trust me. Thanks, even though Dodie probably won't read this 😂 but thanks
I appreciate what you do: so I decided that, based solely on this video, I would share my thoughts on what might be troubling you.You mentioned how: you felt this way since seventeen, having your anxiety spike after going to Wales, walking through a "dream world," and not being able to talk to your maid. both having a maid and going to Wales is something not many can do; but if they could would be ecstatic about. This feeling of "I'm not here" may be you trying to put distance between what you are doing, and how you feel about it. What is the "normal again" that you mentioned in the video? is it not feeling alone? Do you feel undeserving of what you achieved; and maybe I'm wrong. What I do know is that we'll be waiting for you to stand up whenever it is you're ready! Thanks for your support,!
Hi Dodie! I went through something VERY similar this past January - March. I started suffering from intense feelings I had been repressing for years after a traumatic childhood experience, which then caused the most severe anxiety I've ever felt. What helped me the most was having people tell me that I wasn't crazy and that all of my feelings were valid, because then I started working through those feelings and letting myself feel stuff I never allowed myself to. I didn't think I would make it to my college graduation and I now have my degree and a full time job that I love. You're not crazy and everything you're feeling is so real; sometimes to really, truly get to the place you want, you have to feel the worst and weirdest you've ever felt. Keep talking to people you love and doing the things you love. I know it's hard to see now - it definitely was for me - but it will get better.
Oh, dearest Dodie. My heart goes out to you. It deeply saddens me to see yet another human on this planet has had to experience this. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. However, I can say that as much as the past 3 years of (depression, generalised anxiety and depersonalisation/derealisation) have been the most difficult and terrifying of my life so far; I can truly say it has changed me for the better. There are positives and negatives that come out of everything in life.
Through this video alone, I can see how much of a strong individual you are. Trust me in saying you will be A OK. Even though it does not feel that way. I understand exactly how you are feeling, and so many others do. Looking in the mirror and not recognising yourself. Or walking down the road but not feeling like you're in your own body. Or just purely being tired of being in a body that your brain does not want to be in. You will find the things that help you the most. For me, personally its talking, writing down these thoughts, therapy, yoga, healthy eating and exercise. I also like to remind myself that depersonalisation is a coping mechanism-when our bodies are under a lot of stress, they switch off. I guess its to just give us a break. Think of it like that.
I wish you all the best with this, and remember-none of this is permanent. You are strong xxx
I understand how you feel dodie! and I'm glad you brought this up because I've noticed that you haven't been doing so well lately.. thinking that you're making up symptoms or "faking" your problem only makes the issue worse. I thought for years that I was just "moody" and people just ignored my weird behavior. It wasn't until I cried every day for two months straight that I realized something was wrong. thats when i finally went to see a doctor and was diagnosed with depression. all those years I thought I was just being "dramatic" when I had constant thoughts of sucide or self harmed. I wish someone had told me that it was a real problem, and it wasn't just in my head.
I can every single word of this video! I'm nowhere near recovery personally but I'm on the path to it and seriously, as cliché as it sounds, it does get easier. If it isn't too hard for you, keep talking openly about this. Its so nice for younger people like me (16) to know that you can still have these things when you're older and get help and sort your life out haha, we're not alone! I'm just rambling now but yeah you're lovely and I hope you start to feel better xxx
holy, i don't know where to start. i've never heard someone with such a following talk about the one thing I hold so true to who I am. i am going to try to make this short. i have not felt like myself since i was 16, it's been 7 years this fall. my experience is similar to yours in the sense of just feeling a bit off for a while. for months i would express it as "i'm not here." depersonalization is a dissociation disorder, for me it's a separation with my mind and body. i literally feel like i'm constantly in my head and not connected to the rest of my body. as a product the outside world is dream like and reality is off. simply, i am not grounded.
the symptoms, - feeling like you're watching yourself (out of body experience), not recognizing who you are in the mirror, feeling numb, not recognizing familiar things, like places or people, not feeling connections to people -all get worse the more anxiety you have. perhaps your symptoms subdued for so long because you just ignored them. my depersonalization has been a sequence of feeling off, then recognizing the symptoms and igniting extreme fear + anxiety (making the symptoms more prominent and terrifying) then gradually learning to ignore them again...the latter puts you in your initial state of just feeling off, only now you know why.
i don't have the cure, i believe it's different for everyone. but it helps to understand that often people who develop this are highly sensitive people and prone to it in the first place. sometimes it's not clear as to why it occurred, it can be as simple to always being an anxious person...try not to obsess as to why it developed. your symptoms are more pronounced right now because they're being fueled by anxiety. talking with a psychologist will give you tools to ease it and eventually your symptoms will decrease and maybe even fade completely. if you find yourself back where you were initially, just feeling off i recommend meditation and grounding techniques. we are literally not connected to our bodies, we retreated because of fear. we have to reprogram our brains to enter our bodies again if that makes sense.. i have instances of feeling truly present, like "i'm here" and it's the most beautiful and amazing feeling. we can do this. i hope you feel more like you :)
I don't think I've ever seen a video on the internet describe me more than this one. I relate so much on so many different levels, I hope you're doing better.
Dodie, I am so sorry you have these feelings. Someone I love very much struggles with similar periods of disjointedness and numbness (in the US, I think what you are describing is called dissociation - I've never heard of depersonalization), and she initally used cognitive/dialectical behavior therapy and antidepressants to regain control once she was diagnosed, and then more standard therapy and/or medication once severe symptoms lessened. I hope this information helps in some way, and I'm glad you're seeking treatment.
I experience from dissociation and depersonalization a lot, like I forget that I can interact with the world around me. I feel like I'm sitting outside of the world watching it happening. What you're feeling is 100% validated. Mine stems from my stress and anxiety. It just sucks because it feels like there's no way to get it stop. Like a boyfriend I had for over a year broke up with me and as soon as he left, I felt like I never even dated him. I felt like it didn't happen to me, it felt like I watched it all happen to other people. And I would just to and grasp on to those feelings I had with him when I was grounded and in the moment. I just understand what's going on with you, and I'm so glad you vocalized it in a way that it more or less easy to understand for people who don't understand.
I can tell you're extremely critical of yourself, it makes me sad to see how confused you are about who you are. From what I can tell, you have a beautiful mind and heart. I hope you find healing and comfort someday and please never give up.. :)
I just watched this today and I truly needes it, especially today. I have been struggling with anxiety symptoms for months now and its effected me physically and I need to do something about it, although its fairly fresh, I know the best thing for me to do is to get help.. so thankyou
Hi Dodie, I know I'm a bit late for watching this video but I've been going through a similar thing so I haven't been online for the last couple of weeks. I know you can never feel 100% better but I really hope that your illnesses fade slightly and you manage to start digging a small tunnel out of the groove in your brain, even if you have to do it with a tiny toothpick (it feels like nothing is changing but even tiny toothpick scratches are better than nothing)! I have a book recommendation: Am I Normal Yet? by Holly Bourne, it's a book about mental illness and it's aimed at teenagers but it has genuinely helped me a lot over the last couple of years. You may never read this but I genuinely hope you can make the hole you're in slightly shallower xxxx
thank you dodie so much. I deal with so much shit, i am so bipolar i actually have psychosis. Re-realization and depersonalisation are big things in the things i have. I relate to this so much. Despite being on medication, my bad habits and problems have made me depressed for an actual reason. Knowing you deal with this too makes me feel so much better, no one around me really understands, thank you.
You're not crazy. I suffer with depression and anxiety too and that is pretty much how i feel as well. I'm so glad you're getting help because no one should ever face this alone. Thank you for sharing your story
I'm 21 and I've been suffering depersonalization since I was maybe 14. I totally get the trying to get back to what's "familiar" but it not working. It's like those familiar places had simply moved on without you. But anyway, I can very much relate to you so much, so it's good to know neither of us are alone at least. I even went to a therapist a while ago, and they did not help. But I've found a new one that is so much better! Therapy really does help once you find someone who understands and who you can trust. Good luck, and my best wishes to you!
Hi Dodie! I was listening to a song, "Touch" by Sleeping at Last (do take a listen. I think you'd really resonate with it!) I was listening to the lyrics and thought of you and what you've been going through... I'm a huge advocate for mental health and therapy as I've dealt with my fair share of panic attacks and some of the dearest people in my life have been affected by mental health issues. I can't stress it enough, but what you are feeling is valid and once you find a doctor who can help you through this time, things will get better!! Even though it sucks, sometimes we have to work through the mud to get to solid ground! <3
depression and anxiety is something really hard to go through. just know that you're not alone dodie, and your followers and subscribers are here for you no matter what.
"I felt that I was not, never had been and never would be a living part of this overpoweringly solid and deeply meaningful world around me." -- John Knowles, A Separate Peace
Professional Counselor here. I appreciate your honesty. Feel free to ask me questions. Depersonalization is real and actually pretty normal; it's just not okay when we realize it so frequently. Google grounding, diaphragmatic breathing, Cognitive therapy and mindfulness...some of the best things you can do for dissociation and panic ;)
I deal with depression and I was diagnosed with something similar to multiple personality disorder. I know it's hard, I've been dealing with it for maybe 6-7 years. Recently I've felt it hit me harder. Whether it might be that school is starting up again or that I have been overwhelmed with new surroundings or something else it is just very hard to deal with. I have a girlfriend who also has depression and low self confidence and when I stray away from her she has to find a way to bring me back. It's difficult to keep a relationship with her still but I do it to make me happy.
I can totally feel u, one day morning in my freshmen year, I was walking on the road, I just found I am not there and I am not me, I was just looking the world move but not actually there. This feeling makes me want to scream. That's the first time I start to research depression and so on, I didn't go to a doctor that time, cause I am just afraid to talk to them. I am afraid I can't explain it. The lucky thing is the urgent symptoms seem went away by itself, but it do come back time to time, should I go find a doctor? I know the answer is yes but..
Hi Doddle i myself suffer from anxiety and depression and i'm not going to say i feel exactly how you do as it is different for everyone,, i have had it for 3 years plus and find it difficult to live my everyday life and socialising and looked for help and councilling.let me just say you are an amazing person who brings happiness and joy to many people with your blogs and videos including myself and im sorry to hear you have been effected by this illness. i hope you can over come this and be happy with in yourself x
Things in my life have been awful since the beginning of my last school year, around the end of September. My friend was depressed, and she was self-harming. I still remember when I found that out and I will never ever forget it. After that things have been, bad. Not necessarily with my life or my health just with my head and my thoughts. I have not been able to move past that and I just want to cry all of the time. I hate how I feel and I really want to see a professional because I cannot figure this out on my own. But I can't even get to that point. It's a horrible, all-consuming feeling that I just can't get away from it. Thank you for making this, it kind of helped to describe how I feel. Thank you so much Dodie.
I had severe depersonalisation/anxiety after a drug trip for 3 weeks and it was the most terrifying experience of my life, luckily it tapered off and I got better but I just want to say have hope because by no means is mental illness for life. There are so many things one can do, whether it is therapy, exercise, meditation, diet changes or whatever you will find a way to live happily with your mind :)
As a person that gave struggled with anxiety and depression since I've lost my father I can say that there's no cure for what I feel, there is a way to learn how to live with it, and how to slowly overcome. But there's no cure becaus its never going to bring my father back and I will never stop missing him. Im not saying you cant get better, because different people have different anxiety scenarios. I just want to say that I have been through the worst and I slowly came out of it, Im not cured, but Im better, which means that you can get better aswell, you will get out of it, be patient and grab up to something because most days will try to bring you down but you need to fight for the days that bring you up.
I've experience weeks like this and although I'm not trying to say it's exactly the same I can recognize how your feeling. I've tried to explain it to people but it's really hard when you don't know what's happening or what your even trying to explain. to me it always just feels like I'm almost sleeping like I'm walking and dining things but there is no real point because I'm not really doing it or I'm not really here or it doesn't really matter any way.
Wowie I can't even put into words how much I relate with this video. I can't talk about it to anyone, personally I would like to see someone but there's nothing I can really do about that as no one takes me seriously. There's nothing I can do or say to convince anyone of these weird symptoms I feel, but hey, ya know, "I'm sure she's just being the drama queen she normally is" ahh it's really not fun, but I respect you so much and I'm happy you're in a place where you can talk about it and help others, love you Dodie xx
This may sound bht I really wish I could hug you better. I've been where you are now/were and I still struggle every now then. P.s. I know this may just be in the video but don't force yourself to not cry, it only build up emotion and potentially make things worse. Hope you are feeling better, Mark
hey there, have you ever tried a specialised technique with a dr, called EMDR, my dear Dodie? It may help with the scattered shards of memories that may feel like they're sticking to the sides of this groove you mentioned in your brain. EMDR has definitely been helping me in terms of my PTSD and GAD. Thank-you so much for keeping on keeping on. <3 ~ sovadea
:( This is the only video I've seen of yours but I relate. I started realizing I had a problem when I was only 9 years old and people tell me all the time, there's no way a 9 year old can have depression, 9 year olds don't even know what that is and the only thing a 9 year old can fixate on is cats and rainbows, as you said. But I was fixated on the fact my parents were so much older than my friend's parents and they're going to die before most of my friend's parents were. When I'd go to my grandparent's house (which live 1,000 miles from my parent's) all I'd want to do was go home so my parent's didn't die when I was gone. And I obsessed over it which triggered anxiety. At 12 I was diagnosed with MDD and I was failing every subject except English in school simply bc my brain shut down and I didn't want to try bc I didn't care and it was exhausting to put effort into school. High school I realized I had depersonalisation and felt like a ball of consciousness and didn't have a human body. I would talk to people I'd never talk to before which everyone thought was nice and tralala yay, I'm making new friends, but it was because I had totally changed and didn't see myself as a person like them. Idk how but I got out of it and I still just have issues with motivation and I've never really "treated" it for longer than 4 mo. But I know, the way to treat it is through therapy. Your therapist NEEDS to teach you coping skills or else it just won't get you where you want to be with your mental health. You need to get out of it in your own special way. I am a very happy depressed person bc I know what makes me happy and I do the things that make me happy and I get to thinking about the amazing things I can do and it motivates me to take steps into doing them. I write things down, like goals and how I want my lifestyle to be like, and keep them in mind and read them when I'm down or just want inspiration or both. I'm not high functioning though, I still fail a lot and I still get anxious a lot, but I know how to at least comfort myself and go for a walk or honestly just sit and "meditate" in a way. I hope you figure everything out and know you're loved by your friends you can obviously text/talk to that you mentioned in the beginning. Good luck with this special journey, it really can be enlightening if you let it be. :)
Jesus Christ I can't believe I haven't seen this yet! I get this permanently and I've been so scared lately... Thank you so much for making this it's so nice to get that reassurance you will be ok xx (btw seeing things brightly and weird things like that is probably mostly derealisation which is almost the same but more to do with the surroundings)
dodie if at any point you feel overwhelmed or like taking a break from videos and the internet will actually benefit you, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't feel bad about it or keep making videos for our benefit. we love you so much and we want you to get better and if getting off the internet helps you on the right track to recovery then we'll be thrilled and continue to love you more and more until and when you're in a better place. we're all rooting for you
Be strong Dodie, I send love and best wishes from the other side of the world. Even though I don't know you, I know other people who have combatted depression and anxiety, and I really hope you feel happier soon. I have felt... sad before, and really angry, but I know it is not as severe as what others have felt, so I feel so sorry for you, because if what bad stuff I have felt isn't really that bad, then I sincerely hope nobody has to go through 10x worse than that. 🌺💕😌 Hope you had/are having a good day :)
You don't sound crazy. I've felt like that for so long. I have a depression and I've been out of school for a year now and I'm starting again this wednesday. I'm so, so scared and I'm afraid not to be able to function like every one else, because that feeling of not really being here keeps coming back every once in a while. But I guess I have to pretend to be normal and then maybe I will feel like it. I hope you will feel better at some point!
it's so strange, because i only now realize that i've experienced depersonalization before, if only mildly (and only once in a while). it would happen occasionally, and i always thought it was normal. i wondered if anyone else ever experienced it as well, but it was such a strange existential feeling that i thought, 'i don't think everyone experiences this.' and i just never told anyone about it because it felt so abstract to me. even stranger, i noticed it happening at a pretty young age, like eight or nine maybe? i don't really remember the first time i felt it. but yeah, i seriously never knew it was an actual thing that people struggle with, and on a much worse scale. so this actually helped me clear that up a bit. at least i know it's a valid, identified feeling.
I would love to talk to you Dodie or anyone for that matter. I'm really struggling lately and I can't find help and maybe just talking to anyone in general not even a psyocaratrist. Thanks xo
oh my god this is just so OooooooooooooooooooooooooOOOH its me with words oh dodie no what have u done. i cant write a comment that does this video justice so im just going to say thank you very much for being on this planet for everyone ESPECIALLY me and yourself
O gosh when you talk about the obsession part. I feel the same way. I feel like im getting more okay now and that is nice but that I obsessed so much over some things that they are forever ruined and its very easy to trigger bad thoughts by fenomenons associated with these things. I feel like I broke myself because i couldn't stop myself from creating the obsession.
I know that it is not my fault and that I did the best I could. I shouldnt give myself blame. Still...
Also its sooo good that you get enough sleep and go in and out bed at regular times and walk (excersise) because these things are the base of a good mental stability. It doesnt magically fix things tho, it takes a lot of time and I really had support of my friend but you can also think of a professional like a psychologist or a coach. If a day goes nothing like you hoped and you cant get up etc, dont hate on and blame yourself cause that doesnt do any good for you. Be patiënt with yourself, be kind. You need it most now
Dodie, I wish I could meet you but U.S. life says that's not happening. I think you're so wonderful and sometimes I feel you are an older version of me. I mean this in the best way possible and you give me hope and light. Thank you SO much
To anyone who is suffering from any mental illness like depression, I hope you are having a good day and I want you to know that you should never give up no matter how bad everything seems, you can overcome it. Maybe not right away, but you can do it. :)
I understand this, and I honestly thought I was alone. It seems like lately everything bad is happening in my home, family, and life. But instead of feeling upset, angry, or any sort of emotion I just sit here. Numb. Not knowing whats with me. Like i'm there, I know i'm there but i'm not, like theres a glass wall keeping me from everything. And its so frustrating to describe! I have felt this way for such a long time and no one even knows, cares, or is too busy to realize. I just want something famaliar. Everything's too hectic, to...different. My friends say they understand but they don't. They just don't. And i'm just, I don't even know anymore
I relate to a lot of things you mentioned, but especially at the end when your friend says "I'm fine" and you wonder "HOW CAN YOU BE FINE??". I think that all the time. How can people be fine? How can people be happy? What if happy don't exist and everyone on this earth is unhappy, but pretends to be happy? What if happy never existed, but people made it up because it was too painful being unhappy? My brain will not stop thinking about this stuff.
I relate to you so much wow... with this video and with your sexuality videos and just your personality seems so similar to mine and I feel so glad to have stumbled across your channel. therapy really helps, especially if you can find a therapist who you can talk to about anything, even stuff un-mental health related. I know things are tough for you, and we all go through rough patches again and again once we think we are improving, but just your positive take on this is really going to help you. you go girl!!
I genuinely hope things will get better for you soon and you can keep trying and that you find a nice therapist! that's important :) hang in there! I started therapy early this year and it's going slow but I'll just keep going like everyone else struggling with mental illness. We can get through this!
i have chronic bipolar depression, so my depression can snap on and off (it doesn't go away, just hiding.) and sometimes it lasts for months, and I constantly have that feeling in my eyes and stomach when I'm about to cry and if something small happens, tears, violence, aggression, irritation, laziness, etc, etc, etc.. and this never ever stops. Dodie even though our problems, minds, and illnesses, aren't the same, but the video had me balling my eyes out because knowing that my favorite person could be feeling something anything close to what I am, kills me and comforts me at the same time. I love you so much dodie.
I do this exact same thing everyday I'll keep my self awake a night just obsessing over how I'm me but I don't look or feel like me it's the strangest thing and it's so hard to explain
i know im "late" but god making this video has helped so many people, you have no idea. we are all proud of you for being able to make this video and talk about things that have been affecting you and how you feel and, just, that takes so much strength to talk about to thousands of people. im glad you feel comfortable enough to make a video about how your mind is currently, and just thank you for existing.
It's ok to not be ok, life isn't always a fun ride and sometime you have to be really down to really apreciate the good things in life, your a great person Dodie and this will pass and you will feel een better than before. Be strong and you'll surpass this becauss you're the best!!
hello! I'm not sure if you'll see this, but I would just like to say a really big thank you for just being you ♥ you've been such an amazing inspiration with your beautiful songs and always doing your best, and your videos had cheered me up countless times. I would just like to say that we may not fully understand what you're going through, but we're here for you :) circumstances may be really rough for you, but please don't keep it all bottled up inside! no matter how hopeless circumstances are at times, I believe that there is always a way, and you will get through them ^^ don't feel too rushed or pressured into doing things for us, because we understand that you're going through a really tough time, and want the best for you. I hope that you'll be able to overcome all that you've been struggling with, and will keep you in prayer :) God bless you love x
You have no idea how comforting this video is because I know I'm not alone. What you're describing is exactly how I feel and I too thought I was just going insane. Thank you for sharing this ❤️
You are not crazy, you are not mental. You are a beautiful person and I am really happy for you that you are getting help! I hope you will finally get the help and support that you deserve!
I'm 15 years of age and its crazy because I have recently went through something similar to this. I honestly felt like I was spaced out into my own little world. like when you're not too drunk but tipsy, where people are speaking to you and the words are just coming through one ear and out of the other? and all of the thoughts in your head go all squished and every time you try to think about stuff nothing comes together correctly. also as if your constantly run down and dazed. I suffer from anxiety and did suffer with minor PTSD. right now I'm much better, I feel more awake, more in the real world. everything is much more clear to me now. I honestly just had to delete all of the things that we're making me stressed and put them to the side, and worry about the things that are more important uch as self love, doing things, speaking to more people and bringing myself back down to earth one step at a time. I really hope that this happens to you and that you will come back to your normal, happy self.
my doctor didn't refer me to a doctor until the point where I had a suicide attempt and had started self harming.. I'd gone there once before to talk and explain why I felt wrong and she told me the same thing, "you're making yourself feel this way, you're obsessed with the idea that you feel that way"... 5 years later I'm in therapy for generalised anxiety, depression and PTSD 👎 this is why I hate my doctor.
Ok for 1- Dodie...please know you have touched me by your music...I have only discovered your music yesterday.... So I have listened to your songs all day long...THEN I found out you had a 2nd channel and HERE I am and this video is the first one I clicked on. Because I know EXACTLY how you feel...I have had anxiety/panic attacks since I was 16 probably when my dad passed away. You are not scaring anyone away...we are all NOT ok...nobody is FINE! I wish we could chat...and I REALLY WISH you were coming on your to Oregon...I would fly to see you if you were close to the PNW!
I just wanted to let you know that I know how you're feeling and lately I have felt up and down as well. Keep being you- because there is only ONE Dodie Clark and I, as well as many others, think you are amazing. Sending love and light to you sweetie! Xo
i felt this way for a long time. i still do, but to a lesser extent. i actually ended up in a psychiatric ward for a week. it was absolutely horrible, like my worst nightmare from a horror film. the only thing that awful abusive experience gave me was the motivation to get real help so i would never be sent back there ever again. please dodie and everybody else, do absolutely everything you can to get outpatient help asap. don't stop going to a doctor until they help you. try your best to achieve happy and healthy minds, i believe in you <3
dodie you've mentioned before about having a fear of death?? I suffer with depersonalisation/derealisation and i also share the same irrational obsession with dying that you've talked about in a previous video, I often wonder if these feelings are connected, and depersonalisation is just kinda my bodies way of dealing with my death phobia, like my brain disconnects me from reality to help cope with the fear? idk if you agree with any of this but i though i'd share, best of luck xxx
I recently found out that I have Bipolar Disorder. I can't sleep and my brain is consumed with the thought 'Am I just being overdramatic?' Or 'Am I making this up?'. Most of the time I feel as if I'm making it up, and asking for attention although I don't want anyone, except for my close friends, to know. I'm scared. I feel as if there is something wrong with me, and I can't help it.
I have large nostalgia for 2012, it was the year I was most happy. I did not need to worry about anything. I was so open and free, now I feel the need to fit into society, I feel threatened by the on going trends of 2016. I wonder to myself; am I normal? What is normal? Why should I be normal? Am I insane? At this point I have a raging headache and no longer want to think about it. I want to go to sleep but I can't. I guess that's why I like what I do so much. I am a hacker, I now realise the only reason I have followed this path and become what I am is because I don't like our generation. I feel the need to isolate myself. I feel the need to sit behind screens and explore the world without actually interacting with people. The question still however circles my mind... Am I insane?
I'm not sure if you'll see this, and there's not much I can do to help, but I really hope you find the help you need and get better. You seem like such a strong person, and it's hard to get help, and it's hard to cope with things like this, and I really wish the best for you.
I have anxiety and panic attacks very regularly, to combat this along depression I would use Marijuana everyday. I started getting into dabbing but had several horrible incidents with the stuff, but it was never enough to get me to quit. Until my last use. That day I was having a severe panic attack when I woke up thinking about someone who abused me and thinking they wanted to hurt me. I tried to relieve the anxiety with a dab and instantly knew I made the wrong decision. This happened once before where I went into panic mode and just thought I was going to die; however, the last time it came down within hours. This time after about an hour I knew this was different. I couldn't remember anything, and the world looked really strange. This was a totally new thing for me besides one small instance where I had an "out of body experience" at school that lasted like 5 minutes. I had no idea that weed had these kind of side effects. So I tried to just tell myself that it will pass soon and it's only the weed. Next day came and I felt no better. I had retrograde autobiographical amnesia and my body and mind felt like two separate entities. I could feel no emotions, zero. Which for me is outrageous. I just became so apathetic about everything in life when I used to have so much passion. I had depersonalized and derealized and now I'm mostly just dealing with the derealization. My emotions are coming back but everyday is different, some days I'm depressed, the next I'm angry, then the next day I can be generally happy with bouts of fear.
I went to get help today but I wont be able to see a therapist for at least a month.. I can at least now feel like I do exist, like I know I exist even if I feel super strange about it. In the beginning I honestly just didn't know "was my entire life just a dream?" Distractions are obviously the best thing to do but sometimes I just have no energy, but I can't sleep with my anxiety. I have night mares every night that sometimes wake me up in a panic. I am just so glad to not be alone and to know what I am going through, I know this is a natural response, and that it will pass. I just can't imagine having this for years with no clue. I had to explain to the lady that assessed me today that while I don't want to die or kill myself, that the thought of "I'd rather be dead" does occur, like if I felt like this everyday and that my life is just a passageway to death I couldn't fathom just sticking through it. This is the hardest thing I've ever experienced and before this I thought I've had it tough with abuse and trauma, but this is the actual reaction to me realizing that I was abused. I know that I have PTSD now, but for some reason none of this happened until I really analyzed my past relationship and I finally told them off and to stay out of my life.
This is something you come out of stronger, I know it. This video could not have popped up on my suggested panel at a better time.
U don't sound mad. U sound like a person who is trying to come to terms with what's happening in ur mind and that's definitely not crazy. That's smart and it shows u r a strong, willing and determined person. I wish u every success in battling against this. Good luck. X
I haven gone back to my old house for more than 10 minutes since May 2013 (had to look through convos with old friends to figure that out, hurt to look.) I couldn't look in a mirror and recognise myself and I've still not been able to go to the doctor about it. Perhaps the websites might help me, like they have helped you.
i dont know whether anyone will read this but its nice to write my feelings down so yeah ive felt a similar way to dodie for about a month now and its really really really scary and different and i feel so weird and for some reason it always gets more intense when i do things with people i love being around. like i find it hard to appreciate things to the full because they feel so unreal and i feel like im floating through my life and im not taking anything in fully because it doesnt feel real enough to take in? time passes so quickly without me even realising because im too focused worrying that things dont feel like they should and its so scary ahh h like i was in london yesterday and i felt like i was in a bubble and the things around me were still happening but it wasnt me they were happening to and it was someone else somewhere else and that wasnt fun considering i'd gone to london to enjoy myself. things just dont feel right and even if i touch them to try and make them feel more real, it doesnt work and it isnt me who's touching them and i know full well that im doing the things im doing and the things around me that are happening are actually happening but it really doesnt feel like that and its so scary and its hard to appreciate things in my life when none of it feels all that real. i want to get help but im quite young so i dont know how hard it would be. sorry this was long and if you read then thanks i guess ahh i dont know i just wanted to have what im feeling right now written down somewhere so it feels more like i have control of it :)
+TheMadChatter ahhh thank you so much, I was having a particularly bad day dealing with whatever I'm experiencing when I commented, I'm feeling considerably better right now ! thank you again though, it means a lot :)
The moment you said "i wanted to go in my bed and be normal again" and you began to cry, I just saw myself in you. And when you went angry because you were crying... I really saw me in you. Like, I'm crying so much, and most of the time why or what I have to do that it stops. And I even make it worse, because Im getting angry because Im crying and them Im crying more because Im angry... I already talked to my Mum, to my friends, but its only getting worse. the older I get, the more panic attacks i get. slowly im afraid of it. that comment costed me a lot of tears, oh god
i know it's really hard n ive been there. First things 1st u need to try n treat yourself ( buy somethink just for yourself). Make a list of at least 10 things your thankfull for. Get a good posertive self help book. Remember there is always someone worse off.
I just realized why I watch you and idolize you (even though you've asked us not to I do it anyway and I'm sorry but I do). We are very similar you look and act like I imagine the older version of me would act. I realize now after like what 4 years of me feeling like I do I am depressed. I should probably go to the doctor and get help but I don't want to. I don't want to be the one girl who has to take medicine because she's unhappy. And I don't want my friends to think its because of them or my family to think its them either. And none of this makes any sense because I was perfectly happy just a few days ago? I just want to go home. I don't know why I have to be like this? Why can't I be normal? I feel like I'm going insane.
+doddlevloggle My friend told me one day that she felt so depressed. She didn't want to do anything. Didn't want to get up, eat, she didn't want to live. She knows what it's like. I don't. But I kind of do. But not first hand. It can change a person so much you can see that they're not completely here. It didn't help that we're at different schools either. So yea I know how you feel....but I don't.
I've been feeling not good for a while. I've written it off as laziness and introversion, but what if somethings actually wrong? I think it began with me moving 5 years ago but who knows? I miss that place so, so much. It's especially bad at school. I quit show choir and women's choir , haven't been doing as well in my classes either. I don't have any friends aside from my cousins whom I only really see on Sundays and still feel uncomfortable with. I think It might be a mixture of social anxiety and loneliness but I dunno. I used to cry myself to sleep because of it, not as much anymore. I thought about talking to my school counselor and my mom about it, but that didn't work out. I want things to change, but I don't think they will for a while. Nothing feels real, there's no direction in my life. God, I hope I'm not sounding too melodramatic.
Ok I'm two minutes in but I have to type I'm so excited by this topic coming up: I HAVE DEREALISATION!!! It sounds like you're describing derealisation not depersonalisation? Depersonalisation is more outer body type experience, it's what my ex had, whereas derealisation is what I have, where I can't access the info of what one side of the room looks like by the time my eyes have gone to the other side of the room, it's like being blind but it's my brain that's not taking in the information, nothing wrong with my eyes, and it feels like brain blindness, not eye blindness, I can tell the difference! (I once went blind for 3 minutes when someone threw a snowball with a rock at my face in high school. Lol. Shit happens. So yeah, they are distinctly different feelings, in case anyone wants to question that, which people often do, no it's not my eyes, I'm mentally ill). When I get it, it's my mind that's chosen to shut down and go on autopilot because it finds the outside world too stressful, and I can't get it back into manual, and I'm just awake enough to be aware of it, but lacking the control I would normally otherwise have, and I'm doing and saying very strange things. I like to hang upside down so I can feel my body, otherwise I'm totally numb. Everything is 2D not 3D and it's like my eyes are the barrier to a tv screen, and if I touch something it's not really there. I thought I'd gone crazy. it's so sad to me now that it took me months to build up the courage to google my symptoms because I thought I'd lost it and might end up in a mental asylum if I told anyone. Turns out it's just a symptom of severe anxiety! Started getting derealisation 5 years ago now, but it's almost gone! MINDFULNESS! Strongly recommend it. Let go of the past, don't worry about the future, and live in the here and now <3 <3 <3 It's been 5 years since I was living in peak anxiety, but I'm now getting there, it takes a while for your brain to stop freaking out at the slightest thing, 5 years and I still get it occasionally. I was waking up and going to sleep still in derealisation, and didn't stop feeling nausea whatsoever for a period of 3 entire months though, so I figure that's got to be pretty extreme, no wonder I still suffer. Naturally, I was a total trainwreck at the time as I'm sure you can imagine xD I'm still on Citalopram, but doing so so well for me! I'm even moving to London soon to pursue my dreams of being a singer-songwriter (what stressed me out in the first place, partially). I'm going to keep going back to Wales to pick up my prescriptions, as they're free here haha. Hope you feel better soon, Dodie. The mental health system is fucked, the first doctor I went to said he was "sceptical as to the existence of derealisation." Makes me angry, frustrated, sad, disappointed, and restless just thinking about it, I burst into tears in the doctor's surgery. I wish I could get him written off, he upset me so, so deeply. Thanks for sharing this :) You're a bit of an idol tbh, you keep talking about all the right things such as mental health, and also write epic tunes. Also, I'm a total hippie now as an aside, it's brought me peace :D :D So I love that you're wearing a hippie top hahaha. Namaste, girlfriend ;) xxxxx :*
Hey! I know this is totally random and kinda unnecessary to say, but momentarilly I am happy to be alive. And fyi it feels like an achievement, because this happens very rarily. So I wanted to share with someone and who would be a better listener than an old youtube comment section?
You probably won't see this because there's literally thousands of comments here, but I feel exactly the same way you do. I kept nodding my head as you were describing how you feel. About a month ago, I was in a store with my brother and a friend and I had to go sit down because I suddenly became so anxious that I got disoriented and started to feel like nothing was real and I was in a dream.
I want to recommend 2 blog entries that talk about depression and describe it so very well. I read them sometimes to feel better. If you want to read them, just search "hyperbole and a half adventures in depression" and "hyperbole and a half depression part 2."
You are amazing and I hope you feel better soon <3
Oh my god. Why didn't I Watch your video earlier ?I've been depressed for a few years now and my depression got worse a few weeks ago, and I didn't want to Watch your video because I thought it would remind me of my problems and make it worse. But this is exactly what I'm feeling right now and I didn't even know it was a thing ??? Like I didn't know depersonalisation was actually an illness and now that I know it, I feel sooooooooooo like relieved. I'm maybe not as mad as I thought I was.Thank you so much Dodie. as always, you make me feel better. ♥
my doctor didn't refer me to a doctor until the point where I had a suicide attempt and had started self harming.. I'd gone there once before to talk and explain why I felt wrong and she told me the same thing, "you're making yourself feel this way, you're obsessed with the idea that you feel that way"... 5 years later I'm in therapy for generalised anxiety, depression and PTSD 👎 this is why I hate my doctor.
Dodie how old are you now! If you've felt like that since you're eighteen I've felt like this for weeks and I feel so far Away but I just wanted comfort in the idea that it would go away soon and id be back where my feet are but what if it doesn't go away
I've tried telling my therapist but he just dumbs it down and it makes me want to cry I want to fix it but I can't explain it and nobody will want to fix it as much as I do because they can't see it affecting the way I appear on the outside
i want to roll her up in a blanket and hug her and make her happy eventhough i know it doesnt work that way. poor baby, i dont want anyone feel like this :(
depression and anxiety is a crazy scary weird thing which honestly can feel like your dying and going insane and its disgusting to have to live through, that coupled with depersonalisation must be horrible. one tip about therapists, the first one might not be right, second one might be not right either or the third fourth fifth sixth even, but u do need to keep going till you find the perfect one for you or it will not work!!! keep fighting try to be happy acting happy often helps xxxxx
i've been going the doc's, many of 'em, fer 25yrs, and they still can't help. they can't even agree what's wrong w/ me. only that there IS something. i've had over a dozen diagnoses, and i aint in the middle of nowhere, i'm only 3hrs from nyc. there people are SUPPOSED to know what the shit is goin' on. you dont sound crazy. you sound like what my head sounds like 23/7. that used to be an insult, but not anymore. try and keep your head up, Sis. you do good werks. i like you. you're good people. werds.
I smoke weed when I was 16 and almost immediately went into a very ugly bad trip. When I "woke up" from the hallucinations and absolute certainty that I had died, I got hit by so many panic attacks when I realised that I didn't exist. No matter what I did, no matter how hard I focused, I didn't exist, I couldn't feel like I was existing, everything was so strange and eery, and I tried to explain it to my parents, my friends, and no one could understand because it is weird. It's so weird. It's difficult to explain that you're you, but slightly off, away, like your soul is floating outside of your head and watching things go by and you have absolutely no control and - anywayyy, you see what I mean. I remained like that for eight months, maybe a year. I will not explain it in details but I can tell you that I got better. I just tried to unfocus from the fact that I didn't exist, I just tried to stop forcing myself into "existing" and being there, I just tried to stop thinking about it. Just to make myself clear: I did not try to pretend I was not sick. I was very aware that I was, but I had noticed that if I stopped thinking about it every single moment I could, I could let go a bit of the trauma, and just start to live by obsessing over things that made my happy and got my entire attention. The best trick I found was playing world of warcraft. Then I started watching tv shows. A lot. Obsessing over them in order to stop trying to focus myself into reality. And it worked, because I just had to learn to let it go and not try to hold on to that fear. Then I started to go out again, see my friends, have fun, have a few drinks... (no drugs though. never again.) I'm doing so much better now that I don't have to deal with this sensation, although I am very much more sensitive to mental issues. I have a lot of anxiety that I'm learning to cope with, I suspect I might be having some kind of depression, and I learn everyday to deal with it. I'm going to see a therapist soon and try to finally get rid of those leftovers I got from the trauma of my bad trip. I don't know if you'll ever read this but the best advice I could give you is just to try to let go of your fear, try to not think about it as much as possible because if you focus on how weird reality is, you will only be more self conscious. Your body knows how to live and how to react to social situations, and so does your mind, you just have to trust them a little more. But I know it's easier said than done, and it is possible that it might be different for you to get rid of the depersonalisation. I wish you all of the best and please, keep us updated <3 It means a lot to find a youtuber talking about this issue. Thank you so much for sharing. <3 <3
This is 100% what happened to me, or what I am still dealing with. When I got high and panicked I just couldn't stop thinking about death and that my whole prior existence was a dream that I could not recall. Absolutely the most terrifying thing I have experienced and it's only been 3 weeks, but I am so scared it will last so much longer. I finally went to get assessed for therapy today but it will take a month til I can be seen and I'll be home alone for most of the time with no family near me. I have been doing the same things though! Obsessing with shows and playing video games.. I have lost a lot of my excitability and emotional connection of course, but it is coming back.. I can't believe how common this is as I have never heard of it before it happened to me. Thankful for this video right now and all of the comments I can relate to saying it will pass and get better. That's the best advice I could give is to just remind yourself everyday that everything is temporary and how many obstacles in life we all have overcome.
Plume Blue I went through the same exact thing. having an out of body experience all day. panicking, thinking it would last forever. I would go to sleep hoping to wake up feeling my self again. I would cry most of the day but try to cope by doing things to distract myself. It took a good while before I felt okay. But I do still feel disconnected emotionally. Things that used to make me happy don't anymore but I'm learning to gain those emotions back by doing everything as I used to. glad you're feeling better
Well I don't know if anyone will respond to it but here For the last few days I've just felt numb inside. Like today I just keep walking around my house and I don't even remember thinking about anything I've either been doing that and/or staring at my ceiling or bawling my eyes out....I don't know why I've been doing this either. A few days ago I was fine laughing and smiling at silly things my little sister did but now I just don't feel anything except numb inside. I thought going to my aunts would help because where really close(she's like a mother to me) but strangely it didn't at all and whenever she asked me if I was okay I just started crying... I don't know maybe I'm going insane
What pisses me off about girls like yourself is you have everything going for you in the Uk, you literally are as a woman the one with all the power in our society. You are attractive and clearly able to express yourself! Your house looks better than my parents the one im currently in. I get mental illness ive had depression and anxiety as a man for many years which guess what means women wont go near me! Your gender can be suicidal and men will still take you on.
Truly you are a victim tho arnt you..... yeah right.
I bet you have an amazing sex life social life and work life.
We cant help mental illness but some of us are ill others cld and should learn to cope.
i always feel like somethings wrong with me. but i cant pinpoint it. I cant even describe how i feel. but i then i always think "what if im just making this up? what if im not actually depressed or something? what if i just want attention" but then why do i feel sad all the time? i cant understand anything.
So...I'm only 13. And I have heard SO many stories from other teens about being told they aren't really sick and I know my mom would blame it on one thing or another and I just don't know...I can't look it up because my parents watch my search history and will think I'm trying to be sick. But I'm underweight and sometimes worry about disorders, I have really bad episodes when I cry or get worked up and I just...I don't know anymore. If anyone has some kinda of answers or ideas...idk.
I know I'm not in the same situation as you, but your parents truly love you, and they will listen if you have a real problem like this. If they don't, or they chalk it up to hormones or whatever, try to see if there is a therapist or a counsellor at your school. I had major problems with bullying when I was about 10/11 and trust me, there will always be someone who can help you. Stay strong.
+Pablo NoEsEspañol thank you...my best friend has been trying to get me to go to the school counselor but I'm still very uncomfortable with talking about it. I'm thinking about going though. Everyone says it's worth it so I don't know.
I'm like crying the part where she talks about how some people turn it off and that they can't relate to this... But I do, no one believes me... My mom says I'll get over it and I can just turn it off... But I can't
Depersonalization. Don't take it for granted. Your mind is trying to tell you something. Just accept it and live life. Currently 3 months 24/7. You can contact me if you need someone to talk to.
It's so frustrating if I tell people I have anxiety they think I make it up but they act like they want to know what's going on. I know they think I'm making it up. I want to go to therapy, but I can't explain to my mother I'm anxious because she is going to ask a lot of questions and she is going to worry a lot and I don't want that for her. God.. Can't we all just hang out, everyone in the comments and Dodie, can we just hang out with each other.. I think everyone needs that here
my inner child wants to be comforted, but the outer tougher me won't let the feelings arise to the skin. So tears can be made so feelings are expressed. i know exactly what you are feeling, iv'e been away from every one for a good while now being in the military it fucking hurts. depression, stress will eat you alive, iv'e yet to seek help because i don't want pills to lean on, i want to invest my self into some one. iv'e also been told you need to love your self, and find self worth. before moving on to loving other people.
Please save me. I'm about to give up. I can't live with DP for any longer. I'M ONLY 14 YEARS OLD GODDAMN IT!! I JUST WANT A NORMAL LIFE I JUST WANNA GO BACK TO NORMAL I CAN'T LIVE LIKE THIS PLEASE JUST SAVE ME!!!!
Hhhhhhaaa I distance myself from deep shit like this (just push it down) because then I just think of things like I am not in control like there are only ever two options - to do something or to not do anything hahaha so yeah I just try not to think about it hahahahahha if I think about it my day goes by with minimal activity and communication. I feel super guilty because I have a perfect life yet i am not content like what a selfish fuck and I kind of end up feeling what I see places haha that's bad I know but like once I am exposed to each problem I can't stop thinking about it hahahahahha hahahahahha shhhhhhhhhhh bye
Your problems are completely insignificant. This is what happens when humans have too much leisure. The human brain has evolved to be surrounded by problems to solve and tasks to complete. When you just gallivant around singing songs and doing fun things, you're almost guaranteed to become a mental disaster because your brain needs resistance and you refuse to give it any in your life. You're not using your brain they way it should be used, so it's breaking.
Hi guys I'm having a problems. I feel like I don't want this anymore. I find it weird everyone seems to live on whilst the time will tick by and eventually we'll die with nothing to do about it. The earth will still do it's thing and I'll deliver absolutely nothing to society except taking up space. I think a lot. Too much for that matter. So I stepped to my parents and said that I think I need to get help, but my mom got very mad and upset and said she would not want me to. I'm getting worse by the day and i'm taking a big step asking you all for advice.
I know why is your cure, your thinking about your self a lot. Try to think about other people who have harder life than you. Go to the nearest kids dorm and listen to their stories. Who lost their parents or their parents gave them away. Or if you have money go to Africa. Their are a lot of things that will make you feel your life when you see other people's life.
Want to know what makes me fucking depressed but wont let it get to me?Being born only just now knowing I was born to die eventually of old age thinking how do you see your self in 60 years old in a hospital bed breathing my last breath fucking sad.
this is the problem in this world, everyone thinks that mental illness is not a disability. they all think disability is a physical problem, but i know how it feels to suffer with depression, anxiety. As myself who has Schizophrenia, don't get to the stage where I've completely emotionally destroyed myself.
i have been feeling so bad and i also moved a country and i have just been feeling like a have depression and anxiety and social anxiety and i just cry every night and just miss the old me and i keep trying to be social and i just keep canceling everything and just i just fuck everything up and i dont have motivation and its just getting so bad and im certain that i have mental illnesess but then i dont want to say that cause there are people diagnosed and i dont want to be like selfish and just say i have a mental illness when there are people diagnosed and i dont want to hurt them tho i feel so bad and i dont kniw shat to think anymore ..
Yes..the worst thing is you can't put your finger on it, like there it is. Sometimes I even question myself..is this really happening, or am I just making it up? And I don't feel anxious anymore. Just weird and odd. That's worse..
"Objectively I am fine, so why am I not?" I can relate
3121 likesReplies (5)
Carlos Morillo
9 likesWHY DOES THIS MAKE SO MUCH SENSE TO ME?!?!?!?!
Don’t mind me. I’m just afraid of everything...
1 like@Don’t mind me. I’m just afraid of everything. because This is a good description of depression your life is good you have good grades,friends ,games and good parents but you are not happy you don't know why,your hobbies also get boring
4 likesSAME?!
0 likesIn the video Dodie said that as I read your comment
0 likesSometimes I actually believe I'm a side character in a book.
3591 likesReplies (43)
Minty Bliss That's alright friend, even sometimes the side characters become heroes at the end :)
124 likesEveryone is they're own main character in their own books. It's a bit weird and actually really interesting that people see, think and live their lives differently. They have their own lives, they live their whole life through their own eyes. Nothing can change that. You will always be your own main character, in your book. We are all main characters, in our own books. and that's what's important to remember.
95 likesDamn
9 likesdude, same.
10 likesOk that's strange... I feel the same way. Sometimes I narrate what I do in my head. You may have meant something completely different but somwrimws I look at myself as if I am an author narraring a charachters story.
18 likesI always feel like I’m in a movie that I’ve wrote. It’s really not ok and it’s terrifying. I sometimes have to just snap out of it, but then I fall back into it the next second. I’m getting better but it’s still awful.
13 likesWhose the author?
0 likesYung Jesus Pardon?
0 likesMaja Kaja there u go “im the author narrating the charactors story” if u havent gotten over this yet, whose the author, and why do u HAVE to narrate the story? Cant you just write the story and make mistakes? Thats how we learn. Idk love the edge🖤
1 likeMinty Bliss same, it’s like the main character can be anywhere in the world and your only purpose is to be 1 in the 7 billion just be be apart of the population count.
5 likesMinty Bliss that sounds like a weird feeling
1 likeI'm very late to this, but I always either feel like I'm the side character or the main one, depending on how I feel. I don't really feel like the world exists in the way it should, like my actions are being controlled and I can't resist certain impulses. I can't not push people away, and whatnot. I don't think I have a mental illness though I've never gotten tested. I think I'm just confused. My experiences seem so much more insignificant than others, that I can't help but feel like I'm faking it.
1 likeMinty Bliss and that is okay! As long as it is not harming you, and you are happy and well. There’s no shame being the side character, just look at Hermione Granger!
0 likesjsjskksks when i was younger i used to genuinely believe that we lived in a book and we were all just characters.
0 likesMost of the time. . .i'm just a bystander.
0 likesMinty Bliss yooooooo I think I’m someone who doesn’t even have a name, just a student in another persons book. Listen to BMC (be more chill)
1 likeMinty Bliss OMG ME
0 likesim a side character in my own book. its okay though, the side characters are always the best ones. right?
0 likescarolines the best in tvd
fred and george are the best in hp
that's why you are actually the main character of your book
0 likesLet's unite, irl Redshirts!!
0 likesWHAT HOW DO YOU?! GAH?! HUH?! ARE U IN MY BRAIN
0 likesI know you posted this a year ago but I still wanna share my experience with this incase it helps anyone.
4 likesI used to feel this. a lot. to the point where i genuinely thought I mattered so little to people that no one would notice if I just disappeared one day. it was honestly one of the worst parts of my life mental health wise and it kinda scares me to realise how bad I felt at the time. but it got better. after years of feeling shitty I reached out and went to a doctor. I went to therapy and two years later I'm honestly doing 10 times better than I was. I understand that therapy and seeing doctor's for this shit isn't always an option but I want you to know your are not alone. i know it's cheesy and everyone says it and it's so hard to believe when you're going through it but you are loved and you are important to people. i know this is quite possibly the last thing you want to hear right now but find some new people. people that care for you as much as you care for them. I know that sounds really hard but trust me there are some amazing people who you will meet one day who will make you feel valued and loved. whether that's online or irl.
also some stuff I find helped me cope:
1. journaling - scribble your thoughts and feelings down into a journal or on a document until you've written everything you need to get out. if it's not too triggering and doesn't make you feel shitty analyse it. see if you can work out why you feel that way. or destroy it. again it sounds cheesy but God it helped me a lot.
2. I know it's hard but know that it will get better. there are so many more people that love you and care for you than you can imagine right now.
speak to someone you're close to about it trust me it really helps to get it off your chest.
I know it's hard af right now but believe me you are the centre of your own story and it will begin again. this is a time that will undoubtedly teach you a lot about yourself and the world and how to treat others and will leave you a better person in the end.
I hope this is no longer needed but it's something I definitely would have wanted to hear when I was struggling and I hope you're doing well <3
i feel similar in the way that i have loads of different worlds and characters that i can BE. it's weird. like the MC Of a world that doesn't exist when everything irl is going wrong.
0 likesWait, I'm not just the gay best friend?
0 likesIt's kinda late but I feel the same...
0 likesI relate to you so so much. I'll be sitting with people and it will hit me and never leave me. Especially with my best friend molly, I exist more in her life than mine. I'm 'molly's best friend' like in a story book and when i eventually think about me and my problems I think about how it effects her life and her story and the other peoples stories. And even weirder...I kinda like it. I don't want my own story I just want a little place in everyone else's, especially Molly's. She once said to me that maybe she had no friends so she made me up. and i LOVE that. I love that. I am an imaginary friend. but real. a real imaginary friend. :)
0 likesYoure not alone, i always feel like im that weirdo that no one can really relate to and not the main character smh😔
0 likesWhy did this make me cry??
0 likesIn my own book
0 likesJesus loves you, it's written in the Bible in the Gospel of John 3:16; For God loved the world so much that He gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life. God loves you, and Jesus loves you, have a good day.
0 likes@_violette_ This is everything I have been experiencing, glad I'm not the only one!
2 likesTbh, we all are.
0 likesomfg... same
0 likesHow are you know?
0 likes@Mia S ( hopefully you see this, lol )[I know it's a tad late, lol but I saw this video awhile ago, and was reading some of the comments] I saw yours and really enjoyed it! Thank you so much! This was how I've been feeling about a couple months ago, I'm getting better each day but continue to work on myself. Thank you so much for the tips I think I will try them! Something new to try! You have been wonderful! Thank you again! Let me know if you want to chat! Lol
1 like@Kristen Krause I'm so glad it helped and I'm so happy to hear you're doing better <3
1 likeI feel like this constantly. I know I'm not someone's favourite person and I dont feel important. I try really hard to be important and I make myself noticable but I still feel like a nothing. I don't get why I feel like this.
0 likesSometimes I think I’m a prophet of God
0 likesMaja Kaja me too!!
0 likes😳😳
0 likeswe all are dear
0 likessame
0 likeshey, i know you’ve tried everything and nothing seems to work but i promise GOD can heal you and be the answer to your problems. HE designed us in a way that only HE can fill the void within, but despite that, we still run to things that actually destroy the body and soul. alcohol/drugs/weed etc - liver damage, brain damage, cancer, lowers your ‘vibrations’, alters your state of mind and become entranced, invites evil entities. partying/clubbing - drains the soul of energy, invites evil entities. sexual activities (sex,porn) - leaves you empty, disgusted with self, shameful, creates soul ties (e.g. 10 bodies = 10 soul ties with each individual you had sex with including oral, and whichever evil spirits they have, they become yours also), invites evil entities. secular music - affects your subconscious by its frequency, invites evil entities. i know you believe in a higher power but maybe you just don’t know who that higher power is, but imma tell you that it’s GOD. not no religion, that’s man made, but the creator of the heavens and the earth. you can get to know HIM today. you can begin your journey of faith & spirituality. all you need to do is to ask for forgiveness and accept JESUS as your messiah. once you do that, the Holy Spirit will guide you into all truth. the veil will be lifted 👁 and the truth shall set you free. you’ll become awakened into the reality of this world.. the irreversible gene altering vaccines, the poisoned food and water supply, the 5G frequency manipulation, the government and their agendas, big pharma, truth behind social media, fake news, freemasonry, satanic cabal elites, the pope and religion, the flat stationary earth, the nasa space hoax, the truth behind school and why they indoctrinate us at a young age, the truth behind 9 to 5 jobs, the live to work until death regime, heaven & hell, the spiritual realm where demonic entities and angels operate and all things spiritual. there’s a lot to uncover, unlearn and unpack but the journey to salvation is narrow and only a few make it. choose which pill you will take - the blue pill (accept your fate and live life as it is, walk in the wide path of destruction which many are on) or the red pill (awake to this satanic matrix beast system, walk in the narrow path with CHRIST as your light, lose friends and validation but gain the reward of everlasting life in heaven) .. it’s up to you.
0 likesSeeing that everyone is opening up about their own problems, I just want a huge group hug with everyone here
944 likesReplies (3)
@江潮 Sorry I don't speak losing wars
0 likesI'm a year late but I kinda wanna make this happen. Besides a regular group hug, of course, a mega-hug at some fan convention or something where everyone can feel loved anonymously ._.
3 likesThe internet has too little love.
白空
4 likeshugs everyone watching this video
"I just wanted to get into my old bed in my old room and feel normal again"
1831 likesReplies (12)
NO THAT PART HURT MY SOUL, GOOD ORGANISM, DON’T PLEASE
39 likesThat part hurt me a little
10 likesOkay, but like, I have the empathy levels of a rock. Like, it's extremely rare for me to feel empathetic, and i FUCKING CRIED and had to take like a 30 minute break and cry before watching the rest of the video
14 likes:( I’ve been feeling this for the past year and I also can’t go back into that time, it’s heartbreaking.
11 likesI believe you CAN feel normal again, but definitely not by going backwards. Past is the past. You can feel normal again now or in the future..
4 likesJesus loves you, and God loves you, it's written the words of Jesus in the Gospel of John 3:16; For God so loved the world, that He gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life. Jesus loves you.
3 likesi heard her voice crack and i think i heard my heart crack along with it.
4 likesi teared up
2 likesI felt that so hard cause I've moved over 10 times and I'm only 12. I've transfered school more than 7 times.
1 likeAs I can't remember a time when I would like to go back to and know that's when I didn't have DP/DR I don't know this feeling of longing for that room/space in time when it was ok.
2 likesHonestly
0 likes😭
0 likesI always get depersonalization at the most weird moments. I'll always be at a friend's house or out at the pool and I just can't function. It's not because of anxiety that I can put my finger on because I don't feel scared I just feel very blank. My eyes sort of glaze over and I end up sitting in a corner for the rest of the night. Sometimes I can barely talk because my words all get jumbled. It's very on and off though and it only occurs very rarely and only for about an hour or so.
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hazz on fire that happens to me all the time. It's terrifying.
23 likesSame, it always happens to me while traveling when everything around me is already strange enough !
17 likeshazz on fire I feel the same way.
2 likesMe too!
1 likei feel ya. Its scary... Its with me all the time but not so strong always. Its hard to talk when you head is... I dunno.. Empty? Confused? I dunno..
3 likesWait, this is also Depersonalization? When dodie describes it I’m like “that’s happened to me but it only last a short amount of time”. I thought I was just going crazy for a bit.
8 likesSorry, if that didn’t make sense
0 likesthat happens to me and ideky
0 likesMe too ah this has been happening to me since I was about 6 or 7 and it comes in waves and lasts id say 2 minutes but occurs often and idk it’s really hard to describe I tried telling my friends because I was finally ready to talk about it but they didn’t really get it but this video helped so much even though it’s from 2016😂🤧
1 like@chels tui it did 😁
1 like@chels tui didn't!!!!!!! I mean it does make sense!!!!! Im soooo sorry!!!😅
1 likeHow are you now
0 likesWhen dodie was trying not to cry it broke my heart :(
3521 likesReplies (13)
IINotKawaii same...
8 likesIINotKawaii same here I started sobbing when she cried
31 likesIINotKawaii SAMe
1 likeIt really does hurt
12 likes+IINotKawaii Thanks for the Video! Sorry for chiming in, I would appreciate your opinion. Have you heard the talk about - Lammywalness Erase Depression Guide (search on google)? It is a great one of a kind guide for beating depression without the headache. Ive heard some interesting things about it and my cooworker at very last got great success with it.
1 likewhen I need to cry I watch that moment
4 likesme too. I know exactly what she is going through. I can't drive at night because I am unaware of my surroundings and I feel like I am in another world but yet still able to obey the speed limit. it is so scary
4 likesAs soon as she said it, I burst into tears
40 likesit made me start crying
16 likesTotallyNotKi Same.. I had to cry to
1 likeI staRted cRyiNg liKe fOr rEalS
0 likesTotallyNotKi I empathized with her :(
1 likeI cried
0 likesI know this video is really old, but I've been feeling the same lately and this just really helped me and made me feel less alone
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Iris Venhuis yeah I fell the same iv felt the same for the past year and it's so annoying I wish it would stop but just know ur not alone 😊
2 likesyep same here, it be like that
1 likeExactly the case for me too. But you know 1 year later.
0 likesI feel like im going schizophrenic, i cant stop having anxiety attacks, I’m so obsessed with my dpdr that I cant stop thinking about it. Quarantine isn’t helping at all. We can get through this. 😔
48 likesReplies (4)
Don't worry i don't think you are turning schizophrenic at all, its a normal thing for people with DPDR so worry about, but DPDR is actually the bodies respons to Anxiety, its a defense mechanism that fails to go away or stays persistent becaus you are constantly on the edge. Alot of people worry that they are going isnane becaus it feels like it but its important to know that you are not, you are completely sane. I actually hear this alot when talking with others who have DPDR, and i myself even felt a bit like this, but at the same time i have had it for so long that it has become normal. But don't worry, anxiety attacks can be treated with therapy and if treated your DPDR will get better aswell. Actually its one of the disorders where most people recover and almost everybody has some recovery from it, just know that its not a permanent state of mind and it will get better, if you are in your teens its also important to know that anxiety usually becomes less severe once you start reaching your early 20s but this is only the majority, theres still lots of cases that manifest in people at a later age, and this is not cause for extra concern at all.
11 likesYou will make it, it will get better trust me!
@The SaddestDude this comment is helpful but it’s been like two weeks nonstop…i am never not depersonalizing and it’s terrifying
2 likes@♡piper♡ I had it for 3 months and I'm fully recovered now, don't worry, you can make it through it and be 100% back o normal again :)
0 likes@David Jones hey man, i know it’s only been five months since i made this comment, but things have been so much better for me. i rarely depersonalize and things are almost back to normal, which i didn’t think was possible five months ago. it feels amazing to feel better :)
0 likes"When I'm visiting my old home, I'm not visiting 2012, I'm just visiting a house I used to live in. But it's 2016, I'm 21 - and I feel different now" 💔
876 likesReplies (4)
That's how I feel
2 likesaw TT
0 likesJesus loves, and God loves you, it's written the words of Jesus in the Gospel of John 3:16; For God so loved the world, that He gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life. Jesus loves you, have a good day.
0 likes@Catarinense 1989 😊☺
0 likesI'm not alone? Depersonalization is real?
1141 likesReplies (44)
Action Cat yes
3 likesyes, youre not alone
18 likesAction Cat I know this was a year ago but.. has your dispersonalization gone away yet? I feel like mine is never gonna go away :(
49 likesI can't believe it either
8 likesI also have it :)
6 likes@Hannah Holmes l feel the same way, and I'm hopeless. 😢😢😢
5 likesTo all suffering of depersonalisation I think there is alot of good videos here on youtube, with really useful insights and tips.
4 likesYou are not alone.. I have that shit too.. Its scary
6 likesIf it helps I thought I was going mad because of it, thought it would never go away, after 9 months of healthy food and exercise I barely notice it, the thing which helped me most out of all of it was embracing it fully, without resistance it almost seemed enjoyable like it changed my perspective on life
9 likesIt's so weird I have it too
1 likeYes it is❤️
0 likesLavenderain4 Plays I don’t know is this will help you out or make you feel any better but at least I could try because that’s what I wanted when I felt like this. Anyways for me it did get better slowly. The best thing that I did was find someone to talk to and just distract myself. I know it’s sososo hard because the thoughts just take over your head but maybe just do something simple like for me it was making beaded bracelets with someone that I love and create a nice environment in your room. Like a fort or something. I can’t say that things like this would work for everyone but that just worked for me. Just try things and distract yourself. Don’t get yourself down if you feel like this is going to last forever, because it won’t. It may take a while but just don’t give up. It’s so scary but know that you are not alone❤️❤️❤️❤️
4 likesI don't want to frighten you but, there are theories that real life is just a mega-simulation and we're just very very intricate NPCs.
1 likeThat said if we are NPCs I do want for all NPCs to be given human rights because we resemble a human in experience, feelings and thought, therefore, we are human. Now all player characters will have to feel bad reading this and knowing I, a philosophically fellow human, will be stopped and therefor killed if this world is ever unloaded.
Unless they moved past philosophy and see the world in cold hard facts, then they are arsholes and I'd formerly request to be taken out of the simulation, by all means, necessary without consideration of the circumstances of my primary mode of existence.
My brain went places, I'm sorry but this reads to good to be deleted now ._.
Depersonalization? Are you serious people? If you want to know what really mean to lose your ego take LSD - for expierience you won't be related to all your problems in any way. That mean that you won't be deoressed and if you'll do it right you'll learn that you doesn't have to be depressed - psychedelics are great for spiritual experiences! But what is most important - depersonalization. What does this really mean? You change with every second - I mean physically. Your cells are dying, changing and being born. Moreover your character changes - maybe slower but it changes. People change. You won't be the same person forever. So what is this problem of depersonalization if it's sth normal?
0 likesAnd anxiety - everybody have an anxiety. But some people deal with this and others - they can't because they don't like hard work.
I sometimes get into a state of depersonalization. It's just sometimes tho.
4 likes@14_Yin Xuan you can get into this state on psychedelics like LSD for example. And this is a good thing.
0 likesJose Molina I got it a week after I turned 14 and have struggled with depression and SAD GAD for about 2 years now
1 likeliterally
0 likesJan Kowalski this is the most ignorant thing I’ve ever heard
11 likesyes. though I don't think I have the disorder, I definitely have dissociative episodes where the world doesn't feel real, or I don't feel real, sometimes to the point where I panic and almost have a breakdown because nothing feels right, that this body doesn't belong to me
7 likesGuys calm down; i had it too 7 years ago. The thing is, the moment you regulate your anxiety to a calm state, the symptoms start to disappear.
3 likesThen you have depression.
You're never alone. Look behind you.
2 likesOh my god. I haven't looked at this comment for 2 years. For some reason I haven't got any notifications for it. But thank you. All of you. It really does get better when cared for correctly, and having a support system there ready to squeeze your hand when the you or the world start feeling sort of nonexistent. I still have my moments, but I'm so much better than I was when I wrote this. I am not alone. I'm real, and so are all of you. It may not feel like it sometimes, but you in the world in this moment, are real and you are not alone.
3 likes@Alex Molina same i was 13 when i wrote this
1 like@JonnesTT i appreciate the scifi stuff and the writing and all but do you understamd how damaging it can be to someone who's constantly dissociating to feel like they and the world theyre living in arent real. It can really make your symptoms a lot worse and it makes a lot of things more difficult. So cool comment, i appreciate the sentiment and stuff, but be careful about what you post, b/c you might trigger someone.
4 likes@g f rip I wasn't thinking about that.
1 likeIt's so easy to assume people deal with that shit the same way I do tbh ^^
@JonnesTT it's okay just be more careful next time :)
1 like@Hannah Holmes Your response was a year ago as well... has it gone away for you yet? Mine used to be super bad when I was a teenager but I'm 24 now and it's been gone for about 2 years now xx
1 like@TheDauntlessGirlonFire this happens to me all the time
0 likes@Brandon Topacio me too, age has nothing to do with it
0 likes@Jan Kowalski so you dont get it that its an issue that I feel like I am living someone elses life in someone elses body? It scares me to look into the mirror because what I see doesnt feel like me. My hands feel like they arent mine. Im still living and „doing hard work“ because I have to go on but I dont really feel alive and its really hard to be happy while feeling that way.
0 likes@Selina S Yes, I do not get why its an issue. If you feel like you live somebodys live then why don't you just acceot it? Whats the difference which life you live? :-)
0 likesMirror isn't you - its just a reflection. Why to be scared of product of light? I'm sure you ain't afraid of sun or electric light, right? :-)
Did you ever try to think that maybe probolem isn't this alone but the fact that you care about this?
Stop care about everything and eventually you'll be happy. People care too much about things which doesn't matter.
Maybe its not your body and life - naybe you are bad spirit which took this body fron someone? If so - why care about this? You took tgis life so you should feel s a conqueror :-)
@Martini Ong that’s how it is. And then I got back to having anxiety
0 likesits simple , anixety and depression gone , dp gone . and when you in dp state , you cant relax your brain
0 likes@B T Im neither anxious nor depressed. If it was that simple to get rid of dp, it would have gone away sometime in the past 5 years. I have been suffering fom this for so long so please dont tell me it is "simple" if you dont have a specific tip or any advice at all.
0 likes@Jan Kowalski I´ve actually tried a couple of times to just accept that Im in this body now and I cant (or wont) change anything about it, but the feeling of for example when I look at my hands and then get reminded that this is supposed to be my body, so its supposed to be me or at least a part of me, never went away. I have also tried to ignore this feeling (to "stop caring about it") for the last 5 years and it didnt work, in the last year it got even worse.
0 likesTo make this clear, I hate this feeling and if it was easy to change it, I would just do that. Im not doing it for attention if thats what you may think, actually noone around me knows about it. There is absolutely no reason for me to fake it so again, if it was easy, I would just "make it go away".
@Selina S This is your problem - you tried. Like Yoda said "Do or do nkt. There is no try."which is very wise sentence. Its not about trying, its about doing. What is you is very philisophical question for which answer is not easy. You ain't even one living organism - but many in sone kind of symbiosis. So no reason to think about such abstract concepts.
0 likesIs not always about seeking atention - sone people like to have problems because tgis make feel important. Sad but most of the time - true. They feel better feeling worse. You are just one of those people. It can be change only if you deeply want to change this but your problem is - you don't want to.
Oh wait im sorry i forgot - you didnt try to help, you actually just did not help me at all
0 likes@Selina S can u feel emotion or awareness? can u still learn?
0 likes@Selina S of course I didn't. I won't lose energy on somebody who doesn't even seek help. I would lose energy and you wouldn't care. No, I don't do this kind of thing no more. Its waste of time to help somebody who don't want to gwt helped.
0 likesIts as easy as this.
@Jan Kowalski Glad to hear that you stop wasting your time with me, so that i can do the same and continue going to therapy where there is someone who can actually help me because they know what they are talking about.
0 likes@Selina S yes, yes you are right for sure :-D
0 likesOh hell yeah it is…. It is
0 likes@B T How are you what did you do to get rid of it please
0 likesI've been having the "drunk" feeling for several months now. Almost like I'm numb and I find myself constantly feeling like this isn't real.
89 likesI feel like I'm losing my mind.
Replies (5)
A Reluctant Ham Sandwich has it gone away
0 likesI've had it since I was 18, it's getting better by the day. I feel mostly normal now. There is a cure, see a therapist!
2 likes@rosieroo I didnt get the notification 7 months ago but better late than never. It comes and goes in episodes now. I'm going through one right now actually.
2 likes@A Reluctant Ham Sandwich hey. how are you doing now?
1 like@♡piper♡ hit and miss. Somedays I feel fine, other days Im lost in the haze.
2 likesA big issue for me was caffeine. Once that was gone, my number of instances went down greatly.
You are not crazy. I feel the exact same. I can’t talk properly, I can’t recognize myself when I look in the mirror sometimes, and I feel detached from the world. A few days ago, my friend told me he had a panic attack. Then, I talked about it with my other friend. She told me to calm down and relax, because there’s nothing I can do about his panic attacks. But, I couldn’t, my heart has been pounding really fast and really hard lately. I don’t recognize myself anymore and I just feel like I’m in a dream. I don’t even know why I’m typing this right now. No ones gonna read it but I just wanted to tell someone. Bye, I hope it gets better. Also, I’m really confused about my sexuality. I don’t even know if I like guys anymore. But do I like girls? Do I like everyone? Do I like different kinds of people? I don’t even know who I am anymore. I’m sorry, to anyone reading this, if you have gotten this far. I just had to tell someone or at least know that I tried to. I’m sorry
315 likes07/01/19
Replies (9)
Konstantina Vasileiadi hey, i completely relate to everything u said. I feel like I am mad sometime, I look in the mirror and can not recognize myself, When i am confused about something I think about it and then realize I do not know anything about myself. Who is this person? This probably does not make sense, i am sorry.
21 likesLuisa F it 100% makes sense. Sometimes, it’s scary to look in the mirror and see a stranger. I completely get you. But sometimes I am in my body, I see me but I don’t see the world. It feels like a dream. I can’t open my eyes wide enough and everything just really blurry but other times I can just see everything really clearly. Yep, I have officially gone insane. I’m sorry
13 likesHet i have the same.. how are you now?
1 likeHey, sorry to interfere, but um.... Does it count as not recognizing yourself if your brain knows it's you, your rational thinking says *that's me*, but you expect your reflection to talk back? Like it's glass and you're looking through to a person you recognize but do not know?
7 likesIdkkkkk but this is how it feels for me! Maybe it's different for you....
Hey, I hope you got some help in the past few months. I hope you're feeling a bit better. I hope got some of the answers you're looking for, and that you're okay with the things you still don't know. Hang in there.
2 likesKonstantina Vasileiadi i feel same way. About sex drive' detachment and not talking right. I get word mix ups and dont know who i am.
1 likeDo you want to play some video game.
2 likesΕίμαι Έλληνας κ έχω τα ίδια συμπτώματα που αναφέρει η κοπέλα..
1 likeI hope you have someone to talk to that often makes a huge difference.
0 likes“I just wanted to get into my old bed in my old room and feel normal again.”
34 likesThat alone made me almost start to cry but the way she sounded while she tried to fight back tears is what made me cry.
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Praying for you Shanna. Better days are ahead for you my friend. Always remember, Jesus loves you deeply and passionately no matter what you're feeling or going through. Call upon His name when things get dark. Please take care of yourself.
2 likesI'm so afraid to feel like this one day. I know that most people get depressed these days and I'm scared that I will too. I see these videos and relate to a minimal amount of it and I'm happy about that. Just a little personal thing.
35 likesdodie is amazing and so strong! She's doing so well now! :')
4:06 broke my heart. i've had that exact same feeling. i think we all wish we could turn back time to when we were younger and things seemmed okay.
1299 likesReplies (10)
sawyer moon almost every time I come back to this video I end up crying
9 likesMy face was completely dry the whole time until I got there, then I just broke because it's so relatable.
15 likeseve moon why can't I like this 1000 over
0 likesI thought I was the only one to feel like this
0 likeswish there ever were some times like these
0 likeseve moon same...
0 likeseve moon
1 likeSame, I miss the easy days of primary school when I had the courage to talk to everyone, when I had a constant positive and optimistic attitude about everything that ever happened. Before I hurt people and got ignored by the people closest to me. Before I questioned my sexuality and was just unaware of any romantic feelings. I miss those days so much it hurts.
Astrid L
1 likeYes. Especially when you could just talk to another kid and not get nervous. Now you have to worry about your hair, your clothes, is your tummy sticking out too much, is there food in your teeth, is there food on your face, and what if they talk about you behind your back to their friends? Back then we were so unaware of what was actually happening in the world. Way back in my old primary school years, we had lived in an apartment. Of course I thought it was cool because it was like a huge house with a bunch of people living in it. But we were actually broke at that time and I barely got to see my dad because he worked over hours. Looking back at it now it breaks my heart because I hadn't known about this bankruptcy time until recently. Back then, the worst insult was, "I don't want to play with you anymore!" And now, it's completely different. Everything's different now
I’m gonna vent~ when I was around seven my family would go to nature parks, invite my cousins over to our one story, cute, Florida house. We went to zoos, theme parks, and church every week. I had a next door neighbor named junior and I had a crush on him. He was my very best friend and I miss him a lot and we played everyday. But it scares me that my memories of these times are getting hazier and less vivid and happy as time goes on. I don’t want to forget my sleepovers, play dates, and bike rides. It’s hard to remember them because there’s no memories that have the same happy warm feeling to help make the old ones alive again. I don’t want to forget the feeling of pure happiness. I used to be a girl that hasn’t worried about things she can’t see yet. The most elaborate things she thinks about when she goes to bed is what she can draw her mom for her bed side wall. Her wall used to be covered in my sister’s and my colorful drawings of every person I met. I used to pray that everyone I knew could go to heaven but now I only worry about if one person will make it. Things were never not okay in my mind but now it takes me way longer to think if anything is okay
0 likesOh wow John Green is applauding me
I don’t have this illness, thank god. But I also feel like somethings wrong and I just wish I could go back to when I was a kid and innocent and had no worries
0 likesWhen this video came out, I was in a really bad place too. Watching it now is so strange; I’m in a better place but I’m not properly better just yet. But thank you for making me feel less alone when I needed it Dodie
6 likesI know I'm five years late to this, but you described it perfectly. I've been feeling like this since a spike of anxiety a month ago. It's so tiring and so terrifying. I get the feeling I've died a couple of days ago and now I'm in some weird limbo.
8 likesReplies (1)
did it get better? :( im the exact same, a had a massive panic attack about 3 months ago and its been awful ever since
0 likesi haven't felt really "off" these days because it mostly happens when i'm depressed but depersonalization is literally the worst thing... when i'm depressed i'm like depressed and spaced out and it's insane, i feel insane all the time and I just don't care about stuff, which is so terrible because i'm naturally an empath. so i guess it was even worse because of it. i just truly hate my depersonalization so much... i almost commited suicide more than twice because of it
74 likesReplies (2)
it's like i go through these weird phases where sometimes i'm in a very anxious moment and it is torture so i get depressed because of it and it brings depersonalization and then i'm back to reality but then i get anxious again and it re starts and between all of this i eat and eat so much i just can't control it, I eat until i'm sick and i just hate it so much and i have all these weird behaviors... i just get obsessed with little behaviors that I just can't stop doing (it isn't as bad as ocd tho) and get so paranoid and it makes me feel so crazy.
5 likesi mean i just hate all of it, i don't have a sense of self so i just can't love myself as i should.. i hate my brain and I hate that i hate it
Has it disappeared yet?
1 likeThis video sounds like me when I tell my friends how I am feeling lmao. Fun fact: I study Psychology (I started before my anxiety kicked off) and I think it just makes things worse lol.
18 likesReplies (2)
how do you feel right now? have you made your studies?
2 likesI wanto to know too, kinda ha having the same :(
0 likesHope everything is okay.
i get depersonalization every few months or so,usually when im really depressed.its the scariest thing ever,you feel like a ghost just watching a movie but that movie is your life and you cant feel or hear anything properly and anything you say sounds like its from a different person and you are so aware of what everyone thinks of you,,its terrifying
2582 likesReplies (95)
You put it perfectly
50 likesThis is exactly how I experience it
32 likeswell said
10 likesvery well said
7 likesThis is exactly how I'm feeling
10 likesthis is completely accurate.
9 likesExactly
8 likesThe worst thing for me was being around people who've known me all of my life like my family because there's this expectation to be "someone" and when you literally feel like nothing, much less no one, it's just so terrifying because it's not even something you can explain, everything just feels alien and even the expectation to be yourself is too hard. Thank you for posting your comment, I thought I was alone but God bless human connection. I've missed that a lot. Thank you so much.
70 likesyou put it perfectly well done my friend
7 likesYes. and if people have never gone through it they don't understand man
18 likesI know right... at least you get a break form it. still looking for a way out..
4 likes@Kateraina Needs to sleep I don't care. If you're annoying you should just stop speaking.
0 likesIt took me about 3 years from the first day I had an panic/depersonalization attack to start feeling completely normal again. That's something most people don't mention, that it can take a long time to "recover". But good luck man, I hope everything gets better for you =)
11 likes@Angle Damion You're obviously not minding your own business. Tale your own advice
11 likesstay alive frend |-/
2 likesI got depersonalisation when I was 12 years old, it feels like nothing has really been right since then but it gets really bad when I'm stressed or having an anxiety attack. It's such a scary feeling like you're constantly an outside observer of your thoughts and everything seems so unreal
15 likes@Natalie No one cares.
0 likesjeez whats your problem
6 likes+Enthusiasm Fracture thank you! I know I just got pretty annoyed there because that person had no clue, I've calmed down now though that person is irrelevant lol!! I really hope no one takes to heart what they said
3 likes+Kateraina Needs to sleep I cried when i saw this. I've had depression, depersonalization, and anxiety for a few years now. it started to get better during the summer, but I feel like I'm falling again. Most the time I don't feel emotion, unless its sadness, and it hurts. I feel like I'm just going through the days. The only time I feel human is during choir.
5 likes@If Only Oh I'm sorry you have to go through that. I'm very similar to you, with a few add ons, lol. You'll feel better again, but right now, you just have to roll with the punches I guess. That's what I'm trying to do. Taking each day as it comes. I'm trying out mindfulness/meditation since it seems to help a lot for people with anxiety and/or depersonalization, so maybe try that out and hopefully it helps you! I'm glad you have a place where you feel human. Try to hold on to that. Attend choir and practice it, and hang out with the people from there. You'll feel better - maybe not today, maybe not tommorow, but you will feel better. All the best xo
0 likes@Kateraina Needs to sleep Thank you. I'm I really needed this.
1 like@Angle Damion people like you is the reason why our world sucks. You feel like you have to bring anyone and everyone down. But its the internet! Nobody actually knows you, so the people you know (and acctually care about) won't know how much you hurt people. You are a cyber bully. I hope you realize this and stop. I hope that your life starts to be better so you don't feel the need to ruin others, too. Get better.
7 likesSorry that was harsh. I'm just... sick of people who think that they can hurt others and get away with it. I didn't mean it. that you were the reason why society sucks. You aren't. I'm sure you're just having a bad day, or that you are feeling just as miserable as us. I'm sorry.
0 likesIt is always good to know that others feel the same way.
2 likesI care. I feel the exact same way, and not a lot of people know about it. Only my siblings, and a few close friends. I am doing this on my own because if I tell anyone else, I feel like they wont believe me.
4 likesI care. I am not going to force my opinion down your throat, but I care. And I hope that everyone who feels the same as I do, feels better.
0 likesI never would have thought that so many people would be experiencing the same thing. Like here you are for years thiking that you should just avoid the entire world because you dont deserve to be part of it because of this stuff, yet so many other people describe the same problem to a t.
11 likesomg I think I have that too, its weird I never knew how to explain, but u described it perfectly, i usually get that around the same time when an existencial crisis kicks in, which I have at least once ever 2 days
3 likes+Lgbtqa LoveIsLove when I was like 9 I got existential crisises all the time, and now I just get really annoyed when people who think they're being clever are like "what if ur actually in a coma and this whole world is a dream." I'm like "look, I've spent way too much of my childhood having panic attacks about death and existential shit, and I don't want to listen to your crap now. it's not clever or funny or deep, it's just annoying, and honesty rather triggering."
7 likesI know what you're going through, and I hope you know that it does get better. you're getting stronger every day, and you're never alone. I hope you're having a lovely day, and that you get through anything that tries to pull you down
I have felt that maybe... twice? At loud parties. Usually at loud parties
9 likesEmma Freeman
1 likethelastofrobyn I hope you get better Fren!! I love you!!! stay alive!!! |-/
1 likethelastofrobyn I get it everyday..
2 likesOlivia Claire Me neither
0 likesso true...
2 likesthelastofrobyn i i know what you mean
3 likesAngle Damion sir, I'm going to politely ask you and Kateraina to stop bickering. I acknowledge the fact that this is screen of which I know nothing of your life by looking upon it and your hateful words, but please, there is no need to be rude.
2 likesKateraina Needs to sleep getting a therapist really helps too. People may look at you weird when you tell them you go to a therapist every week or so but it makes you feel tens times better ( unless the reason for the disorder are chemical imbalances in the brain, but there are medicines for that) and I've been through the same things. I've been wanting to try meditation too but I've had other things to do. I'll have to try it soon!
2 likesthelastofrobyn omg I know this
0 likesthelastofrobyn I feel this as well.
0 likesit got 792 likes and so many confirming same experience familiarity reply, I also say you placed it really well to words I have knwn this depersonalization sensation it is impossible to describe but very possible to recover. I am possitively amazed that people are truer with own self. It is the last thing one wold like to speak with others about and it used to be real taboo.
0 likesthelastofrobyn omg I feel this too
0 likesI DIDNT KNOW WHAT THIS WAS BUT YOU PUT IT PERFECTLY NOW I KNOW WHAT ITS CALLED THANK YOU
0 likesOh this mental state is actually a thing?! I actually just thought I was going insane or was soon about to leave earth x3 Thank you all for sharing your experiences with this illness! Since I've found it hard to speak for about a year now I undeveloped my language alot and struggles to find peace in my head so nothing disturbs me in a sentence... Can't look people in the eyes when talking- especially not those who knew me before this weird shit- and all that made me think as little as possible (to avoid crying over how stupid I feel), so now I don't know how to get help... Pills are not an oportunity, but no therapist has the time I need to open up and get my language to work OK, and I don't have my best friends around anymore since it seems like I've faithed out of everyone's life because I can't call people on the phone(anxiety!), I struggle to text, so when I finally answer ppl I don't have energy for replying back again- and my life is a mess, so I can't afford traveling to them and it's not guest friendly at my place :((( .... How long does your therapy sessions last, and do you feel it is enough for you?
1 likeI've had it to a certain degree since as long as I can remember. But the last three years it's been getting way worse.s
0 likesi always say its kind of like youre playing a video game with a vr head set and you like touch things and see things and hear things but you arent really feeling it
1 like@ELLA a really hi tech vr set.
1 likeIt's kinda funny when you are sobbing and your brain is like "whoopdy doo lol i am cry huh look at that"
11 likesthelastofrobyn kinda have it right now. I feel like I am floating and just observing my actions
0 likesHah yeah its the weirdest thing
0 likesthelastofrobyn I thought this was normal until I watched this video shit
0 likesHow shit, I feel like that all the time, I always thought that it will go away, but it hasn't
3 likesWow I'm in shock that I found ppl that know exactly what it's like! !!!Because I'm 32 now but this happened to me around 17 after my sister who I loved dearly passed away....I was crying in a corner at home when my other sister knew something was wrong, so I go to hospital and then a psychologist who diagnosed me finally could do NOTHING other than tell me that if your aware of these strange dissociative feelings then your not crazy....ugh okay, so how do I fix it because it's exhausting trying "perform" out act how I thought I used to act while ignoring the alien surroundings which takes tremendous focus......but it seems there is a light at the end of the tunnel cuz this condition isn't just an isolated case and I'm not the only poor soul dealing with this on the daily!....Anyways I've been dealing with this everyday for 15 years all be it some days it's easier to ignore but for me it has been a constant battle!!!For people who don't have it here's an example of how this effects us. ......Imagine you're engaged in a conversation with someone who you actually really are interested in the topic BUT you can't help but notice the figurines on the table that you know without a doubt are real but feel like they are a holographic projection of said figurine this scenario is as distracting as one's toddler child screaming at you while talking to this person...Yet we still manage to finish the conversation which is really hard to do just imagine the focus it takes us just to live our everyday lives! !......WE ARE THE STRONG WE ARE THE IN BETWEEN
12 likesthelastofrobyn i sometimes feel like it's episodes of happiness more than depression
1 likewow i would not like to have that i only have depression and anxiety which does suck but that seems so scary and i dint know that it was a thing until now and yea sorry for rambling ^_^
0 likeswell said.
0 likessee I always thought something was wrong with me.... I got scans etc everything was good. wow I'm not alone thank you for the boost it helps so much. Just know we are human and this is what were dealt so let's build together and conquer out disorder. much love brothers and sisters.
0 likesWOW you described it so well. I've had the hardest time describing this to my family/doctor.
0 likesthelastofrobyn it's literally the scariest thing ever right?!? I constantly have derealisation/depersonalisation and it sucks so bad! I never feel like I'm here, and I never feel like I can enjoy anything! Mine resulted from ptsd and insomnia, and even when I went to New York with my mum I didn't feel like I was there! I felt so bad cause she'd spent so much money to get us both there! Urgh the struggles😭
3 likesover the past couple of weeks I've been like this, and i'm not sure if i should go to a doctor or not cause I've told my friend and some family and they seem to think i'm going crazy and i just want to scream at something i'm not sure how to do this while being in school.
1 like+Fawn hey! I know what you're feeling. I felt like I was screaming at my friends trying to make them realize I was not ok. None of them knew what to say or do and I didn't feel like they were listening to me.
2 likesMy suggestion is to take some deep breaths, think of things that make you feel alive, memories that bring you back to what you know is real and for me, being around close friends and family has helped bring me back as well.
Take a mental health day from school and responsibilities and sleep or feel everything that you need to feel. Write or paint or run or eat or what ever you do to just feel alive.
Try to remember who you are and what you want <3 You are not crazy, and you are important and beautiful and you can make it through this. Find me on facebook or write back on here if you need someone to talk to. <3
+Liz Casavan thank you :), I've been off the past two days which honestly made it worse because my mum doesn't understand and she never will be able to, and I don't want her too. But being stuck at home is worse and I already miss enough school as it is due to anxiety
1 likeFawn I hope going back to school helps :) even if you don't feel like you can talk to your mom, maybe a friend would understand :) I was shocked to find a friend had gone through the same thing. keep your head up! :)
0 likesthelastofrobyn yed
0 likesthelastofrobyn yeah, you're so right, it's terrifying. When I'm going through hard-core, whatever this is.., I don't think that the person I am exists and that its just a corpse. When I look in the mirror I think "that's not me" and I shake, and my mind goes blurry, almost like I already don't exist. Then there are other times when my thoughts seem to disappear and I can't talk; almost like I disappeared. And I don't like living in a world that's not real
5 likesTo me.
It should be real,
But it's not
thelastofrobyn Cheers for the video content! Sorry for butting in, I would love your thoughts. Have you researched - Lammywalness Erase Depression Guide (Have a quick look on google cant remember the place now)? It is a great one of a kind product for beating depression minus the hard work. Ive heard some unbelievable things about it and my buddy got cool results with it.
0 likesthelastofrobyn I've had it for over a year, non stop... I'm literally dead inside.
1 likethis has happened to me a couple times and i never realized what it was but this is a perfect description omg
1 likeThis happens to me every couple of weeks and I thought that I was the only one, tho helped
2 likesthelastofrobyn exactly
0 likesThis happens to me pretty often and normally after being inebriated even more and I don't know what to do to help myself besides wait the few weeks to normal out.
4 likesthelastofrobyn I didn't know I had this because I always felt this way ever since I was young(?) I thought everyone had this(?)
1 likethelastofrobyn this is me everyday
2 likesthelastofrobyn i totally agree, i've gotten depersonalization anxiety before and i just couldn't stop crying bc i was so confused and was so scared and i thought something was wrong with me. but it all turned out okay 🙂 and that happened like a few months ago
4 likesKirstin Belle what you described LITERALLY just happened to me and I'm crying and I'm confused and I have been confused for about 2-3 months seriously. And its 2:12 am so this probably doesn't make sense.
2 likesthelastofrobyn me too but I usually get it when I'm having fun and it ruins everything I'll just be all happy and then I'll feel fake and like I'm sitting back in my head watching my body moving on its own doing things I'm not doing and it's even wise having really bad anxiety and it causes anxiety attacks and my depression and then it all crashes down and I just don't want to exist it is the worst
1 likeUntil now I thought that was just me, I didn't know it was an actual disorder. I feel like this whenever I go out and have fun and it really just ruins everyone's mood, my mom thinks I'm weird and my whole family never want to take me anywhere and honestly I don't blame them. I never knew other people felt like this to.
5 likesexactly
0 likesthelastofrobyn |-/
1 likeme too dude :/ <3
0 likesthelastofrobyn I can totally relate to this. I always think I'm feeling better every couple of months and then it comes back. It's just a cycle I hate
0 likesFor me, I'm having a episode right now. And I just feel empty. I don't feel anything. I don't like anything of the things I do or I used to. I just cry a lot and take naps.
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0 likesTon Ton💛It's my first time and I'm so scared and I feel like I'm ready to break down at any moment
0 likesIt's my first time and I'm so scared and I don't know what to do
1 likethelastofrobyn this is exactly what i have wow
0 likesyes it is REALLY hard to live with, terrifying is exactly right
0 likesthelastofrobyn yes yes yes
0 likesthelastofrobyn why it is just every few months it’s so weird. I feel mad.
0 likesHow are people so good at explaining things, like you damn. Especially where you feel like a ghost.
1 likeexactly
0 likesThis is an old comment but YES THE IS EXACTLY HOW I FEEL BUT I COULDN'T PUT IT IN WORDS
0 likesexactly
0 likes@madtingz ME TOO I WAS IN 6TH GRADE WHEN IT STARTED
0 likesGod I love this video.. I watch it at least once a day. In times when I feel terrible and depressed, I’ll just watch this and realize how much dodie has gone through. You’re so strong and amazing, keep doing what you😃
4 likesI feel you. I feel every word you said. I'm sending a HUGE hug from Portugal and I hope you feel better now. Don't feel ashamed, don't hide in a corner, seek help, go find your friends and treat yourself. It's my best advice.
23 likesLove you
I'm so glad I found this video. I've been feeling the whole depersonalization thing for like 11 years. I'm 16 now, I didn't realize that what I was feeling was a problem until recently. It's honestly all I've ever known. This video made me feel a lot less alone. Thank you
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How are you doing now?
0 likesI have this and I always thought I was SOO different and everyone was gonna think I'm crazy. I'm happy I'm not alone
11 likesWhen you almost started crying I felt a bit of me die
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Its okay, i will bring you the defibrilator!
1 likeCLEAR BZzzZZZZZZZZZZzzz
Now it should be back to life again! Can you feel it?
I remember one day I woke up and ran into my parents room crying and asked them to say my name so it felt like I was real. I once heard it described as 'eavesdropping on a conversation you're part of'.
9 likesI just found out that I've had anxiety for 3 years, and sometimes I feel depressed too. I feel like the big things in life don't get to me at all, like I'm desensitized by them, but small things like social interaction or waking up too late feel like the weight of the world. I constantly feel like I've lost control, like my life is on autopilot and there's no way out. I waste every day by being unproductive and every night I find that I hate myself more for wasting my own time by staring at a screen. I can't even bring myself to tell my parents because I think they wouldn't care or wouldn't help me, just pity me and move on. I know it's not true, but something inside me is still holding me back.
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Hey, I don't know you, but I hope you have been able to tell your parents or any other adult figure who can help you. More power, strength, and warmth to you. Take care.
2 likesThis might be an old video, but it really helped me put that step towards seeking help. Even if it's just talking to friends about it. It's a step... Babysteps... It's more effort than i've made in my entire life since i've felt depressed or down about the way i feel. Thanks for that. Thanks a lot <3
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May God be with you and show you His wonderful kindness and grace dear friend.
0 likesMay the love of His Son Jesus surround you and embrace you warmly.
Please take care.
Babysteps.
0 likesIt's so sad that we can't explain our mental illness without trying to frantically explain that we aren't high or aren't on drugs. I dunno it's something I and others have had to say before when explaining how I feel. It's upsetting.
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*when explaining feelings
0 likes+Losers-With-Computers it really does suck. I've had to convince people I wasn't on drugs just because I felt things that they didn't.
3 likesWell, I'm just glad there are people like you who understand. :)
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0 likes👏🏻👏🏻
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1 likeI understand. It's really frustrating. Something else that's happened to me before, is I take medication, and people have been like "OOOOH LUCKY!! I WISH I WAS ON THAT!" Or like, "Damn, what'd you say to your psychiatrist to get that?" And it's extremely invalidating.
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0 likesyes!!!
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0 likesLosers-With-Computers +
0 likesI just want to come back after 5 years and say thank you for this video. I started experiencing depersonalization due to anxiety right before the pandemic, and having a name for it from watching your video helped me not feel like I was going crazy.
1 likeI suffer from schizoaffective disorder and along with that I suffer from Derealisation/depersonalisation day in, day out... sometimes it gets worse for short episodes but it’s there all the time. I made a video about it where I showed a clip of me in a bad episode and it’s weird to watch :/ I feel weird, I feel broken, I am tired of seeing and hearing things no one else can perceive and I am sick of being in this bloody dream world all the time. It sucks so I totally understand you...
6 likesI have been watching videos/vlogs on depression and anxiety all night and this one is the most real I've seen. Thank you for putting yourself out there for all to see. It's brave and inspiring. Thank you again from someone who knows how you feel. Thank you. Side note, I didn't realize this was 3 years ago. I hope things have gotten easier and know that we are with you.
1 likeI'm 13 and I have depression, I only found that out a few months ago. All my symptoms started to make sense. It's so hard to come to school and put a mask on my face till I'm alone again, it's hard to believe things are real and it's hard to know if I'm awake or dreaming, my friends still think I'm that bubbly and happy girl I was in primary because I hide away in the school bathrooms when I feel like I'm going to break. I come close to crying in class but somehow I manage to suck it all in and say I'm fine I'm just tired and it's hard to keep this secret to myself
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Same, I'm glad you found the word to define it so early on, I didn't know what "mental health" was until uni. When my "friends" in middle school ostracized me (2x in 2 diff. places), something just clicked in my brain, and I started being scared all the time of what people think of me, feeling lonely, and crying easily, but I hoped it would go away, hoped time would heal..but it didn't, I continued to feel like a shitty version of myself, and despite trying to pretend I'm still this very happy, bubbly girl for everyone around, I really hoped someone would see the truth and help me. But nobody took it seriously enough, dismissed it as "just teenage angst" probs, so now I'm trying to deal with it in my 20s (where have the past 14 years gone??) and it's so haard. Sticking together with people who understand helps, yes! <3
4 likesI'm a little late but honestly... Same
1 likeI came back to school and the only one that seem to the counselor
0 likesdid you go to a doctor about it
0 likes"How can you fight it when the it is the thing you're using to fight with?"
261 likes- Dodie Clark
This is going in my book of quotes
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They are wise words
2 likesexcarnate the spirit.
0 likesWhen you said "you're problems are not insignificant" i kinda just broke down
134 likesCan't believe how I've felt so moved by your words, I'm really struggling from persistent depressive disorder and the way you describe your feelings and your plans ...I definatly relate to the strange world, foggy mind, dream like state experience. You make so much sense to me.
1 likei broke down at 4:15.
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Mackenzie Frecloud same
13 likesMe too :’(
11 likesmackenzie frecloud I 100% feel that. All I want anymore is just to go home. That’s all I’ve wanted for 9 years but realistically I’m the only living member of my family left and everything is gone and there’s nothing there anymore.
21 likesSame
1 like@Andrew Lewis stay strong
9 likesall of you
I know I can't tell anyone that I know what they feel like, I know that's not how it works. But I really hope and wish the best for you. it's gonna be fine
Vincent Lindhorn Really man? I understand you’re just trying to help, but come on. Don’t preach to a bunch of people when they’re down, that just shows that you’ve got nothing.
1 like@Prospector Nick "Come unto me, all you that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest."(Matthew 11:28) Jesus is calling the broken hearted.
1 likeMe too
0 likesSounds normal.
0 likesi’ve only recently started feeling this way & turned to dodie’s videos bc i knew she had experienced something similar — so i lost it as soon as she started crying.
0 likesit's taken me 4 years to accept that there was something wrong and to finally know about dpdr. one of the worst parts for me is the emotional numbess and the inability to cry. i managed to cry this year but it's still pretty few and unpredictable. this video is one of the 5 things that has made me cry. i have watched this video many many times in the past month, and that part has made me weep so bad. what she says has been my life for 4 years - everyday. i want to get in my old bed, in my old room, and feel normal again all the time.
0 likes"objectively I am fine, so why am I not?" is the question that has been running around in my head for years thank you for saying it out loud
3 likesDodie is so inspiring. ♥️
2 likesDepersonalization is really really one of the worst conditions I know. Because you kinda function somehow normal but at the same time you live subjectively in hell...
75 likesOnly thing that helps me is being pragmatic, not obsessing about existential thoughts and don't avoid situations because I don't feel good.
I wish you all the best dodie I can relate soo damn good.
I've had these similar feelings when I was 13, that was 2 years ago and I feel like this has still been in my head ever since. I went to therapy for it but I just felt like it was hard to explain anything and I was afraid I was wasting my time. Ever since I have been supressing it, the feeling of anything is real or not and feeling like a robot who is subconsciously doing everything without feeling anything, I want to feel alive again, be able to see the world like I used to and see everything for the reality that it is, every once in a while I get a few seconds of a glimpse of what everything used to feel like but I go right back to feeling this way. I don't what to do :(
1 likeI always had this feeling that I wasn’t there and I wasn’t really in my body. I never new what it was and I always wanted to put a name to it. This has helped me realise that I have depersonalisation and derealisation. This is why I love Dodie so much💛💛💛
1 likeDepersonalisation is the worst feeling in the world, I still suffer from it today at times when I get really anxious or worried. I thought I was going mental for ages until I researched into what was happening. I thought I felt lightheaded but I realise now it's completely different. It feels like your observing yourself from outside of your body and it's not nice at all because you know your talking but you can't register that you are. It's like your part of yourself but your not. I've found ways to cope now, basically I make sure that I stay hydrated all the time if I'm in a social situation and I try to find things around me to stabilise myself to make sure I "stay in my own head" like I make sure I don't panic when it kicks in, I make sure I look around me and see the room I want to stay in. I felt like this before I ever felt drunk so I never realised the similarities until the first time I got drunk, then I freaked out. Trust me when I say this
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It will pass and you're not alone, you're not crazy at all! You will feel like yourself again, I know it doesn't feel like you will be now but you will. Take time to feel yourself again and take time out to chill you deserve it and everyone will understand, lots of love xxx
5 likesYou're probably suffering from episodes not the disorder. it's fucking horrible I know, but when it has turned into the f disorder you're already in. there's no way out because it's a lifetime feeling, you're IT. all the time, it's your reality you don't know how else it is, not anymore. and the horrible huge part about DPD: medication doesn't work.
0 likes+Wra8h That's completely and utterly not true. it's impossible dp is just a "feeling" nobody is capable of feeling this forever a while maybe but not forever I'm sorry you've lost hope.
2 likesAsh i tought i felt lightheaded too im 14
0 likesJust stumbled across this. Wow. Thank you for opening up and being honest and talking about such a difficult subject. Mental health is important, and people take ot for granted until they spiral down. I'm currently struggling with anxiety and depression. They are very difficult to explain to people that havent experienced it. Thank you for putting yourself out there and reminding us that no one is perfect, but everyone deserves love and respect.
1 likeWhen dodie said, "I just want to get into my old bed and be normal again." I cried so hard. Like, I can't relate, but it makes me so heartbroken that there are people who have to feel like that.
3 likesyou know, i dont usually cry, and when people tell me the things theyre experiencing, even if they are exactly the same things i am experiencing, my mind finds some way to say to me: no. youre different. youre not worth it, and youre never going to get better. So thank you for this video. Because I cried my eyes out and i felt so understood and ive been looking for that understanding for about a year now. I'll try to continue my life with the thought that I am not crazy, that I am a person worthy of attention, and that i am good enough. I hope you will find your happy place soon, I really hope you do. Until then, I hope youre proud of yourself, and the fact that youve helped so many people by the stories you tell
1 likeThis is the best description of derealization ive heard. this is me.
17 likesi remember watching this video for the first time several years ago, when i was still in high school. i was crying so hard because i was feeling everything you were saying on such a deep level. i was so scared, and i still am sometimes. the first time i recognized that i was experiencing derealization/depersonalization, i think i was around 9 or 10. i of course had no idea what it was called, i didn’t figure that out until i watched this video for the first time. but, i remember telling my mom about it. i said i felt like i was dreaming, but she didn’t know what it was or what to say so she just kind of brushed it off. i’ve been struggling with this at varying levels throughout the years and it’s never fully gone away. i’m 19, so i’ve felt like this for half of my life. i was so young when it started that i can’t even remember what it felt like before. anyways, i just wanted to write this here to kind of get it off of my chest, and maybe someone reading the comments will be able to relate to it and feel a little less alone in their struggle. also, thank you for sharing your experience dodie, it’s made feel a lot less alone and a little less scared. x
2 likesDepersonalization is actually how I’m feeling
9 likesdodie I love you so much, I hope you can stay strong an get through this, we are all here for you, your subscriber, family, friends and all that jaazzity jazz, really I do hope you feel better soon... love you! <3
1 likeThank you! I thought I was going crazy. I sometimes feel like my hands aren't my own, like looking at them through a window. I didn't know there was a name for it. Thank you for your honesty and openness in your vlogs.
0 likesYou are not nearly crazy.
161 likesThank you so much for sharing this means a lot to a lot of teens struggling and thank you for letting us know about you and sharing yourself.
I hope you are doing okay, I hope you can be okay <3
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And good for you for standing up and taking action, you're very strong for a hard struggle
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0 likesI know exactly that feeling and have gone through it twice in my life. I know this video is super old but it is nice to not be alone in that experience and just know so truly that your experience is the same as someone else's. Hope you got through it as I did <3
0 likesI relate to Dodie so much. I feel we have similar features, ones I’ve struggled to love before. And we both have similar mental difficulties and similar issues. It’s so comforting to hear her talk about this. Because something I felt so alone in really isn’t
1 likeThank you so so much for this. I’m collecting mental illness diagnosis’s like Pokémon. And I always feel wrong in the world and crazy. So thank you ❤️
0 likesI am watching this in 2019. I have never ever ever ever related to a video and ever found a video to describe how I am feeling better than this one. Thank you!
2 likes4:00-5:00 is EXACTLY how I’ve been feeling lately. You couldn’t have said it any better. Derealization always makes me feel extremely nostalgic.
0 likesI saw this when it came out and related to it but i've been going through a really tough few weeks lately and this was comforting to come back and watch. Thank you for sharing dodie.
0 likesI know what you are going through, I've been through anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts all at once and Im eleven, the only thing that gets me through it is you music and my favorite youtuber, Jacksepticeye.
1 likeI've been going and continue to go through this. You have helped me feel a little less insane, and god bless you beautiful girl, I don't know how it is for you personally but for me it's mind fracturing and scary. Learning of psychic distance has helped me a little bit.
0 likesI've dealt with derealisastion and depersonalisation my whole life. I always felt like my life was a movie but I could tell who I was and everything, I was pretty much fine.It really got worse when my dad died, but the weird part is, the only time when I've ever truly felt I was in my body was when I was crying at his funeral. Everything was real and vivid, and as soon as I stepped out of there, it was like a dream. I've never gotten out of this dream, I can kind of tell I'm here, but it feels as though I'm not controlling myself. It's hard to explain, it if you've ever felt it you would understand. I hate it and sometimes I wish I could experience the world as it is and not like I'm looking through a bad quality camera. Playing guitar and watching your videos bring me into the world a little more, but I'm never truly here.
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+Laser Pigeon (Mo) <333
14 likes+doddlevloggle Thank you for making this video, I've never felt like I could relate to someone about this. I think it will help a lot of people.
7 likesdodie, you took the words right out of my mouth.
2 likesthank you! 💕
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I can't explain how much this means to me..just...I'm at a loss for words! We're freakishly similar 😂
0 likesthe way i keep coming back to dodie for music and mental health because their videos and songs make my dpdr consumed brain feel like it’s allowed to exist :’’’’’)
2 likescried so hard at 4:14, sigh
i just wanna go back in time to my old room and lie on my old bed with the light reflecting off of those orange walls and although dissociation was almost a daily occurrence, it didn’t consume me then like it has the past few years. i wanna be 15 again. i want that sense of normalcy, i want to feel like i’m not going insane, i want to look at the mirror and not be scared (because goddamn depersonalisation makes that so bad), i wanna be able to watch tv and be able to stay sane in my reality, i want to stop seeing things from the outside, i want to stop floating in dream-like states. i want to wake up one day and actually.wake. up.
dodie’s videos were how i found out about dissociation/dpdr. my entire life - my entire freaking life - made more sense. i wasn’t going insane. there was a name to what i felt. i wish i reached out for help then. i wish i didn’t wait for things to get too bad before taking my mental health seriously. i was barely living by the time i actually got help, but getting a diagnosis did give me a lot of clarity.
to everyone who struggles with dpdr/dissociative disorders/other mental health conditions: i see you. i goddamn see you. hang in there. i know it feels like you’re alone, but you’re not. you’re actually not. there are a lot of us out here. don’t hesitate to talk or get help. and live your life as much as you can - truth be told, i don’t know if i’m ever going to stop feeling this way. but i’m tired of not living cause of it. there will be ups and downs, but all you can do is keep going, cause there are things in life that are worth it. worth all of this. if you don’t think there is, you just haven’t found it. keep searching, my love. keep going.
I've watched you for years honestly and recently I've had a bit of a tumble in the brain department, to a whole new level than normal. Pretty sure I have c-ptsd after a lot of (healthy to the best possible extent) research. Thank you so much for all your content on dissociation it's honestly so so so bloody helpful!!!!
0 likesI totally felt like this for like a month and I finally got the help I need. Thanks for sharing your experiences.
0 likesNothing in this video sounded like you were trying to just get attention...thank you for validating your fan's problems...but please know that your problems are valid as well. You are so brave and I'm so impressed by you
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+Claire Miller <3
38 likesYes so true
0 likesI hope you see my comment above. And I hope it helps. <3
0 likes+doddlevloggle thank you for sharing this with us. Do whatever you need for you. if it means taking time off for yourself do it we understand. sending lots of love and thoughts your way <3
0 likesi dont even see someone who wrote that
0 likesWell done Dodie! We know it's hard, and you're trying. We support you. Take time off if you need. Mental health issues are a real thing, as important and real as physical health issues - we believe you. Well done for keeping trying. Whatever you need to get better. ❤❤❤
0 likesHearing this really helps me feel understood. I struggle with the same depersonalization issue and its really scary. Thank you
1 likeI've been there (I still am kinda), I know how all that feels, and I also know mental illness is important and needs to be treated right. But what REALLY has helped me to feel so much better is stop trying to fight against it all the time. The more you fight against it, and try to feel "normal" (we're still normal), the bigger the feeling will get. All those symptoms need to drain of our bodies, if we just try aaaall the time to put it off and don't actually face it and say "ok, let's feel it and then let it go" (as terrifies as it sounds) it just will keep getting bigger and worse. Just try as hard as you can to not think all the time about how horrible it is, and how you wish you feel normal like before, try with all your strength to keep doing your life with all these symptoms and bad feelings, and just let them be so then they can't leave you alone.
0 likesAnother thing that helps me, it's not saying "I'm this" you are not depression, you are not anxiety, you are not whatever process you are going through. You are just at a phase of your life where your body and mind are speaking and telling you something through symptoms/illness, and we gotta listen them and change what it's causing us so much damage. Everything changes, and life is a rollercoaster, maybe right now you feel only going down.....but one day it will start going up and up......hope all this can help someone ♡
Is it anxiety and depression when every time you try to talk about your feelings, it's like they are shoved into the walls of your throat so you keep your mouth cemented shut to stop you from bursting? Is it anxiety and depression when you have to scribble circles or lines or dots on your homework and then jab yourself in the hand with the same pen during class? Is it anxiety and depression when you are constantly in a dreamscape and all the lights are too bright and every single thing is buzzing around you but you know you can't be in it so you'd rather be invisible? Is it anxiety and depression when you you keep these negative words in your head that you keep chanting to yourself whenever your put in a situation where you know you're not good enough? Is it anxiety and depression when once everyone sees you crying and begins to ask if your ok, your knees give way and you collapse because all of your emotions are working at once and they're weighing you down like there's a cannonball in your backpack?
18 likesIs it anxiety and depression when you have to build a wall of false positivity to shelter your insecurities whilst trying to keep your friends close by, but really, you just keep adding more and more bricks to it and it's just separating you from them...
And your worst fear...
Is losing them?
Thank you so much for sharing these videos about your struggles with mental health, there’s just not enough videos with people who I can relate to but I’m happy to find this
1 likeDodie I don't know if this helps, but I love you :) you inspire me and make me feel so much more confident about myself and I feel bad that there is nothing that I can do but I can tell you that you are so beautiful, gorgeous, inspiring, and you make a shit ton of people happy. It makes me upset that you are not well, but stay strong, do your best, I know you have been doing that this whole time but keep it up. God I love you so much!
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I don't know of you will read this but I hope you do ^^
3 likesDodie, you are amazing.
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0 likesI totally agree 💛
0 likesDodie I just can't even explain how much you mean to me, like ugh I wish I could.
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0 likesCodie you are beautiful
0 likesThank you for making this. It’s so helpful to so many people.4:15 made me cry :( I know 100% how you feel.
0 likesI'm so proud of you for actually doing stuff when you're feeling like this...i can't make myself go for a run or make a video or eating breakfast or whatever..
0 likesI literally relate so hard that I'm close to tears. ~*hugs*~, it'll all be okay, Dodie <3
1 likeI just wanted to say that I am so grateful and appreciative of this and other videos as this is the only thing I've truly related to for a long time now and it's so reassuring knowing that I'm not the only one who feels this way. Thank you so much xxx
0 likesMan I feel this so much. I went to the doctors 3 times in one day before because I got told Anxiety wasn't a big enough problem and I wept on the walk home. It's so so hard to describe to someone what it's like, everything is huge. You opening up is literally amazing I don't wanna sound patronising but that's fab. Honestly. Use the people around you, it's okay to. That's what they are there for. Remember we're all here. I don't know what more I can say. Also random but if anyone is Uni age and applying for DSA and needs help hit me up (message me or something) I'm here to help :) I've gone through almost every shitty part xxx
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Basically we all love you, please remember that when you feel alone xxx
20 likesALSO I keep saying more but you are all fab too, like Dodie's fans/support are the sweetest, gentlest peeps I've got to know <3
10 likesdece forbestimasa
0 likes:D well fab wouldn't be possible without you!
1 like+Ruby Woods Yup, such a sweet community...! :o
0 likesI'm really sorry this happened to you. anxiety is real and valid and for me crippling.
0 likes"I know I sound insane, I feel like I am insane" - exactly what I say every time I talk to myself about myself
2 likesWatching these videos helps so much! I came to this video because I was freaking out about what’s going on in my head and whether I’ll ever get back to normal, but seeing other people saying how they feel, and it being how I feel is so helpful and makes me feel less alone, even though my brain says I am
0 likesI don't have a mental illness - which I am so incredibly grateful for, mind you - and it absolutely breaks my heart that lovely human beings like Dodie, or even people who don't have fanbases of hundreds of thousands of other human beings, who just have hearts of gold are cursed to live their lives in brains that do have mental illnesses. It always seems like the best people have these illnesses, and it just seems unfair. And I see videos like this of genuine sweethearts talking about these experiences that seem so unthinkable to my 'normal' brain, but I still try to think about what it would be like. And I always feel bad talking about things like this, because I feel like I'll say something wrong or inconsiderate about it, and I really don't want to. I would feel horrible. And I feel bad even writing this comment, because I know that my pity and misunderstanding of this subject will not do anything for anyone, yet here I am, and I'm sorry to whoever's still reading. I don't even know what the point of this comment was. I think that I wanted to say that it isn't fair for anyone, even the worst of people, to be... cursed, I suppose, with this burden. I'm sorry again to whoever's reading this, because you're just wasting your time reading my rambling about a topic I'm ignorant of. If anyone seeing this knows more about mental health, feel free to inform me about why this type of thing happens, because I really want to learn more.
25 likesMaybe this comment doesn't make sense because I've been writing this at 1:00 a.m. in my bed for the last ten or so minutes. Or because I'm literally eleven. Again, sorry, this information has no importance to you. Have a nice day. ❤️
Even though this was posted almost a year ago, I still feel so freaking proud that Dodie felt able to make and post this video.
0 likesThank you Dodie, you're beautiful and amazing xx
I am so happy you've uploaded a video about this!! Makes people aware of depersonalisation and how u shouldn't feel crazy or weird because the brain is just odd and sometimes u can't help what u think
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p.s daily meditation really really helped me, stick with it, make it a routine like brushing your teeth!!
7 likesThank you so much dodie
0 likesI’ve been going to therapy for the past few weeks and I’ve been trying to explain what’s going on (and been doing it horribly) I felt like it was just me and I was going crazy
This video sincerely helped me and I’m now on the right track on getting back to get normal and happy 😊
For me depersonalization started when I was sick over my summer break which wasn’t to long ago and I really don’t want to stress anyone in my family about it and they ask me how I feel and I don’t know how to respond because I personally don’t know how I feel I really do feel like I’m not alive and I still to this day do not know what to do and it really does make me upset because I want to be able to feel things again how I used to so I can completely relate to this video i have not had this for a year I’ve only had it for almost 2 months now
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Hey, how are you now?
5 likesTake off how are you now ?
0 likesThis video broke my heart. I honestly, sincerely hope you will start to feel better and find the help you need. We love you, don't forget that. Stay safe, you can do this! Huggggs
0 likesWatching this video for the first time in four years. Still resonates.
1 likeI want to give everyone who's commented here a hug ok?
17 likesok
I can't go through and say this to everyone personally, but I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry that you're going through everything that you are and I hate that you have to deal with everything
so here have the idea of a hug from a stranger on the internet, ok?
It's gonna be okay eventually, I promise- someday you'll figure it out and everything will be, if not entirely wonderful, at least tolerable and okay and better than it is now. And maybe it will be wonderful.
But I promise it'll get better.
I don't know if that helped and I also don't know if that was just me telling myself that it'll be okay, but this applies to you too.
When i'm "sad" (as my mum calls it) She says "Why can't you be a NORMAL child!?" "be happy!" "smile!" "act happy!"
57 likesa c t... Right.. She gives out to me for being "sad"
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My ex bestie did the same thing.
2 likesPhils Bubble Tea y’know I feel this way with my mum. I love her and all but sometimes the things she says really hurts me and I just have to nod and smile. I hope you’re okay dude I’m here for you. <3
1 likeI’ve been feeling very out of it lately, and I relate to the depersonalization/derealization stuff. I don’t have depression (I was healed of that), but I think this is tied to the level of anxiety I’ve been feeling. My last track season ended, I graduated hs, I turned 18, and I’ve been pressuring myself to start my life. Help, I can’t stop stressing
0 likesI felt every bit of that . Described how I feel down to a T. I can barely look at pictures of myself before I became mentally ill without bursting into tears. Feel like I’ve lost me.
2 likesIt's quite worrying how you went to see someone when you were 16 and they thought you were making it up.
709 likesIf anyone ever says that, YOU ARE NOT MAKING IT UP. Your experiences and feelings are valid. You know yourself better than anyone, and if you know something is up, IT PROBABLY IS and don't let anyone make you feel as though you don't know yourself.
Know thyself and all that.
<3
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But also mebbe recognise that no one is ever normal and there is no magical cure? WHAT EVEN IS NORMAL ANYWAY thumbs up
6 likesit happened to me too:/ so many doctors just dismiss teenagers' feelings
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0 likesWhen she said that I was like "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS DOCTOR" and I never cuss - almost never. Like, what is wrong with people? It annoys me so much.
4 likesthe "you know yourself better than anyone" bit is my problem.
10 likesThat's what's wrong with me.
I don't know myself.
I don't remember thing properly, and even if I do (I'm not really sure) I don't feel like I can trust my own mind to be right about anything, not memories, not itself, not common sense, not anything.
I don't know how I feel, and I think that's what got me to first realise that something wasn't right, when anyone asked me how I felt, I would always say, "Eh." and shrug and play it off as a joke, or say "Fine" or "Good" so no one would worry, but it wasn't because I felt like being funny or anything, it was because I honestly didn't know, and if I said "I dunno" to "How are you?" I would sound weird, and I didn't want that.
Having said that, I don't really know what I want, or who I want to be, or what I want to feel, or how i should feel. I don't know who I am, or anything really.
I think I have actually lost my mind.
When I say that, I don't really mean that I've gone crazy, I mean that I feel like I've lost my mind in a box somewhere, and I can't find it.
I don't know exactly when this started, but I think it might have been when my dad left. I don't know why this affected me so much as to make me LOSE MY MIND, but it seems like it did. It might have been the stress of not having much money, combined with the sudden change and my seven-year-old mind, but I really don't know.
I'll be okay though, I'll get help and I'm sure it'll get better.
I'll be okay.
I hope.
P.S
I might be making this up, this might not really be a problem, and I might have just dug myself into a hole, this could be my own fault, I don't know.
Also, please don't worry. I don't know why you would worry about some random internet person you don't even know, but still, don't worry about the random interpersonal you do t even know.
Also also, if anyone has heard of something like this, please tell me, I would really do well knowing at least what's wrong (if anything) with me.
So many doctors don't believe you, especially if your younger because they just blame it on your age and that your just being negative and it's really upsetting because it's not fair that mental illnesses are treated differently to physical illnesses 😔
16 likes+HopeMappley Yes! I wish this was spoken about more often. Every self help video is like "Go see someone! They'll make it all better!". When in reality you will probably have to go through a couple of people before you get the help you need. And in that process you might encounter some "professionals" that make you feel worse before someone actually does their job properly and helps you.
7 likesI've been to a therapist and they blame it on my age or another thing is when they blame mental illnesses and suicidal thoughts on periods
2 likeswhenever i try to tell people about how i feel, they tell me its just ''puberty''. It's not. i actually feel like i'm not in control of my own mind and like i cant trust anyone and everything is just dark and bad and i feel like i have to put on a fake smile for everyone so they dont know, because i want help but im afraid to ask for it. I just dont feel okay anymore.
3 likesthis has happened to me
1 like+Luba Brodsky ikr like I've mentioned to my mom multiple times that I'd like to get a therapist and she believes me, but she's a doctor and I think she thinks I'm just growing and not getting enough sleep or that I have iron deficiencies, and I'm like "yes, I had mental breakdowns and anxiety attacks and depression and suicidal thoughts because I'm missing a couple doses of iron."
1 likeExactly! Anyone could have a mental illness. It doesn't have requirements, anyone could have one, no matter their age, the place they live in, how wealthy they are, your illness is valid no matter who you are.
2 likesNEVER MIND WHAT I SAID BEFORE.
1 likeI'm okay now. Ish. I suppose it was just a phase. Or maybe I've gotten settled into my new insanity. Whatever.
Thank you. I'm 16 right now and I'm trying to tell my parents I've been feeling awful for such a long time! A year I think? But they always cut me off telling me everything is just part of being a teenager. I'm going to talk with my school counselor. 💟
1 likeFirst Name Surname wow it's been a year but I really really hope you feel better now.
1 likeWhat if there is no self to be realized, it's all made up of a collection of ideas passed down to us from generation to generation...one causes their own suffering.
0 likesI do believe that you are among one of my greatest hero’s dodie. It’s so helpful and nice to have someone just speak up and be so open about these things. And it takes guts and I love you so much and I wish the world for you❤️
0 likesThanks for sharing this. 💙
1 likeI feel a lot of what you're feeling.
And it feels better knowing I'm not alone. 👊
Thank you for making these videos, you have no idea how much this helps people out!
2 likesThis video has given me so much insight, thank you so much, I've been experiencing the depersonalisation thing for months now and thought I was crazy
0 likesA few months ago I was feeling similar to this and I think I might have been having some sort of identity crisis but anyways I’ve spent the past couple of years being VERY nostalgic for the past in a very unhealthy way and one night I watched an episode of black mirror that I am convinced is our future and I started freaking out and I was texting my friend crying and saying all sorts of horrible things and that I wanted to die and I felt really bad. That was probably one of the worst feelings I’ve ever experienced and one of my darkest moments. So I woke up the morning and I realized I didn’t want to live my life wishing I was in the past and try to ignore the things I hate about the present and stop being so sad all the time. I don’t know how I did it but I managed to push all those thoughts to the back of my brain and I’ve been a lot happier.
2 likesSo back when I first watched this video, a couple of years ago, I remember feeling like this described me oddly well. So I looked up depersonalization and went down the list and I was still quite blown away by how well that fit me. Then I, being the dumbass that I am, for some reason just...convinced myself I was being delusional and that there was no reason for me to feel that way. I thought I was just aligning what I read with my thoughts because I wanted an excuse for why I was the way I was.
0 likesWELL I finally got over myself and went to talk to a counsellor and as it turns out, what I was feeling was depersonalization. I don't know what to make of that. I guess the moral is that if you feel like something is wrong, like you need to talk to someone or like you need help, please don't deny yourself that. You will be sparing yourself so much confusion and pain. Take care, loves.
It's okay to cry on youtube dodie! We'll always be here for you! I love you, you're amazing!❤️😘
0 likesThank you for putting words to how much mental illness can effect someone's life and how awful it feels when you are objectively fine but mentally you can't function. Your videos have helped me calm myself and realize that I'm not alone in my struggles with my own mental illnesses so thank you
0 likesI had a similar experience with a doctor. When I was 9 or 10, I began having what I know now were panic attacks. My whole body would go numb, I would shake, cry, it felt like the whole world was collapsing in on me. So my mom took me to the doctor, because she thought maybe I was having seizures or something. They ran a bunch of tests, and they all came back fine. I was healthy. But I wasnt, and I knew I wasnt and when the doctor came back with the test results with the conclusion "You're perfectly healthy, its all in your head" I felt lost. The panic attacks didn't stop. I felt helpless. This is why mental illness awareness is SO SO SO important. Thank you for sharing your story and I wish you the best of luck in finding true happiness again. You are so strong, you can do it ♥️
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+Violist99 this is so awful! Hope you're finding help now <3
5 likes@doddlevloggle I did eventually go to counseling and I have been panic attack free for almost 2 years! Thanks so much for replying!
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0 likesoh dodie it makes me so devastated to hear you say you’ve gone mad, you’re crazy. You are not crazy, your emotions and your thoughts are very very valid.
0 likesThank you for sharing this. It helps to know others are going through similar experiences.
0 likesYou are so amazing, you put words to a feeling that many of us struggle with and I just want to thank you and cheer you on in your recovery xx
0 likesI’m like a year late to this video but thank you so much dodie because I’ve been feeling this way far too long and thinking no one understands and you are so helpful I feel less alone when I watch your videos about mental health thank you so much
1 likeI'm dealing with this right now! It's the most scariest thing ever I thought I was going mad! Thank you for this video I now feel like I'm not alone xx
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I was diagnosed and will be getting therapy :) I hope we can both deal with this and get over it love you x
8 likes+Bryony Harris yeah me too. i was going through the exact same thing last year and coming into this year and wow i really did think i was going mad. ive been diagnosed and am much better now through getting the help i need and i really hope that you too are on your way to recovery xx
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0 likesI thought I was going mad too. I wish you all the best, sending you big big hugs, I hope you get to a good place darlin
1 likeI'm crying. I'm so happy I'm not alone. I mean I hate other people feel this but it's been a year.... I can't work I feel like I'm going mad
1 like+Amy Winfield thank you so much x
0 likes+Kat Hayashi it's awful isn't it! I can't work either ATM xx
0 likesI've come back to this video after 3 years since its release. I did it because I'm feeling bad again. Another low has been hit, and I felt like going through videos that used to help me back in a day. One of these was this one. Even though we all have different stories and feel it differently, I am speechless at how your words help me, Dodie. Thank you so much. So much.
0 likesi come back to this video from time to time. every time i'm feeling kind of lost, i always come to dodie's channel and songs and i'm still lost, but i feel better. it's been long since i haven't felt like myself. and this video feels like a hug for me. maybe that's sickening, maybe it's not, who knows. but if it wasn't because of dodie, those dark times where i felt nothing at all would have been way worse. thank you so much for always being you.
0 likesWhenever i get into my funks, very similar to how you explain, i always, ALWAYS come back to this video because i pretned it doesnt exist and just a lot of other things go on and i basically just lose alp sight of any reason to live but you have always helped me realize that im not okay and that i have a problem no matter how many times my parents tell me im just making excuses and im just so thankful that you exist. Thank you so much Dodie💜
0 likesIt’s a really vicious cycle!! I’ve been depersonalised and dissociated for a few weeks now mostly, and I feel like everything I see isn’t the same, even photos on my wall look different, looking at my dog doesn’t feel right, and I’m a lot more distant from my partner.. I get in to these deep depression episodes where my mind feels like it’s in the middle of nowhere and I feel no emotions when it happens.. I got so bad just the other day where I was sitting down and I stared blankly then all of a sudden I couldn’t think and it felt like my brain completely died, I felt like I was officially crazy and it made me panic and all I could do was cry and be scared. Sitting alone with yourself doesn’t make depersonalisation or dissociation any better, which I still need to learn, but going out in public is scary when you feel scared at every noise and things sound so much louder but they sound different at the same time or you can’t recognise the sound at all but you know what the noise is deep down.. it’s so frustrating and scary. Some days even finding it difficult to reach for my phone because my surroundings become such a blur . Definitely know how you feel ❤️❤️❤️ stay strong, even the darkest of moments don’t last forever xxxx
1 likeHey Dodie. I just needed to say that you're so brave and amazing.
36 likesI think this video will help other people.
I don't know if you've heard of this but it can be calming if you're feeling down or stressed, It's called tapping.
You pretty much tap certain areas on your body (lol this sounds really weird) whilst thinking/saying that it's okay to feel like this and then you normally end it on a happy note.
I'm the worst at explaining things but you can google it.
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I think she might know what it is, she mentioned doing something similiar in a previous video (im really scared of dying lol) but she used it more in a way that people with OCD do, so i think this is definitely a healthier way to cope. I might try this too, cause i cope by tapping alot as well, so this is probably alot healthier. Thanks for posting this!
1 likeI can vouch for this! You tap a certain pattern on various pressure points across your upper body and as crazy as it sounds, it has brought me down from countless anxiety attacks. Would recommend :)
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0 likesdodie!! i love u so much!! i am going through very similar things and i just wanted to let you know that when i'm starting to feel weird or panicky i always come and listen to your music to help me feel better, and it always does. I hope for u to have an amazing future and we love you so much!!!
0 likesHearing someone say how I am feeling is the strangest thing in the world. Thank you dodie
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8 likesEven when crying she's still really funny
You are so amazing and so brave for putting yourself out there. Thank you so much ❤
0 likesI'm thirteen. I've had suicidal thoughts before, and now I feel like I'm already dead, which is worse. I cried a lot before, but now I feel numb. At night, I can't sleep, and I stare into the darkness for hours, thinking thoughts that really hurt. Sometimes I cry, and it's the biggest relief. Sometimes I have panic attacks, and honestly, they make me feel more normal, because at least that reaction to my depressing thoughts seems more appropriate than being numb. Sometimes I have anxious episodes and think everyone's judging me. Sometimes I welcome death and sometimes I fear it because my life so far has been lived deep in an ocean where there's no one and I haven't had an effect on anyone's life, so if I die I'll have died having had a completely pointless existence of pain. I understand so many things that my mind can't handle. I'm sinking, but I can't tell which way's up. I only know I'm sinking because of the voices that tell me I am. People say they're in my head. That's just an ignorant way of saying the voices are me. Ignorance is bliss. I wish I were ignorant.
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A writer with a reason to write you are not alone x
32 likesI know you probably don't feel like you have anyone, but you should seek help or even just a bit of advice! Recovery is possible, you just need a bit of hope and guidance along the way :) I hope you find peace soon!
11 likesI feel the exact same way. I can't help you on all of it but, I do believe or I think I can with feeling important and that you've changed anthers life. I started asking people if I ever had an impact on them or if i ever helped them through a bad day. It was also than I realized who really cares about me. Something else that helped was doing random acts of kindness. Which can go from saying thank you to one of my teachers or smiling at a stranger to going to the soup kitchen and serving meals to the homeless. I suggest little ones first, than if you feel the need move your way up. Lastly something that helped me the most, and I don't know if you are religious or not, but I am and I started praying my Heavenly Father about what i was feeling and he helped me and is still helping me, anyone who's not religious wouldn't understand i don't think and I might sound crazy but without him id probably wouldn't still be here.
12 likesI hope this helps
A writer with a reason to write the song numb by marina and the diamonds describes this feeling well. Her transition into happiness through music is inspiring. If you're looking for a good cry, listen to her
7 likesA writer with a reason to write - you have many days ahead of you that WILL be better and brighter than the previous, stay strong my friend x
5 likesA writer with a reason to write you have every reason to live. you may not know this but a lot of people, including me, care about you. I don't even know you. I suffer with mental health issues and I know how hard it is. stay strong x
8 likes2003lollypop I am getting thereapy today I am so scared
1 likei understand. I feel exactly the same way.
2 likesPhilseyelash stay strong fellow phandom member <3
1 likeA writer with a reason to write I'm 14 and I've been going through derealization and dissociation since I was 12 I feel for u and if u wanna talk...
0 likesPhilseyelash I do too but remember what Dan and Phil said about this and it makes me feel a little better
1 likeMadison same (:
0 likesit sucks that ur going through this
0 likesmy friend is like this. it hurts me to see it. i know that she thinks she makes no differece in anyone life, that shes a burden, better off with no friends, or worse yet, dead.
3 likesI cry thinking of that. Cry so hard and wish and hope with all my might that she can somehow read my mind, because no matter how many times I tell her how important she is, she will not believe it. She's ill, I cant blame her.
You dont know how everyone sees you, people can suprise you.
There is an island in that sea, theres a boat there too. Dont give up just because you think it will never come.
But seriously, get help, even call a hotline. (I wish I could tell you some but idk where you are from).
I'm a lot better now. I finally broke down and lost it a bit, and then I started to realize that the way I see things is wrong, and that I was driving myself crazy over other people's problems. My dad was depressed as well, and he's gotten better, and my brother is probably autistic and he was having a lot of issues, especially when my dad was. They've both gotten better, and so have I. I've focused myself a lot more on the things that matter to me, and I'm not numb. I'm not hurting, either. I did, and I still do sometimes, but not as much as I used to. Thank you so much for the support and prayers (I'm Christian as well). I'm praying for all of you as well. Anyone reading these who are in pain right now, know that it really does get better. Just hold on, and don't be afraid to hurt, because it's the only way to feel human. Just remember that you need to feel joy and love and hope to be human, too.
13 likesHope everything's okay, I'm 15 and I'm dealing with I suppose "de-personalisation." I try to "feel" emotion, but I feel empty. I feel like I'm not really alive, I've been feeling like this since October/November.
9 likeshey if any on you just need to talk to a random person who doesn't know you just so you can talk about it with someone, I'm willing to help. I'm always willing to help. so if anyone's actually interested, say so because then I'll leave an emailaddress in the comments.
0 likesfemke edelbroek hey i want to talk, i don't have anyone else to talk to
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0 likesRose Lalonde
1 likeI honestly relate so much. I'm also 13 (almost 14) And i have been going through The same thing but haven't been able to put it into words
Rose Lalonde I think I know how you feel. I'm thirteen and it's been a year since I felt real hapiness. In the last 6 months, I've been hospitalized ( don't know if that's how you write it, I'm brazilian, sorry) 4 times for different reasons. And that's how I realized all of us can get sick, anytime. In one second, you're fine, and in the next one, you're a mess. That's what I went/am going throught. I'm a mess. I had problems that had nothing to do with each other and made a mess, because it was all at the same time. And I keep thinking about people who have a lot more issues than me, and sometimes these issues are even worse then mine. I keep trying to keep that kind of thoughts away, but it only made me worse, it kept me wondering about existance, life and why are we all here, living. I'm pretty sure that I'll get better with time, that's what pushes me on. Maybe you should keep in mind that when you've reached the bottom, there's only one way out: up. It'll probably take a while, but you'll get there. We will.
5 likesRose Lalonde I realate it has only happened once though I was at a dance party and i felt like I was watching a movie. I'm scared I am scared of mental illness it's only happened once I am not sure what happened it has been about six months ago and hasn't happened since I am only 11. I keep on writhing it of as growing up but I'm scared I haven't told anyone else because my best friend is hanging out with her crush so I don't have anyone to talk to anymore. I wish I wasn't so scared so I could tell someone I'm lost.
2 likesTrust me, we are SO proud of you for being able to pour out your feelings like this. Just know that you are going to be okay. Keep fighting, you're here for a reason. Believe me, you aren't alone, and you never will be. :)
2 likesRose Lalonde wow. I may as well pour out my soul also. I am 11 years old. I have two suicidal friends and one friend who has attempted suicide. twice. I talk to a counsellor but sometimes (this will sound weird) I forget everything. who I am. What's wrong. where I am. it's so brief but so scary.
1 likeRose Lalonde same, friend.
0 likesitisnotafriday can i maybe email you?
2 likesbe my guest.
2 likesme too
1 likeRose Lalonde I know you posted your comment quite awhile ago, but I honestly hope that you are doing well. 🌼🐌
2 likesRose Lalonde I can relate to every word of this.
2 likesI'm not even fucking joking, i can relate to this so hard. PLEASE tell me this is a condition or something
1 likeYou are so strong and you can get through this I know this sounds really hard but you have gone through so much and your still here, still breathing, still thinking, still talking and again you are so strong and I believe in that you can get through this. Try talking about how you feel to a trusted friend that you know listen well- talking about it really helps, or a trusted grownup xx
1 likeI really liked what you said, that was very brave of you. I don't really tell anyone but I really really wish I could talk about it as openly as you can. Sometimes I feel like everything is just flat, like the view from the eyes is just flat, my emotions are flat, my reactions that are normally happy and optimistic are just flat and I really hate that feeling. For me too, crying helps so very much. I really think its very therapeutic. And I don't know if anyone's really gonna read this or whatever but I am probably sounding very stupid and dumb right now but thanks for reading anyway.
0 likesWow, you were just thirteen. You're so much mature than older people I know. I hope you're feeling better now, based on this (totally relatable) I can see you're such a great and interesting person. I wish you the best 💟
0 likessame, I'm 11 and I'm not proud of these things.
0 likesRose Lalonde I’m so sorry, please try and get the help you need. Try talking to someone. Try for a therapist or maybe a mental hospital. I know a hospital sounds scary but sometimes it really really helps people. I can’t do anything for you but please try and get help, don’t leave this alone. You sound in danger
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0 likesThis is the first video of yours I had ever seen. I was experiencing really bad depersonalisation and I was going insane. This made me sob when I watched it. I still felt spaced out and terrified, but I felt less crazy. Thank you.
0 likesOmg thank you SO SO SO much for making this video and being so friggin honest about this. It feels INCREDIBLE listening to someone else describe how they feel and finally seeing someone put into words what’s happening to me. Thank you thank you thank you. 😌
0 likesThank you for this it's nice to be able to relate to someone amidst a bout of depression <3 <3 much love and gratitude <3
0 likesEven in 2019 I come to ur videos to cope with my depression I feel like anything I do i don’t feel like I would normally feel I feel like I’m not there just a human body and I’ve been through so much it just burys me deeper into depression
0 likesDodie, thank you so so much for making this video. I can relate to this on so many levels, life seems like an eternal dream, but not in a positive way. Everything seems new and weird and unusual like I am an alien visiting this world for the first time, not familiar with basic human emotions. I came back from my trip to America yesterday. It was my first time flying, first time out of Europe and first time in another country on my own. It was an amazing trip, we went to New York, I celebrated my birthday there... You would think I would feel amazing, on top of the world, inspired. But instead, I felt nothing.
69 likesI am a skin without a soul, the eyes without the sparkle. The flame has been blown out and I can't find any matches.
My mom doesn't take me seriously, my dad doesn't even know and although my friends love me and care for me, they aren't therapists. When school starts again I'll go to my counsellor and see if he/she can help me get in touch with a therapist.
Again, thank you so much. It is good to know I am not the only one feeling this way and I hope that one day we all can feel "normal" again.
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felt the same way for a while, like I was not really here but just in a dream and I was sooo scared that I would wake up and that all of it was a dream.. had a lot of panic attacks around that time 0_o but you know what: I'm feeling way better now it has been a year since I had a panic attack :) so don't give up it's really gonna be okey ^-^ hope you will feel well soon
0 likesThere's weeks where nothing feels real like it freaks like a nightmare and I feel like I'm watching everytimg go on around me in a kinda slow mo but I'm not contributing it. It usually happens when I'm really down and kinda numb and anxious idk it's scary as fuck.
0 likes@***** Thank you so much, this means a lot to me :)
0 likes@***** dankjewel lieverd x
0 likesIk ben zo trots op je dat je zover bent gekomen!
Hopelijk lukt dat mij ook op een dag :)
@Lindsey McCormack I am so sorry to hear this, love. I promise you, we'll be alright. It will take some time, but you are stronger than you think, you can do this x
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0 likesi know how you feel, I've been feeling like this for like four months. But I have to tell you something, it gets better. I started to see a therapist, and with time therapy worked! I started to feel less foggy, more connected, less panicky and less anxious. Sure, I'm not completely cured and there are days when I feel bad, but there are days when I feel great! Always remember that mental illness is CURABLE, and with time, patience, and the help that works for you, you will start to notice that symptoms fade, till its completely gone, good luck!!
1 like+Miguel López thank you so much! This gave me some hope :)
0 likesWhat You have is called Depersonalization I am by no means a doctor but I've been suffering myself !
1 like@Darvin Florian Thanks! I was also thinking about this and I am going to have myself checked by a therapist :)
0 likesYou. Are. So. Strong. You have been through so much, and yet here you are, still living, still thriving, still thinking positive. You are an inspiration to us all and I am so grateful that you have decided to share your story with us.
1 likeYou have helped me realize that it's totally okay not to feel happy all the time, that it's normal. That there are ups and downs in every person's life. That being positive isn't being happy all the time, it's knowing that when hard times come that better ones are ahead.
You truly have helped me see my mental illnesses in a different light and I will be forever in your debt. <3
I’ve never related to a video more in my entire life. This is exactly how I feel and also I feel like I can’t speak to anyone about it because they don’t understand or they think I’m just being dramatic or attention seeking. But mental illnesses are just as real as any other illness and no one should feel this way. I really just hope it gets better because I hate feeling this way❤️ I love all of you and I hope that you can find happiness and hope and someone kind to talk to❤️ and please don’t give up💕
0 likesWow. Thank you. I've never heard someone explain my life better than you. Just.. thank you for making me feel normal.
0 likesI could relate to this so much and it just made me so happy to know I'm not the only person experiencing these symptoms
0 likesmy mom tends to use my mental illness against me, saying things like "everyone feels like that sometimes" or "do you want to go to [local mental health institution]? that place will really mess you up if you don't have anything wrong with you." i love writing, and she thinks i'm one of those writers that has to have "a troubled soul" to write. it makes me so scared, thinking that everything i feel is a lie when i know it's not. i feel like i can't talk to anybody seriously, especially after a few very serious conversations with my mom that didn't result in me getting medical help, so i use my mental illness, my depression, as a punchline or a joke because i feel like it's the only catharsis i have. i know it's ridiculous and irrational and i know joking about it is the worst way to cry for help, but i feel like it's all i can do.
58 likesthat being said, thank you dodie for speaking so openly about your mental health and reminding me that i'm definitely not as alone as i think i am.
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mine does too, can't amount the number of times she's told me to just stick it out, or think happy so I can be happy, or just to tell the thoughts no, like that's ot how it works
0 likesBefore I was diagnosed with depression I knew I was depressed. The few times I approached my Mum about it she told me that I was just having a bad day or similar to what your Mum says to you. After I was diagnosed she admitted to me that she didn't want to admit it to herself that I was depressed. It may be the same with your Mum.
1 likeI understatement how hard it is to go to a doctor but I really recommend doing it. You know yourself best, nobody else, so if you are unhappy then you know best. I hope you can find someone to talk to who listens and understands you. X
i am absolutely aware of how you feel because i do the same thing and the people i know irl also treat me the same way, or say the same things and it bothers me so much but i can't do anything about it. 3 years since I've been dealing with mental illness and now i consider it the official joke punchline of my life and i know that's not healthy but i feel like it's the only way i can talk about it without being degraded by others and it sucks bcz i don't know what else to do.
1 likeDo you go to a school that has somebody that can help. Sorry if you've already tried, but I hope you can get help and understanding x
0 likesMy mom does the same thing and threatens me with psychologists or having mental illness or 'How can you be depressed or have anxiety I had it so much worse' and 'what's wrong with you'
0 likesthis is exactly what my mom would say. even after my suicide attempt and she told me it was all for attention. three years later and I've gotten help and see a therapist and take medication that helps me. you're definitely not alone and things do get better and you will get help in the future. I think your mom won't except it because in her mind it means she was a bad parent, or thats why my mom wouldn't except it along with that she had a terrible childhood and she didn't see my experiences comparable to hers. people suck but don't let yourself think what your feeling isn't real. if it makes you feel bad and you're trying to make it go away that's how you know it's real. you wouldn't fake something you wouldn't want to feel, thats ridiculous.
1 likeSame here. :/
0 likesI couldn't talk about it with my mom either because even if she's the best she wouldn't understand it. I mean she's introvert to but she would never talk about these things to anyone if she felt any anxiety stuff. She would just cover it and without ever telling me to do it or something like that I do it to. Cover it up and don't talk about anxiety, panic fear. Fake it till you make. Even if I'm pretty sure that I'll never make it.
0 likesOMG is my mum living a double life and we are secretly twins?
0 likesI'm so happy that I found this and you are really brave to post this and thank you so much for it, I really really liked it.
0 likesDepersonalisation. Feeling like you're going mad. I've never really been able to describe how I am and this is the closest thing I have heard to what I felt and that is amazing because I knew it was a form of anxiety but I never understood it. Thank you for this dodie.
0 likesthis made me cry, she managed to put into word exactly how I feel, I wish I was able to tell someone. its really scary
0 likesI'm going to the doctors soon but I'm 13 and I'm so scared that they'll patronize me and tell me that I'm fine and i should just go on walks or something
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Lily G i agree !! How did it go? :)
7 likesi'm 13 too and i'm going in about a month. i'm so scared too. but the other comment is right. how did it go?
6 likesHow did it go?
3 likesWell... you should also go on walks! If that's feasible
3 likesAre you ok now?
3 likesLily G yeah same. Or they’ll tell me I’m faking (which I’m not) but I’m still going because I can’t deal with this anymore.
4 likesI've been to the doctor's twice, the optician and a blood test for this and everyone has just told me to get more sleep and I'm just tired and stressed. Obviously, when I'm stressed it's worse but I've literally been feeling like I'm dreaming since 2018 ahh
4 likes@Naomi P are you ojk?
1 like@Army omg hey i forgot about this comment!! thankfully things got a bit better since i wrote this but it sucks that doctors don’t believe people when they are struggling with their mental health :(( i hope everyone in this comment sections finds something that can help them - love you all <3
3 likesGuuuurl. All too relatable. Especially when you were talking about going back to visit your old family home. So sorry to hear that you've been struggling but it's nice to know that I'm not alone with these feelings and experiences. This video (and your other videos related to mental health) are going to be so helpful to a lot of people. Thank you for continuing to share parts of your story. Sending you lots of love!!
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Ahhhh dude. I watch your videos on mental health and feel exactly the same. Brains suck. lol.
49 likesLots of love also! <3
Dodie, if you want to talk to someone, I'm here for u!
0 likesI've experienced depersonalization only once, and it might have been the most terrifying experience I've ever had. I think it was like my brain trying to ignore my ptsd, but I felt completely insane. I'm lucky it hasn't happened again.
0 likesIm so glad I found your channel, I've never met or seen anybody who feels the same way as me, down to the last detail even the whole thing about needing anything familiar so you can feel normal again like you did at the time of the familiar thing or memory, I've been stuck in my house for 4 years, that's when it started and I feel like I look as weird as I feel like I don't look human any more and I feel like I don't know how to do anything normal even down to blinking walking anything, it made me cry when I watched this video not just knowing I'm not the only one, but also because I understand what you're going through I felt your pain, I haven't been to a doctor about anything other than depression and anxiety and body dismorphia disorder, because I feel like they'll shrug it off as they did with you, anyways thankyou for you're stories you are amazing, and I hope we can one day feel like ourselves again 🙏🏼
0 likesI'm so glad you've described this and said all of this. I felt like anything I felt was so small and insignificant and whenever I would try to talk about it, I felt like it was being received at dramatic or made up and it made me feel crazy. I'm only 18 and I'm in that part of existence where you're supposed to have yourself together and sorted and I just feel... nothing. I can sit and do nothing for hours and feel nothing of it until repercussions hit me. And it's generally around my study so I'm really "damaging my future" or whatever. I just don't feel like I'm physically and mentally here.. I'm off somewhere else and no one seems to get it so I've always thought I was making it up. I should talk to someone about it.
1 likeI thought I was the only one who felt like this. Honestly it helps so much to know there are other people going through the same thing. I literally thought I was going insane and i felt so ashamed. Thank you for making a video on this Dodi ❤️
0 likesThis is so accurate to how I'm feeling. I've never known how to explain this and I was terrified I was alone and going insane, but now I'm so relieved that someone actually understands and I'm not on my own in feeling this way. Thank you for making this video, you truly helped. I love you
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I'm crying with happiness right now because finally someone understands and I'm not insane
1 likeOf course you're not insane. Don't let anybody tell you that. I'm sorry you might've had a difficult time with that in the past. Things can only get better from here. I hope you feel better really soon, you deserve it. :)
0 likesThis is Sooo me too I'm not alone
0 likes+Lauren Bolton Your not alone, just looking through this comment section, most people have felt like that at least once in there life. - I had major depression and thought about ending my life but here I am loving every second of life even if it's cruel sometimes
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0 likesThis also helped me at one point I did just feel crazy and mad, for me it is an on and off thing that I never until now said anything about.
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0 likesI love how honest you are and you help me and many people, Thank you! I see you now and you look less confuse. Hope therapy helped. 🤗🤗
0 likesThis helped me so much. I have PTSD and dissacociate 50% of the time.
0 likesMy heart dropped when you started to cry. I love you so so much dodie♥
0 likesAnd when people say 'Be with someone who motivates you, read, or watch something motivational' it is actually way more soothing, when you see someone who feels the same like you, because this is what really cheers you up! Thanks for your video!
0 likesThanks for sharing and being so open, you make many people feel less alone.
0 likesIncluding myself.
Love you Dodie! 🌻
I've been dealing with depersonalization/derealization for years now still struggling! Trying my best to stay positive
0 likesi cant even explain the feeling. i have all of these. my family always tells me "your life isnt even bad" i know. its pretty amazing but the issue isnt my life. its the life im living inside my head.
2 likesi see myself in you so much. I just broke down crying to my boyfriend, feeling the same way. He unfortunately had to leave for work and I came across your video, thank you. im distracted now and I feel like im not alone
0 likes4:15-4:20 is me at my therapist...even the "dammit!" I cry at everything haha..then get angry at me crying at everything
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honestly same
6 likesyea me too
2 likesMy first two sessions I was tearing up just walking up the stairs to her office, then once I sat down I just started crying
0 likesI'm sorry to be a bother but... Is it weird when I just break down crying in my bed for no reason? And you yell at yourself to stop because there's nothing going on and people are out there doing way worse than you. Then you see these posts about being strong for way to long. And you think that's not me I'm just a whinny little brat. But deep down u think it might be. I don't really know these things happen to me every month of waves of crying for no reason. I have never told anyone about this so :p. But I'm 12 and is it normal to have these things happen? Probably I'm just rambling...
2 likes@Bri Roster well..I have clinical depression & severe anxiety (yay me..it's not that sad, I'm on meds & life is great again) so I have a bias opinion. It's really healthy to let out your emotions & burst out into tears from time to time. I don't do that..I usually bottle things up until I have no choice but to cry, hence why I break down when I'm at the therapist...I finally face my fears. but she tells me all the time that it's good to cry. I mean, you are 12 so you're probably going through a shit ton of emotional changes bc puberty but I wouldn't let it bother you too much...I don't think you should seek any medical attention for it unless it's affecting your every day life. If you're just breaking down every now & then..whateverrrr..we're all humans, we all cry. You're nothing but normal :P but if it's stopping you from enjoying life, like physically not wanting to get out of bed, not enjoying yourself even though you know you should be (like at a party or with friends), feeling like you aren't inside your body..I'd get some help. Hope that helps.
4 likes@C. Katrina Storey Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. <3
1 likeI don't know enough about your context to feel I can be all that helpful, but there's one thing that I think is really important to keep in mind. Reading through the comments, I found someone else say it well, so here's how Eva Kirk put it (in response to Melanie C.): "here's the thing- everyone's feelings and problems are relevant to them. If you are struggling mentally and it is affecting your everyday life, you should never ever deny yourself help just because someone else out there might have it worse than you do. That's like refusing to go to the doctors to treat your broken wrist because someone else in the world has a broken neck which is more serious. ... You deserve true happiness so don't ever believe that you are unworthy of help or treatment. Wish you all the best xx." I hope this helps! :)
7 likesJust got diagnosed with depersonalisation I feel scared and like I’m never gonna feel normal again. Thank you for this video it solidified in my mind the fact that I’m not going insane. And that I’m not alone. Thank you sm.
0 likesdodie it warms my heart so much to see your videos and hear you talk, it reminds me so much of how I feel myself, and the fact that you are still here and is doing this youtube thing and talking openly about all these things is soo important and amazing and I LOVE YOU and I hope that you will never give up and never stop being exactly who you are <3
0 likesThis feeling,that everything feels so deaf and unreal,makes me feel that I'm not real...like I wear a 360°Glasses/Camera
11 likesAND this is not the real world....
😕
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Do you have other issues like that? It sounds like disassociastion, but do you experience other stuff aswell?
0 likesBecaus i think i have DP/DR as i have most of the symptoms.
You're a very inspirational and strong woman. I hope you are aware that this helps so much 💞
0 likesThe amount of love I have for this incredible women is insane
0 likesThank you for sharing this. Youtube recommendation and the weird ways it works, i really relate to this. Hope you're better now.
0 likesYou make me feel understood & I can’t tell you how much that helps .
0 likesI've had depersonalisation for 8 years now. When it first started back when I was 13 I felt exactly the same, like I was crazy and that I was going to spiral into madness. Since I found a name for it and realised it's an actual condition I realised that I wasn't alone and there were things I could do about it. I got therapy which unfortunately didn't help for me but now I'm doing what I love and not letting it beat me, im happy and the illness no longer controls me. Anyway, the moral of the story to anyone reading is don't let these things break you down, you're not alone and there is help :)
0 likesThis is exactly how I've been feeling for the past year or so. It stated when I was 12 and it's slowly been getting harder and harder to deal with. Up until now I didn't know what it was of how to describe it, but you've put it into words and I wanted to let let you know that I understand how you're feeling, and I hope that one day you'll feel better, as I hope that one day I will too <3
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I hope things get better for you
0 likesSame for me, only I'm not sure how long this has been going on, (at the most three years) and that I don't really feel like this video describes, but I'm close.
0 likesI'm ten years old, and I'm so confused it almost hurts.
I dont know, I just don't know.
I don't know who I am, who I want to be, who I should be, or who i should act like.
This isn't peer pressure or me wanting to fit in, I just honestly dont know who I am.
I think I may have lost my mind, but not in the "I'm going crazy" kind of way, it's more in a "Hey, where did I go? I'm sure I had Me somewhere around here... Hold on, didn't I once have a soul and a sense of purpose once? I wonder where I went..." kind of way.
I feel like I put all of Me in a box somewhere while I was working on my brain (as in my knowledge of physics and science and brainy smarts stuff), and when I went back to start working on the rest of me, I found that it was gone.
I don't know if this is even real, or something that's made up, but it kind of feels like it is.
I feel like I'm not me anymore, but a jumble of other people, jammed together in a makeshift attempt at becoming a person.
I think I'll get better though, and maybe it's just maintenance on me again, because I was feeling really depressed and suicidal for a few years, until suddenly I just kind of felt like... I could be happy again. I could smile and laugh and I didn't really see the point in dying anymore. Maybe this will work the same, and one day I'll just wake up and think, "Hm, I know who I am now." and everything will be okay again.
And even if it doesn't, I'll get help, and things will be better, at the very least.
I'm ten years old, so confused it almost hurts, but I'll be okay.
You will be better =) Distract yourself, do things you love and don't give in to depersonalisation. Be positive and enjoy life. I know that is easier said than done, but that's what I've been doing and it's getting a little bit better. 2 steps forward, 1 step back. This is a slow recovery. We WILL all get out of this! Keep believing, and keep living.
0 likesGood Luck with your recovery <3
@Cute Cupcake "Be positive" 😂 That just makes me laugh, being a pessimist down to the deepest pits of my soul, I am a pessimist, and "being positive" isn't exactly one of my strong points. 😂 Thanks for kinda making my day. 😂
0 likes@Nuala Halpin :) I'm quite pessimist sometimes too, but I've "trained" myself (if that makes any sense) to be positive.
0 likes@Cute Cupcake Not gonna happen for me, I like being pessimistic all the time, it's a good laugh when I can point at something really positive and twist it so that THE WHOLE WORLD IS GOING TO DIE!!! 😂 Serious though, we're all going to die one day, and then our children will be dead, and all the millions of people throughout history are dead, every single one of them...😶
0 likes@Nuala Halpin I know. But let's enjoy life while we have it :)
0 likes+Nuala Halpin I remember being ten years old and feeling so isolated from everyone and everything. I spent a lot of time outside alone in nature and sometimes I'd just go somewhere and cry. At ten years old your brain is starting to change really fast so it can feel like your old self is dying because in your brain old neurological pathways are literally dying and new ones are being formed. I learned that in a brain course I took in college. I've also been a generally depressed person ever since I started kindergarten and didn't fit in with people so it's hard to say where one's problems truly begin. Anyway, I hope that things get better for you. Being a kid in school is really the hardest part of anyone's life in my opinion.
3 likesAlso, don't ever let adults just brush off your problems because you're young. Your emotions are valid no matter what age you are and you deserve to be listened to. Wishing you the best.
(Also also, this is completely off-topic but you're a very eloquent writer for your age. If you have interest in pursuing writing as a career you should definitely go for it! You'd be awesome.)
@SuperJollyRainbows Thanks! And actually, yeah, I'm planning on either being a writer or a physicist of some kind, so yeah! Thanks!
1 likeits 2021, my mental health is shit and everything keeps getting worse to the point that I'm failing school. Currently doing a project where I have to search up about people I look up to, and stumbled on this video.
1 likeThank you. I needed this. and like you said then, I will try my bloody hardest :)
Seeing you force yourself out of crying made me see how I look because I do stuff like that to force myself not to cry.
2 likesI Love your attitude! I'm also in the dp hole and it can really be hell sometimes but what else can you do than to do the things you enjoy and make you feel better, seek help if needed, accept it and laugh at and through it? Namaste!
0 likesI just wanted to say that even though I don’t know you, I’m proud of you for fighting how you feel. Its clear you want to be happy again and thats the most important thing because in the end, you are the only person with enough power to do this. You’re genuinely dealing with it in the best way u can. Good job 🥺❤️
0 likesI’ve had a tough year with change and new things. This video has summed up everything I’ve been feeling. I’m too scared to ask for help so I’m just trying to get better on my own. But this video and comments gave me hope. ❤️
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How are you doing now?
0 likesi used to smoke a lot to cope with depression so the whole time I thought that that was just how getting high feels like( it was not an enjoyable experience, but i would choose the altered reality feeling and hyper awareness/ dreamlike state over being depressed in my bed. because at least when I was dealing with it I was laughing and "watching" myself laugh so I convinced myself I was happier that way) , and then it started happening on days in which I wasn't even high and over the years it's gotten worse and worse but now it's something I still deal with. Still need to get help but am too uncomfortable to talk to my parents about it. :/
1 likeWow this was a year ago..
0 likesDodie I love you!! :) I can relate. You are so brave.
I love you so much and I wish I could give you another hug💛thank you for sharing and helping so many people to realise that they’re not alone x
0 likesIt's so scary feeling that strange and you can't explain it. I'm glad more people are being open with their symptoms and feelings so people who are going through the same thing can see that it's happening to others too. Good luck in your recovery !
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<3
0 likes+Wacky Shenanigans The comment section for this video is such a supportive place.
5 likesHello I can relate your story to mine. My boyfriend is my world my soulmate and my my future husband. We met up 4 weeks ago and stayed to his place for 5 days! We celebrate out first anniversary. But now he just broke up with me that he couldn't handle the pressure of being in a relationship and that he doesn't want to be with me! I felt to shocked and cried a lot! He still calls me but never message. I don't know what to do! Anyone please help me what to do! Because I know this is not him! I know he is the loving guy I saw 4 weeks ago and we were so close! Is the depression something to do with this? Or is it just me? I'm truly lost. Need your advice I appreciate it! Thank you!
0 likesI'm glad her symptoms do not seem so physical because when i went through depression i couldn't eat anything and constantly threw up anything that I've managed to put in my stomach, as well as not being able to go to sleep because of constant heart throbs and anxious thoughts. And all these happened next to the general feeling of being mentally seperated from everyone else like she's describing it. It was definitely the worst phase of my life that I've ever been through but i'm okay now.
5 likesKaren, all I can say is that, sweetheart, I promise you that you're going to be just fine. be strong, love!
2 likesEver since I was 11 I have had really bad anxiety, but for the past 6 months I have felt exactly like this. I try explaining it to my friends and family and even went to see a therapist, but nobody understands what I actually mean when I talk about it or they think I've gone insane. I haven't really watched any of Dodie's videos but for some reason I still clicked on this video. And as soon as she started talking about depersonalization I was so relieved. This made me feel so much better knowing that somebody actually gets it. Somebody actually understands what I'm going through. Thank you for making me feel not so alone. I'm officially a fan now.❤️
1 likeThis was just what I needed. Took me 7 years since my first crisis to look for help. I thought it was some teenage phase and now that I`m an adult I see I have an issue and I needed help. I`m on medicine for two months now and it`s starting to help a lot. Lots of strength for you.
0 likesProps to you for reaching out to people to talk about what you're going through <3 those message are way more than I've ever told most of my friends/family about my experiences!
0 likesI can so relate. Thank you for putting this out there. Shame your first doctor consolidate the idea that you were making it up; that's just awful. I'm with you on the journey, though a little farther along. The struggle is real. You're an inspiration.
0 likesWhatever your going through, we will be there by your side and try our absolute best to support you. <3 I have been rematching all of your original songs and you are incredibly talented, i know you know that but... yeah. In that sense your quite lucky i guess :) Its ok if you can't explain what your going through. You will have people who will listen to you and help you, even if you make no sense whatsoever. You have us and you have your family and friends. I know you know that too but i just wanted to say... ur crazy, and thats ok, you'll get through it, I believe in youuuuuu! <3 <3 <3
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rematching = rewatching ... :)
1 likeDodie your the best! I go through stages of my life when I have depression but I now have great friends , music, art to fight/distract it. It was impossible at the start because I was all alone but there is always hope even when the illness has got you 24/7 there's always a spark. I bet you help people who we're in my position and are fighting with them now even though it might seem your doing nothing. XD Dodie, we are all here for you, tears are allowed to be shed because it will all be over soon!! <3 <3 <3 'Life is cruel but also the best place ever'
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0 likeshey, I just wanted to say that I have had a similar experience with a doctor dismissing how I felt and watching your video kinda gives some strange courage to try looking for help again.
0 likesThis is me today. You are right, it does help to know others go through this. Thank you for making this.
0 likesI know exactly what you are going through, I ignored my derealisation for so long that it triggered panic attacks and from having panic attacks multiple times a day my world became very small, I lost my job and became housebound. This was 3 years ago and I got a new job and I'm doing so much better! I have learned better coping skills and something what really helped me was the thought of ''even if this is a dream, it's okay and I can rock this' like some real dreams can be fun. That is like my anchor thought when going through an 'episode'. Some of my friends did understand my thoughts too (or atleast some), most people think about life and the meaning behind it all. The difference it was for me compared to them was that I saw this as something scary and to be afraid off while it's not! It's okay to feel weird, dreamy, like you're out of your body, aliened etc. Just don't forget that the thought on it self can never harm you. A distraction helps me if I just seem to not be able to get the feeling out of the way. If you want to chat, feel free :-)
0 likesI've only just found your videos and I'm so glad. I know this is an old video but idc. Thank you for this. I feel so much less alone in this.
0 likesAs someone who knows how difficult it is to say 'I'm at a point where I can't work myself out of this mental state - I need help' I just want to say you've done so so so good, sweet Dodie. I hope you can feel the hugs and the love I send your way 💛 thank you for this video, this level of honesty, but I hope you don't feel like you have to invite the Internet and strangers into your head if you don't want to
10 likesBe good to and take care of yourself (whispers: it's super important)! xoxo
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1 likeHi Dodie! I absolutely adore your videos and really appreciate the grace and kindness with which you share your life and music with us! After watching this video I was just wanting to suggest that there is perhaps an underlying affect of what you're experiencing. I experience the same thing and through trying to figure out why I learned that I have chronic Lyme disease and my personal experience with depersonalization is very much so intertwined with my Lyme and it's affects and can only be relived by taken medicines and supplements that lessen the inflammation caused by my disease.
0 likesi had never heard of depersonalization before this video, or that it was what i am feeling. i feel the same way as you, that i am living in a dream world with no escape, and i thought if i talked about it, people would think i'm just weird and disregard it. i tried talking to my friend about it once but she just kinda glazed over it and continued talking. this is also coupled with depression and anxiety. she also has depression and anxiety, but i know she has it and she doesn't know i have it, nor does anyone. this means that she thinks she can talk to me to let loose her feelings, which of course she can, but all her feelings have been combining with mine to create the mess that i am. my family just thinks i'm tired when i show these symptoms, and my friend just brushes them off. all throughout this i feel like i'm in a dream world where this is all just some sort of messed up simulation to make me feel the worst i can, when i know it's not. the feelings that i have are distant, but extremely strong. sorry if i made anyone read this, no one will care, i just needed a place to tell my feelings because there is no one else to tell
1 likeLove you so much. You're so inspiring. Your vids push me to keep going.
0 likesi love how down to earth and real you are dodie👌
0 likesI always feel like I'm in movie. If I talk to someone it feels staged and odd, like its unreal. Everything feels so distant in that moments.
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Hi. I know this might seem weird and it's a comment that has been posted one year ago, but while I was watching the video, I was thinking of literally what you just said.And when I saw your comment I started tearing up because your words just perfectly match what I'm going through right now. It's been like this for some time...So I thought I'd ask you. Did you manage to overcome it? Are you better now?What helped you?
2 likesthis is exactly how I’ve been feeling for over a year now, except that I don’t cry at all. I just feel numb. I never thought There’ll come a day when I relate to a person with depression, or at the very least understand how they feel. I am sorry you have to go through this.
0 likesHave you managed to overcome this in any way? I really struggle with this too and don't know what to do
0 likesThank you for your transparency and how you describe your life experience with such honesty.
0 likesi cried at this video. she put my life into words, i love you dodge, keep it up :)
0 likesGod Dodie... Ignoring the deep subject for a while, this was beautifully edited. Now going to the deep subject, I feel you, 100%. It's such a difficult thing to deal with and I feel like you really expressed these things so well. I'm also very very happy that you're getting help because God knows it's a tough journey and it's so fucking shit but I really hope that getting help will help your brain on that journey
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Fucking hell I love you I'm crying so much. Good luck with fixing your brain xxx
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0 likesThis sounds exactly like what I'm going through. All the best.
0 likesWoah, I got deprsonilization really badly, its was so scary, like almost didnt recognise my movements or voice! Anyway, just wanted to say, if you raw going thru this, dont worry your not mad, it will pass. I love u xx
0 likesI feel this way when I’m hungover except it’s all day and I also feel this was when I don’t tell myself I need to focus but even then I feel it sometimes
2 likesWhen my symptoms of Depersonalization began I did the EXACT same thing she did. I withdrew from my university and went back to my home home. So when she said, “I just wanted to get into my old bed in my old room and feel normal again” that hit so hard because it’s such a scary feeling to go through.
0 likesoh dodes...you've really captured how i feel at times. its so difficult to explain how we feel sometimes. thank you for being able to share all your thoughts and feelings with us. i hope things look up for you, love ❤
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oh lord when you just mentioned dovan flat I'm going to cry
1 like+Rhian Padilla I'm crying now oops
0 likesJust stumbled on this and even though its from 2016 its incredibly relevant ... beautifully and simply and plainly and honestly said Dodie ... its crazy how even now mental health is still misunderstood ... and people till think ... Oh your just feeling a little down ... pull yourself together ... as you said it is sooo much more complicated than that .... well said Xx
0 likesDodie!!! I wish I had found this three years ago, I had bad episodes of depersonalization since 2013 at the age of 16. It was great to have google and be able to have a name for this feeling. When it happened I knew I had a mental illness, though I never thought I would get one. When getting to college I was able to find friends who dissociate and it helped me heal. I love that you posted this. You are so relate-able and wonderful.
0 likesI watched this video the day it came out and I didn’t get it fully. at the time I only had struggled with anxiety and something I️ was unaware of and during that summer my mental illnesses were in an odd dormant state. since then I have been diagnosed with depression and I truly struggle with depersonalization. today I rewatched this video and I am in tears. You probably won’t ever see this dodie but thank you for sharing this. thank you for showing me I’m not alone. thank you for being confident enough to self diagnose because I was unable to and later I️ went into denial. and thank you for sharing my insanity :P
1 likeThe way I would describe depersonalization is that it feel like I have never existed or had a life before the point of feeling depersonalized...every time I talk it feel so foreign like it's someone else talking and I'm so aware that I'm looking through my eyes and at my hands and my legs as I sit down and think of nothing and evrything....I feel like my life is a dream or a tricked played on me and I'm just gonna suddenly wake up and not be me but someone else and that will feel more normal than this life
4 likeswhen she was reading out the texts it just seemed so crazy to me, how easy it was to share how you're feeling with other people.
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Keisha Brooks yeah I would never put my feelings on someone else. Why annoy them with the negativity inside my head
2 likesKeisha Brooks same, I feel like I can't talk to my friends or family about anything, I'm not close to my family or anyone in that way, and I spend so much time wishing I was 💛
1 likeA lot of that really poked me in the heart brain feels. ❤️
0 likesBeing separated from true life and true and sane sexuality must be depressing af.
15 likesOh boy and love you Dodie. You're such a ball of light and honesty. So strong.
0 likesMy heart goes out to you, even though this was posted last year. Look after yourself. Xx
1 likei can't relate but i feel like i really do understand (?) like sometimes i have bursts of feeling like im not in the moment and its like im looking through a camera. love you dodie, just remember how many people care about you
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so basically i can relate ahah
1 likeI have anxiety and i have that same feeling sometimes. like when I'm stressed i don't really believe i'm in the moment that's happening right now....But like I'm really asleep in bed not outside or in school or whatever. It's really freaking me out. And i agree with your message to dodie! xx
0 likes@Anna Coupland thank you and i hope you feel better. and dont freak out because other people feel the same too x
1 likeya know, i think i feel like a 6/10. but i swear, when i watch your videos or listen to your music, it just fills me up with so much happiness. thank you.
0 likesWow, I actually think a lot of the same things which you said. As much time as I feel bad for myself sometimes, I also feel for you and the others here too. Right now I'm using this time just to have me a moment to feel better and not be as pessimistic as usual.
1 likeLove your videos thank you for being real :)
0 likesI feel like I'm experiencing everything exactly the same as you. It got really bad last night and it felt like my brain was heating up and the warmth was just spreading all over my head and becoming painfully so i felt i had to shut my self off and just flop down into just becoming a body instead of a body with a brain inside it. I'm still being affected by it today, my brain still hurts D:
0 likesDodie you really help so many people. You are such a blessing to the internet xoxo
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Lauren Jean name twins!
0 likesDodie you are a darling and I'm sorry that you feel this way though I'm glad that you are getting help and trying to do better ❤️❤️❤️
0 likesi just found this video and I've felt this for a couple months now and i really thought i was the only one going through things like this. thank you so so so so so much for this. now i know I'm not insane and this is a real thing that people deal with. thank you thank you thank you.
0 likesIt hurt me so much when you couldn’t say that sentence without bursting into tears because I can relate to everything you said in that sentence. I want to feel normal again too.. how are you doing? I hope you are recovering:)
0 likesHey I just want to say I love this video and want to say for the longest time I did the same I pushed down my feelings of anxiety and just choked it up to just being easily worked up and I felt lonely cause I was the only one that felt this way and worked up over making a call or asking my dad or anyone for anything and that's why I love videos that talk openly about anxiety as someone that struggles with this it's good to not feel alone in this fight and I have being seeming a therapist since August
0 likesDodie, no one's judging you or thinking you're a fraud or attention seeking.
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Also I would really recommend the book Furiously Happy by Jenny Lawson. It's hilarious and when you said that thing about laughing at the fact that your a bit mental I thought of this book.
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0 likesThere are probably people who are, that's the thing with a big audience. But I agree with this little add-on, because the most of us viewers are indeed being good human beings on this matter.
0 likes+Marvin-Berfo Günyel Oh and +. #DFTBA
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0 likes+ nerdfighteria community strong
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0 likes+Anna31415926 what's with the + thing?
1 likeIt's a thing started a couple days ago by Hank Green on the vlogbrothers channel, a way to semi-fix the comment system. Since the comments algorithm pushes comments with a lot of replies to the top, controversial or offensive comments get seen first, because that's what people reply to. We're helping to correct that by pushing up comments we like and adding replies to them with a simple +.
15 likes+FexloGuitar That's really cool. I like it.
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0 likesDodies like the best honestly I could never find someone who knew how this felt and it's just inspiring to hear her talk about it it makes me want to get as better as I can
0 likesI am so glad I just came over this video
0 likesAfter a month of thinking I am crazy because everything suddenly looked different and felt different and having panick attacks about it while my doctors just advised me to "drink water and wait" bacause they thought it to be the flu, I was diagnosed with depression, depersonalisation and anxiety yesterday. I can really relate to your story, thats 100% how I am feeling right now
Your video really gives me hope that I am going to get better and feel like myself again one day:)
and here i am returning to this video. for two years, i’ve been weirded out by why i was so... facilitated by this mental illness. i’ve felt minor versions of this for three years now, and now i’m actually diagnosed. it got too damn scary so i finally did something about this. i feel crazy. i feel absolutely insane. nothing is real. anyway, thx for getting it.
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Praying for you Chloe. There is power in the name of Jesus.
0 likeswow, you've basically explained my everyday experience with life. Its extremely exhausting and confusing.. but I believe that since my depression and anxiety has gone down a wee bit, my disassociation has also gone down. But not completely. Its still here everyday for the most part, I guess i'm just not as scared of it anymore. Anyone ever notice that it isn't there first thing when you wake up ? Its almost like your brain has forgotten about it, and then through out the day you maybe remind yourself of it and it slowly seeps back in. The mind is so powerful. Any who, I hope you're doing better, I feel your pain and everyone else who experiences disassociation/depersonalization. I know how it feels to think youre going crazy, that youre not real and everything around you is distorted. You feel tired, exhausted everyday, questioning your thoughts actions and if things will ever get better. I think it can get better.. I cut drinking, drugs, shitty people and stressful things that were triggering my depression and anxiety and I think things have gotten a bit better but not completely. Im on this journey myself as well so we shall see how it goes. I wish you all the best, take care
0 likesYou are amazing! Telling everyone about your illness. I only just come across your channel and I am glad I did my partner has suffered with depression and suicidal thoughts on a daily basis for around 7 years maybe longer, and no pills are working. The reason I'm saying this is because I think my partner will benefit from watching your vlogs (and me too) anyway I'm blabbing on :-p keep strong! Your awesome. ❤
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Inspirational :-D
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0 likesStay Strong Sophie, there is sooooo much in the world to see and experience your partner needs to talk openly , im a fulltime carer for 12 years of a sufferer of depression,anxiety and agoraphobia , pills are a means to an end that sometimes make the situation worse an more complicated , open and honest dialogue between partners, carers and mental health professionals in my opinion is the best type of medication....drop me pm if you ever want to chat..Don (Dad)
0 likes+Luc&Dad Break FREE thank you very much that's really kind of you, my partners mental health team don't seem to want to help him, because he has a carer (me) which is stupid. and like wise if you need to talk feel free to message me. :)
0 likesThank you again I really appreciate it 🌹
I’m proud of you for making this. I often would like to make a video too but I know I’d get negative comments and that stops me
0 likesSuddenly I got really depression and I can't go to work right now and this really helped.
0 likesThank you
This broke my heart but it's so encouraging to see people who are going through the same thing as I am
0 likesI have depersonalization disorder too and hearing you speak about it makes me feel so much less insane. It feels so weird living life like you’re not actually living and life feels all fuzzy but I’m just glad I’m not alone in it.
0 likesI feel you on this. thanks for talking about mental illness
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Also, there's often not a cure, just management...lots of management
3 likes+Luna Lovegood What.
1 likelmao luna (also nice name, favorite character <33)
1 likeDodie, I know you made this video over two years ago, but I am just finding it now and honestly the timing is perfect. Hearing you talk about depersonalization helped me a lot as I have recently realized after talking with my therapist that I’ve been dealing with the same thing. So thank you for talking about it, it’s definitely a lesser known aspect of mental illness and should be discussed more. I hope you have a wonderful day!
0 likesI know this is an old video but oh my god this speaks to me so much more than any video has in the past few months! Thank you lady xxx
0 likesOmg I so needed to hear this, exactly how I've been feeling 😣
0 likesI know this video is a year old but 4:15-4:20 basically totally encompasses how I get when my depression and anxiety start spiraling out of control. Thank you for making these videos and talking about what's going on with you.
0 likesI am so glad you made this. Recently a friend brought up that she was having a hard time describing a weird feeling she would get and didn't have a word for it. I immediately realized she meant "depersonalization" and pulled up this video for her. And it's because of Dodie that not only do I know about it, but also was able to help someone else learn about it. Thank you so much for sharing Dodie
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soulfulpizza14 I feel exactly the same with the "weird feeling". Sometimes there's even a few different ones, but I can't make sense out of any of them. Is this how your friend was feeling?
0 likesThank God I'm not the only one who feels this way... much love Dodie
0 likesI haven't had a day in my entire life when I haven't felt depersonalized. I didn't fully understand that there was something wrong with me until I saw this video last December, and then I realized that this is what I have been feeling forever. I used to be really scared because I thought I had a brain tumour or something that made me feel so distanced from my life, but now I understand that it's DPD. But it's ok, because now that I know what it is maybe I can get help. And maybe I can lift this perpetual fog that's been floating in my head for my entire life. I just come back to this video occasionally to remind myself that I am real, what I'm feeling is real, and that there are other people out there who are feeling it too. Thank you, dodie. You've honestly changed my life forever.
0 likesI know this video is old but I would like to thank you dodie so much. I never knew what mental illness is because no one ever talked about it, and when they rarely did, it seemed like something that people didn't want to touch on. You introduced me to the whole idea. I've realized and researched, as you did, about everyday things that seemed a bit strange to me. I've talked about it before to my parents and people close to me and they've always brushed it away. I never really knew what to do about it. I can relate to things you are saying, I also have Derealization and I'm also depressed. I'd push it to the side as well because I though it was normal, but it became worse. I have a friend now who has exactly what you have and watches you, and we discuss our issues and how to ground ourselves, and it has really helped me and it's because of you. Thank you so much for letting me and my bestfriend understand that yes it sucks, but we will find a way through with this. Thank you so much, you've changed a lot in my life, in the best way.
0 likesOmg I had never seen doddie get emotional before and 4:15 made my heart break. 😖💔
0 likesI have DPD (depresonalisation disorder), and I'm nearly certain that depersonalisation is what you're experiencing. It's horrible and dreadful, and I am so sorry you have to go through it. For me it usually helps to stay in bed for one day and simply do things I do a lot, like watch YouTube videos or play video games. It gives me a sense of familiarity and lessens my depersonalisation. I don't know if it will help you, but it might, so I figured I should share it anyway. I feel so alone with DPD (which isn't the same as just having depersonalisation, it's a more complex disorder), so hearing that someone else is experiencing a similar thing is relieving. You are not going mad. You aren't mad, okay? You will be okay.
11 likesthank you for making this video. I have depression and anxiety (and getting treatment for those) and latley i've been feeling the symotoms of derealisation. I had no clue it was a thing and actually thought that it was normal to feel like your in a dream like state until i started asking friends and they said they never expirenced this. It's scary and I've felt mad but watching this video made me realise I'm not alone. I am going to seek a diagonises. But really, thank you for making this and letting me know that I'm not crazy nor am I alone.
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I had the same thing happen but I only realized it because it keeps getting worse and no one has any idea what I'm talking about. I cried tears of joy when I saw Dodie's video on derealization and depersonalization because at that point I felt so crazy that I was on the verge of breaking down and crying in public. I am so happy that it is real and that something can make it stop, going to the psychiatrist about it in a few days like my new therapist recommended. The world needs to be more aware about these disorders even though it affects very few of us because if you don't know what is happening you just feel alone and crazy.
0 likes"I just want to get in my old bed in my old room and feel normal again" Aww dodie I just want to hug ya❤️❤️❤️
0 likesI just realized you're under #proudtobe talking about mental health!!! I love you Dodie
0 likes4:15 I’m glad she left this in. She almost sounded like a child, which related back to what she were talking about, and it just shows the humanity of it, and that it’s normal to wish you are a child again. The world is a lot, and it’s not bad to just want to escape, curl up in a ball, and cry.
0 likesI can unfortunately relate to the "not here dream- like drunk" feeling. It's scary and it won't go away and I don't know what to do.
25 likesDodie I feel so sorry for you I know what it feels like to have depression I once did and you are doing the right thing to get over your depression by doing stuff that makes you happy.
0 likesIt’s relieving to rewatch this after the 25yr bday video knowing this part of your life wasn’t forever
1 likeYou are so brave for sharing this. Thank you.
0 likesi know this video is from 2016 but hi you are the strongest girl dordy.
1 likei sometimes get exact the same thing every now and then but not everyday constantly like you. i can't even imagine what it is like having this issue every single day for that long years.
i had the same thing yesterday for like 5hours but even that it made me panicky so so so badly. you are strong girl.
One of my friends one day sayed she was starting to not see, not like blurry or not seeing in the distance, just not seeing. So her mother took her to the doctors and theymade her talk about it and stuff like making her look to letters of different typos and the doctors sayed she was making all up and that she was perfect. She insisted on her mother saying that she was telling the true and that she didn't actually see and her mother took her to another doctor where they looked at her brain (idk). It turned out she had a tumor in her head that was making her lose vision and it was squashing the gland that makes you grow up and puberty and stuff. She could only see with 40% of one eye and with 70% of the other eye. He spent like 3 months in hospital. If her mom hadn' listened to her she could had ended blind and looking like a 9 year old child for the rest of her life
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When I lost my site, my school thought I was cheating on my work because I was asking my friends. My mum believed me though and it turned out that I needed glasses.
13 likesthis actually happened to me too. they gave me glasses but i still have the blurriness as a symptom of depersonalization
2 likesDoctors saying that kids or young people are "making things up" are just the worst. Proof positive that we live in a culture that devalues young people.
11 likeswhen I had a brain tumor it was in the summer and I had really bad headaches bad I would cry but my mum was like "just drink more water!" And it got to the point my school had to take me to hospital and it was shit
8 likesI really hope everyone is okay now... Sending lots of love and best positive vibes and well wishes! Xxx
10 likes+Stellas Corner holy shit, I hope you're okay!!!!
0 likesRobin Fox yes so true
0 likesI always feel great when I'm depersonalized because I feel like my body is a robot and I'm in complete control and I think logically and objectively without having to worry about emotions. It gets to the point where I don't even try to ground myself before I go into an audition or an exam or test because I know logically I'll do better.
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I know some people feel like they're watching their entire life as a movie or something but I feel as if my brain not even my brain my thoughts are the only real thing to me and my body is just a robot that I control. So I can cut myself or scratch myself and even though I feel it I don't really feel it emotionally. You know when you were a kid and you would fall down and scrape your knee and you would cry and cry even though it didn't really hurt that bad it was the emotional after effect that would really hurt you. I don't really feel the after effect I feel the pain and just move on
0 likesEverything you said in the beginning just clicked for me. You have no idea how hard I've tried to come up with the right words to explain how I feel but I think you done it justice. Thank you
0 likesSometimes I feel really alone with depersonalisation and derealisation. No one I know can really relate and I feel like It’ll never end. Hopefully, more treatment will be available for me and others with these conditions on the nhs soon. but in the mean time, thank you dodie for making beautiful videos and helping so many people through so so much, including myself 💛
0 likesI watched 30 seconds of this video and I knew exactly what you were feeling because I feel like that so much. I could recognize it just through your body language and I feel like that's really weird and maybe I just need to go to bed but I understand how you feel even if it is crazy
0 likesI love you dodie. not like in a romantic way or anything obviously but as person to another person.
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and another thing is make sure MAKE SURE you get diagnosed by a professional. Self diagnosis is very dangerous. Take care though I hope you the best :)
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0 likes+Fkjb69 Dodie talked about this in a video
0 likeshi, not trying to cause a shitstorm here, but the thing about self diagnosis is that you're the only one who knows how you feel. it's good to be able to say to someone- be it a friend or family member or doctor or therapist- "this is how i feel and this is what i think is causing it." especially when talking to a medical professional it's good to give them any ideas you can because that will lead to a professional diagnosis. idk if that made any sense but my point is ur the only one who knows how u feel so to tell someone that they don't know that is a p shitty thing to do.
4 likes+zoe nope. I see where you might be coming from but self diagnosis isn't what your identifying. I'm not gonna give you the proper definition but essentially self diagnosis is where the person them self tries to identify what their symptoms represent. A perfect example is Type 2 Bipolar disorder and Major depressive disorder. Both have the EXACT SAME syptoms but BPD type 2 has people going through depression as the nominal chemical balance. (And yes depression is chemical thing as well as a social thing before anyone starts complaining.) Professionals go to school for a minimum of 8 years in the states, psychologists are specialists in identifying the key differences hence why it's dangerous. There are other reasons why it's dangerous like a sub concess syptom set that people create. Very complicated and very dangerous
0 likes+zoe another example is Borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder
0 likes+Hi I'm Andy better yet get an education
1 like+FexloGuitar mm you realize this is the Internet right?
0 likes@Fkjb69 Doesn't mean you can't be civil. dont use that as an excuse.
2 likes+FexloGuitar not an excuse simply pointing out the obvious that zero fucks are meant to be given.
0 likesDodie, I have some of the same symptoms as you and I know this was made a while ago and things might've changed but I got a blood test and found I have lyme disease. It might not be in your case but if you where looking for things to rule out i suggest checking for lyme disease.
0 likesI have dealt with a lot of anxiety my whole life and depersonalisation was something I always experienced but didn’t know was an actual thing I thought I was going crazy, I didn’t realise that so many people get it and this video and reading the comments made me feel not so alone and also helped my anxiety because knowing that it’s an actual thing has been preventing me from spiraling. A book I actually recommend reading its called “but first we make the beast beautiful” and it is great for anyone living or going through a period of mental illness
0 likesKnow you are all loved❤️
Through experience, I've come to believe that many mental disorders such as anxiety, depression, panic attacks, depersonalization, etc... are also symptoms of a set of more societal and cultural interrelationship problems (a general culture of fear & separation, vestiges of primate like male-dominator hierarchies) rather than mere brain chemistry alone. So it's just as much a part of how the environment & culture affects our upbringing as well as our own internal self, amygdala, brain state, actions & reactions, "the whole thing"! There is no separating out the U from the Universe ;-)
0 likesRather than lament over this, and our collective existential circumstances, perhaps it's more constructive to learn new skills such as CBT, meditation, healthy habits, exercise, hobbies, passions, and spiritual practices to further engage with life and find our own pursuit of happiness. Finding & pursuing ones' dreams, engaging the conscious attention to shift ones' thoughts, and to seek the inner knowing & wellness that comes from seeing our interconnection with everyone else, nature, and the rest of the universe. Engaging with life again as if you were a child can provide an opening to fall in love with what it is you're passionate about and get into those positive flow states where everything feels right with the world.
I’ve been experiencing this for over half a year. I get it girl, trust me. I know exactly how you feel. CBD has helped me tremendously. Please please please try it. It will help you.
0 likesthe moment when you tried not to cry broke my heart♡
189 likesAs someone who has many mental illnesses I know it's hard but keep frighting and know that your music is helping me fright and keeping alive
0 likesIt’s crazy I used to watch you and noodlerella and I would have never guessed you have depersonalization too. It’s so hard. Nothing feels real and I feel so foreign around people. I’ve lost my family and a lot of friends who just don’t understand and tell me I’ve changed. Thank you for bringing it into the light. It means sm Dodie 😞💜
0 likesbeautiful video. i have a lot of friends with a mental ilness, this video really made me understand it more
0 likesAs I watch dodie in this video i get such a strong sense of familiarity from her. I watch, each minute my heart sinking lower. Then, it's like a light-bulb goes out in my head. That familiarity is me.
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Dodie I'm sorry you're feeling this way or felt. I'm a bit relieved to see that I'm not alone and there's someone out there that understands me. I just want to say thank you for your videos and all the joy you've brought in to my life. You're strong, and beautiful. You give me sm hope. So thank you. 💕
Love u dodie! Please stay safe❤️❤️❤️❤️
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And on a good note, your dress is so cute!
2 likesThanks to you i can name a thing that I've been feeling for 8 years now. No stopping.
0 likesDodie, you are such a strong, beautiful person and I am so grateful that there are people out there like you. I am a mental health therapist; one who has diagnoses of depression, anxiety, ADHD and bouts of depersonalization and derealization. I work with so many people to help them own their diagnoses and realize that they are not alone and don't need to he ashamed. Thank you for being a face for mental health and I cannot tell you how much it means to those who watch you.
0 likesRecently i was at Disney with my friends for a week and i was super derealized the entire time. I think it was triggered by a panic attack i had on the plane but it lasted the whole week and it was so strange. I couldn’t process anything right and everything felt like a dream and when people talked to me it felt like there was a foggy glass window between us so i could hear them and see them but it was hard to like process and respond right. And i kept thinking oh I’ll wake up tomorrow and it will be better I’m probably just tired, but it didn’t until finally like a day after i got home. Anyway yeah i relate a lot to what you are saying in this video ❤️
0 likesGod you described this feeling so eloquently and accurately I’m so sorry you’re struggling with this shit I know how terrifying it is. Just put one foot in front of the other. I’d love to see more videos about your journey with mental illness. This was immensely helpful for me. Thank you so much
0 likesI love u Dodie! ! u helped me feel better about myself and keep strong I'm with u 😊😊😊
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and when u started to cry I was about to cry
2 likesright! My eyes watered up and I was like "NONONONO"
1 like+Randomized Toki exactly!!
1 likeAww, that about room and bed - I totally understand you. It's the same with me, when I feel out of balance.
0 likesSo basically I’ve been feeling like this for years, what you’re describing is exactly how I feel. I’m crying watching this!! I constantly feel like I’m not really in the moment and all I want to do is go home and be by myself. My doctor’s described me medicine but I don’t want to take it, I’m too scared to. She’s not diagnosed me with anything even though I described how I was feeling which makes me not want to take medicine until I’m sure what I’ve got
0 likesWow...you're completely me trying to share my darker thoughts, fighting with my own body's natural response to want to cry and pep talking myself to get the words out right
0 likesThis video honestly really helps me. I feel like I have anxiety and a bit of depression and something else that I couldn't really point out, but now that I have watched this video and done a little more research I am pretty sure that thing is depersonalisation. I feel like it is not a big enough deal to actually go to someone about it and I've talked to one of my friends about it maybe twice but it wasn't very helpful and her and I have kind of separated a bit and I feel like it is my fault because I tried to talk to her about my problems but her problems are way worse than mine. I think I don't necessarily think it is important for me to get help because it seems like most of my friends are way worse off so I feel like I shouldn't be worried about my problems because I should be worrying about my friends' mental health and helping them be okay. Its very difficult for me to think about myself and try to help myself without feeling selfish.
0 likeswe love you dodie <3 i haven't watched the whole video yet but i thought i would let you know that first thing
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'especially if you've never dealt with mental illness at all, you're probably thinking "dodie, just turn it off like just shut up. just stop talking about it, stop obsessing over it. you're attention seeking, you're making this up and making yourself believe that you're ill' that^made me very very close to crying
9 likesyou're not crazy or insane or strange and you don't sound that way to me
10 likesExactly. I cried so much when she said that because I've heard it so many times.
3 likes+TotallyJessie hello!
0 likesI can't even say how much I related to this video. I am so constantly spaced out and just disconnected from everything and honestly it sometimes freaks me out so much I end up having panic attacks leading to breakdowns. Sometimes I feel so weird and everything looks so weird I can't stand opening my eyes because it freaks me out too much. Dodie, I'm glad you know now that you're not going crazy and thank you for making me feel a little less crazy too ♥
0 likesI’m 26, and my grandma just passed a month ago. Nothing explains how I feel better than this. I’m not even here, I’m seeing life so differently. 3 years later and I appreciate this video so much Dodie. Positive energy 🌸
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How are you doing now?
1 like@Lily Stultz Oh my gosh, this is so freaking sweet. I'm finding myself again in a strange spot, but figuring it out. I still come back and listen from time to time. More importantly, how are you? What a sweet soul you are to ask how I am. Sending you so much positive energy, would love to offer you a hug.
0 likesHere's a hug for everybody sharing their stories or that is feeling depressed/anxiety/depersonalization hug
1 likeWhen it comes depression etc medication play a Major roll along with talking therapy can certainly make a big difference the truth is there is hope !
0 likesLots of love to you Dodie, the texts you were reading out at the start are exactly how I've felt lately. I've been up and down with my emotions, but those texts were worded poetically and how I feel. We're here for you Dodie, we all love you so so much. ❤️❤️
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P.s Hope you feel better soon, you're so important to all of us. 💕
2 likesI'm feeling depersonalization right now so I came to watch you talk about it
0 likes"Everyone is going to think I'm high"- To someone that suffers from depression you sound so normal to me you have this thing were you can put the way i feel into words and it makes perfect sense but then i say it to my friends and they just cannot understand
0 likesThank you so much for making this video. There are so many people who this helps in understanding themselves and others and you. You don't have to make happy videos or justify yourself, do whatever helps you. Look after yourself - that's the best thing you can do to help us and yourself. Take breaks and be yourself and rest. Cry as much as you want.
0 likesI relate to this so so so much. I spent a very long time feeling disconnected from reality, unable to truly interact with the outside world or fully experience sensations. It's only been through focusing on spirituality that I've been able to shake it. I still have some occasional moments of depression, anxiety, and derealization... but it's nothing like it was and it doesn't last anywhere near as it used to. This may seem a bit "churchy" but it's genuinely by the grace of God that I got out of my head. You're a lovely human being and I'll be keeping you in my prayers.
0 likes"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid." -Psalm 14:25
You deserve to be happy. You WILL be happy. Keep fighting Dodie ❤️❤️❤️
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0 likesThank you for this :) Wishing you all the best <3
0 likesYou seem like such a nice, sweet, person who just wants to being beauty and love to the world. I'm sorry you have to go through all these terrible things. I wish I could send you strength and comfort.
0 likes“when you’re sad your brain is dumb”
0 likes-me, last year, to my friend, who laughed real hard at it
This happened to me a few days ago. I watched this video before it happened to me, and I didn't fully understand it. Now I do, and I have discovered how absolutely terrifying depersonalization really is. Since it happened, I've been feeling very off and tired and my head hurts. I can't tell my family, they'll dismiss it as teenage hormones or something. I hate summertime because I spend a lot of time at home doing nothing, so my brain has a lot of time to overthink and panic and there's no one home to talk to. I need someone to help me and believe me, and I have no way to get to a therapist because I'm young. I asked my mom to take me to a doctor, but she just said 'Why would you need a doctor? You're perfectly healthy.' Even if there is nothing wrong, I still want someone to confirm that I'm fine.
0 likesOh love, this happens to me sometimes. I understand this. What I do is just blast music, read, or just watch Netflix. I'm an introvert this may only work for my hun. I know you're pretty extroverted but I use alone time to become myself. You may need other people, I'm not sure❤️ I really do admire you so much and I'm going to become that person who is super ignorant and rude for a moment to tell you that you can do it and you're fantastic!(I hate it when people say that and don't understand what I'm going through) I understand how horrible you feel. You feel like a stranger who's daydreaming. Kind of just sleepwalking through life. We love you❤️
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I'm currently going through the same thing❤️
1 likeI literally had a breakdown this week because of depersonalization disorder. I felt as if I were crawling in my own skin, and I couldn't get out so I sat there helpless in my bed. I felt extra dead this week, and I'm really happy I'm not alone. It's scary and very difficult trying to convince yourself that you're alive when you feel like you're constantly dreaming.
0 likesI guess my friends can always drag out of that mess when i’m going thru those terrible days.
0 likesI can't even put into words how amazing I think you are
0 likes"don't stop going to the doctor until they help you." if only american healthcare allowed that :(
12 likesSee that's the thing, I don't really know what depression is, nor do I know anything about anxiety or depersonalisation. Sometimes I feel like I have depression; and I always feel like I have anxiety. But how would I know? And I'm scared looking up these symptoms is just gonna cause me to correlate and assume I have all these mental disorders
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3 likesthere's heaps of online resources that can assess your likeliness of actually having /depression/. e.g. https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/anxiety-and-depression-checklist-k10
0 likesI also found this site really helpful when thinking about dissociation (that's what depersonalisation comes under): https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/conditionsandtreatments/dissociation-and-dissociative-disorders
If you're worried, your best point of call is probably to see your GP. Normally they'll have you fill out a depression assessment like what I linked above and they'll refer you on to a therapist. I'm not sure where you're from, but in Australia if you're referred to a psychologist by a GP you can get up to 10 free or subsidised sessions per year.
If money isn't an issue, then you can always see a psychologist without a referral, and they'll be happy to talk about how you're feeling and what you want to achieve by engaging in therapy.
If you think somethings wrong, it probably is. Try to believe yourself.
3 likessee a professional
1 likeThere is nothing different from having a mental illness to a physical illness. The brain is just as important as the heart. We should nurture, take care of it, and check on it just as much as any other organ! There is a huge genetic component to mental health. If someone is really going to judge you for any kind of illness, do you really want them in your life? No one says your messed up if you get cancer...so don't let them tell you that you're messed up if you have depression or anxiety! @therapylifetips (twitter)
0 likesIf your brain is causing you to struggle in your daily life then see a professional
0 likes+Jasmine Teylor I wanted to say the same thing. Take a good look at your life and how you're coping, try to stay objective though. Are there things you don't do because if anxiety? Are there feelings you just can't shake off, no matter how hard you try? Reading into to has helped me but it can be confusing as well. Just trust yourself. It can take some time but if sometimes is wrong, you will notice it.
0 likesI think a lot of people feel that way. It helps knowing others feel the way you do. But know that reading about it will only bring you knowledge and empathy. It won't induce anything in you and perhaps it will help put your feet firmly on the ground. I used to feel the same as you. I still sometimes do but knowing can also help you to helps others.
0 likesI've always struggled with something I couldn't quit put my finger on. I've always been quiet, I've always watched from the sidelines. (For as long as I can really remember) In highschool I forced myself into activities, it helped me a bit to enjoy something and make friends. But then highschool ended, and I had the roughest patch of my life. Needless to say a lot of difficult things happened, and I didn't at all feel like myself. I couldn't put it into words, my boyfriend tried to help me as much as he could, but eventually my depersonalization became too much for him. I don't blame him, but it made my life spiral even more out of control. I somehow managed to pull myself out of the darkness, I'm living more normally but I'm feeling myself slowly slip right back in. I'm realizing that I should get the help I deserve rather than push it off. But man is it scary. Then again so is not being myself
0 likesWhen you were talking about going to the doctor it's harder when you're a teen, or younger because for me personally it's scary to talk about it and you can't always just "go to the doctor"
0 likeswhen people say to stop obsessing over what your feeling, it makes (at least) me feel so insignificant and makes me even question if i'm feeling what i'm feeling. whether it be mental or physical pain, it sucks when people brush it off as nothing.
0 likesI told my friend about how sometimes I go into a state of feeling like I'm a piece of crap and how I kinda suffer from depression and she said " You're just a teenager, it hit you early." Im always told how pretty I am but I don't believe it. My friend doesn't think that something is actually wrong with me. She thinks it's just hormones. Honey, no.
0 likesIt's just astounding how many people will want to hug you after watching this video
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1 likeI wanted to hug her before watching this video. She has mentioned mental illness and generally feeling like utter crap before, but (as she made an entire video dedicated to it) a lot of people only started picking up on it now :( it's a shame to see such a wonderful, caring person have to deal with these awful things
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0 likes+ekeetley123 I couldn't agree more. Dodie is just so undeserving of anything except happiness. It's so sad that she assumed people would judge her or dismiss her feelings as fake or for attention. She's one of the most genuine YouTubers out there. I hope she knows what a loving fan base she has, because it's nearly an extra 300,000 reasons for her to get better
5 likesI completely agree. It upsets me so much that people who are so loved have so much fear that they hold back important things for fear of the few cruel trolls out there. It's horrible.
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0 likesAll the best Dodie
0 likesThank you for sharing so openly
this made me cry. I feel kind of the same. minus the depersonalisation. though i don't want to go to therapy because I'm scared im quite scared of the outside world lol...
0 likesI'm finally going to see a therapist this week. I can't deal with this on my own, anymore. I have an AMAZING family and new job and nothing should be wrong, but it is. I want my head to stop being my enemy.
0 likesI've never had any mental illness except for some anxiety from when I was 9 to 11 but I was way too young to really count that. I also have something at the moment which I think is extremely mild anxiety that just makes me weird and shaky and teary most of the time, but I know that their are so many people who are so much worse off than me, including some of my friends. I'm only 13 so I feel like I'm too young to really feel anything major even now and I'm entirely diagnosed from YouTube and Google, mostly because I cry way too much if I try to talk about it out loud. I'm not really sure what the point of this comment was but thanks for reading my spiel if you got this far.
0 likeshonestly, nothing surprises me anymore i've been through so much disappointment that's all i expect nowadays.
153 likesanxiety and depression has taken over me and i cant get out its to painful evertthing is to painful
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This sounds like me 😔. Stay strong ❤️
3 likesyou to stay strong <3
4 likeswe're all in this together!
3 likesWhy does this speak to me so much? I try hard but I'm usually always disappointed and it's just why bother try? It's painful I'm sorry
0 likesChamboGambo coz z z
0 likesFalse expectations will always let you down
0 likesI’ve been depressed for the last 3 years, and I started taking drugs about 4 months ago. I smoked weed everyday for about 6 weeks, and since then I’m feeling exactly what you describe as depersonalised and I just can’t shake it off. I think it was the weed, but not sure???
1 like4:06 broke me. I've felt the same way as her for two years. it's awful
0 likesI've experienced something similar to this I think and it really is hard to explain. For me, there also seemed to be no point in explaining it, not in the sense that people wouldn't understand, but in the sense that, whilst I was going through this, I wasn't even sure if people were real and I was half convinced that I was a guinea pig being manipulated by some higher being to see how I'd respond to the mental torture of obsessive thoughts. It started in my first year of university and I really went hard at it in the first month or so in terms of going out every night, drinking way too much and experimenting. I suddenly became overwhelmed with work and social pressures and became a sort of recluse. I wouldn't talk to my flat mates voluntarily (which is so much different to how I presented myself in the first few weeks) and I almost made it my goal to get to Christmas without seeing or talking to anyone I didn't already know from home. I kinda tried to get on with my work, but I was failing that so I thought, well if I'm failing uni then I might aswell try to have a good time while I'm here. So some time in November, I decided to go on a night out with one of my friends from home and I went at it hard again - drinking probably the most I ever have and ever will do again. My friend told me that when we were in the club, I said to him that I wanted to leave as I felt like the worst person there and that everyone was looking at me which he confirmed wasn't the case and I was being paranoid. The next morning I felt extremely detached, as if my body was on autopilot and I took the front seat and the scary part didn't really kick in until the day after that. I was laid in my room after waking up at around 2pm and felt a little on edge so decided to take a shower. Then I felt really really weird, a feeling that I couldn't even imagine let alone try and describe right now. The best I can say is that my thoughts kinda felt like waves. Really powerful when they hit, like an obsession and then becoming slippery and impossible to recollect. I'd never thought so fast in my life and I wasn't able to hold onto each of the racing thoughts more than about 5 seconds before they vanished from my head. And they were thoughts that I had never considered before. They weren't 'real' thoughts (I can't really empathise now with what this was like, I just know that the only way I could describe my thoughts then was that they weren't real) and it felt as though I wasn't doing the thinking, that my brain was on autopilot now as well as my body and I wasn't in control of anything. I was just sat there watching as my brain unhinged itself. I went for a walk and it carried on so I called my friend and tried to explain that I was going out for a walk and the reason why. He later said that he couldn't understand what I was saying and I knew he couldn't. I was physically violently shaking and I couldn't compose myself enough to put words in the right order. I'd had little, very mild 'episodes' like this before which usually lead to a panic attack but I was always able to compose myself within 5 - 10 minutes. This time it was very different as following on from this night, the feeling persisted and I thought I had genuinely just lost it. When I tried to sleep, I could hear random chatting in my head, not like people talking to me, but just people talking and when I closed my eyes I could see dark face-like shadows that would morph into monsters and then unrecognisable blobs. I was in this state and feeling on the verge of insanity throughout all of November and December, over Christmas and the first couple of months into 2018. It honestly didn't go away until I, like you said, decided I would act normal and try to get used to this new way of thinking and feeling, however I didn't see a doctor. It's now August 2019 and I am 100% better and I'm still not sure if I think in the same way as I did before but I am doing so much better in my life than I was before. I decided to act as normal as possible quite early on (about 4 months into it) and maybe this is why it worked for me (although to actually feel somewhat normal again I think it took about a year of doing this). But I can't see why people can't recover if it's been longer than that. I do understand the idea of 'wedging yourself into a corner of your brain' as this is exactly how I felt and the more I thought about that, the more obsessive the thoughts would get. So yes, this is the best solution I've come across and it seems to have worked for me. I think what I experienced was a drug/alcohol triggered psychosis episode as a result of my obvious underlying anxiety. I think the depression I felt during that time was probably due to exhaustion from the anxiety of being on 'the verge' constantly. The only way I could sleep for the first few weeks was by waiting for my body to exhaust itself from physically shivering all day, and luckily, most of the time my mind would follow. So yeah this is just my experience and a message to say that acting normal and voluntarily taking responsibility for more things in my life definitely worked for me and I think it could for many others. Love you guys
0 likesive had a similar experience, i felt like i was dreaming and everything wasnt real but i knew i was alive. ive felt this way for a few years (3rd grade, some of 4th, most of 5th, some of 6th) and it was super weird. every now and then it comes back and im like "whoa im like dreaming.." but i havent had it in awhile. btw, i just entered 8th and im 13, everything feels fine now but i wish i told someone then and didnt assume it was normal because now i dont remember like 3/4 of most of my grades.
0 likesOh my god Dodie you are SO not insane. I don't think I've ever related so much to a video. The way you describe that feeling, I understand that feeling. I feel like my whole life is a mess, I feel like I'm watching a movie and I don't like the movie because it makes me sad and uncomfortable so I want to turn the movie off but I can't because I have to finish the movie. I so understand how you feel. I always tell myself that I need to stop and realize that there is nothing wrong with me and that I am being stupid for no reason. I wish I could put this feeling into words. Thank you for putting this into words. <3 +doddlevloggle
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I want to get help. But I don't know how
1 like+Skylar Lange I feel the same as this, its very very shit and I really hope you begin to feel better soon :) x
2 likes+Skylar Lange Depending on how old you are, schools and unis have to have councillors, just walk in casually and not. e super stressed, ask if you can talk. Its amazing to finally talk, and its not mega stressful bc its just walking into another room.
1 like+Skylar Lange are you at school? most have a councillor :)
2 likes+Skylar Lange
2 likesI notice you put that "nothing is wrong," which is a true statement in my opinion. There is a problem, but it isn't something that is "wrong." If you do feel like your life is a broken record, help is nice. All you need to do is know how to find it. :3 and it is an interesting journey... goes from painful to enlightening and peaceful. Over time, however!!
Sometimes it can take awhile to realize that how you are feeling is not "normal" -- that not everyone feels like they are falling apart, and like they don't want to go to bed because then it will be tomorrow and today will be a failure. But how you are feeling is not "normal" - you are not supposed to be miserable and feel lost. There are people out there who can help you, but taking the first step can be the hardest. If there is someone in your life you trust, I suggest asking them for help. It can make a big difference. Otherwise, tey and take advantage of the websites there are and helplines and anything and everything you can. And if you can't do it today, because you just can't, try not to beat yourself up about it. You can do it, and people do care about you. You are not being stupid for no reason (I hope this helps)
3 likes@Colleen Davies
2 likesVery true ^^^^^^
go to the doctors! please!
1 likeI've had the problem of not knowing how to get help for so long and I just found a way so maybe my experience can help you a bit?
2 likesThe way I did it was I got help to ask for help. Meaning I went to my university's mental health counselling and told them that I want to get help because of how I'm feeling and that I didn't know how to go about it. They explained the process to me and what different kinds of therapy there are so I could choose one that sounded the best.
Schools or Universities usually have mental health counselling or at least a teacher you can talk to. If you don't have access to those you could just go to a regular doctor and ask them, I'm sure that if they're competent they at least know where you can find out more about that. If you can, talk to your parents or other people you trust! They might not know how to go about getting help either, but if they can support you that's great as well!
There will always be people who tell you that there's nothing wrong with you, that you need to turn it off or just continue until it goes away, but sadly it doesn't work like that. If you feel like you need to get help then you do. And you deserve to feel better.
You are a great person !
2 likesThank you everyone so much. It's so lovely to hear support from people who don't even know me. I really appreciate it
2 likes+Skylar Lange
2 likesThere are good people in the world. Just gotta find 'em... we hide. :3 there definitely are people that will help others with no questions. Something called empathy. I'm sure a lot of us hanging around here have it!!
I remember my childhood and how free i was back then.
0 likesEven though you live by your parents and have to follow rules, you are just carefree and enjoy every day as they come, because there has been so much to look forward to.
I was happy
As i grew older i started to get more and more worried about my life. Where will i end up? Will i make it in society? Will i stand on my own feet?
It feels like you lost paradise.
I used to think depression was just being sad. Now I know its not. For 2 months strait I have felt bad, there have been good days, but the rest bad. As I clicked on this video I burst out into tears. Dodie has helped me so much with mental health, thanks xx
0 likesHad this when i went on a holiday to new york last week. I'd been worried this would happen months prior to going so i went to see a therapist who went through a "window of tolerance" and breathing techniques to help with this anxiety. Once landed in new york i felt strange, like i should be a lot happier than i was since my dad had paid out alot of money for us to go. Everyday we went out to go somewhere such as the empire state, ground zero (9/11 memorial) or staten island i felt very disconnected to reality and couldn't pinpoint if it was down to the anxiety and depression or just the disbelief that i was in a city i wanted to go to since i was about 6. At the end of the holiday i researched what i'd been feeling and the first thing that came up was "denationalisation" mirrored what i was feeling in some ways. I feel like i should of had a much better time looking back at it and the pictures i took, especially since every single person i've spoken to says it's "amazing" and a once in a "lifetime experience". But now that i'm back home in a place of familiarity i can say that the trip was amazing, just not at the time i was there.
0 likesI felt the same way when I found out what it was as well. It's like this crazy disconnect that you can't fucking control, but it's so much more heavy than that. When I found out I cried tears of joy that I wasn't going crazy and that I wasn't the only person that this was happening to. I would tell someone what I was feeling, explaining that I'm sober and am not an airhead but they couldn't relate, had no idea what I was talking about so I probably sounded so weird to them and nuts. Why the hell is help so hard to get?
0 likesI think I'm on the right path to getting it now but it takes so much work that I already don't have the energy for to get.
I love you Dodie, you're not alone. I've been struggling with depression and anxiety for years. I can't say I know exactly how you feel bc no one ever could. But I feel for you and understand you can't just turn it off. You can only do and be the best you can ❤️ stay true to yourself and try to stay positive!
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Also one of the only things that keeps me going and keeps me happy is YouTube. Watching and creating. Being able to physically make something that you really want to do is such a good feeling and makes my mood do a complete 180. I may not be as successful as you are but I can only keep trying(: ily
0 likesi didn't know that depersonalizations was a thing 😭😭i can finally put a name to it, i've felt this so intensely but i thought i was just tired but i'm not , it has a name and it's a thing
0 likesThank you for being so inspirational
0 likesI had this video on my watch later list for quite some time now. I would see it but always glance over it. For a long time I feel it was cause I never want to admit in my own life that I feel exactly as you just described. And it kind of sucks. Watching it now makes me feel a tad better that I'm not the only one who wakes up and has so much going on in their head. So here's hoping I can work like you to do better each day. Cause right now its really hard.
0 likesI definitely cried during this video because I can really relate. You start feeling empty and far away, then you start getting worried, paranoid, and depressed. then you have doubts and feel like 'what if Im doing this to myself?' I know I often feel like Im just a robot and everyone else is human, and you might feel like this for a long time before you have a good day, but you can live for those happy days because they are worth it. Just know that we care about you, and we think YOU are awesome; and I do mean the real you! We will be there for you no matter what and so will your friends and family. Just keep going and and I believe that you can make it.
0 likesP.S. No one thinks your high or are making this up! Many people can relate to what your talking about and it doesn't make us think any less of you! If anything, lots of people are happy that your talking about mental illness. Your definitely helping a lot of people just by having made this vid.
My mom noticed a little too much of her own childhood problems in me when I was about 10 years old. She didn't realize hers was depression and didn't get the help she needed until she was a married woman. She didn't want me to have to do that and so she took me to a psych and we found out it was depression and anxiety. Cue ten-ish years of trying out a plethora of different medications (nothing worked for long due to changing prepubesent body chemistry), visiting out-patient clinics, group therapy sessions, a lot of tears, skipping school, and a short stint in a youth psychiatric ward, until finally, we found a combination of drugs that worked and I was pretty good for a few years. Recently there's been a small relapse, probably due to my body acclimating to the medications; so I talked to my doc and we're gonna try and fix it. It won't be as painful as before because my body has stopped growing mostly, but it'll be hard. I know things will go haywire during meds transitions and not everything will work for me, but I accepted long ago that I'll always have my depression and every few years I WILL have to find a better option. But going through the tough stuff only made me stronger in the past, and I know that I have people who will love and support me no matter what, just like my mom was constantly there for me growing up. I would not have survived middle school or high school without my mom knowing what was up and stepping in so early on. She put up with a lot from me and saved my life. She taught me that seeking psychiatric help is nothing to be ashamed of and sometimes necessary. As for the depersonalization, I had several bouts in the past. I don't remember most of middle school, and sometimes I've felt like I'm just floating and observing instead of actually being present. It's scary and difficult, but it can be fixed.
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You're really lucky to have gotten so much support and help. It's been 4 years since my parents were told I have depression and they still don't believe me
2 likesShe's so lucky. Its been ten years for me and while my parents believe in depression, they don't believe in me. They don't understand that physical/financial support is not enough and seem incapable if offering emotional support. I am barely able to do it myself, but a friend and many pets and books have made me far more empathetic than they will ever be. I just hope that's not what kills me.
3 likesI hope you get better. We all will someday, I'm sure of that. Good Luck with your meds, and good luck with your recovery. :) I hope that you'll be fine one day.
0 likesMy parents don't believe that I have a mental illness. I told them that I didn't feel right and they told me I just needed to grow up and get over it.
0 likesI wish you all the best ! <3
0 likeswhen I was 8, suicidal thoughts started to come to my mind and the feeling of like I dont want to be here, this is not where I need to be. It was because I didnt have friends and I wasnt able to talk to anyone about it. Im eleven now (turning 12 in 4 months👏) and my depression havent left my mind yet nor did the suicidal thoughts and honestly it has gone worse Ive tried self harming and unfortunately my parents saw me and brought me to the hospital.
0 likesThat's how I feel. That's 100% how I feel. Thank you
0 likesi have derealisation and life feels like i’m wearing goggles while watching a movie while daydreaming. i know it sounds very strange but it does feel like exactly that.
0 likesI can relate to this thank you so much for making my morning
0 likesthis is so fucking important to me. i don't know why this hits me so hard but i relate to this so intensely. "when the it is the thing you're fighting with" it's so hard. when depression is in your brain so deeply rooted it's eating at your happiness, you can't fight it. mental illness is in your brain. it is invading everything you are because your brain is everything. it really is like a bad dream 24/7 and everything is dulled. sorry for ranting.
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i just want to feel okay and normal again and hearing that someone i love and respect can relate makes me so sad. i wouldn't wish this feeling on anyone, especially not dodes because she deserves the world. i'm so sorry dodie.
11 likes💖
0 likesIt's the same with me with G.A.D. I've been this way since I was 4/5 and I'm trying to get my life on track with a brain that isn't on track. UGHH.
0 likesDon't be sorry, what you said was right (at least for me). I wish there was a way to fix it or at least to separate the 'it' from your brain. It shouldn't become us. We don't deserve that and you're right, nobody deserves that. I hope you are feeling better soon. Just remember that there is a chance at happiness and we've come so far already. Really though, I wish I could send you a hug or something to make you feel better. Here, I'll attempt: insert hug here
1 likeI've been depressive for like 4 years now, never told anyone about it and started cutting myself like half a year ago, can't walk at the moment because my leg (thats where I usually cut myself, because noone sees it there) hurts way too much to do that kind of thing...I also don't trust anyone, don't think I will in the future, because everytime I do trust someone it seems like they just use me and dont really like me at all...aditionally I have a light trauma and always when I see naked legs, even if they're in hotpants or so, I get a flashback to when a friend of mine showed me her cuts...
4 likesAnd now I forgot what I wanted to say, but it still felt really good telling someone this...
Sorry for being such a downer...
+
0 likes+Tlowief Kcalb stay strong
1 like@*****
1 likeI'm trying to...I mean I'm fine, no suicidal thoughts for almost two days...
Yaaay I guess?
do your best, don't think you're alone. I was depressed for nine years and suicidal. It's a long hard battle but I beat it and if I did tomorrow I will have no regrets and die happy because I'm happy. I didn't do therapy or medication but maybe I should have. Please get help. Anyway depression does take over but you can beat it. Things get better if you want to. Do things that make you happy. Enjoy the small things. I know it's hard because it's hard to enjoy things but it takes time to heal.
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0 likes+Tlowief Kcalb YOU ARE A SURVIVOR. you have lived through so much and you are so above cutting. think of your life. you've been an adventurer, a lover, a fighter. you've been the sunshine on someones dreary day, and you'll find your sunshine too. don't cut like i do. you are so above it and so precious i promise you.
0 likesThis comment is so important. I understand how you feel. I hate that so many people understand this <3
0 likesThis is me too and I want to cry because its been this way for about a year now and I'm only twelve. I feel like my life's not normal, and I don't want to tell any of my friends, because I don't feel like they'd really understand. I'm the person who acts like everything is fine 24/7 even when its not. I have a whole bunch of anxiety, I'm pretty sure I'm depressed, and I know I've experienced depersonalisation. (by the way I fought putting this out here since there are so many haters).
4 likes+K Resler try to talk to someone you feel comfortable with. Someone you know won't judge you and will be open to listening to you. It will be much more beneficial than pretending you are okay. If you can't find someone try to express yourself in a healthy way please especially since you're so young
0 likes@emma taylor
1 likeThanks for your support, really means a lot to me ^^
Please don't cut yourself either, I know I'm probably like the worst person to say something like that, but it hurts the people around you too...You're really helping me...
Thanks again for your support, you seem like a wonderful and nice preson, and I'm sure a lot of people think that way too
This is so relatable. I had it so bad at one time where I almost committed suicide.
0 likesSomething you said hit close to home in this video. You said "I keep seeing everyone as humans and I am a robot" and "Everyone is gonna think I'm high. Everyone's going to think I'm on drugs". I have had my own mental health issues throughout my life and to this day, and even though my experiences are so different to yours I feel like we have had the same feelings at certain points in our life. So I feel a strong empathy with you. Everyone used to ask me if I was high all the time and they still do sometimes when I dissociate. I recently found the song "I am not a robot" and i have been told I am like a robot before and I feel like a robot often. But the song has encouraged me to start telling myself I am not a robot. It hasn't started helping me feel more like a person yet, but I still have hope it will.
0 likesYou put my thoughts into words perfectly with your texts to your friends. Sometimes you can't even explain what you're feeling. It's absolutely miserable. Basically all you feel is, I'm here..but I'm not.
0 likesI stumbled upon a video of yours on you publishing your book and I watched it and was drawn in immediately because I understood how you felt because I went through it for 3 years straight with no relief and I don’t remember any of that 3 years because I wasn’t there. I picked up your book and reading through it I find myself highlighting things and crying because holy crap I thought I was the only one and that I was crazy. I feel saved knowing its not only me. I’m reading this part of your book right now for the second time!.❤️❤️❤️❤️thank you seriously, you have no idea.. you talking publicly about your struggle is so brave and you save people.
0 likesI can relate to this I always feel like this in fact I feel like it right now
0 likesgod i've never related so much to a video. i love you so much dodie. i feel completely the same <3
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She is amazing
2 likesI hope you'll also try seek help to get better as well then! Stay strong!
1 like+cary watts Some people don't have as extreme depression as others! I have depressed friends (who have been diagnosed by doctors) that don't feel suicidal, but that doesn't mean their illness isn't real. Recognising your illness and wanting to get better doesn't mean you're not I'll anymore.
0 likesSorry if this sounded confrontational. I haven't suffered from mental health problems since last year so I know your opinion definitely counts for more than mine: but remember that everyone's mental illness is different and personal to them! I hope you have as nice a day as you can possibly have! ❤️
+cary watts i relate to the anxiety and depersonalisation part, not the depression part.
1 like+cary watts the way something is for you is not going to be the same as the way something is for someone else. Be less quick to judge, maybe.
2 likesU r so amazing .I read an article where u described this .I have been getting help for most of my life and I thought no one ever would get me .omg u get it .now i will share this with my therapist and i shared article with my mom .....i have spent more half of my like like this .i am better now.dbt has helped me ...mindfulness...medicine....u are an angel .
0 likesit makes me so sad to see you trying to explain it, and how you have to apologize for the people who've never dealt with mental illnesses when they don't understand, because its unfair that you can be in so much pain and nobody can see it from the outside. Like, for me, i have really bad insomnia, and i have ever since i was 6. I had a best friend at the time, and she didn't really understand at all (which is fine, those things are hard to understand if you don't deal with them). But anyway, I can remember one day when i was maybe 8 years old we were talking and she said "Why can't you just fall asleep, its so easy, ", and I just lost it. I started crying and she had to leave, it was terrible. Mental stuff like that is so hard because its on the inside, you could be dying and nobody could know.
2 likesDodie you are truly a beautiful human, inside and out
1 likei know you won't see this dodie, but this video helped me very much three years ago when i suddenly felt depersonalisation for the first time at sixteen. literally felt like a filter was switched in my brain, the change was so sudden. that whole month during the summer i felt so fucking weird, so so so weird. i'm extremely glad i came out of it. now i've developed a mild(?) depression, but i'll take this anytime instead of that shit, ewww it makes me gag even thinking about that time. to anyone finding themselves depersonalized right now: IT WILL PASS! i promise, it'll feel like it's going to be the state you'll be stuck in for the rest of your days, but IT'S NOT. give it time, fight through. try to do normal things, but don't force yourself to socialize. increase your interactions gradually. this is just a passing stage to something new, i think at least.
1 likeseeing someone else struggle through like that made me feel human for a second
0 likesI come back to this video every now and then just to remind myself i havent gone mad yet
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Same
2 likesi've had depersonalization and derealization, and the thing that really helped me was knowing that these things were called illnesses for a reason. these aren't "normal" or everyday things that humans are supposed to live with. it helped me to know that i could rationalize with it... it wouldn't make any sense at all that the world was "fake" or "unreal", would it?! i'm living with an illness, but i can, at least, try to really think through things. i know where i live, i know who my parents are, and i know where i am currently. i'll try to not let my brain (my illness) take over, because i know that it is just an illness. i am fully aware of where i am at this current second, typing this at my computer. i won't let an illness make me think i'm not. even though it doesn't FEEL real and i don't know who i am/what i'm doing here, i know that it IS REAL.
0 likestime and "being a human being" is a really weird thing for me, but i know that it IS real, even though it doesn't feel like it at the moment.
^this is just something that helped me, but everyone has their own ways of dealing with depersonalization and derealization. i'm not a medical professional at all hahaha. although, i do hoped that this helped.
for everyone else with dp/dr, keep fighting. xx
Oh my goodness I relate to this so much. You don't sound crazy at all. It's bizarre because your experiences sound really similar to mine in the sense I moved away from my family home at the age of 18 and have craved that feeling of 'home' ever since (I'm now 22). I hope you found a good therapist and are getting on well!
0 likesI have suffered from depression, anxiety and ocd for as long as I can remember, and when I first watched this video, I was actually kind of healthy, mind-wise. Happiness didn't seem as much as a distraction, my chest didn't physically ache all the time, my brain wasn't blurry. And here's the thing- I watched this, and I found it hard to identify. Because that is exactly what depression etc is! Even when you've experienced it as extremely as possible, when you finally break through for a little while, you forget how bloody awful and difficult it is. And now I'm re-watching this, because I am a bloody mess right now, mentally. And it makes me angry with myself for momentarily forgetting what it's like, but at the same time, if we didn't sometimes forget during the 'okay' parts, we would be stuck forever. And I guess that gives me hope.
24 likesAnyway this is rambly. My brain is rambly at the moment. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I am so lost and my brain refuses to shut up for even a second, but if I come back to this in six months and if I feel slightly better, I'll see if I can identify with myself now. It's an interesting thought.
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yeah I definitly can relate to that, too. One day I feel deeply depressed, thinking there is just one single permanent solution and that this solution would make sense, although I know it shouldn't and everyone and anyone would tell me that it doesn't in case I would tell them about my thoughts...
0 likesjust few days later I can feel ok again, feeling like a completely different person, which can hardly imagine how to come to that dark down moments, although I kind of remember some thoughts that brought me there. And then I think: How could just anyone who did not experience all these mental health issues for a long time ever imagine, how it is, if I myself even can't sometimes??
So yes, that makes mental health issues so super complicated and difficult to communicate.
I can't emphasise enough how right Dodie is that anyone feeling this way should seek help as soon as possible. You might face a bit of a battle to get relevant help/treatment, but things can get a whole lot worse if you don't.
0 likesAnd I say this as a 45 year old who'd been struggling with Anxiety and Avoidant Personality Disorder as long as he can remember being alive.
I had anxiety for so long (years) that eventually my body and mind couldn't take it anymore and I got depersonalised from the world. And this was so scary, I thought I was going crazy. Which just made my anxiety worse. This was years back and finally I've been able to accept whatever I'm feeling (or not feeling) so that I can accept everything. And I've honestly gotten so much better. If someone has a serious mental illness they will need more serious help. But for me giving up the fight is finally when I started getting better. Not trying to figure out what was wrong with me every.single.day. And just being, feeling, thinking. Whatever I was. And it's taken SO LONG. But I can finally say I've gotten there. I think I've gotten my old self back.
0 likesI have never been able to understand this video until now. I have felt depressed for the last few months sporadically and the last few weeks, everyday. I miss the person I used to be. So, so much.
1 likeI love you so much dodie you do not deserve to feel. That way just know you can always push through things.
0 likesi love you dodie you're so important
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She is!
5 likesi agree!
1 likenothing or everything. Non-stop for weeks or never. This is how I feel
4 likesYes, I'm a year late but I just need to vent and scream and cry and laugh and just feel good.
I have felt strange ever since I was 8, I was never like the other girls. They would be asking boys out, I would be laying in bed looking out the window. This strange feeling turned into sadness at about 10, I would have random panic attacks, burst out crying for no reason, for be completely numb, feel nothing, and it would be like I left my body and I was just watching everything around me from someone that wasn't me. Everything was hurting and was numb at the same time I tried to tell my parents I tried to seek for help I tried everything, I was getting worse and worse now never sleeping seeing hallucinations feeling like I'm going insane always being put off being told, "Your just a kid you don't know what this is" "just a hormonal teenager" "your making it up for attention". And that's when I cut myself, multiple times, going as deep as I could. I was still numb.
I'm somewhat better now, I refuse to go near knives, but nobody believes me whenever I express that I don't feel right or normal, they all just think I'm a hormonal teenager who wants attention and spends to much time online. I'm sorry, but I just had to put it all out in words.
Hi I'm a first timer on your channel and I love it and I can relate to what your saying. X
0 likesI hope you are feeling better now and that the therapist helps you - I know this is so difficult to deal with. Thank you so much for sharing your story. We are all here for you and you are so valuable. Meditation and hobbies are so helpful. Love you
0 likesI'm so glad you cover these kinds of topics
0 likesMy gosh, Depersonalization has affected me greatly before. I struggled with feeling like I wasn't there and that I felt like I wasn't in my body, like my brain didn't work at all in correlation to the real world. It all came as a side effect of my hypothyroidism and as I took my medication, it left me, however, I occasionally get it sometimes at night and that leads to thinking about death and therefore panic. I loved this video because it made so much sense and it's something that is hard to put into words. Thank you <3
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I definitely recommend getting your thyroid checked. If you're extremely tired, cold or other it's often a side effect and a lot of people aren't aware of it. I hope you get well soon, dear.
0 likesBrilliant attitude. What a strong lady! Wishing you well xx
0 likesI wish i had friends to talk to about my mental stuff like dodie does. Because it’s hard to be mentally ill, but it hurts so much more to do it alone
0 likesThanks for making this video. It helps me feel
0 likesI just discovered your videos and music like 3 days ago and that's all I've been watching/listening to.. hearts, hearts and 50 more hearts.
0 likesHey Dodie. New follower Here as someone who has recently come out of therapy I can honestly say you have nothing to fear. In fact you are entering the system at a ideal time after the recent etc funds it's received. My main thing I would say is focus hard on what they have to say and take each day as it comes mental illness as I'm sure you know is unlike any physical ailment. You'll get through this peep, stay strong and 'just keep swimming' big hugs
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+MsSmudge64 thank you! Hope you are feeling much better <3
2 likesI have had Depersonalization Disorder symptoms since I've had an Epileptic Seizure of sorts, in addition to being extremely overwhelmed and stressed. I researched the symptoms I was experiencing after a couple months, feeling as though I was just tired due to excessive schoolwork. I related to all the symptoms and began to tell my friends and ask them what I should do. They all directed me to tell my parents, so, I told my mom but she didn't believe me and didn't want to take me to the doctor. I always felt like I wasn't having enough fun because I couldn't take things in, and that I felt spacey, and that I felt like my senses were wrong, that I didn't exist. At random points I would space out completely and forget who and where I was. I felt like when I spoke the voice wasn't mine, I truly felt like you, like I was going mad or insane. But, this video made me feel happy and welcomed, like someone who I loved shares the thing that was previously "made up". I've been feeling a bit better, but not completely. My mom still won't take me to a therapist, so if you wouldn't mind (therapy being a very personal thing that you are in no way obliged to share) making a video on some of the tips your therapist gives to you? I'm sorry if I'm intruding or reminding you of the topic at hand, I just really want to know. Thank you.
0 likesi have a client who's a neurologist and after watching this video I asked him a bit about depersonalization. His theory is that it's a mild form of schizophrenia.
0 likesOne of the biggest hurdles for my mental health was that I'm part of a culture that doesn't really believe it to be a legitimate illness. Which in return, I never valididated myself to get help if that makes sense. I was only clinically diagnosed with depression & anxiety just before I left for uni.
0 likesIt's not over in a snap & while I am grateful that I'm a place where it is more accepted-
To anyone who was in my position & is desperate,
You matter & how you think/feel/behave are just as important.
"It'll all work out in the end. If it hasn't, it's not the end yet." xo
I can relate to you being upset about your bed so much because it is exactly what I felt as well. Unfortunately my parents throw it away for space reason and no one got why I became so mad about it.
0 likesWho else feels so happy and motivated then all of a sudden, life hits you?😢
0 likesI'm watching this 9 months after published, I understand what's happening with you and I want to go see a doctor but I'm too scared to because I feel like my family will tell me that I'm attention seeking and that I should just get over it...
0 likesMy heart broke at 4:15 I also have depersonalization and I struggle with it I just want to live life as other normal people
1 likeAbout two weeks ago I had a very strange experience and I couldn't quite define what it was or describe it. It was the day me and my girlfriend got together so I was obviously very happy, this is why it was so weird that something like that happened on that day. I was in life skills sitting next to my friend and everything was super normal and I had the giggles and was happy lol. But then a fire drill went off which immediately through me out of my comfort zone. I still felt kind of ok though. Afterwards we were told to go back to class because we still had about 15 minutes of the day left. As I started walking. suddenly I felt weird. It was like when you are having a dream but you know you are in a dream so you know something odd or scary is going to happen. I felt detatched from reality, and the sky seemed to go dark. I stayed with my friends for as long as possible for comfort (but still didn't tell them how I felt) but of course I eventually had to split up from them and go to my class. Then everything got worse. I knew my way around perfectly but still felt like I didn't know where to go. I couldn't talk and felt suffocated and afraid. I didn't manage to get back to class and just stood behind a tree.
0 likesWhen I got on the bus and sat with my friend she went on her phone and didn't really talk to me all too much, but when she did I couldn't really compremend what she was saying. I tried to talk back but my voice seemed too loud and sounded odd. when we got off the bus I felt slightly better, and by the time I got home I felt fine. I didn't even know what depersonalisation was until now.
the terrible thing about depression in my experience is that you think "oh ill just do xyz because i've always enjoyed that" but then.... you find that you dont enjoy it. its just flat. and it sucks. its so hard to be "normal" and happy.
9 likesthat sounds really cruel, but what i mean to say is that if your plan doesnt work out, you didn't fail or anything. some days are harder than others. mental illness is really tough and it doesnt make a lot of sense. thats okay.
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Bless yoy
0 likesI honestly felt the same way. I feel like nothing is real its all a dream. I slept in a lot more, separated myself from everyone etc... I still go to school so a bunch a ppl forced me to go to the guidance councillor and I never felt comfortable to opening to this adult I met 5 mins ago. So I'm stuck with this
1 likei'm watching this whilst i feel like i am literally going insane. things are making me literally scared of myself because i don't want to hurt myself and other people.
0 likesi'm going to try and book an appointment (again) and try and get therapy... i've been before but it gets worse every time i stop
Hey! Ive been struggling with depersonalization for awhile now but I didn't know that is what its called. AFTER SEEING THIS VIDEO IT CLICKED and i was like OHHH YES I GET YOU I KNOW HOW IT FEELS. I hope you are doing better and i start doing better as well:)) Thank you for your videos?? I feel like i relate to you a lot. You're like my role model basically lmao. ANYWAYS IM GONNA BLAST!! THANK YOU FOR ALL THAT YOU DO DODIE, YOU TRULY WARM MY HEART. MUCH LOVE <3 - A girl who relates
0 likesRespect to you I no exactly how you feel I have the same condition as you expect mine was triggered due to damage in my neck and spine which destroyed vital nerves.
0 likesI can't believe a doctor would tell you that you were making your mental illness up ugh. It's so disappointing that mental illness is brushed off by some doctors just like that. You should definitely attempt to seek out someone who will be more understanding and give you an actual diagnosis other than just "making it up".
250 likesGood luck, Dodie. I hope you'll feel much better and happier soon <3
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+Cj she said it was dangerous to diagnose a 17 year old and put a label on me because I'd obsess over it - she thought at worst I had "low mood" aghhhhhh lol
34 likesPsychologists have to diagnose a lot of people, after a while they get affected as well and might react like tis. I've heard of it many times. You just have to find another one, it's that simple. Sometimes you are not being helped, sometimes you are not compatible. You just find another one. Good luck. And thanks for the video.
0 likes+doddlevloggle More dangerous than having a 17 year old go through years of their life thinking they're crazy? Wow haha. I wish you the best x
2 likesShe ain't depressed if she has the ability to see a brighter future. She doesn't have chronic anxiety because she really just has no idea what it's like. Bitch made all this shit up and it makes me mad because depression is so real in my life.
0 likes+doddlevloggle if you didn't get diagnosed then you don't have it. These people are experts. What you described is low mood not depression. Maybe if you spent every Waking minute thinking about, fantasizing about how good it's gonna be and the peace you will feel when you die then that's depression. A truly depressed person has no ability to see a brighter future and you clearly have that ability. I encourage you to go to group therapy and see what people who actually have depression go through. You'll be shocked.
1 like+cary watts What are you even on about? Because the way depression affects you is the only way depression ever affects anyone or what? People have different brains, different experiences and thereby differences in the way mental illness infests.
15 likesthey told me I was "too young to believe that and it was just having "teen puberty mood swings". my mum has since complained it got worse and the doctor shouldn't have just pushed it of and at least given me some good options to keep myself happy. we haven't her from her yet.
1 like+Ekaekto depressed people all have the same brain activity scans. They think the same. It's a very similar disorder in all people they all share certain symptoms. Which is why treatment is generic not personalized beyond circumstances. You would know that if you were ever diagnosed as depressed.
0 likes+Radicata then you must be partially through recovery at least because a depressed person with no help will not see a brighter future or have hope.
0 likes+daisyisanalien not an argument
0 likes+Jemima Budd talk to me when you've held a knife to your wrist for the past 2 weeks and eventually just cried yourself to sleep because you see no hope. That was me before I went to the hospital.
0 likesI know what a horrible person
0 likes+Reina Malyn it's just that the evidence and facts aren't on your side. Depressed people have done brain scans and they all come out the same. True Depression manifests itself the same in every person which is why treatment is generic not personalized beyond circumstances. You would know that if you received any treatment for depression or got diagnosed.
0 likes+doddlevloggle She was very bad , I am sorry you had her , anxiety is a big part of your teen years , that's why so many of us have OCD and depression what she said made no sense
0 likes+NekoNat Oh my , I am so sorry , please find help , anyone who says it's not true is crazy ! why would anyone make something like that up .I havr been so lucky with therapy , they all understood what I was going through. Maybe , find someone who treated your friend or someone in your family , someone recomended . Or maybe look for someone who is specialized in OCD and depression
0 likes+cary watts There are many types of depression , the one where you think of killing yourself is the most serious form of depression . But they come in different ways to different people .
1 like+Anonymous ginger I didn't mean to cause any trouble I think I'll delete my comment now
0 likescary i am sorry to hear that you are going through this. This hate you are projecting towards doddie is however not helpful nor appropriate. What you did here is mix up a chronic depression with a depressive episode and/or a depression. Those a three different clinical diagnosed forms of "depression" which alone vary in symptoms. And then also depression varies between people and in time too. "A truly depressed person has no ability to see a brighter future and you clearly have that ability" is just plain wrong. You cant make statements like that, just because your chronical depression is making you feel that way.
3 likesI am glad that doddie is not feeling like this, because it would be shocking (and nearly impossible) if she is already that far and has developed a chronical depression within our watch.
Now for doddie: (psychotherapist in training talking) You are on the right way. You have narrowed down your symptoms and i am glad you are ready to visit a doctor about it, even when other people here might be belittling what you experience. Dont listen to them. From what you describe it might definetely be possible to be a depressive episode, which most of the time when not treated will get worse and worse. And its especially dangerous because a diagnose which is the most common form of depression (F33 recurrent depressive episode) shows itself by depressive episodes which come and go , so it sometimes may look like your problem is gone, but then 2 month after it is there again, and this cycle goes over and over (worsening in altitude)
So better be safe here and get yourself checked out. For that i definetly personaly recommend not going to a psychiatrist first and formost, instead try to get a psychotherapist (especially a cognitive behavioral therapy practicing one) to see you. Because thats the most effective therapy for affective disorders (state of the art) and with a psychotherapist you wont be having the issue that you would just get meds and no further help. (even though sometimes meds are needed, but the practice should be to ONLY give meds if you first developed a threatment plan (psychotherapy) and only then) Because some psychiatrist are lazy to do that first and only perscribe meds, which is NEVER a good idea.
All the best, get well soon, my dear.
That is wrong and makes it so much worse because you end up convincing yourself that it must be normal and everyone must be feeling it however bad you get and how much more ill you feel and act than everyone else (that's my experience of it anyway). I typed a whole comment out and then really scared myself by quite how mental I sound so i''m going to have to leave it at that. I hope that the doctors are helpful once you see them and if they're not keep fighting until they help you because you don't deserve to feel like this xx
0 likes+cary watts ooh, let's play 'who's more depressed'
1 like+cary watts +cary watts +cary watts the biology of depression may be the same in all people, possibly. But the cognition of it is different in every human being. Brain scans and the way someone thinks are two very different things. Saying depression is the same for all people is like saying everyone feels happiness from the same things, or everyone should like the same band because they make 'good music'. It's cognition that separates people, and nothing is the same in the brain of each and every person. So please stop generalising things. Everyone deals with it in different ways, everyone feels it differently, and everyone expresses it (or doesn't in many cases) differently too. All you're doing is hurting others with depression right now, and if you do have it you should know how lethal that can be.. So please stop..
5 likesdepression isn't just self harm and wishing for death lmao. yeah, it is like that for some people but depression is a pretty common illness & there isn't just one "true depression". it's a broad term with a whole array of symptoms and saying that depressed people can never hope for a better future and have to be suicidal at every waking hour invalidates people with depression that experience it differently than that.
3 likes+kaylee Finally someone who gets it!! You're so right. So many people with depression are trying so hard to just cope with the way they feel. Not everyone will fall into such a dark place that they want to hurt themselves or worse. Everyone copes with it in different ways
2 likes+cary watts I hope you feel good about yourself after you try to diminish someone else's pain because it's not the same as yours. How would you feel if someone was to tell you that the way you feel was just an act? Probably not good. Sometimes it's better to leave comments like the one you posted to yourself. You don't have to believe dodie but you certainly aren't welcome to make someone feel like their pain isn't serious or real. Doctors can often lack understanding about mental illnesses, just like regular people do. Hopefully this comment, along with other people's helps you to better understand where dodie is coming from. All the best!
1 likeI'm so glad you brought this up, spreading awareness. I honestly don't watch you or listen to your music, I'm sorry :(, but I can tell you have a beautiful soul. I'd like to tell you about my experience.
0 likesI'm not going to diagnose myself, but I've definitely felt (a sense of) depersonalization. The first time was long, long ago, I can't even pinpoint it, it was when I was a child. I would have brief moments of "Wait, hold on, I need to just take this all in for a second."
Now I'm sixteen. For some reason, this year, I've really tried super hard with school, more than I ever have and I think DP is how I coped with the stress.
One day, I woke up. Everything felt different, just wrong. I felt detached from myself. I couldn't listen to my own music because it didn't feel like my music. I'd talk to my best friend and I'd have this disturbing thought like "what if I'm not real, she's not real, and things are just working all on their own..?" Does that make sense? Probably not. My vision also felt distorted, like I was under harsh fluorescent light. Basically, think about sitting in a small, white room with fluorescent lights on, that's it.
Everything just felt two-dimensional.
I explained it to my family and they just laughed at me while I was scared shitless pretty much. I felt like I was losing my mind.
I looked it up and saw DP. I was disappointed to see that there was no cure. It makes it even worse.
I experienced it for 8 days non-stop.
Now, I'll get the feeling at the worst times, when I'm happy, hanging out with my friend. I'll just be acting as usual and then I get this overwhelming feeling and I sit there for 5 minutes and react minimally because I get so engulfed by this hallow feeling. It wears off and I'm me again, but it's still scary.
I can feel it starting to creep up on me again and I don't know why.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm making this up. If it's all fake, but seeing people talk about their experiences really help me out and I'm so grateful that you did. I feel so much better. Thank you, truly.
Gosh this is exactly how I feel all the time and I wanted to do was hug you
0 likesive been feeling this way as long as i can remember; everyone that i talked to about this has said that im just making this up. most times (including now) i feel like im never there - just watching as life passes, watching the world go by as if it's just one big drama show going on for eternity. sometimes i forget who i am and how to talk, and others i just lose my memory as if i was never there. there's also a lot of deja vu - everything is so familiar yet so distant. you making this video gave me a lot of information and told me that im not the only one going through this, so thank you for sharing your experience. according to some, it's meant to be a phase that will pass but for me it's as if it was always there - does anyone know how long this is meant to last or is it just infinite?
0 likesI went the Human Givens therapy way and it transformed me. Still have a fight but it made me focus on what I was good at and what made me feel good.
0 likes“I will find a cure”
1 likeOh god dodie no. My heart is broken
This is 1000000% how I feel I relate so hard to this video and you're giving me hope:).. when my depersonalisation got really really really terribly bad like for the first time it was a month or something that it has been like.. there (bc sometimes it's not there and other times it's terrible.. idk how to describe it). I was about to go to ballett class and I was doing my hair in the bathroom and looking in the mirror then suddenly everything got so weird I saw everything as if it was a movie, I saw myself standing in front of that mirror.. I ignored it, went downstairs and it just wouldn't stop being that terrible so I would see my mom and burst into tears and I just wont stop crying I cried and cried and looked at my shaking hands shouted at my mom some weird stuff like "that's not real, what is that, I'm freaking out" and my mom tried to calm me down a good 20mins I then she would just put me into my bed, lying next to me until I finally calmed down.. it was the worst experience I've ever had in my entire life and I'm just so goddamn thankful to have my mom and my best friend (which are the only two persons that know of that scenario and who understand me). That all happened like a year ago I think and gladly it was never that bad again, it was nearly as bad but not THAT bad. I'm struggling but it's getting better and I'm also hoping to start a therapy soon :) It's just really really good to know that we as people are never alone with such things and that we're not turning mad or making that up.. well, maybe we are turning mad but you know at least we're not alone.^^
0 likesthe part where you talked about pretending to be normal made me cry :( i relate so much and i just wish no one had to feel that way ever ugh
1 likeTrust me, your community here and your subscribers love you and there is no way you can scare us away, we're never leaving even if you want us too!
0 likesi have anxiety and depression as well these super deep thoughts that really freak me out ??? it sounds confusing but i randomly think things like "am i even alive" or "am i imagining my entire life, is anything even real" and sometimes i feel like i'm the only person alive if that makes sense. i know i sound crazy i just need to rant lmao. another thing recently that has been freaking me out is how fast time goes. like you think about a certain event or day for so long, for example, my the 1975 concert. it was november 22nd of this year. i was looking forward to it for so long and then boom, it's over. that's so crazy to me. time just moves so fast it scares me. i've gotten really off topic but i just need to say what i'm feeling and get it off my chest.
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I hope you're okay sweetie ♥
0 likesAmber Davison thank you that means so much ❤️
0 likes+Sophie Grace it's no problem :) I can't stand seeing/hearing people going through really tough times
1 likeOmg I feel the same no joke 💕😂
0 likesSophie Grace do you also sometimes be going somewhere and when you get back home you be like wait did i really go there ? like ofc you know you went there it's not like you forgot but like you don't feel like you actually did?? i really can't explain it exactly but i hope you know what i mean
11 likesLena yes omg !!!!
0 likesSophie Grace omg girl i just found out that it's a thing i've always wondered what it was i thought i was crazy this whole time😭 i've had this since i was like 8 or 9 and now i'm 19 and when first told my mom about it she literally got mad at me for sounding crazy so i didn't even think about googling it until recently can you believe that
2 likesLena yay! it's honestly the best feeling when you think something is happening to only you and then you google it and you figure out that it happens to other people as well
1 likeLena omgggg I have a similar thing too...omg I thought I was crazy 😂
1 likeSophie Grace omg you put it into words thankyou
0 likesI have the same exact thoughts. Just realizing that I live in this huge space with all kinds of strange undiscovered parts makes me all baffled and the overwhelmingness of it sometimes makes me anxious...
2 likesThis is how I feel. I feel like time moves too fast and sometimes I just need a break from the world.
7 likesSophie Grace I know, when I was younger and was like 9 it felt like a year was forever and now it's almost halfway through the year and I just don't get It
1 likei've had depersonalization and derealization, and the thing that really helped me was knowing that these things were called illnesses for a reason. these aren't "normal" or everyday things that humans are supposed to live with. it helped me to know that i could rationalize with it... it wouldn't make any sense at all that the world was "fake" or "unreal", would it?! i'm living with an illness, but i can, at least, try to really think through things. i know where i live, i know who my parents are, and i know where i am currently. i'll try to not let my brain (my illness) take over, because i know that it is just an illness. i am fully aware of where i am at this current second, typing this at my computer. i won't let an illness make me think i'm not. even though it doesn't FEEL real and i don't know who i am/what i'm doing here, i know that it IS REAL.
1 liketime and "being a human being" is a really weird thing for me, but i know that it IS real, even though it doesn't feel like it at the moment.
^this is just something that helped me, but everyone has their own ways of dealing with depersonalization and derealization. i'm not a medical professional at all hahaha. although, i do hoped that this helped.
for everyone else with dp/dr, keep fighting. xx
Sophie Grace it’s even more fucked up when scientists come out and say that we are living in a matrix
0 likesI feel like I have depression and i'm going through a similar thing to you but I'm young and haven't been diagnosed or anything
0 likesI can’t believe you made a video about this. I LOVE YOU ❤️
0 likesI have just got over the second bout of DP/DR in my life. For me, the second time around, I discovered the my DP/DR is largely depression based. Depression creeps up on me without any signs or signals, leading me to believe what my own brain is telling me i.e. the world is strange, odd, grey and empty. The worst thing of them all is the feeling of detachment and unfamiliarity of my surroundings and also myself.
0 likesI've started new meds for depression, and over the past few weeks of taking them, I've started to find myself again and find the lost familiarity with my surroundings.
I'm not saying everyone's DP/DR could just be depression, but it might be worth looking into.
I luv u.
0 likesI still never knew you made videos on this (where have I been??) but it's helped me so much. thank you.
though I don't think I have the disorder, I definitely have dissociative episodes where the world doesn't feel real, or I don't feel real to the point where I was so afraid to look at myself in a mirror that I shut the bathroom lights so I wouldn't have to see someone else staring back at me. I completely feel you on feeling crazy, but you're not crazy (as what my friend told me) it's just your brain's way of dealing with things when it all gets too much. I'm sending all my love always<3
This video may be from 2016, yet still, As a fellow person with anxiety and depression, I understand the feeling. My heart breaks seeing you cry, and most of the times, I cry with you. I listen to you when studying or having a panic attack. For me it does help, and even if I'm young, I can still relate. -Love from a fan, 2018
0 likes(Yes, again, this video is old, yet I still felt like commenting this)
i have depersonalization and derealization or atleast i think i do. i try to talk about it but no one understands. this sums up everything that i feel. thank you for making this video
0 likesWhy did this video make me so happy
0 likesI'm literally in happy tears
When I was 7 or 8 (yes that young!!!!) I would think that my days were dreams and I would be like "I can do this dangerous thing bc I'll wake up soon" and I would be a danger to myself and I seriously thought I wasn't living my life. I never talked to anyone about it because I was so young and "young minds are creative" and I never even knew mental illness was a thing. It scares me how careless I was when I was so small. I could've killed myself because it wasn't me.
0 likeswhen dodie almost cried I felt like crying because she is such a sweet nice person and she deserves to be happy and if I could help I would but I don't really know what to do because I'm in a different country but I can do one thing, tell you that you are amazing and have great friends and music helps if you want to write and I hope that you can get better. you help me all the time so I want to help you, even though this probably didn't work, if you ask I will help.
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sorry if that was dramatic I really like dodie so oops :)
2 likes+flamesmgee edits that ain't dramatic that's true help
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0 likesWhen dodie sounded like she was crying I wanted to give her a hug :(
0 likesHi! I was a child when I first felt like I was "dreaming" or "floating", like I was there, but I didn't really felt like I was there, like my mind wasn't there, but my body was. I talked and laughed, I ate and touched the things around me, but there was no sensation of reality, of how it used to be. I remember knowing that it wasn't normal, that this wasn't how I was supposed to be like. I told my parents and they didn't really understand what I was talking about, I was a kid and I just thought "maybe this is how it's supposed to be like when you grow up" so I never really gave it much of a thought but the feeling persisted and I wasn't as happy as I used to be, I felt like I was watching my life from the outside, like I didn't really knew my friends. When I was walking I sometimes caught myself thinking "am I really outside, walking among these strangers? Where am I going? Why can't I feel myself living?" but I never thought about it much. It was "normal", right?
0 likesI am 20 years old now and I found your videos about this condition after almost 10 years of feeling like I was floating through my life. I don't ever know what to say... I am still wondering if I am actually suffering from this or if my mind is just making it up. I am so confused...
Anyways, I haven't given this a serious thought is such a long time and your videos just opened a door for me. Thank you! 💛🌼
I've experienced depersonalisation, but when I changed my diet and stopped partying it went away in about a year. I'd suggest trying the same. And stay away from pharmaceuticals, especially benzos.
0 likesDodie, you are the absolute sweetest thing x
0 likesI don't want to be the guy who diagnoses stuff online, and I am no therapist, but I do study psychology, and from what I can tell the illnesses you are feeling could be caused by the "living-in-the-past Dodie" that you are. The further from your childhood you go, the more detached you may feel from your 'old self'. Another cause could be a change in sleep pattern. My experiences with my mental illness were due to me staying up into the early hours of the next day. Again, I can't really prescribe any sort of treatment to anyone experiencing this but if Dodie's experiences feel similar to yours, taking these things into consideration may help.
7 likesAs for anyone angry or annoyed at Dodie not keeping up VEDJ, remember that youtube channels most of the time are for both the viewer and the creator, and this applied to VEDJ. Therefore, recognise that if Dodie doesn't feel like making videos will be good for her, then she doesn't have to and probably shouldn't for her benefit.
Almost every moment of my life, I feel like I'm trying extremely hard to be normal and feel right, but I can't lie all the time so sometimes I just don't say a word to people because I feel that if I do, they might think I'm sad or something and I don't want anybody to feel bad or have their time wasted on me.
0 likesI was reaching out to my friends about my severe depression and one said "You just need to think positive!" And another said "Maybe Harry Potter will cheer you up!" Like that's not how it works at all I appreciate the effort but you don't understand it unless you have been through constantly being at war with yourself and feeling so numb and dead but still fighting the courage to go to school when you have almost completely shut down and given up on trying anymore
1 likeIve been in and out of this my whole life, as a kid I noticed it but I never saw it as depersonalization i just saw it as me living my life. 2 years ago it really hit me and i spent time trying to fix myself now coming back to realisation i kept trying to fix the wholeness in myself which im seeing now was stupid asf. I never seeked help. And I really am glad I didnt in a sense as im learning so much about myself getting “out of it” which is ridiculous to even say cuz u cant get out of life cuz it kinda um feels like nothing? Idfk lol my life mental illness isnt jokesss its actually really fucking annoying if your struggling with it and yea your probably going insane if your dealing with it. Advice just to go with the flow. Blahh thats my comment
0 likesI'm so happy you were able to create a life for yourself. Many people fall into holes when trying to build a life for themselves and never really get out of them.
0 likesAnd to answer the rhetorical question: I feel like I fell into some mental hole after I finally finished my... I think it's like the A levels in Brittain or uhm highschool in America ._. And I don't really know how to get out of this hole when in reality I've just left the biggest and in all honestly most useless seeming time sink (really I remember more from documentaries I've watched as a child than from those last 3 years -.-) while also leaving the one thing I've actually personally had to complain about and I have my spot in uni secured to find a way to enter the one industry I've always dreamt of entering so I should be fine but I am not which scares the shit out of me ;-; especially after I had a episodes of depersonalization or... the other thing I don't remember the term ._. shortly after entering vacation and the day after read about it to be a symptom of extreme stress but I didn't have stress at the time or at least not that I would recognize. ._.
And wtf am I writing a comment about my mental health to a video that's 3 years old by now? Fuck it this is going out into the world -.-
dodie, night in the woods is a game who taught me what depersonalisation is alongside a friend. thank you so much for sharing and im glad you're still here and trying to live every day. i love your music, alsooo you are so beautiful! <3 kisses from Argentina
0 likesMy mental health has plummeted in the past few months and I often feel dissociated because of sensory overload. I don’t know why it happens to me or what’s going on in my head. And I’m going to see a neurologist for it. I just wish I could keep up with everyone else and enjoy the same things I used to. It sucks to realize how much depression has controlled my life.
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0 likesI started crying when dodie got so sad over a bed cuz I feel sad over small things I can’t go back to and I believe that I shouldn’t because it’s dumb and I’m only 15 so I haven’t even had time to feel that way about anything
I can relate to all that you're saying completely and I know many other people can. We'll find hope and happiness again, many people before us also did. :)
0 likesNever wanted to just pass through the screen and hug someone so much before
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:( <3333
7 likesyou might have persuaded me to go to the doctor to help with derealisation <3
0 likesI have depersonalisation as well and it can be the loneliest place to be. This quote has helped me alot. "You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars, you belong here." Every other quote seems irrelevant to me but this one connects me to the world I feel so disconnected from. Hope it helps you too Dodie. You're not alone.
0 likesI still feel the same way after 3 years and i'm just sixteen yay ^-^ *cries on the inside*... Thank you awesome youtuber!!!!!
0 likesI can relate totaly.. I'm at my second month with dpdr :(
0 likesi do go to my school counsler now but i still can't stop feeling so guilty because people are dying and starving and shit and yet i cry like every night because of something thats in my Head or in the past and i fell so freaking dumb because im so privliged
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feel*
0 likesi know what you mean.. people are telling me all the time I should stop complaining and being sad but I just can't, most of the time I feel so weird, and sad.
0 likesI felt like this for so long, I refused to get help for so long because other people had it worse but a counsler once told me something that super applies to this: It's not about others, its about how YOU feel, and if you don't feel right you should do what you can to feel better.
0 likesWhen I feel something similar, it helps me to think of it like a physical illness -- because a mental illness is an illness. If you had a really bad flu, even if it wasn't going to kill you, would you still do what you could to feel better? Mental illnesses don't tend to go away on their own. It sounds kind of odd to say it, but a mental illness has nothing to do with you -- it may have some genetic links, but it can happen to anyone, no matter how happy their life is. I'm really glad you are going to see your counsellor. Getting help is super important!
1 likeThats like me thats why i never tell anyone anything because it feels like im complaining too much when i have a good life and ughh
0 likesEverybody has their own struggles, please don't beat yourself up over your own feelings by comparing them to other struggles, your feelings are valid and you are worthy of support.
0 likesDon't worry that's perfectly normal I'm exactly the same
0 likestip for how not to feel this way!! imagine if you were happy and someone was like "?? you can't be happy, people are getting married today, someone just won the lottery, they deserve to be happy, you don't" that sounds really dumb right? well apply that to you being sad. just because in your head someone has it 'worse', that doesn't mean you don't have it bad. you can't control your feelings and if that's how your brain reacts, then its valid.
5 likesthink of if the things that were happening to you were happening to a friend. you wouldn't think that way, you'd be understanding and compassionate and try to help them. apply that to yourself!
+Colleen Davies +
0 likesYour pain and your feelings are 100% valid and you deserve help. Your problems impact your life and you are allowed to seek help for them - there is no need to compare. Keep seeing the counsellor xx
2 likes@Cerys Fletcher <3
1 likeHi, I suffer from the exact same thing. I watched your video on how you feel like your dreaming 24/7 and I was blown away. I would really like to talk to you about it. Its ruining my entire life. :(
0 likesCurrently seeing my school counsellor about self harm 🤷🏻♀️. It sucks soooo much and I'm on the verge of cutting every night but then I remember great youtubers like you that manage to pull me out of that state of just utter confusion mixed with stress, so thanks ♥️.
0 likesTo anyone out there fighting: you can do it, we all believe in you and we have your back.
Currently 2 weeks clean ✌🏻
I suffer from major anxiety and minor depression and it sucks, I recently got a therapist and I'm trying to get better, and I'm sure you will too ❤️
0 likesrecently i’ve realized i’ve been in a dissociated state for about three years now. it affects my life so so much. nothing being real and me not being real. i do impulsive things and then regret them. i either cry or don’t cry depending on the month. having no sense of self is so strange and difficult. especially being a 17 year old in the peak of my teenage years figuring out who i am. i also have double vision and oh god does this affect me. luckily i’m on meds for certain situations now but overall it’s bad. i know this is caused by anxiety inducing situations but despite the situations that are anxiety inducing, i feel like this 99% of the time and it’s so difficult.
0 likesI wish I can go through the screen and give dodie a hug in the future, but for now...digital hug
29 likesSigh!!! I’ve felt like this this entire year.
0 likesI'd really love to talk with you if you're still going through this or what you did to cope? or anyone else that see's this comment. It's never happened to me before and it's happened so much lately. I'd just really like to talk to someone.
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I understand, I surffer with DP and its been almost 8 months since I got My first episode but theres nothing to worry about This is just a defense mechanism to deal with a stress factor or a traumatic event, This is not permanent and It isin' t harmful its just your minds way of coping with stress, I know It can be like your losing you mind but everything is gonna be ok. Stay strong.❤️Some things that I do that might work for others to stay in the present is put Some ice on your hands, maybe Talk to someone and take Deep Breaths, Focus on something you like doing. Hope This works💕
2 likesFor those of you in need of recovery steps, I made a short video describing it. Much love n peace
0 likes4:15 made me want to cuddle her until all her worries were gone
4 likesI went through a similar type of thing during and around my most recent exam period. I remember just going through the days and having sudden moments of lucidity like 'what the fuck, is this real, how am I here, it feels like 5 minutes ago was hours ago, am I in a dream'. It's hard describe my vision, but it was almost smokey. I'd go home and I'd be so tired and I'd lie down and think back to the day and be like 'did that actually happen? Was I actually there?'. I wasn't as scared as you seem to be, but I did keep wondering stupid things, like maybe I'd only just at that moment come into existence, and that all the previous things that had 'happened' had just been implanted into my brain, and that was why the memories seemed so far away. Yeah, I know it's really stupid. That went on for about 3-4 months, but since then I've taken time off, and it began to happen less and less, and with less intensity. I still get them now and then. I never told anyone about it though, because I didn't believe it was serious enough but, thinking back, it did have a really detrimental effect on my moods. This probably wasn't what you were talking about, but I just thought I'd try and describe to myself how exactly it affected me.
4 likesTo anyone experiencing derealization, did you find any kind of therapy for this?
0 likesI’ve been having chronic derealization for 8 months. What i mean by chronic is that it started and never went away ever since. My vision is weird and when i listen to music it feels like i don’t ‘feel’ it.
I got used to it, but sometimes i get so sick of it...
Lots of love and support to everyone:) that’s about it
6:00. First of all, your feelings are absolutely real! Second of all, I'm crying now. Wow. I feel exactly the same sometimes. Wow. umm wow.
0 likesdepression, suicidal thoughts, anxiety, depersonlisation and eating disorders...
0 likestrust me I have tried multiple ways of self harm, crying myself to sleep but just trust me the best thing to do is talk about it and please don't do anything stupid that you can't undo :) btw you look nice today and everyday
yes I know this was made in 2016 but when I just now watched it I felt like I needed to get her out of what she was feeling, boy did this make me sad, hit me right in the feels
0 likesDon't forget we're here for you, dodie 💜💜
4 likesI always felt that my dog was sad all the time so one day I wanted to do something about it. I noticed that he always looks at the birds out side so I believe that he just wanted to fly so one day I took him to the roof and threw him hoping he would fly but he didn't and I think that made him more sad knowing he can't fly because he won't get up from where he landed. I believe he won't be sad for long because he is only 9 months old so I hope for the best :-)
0 likesWhen I talk about it I feel fine. But when I'm alone I get stuck in my head.
0 likesSometimes out of nowhere I have these really weird thoughts. One that keeps coming back is that everyone has their own world. Every single person is saying different things than what I hear and everyone has different relationships with people. It's kinda like I'm in a bubble watching a tv screen and I keep thinking that I am not hearing what people are actually trying to say. Ugh I can so clearly describe the feeling in my head but as soon as I try to talk or write about it I sound crazy.
0 likesI know what it's like, everyone just ignores mental illnesses but they really have no idea, I'm always here for you. I have mental illnesses too, your not alone ❤️❤️❤️
0 likeshi dodie!
19 likesi'm so proud of you for coming to the realization of some of the obstacles you're facing and really seeking help from professionals. i have an anxiety disorder as well that causes me to vom (cyclic vomiting syndrome). no one understood what i was going through and i sounded crazy for a long time. people thought i was pregnant since i was throwing up all the time and for no good reason other than i was extremely anxious all the time. after a few years of struggling with it, i got put on medication that changed me a bit but i don't get sick anymore and i have anxious moments here and there but it's not like the hell i was in before.
dodie, you can do this. although i don't know you, i can tell you're being genuine, honest, kind, and the best you can be. it's so brave that you're making videos about this! it's so important! i wish the best of luck to you. dissociation is really difficult and talking it out in therapy, practicing meditation, and even eating right can benefit your mental health.
stay strong dodie!!
Replies (4)
+Alyssa Michelle oh my goodness that sounds awful. Super hope you're okay now <3 and thank you!
6 likesoh my god this has been happening to me for a year now and I had no idea this happened to other people
0 likes+erin nesbitt it sucks!!! And it's pretty rare esp. For adults (more common with children, not sure how old you are). For me, it got worse as time passed - instead being nauseous every morning, it would go all day and more throughout the week. I hope you're getting treated! I'm on a med called amitryptaline (don't know exact spelling) on a very low dose that really helps me. Let me know if you have any questions about it! It's a terrible thing.
1 like+doddlevloggle definitely loads better now. thanks so much for commenting back 💛 sending lots of love to you.
2 likesI know your feeling, I'm 11 years old. When I woke up last night, in the middle of the night, I didn't even know if I was still dreaming, I've permanently had DPDR, I have it 24/7/4/12/365. I had it before I knew about it, and I found out about it by some random dude in a chatroom asking if anybody else heard of it, I looked into it, and I already knew everything fit in with what I had felt, I only had a few episodes every once in a while, yet it got worse. I try to go to sleep early so I don't cry myself to sleep with nostalgia and when I didn't have this stupid disorder. I don't know a single one of my friends that relate to me. I thought as a young 5 year old kid that no problems existed at all, and the medicine I took for my seizures wasn't anything at all. Looking back at it all, I want my same innocent mind back, because even since I'm still a kid, overhearing everything about my parents, war, politics, I can't forget it, I can only think of something else to cancel it out. I feel like I get panic attacks every time I try to think about an idea for a story or something, because I start living in another world. But even as a kid, even I know what to do, and how to handle this easy peasy, lemon squeazy.
0 likesFuck It.
i am real. i am not fake. i am an actual, living human being. My mind is a fucking liar, telling myself that nothing around me is real, that I'm just a made up person in a made up universe, I tell my mind to shut the fuck up, and I talk to my friends with the same smile I always had when I was that innocent 5 year old boy. i can't change the past, my past feelings, my past mistakes, but I can change how I feel now, and I feel real, i feel like I can make my mark on the world, and typing this right here and now made me realize that.
But it isn't that easy, you see? I may tell that to myself, but it doesn't change anything, it helps, but now, I have to just forget it, like everything else I forgot about. So that's how I feel, I'll leave it in the back of my mind until night, because this is the real world, and the real world is a fucked up place.
At least in an 11 year old's perspective.
omg dodie
0 likeso m g
i discover your chanel some time ago and i'm just watching this video now
i feel exactly like this, not all the time but my emotions are so low and everything so away from me, looks like i fucked up my brain
Just tell me things are better now, please
i wish i had a mom who would help me with my mental illnesses.
0 likesevery time i try to tell her how i am how absolutely terrible my anxiety is. she says: "oh well you don't need to feel like that you're thirteen you have nothing to worry about just stop being worried."
it's been three years.
three agonizing years.
i've tried to talk to friends about it but all they say is: "if it's that bad just tell your mom and ask to see a therapist."
after that i feel so insignificant.
they don't care about me.
i tell them what my moms says and all they do is say: "well that is good advice."
if only they know how i've realized at this point the only way out would be to end my own life.
i've moved slightly away from that option.
but it will always be in the back of my head.
and another thing, i'm not trying to say i'm super smart or something but i do have a very powerful mind.
so powerful i have convinced myself on multiple occasions that i am completely worthless and a waste of oxygen.
not one person as ever taken me seriously.
not ever.
if i don't get help soon it's not going to be good, the mental illness will completely have taken over my brain and i will be nothing but an empty shell of anxiety.
if anyone has any ideas to help me it would be greatly appreciated.
6:02
0 likesI’VE GOT A FEELING
THAT YOU COULD BE FEELING
A WHOLE LOT BETTER THAN YOU FEEL TODAY
I remember when I was like 16 I also had a doctor that damaged me with her words. I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis (an inflammatory bowel disease) a few years ago and only just a few months ago, I felt finally okay again (I'm 19 now and was diagnosed when I was about 15). The last few years I just couldn't find a medication that would help me. I got bad side effects on most of it or it simply didn't work and I had to deal with the colitis. I felt so miserable, but I would hate to go the doctors, so I only went I couldn't take it any longer. And I reached that point again, so I went to the doctor and she was just so horrible to me. I was 16. And she told me I should suck it up. I should stop running to the doctors with every little pain and just accept the fact that I have a dangerous disease and claimed I wasn't strong enough. And that fucking broke me. A doctor may have a degree, but they can't see in your brain. And a doctor doesn't have the right to treat someone that way. They have no idea what damage that can cause. I'm sorry for such a long comment with a personal story that probably nobody wants to read... but that video really hit home to me. And the doctor part just makes me so mad. I hope it doesn't really affect you anymore, because I know for me it sometimes still does. When you're young, words can stick with you, because they can hit you so deep. I could relate so much to this video. I had to pause every few minutes, because it was so relatable. Please don't stress yourself, Dodie. I like how structured you still seemed even though your mind probably is a mess. You still gave good advice and could explain it so well. Thank you. I hope you find a good therapist :)
7 likes(Also I hope my english doesn't suck. I'm not a native speaker. Feel free to correct me :))
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I'm really glad you feel better than you did, and I hope you feel even better soon!
5 likes+Colleen Davies thanks a lot! Wish you all the best, too! :)
0 likes+Kate K I hope you are doing well! I have had a very similar situation when I was diagnosed with IBD, the doctor also told me that I was needed to suck it up and deal with it. It really did make the pain so much worse. I hope you start to feel better!
2 likes@Dani P I'm way better now because I figured out much about myself. It's kinda scary how much influence the psyche has on the disease. But now I know it and try to face it the right way :)
1 likeI hope you're feeling better aswell! xx
+Kate K I absolutely feel for you and hope you have finally found something that helps you. I had a very similar situation last year where doctors ended up switching around my birth control pill 9 times (finally landed with a hormonal IUD and a huge bill for it) because of the amount of side effects they caused me. As well as a 7 month struggle to get anyone recognise that there was a cyst that had grown on my ovary as a result of this (grapefruit sized, extremely painful, and required urgent surgery at the time the found it). It was so painful having the receptionist at my doctors ask me "why am i back here again" every time i came in, and is now part of the reason I'm anxious about going to the Doctors. however I have now found a dr that I trust to not be horrible about anything, and understands that it terrifies me, and a counselor which is helping me work through all the mental issues that I have. I sincerely hope it hasnt effected you in thee long term and you've found someone you can go to, and I hope that you are on the improve, I can only imagine how horrible UC is. Sending all my love through the keyboard to you!! <3 (sorry for the long reply but thought you might appreciate the story :) )
0 likesI'm so sorry you had that experience! I have had a chronic illness since I was 7 (I'm 16 now) and I wasn't diagnosed until 13. Doctors spent years saying I was making stuff up for attention or that I didn't really know how I felt. I think it actually messed up my brain a bit cause now I think I actually have some anxiety especially related to feeling sick. Anywho, to anyone who's had this experience, do go to a doctor but only to confirm what you already know and to help you feel better and if they're dicks about it, find a new one immediately.
1 like@enigma nonymous stay strong!! ♥ your words are kinda inspirational, thank you :))
0 likes“Dont start crying. You just done your make up” thats how i feel all the time honestly
0 likesi suffer from depression anxiety and depersonalization. it's crazy and hard to deal with honestly. depersonalization feels like you've died and your seeing yourself as a ghost.
0 likesI dont think I've ever related so much to a video , it feels so good but i feel so bad for dodie , i know exactly how she feels. dp / dr is so hard to deal with and i dont know what to do
0 likesThe more you think you are odd or going mad the more you stress your mind, so the more anxiety and symptoms. Don't be harsh on yourself, you are pretty, intelligent and interesting. You have high levels of anxiety there is nothing wrong with you apart from that.
0 likesFINALLY SOMEONE WITH DPD OH GOD. NO ONE EVER TALKS ABOUT THISS!!
100 likesReplies (7)
Aly Power I deal with it on an off and it's hard to explain to family or friends. you just got to get through every day as best as possible
3 likesNatalie De Los Santos yes same, i dont really understand why it started happening. but its really disturbing and it scares me to death
2 likesIt's absolutely terrifying. Before it all, did you suffer from anxiety?
2 likesNatalie De Los Santos yes i had panic attacks all the time
1 likeSame here. It's awful. Just keep distracted always. I usually do things that gets my heart going like exercise or I go dancing. I also try meditating, play with my pets and all. I also sleep a whole lot
2 likesNatalie De Los Santos why does getting your heart rate up help??
0 likesI guess because after getting my body exhausted, it eases my thoughts
1 likethe feeling of nothingness !!!!
0 likesI’m trying to figure out how I feel..
my sister passed away. it’s like it’s all a bad nightmare.
It's crazy how your openness has helped so much people to relate. You are helping so much people!
0 likesI watched this video when it came out roughly 2 years ago and I couldn't relate. I didn't think that she was making it up for attention or anything but I just couldn't empathise with what she was feeling. Recently, I smoked probably about 1/2g of weed and had a bit of an anxiety attack. I didn't think anything of it at the time because I sometimes got very anxious when smoking weed and it would usually go away after a few mins. However, when I woke up my mind felt cloudy and it was like my mind was not processing the world properly anymore. When I try to memorise things that have happened recently I can remember them but at the same time, they seem hard to visualise and sort of jumbled in my mind. Sometimes I feel relaxed and normal for a couple of hours but most of the time I feel like this and it causes me to have major anxiety because I'm not sure it will ever go away and now I feel isolated from others even though I can hear and talk to them. It's been like 5 days now and some people have reported getting better within a couple of weeks, whereas some people have reported getting better after 6 months so I don't know. I wish I could go back to normal again.
2 likesI have an anxiety disorder and my definition of desrealization is “ I’m death, im in a dream, I’m physically dead and mentally alive “
0 likesI can't imagine what it's like for you...the way you described it is nothing like I've heard before. And you're not insane, it sounds like a mental illness. Go get some help love <3 good luck
186 likesReplies (22)
Ahhh don't try to imagine it too much. Thank you for having an open mind about it all! Be haps <3
50 likes+doddlevloggle I feel the same which is probably bad as I'm only 14 but I know that you can't help it and neither can I but I can't get help as my parents will think I'm making it up and I don't want them to worry about me. Do you have any advice?
0 likes+Heart Eyes Howell I know I'm not Dodie, but I went through a similar thing earlier this year. I wrote a letter to my parents, telling them everything that had been going on, but they took me to the doctors and I got diagnosed with depression and anxiety, then referred to a psychiatrist. I'm now having therapy, and telling my parents that way was the best thing for me. I had kept it secret for about 6 months, although I had been feeling that way for years before. Just tell your parents, because they may take a while to figure it out, but they just want to help you.
1 like+Cicely Thomas ok thank you so much
0 likes+Heart Eyes Howell I just hope it helps you in some way to get whatever help you need. Get better as soon as you can sweetheart x
1 likeShe clearly doesn't have depression. I would say low mood at best. A truly depressed person sees no better future and has no hope, no motivation to do the things they used to love. No motivation to be them anymore. If she had depression she wouldn't even get out of bed to make videos but she's active as all hell. She also has no idea about what having anxiety is like, it's literally like I cannot relax, in always on edge, I have zero appetite(lost 20 pounds in 2 Months) and I get panic attacks randomly(key word). Normal people get anxiety for a reason but for a depressed person they often have it all the time for no reason. You people haven't got a clue. Yes I'm diagnosed yes I got put in the hospital against my will on suicide watch because My plan to kill myself was found our and yes I know she doesn't have what I do.
1 like+cary watts you cant tell someone what theyre feeling
8 likes+cary watts I don't think you should assume what she is or isn't suffering with. Just because she seems happy doesn't mean she really is. I don't know what she's feeling but you shouldn't assume things.
7 likes+cary watts different people experience different mental health issues differently. While I'm deeply sorry you're going through that, Dodie may be experiencing a less severe type of depression, or it may affect her differently than it does to you.
7 likes+Cicely Thomas it's low mood at worst. A truly depressed person will never be able to think of a brighter future. It's no wonder she wasn't diagnosed.
1 like+Music Madness we a psychiatrist agrees with me and I see people every day who struggle with real depression and this video just seems like someone who wants to be fucking depressed because she hasn't got a clue what it's really like and as every psychiatrist will say depression always manifests itself in the same ways. That's why treatment is generic not personalized. You would know if you've ever been to rehab.
1 likesame basic ways. Small differences sure.
0 likes+Anessa Garcia a psychiatrist can and the psychiatrist agrees with me. Any person with diagnosed depression would know that she doesn't have it. She hasn't go a clue.
0 likes+cary watts I haven't been diagnosed but I personally don't think it's fair to say she wasn't depressed only she knows what she is really thinking and this is her coping mechanism to make videos and that doesn't mean she isn't depressed it means she has something that she can say how she really feels to which sometimes you can't do with a psychiatrist
1 like+cary watts I have been diagnosed with depression, I see a psychiatrist, I see a therapist every week. I have friends who are doing the same thing, and it affects us all differently.
2 likesDepression, anxiety, depersonalization, suicidal thoughts and inclinations, and all other mental illnesses occur differently and uniquely in each and every individual. Some people, like me, are functional depressives. I was diagnosed with MDD nearly two years ago now, after severe panic attacks and having made multiple attempts to self-harm. But I can walk around, can live my life. I wake up some mornings fresh-faced and bright-eyed, happy with the world, ready to take on the day. Other days I wake up and I stare at the walls for hours, unfeeling, miserable and empty and alone. Still others, I get up and walk around but I couldn't tell you jack shit about where I was or what I was doing. Some days I feel like my skin is on fire and I can't breathe. Some days I have a mixture of all these things, and honestly, those are kind of the worst.
9 likesBut I do so much, you wouldn't think it was as severe as it is. I run two school clubs, I act, I dance, I play guitar, I run a D&D game and draw a lot. I have an interest in photography and photo editing, I do yoga when the mood takes me. And yet, so many of those things drain me. I can't be around people for so much of the time because if I'm in close quarters with others for more than six hour periods I get irritable and upset and start to panic.
Your anxiety and depression are far more severe than mine because you do not function in depressive states. You cease to exist, in some ways, because your body and your mind are so overwhelmed by stress that you don't know how to handle it.
What you describe is depression that has not been coped with. You are still far, far down in the pits of it, and your recovery is a slow crawl. Not everyone experiences it like that.
Moreover - you are not a psychiatrist, nor a therapist. You are not a medical professional, and you can't make that call no matter how intimately you know the process. Your experience with mental illness is not universal, and your experience is not the standard for diagnosis. Just because someone has Stage 4 lung cancer doesn't mean that someone who has Stage 2 lung cancer doesn't have lung cancer at all.
I sincerely hope that your recovery is unimpeded, and that one day, you can find the will to live again. I know it's difficult. I do not know your experience, but I have a friend with an experience similar to yours. He lived off of hard drugs and self harm for nearly fifteen years, and he was admitted into a mental hospital in his late teens for rehabilitation from suicidal tendencies and heroin and cocaine addiction. His longest running streak without a suicide attempt is two years, and that's the last two years, with multiple near misses. It is incredibly hard to live through all that and come out the other side hopeful and willing to go on. But it's possible. And the experience changes you, makes you see things differently. Makes you feel things differently.
Do not invalidate someone for being different. It's an experience you're all too familiar with, I'll bet, and telling someone that they aren't unhappy only replicates your misery in them.
+cary watts What a ridiculous thing to say. How do you know this isn't the first time she's even out of bed in weeks? But I don't think you have to stay in bed to have depression, it's different for everyone. The last thing she needs (or anyone) is to be doubted and dismissed when feeling this way.
1 like+cary watts I'm not one to comment too often on here, and there certainly are some clear refutations of what you're saying, but I do want to add my dissent to your comment as well. I am diagnosed with depression, I see a psychiatrist, and some of what Dodie resonates very strongly with me. It certainly seems to me she's depressed. Granted I'm no psychiatrist, and I suspect neither are you, so our opinions to her state are moot. And maybe she's not being clear enough or communicating all of her symptoms so that it doesn't seem to you like she's depressed, but if she's down and struggling with life, regardless of the severity, she needs support not criticism.
1 likeI am sorry that you are struggling with depression, and I hope you can overcome it. And I'm thankful that Dodie, you and others are sharing your story because it is nice (well, maybe not nice, but comforting in some weird way), that I am not alone in my struggle. I can make it to work every day, but food (which is one of my few pleasures in life) has started to taste like ashes, and I have a date set for my closing bow (I'm talking to my therapist, maybe it will change). I'm trying to fight it, but it is hard. So again, thank you Dodie and everyone else for sharing, good luck. I think I'll go watch Sick of Losing Soulmates again...
+cary watts that's ridiculous to say because you don't know how her anxiety is because she didn't tell you. Or how her depression feels. You're wrong. Depression isn't only wanting to die and hating your life. Depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain. There's also different levels of depression. MDD: Major depression disorder. Which is quite close to what you were describing. She didn't tell you what she has and to its extent. Dude, you're talking out of your ass mate.
0 likes+cary watts it isn't a competition? What you're going through is horrible, and I'm sorry, but you cannot tell someone how they feel. You cannot pull the 'I have it worst than you do your problems are invalid!' Card. That is not how it works. How fucking dare someone with a mental illness, someone who knows what it's like to have your brain not function, tell another person that they're faking it?
1 likeMy cousin has been diagnosed with depression. Everyday is a struggle for her and she's been to the hospital numerous times due to suicide, but nevertheless she can still sing, do her gymnastics, create costumes for plays and she can talk to her friends + family. She gives the greatest advice and tries to make anyone she loves feel needed and happy.
1 likeDepression is different for everyone. Just because you and some other people feel this way about your depression does not mean that every single human being on the planet that has been diagnosed (or not) with depression feels this way. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this hell of "there is no good future for me. I'm hopeless" (i used to think that way as well) but I don't think ti's anyones place (besides a doctor maybe) to say that someone who feels depressed does not know what is like and just feels down because they don't know what's going on. Sure she isn't diagnosed but she clearly feels some kind of depression. She's talked about her feeling depressed for ages
+cary watts can I say, I really hope you are better & that you're staying strong :) however can I also say that I've also tried to kill myself before and have a diagnosed depressive disorder but I still pull myself out of bed everyday out of fear of failing school, and it's like I put on a costume when I'm at school, I'm completely different and act loud and bubbly but at home I cry all evening and can't sleep, and would stress vomit etc etc. The point is ppl experience mental illness differently, you me and Dodie may all have depression but people react differently to it.
2 likesThank you for this video 💓
0 likescan you give us an update as to how you are doing today? In regards of dp/dr
55 likesGoing to the bathroom feels safer because I am not in the tub but bathing, washing my hair and showering I have to really try to keep calm.
1 likelast time I went to a doctor I expressed my worry that I wasn't going to be able to get better because I feel like if it was up to me I wouldn't be able to change anything. She told me I was right and that I shouldn't waist her time because there was a waiting list of people she could actually be helping...
0 likesI felt like this for a while. I just felt disconnected and cloudy, like I was a ghost and it worried me for ages. It didn't help that my anxiety was really bad because I was going through health problems. Even now when ever I have something important to do or I'm having a bad day I can just sit there for hours because they day didn't feel real. I'm on a waiting list for therapy but I'm scared because I've had therapy before and didn't like it.
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Best of luck to you, I hope you feel real and rooted in reality again. I'm rooting for you xxx
2 likesThis is me too, i feel like im dreaming and nothing feels real. The only way im able to move on is to just think that even if this all a dream or feels fake, i can still make the best of it and try to have fun in this weird reality.
2 likes+Ben Griffiths yeah go for it. Do you have Instagram? I find it easer to message over that. My name on it is the_detective_from_gallifrey.
0 likesI went to three different therapists before I found one I could trust so not liking it the first time isn't unusual. It's really scary, but I'm sure u'll find a method of therapy that works for u xx
0 likes+Sian C thanks. The one I went to before wasn't too bad but it's opening up that's difficult and nothing worked. Talking and breathing exercises to 'calm' me don't work.
0 likesI know what u mean... What I'm doing is experiential therapy (which I hadn't even heard of before) and it's worked way more than just talk therapy and all. I really hope u find the method that works for u.
0 likes+Sian C I hope so too, thank you x
0 likesIt's odd to me that people never had felt this. I though this was normal. To have days and months where things don't fit right. I've never talked to anyone about to happening to me for that reason. I guess I always waited things out until I shrunk back into the world or it stretched back around me. Thank you, next time I feel off like this I'll look around for a reason and a cure
0 likesWhen she almost cried and her voice was shaking I could feel my heart physically break oh my godd
1 likea problem i have is that everytime i start thinking about mental illness and i wonder "do i feel like this?" i have no idea of how i feel. it's like "i might feel like this but what if its just a normal amount?" like, i know there is an amount thats not healthy but everyone feels down sometimes, right? i cant exactly tell where it starts becoming unhealthy and i have no idea what's going on.
1 likedoes that mean that even if my down days are really bad i'm okay or does this mean the exact opposite of that?
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because in her other video she said she said its really clear when shes depressed but i just d o n t k n o w
0 likes4:11 I always want to get into my parents bed and talk to them and just pour everything out but i can never do it. i want to tell them that i want to see a therapist but i can't bring myself to say it.
1 likeholy shit holy shit holy shit this is making me feel so flipping sad because I relate to most of this and I don't know what is wrong with me half the time and I don't know why i have these messed up thoughts flying around in my mind or why I just break down and cry a lot of the time and I wonder what the fuck is wrong with me because of all of that. I'm 16. I have visited the school counsellor in the past, I was referred to the doctor but didn't go to the counselling sessions they planned for me. I went to the doctor asking to be referred again recently because I feel like I really need it by I couldn't explain how I was feeling because I don't know how I am feeling. it's like I'm feeling sad and angry and twisted and all those feelings are so heavy inside me but at the same time I don't feel anything. but I couldn't word that and the doctor said she'd see what she could do but I could see how was looking at me like I was crazy and a waste of time and making it up, and I haven't heard anything back from the doctors since I went in like march.
57 likesthis is so long I'm sorry but I haven't written/said this properly I don't think so thank you.
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+
0 likesYou're definitely not a waste of time, and the things you're feeling are valid. It's really cool that you recognised something was wrong and tried to get help, doctors can be shitty and I'm so sorry yours didn't take the proper action. Like Dodie says, it might be important to keep trying until you can speak to a counsellor. Even if you don't know what's wrong, I've found it can be really helpful to speak to them and they can help you put into words how you're feeling, in a way you didn't even know was possible!
0 likesMainly, I want you to know that there's nothing 'wrong' with you and things definitely can get better, you can do this :)
@sunshinejessie thank you, my mum doesn't really get it either though, and I can't talk to her about it so I'm scared of going to the doctors again
0 likesHmm, that's really tough. Is it possible for you to go to the doctors without telling your mum? Perhaps you could take a friend with you for support.
0 likesThe other thing you might be able to try is I know that some places have self-referral counselling centers, so you wouldn't need to go via a doctor first. It could be worth looking up if your town/city etc. has anything like that?
I find the hard thing with feelings is that words can't always describe them and that finding other outlets (creative) can help you put them in a form to explain to others and to help you better comprehend. I hope that makes sense.
0 likes@katiee1eighty - I wouldn't know how to explain it creatively either though. Just a big mess on a page.
1 like@sunshinejessie yes I probably could, but I still wouldn't know how to explain it any differently. And because of where I live I wouldn't be able to easily accessible anywhere like those self referral places, but thank you so much for your help!
0 likesThe more my life goes on the more I find out about the people in my life's depression. More and more people around me get depressed. Leaving me feeling like I'm responsible to make them feel better and to lift them up. But how do you lift someone out of the hole of depression and anxiety when your already falling in it yourself? I feel like they're... influencing me even though they don't mean to. That's when you stop taking care of yourself. The other day I cried. Not for myself but for my friend with depression.
0 likesNow I'm lost.
Useful upload. . In life there are only 2 problems—mind and the body. To feel better reduce negative thoughts and overthinking. Your breathing is closely related to the brain [mind] and gives good relief from stress-anxiety. To relax sit on a chair or lie down, neck straight, eyes closed and observe the sensations of your incoming-
1 likeoutgoing breath at the entrance of the nostrils for 5-10-15 minutes or more. Don’t fight your thoughts. With daily practice the mind will relax. No deep breathing needed. Observe your breath sensations when you experience multiple thoughts anywhere-anytime-before sleep, in college, before sleep, in the kitchen, when reading, etc. Like me, make this a lifetime daily habit to have a better life. Reduce negative social media, take morning sunlight walks and avoid constipation as it affects the mind instantly. Best wishes--Counsellor.Dodie did your eyesight improve at all after treatment. I watches your video on BBC radio 5 and literally have the same shit with my eyes (can't keep them open like looking through a marble). Does the transcranial shizzle work in your case?
0 likesI don't think I've ever related to a video more... I've got Depression and an Anxiety Disorder. Before I was Diagnosed, I would try and put a name to it too, as it made me feel a little more... sane?
0 likesNow I know why dodie loves the quote "A bit of madness is key"
0 likesI don't feel numb, I feel hollow. Like I'm inside a shell. I have a therapist, she helps me with my anxiety. I haven't brought this up. I don't want to acknowledge that something is wrong all though I just have. I see her again next week, I will tell her. I'm making a promise here. I won't break it
1 likeWow, so sorry you've experienced this but well done for trying to be positive and making an effort to move forward. This video made me feel less crazy because I literally have all the same symptoms as you. I feel drunk constantly and scared to even look at anything. I have to keep closing my eyes cos everything looks so trippy and messed up. I've actually been off work for 2 months and will probably lose my dream job because of it. It was two years ago now so did you get over it and if so how? I'd love to know! Thanks x
0 likesRant time! I'm 14. I attempted suicide once and almost did it another time. Both of these happened in 8th grade. I constantly go through mood swings and don't know where my mind is. I've always been told how to be and I just don't want to. Im bisexual and non binary and I've only told 2 people. Im scared and confident and I'm going through one big panic attack. The music I'm listening to isn't keeping me alive anymore and I'm drifting away into my abyss and my best friend doesn't have her phone so I can't text her when I'm feeling depressed and I'm always depressed and I'm angry that I only lean on her and I'm trying to be better and refrain from making her sad. I'm sorry everyone. You won't miss me. Good bye. Thank you for your time, but move on. I'll be with you, but you need to realise that I've been dead inside for years. I'll miss my friends, but I'll see them in time
0 likesOkay so
22 likes1) thank you so much for making this video because I generally feel horrendous and bad and it's kinda like "oh, I'm gonna see my best friends! Why am I not really really excited that I'm going to get to see my best friends?" And then I feel really bad for not feeling happy and it's just really sad and just no like just why am I like this I'm so awful and I hate myself wow
And
2) I really hope you feel better even though that's a really weird thing to say because you can't just feel better but I just hope that you eventually feel okay xx
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1 likeI know exactly what you mean. I went to a concert last year to see my favourite band- I was lucky enough to get a ticket (they sold out in 40 seconds flat) and I wasn't at all excited for it. I kept telling myself "oh, you'll get more excited as the date gets closer don't worry" and it got to a stage where I was in the line outside of the venue and I still wasn't even a little bit excited about it. It took me until they were about two songs into the show for me to actually enjoy it and have even a little bit of fun- to be honest, once that happened I had this incredible feeling of freedom that was like nothing I've ever experienced before in my entire life. Now as I'm writing this I can't remember what happened. I don't feel any excitement about the fact that I went there, and the only way I think I can get that wonderfully free, euphoric feeling back is to go to another one of their concerts. Hell, I have a ticket for their next concert in my area and the whole situation is repeating itself. I'm not excited at all. Not even a little bit. I'm just really hoping that feeling comes back- I've been pretty heavily depressed for almost five years now (that and a shitpile of other mental illnesses and symptoms and whatnot) and the way I felt that night was the best feeling I've ever had- in fact I think it's the only time I've ever felt truly happy since I was a hell of a lot younger.
0 likesWhenever I sort of re-realise that I'm not looking forward to it, I feel like crap because I know just how lucky I am to have been able to see my favourite band even once, let alone twice; and because I know I should be happy and it feels kinda stupid when everyone else around you is more happy for you than you are for yourself.
I have exactly this.. buddy, I am so gone that I cannot even take a full breath in.. I feel super spaced out when someone is talking to me or especially when I'm talking to them. Every day is a struggle... I dont want to get up in the morning, walking is scary on its own.. I wish I can just wake up one day and this just be over. Also my memory is awful... awful awful
1 likeHonestly I'm so lucky my mother is a licenced social worker because my problems with mental health would exponentially worsen without her. I love having support.
0 likesThis video makes me so sad because I'm 17 now, and I have really really bad derealization most of the time. When I'm at my home relaxing with my family it's usually gone, and it scares me because I know that I'll start to dissociate more and more once I move out and my brain has more to stress about. Once I go full-time at my job or go to college or join the military. I'm scared of not feeling like I really exist anymore, and I'm terrified that there will be no solution and as long as there is stress, I won't feel like anything is real. I'm scared of not feeling present during important times in my life. I'm scared of forgetting something important during my dissociation and accidently getting myself or someone else hurt. I'm scared of life not being vivid anymore.
0 likesTo this day I still feel this way
0 likesFirst of all, I admire you for the bravery to not only explore these feeling to "figure it out" and to "cure" it and to also share it. It takes a lot of courage and strength.
8 likesSecond, you are not crazy. The organ in your head is too complex for something to not go a little askew. It's okay.
And third, THANK YOU for sharing. For about 4 years, I've been trying to delve into and understand my mentality and recently before this video, I realized that the experience of depersonalization really fits what I'm going through. And so now I know that you, someone I Do look up to (but not put on a pedestal), experiences a similar thing. And I feel not so alone.
We've got this, Dods. I know we can do this.
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Something I want to add to the second part is: You should not feel ashamed of your mental state. It's okay and there's not something wrong with you.
5 likes++++
0 likesThis might sound weird but depersonalization sounds like a blessing. I have depression and anxiety and im always trying to find a way out of this reality, but even weed doesnt help me anymore. I just want to be somewhere else.
0 likesI can relate to obsessive mind patterns that become all-consuming :c
0 likesI have been diagnosed with anxiety since I was 7 and depression since I was 8 this all was because of people in my family and now that I'm a little older and my mom has done all see can I am finally doing better. for the past year I was feeling as though I was not me but I was me I looked in the mirror it was me but I didn't like anything the 'other' me liked. I am now doing so much better and an now actually genuinely happy!
0 likesI intro reminds me of the texts I sent to my mom when I was depersonalizing and I told her I wasn't me and someone else was in my body and she thought i was schizophrenic turns out I was just depersonalizing and manic
0 likeshey dodie i love you. everything will be okay. i promise.
8 likesthe part where she says she used to believe that if she got dementia she would just fight it but how can you fight it when the it is the thing you're using to fight with.
2 likeswow.
Goodness. I can relate to this completely. Wow.
0 likesYes me too the past few months my anxiety has been really high and now I'm in two deep personalization feeling exactly what the young lady said in her video I personally am going through literally a weird scary dream I weather feel straight anxiety then this deep personalization it's like what I try to talk I can't talk I have the weirdest dreams if I sleep I'm just getting tired of this does anybody have any tricks that I can do to step out of this please
0 likesI watched this video when you posted it and I felt so sorry for you but didn't quite understand the panic and fear and general feelings you described- a year later this video scarily describes how I'm feeling and the way you're behaving and saying how others must think gives me chills as even just today my mum said similar things to me and and a week or two ago I was in an even worse place than I am now (good to know I'm not alone or crazy or hopeless or all of the above though)
0 likesBro the whole everything being bright thing is so annoying to me with depersonalization. I wear sunglasses all the time now lol. Edit: since it’s been 5 years have you gotten over depersonalization?
0 likesI’m not diagnosed with anything as far as I know but I have talked to a therapist and it did help but I feel as though I may have derealisation. I get this feeling that lights are too bright, or that I’m not real, bit like a movie at points, bouts of panic or a feeling that someone is waking me up from a dream but I’m still in the dream? I also struggle with some awful intrusive thoughts sometimes that can be triggered very easy and it’s just very frustrating now. I have gotten better but I struggle a lot at school especially in school assemblies, which make me panic a lot. I have a fear of fainting since I’ve fainted a few times before and it really scared me for a long time.
1 likeBut hey. At least I have mostly accepted these moments of panic, I’m learning to fully ignore intrusive thoughts.
It almost makes me feel a bit brave or proud that I’ve powered through it and that I have knowledge about anxiety and the ability to help others understand what it is 🤷♀️
I am trying to learn how to cope and I’m glad that my anxiety isn’t as bad as it used to be 🙂
so like....i've always had random flashes of derealization, my whole life, as any normal person. But lately I've come out of a reaaaaaally long period of deep unhappiness, only to have it replaced by derealization. It's not random flashes anymore, though. It's been going on for the past few weeks nonstop. yay. I am going through stress, but no more than I usually have anyway. I really don't understand why I have it. I don't have anxiety either. I just don't know. I suppose it started around the time I got into studying Mormonism and questioning purpose, life, and existence from that standpoint. Everything felt like it was clicking into place and making sense. But ever since such a deep mental growth, it's as if my brain couldn't handle the magnitude of it and is half-asleep/dreaming constantly.
0 likesStill beautiful, you can fight mental illness but you need a very, very strong amount of willpower, you need to find out what you have as soon as possible and get help as soon as possible, you gave very good advice, regardless of how you got it, if you can fight it or not get medical help.
0 likes(Continuing) loved making people laugh, I was sad and gloomy all the time. I acted like everything was fine when it really wasn't. Finally my parents took me to a teenage phycologist and she made me tell her everything. From why I thought I was feeling this way, to what I hated about myself. But anyway, I'm better. And I don't want anyone commenting, "Oh my god she's just looking for attention" I'm not doing this for attention, I'm doing this so Dodie and other people who read this know they are not alone. So stay strong Dodie 💖💖💖
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I'm the same but I've only just started seeing a councillor, hope you're happy now
0 likesThanks xx
0 likesThanks xx
0 likes5:23 this is how I felt aswell , and the thing about not looking for it , I tried to tell my mother and that's what she said I was doing . Today though cause of these videos I'm going to try and talk to her again , now that I now I'm not alone in this , thx <3.
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Nevermind I'm telling her now , she came in and saw me crying and said that later if I'm ready to to tell her I should text her so I'm gonna mentally prepare myself.
0 likesSo I'm back I did speak to her yesterday she said she would book an appointment and got straight of the topic and didn't even try to talk or ask me about it. I'm probably never gonna get that appointment .
0 likesI get depersonalization constantly. It's odd... usually it hangs in the back of my mind, the idea of "but this isn't real, right? you're not controlling yourself?" If I see my shadow or reflection, it ups rapidly, like I was shoved out of my own body and couldn't come back. If I see myself or lose my inner monologue, my own personal narrator, I can't be myself until I gain my inner voice again. In radio, they call silence "dead air." That's exactly what it feels like. A pause in the constant rush, the constant speed of my own over-thinking.
0 likesIt's odd... I've gotten so used to my own anxiety that a lack of it is disorienting to me.
To anyone else struggling with any kind of mental health issues in any way, please please please open up. Open up to a friend, a family member or a professional, preferably all 3.
0 likesMental health is never the same as what people might consider to be a "physical" injury. Two people suffering from the "same" thing will have very different experiences and therefore should have personalised healing plans which are tailored to them as a unique individual.
To anybody who has a loved one who has opened up, all I can say from my experience is: Sometimes it's very difficult and virtually impossible to understand what another person is going through, for me it was more than enough just to know somebody cares.
To anybody who has walked, or is still walking this road and has opened up, please be here for those who are maybe fearful of doing the same 👍
ive been listening to your videos on auto play for a good hour and a half now and this one popped up and god, im not one to cry (says the kid who full on had a breakdown today in front of my own family) but i started crying a little when you mentioned asking for help and not denying what you have. there have been so many times ive pushed my problems down and beaten myself up because the thought that 'my problems arn't significant' have come to my mind. that these unexplained fears and feelings that spring up on a daily basis dont matter because there are so many other things going on in the world and that no one has time for me and my problems. (which my wonderful significant other has taught me other wise, bless them) i lost my train of thought, but id like to say that after twoish years of having something wrong with my brain, ive finally told my parents that i wanna get things checked out and get medication and finally feel safe and ok for once. and im gonna try my hardest to actually feel the most ok i have ever, weather it be with medication, therapy, or other forms of help. and on a side note, thank you so much dodie. for existing and being alive and talking about your feelings and making videos and all that good stuff that we all enjoy. i really hope youre having a good day/night/evening today and that youre feeling better then when you made this video. i honestly love you so much and im excited for your new ep (in 1 day !!! aaa !!!) thats comin out !! okok im done here bye <3
0 likesi feel the same, i obsess over the past. i have a lifetime of regret and its just a vicious cycle
0 likesshame poor thing
0 likesyour vlog is amazing i hope you know--you are a light and im so glad to have seen your work
Watching dodie nearly crying is actually the hardest thing ever
0 likesI took acid once and smoked weed with it. I was suddenly hit with what I can only describe as a wave of derealisation/depersonalisation and it was fucking terrifying. My friend thought I was joking at first but things took such a severe turn when I grabbed her hand and said help me over and over again. It was probably a bad trip triggered by anxiety and the drug combo. But for about 6 hours, my thoughts felt like sand slipping through my fingers, like I nothing was normal and it would never be again. The feeling kept triggering worse anxiety. The problem with mental health disorders is that they’re very cyclical. They’re self-propagating. So the only way out is through baby steps; slowly making the cycle go from clockwise to anti-clockwise. What you said about “just acting normal” was the conclusion I best came to in my weird little episode. Because people will treat you as such, and you’ll start responding genuinely normally. 😊
0 likesOml when Dodie wanted to cry she made me cry too... <3
0 likesone of my best friends is going through all three of these at once and it breaks my heart. this breaks my heart even more.
0 likeswelp dodie im like you, in a world where im alone yet everyone is around me.
0 likesI've gotten depersonalization before, it's the scariest thing, it's like you're dead, a ghost, or just aren't in your body, and everything and everyone seems so fake it's like you're watching yourself and just so freaking scary I also usually get really nauseous and anxious as hell
0 likesI related to everything you said... I know I have extreme anxiety, and I have been diagnosed with depression, but I'm scared...
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Really sorry to hear that. I get sooo depressed when I'm alone for too long. And I just can't stand it.
2 likesSee, I've been alone for over a month. Though I'm introverted, being with my friends helps me not think about my depression and I don't have anxiety attacks when I am around them. Being alone for so long, I've started thinking about how scary growing up is, and how I should just be able to ignore my feelings so I don't burden anyone else around me... This video was wonderful because for two weeks, I have been telling myself that I'm going mad, and I related to everything
5 likesI hope that you get better soon. Keep on fighting ❤
1 likeHello. :) I have anxiety and depression as well and I just wanted you to know that it can get better. I'm on the mend after a pretty rough time in my life. Just keep on trying and get help where possible. If you need anything I'm sure this community will be here to support you. It does get better okay? Try not to be too scared. <3
1 likei just want to cry. for you dodie seeing my self in your vid. it breaks my heart . the feeling of anxiety hope your ok now . god bless
0 likesI've felt like this so many times, it's horrible!! You described it sooo well in your texts to people. That mad feeling is awful!! So frightening and disorienting!!!
0 likesDodie why haven’t I seen your videos sooner. I feel this so hard I started crying. Thank you for making this video. I always feel so alone bc it feels like no one else can feel what I feel when I get “too in my head” I call it. So this makes me feel better. Thank you, thank you!
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I hate depersonalizing. I once felt it for an entire week (bc mines just an extension of my social anxiety) and that was the longest I’ve had it, I think. It was terrifying. I was so scared that I’d never fully come back. Bc when I depersonalize it can last as short as a couple minutes. The hyper awareness and lack of control I feel is scary.
0 likesBut yeah, thank you again dodie!
POV: ur scrolling through the comments crying in happiness understanding your normal 😂
1 likeI’m 13 next month and I’ve had this for over a year and guys trust me the only way to get rid of it is not care about it like legit forget about it I’ve started doing that and it’s going slowly like you are real your not dreaming and you are ok trust me if you wanna talk that’s fine just reply to this and go ahead 👍
for the past year I've not felt what is deemed "normal" I've felt sad for such a long time and I was so nervous to tell my mom that I needed to talk to someone, who wasn't her. So now we are trying to find a good therapist for me and I'm excited and nervous to tell someone whats been going on in my life. I absolutely love you Dodie and I hope that you get a great therapist💙
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0 likesI'm coming back to this video, my face covered in tears and in great need of a tissue. I'm trying to cry silently so I won't wake up my mom sleeping in the room next to me. I commented on this video a long time ago saying I was getting better, but I haven't, I get worse everyday. I have no one I can talk to. It's not that I don't have friends, i just don't have good friends, and I feel so alone. It feels like no one cares, and they probably would if I just asked them for help, but I don't know how. I'm scared they'll say I'm just going through an emo phase, or I'm just a kid who had nothing to be depressed about. I'm scared they'll say I'm doing it for attention. I don't want attention at all, I just want to talk to someone I can trust and won't judge me. I feel so hopeless, and it feels like I'm always dreaming. My family says I'm just lazy, but I have no motivation to do anything. My teachers tell me I have potential to make a good future for myself, but I don't give a shit, I just want to curl up in a tiny ball and disappear. I just feel so lonely. My eyes burn from crying and wiping and crying again. I want it to stop, but it won't and I'm just so scared I'll do something stupid. I don't want to hurt myself, but I don't think I'm stable enough to stop myself if I start. I always try to tell people it will get better, but it's only half-assed because I don't feel like I'm ever going to get better. I just needed to get all of this out somehow, even if it was a YouTube comment that no one will read. Yet I still feel just as bad, and hopeless, and scared. I wish it would stop.
0 likesOne of the hardest things about derealisation for me is that I try so hard to convince myself that this is all real and normal and fine but even the reality is strange! We're literally on a sphere of rock floating in nothingness, I don't understand what space is, I don't get what humans actually are, why we're here..... ugh. Have to find a way to be comfortable with uncertainty.
0 likesI’ve been derealised like chronically since I was about 6 years old , I’m fifteen now and way too scared to tell anyone . I told one of my old friends but he didn’t understand and now we’re not friends and he’s like forgotten about it . I really am sick of this limbo feeling and it’s horrible watching my life without being able to experience it . I’ve also been self harming on and off since I was about 11 or twelve , and am now self harming regularly because I am of course depressed like many people at school . How can I get help and feel normal without telling my family ? My family has had a lot of mental health issues and isn’t exactly going to welcome even more with open arms .
0 likesHello I'm Grace. And I have to say some things. Oh Dodie you are the world's brightest charm even on days that aren't bright. I am not diagnosed with any disorders, however, I may want to consider seeing a therapist or counselor of the sort because I do have mental stress like everyone faces at some point as well as some things that may be considered fitting to a mental disorder. Nowadays, glorification of mental disorders have lead my past self to believe that self diagnosis was "cool" or "edgy" or whatever. I would speak to my friend who has real depression and anxiety in technical terms, making me seem like someone who shared these struggles when I am not anywhere near the level of pain she has gone through. I feel guilty about it. It's in the past of course. There was no hatred or anything and she is still my friend and she didn't think much of it, but even being the offender, I am offended by past me. I am disgusted nowadays to see merchandise glorifying depression, anxiety, social anxiety, etc. This is indeed a problem. When young people are introduced to the ideas that mental disorders are something to flaunt and wear like a badge in the attempts to be "relatable", is horrific. The reality is that I do have mild anxiety every once and a while, and it's not even fun to have moderate anxiety. Also, as many people do, I could feel depressed or angry on a certain day and while I don't have the real disorder, people still feel these ways. I couldn't imagine what it would be like to live with severe anxiety or depression every single day. To everyone who faces struggles that are moderate, and to those who face hell every single day, you are loved. I love you, Dodie loves you, and millions of people are on your side. (Like Nationwide lol im sorry i had to.) Don't you ever forget how genuinely beautiful you are. I know it's incredibly difficult to trust an online stranger, but we are all no strangers to hard times. If you read this far, then shoot you loyal. If you didn't I don't blame you. But I just had to say my thoughts which is something we are all privileged with. Dodie's channel is safe and loving and caring. Thank you Dodie and thank you to every beautiful person reading this. Stay strong friends. ❤️
0 likesThe problem with going to a therapist is that it's so expensive and at the moment, I cannot afford it. I have to save up my money and then I can go. I had some unexpected large costs a few months that kinda threw me under. Gotta build that back up.
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amsaric oh no! I'm so sorry for you :(
2 likes@Marlene Kostka Thanks, sweetie! I'll be okay, though. I'm working on other ways to improve myself. It's tough. It's so fucking tough, but I'm pushing to get through.
2 likeshey! just remember that therapists are just people with a fancy certificate, and I know that sounds a bit harsh but I found that a therapist didn't help me at all. It was almost as if it was a waste of money, what really helped me was a friend I met via the internet, they were a way better help than a therapist maybe because they completely understood everything that I had gone through and I could relate to them a whole lot more. Just always try to remember that you shouldn't have to pay money to feel happy, there is always someone that will listen and understand you. :)))
1 like@Renee Campbell Thanks. However, I don't need someone to listen. I have friends for that. I need professional help. And I have gone to therapy sessions with therapists I didn't get along with. Not every therapist is the right fit... I might have found another one though so fingers crossed. She's younger but I loved her lectures and we starting chatting on facebook so we'll see. :)
7 likes+amsaric That's wonderful news! I wish you lots of luck with the younger lady. :)
2 likesamsaric search for a therapist who does EDMR therapy if you depersonalization is caused by trauma's. It really helps.
1 likeWhen she started not to cry that's when I really started relating to her. This all pertains to me except I have more derealization...
0 likes100% relate. Have you found any help yet?
0 likesHow many years have you had dp? For me it’s been five. I only experience both at the same time if I’m panicking I think
0 likesI am 49 and going through my second bout with severe derealization. It is not pretty.
1 likeDepersonalization is SCARY. Mine started recently. (at least to the point where i noticed because I've always felt like i was not in my body... That my body wasn't mine). Ive been feeling numb and as if I am physically floating within my "body" for months now. When ever i have panic attacks it gets BAD!!!!! I get nauseous and really dizzy because "I'm floating within myself" Anyways I've found that if I try focus on the real world and try to focus on feeling the world it kinda tones down the symptoms.
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+Arie Marcucci :( <3
17 likesOmg it's so terrifying, I relate to dodie saying she felt drunk because mine started after a night drinking and through i was just still drunk but it continued for two weeks.
4 likes+Simon Kenrick +
0 likes100% me
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0 likesIts so horrible..Honestly when this happend to me i was just looking at myself in the mirror and i was just like "this doesnt feel like me, this person looks like a stranger" And i broke down in tears still looking at myself, and oh god that made it worse. I felt so alone and unimportant and alone. Idk why but its probably the worst feeling ever
3 likesyou
0 likesyou are getting there once you realise what is going on you are half way there keep on going
0 likesI got my symptoms two months ago and I haven't felt the same since
0 likes+Aaron Mcclung Awakend mind ???
0 likesI've felt like this for about half a year, I never realized that what I was doing/having was we depersonalization....
0 likes@Lydia Highfield same. sometimes when I'm eating i can't feel the texture of things in my mouth but i recognize the taste so i know what it is but i can't feel it. its really weird. After I started becoming comfortable(????) with it... i releaized i wasn't i afraid of certain things anymore. like heights. i used to be TERRIFIED of heights. now its what ever.
0 likesthis whole experience made me more spiritual to some extent. i am not as connected to material things anymore. mostly because i can't feel them (LMAO).
it truly is. i feel like.... you know those underwater pictures where there is a diver in the distance and all you see is the ocean and a spec for the diver. if that could be translated into a feeling that is how i feel. like I'm alone in the ocean and i see the shore but it seems like ill never reach it... And i've been in the water for so long that I may or might not know what being dry and non shriveled is like. being on shore would probably feel heavy anyways.
0 likes+Arie Marcucci Wow, never have I ever seen it put into words so accurately...
1 likewhen dodie's eyes got wet and her voice started to crack a little bit made me feel so sad??? like, i emphatize too much and this just broke my heart in half
0 likesSometimes I get good episodes of depersonalization like listening to good music and looking out a car window is so much more enjoyable when I am in a depersonalization state. However, if I'm depressed and depersonalizing it's like I'm locked out of my own body. No emotions, I don't want to move, and it's like I'm alive but not living.
0 likes4:16 I almost fully broke down awh dodie i hope life gets less crappy :/
0 likesThis is all im feeling. I thought no one would understand... I want to hug you ❤
0 likesYou're probably not going to see this but if any of you also deal with this and there are times when it's REALLY bad, please do this:
9 likes-Name 5 things you can see
-Name 4 things you can feel
-Name 3 things you can hear
-Name 2 things you can smell
-Name 1 thing you are ABSOLUTELY sure of.
I hope I helped atleast one person with this. <333
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+here for the comments +
1 likei just finished this lol. thank you so much it really helped me :)
0 likes+doddlevloggle you helped me, any help you need there are many people here for you
0 likesI love you Dodie❤️
0 likesToday I told my little brother I was depressed. As I expected he asked me why I was sad but I said "no, depression, as in the mental disorder." He looked me in the eye and said "depression isn't a mental disorder." I'm going to have to give him a talk about a disorder deeply rooted in our family, me and my relatives with ADHD, as well as my older brother who doesn't have ADHD, have all been depressed. Looking back I know why he slept so much. Ugh I hate feeling empty inside. Then when I'm not depressed I just cry about girls because...yay me I'm bad at that whole subject. Crying still feels better than feeling nothing from anything though.
0 likeswtf you just perfectly described how I'm feeling, like being a robot and in a different world and that stuff....
2 likes"My nice mental illness" it sounds so beautiful...yeah I have depression too. I feel you. I don't like understanding it but yeah...blah
0 likesThis video made me cry because how real it is
41 likesi’ve been feeling out of it and drunk like - although i haven’t been drinking. and i haven’t felt ‘here’ for like a month now, v glad i found this vid : )
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is that what depersonalisation is ??
0 likes😓😓i feel you girl i haven’t left my house in a week and I have to go back to school soon im so sad
0 likesthe comments on this video; the people posting literal paragraphs, i hope you are doing well and if you're not, i hope you can overcome it & learn that it's a mental illness and it doesn't have to control your life :) i love you & stay safe <3
0 likesthe fact that you tell all your friends this stuff is so different from my experience. I don't tell anyone, not cause they won't understand but I just don't care to? it doesn't matter if they know? I guess. does it help?
0 likesI just feel so scared, all the time. But what of? What exactly is there to be scared of? It's all irrational. It doesn't make sense. All my fears are irrational, but me being aware of that makes it even worse.
73 likesI'm not sure if I have social anxiety or not. Now that I think about it, I displayed signs of it from a young age. When I was about eight I went to a book signing. The room was packed of people, and my claustrophobia didn't help that. I panicked. There were people, everywhere. People. Lots of people. That's my main fear. Irrational as it is.
I badly wanted to meet my favourite author, but these people...and what would I say to her? I made my dad take me home.
Something like this has happened before. When I was nine I was at a TV studio when they told me to step in front of the camera and speak. I had the perfect script in my head, rehearsed. But, as I stood there with them watching and the cameras rolling, I froze.
Nowadays, things that make me anxious/panic are:
When the teacher says the word 'presentation'.
When you speak and everybody's like 'omg, she can talk!'
When a teacher sends you into another classroom to ask for something.
When you're trying to talk in class and somebody yells 'I can't hear her!'
When you're speaking to your friends but their other friends come so you have to shut up.
When you say something dumb and spend the next year of your life dwelling on it.
When the teacher puts you in a pair with somebody you barely know.
When the teacher makes a joke about you in class and everybody else laughs and you're trying not to cry with embarrassment.
When your mum tells you to call your friend to ask how they are.
When you have to read a page in class.
When you have to eat your lunch around other people so you just go hungry.
When your friend won't come with you to the toilet or the canteen.
When you are mentally preparing every single scenario.
When somebody asks if you're okay.
When you get offered something and automatically say no so you can't be a hassle.
When the teacher says pick a partner but none of your friends are in that class.
When the teacher won't let you work by yourself.
When you ask for something and they reply with 'help yourself'.
When you forget your earphones and are scared that somebody might try and talk to you.
When somebody says something nice to you and you don't know how to respond and you also immediately don't trust them because they just lied.
When you have to repeat yourself in class.
When you have to count up coins in a shop.
When you're the first to finish your test but you wait for somebody else to finish before getting up.
When you hold onto rubbish for a whole hour because the bin's on the other side of the classroom.
When you get the answer wrong in class.
When you get the answer right in class.
When the teacher says you can choose your groups.
When the teacher picks you to do something.
When you need help but you're too scared to ask.
When you make a carefully rehearsed comment and it gets ignored.
When they've seen the text, but haven't replied.
When you aren't sure what classroom you are meant to be in.
When you send random texts to yourself just to look busy.
When your friend doesn't want to come to the after school club with you.
When you need to buy something but the cashier is intimidating.
When you answer a question in class and your heart pounds.
When the teacher says 'remind me'.
When you are walking in the wrong direction but you can't turn around because you'll look stupid.
When you can hear people laughing and you think it's at you.
When somebody calls your name and you turn about but they weren't calling you.
When you have a good contribution to a conversation or the right answer but when you finally are brave enough to put your hand up the subject has changed.
When class has just started and everybody's talking to each other and you just sit there.
When you have to hold back a panic attack and just sit there all casual.
When you get put into a class with new people and you think 'crap! I was only just getting to know my last class!'.
When a teacher's speaking about a topic that relates to you and you feel all self conscious.
When you feel like you're going to cry if you somebody embarrasses you.
When you don't bother asking because you don't want to annoy people.
When you know something is stupid but you can't stop thinking about it.
When you are told to 'stop worrying'.
When you over think literally everything.
When you are worried that people are put off by you.
When you're home alone and you hear a noise and accept that you're going to die. //////////////////////////////////////
When you hold it in all lesson because you're too nervous to ask to go to the toilet.
When you don't know what to do with your hands.
When you really need to cough but you hold it in so you don't draw attention to yourself.
When people think you are ignoring them but you just don't know what to say.
When people think you are 'just shy'.
When you're told it's all in your head!!!
When nobody understands!!
When people don't believe you are anxious because you talk a lot.
When you're terrified about walking in late.
When you have to count money in a shop and it seems like you are holding up the whole queue.
When your mum says she'll be ten minutes and she's not back after eleven and you think something awful has happened to her.
When you miss a lesson and when you come back you're like 'what if the seating plan has changed?' 'What if I don't know what I'm doing?' What if...
When you are late and everybody looks at you
When somebody compliments you and you don't know how to respond.
When your friend won't come with you to buy a drink/to the loo so you go thirsty/hold it
When people say don't worry.
When the teacher praises you
When the teacher mentions something you like and everybody turns to look at you
sorry if you read this, this was really long I just needed to get my feelings out. Also, I over think everything and something I break down and have an anxiety/panic attack. I can be triggered by the smallest things like the thought of Dan and Phil leaving YouTube, but most of the time its social situations like going into school in the morning or performing in drama. help, please? xx
Replies (12)
SORRY I ONLY JUST REALISED HOW LONG THIS IS
5 likesPierce the Daizy hello, i am sorry I don't understand how you feel but I would recommend going to try to find the right doctor to help you or maybe going to therapy. But whatever you do I wish you the best of luck trying to figure this out. (Also I just realized this comment is a month later... oops?)
3 likesi relate to this so much wth.
0 likesMy fucking God I can relate to almost everything you said and that does sound alot like social anxiety you should try and talk to a doctor or maybe therapy??? idk that might help
3 likesloads of people feel anxious they just don’t have the memory or the interest to write it down like you did
0 likesbandtrashdaizy this is amazing. Glad to know I’m not the only one. ❤️❤️❤️
0 likesdddaizy I surprisingly relate to this... if this is what social anxiety is like then damn I might have it but I know that I can be social to new people and dont feel introverted, more ambiverted. Strange.
0 likesGeneralized anxiety disorder
0 likesdddaizy i didn't knew that i have social anxiety until I read this comment. I wish i could help you....but I can't
0 likesI literally just sat here and read every single scenario, and genuinely related to all of them. I almost teared up a bit because I could feel the pain in this comment. I've felt that pain. It's good to know that there are other people out there who are the same. Though, it still hurts when all your friends are normal, functioning extroverts that have good charisma. Just know that you are a badass and you are strong because you deal with this pain every day, and you're still here. Stay strong ❤
2 likesFairylights and Secrets at Midnight same. I’ve had suspicions for a while idk what to do
1 likeI feel the same, what do i do. Also I’m sad over nothing a lot
0 likes“It’s strange now, when I meet new friends ... and I’m like, 'How are you?', and they’re like 'fine!', and I’m like 'how are you fine?'".
1 likeDude, same.
when you are depressed your spirit is like a shadow to your body. you need to ground and feel roots come from your body to the center of the earth. i have gone through very similar things and this, combined with other things, helped me be happy again
0 likesOmg... The text messages to your friends are really what I feel.
0 likesOMG ive never related to a video more. its reached a point where people are making me feel like im making my sadness and depressive episodes up. as in ive even been diagnosed with depression but my parents have refused and said the psychoanalyst is wrong
0 likesI know this doesn't help, but I'm sorry you're going through that. You are such a lovely person and don't deserve to feel this way, you deserve to be happy and healthy.
0 likesthis is probably the 3rd or 4th time i've watched this video. why? because i relate to it. i know the feeling of "maybe i'm going insane" and googling signs of insanity because you feel so isolated and like nothing is really real and like your life is a 3d movie and you're the only one in the theatre with glasses. i know the feeling of going back to an old place before things got bad, before your life changed dramatically in just a few weeks and all of these feelings getting worse. and like you can't escape these feelings, no matter how many distractions you make. no matter how many homework assignments you complete in a weekend or times you reorganize your room in a week, you're still restless. you still feel like an alien and like your skin isn't made as the same as everyone else's. when you drink 3 glasses of water but you're still thirsty. everything you see is out of focus, despite wearing glasses. and i hate this feeling. watching this video comforts me because i know im not the only one with these 'sensations' (or lack thereof) and that another person hates it just as much as me. my problem? im too scared to open up about it to anyone who isn't a stranger and seek help.
0 likesLife feels like a blur, my memories are mixed up and sometimes I feel like today never happened,everday is the same and i feel stuck with the same feelings and im scared ill be like this forever
0 likesAnd since nobody understands that I feel alone
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Alone as in a different world, and i dont belong in that world
0 likesAnd everyone thinks this world is normal but you dont ( which makes it worse because theyll never really understand)
Oh dodie, how I wish the US had something like the NHS. I had depression when I was 13-14 and often dreamed about going to therapy but little did I know how expensive it actually is. Thankfully I don't have depression anymore, but it turned into very problematic anger issues. My family is poor and we have problems and I wish we had a family counselor or something like that. My mom knows we need one but we just don't have the money. So basically all I have right now is short term coping mechanisms, suppressing my issues, or taking it out by screaming. If I felt comfortable talking to my friends I would, but I am not the type to be emotionally vulnerable around them. I don't know what to do except just sit and realize nobody has it easy.
0 likesI hope you get better, Dodie. We're here for you no matter what. 💙
3 likesI love your personality. And I relate to you so deeply. You are not crazy. Hope you are better now? :/
0 likesI think I might have anxiety,
0 likesI'm in 6th grade and basically I feel like everybody hates me and that they think that I'm weird or stupid. These feeling are eating me up. They're the first and last thing I think of in the day. Sometimes I get this feeling in my chest and I can't even pinpoint why it's there.
Recently I moved away and after 2 years I think it finally hit me. I just don't think that I had accepted that I wouldn't ever go home again. Since then, I have been a lot more conscious of myself. I think I feel that because these people that I am now spending everyday with don't know me, not the real me. And I'm afraid that they never will. I really miss my old friends that have been there throughout my life.
I'm just so so confused with who I am or who I want people to see me as.
I was so scared of going to the doctor because I was 15 and my mum didn't believe in mental health. Which ended up with me getting an eating disorder. However I'm all better now about years of therapy!
0 likesThank you so much for this.
0 likesRecently I feel like I've related to this more and more. I consider myself to have some sort of mental illness. Probably a depressive disorder. Idk. I've had whatever that is for years. Maybe about 5. Recently I've had a pretty ugly mental breakdown. I live in a house with parents that won't really help much. They insist I'm fine. I'm really not. My exams (GCSE's) are in a week. I don't know what to do anymore.
0 likesHey girl you should try and maybe get a dp manual might help :) I heard it’s helped a lot of others , and way of trying through it is acceptance also starts accepting instead of fighting the feelings you have overtime will get better
0 likesthis video hit me hard. i never talk about my problems to anyone because i always feel that i have no right to complain because my problems are so insignificant compared to other people. so i just kinda keep pushing them down deeper and deeper and hope that when i eventually explode, no one is around so i can keep up the image of being the happy friend without a care in the world. i really don't know what's wrong with me...
0 likesSome questions for you dodie or anyone with depersonalization/derealization. For me the times where I wonder the most if I might have one of them is when I am majorly depressed. When I am "normal" aka not depfessed I look in the mirror and what I see is beautiful. But when I am depressed, I look in the mirror and what I see is ugly. I literal cannot see the tjings I love about myself. I dont see me. I am not sufe if this is just depression or maybe something more. I have never said that ever so yeah. Thanks for reading. Any help would.be amazing. I know I should get help, but rn my house is crazy so it wont happen rn.
0 likesI'm so glad YouTube has recommended this to me. Mental illness hurts so much that it's taken me a year to even do... Anything. I wish it would get easier. Damn it. Why am I watching this at 4:40am. Damn it all.
0 likesDissociative disorders are hard. So proud of you for insisting and not giving up. I fight cPTSD with its dissociative episodes. Keep going!
0 likesas you were talking, i started to realise its EXACTLY how i feeel, how ive been feeling like looking back the symptoms have just got worse and its been the past few years or so tht ive not felt right, and had weird symptoms but then its just got worse over this past year, and it has got worse, like i kept ignoring ove tthe years but i thought it would get better and there were moments that it did, but then cae back again and i just kept pushing it to aside nd now its got so bad that ive forgotten to talk to my friends, or even make plans or do everyday thing, and im really scared to go to the doctor , im just scared and alone right now because i know that something is wrong with me, because i feel so bad
0 likesthis sounds a lot like how ive been feeling lately. i just dont quite feel like im all the way here. i know i have anxiety, but i dont know about the depression. it seems like ive been going on and off the he whole depression thing, ive been battling with myself, trying to figure out if im depressed or not, trying to tell myself im not or that i am. nobody want depression, but sometimes i wish it would just happen so that i wouldnt have to question myself all the time. life just not easy anymore, nothing makes me happy.
0 likesDodie starts tearing up
65 likesI burst into tears
depersonalization. it's a thing? I've been feeling this way for a long time. I developed depression in 3rd grade and had anxiety all my life. I've been diagnosed by a doctor with them. I feel that way, but I thought it was just a little effect of my anxiety. I'm only 13 but these feelings run in my family so it's kind of normal for me to get it. My parents understand and know how to help with my depression because my older siblings went trough the same things, but they never wet through depersonalization. I go to therapy and I'll try to bring up this topic. thank you so much !
0 likesI don't know if I have depersonalization or if I dissocate. Sometimes I look at my hands and it doesn't feel like they're mine. I don't feel drunk or detached from reality, but I do have to remind myself that I'm real sometimes. It feels like nothing matters when I get like this. idk, I do suffer from depression and anxiety.
0 likesIt is ok to cry, it is always ok to cry. You are also obviously going trough something really hard, so you have a good reason for it.
0 likesI might have a mild version of depersonalisation, but not that it becomes a huge problem i think.
When ever I am in a social context three things may happen.
1: I am back inside my self and still quite conscious about what I do.
2: I first black out while talking and after a while returns to consciousness. Some times when I then return to consciousness I feel like I am looking down up on my self talking to another person. And i think like "what the fuck am I going on about". When this happens I start to worry that I might say something I shouldn't say. Because I feel like I have no control over my self. But it never happens that I say something that ruins the conversation.
But most of the times I come back after I said something and can't remember what I was talking about.
3: I feel like I am looking down up on a group of people that I am a part of. Then I try to understand the chemistry of the group.
I often feel like I am looking at my self from the outside. This makes it easier for me to question and understand my own nature. I like questioning things.
Another very strange thing that happened to me when I was a kid was that the area where I use to live just changed. Everything hade a slight offset of color and geometry. It was as if I one day woke up in another world. Where everything was similar, but not completely.
I remember that I got a bit of a panic and told my parents that this is not where we live. That everything was wrong.
After that day everything was different and would never change back again. For a long time I really missed the time before that day, I still do. But with time I have more and more accepted that it will never return to me. Now it feels like the word home is nothing more but a word that doesn't mean anything on an emotional level.
Oh shitttt dude I was unsure if this is what was wrong with me but this describes exactly what I’m feeling
1 likeDodie, i love you very much. I feel the same. I'm so proud of you for recognizing your illnesses and symptoms and actively trying to fix it. It's so easy to just find comfort in it and stay there, like I've been doing for the last five years. You're such a beautiful person and I look forward to the day that you recognize that again. ❤️ keep on keeping on dod
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1 likei feel like those background characters in Harry Potter that are unimportant and nonrelevant and just referred to as something like "a Ravenclaw girl" and I'm like a side character in my own life idk it's weird and im trying to use my fandom to explain how i feel daily ndcjnrlcjenocnwodndlciao
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I know exactly how you feel. It sucks being that random Ravenclaw girl that the Golden Trio pass in the halls, or something, or in the back of a charms class. But in a reality, everyone's the Harry of their own story. Or Hermione, who is much cooler, and is the real main character. Ugh this is such a weird reply this probably doesn’t help at all.
9 likesA Fangirl Too bad there isn’t a reassociation charm
2 likesDepersonalisation is something I can relate to. I could be walking down a path that I have walked down the past 20 years and feel no connect to the area. Same with my childhood friend, I could be talking to her and feel no connection. I always know thats when my anxiety and depression is at its worse. It's a horrible feeling because you feel like you don't belong anywhere and that you have no home. When you are going back to the places from your past your technical wanting to go back to the way you felt in the past and that is to feel comfortable again.
0 likesDodie it's okay to cry❤
0 likesHave you had your ferritin/iron level tested? I have been experiencing depersonalisation for 4 or 5 years and have had low ferritin the whole time, I've just found out iron defiency can cause depersonalisation so I am now focusing on raising my my iron levels..
0 likesI've had this disorder for about 3 or 4 years now and I never know how to describe it to people I talk to about it, so I always send them to this video to help them understand it better.
5 likesThank you Dodie
x x x
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u good now?
0 likesMan this hit me hard. We are writing letters to our future self’s in school (I’m in 9th and well the school is going to send our letter to us when we graduate high school.) I didn’t know how to write the letter cuz I have so much to tell myself. We have to follow a certain direction to write it. We have to talk about our selfs now , our fears, what we hate about us or like. We pretty much have to have a self reflection and it sucks cuz the teachers gonna read it and when she read mine she’s gonna feel so bad for me. Here’s the thing, I like myself but I struggle with ptsd , depression, and anxiety...:.
1 likeI have a phobia of doctors, hospitals etc, and it took me 3 years to build up the courage to go to the doctors, who told me I'm making it up. People don't realise how much of an effect small comments like that have on people's lives, so please think before talking to people with mental health issues x
0 likesI really needed to see this video. I searched for people struggling with this type of stuff. Please understand what I am about to say is not meant to be mean or judgmental. It is meant to help you. You are talking about issues that people who really need help need to hear. It would help if you planned out your videos more. Dont go down rabbit trails.
0 likesWow. Perfect video for how I feel.
0 likesThe most difficult part is to find out whether you are just a spoiled, sheltered brat who needs a slap from the real world or you actually need help from professionals. While I recognise symptoms associated to mental disorders such as depression and anxiety, I do not experience more serious symptoms like panic attacks and suicidal thoughts, making me doubt my own suspicions about the possibility of having mental problems. I honestly cannot tell if I am just seeking attention at this very moment and what I am doing is an insult to people who truly suffer, or I actually need to find a therapist. The counsellor from my previous school is on holiday at the moment and I don't really want to bother her, so I just don't know what to do with myself anymore.
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I SO understand what you are talking about, I used to feel the exact same way! But here's the thing- everyone's feelings and problems are relevant to them. If you are struggling mentally and it is affecting your everyday life, you should never ever deny yourself help just because someone else out there might have it worse than you do. That's like refusing to go to the doctors to treat your broken wrist because someone else in the world has a broken neck which is more serious. That mentality is useless and will only result in you feeling more guilty and depressed. Talk to someone now before your negative feelings manifest themselves and become 10 times bigger. You deserve true happiness so don't ever believe that you are unworthy of help or treatment. Wish you all the best xx
73 likesgo to see a therapist anyway! it will help you clear your mind and understand why you're feeling that way
10 likesThank you Eva Kirk and Miguel López. I am trying to make an appointment with a counsellor now, fingers crossed!
6 likes+Melanie C. well done love, once again I wish you all the best ♥️
6 likes@Eva Kirk Thank you so much!
2 likesI feel you man. I'm the same
3 likesYeah, I'm not really sure about myself. On one hand I do have some of the symptoms like loss of interest in activities I'd normally be interested in and being tired a lot. On the other hand, it's not like I can't enjoy little things anymore. I can still laugh with friends and enjoy a good tv show. But sometimes I'm just sad and can't determine why. I'd rather lay in bed then go out anywhere. Idk if I actually have a problem or...
26 likes+Ashley M I am the same
1 like@Niamh Jac Yeah, I went to the see a doctor who said I show signs of moderate depression, but I think I'd have to get a diagnosis from a psychiatrist or psychologist or something.
0 likesI feel the same. when I get waves of depression, I'm like "wow this is horrid, I need help rn" and then after if happens I can't remember how it felt, so I'm like "oh, I'm probably alright. I don't need to waste peoples time, I just had a mood swing or something" but it's been going on for 2 years and it's a lot worse than I make it out to be, and I'll be getting help soon.
35 likesplease listen to the little voice telling you that you need help.
your future self will thank you.
Congratulations Enna! Getting help for some can be a sing of weakness, but its really a sing of courage. Remember that your problems are not "less" than others, just because some have it worse, it doesnt mean that you dont deserve to be acknowledged. I wish you the best in your recovery!!
1 likeRITHVIK wonderful! I'm so proud of you! don't give up on yourself. please take care of yourself, and talk to people, and have an amazing day/evening. you are so lovely, and you deserve the absolute best. I wish you so much health and happiness.
1 likeRITHVIK Over the past two years, I've struggled with on and off depression and anxiety, but it was hard to say to myself "Emma, I'm pretty sure you have depression, and you need to get help." because it comes in waves and when i come out of the wave and I can breathe clearly, I forget how it feels to drown.
2 likesbut with the help of my wonderful best friend, youtubers like dootie, I've been talking to my parents about getting me a therapist. I'll be going to my first appointment in a few months, and right now I'm doing great. just remember it'd OKAY to talk to people. yell and about if you have to. don't let yourself be a ghost.
I wish you the brightest morning, the freshest air, and the sweetest fruit :)
RITHVIK oh my gosh, I'm gonna cry, that is so touching. wow, I'm so proud of you for being persistent and having faith in your self. you are amazing, and I'm so glad I found this video and your comment. I have an Instagram and my account is called @chaotic_stargirl. I also have a tumblr and it's called wanderingstarkid. if you have Instagram or tumblr, I'd love to follow you and keep in touch every so often
0 likesRITHVIK lovely!!
0 likesMelanie C. Here's my opinion on the "seeking attention"
3 likesEven if you were "just" seeking attention you deserve to talk to a professional because getting yourself into these mindsets where you experience symptoms of a mental illness is still an unhealthy way of coping with things in your life
Someone once said "if it's bothering you, it's enough to get help"
And seeing how you described it you don't seem to know how to get that "slap of reality" yourself and someone could give you a hand with that
You can even go to a therapist and say "I'm not sure if it's right to be here" and they will decide after your first session
Just don't go in there thinking you're wasting anyone's time, I promise you you're not!
Have a nice day and I hope you feel better soon :) xx
I know how You feel, i had the same thing, i thought i am just an attention seeker. It came to the Point where i couldnt believe my psychoatrist when she was prescribing me my medicine. Well, now i know that i have a pretty big Depression and anxiety. Get help! Dont feel like You are doping this for attention
1 likeMelanie C. wow Im like this too but then I'm in the cycle of thinking where I'm like "I don't want to bother anyone they'll think I'm stupid" and then I'm like "that's probably a symptom of anxiety" and then i don't know what to do and I can't talk to anyone about it😖
3 likesMelanie C.
0 likesi've felt like this too, like it's weird living in a first world country with nice things and clean water etc but feeling so shit at the same time. people will always be there telling you "at least you're not a starving child in africa" and yes thats true but its hard to get into that mindset that you are lucky when bad stuff is going on in your head. hopefully by now you've seen someone and if you have, good luck
4 likesAshley M me too
0 likesSame
0 likesmy problem exactly! what doesn't help is that my mum feels that all teenagers just make up mental illness and have no reason to go to a doctor! she refuses to accept that I might have a problem so I doubt that I do when all I feel all the time is just crippling anxiety....
3 likesMelanie C. Omg was this written by me? Literally my life
1 likeGet diagnosed by a professional.
0 likesI literally feel the exact same way
1 likehonestly seeing all of these replies to this makes me feel so much better about myself because feel the exact same way, I feel some symptoms but nothing too bad and this just made me realize I still should deal with thank all of you
5 likesMelanie C. Sometimes you don't have the worst symptoms, this does not mean you don't have depression or anxiety. It means you might. You still might need the help, don't feel down because people have it worse. You still have it pretty bad, and that's ok.
0 likesReading this comments really helped me. I also have a lot of symptoms (for 2 Month now) but I haven't the worst ones like suicidal thoughts. And I don't know what I should do now bc my parents wont take ma serious, they'll just laugh at me and say that I'm too young (I'm 15) and I haven't any problems, I have though.
1 likeDoes someone know what I should do? It really botheres me.
I also feel a lot like I'm seeking attention or something like that
I started crying when i read this because i thought i was the only one who feels this way
4 likesMelanie C. I feel the same.
0 likesthis is honestly the same way i feel. like it doesn't tseem as serious as other people's so it's invalid.
1 likeMelanie C. That's what I did but what I didn't realize was there was suicidal thoughts at that time and at some point these suicidal thoughts got really big and I needed professional help. If I didn't get this I wouldn't be here today
0 likesexactly how i feel
0 likesMelanie C. Have more compassion for yourself. Do what you need to do
1 likeAlways remember that the chemicals in your brain aren't affected by your privilege or place in the world. You have every right to admit you are suffering from mental illness, no matter who you are.
2 likes+Melanie C. and +Emma Freeman and a few others (it feels awesome that so many people have been impacted by what you shared half a year ago :) ) I have felt exactly the same as your original comments, and have struggled to talk to anyone, even my best friend, and I feel like I can't talk to parents/therapists/friends as I "forget how it feels to drown" and worry that I'm attention seeking, and other people have worse mental issues than me and so how i'm feeling is illegitimate
2 likesI am having mentoring sessions with my sixth form therapists, but am unable to say how I feel, and since you two have basically said it, I'm gonna quote you if that's alright, as I don't feel able to explain my struggles otherwise
to people who are struggling, and have unsympathetic/not understanding friends and family.... PLEASE, try to talk to someone who understands mental health issues in general, like a therapist/doctor , and try to find a way to communicate in which you can say how you truly feel without having to hide anything, as I find typing how I feel is SO much easier than trying to talk about it e.g
whoever you are, thankyou for sharing, and to whomever out there is struggling to find hope, and can't keep their head above water, you are not alone, you can keep fighting, exhausting though it may be, and you are loved, and you matter (and in true cringeworthy-youtube-comment fashion... stay alive frens |-/ :) )
I used to feel that way and I still saw a therapist to help work it out and I was doing great and I felt happier and "normal." I felt depressed all the time but I never wanted to kill myself because I am so afraid of death and there are things I want to see. But then I began feeling very aware over the fact that I felt that way and proceeded to obsess over it to the point where I was and am not sure if I want attention at this point and it's making it a whole lot worse
5 likesMadison keep reaching out to people. Family? Anyone. You'd be surprised how much that can help. I think openness is key
0 likesOk reading this makes me want to vent because I cried.
2 likesI feel like I can't have any mental illnesses even while I'm writing this it's weird just because everyone knows me as THE HAPPY EXTROVERTED PERSON that's a little bit stupid and I have a nice house and a sweet family and a cool room and the best friends and that just kind of.. idk when I feel bad I feel guilty and I KNOW ITS STUPID BECAUSE EVERYONE CAN BE DOWN OR STH LIKE THAT but ugh.. can't express my feelings..
I feel like I'm making things up because my life's too happy.. sounds stupid and it is stupid. And yes I feel like I'm attention seeking and that's why I don't talk to anyone about it but I think about what I feel all the time because there's not really something REALLY BAD I SHOULD TALK TO SOMEONE ABOUT but it's not positive either? I'm just here, existing and thinking about my feelings and wow what a rant bye
Wow these comments really made me cry but in the good way thanks
1 likeDas Klopapapier would it surprise you if I said that is exactly the same as me? Started about 4 years ago and is coming to an end as we speak. I swear I was exactly the same, and when everyone you make eye contact with you have to flash your smile because it's such a huge secret to us that deep down we don't know who we are or what we feel, right?
1 likeDas Klopapapier it sounds like maybe you don't trust someone to regulate your feelings. The thing is, I felt this way because I had completely detached from everything and everyone (subconsciously) and then I was practically and emotionally (not physically) but all my feelings, they began storing up because I had no one to share them with, know my life share my experiences with. And this can be extremely tough because then I started to think it was my duty to act like the perfect person and that everything was always okay, but of course I was very lonely even if I had lots of acquaintances. I don't know if you can relate to this?
0 likesEmma Smith I CAN OMG? Thank you
1 likeWell I have a best friend who I COULD TALK ABOUT ANYTHING TO but now that you're saying it.. I think in the past weeks I always was like 'naaah that seems so..unrealistic or not important enough to tell' and maybe is that it..what did happen next if I may ask?
Emma Smith YOUR FIRST COMMENTSBSJAJSJJS Yes
1 likeAnd the second one too but the first one about "have to flash your smile"??? Like?? EVERYTIME i smile at someone I'm thinking like "hahah what what what" ..something in that way lol..yes
And I don't know who I really am either but I guess that's everyones 'problem' in my age
1 likeDas Klopapapier firstly, I want to make this perfectly clear, I don't know who you are, your life experiences or what your back ground is but I can assure you, what you are feeling or thinking is ALWAYS relevant and important, if you want to know why... it's because it's you, and you my friend, are a special person, remember that little girl you were at 4?? Well that is still you and her needs are very important. I suppose what I'm trying to say here is that, if you are honest enough and look deep enough, you will find someone you can trust, even if it starts out messy and confusing, but slowly those feelings you can share with somebody else-even the most embarrassing secretive ones (trust me I've been there hiding away in the toilets😂😂) it's highly likely you've lacked someone true to confine in and perhaps you've faced let downs from those you love and those who were supposed to love you.
1 likeI'm still healing I'd be lying if I said I was better because in all honestly, it's a process, an extremely long one at that. But finding yourself anyone, you can just let yourself relax and know what you're feeling is important, you will get somewhere. Parents? A teacher? Friends or boyfriend? Anyone. I think change in me began when I accepted the fact that I was deeply unhappy inside and that I was very far from my true self (I know those words haunt people like me) you hate your position but you have no clue where to even start so you just build more and more walls
0 likesEmma Smith I get the thing about that you don't know who I am but I will try to be more open about my feelings in the future and i'll try to remind myself that my feelings are relevant and...yes thank you
0 likesI agree with you ! Even if you are just a 'spoiled , sheltered brat' if you are feeling low , then get help ! <3
1 likeMelanie C. this is how I feel
2 likesMelanie C. I relate to this so much
2 likesThis is exactly how I feel. I honestly don't know if I'm just scared of the real world or if it is an actually problem and I need to seek help.
2 likesI completely feel the same way
1 likeI completely agree with this
1 likedysthymia possibly? talk to a doctor though... it can't hurt
0 likesI get depersonalization constantly every day, and I didn't think that many other people got it, this makes me feel so much better. My parents want to send me to a therapist but I'm way too scared because I see going to a therapist as another thing that makes me different and weird to everyone else I know. They only started caring when my mental problems affected them, like me getting panic attacks at random moments, even though I had tried talking to them about my suicidal thoughts and sadness and despair before but they didn't really care, and wouldn't listen. I self harm, but its not cutting, its slapping myself on the head really hard until i get headaches and dizziness, because it doesn't leave marks or scars, there's no bloodshed, I can kid myself that its not self harm. My parents always talk about supporting mental illness until it affects them.
0 likesi felt this so much AHHHG everything feels freaking weird all the time for me and I hate it
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Praying for you friend. May the love of Jesus surround you and embrace you warmly, just like He did for me. Please take care.
0 likes@Robin Sk AWE thank you so much. The same to you!
0 likesDepression sucks. I have a wonderful concoction of anxiety, depression, and anorexia. It's good fun :)
0 likesEveryone who watches this video, I hope you can feel the sun and I hope it feels nice.
I hope that, if you can't, you can somehow remember that, even though you can't see it, the sun is still there, no matter how far away it feels x
This is old, but I needed, I just needed. Thanks for this video.
0 likesthe funny thing is,the lack of awareness is what made me get so late to treatment,i never EVER knew mental illnesses existed just 3 years ago!! i was very insecure during my childhood and i'd find myself shaking,crying,out of breath and nauseous when i'm worried and the whole time i thought it was normal,then i started to read online about it,and that's when i was like "shit do i have anxiety ???" and the answer was yes,i did, for long years i thought it was normal but again,no one around me seemed to struggle like me,no one ever sat before an exam and cried and was uncontrolably shaking ,now i'm living with anxiety,depression,depersonalisation ,eating disorder and an obsessive skin picking ,my dad doesn't believe any of these are actually happening to me (even after being there while i was having a panic attack)and i'm just sort of .....existing
0 likesive had this and never realized it was depersonalization until i watched this
0 likes4:06 broke my heart into 1,000 pieces ...
0 likesWell I started crying at the beginning. Like the first sentence. And now I finished watching the video and I'm still kinda crying, so yeah.
0 likesI love when ppl on YouTube talk abt mental illness bc as someone w a personality disorder it's so easy for me to think that I'm the only person who feels this way but like ik ur a real person idk this vid just hit home v hard
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also for other minors who's parents don't support them getting help for mental health online counseling is actually so good like it's not as good as a psychiatrist and a therapist irl but it's better than nothing
2 likesafter the fires that burnt everything and lots of towns i came back from evacuation and i didnt feel...my self everything felt different and wrong and i couldnt take it people got so worried they called a counsellor to talk to me and i just cried and that was a year after it happened i thought i would never feel normal again but because i was so young there wasnt normal my mind went crazy the same time i grew up so there was no normal feeling that i wanted back i just knew it would never be the same and the way i kind of... not fixed it but got better at controlling it and now im better than ever was but doing things.. memorable things amazing things but for me it was a horrible heart breaking thing that shaped me so much into who i am today and it made me learn and grow like normal but it also made a feeling a normal feeling like there was but this time it was better i was more aware of what i was saying and doing and after a couple years i was a new and improved me and as of now im going through a tough time but that doesnt trigger the feeling of not being here not being myself just everything feeling wrong it turned into depression almost and then i knew how to defeat it so i did so it went from denationalisation to depression to anxiety to me defeating it and controlling it some days i do get that feeling again tho the feeling that you arent your self and u look around and something just feels wrong and u see some things bigger and somethings just dont seem right and it scares me but i sleep because i feel like sleep is my escape but then sleep became horrible it almost became a chore because i started having dreams about what i was feeling about what happened that was heartbreaking about it and i couldnt take that but sometimes the only way to fix it is to grow and learn and change so much so that the old you before that horrible feeling is horrible compared to the you now i hope that my story helps someone out there <3
0 likesdodie is so real and says how it is and i admire that. most people dont have the confidence to make something like this but its helped people ly dodie x
0 likesOh my god
0 likesI just. This is how I feel, I swear to you this is how I feel. Im not really sure when it started, I just know I got worse once I came to college. Though in some way I think Im in a slighter lower lever. JDKSJ I dont kNOw. This is probable the most surreal thing xD
Just. You gave me more to think about. Thank you for making this video, it's like you get it.
Im watching this for the fourth time in two days now. I just need to tell my mam i think im depressed. Ive been meaning to do it for a month. I just cant
0 likesDodie you're gorgeous and we're all here for you xx
3 likesLol, I feel the same, like I'm still dreaming and nothing is actually real
2 likesMy mom won't believe me when I tell her I'm sad for no reason. She's like "It's PMS" "Here take this Midol" It's not PMS mom.
0 likesYou summed up what I’ve been trying to sum up but couldn’t find the words for it❤️
0 likesThose people that would judge you have not been through your pain. You are so strong to live with your problems and sharing them with others makes them feel less alone and 'freakish'. I give you my full support!
0 likesI'm sure loads if people have already suggested this, but CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) helped two of my friends with depression and anxiety and is still helping so if that's what your planning on doing, rest easy knowing that it is effective and helpful!!! I love our videos so much, stay strong, you can get through this <3
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*I love Your videos AND YOU so bloody much
0 likesI don't understand it. Can't relate. But I just found you and I love you just the way you are. This was 4 years ago. I do hope you are better now.
0 likeshello to anyone who might read this
0 likesI'm 14 and I think I recently started derealising? I haven't gotten anything confirmed yet but I do relate to a lot of this. I constantly feel like I am in a dream and that I might wake up any second, but also I know I won't. I am able to communicate with the people around me and I still know who I am (or at least as much as I can know about myself at 14) but I feel very distant and I constantly look at other people wanting to be them, to stop feeling like this. I'm pretty sure though, that it won't go away. My therapist says it's because I've been stressing a lot lately, but looking back at these last few weeks I can't say I have. I'm also afraid that I've been scaring my friends, because at one point I ended up telling them "I'm afraid nothing is real". Thankfully, they're amazing and I've told them to just be patient with me.
To anyone who might be feeling the same as me, I recommend making yourself a calendar of what's happening the next few weeks, and then going along day by day. Also, if you haven't already, please get help and know that you're not alone.
Guys, I've been doing a lot of research on this and I think it has a lot to do with the limbic system, and there are ways of retraining your brain, like it's possible to feel normal again...I hope I can :/
0 likesI have little episodes that make me feel like I’m in a video game or something, I don’t feel real in my own body and I’m so sick of overthinking everything but I just can’t control it, it takes over my brain. I have times when I feel like there is no point to life and nothing I seem to enjoy makes sense. I feel like I just can’t avoid them. I overthink every little thing, and the whole world feels scary. I feel non existent. If you’re going through the same thing, please reply I just want a friend to talk to about it with.
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@HRY FA how are you doing ?
1 likeIan going through the same thing .
I feel like iam in a movie or something
@Chanbemo Kikon Yeah exactly it’s like I’m in a video game. It’s still happening and quite bad but I’m learning more coping mechanisms and ones that work better. How are u going?
2 likes@HRY FA it’s still the same
1 likeThe worse part is when iam inside a car and everything outside seems unreal like those people and I can’t take sunlight man it gives me anxiety ? How’s your coping mechanisms?
@Chanbemo Kikon yeah same it’s pretty bad when I’m in a car but for some reason it’s also really bad in the shower. I’m trying to teach my self to embrace it and also just trying to distract my self as much as possible but it still gets really bad
1 like@HRY FA life is really hard man
0 likesI don’t know if I should go for medication or not
I guess for derealisation we’re given anti psychotic I guess
@Chanbemo Kikon yeah it is but it will get better, I’m considering medication but don’t know if I’ll get side effects or not
1 like@HRY FA side effects are common
0 likesWe gotta be strong
@Chanbemo Kikon we’ll beat it together bro
1 like@HRY FA are you on medications ?
0 likes@HRY FA . ow are you now? In life there are only 2 problems—mind and the body. To feel better reduce negative thoughts and overthinking. Your breathing is closely related to the brain [mind] and gives good relief from stress-anxiety. To relax sit on a chair or lie down, neck straight, eyes closed and observe the sensations of your incoming-
0 likesoutgoing breath at the entrance of the nostrils for 5-10-15 minutes or more. Don’t fight your thoughts. With daily practice the mind will relax. No deep breathing needed. Observe your breath sensations when you experience multiple thoughts anywhere-anytime-before sleep, in college, before sleep, in the kitchen, when reading, etc. Like me, make this a lifetime daily habit to have a better life. Reduce negative social media, take morning sunlight walks and avoid constipation as it affects the mind instantly. Best wishes--Counsellor.“Am I the only one wishing life away? Never caught up in the moment, just begging the past to stay, ‘cause memory’s painted with brighter ink”
0 likesthis is the hug i needed today.Thank you.
0 likesi cried as soon as you did im sorry I love you 💕
0 likesI fee the same way.... I'm just scared to tell my fam. I feel like everything is a dream. It's always hard one day will prob. Be ok but we do need help.... and it suck, and it hurts and you can't breath but you can be strong. Don't deal with it by your self.
0 likesAt the part where you said you just wanted to get into your old bed in your old room and feel normal again made me tear up because that's exactly how I feel but when I get into my bed and try to feel normal again, I'm left with my own thoughts and my anxiety takes over and it makes me feel even more insane. Then the part at the end when you said our problems do matter made me cry because that's exactly what my sister said because I've been too scared to tell anyone about my anxiety and so I've been trying to put off telling anyone about it. Also, the fact that you're going to get help to solve/cure your problems makes me want to get help too but I'm scared. Scared that I'm gonna be made fun of for being weak and developing a mental disorder. Scared that people are gonna find out about me being bisexual too. Scared of pretty much everything really.. God, I sound so stupid and weak 😶😓
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no, no one struggling from a mental illness is weak or stupid. we're all very strong for not letting it defeat us completely. yes, things like depression and anxiety may throw us around like crazy sometimes, and can beat us up pretty well, so naturally we feel weak. but the fact that you are still here and still fighting despite all the bad stuff in your head makes you incredibly strong. and i believe that soon enough, you'll be comfortable enough to open up to the people closest to you about your anxiety as well as your sexuality. if you never try, you'll never know. i hope you can find the help you need, and feel better about yourself. baby steps. it takes time, but you will get there <3
0 likes+ginger soul Thank you for actually letting me know that there's people in the world that can care for complete strangers. <3 In the past couple of days I've told my closest friends about my mental illness and sexuality and they accept me for who I am and are actually researching and trying to come up with ways to help me not let it take over me completely. Also, the second person I came out (the first being my best friend Carys) to was my closest friend Darcy and the way it actually happened was we both said we wanted to talk to each other in private as we were at school and we didn't really want everyone to know what we were gonna say. So we went to a little private place on school site and said we needed to tell the other person something. We both agreed to say it at the same time (it sound so cliché) so we did and we ended up saying the same thing - we're both bisexual. So since then we've told our other close friends (Molly & Berfin) and become really, really close as friends.
0 likes@Stacie-Lou that's amazing!! I'm so glad that you have such supportive friends. And i'm glad you and Darcy are so close now. Therapy can also really help. i've been in therapy for my mental illnesses for a while now, and it really has helped. it reminds me that i'm not crazy, and that i'm more than what's in my head. i'm slowly learning to not let it control me, because it doesn't have to control me. i don't have to listen to it, even though my mind tells me I'm supposed to. so when you're comfortable enough, i suggest you talk to your parents/guardians about finding a therapist for you. there are plenty out there who specialize in anxiety.
0 likesI think once you get depersonalisation it can come back as I suffered 20 years ago with it badly it stopped for a number off years yet it does raise it's ugly head from time to time if I get very anxious or things are different I'm a creature off habit if my day is different I'll get it. I've had it bad today because we had a guest stay over so in my world it made the day different. It's such a pain but at least we know what is happening.
0 likesIt’s crazy because I was depersonalised not so long ago and upon searching for answers, your videos were what I came across and there was comfort in not feeling alone and that there’s someone brave enough to publicly explain their journey through this. When you say you’re not making it up, when I was going through the same I was like, of course you are not, why would you? But now seeing from an outsider’s perspective once feeling better, you seem and talk fine, which is why it was hard to convince those around me what I was going through. It’s a real and scary thing and sometimes I’m scared it’s going to come back but I’m glad to feel more normal when I can
0 likesI can relate so much I have terrible anxiety and I just want to sleep until it's gone but it get better it really does
0 likesI thought i wouldn't find someone who have the same mix of the mental illnesses i have. Bit the sad thing is i am feeling numb almost all the time, and there is nothing to make me feel better. literally. It gets worse when your family arent helping.
0 likesim telling you, this video is helping lots of people dodes. lots of people feel the same, especially i can relate to the depersonalisation thing i REALLY can. its awful awful and you feel like you are watching life go by on a screen or in a weird game or something. we are all here for you and love love love you
3 likesthis sounds weird(i am a pessimist) but I feel happy, but all I can think about is the low I'm about to feel, because there's always a low. I'm waiting for the rain to come once again.
0 likesWhenever I walk into a dark room or a dark space I feel like I'm dreaming, I just go in and out of reality, when something or someone lets out a noise i go back to life but everything is blurry and loud and dizzy, I get headaches and I feel so light headed. I'm not saying I have something because I don't know but that happened like a couple of times and I feel like I'm going crazy.
0 likesi feel invisible a lot of the time. like im just observing everyone else and narrating the world around me instead of living in it.
0 likeshe NHS may be free but it's not bloomin easy lol.
0 likesgotta say making this video was super healthy for me. It was good to edit together and see that I can pass as a functioning human.
So many doctors, therapist, and psychiatrists have been more hurtful than helpful. Saying things like "attention seeking" and "making it up". Them of all people shouldn't say that. That's who is supposed to help. I've found a therapist who is like a second mother to me. She's so amazing. I've had to move four hours away but we still stay in contact. I can understand what you mean by this. You're not mad. Unless I am too. Then we are mad together. But I feel like I'm not really here and this is all a dream or fake or something. It's hard to explain but I understood. Depression and anxiety have always been a struggle for me and especially feeling "out of it". And it's nice to know that someone else has experienced it. But it's awful. Because it hurts. It's sad. No one should feel that. You can't turn it off. You can't just wake up and be better. There's no real reason for the depression or strange feeling of not being there. It just happens. You go on with life doing things as you normally would but it just feels fake. Not real. I broke down when you said you wanted to go back to your old bed. Because I want my old bed. I want to be happy again like I used to be. I also live in the past and don't want to grow up. Im terrified. Please take your time to take care of yourself. I know how much this hurts. Please don't worry about entertaining us. just please care for yourself. We love you and just want you to be healthy.
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17 years old and seen, gone through, and been told things that adults shouldn't have to.
5 likespossibly because many teenagers go there attention seeking (in my experience what they say they have is not genuine but rather to gather attention), hard truth.
0 likesjust because you dont feel happy all the time does not mean you are depressed or whatever tumblr teenagers call it (anxiety or depersonalization bullshit)
Sometimes I feel like I'm going through a dream (life) and I'm gonna wake up and be born again and relive it.
0 likesSometimes I feel like I'm in a movie (life) and one day the credits are gonna roll.
Sometimes I feel like I'm in a book (life) and the last page will turn.
Sometimes I don't feel all there. Not drastically but it's there.
Sometimes I feel weird.
Sometimes I can deal.
Sometimes I can't.
Sometimes that's okay.
It's always okay to let it out.
I feel like I need self discovery.
It sucks. We've all gone through a lot and that's okay.
It. Fucking. Sucks.
But we have to deal.
This is... yes this is how I feel
0 likesBeautiful talk🌹
0 likesI know I’m like two years late but I still can’t stop crying an hour after watching this
0 likesDodie, I honestly think this video is so important and needed. Mental illness has such a huge stigma attached to it, and the more we talk about it, the less that stigma will exist! Thank you for being such a shining light in a dark place, and having the courage to say this when it must have been so hard to be vulnerable ❤️ You are such a fierce, badass, warrior of a human and even if I don't know you, I love you. We all do.❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
3 likesIma not give up. I can do this! I will keep getting back up!
0 likesBeen at it, collect ways to get better.
Right now, mindfulness and loving yourself n life and honesty.
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May God be with you and show you His wonderful kindness and grace dear friend.
0 likesMay the love of His Son Jesus surround you and embrace you warmly.
Please take care.
I am scared that I may have depersonalizations disorder. Over the past two years I have started to feel this strange thing that I can't describe over and over, and it's the worst strangest feeling. I still just put on my favorite US navy sweatshirt and lay down and cry. Because there is nothing else I can do. Most times, once I am out of a period like that, I will kind of forget what it felt like and that makes it very hard to describe. I have been constantly researching mental illness, trying to figure out what's wrong with me, and I still don't think depersonalization is it but it's getting closer ?? I have no fuckin idea, but because I can't describe it to anyone and I am too young to get help because no one will listen to me. They always say 'oh you're just a teenager everyone feels like this all the time hahaha you silly bean' but like no most teenagers don't have this longing for nothing and they want to actually die because they can't figure out what they're missing. I don't know, this was a long comment that no one is going to read. Fuck
0 likesi would do anything to talk to someone like you who literally just described my whole life to the point i broke in tears especially the whole old room and bed stuff i cant keep living feeling so alone if you would follow my instagram and dm me i would do anything to talk @my_w0nd3rland_
0 likesi would do anything to talk to someone like you who literally just described my whole life to the point i broke in tears especially the whole old room and bed stuff i cant keep living feeling so alone if you would follow my instagram and dm me i would do anything to talk @my_w0nd3rland_
0 likesHi Dodie...I doubt you'll see this, but I'm really scared. I have been having really bad depersonalization feelings lately and I don't know what to do about it. It feels so scary and weird to feel detached from everything around me. Like I'm not actually me. And I'm just so so scared. I've been panicking all day and I don't know how to stop it and feel like myself again...does anyone have any advice on how to stop any of this?
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Oh I know this feeling all too well, it sucks so hard. Life is scary, but a poem that's personally helped me a lot is "the perfect panic attack" by Patrick Roche, it's here on youtube. give it a watch, try and take a good, warm shower, hang out with some good friends or hug anyone you're close to. Even if it sounds cheesy, surrounding yourself with people may help a lot.
2 likes@wesailtheseas Thank you so much, I really appreciate the advice <3
1 likemeditation helps me alot, grounding myself. theres alot of literature out there that can help you. and just knowledge about the human brain. its not preventable which is both terrifying and comforting in a way. also please go talk to a professional, if its bad enough youtube comments only help so much.
1 likecough I like how ppl with depression, anxiety etc still use "crazy" as an insult and distance themselves from us like we aren't real ppl with real feelings lololol no shade tho
0 likesIts hard to deal with depression when you're a guy bc you can't express your feelings without getting made fun up whilst making it worse.
0 likesThis makes me sad. No one should feel this way 💔 You're not abnormal or mental; you're striking! I hope things have gotten better since the making of this video.
0 likeswatching dodie's videos is kinda therapeutic in a way because she faces the problem head on and talks about it and I can feel myself relating to her and i don't know just how to explain it exactly but she just makes me feel better, you know? like, a weight has lifted off my chest to know that there's someone who understands
0 likesI am going through something like this. I feel like nothing is real. My entire life is just a movie and I'm an audience member watching it on the screen. Everytime I do something, I doubt it really happened. Nothing is real. This is all a dream. There's no point. We don't exist. Everything feels like a deam.I know it's real and I know it's all happening, but it just doesn't feel like it is for me. I laugh, eat, sleep, and do everything I would normally do. But when I get even a second to think to myself I fall into this hole of 'nothing exists. you aren't here.' and I can't get out. No one has said anything because I keep acting normally. I tried bringing it up to my parents but they just said 'huh. that's odd.' and left it. I'm so scared. What do I do? I want to feel normal. I don't know what this is but I want it to stop. I want to go back to how I was. I want to fee alive. I want to be able to enjoy life again.Someone please help me and tell me what I should do. I'm lost.I look around and I know they feel normal. They can just live in the moment. But I can't. I'm just stuck thinking 'I'm gonna die and nothing will matter. nothings even real.'I'm kinda freaking out. But when I start to have a full blown 'oh my god what the living hell am I supposed to do??' moment, my brain just says "it's not real so you have no reason to freak out." and then goes into a shut down mode where I can't feel anything but terror.Someone please help me and tell me what I'm supposed to do.
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I would like to point out that my body is basically on auto pilot. I'm getting good grades, eating well, exercising no less then usual, and reacting to things as I should. But nothing is going through my brain.
49 likesDon't Ask I completelyy understand what you're going through, this may not even be helpful to you at all but I feel the exact same way. you know in your head that you're here but you're not really here and its sort of like you're just in a play or movie where things just happen and you have no control over it. I don't know where I wanted to go with this but if someone would of told me that they understood what I was feeling it would have helped me a lot knowing I'm not alone. maybe you could try seeing a therapist?? talk to other people around you and ask if they've ever felt like this? I don't really know the answer but im sure you'll get through it, babe. just keep fighting ❤❤
12 likesDon't Ask I really don't know. I don't feel real either. 😧
2 likesDon't Ask, it sounds like you're experiencing 'derealization' more than 'depersonalizaton'. I get derealization a lot and have been doing for the last few months. You feel detached from the real world, everything seems strange and you have trouble believing that anything that is happening is real. If you're seeking help, then maybe suggest to your family or doctor that you may me experiencing derealization and/or depersonalisation and if your doctor doesn't know what that is, then find one who does. They may not necessarily have a 'cure' but putting a name to it really helped me, particularly as there are a good number of articles about it online which reassured me that I'm not the only person ever to have experienced this. From my understanding it's a symptom of anxiety (even though you don't necessarily 'feel' anxious the whole time you experience the weird sensations) where your brain is trying to protect you from trauma by dissociating from the real world. I hope this helps.
31 likesDon't Ask I feel the same way. I have ups and downs and sometimes I really struggle to get over all this sensation of non - reality.
5 likesDon't Ask I relate to this so much that it hurts. When I get stuck in this thoughts I panic, because it feels so claustrophobic, because I don't know how to get out of it. It gets better when I'm busy and don't have time to think much about it, but as soon as I'm alone with my thoughts or in an uncomfortable situation it hits me like a bunch of bricks. I keep thinking about it over and over again and I feel this claustrophobic horrible feeling...
8 likesSo my tip is: try not to get stuck in those feelings, meet up with people and try to find an environment where you feel save. Consult a doctor. I wish you the best, you're not alone.
same, hug me
3 likesAna Carolina Sussel 🤗
2 likesI can relate to that. Also "But when I get even a second to think to myself I fall into this hole of 'nothing exists." reminds me of "I'm not okay" by Flatsound. A spoken word you may enjoy c:
0 likesCup0fTime I would love to listen to it! Do you happen to have a link? I can only find 'you said okay'.
0 likesMy bad xDD It was "You said okay"
0 likesMay sound stupid but I was a little bit, I don't know how to say it (I'm french) Uh I felt sad because of the video so I just wrote somethig like that and...anyway.
Cup0fTime That's okay. It's really good! Thank you for suggesting it to me!
0 likesDon't Ask SAME
0 likesDon't Ask LIKE NOT TO JUST TAKE YOUR WORDS THAT U TOOK SO LONG TO TYPE BUT LIKE SAME
0 likesDon't Ask Thank you for putting this into words. For the longest time, I had no idea how to describe this even to myself. I'm so glad I have so many people to relate to.
4 likesThank you for describing this for me. I've been experiencing the same thing and I could never put it into words and explain it to myself. I'm happy that I now know that I'm not alone, and neither are you, or anyone.
4 likesYesssss exactly the same as you that's literally it
0 likesDon't Ask that's exactly it
0 likesthat's everything I feel put into words
7 likesDon't Ask yh
0 likesDon't Ask get in touch with me
1 likeThis is happening to me also. I feel like im completely outside of time
0 likesfirst thing I'd say is don't worry. Eventually your life will fall into place you just have to wait and take time but most importantly in that time you have to figure yourself out. The way you described that is the exact same way I feel, and getting into cognitive therapy and medication can be really hard and personally for me it doesn't help. I'd say for you pay attention to the times you feel at your best and the most "you" and do everything in your favor to have more times like that. Also make sure your aware of the times your at your worst state and why. If you can start to learn about yourself like this you can try and develop some sort of way to help yourself out, just know that even if you don't have that support from your parents there are plenty of educated people online to talk to and help you. I am very interested in listening to other people's experiences with depersonalization and I would love to do anything to help my email is juliannarosec@gmail.com if you'd ever need to chat :)
0 likesMeditate. Don't do anything else but meditating, eating, sleeping and partying hard
1 likeEliraz Biton meditating is helpful but here's the thing with just partying to ignore things, it will help you feel things in the moment but then there's the times where you're alone and things will typically feel worse.
1 likefor the lonely times you need meditation.. but you need to party hard for extra distraction..
0 likesFeeling good is a skill you can develop and learn just like any other skill.. you don't need to depend on anything..
1 likeDon't Ask I feel I understand what you mean, I hope you are doing well.🌼🐌
2 likesDon't Ask g
0 likesDon't Ask this is EXACTLY how i feel. up until now, i always thought i was just weird or messed up, and that no one else went through this, but now im finding so many people that are feeling the same exact thing. i dont know how to make it go away, but talk to a doctor, and im sure theyll know how to help.
1 likeDon't Ask hi I'm a little bit late, I apologise. But if anyone out there has gone through this and somehow passed it please reply to this. I've been stuck in this place for a while and I'm scared it's driving me to insanity. I find it hard to even go outside because I just don't feel real. I'm not enjoying living anymore. Please can someone tell me how they've gotten through this or just tell me there is light at the end of the tunnel. I'm honestly so lost right now
0 likesLeanne ♡ of course there is a light in the end of the tunnel ! Ive been introduced to mental illness the first time in my life about 9 months ago.. a bad trip from weed (only smoked twice in my life..) was rehappening to me all out of a sudden in a big panic attack.. For the next months I felt like a shadow of myself.. the thoughts didnt stop.. everything flooded.. I felt insane guilt for every bad thing ive done.
1 likeAnd confessed to everyone i needed. The ocd kicked in with intrusive thought that paralized me to my bed 24/7.. the anxiety was over the roof.. going to my job was the worst thing ever - nothing seemed normal.. anxiety and depression can cause that. I started therapy and immediately after the first session i felt more relaxed.. the therapist made me sure im.not insane and im not going to lose my mind.. ( was my main concern.)but that didnt stop my anxiety.. I started taking pills but stopped after the first one.. didnt want any side effect.. having a super supportive environment and girlfriend has made things easier.. but the first time i felt a stone going off of my heart was the first time I meditated.. I was in a bus reading about meditation and immwdiately thought.. this is exactly what I need.. please please try this.. give in to this.. meditate, and party hard.. thats what helped me..right now i feel completely normal and back to my old self.. some times i begin to think again.. but i know how to handle that. That experience left me with scars that will probably never heal.. but it also made me a better and more mature person..
Don't Ask your not alone. I had dp for many years. I gets better. Just stay away from weed it makes it worse. Keep yourself busy. Go out like normal. Even tho i know it's horrible what your feeling. Distraction really helped. I remember their were time when I just wanted to sleep all the time. It was the only time when I could have a break from the ongoing nightmare.
0 likesEliraz Biton thank you so much for this! It's so weird that I think mine may be weed related also. I smoked it a few times last year and I get the same feeling now. I might look into meditation I've heard it helps so much. Thank you for reassuring me 😊
0 likesLeanne ♡ you're welcome.. its tricky and seems impossible at times.. but its not! Its dangerous to mess with the mind with drugs..
1 likeI know meditation sounds stupid.. but once you hear the science behind it you will understand.
Eliraz Biton I will definitely try it and look into it. Thank you again
0 likesI am going through this as well but I went to the Dr and we are doing cognitive behavioral therapy, and ASMR so thats what I would try for you the ASMR since your parents don't understand...
0 likesDon't Ask this has happened to me every day and I just assumed this was normal. I don't find joy in doing anything. I feel like I'm drowning sometimes in my fatigue. It's always been a constant presence, but I'm always half-scared that sometimes I'll slip away. The only thing that really keeps me anchored is the phone, I guess because it's kind of the opposite? Everything is crazy and spacey and somehow I feel at home.
3 likesSorry for the sob story, I don't want to bother you with my shit, but I totally understand how you feel and it sucks.
claimica I go through the exact same thing. I had a full blown panic attack a few weeks ago because I could physically feel my thoughts and felt like I was trying to dig my way out of them. It was so strange...
0 likessometimes i get depersonalization when i'm not at school it's horrible :(
1 likeRecently my anxiety has gotten worse. I go into states where I have days that I can't function. I'll have a really horrid panic attack and I can't get out of it. I cry myself to sleep and I feel like there's nothing I can do about it. Sometimes I feel like nobody cares, like everybody thinks that I'm faking it. Sometimes I'll be in a great mood and I get hit with a wave of fear and regret and sadness and negativity and I just feel like I have to run. I have to get out of that situation but even when I got to my "happy place" (my closet in my hopefully soon to be boyfriends jacket, long story) and sob I don't feel better. Some days I just wake up and don't want to leave my room. I have panic attacks and the first real unprovoked panic attack I had was right after I got out of school. I was turning off my closet light and then it felt like my heart stopped. I hid in my bathroom in the bath tub sobbing and I was terrified of leaving. I thought that if I left the bathroom I would be killed. I haven't talked to a doctor yet but this video makes me feel better about considering that. It's hard to talk about because people treat mental illness like a made up condition for attention and I wish that's what it was because its torture. It's hard to have any will to live when you're in a constant state of fear and depression but I have to remind myself that suicide doesn't make things better it only ruins the chances of things ever getting better. Sometimes I'm afraid of myself but I have to remind myself that no matter what, there's a chance that things can get better.
0 likesSometimes I cannot tell if I have these strange/scary thoughts that I force myself to have or the opposite. However even if there is something actually wrong with me, I won't be able to get help from a doctor for a while, there's just many things that I have to do (but won't because...... )Honestly idk one moment I'm motivated and the next thing you know I'm just...... Nahhhh and then absently binge watch YouTube videos. I feel like I get too attached to people (primarily those who are not in my family) it's been a while since I actually got out of the house. It's like I really desire staying at home and not talk to anyone but at the same time I'm like "oh no my friends are gonna forget about me I gotta do something" and then get too scared to text them because I'm thinking "but what if they're busy and dismiss me?? Like I know I shouldn't bother them buUUTT..."
0 likesIdk my brain feels like mush but then again it's late
Fear and sadness arent so good. Maybe think of it like an oyster suffering to mature a pearl. What doesnt kill you, etc.
0 likesAs far as the weirdness goes, depersonalization and all that, i try to enjoy the utter strangness of it all. Appreciate the ineffability of the truth, revel in the mystery.
Normal is boring.
so, i took a test thing at the doctors to test for anxiety and depression. they said im high on anxiety and normal for depression. i may have lied a lil bit. im pretty sure I have depression but i won't say it's true because it's not diagnosed. im most likely going to see a therapist and ill probably have to lie to them sooo that's great. oh and if you're curious to why i think I have depression,, i have done some "things" and thought some "thoughts". the anxiety is aaaaalllllwwwwaaaayyyys around buuuut i lied on that too and said it was only on certain days so that's wonderful too. anyone have any advice
0 likeswhen she started crying about her old flat & bed i resonated with that so much. about a year ago i cleared my room out ready to move house and i gave away/sold so many old toys and books and belongings i thought i didn't need. it didn't bother me at the time because i felt like i didn't use or need any them and they might be useful for someone else. it wasn't until a few weeks ago when i was feeling depressed that i felt like i was almost grieving for the items i no longer had. i kinda had a small breakdown over a specific Polly Pocket set where i was crying and sobbing and searching for this item that i thought id kept but i couldn't find it. it was really special to me and i wanted it so bad so i searched my whole house and room for 2 days but to no avail. later the evening of the second day i found it under my bed where i must have placed it over a year for safe keeping. moral of the story is, depression sucks. i wasted 2 days of my life over something insignificant that in the end wasn't a problem. i guess what i learnt from it is that nothing lasts forever and in one way or another everything will work put even if it isn't in the way you expected <3
0 likesWatching you made my anxiety worse
0 likesfantastic video. I suffer 😥
0 likesI never heard of depersonalization i thought it was normal to feel this way..? i guess i just felt crazy
0 likesI have these weird depersonalization episodes where they only last a few hours, and the world around me doesn’t really look different, it’s just me feeling very detached from myself, like I’m somewhere in the back of my brain just watching myself do things. Not sure what to do about it. :/
0 likesI have so much anxiety and depression I dealt with that I try to get my words out I don’t feel like myself i cry every day I get panic attacks I’m dealing with that like saying someone doesn’t like me like They used I get that feeling
0 likesI've had chronic depersonalisation and derealisation for four years. Ive struggled with depression, chronic anxiety, complex PTSD, ADHD, and sequential processing for the majority of my life. Emotions are far and few in between moments and days and weeks. I have forgotten how to laugh and smile. I am trying to learn how to appear normal and alive and human, but everything is blurry and foggy, like a dream that I can't wake up from. I am cold. I am dizzy. I'm just an actor pretending to feel.
0 likesI am so glad you have made this, I did what you did and recently through Google found I had depersonalization. It sometimes gets worse some days and it is horrible. I am 15 and I wish I had nothing wrong with me. I want to do so many things with my life and I wish it would go away. But I need to fight it and I need to be strong. I am currently sitting on my bed typing this crying because it feels so good to find another person who understands and I am not alone. Thank you 💕
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i dont know what to write exactly but i just want you to know that i think you're really strong and i hope you get happy so soon <3
0 likes+Hadley Richardson Thank you 💓
0 likesI don't necessarily feel like I'm watching the movie that is my life, I feel like I am featuring in the movie. Whenever something good happens I'm like "this is where the good music would play". And I want to cry but tears don't come so easily to me anymore? At school I laugh, I speak and i interact with everyone but I don't feel like I'm there and I feel so lonely even though my friends can be easily reached. I feel like everything is just out of reach. Am I really typing this on my phone right now? Is this real? I don't feel anything anymore. But sometimes on good days I feel like everything just goes away and I tell myself that I made it all up and it feels that way. I do not know what is happening. I can't keep ignoring myself.
0 likesYou just gotta let it happen. It's scary but once you understand it it's nothing and your body will be yours again. And after awhile it's not as scary to think about and it'll go away.
0 likesim 15 and especially lately iv been getting moments. i could have the best day with no disturbance and then suddenly when i get home i will get in bed and just do nothing. i dont think of anything to be honest. my friends say they understand and they really are there for me but they will ask me what i think started it or what i was thinking about to trigger it and the answer is simply. nothing. i will be walking home with my friends having a laugh and smiling. i will watch youtube videos and then suddenly like there is no change in movement or anything i will casually turn everything off and then lie down. and do nothing. think nothing. feel nothing but darkness and being alone. i know im not alone and i know what i have but the feeling is so overwhelming that all i want to do is kill myself. i try to do things i usually love but it bores me and i have no attention span. i dont tell my family or get help because in my mind they are just moments and no matter how bad they get i will always go back to "normal" and i will just feel ashamed for hurting myself. i dont expect anyone else to understand if the only time even i understand is when i get those episodes
0 likesCan you do a video of how things went from here? What you did? What worked? What didn't? I'm stuck 😔
0 likesYou're a very good egg <3
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:)
4 likes<3
3 likes:) <3
3 likesily bry teehee
4 likesbless
4 likesAWWWW
5 likes:)
0 likesYou're so Real and I love it
0 likes1:02 Exact same thing I said before, now I understand mental illnesses, dementia, damn.
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Holy shit it’s been a month.. Have I changed? A little.
0 likesAlways know you can get a second opinion. Anytime a medical person dismisses you as "just making it up", probably a good time to seek a new doctor/therapist whatever.
0 likesi'm not diagnosed with depersonalization, but it's awfully similar to how i feel and what i'm experiencing. honestly, it hurts. at first i was just getting distant, and i simply stopped talking to people as much. school had just ended, so i thought i was just getting lonely, but when i actually looked at it from all angles, i noticed that my friends were blowing up my phone, but i never responded, no matter how much i felt like i should've. i had also lost interest in more than just conversation: i lost my spark to play ukulele, to draw, to write, to take care of myself, to eat, to stay awake, everything. so, i tried to confront my closest friend about it, but when i did, i realized i had no idea how to speak to her. get that this was my oldest, closest, most accepting, most personal friend i had, and still have, yet i couldn't, for the life of me, figure out what to say. everything i had texted her felt so scripted ; it wasn't me. everything i texted her, i took time to think about what should i say, not what i /would/. after i read over our conversation, i noticed that nothing i had said sounded like me at all. as i began to notice that something was definitely off, i also noticed how it felt as if i was drifting through life. i felt like i was watching a movie of my life, yet i wasn't the actress playing me. i heard everything, i felt everything, yet i felt so numb. i couldn't feel like i used to. i didn't even laugh as much, and whenever i did, it was so obviously forced. i began to start randomly bursting into tears out of sadness of loss of — well, myself, and out of frustration with myself.
0 likeswhat i mean by feeling, is that i could hear, smell, taste, touch, and see, yet i wouldn't feel. i was numb. i felt like an empty vessel, only filled halfway with knowledge, yet lacking the rest of myself, which was my emotions. i knew when to be happy, and when to be sad... but i never was. at the time, my cat, that i had been having for nearly seven years, had died. my mom, sisters, ad brother had all cried and grieved, but i didn't. i tried to force myself to be sad, to make tears fall from my eyes, but they never did.
i'm so glad you made this video, because if not, i'd feel alone. and dodie, you kinda helped; my heart wrenched when you nearly cried for a minute there :):
So, I get depersonalization like... two or three times a week... And I've always thought that it's normal... Is it not normal?
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It's usually just four or five hour spells. Sometimes it'll happen for a day or two, and once it's happened for a week straight. I've never really thought about it much. My sister called it an out-of-body experience last time it happened. It was really bad that time. I was fine, and then everything felt wrong, and I kinda just sat on the ground hugging myself and laying on the floor. I wouldn't speak. It felt like a panic attack, but instead of panic, it's complete calm. Not blissful calm, though. More of what felt like calm before a storm. I was anxious but not panicked, and I wasn't sure what was happening. Everything just felt wrong.
18 likesIt kinda just felt like I was this... thing. Just a thing in a world. A world that is happy. And that I didn't belong there.
7 likesA happy world with happy people and happy things and happy thoughts and just... happy. And I wasn't. I was this shadow. I was there but I wasn't. I don't really know how to explain it. I want to call it a conscious coma of anxiety and existentialism that I just can't interpret, so I lay on the ground refusing to interpret anything. I need to let my happy thoughts in, but opening myself up to those opens myself to all of the thoughts that I don't want, so I just lay on the ground in a quiet lull of nothing.
5 likesI'm really bad at explaining.
Looking back on it, I should've known that it wasn't normal. A lot of things I go through aren't normal. I wasn't aware for a long time that my depression and anxiety weren't normal. That I wasn't supposed to be this paranoid about what others think about me. Or that I'm not supposed to feel like I'm always going to be tackled by this feeling of vulnerability and self-hatred and plain fear of my thoughts. I started to realize that it wasn't normal to fear the dark thoughts in my head. To feel that you were alone and forgotten, not loved or wanted. I realized that it was really bad when I began to fear for my life because eof how dark my thoughts of, and what I became during bad depressive episodes. When I started taking my medicine to my room and began pondering that there's a possibility to overdose on antidepressants. I refuse to keep anything dangerous in my room anymore. It's sad. I can't trust myself to want to live.
5 likesAlso, in the video, Dodie said that she wasn't looking for a way to fit a title, and that she just found something to describe what was already happening... I'm typing this now because I typed the majority of these comments before I watched the video. I paused about ten seconds in and just.... typed. I should probably write all of this somewhere else besides the comment section on YouTube, but it felt necessary.
4 likesAlso, after just watching the part about people not understanding mental illnesses... I'm so happy for them. I am. It hurts when they talk that way, but I'm glad that they can. A lot of my friends are like that, but most of them understand. There's one in particular who I still don't think gets it. I know that he's trying to, and he says that he does, but I can feel that he just doesn't get it. And I'm happy that he doesn't, because I don't think anyone can really understand unless they've been there, but I still wish that he could understand, because he's one of my favorite people, and he's one of my best friends, and sometimes I just wish that I could talk to him about this kind of stuff when it gets really bad. He's an optimist, and one of the happiest people I know, and he usually balances me out quite well... But when I have a bad depressive episode, it all just kind of clashes, and his happiness feels like an insult. I wish it didn't, but it does. And I think it's because she just doesn't understand that you can't just ignore it. It's not just a thought, it's a being. It's like trying to ignore my existence. I am this illness, but I'm still myself... And he's just himself. He thinks through himself, and that's it. I have to think through my personality as well as my mental illnesses, and it's a weird kind of handicap that he doesn't understand. Yes, I'm glad that he doesn't get it. But I almost wish he would just accept that he doesn't, rather than deny it. I wish he would be there for me in a different way. He can still be there for me and make me feel better, but his misinterpretation of how I feel just makes me feel worse. I'd rather him be there as a sign that it does get better, and that I am loved. But it feels like he's telling me that I should be able to turn off these thoughts. That I should be able to be like him. Because that's what he thinks it is. I just... I want him to be there for me without feeling the need to understand. To just be there. That's what would help me the most from him. For him to just be there for me.
6 likesAlso this makes me think of Secret for the Mad which is such an amazing song. I love it. Thank you so much, Dodie.
4 likesOh, I just watched the go to a doctor bit. I have a psychiatrist, but it's not the same as a psychologist. I can't talk to her because she isn't that type of doctor. However, I need her, which means I can't afford a psychologist. I was going to one for a while, but once they recommended antidepressants, I had to stop. I can't afford both, but I need both. That's probably the reason I'm pouring my heart out in the comments section. I think I'm going to record all of this into a document. Who knows, maybe one day I can share all of this and help someone else who's going through it, like Dodie did. I mean, that all I really care about anymore. I'm going in to psychology. That's what I want to do with my life. Help others so that they don't have to feel how I do. And of they already do, I want to make sure that they don't go through it alone.
5 likesYou can completely "cure" yourself in a very short amount of time . We all know its a result of "Trauma " either from a panic attack or drugs a way to protect your body . So stop that worry its not a mental disorder , but actually I congratulate you all . Your brain is working perfectly as its supposed to work . Your trauma has put your Amygdala to a sensitized state . Consider the sensitized state as scale high/low in just temperature . Now have you experienced , when you didn't have anxiety disorder / DP you were emotionally strong or not sensitive to emotional thoughts or worries . So it answers your first anxious question "Will it will come back again just by feeling worried about your exams or any worry in the future ?" After going away Amygdala would not be "sensitized" So it will not come back .
13 likesAgain we all very well know that stopping the anxiety cycle would all together heal you as you have read everywhere . The real deal is to quieten the mind which keeps on having anxious thoughts no matter how much you distract myself or no matter how much you fight it . These anxious thoughts keeps on cycling you though the same anxiety cycle and slightest anxiety during "de-personalized state " makes DP/DR stay and we know why "sensitized Amygdala". In normal state if you have same level of worrying thought it wouldn't trigger back anxiety because Amygdala is no sensitized. Only if 1000 pound grizzly bear is running after you in the jungle then there is a chance getting it back again :) .
If you can spend a week totally not being anxious about it or any future anxiety about it 95% of your symptoms would go away . Rest 10% is just passing time to forget that you once had it :D
Anxiety basically comes after thoughts arise in mind .
Now how do you stop your thoughts?
NO ! NO ! you cant stop thoughts or fight thoughts that is where you are going wrong about it . Thoughts are the product of Subconscious mind in other words "Conditioned mind". In a scenario of anxiety/DR/DR its a mind "Conditioned" by your anxiety. "Conditioned mind" or Subconscious mind basically has no connection with logical brain . It basically throws thoughts and then your "conscious mind" is just at a mere mercy of those thoughts . Now if you fight it becomes become stronger and thoughts persist. You resist it persist . One cant stop it :D. So the trick is to "Separate your self from thoughts" . So whenever any anxious thoughts appear . Don't reply, don't fight back . Just watch and listen to them . Identify that these are from automatic "Conditioned mind" . These thoughts are not True. Its the same voice that sometimes tells you "You are not good enough ", "You wont be able to do it", "People don't like me", etc etc all that bullshit Its automatic and has no logic . We are not our thoughts or images perceived in our head. Just listen to that anxious voice in your head and laugh at it . Anxiety is a LIE , its a lie and it wants you to believe its lies . This would make more sense when you will be able to see the "LIE" in it . Do this for one week . Symptoms almost go and then you would be actually know the lie of anxiety /DP DR. Would you ever follow that lie again ? thats the cure .
Now thought comes "is it true? what if it wont heal me ? what if I am different ? what if he was different and I am not? what if I am going crazy ? what if it comes back in future ? "
These are all thoughts and automatic . Are you going to believe them ? change the perception of your source of these thoughts and see what happens . best way if to visualize them as coming from a monster in your head . That fucker doesn't want you to recover ( which is true indeed) once you stop believing that monster thoughts lose power and slowly they disappear . After sometime you mind will be left with nothing and you can focus attention to you normal things , but if you fight it as you have been doing till now and it hasn't helped and never will . it hits back . You are trying to solve a problem that doesn't exist . You are fighting your minds self defense mechanism that's DP/DR which is pointless to fight ? It needs a calm mind to go away .
PS : No medication . Its not an illness . Its a thought perception problem and cant be solved by a pill :)
When I get it I'm oddly calm because I feel like I'm in my own world and nothing else matters
8 likesAlycat Fangirl I've had it 24/7 my whole life. I'm not sure I even exist anymore.
5 likesIdek what to say, I've been through so many counsellors and therapists but I never thought I was depressed enough and after somebody accused me of attention seeking I started believing it so I turn down help and keep it to myself because I'm terrified people will think I'm attention seeking, but every single day I think about suicide and stuff and I've lost all of my hope, it's only recently that my teachers have started worrying about me because I haven't been eating and I've been purging and stuff and they made me see another counsellor but I'm already ignoring her texts and calls because I don't see the point in getting help anymore, on good days I really want help because I know I need it but then bad days show up again and I just don't see the point anymore, tbh I feel really messed up and my family just make it so much worse 😟
0 likesI've had depersonalisation once in my life and I thought I was losing my fucking mind...and it goes away and comes back, it's weird and depressing shit.
0 likesthis how i been feeling lately and i just can't pick myself up. what is a way to do and kind of get myself human and my mum keeps saying i'm to young to be dealing with mental illness because she thinks i haven't dealt with anything,when really i get bullied, i've had a few suicide attempts and i just feel so lost and non-human
0 likesso last night and this morning I've had this feeling of just worry and fear and nausea and I barely got any sleep but there's no problem and I've never felt this before in such a sense, and that makes me even more scared... Someone please help me am I having a panic attack?
1 likehonestly i have random spurts of not feeling like i'm in my body. my main way of combating this is throwing myself into doing things and going out with friends. this doesn't work sometimes tho. i have no real advice to be honest and am rambling.
15 likesalso i've had people tell me i'm making up the fact i have autism but ??? i have no idea why i would make this up it makes me hate myself??? so it doesn't make sense to say someone is making up things
i hope going to the doctors can help you a lot more. also routine is a very good thing to help you feel back to normal but do not get to sunk into the routine because you might have to change that routine then end up having a panic attack from change of routine
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also another thing that weirdly puts me back into my body, is cold showers, or showering in the dark (last one you might slip or something tho lmao)
1 like+Phobby Ironz showering in the dark is my favorite it's a weird feeling but a good one
1 likeOh my gosh, yes! Long, hot showers for me are the most (and sometimes ONLY effective) stabilizing thing. And showering in the dark is so nice (when you don't trip :P). I can go into a shower anywhere from moderately anxious to suicidal and just stay under the water until I'm something close to calm. They might be the only way I've survived so long... :')
1 likeDoddie please get better. I'm concerned about you!
0 likesi used to cry all the time. every night near enough i'd break down about how my life had gone wrong (even if there's nothing particularly wrong, just everything) and it'd be gone by the morning. i'd feel great all day and break down at night, but its weird now. i don't breakdown i just feel kinda empty and bored of life. i don't have waves of emotions during the day and at night, its just all day nothingness. i cant talk to my friends because i've drifted away from them now and i don't want to talk to them because i wonder how they can be so happy and smiley all the time. they get sick of my sarcastic comments and my constant turning down their invitations to stuff. i hate their company and i prefer silence, but the silence still feels empty and lonely. i don't know whether i prefer being alone or with others. i just dont like being. someone's coming over later to watch a movie with me and i already tried to cancel and failed. someone potentially attractive, at that. i used to be kinda funny (my friends used to think so anyway) and i used to hold social events all the time, sleepovers and bonfires and cinema trips... i don't do anything anymore because i dont want to. it seems like so much work to force a smile and have a good time. i think i've just lost faith in humanity.
0 likesSometimes i'll be somewhere that i have been a thousand times before and my whole memory will go blank like when im at work and ill be standing there trying to remember where i am
0 likes6:05-6:10 this is kinda what my parents say. They say things like, “you’re not really _depressed_. You calling it that makes your brain magnify it and make it real because your subconscious mind can’t say no to anything. Stop calling it that and live life” thats pretty much what they say. But they’re wrong and I think I told them that but I don’t know. But yeah it does suck cause it makes me sad that my depression that is real is being neglected. I do have a counselor, so it’s not like they just ignored it completely, they did notice it. They just keep saying to stop calling it depression. Then what am I supposed to call it? Sadness? Anxiety? Self deprecation? All are just as bad. So idk why people say that cause it’s pretty hurtful to those who actually feel these things and yet people still say things like that to them.
0 likesI can give some advice about anxiety if you like lol. If you get a therapist I bet he/she will advise you to realise that you are having the attack- go with it, realise that you are still alive and that it will all be o.k. you are not having a heart attack. And you are you and it is totally fine that this is happening. It will always be a part of you but you will learn to control it. Oh and it will happen without warning. Anyone else was told this???? lol! Meditation and mindfulness is really helpful. That is for anxiety anyway- Depression well that is a whole different ball game my friend. It's a tough one! All the best.
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Oh oh and that anxiety is energy so you could use that energy in positive ways e.g. being creative etc rather than using it to get anxious. Depression though I guess is the opposite you don't want to get out of bed let alone make art.
4 likesthank you for showing me I'm not the only sad person in this world
0 likesSo I’m pretty sure I don’t have depersonalization, but I have felt the way she is explaining before, for me it was kind of like zoning out but I wasn’t staring at a certain place or anything. I was still answering questions and processing what other people were saying. It feels like I’m a part of a movie but I’m not the actor, I’m the one watching it or something. I rarely ever feel this way, and when I do it’s only for like 5 minutes at the most. Can anyone relate lol?
0 likesWhen I had a panic attack in school my dad said I'm watching too much YouTube and I need to grow up after that I never opened up my feelings to anyone again
0 likesI know this video was back in 2017, but whatever.
0 likes7:58 hit me really hard in the chest.
I'm currently 13 with anxiety (not sure), not diagnosed. I stay at home a lot and usually cry myself to sleep. I want to feel happy, I try to be happy, but the happiness I showed was just toxic. It wasn't me anymore. I only became happy so nobody else would see the crumbling being behind the smile. I was scared what they would think and scared that I'd hurt them.
And it hurt me even more when I was scrolling through social media and saw a post that said something along the lines of "If you're below 20 and say you have depression or anxiety, you're probably just trying to be edgy or want attention!"
That post made me question so many things, I would curl up in the corner or cry in the bathroom thinking:
"AM I FAKING?" "WHAT IF THIS ISN'T REAL?"
AND I WAS TERRIFIED MORE THAN EVER BEFORE.
I didn't know who I was anymore.
I still don't know
there's just this massive hole in my personality, my very being.
and so I smile to cover up the hole that's been growing since I don't even know when.
If you read this, then thanks.
I'm genuinely happy someone cares.
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I care:) I'm 16, and was recently diagnosed with depression. Is there someone you can go to for help? A doctor you can see? They can take assessments and be sure if they can start you on medication. I've seen a major boost in my mood since then, although I still above dark days. Bottom line, mental illness doesn't discriminate. You can't control your anxiety, but you can control whether you let it get worse or stop it becoming too severe. Please get help if you can and talk to an adult you trust:)
0 likessometimes (certain times worse than others) I’ll be completely fine and laughing and happy, then right after i can’t talk right, I can’t concentrate, my eyes can’t focus on one thing and I feel like I’m in a dream and I’m not actually alive. this sucks but I love this video
0 likes4:15 broke my heart no joke😥
1 likei thought i was the only one who loses their sanity when im far away from my room? 😭
0 likesI feel her pain.
0 likesYou totally have vestibular migraine! All your symptoms match!!!
0 likesThe text is exactly how I feel all the time and every asks and I can not explain it at all
0 likesI don't relate to this but I love reading and learning about it.
0 likesI have episodes at weird times. I act different. When I was in highschool it was the days I didnt take my meds. And I felt stoned but I had never smoked. Or drunk. I had a rough childhood and such but it was so strange walking the streets of this tiny town that I knew like the back if my hand and not know it at all. Not find one little nook that I could call my home. I was very lost. One time my friends and I went to target this was a few months ago and we were just ya know shopping and I did smoke a bit before but I was like woah I shouldnt be high still. I ate food i drank water i pulled out my sunglasses. But nothing could bring me into my shoes. It's like my body was trying to escape and i felt nauseous and dizzy. I couldn't walk or talk right. My friends say they were hella scared and didkt know what was happening. My episodes are very strange and yet I smoke weed even though that's apparently a no no with depersonalization and derealization disorder. Just any drug or alcohol use. I've been suffering from ADHD and major depressive disorder and major anxiety disorder. And now this. Its kinda always been with me and I just grew up with the disorder. It comes and goes. And its fucking scary. I say it does make me manic a lot of times. But that's my story. You just gotta ground yourself. Try to get through it
0 likesI felt what you felt too but i have 13 and i think this is just a think that comes in the mind of teenagers, even if you're 21 or 23 at the moment, being a teenager is until 25 sooooo you are good but if your feelings are so strong you should talk and do what you already do now
0 likesidk if it's just me but you can tell she cried before filming because her cheeks are bit shinier than usual :((((( It's been 2 years already but I hope she's doing better <3 <3 <3
0 likesI find that lots of people who have mental illness or that go through bad things sometimes joke about it. Like, I personally think I could have social anxiety, and I joke about my panic attacks a lot despite them being traumatic experiences. I think it's sort of a coping thing maybe
0 likesI have chronic depression and it's upsetting feeling like you'll never be okay and being scared about how long it'll take to feel okay again and especially when your family act like you're making it up and you just want attention they make it feel like im crazy seeing things that aren't there and it only makes things worse
0 likesi would do anything to talk to someone like you who literally just described my whole life to the point i broke in tears especially the whole old room and bed stuff i cant keep living feeling so alone if you would follow my instagram and dm me i would do anything to talk my_w0nd3rland_
0 likes@ 6:00 whO EVER SAID THAT NEEDS TO GO AWAY BECAUSE YOU CANT JUST TURN IT OFF AND BE HAPPY BECAUSE wHo cAn dO tHaT?!? Dodi you are so inspiring and extremely lovely and i know this video is old and you might have changed a bit but regardless, you're so amazing and keep doing what you're doing❤️
0 likesEver wonder what it's like to be one of those people who only get sad sometimes and have never been seriously depressed or anxious? must be nice
0 likesI wonder how many more times I'll have to think "I really have to go see a doctor" to myself before actually going because I feel like I really can't do that idk
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Ich Eben same 😕
1 likeoh my god dodie in gonna fucking sob, i haven't even finished watching the video yet in so sorry but i understand so much, depersonalization is the worst and im so sorry you have to experience this oh my god i really hope everything gets better. mine has been getting so bad again
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idk if this matters but my user used to be phuck phan (ignore me)
1 likegood luck, dodie. If you make it... tell me. I need to know it's possible
0 likesOkay, I'm going to just open up. At first the only mental illness I've ever been familiar with was anxiety (idkw I'm balling my eyes out right now) I was first familiar with anxiety at the age of 7/8? I had a traumatic childhood I guess? I was sexually assaulted at the age of - what, 5? I have no memories of my mum and dad together, I've only ever been familiar with going house to house. I've suffered with hearing loss..that is what caused my anxiety. But as a teen I have felt very depersonalised...I feel fucking fake, like my thoughts aren't me. I've been looking into mental illness because I just want a fucking explanation. I've been thinking about self harming, but I've always backed off because I tell myself. You're an attention seeker if you self harm, do you want to be an attention seeker? Do you? You haven't got depression, it's not true..you're just making it up because - attention. YOU'RE FUCKING FAKE! Then this girl who is diagnosed with those things said to me "don't try and diagnose yourself..you don't know what it feels like, you're just making it up" and it made it worse, I felt like I was even more fake and I just feel fucked. I don't know what to do and I feel SO lost..idk if what I have is depression..maybe I'm just attention seeking, maybe what I'm feeling isn't depression..you're making it up. I've asked my mum to get a check up, but all she said was to talk about it when we get home..but we never did because I was too scared and embarrassed.
0 likesI honestly though I had like a brain tumor or something until I heard about depersonalisation
0 likesIt's my biggest fear is that the doctor I go to next month is going to tell me that I'm just making it up or that it's all in my head or I don't actually have anxiety and I just need to get over it. I spent the longest time trying to tell my mom to get an appointment with a psychiatrist, and all she did was get books about getting over shyness or try to force me to be social and make friends. It makes me want to cry, because there isn't a single person in my life who understands what it's like, and it's so frustrating to think I could potentially go to this person and she does the same thing. I have a lot of control issues when it comes to my own life, but it's to the point that I'd swallow a thousand pills to distort my reality if it meant I'd just be normal again.
1 likeThis is painfully relatable
0 likesI don't want to call it depression, because I feel like I'm labeling myself for attention, but I get into these weird head spaces where everything is numb. i can't feel or think, just numbness. It randomly happens too. I will be fine one moment, and the next I'm not. It doesn't last for a long day, just maybe 10 to 15 minutes and I'm not sure what it is. I am scared to call it depression because I feel like i'm looking for attention, or I feel this way because i'm being influenced. I have been told many times times that i'm just looking for attention/ i'm being influenced, so my parents try to break all contact with the internet and tv. i don't know what to call it and sometimes it scares me. sometimes i envelop it with open arms, and i don't know what to do.
0 likesi always cry when i watch this video because every time i see my counceller i think this time i`ll tell her about my depression and i never do ive been depressed since i was 8 and im now 13 and it started after my parents split up it sucks so bad and i always feel like killing myself and im not here im scared im going mad and i dont know what to do
0 likesSubbed on the grounds your amazing 😊
0 likesI'm on autopilot and I don't know what to do. I feel like I am viewing my life in third person rather than first. Like all my friends are not my own, or my own head isn't mine. Any suggestions/ideas on how to fix it ? :(
0 likesI was depersonalized with severe anxiety for a whole summer. It was the worst.
0 likesMy parents and therapist have told me that I'm making my problems up so much I think I might be
0 likesI feel weird too
1 likelike everyone is in a dream but mine comes with extra fever
i can't feel pain
my pain got normal
some people have nightmares, and i get a glimpse of those sometimes
i feel weird
my insides burn or fill up with the water clogging my throat and filling my eyes
the people can't see my dream
nooses are covered in flowers, guns throw candy, our blood is maple syrup
my life is a lie
someone is gone, but others can't see
i feel like they're blind and want me to be as well
but i see all of those colors, they hurt my eyes
they drive me insane
please help me
I don't know why I'm so scared to tell anyone about it all.
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its how people will see you after telling them, but believe me, everything is for the better. get help, complicated or not, go. take care, mate
6 likestell the right people, like professionals. start by asking them if they know what derealization is. if they do, proceed. if they dont, spare yourself the pain of being misunderstood. dont start with telling your friends, they might invalidate your feelings. i know this from experience; having people speak shit about your pain because they dont udnerstand it is the worst fckn shite in the world.
1 likePlease don't think I am creepy, I don't mean this in the weird, creepy way. I love you so much. Just watched two videos and you are super-relatable!
0 likesBTW, this is not to make you feel better (if it does, great), 'cause I hate when people try to do that. But I just needed to get that off my chest!
BTW again, people always do that, huh. Even my best friends think that saying they love me makes everything normal again. So sweet, but so ignorant. I love them too though!
I love you. I hope to god this passes.
0 likesSince August something was wrong. This last month it is unbearable and I can't think straight. I don't want to ask for help because I am scared, so I struggle on my own. I have panic attacks so often, I cry endlessly because I feel like the world is fake. I can't think straight, so I don't know what to do. Any advice on how to tell people that I feel like I am watching someone else's world or a dream. I think it might be Depersonalisation but I don't want to skip to any conclusion. Any help? Thank you.
1 likeI know this vid was a long time ago but I have to say that you are the most wonderful lil princess on this earth and its sad to see the sweetest human ever is ill you'll never see this but it'll be nice to write this anyway but you're songs have helped me I loved you so much I wish we were friends cause I need a musical friend just please stay with us cause we all love you so much hope you have dodie day love ya ✌🏾️😬
0 likesI know this vid was a long time ago but I have to say that you are the most wonderful lil princess on this earth and its sad to see the sweetest human ever is ill you'll never see this but it'll be nice to write this anyway but you're songs have helped me I loved you so much I wish we were friends cause I need a musical friend just please stay with us cause we all love you so much hope you have dodie day love ya ✌🏾️😬
0 likesI think I may have depersonalisation but when I mentioned it to someone they just thought I was on drugs, I don't know what to do.
0 likesi think your perfectly you, i yhink your very interested. cry and let it out do not spupress your feelings on your videos. i appreciate the honesty and it really inspires me. i respect peopl who ate raw,real and are open. you seem very in touch with your feelings and you have great conversational skills. no ones got a perfect life. half our lives feel dreamy. sometime we laugh,sometimes we cry. some times i cry fof somethings that are not even sad. sometimes im laughing and dont know why sometimes i feel on top of the word and a secod later im ina dark place. sometimes i recluse other times im social. i have a good side, a happy side, a clever side, a dark side a secret side,a hungry side, a sad side, a lonely side a hopless side an empty side a mad aide an ok side a revel side a crazy side some times i take sides and sometimes i sleep all day sometimes i do nothing. sometimes i get it and sometimes im confused,sometimes i let others down, sometimes im scarey, sometimes im lazy, sometimes i want to disappear some days ate not worth living some days are empty,some days make no sense, somedays i learn,somedays i win. we are all just being who we are for that moment we feel or were stuck feeling for that moment. sometimes moments are long some are short, some sneak in and some jump on us, some things or feelings come visit some vacation in us and some move in others move out. you see we live in s spiritual world and we cant see they but they influence us. sometimes its just us. sometimes its someone elses thoughts feeling or actions against us or are on our side. some things support us some things inspire some things dissappear some things change somethings dont,somethings are remember some forgotten.some remind us some scate us som even terrorize and freak us out. some things cause panic. just realize you afe the result of everthing in around and the sum of all you experiend in this world and much of life are theories. you are loved. your accpted. your apprcuated for your honest and i appreciate having shared this piece of life to glimpse into your soul and say hi,thanks right on keep kt real its refreshing. your better then a book. your real and i like being human and im listening.
0 likesDepersonalisation is something I need help with still. I don't understand myself
0 likeswhen she started leaking tears i wanted to genuinely wipe her cheeks through my screen 'cause it just made me sad how dodie always helped me thru anything im going thru but i couldnt return the favor
3 likesi get spacey all day until i dont know what happened. my head will hurt and i cant go to sleep. i cant wake up without a thousand alarms. i took a history test today but i couldnt tell you what is was on. my anxiety gets the better of me until ive convinced myself that i am wrong and invalid. i feel like im in a dream or a movie. my hands dont look like my hands. my face looks like a strangers.
0 likesi don't think i 'have' depersonalization but i definitely feel it from time to time, as a result of being sleep deprived and depressed for a few days. the day before i feel actually better not 'recovered' but just better than i was is just so spacey and i can't focus on words because my brain has shut down in order to repair itself.
0 likesdepersonalization is terrifying. you seem like you're invisible, and everything is hazy. you start to see the world differently. everything feels like it's pulling up off the ground and you're floating but then there is a huge weight on your chest. it's just scary. at least that's what it's like for me.
0 likesI feel even afraid in the tub and showering and washing my hair bc I am alone in the bathroom.
1 like<3
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love your vids beth:)
1 like<3
0 likesmusicalbethan i make 100th like
0 likesHow to cure Depersonalization in three simple steps.
0 likesIntroduction:
Depersonalization is a state of mind where you feel unreal and emotionally numb. The environment around you seems unfamiliar, strange and almost fake as if it were made of plastic.
People then begin to feel changes in themselves, where they begin to question if anything is real or if anything exists. Eventually, they become so engrossed by these thoughts; they begin to believe them.
What causes these sensations?
A series of events may trigger this feeling of being 'unreal' that would varry from anxiety, panic attacks, mental trauma, etc. (e.g. a person may have witnessed a horrific incident that could cause him/her to feel this way, temporarily.)
How long does this last?
Not for very long. If you have previously experienced visual distortions, chances they have probably subsided by now. All that remains are worrying, intrusive thoughts that seem overwhelming and almost impossible to overcome.
If still experience visual distortions you are most likely still overwhelmed by these events and are overly anxious (constantly on edge). Regardless, both of these disturbances can be overcome very easily.
Why do people continue to feel this way?
Interestingly, this has much less to do with the root cause and more to do with the strange thoughts the person experiences on a frequent basis.
Here is the pattern:
1- Thought arises telling the person that nothing is real, nothing feels real.
2- The person then believes the thought and acknowledges it.
3- Then the person feels boggled and confused, questioning the validity of his thoughts.
The cycle repeats.
What do thoughts have to do with feeling unreal?
When you touch something, feel something, or say something, you would experience thoughts in your mind telling you what you are touching does not feel or seem real. When you are talking, the same thought arises telling you that it is not you speaking, that the words coming out of your mouth are automated and you have no control over it.
Some people believe these thoughts, even though they know they are not true.
Only when a person believes these thoughts does he become an observer. Which is something that many people complain about.
How do we cure Depersonalization and reduce the intensity of these thoughts?
There are three simple steps that should be taken when facing these situations. With daily use and practice they will become second nature.
1- Realize that these thoughts are not yours. (Any deceitful thoughts that would cause you mental pain, wasting of time, etc.) e.g. Thoughts of feeling unreal fit in all these categories.
(1- Deceitful = Not true 2- Mental Pain = Stress, Anxiety. 3- Wasteful = Analyzing and evaluating)
2- Don't believe the thoughts. (You might think theres something more, don't believe the thoughts, they are not true. They shouldn't be analyzed or evaluated, they will simply waste your time.)
3- Don't blame yourself for having these thoughts. (Self-blame will cause you to fall back into the viscous cycle, you will begin to feeldepressed > worrying thoughts arise > anxiety.
How does this help?
By implementing these 3 simple steps into your daily routine, you will eliminate the feeling of Depersonalization as well as anxiety.
1- You will not be troubled by the thoughts, because they don't belong to you. (Reduces thinking about thoughts)
2- You will not believe deceitful thoughts that only aim to cause you mental pain. (Reduces anxiety)
3- You will not blame yourself for having these thoughts and will learn to deal with them more effectively in a healthy way. (Reduces the likelihood of falling into a depressed state)
I hope this helps and benefits you all as much as it has helped me.
“I would fight it, but how can you fight it when the IT is what you’re using to fight with”
0 likesI feel like the memories I have are more precious than moments I live currently because everything from the past seems so perfect and colourful but when I live today it's all just black and white, I want to appreciate something I want to feel it but I just feel like I'm forcing myself to the point it's not natural. There are certain things I enjoy like time with friends and a good laugh but I can no longer experience the feelings I had long ago - the feeling of having a boyfriend (God I miss that), the amazing feeling of the sea and beach (which now feels like cold water and annoying sticky sand) and those nights where you just pop on a fleece and star gaze (which is now boring and time consuming). I feel like I've desensitised myself to beautiful complex feelings. Sure I feel happy, sad, glad, whatever - but where's the deeper feeling? I can feel but not FEEL. Everything is shallow, like I'm desperately trying to swim but staying on the bank. The hardest feeling to part with is the excitement of seeing my family.. they've all changed :( the cousins I knew to be cute and chubby and innocent now stay attached to their phones, put their noses up and dismiss the childlike sense of excitement they used to have. It's so depressing being a teenager, when those around you can only have fun drunk or high. TRUE fun comes from childhood wonder and innocence. Why is it that I feel so self conscious and hunched up with that feeling that whatever I say to that old family member might not strengthen the precious relationship I am losing grip of? Why can't I just hug them relentlessly, talk a lot, and just have a laugh? It's cause as years go by I'm detaching myself. I do it out of the lack of feeling, I have nothing to give to people so they can't give back. I'm lazy in the way I interact and it's impossible to tighten a bond that was just so amazing long ago. I roll my eyes back, stare into space, I don't feel anything! FEEL, Eliza, FEEL!!!! The past is so melancholic when you can't have something beautiful back. When you're a teenager you should be experiencing the new, having new relationships and boyfriends and sex and parties. But I just have everything I had as a kid, but less. It's all luke warm. It feels like I'm not moving on from childhood cause I'm too shy. I haven't transitioned to the stage beyond my comfort zone. So, is this me forever? Will I just go to uni and wonder through the corridors and grounds like a kid in a lost playground, move into my own home and have a job but treat it like I'm going to school? Visit my old grandparents desperately trying to make the most and get excited to go to their wonderful countryside village but just seeing them all ill in a bed that's not their own? Then when my parents die, what happens then? It's all gone. My childhood is gone. So I'm depressed, cause there's nothing of me nothing I have developed or grown into but that. I'm living alone eating sausage and beans with a cat. I go to parks then realise I'm too old.. I go to the seaside and realise it's too cold.. I meet with friends but why would I? They've all grown up, had kids, living life as they should. Life is just a black hole. Where's the light at this point. I'm 15 and I'm in the dark, but not the darkest dark just yet.
0 likesI can't think like this.. it's toxic. I want to feel that I do feel different and I'm not just a child losing everything. I actually do have a new life, with new emotion, new experience, new intention, new friends.. I mean, I do have friends! I have interests! I've improved in my art, my style.. there are things I can say I'm proud of: I helped out at my nursery, I've had a date (well, a year and a bit ago but it counts), I've been for walks with my guy and girl friends, I've done scary stuff like scaresville and talking to people. I completed a graphic novel course, in London, on my own (child me would've HATED that!) I went on a school residential abroad, I've had alcohol at a party (family party but whatever), I've gotten into Netflix series (skins! It's the best), I've learnt to horseride, I've had new crushes, I've been to see musicals.. in fact there's a lot I'm not even mentioning the best! I'm going to start my gcses this year as well and I know that that's something different and it's going to change my life. I am already excited for sixth form and meeting new people as well as having new teachers, I think I should think of the past a healthy amount and live life not dwell on life. I can't do this all the time I have depression. This is me forcing out everything happy me has told me when I'm not sad.
thank u for talking about this. mental health month, leggo
1 likethe hardest thing for me about mental illness is feeling unsure if I'm sad "enough". i think I've unconsciously done what you ate trying to do, live my life as well as i can with this. i just hope i can be strong enough to talk to someone
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*are
0 likesI struggled with the "but am i sad enough to be depressed" thing for a while. i think the best thing to do is probably seek a diagnosis from a doctor, which i didn't do - i just let it get worse and worse until i was definitely sad enough! please talk to someone :)
0 likessometimes I go to wash my hands glimpse in the mirror and think "who the fuck is that" and stand in the mirror looking at myself and moving my arms and I'm like "is this me?" and yeah the movie life thing started happening to me like 2 years ago and if was so bad the first time that I literally controlled my body to walk over to my locker and then I broke out of it and was like "oh shit did I say anything weird to anyone??!!" I forgot everything I did
0 likesi feel exactly the same as you, it sucks to have a mental illness but im glad i can put a name to it which means i can get rid of it
0 likesive commented about this once before and someone told me to get therapy for what i was feeling and i did online therapy and everything was turning good again but then recently ive just not felt anything good and i just cry until im numb and i feel like nothing is working inside me and i cant tell anyone fully because i feel like my problems arent as important as other people as my friends have experienced things much worse and mine just feel childish. i just dont want to feel this nothingness anymore but it just wont leave and i was so happy before and ive just ruined everything good i ever had because i feel like a shitty insensitive person because people have gone through worse but i just cant stop
0 likesI left my mental health for 3 years before I was forced to get help
0 likesI'm 16,male & have the exact same problem. It's so fucking weird and over the past year it's just hit me out the blue. I'm forgetting who I fucking am and I feel like I'm watching myself outside myself. Just completely fucking numb what do I do. I've forgotten what I want from life, what I like in life and even my own personality. Shit I need to sort this shit out, but being a 16 year old male I can't talk to the 'boys' about this😂. AHHHHHHHH
61 likesReplies (7)
16 is a really difficult time for most teenagers, its that weird period of time where you brain is going crazy of all the changes.. But don't let being a men stop you from seeking help from others if you really need it :)
8 likesDude, you gotta find someone who you can trust and talk to honestly. It's super hard to work through things by yourself, and it can make it more stressful!! Even go ahead and visit a psychologist, they exist to help you with things like that. I'm 16 as well, and I struggle with a lot of depression and anxiety ))): but I've got a couple friends who I can talk to, and I see a psychologist from time to time and both of those things really really help! Try and sort something out soon, cause as dodie said it can get worse if you just bottle it up!! I hope everything goes well for you, you can get through this ((:
11 likesIf you speak to anyone about it, don't let them convince you it's your age (being 16 and all). People say it gets better when you get older but it really doesn't if you ignore the issues you have now. Find someone you can have a serious conversation about it with.
4 likes+11ellie7 Telling someone to ignore their issues until they go away is bad advice.
2 likesyo i'm 16 and male and feeling like this, we should talk sometime if you're up for it, not knowing each other at all might make it easier
3 likespromise i'm not a 60 year old man haha
Your not crazy use it to your advantage it sounds sooo silly but you will think everything is fake I take it so just make your own world out of this reality
1 likethis is me holy shit imglad im not on my own (not that i wa nt anyone else to feel this)
0 likesI have felt horrible lately, I've been really depressed and I feel like I'm not here at all ,school is starting and I'm scared because I'm going into a new school. I'm trying so hard to get better but it's so hard. I hope I get better
1 likeFrom what I hear I feel Borderline Personality Disorder and medication .
0 likesI feel so frustrated and annoyed that I can't properly phrase what anxiety and panic attack is to anyone that hasn't experienced it before. I wanna make sure that who I'm talking to can understand what I'm saying but I can't and I hate it
0 likesIf there's anyone still on this video who has gone through the constant state of not feeling real and has passed it, please can you tell me how. I am so desperate at this point I just wanna know there's a light at the end of the tunnel, thank you
0 likeshi, i'm so sorry if i will vent my feelings here, i know all of you are not interested but i have to tell someone. i have to let this out of my chest and i have nobody to talk to so i thought you guys might understand.
2 likesi'm 14 years old, i live in the philippines (it's a small fucked up country somewhere in asia), and i'm currently in 10th grade. i've been suffering from severe depression for the past months. long story short, i f--king hate my life. i hate it. i'm surrounded by shitty toxic people who did nothing but pull me down. i've been constantly feeling like i'm drowning and most of the time i have a really hard time breathing. my family always fight specially at night. it's kinda been a routine, every night before i go to bed, i would close my bedroom door and play dodie's songs as loud as i can so that i won't be able to hear my parents fighting, my younger brother crying and whining, and my older sister screaming. it's always been like that. most of the times i just want to be invisible. i just want to runaway and go somewhere i'm alone. a place where i would want people to see me. a place where there's peace. a place where i'm happy. today i was just sitting on my bed and me and my sister had an argument. i ended up crying alone in the dark when she left my room. i hate people. is it normal to hate people so much? every little thing they do annoys me. i don't appreciate anything anymore. nothing makes me happy anymore. i'm drowning and soon enough i will run out of breathe. i hate my life. i hate everything. i wish i could grow old, earn my own money, buy/rent a house or a flat, be by myself, not deal with other's shit, and just be happy. damn, i just wanna be happy. is that too much to ask?
i'm depressed, but i guess i'm not suicidal. i would never want to end my own life but i am ready to die. i do know that one day all of this will come to an end. i only have three years of high school left and then i'll go to college. i swear i will study hard. i will have a good decent job. i will earn myself some money. i will buy my own house. i will find great friends. someday, i will be happy. i will work hard to get out of this place. if you're going through something right now, please hold on. let's fight this together. slowly. step by step. someday we will learn how to swim, or maybe someday we will discover that we're actually fucking mermaids and then we'll stop drowning. you decide.
stay alive |-/
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also, my family is broke as f--- and help for mental problems is not common and is really expensive here in my country so it's not that easy to say "just go and get some help". sighs i don't know what to do with my life at the moment
1 likeFranchesca Grace I know it's rough, but you'll get through all of this. many people have gone through the same as you, and they've gotten through it. think of how amazing it'd be to feel normal again. or if you've never felt normal, just think of how good it'll feel to live a normal life. it's hard to go through all this as a kid, cause you can't run away from it. you can't move to a different state. I know it sounds messed up, but I always think of people who have it worse than me. know you're not alone, and you'll get through this. stay strong.
0 likesI always feel like am not me, if that makes any sense. I feel like I'm watching myself in a tv show or something. I just don't feel like I'm me. I just feel like I'm just floating on threw life watching this person live their life and my just watching from a first person view. I've never talked about this with anyone and I don't even know why I'm commenting about it, I think I just really admire Dodie being able to tell us is so amazing.
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I also fine myself drifting out of reality.I find myself more recently zoning out into my little made up imaginary world of my dreams and my future.
0 likesI also find myself not relating to myself, I don't like my name but I don't like any other names. I feel like I'm just sitting and watching me on a screen or something. I only recently realized that I'm not me am just a viewers watch me. I think
0 likesWish I could text 5 friends to complain about how low I'm feeling. Oh wait, I don't have the privilege of having friends or making friends anymore because depression is real for me and has kept me isolated. But here you are, uploading videos daily and smiling in the majority of them (not this one since you have to play the part) saying depression has affected you. If you have depression then it stems from your desperate need for approval. Grow up, wish I had it as easy as you and so do people dealing with depression and other serious issues affecting their daily lives
0 likesSee I have depression and depersonalisation disorder on and off. And I’m trying to get a diagnosis for anxiety and get therapy but my mum doesn’t take me seriously.
0 likesIt’s like I’m trapped in my own head, like I’m looking Through a wall of water and everything I do feels like a dream and eveything is slow and moments just pass. I’ve had it 4 times and they always last for a week or two and everytime I feel like I’m never going to “wake up” again.
I can’t control what I say, how I move, what I do.
And I feel like I’m going mad, and I’m trying I’m fucking trying to get help and my mum jaut thinks it’s hormones and I can’t do this myself anymore. I can’t.
this is how i feel.
12 likesi don't know if i'm insane and just relate or if i am just making myself believe i can relate and it makes me feel terrible
0 likesSad thing is, I personally believe that I have something wrong, but I can't go to the therapist because A-my parents where my dad says something about my situation being normal and my mom fretting over the fact that she loved me, B-money, C-I can't tell my parents what the bloody hell is wrong with me...
1 likeoh god, I love her way too much :3
0 likesIt hurts me to see that there are over 300 people out there that would take the time to dislike this video rather than liking it or just moving on but it is what it is I suppose.
0 likesI am pretty sure that none of us were going "just shut up and turn it off". I think a good large section of us were thinking "Oh God please talk to a professional you need support please we love you"
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Yay okay good that was part of the plan. Phew.
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0 likeswhy do people keep putting + in comments
0 likes+Kayla :-/ watch the most recent vlogbrothers video
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0 likesYep
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0 likesTrue that.
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0 likes@***** No I had to look it up its something the Vlog Bros designed to put comments you agree with at the top
1 likeHamish Woodland who other then yourself is a professional on yourself? Help is okay but when it comes to depersonalization the best way to deal with it is not to deal with it.
0 likesdepersonalization is a BITCH. my mom recently passed away and i experienced a few episodes over the past month and it was the worst feeling i've ever felt.
0 likesI relate and respect
0 likesi'm not the type of person who comments on things, it's probably the first and last time i'll be doing this, but i feel like i have to give you a HUGE thank you. i felt like i was going crazy for years. therapists also ignored the way i was feeling and since now i felt like i was making it up. i still struggle with this, but hearing you say that i am not alone, not even crazy, and what i'm feeling is valid and real is a huge help for me. more than anything, understanding that what i feel EXISTS and has a name is the biggest help i could ever receive. thank you so much for sharing your experience and thank you so much for helping other people's out with this hell.
0 likes"how can you fight 'it', when the 'it' is the thing you are using to fight with?"
2 likesI'm not aware of the diagnosis of depersonalisation but wonder if I have it /it happens to me! I definitely have anxiety and depression. I also go through the days acting normally but not really feeling there!! It's a very strange feeling, like my head has broken!!! (seriously) I really hope you get the help you need. It will get better, it will pass I'm sure. Don't panic about being strange. You're not. You just need help!!!! ❤️❤️❤️
0 likesBeen fighting DPDR since 10. Scary shit, especially when you grow up not knowing what you have and convinced one day your mind is gonna snap.
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I’m 14 and feel like I’m going to have it for the rest of my life now :/
0 likesThis is an old video , but sometimes I tend to want to comment , share how I feel on here or any video about dispersonlization + depression because i know that others most likely know what I'm referring to when I say I feel like I don't exist / or others most likely will understand but I end up deleting what I type of giving up because I feel that no one will reply or answer or relate or even care , I tend to feel that really it doesn't matter or it'll go away or it's not important, it's just too much
0 likesI do believe i have depersonalization disorder. It doesn't happen to me as often as it used to but i do become dizzy and... well the best way i can explain it is i feel like im dreaming. It's been happening to me since i was little. I am 13 years old and the first time i remember it happened to me was before i was in kindergarten, when i was 5 or so. I was at the fair with my siblings and father. I remember getting on the swings for the very first time and it being so fun. My brother sat beside me. He asked, "Are you having fun?" and i responded with, "I feel like im dreaming." Naturally, you wouldn't assume much of the response at all because it seems like i meant something else than what i actually meant considering I was only 5. I've talked with my dad about it but it never came across him as a serious topic. He thought that it may be because i don't get enough sleep but i believe it may be something much more serious than that. It's scary to think about. I feel like no one understands me.
0 likesSo ive had chronic derelization for about a year now with little episodes of depersonalization and lately forming sentences have been sorta hard to form.Well thats not fully true i can from sentences but it takes me a sec to do so and thus talking to people is hard. I can understand what people are saying but puting a response in to words in a normal amount of time is hard.
0 likesWhy did no one tell em derealisation and depersonalisation was a thing? Now I understand why I feel werid alot
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emo shit very misunderstood disorder! Dm me on ig @dpdrhelp if you would like ♥️
0 likesSometimes I think I'm not actually on earth because when I try and talk to my friends no one listens to me and I just feel like I'm not really there and I ask myself "is this actually happening?" Ok sorry for being depressing be happy and smile 😊
0 likesI GET YOU SO MUCH ITS SCARY.i have moved into 4 houses of the past 4 years and i absoultly HATE change and one day i just got fed up of change.i wanted to be in my first house where live was good and i wasnt mental and had fits where no one sees me.i missed no still miss my room and my garden and i miss being best friends with girls i only talk to because our mothers are close.i just miss my old life and i want the good bits of my new life to mesh with the good bits of my old live.that would be lovely.
0 likesDodie i just want to give you a big hug
11 likesI hope everyone who is here feeling this finds help it’s hard to get out of this iv been in such a cycle I was getting better then it gets worse it’s back and forth I hate feeling like I’m not here. 😐
0 likesits fucking crazy to me that other 13 year olds are just like- stably happy. like imagine being happy and not worrying that at any moment you’re gonna break down crying in the middle of class. they’re so lucky and i’m so jealous.
0 likessometimes i just feel like i literally cannot smile? like even if i focus all my energy into it i just cant. i end up just opening my lips and showing my teeth. its not even when im sad neccessarily, i just feel so disconnected from my body and whats happening around it that i just cant show or feel any emotion at all. luckily this feeling only comes in waves and it is not permanent, but its so scary when it happens and it always happens so suddenly.
0 likesIt's like when I wake up sometimes I know what I should feel and what I should want to do and so I create this other me that I assume all day and it feels like I can't remember anything I did that day and I'm so so tired. That's another thing. Tired, so so so so tired. When I sit down in my bed alone I just like go into this like super glazed over me. The one my duplicate had been talking for all day and I look into myself to find nothing. Sometimes I feel like I'm just watching my life happen and I'm not involved at all, like a movie. It's really hard to talk to peoplr because its hard to figure out what I should feel. Like should I shrug or should I shake my head or should I just say no? Even something like that takes a little time to figure out. The best way to describe it is if one day you woke up and you like don't want to do anything but you have to predend you do. It sucks.
0 likesWatching this in 2021. I think you’re doing well. You are a robot. A get up and go bot. 😊
0 likesNO ONE THINKS YOUR MACKING IT UP!!! and if they do then they dont deserve to see your beautiful face 😢
0 likesI’m in a really bad place right now with my depression. I can’t get out of bed, not even to feed myself or go to the toilet, only get up when the pain in my stomach is unbearable, I sleep for hours and hours and when I’m about to wake up I feel like the world is turning around me and I’m the only thing that has stopped. I look around in my room and I recognize the things in it but everything feels strange, like I’m in some kind of set. When I go out of my house I feel like everyone is judging me, all eyes on me or not at all, they can’t even notice I’m there, no in between.
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hey, listen to me :)
0 likesa couple years back i hit rock bottom, too. no one could ever say something to me that would make me feel better, i would just think ‘oh p*ss off, no one understands’. so because of that, this comment could mean absolutely nothing to you, but i’ll try anyway.
sometimes we dig ourselves in ruts, not purposely, but kind of accidentally. it’s a bloody viscous cycle, you feel worse, and worse, and worse. to get out of this rut there is simply, one solution; and the majority of the time it’s the hardest solution.
the solution is to get a routine again. start really really small, i mean really small. like sitting up in bed, getting out and walking around your room, then you can get back into bed again.
even small steps that seem pointless are always, always better than nothing.
smaller steps will turn into bigger steps. my best piece of advice is to always do something productive. it may not seem productive to anyone else, but other people don’t matter.
get out of the viscous cycle because trust me, really trust me here.... as soon as you’re out of it; no matter how hard it is to actually get out of it, things slowly start progressing from there.
i hope this helps you, remember you’re not alone :’)
Preach, Dodie.
0 likesI asked my dad about going to the doctors about anxiatu, but all he did was ask who wasinfluencing me to feel this. Oops
0 likesSometimes I think it's so strange that there are people who don't panic after they say stuff and there are people who don't want to sleep constantly so they don't have to be //there//
0 likesive been diagnosed with social anxiety and chronic anxiety induced depersonalisation and derealization and honestly it's the worst thing ive ever experienced, i hate having to deal with being disassociated every second of every day but seeing that im not alone and you feel the same honestly helps so much, it feels nice to know im not going insane and other people feel the same way xx luck and love to you and anyone else with similar issues
0 likesdepersonalisation. i think i have that?? I've been feeling like this for over a year, everyone just told me it was just my depression messing with my head.
0 likesi don't actually think that i have related to anything more than this i swear
9 likesi haven't been diagnosed with anything but i am almost sure i suffer with depersonalisation and anxiety. i'm spaced out all the time and i'm so anxious about everything. the past few months i just haven't been happy. i'm just sad. i will keep telling myself "you are supposed to be happy" and "you have nothing to be sad about" which are both true but i'm just sad all the time. i don't know why and i want to know why. i try talking to people about it and they're just like "you're fine. just smile and you'll be okay" which i do because i am desperate to feel happy again but it doesn't work. i don't know what to do anymore
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FallingOutOfYourTwentyOnePanicking!PilotsWithMCR get help. you've said it on the Internet, you can tell someone you love and trust like a friend or parent. Also remember there are people experiencing the same thing.
1 likewhen dodie inspires you to go get urself some therapy
0 likesI can understand you girl. and I have called distress hotlines because I don't know what else t0 do. but also I dating someone who has judged me and called me down whenever I try to improve my mental health. I've been very alone and every time I think I can't handle these thoughts anymore I push through it because I have my 2 babies. ever since I was in grade 5 I have dealt with depression due to abuse and when I had my first baby I went to a doctor to get he and she brushed me off nd told me she can't help me because I'm more at risk by using anti depressant so basically I am still dealing with the problem 3 years later but now I'm experience very bad depersonalisation and I'm getting scared.
0 likesi was trying so hard not to cry but when she pointed at the camera and said 'your problems are not insignificant' i broke into tears oh dear lord.
0 likesShe is talking about depression and other mental illness and its so good and she is so cute :)
0 likes"a text to all my friends so they know how I feel in a big paragraph which also took me ages to think of"
0 likesi can really relate to when dodie was struggling not to cry when talking about this. i hate hate hate hate crying in front of people, and whenever i try to then talk about my problems with mental illnesses or things that have happened to me that have damaged me, it's like waterworks and i can't turn it off, which makes it really difficult to talk about things like this that truly are important. :////
0 likesYou didn't seem weird at all.
0 likesIf you weren't able to acknowledge and admit the feelings and sensations you were going that would have been weird.
You seem like an awesome normal human being that is going through a very difficult, strange and scary time and you knew you just wanted to feel normal and be a happy person.
Hopefully your doing A LOT better now!
Very relatable.
70 likesI don't depersonalize, but I have bipolar disorder, GAD, and BPD. I've been hallucinating every night before bed, and it is driving me insane. I don't feel fully manic, but I do feel a bit depressed, so maybe a bit mixed. I'm struggling with my meds at the moment, I see my therapist weekly, my psychiatrist every week or two, and have ECT once or twice a week. I've been to the psychiatric ward 17 times, locked up, and under supervision. I feel like I'm going crazy at the moment, and would love to get a grip on myself. The hallucinations are occurring at the moment, and it's difficult to get a hold of yourself in these situations.
0 likesAlguém devia legendar esse vídeo
0 likesThese past few months I've felt like other people aren't really there?? Like they feel like all their movements are rehearsed, scripted maybe. They just feel like all their eyes are looking into my brain and they can hear my thoughts and it's so scary. It feels like this is all just a big, sick recreation of a stage, and someone put me in the middle and told me to start acting, except I don't know the lines or how I'm supposed to move. I keep seeing things like people passing by me but then I look and nothing is there. And I feel so crazy that I can't tell anyone about it.
1 likemy stepdad of 9 years broke up with my mother and left for another country. i cried when i said goodbye and ive cried since then also. but it wasnt because i was sad. i cried because i thought I should. its a normal reaction to cry so why didnt i? why must i force myself to cry just to feel some emotional releif?! why am i a pitiful mixture of sad and numb?
0 likesa few of my friends left to go to another school, leaving me behind to deal with my problems. again, i forced myself to cry because i thought i should. when i go to school, i look forward to coming home, curling up into my dark room and listening to music while i force myself to cry.
i feel happiness in certain moments but its always bittersweet and fake because i know that it wont last. when i hang around my friends i cant help but think they dont want me there. that i am a nusiance and they only laugh and smile to be polite. i walk away from interacting with people and spend hours obsessing over how annoying and loud i sounded..
ive seen those show or cover snapchat stories marking me as the most obnoxious and least favourite person in my classes. i thought I would cry and moan and whine. instead, I felt cold and empty. I'm desperately longing for something but i dont know what it is or how to get it.
whats wrong with me?
I don't really know what to say because your positive attitude to the whole thing is pretty much everything I might have said. I just really hope that it all works out for you and then one day, hopefully soon, you'll make a video about how you're feeling so much better <3
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oh oh oh actually i can think of something useful to say - you could try yoga! It's like moving meditation. If you get the right instructor, it's got all the benefits of mindfulness and awareness of yourself and the moment etc, but you're also getting the blood flowing and feel great for doing some exercise. Idk, i just find I prefer it to stuff like mediation cos I can't sit still, so I thought I'd recommend it :)
2 likesOnly thing that keeps me going is seeing people smile. There's no better feeling than making someone smile or laugh.
0 likesmy friend has depersonalization. please someone tell me how i can help her when she's having a panic attack!!!!!
0 likesI feel like I’m living in a different world too
0 likestoday I'm going to my first therapy session after putting it off for so many weeks. I'm so very scared and I feel like I can't breath. I don't know how it will go and how my therapist will be and what she will say and I should say and it's just so very frightening and I feel like crying. I know it's important and necessary but all I want to do right now is tell her I can't go today and never speak to her again. I'm not doing that, I can't. I'll go and see how it goes, if I love it, great, if I hate it, that's fine. Wish me luck, I feel like I'm going to pass out.
0 likessometimes i pretend i’m in a movie and i spend days acting as if i’m being filmed. i also make up random conversations in my head and start saying them out loud as if there was actually someone else standing in front of me, i do it out of no where and normally i don’t even notice i am until i look up and my sister is standing at my door looking at me weird. no one needed to know that, and this video is years old, i just feel so stupid about it
0 likes"you're entirely bonkers but i'll tell you a secret.. all the best people are"
0 likesAlice in wonderland
💛
Apparently you can’t breathe when your smiling
10 likesJk you can, I just wanted you to smile
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Multiwolf
0 likesDid you quote this, or was this in the video?
Don’t mind me. I’m just afraid of everything. I quoted this
0 likesI have this same disorder. It's terrifying.
0 likesthis is exactly how I feel
5 likesI relate so much.. I miss my apartment too and the hacienda
0 likesMy eyes hurt from crying so much. I'm trying to stop because I'm a functioning human with things to do BUT I CAN'T HELP BUT THINK THERE'S SERIOUSLY SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME. It's just probably only anxiety because it just builds up and I break down. So many people are going through so much worse I'm just extremely emotional and anxious and overthinking about so much. Thank you for whoever who read this, even though this is from 3 years ago.
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you'll be okay, i promise it will pass with time!! and don't belittle your struggles, they are just as valid as everyone elses. all my love to u !
1 likeThank you for sharing!
0 likesI kinda relate.....Lately I've honestly been so anxious lately. I haven't had a break from feeling nervous, on edge, like something bad is going to happen, and just awful for probably 2-3 weeks nonstop. I'm used to dealing with anxiety but recently it's gotten so much worse. Every second of everyday I'm on edge and nervous and I don't even know why or about what. Mostly it's school stuff, did I do my homework? Well yes, but let me just check 500 more times. What if I forgot something? What if I fail everything? What if I made a minor mistake on my homework and now that teacher hates me? What if the school burns down and I die today? I worry about being so worried that I won't be able to concentrate or I'll just go mad. I constantly worry and overthink every single thing I do and say, every move I make. I constantly worry that every single person hates me, and for no logical reason. This stuff has gotten so bad that I literally feel nauseous before Spanish because I forgot to ask for a book and even something as small as that makes me feel as though my world is going to implode. I'm always just SO scared and worried and I'm SICK of it. I just can't anymore I just want to get out of my brain, I just want to be normal. I just want to go to school and be with friends and and finish homework and do normal things without always feeling like the roof will come crashing down. I just want it to stop and it won't. My brain won't shut up no matter how hard I try. I don't even know WHY I'm so anxious....I just am.
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I am praying for you dear friend. May the love of Jesus surround you and embrace you warmly, just like He did for me. Remember Rosemary, He is only a prayer away, and He loves to hear from the hurting. Please take care.
0 likesI would like to die, every day is a struggle I rely on alcohol to cope with struggles. I love your channel please be safe and yourself you are amazing.
0 likesi feel like i'm watching my own life on a screen and it's a really boring movie and i'm playing games on my phone instead of really paying attention.
0 likesWhen you started crying i realy wanted to hug u..then i relized this was a year and a half ago and i love in another country.😂 internet hugs
0 likesdid anyone else's hearts break at 4:15?
0 likesDear Dodie,
3 likesI keep looking back on this video because
I feel like something is wrong with me and I feel like I need to just get it out. Basically, early 2016 I was doing research on all of this because I had read some stuff saying that "depression is beautiful" and me being dumb and ignorant I started searching for reasons on why I might have depression and anxiety. I ended up digging and convincing myself so much that I was depressed, then I stumbled upon this video. You were right, now that I had been convinced all these years that I had depression, I feel like it's taken over me and now, I have no idea how to feel. I tell myself that I'm happy and that there is nothing wrong with me but there is always I voice inside my head telling me there is something wrong and that I'm mad. Honestly, I don't know which feelings are real or fake because it's all just a jumbled mess. Most times I'm happy and laughing like normal person, but when I'm alone I always think and fight with my feelings because my mind keeps trying to figure out which side of me is real and which one has been morphed and pushed into my brain by society. Please, if anyone can help me try to understand all of this, it would be a miracle.
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I'm no doctor at all, but maybe you've made yourself feel this feelings?
0 likesI'd advice you to go to a therapist. Do what you need to do to get yourself fixed :)
Also, remember: you're in control of your own brain :)
There are these moments where I'm just tired but I can't sleep, I look in the mirror and a whole new person is starting back at me, I feel like the rest of the human race are robots, I don't know who or where I am and I don't eat as much or sleep, I feel like my insides are buzzing and I freak out and cry about it I've seen multiple doctors but they don't know. Does anyone know what this is called or does anyone else feel something like this?
0 likesI'm going through the exact same shit as you right now as I'm writing this. You are not alone. I'm Aya, I'm 15, hi
0 likesWas brought to tears by this, fuck, I feel so so so helpless
0 likesI feel like this sometimes :/:
0 likesI feel like this is what's wrong with me, but I'm not sure as it's not as full grown, I can feel some of the things you mentioned, but not at the same time
0 likesI honestly dont know if you're going to see this but please dont focus on what a grup of people might think because maybe people that aren't or haven't gone through what you are please dont think we dont sympathize with you because we might know ore than you think and I personally know more and i just want you to know that you dont sound crazy you are going through though things and an accumulation of many feeling ( I believe) and that in some sort of way has happen to everyone. Also one last thing , I might not know you personally but as a fan of yours i care a lot about you and i'm glad you are seeking help for what you are going through
0 likesp.s. English is not my first language so this might not be well written also this is a very very late response but I felt like I needed to say this I hope that's okay
I felt this way off and on since i was 3 years old. Antidepressant paxil worked awesome for five years. Then it quit working. Now this crap returned worse than ever. My memories are like dreams that are hard to remember.. i feel like everything has a grey color, i get nervouse scared. I don't wanna do anything go anywhere, when i do i feel like we need to hurry up and get back home.. light seems to make me worse like the lights around me have lost there purpose. Its the weirdest damn thing. Anyone else have this? Sorry for my poor writing.
0 likesit bothers me how people actually think that you can CONTROL HOW YOU THINK. when you tell your brain to stop thinking about something it just continues to think about it. it's hard to stop thinking about something. I'm probably the only one who thinks that but I don't have any control over suicidal thought, depressing thought, anxious thoughts, scary thoughts, etc.
0 likesoff topic: i'm very young (between 11-13) i don't feel like specifying because i hate the stereotype of the 12 year old (even though i'm turning 13 soon) and i am about 185lbs. i have been trying to loose weight (keep in mind i have anxiety and depression) but i can't and people always tell you to love yourself but how can you love yourself when yourself is 100 pounds heavier than what you should be? i don't know what to do. i've been suicidal and (long story short for about 2 years i was seriously bullied) self-harming for a long time and i just don't know what to do. i don't want help but i don't know what i should do send help
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WholesomeBaguette yeah, i understand❤️❤️
0 likesjamiewlulu ' hey, I hope you are doing better today.
0 likesWell, I got depression since last year, and I feel horrible and this is the roughest part of my entire life honestly. Do I feel ok? No.
0 likesThen I decided to tell my mom that I think I need to see a doctor (because I'm still 17 by now and I can't go to the doctor alone).
But guess what she say, she said that I don't need a doctor. She said I have no reason to be depressed and I supposed to be grateful and happy.
Believe me or not, I've tried that. I tried to "throw away" my depression, think positively, and tried to be "happy". When I did that, honestly I can function normally, but I feel like I'm hiding something while doing that. And if I do that, I'll get overwhelmed at the next week/month.
I'm tired. It's just getting over and over again.
I have to wait until I reach my adult age so I can go to a doctor by myself. But, you know, I want to get out of here really quick. I can't stand it anymore honestly.
The thing I've learned about depression is that I try to survive everyday not because of other people or other creature or anything else, it's because of me. I try to survive from myself (I have the most toxic relationship with myself like suicide thoughts etc.) every single day, and it was damn tiring🗿.
I started off just being anxious.
0 likesThen someone who i thought was my best friend completely abandoned me, which has just destroyed me.
My anxiety is higher than ever before, everything i'm feeling points towards me probably having depression too, i think about killing myself, i can't trust anyone and nothing seems real anymore, everything just seems like a figment of my imagination or a dream.
It's torture but i can't even bring myself to tell my parents so i can get help because of how my Mum acted when i told her about JUST my anxiety, she freaked out. I don't wanna do that to her
I feel like im in a dream all the time and never wake up i cant feel myself .i cant focus with reality..im in my imagination all the time
0 likesdodie, it's totally ok if you can't make many videos. everyone understands. your mental health is much more important than your fans entertainment.
3 likesI'm only 14, my parents will never believe me, I don't know what to do I didn't even told my friends about it I'm so ashamed...
0 likesDo I have anxiety?
0 likesI am a huge worrier, I worry 24/7, I overthink basically everything I do, if I'm left alone in silence I drift into a dark place in my mind. I tend to bottle up my feelings because a lot of my friends are fake. I have trust issues. I feel like I'm describing what every edgy tumblr girl says these days but that is truly how I'm feeling lately. Sometimes I don't do certain things because I keep thinking of all the things that could go wrong, it holds me back. I feel like people will think that I'm saying all of these things just for attention, so I say nothing. Whenever I go to school I feel like everyone is staring at me and judging me. I feel insecure all the time, even though people tell me that I shouldn't. My friends will not understand and I'm to shy to go to a professional. I feel that the only place I am comfortable to share this is on the internet, where no one really knows who I actually am.
6:35 this may sound extreme but LSD might legitimately help. I’m not a psychiatrist so talk to one about the effects but idk
0 likesEveryone keeps saying it’s just because I’m teen and that’s how you feel
0 likesI hope you're feeling better now, but in case you aren't (or if you experience this again in the future), I'll share a piece of advice I picked up from Jenny Lawson aka the Bloggess: depression lies. It tells you horrible things, like you're worthless and crazy and no one cares, that the world would be better without you. It's terrifying what we tell ourselves in those times.
3 likesSo if your depression ever tells you things like this, remember that depression lies... these things just aren't true. I wish I had better advice, something more helpful to share, but it sounds like you were working with a good plan.
And remember that you aren't alone. hugs
What if I can't go to the doctor, I don't think my parents will believe me at all. Anyone have advice?
0 likesSo I've never experienced this (severely) (but like I'm a teenager I get sad sometimes but I do not have mental illness) but this really reminds me of something that happened in second grade STORY TIME HELL YEAHHH
10 likesOk so anyway in second grade I had a friend (let's call her Julie) and we were sitting on the carpet learning about I forgot what we were learning about, and Julie had her head in her hands and me and my friend group (little second grade cliques SO CUTE) were like "YO ARE YOU OK" and she was like "I feel like I'm not real, I feel like I'm not here, I feel like I'm a ghost." And naturally, we all started freaking out. We were like "MMK GIRL GO TO THE NURSE MRS N SHE DOESNT FEEL GOOD HEELLPP," (everyone in our class had little jobs to do everyday mine was unplugging the lamp before we went home) the girl in our friend group who had the job of walking ppl to the nurse went to go walk Julie down to the nurse but like a minute later she came back and was like "JULIE CANT WALK SHE SAID HER LEGS FEEL WOBBLY," and then we had to delay class and mrs n had to LITERALLY CARRY HER TO THE NURSES OFFICE and she went home. I just thought she had a really bad fever but like A SEVEN YEAR OLD SAYING THAT THATS sCaRyYyYyYyYyYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
Everyone tries to label me, or tell me whats wrong, I don't know if this helps me, personally, or if it just gives me an excuse or a reason or, i don't know, something to say to people when i haven't got anything else to say. i have a great support network and all my friends are AMAZING but i always feel bad when i message them like, "plz save me i think i'm drowning in my own head" because i don't want to dump it all on them and i don't want that to be something that they dread. i cant get counselling coz my mother is slightly demented and wont let me but i've got this teacher who is always there only i hate emailing he in the holidays even though she tells me to because i feel like this is her time and she doesn't need student dumping all their sh*t on her. i don't know why i commented this...sorry...ok i'm done. luv u dodie, thank you.
0 likesDarkness called...
0 likes...but I was on the phone, so I missed him. I tried to *69 Darkness, but his machine picked up. I yelled, "PICK UP THE PHONE, DARKNESS!", but he ignored me.
...Darkness must have been screening his calls.
At the moment for the past two weeks I've felt like I wasting here & everything that is happening wasn't and isn't real . like a dream. Like Everything and everyone was moving really fast and I was hardly moving at all .
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(Yes I know I replying to my self) I don't really know what's going on and I haven't really thought about it ( & I probably should) or talked about it yeah I go to therapy but she doesn't think anything is wrong witch I guess is a good thing but if nothing wrong y do I feel this way and y don't I feel like I'm here & I still have these bad daymares I still over think (I know everyone one always overthinkings ) but it's what I think about)
0 likes+S.A.M.V.T.F.O.N hey email me at @***** I'm gonna help you through this
1 likeS.A.M.V.T.F.O.N I've been experiencing this as well, you're not alone in this!
1 likeI feel the exact same for two years non stop. there is something fucked up in my mind, I know it, but because I'm 11 years old everyone tell me it's ok. Nothing is ok. I feel like reality isn't real for TWO YEARS, I have anxiety problems, and I am sooooo confused.
0 likesI know what depression and anxiety is (cause I relate to it a lot) but I don't know what depersonalisation is.
0 likesCould someone please explain??
Big hug, dodie.
0 likesI’m just annoyed because there’s no way to tell when you’re okay again. I feel like it’s been constantly there for a year and a half but in reality I know it hasn’t. If I tell myself that I’m actually okay then my brain tells me that I’m lying to myself but if I’m spaced out then I’m doing it on purpose. I haven’t had a bad episode in a while so I don’t know if I’m better or not and I know it’s not as simple as just saying this means you’re okay and this means you’re not, but if there’s not a problem then I’m creating one and worrying unnecessarily, and if there is then I’m ignoring it and that never ends well. Does anyone have any advice?
0 likesThis is so strong.
0 likesi sleep all the time
0 likeslike all the time
unhealthily
i get home from school at 4, sleep till 7, eat dinner, and then go to sleep about 9
i get panic attacks at least once a week over school and being a failure and the end of the world
i go through these episodes of deep sadness and emptiness where i know i can’t do anything useful so why should i try
i apologise to everyone all the time to the point where my friends are getting annoyed about it
i have my a level exams in two weeks and i’m so terrified because i feel like i can’t function properly
i told my friend once that it feels like i’m in a bubble when i’m with my friends and i can only leave it when someone asks me something but everyone’s voices are muffled so i miss questions and jokes and conversations
i had the same feelings about two years ago and thought i had depression
my now ex best friend told me i was being stupid and that i was making it up because she’d suffered with depression and it was different to how she felt
i self harmed for about a year and haven’t since i was 15 (i’m now 17 turning 18 next month)
i recently tried to get therapy on the nhs
i had an assessment
and i was finally officially told that i have ‘moderate to severe depression and severe anxiety’
Why would someone dislike this?
0 likesCheck out Claire Weekes answer to this issue!..... it has helped me A LOT.
0 likesAlready got my tissues from the title.
3 likesily
hope your ok! 💕💕🐙
crying. I love you so much ❤️
0 likesSince everybody is talking about ther experience i think im gona say mine to
0 likesSo it started in high school i just was around people that were dicks and i didn't helpe that 100% were boys but i was bullied 6 months kick, made fun of,got hit and then 2 people got expelled for some violent acts in school,but that left the other 2 and sometimes others joined in so i felt sad for 2 years and the previous 4 for the same reason. Tryed to tell my family but that lead to nowhere so back to my 18 year old self final found some friends 3 of them and for 2 years it was normal still sad felt like i was worthless,pussy ...
And then for no reason at all i get nervous ,anxious and started thinking this weird thought for 8h in my bed and when i sleep for 1h and woke up i put my glasses on i couldn't see everything was blurry and i start panicking after a week of that a ajusting to my new vision i started to get mone sad but no just sad just empty like when i looked at my body its like i was looking and some wired skit type monster i watche a movie and thought it was reality i was in my room white no one in my house for 3 h contemplating life myself and all that the next 6 months i was a mess in school i was loud and annoying couldn't remember the days before or what was thought in school and finally got myself together and FINISHED high school and took 3 months of rest before getting my driver's license still hade problama remember stuff and oh beings in a car with wishion like im drunk was terrifying. Got my driver's license(still bad a driving) started an internship in a mechanic stor 1 and a half year working white a abusive asshole of a machinist hit me 1 time and every day just yells at me for the most smallest thing my hand written,my inability to count fast,to understand the things he is teaching me and i broke my drawing arm on the job but i still got to go to work because if you don't you don't get payed or you get laid off if you don't come to work and yeah its still and internship so i started fixing my arm,eating health,sleeping normally,started drawing more and meditation.So after all of this i got a loooooooong way to go before in right in the upstairs think box but im trying to maximize on the good thing in life one day at s time
FIN
The only problem with going to seek help to someone is that then it feels real; like something really is wrong and I’m not just making things up to myself
0 likesYou're not alone. To me it's the worst illness on earth but we are not alone ! And we can do it. We can get better or learn to live with it. It's okay and we don't have to be ashamed for being like that. And if we're crazy, than we're crazy together ^^
0 likesI started crying when I watched this
42 likesI wake up and just think about my bed all day, i struggle to see the good side of things, i dont smile even when i am happy, i struggle to see the future and i have no idea how i got to this point in life and have done the things im doing and have done. I also get so bored of things so quickly. Only things i want is to be in bed reading a book listening to music. Oh yeah, i also struggle with social situations.
0 likesI also think i cant go to a dr because of my job and the job i want
So many relatable comments :(
0 likesI totally get being worried about taken seriously. Also, I never want to get help because that kind of makes it more 'real', if that makes sense?
i've read the book "every day" by david levithan and that shit messed me up cause I sometimes wonder if yesterday I was me or if that was someone else and i just think it was me and idk
0 likesYou are the first youtuber I have ever related to so much. thank you for existing
0 likesThank you so much for making this video!
8 likesAfter my girlfriend passed away, then my grandpa and my grandma, and 3 other friends in a short period, i hid my emotions, i spent my time alone, always wanting to help others to smile, but i havent been able to myself for years, i just want to be a kid again, be happy, and have the girl i love back, its been 4 years, but its always stuck in my mind, and i just want to be happy again, i want someone in my life rather than making others happy and forgetting about myself
0 likesI have all three, ive completely lost my Libido, and the worst feeling of all is knowing im probably going to spend the rest of my life on my own
0 likesIdk if I have depersonalization, but sometimes i feel like im watching a video, or looking at someone elses perspective, and i know im moving and doing things but it doesnt really feel that way.. like im a robot on automatic or something
0 likeswhen i look at the comments, i see most of them are about “i just wanted to get into my old bed in my old room and feel normal again” and everybody relates to this, but i don’t. i truly don’t. i don’t have a past of feeling normal, i never felt like i was a “normal” person in a “normal” life. i can’t go back to my old bed, because if i will i’d have a panic attack that would send me to the hospital. i feel numb most of the time, i don’t feel “anything”. i don’t have a safe place, my house isn’t a home, i don’t have a place or a person i can call home. and it’s killing me.
1 likeit'd be very hard for some younger people to try and get a therapist or so since some parents usually say "know you don't have that, you're happy. I'm giving you shelter and food " and such. cri
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no* not know cx
0 likesMy therapist even said that I didn't have confidence issues. I do not even think she can evaluate that. (She said that because I said that I thought I was good at soccer)
1 likeThat is true. Not everyone has access to the services that would help them whether that is due to age, location or even money for the therapy. If you or anyone you know needs a bit of help, I try using this check list to get me started. (If you need further help you can always call a hotline - you'll have to google to find one for your area though.)
0 likesCheck list;
http://media4.popsugar-assets.com/files/2015/12/04/053/n/1922398/42df9883770c19a0_Screen_Shot_2015-12-04_at_4.16.59_PM.png
+india pearl mine told me the same when I told him I was shy. He said that I had introduced myself confidently and he disagreed. I told him I had taught myself to do that because people judge you when you first meet them, and pointed out that I hadn't been able to make eye contact since that initial introduction. Needless to say I never went back to him. I wanted help with not being so shy and anxious, not for him to tell me I'm not.
2 likes@india pearl I'm sorry that happened to you. Please try not to feel too disheartened. It took me a long time to realise that not every therapist will be the right fit for you. If you can, I would suggest trying a different one. Maybe even get a referral from a GP that knows you and may know a therapist that would suit you. Obviously this may not be available to you but I hope it is.
0 likesI hope your confidence issues improve. :)
@XthecadburykidX Therapists like that can make it really difficult to see that they can help. Obviously not that particular one, but if you can try another therapist (obviously you may not be able to) I think that would be a good thing to try.
0 likesBeing shy can be really rough especially teamed with anxiety. :( I hope that you can get some help with it. :)
My mum keeps telling me I want to be sad. Exercise and healthy food will make me happy.
1 like@XthecadburykidX I'm really happy to hear from someone who can relate. I think that saying we don't have a problem (no matter how big or small) is not always the solution. I really hope you're able to become more confident and feel better! It's definitely about finding the right person to talk to.
1 like@I'mallout ofGin Thanks! I've seen a lot of therapists and I have found one that helps me, not discourages me.
1 like@india pearl Thats so good! I see my new one soon and I hope I've found the right one this time. fingers crossed
1 likeAfter watching this video, a lot of things make sense now... Depersonalization... it just sort of clicked when you described it... It just soon much clicked.. And i am 10000000% stuck in the past and honestly it messes me up so much but idk how to fix it.. There so much I want to say and describe and talk about but idk how and I'm almost just too tired to. idk I'm in a weird place rn i guess. hello anyone reading this. Hope your day is going alright. Drink water, take a breath, listen to your fave song, pet something fluffy. Just do nice things for / to yourself.
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Id also like to add (because its super important to me rn) that graduating made everything a billion times worse and I'm am defiantly just looking for something to feel familiar and comfortable again. I literally carry old keychains I made for the Killjoys characters (book by Gerard Way) just because they can make me think of good things and stuff in the book – not whatever I'm doing/feeling. Idk when you said you just want to feel familiar things again it just really clicked with me..
0 likesMy (maybe) problem is: I don't think that it actually IS a problem. I feel bad living with it but thinking about it I come to the result that it is just a normal life crisis. Ok, maybe mine are a little more long term than those of others...
0 likesThat was so deep
1 likeI feel you
0 likesthis made me so sad because i feel like im going crazy because i cant describe the way i feel to anyone but at the same time i feel like its not bad enough to go to the doctors im scared that this is normal but i dont want to deal with this i feel so awful and like im insulting people with actual mental illnesses if theres nothing wrong with me i need help
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but i totally relate to the childhood home thing theres nothing i want more in the world than to go back to 2007 in my old house in my old bed and to never leave. i find it really really distressing that i cant relive the moments i so desperately want to and never leave. i feel trapped in growing up if that makes any sense and i hate it. i just dont want to be like this but i feel guilty and i dont know why. im crazy.
0 likesGo get help, I felt exactly the same way and I felt like shit for nearly a year and then when I hit bottom I got help and it's taken a while but I feel so much better and I think I could have got help a year ago and saved myself a lot of grief but oh well, please save yourself a lot of grief and get help ^^
0 likes+Sara Botero thank you, but im just scared that what im feeling isnt bad enough to get help if you know what i mean, im worried im exaggerating my problems because i cant see any particular reason why im feeling this way and i feel terrible for it
0 likesyes i completely understand what you mean. there doesn't have to be a particular reason for what you're feeling, not a reason that you can figure out anyway thats why we need professionals. its sort of like if you had a really really painful and reoccurring stomach pain and its not that time of the month and you didn't eat anything dodgy that you know, you don't really know why its hurting, however not knowing what it is doesn't stop you going to the doctor right? thats the reason we go.
1 liketell your doctor that you've been afraid of going because you don't think its serious enough but that friends are worried for you and wanted you to seek help because you're not behaving like you used to and then tell the doctor how you feel, you don't have to tell them why, thats their job :)
Yeah by all means go but if you live in England don't expect much, at least with all the GPs I've seen about my depressive disorders have basically said "make some friends & eat even more healthily". I had to see a psychologist before I was diagnosed and got a counsellor.
0 likesI live in the UK and my counsellor at uni is amazing. maybe you can find clinics for under 25s that offer counselling for free?
0 likes+caitlinistotallylame oh god see thats what im scared of but maybe ill try
0 likesthank you guys
1 like4:15 this made me cry
0 likesPlease never forget how to speak again, your voice and speech is so god damn cute girl! :)
0 likesalso a little psa for those dealing with this. drugs like Marijuana can trigger depersonalization and make it worse.
0 likesI know what you mean by you feel crazy. And when you said people are going to think you're on drugs it just kind of clicked lol. I've had weeks where Ive been acting so weird I can feel it but I can't stop, because everything feels so fake and I can't make myself believe that any of it matters. But I was told that one of my friends mums thinks I'm on drugs because of how I'm acting?? But it just feels wrong to pretend that life is normal
0 likesSometimes I feel like I'm not physically where I am and I feel like I'm just going through the motions in a bit of clear glue. I'm also very scared. I don't feel like trying at anything in the present because I feel like I can't do the future. It's weird.
8 likesI love you dodie
0 likesTry Sunglasses they really help me to the point where its now impossible to go out without them.
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i also use sunglasses when everything is bright. I still dissociative, but it's bareable
0 likesWhen she said go to the doctor before it manifests I couldn't help but just cry because I have a family that thinks I'm a condescending lier and would never believe me if I told them I'm ill and need medical care. They only believe physical pain is the only pain and that I'm a attention seeker and they said it themselves. I would go myself but I'm 13 and although in my head I'm convinced that I'm 18 I'm not, and the void of reality would suck me back inside but I would still have my foot on the flip side of things.
0 likesI feel like expecially now alott of young people amd teens have depression amd otherental illnesses due to how forcefull things can be. And how things are more presurred then they were yearrrsss ago
0 likesI feel like i'm going mad, I barely feel emotion anymore
2 likesi love you so much and i hope life is okay.
0 likesI’ve always wanted to be an engineer in the navy but they won’t let you do it if you have had depression in the last three years. I need help badly but if I go to a doctor and they say that I have depression then I’ll never achieve my dream.
0 likes4:14
0 likesDamn. That hit me.
Has she been through anything traumatic? That can often cause depersonalisation as the brain disassociates to avoid reliving or remembering the event(s)
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Aoife is a social disappointment she was in an emotionally abuse relationship and she went though other things aswell like her gran dying
0 likesThat thing that you said about not being here, do you know what it is because I am always like that. I'm really scared and it really messes up my life in lessons and talking and basically everything. This isn't worded properly and it probably doesn't make sense but I am really scared that it's going to get worse.
0 likesI had it aswel and wen i learned its harmless and its more like a mindstate i didnt think so much about it n it went away
0 likesI have so many mental illnesses.
0 likesIts terrible, I have major depressive order (Just depression but on a life threatening level), OCD (Obsessive Compulsive disorder- The one where you obsess over things and people, not the organizing one), Bipolar disorder, anxiety disorder, panic attack, insomnia, I have sleep paralysis, and I have a eating disorder where I don't eat.
I haven't gotten any help at all. I don't know how. Therapy cost money, right? My family can't even spare any for simple things let alone take care me and me being over emotional and dramatic.
i'm 13 today(and probably going to get mugged in the comments), and i match with most of the depression symptoms on the web. although i know you can't believe blindly the web, in every page i encounter the symptoms always match with me.
0 likesis this teen depression?
am i making this up for attention?
am i supposed to chin up because this thing i have is only imaginary and that i'm supposed to live a life because i have been given one, and so not be depressed because others have it more difficult?
that's why i don't want to get therapy. i don't want to tell anybody.
i stopped talking to my friends for fear of being busted, for fear of not being the good actor, and masquerading my phase.
i have brought up to my mum mental ilness diagnoses with a smile, in hope i will get a clearer perspective of my situation.
but for now, i'm in limbo. i'm attached to my body with a cord, and i look at my body living through life smiling, laughing, whilst i am here, in the nowhere.
and i'm afraid to seek help. not only because it's a waste of time for everybody, but also because on the internet, in communities, with my social anxiety, comes the fear of being judged, criticized and mugged for "making this up", "live your life, other people are more depressed than you, you must appreciate living" and so forth.
and i'm afraid. afraid of seeking help, and getting slapped in return. and i have dealed enough in the real life, to deal with internet trolls.
i'm mildly afraid of writing this, my hands are shaking, i'm afraid i will get judged. because i will.
the only reason i'm writing, is because i have that hope, that small hope every human has, on the cliff, toes lying on nothing, eyes gazing in the ocean, and thinking: give life a shot.
so here i am.
insult me. mug me.
i don't care anymore.
Replies (1)
itisnotafriday Ok listen I’m thirteen as well, I was in your exact situation when I was around twelve. For me I didn’t even know I could get help and I though I was making it up but don’t think that! When you start therapy they give you this test to see what your kinda mental state is and for each mental illness there is a graph from 0-100 if you are over 50 you get diagnosed with it. I was 75 with depression. Even if you are making it up if you keep thinking that, it helps so much! I have had to deal with my abusive dad my whole life and even recently there was a court case against him for it and we lost so I have to see him. Even if I say I don’t want to he says he will stop my school fees. So I’m kinda forced to see him but even though I take his punches and everything I try and talk to friends and even though I don’t do therapy anymore it definitely did help. I’ve also been diagnosed with depersonalisation which is harder to deal with for me, admittedly but I’m still trying. Don’t give up hope. Also with my friends one of them literally told me he though I was faking about suicidal thoughts and I was just like ‘what?’ and we had a long talk about it and he is quite supportive now. Hope your situation gets better. 💙
1 likeokay so I think I may have a problem.. 2 years ago I sufferd from a lot of panic attacks and I started getting sessions from a therapist but as another one of my problems was social anxiety and just talking to people in general I didn't feel comfortable opening up so the sessions didn't really help (well they didn't feel like they were). however by the following year I had considerably less panic attacks but I also started to not care that much. I ended up not caring about anything at all. and I sort of switched to depression.. maybe. I'm not sure though and I'm still not confident to get help from a professional. I have been getting a lot of suicidal thoughts but that's normal right? I mean I'm 15 now. and don't all teens go through the whole I want to die thing?. currently I haven't felt like I'd ever actually do anything but I have spent some bad nights with a blade pressed to my skin. I never actually cut tho. I never go through with it so I'm okay right? I'm not so sure..
4 likesI have major depression but my mom doesn't believe in medication or therapy. Dodie please help me. You know how I feel. You know how hard it is. PLEASE help me. I haven't laughed in so long and all I can do is keep a straight face. I feel like I have no emotion. I feel like I'm not here. I feel empty. I NEED help.
0 likesI am not okay. I know that this is just another comment down here but I really need some help, and need to know that someone cares. Please Dodie, help me. I'm only 13, and I've have severe panic attacks for just about the last two years, and recently, I found that I'm extremely depressed as well. I just really don't know how to 'shake this off' I suppose. And I feel that if I tell anyone, they will tell me I'm making it up, and that my problems are insignificant. I can't stop having 'existential crisis' at all. Even just walking down the halls at school, I can't help but wonder if there is really a point. I'm scared. I'm so scared Dodie. Please help me, anyway you can. Even a like on this comment would brighten up my day. I love you so much, and believe you can get through this tough time. Good luck on your path to happiness!
0 likesi know this is a very old video but i need to comment this because i don't have anyone else to say it to, and maybe someone else that experiences this will read it. i found out today (not a full diagnosis, more of that i researched it myself) that i experience really bad derealization and depersonalization. i feel empty, and i don't know what's real or fake. i have "theories" about the world, why humans are here, etc. and of course with most of those thoughts come the same way of thinking with myself as the lead. i thought that these were just me being religiously ambiguous, or maybe just quirky. but it's escalated recently to the point where i thought i had religious psychosis. i felt pulled away from myself and away from everyone else, i didn't feel like a person. turns out this isn't normal at all but. i dont know what to do about it, so im just gonna deal 🤷🏼♀️
0 likesDodie (sorry if i spelled it wrong i just started watching you) ik this is a late comment on this vid but check out I Wanna Go Back by David Dunn. I think you'll like it gl with your life, God Bless.
0 likesI needed this right now, I need some sort of release
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Don't know how but I managed to have like three panic attacks on Sunday and jeez it is horrific
2 likes+Amber Dobby I hope you're okay rn 💜💜 just stay strong and know that everything is going to be okay. Maybe not rn but in the end it is 💜💜
4 likes@shoug alharbi thank you I just really needed to tell someone rather than bottling it all up ♥️
2 likes@the ABO thank you ☺️
2 likes+Amber Dobby I hope that you feel better soon. Keep on fighting ❤
2 likesI hope you are okay. <3 Please remember it does get better. :)
1 like@Li Lundgren thank you ☺️ will do
0 likes@I'mallout ofGin thank you I will keep that in mind :D
1 likeI went to a therapist about my eating disorder and depression and it was so awkward and I'm never going there again
0 likes4:14 made me cry
0 likesit broke me to see the way she tripped over words and couldnt figure our how to speak right because she was so spaced out...
1 likeWhen meditate how do you do it? What has helped you?
1 likeOk I'm two minutes in but I have to type I'm so excited by this topic coming up: I HAVE DEREALISATION!!! It sounds like you're describing derealisation not depersonalisation? Depersonalisation is more outer body type experience, it's what my ex had, whereas derealisation is what I have, where I can't access the info of what one side of the room looks like by the time my eyes have gone to the other side of the room, it's like being blind but it's my brain that's not taking in the information, nothing wrong with my eyes, and it feels like brain blindness, not eye blindness, I can tell the difference! (I once went blind for 3 minutes when someone threw a snowball with a rock at my face in high school. Lol. Shit happens. So yeah, they are distinctly different feelings, in case anyone wants to question that). Anyway, so yeah, back to describing my derealisation... my mind has just chosen to shut down and go on autopilot because it finds the outside world too stressful, and I can't get it back into manual, and I'm just awake enough to be aware of it, but lacking the control I would normally otherwise have, and I'm doing and saying very strange things. I thought I'd gone crazy. it's so sad to me now that it took me months to build up the courage to google my symptoms because I thought I'd lost it and might end up in a mental asylum if I told anyone. Turns out it's just a symptom of severe anxiety! Started getting derealisation 5 years ago now, but it's almost gone! MINDFULNESS! Strongly recommend it. Let go of the past, don't worry about the future, and live in the here and now <3 <3 <3 It's been 5 years since I was living in peak anxiety, but I'm now getting there, it takes a while for your brain to stop freaking out at the slightest thing, 5 years and I still get it occasionally. I was waking up and going to sleep still in derealisation, and didn't stop feeling nausea whatsoever for a period of 3 entire months though, so I figure that's got to be pretty extreme, no wonder I still suffer. Naturally, I was a total trainwreck at the time as I'm sure you can imagine xD I'm still on Citalopram, but doing so so well for me! I'm even moving to London soon to pursue my dreams of being a singer-songwriter (what stressed me out in the first place). I'm going to keep going back to Wales to pick up my prescriptions, as they're free here haha. Hope you feel better soon, Dodie. The mental health system is fucked, the first doctor I went to said he was "sceptical as to the existence of derealisation." Makes me angry, frustrated, sad, disappointed, and restless just thinking about it, I burst into tears in the doctor's surgery. I wish I could get him written off, he upset me so, so deeply. Thanks for sharing this :) You're a bit of an idol tbh, you keep talking about all the right things such as mental health, and also write epic tunes. Also, I'm a total hippie now as an aside, it's brought me peace :D :D So I love that you're wearing a hippie top hahaha. Namaste, girlfriend ;) xxxxx :*
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I'd love to hear more about the differences between depersonalisation and derealisation if you fancy talking about yours more. I'm sure you know which one you have, sorry, didn't mean to question your judgment xD :P
0 likesI've had it for 10 years. It only stays around for this long when you have anxiety disorder which I do.
0 likes@Mel Mull Oh yeah, I have an anxiety disorder, yeah. It's slowly getting better though, I have to have faith that it will go, just like it came. Hope you have that faith too. You must, it will do you the world of good in recovery. As the good Buddha says, the mind is what you make of it. X
2 likesBaby have you checked your vitamin D, iron, vitamin b12 levels? You know these together or one in extreme causes these mental issues? Been there.
0 likesUr symptoms and mine same , just happened with me from August 2021
0 likesI know this is old but I woke up late today and my mom was yelling at me and said she was going to take my phone away and I said my phone isn’t the problem and she said to take responsibility of my problems and not to make excuses as metal heath being an excuse and she said that people have bigger problems than me and that basically my problems are insignificant and i know they are but I still don’t understand why they control me so much then
0 likesAbout 6:00 that's what my brain is telling me 24/7 but I don't know what about.
0 likesMy depression feels like I died 2 years ago
1 likeSeriously the realist thing I have heard in a while. People don't understand. They think you're just making it up for attention, or having a pity party. Its neither of those things. Its a constant battle.
0 likesHas your experience changed since then? Now being 2020
0 likesObviously everyone is different but your explanation is so accurate and exact. It turned out I had a sleep disorder that didn't let me get into deep sleep and caused me to feel like shit and off and unpresent and bored but terrible this numb numb numb agitated feeling. It also turned out that this sleep disorder was caused by vitamin D deficiency and luckily for me THAT HAPPENED TO BE MY PROBLEM AND THATFIXED MY SLEEP DISORDER AND I FEEL SO LUCKY THAT THAT HAPPENED TO BE MY ISSUE AND I HAPPENED TO DISCOVER IT. I am aware this is not everybodys problem for me it was and I just wanted to share in case the cause was the same for some random person out there.
0 likesI don't know if this counts as depersonalization, and it probably doesn't, since it's only happened once, and I don't plan on self-diagnosing myself. but the one time it happened, I was at a track meet. I don't know if it was induced by too much social interaction, or something. But I was just having a normal conversation with two of my friends, and we suddenly just stopped talking. guess we ran out of things to say. so I started looking around, to feel less awkward. then it suddenly felt like I was just sucked out of my regular life. everything just turned to white noise, and I started freaking out inside. I don't know if it looked like I was on the outside. my friends started talking again, but I couldn't concentrate on them. I just stared at them for a bit, confused, not knowing what was happening, then suddenly thought "no". I closed my eyes briefly, and opened them, and I was fine. I was me again. but even before then I felt off. people have asked me if I'm okay, and I say yes. why do I keep lying?
0 likesi suffer from the same things
0 likesI know that weird bright fuzzy dream feeling very, very well.
0 likessomeone please help. recently, whenever i would have a drive around with my mom, i start to feel sick in my stomach and i start to breath heavily since i couldn’t feel like i could breath normall and i cry along with it not knowing why. i thought it was a one time thing and after that day, i felt okay. but in the afternoon, my head started to feel like crap, and pain in different parts of my body just appeared and i cried the whole day, feeling guilty as a person for not being good enough. i just kept saying “sorry, sorry” in my mind to my mom since she would always be stressed and it bugged me so much that i just want to sleep. i don’t lnow what to do, i can’t tell myself to do anything, everything hurts.
0 likesI'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I can see your pain. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
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sadlyaparadox Me too.
1 likeI really believe everyone has a mental illness. Most people just hide it because they don't like saying it. I'm so proud of the people who can talk about it.... but sadly, the only people at my school who do talk about it only talk about it negatively and make everyone else upset.
0 likesI feel that. I feel all of this but I’m scared to go to the doctor. Cus I’m know I’m bunkers but i don’t need someone else to tell me I’m bunkers. You know?
0 likesYou are so right, if anyone is feeling this way, seek help as soon as possible. You might think you are getting over it but it can come back if you don't deal with it fully x
0 likesUgh I've written about this so much that it just feels useless. But here we go... Okay so I'm just not here, and I'm not me? Whatever me is, I feel like I'm living in a shell of myself bc me and myself are completely different things. I'm just watching my life roll past me with blurry eyes and it's so scary bc I'm just floating and I CAN'T FEEL I WANT TO FEEL SOMEONE JUST HELP ME FEEL. I'M SO STUCK IN MY HEAD AND I DO NOTHING ALL DAY BC THERE'S NOTHING IN MY TOWN AND IT'S ALL USELESS AND I GET THESE SCARY THOUGHTS THAT I SHOULD JUST DIE BC IF I CAN'T FEEL WHAT GOOD AM I?? I'M JUST STUCK BETWEEN THE WALLS AND I'M POUNDING SO HARD BUT NO ONE CAN HEAR ME AND MY HANDS ARE BLEEDING FROM POUNDING. BUT IT'S TOO HARD TO EXPLAIN TO PEOPLE THAT YOU FEEL LIKE AIR. AND LIKE EVERYTHING IS JUST A BIG PAINTING. AND I DON'T RECOGNIZE MY FACE OR MY HANDS AND I'M JUST STUCK. I'M GLUED TO THIS FUCKING FLOOR YET I'M SOMEHOW STILL FLOATING AROUND MYSELF AND I'VE BEEN THIS WAY FOR SO LONG THAT IT'S JUST ME. BUT I'M SICK OF IT, I JUST WANT TO DIE. THE OTHER DAY I WAS TALKING WITH MY PARENTS AND I NEVER REALIZED THAT I'VE NEVER REALLY NOTICED THEM?? LIKE THEY'VE ALWAYS BEEN THERE BUT THEY'VE JUST BEEN BLURRY. DO YOU KNOW HOW SCARY IT IS TO NOT RECOGNIZE YOUR OWN PARENTS??? SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME
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I'm just a bitch, what more can I say? OK I have been in your exact situation when I was 12 and had been dealing with my dads abuse and I attempted suicide and at that point I went to see a therapist and was diagnosed with depression and depersonalisation. I think that is what you have based on the not noticing part 💛
0 likesDodie, it's actually amazing how vocal you are about all of this, not a lot of people could do that, we're proud of you! <3
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And you don't sound crazy at all!
1 like+
0 likes+
0 likespause the video and cry because it is good to have a cry and yt can wait I promise, we want you to be happy
0 likes4:14 this broke my heart
0 likesIt makes me so sad and angry that you go to a doctor or psychologist so you can deal with these problems you are facing and they either look at you or make it out to not be as big of an issue as you say it is. Well let me tell you something, if there's something going on in your head that you're having to deal with that causes you pain or anxiety, it is NOBODY'S right to tell you that it isn't a real problem. No one can feel what you feel, so nobody, ESPECIALLY a trained doctor should tell you otherwise. Their job is to make you feel better, not to make you reevaluate and doubt yourself.
0 likesI have been dealing with depersonalization for a year now, have made some stupid mistakes that made it go worse but now I'm on the right path. Good lock to all of you
Thinking (ego thinking) lead to discontinuity & disconnection to the
1 likecontinuity of life. Thinking less, allows to live continuously &
connected with the continuity of life. I practice empty minding along
deep continuous breath serving me also as a distraction allowing me to
not think but feel, and regain connection with the continuity of life.
I wasn't planning on crying again today.
14 likesi went to the doctor, and she said i have mild depression and severe anxiety. i'm not making up this shit.
0 likesI had depersonalization for 2 years 24/7..
0 likesI wish I could tell my mom that i'm anxious and depressed.
0 likesBut in my mind the results is: "your a kid your not even ready for depression."
Idk how did I got my depression and anxiety but in 5th grade I started feeling that I'm useless and hopeless and no one loves, everyone is laughing at me, they think I'm crazy bla bla bla.
And stop saying "DePrEsSiOn CaN oNlY gEt TeEnS" not only teens can get depression.
Adults can be depressed even kids.
So shut up.
So I might just be a figment of your imagination, but if you'll take it from me, you're real.
0 likesomg that old house and old school thing relates to me i get it. doesn't make sense when i type it down guess you need a whole lot of context
108 likesim not here, im crying, i drink to feel normal. im not the same person.
0 likesSadly thinks so relatable, I feel so bad for u I know exsactly how u feel and it freaks me out and just makes me so depressed I can't socialise when I'm like this and people think I'm jut doing it for attention but I'm not also I'm 13 (14 in 4 days aha)
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This*
0 likesyeeet well umm i started IB about 4(?) weeks ago and my anxiety has just been off the charts and recently i started getting paranoid that i was going insane ? like at dinner, my food just seemed kinda flat and 2D and i got scared bc i started to feel like im not real yknow? and its kinda dumb but i felt like i was in a simulator or a book or something and i panicked cuz i thought i was going crazy like erGH! it felt like i wasnt real and it made me want to hurt my legs or arms to convince myself that i AM real and it sucks and it made me even more anxious cuz i didn't know why i was feeling that way and enghh just thank you so so much for putting a name to it.
0 likesi relate to this so much cry
0 likesI have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety/social anxiety, panic attacks, mild autism, suicidal, ptsd and I also think I have depersonalisation, I feel like I'm not here and I don't belong here. It's a huuuuge struggle every single bloody day.
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chanelnadia damn same with me;( can i email u?
4 likeschanelnadia I'm so sorry, that's so terrible. I have existential depression and it's crushing (kinda like depersonalization mixed with fast anxiety and existential thoughts) idk how you handle it
6 likesI'm deeply sorry for what you're going through. I can feel what you're going through because it's what I'm going through at the moment. Now, I know this is like 3 months late but is there anyway I could contact you? I hope to talk to you if it's not too late, I want to talk to someone who is going through the same thing. Instagram: @rubirosettee
1 likesame as all of you guys ... i wishi knew people like me where i live i feel like being able to hang out with people like that and talk and all that would be so much relief because i feel so alone i want to die sometimes. Thanks to music to being here because it seems that its the only thing that bring me a little bit of peace and joy
0 likesbelieve in Jesus Christ he will set us free amen.
5 likeschanelnadia I have the same...
0 likesI also have PTSD and depersonalization is a symptom of PTSD.
1 likechanelnadia hi what helps you??
0 likesThe "it" is the thing you're using to fight with, very wise.
0 likesI have depersonalization / derealization , and it's horrible I don't know what to do anymore , it's so hard to deal with.
0 likesI hate derealization my break up made me feel this again
0 likesi wish i had free health care where i live i have no money and my insurance doesn't cover therapy and i have so many mental health questions that i need answered by a professional
0 likesI feel so bad now.
13 likesI hate it how you talk about that and meanwhile I love it more than everything.
I must tell you something. I am afraid. So afraid of getting a mental illness. I'm really in my way to get One I don't know.
Sometimes there are times when I feel ok, like it's all cool, I'm ok, I got friends and it's really ok, but sometimes I feel like I can't laugh and I can't smile for days and more days.
The thing is right now I really feel ok, I got a cool time and I feel like a normal kid. But I am SOOO afraid of those bad things to come back and me being sad again.
And you must know One thing. I am 13 years old. I am really young and I have no depression or anything like that yet but I'm afraid of getting it soon.
Because I feel so unnormal, so weird. Not that kind of good-weird but some sort of insane. I feel more like an adult than all the other kids and I overthink everything soooo many ways too often!!
I could cry right now. I don't want that. I want to be a normal *
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* kid and I don't want to be like that.
2 likesAnd my very best friend wich I really love is really not supportive.
She told me "You really have psychological problems." But then she went and acted like everything was normal and I don't understand that. When she DOES notice me being not completely alright why does she not help me or whatever but just tell me about that and go?
Oh my gosh I didn't even want to write that much. No idea. I just feel odd and stupid and wrong here.
And on top of that I also just feel like I am not even allowed to think these things I do think, because I am so young and nobody at the same age thinks about these things the way I do.
Ok now I go, sorry.
Uhmmm, Dodie? Could you please read that ( I know it's much I'm sorry) and ... I don't know... Say something?
1 likeIt's stupid I know 😅
Just so you know you're never "too young" and you should probably seek help as soon as possible. I know it may seem like no one else feels the same at your age but I can guarantee that you aren't on your own in what you are feeling. Myself and several friends of mine developed mental illness' at young ages but didn't get help because you assume you're "too young to know" and it can manifest. It's a much better idea to see someone like a GP or parent/guardian or teacher you trust. Not many people your age will know how to be supportive so I would recommend seeing a professional or at least an adult. (i know i'm not dodge but i hope you feel better/get help soon)
2 likesThis sounds like you may already have depression or possibly bipolar disorder. I think you should go see a doctor for some kind of definitive diagnosis <3
1 like+Vlogging Julez first of all, I know that I'm no Dodie Clark, but I saw your comment and I read it. I read all of it, and I just really hope that you're okay. I think that worrying this much about getting a mental illness is probably not good and that you should talk to someone about it. Speaking of which, have you spoken about this to someone other than your friend who is unsupportive? Maybe you should find someone who believes you more; someone good for your mental health in that way.
1 like+Iain Gillespie I know you may be right.
0 likesI've already thought about that but the thing right now is:
I've lately started to feel ok with that. Learned many things and learned how to be cool with how odd I am and stupid stuff like that.
And if I now began to talk to someone about that, all my feelings would come back you know?
All I want is to be happy and forget about ALL THESE DAMN THINGS.
I can't even describe about what silly things I think. I feel like no human being should ever think about stuff like that and I also think no one does and has ever done.
And I think if I talked to nobody and enjoyed my time as long as it's not bad I'm ok and I'm gonna forget about stuff.
Do I sound silly?
+Anya Pailthorpe could you and +daisyjsore please red the comment I just added in wich I say why I feel like not doing this? 😅😅
0 likes+Vlogging Julez So... I may not be Dodie but I've been trying to write this for around 10 minutes and the thing I want to say is that I feel the same and I was thinking that we could talk...idk... (sorry if my english is bad, i speak spanish...)
0 likes+Carla Moreno funny because my English also may be bad as hell. I'm from Germany.
0 likesWell yea. Talking is cool :)
How?
Hey, I'm not Dodie (obviously) but still I thought I reply to you because what you said really resonated with me.
1 likeI am actually 20 years old and still feel too young to speak up about all the weird and strangely complex seeming thoughts and worries I'm having.
Also I too have recently experienced phases of good-normal-well being followed by phases of weird-sad-pointlessness feeling. It has recently gotten better since I am now finally starting to settle on a decision I needed to make for quite a while and that had been stressing me out so very much.
All this time I had not really talked to anybody about this and the longer I kept it to myself I felt it getting worse and worse. At some point I talked to a friend about it and he kind of dismissed it as something we all go through in life at some point. I actually agree to the degree that we all have probably at some point in our life experiences the very basis of one mental illness or another maybe even without realizing it. But *
I understand how you feel and I know you feel ok sometimes but it's better to get support than to have bad times come back. I know you feel like you're alone in how you're thinking but you aren't, but no matter what you can get the support to get to the happy place you want to get to. I hope that you find your way to a better place.
1 like+Iain Gillespie my problem is... Nobody even knows that I am sometimes this kind of sad. And I don't want them to know. I don't want to be threatened like I'm not ok because I am ok
0 likesEverybody has their times when they're a bit sad haven't they?
* saying that I don't want to take away from the experiences of those with serious mental illnesses. That thought is just something that kind of helped me normalize and accept mental illness as something unpleasant, yes, but also something that is part of life and not something that makes the one experiencing it that "crazy person" that one just identifies as crazy and with that almost doesn't see them as human anymore. Being mentally ill is just about as human as it gets really. We are sentient beings after all and the way our brains work that simply includes a proneness to getting stuck on some thoughts and developing a mental illness or something of the sort every now and again.
1 likeBut I'm getting off topic here.
What I really wanted to say was that if you are worried about a mental illness growing inside you, you definitely should go to the doctor no matter how old you are. Just tell them and have them make sure that you are ok/not ok. If you are ok, they will give you a reason why *
+Countless Colors I am ok. Even those "bad times" are not really bad. Yet. I'm just afraid that it gets worse because I think of so many things, I guess I can't get happy that way.
0 likes+Vlogging Julez i understand that and you don't have to let people know if your don't want to. Doctors are completely anonymous (unless they think you will hurt yourself or someone else) so unless you want others to know you don't have to let them know. Yes everyone gets sad sometimes but it's better to be safe and get support than risk it becoming worse.
1 like* you think the way you think and it will reasonable with you making it all alright.
1 likeIf you are not ok and they tell you you are then you will feel that they are wrong and even though it will be hard to stand up to that kind of situation and essentially rejection, you will need to try again by talking to another doctor. Maybe even more than just these two. But if you feel you are not ok and none of the reasons someone gives you to tell you that what you feel is normal, chances are you are not ok and that person simply doesn't understand how you are truly feeling.
That sucks, I know, the whole process does, but it is better to get help now while others bearly notice anything being "wrong" and while you still have the will and energy to find help than let it get worse to the point where you might be too deep into it get help as easily and especially learn to handle it as easily.
(P.S.: your friend probably simply didn't know how to handle the situation and without meaning to hurt you)
Ok to all of you now: You are so nice and supportive and I want to thank you so much because you really helped me in a way, thanks!
2 likesI guess I don't (really don't I'm sure) need a doctor right now. I'm ok right now. But now I promise you I will go to a doctor as soon as I notice anything getting worse.
Thank you for your help!
Honestly, all of you! Thanks so much!
+Vlogging Julez I'm the same age and I feel similar
0 likesplease don't listen to anyone on the internet "diagnosing" you with some kind of disorders. don't worry too much about getting any either. if you feel like you have some genuine problems, go see a doctor but if you're just worried you might face such deep problems that you might get sick, then try to block that out. you're perfectly normal and i promise you that most people around you are going through the same thing, or at least something similar. cheer up a bit, kiddo and if you can't, go see a doctor!!
2 likes+daisyjsore stop trying to diagnose people you don't know on the internet. that will just stress them out even more.
0 likesHey I know you already have a lot of comments and advice, but I just want to say that it's okay to be afraid of getting a mental illness, but having one isn't the end of the world. Often fixating on something can make the danger seem more real or worse than it is, and although I know it sounds dumb like "Just don't think about it!!" instead maybe try when you start worrying, say to yourself "I'm having the thought that _", accept the thought then push it away. I hope you feel better soon, and don't be afraid to ask someone you trust for advice. <3
1 likeI feel the same and I hate it because I'm scared to get help and I constantly deny myself of having anything wrong with me at all. It might not be depression but the amount of sadness and overthinking and constant breakdowns I have is becoming abnormal :/
0 likesI know how you feel... and I think this is more confusong than always being sad etc. becouse I would know that something is wrong with me? like, I would be able to tell myself that I might have depression or anxiety. but becouse those thoughts or feelings are not always there I'm afraid if I talk about it to someone they would think that I'm making all these up for attention. and sometimes I think to myself if I'm making all these up, not for attention but maybe becouse I've been seeing more and more people with those problems? it is complicated and I'm afraid about many things. I get why you don't want to talk about it to anyone. and to be honest it is good to know I'm not the only one. so I hope we will find some way of help? and btw I'm 17.
0 likesI am 50 and I have depersonalization and derealization non stop from 15 year old no escape so tired....
0 likesI came to watch this video not to feel alone.. I have been feeling pretty meh sometime now i guess.. I dont remember well. Even though everything is fine i feel like its not.. And i feel like im in the dream, its scary.. Sorry for writing this.. I dunno where else..
0 likesDude this was me today.
0 likesI just can't stand it, I developed insomnia because of this shitty disorder and everything fells fake plastic flat and overwhelming I just feel like throwing up constantly and like I'm allways on the verge of completely losing my mind its insufferable, i constantly feel like my head is going to explode, I wouldnt even want my worst enemy to go through this, but I feel like things are getting better and I constantly remind myself that if others got through this I can too, I am strong and brave, I've made it this far and I'll keep improving, and I pray to whatever may be up there you get though this too because it's really a shitty and unfortunate thing to be going through this but I know that things can and allways will get better, stay strong and hopefull, others have and we too will get through this
0 likesi dont have depersonailition but i have lots of anxiety and i dont feel myself and i just want to be normal
0 likesI have a lot of anxiety. I really don't like going on meds cause I have a lot health problems too. I feel completely lost in my life and don't know what to do. But I gave my life to Jesus and became a christian its helped me to feel a little better. I'm still praying that the lord will heal me but it gave me a feeling of hope and comfort
0 likesMate, I know it's outdated now, but you're alright :)
0 likesMy head hurts so much while watching this cuz im.trying so hard to cry but its not coming out. Why does nothing want to listen to me? No one even bothers to talk to me anymore. When i ask for help they call me attention seeking so i stopped trying and this led to self harm and staying up all night so that i can feel more pain than i already do.
0 likesDodie, try to stay strong. This may sound stupid from a 13 year old girl in the middle of school, who is a complete stranger to you but I want you to know loads of people are here for you. Your amazing and you can get over this, lots of people get over stuff like this, I got over something like that. I didn't know what it was but I felt like digging a hole and living in it until I die and like I wanted to block everything and everyone out of my life because if sly so down. Then stuff started getting better but it was still bad, I went out more and did more but I still felt grey. I have never put a name to it so I just call it 'my grey days'. It started when I was about 11 and a half and I slowly felt better about a year and a bit later. Now when I tell people why I was off school for a bit they say I was making it up for attention and to get out of school, but I like school (in a way). I told 2 of my closest friends and my girlfriend. They where really supportive and helped me get
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through it. It does get better. ❤️❤️❤️
2 likesI have anxiety but sometimes i wonder if i'm kinda depressed, like not full on depressed, just extremely negative and mentally unwell-ish. But i don't know and i feel bad because i know that whatever i have (if i do have anything) is no where near as bad as what other people have and then i feel myself wishing that it was worse, and i know that i should never ever ever think that because i am so lucky to not have depression or anything worse and i hate myself for thinking it but i just kind of want an excuse, a reason. But then again i feel like im just a negative bitch who needs to wake up and stop being so ungrateful but i just cant and i put myself down a lot. And i feel that im actually ok and im just thinking it all up and making excuses because i actually feel ok most the time and i have came a long way. (I used to be extremely negative and nearly depressed but i got out of it) and now i just don't know anymore. Am I ok? Maybe i'm just making a big deal about nothing. I don't know.
0 likesIve had a couple of spells of this. I dont know if it is normal to not have it all the time but have it once or twice or 3 times. I only got it when i was walking on a really busy street. I had to sit down because everything was bright, i felt like i was dreaming and like i wasn’t really there, i couldnt remember the last 5 seconds. I felt really strange. Does anyone know if it is normal to only have it afew times
0 likesI want to go to a doctor but I can’t. I’m not comfortable talking about my feelings to anyone.
0 likeshi, i wonder if someone can help me. i suffer from panic attacks and anxiety which sucks but i am getting therapy so thats cook. but sometimes i get this really intense feeling of anxiety in my tummy, the only way i can describe it is that it feels like when i felt homesick when i was younger (if i was at sleepover or something) but i could get it at home or anywhere. Its really wierd and its started happening more. Does anyone else get this?
0 likesYou know, I... i feel like this is a safe space so I can say what I feel and I can delete a comment if things don't go well. I honestly have been feeling very down not just lately but for the past year so I looked into it and took some mental online screenings because honestly I couldn't stop obsessing over it and they said that i was showing symptoms of certain disorders. I want to seek help but I don't want to waste my family's time or money and every time I've brung it up to someone, they've said it's because I'm growing up since I am still relatively young. Nothing hurts me more than that because I am constantly obsessing over the fact that I don't know whether what I feel is real or not or if a part of me hidden in the dark abyss of my mind is just seeking attention so I just keep to myself and honestly i just don't know what to do. Wow it feels good to get that off my chest. Good luck, Dodie. I know that this comment may not have a lot to do with you per say but I want to thank you for creating such a safe environment that I along with many others feel comfortable with expressing ourselves here.
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Sonus Isawesome I relate to what you're saying. I feel like I don't deserve to be sad, and that what if I'm making up these bad thoughts and they're all not real, and if thinking these thoughts and doubting them is worse than actually thinking them and if I'm making things up for attention or why if I do want attention. very confusing. so you're not alone I guess.
3 likesHello, how are you feeling currently?
0 likesI don’t know you but I love you I hope your feeling better
0 likesWhen you nearly cried omg aw xx
0 likesIts weird
0 likesIt feels like that nothing is really real
People are just moving around and around me
Im a burden like a rock
No one wants a rock for a friend
For the people who are my friensd
I have no idea why they want to talk to me
Some days its really bright and weird. Like is that the sun? No one think theres nothing wrong
I wish i could go back. To when i was younger because it was easier
I'm not crying... you're crying... 😭😫
1 likeGod, you're so wonderfully important. <3
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<3
40 likes+doddleoddle you are wonderfully brave for making this video. These are hard things to talk about. I know because I suffer from anxiety too. Keep pressing on....it will get better....I promise. :)
2 likesI understand that you're probably getting advice from everywhere and you probably don't want more. Having said that, I've been told that documenting the good things that happen in pictures and in videos so that you have evidence of them happening and constructing your personal timeline can really help with depersonalisation. It's just a thought. I love you!
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0 likesaye Stevie you helped me with coming out
0 likesnothing feels normal or ok. I'm waking up everyday and the first thing I think is 'what is the fucking point in doing this again?' on a day to day basis I can't be bothered to do anything. I don't want to eat or read or watch my favourite TV shows or movies because nothing makes me happy and I don't see the point in anything. I think about the future and I just cry and I can't stop crying. I feel like there is no point in doing anything because nothing will ever make me happy and I will never be OK. there is no point in anything because I think I'm incapable of feeling anything at all and life is pointless and I shouldn't try because I'll never feel right again and I'll just hate everything and everyone forever. I don't think I'll ever be satisfied. I've forgotten what happiness feels like and I don't think I'll ever feel it again.
0 likesthis video is old but I came back to it because I love dodie and I just wanted to vent.
buy a bike and ride it - sounds arbitrary but it changed my life 10 years ago. I had Councillors and psychologists and then i rode a bicycle. There are so many reasons why it helped me, just try it.
0 likesI am the same..... but mine is really sad.... I don't feel like me... had enough of my life.
0 likesfuck. its like hearing myself. you are not alone i stg. just as mental over here aha X
0 likesSorry, but you don't have a right to feel perfect and happy and sorted 24/7. It's just life. You moved. So do millions of people. You miss your old house and familiar surroundings. So do millions of people. Life is shit, deal with it. Writing it all off to "mental illness" isn't neccessarilly the answer, you don't always need help to not be unhappy, sometimes we're just unhappy due to circumstance and none of us like it.
1 likeI have experience of anxiety too but I don't try to ascribe it to anything other than myself, and I take responsibility for dealing with it, though if I need objective professional input I seek it. Too many people of your age lack the ability to be unhappy and just sit with it. Nobody has the automatic right to be happy, we can't all be famous, successful, rich or in the media.
Not meant to be harsh just pragmatic. Love your music x
I’m so confused I just feel blank all the time like I have no emotions and sometimes when I’m in class or something I just space out and just feel secluded from the world like I’m just an onlooker I’m just soo confused idk anymore honestly I just have been feeling like what’s the point of life anymore
0 likeswhen you were starting to think that maybe you were making up your undiagnosed anxiety but then you watched this and started crying and then had an anxiety attack because you had to see people in like two minutes and you needed to stop crying so they wouldn't see you cry and then she got to the part where she was saying to get help and it got worse because you really need to get help and you think maybe you can actually say it this time but you're not home and you don't feel safe telling the people with you about this and it's not okay ☺
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this is a perfect video though and i love it and im thankful because i think when i get home im going to actually tell someone about it which ive been trying to work myself up to doing and this gave me kind of a big realization that i should stop putting it off
0 likesthis title just describes everything that's been messed up in my life recently :/
0 likesYo you'll feel good after a good cry, go ahead
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I read this and burst into tears lol
77 likes+doddlevloggle holy moly you replied, I told my mum and she was like aw that's so nice
4 likesYo but like just do it haha honestly I feel like so relieved after a good cry, it's like you've just cried all the bad shit outta your body ygm
+doddlevloggle oh doddie.... We love you so.
5 likesI'm here if you ever need to talk. I relate so much, panic attacks, depression, ect.... So I know how you feel. And crying definitely makes me feel better. Cry it out dear ❤️
+Abigail Faith *Dodie
0 likes+ekeetley123 oh my god get off my comment
0 likes+HeyHolly'sOnline what...? I'm simply saying her name is spelled dodie...such a genuine comment, saying you love someone, should start with spelling their name correctly. That's all... :) please try not to get worked up over a tiny thing.
0 likes+ekeetley123 well.... Okay I'll spell her name with one d instead of two next time. Thanks for correcting me. However, I feel like you're the one who made a slightly larger thing out of something small 😜 have a nice day
0 likes+HeyHolly'sOnline read my essay of a comment and get back to me on that one :( you've completely mistaken an innocent correction.
1 like+Abigail Faith sorry if it came off as rude somehow; it wasn't intended to. Thanks for not going bat shit crazy at me x
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0 likesThe thing that really sucks is when your body won't let you cry
5 likes+Claire Spencer i know what you mean. it's like your pain is locked inside of you and you can't let it out
1 like+ekeetley123 it's fine. I know how some people can be online. Not nice tbh. X
0 likesI know how you feel.
0 likesIm watching this for the fourth time in two days now
0 likesI never comment much personal things but she is so sweet and she expresses it in a way that is accurate and gentle because of the ducking stigma. But I notice many people commenting that they feel like they're watching a movie when they go through depersonalization-derealization episodes and I felt like writing what I feel. I feel like I'm in a simulation. Like a group of creatures or aliens are watching me and nothing is real like Doddle said she felt like a robot and everyone else was human I feel the exact opposite and it's really scary since I can't feel safe anywhere, not even home. Home seems unreal and everything seems so geometrical and the colors are bright in an overwhelming way. It feels as if every object in the room is staring at you. With difficulty breathing I feel cornered and uncomfortable anywhere. You know how some used to think that monsters hide under our beds? And therefore they avoid the floor when going to bed-falling asleep? (Does that make sense) I feel scared of every single surface. I feel unsafe sitting on the ground, the furniture, standing up, I feel like everything's gonna swallow me into a strange dimension that's full of weird and dangerous things, a place from which I can never go back.
0 likesWOOOP THATS ENOUGH OVERSHARING FOR TODAY IDK IF ANYONE WILL READ THIS WHOLE THING BUT if you've felt this way before know that you're not alone. I know it all seems weird and out of place at times but when the physical feels unreliable, focus on what your soul truly feels. Don't listen to your head. Focus on what your soul is thinking and follow those thoughts because they're the purest we have and even if you feel that you're dying, your soul is always going to shine a light. Some believe that after your body decays your essence shines in the night sky as a star. I'm glad some understand; I maybe will delete this because it's long and whatever but please try to understand if you haven't gone through this. This is not for attention seeking. It's an extremely scary and confusing situation and I'm glad Doddle did a video about this. Stay alive everyone
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Wow that turned out to be a rant srry
0 likesI have had this almost all the time for a year... It really fucking sucks :(
0 likesIt feels like the you from july 2016 is exactly like I am right now. Pretty scary how much you looked alike...
0 likesI got diagnosed with all of the 3 AHAHAHHHAH
0 likesTwo days good two days Bad and every now and again i have weeks where i only sleep and weeks where i just dont because of Paranoia. But its good. Getting better. I have a Routine. I dont et that many random mood swings anymore. I think i'll make it. I know you will too.
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Btw. Be careful with alcohol. I sometimes Accidentally self medicate. Be aware of the reason why you're doing something.
0 likesI'm 16 and people say I act 8 ._.
1 likeI put on a mask and they like me better. A lot of people hate my personality. IAM better of being the quiet kid at school... ;-;
I'm scared I'm under 18 and Its been a year that I have been " obsessing " over depression about a year ago I just wanted to read about it I just enjoyed learning about mental illnesses as I find them interesting but I can't get out of it ( wow I just said that ) I have re visited this video and the part where Dodie talks about how it's easy and dangerous to fall into it if you read the symptoms has really scared me...I don't want depression but I can't help crying every day and being " down " I can't help always smiling when I'm around people even though I know I look retarded and fake I don't know what to do because I'm worried I might have fallen but I don't know if I really have...I re watch and watch videos about depression and read articles about it I do this to anxiety, dp, dr, adhd.... But there's something with depression that has made me take all the tests read all the articles and continuously obsess about for a year I hope this may just be a phase and I will get over it
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EvieJo Brown I have a similar issue only it's with angxiety.
4 likesI always used to watch (still do) documentairies on youtube, there were also a couple on eating disorders and depression. Now, I've had the same as Dodie said, I thought my depression was insignificant and I was making it up, because my parents never say the word depression in relation to me. So, watching these documentairies made me even more sad and depressed. Almost exactly a year ago I started developing anorexia (omg I gues I have it) and just like Dodie and you I started to obsess more and more, watchig the four documentairies I knew of everyday, sometimes multiple times a day. It was in my head almost litterally from the moment I woke up till the moment I went to sleep. I even had dreams about eating something and feeling very guilty and me family leaving me behind.
1 likeAnyway, I've been rambling for too long, when I lost a significant amount of weight (bmi was 14.5) my mom too me to a psychotherapist and she thought I was getting better because I was gaining weight but in fact it's way worse now, so we're now waiting until we can get my intake at an eating disorder unit. Meanwhile I'm desperately trying to lose weight so I can feel I have control for a little longer, until they take it from me.
Jade Nanarjain you're beautiful and perfect the way you are, I hope everything works out for you, please message me if you need someone to talk to, you've got this :)
4 likesThank you Natalie, I hope so too.
2 likesSame.. i feel so stupid and don't want to tell anyone that I only got these feelings when I started to learn about them because that means that i'm only making it up doesn't it? IDK BECAUSE I'M THE ONE MAKING IT UP and what? There aren't any suicidal thoughts or panic attacks just really weird and down feeling moments, mostly at night and idk if I have to take that seriously? Probably sounds stupid bye what
18 likesEvieJo Brown these feelings dont come from looking up mental illness. you just always (not knowingly if course) had these feelings. But now that you know what to look out for, you start finding them in yourself. dodie said in a different video "if you check you will find. So I stopped checking".
11 likesSame here :(
0 likesthis is incredibly reassuring because it's the only thing that I can find close to what I'm feeling. though I doubt anyone will read this, I'm still going to let it out. I feel like I'm getting addicted to the idea of depression. I don't believe that I'm sad enough or have crossed the bridge of depression yet, I'm sad and I injoy things less and I have trouble remembering but it doesn't seem like enough to self diagnosis myself. but I'm so obsessed by the idea of it, it's something so intriguing that I know is horrible for me and I should feel grateful for being ok but there's something so inticing about having the label and the feeling. I do belive that there have been days where I've gotten a taste of depression if anything, and though they pained me, after it was all done I wanted it back. I intend on figuring this out, and hopefully getting rid of this possible addiction.
7 likesMan oh man Ive done the exact same thing.😢
0 likesI have a friend with the same problem. The only way she got better to seeking help. Please seek treatment for it because you deserve to feel better
2 likesdepression is usually a most commonly caused be a chemical imbalance in your brain. It's also hereditary. I wouldn't worry too much about it. if you've been feeling down, you may just be going through a phase. That being said it's important you see a doctor so they can perform a medical examination on you because it is an illness and does require medical examination. As much as I'm for self-dx, I do think it's important that if you have the chance/opportunity to see a doctor, to contact them. There could be an underlying physical condition for why you feel this way or you may me misdiagnosing! Good luck dear ❤️
1 likeI find anxiety worse than the depression. But that's me ..
0 likesHey. I feel horrible today. Nothing works. I can't function. I don't feel anything. For clarification, I believe I have depression, anxiety, and adhd. Quite the trifecta. Depression makes you numb, adhd makes you overactive, and anxiety makes you worry about everything. On top of all of that, panic attacks are fun.
0 likesI don't really talk to people, not really, so it's weird that I'm spilling my metaphorical guts to strangers. I'm going through the motions. Defintely, definitely not okay.
I want to be a singer, and a musician, and in acting. I don't know how to talk to people. I don't know how to get out of bed, and part of me wonders if I even want that anymore.
I don't know if there's anything else I should say? Don't reply with bullshit, I guess. Don't want to hear, "I've been sad/stressed too". Bye.
omigod I just
0 likeswhen she starts nearly crying I just
I can't
I hate that this all hurts you so much darling and i know it's been a while now and idk I hope you feel better than this because that sucks and i care about you a lot and so do so many people and I never want you to feel like that ever again but that's not the reality idk.
Hey I’m glad I’m not the only one .
0 likes. :( but this makes me so mad 😠
The description said "the mental breakdown tag" and all I thought was "it's the mental breakdown! dodododooooo "
0 likesSame here ,and it hurts so bad , please if you get any treatment let me know ,I know I might not get any reply but please
0 likesIt's like you want to 'snap out of it'
0 likesI feel the same it’s a horrible feeling
0 likesGosh, Dodie. I know you don't believe in God, and I know you'll probably scoff at this comment, but my heart is aching for you. Jesus saved my life, okay. I was going to kill myself. I was depressed and I still struggle with depression daily. I hated myself. I had bad social anxiety and panic attacks. I felt detached, like you. Like I was on drugs or something. I felt like a ghost just sort of floating around observing the world but not really being a part of it. I would look up and see the world moving in fast motion. I thought my vision was starting to fail; my eyes were all blurry and I thought I needed glasses. I couldn't sleep, and when I could I was restless. But, Dodie, I mean, Jesus turned my whole life around. I was raised Christian but didn't really have a strong personal faith. But when I found that; when I gave in to God and let Him show me Himself, I just saw Him in everything. He was right there with me the whole time I was suffering. He was holding me and waiting for me.
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Waiting for me to come to Him so He could heal me. And I found so much peace and so much comfort. His yoke is easy and His burden is light. I have no idea what you think of God apart from that you don't believe in Him or Jesus, and you probably think Christians are judge mental and horrible and whatever (sorry about that by the way, Jesus is nothing like Westboro Baptist, I promise). But I'm not trying to convert you or judge you. I'm just hurting for you. And Jesus is healing my hurt everyday. I'm sorry if you hate me for this. I just like you a lot.
6 likesYes!! So glad there are more Christians like me who dealt with mental illness. Jesus really does save. Praying for you, and Dodie!
3 likes+Mikkayyy I can totally relate. My soul doesn't feel broken anymore. While my body still suffers from anxiety and tiredness, my soul feels differently. It's definitely frustrating sometimes when I am calm on the inside and my body decides to panic! But it makes a world of difference that I know in the deepest place of my heart that I am truly safe and loved. Not that my soul cant get hurt - it can- but I have an assurance that the supreme power (God) wants nothing for me but to see me live a whole, meaningful, fulfilled life.
0 likes+Nikkayyy God I think is helping me through my times of trouble. I think he works through my friends especially because they are there for me and I just feel so comforted when they look out for me. Also, my church is great and our teen 'Sunday school' (basically drinking tea and coffee while eating cake or French patisserie stuff from the co op) is so inspiring and it's convincing me I have things to live for.
0 likesI'm not religious but happy that people like you can find a way through mental illnesses with God, real or not there is no doubt that God does bring a lot of good to the world through lives such as your own :)
2 likesWow. This is not the reaction I expected. This is awesome! I should have known the people who would comment under one of Dodie's videos would be so nice :') This is all so encouraging.
1 likeI LOVE YOU ALWAYS HERE FOR YOU<3xxxxxx
0 likesevery time you start crying i start crying
0 likesI haven’t been diagnosed but me and me therapist talked and we think I might have dpdr :/
0 likestheres something magnetic about your personality...
0 likes4:15 makes me so sad
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The dovan part ah, I think both dodie and Evan feel at home with each other? Evan describes her as an angel and dodie seems herself when with Evan idk but ah
23 likeslivvy elizabeth me too
0 likeslivvy elizabeth same omg
0 likes,my situation is that when i was 17 yr old i complete my high school from Boston in us and then i decide to go to college but recently i got a call from hospital that my family-dad, mom and a brother are died in car accident ,now i see no hope, i feel to kill myself i have no friend im ugly and stupid ,i cry every night but still trying to improve myself
0 likesSo why the claps? I've seen this now on several depression videos. Is it a way to snap out of it? Please let me know, thanks!
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Yes it kind of helps u get into reality again because if you begin to talk you feel kind of fake
0 likesDerealization is horrible, and so, so, so, scary. I have a history with it myself - though i'm so lucky that it's usually just in short bursts, lasting only a day, or a night, or at worst a couple days. I can't imagine what it would have felt like to be in that constantly. Gosh.
0 likesThat is what I want to do too
0 likesI know this video is old and people won't probably read it... but if you stumble over this, please do.
0 likesI was 13. I felt big and mature, no one understood me. I guess I was just stressed, but it felt different at the time. I self diagnosed, anxiety, (then started going to therapy). I had my fucking life sorted out, and I spent six months that I'll never get back pushing people outside my life with whom I'll probably never have the same relationship again. Looking back, I could've sorted it out in a month or two, alone.
I said that was hard. It had been the hardest time of my life, but now I was so much stronger and wiser, I had suffered enough. My life was going to be happy from now on.
It's been ten months since I made that statement. I would give up everything just to feel that way again. It scares me to think that I might just be doing the same, making things up where there's none, and that this will get worse and worse each day. I'm two levels deeper than I was back then, and I know bloody well that when this ends, I won't have suffered enough. I still have decades left.
My point here is, don't be me. Try to not adopt this as your signature. It wasn't only until I told myself that no one would fight this monster for me that I started trying to beat it. I know it's hard, I know it consumes you, I know. Just, please, don't make it yours. Don't wait until it's too late.
Going through this having no fucking idea what it is, is so scary
0 likesWOOO!!! One millions views!!!
0 likesDid I actually watch this video? Nope!
Excitement nonetheless!!!
ok this is so weird and idk if this is depersonalization or disacociation or something but when im hanging out with my friends sometimes..i become really aware of the situation and it's like im there but not there at the same time?? idk if that makes any sense at all.. probably not
0 likesI can't deal with real life anymore. I'm so tried and I go through so much shit and I feel so fucking dead. I walk into my school looking like a zombie because I don't know how to process my emotions anymore. Should I show the real, over-thinking, crying me? or should I smile and giggle and laugh and stay at the verge of tears every day? So many people say, "others have it worse than you!!!1!!" I am fully aware, I'm not asking for this shit. I hate waking up and dealing with my thoughts. They are constantly digging at my mind. I try so hard to be happy and I can't do it. I can't go to therapy because my family is some of what is causing me to be this way and I can't tell them that. I don't know how to explain what I'm feeling, Its just... Sad and being tired of being sad. fuck.
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I've seen different therapists, counsellors, and psychologists over the last 5 and a half years. Let me tell you this. I don't know how the fuck I would have gotten through university had I not started seeing one. I was finally diagnosed with depression, anxiety, OCD, and ADHD, at 18. I am 23 now and I am still seeing a therapist. I am only learning now at my age that the reason we feel overwhelmed and like life is too much to deal with is because we obsess over finding reasons as to why we feel depressed and/or anxious instead of just letting ourselves feel the way we feel. I cannot stress how true that is. I have only recently learned to let myself be upset when I am upset (usually not in front of people because I hate getting emotional at all to begin with), because by fighting how you are really feeling, you are making yourself feel worse! You don't need to tell your family that they are a part of what is causing you stress (until you are ready), but I would definitely suggest you see a therapist/counsellor. You are 100% not alone in feeling like shit and being sad. Believe it or not though, it does get better with time and a lot of help.
5 likesyes i'm sick of it all too
0 likesDiana5513 do you think that all the councillors/psychologists/therapists helped you? If so, which was the best? Ik u probably won't see this but I really hope u do
0 likesRuby Johnson I feel this exact same way 💔😣
0 likesi think i am depressed i can't talk about it because my family are all jolly and happy and they won't understand things like this.
0 likesAbsolutely NOT crazy!!!
1 likeAt 6:00
0 likesMe: SHUT UP YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING. EVEN IF WE SHUT UP, IT DOESN'T CHANGE ANYTHING WE'RE STILL JUST A blob of sadness and empty space.
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Blank Midnight I was gonna say some bullshit thing, but whatever. If you want to talk, I'm here I guess
0 likesI feel the same.. I’m 13 I feel like I can see feel hear etc but I’m not there I feel like I’m watching tv. I feel like I am not real
0 likesI never understood how terrible this is having (depression and anxiety mixed) when I was young but now I’m 16 and ever since last year I’ve gained a lot of weight and now I’m constantly doubting, bullying, and isolating myself and I want it to stop but it won’t I go to sleep one night with slim hope that tomorrow will be better but its always the same I’m so terrified because it’s not Changing I feel so dreadful all the time that I’m terrified I’ll end up ending my own life because it’s so bad and I can’t take it I don’t wanna die
0 likesI just wanna finally feel alive
i feel like i don't know who i am anymore? like I'm not real and i'm not here and quite honestly i can't take this feeling anymore ffs
0 likesI wish i could figure it out. Mental heath, I mean. I don’t know how I feel or who I am, and when I’m not around others, I don’t know who I am. I just kind of.. feel.. nothing. Well, I can feel emotions, but from a third person, I guess? But I don’t even know if that’s it. I don’t know. I don’t know who I am, or could be. I can’t cry. I can’t really smile for myself. It’s all for someone else. I’m only really here, on this planet, for others, and when they don’t need me, I just kind of float off.
0 likesI’ll also feel worthless and feed off of belief. I take any compliments or support and hoard it, trying to use it to fill the hole of where my self love should be. Does that make any sense? I don’t know if anything makes sense anymore, so I think it’ll do.
I also don’t know how or when or what to talk about what I’m feeling. I’m under 13 (I don’t want to state my age) so no one would take me seriously. I desperately want to come out as pansexual and say that I have mental heath problems, but I don’t.. I can’t. If I ever do figure out how to tell people, they would tell me to decide when I’m older. But I don’t know how long I can keep my mental heath problems tamed.
Thank you, if you read this, for listening to me. You can do it. I believe in you! Stay strong. ♥️
I’am feeling like a 6/10 🚕
0 likesfucking hell dodie I'm crying so much I know exactly how you feel all I want is my old happy little bed and my old happy little life and my old happy little me
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but anyway you're handling this so well so that's one gold star for you
55 likes+Katy Hinken Please go seek help if you haven't already ❤️ Although I don't know you, I really want you to get better! I believe in you 😘
3 likesthank you so much xxx
2 likes@Mysterywhiteboy78
0 likesI really hope that you realise that the things you just said are very rude. I have no intention to hate on you but if Katy suffers of depression, anxiety or depersonalisation, it is something very normal to miss the old times, where the mental illness wasn't there (or hadn't shown up totally). Mental illnesses can be very hard and challenging, both mentally and physically and me myself have wished to go back in time just to forget. This isn't about "special snowflakes" or something, these things are legit side-effects of these three mental illnesses. She isn't ruining society, she is just describing her feelings, that are totally legitimate.
Why do you hate on someone and tell them to grow up, even though you don't know their age? You say that the things she feels are dumb although they are totally understandable. Instead of spreading hate, please think about what you have done and think before you speak.
Even though you were rude, I wish you a lovely day and a nice week. Thank you for reading this.
slayyy
0 likes@SnowAline Hate all you like but this is equal to Narcissism anyone with any integrity or courage would go about things in a private and dignified way. I don't trust people who make videos about their every waking moment.Thanks for reading.
0 likes+Mysterywhiteboy78 #doesnttrustvloggersyetleaveshorriblecommentonvlog
1 likeWould you say you want your own happy little pill
2 likes@Harvey Doniego ahahahahahaha impressive
0 likesi miss the old me in 2014
0 likesSorry if this is to personal, but do you think you got depersonalization because of youre manipulative relationship? Also I l o v e you sooo much and I hope everything is ok now
0 likesthey said I'm an attention seeker, my problem isn't that big, those words just put me down, they don't understand how it feels
0 likesI have the same thing
0 likesIt sounds like the early stages of a spiritual awakening to me.
1 likeI'm just in the beggining of the video watching you reading the txt you send to your friend, and this is basicly wath I'm passing thru, and wath I said to my best friend almost every day .-.
6 likesReplies (1)
And you have the same age as me :O
0 likesCan someone please help me! I have derealization (same thing as Dodie) but, I'm only thirteen so aren't as many treatment options. I'm using a vape pen made by a company called corked and it helps with the symptoms but, it won't go away. I need help, advice, something please.
0 likesI think I want to see someone about this, however I don’t want to get labelled with depression and then make this effect my future chances of getting a job etc, can anyone help me with this?
0 likesI just need to vent for a moment.
0 likesI can't deal with anything anymore. I just always worry about what is going to happen after every choice I make. I don't feel like I can be myself around anyone and I just feel like crying but I can't because everyone judges me and every action I make. I feel like I am always second best or worse I feel like I will never be as good as anyone else. I feel stupid and childish admiring these feelings as I know people (including my friends) have experienced worse and that I am just overreacting or overthinking. but of course no one who I have told believes me and tells me I'm just doing it for attention but sometimes I do want attention and I know it's selfish but no one focuses on me anymore, my sister is always with her boyfriend and is never at home and my parents have struggles with their jobs and relationship and I just want to be someone's priority but I'm not and I can't changing because I feel like I am attention seeking. rant carried on below||
Replies (3)
it has gotten to a point where I have self harmed and I can't go to therapy because I can't bring myself to admit this or do anything anymore
0 likesCaitlin Amber Ok I used to be in your exact situation and I did attempt suicide and at that point I though I had to see a therapist and it helped so much! Please, please see a therapist before something terrible happens 💛
0 likes+Cocaine Aleks i have stared online therapy as feel like if i carry on like i am i will do something that will hurt people or i will regret. thank you for recommending that because i wouldn't have done it myself because id believe i was overdramatising it 💛
0 likesIt's like your on acid or weed without doing
0 likesIt.
Ok 4:14 makes me cry everytime
112 likesReplies (5)
Same
3 likessame
3 likesIt's sad for me not just because of a feeling of empathy, but I know exactly what she means :/
1 likesame
1 likeI just wanna give her a hug and cry with her
2 likesi'm (nearly) 13 and nothing feels real.
0 likesi feel like I'm in a first person video game
0 likesdepersonalization or puberty? I have no idea... (not dodie, me)
0 likesWhen I get sad I think I get depersonalisation but I'm not gonna bet on it anyway when I get sad I feel as if I'm not inside my body like I'm walking along next to it and my body looks lifeless and I get really lonely and like I want to hide and cry idk someone helo
0 likesOh I remember you from TV and you just popped up when I searched depersonalization
0 likesI get the opposite of this kinda? Like reality suddenly feels very real and intense and it's terrifying I just can't ignore that everything is like .real. and I can touch things and feel things and move and stuff and it feels horrible? And I'm just so scared and the worst is when it happens in band because I can't play my instrument properly and I feel like my hands aren't mine and my mouth and body isn't connected to my brain and I just see everyone else around me doing things and i force myself to do the same but I feel like they're gonna notice that inside I'm freaking out and I'm just faking knowing how to play an instrument? It's awful but idk what it is???
0 likesI have super bad anxiety and depression from being verbally abused my ENTIRE life. And everything judt fucking sucks
0 likesDon’t worry about crying just cry if you got to
0 likesI have Depression, I hate my therapist because they r always putting me down by saying that I will never make music, so I should stop making music and stop following my dreams
56 likesReplies (8)
as in the therapists at my clinic
0 likes(ich hoff, es stört dich nicht, wenn ich auf deutsch zurückschreibe(sry, hab dich gestalkt, um zu schauen, ob du eigene musik auf deinem kanal hast)
0 likeshör bitte niemals damit auf, deinen träumen zu folgen! wenn musik etwas ist, das dir gut tut, dann mache musik! vielleicht hast du die möglichkeit, einen anderen therapeuten aufzusuchen, der nicht solchen unsinn erzählt?
hey! how about F**K what the therapists say, if you love something, then do it! don't ever doubt yourself!! you''l be ok, someday you will look back at your past and be glad you went through it, because pain and suffering creates a truer Human Bieng :)
2 likesdon't stop.
7 likesSwitch therapists! Most have a different approach, view, advice and such. If you can't get along with yours or don't find their advice helpfull, you can look for someone else. It happens ALL THE TIME, don't worry they will be mad or anything.
17 likesif you don't like your therapist, you should find a new one. there's nothing wrong with finding a new therapist if you don't trust yours. many people go through 2 or 3 until they find the right one
16 likesDaniel Beck but that's so much moneyyy
0 likesI'm not an expert on what the best treatment option is, but I know that negative influences are NOT what you should be around when you're feeling "blah". When I'm feeling sad or anxious or angry, I confide in some of my best friends because they understand. And thus, I recommend talking to close friends about it until you can find a much better therapist 💛
0 likesStarts crying when dodie cries
0 likesPlease tell me if anyone feels the same . I think i am alone feeling this way.
0 likes(What i feel is i am not alive it's like i dont exist. When i feel i dont exist it's a sad sigh that i dont care anything. When i am severaly hurt by someone or something i feel even happy by a childish thinking i am not even alive. During middle of gossip and talk i feel like i am not talkin or it's feel unreal. Even sometimes i have to hit myself just to be sure that it's not dream it's reality. When it rains or every phenomena i feel like it's unreal. Everything around me feels it's unreal. Most importantly i feel I AM IN FRONT OF GOD and he is showing me the deeds i did on earth and i am SEEING ALL MY LIFE (even now too commenting) IN A BIG TV. Means i feel i don't exist )
Only pains, hardships,cuts, bruises and love are making me feel Alive. I personally i i don't exist at all and the world around me is fake and WHAT I AM DOING NOW is writing a comment and this too i am seeing myself in a tv (from different dimensions )
I can relate, depression, anxiety and mental illness are very real. If you get the chance come see my vid, if not then I pray you have a happy life, sending you hugs and happy, healing vibes :)
0 likesi cried for you
0 likesDodie your mad......but all the best people are 🙂😉
4 likesReplies (2)
ik you meant this in a positive way but being "mad" isn't the same as being mentally ill
0 likes+Caitlin Morgan I was just quoting Alice in wonderland because I thought of it when she called herself mad
4 likesI'm mentally stuck. I obsess and obsess and obsess. I need help to stop obsessing.
0 likesMy heart longs for you O child
1 likeMy heart aches for you
My heart reaches out to you
My heart is hungry for you
My heart is waiting for you
My heart is patient for you
My heart is crying out....
I know your pain
I have felt pain
I have been through agony
I know your despair
I have lived it
I have been rejected and hated
I know the love you need
Open the door my child
And let Me come in
Receive Me
And let Me love you
I will love you like no other
-The Lord Jesus Christ
no dodie dont cry please... please
0 likesWhat you need to do is buy your old family home and remodel it. Make it your own and do most of the work yourself. Make it your own ( Sanctuary)
0 likessomeone plz help me
275 likesi've recently been feeling all worried out of nowhere or out of breath, out of place and insecure. i mean i let the good times roll and shit, but inside i'll be anxious looking for a purpose, what do i have then?
Replies (15)
Ana Palacios sounds like a panic attack pet 🌸 they always pass - hope your okay ❤️
10 likestry this app called headspace. it's been helping me lots with anxiety :) also, see a psychologist if you can. it's a bit of a stressful process but totally worth it when you find someone who gets you, who's compatible.
16 likes@Audrey Metcalf they literally helped me escape out of that hell
18 likesNatasha Hertanto I'd like to thank you for suggesting the Headspace app. I read your comment about a month or so back when my anxiety was really bad, and decided to try the app. My anxiety isn't completely gone, and I don't think it ever will be, but the app has been teaching me how to deal with panic attacks and unneeded anxiety. Again, thank you for suggesting this app to them, it had really helped me.(:
6 likes@Jewel Bass hiya! so so glad i'm able to help. I don't think anxiety is something that can completely go away either, but we can push through :D <3 lots of love (and calming vibes) from melbs!
3 likesElisa Palacios I feel like this too...
1 likeElisa Palacios I feel the same.. I asked my dad if he thinks I might have anxiety and he said that its probably a phase, but I cant stop thinking about it and Im scared..
7 likesElisa Palacios same story here
0 likesIf you still have that condition, go to a doctor if you haven't already. I don't think some app or random people in the comment section (no offense) are qualified to diagnose you or even advise you on how to cure it.
5 likesI have anxiety and I'm kinda like that but idk
1 likegeneralised anxiety
1 likemelodramaticfool its been a few months and that feeling kind of vanished, but i still feel like when im not screaming at my friends i feel like nothing bUT i'm not a psychologist and if i go to one i'll probably feel like an attention seeker,, I'm really hoping it's just a phase and i don't wanna diagnose myself ~~ but thanks for the comment <3
0 likesand i kind of feel like I'm unoriginal and can't have an opinion because i agree with everything but just the thought of going to a psychologist makes me feel embarassed and an edgy tumblr girl
0 likesAnxiety babe
0 likesAnxiety maybe
0 likesshe's not 10/10 is she 6/10? (this isn't a joke this is legit is that the right connection?)
117 likesReplies (7)
Mr. Brightside (nice name)
5 likesi dont think so? 6/10 means average, you're not really important, just another person etc etc. I think thats what the song's about (i know you commented 9 months ago sorry lol)
19 likesCrazy Tootsie the fuck is he talking about “right connection” who said she was a 10/10? What’s that got to do with a video about mental health anyway
7 likesNo Surrender her song, 6/10
3 likes6/10 is about feeling average, not feeling anything special, negatively or positively
0 likesBut Is It Dodie Yellow Tho? Like your name.
2 likesTheNeekOfficial haha thanks
1 likeYou have a lovely radio voice
0 likesBaby you need something to make you make money and be happy. Also getting a dog could help.💗
0 likesFeeling like this after tapering my ssri.i feel insace and i feel lime i want to die.it has been a week.
0 likesReplies (1)
Zornica, How are you now? It usually takes 2-3 months time to taper off SSRI as the brain takes time to adjust. Consult your physician. In life there are only 2 problems—mind and the body. To feel better reduce negative thoughts and overthinking. Your breathing is closely related to the brain [mind] and gives good relief from stress-anxiety. To relax sit on a chair or lie down, neck straight, eyes closed and observe the sensations of your incoming-
0 likesoutgoing breath at the entrance of the nostrils for 5-10-15 minutes or more. Don’t fight your thoughts. With daily practice the mind will relax. No deep breathing needed. Observe your breath sensations when you experience multiple thoughts anywhere-anytime-before sleep, in college, before sleep, in the kitchen, when reading, etc. Like me, make this a lifetime daily habit to have a better life. Reduce negative social media, take morning sunlight walks and avoid constipation as it affects the mind instantly. Best wishes--Counsellor.You said you dug your self in a grove. Here's your ladder
11 likes|-Your viewers-|
|-Your family-|
|-Your friends-|
|-Your future-|
|-Your UKULELE!-|
|-Your music -|
|-God (ik you don't believe)-|
They will help you get up!
Replies (2)
+Sadie May aw :)
4 likes+
0 likesCould you add captions to this video please?
0 likes1:16 broke my heart. I know that this is and old vid but. Yeah.
0 likeshad this for a while and it’s fucking hard
0 likesHow do you ask for help so easily
0 likesHow to you keep functioning with this... I am so stuck... I've lost my job. I'm failing my college classes and I'm just so stuck nothing helps there is no reasons to do anything anymore... I'm a burden and a leech. I am sitting in my room and the walls are bending away from me and I'm not sure if my room mate is actually real most of the time I feel as if everything is floating away from me and every outside sound is so so deafening... the posters on my all are vibrating and many little flies coming through the air I don't know to do Im so scared and so alone here
0 likesReplies (1)
Hey, I don't have any experience with what you're going through (though I am depressed and know what it's like when your own mind becomes your enemy) but I just wanted to say that you're not alone. It might not be much but I genuinely hope you'll feel better soon. You're strong because you still want to fight and I hope you're able to be proud of that. Hold on. It will get better.
0 likesLots of love🌻❤️🤗
(English is not my native language)
The title of this video is just me in a couple of words tbh
0 likesI know this is completely unrelevant; i did watch the video and take in what dodie said, but where is her shirt from?? Does anyone know? Thank you.
0 likesI kept pushing everything down and now im empty
0 likesWe love you
88 likesReplies (6)
I hope you will be okay
9 likes+
0 likes+
0 likes+
0 likes+Hallieisntbritish nerdfighters! I think this should be done everywhere, everywhere I see it comments are so much more positive!
0 likes+
0 likesHave you heard of Ayahuasca? A trip to Peru can cure all of your issues. Look into it 👍
0 likesI just wanna give you a hug
0 likesI hate feeling depersonalization. I have anxiety and depression but I had to take a medicine and that was a side effect. It was so so so so terrifying. It only happened once but it's like depression and anxiety mixed into one and I hate it so much. You feel like you are scared of dying but you aren't there. I hate it so much.
0 likesReplies (14)
I hate depersonalization so much. It's like anxiety and depression mixed in to create something terrible and it makes you feel like you can't do anything because you are losing touch with you.
0 likesit makes you feel crazy. I'm not really me or here
0 likesI'm not really here and I'm going crazy
0 likesI'm crazy
0 likeshearing dodie talk makes me realize that I'm not really here and notice nothing things are weird I'm not here you are living with an alien everything i do is an illusion my parents never had me I'm going insane this isn't normal I'm not panicking but i am but panicking is all in my head and I can't do this because I'm not here
0 likesI'm only alive in my head but I'm not even alive there but somehow there's a whole world and I sit in my head my whole life I'm dizzy and not me
0 likesscrolling fast through my tumblr distracting me from my mind and world so fast that the posts don't even load just begging not to go insane while not wanting to think or live
0 likesthere's a whole anxiety attack in my brain but only i see the world inside my mind and nobody gets to see me cause I am not with the world
0 likeswhere am i
0 likeswho am i
0 likesI'm insane
0 likesor not
0 likesI don't know
0 likesI think I've always been depersonalized
0 likesAwuh Dodie 😭😭😭😥
0 likes4:07-4:20 this part messed me up
32 likesPTSD does it
0 likesThank you
0 likesThank you
0 likesI don’t know wtf I feel 😂🤢
0 likesrewatching this 8 months later and you've come so far from this point I'm so happy for you dodie x
0 likesI love the "I'm going to laugh that I'm a bit mental!" I love her! I always joke about my disorder. Even though it's clearly not funny.. but eh I've got to make humor with it! <3
0 likesThank you for making this video. I have dealt with both anxiety and depression on and off for over 10 years and I have recently started traveling continuously and making youtube videos. It has brought out my anxious side quite intensely. To hear you speak so honestly about your experience is helpful. i have been grappling with incorporating it into my videos, not sure if it would be a good idea. Because of course so many people say "no one wants to listen to a Debbie Downer" But I think there is more to it than that. And being able to see you has shown me that it's not about being a downer, and that's not how you are at all. It's showing others that you are human and on a level opening the door for them to feel okay with not being okay too.
1 likeAfter struggling with depersonalization for three years at such a young age, it's comforting to see other people com out and talk about their experiences with it.
0 likesThis video spoke straight into my soul. I think it was really good for me to hear this. So thank you, very much.
1 likeThese text you sent to your friends is exactly how I am feeling right now! thanks for sharing and allowing me to feel less alone and giving me hope that I will feel normal again!
0 likesThank you so much for putting everything into words!!! I was diagnosed last year with dp/dr, it took more than two years for me to figure out what it was and in that time I messed up my exams and came out with awful grades. I have a great family but I could never talk to them about it because they didn't understand, so this video really helps me feel valid and real, I love you!!
0 likesI'm going through the same thing right now, and I've started going to a therapy and I'm starting to take medicine! I'm glad to know that there are many other people who feel the same way i do.
0 likesHey dodie,
0 likesthank you so much for sharing your thoughts ♡
Love from Germany
Oh my GOD i am so glad I found this video. This is exactly what I've been feeling for 3 years and I thought I was crazy and have been too afraid to say anything
0 likesHonestly one of the most helpful things I've watched, thank you so much. You're super inspiring and make me feel like I'm not crazy haha thank you dodie xx
0 likesOh, I wish I found this last year when I was suffering from depression. I feel like you're describing a state in which I was before for so long. Watching this was still really helpful because I can see that I'm not alone and what I felt was real and not just a thing that I made up in my head. Apart from anxiety I also suffered from eating disorder and sleep deprivation. I also tried to get back to normal but communicating with my family didn't help (only made it worse). My home where I had spent most of my happy childhood (I'm 22) changed in a way that there are constant shoots and shelling near the village I used to live in. (I'm from Ukraine). So even when I come back there everything is different now. Anyway I try to be better, eat healthier, work out, do yoga. Thank you so much, Dodie, for this video. ♥♥♥
0 likesThis video helped me so much, I was going through a really rough day today and this video really pulled me to reality, I too feel like same way that you do, thank you.
0 likesthis actually helped so much, I'm just discovering DP because I was looking for an explanation to what I'm experiencing and its helpful to know that I'm not just going crazy and that these feelings are an actual thing
0 likesI get depersonalized in bed sometimes, and I always have. It also happens at parties a lot. Thank you for being so open. 💛
0 likesthank you so much for this video. it's helping so much because currently I feel the same way, and I can finally use this to explain how I feel to other people. all of us love you so much and I cried a bit when you were trying not to cry❤ gonna go get myself a therapist. we're all in this together, always. sending hugs xxx
0 likesYou explained how I am feeling perfectly. I've had this off and on for the past 5 years and it is the scariest and most uncomfortable thing I've ever experienced. The hardest part for me is socializing it's always hard for me to speak or get my thoughts out and when I do talk it feels so disconnected almost like I can't control how the words sound when they come out. I slur my words like I am drunk or loose my train of thought and just start trailing off..... You will be ok though it comes and goes.
0 likesJust stumbled upon this video and I can totally relate and think it's great to speak about mental health with such a large audience. I have had panic attacks, GAD and any other mood disorder and as part of depersonalization I experienced was thinking no one is real. You're right bout talking, if I get anxious I can I will literally start a conversation to anyone.
0 likesHey lovely ❤
0 likesJust stumbled on your channel and loved your singing then came across this video.
Thank you for sharing your struggle, it's an extremely hard thing to do something so publically and it takes a very strong person to do so when they're already down.
I've struggled and still do occasionally struggle with anxiety and depression myself and I can certainly empathize with all of those feelings.
I hope you are in a much better place now and I wish you all the best for recovery and happiness ❤ xxxx
Thank you dodie.
0 likesIm 16 years old and I dont really remember when it started, but ever since , i've just constantly tried to normalise it and dismiss it. I've liked to think that everybody thinks this way and maybe they're better at coping. Until this video, i didnt think it was real. Its weird cause i knew it was ' real' but i also had convinced myself it wasnt.!? anyway, i have been a mess for a pretty long time and I did'nt even acknowledge that , until i realised i was crying amidst watching your video..
Thank you so much for this dodie. Thank you. I love you Dodie.
This made me cry n smile and omg so many emotions. I completely understand all of this omg you literally just voiced all my thoughts on the subject of mental illnesses ah. I have anorexia n also deal with a bit of anxiety and depression as a result of that. Last year when I was in the real depths n worst parts (mentally) of my illness I remember just repeating to myself in my fits of tears and distress that I was 'crazy' and I needed to die and I was a horrible person etc. I was just falling to pieces inside and I could not see how anything could ever be ok, how everyone was just going about their life when I was barely living. I've got help now and I'm well on the way to recovery and hearing about you being so determined to get help n not giving up just made me so so happy! I love your videos so much they're so cute n relatable and make me smile and cry and laugh and ah❤ don't stop being you xx
0 likesThank you for making me realise that I was indeed dealing with depression and was not making this up, overthinking or "not normal". I hope you will get better and build your home in the time you live in (if this even make sens, I am tring to translate my french in english meh).
0 likesthis made me cry so much, i never realised how much i could relate to this and now im sad. people have always said that im just exaggerating things so i convinced myself that i was and that just made it worse. thank you Dodie, for making me realise im not the only one
0 likesOmg dodie I really hope you see this. When u first uploaded this video I was struggling with my own derealisation depersonalisation and god I just know how difficult it is. I've tried so much to stop it but one thing that I think is sort of helping is to just forget.
0 likesWake up one morning and tell yourself "today I am not going to think about how spaced out I am" distract yourself the whole day, work, talk to friends etc and don't give yourself a moment to panic or think "oh god I'm not here" slowly, it becomes a habit and you will forget about it. I'm not going to say there aren't moments I think I'm alone or not alive, that I've made myself up and around me but just forget. I think this works for me because my dp/dr is anxiety induced and my brain sort of shut itselves down because I was so stressed all the time. It's difficult at the beginning but right now I'm telling you I feel like I'm here. I feel like I'm on planet earth and I exist and my friends exist and my mum and dad exist too. I hope you're okay and also that you get referred to that doctor in London for the pills <33
everything you said in this video i relate to and happens to me too. thank you for making me feel less alone.
0 likesthis video literally relates to everything going on with me right now, excluding some other things. however this is not something you should feel alone about because i previously stated that i felt the same, your not alone.
0 likesespecially you guys in the comments with me, we have each other and each experience is validated and life is not something to fear constantly, sometimes it can manifest itself into something beautiful :)
Dodie, thank you. You made me feel like I'm not alone. I can relate to everything said in this video and it almost made me cry happy tears knowing that someone knows how I feel. I'm sorry that you have to go through this too, but maybe we can go thought this together?? Also if you have anytips, please help. Xxx thanks
0 likesThis is how i feel all the time. It feels so good that i'm not crazy and that someone else also has this feeling.
0 likesI have suffered from all of the above for years, and I finally forced myself to seek help, and I can honestly say it was one of the best decisions of my life so far. I tried different medications and started seeing a therapist. I started meds for anxiety instead of depression and I can really see a difference. Everyone always says it gets better, and I can finally agree. If you are scared or unsure about whether or not you should try and find help, please, please, please take a shot in the dark and ask for help until you get it.
0 likesI feel the same way as you. It's really hard to get out of the house because I have socal/ death anxiety and depression. Therapist are very benifical and it helps me to talk about what I'm thinking about, even if it is ridiculous and crazy thoughts.
0 likesI got depersonalisation last year and found out when I had an anxiety attack on Christmas Day at 4am I could sleep and for the rest of that week I couldn't accept I was real but I never knew it was so common and I'm so happy I found this video because I understand her
0 likesWhen I first watched this video, I was just interested in what you had to say. I never thought that a few months later I would feel pretty similar. I started getting spaced out and I just couldn't concentrate. I felt like I was in a dream and everything was the same but my perception of it was not. The more people I am around the more I felt sick and confused, I just forget simple things. I am glad that I am not just going crazy and that I can relate to others after finding out about derealisation.
0 likesI really am thankful I experience derealisation only when I'm really depressed, in a really dark place and that doesn't happen too often now. I'm getting more and more healthy and I'm really proud of that. I get what you feel, it's some scary shit. I'm a psychology student, 3rd year of uni and it's even scarier to see what you feel on those classroom boards. I hate it with all my heart because of the panic that it won't ever come back to normal. Because you wake up and you feel like you're high and still dreaming but you're not dreaming and know it. I hate that everything is so weirdly looking and that it just feels floaty and absurd. I hate that everyone is going to think I'm weird and crazy on my way to uni. I hate that even I feel crazy. And finally, I hate that my own brain can go through the day without any problem and the next day, throw some vicious shit at me. Thank you for that video Dodie. It's not my first time watching it, i find comfort seeing I'm not crazy and other people have that too. It will get better. It's been three months now since it last happened and I hope it stays that way. Much love. C -
0 likesthanks for making me feel okay and making me realize it is okay not to be happy all the time and that my emotions are valid
0 likesI understand this aw and you explained it all pretty well like I haven't heard someone describe something so close to what I have experienced
0 likesThat was great! I think you did a really great job here. Evidently 44, 342 other people also think so :) You come across as very genuine, funny, quirky, honest, and open. Which can be difficult to do. So nice one. Keep up the great work. Hope your depression is getting better. Your plan sounds like an excellent one :) Oh, good job on the editing too :)
0 likesYou inspire me so much 😭because you make such beautiful music and also struggle with so many things I do too. And you make me feel like I can have success, and like I exist, because you exist and you're getting success. ❤️
1 likeI don't know you, I haven't even watched a lot of your videos. But I wish I could give you the biggest hug ever, and let you know that I understand. Depersonalisation is the scariest thing I've ever experienced. It does get better though. It comes back every now and then when things get stressful, but better it does get. 💜
0 likesthank you dodie. thank you . so much. im 16 and i domt really remember when it started, but ever since , ive just constantly tried to normalise it and diamiss it. ive liked to think that everybody thinks this way and maybe theyre better at coping. until this video, i didnt even know this was real. its so weird cause i knew it was real' but i also had convinced myself it wasnt. anyway, i have been a mess for a veryyy long time. and ive not even acknowledged that until i atarted cryig midst watchung your
0 likesvideo.. thank you so much for this dodie. i love you.
I've had depersonalisation since I was 12 or so, it's been 13 years now. By now it has gotten to a point that 98% of the time I have really forgotten that I have it. I still have it but I have learned how to cope with it, I'm doing good, I finished school, got my B.Sc, made a lot of friends, now I'm travelling in Australia. Honestly, I think in a way it has made it easier for me to do things like travelling and making friends because for some time before that my anxiety was so crippling, I think DP is kind of like a shield from my anxiety but the side effect of numbing anxiety is that it also numbs other things and makes me disoriented and confused and forgetful at times. All the feeling of not knowing how to talk to people or dizziness and bright lights is so familiar. Sometimes when I happen t think about it all I long for "feeling real" again, it has happened only about 4-5 time since and for only very brief periods of time, like few hours and then it goes away but it has been really special and magical when I can feel everything and actually feel comfortable again. I hope I can feel more of it, and maybe one day I will feel real again for real, but I really don't even know if I am ready for it, sometimes I think I can't handle the world right now without it.
0 likesThe bright lights and feeling drunk and not knowing how to talk part will get better as you get used to it. I hope you don't have to deal with it as long to get used to of course. What I have found for me what makes it better is when I suddenly feel really comfortable or safe somewhere, some little thing or thought makes me feel safe and then I would feel more real again.
Like this one time I saw an old couple with cheesy t-shirts they had bought from travelling Norway and they looked happy and I thought I would like to live in Norway in a village and be an old person with grey hair and just live and be there, happy with a cute house and go be a tourist and see pretty things. I would be retired already and not have to think about what to do with my life and how to be somebody and be successful and how make my peers like me. I felt a glimpse of simpler life that took a lot of pressure off and then I felt weird somehow, wanted to get away from people, then I sat outside and suddenly looked at my feet and they actually looked like my feet this time, and I started to feel more and more real and normal. It was so weird and I actually enjoyed existing every moment and felt every moment. Maybe I should try to somehow trigger this reaction more but life gets in the way and somehow it's really hard to deal with it. Sorry, I'm not sounding too positive or anything, but I just want to say that it's possible to live with it and be ok and also that it can feel normal again, even if for short period of time.
7:58 This. I understand that it's important not to misdiagnose someone. But it frustrates me that so many teenagers are being left untreated because people - including professionals - ignore mental health problems in adolescents because they think teenagers are "just making it up". Had Dodie been given better support at 17, perhaps things would not have gotten so out of hand. I genuinely think this is one of the most important reasons we need to reduce the stigma and devote more to mental health research.
1 like+doddlevloggle you are strong and brave for posting this! I'm curious to know how you're doing with everything now and if you ended up going to therapy, if you found that it's helped significantly?
0 likesI just recently experienced depersonalization and it's the strangest feeling of just not being alive or yourself. The weirdest things trigger it and it's not super common so most people have no idea what you're talking about.
My depersonalization came about after I smoked some pot which I did to try to suppress the empathy I felt after 2 of my close friends lost very important people in their lives. I've always had strange reactions to marijuana and usually it gets to a point where I just want to "wake up" from the high feeling.
I went to bed and never "woke up" Though I feel like a totally different person than I have the past few weeks, I'm not completely back to "me" yet. It's gotten much better after doing these things...
1. Realize that you are alive. You have a purpose. There are people that truly love and need you.
2. Try to remember things that bring you back to life. Mine were thinking of memories of things that I've experienced. I have a dog, so making sure that I'm taking care of his needs.
3. Being around people I love and trust helped bring me back a lot. Even though I don't think they fully understand what I'm going through, they were there for me and have loved me through it. I reached out to people when I was feeling off. Which is ok to do <3
4. I found outlets to let go of things that were weighing me down that I hadn't fully dealt with yet (a breakup, sexual assault, death). I wrote blog posts, songs and painted pictures. I did this to release these horrible stressful things that have been in the back of my mind just eating away.
Know that this feeling doesn't last forever and that it can get better <3
Well, it may have sounded weird. But I can relate. Had and having same things at the moment. Glad to see that I'm not alone, and see you fighting
0 likesthis video actually saved my life. thank you thank you a million times over. gotta ask though, do you actually know how this depersonalization disorder come about? did you just wake up one day completely aware that nothing is normal anymore or did something induce it?
0 likeshey thanks for this video. i was feeling shitty because i also suffer from this but now i feel like I'm not alone lol
0 likesI create scripts out of text messages and conversations I have about the mind and how my mind works (because the way my brain functions is weird) so to see you do this is really relatable and honestly, I'm 20 seconds in and this is already my favourite video of yours, dodie x
0 likesI really do wish you well in the future Xx
I've felt this way for a while. Like I'll think when I'm hearing myself talk it's someone else talking, as in it's not coming from me. My brain will feel weird cloudy and muddy and I feel like I can't open my eyes at all.
0 likesI am extremely happy that you made this video, because I started watching it and I was mind blown of what you friends are feeling. And you have made me come to realize that I have depersonalization, my depersonalization was triggered by smoking pot. And It was an after affect on smoking, but it's not. And I am just thankful that I came across your video because without it i wouldn't know where to start looking for a cure. ❤❤
0 likesReplies (1)
I thought I was what your friends we're lol
0 likesI'm 16 and I have had these derealization feelings for a long ass time and it just really hit me hard recently and it feels like I'm watching a movie that I don't want to watch but something is forcing me to and I feel a little happier that I'm not alone 👍👍
0 likesWow I can completely relate to this 100% I thought I was going insane .. Two things that have helped me immensely was the book 'hope and help for your nerves' by Claire Weekes and secondly magnesium supplement - if I don't take it I start to feel breathless and weird again.. The gut is the second brain so one of the best things is getting allergy testing done .. Also of course therapy helps but I've found its a combination of things over time which help recovery .. I know what it feels like to feel like you'll never feel normal again
0 likesI know this is an older video but just wanted to say I also experience anxiety depression and depersonalization. You are not alone and you have lots of people who want to help you .
0 likesi have been diagnosed with so many mental illnesses i lose track of them sometimes...and i related to this video so much because everything you said was something that has or had crossed my mind and i've spent so many hours reading articles and stories online and being like "yes that's me i am that too" and then there's the fear of "oh do i really feel like this, do i really have this? or is this all in my head?" to the point that you just cry because these obsessions are all you have. thank you for making this video, if i could sit and talk with anyone in the whole world, it would be you because i feel like you would understand where people usually don't, but just...thank you for feeling like a friend...if that makes any sense? thank you for talking about these things, it's so nice to hear such real struggles from someone i admire so much
0 likesI feel ya Dodie, I visited my old primary school the other day, and while it wasn't abandoned or overgrown, it was certainly an experience. The classrooms had been gutted and completely made over. Buildings had been removed and new ones put in their place. Gardens had been trimmed and replanted and destroyed, trees had been chopped and sawed and turned into firewood. My favourite toilet block was bolted up and collecting dust behind some tires. It was so strange and painful
0 likessometimes, whenever I look in the mirror, i get these intense feelings of not being the person I see in the mirror. it doesn't happen very often, but it freaks me out every time
0 likesThanks for sharing this.😀 It was brave of you. And helpful 😊 take care love x Brian
0 likeseverytime I discover a new youtuber I always end up watching their saddest videos and I always relate so much and I always end up crying
0 likesHello Doddie! Being an anxieus person, how do you handle all the exposure you have? Twitter, youtube, instagram, facebook, it must be hard to handle.
0 likesI started crying when dodie almost started crying. It makes me so sad to see people like this, even though sometimes I am like this.
0 likesvery courageous to have did this Doddie, I relate to this too much
0 likesI relate so much to the feeling that you described at the beginning oh wow
0 likesAm I seeing some dermatillomania on your chest area? (I've had it since 2011) Also I love your attitude, I mean the fact that you're determined to find a cure. You will find it because you seem like a clever girl (you know how to describe and analyze your feelings impressively) but I have to warn you that it's not going to be easy. Sometimes you'll want to give up trying, but don't. When you overcome this problem you will feel (and be) the strongest and happiest person alive. You will appreciate life a lot more.I believe in you. Much respect .
0 likesI watched this video a few months ago and I just watched it and thought nothing of it. I just watched your cutting ties video again today because I think I need to stay away from a very close friend of mine that I have strong feelings for and it suggested this one again and this is exactly how I feel. Sometimes I feel like I'm watching a movie staring everyone I know and love, I feel things but I sometimes feel like I'm not controlling my own body and thinking the things that I'm saying and that there's another person in my head and we think two different things but the other person has control of my body.
0 likesi suffer from derealization and depersonalization. every so often. and the last time was at my camp and I remember walking around and talking to people without knowing what I was saying. and being around people and not knowing to do. I remember Looking down at my walking feet and wondering whose legs these belonged too.
0 likesThis happened to me last May. I couldn't stop crying and thought I was going crazy. Nothing felt the same after that. I still feel odd. But not near as much as last May. I always think about it. Can't stop everyday. I still laugh and sometimes when I forget about it I feel normal again. I'm obsessing over it. And sometimes I get depressed. But my main fear is the major anxiety. I got this major anxiety, and couldn't stop crying. I'm too scared to search for therapy because then I start crying again. I hate talking about it. But I know it will help. I want it to go away. It's been almost a year. I don't want to worry my parents because of all the shit going on. And the only escape from t is the internet. I feel normal on it, watching videos, on Instagram but know I can't function without it. I'm scared.
0 likesDodies voice when she said 'my old bed in my old room' made me cry and I can't stop
0 likesI've had persistent symptoms of depersonalization and derealization for 8 yrs now. At times I get really anxious when I'm really depressed. Everything is foggy. especially at night time
0 likesI've come back to this video because today I sort of felt like this. Whenever something exciting is happening (today is my birthday and I'm going on a big trip in a few days) I always feel super weird and I'm not sure if this is the same thing or not. I just felt really hazy and off today. Is this different?
0 likesHiya, I don't think I've watched anything that I can relate to so much!! I'm a DPD sufferer myself and for my final major project at uni I'm making a documentary on this because it's so confusing and I'm trying to raise awareness and make people understand. Would you be able to have a little chat with me over Skype do you think? This would be sooo helpful and you're super engaging. Let me know, Ellie :)
0 likesIt has been months now, its stressing me out. Not as much as the first few months i got panic attacks back then just from how overwhelming the feeling of dr/dp, now i still deal with it but im kind of used to it. Hopefully everything will get better for all of us soon. Knowing im not the only one dealing with things like this calms me down.
0 likesI started feeling this way over a year ago. I went to a party and it was the first time I was properly drunk. For a whole week afterwards, I felt like everything was a dream. This has happened roughly once a month since. It's a feeling like your asleep permanently. I start doubting things are real; I might be speaking to a friend and I convince myself that I am imagining them. The colours are too bright, the sounds are too loud. My voice doesn't sound like me. The only way I manage is if I sleep, because then I can drown in the darkness. Because that's what it feels like; you're floating through life, barely holding yourself above the water. It's a struggle to even communicate with people. I've lost friends who didn't understand my sudden change in personality. I was at a meal with my boyfriends family and to just pretend I was okay was draining. When I do sleep, I can let myself fall down. But when I sleep, I have these vivid dreams which are exhausting in themselves, so I wake up feeling like I haven't slept. I've been to the hospital multiple times. They thought it was Lupus. And then a brain tumour. Now I've been diagnosed with confusional migraines. I've been on various medications which haven't worked. Until I saw this video, Dodie, I had never heard of depersonalisation. But you described something that until now I've struggled to describe.
0 likesi only know a small bit of what you are feeling, but I LOVE YOU! and i'm sorry you go through this!!!
0 likesI know just how you feel :( I love how Real and wonderful and amazing and beautiful you are. <3 and I Love your top!
0 likesi have been stuck in this dream world for about a year now and i have depersonalization/derealization disorder. it is so scary and terrifying and idk when ill be ok if ever. I hope that you find a way to get through it and that youre doing ok.
0 likesI can even explain how wonderful it is to know that I'm not the only person suffering from derealisation! Obviously it's the suckiest thing to have, but I legit thought I was the only one! I never feel like I'm here, I never feel like I can have a nice time, and I feel so bad about it at the same time! My mum took me to New York last year, and I felt so bad as I never felt like I was there! She'd spent so much money to get us there, and I completely fucked it up😞
2 likesI told my parents that I wanted to see a therapist for my anxiety and depression before they worsened, and they understood the anxiety part, but said that I was not depressed. My dad told me that I am happiest kid he has ever met and that I am and never will be depressed. He never had depression or ever needed a therapist so clearly he does not understand that I act all happy and say that I feel okay but when I go in my room and don't come out for hours or never, I am crying or having panic attacks or both. I am frantically trying to find anything to make me happy and it kills me because my dad can't comprehend that someone may seem happy but is actually the exact opposite
0 likesI'm not sure what your views are on spirituality, but seeing an intuitive/getting a few readings made an immense difference on understanding what was going on in my head and why, whether it is stuff left over from past lives, or if you're super unrooted/not grounded in your body. I feel/felt the same way, for as long as i can remember i've dealt with how you're feeling, depression, social anxiety, identity crisis etc... anyway, just offering a different perspective that maybe you haven't thought of? Sending you good vibes angel <3 you'll be just fine.
0 likesI was wondering if anyone has any ideas about how I could talk to my mum about my mental health when I've been faking a smile for so long and she won't believe me. My councillor and friends both think I should go to the doctor but I cannot persuade her and it's just so hard and frustrating.
0 likesI totally understand how you feel during school its anxiety anxiety and some more anxiety. But I don't know what to do and I think I will take your advice. Thanks
0 likesyou shouldn't have to feel like you have to fight back tears just because you are making a video
0 likeswe will accept whoever you are no matter how you portray yourself online
(unless you do something actually bad)
I play the ukulele and have been a fan of your videos since a friend showed me one of your covers. I have had anxiety for as long as i can remember leading to depersonalization the last few years and honestly felt like nobody else in the world could ever feel this strange. However this is a thank you for being so inspiring and as rare as it is to relate to something like this, it's relieving. Maybe one day depersonalization will not take a toll on me, it's just a goal to work towards now though.
0 likesHere, I'll toss my depression into this mess of a comments section.
0 likesOkay, so pretty much all of my friends (all as in, like, 4) have some form of depression or anxiety. I've always felt a little weird, though, because when they would go to each other for counseling, they would help each other out. If I came to them for counseling or they came to me, neither could help each other. We'd try our best, but it never really clicked. I ended up going to a therapist, still am, but I just felt a little...I dunno, lonely. I started getting that feeling that what I had was invalid and like it was wrong. Like they had worse depression than me, and that I was making it up in my head to fit it with them.
But recently, VERY recently, like the past few weeks, I stumbled across a little game called Night In The Woods. May have heard of it. The main character felt the exact same way I always did - this kind of sadness Dodie explains, where everything is "Just shapes," as the main character describes it. God, I am so happy I found that game. All the comments of those videos were saying that they felt the same as the character. And now I just watched this video. I wish I had found all of these videos sooner. It makes me feel like, you know, this is real. Like I'm actually feeling these things, it's not just something I made up.
I did NOT intend for this to be this long. Thanks for reading me ramble. Yalls is not alone.
When I'm in my depersonalized state I don't really feel any emotions. I know I might be sad but I don't FEEL sad. I also can't focus on anything and my thoughts drive me insane.
0 likesI kind of feel the same things, and I've tried to talk to my parents about it, but they don't really listen if that makes sense? They just told me to "not think about it" and that it was all in my head, and I have no idea what to do anymore about it. I've tried telling them I need to go to therapy, and they just push it off. It's just terrifying for me :(
0 likesIt broke my heart when Dodie was trying not to cry
0 likesYou are so brave. I relate to you too much.
1 likeI cannot stress enough how incredibly insulting it can be for a professional to tell you what they think is wrong with you, rather than listening to what you have to say. I had to go to a few interviews with psychologists over the past weeks and the amount of times they asked leading questions, made uncertain links to do with pointless emotional memories that they brought up or even worse focusing on things you said claiming they're issues rather than focusing on what you think are your personal issues surprised me EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I went in believing i had some sort of obsessive compulsive thought processing that LEAD me to become depressed over time (even talking about my depression doesn't help it just results in me thinking even more about it and concluding on an even lower note) and instead of helping me with this they just made the presumption of "I'm depressed" their response was "you sometimes have trouble sleeping so we're going to give you this antidepressants that sedate you so you can sleep better" they looked at the symptom and how to prevent that rather than the cause of the issue and how it can be resolved. I can wholeheartedly say that i'm finding the NHS more stressing than beneficial. Sorry, I don't really have anyone to talk to about this and i needed to rant.
0 likesI can't believe it? I finally realized that this is why I don't feel normal. Iv'e been living my life out the way you would expect what society thinks 'normal' people live their life. Iv'e been feeling emotions but I haven't every day is foggy and blurry and confusing. I can't exactly describe it. At first I wonder if its just me being me or if that mean voice in my head came back to say something bad to me, but instead of the voice speaking to me it just watches. Watches my life with me. I have conversations with my friends and almost completely forget what we talked about a couple seconds later. Sometimes I feel like every laugh is forced, or I don't even think its me who was laughing.
1 likeWhen I try to explain this to my friends they all say "Oh you're just sad. It's okay. You'll feel better later!" and I believe them. Everything makes me happy but it doesn't. I tell myself "Cutting your hair will fix it!" so I get my hair cut short. It doesn't help. I'll say "Invite friends over!" And I do. It wont help. Sometimes I feel like I walk out of this state and I actually feel like me again but as soon as I run into something that saddens or angers me it goes right back to me watching my life happen.
I probably explained this terribly but I tried...
I honestly think I'm too much like you. This video is just me in a nutshell, I constantly feel like this but I get way too many panic attacks and I see things. It started when I was 10 and my friend died..which sucked
0 likesI'm going to therapy but I don't know if it'll help. Plus the fact that I'm afraid of my own home (dad).
All I want to do is to go back to when I was 9 and happy and watching Hercules everyday and playing super Mario galaxy with my neighbor 24/7. But I can't. I'm older, my family wants me to not watch Hercules, my wii is broken, and my neighbor barely talks to me. I've told my friends and the only one that didn't basically say I was going insane lives hours away from me
I want to fix it. I want to fight it but I don't know how please send help
I never really understood what depersonalisation was and i just kinda experienced it without thinking much of it and then i realized that not everyone felt that way and now im in therapy because i cant feel like myself and i cant talk to people and i forgot how to talk to my friends
0 likeshello. i don't know where else to go because i'm scared and i asked my mum about it and she kinda just shrugged. i looked it up and still don't know really how to fix it. i woke up with a cold this morning. it felt like someone was holding my mouth and nose shut. so i got up, had and anxiety attack, breathed deeply for about 2 minutes, and immediately felt as though i were dreaming. i have dealt with depersonalization before, but not as freaky as this. i've found that if it having fun in a situation i'll think to myself, "i feel like i'm dreaming!" and then it REALLY does. like i feel dazed and dizzy, the day goes by much faster than it was before, and it feels like i'm recalling a memory much more than living my life. if you have any ideas as to what to do please please PLEASE help.
2 likesI tried to explain why I think I may have depersonalization to my friend bc I have the same thing where you feel like your in a dream and I can't make connections with people bc I feel this way. But all she said was "stop pretending that you have a mental problem. We all feel crazy sometimes. You're fine." Ok I understand that all of us occasionally feel overwhelmed or tired but I feel like this ALL THE TIME. I feel like I should get help but idk how to tell my family bc I've tried before and they were like "you just need more sleep" so yeah. This was unnecessary but I just thought I'd get it off my chest
0 likesim going through it but youre so strong
0 likesVery relatable. I'm sorry you have to go through this too.
0 likeskeep looking back at this video cause its so true and im in the middel of this
0 likesI know how it feels, i don't know how to fix myself, i feel broken
0 likesHOW I COPE WITH DR/DP:
0 likes- I tell myself, "I THINK THEREFORE I AM", "I DIDN'T DIE"
- I wear an elastic around my wrist and snap it, feel the pain
- I am not alone
- I am on medication
- feel textures, smells, tastes
- try not to focus on it, keep busy
- keep away from caffeine, alcohol, drugs
- focus on name brands
- call friends
HOPE THIS HELPS MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS.
my friend told me she has this so I'm trying to look into it so I can help or or at least realise when its happening so I can sit her down and tell her that its her life etc... so if anyone can tell me some more about it or if you could tell me some tips on how to help her with it when she's going through it that would be great thanks! I know that I can't exactly help her and stop it because its a process and it has to "fade away" ←what she said to me.
0 likesthat one line where she said that what people are thinking about made me cry. because that is what everyone tells me because I'm "too young"
0 likesseeing u talk about this is inspiring ily dodie
0 likesI always find some comfort when I find people who understand. I exchange notes with people. I have noticed people who have food and digestive related issues have neurological issues as well. not saying that is always related. One friend has IBS and she is 100% sure that is the cause of her issues. Your gut and your brain are very closely connected. I have to watch what I eat because certain things well set me off. My nephew has certain food allergies that make him crazy.everybody is wired just a little differently. Sometimes its social issues or stress that trips me. Everyday I am discovering new things. why's it so complicated.I just try to grin and bear it. Sometimes i feel like I'm in a movie or I'm dreaming. Sometimes I hallucinate. A whole spectrum. A fun roller coaster. People who don't have it don't really understand it the same way. It is like trying to explain what it is like to be drunk or stoned to someone who has never been I guess.
0 likesI watched this video when it first came out and couldn't relate at all but recently I've changed my life motto and I think this reflects best how I've felt recently because if I try to put it into words I don't think I'll be able to but these are words so take it or leave it... "Do what you want cause life is meaningless anyway" i say it to my friends all the time and follow it by saying that I'm being optimistic but I don't think I am and i don't really know but like idk it just fucking hurts.
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Like I feel like everyone's in there own bubbles and mines popped and I'm the only one who can see how meaningless life is
0 likesAnd you get up in the morning and you go to bed at night and that's it
0 likesAnd everyone's just counting days
0 likesi am going through something so similar right now
0 likesI think depersonalisation is like, well it feels like you're different from everyone else like the real reality which there is no reality and I feel like nobody else around me realises the "real reality"
0 likesYour plan has been my plan too lol. Since I was a teenager I've had fleeting thoughts of "am I real? is anything real? are we all a matrix or is everything just my imagination?" etc....probably read too much about philosophy.
0 likesAnyway, a couple months ago I started seriously thinking I was in (am in) an alternate universe. Like everything is the same, but somehow different. Like even people I interact with on a daily basis just seem kind of off. But any time I bring it up they'll just be like "hmm, interesting". Then I get even more freaked out cause like what else would an alternative version of someone say?? So I figured since I can't think of anything particular I did to start feeling this way I'd just continue acting normal and hope that one day I wake up in the original universe I was in.
I'm pretty resigned to the fact that I'm probably crazy. But I'm glad I'm not the only person that feels like things are weird.
Also I've been diagnosed with panic attacks, so I'm thinking they're totally related.
the beginning of this video was really familiar to me and i'm really glad that you started with that
0 likes❤️ A book called Anxiety Rebalanced, by Carl Vernon... I recommend xxx
0 likesThis is quite late, but, I have depersonalization as well. I'd say I have depression and anxiety but I think those are just symptoms of depersonalization altogether. I've realized reasons why I have it and I've even found aids for it, not a cure though, which I've come to terms with. My father is emotionally and verbally abusive and I've always had him on a pedestal; the man I've placed my hope in love and honor in. He is, was, the one I was supposed to learn how to love and respect from but I've realized, now, that that is something I need to get out of my head. Depersonalization, for me obviously there are many cases, has become because of his abuse and my childhood full of blaming all the fault on myself. I don't mean to blame, I'm just coming to terms with it so that my life would seem normal and make my thoughts seem less crazy. I also have candidiasis so sugar and carbs already negatively affect me physically but they do negatively help DP. Whenever I eat extremely healthy and work out for at least 20-30 mins a day I feel the best. I also open my mind to things and my memories of them, telling myself that they are real and I really was doing those things. I'm slow to make judgements and quick to be calm; I think all these things help significantly and I can't help but to suggest anyone who has DP to try them out as well :)
0 likesThis really hit home. I'm currently in college studying to be a graphic designer and every single assignment that I do it feels like a robot is doing it. It feels like I'm never truly into my work or truly enjoying it. I don't want to do anything. I always just want to lay down with my eyes closed and block out everything. Everything is so, so, so overwhelming and I feel like I'm just trying to ignore that.
0 likesI feel you...i too suffer from depression and with it comes chronic insomnia that just cxrushes me day after day and adds to my already bad mood. It is not nice to not be able to sleep properly.
0 likesI tried everything natural, but nothing helped. Then i got hard (And i mean HARD!!!!!) medication and that just makes you feel bad in another way. It is like...taking a sledgehammer to the head each night, so you can sleep.
People usually do not understand how things are, when you are depressed and i have to say, that i am in a "lucky" position, that my mum also suffers from depression, so my parents know how things go, but...
I have seen people being turned down by their parents, because they think depression is some kind of abnormal desease.
Let me tell you one thing:
It is not, allright?
I'd go ahead and say, that 50% of our western society suffers from depressive symptoms, but most don't know it, because they don't understand.
Depression is more than just feel bad...
You don't know rock bottom...i have been there...
Rock bottom isn't the point, where you are sitting in a corner and cry!
Rock bottom is, when you are sitting in a corner and don't cry.
In fact you don't do anything.
You aren't mad anymore, not frustrated, not sad.
You feel...yeah...you don't feel in fact.
Not nothing!
You DON'T feel.
Someone, who was never there cannot understand how it is to NOT feel at all!
It isn't like feeling empty...you just are a mere shadow of the someone you were before and everything has no meaning to you.
At that point and i am not making this up, at that point someone could've killed my parents and it wouldn't trigger a single emotion inside of me.
It presses every! LITTLE! BIT! Of motivation out of you.
You'd be happy, if you'd be able to cry, but i reached a point, where i couldn't even motivate myself to do that.
Also i am eating a lot of unhealthy stuff out of frustration (Which is a very common thing, when you have depression!) and that makes me...well not fat, but i should lose at least 10 Kg.
However it makes me REALLY uncomfortable being in my body. Add that to the depression and you feel even more like shit.
And that is not all of it.
Every day is a fight against yourself losing control.
In my case i also suffer from anxiety and anger management problems.
Anger is a feeling you get, when you are in a situation you don't like, but you can't do a thing about it and i have this situation day by day.
Just people asking for a favour is enough to trigger me and then comes anxiety...
WHAT! A! B!TCH!
You thought depression is bad? OH BOY, think again!
Anxiety is the devil that keeps you in his claws, whispering sweet lies into your ear, telling you, that it is good to stay at home (It is not!) to abandon your friends (IT IS NOT!) to never leave your bed, because there you are safe (IT! IS! NOT!).
All this is just a giant middlefinger up the ass signed by:
YOUR LIFE!
And that is, what keeps me going.
I will show life my middlefinger with all the might i have, by not giving up!
It is a hard war you have to fight, because the crulest enemy you'll face there is yourself.
Trust me when i say:
Uncovering the deepest and darkest things about yourself is scary. I am afraid of myself. I really am, but i have to go through all this shit. No matter what!
In order to accept yourself and feel better, you have to learn, what it means "being yourself" and what makes you...well...you!
I want vengance!
I will make this desease pay!
I will kick its ass, and punch it to hell and back!
Replies (1)
PS: This is very important!
0 likes1.) Don't give up, because then: you've lost!
2.) Give yourself a hug!
3.) Treat yourself!
4.) YOU DESERVE IT!
5.) FISTBUMP!
I really don't know what to do... me and my (officially diagnosed) friends are pretty sure I have pretty bad anxiety and depression and I know I get panic attacks a lot and less so, anxiety attacks.... my only problem is... my mum. My brother has autism which links into anxiety and he gets socially anxious quite a lot, which I know I do as well, but my mum always disregards it, brushes it aside or invalidate it because 'your brother has it worse than you'. I would go to the doctor but I can't without her knowing and questioning and putting it off and although I'd like to go about it after secondary school, I don't know how to talk about it? As I said, some of my friends are officially diagnosed and they're getting help but I really don't know how to get there as people around them believe and trust that there might be something going on and I've reached a point now where I literally can't go into detail about anything that happens at school in that respect- for example, on Monday we had a fire drill that triggered me to have a panic attack and since I HAVE to tell my mum about it I did but she dismissed it saying 'if it was bad enough the school would have phoned'. On Friday I managed to completely blank out during a french speaking exam where we were in pairs for the whole class and I started to have an anxiety attack. My friend asked if I wanted to let our teacher know and I got so scared she was going to tell my mum and I had no clue what to do so I just ended up bottling it up. The rest of the day carried on and continued to be absolutely horrendous, until I got home and found out my mum wasn't home and I just felt so drained. I didn't have to make sure I looked like I was ok and I could feel tears but I honestly felt so drained by everything and I just lay there on my bed not knowing what to do. I still don't and I don't think I will for quite a while and I just....? I don't know.
0 likesUgh depersonalization is absolute shit. It's always in the back of my mind, it never goes away, and I really just want to feel normal, because I've never known even what that is.
0 likesAhhhh oh no now I know I'm not alone in feeling like this. I constantly feel like I'm dreaming, like everything that happens in the moment is a distant memory, like, I would say something, look down, and when I looked back up it felt like it was a new day. Idk yeh what's wrong with memahhhh
0 likesI relate to this video so much.
0 likesi can totaly relate, and it sucks that i cant even explain how i feel but i know that somethings wrongs with me, and people who never felt some kind of mental illness cant get it.
0 likesits like u said, i can try to be happy but not at like my whole potential
I am feeling the same thing. I can't seem to function in real life. Nothing feels the same than when it did when I had the friends that I did when I was happy. I still have the same friends but they have changed (as in they have gotten more popular than me) and I just feel less than everybody in the world.
0 likes"I keep seeing everyone as humans and I am a robot"
0 likesthat broke me
I'm a teen at the moment, and I'm going through that sucky phase that's where I'm trying to find out who I am. I don't know anymore, and I feel like everyone would be better without me... I'm not doing self harm, and I'm certainly not suicidal, but life is a biatch
0 likesi still struggle with depersonalization and derealization because of my ptsd. depersonalization feels so odd, like everything else is hazy and bright and you're tired and you can't really feel anything in your body like if someone hit you with a truck you wouldn't really feel it, and like you can see yourself but can't connect, like you can talk but it's not really you talking. derealization feels just as weird, like you're seeing the world through a piece of glass and you're cut off from it, like it feels ripply and watering and fake and flat and not real like you're in a cartoon but the world is the cartoon. having them both is so horrid. i hope you are starting to feel better dodie. 💗
0 likesi think i feel depersonalization too. like my brain and body are different things and the person i see in the mirror isn't really me. and i'm in a coma or something, nothing feels real and it's terrifying. but i can't do anything about it. there's no medicine or amount of sleep that can fix it
0 likesI've been experiencing depersonalization, and I only just discovered it has a name. I thought I was going insane. Whether I'm inside or outside, nothing seems real and everything seems quite hazy, like I'm not really there. I'd take my dog for a walk and just feel completely spaced out. It's terrifying. At one point, I thought my eyesight was going bad, but apparently my vision is fine...it's just THIS. This is what's happening to me and I hate it.
0 likesReplies (2)
When I was a kid, I remember having scary experiences of depersonalization, but in a different way. Nothing was hazy, but I felt like I wasn't a real person. Like I was living in some sort of virtual reality (yes, like a Sim), or that I was some kind of alien/robot solely put here to learn about human life, and try to connect with it, without really being part of it. Yes, I'm aware of how bizarre that sounds and I promise I'm not on drugs, but that's the only way I can really explain it...
0 likesI also experience depression and anxiety, and it's not fun at all. You're a huge inspiration to me, Dodie, I love you <3
0 likesI found this video looking for someone who can relate, maybe bigger YouTubers and when I found dodie I was in shock because I only discovered her recently but she can relate. I made a weird depersonalization short film on my channel (kms it was so amateur) so yeeee
0 likesIt's strange. It's wrong. I can relate 1000000% 💜💚💜💙💜
0 likesMy comment is probably a bit late considering this video was almost a year ago but I want to encourage anyone who maybe is feeling like something is wrong mentally and like Dodie said some people will try to dismiss what you're feeling and/or thinking. Quite a few years ago my mind was a mess and I felt like I was going insane but because of some of the people around me I didn't ask for help or speak out about how I was feeling at all and I thought I could just repress it and I was able to for awhile. But last year something fell apart in my personal life and everything came back to me and I finally started admitting that I need help. I think it's better to be safe than to be sorry; don't wait until it's too late. (I felt like both of those were a tad too cheesy but I couldn't pick just one). The process of getting better/getting help may be really long and you may meet a lot of people that just think you're making it up but you deserve to be happy and feel good. <3
0 likesI have started going through puberty and middle school and everything is changing and I'm having anxiety attacks and I'm scared. I'm just like everyone else, but I've just started bottling up everything and I need help
0 likesI can't look in the mirror for too long or think about me as a person for any amount of time without feeling completely disconnected from my body. It makes feel like im having some sort of psychotic break or like im losing my mind and its been happening for too long for me to even remember when it started. It comes to a point where i just sit and cry because i cant make it go away and i cant feel normal or even feel at all. The outer edges of my vision go blurry and i cant do anything but pace my room trying to see things like i did before the feeling arrived. It's so unbelievably terrifying I'd much rather have a regular panic attack and have it over with in 20 minutes than have this constant feeling of distorted reality
0 likesThis is seriously how I feel at least once a week and it is very scary and sucks. I didn't know this was a problem with other people.
0 likesIt seems like I've had depersonalization... not anything severe it seems like. I just woke up one day and nothin felt normal. It felt like nothing was happy or interesting in life. My mind was in a fog and I just sat around my home all day watching TV. I looked it up and it is exactly how I felt--- Depersonalization or depersonalisation can consist of a reality or detachment within the self, regarding one's mind or body, or being a detached observer of oneself. Subjects feel they have changed and that the world has become vague, dreamlike, less real, or lacking in significance. It can be a disturbing experience.---
0 likesI don't remember how long it lasted. It might had only been that one day but it may have been a few days. The days felt so insignificant that I can't remember how long it was :(
I just got diagnosed with all of those today... im on meds now.
0 likesi am not diagnosed, but I think I have anxiety disorder. and I can't say I felt depersonalization, but about a week ago, for three days straight I felt really spaced out, and like nothing really mattered. I felt numb. I had to study for an exam and I didn't even realise I wasn't studying. and one day before the exam, it all came to me and I think I had a panic attack. I felt light-headed, and like there was no oxygen. and when it was over, I started crying. It was weird. I felt like myself was put back into my body again.
0 likesWhen she starts to cry I started to cry too. :(
0 likesLet me once again post the definition of depersonalizaton for anybody who thinks they have experienced it.----
0 likesDepersonalization or depersonalisation can consist of a reality or detachment within the self, regarding one's mind or body, or being a detached observer of oneself. Subjects feel they have changed and that the world has become vague, dreamlike, less real, or lacking in significance. It can be a disturbing experience.
whilst watching this i got a mystic messenger notification that said "find a new path that makes you happy" and i feel like that kind of relates to the video haha
0 likesI wish I could talk to someone about myself but if I did they'd all get bored and sick of me and stop hanging out with me so I put up a happy facade but its getting bad like I had to sit in a room with the light out during school and just cry it out :(
0 likesI wanna go hug her and cry with her tbh
0 likesthis is so important thank you.
0 likesI really don't know what I have. I think it's a mixture of Anxiety and Depression, and I have a therapist but it just hurts soooo much that she wont diagnose me. She always says: no what you are experiencing is normal in your age blah blah. But I've talked to a lot of others who are claiming not to have a mental illness and don't feel the way I do. And I've spoken to a lot of others who indeed are diagnosed with depression or anxiety and they are experiencing the same things. And on top of that, my mother has depression and so does my father so there is no doubt I could've inherited it by both or one of them. But urgh. I hate it so mich that she puts of everything I tell her. I hate that now and I hate that since I am child.
0 likesI'm 13 and I have extreme anxiety and depression. Everything is like you're falling back on a chair but you never hit the ground or laying in bed crying then staring at the wall for 3 days because you have absolute no motivation at all. Everyone I talk to about it says I'm too young or I'm lazy or I'm over exaggerating. I tell myself I'm getting better but now I'm beginning to realize I'm not.
0 likesthank you so much for this
0 likesIs this where 6/10 was from? Did it root from this feeling of yours? I just felt like it did :O OMG
0 likesim gunna rant about my feelings and shit because i feel like this is a safe video to do so. well first of all, i feel like I have anxiety. I've not been diagnosed because I don't want to tell my mum to go to the doctors. When I feel anxious my hands start to sweat and shake, I become a complete different person because I can't laugh or even smile, I have a really bad sick feeling in my stomach, I get a headache and my breathing becomes shaky. This lasts until the situation is solved. I feel like this every morning before school. Every night before I sleep instead of thinking positive I think of at least one thing I have to worry about tomorrow. If I can't i'll do it in the morning. I always find something because there always is something. I cry an awful lot and am a sensitive person. When I cry and say to my mum no one likes me and I shouldn't have been born she tells me to grow up like it's something just can grow out of. Like I'm a six year old having a temper tantrum when I'm not, I just want someone to listen to me for once. I self harm slightly. I've never tried with an actual blade, just knives and scissors. I want to try with a sharpener blade but a girl used mine yesterday and never gave it back. I have nothing but scissors. Im so selfish for doing this I know but I can't stop. Then I found out my friend is depressed, self harms properly with razor blades and almost killed herself last year. I always thought I was the only one that had a bad life but now she's told me this for one I feel worthless and not good enough and for two I feel like her life is so much worse that my problems aren't even worth thinking about. I never imagined her as that type of person and it just hit me, I got told she couple of weeks ago and since I've cut a lot more. Pretty much every day I have to. She's doing it more regular now too and I'm trying so hard to stop her but it's not working. I feel like I can't carry on anymore sometimes. But I'm gonna keep trying so stay alive |-/
0 likesi don't know if this is anything like what you're going through or it it's just me?? who knows. but i constantly feel like i can't remember anything? like my life is happening and stuff going on around me but after it's happened i can't remember it. it's like i made everything up?? does anyone know what this is or if it even is a thing? i'll be grateful for anything anyone can tell me xxxxxx
0 likessometimes i think i should go to a doctor but then i realize that it's really too expensive for me to go "on a whim" of sorts??
0 likesHi to whoever that is reading this. I think I have a problem with myself but I don't know what exactly that is. I constantly have crying spells and I do keep a journal where I scribble my sad thoughts when I have crying spell in the middle of the night. This month alone I've had 5 crying spells, and I don't know if that's normal. I have existential anxiety and I often worry about not living and stuff like growing up and being closer to death. At night especially, I worry about my parents dying or having to grow old and I feel dreadful because of the fact that everything in the world is impermanent. But also, sometimes I feel okay and when I look back at the nights where I cried and sobbed everything seemed irrational BUT THEN THE NEXT DAY OR NIGHT I WOULD CRY AND BREAKDOWN ALL OVER AGAIN. It's like a perpetual cycle and it has been going on for years now. I genuinely don't know what to do :( Am I okay or have I gone insane? I don't want to go to the extent saying that I am bipolar bcs I don't want to self-diagnose but this whole thing is really bothering me. someone help :(
0 likesI went throguh a terrible bout of panic attacks, generalized anxiety, depression, and depersonalization all together..it kinda got better.. now i just get depersonalization sometimes...especially when I'm at the grocery store! meds made my anxiety so much worse just when i felt like i was getting better. made me feel absolutely insane. it really does change how you look at mental illness...I used to think like that too "i would just fight it". god you said SO many things in this video that made things click with me that i just didn't know how to verbalize. thank you <3 hope you're doing better now I realize now this video is from last summer.
0 likesSomeone made a comment, it got a lot of likes so you'll probably see it (the poster's name is Melanie C) and I relate to it a lot. I feel constant, constant guilt over thinking that I have anxiety and possibly depression. My brain likes to yell at me, saying that I'm just making everything up and that I don't deserve anything that I own. It likes to say, "Your family is comfortable, you have clothes and food and you can sleep at night, so shut the fuck up and stop pretending."
0 likesI had two anxiety attacks, back to back, at the beginning of this school year. My lunch room is super loud and there was a lady using a microphone to tell people to sit down and she doesn't know how to use the microphone (she's practically eating it every time she talks) and she yelled and I just lost it, I started shaking and crying and I couldn't breathe properly and I had to be taken to the bathroom by a friend to calm down. Then I came back and it happened again, and this time I was taken to the nurse. So now I think I have anxiety and I think it's getting worse, but my parents refuse to do anything about it. I think they see therapy as a failure on their part, as they weren't there for me. They really aren't nowadays either, I don't know why they pretend they are.
I'm worried that I'm developing some sort of illness relating to a constant routine or relating to being constantly clean because I've started obsessing over it. I don't have experiences to show it, no freakouts or anxiety attacks. All I have is the disgusting feeling of my skin crawling if my hands aren't washed after using the bathroom or using a school laptop or eating, which eventually crawls down to my stomach and makes me feel sick.
I mentioned earlier that I get extremely guilty about certain things. I'll be lying in bed feeling empty and drained and I'll want to talk to a friend, so I'll pick up my phone and I'll go to my messages and I'll see that I talked earlier in the day and they listened and that'll flip a switch in my head. I mentioned earlier that my brain likes to yell at me. This is what it's the loudest about. Sometimes if it gets too loud and too convincing I'll end up scratching myself, then I'll look at the pink and white lines and I'll hate myself even more. It's a cycle, and I hate it. I hate it so much and I hate myself so much and yet I still don't believe that I need help.
If I go to a therapist with this, they'd laugh me out of the office. I can't dump all of this on my friends. Where can I go? What can I do? Is there anyone else with these problems? Please tell me I'm not alone.
There's no words to describe anxiety and depression, it's painful and confusing and it drives you insane it feels like it's eating you alive like there's a monster eating your insides slowly it's so painful and I wouldn't tell anyone cuase they would say I'm seeking attention or being dramatic they would say awful things that would make me feel worse until I finally told my best friend and sent him the lengthiest text but he said it was okay and that he'll help me, dodie your doing a wonderful job at battling this I'm trying too just remember that no matter how worthless you feel people are still out there for you
0 likesim so numb that i can't remember the last time i cried
0 likesi love you dodie.
0 likesim 14 and i will say that i have go through hard things since im 5 yrs old my dad and mum divorce, then mum got mental breakdown she was totally diffrent from before our family broke and thyre kinda unique..not a good unique.. my grandma gets alzheimer ,my 1st aunt ego is soo high so we cant ask any help from her and her mouth is just as sharp as sword , hypocritice aunt, sharp tongued gay mean uncle , no father , suicidal cousin live in on house i never happy there it maybe a thing called house but i dont feel like home i try to be in a reltionship for distracted myself from everything it lasted 8 months with unhealthy relationship, bully then i got myself deep into internet to entertain myself and not talking about how i feel then i got schizophrenia and now my life is all a worthless. youtubers the only one motivates me and theyre the reason i smile so thank you for entertaining us including you dodie<3
0 likesNever give up❤
0 likesi keep watching this everyday
0 likesthis is the earliest ive ever been tbh but dodie ily so much
4 likesI really don't know if I have a mental illness but I always feel down and at night I tend to think really scary and "depressing" thoughts I guess you can say. I only want to listen to music or read books that me cry or really sad. I'm always tired and I always want to sleep. my mom has taken me to doctors before and they say that nothing is wrong with me. but I'm not entirely sure they are right. I feel as if there might be something wrong with me but at the same time I feel like if I were to tell this to somebody or even the doctors they would think that I'm just seeking for attention and that I'm faking it. well idk sorry for ranting. I feel like this is all so insignificant and that my problems are so little that I don't even need to worry about it because there are people with a much worse life then me but like I don't know. I don't know what to do about all of this.
0 likeswhy did i feel broken...after watching this? its just soo sad
4 likesCan anyone help me? I'm just 12. And im feeling like this. I feel like im in a dream. I cant control what i do or what i say. I just stay quiet since i cant say something nice. I dont have the energy to play games or do fun things i did. My mom knows i have anxiety but im hiding these anyway. i guess i overthink my future too much that ive became like this. When i look at a mirror i feel like i dont know myself. its just like, a simulation and everything or everyone doesnt exist. i feel like im the only one whos real
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I feel the same way. I don’t know how to help though. I need help too.
1 like@Slime Machine thank you so much. I'll try
1 likeDon't you think it's a good idea to stay away from alcohol? I'm rooting for ya, Dods!
35 likesReplies (16)
+Opuskrokus it's difficult when it gives quick artificial happiness. But yes, definitely! Thank you :)
48 likesbut it causes depression in itself, I have friends who drink because they are depressed, and I ask them why they think they are depressed and they don't know.
0 likes+Dook Leeto I don't think so, you don't need to have a big reason to deal with depression anyway
0 likesIm just saying its weird to deal with depression with a substance that is known to cause depression.
1 likeAlcohol is a depressant, and apparently causes your brain to become more depressed if you're already depressed. But if you're so tired of feeling the way that you do, then you don't really care so much.
1 likeBut if you notice it's making things a lot worse- like if it's so hard to get out of bed in the mornings because you're hungover and even more scary sad, or you're doing dangerous things when you're fucked up, or you're drinking like all the time and by yourself - then maybe you want to try to stop. Because it really can make things a lot worse and make it harder to get better. So just watch out for that stuff.
It's all really hard but you can do it Dod's! And you can feel really great again :)
I think alcohol (like most mind-altering chemicals) largely (and paradoxically) serves to amplify and dull: depression if that's where you're at, or good feelings, or angry feelings, etc. She says "visit my old school friends and have a drink" during an upward-trending day. This implies a) minor to moderate consumption, meaning little risk of extreme results unless predisposed to an inability to control oneself (i.e. alcoholism), and b) a generally pleasant and positive atmosphere. In such a case, bonding is more likely than further spiraling.
1 likeThis is not an advocacy for alcohol consumption (seriously, it's not a viable coping mechanism), but a caution to those who would demonize it (and those who consume it) out of turn.
only amatter of time til someone started to blame their pet peeves.
0 likes+Paul Lynch recent tests from where? Alcohol is a depressant.
0 likes+Dook Leeto Logically yes, but logic tends to fly out the window when depressed etc. So the alcohol might help for a second & you might feel worse after, bit for that one second it feels worth it. Of course it's not really but when you're that desperate to feel ok, well yeah. Hope that might kind of explain it?
0 likes@Julia Corbett I didn't know it, thank you!
0 likes+opuskrokus what u said is so typical of someone who hasn't suffered from mental health problems lucky u honestly another one is " youl have to pull yourself together" of course in an ideal world that's exactly what you would do everyone with mental health problems would do if they could & there wouldn't be anyone suffering from experience alcohol can dampen your depression down, for that moment but you pay hell for it next day & sometimes when you are feeling so so low you will do anything not to feel as bad even if it's only for one nite sadly with mental health problem you don't control them they control you, you are at their mercy sadly x
1 like+doddlevloggle I really hope u see this & know u helped me so much having mental health issues can be a very lonely dark place as you feel no one understands you, you're weird I want you to know you have shined a light when I needed it most the only way I can describe having depression it is being in a pitch dark room no windows you've been spun around so many times and your trying to find the light switch some times it's pitch dark & some times you can see a little light at the door, u were that light for me Thanku xxx
1 likeI think it would be
0 likesTime... time with yourself and exercise is a helper too =)
0 likesMtivation for exercise can be a problem. Particularly if you live alone.
0 likesSure, but she's being positive about it so theres a start
0 likesSounds like you need people around you so you do not feel alone. If you are away from your dad, mom, and siblings, just call them. Problem is that people cut others off to be independent. This is the result. This seriously looks like a cry for help. Go find a therapist or your dad.
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When you have that sort of mental disorder, it becomes very difficult to speck to people. You know how she mentioned that she forgot how to talk to her flat mate? That's someone she's obviously really comfortable with but still had trouble speaking to, so while it'd be wonderful if we could just talk to someone and our problems would go away, that's not the reality of it.
5 likesI guess its hard to relate to it, but if you have an issue. Solve it! Maybe its a guy thing of solving problems or dealing with it one way or another. Go stand outside a therapist and don't go away until there is a solution or bribe them with cookies. LOL.
0 likesUnfortunately mental illness isn't like your standard medical problem and can't be found by checking your temperature or using a stethoscope lol. Having suffered from it I have experiences a lot of doctors who don't even know how to approach it and the solution is different for each person and is definitely not a quick fix. Trust me I wish it was! lol
4 likesI discovered that women feel depressed, anxious, or inattentive, and are more likely to take prescription medication than men as per Medco Health Solutions. Women are at 29% while men are at 15%. That is almost double the value between the genders. I have a very educated guess as to why. Men are biologically used to be on their own and independent from their hunter gatherer societies. Go hunting in the woods and you will see the isolation. Women on the other hand were more socially interconnected and need it to survive mentally because they did not need deal with such a situation. Humans may have moved into buildings in this modern age, but the underlying biological/evolutionary mechanisms are still there. In the present day, women have been brain washed by feminism into thinking they can do it all by themselves and thrive in isolation like men. It will not work and you start seeing this massive difference in depressed and anxiety between the sexes. Even in my work place there are girls moving to cities with more people they know because they can stand the isolation.
0 likesIt doesn't matter how many people are present, you still feel alone...
0 likesyou think depression occurs in women due to their inherent inability to live and thrive independently? uh ok maybe you should do some research
0 likes@FreedomBreeze24 On an individual level everyone is different. However, statistically women prefer company in trying times while men prefer solitude.
0 likesThis has been shown in various studies, the one I remember most entailed telling people they were going to have to go through a painful operation while conscious. The women in the study preferred to have a large group of friends with them before the ordeal (obviously there was no operation, they just entered a room and were told what was going on) while the men preferred to be in the waiting room alone.
I can try and find the paper if you are interested. However it's been a long time since I last read it...
It's due to the hormonal differences, the average man has 5 times the testosterone the average woman has running through their body.
Testosterone is responsible for men's (generally) higher aggression and competitive nature but also causes a trend towards stoicism in personality.
Males with severe testosterone deficiency almost always become depressed so the typical hormonal differences between women and men are more likely the reason for the difference in rate of depression between the genders rather than the 'Women can't stand to be alone!' argument.
Of course, individuals on both sides subvert these trends because the human brain is basically evolution on steroids. Because we are forming new connections in our brains all the time and because out brains are also in control of our hormones we can make significant mental changes (on an individual basis) withing a single generation.
If you raised a woman in an environment in which typically masculine behaviours created greater reward than typically feminine behaviours, the brain would learn this and up the levels of testosterone (especially during and after puberty) making them more stoic and creating a preference for solitude in hard times. In some cases this can actually result in minor physical changes such as a tendency to grow more, thicker facial hair etc.
Similarly if you were to raise a man in an environment which rewards typically feminine behaviours over typically masculine ones their brain would adapt and they would be less stoic, more emotionally open and cause them to prefer company and emotional support during hard times.
Well, that turned into a bit of an information splurge... Sorry about that.
I just find neurology, mental health and (providing it's actually done properly) psychology incredibly interesting.
TLDR: You are right, depression in women has nothing to do with an 'inability to live and thrive independently' however, under typical non mental health related stresses and trials women do prefer people and support so the guy saying 'surround yourself with people' isn't entirely off track, it just doesn't fit for situations like these...
@MrSquishedsquashed Wow! Thank you so much for the in depth response! Was such an interesting read, and it makes a lot of sense. I love learning about this kind of stuff too :) I totally get ya. Great points :)
1 like@FreedomBreeze24 Awesome! It's always great to find someone else interested in this kind of stuff!
0 likesIf you went to a party and someone slipped some chemical into your drink and it made you feel weird then you would go see a doctor to find something to counteract that chemical and that would be a normal thing for you to do. Depression is not really different than that because your brain chemistry is not working for you. Finding a doctor for correcting brain chemical changes is even harder than dating or finding some one to marry. Meet as many doctors as the system will allow and try dozens of meds because each one is going to be different for each person. Some will only work for little while and then you will have to try another. But Keep Trying. Correcting brain chemistry is like preforming surgery on an ant through a telescope when the ant is on the moon and your wearing boxing gloves. Hugs.
0 likesQUICK! get to the WORD OF GOD (Holy Bible kjv): Isaiah 61:3, Matthew 6:34, and the POWER to overcome these DEMONIC attacks of Heaviness (Depression) & Anxiety (Fear): Acts 1:8 & Hebrews 11:1 - only THROUGH Jesus😇 HE IS A VERY PRESENT HELP IN TROUBLE-Psalm 46:1...PROVERBS 3:5&6...Luvv You 😘
8 likesReplies (3)
exactly i was born addicted to heroin never met my birth family was adopted then my adopted dad left i lived a life stuck in sin then god blessed me with lyme disease for 15 years the anxiety and depression i had was to much to bear it was a hell no one could imagine i am a fighter but i just kept smoking weed watching porn drinking putting my girlfriend over god because of her looks god showed me a separation from god is death i finally gave up my family had abandoned me my grandmother was about to die my girl took off with someone else i used to weigh 200 pounds i was an athlete then i was 138 I'm 6 feet tall i was about to die i was alone on christmas eve i got on my knees alone in front of the cross at the church i went to as a kid that night i decided to go put everything i had in an envelope and wrote merry christmas Jesus loves you i placed it on a homeless man sleeping under a bridge on the way home i chose to help someone at my darkest hour this earth is about love and compassion. the next day i threw everything i had negative away hundreds of dollars of stuff video games bongs everything god came to me he told me to trust him with my life and he would set me free i had been taking meds for a long time nothing was working i was done so i said god I'm ready to die my body is yours i moved into my closet with my dog and a my bible and my guitar he healed me it took about a month now no more anxiety depression my disease is gone i ran up a mountain today thank you Jesus king of kings if any one reads this go help someone with less than you. you can't do it alone ask god to help you then don't sin ask him to help you not sin thats what he is there for its hard at first but if you hang in there read your bible don't hang out with anyone till you make it through the storm ask him to put the right people in your life to help you he will. if you call out to him he will come he hates to see his children suffer the devil loves it and let me tell you he is very real. trust god and he will set you free if not it will only get worse god will let you suffer more and more until you repent and come to him this is for the good soil i love you all I'm praying for you all god bless!!
0 likesIt’s all well saying read the bible but my brain works on fact. And I know for a fact the bible is just a made up story (possibly created to control and conquer humanity) so if you enjoy fairy tails the bible is for you but if you are like me you need facts to help you.
1 likeLovey Luvv thank you
0 likesI got so many friends who try to be 'not normal' by saying 'uhh Pls hurt me' or 'Oh oh look now! I'm shaking! Sorry if I scare you bc I'm crazy' and do thingts like totally freaking out about something so small or they constantly try to get attemntion by telling other people how they're 'not normal'.
0 likesI'm a very..peaceful?...girl so I'm just like 'oh' and 'yeah I know that feeling' but it still hurts to see them trying so hard to be not okay. And they don't get it.
No matter how many people tell me that 'my problems are not insignificant' I always believe that they are. I've often thought that I have social anxiety but I refuse to tell anyone because I have friends who have been properly diagnosed with anxiety by a doctor and I don't wont to 'self diagnose' myself because I feel like that is really ignorant to do, I don't know what's wrong with me someone help please omg
0 likesSo I thought this was just some existential crisis thing but it may be a bit of depersonalization. I was born at 27 weeks. And sometimes I wonder if this is all a dream, if I've never woken up and my mom is by my bedside of 13 year old comatose me and so upset. Or that theory that we're aliens and aliens could be real freaks me out. And religion contradicts with science and makes me doubt myself and that theory and the idea that we're all in a video game and sorry it's just me. Maybe it's not just me. You're not alone if you think this too. I'm probably not alone.
0 likesThank you :) Thank you very much!
0 likesI have depression and anxiety and it sucks
0 likesAs well as derealization, depersonalization, ocd, and add/adhd, and paranoia now woot
I nearly cried then I just heard " ENNNNNN Marge Simpson " 😂😂😂😂😂😂 I love her
0 likessometimes it'll be the first week of school and then it feels like I blink or go to sleep and I wake up and it's the last day of school and I have no idea what happened in between and that I was just like a robot or numb or something for a year
0 likesIs this me? A lot of time I just can't focus, I'm just not there, like I can't even focus my eyes at all like I just do things and stuff. Also right now I'm admitting to cutting myself and hurting myself in other ways. I have a lot of suicidal thoughts but most of the time I just want to do *something*, in the middle of the night just run. So I don't know if I actually have a mental illness but yeah that is how I feel thanks
0 likesIm a sci fi fan, Im just nerdy im sick of just not being able to be myself. Im not attention seeker Im the type thats like to just be in the background. People always stare and make me feel uncomfortable. They always expect that you're got it sorted. Now I deliberately dress scruffy with hoodies and joggers cause Ive totally lost interest in fashion and looking good. But even now I cant win cause people look at me, some even act like, why you looking like that dude? that isnt you.
0 likesI cant even focus right now and really say what I want to say about this and let it out cause Im just too self concious of everyone in this damn library all glancing over. I hate people, especially young generation, they act so vain and shallow, what a shit society today.
I really don't have anything to say besides that I hope you get well soon and that you are really beautiful. I would give you a hug but you're not near me and it would be weird because you don't know me so that would make it creepy :)
0 likesthis is such an important video
0 likesi had edibles (weed) a few days ago and i feel depersonalized from it and it hasn't ended and i feel scared that i will stay like this for a long time and i won't be able to pass my classes and i'm so scared
0 likesReplies (1)
lol still feeling like it
0 likesSomeone help please?? Lately I've been getting really good grades in school, the best in my class actually. And any normal person would say to just be thankful and happy about that, that's what I tried to tell myself for a while. But the problem for me is how much I've had to sacrifice in order to get those grades. I spend hours at a time studying and just trying to understand anything in my books and also trying to manage to do all my homework, which has resulted in major damages in my social life, mentality, physical appearance and other things that you want to keep nice and healthy. And the problem is that when I have free time, I start to search my mind for books I have to study and just things I have to do and that I worry about in general. And then when I have literally nothing to do, I get stressed because I feel like I'm forgetting something or being incredibly unproductive. It's kind of like that guilty feeling you get in the summer when everyone is out having fun and doing really cool shit but you've been inside on your computer for the whole day, except I get that feeling when ever I'm not doing anything involving school. I can't even shower or eat anymore without thinking "wow, I'm wasting so much time right now." And it's not just school. I've been struggling with my weight (even though I'm technically underweight), my skin, my braces, things that nobody even cares about, yet I can't help but to feel insecure about them. Sometimes I also feel like my friends and family don't care about me. I haven't even spoken to my parents this week. They always avoid me whenever I walk in to the same room as them.They know somethings wrong with me, but they just don't know how to help me and they alway make me feel like I'm a constant burden, and that at my inability to see my fiends that often has resulted in me feeling constantly alone. And god I miss my them so much. I miss the times when I wouldn't have to worry about anything except for when the watermelon seeds I had swallowed would start to grow inside my stomach. I miss the carelessness of the summer nights I would spend laughing till I couldn't breathe. I searched some symptoms of depression online just to check, and it turns out I have most of them. As if the recurring dream I've been having of me killing myself wasn't enough. I also already know I have anxiety. Probably because I moved from America to Greece when I was six and always thinks I'm an idiot just because I can't remember some random word or a phrase in one language or the other, and i feel like all my teachers label me as that one stupid foreign exchange student, even though that obviously isn't happening, I can't help but worry about it all the time. Now that I think about it , it seems like the majority of my problems are created be me. I think I'm just very self destructive. There's so much more that's wrong with me that I could write but I feel like I already wrote too much. I guess this was more venting than what it was meant to be in the beginning. If you're still reading I don't really know what to say. Thanks and sorry?? I'm going to be pasting this comment on a few other videos as well so more people can see it. I think I'm going to go take a shower now. Oops I just realized that I haven't taken I shower in an entire week. Ok bye
0 likes4:13 I cried
0 likesyou may not notice this but dodie hi. I;m depressed can you um let me know Im still normal? you know what dont worry about it
0 likesdont tell me im the only one that cried?
0 likesStimulants make you feel worse like alcohol, caffeine and sugar
0 likesIt's so sad to see her cry
0 likesI can confirm that everyone thinks I'm high.. it's wonderful
0 likesHOW DO YOU WORD EVEN THE MOST HORRIBLE THINGS SO BEAUTIFUL
0 likesi just wanna befriend all the people in the comment section and give everyone a hug <33
0 likesShe said dammit really cute aw
0 likesYou are my girl next door
0 likesI LOVE YOU SO MUCH
0 likesThank you
0 likesAlso sunglasses might help with everything being so bright
0 likesPeople think that depression has to be caused by something tragic like death, disease or such stuff. It annoys me
0 likesI haven’t been here either since I was 16 I kind of lost my hop and I don’t know what is going on I am 20 and it’s mess
0 likesThank you
0 likesmild form of psychosis here. it's the worst... wish i wasn't here.
0 likesi know that this was made a little while ago but i feel the exact same way that i'm not really here but i can see and kinda feel what's going on but i'm not really here already said that but i don't really even know whats going on in this exact moment so i don't know. i'm not truly knowing what going on i'm sad and on top of that i don't even know what's going on. Iv'e tried therapy before but they said the same thing, try being more you. But how can you be "more you" if you don't even know who "you" are. And i'm overwhelmed with all of this and find myself crying out of no where and over legit nothing at all
0 likesJust saying,in the thumbnail you look like Pam Beasley from the office😂😊❤️👍🏼
2 likesI don't disbelieve in drs. it's just I'm not sure I have realistic expectations of what they should do. then I wonder is it worth it since they can't cure me, nore can i? how does one progress to solve a problem which can't be solved?
0 likesOh dear Lord this is me.
1 likei feel like a 6/10
0 likesAre you taking any medicine to help?
0 likes🙂💕
0 likesI'm 13...I have depression depersonalization anxiety and panic attacks. I just left school and I said that I have a headache..Gosh I wanna die. I just have panic attacks with everything. I can't watch the sky it makes me panicking
0 likes💜💜💜💜
0 likesAnd today 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏???
0 likesPraying its cured, or atleast you're coping with it better?
Replies (1)
in one of her newer videos "why covid time feels like depersonalisation" she talks about how after trying many different treatments it still is not cured and she's coping by just accepting it's there
0 likesi love you and i'm hugging you virtually
0 likesI always come to this video when I'm struggling. This just helps me get out of my head when I'm in one of my lower moments of depression. It reminds me that alot of people go through it. It just puts how I feel into words and that makes it seem easier to handle. Thank you, Dodie.
1 likeThanks, Dodie. Sometimes I'm feeling quite similar and that's kind of, not good, but relieving that there are people feeling that way too.
1 like4:15 my heart was shattering in pain and sympathy for the beautiful human that is Dodie
0 likesI've felt this everyday of my life for two years and I never knew anyone else felt like this. It's like a whole new world. Thank you for my realization it is scary but a little relieving and it's getting better but sometimes it doesn't feel like things are real
0 likesDear Dodie, I've fallen in love with you (and your face) over the past few weeks and I'm so proud that you are able to talk about your mental health so openly and honestly. I nearly cried when you talked about wanting to go back in time because that's something I've always thought about and longed for, and I really appreciate knowing I'm not the only one in this world who has feelings like this- Feeling like the world is big and scary and you just want to be ten again and go play with sticks and grass outside and feel safe. I think you're on to something with meditation. It's hard to make a place for yourself in life as you get older in which you can feel a similar kind of safe and as I've started meditation here and there over the last few years I've come to realize the safe place must reside within you so you can carry it with you always. I applaud you for seeking help so your mind can be healthy. I see both a psychologist and a psychiatrist, and I find the two together to be of immense help because when one changes my medication and my thoughts get weird I can talk to the other about it and sort out all the weird in my head. I love love love that you talk about acting normal when you don't feel like it because there are still things that make you happy and you can still have fun in your life and be happy even if you secretly feel weird inside. Those, for me, are words of encouragement and I love your tenacious and positive approach to life.
0 likesSarah
So much love for you Dodie. This video sums up my life, as well as the life of hundreds of people. I hope these last few months have been better for you, and that you're getting the support you need. 💖💖
0 likesHopefully you're doing better now dodie! I can't imagine how hard it was to film this video, but thank you for doing it. Helps me a lot with my own demons.
0 likesi understand sm honestly, i get/have all of these conditions and i get emotional attachment to like everything. Every day is hard and seeing that someone else has these problems too helps me. Keep fighting dodie ily WE CAN DO THIS TOGETHER!
0 likesThank you Dodie. You've expressed in 9.53 what I've been tumbling with since I was about 8... I'm now nearing 40.
0 likesThe NHS sounds good to me, here in Australia, patients only get 10 sessions with a Psych per year, then it becomes expensive (for me at least) per session - it's like - here's some help but heal fast or you're on your own again!
Brilliantly put! It is such a hard subject to talk about when experiencing it, but I'm happy for you that you did. Thank you for making this, I wish you the best of luck and lots of love!
0 likesI've had depersonalization since I was 8 years old and I only found out about a year ago what it was. It really is the scariest feeling.
0 likesThank you so much for helping me identify my depersonalization/derealization. For about two years I have been trying extremely hard to discover what was wrong. I would cry and get upset because I knew it was something but I could not figure it out. I would describe if to friends sand family and they had no idea what I was talking about. My parents wouldn't take me to the doctor because they didn't even believe me. Thank you so much dodie.
0 likesI've lived my entire life going back and forth to a doctor, each time I come to terms with one thing, I realise something else is fucked up. Generalised anxiety, social anxiety, borderline personality disorder. It never stops. It hurts to know that you struggle with depersonalisation disorder, as I haven't been diagnosed so I didn't mention it but I can easily relate to many parts of that.
0 likesI hate seeing people around me upset and would prefer to take all the weight of there problems by myself, and then not get any help because I'm convinced I'm strong enough to deal with it.
Doesn't help that my dad works in the CQC and could easily throw me into some mental hospital somewhere lmao.
Laying in bed with so much anxiety exploding within me and remembering this video helped me understand that I'm not alone in how I'm feeling
0 likesI love you Dodie. I relate to this so much and I cried so much and I'm so sorry hugs You're incredible, I'm so proud of you.
0 likesThank you so much for sharing this , it helps a lot and I hope you're feeling much better now.
0 likesHey. You're not alone! I've found that just remembering that and listening to meditation videos helps me quite a bit. This struggle, as awful as it is, can help you grow.
0 likesDodie, I just want you to know that this video was enormously helpful to me when one of my students started experiencing depersonalisation at school. I had never heard of it before seeing your video but hearing about it made me do a little research so when my student told me about it (cos it caused her to have a panic attack, I think) I recognised it and was able to reassure her a bit instead of wondering what on earth she was talking about. I'm sorry that this is something you have to deal with but thank you so much for sharing your experiences with us because I don't know how I would have handled this situation without it xx
0 likesI've suffered from major depressive disorder since 2001. I've been through the ringer over the years and feel for anyone who has to go through life battling an illness that most people don't care to talk about. Thanks for the you tube videos on depression🙏🙏
0 likesDodie, thank you so much. I have been so sad---you know, the kind of sad where you feel like it's just the end of all other feelings because there isn't room for any others--- and I've been thinking about my life a lot. Like in the sense that if it wouldn't make my friends and family sad, how much easier my life would be if it were just poof gone. This video is so helpful.
0 likesThank you for being brave and sharing this!
0 likesThis doesn't make you not you anymore. Your still you. This is a thing that happens.
I'm SO! glad your taking really good steps to do the best you can!
I've literally just been through this entire situation exactly, I started experiencing the depersonalization thing after a band competition one afternoon and I didn't know how to explain it so when it happened more often I'd be like "oh it's just like after the band competition" and dude it was weird I had to have friends remind me that I did indeed still exist and my friend Gigi would have to tell me the date and time to set that in and maaaan it's fucked
0 likeshey dodie. thank you for this. it means the world to know that someone gets it. keep smiling.
0 likesI can relate to you. I am almost 13 and I suffer with self harming and anxiety issues. you have inspired me to do something about it I love you and stay strong for me xxx
0 likesI have been going through the exact same thing you are. Well, not really, because everyone is different, but still. Every time you felt crazy or like people were judging, those were the same thoughts that went through my head. Your symptoms sounded like mine. I am a happy kid with depression, anxiety, and depersonalization. You gave me such a brilliant outlook, because I see myself similar to you. We aren't crazy we are unique and you inspire me this was a brilliant video I wish I saw a few months ago. Thank you for being you and talking about it so people like me can relate to you and feel a little less crazy.
1 likeI experienced depersonalisation before and I only hound out what it was from this video. Thanks dodie for helping me I love you so much and your whole channel helps me get through every day
0 likesdodie i have been subscribed for so long, i never seen this video until now.
2 likesI have depersonalisation and derealisation. I have it 24/7. it's EXTREME.
ALL - THE - TIME. ALL THE TIME. I know exactly how you feel. I wish I could take it all away from you.
To anyone else. No one believed me either. I found a psychiatrist who believed me. If medical staff are not helping. ALWAYS try someone else people.
I feel the same. I think I've had symptoms that lead to depression for around 6 years (4 years at the least) and anxiety has become a little more prominent for me in the past couple of years, but every time I go to the doctor, I get shut down, and I'm too scared to just outright say "I'm mentally ill" (I'm in a really awkward life situation where it's far too difficult to do that) and idk what to do. I can't concentrate in school and my grades have been slowly dropping and I'm so tired all the time. I can't do it myself and I can't speak to people and it's so annoying waiting for someone to pick up on it because I've been like it for so long and it's seen as part of my personality
0 likesThis video means so much to me because I 'suffer' from depression, anxeity and depersonalisation too. I went through the same process as you did thinking I was going mad and losing my mind and it scared the shit out of me. It started when I was 13-14 and it has taking me untill now, I'm 18, to finally feel somewhat normal and h a p p y agian. I have some really great people and friends around me who has helped me talk about and deal with this. Talking about it really helps and Im so happy im not alone with feeling like this. Stay strong ❤
0 likesso much love for you. you're an amazing human. you are strong and loved
0 likesHey dodie. I've been going through this right now. I also research and found out what I am feeling is DPD through internet. I am not ready yet to walk into a doctor because I am a bit hopeful. Then I came across your video, I am a fan of your music and this is the only thing makes me feel better since I felt the anxiety. It is really a bit comforting to realize you are not alone. I know its going to be a battle but Im gonna hang on. I thought I just wan you to know this vid made me feel alive.
0 likesi love you for this. so much. i feel similar a lot of the time. every time i tell anyone (about these sorts or feelings or even actually being physically ill) everyone acts like im making it up.
0 likeslike i had salmonella a few weeks ago and legit thought i could have been dying and everyone, even the effin doctor was acting like i was making it up. i was literally bleeding from places i shouldnt have been bleeding and in so much pain i thought i was dying and everyone kept acting like i was making it up. until they called me with test results and everyone was like "oh im sorry... i thought you were faking"
i dont know how to convince people that what i feel is actually what im feeling if they cant even believe me when i have physical symptoms. and no one understands when i say it feels like im not there. or when everything feels like a dream. i dont know how to tell anyone in a way that makes them understand
Thank you so much for your strength and for talking about this. We all care a lot about you, and I hope you feel better. I never hear anyone talking about Depersonalization, and I have been dealing with it since I was 15. I cannot talk to parents about it, or get mental health help because it is too expensive, and it helps to hear others talk about their experiences. It helps me feel less isolated. I love you <3
0 likesTo anyone else who keeps feeling compelled to come back and watch this video over and over because you can relate to it so much, I hope you're ok and looking after yourselves <3
0 likesI feel like this all the time, usually it's pretty lowkey, just sitting in the back of my head. and then there are days like today, where it's sitting on my chest restricting my breathing making it all I can see. I spend a hour laying my floor questioning everything.
0 likesThis video helped me soo much right now and your words gave me so much courage right now, thank u very much for this! <3
0 likesI have asperger's syndrome, so you could technically say that I have a permanent mental illness. I get what you are/were feeling.
1 likeNever in all this time I've felt this way have I heard someone say the words that describe how I'm feeling. It's surreal but it's so good. I told people how I felt and they thought it was a physical thing so I assumed it was. Maybe some balance disorder or something with low blood pressure that made me feel out of it. I've been skipping so many lectures and calling in sick at work thinking I was gonna die, I had a brain tumor or something, I couldn't figure it out and felt hopeless and mad. I can't thank you enough for the words you spoke. It made me feel a bit less alone and even if that's just a tiny bit, it's something. I'm starting therapy on the 24th. Thank you.
0 likesthank you for being brave and taking about the challenges of mental illness
0 likesDepersonalization is one the strangest experiences I've ever had. It's like your floating above your own life watching it unfold in a time lapse.
0 likesthis is the first video of yours that i've watched and ever since then i've been watching you and you have inspired me so much. i'm 15 and i feel exactly like you discribed. i've been feeling like this for a while now(year or so). i used to ignore it really easily but it has only gotten worse. i have no one to talk to nor can i go to therapist because it's considered weird here where i am from. i recently told a friend about this but i kinda regret it for unknown reason. i just don't know what i feel anymore.
0 likesI've been getting derealization for six months after some trauma and depression. It's so scary I feel like I'm going crazy. I tried to tell people how I feel but they thought I was on drugs. I don't know what to do anymore to be honest.
0 likesi have had it solidly for four years, it means so much more to hear someone else talking about it.
0 likesI've suffered from depersonalization for years.. I cried to the receptionist on the phone at a therapist office - that's how desperate I was for answers as to what I was feeling. It is really the worst feeling in the world and unless the people you talk to about it have experienced it, they will never know truly what it's like. Things get better, you will have better days and worse days. Just have to do your best to cope with the weird feelings. At least that's what I do.
0 likesthis video is what helped me finally realise what is my main problem. I seem to suffer badly from a lot of similar things to you, from depersonalisation especially. I never really feel there, I don't remember a lot of things that happen. I often can just see me living my life, but I'm not living it. It makes life very difficult, especially school. I don' t know when or how to combat this and get over it, but I'm lucky enough to have a few people to help (thanks l <3). I need help, I really do. but dodie you've helped. Maybe we can get through this together.
0 likesi've felt like that. i've like i'm in a movie watching myself go through the motions of the day. i feel like i'm watching my friends talk to me and watching everyone go around which means i'm literally surprised when i have to speak
0 likesUgh, I've had depersonalisation once or twice. Its the most terrifying thing ever. You really feel like you're never going to be normal old you again. I've read about it on the internet too but I never talked to someone who actually experienced it before. Nice to know that I'm not alone. But not nice for you that you experience it :( Thanks for making this video.
0 likesThis was some time ago and I am very happy that Dodie is better now. Though i am just a passing comment on a past video i want to thank Dodie for making many people, including myself, feel better.
0 likesJust stummbled upon this video... dealing with depression for several years now I can relate to what you're/you were going through.
0 likesMental illness is no joke and you can't really describe it so others can understand. You just feel... unnormal and down and powerless and stuff. So I hope you are better now and that everything is okay with you now :) Really love the fact that you don't pretend to be happy or something you are not, stay awesome <3
thank you for reminding me that i am doing the right thing going to therapy even though i hate it
0 likesthank you, for putting into words what a lot of us are thinking daily. x
0 likesI haven't felt myself in months and it's so hard. I feel like I'm crazy and like I'm just stuck in this huge whirlwind of anxiety and not feeling myself and I don't know what to do.
0 likesLately this has been happening to me and I didn't know what it is till i watched this... makes a lot of sense now
0 likeshow did I miss this video... how... I feel like an ass for not being there for you. I adore you so much . seeing you sad is heart wrenching. dodie I love you be strong because you're a beautiful person.
0 likesoh man, i bursted out crying >< when you said you're probably thinking Dodie stop being silly etc i was like I AM NO WHERE NEAR THINKING THIS I AM THINKING DODIE THANK GOD I'M NOT ALONE QQ
0 likesYou'll be ok, hard work and love. And you're not crazy ;p You're just having a hard time. So am I, so hugs hopefully this message makes you feel good :3
0 likesi really relate to the texts in the beginning but i always pushed it off to the side bc i have this endocrine thing that makes me emotional if my prescription is off so i never really thought about mental illness until recently and finding someone who feels the same is really comforting bc i know i'm not alone
0 likesI've had SAD since I was small, and I've struggled with depersonalization for the last few years and it won't go away.
0 likesI so relate to this video. And I haven't gotten to the point of depression (yet) but I have recently had a mental breakdown because I just felt like myself as I was years ago and as I liked myself and I hadn't felt that in such a long time that I just had a metal breakdown and broke off in tears and I was in tears the whole weekend
0 likesI am so proud of you for having this plan and getting help. It isn't easy, it's not gonna be easy, but one day, you'll wake up and realize, that you're feeling so much better, than you did back then. I am/was myself struggling with depression, social anxiety, panic attacks, bulimia and depersonalisation (which really is terrifying). I am in recovery for 2 yrs, I have even been hospitalised. And I am not okay, but I feel so much better than I did before. So if anyone of you is struggling, I promise I get better.
0 likesLately I've been feeling detached from the world and myself. I've been having troubles falling asleep and I've been scared of stupid things that wouldn't normally scare me. I know something is wrong with me. For the past half a month I've been feeling very off/detached. I haven't brought this up to anyone, but I think I should at this point. I'm not feeling any better. (Sorry I just needed to say something I don't expect anyone to reply. I just needed to let it out somehow)
1 likeI love you so much. I just want to hug you for so long. I started crying half way through the video. You are great.
0 likesive been watching 2 of your videos and i feel better knowing someone feel the same as i do. i dont know is it a good thing or no for feeling better while you on the other hand is suffering too, but having someone that has the same problem makes me feel better and not alone. i swear i dont want anybody to feel as shitty as i am right now because the feeling that i feel right now its the last thing i expect everyone to feel while i am alive. it feels like empty, i no longer cry about my problems, but when i saw your video i cried. and it was a good thing that i cried because you make me feel more normal, its better than i feel nothing. i know how you feel but please, dont give up in everything around u. please dont feel worthless or anything like that, cause i know you will pass this thing sooner💜 xx
0 likesDepersonalisation. It is the scariest thing I have ever experienced. Comes back every now and then. Makes everything so... lonely. And it's like it ensures things will remain that way. What if this is it? What if I will always see things from the outside? The closest thing I can compare it to is those dreams you wake up in that seemingly never end, you can't discern things from dream and reality.
1 likeI can recommend CBT therapy it helped me a lot when I was tuck in a deep dark hole of depression and anxiety
0 likesMy mouth fell open when you said that your doctor told you that you were making it up. It disgusts me that medical professionals have the capacity to tell their patients that they are simply not experiencing something. I know that this video is old, but for anyone watching it (and for Dodie as well if you're still struggling with this), you are real. You are experiencing this. Your feelings are real and you deserve help. As someone who has struggled (and continues to struggle) with anxiety and depersonalization, I know that it's scary, but you will be okay. I promise. Stay strong everyone!
0 likesI've experienced probably the same exact thing she has, I am not sure because I don't have the lexicon to describe it accurately and thoroughly haha. But hearing from her and all you guys makes me feel so much better because it makes me feel like I am not as insane as I thought as I was. So thank you for sharing your experience, Dodie, and everyone else!! :D
0 likesso I feel like I've been dealing with anxiety for a very very long time. I don't just get worried about things, I completely obsess over them to the point of not being about to talk or think about anything else for days, and I have experienced panic attacks due to this. I also get very bad crowd anxiety to the point where I can no longer go to concerts without having a panic attack. I read symptoms of anxiety and I literally feel every single one... but it doesn't impact my life "enough" for me to feel like I should go to a doctor.
0 likesmy question here is do I go to a doctor anyway and stop this before it gets worse? the only issue is my mum, who I am very close with, has a very shaded view of mental illness and, unless a person is acc "crazy", she doesn't think mental illness exists in the same way that physical illnesses do.
so idk what to do... can someone give me some advice maybe? thanks xxx
I feel the same as this but I didn't know what it meant...thanks you
1 likeI think it's nice to see you open up, yes it hurts to see you nearly cry and be so upset. But honestly it makes me feel better. To see someone I love and care about so much have been through the same things as me and I have been going to a therapist councillor person and she thinks I'm either autistic or have depersonalisation, it's scary right now but whilst you're here and I can see that it's helping. I have you showing us that it's ok to be not ok and I have my friends who have depression and anxiety and autism. It helps to see that maybe I'm not making it up even if people are telling me I am. Thank you dodie your helping a lot xx
0 likesIt gives me so much comfort that someone with depersonalisation can be so positive and achieve so many amazing things, you honestly are an inspiration. I haven't had a whole lot of social interaction for the past few years apart from close friends and family, and have been off work for a while because of a breakdown which caused depersonalisation. I actually managed to find the courage and apply for my first job in 3 years the other day and have been offered an interview, which i'm very very nervous about because it's so difficult to think straight, but this video has honestly been such a comfort knowing that I'm not alone
0 likesokay, i have an issue. i've been pretty badly depressed for a while now, and it's taken a long time but i've finally come to terms with it and stopped denying it. i have a lot of symptoms, and it took me a while, but i realised that that's what it was. i really want to go to therapy bc i think it will help with my depression, but i'm really scared to ask my mum because we haven't talked about anything like that, like, ever, and i'm scared she'll think i'm making it up, which she probably won't, but i still can't stop thinking she will. and i know in the logical part of my brain that therapy will help me, but some part of me gets REALLY panicky about the thought of telling anyone but my friends about how i feel. i know i need to tell my mom that i'm depressed, but
0 likes1. i'm 12 so she may think it's a phase (which is unlikely but still)
2. we haven't really talked about stuff like that, and while i am open about liking girls (i've told my mum about girls i've had crushes on and even asked her permission to date one of my friends before when she asked me out, to which my mum said yes), i have no idea how to approach her about something like this
3. again, the panicky thing. my heart is racing at even the thought of telling my mum. it's probably totally irrational, because my mum is great and really accepting, but as we've never discussed mental illness before, i have NO IDEA how she will react, and that's what's scary.
can anyone help me? i really think therapy will be a good idea but i need to ask my mum first. does anyone have any suggestions?
Thank you Dodie!
0 likesmarge simpson. - literally, how does Dodie continue being so cute and funny when she is feeling like this?
0 likeswhenever i experience depersonalization it's like im watching myself from the outside and everything around me is just a lesser version of itself? like sounds are duller and i can't properly focus on things, kind of like a dream effect filter in a movie or something. it feels like im in an alternate universe of what i remember the world being like. im not sure if that makes sense but it's the best way of describing it.
0 likesI almost started crying through this
0 likesThank you. Thank you so so much for sharing this.
0 likeshello! I just wanted to say I understand and can relate to this a lot, please know you're not alone and you can do this love 💕 take care of yourself, excersize, eat healthy and preach that self love, run yourself a hot bath and have some tea !
0 likesI'm dealing with anxiety and depression and it sucks because I can't tell my parents because they 'don't believe in mental illnesses' and im not close enough to my friends to feel able to talk about it I just feel so alone
1 likeever since i began watching my fave youtuber, I've been really depressed. no one understands how i feel and they keep pushing me away purely bc they cba to help me. im really really scared, and i cant tell my parents how i feel as they will tell me its nothing or im making it up and wont let me get help 😖
0 likesyou are allowed to cry in front of your audience. you are allowed to take time away from YouTube. know that depression takes time as well anxiety. you have taken bigger steps than I would have. thank you for being role model for me.
0 likesOMG i just sometimes feel exactly the same!!!!!!! <3
0 likesI love you, Dodie ❤️
0 likesI've never never seen anyone really talk about depersonalization or disassociation, so thanks for this. I havent had to deal with really bad depersonalisation in a year or two but, it was really good (?) to hear someone talk about it so frankly and honestly about how weird and crazy and floaty it all feels. And I wish you so so much good luck! I just really really appreciate this video. I hope youre feeling a little more real these days. I feel like I have so much more to say but basically just thank you for being so real (lol), and thank you for making this video and talking about a less common side of mental illness and for being brave enough really, cause talking about it can be really terrifying? But yes, I really appreciate this video a lot
0 likesI feel this so often
0 likesI'm 14 and a while ago I had a few days of feeling very strange. I wasn't sad it was just nothingy, and I felt like I was up in the sky watching myself walk around instead of being in my own body. It wasn't an out of body experience or something, it was like I had been replaced with an airy high person. It was very strange, and worrying. I don't know.
0 likesHi to whoever is reading this, I want to share my story so far.
1 likeSchool as been dreadful to me, I've lost my friends.... I feel like as if I don't even exist. I hated when people pitied me. Its absolute trash, I wanted something better. I feel like no one cares about me. Usually I'd sit by myself and mutter things to myself. I was insecure. Pretty much I'd give all my food away 'til i was left with fruit. One day I just thought about school and how mad I was at myself! I was crying because I feared everyone hated me. Now you may not agree with me but I've learned friends are never there for you.... Except family. I'm still getting used to build myself up again, but yeah. Thats my story, bye!
i actually relate to this so much 😓
0 likesdodie what you just described is scarily similar to what I'm feeling right now. i went into collage the other day and was asked if i had done drugs my concentration was completely gone and i felt to disconnected it really hit me then that there is something wrong but i just cant even bring myself to get help. you saying this has helped me realise that im not alone and it is real and im not just losing it. thank you
0 likesI get so angry over doctors that say mental illness isn't real, because it is and when you are in that situation all you need is help. <3
1 likeI am so fortunate to have grown up in a family and community where mental health was, for the most part, understood and accepted. I have been seeing a qualified psychologist for four years and a school councillor previous to that and have recently started medication to control my anxiety as I am about to enter some major life changes. I thoroughly appreciate that you have made a video about this (even if I'm a bit late to find it) and that you are able to talk about it at the beginning stages of receiving help because it allows people who have never been told that it's okay to get help, to have the courage to recognise and sort out their own issues. Maintaining your mental health is so important and I love seeing people like yourself, use their platform to discuss it openly; so thank you.
0 likesDodie I love youuuu!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know this comment is hella late but I can relate to you. It has never gone to your level but it has gotten it close and then I am usually able to get it away before it gets serious. But I love you! And thank you for being you! I love your videos! All of it makes me so happy! Your voice alone just cheers me up and keeps me from crying on my most depressed days.
0 likesomg i thought i was one of the only people with this.honestly i feel like that at times.
0 likesI'm really scared of getting a doctor, but it's inevitable. The only therapist I ever trusted was only allowed to give me 6 sessions since it was through my schooling and I am now bejng referred to a therapist outside of school. She would be the fourth one I've been to yet my previous one is the only one I feel like I only ever had faith in. It's so daunting to know it's possible I could never see her again, I don't want to feel alone anymore but in some strange way it's like I'm scared to be happy - it's like I've been so used to being depressed and in the dark for so long that I know if someone turns on a light it's going to hurt my eyes. I feel like I'm going insane, I've been diagnosed with severe depression, social anxiety, body dysmorphia and acute ocd. I don't want to be defined by my mental health issues, but it's like they're the only thing I know now. I just don't want to be alone - I honestly can't see a way out of this. I just wish I wasn't me.
2 likesReplies (1)
Hey there bud, YOU aren't defined by your mental health issues, they are just shaping your view on the world a lot right now. But you as a person are a lot more than that! You have a lot more things to give the world, and to get from it, and those things can happen whether you have mental illnesses or not. I'm really sorry you're having to leave a therapist who you've connected with and who's helping you, that's really sad. Can you talk to her about whether you might be able to contact her in the future, or if she can at least give you some advice on how to ask for the things you need from your next therapist? It's understandable to feel scared about the idea of suddenly coming out of the darkness, but it's not really going to feel like that - these things change gradually (and that's how you know they're sustainable - little steps that lead to steady change), so you'll have time to adjust. You might possibly already be taking some of those steps now yourself, if your therapist has been helpful. It's going to take time, but you can make it... there are a lot more things you have yet to be, and some of them are going to be really wonderful.
0 likesI understand what you mean, Dodie. I don't often feel "out of it", as you described, but I do feel like it sometimes. The depression and anxiety usually don't surface until I'm alone, which makes it super difficult to show anyone how crap I'm really feeling. I only ended up actually trying to make a difference when I tried to hurt myself at work for more-or-less 4 straight hours. I went to a doctor about a year ago, but she didn't think I had any problems, and gave me the number for Let's Talk (basically, Let's Talk helps you with your mental health issues. I think) (also note: since I was feeling pretty darned crap, being given a phone number to call was... to put it simply, bloody terrifying). I went to a group session on negative thinking - helped a teeny, tiny bit, I guess. I'm now taking St John's Wort, a herbal antidepressant (basically. It's not exactly a herbal antidepressant, but it's used to relieve anxiety and low mood. I'm on the high strength ones), and I feel okay. Not 100%, but better. I had a good couple of weeks where I felt... normal. I felt happy, and could experience things the way I wanted. I even felt proud of myself sometimes, which is bloody amazing. I think it's just general hormones that have brought my good mood to a halt recently, to be honest. Well, I hope. I really was enjoying feeling happy.
0 likesSooooo yeah. To anyone who happens to be scrolling through the comments (and Dodie :D), if you feel like crap, or you even suspect something might be wrong but are opposed to seeing a professional for whatever reason, I would recommend at least giving St John's Wort a try. Even if it does nothing for you, at least you can say you tried to make yourself feel better <3
I have crippling social anxiety and have struggled with depression since I was 13, self-harm since I was 14, and depersonilasation since I was 15. My parents don't really understand mental health and don't seem to grasp how much I'm suffering going to a large high school. I have had many panic attacks during which I feel like I am dying and going crazy. We are no longer able to afford therapy and my mum mon't let me take medication because she thinks I don't need it despite what my doctor said.
0 likesI really can't believe how much I relate to you.
0 likesThis had literally been the worst year of my life 😒 literally 5 days in and something happened that I got blamed for when I was the victim, but since then, my heads just had a cloud blocking everything and I've pretty much just felt depressed and like crap
0 likesI feel like that but not to where it's debilitating. I feel like everyone is real and I'm nothing. It's not something you can turn off. There are many things wrong, I need to work on my brain but I need to get out of this place to do so.
0 likesCheers, dodie, hope you find your happiness.
I've been sleeping very bad over the last few weeks and last thursday I started feeling really weird, like everything I said wasn't coming from my mouth and it felt like everybody was constantly looking at me and if I did or said something I immediatly doubted if it really happened. It was like I was living in this cloudy world and I felt like crying the entire day and I didn't know why. That night I typed into google: I feel like I'm living in a dream, what is happening? and the first thing that came up was depersonalisation and then I remembered watching this video and I watched it again and I got really really scared, especially the messages at the beginning sound like the thing I experienced. And I know that this may be just a temporary thing or maybe it's the lack of sleep or the fact that I don't live close to my family anymore, but I now know it can last for years and that makes me so scared. I want to be me again..
0 likesi've watched this so many times. this video is a bit old so you might not even see this, but this video gives me so much comfort. knowing other people feel this craziness too is strangely consoling. i absolutely love your videos because you're so real and down to earth and watching your videos makes me feel a bit better. i'm so so sorry that you're going through this, too. does therapy help? i really want to start seeing a therapist, but i'm not even sure what my problem is so i don't know how they could help me, ya know? anyway, thank you for existing and for making videos like this--hopefully we can all get through this together :)
0 likesI have panic attacks and I know exactly what theyre about. A secret I've told nobody ever and I want to tell people but I just can't I will never. I'd like to try therapy but I always feel like I'm just always nagging and I don't want to talk about my problems idk I just I feel like how dodie described in her texts
0 likesI was 11 when i first got depression and i am 13 now,and i overcame it kind of and i see it as an achievement now like i MADE myself believe I wasnt crazy and DIDNT need help and that these are just thought and i dont need to be loved by someone to live and that I AM stronger than a silly thought in my head and jus BELIEVED in myself to overcome it and now whenever it comes back i thinkIm stronger than this i can do this i control me not a feeling So its okay to cry i tend to do it out of sight and be sad let it all out BUT just believe in yourself (sounds cringey-IT DOES WORK THO) and ITLL GET BETTER :)
0 likesI have anxiety and depression, but have learned to deal with it for the most part. when I get real bad, I have a couple friends I can talk to
0 likesDid anybody feel this way while in pospartum depression? im going thru this. i literally think im insane. i was about to leave my family n baby. cuz this its just too much
0 likesthankyou for posting this! I have issues with all of these things so thankyou
0 likesOkay so I watched this video when it first came out and was one of those people that didn't really understand it but I came back to watch it because recently I've had periods of time when my hands or my feet don't feel like mine and I'm all numb. Idk why I'm sharing this with the internet but my grandad died of cancer right before Christmas and when I came back to school I had exams so I was just like ahh major anxiety and then the 'depersonalisation' started (I don't want to call it that because idk if it is that) but yeah like in the exams I felt like it wasn't me writing or I feel like I come out of a room and everything is too bright and too fake and I'm just numb. It's so scary because everyone else can carry on as normal whereas I know that it's not normal
0 likes'Here's the thing, I am alive, I can breath, and eat and talk and sleep and see and feel. And objectively I am fine, so why am I not?' ouch, I feel this too much
0 likesI really should be sleeping rn but I'm glad I didn't go to sleep early otherwise I may have never come across this channel or video. I relate a lot rn to everything you said and I'm glad you openly talked about your mental health issues as there's such an unnecessary stigma surrounding it still. Hope you are feeling more yourself now and/or have lots of supportive people around you. I'd like to end this with one of my favourites quotes which you may or may not like... "It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.” - Krishnamurti ☮♥
0 likesI'm in the face of depression. I feel it coming, I know that it will arrive soon. I'm just dealing with so many things, I feel like a ticking time bomb and soon I'll explode or fall apart. one of my friends cuts and it's partially my fault, another friend has anorexia, I have a crush on my best friend, I have terrible insomnia, I have awful self esteem, and JUST TODAY I found out that my grandma only has a few months to live before she dies of Leukemia. honestly, I feel like I can't hold up anymore.
0 likesI know how you feel...I am going through same thing...
0 likesI have the exact same issue. is it depersonalization? is it just lack of sleep? what is it?! I can never understand why i feel so off.. and weird.. but i relate so much. i know its so hard to talk to people but I am always here and your fan base is fucking amazing! i wish i had this support. I love you dodie. We love you.
0 likesI completely understand. You are so strong for getting a doctor and making this video. The exact feelings you have are not fictitious, and you are not going crazy. I am so sorry you also have to to deal with this, but you are so strong and beautiful and one day you will see the stars sky and the sun and stars again and not feel the weight of life on you chest, and you'll be able to smile and laugh again. Don't give up. There is a way out. :)
0 likeshappening to me right now... how do i calm down? 😱😓😥😰
1 likeive had depersonalization for 4 years now 24/7 and at this point i dont know whats real or not
0 likesWhenever dodie even gets on the BRINK of crying I start crying, what's happened to me
0 likesReplies (1)
Layla N cherish that
0 likesDear Doddie,
0 likesHello I am a 11 year old girl and I go to a counselor for my anxiety and because sometimes I feel like I want to die I don't know why I feel this way but I do. I do not have schizophrenia but there is just a little voice that pops into my head at times and says "I want to die" and "just stop torturing yourself and end it" and because I don't feel welcomed or safe here on earth, but you and a lot of other you tubers have helped me in staying happy though I am still going through this I just wanted you to know how much you have helped me and one day I hope to meet you (and the company of Hamilton) even if you live in England and I live in Texas.
~ a lonely potato
Dear Doddie,
0 likesHello I am a 11 year old girl and I go to a counselor for my anxiety and because sometimes I feel like I want to die I don't know why I feel this way but I do. I do not have schizophrenia but there is just a little voice that pops into my head at times and says "I want to die" and "just stop torturing yourself and end it" and because I don't feel welcomed or safe here on earth, but you and a lot of other you tubers have helped me in staying happy though I am still going through this I just wanted you to know how much you have helped me and one day I hope to meet you (and the company of Hamilton) even if you live in England and I live in Texas.
~ a lonely potato
its so weird how much i relate to you...im kinda sad that i didnt find you earlier
0 likesI get tho. my mum always tells I'm making everything up but I'm not. I know I'm not. you don't just randomly start hyperventilatingm you don't think like, yolo I'd like to hyperventilate now let's do it, when you're sitting in class or at a party. Finally took a step to get help
0 likesi depersonalize on a daily basis and it lasts almost the entire day lmao fun times
0 likesYou don't know how much this helped me
0 likesI hate how I always feel the only thing that helps me is YouTube and dodie that's exactly how I feel everyone else I see through a window even if I'm outside their not me I'm not them they are normal and I'm a robot and I hate it and I hope you can get better dodie 💖
0 likesI have depression when im at school, i had friends, a lot of friends, but now in 7th grade i feel like i have no friends. They still talk to me, but i feel like they talk about me behind my back. At home on the weekends i feel so very happy. I dont know. My mom said that both sides of my family has a history of depression
0 likesi derealize a lot (which is sort of similar but without the out of body thing) and recently it's been really bad. when i watched this i just started sobbing because of this ME TOO feeling and i lost it when she started crying wow. I'm so sorry dodie, i get it (ish) and its awful and i hate it too and want it to go away too
0 likesCBT is amazing. That's all I can say xxx
0 likesOn Christmas I felt alone and confused. I put on the happy emotion. What I mean by the happy emotion is what I call a Fake emotion. I don't remember how being happy felt. So what I do is smile and laugh. Yes I do laugh and enjoy myself but once I'm done being "happy" I feel so horrible. Like I'd done something really wrong. This happened at least two months ago and it wasn't that bad, I mean it was bad for the first week but after a while I got used to it. At least four days ago (The day before Christmas Eve) It got at least 80-90 percent worse and I feel so fucking strange. I can't speak to my mum because she doesn't understand and she would cry. My dad has been suffering with depression for a few years but I can't talk to him. My girlfriend doesn't understand although I explained it all to her. I've been listening to Secret For the Mad on repeat and it's helping.
0 likesI
Am
Alone
it's so strange to me, not in a bad way, but in a curious way. cuz I used to have the opposite feelings of this, from the time I was about 10 up to last year I struggled with this thing that convinced me that everyone around me was a projection of my imagination and everyone was a robot and I was the only real human. I'm not sure why it happened but it did a few times a year. it hasn't happened in a long while and I think I'm getting healthier mentally because I now have genuine friends who are lovely and adoring. I don't know what my point of this was. I hope you are getting better. You are truly one of my biggest inspirations in life. <3
0 likesI'm sad, I tell my self that I'm ok. I try to describe my feelings but I just end up making everything worse. I keep pushing it aside because I think it will get better. I don't know what to do. Everything is just a mess. I'm afraid to talk to people about it because I keep telling my self that what I feel isn't reel. But, if these feelings aren't reel why do I ceep crying. It's my fault for feeling this way, I don't know how to fix it.
0 likesI've been having panic attacks about death and just an overall existential crisis for about...well honestly I can't remember when it started. They've just kind of always been there. I also find myself half of the time, feeling no emotions whatsoever. I just feel nothing. I'm not happy or mad or sad or hungry or tired...And on top of all of that, I get these weird instances (kind of like how you described, Dodie) how you are there, but not really. I can still feel and see and hear, but it almost feels like anything I do has no consequences or reactions. I can't ever explain it...the best I can do is say it feels like a dream, a dream that is terrifying enough to be a nightmare because you feel trapped and nothing can pull you out of your delusion or...whatever the hell it is.
0 likesBut the worst thing is, whenever I try to talk to anyone about it: friends, parents or others who are close to me, they all don't understand or take it seriously. "It's just a teenager thing." "Everyone goes through that, just stop thinking about it."
What am I supposed to do?
I feel this too
0 likesi hope everything goes better doddie, i also kinda felt the same and cant figure out what is it that i'm experiencing, i know im not happy it's just recently i realize that i feel depressed, empty, and all of that after kinda ignoring those feeling for a year or two, plus having a mid life crisis, and someone really important died, wow.. i can't even, but i hope everything goes well for you!
0 likesi started crying near the end
0 likesI've been feeling similar to you and would like to start making youtube videos to kind of talk about it and maybe just do some fun things.. could you do a video showing your set up?
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Jillian Ellis if you ever wanna talk about it, feel free to message me @meepismeeptastic. I feel exactly like dodie and I would love to talk to someone and not feel alone for once...
1 likeomg I love dodie so much ;-; <33
1 likeI feel the same way
0 likesthis is gonna sound weird but I'm sure it's probably completely normal (I've never told anyone about this before though) But like sometimes when I am doing something really exciting that I never thought I'd be able to do (for example when I finally found my dream horse and test rode her for the first time before I bought her) for a few seconds I always have this weird out of body feel where I feel kinda dizzy and in my head I'm like "wow I can't believe this is really happening" and questions myself on whether I'm actually just dreaming it all or not
0 likesThere's an app called Smiling Mind that's really helpful for me :)
0 likesI wish I didn't know you what your talking about but I door and now I'm watching someone I love feel the exactly the same way and don't how to stop it or fix it.
0 likesSo I am literally bawling because for once someone is describing what have been trying to describe for months and, it's so scary. I'm young. 13 years old young. I am so terrified about what is happening to me. I remember one day I didn't know how to function correctly. It was like I had lost all my coordination and my eyes were wobbly and I just remember crying all day. I have this constant feeling like, me, myself, I'm in a cloud in the sky hovering and flying over top of my body just watching me go through life, without, anything. It is really scary and i don't know who I am, or what I am anymore. Like somedays I wonder if this is even real life or if it's a dream, or if I died in my dreams and this is the afterlife taking me through everything that has already happened. I am just really scared Doddie.
0 likesIgnorant therapists are honestly very damaging and invalidating to those who are suffering mental illness, but to reiterate Dodie YOUR PROBLEMS ARE NOT INSIGNIFICANT THEY ARE VALID AND YOU DESERVE HELP, HEALTH AND HAPPINESS
0 likesI pray all you younger [OR ANY AGE] people can accept these problems are real...if you feel anything is different, odd or scary, or intrusive, depressing or making you feel a panicky feeling...because today in 2017 so much is now medically known and so much progress has been made in the studies of mental illness. There are good treatments now and new ways to cope. You are not alone! NEVER GIVE UP HOPE.
0 likesdodie I love you!
0 likesI have a lot of symptoms for depression (for 2 Month now) but I haven't the worst ones like suicidal thoughts. And I don't know what I should do now bc my parents wont take ma serious, they'll just laugh at me and say that I'm too young (I'm 15) and I haven't any problems, I have though.
0 likesDoes someone know what I should do? It really botheres me.
I also feel a lot like I'm seeking attention or something like that
80% of ppl saying they feel the same have twenty one pilots on their profile pictures
0 likesdamn it skeleton clique were broken people
stay alive i love and i wish u good ❤
ive been trying to get help, and my mom took me to a therapist who told me that if i cut myself i would just heal back up, and so i stopped talking to people about it because my mom calls it a "poor me phase" and just doesnt understand, help please
0 likesI just constantly feel so different.Like it's consuming me and the only thing I can hear and see and feel is just, I don't even know it's just a constant feeling of not even knowing what I'm feeling andI just feel so useless and worthless.
0 likesI just can't even get happy, lets take Christmas for example, lats year I was so excited for it I liked to spend time with my family and my brother an laugh with my sister and then this years Christmas came around and I didn't care, now this may be just because I'm getting old and it's less exciting and I didn't want to be wth people I just wanted to stay in my room and play the keyboard, then my brother came it and we started to play piano and I realised what I was feeling.I felt like I was missing something yet I had no idea what I was missing then christmas was over and I was lying in my bed and i just kinda just let some tears out nad I hate that I've let it get to the point were I finally realise I'm not okay.I keep obsessing over my onw thoughts and I constantly feel like I just aren't alive because what the point I hate going outside or hanging with friends cause I'm scared and nervous that I'm gonna do something wrong.I've realise how little life that I have and how the best moments can go by so fuc8ng fast, I just don't want it anymore.I just want to be sitting on my parks swings with my best friend next to me and some of my other friends on the other swings as we watch the boys(one of wich I may have a crush on) play football or mess around.I don't care if I'm happy or confused or sad I just want to feel somthing again.I'm sorry that this made no sense I'm just trying to make sense of my thought.'My thoughts are stars i can't fathom into constellations'
Breane (a youtuber) also has depersonalization. Check out her channel
0 likeslaugh about it: helps me 9,5/10 times
0 likesYour such a sweet person.
0 likestrust me, it does get better. it takes a lot of time, but it will get better.
0 likesis this a thing? depersonalization? i feel it alot, like it's not real, and it's odd and just kinda uncomfortable and makes me feel unreal. i really relate to Dodie on the level about the past and just wanted to go back but time passes is fast and there's no way to just stop and i hate thinking about that because it makes me want to cry. i wanna go back to when i was little and lived with my dad. ugh.
0 likes"Just turn it off. Just shut up. Just stop talking about it. Stop obsessing over it. You're attention-seeking, you're making this up, and you're making yourself believe that you're ill." sounds like something straight from that lil voice in my brain~
0 likespoor baby, shes shaking god i want to hold her :c
1 likeHi Dodie, I am Piper and I am going to be 13 on March 24, I have depression and anxiety and I don't really know what to do about it?? I have told my mom and I have gotten a doctor and a therapist but it's not working?? I know this is an old video but if you see this comment I would love some advice, Thank you!
0 likesAnyone with depersonalization
0 likesIs not crazy
Your actually completely fine but you not understand how.
I would go to a therapist and we do have a councillor at school and a couple of my friends go to her but they have told me that it doesn't help and it stresses them out when they talk to her and she asks them personal questions. I have been putting it off cause I hate opening up to people and I have serious trust issues because of a few thing in the past and I don't think therapists help at all. It might just be me but I'm terrified of talking to strangers about my life and my personal issues. I wish there was an alternative to therapy that I could do and it could have the same effect.
0 likesHi. Idk if anyone is going to see this or not but sometimes I just start sweating and start having trouble with breathing . And I sometimes feel like all my friends and family all of a sudden just hate me . And even if people compliment me, I don't feel "pretty" and just not myself and I just live in the past. What do I have then?
0 likesi really want to hug her oh my god
0 likesplease, could you let me know what do you usually eat during the day, and for the past week. it's definitly some food that affect your gut health. please let me know.
0 likesI'm a very joyful person and I have depersonalisation it's horrible !! the worst time I had it was the other day when I asked my crush out (she said yes😍😂) but the whole time I was just spaced out and confused and seems it was the other day even to now I'm thinking 'is she actually my girlfriend?' 'Is she a real person ' and it's so scary and horrible!! Xx
0 likesCrying is ok! Let it out!
0 likesI don't feel like I would be anyone or anything without whatever I have my 'demons' I guess. I don't know who I would be I just feel like I couldn't possibly exist without them and I don't know what to do about that because if I get rid of them then I just won't be anyone I just don't know what to do but I really hope that she is feeling better
0 likesThank you.
0 likesdodie, mental illnesses suck. But that doesn't mean you aren't normal. It also doesn't mean you can't do normal things. For me, the best advice I could say is to surround yourself with positive people, so when you're alone, you're thinking about the things that you and someone talked about, rather than all of the reasons why life sucks. It's something that helps me, I also take medicine to help me get to sleep faster so when I'm not thinking about the things I did that day, I'm sleeping. Dodie I really hope you feel better about this and are able to find a coping method. I'm still looking for one, but hopefully this will all change soon.
0 likesMy mum always said to fake it till you make it which i know is a business term but it might help...
1 likehey comments sorry for interrupting your scrolling and feel free to ignore me.
0 likeslately I've felt like I can't feel I don't find things funny or sad or happy or emotional. I just feel dull. like a light that's going out. I'm only 14 so don't know what to do but I know this isn't normal. my mum suffers from depression and I don't feel close enough to any of my friends to make them understand. they would think im making it up. I feel alive but not human like I have no emotions. it's horrible and sad and I don't know how to cope. school pressure is adding to this feeling and I don't feel like there's an escape. I feel bored and tired and not completely sane. I feel I'm acting all the time and don't know what to do
if you have denationalization issue's maybe its not the best idea to have a social media personality for now, just a thought
1 likeI feel like i am literally going mad. Its because of a a bully who won't leave me alone. My stomach hurts and i feel like kinda killing myself and I've never felt this way before and its like i am gonna pop and explode or somethnig. yup... i think i'm crazy
0 likes❤️
1 likeI have depersonalization disorder .
0 likesCan someone please explain depersonalisation to me? I still don't really get what it is.
0 likesReplies (1)
Oliver Seddon ok I experience it quite a lot and basically imagine that you always feel tired and drunk and you just want to feel sober again. It also affects your memories so they feel like dreams and what is real and what isn’t sort of mix and your brain just goes fuzzy for a while
0 likesNot all of this is mental... A lot of this is physical, check out Wernicke-Korsakoff syndrome.
0 likesI have derealization & De(e)p ersonalization
0 likesI’m doing horrible with this 😔
0 likesCheck out this free audio book on youtube. "the power of your subconscious mind" by dr. joceph murphy. I don't believe the bible parts but is otherwise a great book.
0 likesWhat is normal🤔 is it what society thinks is acceptable
0 likesim only 14 so i might be making shit up or being stupid and making assumptions but i think i have depersonalization? I have two types, like sometimes when its more mild i just feel like Im in locked in a tiny tiny box inside my body and I'm gonna wake up any minute, and then when it gets bad (which is usually when im really tired , sometimes combined with an adrenaline rush) i feel like like floating above myself and the world and I lose control over everything thing I say and do, which usually goes away after i sleep and then im back to the first feeling?
0 likesIt’s my bday and I’m sobbing at night since I’m depressed. I hate it
1 likeReplies (1)
Kate Weibel happy birthday, stay strong. Sounds like really cheesy advice but please stay strong you'll come out of this
0 likesDid she surpassed it?Ihave the same thing and this week its so bad, if shes ok now ill get hope
0 likesAnd it hurts and I spend my days crying and some days not feeling at all. And everyday feeling like I'm not real like I'm looking through a window or I'm not sure how to explain. No one reads the comments anyway. I am in so much pain and I don't know how to feel it anymore.
0 likesReplies (1)
I read the comments. How's it going?
0 likesGuys I need your help.
0 likesI'm someone who overanalyzes a lot and feels like shit everyday. When I'm happy, I forget that I feel like shit (it's like a distraction) but when the happy moments are gone, I'm just left with worthlessness and self-doubt.there are times when i'm happy, but sometimes I remember that I am happy and it makes me guilty being happy and I feel like i deserve to be miserable. So I overanalyze again and I can't have fun and be happy without feeling guilty and everything is just shitty. And at those really bad moments where I experience emotional, mental and/or physical distress, I just sort of space out. Like I know it hurts but it doesn't hurt as much as my feelings. Like this is the primary reason why self harming doesn't work for me because I just kinda space out when I go through physical pain that's extreme (I have a low pain tolerance) and it doesn't distract me from my emotional pain. I know I need some kind of psychological help but I don't know what it is. Like I don't have a label for it and I'm just confused.
Replies (1)
I can relate to the feeling happy when you're distracted part. It's like, "you were laughing with your friends a few hours ago, you can't be that unhappy. Get a grip." But then if I have to drive or something and can't distract myself, I end up a bawling mess. I'd really like to stop feeling so terrible.
0 likesIt's been a month since you commented. How's it going?
I'm just upset and angry about the stupidest things and I wanna scream and yell and throw things, and stay in bed forever and forget about school and people and everything.
0 likesI'm crying I can't breathe
0 likesNothing makes sense to me anymore. Not only do I not feel like others or myself is real but I also feel like what will happen when we die none of this makes sense will it ever ? Is this all s dream?
0 likes💛💛💛💛💛
0 likesyou are gorgeous!!! :)
0 likesSame shit i fell now
0 likesDo you have nerve pain?
0 likesthe best way to treat all these problems is CBT, you can put your attention to this branch of psychotheraphy.
0 likesIs anyone else jealous? Not because she has this but because she can get help, I’ve told my parents I feel empty and sad all the time and I get panic attacks but they just say I need more sleep and need to do more exercise, personally it doesn’t help and I just wanna know what’s wrong with me, I just want to go to the doctor and know what’s wrong with me
0 likesI'm so scared I might make it up..
0 likesWhen I feel depressed or I have anxiety I can't think straight or people want to think for me or tell me what to do or they make me nervous or get after me why can't they let me handle it I don't need there advice on how to take my deportation or anxiety away I just need someone to lisson to me and try to understand so then why do I ask them
0 likesthis is kinda irrelevent but does anyone like, actually convince themselves that someone they care about (for me its always this girl i have a crush on) is watching them? like, just from their house on a tv. they are watching me go about my day, and it just makes me feel less lonely? i sound crazy but idk like i know they obviously arent watching me but at the same time whenever im alone i am just so convinced and just feel them watching me and i feel much less alone. idk i think im just weird
0 likesReplies (2)
emilie omg wtf YESS!! I’ve never wanted to tell anyone coz I thought they’d think I was insane
1 likeemilie I felt this starting around 16 or so. I’m 35 now. And your comment made such a great connection to me and how I felt. I didn’t know how to describe it to anyone because it was so weird, but I’m seeing this now. With your comment as a big helper! I wonder- what caused my brain to shift this way?
1 likeRelatable!!
0 likesHow did the doctor help?
0 likesi know this is late, and you are probably not even reading this but Dodie, please don't pretend. i have learnt this. i pretended for years then there was this one person, someone i love and care about and one day it just all came out. nothing was right, and she helped. I'm not going to say I'm fine now, because I'm not, in fact at the moment I'm pretty bad, but I'm talking to her, and I'm being kind to myself. i want to dislike this video because i don't want to like something that is so horrible and bad. so I'm not going to like or dislike it, sorry. i wanted to say how much you have inadvertently helped me by just posting such realistic and relate-able videos that make so much sense and are so true. so yeah...be kind to yourself and thank you SO much!
0 likesI love you!!!
0 likes❤
0 likeshow does one get help if their parents don't believe in mental illness?
0 likesIm 17 and have had depression and anxiety for a few years now. Its so hard to put most of the symptoms in to words. Anyone else whos going through this as well stay strong you just have to keep fighting and eventually you will break free <3
1 likeThis broke my heart. Because I've been through this before. I love you, Dodie, and I hope you're better.
0 likesThank you Dodie, I needed to hear this. About two day ago I had a anxiety attack and I haven't been the same since. My mind blank and I feel like I'm a robot. But now I'm getting help so thank you so much
0 likesRecently; I've been feeling that I'm not really there and now I'm glad you've brought to light something in which you can explain this, depersonalisation
0 likes4:15 That really broke my heart, Dodie I know what it is sort of.. Cause I'm going through something quite similar to what you described and I just wanted to say that I love you and I'm happy you exist and you got me through a lot. I know you won't see this but I hope I can meet you one day. You've helped me so much thank you. <3
0 likesThank you for making this video because I feel this way! It was so crazy because hearing someone else describe it made me feel so validated! Thank you for your video! 😭💕
0 likesI'm relatively new to your channel and when listening to your songs, I noticed the continuous sad tone to them and I was honestly terrified that this was the case. I'm so, so sorry Dodie. We're all here for you. I know you can get through this 💜💜
0 likesOMG Dodie you're wonderful! Thanks for sharing this video, there's so many people out there with mental issues, anxiety, depression... I'm exactly in the same moment you're now and it really helps seeing that we're dealing with it kind of the same way. I'm sure that means we're on the right path =D
0 likesKeep it up!!
Wow, I just have to say thank you for this video.
0 likesI've known for a long time that I have depression and social anxiety, but the depersonalizations feelings that you described are similar to what I've been feeling for longer than I can remember, to varying degrees. And looking it up I'm almost entirely sure that I have depersonalization disorder or something similar. I've literally been looking for the answer to what this feeling is for so so long, having no clue why I felt like this, and finally finding an answer to it? Just wow, I'm relieved
i relate to this so much and am also finally talking to someone about it, and it feels like its helping a little bit! i'm happy you're also actively working through it also!
0 likesI watched this video before I experienced derealization. Now that i'm in the midst of this, I'm taking in this information very differently. Thank you so much for sharing your experience.
1 likeThis has helped me out more than you know. I made a video on my anxiety and I'm doing a series following my journey with mental health and I want to thank you for sharing your story. ❤️ stay strong. I know it's hard ❤️
0 likesthank you. I've known I've had depersonalization for a while but recently its heightened and watching this back has helped put into words how i feel. thank you for this. hopefully we'll be alright
0 likesI've never heard someone describe depression so in line with my personal experience with it. I'm also 22 and so much of what your saying is what I've have been working on for the last two years. Thank you Dodie, there's times when it's nice to be reminded you are not alone.
0 likesI started to feel like this a while back and I thought that I was insane and it's nice to know that I'm not alone.
0 likesI thought I was the only one, Dodie thankyou, so many times I have felt some way that my family cant relate to and I feel like I'm the only one and then I find videos of yours like this and it makes me feel so much happier to feel not as alone
0 likesThank you for sharing your experience with this, I didn't know there was a name for it until today. I have experienced things similar to this in the past but it usually only lasts for less than a few days. I find it useful to write down lists and facts about myself and my life as well as looking at photographs or spending time with my family. I've always had really strange phases where I feel super weird and disassociate myself from my surroundings wich often happens when I read a book or get into a tv show. Like I can't separate my world from the world in the book. Anyway, it's helpful to know others feel this too. Love you Dodie, :)I hope you get the help you need
0 likesI'm experiencing depersonalization from 6 months EVERYDAY, I know exactly how you feel, it sucks because you would live your life, and you know everything around is real but you can't actually feel as it is. It calmed me a little but knowing there's someone out there who feels my same way
0 likesI never knew that there is something like depersonalisation, but it just perfectly describes my feelings. I don't know what to say about it... thank you so much for putting this out in the world!
0 likesOk this is how I have been feeling for a long time. I totally feel you dodie you are not insane. I feel like I'm on another planet than everyone else it's so weird!!! Thank you for sharing this. I so appreciate it.
0 likesI just wanna say... thank you. I feel like I don't have as major problems as other people, but it's nice to see someone else dealing with anxiety and talking about it. This video really helped.
0 likesI want to thank you for speaking so openly about this
0 likesI'm 13 and I deal with depression and panic attacks and everything is so messed up right now
But I want to thank you for being so open so people who suffer mental illnesses like me know that we are not alone
I know you can't snap your fingers and make this go away but we can fight this together.
X The girl who hides behind a book X
i love this , its sort of comforting to know that i am not the only one who feels this way , last year i was so depressed and shuttered for three whole months , i got better but i still have those days where i cannot shut my mind off , when everything is just too much and sometimes you just want to go back in time when everything was haqqy and not too much. so thank you @doodlevloggle . i am even going to try vlogging , well soon
1 likeDamn. I hope you get better soon, you beautiful, talented girl. I wish I could just take the pain away from you... All I can do is send you my best wishes and love. You are amazing and you can get through this - the fact that you see your problem and are seeking help goes to show how strong you are.
0 likesThis is the most relateable video that I have ever watched. Although I was diagnosed with depersonalisation disorder years ago, this has made me realise once again that what I feel isn't "normal" and that I can't just sweep it under the rug of my anxiety disorder. I can quite clearly see that they are separate things so I can talk to my therapist about it and maybe sort it out once and for all! Thank you so much x
0 likesI'm glad that you're working to make yourself feel better. We love you, Dodie. ❤️
0 likesit pains me so much dodie to see you like this, I love you, we love you ♥♥♥
0 likesoh my god. This was so relatable for me, thanks for puting it in words xx
0 likesTwo weeks ago I moved to uni and got really homesick. My brain's reaction to moving away from home was mild depression. I wasn't enjoying the things I did before and I lost my appetite, which is drastic for me as I usually always feel like eating unless I have just had a massive meal. I felt really alone as none of my other flatmates seemed to have been negatively affected by moving to uni and I every time I was alone in my room I would be crying either silently or down the phone to my parents or on skype to my friends. This feeling of mild depression got a lot heavier after I saw my Mum for a day. My brain thought I'd be going back home with her but then we parted our separate ways at piccadilly circus station and my low feelings got even lower. I was feeling the unmovable darkness that I'd heard of but never felt myself. I was sitting with my flatmates and they were all laughing and having fun and I was sitting there silently crying. I eventually talked to one of them which was a massive help and since then I've been doing better. I guess what I'm saying is even just from that 48 hours snapshot of horrible dark hopeless depression I have become so much more aware of how hard it is. You really cannot escape it and that's what I think gets some of us stuck. It isn't a place you can leave or a person you can stop talking to. It's your brain and you start to question whether this is just you forever. But it gets better. For me, I was just not busy enough to have other distractions from the dark feelings. I'm starting my actual uni course in two days and I can't wait.
0 likesI've never been able to put it into words and this is it, thank you
0 likesI've come back to watch this after a long time. You're so brave to post this and be able to push through life and handle what you're going through. It feels so funny to say this because I've never met you, but I'm so proud of you for realizing and dealing (not dealing... but getting help) with your mental illness. Seeing that someone I look up to is also going through things like this has really helped me with getting through the days. Thank you.
0 likesYou're very strong and i'm super proud of you
0 likesI feel the exact same way, life is getting incredibly difficult
0 likes"I just wanted to get into my old bed, in my old room and feel normal again" oh my freaking god as soon as those words came out your mouth i balled my eyes out. The feels are all too real.
0 likesI already know that I have depression and anxiety and I didn't know depersonalization was a thing, and I knew that I felt disconnected but I thought I was the only one who felt like that?? Idk this video helped me understand so much. Thank you
0 likesI don't know if you read these, but I can't tell you how good it feels to not be alone. even when I don't feel like me I feel like knowing others go through the same thing helps me feel connected. I wanted to say thank you on behalf of all of us
0 likes"I will find a cure"
330 likesI wish it was that easy, you said that you're happy that some people don't understand because it means they don't feel this way and never have. To me that's one of the worst parts, people not knowing, not understanding and not even trying to understand. People only see what you let them and not what's actually going on inside and that sucks because if I have a broken arm everyone goes "ooh poor Luke he broke his arm" but when you're so depressed you don't have the energy to get out of bed but you can't even sleep people always seem to think that just "getting over it" is an option, but it's never that easy.
Even other people with mental illnesses won't be able to understand properly, depression and anxiety are different for everyone and people get it in different severities and none of it is fair at all.
More often than I'd care to admit I'll end up crying and screaming begging to know why I'm not normal, wanting to know why it happened to me, what I did to deserve it all but because they are questions without answers it usually just makes me feel worse. I know I'm far from perfect and I know I'm an asshole but I still feel like I don't really deserve everything that has happened to me, and I know I need to talk about it more but when I say thing like this fact to face to someone I either shut down and can't say anything or just cry. I try to joke about everything because that makes it somewhat easier but when it comes to my childhood even trying to joke about it often breaks me. I don't want to just complain to everyone but I know I need to learn to be more open but in my defence, I'm much more open about life than I use to be but I don't like feeling that all I'm I doing is complain to everyone
Sorry if anyone actually read all of this I just needed to vent
Replies (12)
Lepong20 im here, u can vent, and just to let you know, we love you, and u are strong :3
4 likesYou can vent whenever you want here! :)
1 likei read it too and it's so accurate but everything has an end remember that. -we are all here if u ever need to vent some more, u can even vent to me personally if u want to:)))
8 likesBea Dero You have a cool name.
1 likepahaha really? always hated it, but thanks :)
1 likeThis is very accurate to how I feel
1 likeLepong20 it's okay, i feel the exact same way. I understand everything you said. Every time I'm in therapy I am starting ro cry because she makes me realize things that happened to me in the past that I've pushed away for 6 years. And she makes me talk about my feelings and I just can't handle that. An plus that I have anxiety and depression problems (things that she is not seeing) I'm thinking: wow she must be totally pissed that you cry every time you see her. Even though she says it's fine to her. My mind just wont shut up
8 likesi cried so hard while reading this
2 likesEstelle Malveda me too 😓
0 likesLepong20 I hope you are well. 🌼🐌❤
0 likesLepong20 I don't think I can explain to you how much I relate to all of what you just said. Thank you, this is a start on getting better and going and getting help.
3 likes...
0 likesI don't think you're high and I don't think you're insane. I do think you're goddamn awesome to share this with everyone because, dude, we ALL OF US EVERY ONE have something at some point in our lives and it's real and valid and there are things we can do to help and make it more bearable if not completely better.
1 likeI hope you are feeling loads better and that there are more good, clear days than not. ❤️❤️
I literally experience the same thing all the time, I'm glad I'm not alone
0 likesI believe you it's how I feel and I'm glad that someone I look up to is going through the same thing (that sounds mean but I mean it in a nice way)
0 likesGod I really understand this. Oh lord. Even with meds and therapy and trying to do everything I can I still feel like this. Thank you so much for putting this into words. I always feel like I need to go to a mental ward because I truly feel I need to. Knowing other people feel this way makes me feel a bit more sane.
0 likesI'm sorry you feel this way. I recently discovered your videos and since then, you have made me so happy. I struggle with depression and quite a few of my schoolmates joke about depression (not knowing I have it) and it makes me sad because they don't understand how difficult it is to feel happy and how messed up it makes you feel. It's really hard to be in 8th grade to go through all this crap. I don't want to make you feel sad, I wanted to let you know that you have been such an inspiration to be and that you're helping me out of this hole that I've created. You have inspired me to be creative, crafty, and musical. I stared playing the ukulele so I could play along with your songs. Thank you for being amazing and I hope that this comment can make you feel the smallest bit better inside.
0 likesI understand how u feel I've had depression and anxiety synse 3rd grade I'm in 7th now and I'm starting to feel way better now all I have is these little sparks that happens for a week then it's done 😘
0 likesDodie. I literally just came across your videos alright night .I have watched quite a few of them, and after watching this one I literally want and need to have a conversation with you. I have never before heard a person out into words what I feel and experience every single day. Our past relationships echo of eachother. I feel like I am being really crazy, but I just cannot believe how badly watching this video made me want to speak with you. It would be simply incredible to exchange thoughts and words with someone who absolutely, without a doubt is in my head and knows my minds ways. I feel a kindred spirt in you girl, it is terrifying, and incredible all at once. ...great things you know. Terrible! Yes...but great. Holy shit do I sound high or what.
0 likesSo I'm probably really late for this comment section..
0 likesI was recently diagnosed with chronic depression, anxiety and PTSD and started treatment too. I can really really relate with what you feel because I have felt that way too for years. I'm so glad I found you. I believe you will be ok soon.
I've had issues since I was 14 years old and I attempted suicide twice in my life (when I was 18 and 22 respectively). After my second suicide attempt at age 22 I was finally diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, after months of just going mental (paranoia, auditory hallucinations, and severe mood swings - I'd be laughing the one minute and the next minute I'd be crying my eyes out for no reason). A lot of people are in denial upon being diagnosed with a mental illness but I was just so happy that I finally knew what was wrong with me. I was seeing a psychiatrist for a few months after but I wasn't happy with my progress and decided to start seeing a different one and he has completely turned my life around - if you aren't happy with your therapist or psychiatrist, go see a new one!
1 likeBasically just wanted to say to anyone having problems, it will get better - it takes work and doesn't always happen quickly, but you can get better. The road has been shaky at times and I had to quit my job because I couldn't handle the stress anymore, but now at the age of 25 I finally feel happy and normal.
The scariest part of all of this is when Dodie said that she sounds insane and that it sounds like a joke, even though I understood and recognised all of the feelings described. Even the part about the bed. I want my old bed. I want my old room. I want my old self. What on earth has happened to me?
0 likesYou're not strange, you're not crazy, you're alone. It's okay, we accept you, we love you. Everyone has problems, and they may look different and be different, but they are all valid and are no reason for shame. You're okay. It's all okay. Thank you for your bravery, your heart, and your courage. You're not alone.
1 likewow first of all thank you for this video because i just googled depersonalisation and it felt so good to breathe a sigh of relief knowing that there is a name for what i've been feeling for so many years and that im not going crazy and that im not the only one and also darling one im so sorry you have to experience this being someone who has battled with anxiety, depression, and depersonalisation for years i know the struggle and i wish you a mentally and physically healthy future ( if that made any sense )
0 likesi just wanted to say that (and I don't know why) but watching this video really helped, it was comforting to hear that even though you yourself didn't know how to interpret it I felt like I could relate to you, i know that if I made a video like this I'd only be able to express what I feel the same way you have, which is just weird because I've never come across anyone who's manage to explain it in a better way, just the way you talk about what you're truly feeling. I may have just failed at life and got you completely wrong but either way this video really did help and I just wanted to say thank you and I really do wish you the best with everything. <3
0 likesThanks for your advice. I really should go see the doctor. Anxiety and depression sucks :/ I hope you get better!
0 likesthis video really helped me. i've been suffering with my mental health for a few years and during the last month i slumped. i felt alone, drunk, like life was a hallucination, and completely stupid and that i just wasn't good enough anymore and that i couldn't do anything right . i think my friends had started to see a difference , or it felt like they saw a difference because i just didn't feel like they would understand what was happening. i tried talking to one of them and she just told me to get a good nights sleep. even my boyriend, who has suffered with his mental health for years, seemed to want to push it away because "i was probably just stressed". it got to the point where my mum tried to get me think about what was wrong but she didn't understand until she finally said i was depressed, still don't think she completely understands. i'd already signed up to an nhs service in my area for anxiety so a lot of the things that i was doing for that online helped me calm down a bit. it's hard cos no one can see whats wrong, and you can't put a finger on what's actually wrong, but everything's so wrong at the same thing. since my really low point i've been trying to focus on one positive thing a day to try and focus myself a bit more on the better things, and try not to let things that aren't worth stressing about take over. but this really helped me today, especially, so thank you ( and sorry for the long-ass comment lol)
0 likesYou probably wont read this, but I just wanted to say thank you. It's comforting just to know that you're not the only one who has felt like this, just knowing that you aren't 100% alone in feeling this way. Although, I would never wish for anyone else to feel like this. So just, thank you.
0 likesI have just bawled my eyes out watching this video which my friend redirected me to. I can honestly say that I've been feeling detached from everyone for the best park of 6 months and haven't been able to describe to anybody how I'm feeling without them thinking I need to be locked up. It wasn't until today when a friend put something up in social media that I talked to her and could relate to her feelings without being ashamed or scared. I am going to seek help because today is the first time in around 2 months that I have allowed myself to cry.
0 likesI have been depressed for several months and for me it comes in waves, so sometimes I feel fairly stable and other times I feel absolutely awful. I put of seeing someone for so long and I'm glad that I'm getting help even though it's scary to talk about things. I know what you're going through, it feels like hell and there's days I want to be dead. I just want to be okay but it takes time and even though that frustrates me, I just have to keep trying to fight these battles and not let myself lose.
0 likesJust wanna say that I think you handled this in a very mature, responsible way. You realized you needed help, figured out a plan, and aren't letting yourself wallow. You've set a very good example of how to deal with mental illness.
0 likesHey, I just want to put out there to anyone that suffers from mental illness right now that it doesn't stay forever! You will get help and it will get better! It's hard and you have to give yourself time, months, years, but you will heal (or learn to deal with it) and you will have a good life! Stay strong! And talk to people that care about you and to professionals! Wish you all the best!! <3
0 likesU really hit home with this thank u Dodie
0 likesso I watched this a few months ago because I was starting to see this in my own life but I just kind of put it off hoping it would somehow magically fix itself and that's not going to happen and it's gotten worse so I've gone to the counselors at school and they told me it's moderate to severe anxiety so yay? Good for me? Anyway I'm going to a therapist sometime and I hope it will help me :). Dodie thank you so much for putting up this video I know it can be really hard to talk about it maybe that's why I haven't gotten help because every time I start to talk about it I just forget how to talk..? So it's good to know I'm not the only one who gets this. Also I think I may have derealization which is basically when you feel you're dreaming all the time idk how to describe it all my friends kinda think I'm insane but that's fine dodie doesn't :))
0 likesholy crap i've been feeling this exact way I thought I was the only one
0 likesHugs! Stay strong Dodie!
0 likesI've felt like this for years (depersonalisation). I'm not necessarily depressed anymore but where's the way out of this
1 likeit is so nice to hear someone describe depersonalisation in such a way, so open and honest... unafraid...
0 likesI've suffered from depression and ptsd since i was very young and i didn't realize it until it manifested into full blown depersonalisation, that feeling of everything being slow, like tredging through a fog that is also like jolly... if that makes any sense.
And no i don't think you sound mad, I think you sound like someone describing what's happening to you and others as best you can.
You really made me feel not alone tonight, and i hope out of all the 7000 comments you find this one.
You sound just like myself. I hope you're doing better now. I hate to know that people are out there suffering with this.
1 likecoming back to this because my depersonalisation is getting worse lately, i love you.
0 likesFinally, i thought i was weird. Or mad. Or really sick.
0 likesi feel like that constantly and i'm terrified that no one undertands.
Finally im not so, idk... finally im not so shut off? Just thank you Dodie. <3
I've been throught that kind of feelings for maybe one year. I know it's a never ending state that just don't leave you, BUT It never comes from nowhere, you have to be absolutly sure of that. Bad Times always leeds you to rebirth, be sweet with yourself, and allow yourself to ask help.
0 likesBecause you'll find a way to go through. I did. And I swear I felt so bad I tought It was impossible to be fine again, secure and serene. But today, I am. And I think I had to live this feeling to make the peace with a fucking insecurity of my chilhood.
Love
I saw this video when it was first uploaded, but wanted to avoid it because that was a rough time. My sister has depression and anxiety, and this was at about the time after her suicide attempt. And I just didn't want to think about it, i guess my method of dealing was to just completely block it out. Now I brought myself to watching this and thank you. I haven't really had the courage to actually talk to my sister about it but I feel like you have helped me understand the mental illness and what it feels like a little better. And I hope you can keep working towards a healthy mentality! Thank you!
0 likesHoly crap this is literally everything that I try to explain to my friends but don't know how. I'm just gonna... Shares video to all freinds
0 likesThere we go 👍
the thing that makes me the most sad is that i relate to all of this which really shows i haven't gotten better from my depression and i wish i could
0 likeswow Dodie I have no words but at the same time I have too many!! someday I'll write you a letter. thank you so much for making this video!! having the courage to share this must have been so hard and you must of thought you were strange but you're not!! XxxX
0 likesDodie you are an amazing, awesome, honest and kind human being; you will survive this. I probably sound so stupid right now because I've never felt severely depressed other than the times when a loved one passed away, but my friend has something that sounds like what you've got. She seems distant all the time and really forgetful and tired. I will try to cheer her up but it feels like she's lost her laughter. It's like she's unable to enjoy anything no matter how hard I try and she keeps calling herself stupid and annoying and saying that she's gonna kill herself. At first I thought she was joking, but I know better now. I want to help her but I just don't know how. I'm getting worried because a few days ago she took a knife to her arm. Every time I try to help her and try to convince her to go to therapy, she gets very angry at me, and starts to say she's gonna kill herself if I don't stop talking. She used to be so kind and happy.... Should I get her help anyway? What should I do?
0 likes-Sincerely, a very concerned human
Having the perspective to see yourself and know the problems can be fixed (even if your heart is screaming at you that you're wrong and things won't ever get better) is 80% of the tools you need to feel better. I just watched your Pasta Good/Life is SAD video and ended up here -- so you might already be feeling the effects of it -- but I just wanted to share some support and empathy from across the pond. Glad you're on the mend, slow as I'm sure it feels sometimes.
0 likesi can relate to this, stay strong hun x
0 likesGood for you Dodie. I've been battling these issues, and have a great therapist who helps. After making some bad life choices and not always putting my trust in the right people, I overanalyze everything instinctively. I psyche myself out of applying for jobs and overthink any type of romantic signal to the point where I just don't act on impulses. It's become pretty depressing, but I try moving forward with a brighter outlook.
0 likesI didn't know that depersonalization was a thing. I didn't know there was a word to describe the feelings I've been having for years. Thank you for making a video about this because it made me feel so much better about feeling the same way as you do. Also, props to you for putting your mental health out there for the internet to see (it really helps others that also have mental illnesses) and taking care of yourself. Always take care of yourself 😊
0 likesI've felt the same way. I just feel so sorry she has to go through this. :c
0 likesI think this is how one of my friends get every now and again because she has anxiety which I know a bit about but then she'll say things like 'i don't feel like i'm here today' and I'm like whaaat but this makes a lot more sense now I've realised that I've even felt like that at times but not known how to describe it!
0 likesI just want to give Dodie a hug. She is so brave putting her feelings on the internet when it's hard enough in itself. I'm in awe of her and everything she does and I just want to give her a hug and say thank you because she is so beautiful and important to me.
0 likesLove this video totally relateable, I've just posted a video about bullying, feel free to check it out and I hope it helps xx
0 likesbecause of this video i finally can put a name to what has been happening to me the past couple of months. i'm not depressed, neither do i feel anxious, but sometimes, i feel like two people in my thoughts, or when i look in the mirror i feel like i'm looking at somebody else. kind of, as if i was talking to an actual other person in my head, where the other person is myself, and i am a stranger in my body. it really creeped me out, and it still does, but realizing this is something that happens not only to me, is insanely helpful. thank you!
0 likesI went back to watch this video after a really crappy day mostly full of anxiety that I had because I thought I was going crazy. It was really helpful. I do currently go to therapy, every other week, but lately my mental health seems to be getting worse, and I'm wondering if maybe I do need medication. I dunno, but I just wanted to say thanks for this video. It made me feel a little better after a hard day.
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I making a series on my channel about my mental health journey! I'll be posting an update every Monday if you want to check it out and subscribe. My anxiety and panic attacks are so bad and I just want to be able to help people that are going through the same thing. Stay strong, beautiful ❤️
0 likesI'm bipolar and when I'm manic I get depersonalisation at least twice a day and it's terrifying. It only happens in short bursts of about 1-2 hours, and usually ends up in a panic attack. When I'm in a depressive episode it happens a lot less, but when it does happen it's longer but less extreme.
0 likesever since the beginning of last year i've been feeling so so sad and so panicky and i just thought i had nothing to be sad about and nothing to worry about, so i suppressed it. 8th grade, middle of the year, i went to the hospital because the whole day my chest felt like it was on fire and i couldn't breathe and felt like i was gonna throw up, and thats when i figured out i had anxiety, the doctors didn't diagnose me but i just knew. oh, and all of my life, i was called lazy and stupid because i could never remember to do anything, especially hw. but this year i went to my guidance counselor(more like forced to by my english teacher) and have been seeing her more often and she told me i am depressed, with anxiety disorder, and adhd, which is amazing(notice my sarcasm) and now i am going through a rough patch in my life where im more depressed than ever, but hopefully i can start some therapy and try and overcome this because i want to feel normal and happy again. sorry if this is all over the place, but i'm just letting it out for my sake, and please no hate:(
0 likesI've seen this video mann times, and I have read through the comments. It's weird, because I don't feel like I'm alone. I think I have depression or something that way. I'm just sad, constantly. I have my ups and downs, like everyone else. But for me, A good day is when I'm less sad, and that I'm able to get out of bed and actually do something. Go outside, be with friends, go to school and (kinda) concentrate. And bad days is when I don't get out of bed easily, I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. I need to force myself out of bed and go to school. I've felt like this since I was 9. And every year It kind of upped, at 10% every year. So almost 5 years. It started at 30%, and now it's at 80%. I'm having breakdowns regularly. Thanks dodie, thank you everyone, I don't feel alone.
0 likesThe depersonalisation thing of going all dreamy and not feeling anything, I think that happens to me maybe every 2 weeks for like half an hour or so... Or maybe that's something else. Either way it feels strange.
0 likesIt's so sad i relate so much. You put my feelings into words. I want to hug you so bad.
0 likesWow Dodie that is so brave of you to share.
0 likesI have suffered from anxiety and depression for many years, and it is genuinely hard to pull yourself out of that hole you are in. And unfortunately there is no quick fix. It takes time, and effort, and therapy and medication. But I believe that if you want to get to a better space badly enough, then there's no reason you can't. Not to say that you won't sometimes feel down for no reason, or feel like you are watching yourself live your life from a distance (if that makes sense), but if you keep at it, and know that it is a life long journey, then you can pull yourself out of this.
I had my breakdown 7 years ago now, and I still know that I will always have depression and anxiety, but it is at a point where it is manageable, and at least I don't feel like that often anymore - it has become less and less frequent as the time has passed.
You will become stronger, and feel happier and more positive in time.
One thing I also want to say is that it is not your fault you feel these things. It is not you 'overreacting' as some people may think, or just being a pessimist. It is the chemicals in your brain. Your brain is simply not producing enough dopamine and serotonin. So if for some reason you do have to be on medication for a while, like I still am, just know that you are taking "happiness supplements" - think of it like a multivitamin. You may have no need for medication one day, or you may be on meds forever, but that is nothing to be ashamed of. You can take steps to manage your condition and live a normal happy life. That doesn't make one weak at all - that to me is the epitome of strength.
The first step to your recovery really is seeking help from a doctor - so well done!!
Saying lots and lots of prayers for you, and I hope you get better soon <3
I think I've had on and off depression for the last 2 years, and anxiety started when I was about 9, and it comes and goes situationally. I've been thinking about getting a therapist, and I want one, but I haven't gotten one yet because for the longest time I just brushed it off and thought I was overreacting. sometimes I even have imaginary conversations in my head where I'm talking to a therapist. I want to cry, but I can't. I just always want to be crying or laughing. I'm sick of being tired and bored
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You really should see someone. My situation is quite similar, except nkw it's gotten much much worse. I remember thinking that I could never hurt myself, and that happened. Then I thought I could never possibly be suicidal, and now that's starting to happen. Luckily, I have a therapist to talk to about that. But, depression and anxiety can really sneak up on you and they snowball into something worse very quickly if you don't seek help. Good luck
0 likesI sometimes have symptoms of depression but rarely anxiety. Derealization happens every week or two usually when I'm really sad or empty or stressed or tired
0 likesI sometimes have symptoms of depression but rarely anxiety. Derealization happens every week or two usually when I'm really sad or empty or stressed or tired
0 likeswatching your videos every night is my 13 year old therapy...
0 likesI really feel you Dodie...
0 likesHonestly, I relate to so much you've said. Except I can't cry anymore or feel much of anything. For as long as I can remember I've just loathed myself and loved others. I've been jealous of how normal they seem and how nothing in life seems to be quite as impossible as it is when I do it. All I do is drown my pain with words and laughter and I want so desperately to just shut up. I want to stop thinking and stop saying but I just fill every silence with noise and intoxicate myself with thought. There's just so much of it there and I can't write it or cohesively describe it and sometimes I can't even draw it because it all adds up to nothing. Just an ocean of white noise that I am drowning in and anytime I talk to or attempt to relate to another person I just feel like I'm latched on to them and dragging them into the endless hole of anxiety that I'm in. I feel claustrophobic, like even when I'm breathing air outside I'm never truly experiencing freedom.
0 likesim 15 for about three years ive had major anxiety, depression and aspergers. when I frist went tot he doctor they laughed at me. after it getting to the point of me attamepting suicide twice im finally getting help but I feel like its never going to get better. your video helped a lot. love you loads, im sorry you feel like this :(
0 likesthis video really helped me for some reason 💜
0 likesI fucking love this video. I have severe depersonalization and now I don't have to explain it to my friends- I can just send them a link.
0 likesthis video is surreal for me. I've been feeling depersonalization basically ever since my depression started but i never really knew what it was actually was called, or that it was a thing that other people experienced. i'll be going about my day perfectly normally and i'll suddenly feel the sensation of nothing really existing, which doesnt make much sense and isnt a very good description but it's sort of like looking in the mirror and not recognizing the person looking back. it's being sitting in school and suddenly feeling almost dizzy because how the hell am i here, i genuinely do not feel that the past year and a half or so has existed. rationally, i know it must exist, that what im feeling is all in my head and this past year has indeed happened with me living it. but that doesnt stop the feeling that my life isnt real, that i do not exist and that what i experience is all like some strange dream. you know how dreams feel, when you are doing things and it's all too blurry and doesnt quite move right? it's like that, but you dont wake up at the end. Dodie, thank you for making this video, because i do already see a therapist and take meds, but now i can recognize that feeling of not being myself. thank you.
0 likesthank you for this video. i am lacking energy to write much more or start on why it was so important to me, but thanks.
0 likesfrickity frack! I've been watching some of your more deep videos and I'm like.. WHAT? I RELATE TO THIS SO MUCH!
1 likeI have this all the time and when I tell people they think I'm crazy :(
0 likesObsessive is a good way to describe it. When you get anxious to the point of tears and puke and other fun things over something insignificant. It's really strange how easily you describe exactly what I'm feeling when I have been unable to.
0 likesI used to get derealisation (similar to depersonalisation) a lot in school and stuff and it was really scary... I've been getting it a lot less recently which is really lovely, but it used to be horrible. I have had panic attacks before and nearly had one the other day but controlled it. I hope everyone's okay xxx
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Dodie you clearly weren't attention seeking and I'm sure you aren't on drugs xxx
0 likesIt's kind of funny. I was watching g this and thinking really hard about it and my life and my mental health. I was relating to dodie because I could see her struggle with explaining it because it's hard. Depression and anxiety and any kind of mental health problems don't have a concise one. And as I was really taking in her words I got a pop up reminder that I have a therapy appointment today.
0 likesI have anxiety. When I have a panic attack, I feel like I'm going to die. All the light in the world drains. I only feel safe in my own bed, but sometimes, my anxiety comes into my safe place with me, and that's when I feel lost. And I'm crying watching this video because it's so real, it's so real. And sometimes, I wish my brain was like everyone else's brain...I don't know what it would be like to be free from my brain. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. And I've hated it since I was 6 when my mom put me in therapy.
0 likesThat's my story.
Here's me rambling because I feel so dodie's channel is a safe channel to comment lololol
0 likesEver since i started going to college in a different town I've only seen my two best friends once a week and I'd convinced myself I was only feeling weird because I missed them or grew out of the friendship, it was like a homesick feeling. Except in November I realised waking to the train station without feeling my feet as I walk wasn't normal, I couldn't feel anything and I'd had constant fear that I didn't know who I was, everything happened quickly and change was inevitable to feel weird but it wasn't normal to still feel weird three months in. I know I suffer anxiety and depression and to find this is a symptom (depersonalisation) made me feel more secure(??) I look into mirrors and at photos yet I don't know who I really am, so I constantly change (my hair colour, style, make up) and it gets me more confused and I feel like I'm not connected to gravity yet there's a weight stopping me and I'm also numb and bleh it feels weird but I know it's not only me so it's all going to be okay.
I can relate too much. Sorry that you are in this strange and painfull thing. I hope we both can go out of this, and be happy for the rest of our lives ! Stay strong, you're a gem Dodie, we love you and you are a beautiful person ! :) (Sorry for my english, he is not perfect, but, hey, I'm trying !) Love u ♥
0 likesYou don't sound crazy, I can relate a bit. depression is so weird in how it just holds on, but it's fine not to be ok sometimes. a weird lesson I learned.
0 likesWhat helped me was fighting to not be angry, and having someone there for me that would just give me joy not just a distraction even if it was just for 5 min. for me that was God. I don't wanna preach but
This stuff isn't forever it does go away
I just sort of ignored that I wasn't feeling so good and it manifested into a constant state of wanting to die and hiding from my emotions with humour. Yay me.
0 likesPlease, once I'm getting into YouTube, please do a collab video with me, you are an amazing human, this "thing" as I'm going to call it, does get better, only with help, good luck on your quest for good old dodie😊
0 likesI remember one time I was at school and well I had only one friend basically I still have only one friend. ok what I'm trying to say is that in that moment (still) I am very very awkward and strange I always feel uncomfortable and bad around people and sometimes I feel horrible besides people I really don't want to see I also feel sad to everything sometimes even so angry I cannot control myself the issue is at school I was with my friend we didn't really talk about what I felt like and well we were in the library at recess and as soon as I entered there was a lot of people and I started feeling pressured and scared and I wanted to leave as soon as possible well my friend didn't understand and he wanted to stay there because his crush was there and told me if I wanted to leave I should leave by myself so I left . I started feeling so sad and lonely I cried so hard outside by myself that I felt like I couldn't even breath I felt people staring at me although there was probably no one I felt so horrible about myself and didn't know what was happening still I do not know what happend although it still happens every now and then and when I'm home I still feel horrible like if I'm being pressured to do something but nothing is happening I feel angry and disappointed all the time and have really bad headaches I feel like I'm alone all the time but really there's a lot of people with me and I haven't told them yet
0 likesI just noticed I've stared feeling like this ever since I was eight. My mom's affair.
0 likesI just got home from the hospital due to a suicide attempt. my therapist gave me until tomorrow to write down how I felt and what was in my head. I couldn't put anything into words. but after I watched this it was so much easier to write, because now I feel like I'm not completely insane, because I'm not completely alone. if that makes any sense...
0 likesI relate with the in head arguments you mentioned in the beginning. where you are questioning yourself questioning things
0 likesI RELATE TO THIS SO MUCH.
2 likesI feel the same. Have done for a year. Been diagnosed. But who cares that means nothing. When she cried I Cried, I felt safe to cry in 'the company if Dodie'
0 likesI get depersonalization when I'm panicking, stressed, anxious etc. It's a horrible thing and I feel like it ruins my life. Which makes me even more stressed.
0 likesi am a german exchange student right now and I'm only 15 and my anxiety feels like i shouldnt be doing what i am now and its literally the worst feeling
0 likes"Dodie stop obsessing about it, just turn it off"
0 likes"If you think like this, you obviously can't relate."
I actually burst into tears at this, because if you do think like this, then fuck you, because you can't turn off a fucking mental illness. I used to have panic attacks every day, I used to be terrified to go to school for two months, I still won't let anyone touch me, and you want me to fucking shut it off?
I sincerely hope you're getting help. I signed up for therapy recently, and it's helping so much. I hope you're getting the help you need and that your situation is improving. I love you so much, and you mean the world to me.
You are the most articulate person I have ever come across. (is that a very strange way to describe a person?)
0 likesI'm almost 14 and I've gone through a lot well a lot for me it's not like I'm homeless or something and I know that but it's just hard to think how lucky I am when there are people that have it so much better.2 years ago I was told I had severe scoliosis and I had to get a surgery soon or I could die I was in horific pain for about a year after that I missed so much time off school and I grew distant from a lot of people this made me depressed. I didn't know it at first I taught it was just a few bad days but then I started having bad thoughts about really bad things like if I was gone no one would care and stuff like that.i grew up with a lot of fighting a lot of my family had depression and it was really hard to deal with it sometimes but I think in the future hopefully everything I've gone through will make me stronger
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aww keep being strong sweetie :) life is messed up and I guess we'll just get used to it soon :3 stay positive and keep in touch with your family, friends and all the people that you love ♥♥
0 likesThanks
0 likesi just got back from the doctor's and i've been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and depression
0 likesI know this was a while ago, but I want to let you know that you're not alone. Mental illness is underestimated. All your subscribers love you, and none of this is your fault. I hope you've recovered by now. If not, don't worry and good luck.
0 likesdodie honey stay strong cos life is fucked up so im guessing we have to get used to it eventually right? <3
0 likesI feel this.
0 likesWait so I sometimes will feel like I'm not in my own body. Like I'm watching a movie about my life and not living it. Everything is brighter, speaking is weird and just attempting to think feels wrong. Is that what depersonalization is?
0 likesmy problem is that i dont know if i'm truly depressed or not.
1 likei basically experience all the symptoms of depression but i keep thinking things like 'oh everyone feels that way sometimes! you're overreacting and the fact that you think you have depressio is just insulting to everyone truly suffering'
and idk what to do. i dont trust anyone enough to tell them that i feel like this and im not close with my dad and i dont want my mum to worry and be disappointed or even pay for therapy because im they're already paying so much for me.
i just dont know what to do.
You're not crazy. I don't think you should label yourself negatively like that. The world just becomes difficult sometimes.
0 likesMental health is crazy. My brain doesn't make any sense. But keep going darling💞
0 likesI understand this so much
1 likeI truly hate depression, I feel like I'm fat even though I know I'm not.... I feel this (life) will never get better, but it always does. I never seem to understand how one day I feel ok and the next I don't... or how some people have this horrid disease others don't. Like, why dose my brain have to be the fucked up one? I Hate This!
0 likesit gets better dodi. im so sad knowing you are going through it. i hated it. i can relate to you so much. but i seeked out. i reached out to my doctor and got a therapist and just talking helps SOO MUCH. i felt strange as well like no one knew what was wrong with me. worst part is i didnt know what was wrong with me. until i broke. you inspire me and many more. hang in my love, it gets better. a quote that made me feel a bit better is "Its okay not to be okay" much love <3
0 likesJust watched her video about her insecurities and now i have an even bigger crush on dodie
0 likesI used to get depersonalization things every month or so but now I feel like I'm constantly dreaming and today I thought I was hallucinating being at school niCE
0 likesany tips? :((
I feel exactly the same...
0 likesI recently lost my emotions. I woke up on day and I felt wrong. I felt like I wasn't there. I haven't felt like I was there. Yesterday I went to comicon and I met my idol. But I wasn't excited I mean I was but why couldn't I I can't explain it but I smiled but I wasn't happy. I laughed and looked happy but I really couldn't be? This is hard to explain . I tried doing things that I thought would make me normal like writing , drawing or simply lie in my bed, cuddled against a hot water bottle. Why am I not happy? Why can't I relate to people? Why cant I feel like everyone else? I can laugh and eat but I'm going to act like everyone else? I actually already have therapy for my anxiety and depression. I feel shit
0 likesive been looking at the comments and try to find comments I can relate to. but you were right. mental disorders are different. theyre hard, and scary. recently I started to open up to my parents about my mental illnesses. and they say that they are going to get me a therapist. but much like other things I never get it. im still sitting here. fighting for myself. im not willing to fight. the person I love is ignoring me, and probably comit suicide. i cant go to a doctor. because they say that mental disorders dont exist in kids. or young teenagers. so, now im stuck. alone.
0 likesThis video has saved my life
0 likesOK so I wasn't going to post anything lengthy about my own MH issues but I do think having watched the whole vid that maybe it is relevant after all. When I was 22ish I took a LOT of acid for about a week, and when I came down I felt frankly awful. For about a year I felt like nobody I met could possibly be on the same wavelength as myself. It was like being the only alien in normal Earth society, or possibly like being the only human on a planet full of aliens. Mostly I stayed home for the next year and a bit. I did 2 A-levels in 9 months & barely talked to anyone in this time. At the shop I'd silently put my stuff up on the cash desk then when done snatch it away & run off, avoiding eye contact. It took ages to get back to "normal". I think I did it by watching a comedy show, "Northern Exposure" where the whole thing is so gentle & nice & human & people are genuine & good to each other. It's not like there's no conflict at all but on the whole everyone looks after each other in it. It took months but eventually I could laugh at it, and sometimes cry, but generally just feel again.
0 likesSo Dodie - I hope you find a safe space where you can feel OK for a bit. I think I do totally get what you're experiencing. All I can really say is, I wish you well, hope you feel better & this is an e-hug you can click and activate any time. You Are A Good Person and you are valued & loved by a great many of us. Be well.
Replies (1)
Also, I grew a LOT of houseplants in my room. It turned into a bit of a jungle tbh. I still love spiderplants even now - they're so easy to deal with.
0 likesHeres a quick tip for some relief from derealization/depersonalization: Put on some sunglasses, it kinda tones everything down and makes you feel more like you're not in a movie.
0 likesNothing to do with anything, I'm commenting before the video, but I just got an ad for Blurryface, and I'm sure this is going to be a great video 💜
1 likeI've recently started to have depersonalization and it's just the worst fucking thing I've ever experienced. It's very hard when your familiarization with things that you have been around your whole life just disappears. It's like you forget everything in that moment and you question your own existence. Not only that, I also suffer from depression and severe anxiety and they really don't go well together. It's very hard to explain to my parents and my therapist. I feel like I'm insane ugh
0 likesdon't entertain the thoughts that don't make you feel good about yourself there not from God we have good voices and bad ones, silence the bad ones and let God's voice speak to you, I promise you I've been where you were but I cried out and was not disappointed and i still struggle with it ,before I even didn't go out for a year and a half and I throw myself into how God sees me/us and it's awesome!!!! God made you PERFECT you are PERFECT, he gave you such a wonderful personality and you are beautiful and so creative!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! positive thoughts and prayers coming your way from me.
0 likesSlam Poem written about this:
0 likesI don’t care. I don’t care.
I spend so long each day telling myself that I don’t care.
That I'm beginning to obsess over why I do.
Because I do care.
I am riddled with anxiety over everything and anything.
School deadlines, the fact I forgot to buy the milk my mum asked me too, why my stomach hangs the way it does.
How many calories in this? Have I met the word limit yet? Why does she look at me like that?
Will I loose it all now I'm loosing myself?
I am in a dream world.
A toy-world where my decision matter but not very much, determinism was right. We are on a set path.
Free-will is a thing of the past.
My path is clear and ahead of me.
I can see it in the distance. Only it's not so distant anymore.
The dark horizon is looming closer and I can't stop it.
So I carry on.
I binge I purge I stress I think what it would be like to just do it and kill myself because I am no longer myself.
I wonder how many times a day I fuck up and wonder how many times I should have.
I think about me. It's all about me.
Because when what you are fighting is what is inside you, you become the center of your world.
And people notice. Or you think they do.
That you aren't really there anymore, that you're wrapped up in your own shit.
So you lie and cry and smile and dance.
You take drugs and hook up with random girls just to get out of your head for one second.
To be wrapped up in the world around you rather than yourself.
But then you come down and it's no longer about the world.
The swirling lights stay and they enter your brain and they run away with you, or the you that you now are.
Gradually people realise you're mental.
And they leave.
Like any normal person would.
And you don’t care.
Because you're not normal.
Well you say you don’t care because inside it eats you alive taking everything you love and every part of you that was good until you are a shell.
I am mental.
I am not me.
I am alive and breathing and that should be enough but it is not anymore.
Life is tough when you aren't you, anymore.
I have a therapist but I haven't been able to talk to them for a while and I'm getting really stressed and anxious because I think I'm dealing with anxiety (I'm not diagnosed or anything but I'm definitely not shy) and I have a test coming up and then I have like swimming lesson but I hate wearing a swim suit and I have to write a speech about how I would solve one of the world's problems if I was a superhero which means we have to dress up all silly. I just need to share this because if I don't I feel like I'll break because no one listens to me, my mum doesn't understand and my best friend doesn't know how to respond. I've had about five panic attacks since in the past 7 days all of which I've been alone in my room with only my horrible thoughts, i feel like such a mess and i don't know what to do.
0 likesReplies (1)
Salutations, My name is [Megan], if you can't see your therapist because of scheduling/money issues or something like that you can always call a crisis hotline and have a good cry/talk there (or maybe you can even call your therapist and have a session that way). It's not quite the same as actually talking face to face but it can help a lot. If you feel like you can't talk to your therapist then maybe the two of you aren't a good fit (it happens) and it would be better if you try to find a new one.
0 likesYou could also open up to a teacher you trust or the school nurse, a lot of schools offer free counselling for their students or have programs where you can meet up with others, who feel the same way, and talk about your problems (or something similar). Just know that you are not alone and there are people there who'll listen and try to help you if you reach out. And even if your best friend doesn't understand or know how to help (don't be mad at her, it's hard to understand) I'm sure they wouldn't mind just being there for you, so you can pour your heart out to them.
And I'm also sure that you can find a solution for your school work. Who decided that superheroes can't wear a comfortable pair of jeans and a cool T-shirt? Or some sportswear (super comfy and also practical for running, fighting and saving the world?
i think it helps to be your own best friend
0 likesBut what if I'm scared of going to therapy? First, I know I won't be able to tell my problems to a stranger. I can't even go to a shop and ask how much is something. And secondly, the doctors in my town are such idiots. I went last year because I was dizzy (for a month!) and she didn't give me a solution. I had to discover by myself that I needed glasses. Glasses! Simple as that. So I don't believe in doctors anymore. What can I do?
0 likesReplies (3)
I said to my mum that I want to go to a therapist and she said «It's not that bad».
0 likesWe've all considered once to get some therapy at some point , but trust me it won't help at all maybe at first but then after getting a shit ton of drugs things might get even worse cuz you'll get used to it and then you'll not be able to live normally without it, what I recommend,is to give yourself some time, your mind will get tired of overthinking about everything and that will put you in a state where you just live practically doing your own shit, minding your own business, and depression will progressively fade away. good luck ;)
0 likesthank you!
0 likesMy parents don't believe anxiety is real and they think I'm making it up and it just makes everything worse. I had an anxiety attack and they thought it was my fault and said to calm down and 'turn it off.' It's just making everything worse and I don't know what to do
0 likesI hate my anxiety. I feel like it isn't real because I've never been diagnosed even my friend said it doesn't count but I know have anxiety. There's always a thought in my mind saying everyone hates you they are laughing at you she doesn't want to be your friend anymore she doesn't like you they don't like you they don't care about you and it freaks me
0 likesOut that I think these things and i have these attacks where I'll be sitting and get into my head and all hell breaks lose and I shake and I cry and I can't breathe and it's awful and I don't know how to deal with it
I have been sitting aroud doing NOTHING. Apathy 100 percent.
2 likesI want her to be happy..
1 likeYou are wonderful
0 likesi need to rant and where better to do it then a youtube comment section !! i had a mental breakdown 2 weeks ago in front of my mom and only shared like 20% of my issues. she then offered me therapy !! my sister is in therapy and they put her on meds that made her issues even worse and she wasn't herself. i'd like to get help but i don't want to get meds that ive seen make people unlike themselves. so without even thinking it through i just immediately told my mom it's depressing for me, a 14 year old, to be such a fuck up in the head and going to therapy at my age was depressing. i definitely don't actually think that, you can get help at any age. but i said it as a split second decision thinking about how it would only make everything worse with some medicine they'd give me or a doctor thinking its hormones. i need help but i don't know what to do. do i get therapy and try to see if it helps or is it better to not go through pills and tears in an attempt to fix my unfixable problems?? i don't know and maybe some random stranger on the internet may give me advice on my life !!!
0 likesthanks for this
0 likes<3 day at a time. love all around.
0 likesi cant seek help, in need to go to my parents, that will probably say its ridiculous, that we will have some fun and it will go away.
0 likesi dont think they understand what im going through, i dont think they understand what depression is really. i wish i could just go and ask them but im too scared, and the saddest thing? thats the only place that i can share without being judged, or somebody saying to me "its gonna be ok" because it wont. and somebody giving some shitty advice to just breathe or something, or to do something fun,. i just know whats coming and the fact that i have no where to go to is the thing i hate most.
thank you for reading this, if you did, i really needed to say that somewhere.
I have the exact same issues. it really pains me to see dodie like this because i know personally how confusing it is when you don't know what's wrong with yourself, but you try so hard to be okay and make everything alright because life just isn't going to stop and wait for you to WILL your mental illness away. depersonalization is the hardest thing to deal with personally because all you can do is try, and if that doesn't work, then you try harder. im still struggling with all of these symptoms, but im seeking help from a professional soon. thank you dodie for making it easier for me to cope.
1 likecan someone plz help calm me down this disorder has ruined my life I'm 14 and my parents don't believe me and the doctors don't but I don't feel anything I feel like I'm in a dream
0 likesHey dodie you probably won't see this but I just want your opinion. I have chronic headaches which means a headache that doesn't go away for 4 years now. I want to die. Honestly I'm not sure what to do to combat this because I'm on medication and I have a therapist but nothing is helping. I just was wondering if you have any advice to help me stop this feeling.
0 likesNice video
0 likesI have this problem that I just don't care about anything like I didn't care about school so I got a shitty degree I didn't care about my friends now I almost got none left and I didn't care about food so I'm underweight now but I don't know what will help me start caring again it's like it doesn't matter what happens to me because I don't really feel things anymore and I feel like I'd rather watch everybody else live their life instead of living my own and I feel like if my life was a movie I wouldn't be the main character .. Probably not even the side character but just someone in the background
0 likesI'm so glad I'm not the only one
0 likesI haven’t related more to a video ever. I promise I’m not feeling like this for attention. I just don’t know what to do. I’m so tired and yet I never do anything productive ever. I feel like such a garbage human. I don’t know anything anymore. I just wish, just one wish to go back in time and prevent my mom and dad from fucking that one night so I did not exist. I’m so, so sad and feel like I don’t exist and it’s so scary.
0 likesI think I have this, but I am 12 and I don't know how to tell my parents. Can someone please help?
0 likesWhu ever is reading this comment may your day be blessed good luck in your dialy life what ever you do think about it to remember our lord whu gave his life for you! tell him my freind tell him in prayer how you feel
1 likeWhat kind of doctor did you go to?
0 likesI adore you
0 likesI love you 💕💕
0 likes'objectively, I am fine, so why am I NOT????'
0 likesThankyou
0 likesthank you
0 likesbruh when u cried i cried
0 likescan you help me to talk about depression for my degree assignment ? I hope you will reply my comment 😭
0 likes❤❤❤❤❤
0 likesI've watched this so many times now and I only just heard the lil "Marge Simpson"
0 likescouldn't relate to anything as much as to this.
0 likes😘❤️
0 likesI love you!!
0 likesThere is so much of me in this video :/
0 likeswhat if you can't afford therapy?
0 likesI thought when depersonalisation happens it is short periods not long periods
0 likesReplies (1)
Just watched the derealisation one know I get it
0 likesi cant watch her cry. i can't.
0 likesObjectively people look fine but end up killing themselves☹️
0 likes<3
0 likesI`m 16. I don`t see the point of living. Not because I haven`t find it yet or whatever, but because there is no point. If you want to laugh just look at the way this damn world is made. Life is the biggest joke ever, sorry if I sound very cliche, but it`s true. I don`t ever feel happy, not for a moment, I always go back to the thought that i`m just tired of everything. Yes, i am loved, respected and have good family. I don`t have any problems at school, where i`m also very much loved by teachers. But it`s not nearly enough, when life doesn`t have a point. I feel, I will end this all eventually.
0 likesI hate it when Jesus rides velociraptors in my kitchen
1 likeI'm coming from future - i mean from 2018 lol - and i love you
0 likes<3
1 like<3
0 likesCussing might be a sin
0 likesI go trow depression and anxiety and since I was 5
0 likesHang in there
0 likesCan I have a hug? :'(
0 likesBtw you are adorable and beautiful :-)
0 likesNIACIN 200mg in two doses, youre welcome
0 likesWhy did you say "Marge Simpson" after crying? 😂
0 likesI'm not alone. thanks
0 likesBUY. HER. BOOK.
0 likesI have been dealing with it for 20 years, it’s not a good feeling, I hate it, I am from Saudi Arabia
0 likesHi this is a bit random but i have a problem but i dont have friends to talk to so im gonna say it here ok ok ty.
0 likesOk soooooo...I became friends with a girl ( Lets call her Eva for now xD) because she had a crush with my friend, we would talk for hours and hours but the topic was always about her crush a.k.a my friend. 2 or 3 months later someone messaged Eva asking what her problem was with my group of friends so i asked her if she did something bad to my friends she sad no and i believed it. A week later someone messaged her again asking the same question so since i was friends with the people who were asking Eva I decided to ask them why they're asking her they then said that my other friend (lets call her Gwen cuz its fucking confusing when i just keep calling her my other friend so ya) said that Eva said that my group of friend are really mean since Eva was my friend i didnt believe it so Eva got angry at my group of friends but i was dumb so I got angry at them too. Later that day my friend said I've changed (lets call her Lea). I said ok. Lea said I became mean because of Eva so I decided to kind of ignore Eva but everytime I try to ignore her she gets angry and i get scared so I cant stay away from her. Once in class she passed a paper to me asking if I was mad at her I said No please stop we're in class, she got angry and I got scared so I said sorry. My problem is that Lea thinks Ive changed so i told her that I would try my best to stay away from eva BUT I JUST FUCKING CANT SHE MAKES ME HAPPY BUT LEA ISNT EVEN THERE WHEN IM SAD ONLY EVA I JUST CANT STAY AWAY FROM HER HELP ME PLEASE! I CANT DEAL WITH THIS PROBLEM BY MY OWN IF NO ONE HELPS ME I HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO KILL MYSELF jk i still have to achieve my goals
The thing you said about the bed really got me. When I started feeling like I was 'going insane' (then went to the doctor, got meds for anxiety/depression and started counselling, getting there) I would also be lying in my room surrounded by all my things and cry my eyes out because I just wanted to 'go home' to my previous rented apartment.
1 likeI want to cry watching this, because it's exactly what I've been going through. You are not crazy. Thank you for being so open about this.
0 likesI've had severe depression, DP/DR since I was 15, I've been suffering for a long time. I truly empathize with you, and lots of what you say resonates with me.
0 likesHey, I'd just like to thank you for making this. I quite recently got DPD myself but for the first 2 months or so i genuinely thought I was going mad. You made me realize that this is an actual thing that exists and that even though there's something wrong with both of us, we'll be ok :) I really hope you'll get better soon. I will certainly try :)
0 likesI love how you try to help people even when you're the one needing help. You are a wonderful person . Keep it up! I hope it gets better. Greetings from Argentina :)
0 likesThank you Dodie. This was so incredibly brave of you to talk about on such a public platform, and it really is important to talk about these things. I wish you all the best.
0 likesThank you for making this video, after 4 years I fell back into my mental issues and got an extra: anxiety! Wiehoe. You talking about it makes me feel less alone, makes it more real and will help me explain to people in my surroundings!
0 likesDodie thank you so much for sharing this. I can imagine it is a difficult thing to do but it such a comfort for me to be able to turn to the internet on my darkest days and find people who understand the struggle of mental illness. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Really. this video came at just the right time for me.
0 likesthank you for being so brave and sharing this. you'll be in my thoughts and prayers. i suffer from anxiety too. you're not alone
0 likesI'm so proud of you and the way you are approaching this! I hope you start to work this out and feel better soon, you deserve to feel happy and normal! <3
0 likesOh my goodness. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way, you're such a beautiful and talented person and in every video you make you're always so adorable and genuine, and I'm not even saying that to sugarcoat things. You're honestly the person I go to if I need a pick-me-up. I really wish you didn't feel this way, no one deserves this. I'm happy to hear that you're going to find a therapist because I think that'll help a lot. I hope you get better really soon. <3
0 likesDodie, thank you so much for opening up like this. Please try to stay strong, even if you have to cry. ♡
0 likesI just started watching your videos recently, and I'm really glad I did. I just graduated high school, and my senior year was the happiest year of my life. Right after graduation my family and I moved closer to where my dad worked and closer to where I'm going to college this fall. It's so weird, because I recall feeling something like this years ago but not quite like this, it felt like things I've felt before but more urgent, complex, real. And it's really terrifying that depersonalization is part of a mental health issue in and of itself because I've been experiencing that and I didn't want it to happen again. It's usually easier for me to find a way to claw back to a positive mental state and I'd always been able to be confident that even when my anxiety peeked I had the knowledge that there would come a time soon where it would pass and I'd feel better. But I'd felt what it feels like to feel changed forever and scared that I'd never feel better or like I used to again. I even started to change my opinions on several topics, it was strange, I felt like I was seeing things from another point of view and worried I would never truly saw anything for what it was or if anyone did. It was scary. I didn't know there was a word for it, and it didn't feel like just depression. I'd felt that numb feeling and lack of passion before but this was not it. I guess as you get more complex as a person through life, so does your psyche.
0 likesThis is the realest thing I've ever watched. I've been trying to convince myself to go to therapy for weeks but whenever I get close I talk myself out of it. I feel like I'm constantly in a dream, and I can't remember the last time I was genuinely excited about something. Thanks for your authenticity.
0 likesGet well soon, Dodie. I had a monstrous depression for most of my life and only just solved it recently. You are far too talented, smart, pretty and clever! You will get the help you need and I swear if I ever find that doctor who told you you were "making it up" I will slap them so hard they'll feel it two years from now!!
0 likesThank you for posting such an honest video, I know it's difficult to open up about depression and anxiety issues because basically everyone who deals with them has heard people dismissing them. Seeing videos like this always makes me feel slightly less insane for the way my own brain works. I hope that you're having brighter days now, and I hope that if you're not this comment is at least positive enough to help a little.
0 likesthis is my new favorite video it good to know that someone actually understands and can put feelings into words. I hope that every thing is okay with you please do a update
0 likesthis helped me a lot, just hearing someone who's going through it talk about it
0 likesI feel the same as you and it's honestly so conforming to know that someone else feels the same way as I do like I actually thought I was going insane but apparently not? so thank you so much for making this dodie I'll forever appreciate it
0 likesDodie, I just wanna thank you for making this video. For awhile I've felt that feeling of depersonalisation but I just didn't have a word for it neither did I know it was an actual thing that people experienced. I thought I was going mad just like you described in your video. Therefore, I am so glad I found this video on your channel because it has really made me feel less panicky about my situation but also made me think about how I treat my own emotions and that I'm way too quick on judging them because I simply feel ashamed for having them. I just wanted you to know that you have a helped me during a still going and scary process into being a less lonely one.
0 likesI'm very proud of being one of your subscribers<3
Watching your videos makes me feel connected. So thank you for helping me with my own slice of DPD.
0 likeswhen i first discovered depersonalization i was very relieved too! it was something that i always tried to describe to people but never knew how
0 likeshey dodie, thankyou for making videos like this. you are part of the reason i had the courage to make a documentary about my experience of depression and talk about it with people! you are awesome and lovely and thanks for dodying
0 likesI get it dodie and I really hope you get the support you need to carry on. Thank you for being so open and talking about it as it has really helped me with my depression and the self hate I have for myself xx We all love you dodie!
0 likesI've been gone with no access to YouTube for a while and I just watched this video now. I just want to say how relieving it is to know that the people you admire and look up to struggle with the same isues I do. Ever since I started watching you videos, I've related to you and everything you've said. What you said in this video, specifically the texts at the beginning, remonds me of me so much it's crazy. I think your amazing and thank you so much for making this video ❤️
0 likesThank you so much for saying this. You are so lovely and brave and thank you for how much you have helped me through this. I really hope you can feel better soon. I know that sounds shallow and superficial but I hope you feel a lot better soon. xxx
0 likesI know just how you're feeling. I've been experiencing depersonalization for years now, and I'm only 13! The way you described it is relatively similar to the way it feels for me: it's almost like the world around me is moving too fast, but also too slow (if that makes any sense). I can see, feel, hear, smell, and taste just like usual, but nothing feels truly real. It's a bit like having a veil that separates me from the rest of the world, a veil that nobody can see but myself. It makes it hard to properly focus on anything, because it almost feels like everything in the world could disappear at any given moment, and it makes talking more difficult because I feel like I'm not in control of the words that come out of my mouth, even though I am. In my case, I think it comes more from my anxiety than depression, and I've never really been in a constant state of depersonalization lasting for more than one day.
0 likesAnyway, I just wanted to say that I hope you're going well/better! :D
Ciao!
Thank you so much.. I honestly think I'm insane sometimes. I think I over think too much and you explain everything I feel so perfectly and I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels like this. I'm glad to know I'm not alone. And I'm happy that you have this plan to cure your mind. I think an important tip I can offer is paying attention to small details and little things in your life that make moments matter most. I find in these moments to be very helpful and very present which I lack there of most of the time. gratitude is also another thing that helps, doing small things for people on the daily and reading to keep your mind busy and out of your thoughts can help too. These are just small things I apply in my life when I over think and I lack sleep and I feel consumed by my own thoughts and feelings. even exercising can help with depression. but regardless I believe in you and I believe you will be okay. Find your mantra and just relax. just let it be.
0 likeshope you're doing alright, dodie! this too shall pass. ♡
0 likes4:15 "i just wanted to get into my old bed in my old room and feel normal again..." This line really spoke to me. After I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, I cried myself to sleep/couldn't sleep so many times, and I was lying in my bed, in my bedroom, in my family home - the ones I've had for 10 years. It's just as bad having all those familiar things around you and knowing that the problem is you, you're not "normal" anymore.
0 likesoh man i went through this about five years ago and I'm so sad that other people have felt like this and are feeling this and this video brought back every single memory of the emotions and pain was going through
0 likesThank you for being so honest and I wish you the best in terms of getting back on your feet <3
0 likesnever have I ever related so much to a youtuber before. I'm in high school, and I'm mentally ill. it's not every day you see someone you admire talking about mental illness. you are very, very brave to speak openly about your own experiences like this. thank you for making this video <3
0 likesthank you for talking about all of this because everything you talked about hit spot on to what I'm going through. so thank you and even if you feel a little mad, don't worry just remember there's someone else out there just as mad as you<3
0 likesI love you Dodie ❤️ thanks for this :)
0 likeswhen you almost started crying I broke I love you Dodie <3
0 likestbh teared up a little when you did. sending lots of love, dodie!!<3
0 likesThank you <3. Love you and everything you do. Stay strong. Always keep fighting and all that. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you xxxxxxx
0 likesGoing back to places you one loved and seeing how small, decrepit and overgrow they look is so symbolic and fills me with a profound sadness. Why does this always seem to happen?
0 likesThank you 🙂 I'm 17 and have been dealing with depression for maybe about 4 years and I've always felt internally concious and anxious about my entire life and the way I operate. I don't really want to think about that way but I do its just the way I work. I recently broke up with my girlfriend feel so empty and completely disinterested in most of the activities I normally do..I'm finally gonna go to therapy tomorrow after years of ignoring it due to my pride getting away with me thinking that everything will be fine and I could do it all by myself because I do want to get better... I really do.. I was quite nervous about but after watching this and seeing your lovable energy and nature bursts through, I find it very admirable and I now feel more confident in finally getting a hold of myself for once in my fucking life 😂
0 likesi hope you overcome this soon dodie <333 we love you <33333
0 likesI've had depression for most of my life, starting at the age of 10. It's hard as hell. It can be isolating, exhausting, and demoralizing. In all likelihood, I will be fighting it for the remainder of my life. I know that a lot of the time I won't be okay. I know that even right now I'm on the edge of not being okay. But I also know that I've been okay before, and logically I probably will again. There are moments of genuine happiness that I can remember and look forward to. My point is, I'm going to get through this, and you are too. <3
0 likesI've felt exactly like what you've described in this video and I tried to go to my school's psychiatrist. They called my mum and she basically accused me of making it up to get attention.
0 likesHi Dodie :) Glad you make such open videos, it makes everyone else know that other people are going through the same thing & aren't alone. I just wanted to recommend something that maybe you'd like to try.... My brother found this doctor who successfully treated lots of patients with mental health disorders using Niacin (vitamin B3). I dunno if you've ever taken this before? It makes you 'flush' (go red & feel a bit hot & prickly), but only for a little while. I'm currently taking it myself because I have some mental health issues of my own - depersonalisation, like you (which is why I was so surprised & happy that you made this video!), & also misophonia & depression etc... If you do wanna try taking the niacin, apparently it's completely safe to take, as long as you don't get the 'non-flushing' type - make sure to get the proper 'flushing' type. I got the Solgar one, which you can find in Bodywise :) Start off with their recommended dose on the back, & increase when you get used to it, until you feel it's helping :)
0 likesAnyways, I hope you see my comment, I just want to help :) & also eating healthily (I.e. fresh fruit, veg, nuts, seeds, raw organic milk, cheese, butter, etc..) really helps a lot :) I hope you feel better soon.
Hey dodie and to everyone dealing with this or something similar! I've had pretty severe depression and especially in the last few weeks strong anxiety and panic attacks and as a lot of you was/am quite reluctant to go to a psychologist! I didn't even leave my house anymore! But for the panic attacks I found a book and some short introductory YouTube videos by David Carbonell Ph.D. and also by Barry McDonagh that really saved me/helped me deal and understand what is going on with my mind and body! Both of them described my feelings dreads and worries to a t!!!! Finally I feel a little better! So I just wanted to share this, cause I know how hard it is and personally would have wished for someone to point me to something! Hopefully this will help some of you!!!!
0 likesThank you so much for making this video and for opening up so that others may have a chance to at least try to understand what's going on in their heads.. I think you should manage expectation for finding a "cure".. going to a doctor and thinking they can make "it" go away can be so disheartening when you realise that they too, are just a person. Focus instead on feeling as good as you can every day and forgive yourself when you cant muster the energy to get out of bed or to feel like the ends of your fingers belong to the same body and brain that is making you feel like you're not here. The recovery and the ability to master ways to overcome frustration and nothingness and doubt is going to take a long time. Thinking about how lucky you are to be in the position that you are in rarely ever helps, it only fuels the voice telling you that it's not real, that you should settle into the rut you're in because it's just easier to sleep than to be awake, with your eyes open, feeling nothing.. You can be okay again, and as this comments section proves, you have so many people who are willing to offer a hand to you while you're journeying, and to help you feel like a human being again (whatever that means)
0 likesI'm so happy I came across this video. I'm sorry you've had to go through this and it sucks, but I think it helps to know that you aren't the only one and that there are people willing to talk about it. And seeing someone going through something similar to what I am and seeing them be able to not only have the mindset to want to get better, but actively trying is so relieving. Thank you for posting this, we're that much closer to wanting to get better
0 likesGo for it ! I just started therapy my self.. And it helps ! And you saying exactly what I fell make me feel les alone, and strange., thx
0 likesyou put this into such good words, i always feel like this but i never know how to deal with it, i just wait until time passes and then i eventually feel better
0 likesI've had derealization for about 5/6 years. My doctor hadn't even heard of it and the psychiatrist in my area has a two year waiting list that you only qualify for if you're suicidal. Joy.
0 likesproud of you dodie :)
0 likesI've felt the same way ever since I was 12. (I'm 14 now.) I've wanted to maybe see a doctor about it, but then I'd have to tell my mom and I know she wouldn't believe. She never does. So I've just kept it to myself.
0 likeswell done and be strong , were all here !! love you !!
0 likesThank you so much for making this video. I have had this for a month, and even though it hasn't been that much time, it ruined me. Not like I wan't to kill myself (because I don't, I don't have the courage to do that) but it simply affects me. It mostly affects my sleep (I get really weird dreams, and I wake up in the middle of the night a lot from depersonalisation) and it also affects my capacity of speaking to other human beings. Before, I'd feel this but it would go away if I went to sleep. But once, from being sleep deprived, I had a panic attack. I went to the doctors, and came back home. I felt like I wasn't a part of this world, that I wasn't there. Since I was sleep deprived that day, I decided to go to sleep. I slept for about 21/22 hours because that's how much sleep deprived I was. I didn't feel that weird feeling at first, but within a couple of hours I started to feel it again, and it simply wouldn't go away. And I've had it until now. That makes it a total of a month or a month and a half.
0 likesThis is awful. Some days I felt like I was getting better, but other days I was as depressed as it can be. The only thing that would "cure" me temporarily or make me forget it, was riding horses, because that's by far my favorite thing to do (I'm an equestrian). Also sometimes I feel like I want someone to hold me tight and to say that it is alright. That I will get better. I know I will get better though.
I have a couple of tips for who is suffering from this like me.
Firstly, try to ignore it and enjoy life. I know it's hard, trust me. But it really makes it better.
Secondly, do some exercise (exercise makes your mind connect with your body, since you are having to make all that effort) or something you love. Distract yourself. For me that was riding horses, reading books, watching videos, etc.
I feel myself quite better from doing all of those things. Also, don't search about it, pretend it isn't there. If you give into the depersonalisation, and if you keep thinking about it, more it will be active. Enjoy your friends, family. Overall, enjoy life. Don't consume yourself with this thing. Enjoy life, you only have one.
Also, remember that this is just a feeling. You will get better. This can't actually harm you. And also, you are not alone. We're all in the same boat.
It's impossible that you will have this all your life. The only reason that there's people who have had this for 10/20 years, it's because back then they didn't knew what this was, but now they do. You will get out of this. Be positive.
I know it's easier said than done, but try.
Good Luck people! I hope you can get out of this really soon.
When you first posted this video, I kinda went 'oh poor Dodie :( I want her to be happy' but also I'm really glad you made this video? Because not long after this I started going through a similar thing (feeling detached, none of my memories felt like they belonged to me, etc) and I would feel 100% shittier about it if I didn't know what it was (at first I thought it was dissociation, then I remembered this video and what you said about it)
0 likesI have recently gone through this for the last 3 weeks and I have felt the same way. I started taking liquid vitamin D3 and Lemon flavor fish oil, (it doesn't taste like fish) you can get it on Amazon or CostCo. These two things have really helped me although it takes awhile to work, maybe a week or so. Also keeping to a routine helps me. I know its hard but hang in there and try natural things instead of pills...Also, Not to scare anyone but virus and autoimmune disease can cause what might look and feel like mental illness but it actually the inflammation in the brain causing bouts of anxiety and depression.
0 likesStay strong sweetie ilysm and I am here for you ..btw I think I'm going crazy too 😝
0 likesI might be wrong but, in the past few months after this video, you said you were getting a bit better. I think a long with that your skin got better! It looks brighter and cleaner, even under makeup in recent videos.💜💜💜💜💜💜I love you, Dodie
0 likesIt's so sad to hear that someone you care about, regardless of whether they're a friend or a youtuber you watch, is going through something that sounds so similar to your situation. But at the same time this video has given me a lot of comfort, to know that if someone else feels this way - then you can't be mad because you're not the only one. Thank you for sharing, I feel a lot less alone now. And I hope we both, and everyone else who has felt this or something similar, will get through it <3
0 likesThis hit me so hard as this has been happening to me for almost two years now. Like I used to get depersonalisation when I was a kid and oh my god now I'm crying. Anyway, two years I've been feeling this way ever since I had my first extreme panic attack at 3am after I got drunk at a party. Literally thought I was dying… called an ambulance and the whole thing was just fucked and ever since then I get really bad anxiety and panic attacks. It's incredibly scary when you get into that state where you feel all bubbly and weird and unfocused and you feel like you're not actually here… I always thought that I was the only one. I would never wish this upon anyone, it's bloody terrifying.
0 likesAs someone who has struggled with mental illness, you don't sound crazy and I really relate to how a thought or feeling can become a spiraling obsession.
0 likesBut things can get better! Good luck!! Sending as many positive vibes your way as I can :)
Oh Dodie, I completely understand all of this. So damn well. There's nothing I want more than to go back in time, but Dodie we just need to try our best and find new things to love that can replace the old things we loved! This doesn't mean anything relationship wise, but a song or movie, or a friend, or a spot in the city. Something that you can love now, in the moment. We're all here for you and some of us are going through this too. Just know I'm here for you ❤❤
0 likeswatching this had made me realise that the way I've been acting the past few months is not normal, not right, I've ignored my friends telling me the same thing but this video just kind of ?? This is the first video of yours I've really watched. I need to see a doctor and get help before I alienate myself from everyone.
0 likesI can relate so much to this, but when I try to explain it to my friends and my family they just ignore it like it will go away... But it won't. Its not so bad as it was the beginning of the year its getting better.. I generally think that school (or at least my school) is part of the problem its just so negative and fake and basically hell... You inspire me to stay strong and not because of your talent or your job as a youtuber but because your not perfect, no one is really, and you know that and you stop underating imperfectionous (thats not a word is it?) and thats why I love you as a person! <3 Thank you so much for making my year just the tad bit better! xx Stay strong Dodie x
0 likes"[...] nothing is the same again an everything feels a little bit different, because you can't go back in time"
0 likesUp at this point I was holding my tears but as soon as you said this I just started sobbing. Ever since I moved from my homecountry everything's been weird and different and nothing's ever been okay again
It's been years since I've felt at home, or like my own self
I cant tell you how, but just know that i know the feeling and that your not alone. Thank you for making that video. It may sound crazy but it really helps to know that your not alone in having such thoughts. I just started therapy myself (thanks free university psykologist!) and i am already learning more about myself and what i live with. I am finally dealing with the problems that have followed me for several years now.
0 likesI have depersonalization since I can remember. Started on medication on 2013 after telling my doctor how I felt (or not felt) and the diagnosis was depression. Last year I thought I was cured so I stopped taking the meds. Actually I just stopped thinking about it. My depression went away but the depersonalization is so strong, and I can't find time anymore to see a doctor because of work. I feel like I'm losing it, I just Hope there's a cure for it
0 likesCraziest thing stumbling upon this video. I subscribed to you about a month ago and randomly found this. I have "depersonalization disoder." I had it for years. Fortunately, medication helped me overcome it. It was pure anxiety causing it, I guess. Unfortunately, I'm still retaining a lot of the emotion I lost and every month or so, I have a bad panic attack after releasing all of the anxiety that has built up :( Overall, life has improved. The world is bright and beautiful. I can think clearly and critically, and no longer feel "robotic." Hope you're doing better!
0 likesI had anxiety and my dad suffered from depression and what we both tried to do was to find what was wrong, and try to change it, like for my dad then if unfortunately stopping to play music for a little bit but he does play again now. and for me it was finding a new socal group. you have to find the things that make you unhappy and change them.
0 likesYou spoke exactly what my mind thinks. You are so wonderful & so beautiful. Much love.
0 likesI can relate to this video...thank you for your honesty...you're Adorable
0 likesYou're really heart warming and beautiful, stay strong..
0 likesIt makes me so angry how many young people are dissuaded from seeking help by their doctors. Pretty much everyone I know with a severe mental illness (and myself; I have bipolar disorder) was called a liar, ungrateful, or an attention-seeker by their GPs when they tried to get help as teenagers. Like literally EVERY other illness, if it's caught early it can be treated before it gets too unmanageable.
2 likesI really hope the NHS can help you, Dodie, but they can be utterly shit towards adults, too. If you can, think about investing in a private psychiatrist and therapist. The UK's MH service is basically a postcode lottery and if you're not happy with your treatment you can't really go elsewhere. Private therapy would be best for depersonalisation, IMO, because it's a deeply-rooted problem and they'll give you as much time as you're happy to pay for, as opposed to the NHS's attitude of, "Here's a six-week course of CBT and if you're not happy with that... Well, bye!"
Crying in the first 40 minutes. Please stay strong :( <3
0 likesIs there any update on this Dodie? I deal with depersonalisation and it's so hard to deal with and I want to start therapy but it's really hard
0 likesMy mom thought I was feeling anxious and depressed simply "for attention" and she told me to my face that I was making it up for a good 4 months until I almost attempted suicide and went to my school counselor with the support of my best friend and needless to say I was sent to the hospital for 5 days in result. I'm not completely better, but I'm not in that deep dark well that I was in a few weeks ago, and I'm getting the help that I need now, so I'm very grateful.
0 likes5:39 My friend also said that to me. That a cough turns into a deadly illness if you search for it.
0 likesIt is quite bizarre that you also understand how that feels.. I saw one of your recent videos and immediately "liked" your videos. I was mainly just intrueged by the way you speak and acted.. Not sure if it is possible to pick something like this up immediately like that?
Anyway. hug
i have depersonalisation - derealization disorder and this is so life affirming thank you so much
0 likesI have never known someone to make a video that was so true. I don't even know how this video was suggested to me. I can relate so much to EVERY word that is coming out your mouth.
0 likesMaybe it's a part of you realizing that you're becoming a self-sufficient adult and that you will have to depend on your self for everything. That can be scary in itself ("you can never go home again") - but it's a growing, evolving process. You're a wonderful person and it's very important that you can talk bout this - watch your own videos and it can be self-therapy too! Remember that we love you and admire and respect the wonderful young woman that you are! Do something radical (but safe) - cut your hair short - you would look marvelous with short hair - (but please keep it dk brown!) Love K - ever since I saw you with Tessa a few weeks ago.
0 likesIt's very weird watching this video after the one you posted today, "Angry". Especially when you mentioned the part about "not feeling normal since 17." My best advice is there is someone perfect everyone, and mental illness does suck. Because it is totally independent of any normal emotion, and then it ramps up every emotion. Do you in life, and don't be afraid. Everyone I know has depression, but as I like to say, "I'm just less good at hiding it."
0 likesIt's ok I totally understand I have never felt like that before but I understand because my mom is a therapist so I totally understand so you can work through this it will be ok I believe in you!!
0 likesI can relate to that sooooo much. Ive been told that I just make everything up. That I just want attention and that nothing is wrong with me. I just don't know anymore. But this isn't normal. I often feel on the brink of a mental breakdown and have broken down many times. I am loosing interest in things that i have loved before. I am just not sure whats wrong. I'm too scared and too confused to go seek help and i know thats bad. I know i should seek help but then again what if what they say is right. I'm just a bundle of nerves and confusion atm.
0 likesDo what you need to. You are the most important person your life and you come first. I'm very impressed at what you've been able to do so far with everything that you've been dealing with. Just take care of yourself the best you can and let those that love you help you if you need it. We support you.
0 likesIt's been getting better now, but I started having depersonalization in fourth grade and I thought nothing of it. Once I got to seventh grade I finally googled it and realized it was an actual thing. There was one point where for almost an entire month I almost had derealization or depersonalization nonstop and I searched everywhere for a cure and I just wanted to die.
0 likesI know how you feel my lovely <3 Best wishes Love you C:
0 likesI had depersonalization for the longest time. From about my freshman year of high school until my senior year. It is hands down the WORST thing I've ever gone through. It's worse than a prison. You are worse than trapped. It's utterly terrifying. I would lay awake for hours and hours at night repeating the alphabet, spelling my own name, saying things over and over again because none of it felt REAL. Which sounds insane to people. How can something not feel real to you? How can you look at your own hands and not feel like they're a part of your body? Or you legs or feet? How can you speak words and feel as if you're just observing yourself saying these words? I thought I was utterly crazy and that's not even the tip of the iceberg. Most people experience depersonalization at some point in their lives. It's like being at a crowded restaurant and suddenly the noise and all the people overwhelm you and you suddenly feel out of it, not all together there, everything is loud and bright but foggy and far away. But this usually goes away. I went to bed and woke up with it and INSTANTLY knew something was wrong. Instantly thought I was crazy. I kept waiting and waiting for it to go away and wear off but it just didn't. Luckily a quick google search told me what it was, but it was also linked to schizophrenia and other mental illnesses that scared the shit out of me. My thoughts became obsessive. I could never not think about it. I sobbed about it on end, told my mom who listened to every word, went to a therapist but no one really knew what it was at the time, not chronically at least, so I couldn't find help. I read books, which did help. Made me feel less alone. Made me feel understood at a time where I didn't feel anything other than crazy. I learned to just live with it, tho not a day went by that I didn't think or obsesses about it. I knew what caused it. Most people get trigged by traumatic accidents/occurrences (car accident/rape/abuse/family deaths/etc). Its your body's way of protecting you and disassociating itself from these feelings. But it doesn't really work because it disassociates your own brain, from your thoughts, so you just feel fuckin mental. Mine was not traumatic in that traditional sense. I was just having a lot, a lot, a lot of anxiety attacks, which at the time I didn't realize was being fueled by my sudden introduction and love for coffee, which was full of caffeine which I've found I'm very sensitive to. I had a lot of stress in my life and then on top of this new intense wave of extra anxiety, my brain disassociated itself from the anxiety. And it worked. I immediately stopped having anxiety attacks after that. Not a single one. Because I didn't feel anything. I didn't feel real once I got the depersonalization. It was an awful trade of which I would not ever let someone choose no matter how appealing that sounds. It's not. It's obsessive thinking and pure hell. I finally got rid of it one day with I decided to take a bath and listen to a guided meditation. I closed my eyes, listened all the way through, and when I opened them again everything was suddenly different. I can't even describe the feeling. I was suddenly PRESENT again. If you haven't experienced this I cannot explain it in words. The best I can say is that imagine suddenly having to live your life under water, to see things, hear things, even your own thoughts and feelings, from under water, completely distorted and distant and then to suddenly come to the surface again and see and feel and experience the world again. I can't explain the utter, blissful, excruciating relief I felt. And the complete terror at it only being temporary. Luckily, I am 23 years old now and have not gotten it back. I have had little tiny pieces of it for a night or a few minutes, but it's always left again. I'll never be the same. I still question reality. Is this how i felt before the depersonalization or just a better version of it? What is reality? I try not to think too much about it anymore just for fear of it coming back. But I do get anxiety attacks now and then again, which I'll gladly take, but I avoid caffeine like nobody's business and just try to accept me for myself. I still fear going "crazy" later in life, but I try not to dwell. If anyone has ever had these thoughts or wishes to know more (as I've only scratched the surface) feel free to contact me. I'm an open ear. Or Dodie, if you ever read this, I'm a new viewer to your channel but if you need to talk to someone who actually, honestly, 100% knows what you're feeling and experiencing, feel free to contact me. I will listen. And share. And be there. Cheers, MJ.
0 likesDodie, please can you film a minute insta video telling me (Rosanna) that life is going to be ok. that mental health won't kill everyone i care about. i love you and you are amazing x such an inspiration
0 likesMy boyfriend broke up with me because of my depression. Now I have to deal with not only depression and anxiety but also a broken heart
1 likeI dont know how to thank you in a way that does not say like "oh im so you", but fuck this made me feel like i am not weird. I've tried so hard to explain this, just this, to my friends and family, and they just do not understand, they say that is my fault that i feel that way, told me to just act normal. And the only thing that I wanted to do was just that, to enjoy life, and laugh, and happy stuff, i couldnt. There was something in my head that reminded me all day about my problems, and how wrong were the things that i did, and why i was trying to act normal if a normal person doesnt have to "try" and, everything really confusing.
0 likesThat happened about 4 years now, i tried a fucking ton to heal it just like a pre-teen would do, like cuts and punchs and ice and cold showers. I was so afraid of me, and no one could really help me because anyone knew about these things
My point is thank you, and god damn you're smart on getting medical atention, I should have done that a long time ago. Now i am feeling wonderful because of this, of course im still with panic attacks but nothing compared to before, i'm able to enjoy the grass, the sun, the little things that a couldn't feel before.
oh dodie,
0 likesi feel you. everyone always says "you look sick, are you ok?" "are you getting enough sleep?" and i just don't know an answer honestly? i'm definetly not ok in my brain but i can't tell anyone because no one fucking understands and everyone thinks that i'm just this little short idiot that no one cares about and it's just gotten worse and i know it will feel worse but the worse fucking part is, is that i can't get any help in a place that's so easy to get to at the moment because anyone who actually fucking gets what i'm going through is on the internet. and there's just this sort of, fake connection? like you know that everyone is there, but they're like illegally downloaded helpers. it's just, everyone says i'm so great and sweet and helpful but i'm NOT and i will stop talking now but yeah, you're right. it is so more than cats and rainbows
tldr; colleen relates and feels like a peice of shit
hey there... I hope that your best got you the help that you truly deserve. And, if it has not yet paid off, please keep asking; it often takes awhile for the right help to be granted, but you are so worth it and I really hope that it is working out! I know the NHS issues quite well myself. x
0 likesi found a simple solution to all my anxieties and depressed thoughts, and i found it in psychedelic substances, in a way they're kind of like a teacher, because they can rip into everything you think you know. In a way they lift a veil that seems to be blinding us in ordinary life, and it's through venturing into my own mind that i was able to realize that a lot of my own emotions are down to my ego, which everyone has. and it's because of this ego that we have bad things such as war, because we all have our own ideologies that we think are right, the same as in society we are told that you shouldn't feel good about yourself unless you're (insert certain weight) or unless you're perceived as good looking under the social constructs that we have built. so of course it's almost impossible to be happy when as people we've set impossible standards and ideals. But through psychedelics it's almost like you can see clearly because you get to look at your life through a new perspective, through the perspective of someone else almost. you see the world rid of greed, and self loathing and sadness because how can you be upset when you don't even know who you really are as a person anymore, your emotions seem almost ridiculous you'll find yourself unite with your enemies, because without the ego you realize that we are all just magnificent brains that can work together to create extraordinary things and move forward with society as one, and i truly think the more people come to this realization the sooner we will all find world peace and happiness. I'm not condoning any use of elicit substances and it's not always a wise move to use substances to help cope with things like depression these are purely my own opinions. There is a channel i found called Psyched Substance which really goes into more details about psychedelic and gives safety guides for using such substances if you so choose to venture down that rabbit hole. (Be safe, Test your substances)
0 likesReplies (1)
Of course not everyone who takes psychedelics will have these epiphanies as each Epiphany will be personal to you however you will learn some interesting life lessons.
1 likeThank you for making this video. Thank you.
0 likesNo one knows I have anxiety and I'm way too anxious to tell anyone...
0 likesAnd I cried when dodie cried.
What's she's going through here is how I feel right now
0 likesNothing lately feels real, and at the same time so real. I feel everything and nothing at the same time. Nothing is as clear as things used to be. I went to camp and was "happy" and did things I know I love and I felt the feeling "love", but for so reason it didn't feel real or clear. I just feel as though I am here but my mind is somewhere else.
0 likesI want to thank you for posting this. I felt really alone and crazy. I was losing it. I wouldn't leave my room, eat or even sit up from bed. Then I went off to camp and watched this (again) This time around it gave me a little more insight so thank you!
I'm in the exact same situation, you feel like a different person and not you anymore and don't know how that could happen so quickly
0 likesTake care Dodie. You are taking all the right steps xx.
0 likesthis is so real, i hope i can be this open. i'm a doctor and people have no idea
0 likesThankyou, such a honest great video, just so true.
0 likesI ❤️ you, Dodie.
0 likesThe most surprising part of this video was the bit where you highlighted that you thought that we might be judging you and tell you to just turn it off and think of cats. I have never suffered from any kind of illness but cannot consider a world where you would be lying about this. Well done for talking. I'm glad you're going to seek help. It's awful that a doctor told you you were making it up. Unfortunately we have to battle through the shit doctors to find people who will help us.
0 likeshey dodie im sure you wont see this comment, but i just watched your video about your experiences with emotional and sexual abuse, and i want to mention that disassociation occurs when ur brain is afraid and is trying to protect itself. and since you endured long term abuse its highly probably your dissociation can stem from that. i think you should def mention that to your therapist if you havent!! sorry if this isnt my place to say but i was just giving my 2 cents
0 likesWoW I feel like I just got sucker punched. . .this video very randomly came up in my feed, I don't know why I decided to watch it. . . when she began read the text to Sammy I almost cried. I experience it (what I now just learned is derealization) in every social setting in my life. I've chalked it up to being an "introvert" I had NO idea others felt that way specifically. I'm so grateful to watch this and begin my journey to learning more
0 likesWell I'm a bit late..but I just wanted to share this. I suffered depression for 3 years, and although I'm better it still comes back now and then (because let's be honest, depression never really fully goes away) I was bullied from k-6 and I hated every second of school, I wanted all of it to be over. Although I never self-harmed myself because of my paranoia + sensitivity, I'd still wonder what the world would be like if I was dead, would anyone even care? I don't really remember the years when I was depressed, it's such a blur, but I still do remember some memories that break my heart, memories I don't wanna remember. I actually don't really know how I became better, I never took anti-depressants, but somehow I survived all the pain and I became better. As cliche` as this sounds, it really does get better. If you're dealing w/depression, please please please don't lose hope, because you can win this war. Hell if an unsocial potato like me can do it, you can too <3
0 likesDodie, you don't know how thankful I am for this video. Nobody understands how complex it is. I suffer from anxiety in a non-textbook way. My friend once thought she was helping by giving me a 'How To Deal With Panic Attacks' book. It's full of the techniques that people think 'work'. 1. Breathe deeply 2. Remember, everything will be okay 3. Remember, nobody is judging you. But when I'm battling the constant worry of health problems and dying, breathing deeply is impossible. Nothing seems like it will be okay because death is what I think awaits me so soon. And I couldn't care less that I may be being judged. It's so much bigger than a bad thought. Because when people ask "why can't you just switch it off?" Or say "but just stop thinking about it" they don't realise that it's the mental illness that blocks the rational thoughts. I can't stop thinking about something which comes more naturally to me than sleeping or eating. It becomes bigger than the person you are. Terrifyingly so.
0 likesthis made me cry so much because i can relate and ugh. i hope you feel better soon :-(
0 likesThis is how I feel 😔
0 likesI never got diagnosed or went to the doctor because I didn't know how to explain it to anyone. I thought I was just being dramatic and going crazy. I remember in the eight grade I was struck with this feeling in school. I went to the nurses office, but I wasn't physically sick. I chose to go home because of the anxiety I felt, but it's not something she could've fixed. The scariest thing was knowing that the nurse couldn't give me ice or medicine to fix the problem. The worst was explaining the way I felt but feeling like I was crazy. I do get depersonalization time to time and it is the scariest thing. I have never been drunk before, but I it's like the feeling you get after getting laughing gas at the dentists. It may not sound so bad to someone who doesn't have it, but imagine feeling as though nothing is real. You are almost stuck in your own world where nothing makes sense. Your surroundings and sense of time is warped. You feel like you have no control over your mind.
0 likesI started crying when she started talking about her 'home home'. :(
0 likesi have the exact same thing and built up the courage to go to the doctors and when i got there i chickened out and rambled about my fatigue and idk what to do now huh
0 likesi really wish i could make a video like this, just talking about all that's been bothering me sigh
0 likesI love you and I can't stop crying and I love you I can totally relate to you and I love you and I can't stop crying and I love you ❤️
0 likesI don't have anything like this, but it made me cry seeing my idol upset. It upsets me to see someone I love so much feel so bad, and out of yourself. I really hope any therapy you are having helps, I don't know anything about this but I wanna just say we all love you, and we are all here, take a break if you need. Hopefully you feel slightly better as you seemed fine at sitc when I met you, I hope you had the time of your life performing main stage. You'll never see this but I love you loads <3
0 likesThere should be a few gold stars for you here. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️. Best of luck with what you try and I hope it helps you.
0 likesI have been feeling a similar way, while I don't know what you are going through I do think I understand.
hugs as long as you can keep that attitude of wanting to make it ok and keep seeking it I believe (as much as that means from a stranger) it will be ok. Don't forget your towel.
<3 @};~
Ok so i don't know if you will reply to this or even read it because of all the other comments, but I just wanted to tell you that you're one of my favourite people in the whole world. I've seen this video over 10 times because of how much it relates to me and I really appreciate how honest you are. I don't know you but I already feel like you are my friend and I appreciate that dodie, I really do. Thank you. Sorry if my english is bad. I'm from Ecuador btw
0 likesi have the same issues .. i graduated in 2012 and it started ... i have the same reaction to everything if someone died i think that their better off dead. my mother said i might be given the evil eye by someone thats jealous or that i am hexed or cursed by a known old lady in our family circle doctors say its exactly depression anxiety depersonalization. Every time if do something thats stressful or needs mental effort i have a breakdown.
0 likesThe years before 2012 were different like parallel universe of something. What i know helped a little is praying , living a healthy lifestyle and not force my self do things that stress me out like unnecessary traveling. I hope you feel better
Could also be PTSD, a very real thing.
0 likesDear dodie , I hope you are feeling a little better , and I think it's really good you are talking about how you're feeling . I kind of relate to what your saying - every few months for around 2 weeks I feel really empty. Sometimes is happens every days , I don't feel like I know who I am anymore and that I've lost the people that I used to me and I'm pointless. Hearing someone talk about something similar really made me feel like I'm not alone. Thanks dodie , we love you :)💗💗
0 likesyou can do this. all the luck, dodie
0 likesIf only my family understood but they've never dealt with this. I wonder if it's OK to go see a therapist when you're 17 in the UK, because I don't want my parents to know and think as usual that I'm over dramatic when I've had several breakdowns this summer and the only thing that helps is exercise and meditation for me. I'm a bottler so I bottle things up and it's bad, really bad. But then i think, people have had worse, which is what my sisters always say to me when I'm being "overdramatic" . Also I never like saying that I have anxiety or depression because what if I'm just being a teenager, I don't want to assume I have it or self diagnose myself
0 likesyou're an inspiration
0 likesI really hope you okay x
0 likesDodoie ( if that's how u spell it ) I have watched this vid 5 times already and I sereously feel for u so bad. You can push though because I believe in u. I really love u and I can't relate but I can in a way?? ://))
0 likesReplies (1)
You make me feel so good and yeah ummmmm I just really think ur so cool and keep up with the hard work (I subscribe to u by the way) ;)
0 likesI'm so sorry you have to go through this. I have been through so much shit and I more than anything I just want everyone else to be okay. I don't want anyone else to go through this. I'm so sorry. I haven't been through what you have been through because my mental illness is due to genetics. Probably not entirely due to genetics but that's what I tell myself. I never got help because I was convinced that everyone else had it worse. I just want to be happy. But I feel like no matter what changes in my life, no matter how many bad things go away, the feelings will stay. I feel like I'll never be happy.
0 likesTake care of yourself...allow yourself time. Time & the help your searching for (doctors & therapist) will yet you get well. Best Wishes, a new subscriber.
0 likeswhat i would like to note is that you're not going crazy, dodie (or anyone else). derealization and other dissosiative things are just a way for your body to tell you something is not right, which may seem kind of obvious, but it's not an attack. it's a protection mechanism. it's your brain saying 'hold on, this is dangerous for you'. i read somewhere you should try and accept it as normal. try not to think about it as much. think to yourself, 'no i'm not going mad, this is what reality is like'. it's easier the less severe you have it and i've been struggling with this but i''m trying. also a good thought: it's not actually harmful and it won't kill you. it's just going to be there and that's alright even if it seems kind of scary.
0 likesi've had pretty bad chronic derealization and depersonalization for about 2 years (so, the weird movie sensation where nothing looks or feels real, but also something that's messed with my sense of personality leaving me bland and confused and feeling dissociated from my name/reflection in the mirror) there is not a lot of research done on dpdr compared to more common things like depression and anxiety, but trying to fight it will not help you. everyone is different. one man got dpdr because his t levels were too low and other dude smoked too much weed and was cured by realizing it was just anxiety. if you get there early, it will be alright. it will be alright even if you don't get there early. the worst thing you can do is turn it into a battle. i hope you get the help you need dodie, and i was glad someone familiar was feeling the same way as me honestly. (sorry that was long)
Depersonalization sucks. And it's really hard to find professionals who understand this symptom/know anything about treating it :/ Good luck, though. Thank you for being open and just know that you're not alone and treatments exist
0 likesomg you poor girl. i have bipolar and i know just what u r saying. i now have antidepressant, antianxiety drugs and mood stabilisers. i am also havibg therapy and i feel sooo much better. seek help! much love to you
0 likesthere isn't necessarily a cure for mental illness, theres just coping and managing the symptoms.
0 likesI've come to the realisation that (for me at least, from my experiences with severe depression) that I'm never completely going to "free" or "cured" of my mental health problems (esp my ADD ahaha)
I hope things improve for you Dodie 💖 and that you start to get better
if you're on drugs talking about this then I am too. you aren't alone, dodie.
0 likesplease tell me someone figured out how to cure this... ive been dealing with this for 5 months now and its just too much to deal with
0 likesDodie please just know that your not the only one feeling this way lots of people including me feel like this me personally i have anxiety , depression ,depesonilisation and social anxiety if that last one counts but my point is that we all love you so so much even if we haven't met you personally but please please please know that we are here and we will listen and be patient because lots of us understand what you going through
0 likesI know I'm very late but i hope you see this
'HOW ARE YOU FINE?' Literally me.
0 likesi felt depersonalisation a few months ago. i guess i got over it. i guess. more or less just content about the word and life now.
0 likesYou're brave and you're beautiful and you're vulnerable and you're human.
0 likesThe only thing I wanted while watching this video was to be a qualified person to help you or maybe not so much qualified and just hug you and console you...
0 likesWhen someone asks "how are you" i never say "i'm good" or "i'm fine" because i'm not. It's like my own personal rule. I refuse to lie and say that i'm okay when i'm not. If anything most of my days i feel.. Neutral. I don't feel anything. I don't feel like i'm living if that makes any sense? I feel as though i am just... A lifeless person going through a bland life... Like i have no goals, or no future to look forward to. I'm unsure of how to describe it.
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I always say "i'm alright" because that is what i am. I am not good.. I am not necessarily feeling terrible. I'm just alright. I'm making it by. I am breathing, my heart is beating, my blood is pumping so i'm alright. At the very least i'm alive.
0 likeshi I doubt you will read this because its pretty early, I honestly thought I was crazy I cant explain what is wrong mainly the fact that I feel like my life is a dream and its really scary because I don't know how to explain it to my friends I have other mental illnesses but this is reallu scary I was considering the fact that I could be possessed and I know I am not thankyou so much for this video I rewatched recently and it is very relatable and reassuring x
0 likesI'm 17. I finally got a mental health orientated therapist who gave me a diagnosis. Today I got scared and cancelled all my appointments so discharged myself. Regret. regret, regret.
0 likesI could relate to that first message way too much.
0 likesAyyy
0 likesfinally someone else that has anxiety and depersonalisation.
This is difficult to say, but it feels like this body isn't mine. It sounds weird, and I think if I told my friends they'd be like "it's just because you're trans!" but no. It's like there's more than one person living in my head. Like i borrowed this body. when something happens, sometimes I can't remember if it's real or not. All I know is that I'm borrowing this body and that there's so many people in here. There's the body, An, there's me, Mikey, (I think the one borrowing the body) and Debbie, all the anxiety and depression in one voice, talking me down. Uh, yeah, help
I told one of my friends that I self harm and are really sad at 13 then they judged me and said I was aattention seeker.
0 likesI told my family that I was just so sad I cried everynight and cut myself everynight. They didn't do anything but one meeting with a GP doctor. They told me I was just self harming for no fucking reason and just attention seeking.
And why the fuck would I be self harming for attention when I'm still cutting myself at 15 and starting to feel numb with no tears left. I try to tell myself I don't have depression... Cause apparently it's attention seeking.
this video almost made me cry
1 liketip: if you catch yourself thinking 'maybe im faking it' chances are, you're not
0 likesThere are a lot of mental illnesses, disabilities, etc. The list is long. I really doubt there is a person who knows all of them. lots of similar and different symptoms. You have to separate them to know what your working with. Can't sit there and say someone is making something up because you don't believe what their saying. That makes a person feel worse than they already are. Help them go through what their going through. You may learn new things helping them. I have my problems. We all do. How can you go an entire life on this planet without developing something. You can't. Not with how this world works. We all live in our own little worlds. Our worlds collide with others and their worlds. Some will be around a short time. Their world moves on and so does ours. They may collide again later on but not always. Some worlds stay together our whole lives. Each little world interacting together. Those worlds growing bigger. Our personal worlds always stay small. That's our space to do things on our own time. To get away from things time and time again. Then we join our friends, family, etc. in their worlds. Becoming a bigger world once again. Help each other grow. Be better people. Hurting others makes things worse. I work on my problems everyday. Sometimes I mess up. I hope I made sense in some way. You are a great person. Love your songs, Dodie. Anything you set your mind to you can accomplish. Have an awesome day.
0 likesHey. Im really sorry you're going through this. Please don't think there is anything wrong with you or with depression. Sometimes its just our brains saying 'whoa slow down' and trying to care for us. Take time to heal, to really feel how you feel, and to go to all those 'ugly' places. You don't have to pretend or to try to be happy right now, because you are no longer capable of being okay and taking care of yourself is your priority right now. Just remember that you deserve patience and love and understanding. And give those bad feelings as much love as 'good' feelings because our feelings are just trying to talk to us and our bodies want the best for us. Best of luck. X
0 likesMy problem with depersonallization is that nothing feels like it matters because nothing feels real. Like how am I supposed to do work or keep up relationships or take showers when nothing matters and nothing is real? ugh
0 likesHello I can relate your story to mine. My boyfriend is my world my soulmate and my my future husband. We met up 4 weeks ago and stayed to his place for 5 days! We celebrate out first anniversary. But now he just broke up with me that he couldn't handle the pressure of being in a relationship and that he doesn't want to be with me! I felt to shocked and cried a lot! He still calls me but never message. I don't know what to do! Anyone please help me what to do! Because I know this is not him! I know he is the loving guy I saw 4 weeks ago and we were so close! Is the depression something to do with this? Or is it just me? I'm truly lost. Need your advice I appreciate it! Thank you!
0 likesDodie! Consider watching boyinaband's video about how he responded to his depression! I think, even if you don't take his suggestion, it's worth considering.
0 likes6:10 made me cry because I just want to give you a hug
0 likesI am shocked. I was absolutely shocked scrolling down my YouTube home and just almost passing past the video because it's another video about anxiety and depression that I've watched enough videos about and it's all over YouTube. and then, I read "depersonalization" What??? the horrible disgusting illness I struggle of and think about with every breath my body takes. I'm sad and devastated! Not another fucking human [me here!]!!!!! and SHE?? fuckkkk. I don't know what to say, I've always thought theres no such thing AS "the worst thing could happen to anyone" but with DPD, it is. I'm gonna go finish the video now
0 likesI want to comment on this, but I'm not sure how. I completely relate what you're describing on the text to Jon, but it's only really around people. Maybe it social anxiety or something But I love my friends and I'm a pretty happy person I think.. Well, honestly I'm not really sure. Can you be only a tiny bit depressed?
0 likesmy parents said I need to quit with my attitude problem and I try explaining without sounding whiney or like backtalk, does that make sense
0 likesI can't afford therapy nor am I in a country that pays attention to mental illnesses, so I have no access to decent mental healthcare... For years, I've been feeling this... I'm terrified about it and I don't even want to go on Google and self diagnose myself with depression, I don't wanna be attention seeking, I don't want to have that word "depressed" define me. I tried to push that word to the back of my mind, maybe I'm just weird and sad for only this moment and not a moment longer. But why I end up on the bathroom floor crying or in a crowd, feeling detached but at the same time suffocating as I realised I'm about to have a panic attack... where is the smile that would reach my eyes? You know what's worst? I find comfort in it, as if it's an old friend there to greet, a familiar cold blanket that hugs me. I wish you the best in your road to recovery... And that I envy that you can find help somewhere. thanks for sharing, dodie, much love to you.
0 likesthe saddest part is when you could hear her voice break while talking about the bed :(
0 likesit's the worst thing to realize that after you've moved out you can't just go back because your home has changed too and you have changed of course so nothing is the way it used to be. Plus that Doctor you went to, oh my god how can she say "you're making it up" ?? did she expect you to say "ah yes, thanks for pointing it out, I know it now and I will just stop."
0 likesI literally want to reach in and give you the biggest hug with kittens and rainbows and unicorns
0 likesDepersonalisation is so horrible - everything feels surreal, bright and just uncomfortable. I suffer from panic attacks but depersonalisation is what I find the hardest, you feel like you'll never feel the way you used to again but I promise it will get better!
0 likesBunları izleyerek kendimi dahada üzmemeliyim ya :(
0 likesI feel like I might have bipolar for a while but no one wants to believes me and my mental state is just getting worst and I'm struggling with school and truancy and I just feel like such a bad person and that something is wrong with me. I feel like a mental case or a felon :(
0 likesYou can spend your whole life acknowledging the symptoms but you will never achieve anything UNTIL YOU FACE YOUR PROBLEMS THAT APPLY TO YOU AND NO ONE ELSE.
1 likeReplies (8)
+Carolyn Perkins I'm glad you think that.
0 likesSince I've overcame all my mental illnesses (lies). And I guarantee I had a worse case of any the mental illnesses you have.
And now my mind is ordered. It sickens me to see so many of you who won't even try to fight this.
You want it because it feeds you.
But little do you know, it is you that feeds it.
@***** no. I think it is not following the truth that was given to us through those books of worship.
0 likes@***** The truths that we are faced with nearly everyday. And we turn them away?
0 likes@***** Yes. But if you break some commandments. You should still compensate by fighting others who do. Even if it means hypocrisy.
0 likes@***** I suppose you think pumping them full of drugs is a better solution than what I've said.
0 likes+Carolyn Perkins The job of doctoring this problem has become more like maintaining a prison and hiding the problem (not finding a solution).
0 likes+Carolyn Perkins mainly because these 'insane' people are actually just the same as everyone but they have more of a demonic presence.
0 likes@***** where did it all go wrong.
0 likesmy friend had depression and she's not responding to my messages im really freaked out she lives all the way across the country and I'm just really upset
0 likesHey Dodie, I don't really have anyone I can talk to about it but I am feeling the same way. I just feel like I am going through the motions I don't really know where I'm going with this comment so nrvm
0 likesits like the bloddy hell when youre like im turning crazy and you try doing normal things and you dont feel like you and its just asdfghjk
0 likesI wish I had a therapist
0 likeshun depression is a illness, your not a freak or weird , you would get better soon x
0 likeswatch this while listening to 6/10 quietly in the background my heart oml
0 likesI once had a patient who thought they were batman, so you will be better, if batman figuered it out, you will!
0 likesOkay, so I can't really relate to this; I mean I do get sad and worried and anxious about things sometimes and just want to be alone and shut everyone out for a while but it's exactly that: for a while. I'd say I'm a happy person. I have great friends, great parents, a great school and overall a really good life. So when I see things like this, or hear about friends saying they're depressed: I can't relate. I wish I could sometimes. Not as in "I want to feel bad myself" way, more like I want to be able to say something that... Helps? I have a really good friend who suffers from panic attacks, depression and anxiety. And I really really want to help. Just do something. Anything. But I don't know how? I don't know what it's like, and I feel bad for the people that do. I want to know but I don't want to. And for someone who just wants to understand and help, it's heartbreaking to see anyone suffering like this. I don't even know why I'm commenting this. I just hope that you're all okay.
0 likesI watch this crying, at 3:15 a.m. and I have no idea why and it hurts to breathe and think and I want it to stop and I can't figure my own mind out
0 likesdepression and anxiety are NOT obsessive disorders. an obsessive disorder is like OCD. something i and many other people deal with. please do not compare those disorders. OCD is extremely difficult. but its been heavily stereotyped by the media to make it seem like its all about being 'clean' when its actually about intrusive thoughts and these threats being lashed at you by your own brain. its not fun. but neither is depression and anxiety. i also struggle with anxiety. it feeds my OCD as again, many others do. anyways. get well soon Dodie. we all love you :) you can get through this.
0 likesI relate to all of this and it really sucks because no one takes me seriously except for my Doctor, who grew concerned at the results of a mental health test they made me take. people think you're just going through a phase or that you need to get out more to feel better but that's not how it works. that's not how any of it works.
0 likesOh my god. This is me, only difference is that I don't tell anyone because they don't understand.
0 likesHope you ok
0 likesIs it wrong to want more? To not be okay with you just having a cozy life, food, school, water, the basic stuff? I feel bad and spoiled for being depressed while having all of that. But is it wrong? I want to feel good not just have the basics, I'm a human being meaning not just fisical stuff affect me but also psychological and sentimental stuff. Why do I have to judge myself for my own feelings
0 likesDo you think the fact that women are more comfortable with crying , compared to men, would make it easier for them to cope with depression?
0 likesSay goodbye to videos like these thanks to the new YouTube rules
1 likei know exactly how you feel...
0 likesThe reason why I don't go to the doctor is because I'm afraid that he won't take me serious. I thought about getting help so many times but I'm just too scared of telling anyone because to other people I seem like a happy person and therefore no one would belive me. I just don't know what to do :l
0 likesCan't even read the comments because they all seem far too fantastical and worded much too flowery. Hope you can find a way to deal, though. Even though you know you're shit, I like you. Peace x
0 likesI've fallen in love with you
0 likesI have this thing where I don't feel anything where I can tell myself I'm happy and I think I'm happy and come up with reasons why I'm happy but the I can say I am sad and feel horrible and come up with reasons why I am sad but if I ask myself how am I feeling right now I don't know I don't feel anything I'm just neutral and idk if everyone anyone nobody feels like this too I just kinda feel empty and idk
0 likesI'll tell you a secret. All the best people are mad :)
0 likesI really hope the comments are never like what you described them as being :(
0 likes4:13 killed me why
0 likes❤️
0 likesi'm 13 and i'm so so so confused about my sexuality my mental health and if my friends my rly like me, sometimes i wish i could talk and talk and not stop till i've lifted all the weight on my chest, but everyone i talk to seem to disregard my feelings or say something like i understand but how can they understand, i want to see the counselor but i don't know her i worried that they might tell school or my parents, people will judge me, im worried im going mental i seem to be very happy a bd cheery one moment and very sullen and mean the next i seem to be rly happy around friends so i try to surround myself with them but as im an only child and my friendship with parent ain't that strong i have no one to talk to and i still feel like they will nvr understand a smidgen of what i'm thinking and over that im worried that i do have mental illness and my friends secretly dislike and im so afraid of the world and all the consequences of being a feminist and supporting lgbt+ and so much more, i feel like one day i ould explode and no one will be there to pick up the pieces,m so worried that all these insecurities are nothing and that its just me thinking weirdly. im afraid ppl won't like or see me in a different light because i was once called depressing and many other sad things im so scared of myself and im so scared of realising that all of my feelings are real hey crus me and so so so so despratley want someone to talk to someone who won't judge or analyse me.... im so afraid of the world problems i also feel so sorry and sad for all the suffering and i want to help it all but i now i cant and the things i cant help is going to crush me i feel so alone but when i realise have friends that make me happy im fine i just fall into a spiral on and on of ym own thoughts sometimes happy mostly bad and i afraid of if someone comments back itll be insensitive i feel so worried, but not all the time...
0 likesReplies (1)
sorry i needed to get rid of somethings ive been thinking and it all spurgled out of me
0 likesFrom my experience GPs are the worst for mental health issues. Best thing to do is to get them to refer you to a mental health specialist ASAP.
0 likesImagine getting that text...
0 likesHilarious as fuck
0 likesHey can you please give me a shoutout I really want others to see other younger people going through this!!!!!
0 likesI hate it when I become depressed, it consumes me and makes me into a completely different person.
0 likesIf you sound crazy then I must be too haha
0 likesI don't know if i have a mental illness because i don't think it is as serious as other people's, but sometimes i just feel really down and i just want a car to hit me or some other accident to happen to me. But other days i feel pretty normal and happy. I don't want to kill myself, but if i was to die tomorrow, i wouldn't care. I have also self harmed a few times. I haven't told anyone because i just feel like it is so pathetic because i always act tough around others. Can anyone help me out?
0 likesI hate it when I dissociate
0 likesI keep telling my therepist that im suicidal and they keep telling me im not and i dont want to go back
0 likesReplies (2)
Is there any way you can get a new therapist? Clearly they're not good enough if they can't do their one task: listening to you.
0 likesPls get help and don't be afraid to talk to someone you trust. I know that's easier said than done but it can literally be the difference between life and death:) stay alive
siobhan murray i would but its really difficult to get anybody to listen cause in the uk they pretty much dont care until youre 18 they wont diagnose me or give me any type of medication cause om not 18 thia therepst is the only one i can get for another 3 years til im 18
0 likesI dont feel connected to reality.
1 likewhat kind of fucking doctor tells you you're making something up
0 likesgenuinely pisses at this
I've really been struggling with body dysmorphia, and I don't know what to do.. I feel like I can't talk about it to anyone I know without sounding selfish idk if that makes sense :/
0 likesThis happened to me when I was 15. It took me 5 years to recover. So, it gets better with time. I hope you recover sooner rather than later. It gets better!!!
0 likesThis hits so close to home, Dodie. You've put into words what I never really could. It's probably one of the hardest things I've had to struggle with, for a few years now. I know how it feels, you feel like a hallow image of yourself, still able to do everything as before, but being so "out of it" in a way. I remember reaching out my hand to touch an object, and telling myself that I should be feeling SOMETHING, but never really could. I understand being a robot, I understand seeing everyone else as humans while we somehow aren't. You go into a form of autopilot, going through the motions of life to still sustain living, but it's all very, very different. It's scary, yes, but stay strong, it gets better, I promise you. I've learned to face my demons, and grow a lot from this kind of illness. For me, there was no kind of "quick fix" for it. It was a continuous day by day cycle that I had to learn to manage, it was something that I slowly had to work around, and not let it get the best of me. I was afraid of everything, and afraid that everyone would think I'm crazy, so I ended up staying at home, neglecting friends, neglecting everything just hoping that things would get better on their own, but even you're own negative thoughts can still drown your own sane thinking too. So, don't do what I did. My only advice is to keep living, keep going out, keep writing and creating music, keep visiting friends, keep being happy and doing things that make you happy, literally live life as if nothing is weighing you down. The one thing I've noticed is the more time you're happy and doing things you love, the less time it may take to heal and be in a much, much better headspace. You're strong, you're brave, and you can get through this. I'm here for you, and so are so, so many other people to help. We'll get through this, keep you're chin up, Dodie! <3
1 likeI'm currently struggling with severe anxiety and it feels so good to know I'm not alone!
0 likesI'm sorry you are going through this Dodie ❤️. Thank you for making this video, I have struggled with mental illness for years now. There is a stigma on mental illness that shouldn't be there and it videos like this help bring new light on the issue
0 likesDodie, I really hope you're doing okay, this had me in tears, you're such an inspirational and beautiful person and I really hope everything sorts itself out in the end. I love you ❤
0 likesYou are amazing Dodie! I have suffered with depression three times in my teenage years. I am now 24 and have been 'well' for six years. It gets easier I am a testament to that. Take care of yourself and don't over do it but staying in a routine will definitely help! Xx
0 likesLove and positive vibes to you Dodie. Hope you're doing well! :D and this was a lovely video and these videos give me hope in the dark shit storm of what YouTube and YouTubers have become. You're awesome and beautiful and you'll slowly get better! Thank you for sharing this.
0 likesI seriously love you as a person! Even when fighting a mental illness you manage to think about other people and love them. You are so full of love and I really hope you will recover soon!!
0 likesI cried through most of this video. Thank you for articulating the way I feel. I'm 51 and have been struggling with this since preteen years and it's still unbelievable to me that this is a thing. I'm a successful electric engineer who will be going back to school and changing careers to psychology and counseling because I need to help people who feel like me. Thank you for your amazing channel. You are one of a kind!
0 likesYour texts just connected so much with me and how I feel right now. I felt I could have written them to my friends. Thank you for this video because I don't feel so alone now. I hope you feel a little better soon x
0 likesI wish I had seen this video back when my depersonalization (I call it disassociation) was bad. I just felt like I was high all the time and I just wanted to feel "sober" again. I know this probably doesn't help, but it sorted itself out and I feel okay again. you can get through this dodie, we love you.
0 likesliterally how I feel.. proud of you for doing this Hope you get help if/when needed
0 likesSo much respect to you for being so strong and optimistic! You'll beat this thing, it just takes the determination you clearly luck! All the best!
0 likesI feel like this is the most relatable video that I've ever watched. It's so refreshing to hear that I'm not alone.
0 likesyou're really brave dodie for addressing all of this.
0 likesI've been dealing with various forms of dissociation myself, and it's not fun, it's really awful.
I wish you all the best, take it slow and try and be gentle with yourself!
Therapy helped me masses to the extent that I feel like the mentally ill person I was is a stranger to me now. Throw yourself into it and you will thank yourself!!! Lots of love and luck to you dodie Xx
0 likesI know no one will read this comment, but I'm so glad that there is someone out there who feels like I do. It really helps to see someone who gives off positive vibes despite everything they've been through. Thank you Dodie for being a truly phenomenal person.
1 likeI've been watching you for years and I just met you this year at vidcon I know you won't remember me or respond to this comment but thank you just thank you. Firstly you've always inspired me in every way and just kind of helped me escape seeing someone so happy do what she loves. I have bipolar disorder I've always known this and I haven't told anyone I've anonymously talked to counselors and therapists and I've been diagnosed. Ironically it June 21st only a couple days before I met you. I don't think I've ever been happier than in that moment you hugged me and Evan hugged me and it was a huge moment for me so thank you for that. And thank you for being open about you mental illness in my eyes this only makes you stronger. Your a warrior Dodie and I hope to be jut like you some day.
0 likesI can totally relate, thank you so much and I hope all is going well 💕
0 likesI just wanted to say thank you for making this and opening up about what you're going through. It helps a lot to know there are others out there feeling the same way. I feel like there is still somewhat of a stigma against mental health issues in our society, so thank you for talking about it.
0 likesI just wanna thank you for putting this video out there. I've been dealing with depersonalization/derealization for the longest time and i always feel so alone because i thought it was an uncommon thing and that no one else had it. I feel as if i am crazy and that there is no fix. It's so hard to put these types of things in words. but just knowing i'm not alone means the world to me. I hope you find the help you deserve and overcome this foggy feeling. i'll always be here for you and i love you<3
0 likesI want you to also add to your list: "I will be kind to myself." I think you are. I see a young girl trying to keep going and keep her chin up and that takes strength. :)
1 likeI remember feeling like this. I'm glad that you have friends that you can talk to about it.
0 likesI love you Dodie! We will get through this. ♥♥♥
0 likesI've experienced all 3 of these mental health issues to some extent. Thankfully I have never been to the stage you are but I really hope that you manage to get through this 😊❤️
0 likesStruggling with anxiety can be hard sometimes for me and its nice to relate to someone who has been going through the same kind of thing (but differently than I have). Thank you so much for making this video. I hope that things get better for you soon. Please stay strong. :)
0 likesThis video came at the right time. I know I have some sort of issue and know I need therapy, I've just been putting it off. This has definitely motivated me to do something about it. Thank you Doodie! 😊
0 likesThank you, thank you, thank you for making this video. I have been dealing with the same things lately and I had no idea how to explain it to people around me. The way you explained it in the text messages it exactly.. it. That's the problem. That's how it feels. That's how it goes. And it's so comforting to hear that I'm not the only one who experiences this. Thank you.
0 likesI was just diagnosed with depersonalization and derealization the other day. on top of depression and anxiety with panic. we can make it through this tho ♡ love you so much dodie.
0 likesWish you all the best, Doddie! :) Hope things get better for you! <3
0 likesGoodness I'd never related to something so much. I have very similar conditions, mine including mostly anxiety, agoraphobia and depersonalization, but also OCD and hypochondria. Thank you
0 likesI think you're incredibly brave to talk about this. And I know, even though I have been depressed earlier and I have anxiety, I have never gone through depersonalisation and I cannot imagine how it must feel. Though all this, I will say a few things. I don't know you and I will not pretend that I know you, but through your channel and your videos, I've picked up on some stuff. By personal experience, I know these things are not something you normally notice yourself and you don't even think about it. This is going to sound so stupid and like I'm telling you to forget everything, but I will assure you, I am not. I will advice you to try and do things that make you happy.
0 likesThrough what I have seen of you on this channel, I've noticed that you always say you love making videos, especially these chatty videos. You love the "video every day of the month" things. Also, buy yourself some exclusive tea; treat yourself. Or a nice bathbomb (or 5). Write down everything thats floating around in your head. Do easy DIY-stuff with your friends, in those videos you always laugh so much. You don't even have to film it, just do it for yourself. Drink water, a lot of it. Take small breaks in your day. I will advice you to try and rub your hands together to create friction and warmth. When your hands are warm, place the palm of your hands over your eye sockets and rest the fingers on your forehead. This is surprisingly relaxing and only takes a few seconds. Take care of yourself, in all the ways you can. I know you can get through all this. And do visit that doctor. I wish you all the best xx
What a beautiful video! You expressed yourself in a very articulate way and showed how you are trying to make the best out of a not so fun situation. I've dealt with a number of depressive disorders on and off since my teens years and you are very right that it isn't always easy. Keep doing the best you can and give yourself space to feel these things ,when you are able of course :)
0 likesWe're all right here for you dodie, and thank you for opening up about how you're feeling, it is an incredibly difficult and scary thing to do, but it is worth it. You're doing the right thing in seeking help, and please know that you are a loved and beautiful person, even when your mind is telling you other wise 💜
0 likesI have this as part of my psychosis - I have anxiety and you met me at a gig where I was hiccuping badly - I can now say i've been hiccuping for two years straight! Well done for getting making this though, I hope you get the help you need :)
0 likesI'm unsure what depression feels like or anxiety even though I feel like I may suffer from both. I don't want to go to the doctors incase they tell me I'm lying or I'm just attention seeking and I don't want to research the symptoms in case I (like you said) match the symptoms to my life.
0 likesThis was such a great video, it legitametly made me cry :) Hope you feel better soon <3
i get how you feel i have been struggling for 4 years on and off, i wish you the best with therapy, and it works well for you! good job for taking action. would love to hear about experiences of therapy, i think it would help so much as I'm afraid to go.
0 likesBut of course get your self sorted and happy first!
:) xx
you dont seem insane at all, Im glad you can publicly talk about this stuff cause im going through mental health issues and I find it hard to even tell my friends or any family
0 likesWhen she mentioned depersonalization I hadn't heard about it so I searched it and when I saw what it was I just gasped and went into hysterics because I always thought I was going crazy when I would have an episode of it and I just need to thank you so much for helping me with this
0 likesThank you so much Dodie. I really needed to hear someone else talk about this, especially as of late. But I am really sorry that you're having to deal with it because it really is the worst. I think I've possibly suffered from depersonalisation for at least 5 or 6 years? But honestly I'm not sure when it began. I might know what the trauma was that caused it though. I'm already being treated for depression and anxiety, but yeah, I've been struggling again with depersonalisation stuff recently and I feel like now's the time I try to talk to a doctor about it. It's such a difficult thing to talk about too because you feel bad for saying that the world around you doesn't seem real?? Especially to friends?? Like it's not that we don't think they're real, but that things don't seem real.. which probably doesn't sound like much of a difference but D: So yeah I really appreciate you making this video! <3 Take care honey x
0 likesi've dealt with derealization and depersonalization for the past 5 years and it took a visit to a mental hospital for me to realize that i wasn't going completely insane. i wish i would have realized sooner that i was not alone. this illness is a thing that exists and is common, but it is not talked about enough. we are not insane. we may be a little sick in the brain, but we are not crazy. and we are real and alive.
1 likeThank you so much for making this video. It helped me so much <3
0 likesI'm so sorry you (and every other person with mental illnesses) have to go through this. I hope it can get better, I love you <3
0 likesThank you so much for making this video. I've felt terrible for the past weeks and I've been trying to surpress it but it didn't work. I was and am so scared but this video actually helped because now I know that I'm not insane and there actually is a cure for my 'illness'. The point is that my mum says I should just let it go, but I can't and I want to go to therapy. I'm only seventeen so I can't just go to therapy I need her approval. How do I do this?
0 likesJust going to put it out there, you are my hero and I hope I will be as awesome as you one day. I am going to imitate you and try to overcome my own grief and weird depression. Thank you.
0 likesomg yes, I've had DPD all my life and it comes and goes in waves. No idea what it was until I went to google a few years ago - felt so weird to know I wasn't the only one feeling like that, and actually reassured me when my doctor diagnosed me.. not crazy lol
0 likesI hope everything works out for you, I have had many problems with trying to get into doctor appointments and oh boy is it frustrating since you just want to get help. Also I can't thank you enough for helping me find the word for what I have been feeling the last 4 weeks which is depersonalisation and I can't wait to ask my therapist about it.
0 likesThank you so much for this video! I am really really sorry your doctor didn't acknowledge your struggle, and I'm glad that sharing your experience had a positive influence on you too. I can totally relate to your struggle with your emotions during the video. They are so out of control and you try to keep yourself together but they just do their own thing.... :( since there seems to be this huuuge stigma in society surrounding mental health issues, antidepressants etc. i thought i'd debunk some myths, and put a video up about it on my channel, maybe you wanna check it out :) Lots of love, Tirsa
0 likesThanks for making this and thanks for being honest. You do NOT sound crazy. You are not strange. You are wonderful and talented and valuable. I can't say I know exactly how you feel, because we all go through things differently, but you need to know you are not alone and you are not wrong and you should not have to pretend. I have been dealing with my own struggles in the same categories, and it is hard, but you can do this. Much love!
1 likeLove this video. In my case, it isn't really mental illness, but I'm going to the doctor because I've been feeling exhausted. I was trying to keep it together and eventually my family noticed, and I was told I could have low thyroid. Such a simple thing!! I would have never thought that my fatigue could be a symptom of something more. It's important to have people around you that take you seriously and are willing to help you.💟
0 likesDodie I cried. This is so true, i am so glad there is somebody else to help
0 likesI've dealt with minor depersonalization consistently for the past 2 years. So believe me when I say that you don't sound crazy at all because I go through almost the exact same thing! Thank you so much for sharing cause it really does help me, and hopefully others, by hearing about other people going through this. The video did kinda confirm my worst fear however, that at some point in my life, this feeling may get worse. But maybe now I can prepare by finally going to therapy or who knows. Just know that the intense depersonalization you are going through will not last forever, trust me. Thanks, even though Dodie probably won't read this 😂 but thanks
0 likesI appreciate what you do: so I decided that, based solely on this video, I would share my thoughts on what might be troubling you.You mentioned how: you felt this way since seventeen, having your anxiety spike after going to Wales, walking through a "dream world," and not being able to talk to your maid. both having a maid and going to Wales is something not many can do; but if they could would be ecstatic about. This feeling of "I'm not here" may be you trying to put distance between what you are doing, and how you feel about it. What is the "normal again" that you mentioned in the video? is it not feeling alone? Do you feel undeserving of what you achieved; and maybe I'm wrong. What I do know is that we'll be waiting for you to stand up whenever it is you're ready! Thanks for your support,!
0 likesHi Dodie! I went through something VERY similar this past January - March. I started suffering from intense feelings I had been repressing for years after a traumatic childhood experience, which then caused the most severe anxiety I've ever felt. What helped me the most was having people tell me that I wasn't crazy and that all of my feelings were valid, because then I started working through those feelings and letting myself feel stuff I never allowed myself to. I didn't think I would make it to my college graduation and I now have my degree and a full time job that I love. You're not crazy and everything you're feeling is so real; sometimes to really, truly get to the place you want, you have to feel the worst and weirdest you've ever felt. Keep talking to people you love and doing the things you love. I know it's hard to see now - it definitely was for me - but it will get better.
0 likesOh, dearest Dodie. My heart goes out to you. It deeply saddens me to see yet another human on this planet has had to experience this. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. However, I can say that as much as the past 3 years of (depression, generalised anxiety and depersonalisation/derealisation) have been the most difficult and terrifying of my life so far; I can truly say it has changed me for the better. There are positives and negatives that come out of everything in life.
1 likeThrough this video alone, I can see how much of a strong individual you are. Trust me in saying you will be A OK. Even though it does not feel that way. I understand exactly how you are feeling, and so many others do. Looking in the mirror and not recognising yourself. Or walking down the road but not feeling like you're in your own body. Or just purely being tired of being in a body that your brain does not want to be in. You will find the things that help you the most. For me, personally its talking, writing down these thoughts, therapy, yoga, healthy eating and exercise. I also like to remind myself that depersonalisation is a coping mechanism-when our bodies are under a lot of stress, they switch off. I guess its to just give us a break. Think of it like that.
I wish you all the best with this, and remember-none of this is permanent. You are strong xxx
I understand how you feel dodie! and I'm glad you brought this up because I've noticed that you haven't been doing so well lately..
0 likesthinking that you're making up symptoms or "faking" your problem only makes the issue worse. I thought for years that I was just "moody" and people just ignored my weird behavior. It wasn't until I cried every day for two months straight that I realized something was wrong. thats when i finally went to see a doctor and was diagnosed with depression. all those years I thought I was just being "dramatic" when I had constant thoughts of sucide or self harmed. I wish someone had told me that it was a real problem, and it wasn't just in my head.
I can every single word of this video! I'm nowhere near recovery personally but I'm on the path to it and seriously, as cliché as it sounds, it does get easier. If it isn't too hard for you, keep talking openly about this. Its so nice for younger people like me (16) to know that you can still have these things when you're older and get help and sort your life out haha, we're not alone! I'm just rambling now but yeah you're lovely and I hope you start to feel better xxx
0 likesholy, i don't know where to start. i've never heard someone with such a following talk about the one thing I hold so true to who I am. i am going to try to make this short. i have not felt like myself since i was 16, it's been 7 years this fall. my experience is similar to yours in the sense of just feeling a bit off for a while. for months i would express it as "i'm not here." depersonalization is a dissociation disorder, for me it's a separation with my mind and body. i literally feel like i'm constantly in my head and not connected to the rest of my body. as a product the outside world is dream like and reality is off. simply, i am not grounded.
1 likethe symptoms, - feeling like you're watching yourself (out of body experience), not recognizing who you are in the mirror, feeling numb, not recognizing familiar things, like places or people, not feeling connections to people -all get worse the more anxiety you have. perhaps your symptoms subdued for so long because you just ignored them. my depersonalization has been a sequence of feeling off, then recognizing the symptoms and igniting extreme fear + anxiety (making the symptoms more prominent and terrifying) then gradually learning to ignore them again...the latter puts you in your initial state of just feeling off, only now you know why.
i don't have the cure, i believe it's different for everyone. but it helps to understand that often people who develop this are highly sensitive people and prone to it in the first place. sometimes it's not clear as to why it occurred, it can be as simple to always being an anxious person...try not to obsess as to why it developed. your symptoms are more pronounced right now because they're being fueled by anxiety. talking with a psychologist will give you tools to ease it and eventually your symptoms will decrease and maybe even fade completely. if you find yourself back where you were initially, just feeling off i recommend meditation and grounding techniques. we are literally not connected to our bodies, we retreated because of fear. we have to reprogram our brains to enter our bodies again if that makes sense.. i have instances of feeling truly present, like "i'm here" and it's the most beautiful and amazing feeling. we can do this. i hope you feel more like you :)
I don't think I've ever seen a video on the internet describe me more than this one. I relate so much on so many different levels, I hope you're doing better.
0 likesI really hope your okay dodie love you x
0 likesDodie, I am so sorry you have these feelings. Someone I love very much struggles with similar periods of disjointedness and numbness (in the US, I think what you are describing is called dissociation - I've never heard of depersonalization), and she initally used cognitive/dialectical behavior therapy and antidepressants to regain control once she was diagnosed, and then more standard therapy and/or medication once severe symptoms lessened. I hope this information helps in some way, and I'm glad you're seeking treatment.
0 likesYou are so unbelievably strong I admire you so so much thank you for posting this
0 likesI experience from dissociation and depersonalization a lot, like I forget that I can interact with the world around me. I feel like I'm sitting outside of the world watching it happening. What you're feeling is 100% validated. Mine stems from my stress and anxiety. It just sucks because it feels like there's no way to get it stop. Like a boyfriend I had for over a year broke up with me and as soon as he left, I felt like I never even dated him. I felt like it didn't happen to me, it felt like I watched it all happen to other people. And I would just to and grasp on to those feelings I had with him when I was grounded and in the moment. I just understand what's going on with you, and I'm so glad you vocalized it in a way that it more or less easy to understand for people who don't understand.
0 likesI can tell you're extremely critical of yourself, it makes me sad to see how confused you are about who you are. From what I can tell, you have a beautiful mind and heart. I hope you find healing and comfort someday and please never give up.. :)
0 likesI've always called that "i feel like im going mad and im not really here" feeling dissociation but how is depersonalization different? or is it?
0 likesFighting tears is the worst :( I'm here for you <3
0 likesI just watched this today and I truly needes it, especially today. I have been struggling with anxiety symptoms for months now and its effected me physically and I need to do something about it, although its fairly fresh, I know the best thing for me to do is to get help.. so thankyou
0 likesHi Dodie, I know I'm a bit late for watching this video but I've been going through a similar thing so I haven't been online for the last couple of weeks. I know you can never feel 100% better but I really hope that your illnesses fade slightly and you manage to start digging a small tunnel out of the groove in your brain, even if you have to do it with a tiny toothpick (it feels like nothing is changing but even tiny toothpick scratches are better than nothing)! I have a book recommendation: Am I Normal Yet? by Holly Bourne, it's a book about mental illness and it's aimed at teenagers but it has genuinely helped me a lot over the last couple of years. You may never read this but I genuinely hope you can make the hole you're in slightly shallower xxxx
0 likesthank you dodie so much. I deal with so much shit, i am so bipolar i actually have psychosis. Re-realization and depersonalisation are big things in the things i have. I relate to this so much. Despite being on medication, my bad habits and problems have made me depressed for an actual reason. Knowing you deal with this too makes me feel so much better, no one around me really understands, thank you.
0 likesI watched your video everything you said was right and it was a great effort, well done.
0 likesYou're not crazy. I suffer with depression and anxiety too and that is pretty much how i feel as well. I'm so glad you're getting help because no one should ever face this alone. Thank you for sharing your story
0 likesI'm 21 and I've been suffering depersonalization since I was maybe 14. I totally get the trying to get back to what's "familiar" but it not working. It's like those familiar places had simply moved on without you. But anyway, I can very much relate to you so much, so it's good to know neither of us are alone at least. I even went to a therapist a while ago, and they did not help. But I've found a new one that is so much better! Therapy really does help once you find someone who understands and who you can trust. Good luck, and my best wishes to you!
0 likesHi Dodie! I was listening to a song, "Touch" by Sleeping at Last (do take a listen. I think you'd really resonate with it!) I was listening to the lyrics and thought of you and what you've been going through... I'm a huge advocate for mental health and therapy as I've dealt with my fair share of panic attacks and some of the dearest people in my life have been affected by mental health issues. I can't stress it enough, but what you are feeling is valid and once you find a doctor who can help you through this time, things will get better!! Even though it sucks, sometimes we have to work through the mud to get to solid ground! <3
0 likesdepression and anxiety is something really hard to go through. just know that you're not alone dodie, and your followers and subscribers are here for you no matter what.
0 likes"I felt that I was not, never had been and never would be a living part of this overpoweringly solid and deeply meaningful world around me." -- John Knowles, A Separate Peace
0 likesWhen watching this video. "dammit, get a grip". You're not alone. Just keep fighting y'all.
0 likesLuv and prayers are with you 🙏🏻❤️
0 likesProfessional Counselor here. I appreciate your honesty. Feel free to ask me questions. Depersonalization is real and actually pretty normal; it's just not okay when we realize it so frequently. Google grounding, diaphragmatic breathing, Cognitive therapy and mindfulness...some of the best things you can do for dissociation and panic ;)
0 likesI deal with depression and I was diagnosed with something similar to multiple personality disorder. I know it's hard, I've been dealing with it for maybe 6-7 years. Recently I've felt it hit me harder. Whether it might be that school is starting up again or that I have been overwhelmed with new surroundings or something else it is just very hard to deal with. I have a girlfriend who also has depression and low self confidence and when I stray away from her she has to find a way to bring me back. It's difficult to keep a relationship with her still but I do it to make me happy.
0 likesI can totally feel u, one day morning in my freshmen year, I was walking on the road, I just found I am not there and I am not me, I was just looking the world move but not actually there. This feeling makes me want to scream. That's the first time I start to research depression and so on, I didn't go to a doctor that time, cause I am just afraid to talk to them. I am afraid I can't explain it. The lucky thing is the urgent symptoms seem went away by itself, but it do come back time to time, should I go find a doctor? I know the answer is yes but..
0 likesHi Doddle i myself suffer from anxiety and depression and i'm not going to say i feel exactly how you do as it is different for everyone,, i have had it for 3 years plus and find it difficult to live my everyday life and socialising and looked for help and councilling.let me just say you are an amazing person who brings happiness and joy to many people with your blogs and videos including myself and im sorry to hear you have been effected by this illness. i hope you can over come this and be happy with in yourself x
0 likesThings in my life have been awful since the beginning of my last school year, around the end of September. My friend was depressed, and she was self-harming. I still remember when I found that out and I will never ever forget it. After that things have been, bad. Not necessarily with my life or my health just with my head and my thoughts. I have not been able to move past that and I just want to cry all of the time. I hate how I feel and I really want to see a professional because I cannot figure this out on my own. But I can't even get to that point. It's a horrible, all-consuming feeling that I just can't get away from it. Thank you for making this, it kind of helped to describe how I feel. Thank you so much Dodie.
0 likesNO matter what you are going through, you have people hear for you. :)
0 likesI had severe depersonalisation/anxiety after a drug trip for 3 weeks and it was the most terrifying experience of my life, luckily it tapered off and I got better but I just want to say have hope because by no means is mental illness for life. There are so many things one can do, whether it is therapy, exercise, meditation, diet changes or whatever you will find a way to live happily with your mind :)
0 likesAs a person that gave struggled with anxiety and depression since I've lost my father I can say that there's no cure for what I feel, there is a way to learn how to live with it, and how to slowly overcome. But there's no cure becaus its never going to bring my father back and I will never stop missing him. Im not saying you cant get better, because different people have different anxiety scenarios. I just want to say that I have been through the worst and I slowly came out of it, Im not cured, but Im better, which means that you can get better aswell, you will get out of it, be patient and grab up to something because most days will try to bring you down but you need to fight for the days that bring you up.
0 likesI've experience weeks like this and although I'm not trying to say it's exactly the same I can recognize how your feeling. I've tried to explain it to people but it's really hard when you don't know what's happening or what your even trying to explain. to me it always just feels like I'm almost sleeping like I'm walking and dining things but there is no real point because I'm not really doing it or I'm not really here or it doesn't really matter any way.
0 likesWowie I can't even put into words how much I relate with this video. I can't talk about it to anyone, personally I would like to see someone but there's nothing I can really do about that as no one takes me seriously. There's nothing I can do or say to convince anyone of these weird symptoms I feel, but hey, ya know, "I'm sure she's just being the drama queen she normally is" ahh it's really not fun, but I respect you so much and I'm happy you're in a place where you can talk about it and help others, love you Dodie xx
0 likesThis may sound bht I really wish I could hug you better. I've been where you are now/were and I still struggle every now then. P.s. I know this may just be in the video but don't force yourself to not cry, it only build up emotion and potentially make things worse. Hope you are feeling better,
0 likesMark
hey there, have you ever tried a specialised technique with a dr, called EMDR, my dear Dodie? It may help with the scattered shards of memories that may feel like they're sticking to the sides of this groove you mentioned in your brain. EMDR has definitely been helping me in terms of my PTSD and GAD. Thank-you so much for keeping on keeping on. <3 ~ sovadea
0 likes:( This is the only video I've seen of yours but I relate. I started realizing I had a problem when I was only 9 years old and people tell me all the time, there's no way a 9 year old can have depression, 9 year olds don't even know what that is and the only thing a 9 year old can fixate on is cats and rainbows, as you said. But I was fixated on the fact my parents were so much older than my friend's parents and they're going to die before most of my friend's parents were. When I'd go to my grandparent's house (which live 1,000 miles from my parent's) all I'd want to do was go home so my parent's didn't die when I was gone. And I obsessed over it which triggered anxiety. At 12 I was diagnosed with MDD and I was failing every subject except English in school simply bc my brain shut down and I didn't want to try bc I didn't care and it was exhausting to put effort into school. High school I realized I had depersonalisation and felt like a ball of consciousness and didn't have a human body. I would talk to people I'd never talk to before which everyone thought was nice and tralala yay, I'm making new friends, but it was because I had totally changed and didn't see myself as a person like them. Idk how but I got out of it and I still just have issues with motivation and I've never really "treated" it for longer than 4 mo. But I know, the way to treat it is through therapy. Your therapist NEEDS to teach you coping skills or else it just won't get you where you want to be with your mental health. You need to get out of it in your own special way. I am a very happy depressed person bc I know what makes me happy and I do the things that make me happy and I get to thinking about the amazing things I can do and it motivates me to take steps into doing them. I write things down, like goals and how I want my lifestyle to be like, and keep them in mind and read them when I'm down or just want inspiration or both. I'm not high functioning though, I still fail a lot and I still get anxious a lot, but I know how to at least comfort myself and go for a walk or honestly just sit and "meditate" in a way. I hope you figure everything out and know you're loved by your friends you can obviously text/talk to that you mentioned in the beginning. Good luck with this special journey, it really can be enlightening if you let it be. :)
0 likesJesus Christ I can't believe I haven't seen this yet! I get this permanently and I've been so scared lately... Thank you so much for making this it's so nice to get that reassurance you will be ok xx (btw seeing things brightly and weird things like that is probably mostly derealisation which is almost the same but more to do with the surroundings)
0 likesthank you dodie I really need that talk today.
0 likesdodie if at any point you feel overwhelmed or like taking a break from videos and the internet will actually benefit you, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't feel bad about it or keep making videos for our benefit. we love you so much and we want you to get better and if getting off the internet helps you on the right track to recovery then we'll be thrilled and continue to love you more and more until and when you're in a better place. we're all rooting for you
0 likesThis video has helped me so much, I have had the feeling that 'I'm not here' for the last few weeks:(X
0 likesBe strong Dodie, I send love and best wishes from the other side of the world. Even though I don't know you, I know other people who have combatted depression and anxiety, and I really hope you feel happier soon. I have felt... sad before, and really angry, but I know it is not as severe as what others have felt, so I feel so sorry for you, because if what bad stuff I have felt isn't really that bad, then I sincerely hope nobody has to go through 10x worse than that. 🌺💕😌 Hope you had/are having a good day :)
0 likesWhen you make a video that describes how I feel perfectly
0 likesI wish the best for you sweetie ♥♥ I believe in you
0 likesYou don't sound crazy. I've felt like that for so long. I have a depression and I've been out of school for a year now and I'm starting again this wednesday. I'm so, so scared and I'm afraid not to be able to function like every one else, because that feeling of not really being here keeps coming back every once in a while. But I guess I have to pretend to be normal and then maybe I will feel like it. I hope you will feel better at some point!
0 likesit's so strange, because i only now realize that i've experienced depersonalization before, if only mildly (and only once in a while). it would happen occasionally, and i always thought it was normal. i wondered if anyone else ever experienced it as well, but it was such a strange existential feeling that i thought, 'i don't think everyone experiences this.' and i just never told anyone about it because it felt so abstract to me. even stranger, i noticed it happening at a pretty young age, like eight or nine maybe? i don't really remember the first time i felt it. but yeah, i seriously never knew it was an actual thing that people struggle with, and on a much worse scale. so this actually helped me clear that up a bit. at least i know it's a valid, identified feeling.
0 likesI would love to talk to you Dodie or anyone for that matter. I'm really struggling lately and I can't find help and maybe just talking to anyone in general not even a psyocaratrist. Thanks xo
0 likesoh my god this is just so
0 likesOooooooooooooooooooooooooOOOH its me with words oh dodie no what have u done.
i cant write a comment that does this video justice so im just going to say thank you very much for being on this planet for everyone ESPECIALLY me and yourself
O gosh when you talk about the obsession part. I feel the same way. I feel like im getting more okay now and that is nice but that I obsessed so much over some things that they are forever ruined and its very easy to trigger bad thoughts by fenomenons associated with these things. I feel like I broke myself because i couldn't stop myself from creating the obsession.
0 likesI know that it is not my fault and that I did the best I could. I shouldnt give myself blame. Still...
Also its sooo good that you get enough sleep and go in and out bed at regular times and walk (excersise) because these things are the base of a good mental stability. It doesnt magically fix things tho, it takes a lot of time and I really had support of my friend but you can also think of a professional like a psychologist or a coach. If a day goes nothing like you hoped and you cant get up etc, dont hate on and blame yourself cause that doesnt do any good for you. Be patiënt with yourself, be kind. You need it most now
thank you for this. i needed to not feel alone today
0 likesDodie, I wish I could meet you but U.S. life says that's not happening. I think you're so wonderful and sometimes I feel you are an older version of me. I mean this in the best way possible and you give me hope and light. Thank you SO much
0 likesproud of you dodie
0 likesTo anyone who is suffering from any mental illness like depression, I hope you are having a good day and I want you to know that you should never give up no matter how bad everything seems, you can overcome it. Maybe not right away, but you can do it. :)
0 likesI understand this, and I honestly thought I was alone. It seems like lately everything bad is happening in my home, family, and life. But instead of feeling upset, angry, or any sort of emotion I just sit here. Numb. Not knowing whats with me. Like i'm there, I know i'm there but i'm not, like theres a glass wall keeping me from everything. And its so frustrating to describe! I have felt this way for such a long time and no one even knows, cares, or is too busy to realize. I just want something famaliar. Everything's too hectic, to...different. My friends say they understand but they don't. They just don't. And i'm just, I don't even know anymore
0 likesI relate to a lot of things you mentioned, but especially at the end when your friend says "I'm fine" and you wonder "HOW CAN YOU BE FINE??". I think that all the time. How can people be fine? How can people be happy? What if happy don't exist and everyone on this earth is unhappy, but pretends to be happy? What if happy never existed, but people made it up because it was too painful being unhappy? My brain will not stop thinking about this stuff.
0 likes3 mental breakdown 3 night in a row. Whoop whoop! Such fun. :(
0 likesOmg my therapist told me that too, she told me I was making everything up about my eatingdisorder because I wasn't underweight 'enough'
0 likesI relate to you so much wow... with this video and with your sexuality videos and just your personality seems so similar to mine and I feel so glad to have stumbled across your channel. therapy really helps, especially if you can find a therapist who you can talk to about anything, even stuff un-mental health related. I know things are tough for you, and we all go through rough patches again and again once we think we are improving, but just your positive take on this is really going to help you. you go girl!!
0 likesI've had a similar thing for a while- not as a constant but sometimes it will hit me and it's so weird
0 likesYou made me cry in a second at 4:15 I just want to hug you :c
0 likesYou are always smiling and it make me just so sad ! :(
I hope you will be okay ♥♫
So there's a name for it. I'm glad that I can relate to other people about my weird mental issues but sad that anyone else has to experience it.
0 likesI genuinely hope things will get better for you soon and you can keep trying and that you find a nice therapist! that's important :) hang in there! I started therapy early this year and it's going slow but I'll just keep going like everyone else struggling with mental illness. We can get through this!
0 likesi have chronic bipolar depression, so my depression can snap on and off (it doesn't go away, just hiding.) and sometimes it lasts for months, and I constantly have that feeling in my eyes and stomach when I'm about to cry and if something small happens, tears, violence, aggression, irritation, laziness, etc, etc, etc.. and this never ever stops. Dodie even though our problems, minds, and illnesses, aren't the same, but the video had me balling my eyes out because knowing that my favorite person could be feeling something anything close to what I am, kills me and comforts me at the same time. I love you so much dodie.
0 likesI do this exact same thing everyday I'll keep my self awake a night just obsessing over how I'm me but I don't look or feel like me it's the strangest thing and it's so hard to explain
0 likesi know im "late" but god making this video has helped so many people, you have no idea. we are all proud of you for being able to make this video and talk about things that have been affecting you and how you feel and, just, that takes so much strength to talk about to thousands of people. im glad you feel comfortable enough to make a video about how your mind is currently, and just thank you for existing.
0 likesIt's ok to not be ok, life isn't always a fun ride and sometime you have to be really down to really apreciate the good things in life, your a great person Dodie and this will pass and you will feel een better than before. Be strong and you'll surpass this becauss you're the best!!
0 likesHere's a hug, Dodie <3
0 likeshello! I'm not sure if you'll see this, but I would just like to say a really big thank you for just being you ♥ you've been such an amazing inspiration with your beautiful songs and always doing your best, and your videos had cheered me up countless times. I would just like to say that we may not fully understand what you're going through, but we're here for you :) circumstances may be really rough for you, but please don't keep it all bottled up inside! no matter how hopeless circumstances are at times, I believe that there is always a way, and you will get through them ^^ don't feel too rushed or pressured into doing things for us, because we understand that you're going through a really tough time, and want the best for you. I hope that you'll be able to overcome all that you've been struggling with, and will keep you in prayer :) God bless you love x
0 likesYou have no idea how comforting this video is because I know I'm not alone. What you're describing is exactly how I feel and I too thought I was just going insane. Thank you for sharing this ❤️
0 likesI have been struggling very much with mental illness, I don't feel comfortable enough to talk about it to anyone in my life though...
0 likesYou are not crazy, you are not mental. You are a beautiful person and I am really happy for you that you are getting help! I hope you will finally get the help and support that you deserve!
0 likesI'm 15 years of age and its crazy because I have recently went through something similar to this. I honestly felt like I was spaced out into my own little world. like when you're not too drunk but tipsy, where people are speaking to you and the words are just coming through one ear and out of the other? and all of the thoughts in your head go all squished and every time you try to think about stuff nothing comes together correctly. also as if your constantly run down and dazed. I suffer from anxiety and did suffer with minor PTSD. right now I'm much better, I feel more awake, more in the real world. everything is much more clear to me now. I honestly just had to delete all of the things that we're making me stressed and put them to the side, and worry about the things that are more important uch as self love, doing things, speaking to more people and bringing myself back down to earth one step at a time. I really hope that this happens to you and that you will come back to your normal, happy self.
0 likesmy doctor didn't refer me to a doctor until the point where I had a suicide attempt and had started self harming.. I'd gone there once before to talk and explain why I felt wrong and she told me the same thing, "you're making yourself feel this way, you're obsessed with the idea that you feel that way"... 5 years later I'm in therapy for generalised anxiety, depression and PTSD 👎 this is why I hate my doctor.
1 likeOk for 1- Dodie...please know you have touched me by your music...I have only discovered your music yesterday.... So I have listened to your songs all day long...THEN I found out you had a 2nd channel and HERE I am and this video is the first one I clicked on. Because I know EXACTLY how you feel...I have had anxiety/panic attacks since I was 16 probably when my dad passed away. You are not scaring anyone away...we are all NOT ok...nobody is FINE! I wish we could chat...and I REALLY WISH you were coming on your to Oregon...I would fly to see you if you were close to the PNW!
0 likesI just wanted to let you know that I know how you're feeling and lately I have felt up and down as well. Keep being you- because there is only ONE Dodie Clark and I, as well as many others, think you are amazing. Sending love and light to you sweetie! Xo
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On TOUR to Oregon..damn autocorrect!
0 likesi felt this way for a long time. i still do, but to a lesser extent. i actually ended up in a psychiatric ward for a week. it was absolutely horrible, like my worst nightmare from a horror film. the only thing that awful abusive experience gave me was the motivation to get real help so i would never be sent back there ever again. please dodie and everybody else, do absolutely everything you can to get outpatient help asap. don't stop going to a doctor until they help you. try your best to achieve happy and healthy minds, i believe in you <3
0 likesdodie you've mentioned before about having a fear of death?? I suffer with depersonalisation/derealisation and i also share the same irrational obsession with dying that you've talked about in a previous video, I often wonder if these feelings are connected, and depersonalisation is just kinda my bodies way of dealing with my death phobia, like my brain disconnects me from reality to help cope with the fear? idk if you agree with any of this but i though i'd share, best of luck xxx
0 likesI recently found out that I have Bipolar Disorder. I can't sleep and my brain is consumed with the thought 'Am I just being overdramatic?' Or 'Am I making this up?'. Most of the time I feel as if I'm making it up, and asking for attention although I don't want anyone, except for my close friends, to know. I'm scared. I feel as if there is something wrong with me, and I can't help it.
0 likesI have large nostalgia for 2012, it was the year I was most happy. I did not need to worry about anything. I was so open and free, now I feel the need to fit into society, I feel threatened by the on going trends of 2016. I wonder to myself; am I normal? What is normal? Why should I be normal? Am I insane? At this point I have a raging headache and no longer want to think about it. I want to go to sleep but I can't. I guess that's why I like what I do so much. I am a hacker, I now realise the only reason I have followed this path and become what I am is because I don't like our generation. I feel the need to isolate myself. I feel the need to sit behind screens and explore the world without actually interacting with people. The question still however circles my mind... Am I insane?
0 likesI'm not sure if you'll see this, and there's not much I can do to help, but I really hope you find the help you need and get better. You seem like such a strong person, and it's hard to get help, and it's hard to cope with things like this, and I really wish the best for you.
0 likesThis is so relatable to me tbh.
0 likesI have anxiety and panic attacks very regularly, to combat this along depression I would use Marijuana everyday. I started getting into dabbing but had several horrible incidents with the stuff, but it was never enough to get me to quit. Until my last use. That day I was having a severe panic attack when I woke up thinking about someone who abused me and thinking they wanted to hurt me. I tried to relieve the anxiety with a dab and instantly knew I made the wrong decision. This happened once before where I went into panic mode and just thought I was going to die; however, the last time it came down within hours. This time after about an hour I knew this was different. I couldn't remember anything, and the world looked really strange. This was a totally new thing for me besides one small instance where I had an "out of body experience" at school that lasted like 5 minutes. I had no idea that weed had these kind of side effects. So I tried to just tell myself that it will pass soon and it's only the weed. Next day came and I felt no better. I had retrograde autobiographical amnesia and my body and mind felt like two separate entities. I could feel no emotions, zero. Which for me is outrageous. I just became so apathetic about everything in life when I used to have so much passion. I had depersonalized and derealized and now I'm mostly just dealing with the derealization. My emotions are coming back but everyday is different, some days I'm depressed, the next I'm angry, then the next day I can be generally happy with bouts of fear.
0 likesI went to get help today but I wont be able to see a therapist for at least a month.. I can at least now feel like I do exist, like I know I exist even if I feel super strange about it. In the beginning I honestly just didn't know "was my entire life just a dream?" Distractions are obviously the best thing to do but sometimes I just have no energy, but I can't sleep with my anxiety. I have night mares every night that sometimes wake me up in a panic. I am just so glad to not be alone and to know what I am going through, I know this is a natural response, and that it will pass. I just can't imagine having this for years with no clue. I had to explain to the lady that assessed me today that while I don't want to die or kill myself, that the thought of "I'd rather be dead" does occur, like if I felt like this everyday and that my life is just a passageway to death I couldn't fathom just sticking through it. This is the hardest thing I've ever experienced and before this I thought I've had it tough with abuse and trauma, but this is the actual reaction to me realizing that I was abused. I know that I have PTSD now, but for some reason none of this happened until I really analyzed my past relationship and I finally told them off and to stay out of my life.
This is something you come out of stronger, I know it. This video could not have popped up on my suggested panel at a better time.
U don't sound mad. U sound like a person who is trying to come to terms with what's happening in ur mind and that's definitely not crazy. That's smart and it shows u r a strong, willing and determined person. I wish u every success in battling against this. Good luck. X
0 likesI haven gone back to my old house for more than 10 minutes since May 2013 (had to look through convos with old friends to figure that out, hurt to look.) I couldn't look in a mirror and recognise myself and I've still not been able to go to the doctor about it. Perhaps the websites might help me, like they have helped you.
0 likesi dont know whether anyone will read this but its nice to write my feelings down so yeah ive felt a similar way to dodie for about a month now and its really really really scary and different and i feel so weird and for some reason it always gets more intense when i do things with people i love being around. like i find it hard to appreciate things to the full because they feel so unreal and i feel like im floating through my life and im not taking anything in fully because it doesnt feel real enough to take in? time passes so quickly without me even realising because im too focused worrying that things dont feel like they should and its so scary ahh h like i was in london yesterday and i felt like i was in a bubble and the things around me were still happening but it wasnt me they were happening to and it was someone else somewhere else and that wasnt fun considering i'd gone to london to enjoy myself. things just dont feel right and even if i touch them to try and make them feel more real, it doesnt work and it isnt me who's touching them and i know full well that im doing the things im doing and the things around me that are happening are actually happening but it really doesnt feel like that and its so scary and its hard to appreciate things in my life when none of it feels all that real. i want to get help but im quite young so i dont know how hard it would be. sorry this was long and if you read then thanks i guess ahh i dont know i just wanted to have what im feeling right now written down somewhere so it feels more like i have control of it :)
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I hope you're okay fren |-/
0 likes+TheMadChatter ahhh thank you so much, I was having a particularly bad day dealing with whatever I'm experiencing when I commented, I'm feeling considerably better right now ! thank you again though, it means a lot :)
0 likesThat's so amazing to hear! I hope everything is sorted out now and you'll be okay in the future.
0 likesThe moment you said "i wanted to go in my bed and be normal again" and you began to cry, I just saw myself in you. And when you went angry because you were crying... I really saw me in you. Like, I'm crying so much, and most of the time why or what I have to do that it stops. And I even make it worse, because Im getting angry because Im crying and them Im crying more because Im angry... I already talked to my Mum, to my friends, but its only getting worse. the older I get, the more panic attacks i get. slowly im afraid of it.
0 likesthat comment costed me a lot of tears, oh god
i know it's really hard n ive been there. First things 1st u need to try n treat yourself ( buy somethink just for yourself). Make a list of at least 10 things your thankfull for. Get a good posertive self help book. Remember there is always someone worse off.
0 likesI love you, Dodie.
0 likesThis is how I feel.
0 likesI just realized why I watch you and idolize you (even though you've asked us not to I do it anyway and I'm sorry but I do). We are very similar you look and act like I imagine the older version of me would act. I realize now after like what 4 years of me feeling like I do I am depressed. I should probably go to the doctor and get help but I don't want to. I don't want to be the one girl who has to take medicine because she's unhappy. And I don't want my friends to think its because of them or my family to think its them either. And none of this makes any sense because I was perfectly happy just a few days ago? I just want to go home. I don't know why I have to be like this? Why can't I be normal? I feel like I'm going insane.
0 likesusually depression can be fought by simply stopping being a bish
1 like+doddlevloggle My friend told me one day that she felt so depressed. She didn't want to do anything. Didn't want to get up, eat, she didn't want to live. She knows what it's like. I don't. But I kind of do. But not first hand. It can change a person so much you can see that they're not completely here. It didn't help that we're at different schools either. So yea I know how you feel....but I don't.
0 likesThis is so fucking touching, good luck and I hope you feel better soon and find a lot of support!!
0 likesI've been feeling not good for a while. I've written it off as laziness and introversion, but what if somethings actually wrong? I think it began with me moving 5 years ago but who knows? I miss that place so, so much. It's especially bad at school. I quit show choir and women's choir , haven't been doing as well in my classes either. I don't have any friends aside from my cousins whom I only really see on Sundays and still feel uncomfortable with. I think It might be a mixture of social anxiety and loneliness but I dunno. I used to cry myself to sleep because of it, not as much anymore. I thought about talking to my school counselor and my mom about it, but that didn't work out. I want things to change, but I don't think they will for a while. Nothing feels real, there's no direction in my life. God, I hope I'm not sounding too melodramatic.
0 likesWell Done!!!
0 likesOk I'm two minutes in but I have to type I'm so excited by this topic coming up: I HAVE DEREALISATION!!! It sounds like you're describing derealisation not depersonalisation? Depersonalisation is more outer body type experience, it's what my ex had, whereas derealisation is what I have, where I can't access the info of what one side of the room looks like by the time my eyes have gone to the other side of the room, it's like being blind but it's my brain that's not taking in the information, nothing wrong with my eyes, and it feels like brain blindness, not eye blindness, I can tell the difference! (I once went blind for 3 minutes when someone threw a snowball with a rock at my face in high school. Lol. Shit happens. So yeah, they are distinctly different feelings, in case anyone wants to question that, which people often do, no it's not my eyes, I'm mentally ill). When I get it, it's my mind that's chosen to shut down and go on autopilot because it finds the outside world too stressful, and I can't get it back into manual, and I'm just awake enough to be aware of it, but lacking the control I would normally otherwise have, and I'm doing and saying very strange things. I like to hang upside down so I can feel my body, otherwise I'm totally numb. Everything is 2D not 3D and it's like my eyes are the barrier to a tv screen, and if I touch something it's not really there. I thought I'd gone crazy. it's so sad to me now that it took me months to build up the courage to google my symptoms because I thought I'd lost it and might end up in a mental asylum if I told anyone. Turns out it's just a symptom of severe anxiety! Started getting derealisation 5 years ago now, but it's almost gone! MINDFULNESS! Strongly recommend it. Let go of the past, don't worry about the future, and live in the here and now <3 <3 <3 It's been 5 years since I was living in peak anxiety, but I'm now getting there, it takes a while for your brain to stop freaking out at the slightest thing, 5 years and I still get it occasionally. I was waking up and going to sleep still in derealisation, and didn't stop feeling nausea whatsoever for a period of 3 entire months though, so I figure that's got to be pretty extreme, no wonder I still suffer. Naturally, I was a total trainwreck at the time as I'm sure you can imagine xD I'm still on Citalopram, but doing so so well for me! I'm even moving to London soon to pursue my dreams of being a singer-songwriter (what stressed me out in the first place, partially). I'm going to keep going back to Wales to pick up my prescriptions, as they're free here haha. Hope you feel better soon, Dodie. The mental health system is fucked, the first doctor I went to said he was "sceptical as to the existence of derealisation." Makes me angry, frustrated, sad, disappointed, and restless just thinking about it, I burst into tears in the doctor's surgery. I wish I could get him written off, he upset me so, so deeply. Thanks for sharing this :) You're a bit of an idol tbh, you keep talking about all the right things such as mental health, and also write epic tunes. Also, I'm a total hippie now as an aside, it's brought me peace :D :D So I love that you're wearing a hippie top hahaha. Namaste, girlfriend ;) xxxxx :*
0 likesGood luck! Get well!
0 likesOmg she said "I'm not gonna lie and say I feel like 10/10" and she made 6/10 and ahhh
0 likesHey! I know this is totally random and kinda unnecessary to say, but momentarilly I am happy to be alive.
0 likesAnd fyi it feels like an achievement, because this happens very rarily.
So I wanted to share with someone and who would be a better listener than an old youtube comment section?
You probably won't see this because there's literally thousands of comments here, but I feel exactly the same way you do. I kept nodding my head as you were describing how you feel. About a month ago, I was in a store with my brother and a friend and I had to go sit down because I suddenly became so anxious that I got disoriented and started to feel like nothing was real and I was in a dream.
0 likesI want to recommend 2 blog entries that talk about depression and describe it so very well. I read them sometimes to feel better. If you want to read them, just search "hyperbole and a half adventures in depression" and "hyperbole and a half depression part 2."
You are amazing and I hope you feel better soon <3
"fine is the suckiest word, it never tells the truth"--Andrea Gibson
0 likesOh my god. Why didn't I Watch your video earlier ?I've been depressed for a few years now and my depression got worse a few weeks ago, and I didn't want to Watch your video because I thought it would remind me of my problems and make it worse. But this is exactly what I'm feeling right now and I didn't even know it was a thing ??? Like I didn't know depersonalisation was actually an illness and now that I know it, I feel sooooooooooo like relieved. I'm maybe not as mad as I thought I was.Thank you so much Dodie. as always, you make me feel better. ♥
0 likesmy doctor didn't refer me to a doctor until the point where I had a suicide attempt and had started self harming.. I'd gone there once before to talk and explain why I felt wrong and she told me the same thing, "you're making yourself feel this way, you're obsessed with the idea that you feel that way"... 5 years later I'm in therapy for generalised anxiety, depression and PTSD 👎 this is why I hate my doctor.
0 likesDodie how old are you now! If you've felt like that since you're eighteen I've felt like this for weeks and I feel so far Away but I just wanted comfort in the idea that it would go away soon and id be back where my feet are but what if it doesn't go away
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I've tried telling my therapist but he just dumbs it down and it makes me want to cry I want to fix it but I can't explain it and nobody will want to fix it as much as I do because they can't see it affecting the way I appear on the outside
0 likesi want to roll her up in a blanket and hug her and make her happy eventhough i know it doesnt work that way. poor baby, i dont want anyone feel like this :(
0 likesdepression and anxiety is a crazy scary weird thing which honestly can feel like your dying and going insane and its disgusting to have to live through, that coupled with depersonalisation must be horrible. one tip about therapists, the first one might not be right, second one might be not right either or the third fourth fifth sixth even, but u do need to keep going till you find the perfect one for you or it will not work!!! keep fighting try to be happy acting happy often helps xxxxx
0 likesi've been going the doc's, many of 'em, fer 25yrs, and they still can't help. they can't even agree what's wrong w/ me. only that there IS something. i've had over a dozen diagnoses, and i aint in the middle of nowhere, i'm only 3hrs from nyc. there people are SUPPOSED to know what the shit is goin' on. you dont sound crazy. you sound like what my head sounds like 23/7. that used to be an insult, but not anymore. try and keep your head up, Sis. you do good werks. i like you. you're good people. werds.
0 likesI smoke weed when I was 16 and almost immediately went into a very ugly bad trip. When I "woke up" from the hallucinations and absolute certainty that I had died, I got hit by so many panic attacks when I realised that I didn't exist. No matter what I did, no matter how hard I focused, I didn't exist, I couldn't feel like I was existing, everything was so strange and eery, and I tried to explain it to my parents, my friends, and no one could understand because it is weird. It's so weird. It's difficult to explain that you're you, but slightly off, away, like your soul is floating outside of your head and watching things go by and you have absolutely no control and - anywayyy, you see what I mean.
2 likesI remained like that for eight months, maybe a year. I will not explain it in details but I can tell you that I got better. I just tried to unfocus from the fact that I didn't exist, I just tried to stop forcing myself into "existing" and being there, I just tried to stop thinking about it. Just to make myself clear: I did not try to pretend I was not sick. I was very aware that I was, but I had noticed that if I stopped thinking about it every single moment I could, I could let go a bit of the trauma, and just start to live by obsessing over things that made my happy and got my entire attention. The best trick I found was playing world of warcraft. Then I started watching tv shows. A lot. Obsessing over them in order to stop trying to focus myself into reality. And it worked, because I just had to learn to let it go and not try to hold on to that fear. Then I started to go out again, see my friends, have fun, have a few drinks... (no drugs though. never again.)
I'm doing so much better now that I don't have to deal with this sensation, although I am very much more sensitive to mental issues. I have a lot of anxiety that I'm learning to cope with, I suspect I might be having some kind of depression, and I learn everyday to deal with it. I'm going to see a therapist soon and try to finally get rid of those leftovers I got from the trauma of my bad trip.
I don't know if you'll ever read this but the best advice I could give you is just to try to let go of your fear, try to not think about it as much as possible because if you focus on how weird reality is, you will only be more self conscious. Your body knows how to live and how to react to social situations, and so does your mind, you just have to trust them a little more. But I know it's easier said than done, and it is possible that it might be different for you to get rid of the depersonalisation. I wish you all of the best and please, keep us updated <3 It means a lot to find a youtuber talking about this issue. Thank you so much for sharing. <3 <3
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This is 100% what happened to me, or what I am still dealing with. When I got high and panicked I just couldn't stop thinking about death and that my whole prior existence was a dream that I could not recall. Absolutely the most terrifying thing I have experienced and it's only been 3 weeks, but I am so scared it will last so much longer. I finally went to get assessed for therapy today but it will take a month til I can be seen and I'll be home alone for most of the time with no family near me. I have been doing the same things though! Obsessing with shows and playing video games.. I have lost a lot of my excitability and emotional connection of course, but it is coming back.. I can't believe how common this is as I have never heard of it before it happened to me. Thankful for this video right now and all of the comments I can relate to saying it will pass and get better. That's the best advice I could give is to just remind yourself everyday that everything is temporary and how many obstacles in life we all have overcome.
1 likeI'm so happy you're feeling better, so so so happy. Thank you for your advice <3
3 likes+doddleoddle i promise you will get there eventually <3 stay brave and keep being amazing :)
0 likesPlume Blue I went through the same exact thing. having an out of body experience all day. panicking, thinking it would last forever. I would go to sleep hoping to wake up feeling my self again. I would cry most of the day but try to cope by doing things to distract myself. It took a good while before I felt okay. But I do still feel disconnected emotionally. Things that used to make me happy don't anymore but I'm learning to gain those emotions back by doing everything as I used to. glad you're feeling better
0 likesWho dislikes vid like this? That very important video, hope you feel better...
0 likesWell I don't know if anyone will respond to it but here
0 likesFor the last few days I've just felt numb inside. Like today I just keep walking around my house and I don't even remember thinking about anything I've either been doing that and/or staring at my ceiling or bawling my eyes out....I don't know why I've been doing this either. A few days ago I was fine laughing and smiling at silly things my little sister did but now I just don't feel anything except numb inside.
I thought going to my aunts would help because where really close(she's like a mother to me) but strangely it didn't at all and whenever she asked me if I was okay I just started crying...
I don't know maybe I'm going insane
What pisses me off about girls like yourself is you have everything going for you in the Uk, you literally are as a woman the one with all the power in our society. You are attractive and clearly able to express yourself! Your house looks better than my parents the one im currently in. I get mental illness ive had depression and anxiety as a man for many years which guess what means women wont go near me! Your gender can be suicidal and men will still take you on.
0 likesTruly you are a victim tho arnt you..... yeah right.
I bet you have an amazing sex life social life and work life.
We cant help mental illness but some of us are ill others cld and should learn to cope.
you are not mad, you are a genius, they are all a little crazy sometimes.
0 likesI have social anxiety and going to the doctor is a huge anxiety trigger for me... I don't know how I will ever function normally.
0 likesi always feel like somethings wrong with me. but i cant pinpoint it. I cant even describe how i feel. but i then i always think "what if im just making this up? what if im not actually depressed or something? what if i just want attention" but then why do i feel sad all the time? i cant understand anything.
0 likesI understand how you feel
0 likesSo...I'm only 13. And I have heard SO many stories from other teens about being told they aren't really sick and I know my mom would blame it on one thing or another and I just don't know...I can't look it up because my parents watch my search history and will think I'm trying to be sick. But I'm underweight and sometimes worry about disorders, I have really bad episodes when I cry or get worked up and I just...I don't know anymore. If anyone has some kinda of answers or ideas...idk.
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I know I'm not in the same situation as you, but your parents truly love you, and they will listen if you have a real problem like this. If they don't, or they chalk it up to hormones or whatever, try to see if there is a therapist or a counsellor at your school. I had major problems with bullying when I was about 10/11 and trust me, there will always be someone who can help you. Stay strong.
1 like+Pablo NoEsEspañol thank you...my best friend has been trying to get me to go to the school counselor but I'm still very uncomfortable with talking about it. I'm thinking about going though. Everyone says it's worth it so I don't know.
0 likesI'm like crying the part where she talks about how some people turn it off and that they can't relate to this... But I do, no one believes me... My mom says I'll get over it and I can just turn it off... But I can't
0 likesDepersonalization. Don't take it for granted. Your mind is trying to tell you something. Just accept it and live life. Currently 3 months 24/7. You can contact me if you need someone to talk to.
0 likesAnd thanks for sharing <3
0 likesIt's so frustrating if I tell people I have anxiety they think I make it up but they act like they want to know what's going on. I know they think I'm making it up. I want to go to therapy, but I can't explain to my mother I'm anxious because she is going to ask a lot of questions and she is going to worry a lot and I don't want that for her. God.. Can't we all just hang out, everyone in the comments and Dodie, can we just hang out with each other.. I think everyone needs that here
0 likesmy inner child wants to be comforted, but the outer tougher me won't let the feelings arise to the skin. So tears can be made so feelings are expressed. i know exactly what you are feeling, iv'e been away from every one for a good while now being in the military it fucking hurts. depression, stress will eat you alive, iv'e yet to seek help because i don't want pills to lean on, i want to invest my self into some one. iv'e also been told you need to love your self, and find self worth. before moving on to loving other people.
0 likesGood luck <3
0 likesLucid dreaming helped me a lot with my depressions
0 likestry it
Please save me. I'm about to give up. I can't live with DP for any longer. I'M ONLY 14 YEARS OLD GODDAMN IT!! I JUST WANT A NORMAL LIFE I JUST WANNA GO BACK TO NORMAL I CAN'T LIVE LIKE THIS PLEASE JUST SAVE ME!!!!
0 likesHhhhhhaaa I distance myself from deep shit like this (just push it down) because then I just think of things like I am not in control like there are only ever two options - to do something or to not do anything hahaha so yeah I just try not to think about it hahahahahha if I think about it my day goes by with minimal activity and communication. I feel super guilty because I have a perfect life yet i am not content like what a selfish fuck and I kind of end up feeling what I see places haha that's bad I know but like once I am exposed to each problem I can't stop thinking about it hahahahahha hahahahahha shhhhhhhhhhh bye
0 likesYour problems are completely insignificant. This is what happens when humans have too much leisure. The human brain has evolved to be surrounded by problems to solve and tasks to complete. When you just gallivant around singing songs and doing fun things, you're almost guaranteed to become a mental disaster because your brain needs resistance and you refuse to give it any in your life. You're not using your brain they way it should be used, so it's breaking.
0 likesgod who doesn't have depression now days
0 likesWe love you <3
0 likesHi guys I'm having a problems. I feel like I don't want this anymore. I find it weird everyone seems to live on whilst the time will tick by and eventually we'll die with nothing to do about it. The earth will still do it's thing and I'll deliver absolutely nothing to society except taking up space. I think a lot. Too much for that matter. So I stepped to my parents and said that I think I need to get help, but my mom got very mad and upset and said she would not want me to. I'm getting worse by the day and i'm taking a big step asking you all for advice.
0 likesi'm depressed... and suicidal
0 likesi'm 23, first class degree in mathematics, can't find job feel like shit life isn't real anymore!
0 likesI know why is your cure, your thinking about your self a lot. Try to think about other people who have harder life than you. Go to the nearest kids dorm and listen to their stories. Who lost their parents or their parents gave them away. Or if you have money go to Africa. Their are a lot of things that will make you feel your life when you see other people's life.
0 likes"It's all in your head." Worst lines ever given..
0 likesWant to know what makes me fucking depressed but wont let it get to me?Being born only just now knowing I was born to die eventually of old age thinking how do you see your self in 60 years old in a hospital bed breathing my last breath fucking sad.
0 likes<3
0 likesI have bad anxiety and a few people know BUT NO ONE UNDERSTANDS WHATSOEVER 😭😖😭
0 likesdo you have a moment to talk about our dark lord sithis?
0 likesthis is the problem in this world, everyone thinks that mental illness is not a disability. they all think disability is a physical problem, but i know how it feels to suffer with depression, anxiety. As myself who has Schizophrenia, don't get to the stage where I've completely emotionally destroyed myself.
1 likeSo many sympathy seekers. I guarantee 99% of the people saying 'omg I can relate' are bullshitting liars.
0 likesI cant believe that woman told you you were making it up, she doesn't do her job very well then
0 likesi have been feeling so bad and i also moved a country and i have just been feeling like a have depression and anxiety and social anxiety and i just cry every night and just miss the old me and i keep trying to be social and i just keep canceling everything and just i just fuck everything up and i dont have motivation and its just getting so bad and im certain that i have mental illnesess but then i dont want to say that cause there are people diagnosed and i dont want to be like selfish and just say i have a mental illness when there are people diagnosed and i dont want to hurt them tho i feel so bad and i dont kniw shat to think anymore ..
0 likes"hnng Marge Simpson" me too
0 likes4:14 don't you do it, because I will too
0 likes🥰🥰🥰🥰
0 likesYes..the worst thing is you can't put your finger on it, like there it is. Sometimes I even question myself..is this really happening, or am I just making it up? And I don't feel anxious anymore. Just weird and odd. That's worse..
0 likesjust crying
0 likestoo sad to talk about it...
Did you recover
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