I know your feeling, I'm 11 years old. When I woke up last night, in the middle of the night, I didn't even know if I was still dreaming, I've permanently had DPDR, I have it 24/7/4/12/365. I had it before I knew about it, and I found out about it by some random dude in a chatroom asking if anybody else heard of it, I looked into it, and I already knew everything fit in with what I had felt, I only had a few episodes every once in a while, yet it got worse. I try to go to sleep early so I don't cry myself to sleep with nostalgia and when I didn't have this stupid disorder. I don't know a single one of my friends that relate to me. I thought as a young 5 year old kid that no problems existed at all, and the medicine I took for my seizures wasn't anything at all. Looking back at it all, I want my same innocent mind back, because even since I'm still a kid, overhearing everything about my parents, war, politics, I can't forget it, I can only think of something else to cancel it out. I feel like I get panic attacks every time I try to think about an idea for a story or something, because I start living in another world. But even as a kid, even I know what to do, and how to handle this easy peasy, lemon squeazy.

Fuck It.

i am real. i am not fake. i am an actual, living human being. My mind is a fucking liar, telling myself that nothing around me is real, that I'm just a made up person in a made up universe, I tell my mind to shut the fuck up, and I talk to my friends with the same smile I always had when I was that innocent 5 year old boy.  i can't change the past, my past feelings, my past mistakes, but I can change how I feel now, and I feel real, i feel like I can make my mark on the world, and typing this right here and now made me realize that.

But it isn't that easy, you see? I may tell that to myself, but it doesn't change anything, it helps, but now, I have to just forget it, like everything else I forgot about. So that's how I feel, I'll leave it in the back of my mind until night, because this is the real world, and the real world is a fucked up place.

At least in an 11 year old's perspective.


omg dodie
o m g
i discover your chanel some time ago and i'm just watching this video now
i feel exactly like this, not all the time but my emotions are so low and everything so away from me,  looks like i fucked up my brain
 Just tell me things are better now, please


i wish i had a mom who would help me with my mental illnesses.
every time i try to tell her how i am how absolutely terrible my anxiety is. she says: "oh well you don't need to feel like that you're thirteen you have nothing to worry about just stop being worried."
it's been three years.
three agonizing years.
i've tried to talk to friends about it but all they say is: "if it's that bad just tell your mom and ask to see a therapist."
after that i feel so insignificant.
they don't care about me.
i tell them what my moms says and all they do is say: "well that is good advice."
if only they know how i've realized at this point the only way out would be to end my own life.
i've moved slightly away from that option.
but it will always be in the back of my head.
and another thing, i'm not trying to say i'm super smart or something but i do have a very powerful mind.
so powerful i have convinced myself on  multiple occasions that i am completely worthless and a waste of oxygen.
not one person as ever taken me seriously.
not ever.
if i don't get help soon it's not going to be good, the mental illness will completely have taken over my brain and i will be nothing but an empty shell of anxiety.
if anyone has any ideas to help me it would be greatly appreciated.


6:02
I’VE GOT A FEELING
THAT YOU COULD BE FEELING
A WHOLE LOT BETTER THAN YOU FEEL TODAY


I remember when I was like 16 I also had a doctor that damaged me with her words. I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis (an inflammatory bowel disease) a few years ago and only just a few months ago, I felt finally okay again (I'm 19 now and was diagnosed when I was about 15). The last few years I just couldn't find a medication that would help me. I got bad side effects on most of it or it simply didn't work and I had to deal with the colitis. I felt so miserable, but I would hate to go the doctors, so I only went I couldn't take it any longer. And I reached that point again, so I went to the doctor and she was just so horrible to me. I was 16. And she told me I should suck it up. I should stop running to the doctors with every little pain and just accept the fact that I have a dangerous disease and claimed I wasn't strong enough. And that fucking broke me. A doctor may have a degree, but they can't see in your brain. And a doctor doesn't have the right to treat someone that way. They have no idea what damage that can cause. I'm sorry for such a long comment with a personal story that probably nobody wants to read... but that video really hit home to me. And the doctor part just makes me so mad. I hope it doesn't really affect you anymore, because I know for me it sometimes still does. When you're young, words can stick with you, because they can hit you so deep. I could relate so much to this video. I had to pause every few minutes, because it was so relatable. Please don't stress yourself, Dodie. I like how structured you still seemed even though your mind probably is a mess. You still gave good advice and could explain it so well. Thank you. I hope you find a good therapist :) <br>(Also I hope my english doesn't suck. I'm not a native speaker. Feel free to correct me :))

I remember when I was like 16 I also had a doctor that damaged me with her words. I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis (an inflammatory bowel disease) a few years ago and only just a few months ago, I felt finally okay again (I'm 19 now and was diagnosed when I was about 15). The last few years I just couldn't find a medication that would help me. I got bad side effects on most of it or it simply didn't work and I had to deal with the colitis. I felt so miserable, but I would hate to go the doctors, so I only went I couldn't take it any longer. And I reached that point again, so I went to the doctor and she was just so horrible to me. I was 16. And she told me I should suck it up. I should stop running to the doctors with every little pain and just accept the fact that I have a dangerous disease and claimed I wasn't strong enough. And that fucking broke me. A doctor may have a degree, but they can't see in your brain. And a doctor doesn't have the right to treat someone that way. They have no idea what damage that can cause. I'm sorry for such a long comment with a personal story that probably nobody wants to read... but that video really hit home to me. And the doctor part just makes me so mad. I hope it doesn't really affect you anymore, because I know for me it sometimes still does. When you're young, words can stick with you, because they can hit you so deep. I could relate so much to this video. I had to pause every few minutes, because it was so relatable. Please don't stress yourself, Dodie. I like how structured you still seemed even though your mind probably is a mess. You still gave good advice and could explain it so well. Thank you. I hope you find a good therapist :)
(Also I hope my english doesn't suck. I'm not a native speaker. Feel free to correct me :))

@enigma nonymous stay strong!! ♥ your words are kinda inspirational, thank you :))

I'm so sorry you had that experience! I have had a chronic illness since I was 7 (I'm 16 now) and I wasn't diagnosed until 13. Doctors spent years saying I was making stuff up for attention or that I didn't really know how I felt. I think it actually messed up my brain a bit cause now I think I actually have some anxiety especially related to feeling sick. Anywho, to anyone who's had this experience, do go to a doctor but only to confirm what you already know and to help you feel better and if they're dicks about it, find a new one immediately.

+Kate K I absolutely feel for you and hope you have finally found something that helps you. I had a very similar situation last year where doctors ended up switching around my birth control pill 9 times (finally landed with a hormonal IUD and a huge bill for it) because of the amount of side effects they caused me. As well as a 7 month struggle to get anyone recognise that there was a cyst that had grown on my ovary as a result of this (grapefruit sized, extremely painful, and required urgent surgery at the time the found it). It was so painful having the receptionist at my doctors ask me "why am i back here again" every time i came in, and is now part of the reason I'm anxious about going to the Doctors. however I have now found a dr that I trust to not be horrible about anything, and understands that it terrifies me, and a counselor which is helping me work through all the mental issues that I have. I sincerely hope it hasnt effected you in thee long term and you've found someone you can go to, and I hope that you are on the improve, I can only imagine how horrible UC is. Sending all my love through the keyboard to you!! <3 (sorry for the long reply but thought you might appreciate the story :) )

@Dani P I'm way better now because I figured out much about myself. It's kinda scary how much influence the psyche has on the disease. But now I know it and try to face it the right way :)<br>I hope you're feeling better aswell! xx

@Dani P I'm way better now because I figured out much about myself. It's kinda scary how much influence the psyche has on the disease. But now I know it and try to face it the right way :)
I hope you're feeling better aswell! xx

+Kate K I hope you are doing well! I have had a very similar situation when I was diagnosed with IBD, the doctor also told me that I was needed to suck it up and deal with it. It really did make the pain so much worse. I hope you start to feel better!

+Colleen Davies thanks a lot! Wish you all the best, too! :)

I'm really glad you feel better than you did, and I hope you feel even better soon!


“Dont start crying. You just done your make up” thats how i feel all the time honestly


i suffer from depression anxiety and depersonalization. it's crazy and hard to deal with honestly. depersonalization feels like you've died and your seeing yourself as a ghost.


I dont think I've ever related so much to a video , it feels so good but i feel so bad for dodie , i know exactly how she feels. dp / dr is so hard to deal with and i dont know what to do


The more you think you are odd or going mad the more you stress your mind, so the more anxiety and symptoms. Don't be harsh on yourself, you are pretty, intelligent and interesting. You have high levels of anxiety there is nothing wrong with you apart from that.


FINALLY SOMEONE WITH DPD OH GOD. NO ONE EVER TALKS ABOUT THISS!!

I guess because after getting my body exhausted, it eases my thoughts

Natalie De Los Santos why does getting your heart rate up help??

Same here. It's awful. Just keep distracted always. I usually do things that gets my heart going like exercise or I go dancing. I also try meditating, play with my pets and all. I also sleep a whole lot

Natalie De Los Santos yes i had panic attacks all the time

It's absolutely terrifying. Before it all, did you suffer from anxiety?

Natalie De Los Santos yes same, i dont really understand why it started happening. but its really disturbing and it scares me to death

Aly Power I deal with it on an off and it's hard to explain to family or friends. you just got to get through every day as best as possible


the feeling of nothingness !!!!
I’m trying to figure out how I feel..
my sister passed away. it’s like it’s all a bad nightmare.


It's crazy how your openness has helped so much people to relate. You are helping so much people!


I watched this video when it came out roughly 2 years ago and I couldn't relate. I didn't think that she was making it up for attention or anything but I just couldn't empathise with what she was feeling. Recently, I smoked probably about 1/2g of weed and had a bit of an anxiety attack. I didn't think anything of it at the time because I sometimes got very anxious when smoking weed and it would usually go away after a few mins. However, when I woke up my mind felt cloudy and it was like my mind was not processing the world properly anymore. When I try to memorise things that have happened recently I can remember them but at the same time, they seem hard to visualise and sort of jumbled in my mind. Sometimes I feel relaxed and normal for a couple of hours but most of the time I feel like this and it causes me to have major anxiety because I'm not sure it will ever go away and now I feel isolated from others even though I can hear and talk to them. It's been like 5 days now and some people have reported getting better within a couple of weeks, whereas some people have reported getting better after 6 months so I don't know. I wish I could go back to normal again.


I have an anxiety disorder and my definition of desrealization  is “ I’m death, im in a dream, I’m physically dead and mentally alive “


I can't imagine what it's like for you...the way you described it is nothing like I've heard before. And you're not insane, it sounds like a mental illness. Go get some help love <3 good luck

+cary watts can I say, I really hope you are better & that you're staying strong :) however can I also say that I've also tried to kill myself before and have a diagnosed depressive disorder but I still pull myself out of bed everyday out of fear of failing school, and it's like I put on a costume when I'm at school, I'm completely different and act loud and bubbly but at home I cry all evening and can't sleep, and would stress vomit etc etc. The point is ppl experience mental illness differently, you me and Dodie may all have depression but people react differently to it.

My cousin has been diagnosed with depression. Everyday is a struggle for her and she's been to the hospital numerous times due to suicide, but nevertheless she can still sing, do her gymnastics, create costumes for plays and she can talk to her friends + family. She gives the greatest advice and tries to make anyone she loves feel needed and happy.

Depression is different for everyone. Just because you and some other people feel this way about your depression does not mean that every single human being on the planet that has been diagnosed (or not) with depression feels this way. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this hell of "there is no good future for me. I'm hopeless" (i used to think that way as well) but I don't think ti's anyones place (besides a doctor maybe) to say that someone who feels depressed does not know what is like and just feels down because they don't know what's going on. Sure she isn't diagnosed but she clearly feels some kind of depression. She's talked about her feeling depressed for ages

+cary watts it isn't a competition? What you're going through is horrible, and I'm sorry, but you cannot tell someone how they feel. You cannot pull the 'I have it worst than you do your problems are invalid!' Card. That is not how it works. How fucking dare someone with a mental illness, someone who knows what it's like to have your brain not function, tell another person that they're faking it?

+cary watts that's ridiculous to say because you don't know how her anxiety is because she didn't tell you. Or how her depression feels. You're wrong. Depression isn't only wanting to die and hating your life. Depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain. There's also different levels of depression. MDD: Major depression disorder. Which is quite close to what you were describing. She didn't tell you what she has and to its extent. Dude, you're talking out of your ass mate.

+cary watts I'm not one to comment too often on here, and there certainly are some clear refutations of what you're saying, but I do want to add my dissent to your comment as well.  I am diagnosed with depression, I see a psychiatrist, and some of what Dodie resonates very strongly with me.  It certainly seems to me she's depressed.  Granted I'm no psychiatrist, and I suspect neither are you, so our opinions to her state are moot.  And maybe she's not being clear enough or communicating all of her symptoms so that it doesn't seem to you like she's depressed, but if she's down and struggling with life, regardless of the severity, she needs support not criticism.

I am sorry that you are struggling with depression, and I hope you can overcome it.  And I'm thankful that Dodie, you and others are sharing your story because it is nice (well, maybe not nice, but comforting in some weird way), that I am not alone in my struggle.  I can make it to work every day, but food (which is one of my few pleasures in life) has started to taste like ashes, and I have a date set for my closing bow (I'm talking to my therapist, maybe it will change).  I'm trying to fight it, but it is hard.  So again, thank you Dodie and everyone else for sharing, good luck.   I think I'll go watch Sick of Losing Soulmates again...

+cary watts What a ridiculous thing to say. How do you know this isn't the first time she's even out of bed in weeks?  But I don't think you have to stay in bed to have depression, it's different for everyone. The last thing she needs (or anyone) is to be doubted and dismissed when feeling this way.

Depression, anxiety, depersonalization, suicidal thoughts and inclinations, and all other mental illnesses occur differently and uniquely in each and every individual. Some people, like me, are functional depressives. I was diagnosed with MDD nearly two years ago now, after severe panic attacks and having made multiple attempts to self-harm. But I can walk around, can live my life. I wake up some mornings fresh-faced and bright-eyed, happy with the world, ready to take on the day. Other days I wake up and I stare at the walls for hours, unfeeling, miserable and empty and alone. Still others, I get up and walk around but I couldn't tell you jack shit about where I was or what I was doing. Some days I feel like my skin is on fire and I can't breathe. Some days I have a mixture of all these things, and honestly, those are kind of the worst.

But I do so much, you wouldn't think it was as severe as it is. I run two school clubs, I act, I dance, I play guitar, I run a D&D game and draw a lot. I have an interest in photography and photo editing, I do yoga when the mood takes me. And yet, so many of those things drain me. I can't be around people for so much of the time because if I'm in close quarters with others for more than six hour periods I get irritable and upset and start to panic.

Your anxiety and depression are far more severe than mine because you do not function in depressive states. You cease to exist, in some ways, because your body and your mind are so overwhelmed by stress that you don't know how to handle it.

What you describe is depression that has not been coped with. You are still far, far down in the pits of it, and your recovery is a slow crawl. Not everyone experiences it like that.

Moreover - you are not a psychiatrist, nor a therapist. You are not a medical professional, and you can't make that call no matter how intimately you know the process. Your experience with mental illness is not universal, and your experience is not the standard for diagnosis. Just because someone has Stage 4 lung cancer doesn't mean that someone who has Stage 2 lung cancer doesn't have lung cancer at all.

I sincerely hope that your recovery is unimpeded, and that one day, you can find the will to live again. I know it's difficult. I do not know your experience, but I have a friend with an experience similar to yours. He lived off of hard drugs and self harm for nearly fifteen years, and he was admitted into a mental hospital in his late teens for rehabilitation from suicidal tendencies and heroin and cocaine addiction. His longest running streak without a suicide attempt is two years, and that's the last two years, with multiple near misses. It is incredibly hard to live through all that and come out the other side hopeful and willing to go on. But it's possible. And the experience changes you, makes you see things differently. Makes you feel things differently.

Do not invalidate someone for being different. It's an experience you're all too familiar with, I'll bet, and telling someone that they aren't unhappy only replicates your misery in them.

+cary watts I have been diagnosed with depression, I see a psychiatrist, I see a therapist every week. I have friends who are doing the same thing, and it affects us all differently.

+cary watts I haven't been diagnosed but I personally don't think it's fair to say she wasn't depressed only she knows what she is really thinking and this is her coping mechanism to make videos and that doesn't mean she isn't depressed it means she has something that she can say how she really feels to which sometimes you can't do with a psychiatrist

+Anessa Garcia a psychiatrist can and the psychiatrist agrees with me. Any person with diagnosed depression would know that she doesn't have it. She hasn't go a clue.

same basic ways. Small differences sure.

+Music Madness we a psychiatrist agrees with me and I see people every day who struggle with real depression and this video just seems like someone who wants to be fucking depressed because she hasn't got a clue what it's really like and as every psychiatrist will say depression always manifests itself in the same ways. That's why treatment is generic not personalized. You would know if you've ever been to rehab.

+Cicely Thomas it's low mood at worst. A truly depressed person will never be able to think of a brighter future. It's no wonder she wasn't diagnosed.

+cary watts different people experience different mental health issues differently. While I'm deeply sorry you're going through that, Dodie may be experiencing a less severe type of depression, or it may affect her differently than it does to you.

+cary watts I don't think you should assume what she is or isn't suffering with. Just because she seems happy doesn't mean she really is. I don't know what she's feeling but you shouldn't assume things.

+cary watts you cant tell someone what theyre feeling

She clearly doesn't have depression. I would say low mood at best. A truly depressed person sees no better future and has no hope, no motivation to do the things they used to love. No motivation to be them anymore. If she had depression she wouldn't even get out of bed to make videos but she's active as all hell. She also has no idea about what having anxiety is like, it's literally like I cannot relax, in always on edge, I have zero appetite(lost 20 pounds in 2 Months) and I get panic attacks randomly(key word). Normal people get anxiety for a reason but for a depressed person they often have it all the time for no reason. You people haven't got a clue. Yes I'm diagnosed yes I got put in the hospital against my will on suicide watch because My plan to kill myself was found our and yes I know she doesn't have what I do.

+Heart Eyes Howell I just hope it helps you in some way to get whatever help you need. Get better as soon as you can sweetheart x

+Heart Eyes Howell I know I'm not Dodie, but I went through a similar thing earlier this year. I wrote a letter to my parents, telling them everything that had been going on, but they took me to the doctors and I got diagnosed with depression and anxiety, then referred to a psychiatrist. I'm now having therapy, and telling my parents that way was the best thing for me. I had kept it secret for about 6 months, although I had been feeling that way for years before. Just tell your parents, because they may take a while to figure it out, but they just want to help you.

+doddlevloggle I feel the same which is probably bad as I'm only 14 but I know that you can't help it and neither can I but I can't get help as my parents will think I'm making it up and I don't want them to worry about me. Do you have any advice?

Ahhh don't try to imagine it too much. Thank you for having an open mind about it all! Be haps <3


can you give us an update as to how you are doing today? In regards of dp/dr


Going to the bathroom feels safer because I am not in the tub but bathing, washing my hair and showering I have to really try to keep calm.


last time I went to a doctor I expressed my worry that I wasn't going to be able to get better because I feel like if it was up to me I wouldn't be able to change anything. She told me I was right and that I shouldn't waist her time because there was a waiting list of people she could actually be helping...


I felt like this for a while. I just felt disconnected and cloudy, like I was a ghost and it worried me for ages. It didn't help that my anxiety was really bad because I was going through health problems. Even now when ever I have something important to do or I'm having a bad day I can just sit there for hours because they day didn't feel real. I'm on a waiting list for therapy but I'm scared because I've had therapy before and didn't like it.

I know what u mean...  What I'm doing is experiential therapy (which I hadn't even heard of before) and it's worked way more than just talk therapy and all. I really hope u find the method that works for u.

+Sian C thanks. The one I went to before wasn't too bad but it's opening up that's difficult and nothing worked. Talking and breathing exercises to 'calm' me don't work.

I went to three different therapists before I found one I could trust so not liking it the first time isn't unusual. It's really scary, but I'm sure u'll find a method of therapy that works for u xx

+Ben Griffiths yeah go for it. Do you have Instagram? I find it easer to message over that. My name on it is the_detective_from_gallifrey.

This is me too, i feel like im dreaming and nothing feels real. The only way im able to move on is to just think that even if this all a dream or feels fake, i can still make the best of it and try to have fun in this weird reality.

Best of luck to you, I hope you feel real and rooted in reality again. I'm rooting for you xxx


It's odd to me that people never had felt this. I though this was normal. To have days and months where things don't fit right. I've never talked to anyone about to happening to me for that reason. I guess I always waited things out until I shrunk back into the world or it stretched back around me. Thank you, next time I feel off like this I'll look around for a reason and a cure


When she almost cried and her voice was shaking I could feel my heart physically break oh my godd


a problem i have is that everytime i start thinking about mental illness and i wonder "do i feel like this?" i have no idea of how i feel. it's like "i might feel like this but what if its just a normal amount?" like, i know there is an amount thats not healthy but everyone feels down sometimes, right? i cant exactly tell where it starts becoming unhealthy and i have no idea what's going on. <br>does that mean that even if my down days are really bad i'm okay or does this mean the exact opposite of that?

a problem i have is that everytime i start thinking about mental illness and i wonder "do i feel like this?" i have no idea of how i feel. it's like "i might feel like this but what if its just a normal amount?" like, i know there is an amount thats not healthy but everyone feels down sometimes, right? i cant exactly tell where it starts becoming unhealthy and i have no idea what's going on.
does that mean that even if my down days are really bad i'm okay or does this mean the exact opposite of that?

because in her other video she said she said its really clear when shes depressed but i just d o n t  k n o w


4:11 I always want to get into my parents bed and talk to them and just pour everything out but i can never do it. i want to tell them that i want to see a therapist but i can't bring myself to say it.


holy shit holy shit holy shit this is making me feel so flipping sad because I relate to most of this and I don't know what is wrong with me half the time and I don't know why i have these messed up thoughts flying around in my mind or why I just break down and cry a lot of the time and I wonder what the fuck is wrong with me because of all of that. I'm 16. I have visited the school counsellor in the past, I was referred to the doctor but didn't go to the counselling sessions they planned for me. I went to the doctor asking to be referred again recently because I feel like I really need it by I couldn't explain how I was feeling because I don't know how I am feeling. it's like I'm feeling sad and angry and twisted and all those feelings are so heavy inside me but at the same time I don't feel anything. but I couldn't word that and the doctor said she'd see what she could do but I could see how was looking at me like I was crazy and a waste of time and making it up, and I haven't heard anything back from the doctors since I went in like march. <br>this is so long I'm sorry but I haven't written/said this properly I don't think so thank you.

holy shit holy shit holy shit this is making me feel so flipping sad because I relate to most of this and I don't know what is wrong with me half the time and I don't know why i have these messed up thoughts flying around in my mind or why I just break down and cry a lot of the time and I wonder what the fuck is wrong with me because of all of that. I'm 16. I have visited the school counsellor in the past, I was referred to the doctor but didn't go to the counselling sessions they planned for me. I went to the doctor asking to be referred again recently because I feel like I really need it by I couldn't explain how I was feeling because I don't know how I am feeling. it's like I'm feeling sad and angry and twisted and all those feelings are so heavy inside me but at the same time I don't feel anything. but I couldn't word that and the doctor said she'd see what she could do but I could see how was looking at me like I was crazy and a waste of time and making it up, and I haven't heard anything back from the doctors since I went in like march.
this is so long I'm sorry but I haven't written/said this properly I don't think so thank you.

@sunshinejessie yes I probably could, but I still wouldn't know how to explain it any differently. And because of where I live I wouldn't be able to easily accessible anywhere like those self referral places, but thank you so much for your help!

@katiee1eighty - I wouldn't know how to explain it creatively either though. Just a big mess on a page.

I find the hard thing with feelings is that words can't always describe them and that finding other outlets (creative) can help you put them in a form to explain to others and to help you better comprehend. I hope that makes sense.

Hmm, that's really tough. Is it possible for you to go to the doctors without telling your mum? Perhaps you could take a friend with you for support.<br>The other thing you might be able to try is I know that some places have self-referral counselling centers, so you wouldn't need to go via a doctor first. It could be worth looking up if your town/city etc. has anything like that?

Hmm, that's really tough. Is it possible for you to go to the doctors without telling your mum? Perhaps you could take a friend with you for support.
The other thing you might be able to try is I know that some places have self-referral counselling centers, so you wouldn't need to go via a doctor first. It could be worth looking up if your town/city etc. has anything like that?

@sunshinejessie thank you, my mum doesn't really get it either though, and I can't talk to her about it so I'm scared of going to the doctors again

You're definitely not a waste of time, and the things you're feeling are valid. It's really cool that you recognised something was wrong and tried to get help, doctors can be shitty and I'm so sorry yours didn't take the proper action. Like Dodie says, it might be important to keep trying until you can speak to a counsellor. Even if you don't know what's wrong, I've found it can be really helpful to speak to them and they can help you put into words how you're feeling, in a way you didn't even know was possible!<br>Mainly, I want you to know that there's nothing 'wrong' with you and things definitely can get better, you can do this :)

You're definitely not a waste of time, and the things you're feeling are valid. It's really cool that you recognised something was wrong and tried to get help, doctors can be shitty and I'm so sorry yours didn't take the proper action. Like Dodie says, it might be important to keep trying until you can speak to a counsellor. Even if you don't know what's wrong, I've found it can be really helpful to speak to them and they can help you put into words how you're feeling, in a way you didn't even know was possible!
Mainly, I want you to know that there's nothing 'wrong' with you and things definitely can get better, you can do this :)


The more my life goes on the more I find out about the people in my life's depression. More and more people around me get depressed. Leaving me feeling like I'm responsible to make them feel better and to lift them up. But how do you lift someone out of the hole of depression and anxiety when your already falling in it yourself? I feel like they're... influencing me even though they don't mean to. That's when you stop taking care of yourself. The other day I cried. Not for myself but for my friend with depression.<br>Now I'm lost.

The more my life goes on the more I find out about the people in my life's depression. More and more people around me get depressed. Leaving me feeling like I'm responsible to make them feel better and to lift them up. But how do you lift someone out of the hole of depression and anxiety when your already falling in it yourself? I feel like they're... influencing me even though they don't mean to. That's when you stop taking care of yourself. The other day I cried. Not for myself but for my friend with depression.
Now I'm lost.


Useful upload. .  In life there are only 2 problems—mind and the body. To feel better reduce negative thoughts and overthinking.  Your breathing is closely related to the brain [mind] and gives good relief from stress-anxiety.   To relax sit on a chair or lie down, neck straight,  eyes closed  and observe the sensations of your incoming-<del>outgoing breath at the entrance of the nostrils  for  5-10-15 minutes or more. Don’t fight your thoughts. With daily practice the mind will relax.  No deep breathing needed. Observe your breath sensations when you experience multiple thoughts anywhere-anytime-</del> before sleep, in college, before sleep, in the kitchen, when reading, etc. Like me, make this a lifetime daily habit to have a better life. Reduce negative social media, take morning sunlight walks  and avoid constipation as it affects the mind instantly. Best wishes--Counsellor.

Useful upload. .  In life there are only 2 problems—mind and the body. To feel better reduce negative thoughts and overthinking.  Your breathing is closely related to the brain [mind] and gives good relief from stress-anxiety.   To relax sit on a chair or lie down, neck straight,  eyes closed  and observe the sensations of your incoming--outgoing breath at the entrance of the nostrils  for  5-10-15 minutes or more. Don’t fight your thoughts. With daily practice the mind will relax.  No deep breathing needed. Observe your breath sensations when you experience multiple thoughts anywhere-anytime-- before sleep, in college, before sleep, in the kitchen, when reading, etc. Like me, make this a lifetime daily habit to have a better life. Reduce negative social media, take morning sunlight walks  and avoid constipation as it affects the mind instantly. Best wishes--Counsellor.


Dodie did your eyesight improve at all after treatment. I watches your video on BBC radio 5 and literally have the same shit with my eyes (can't keep them open like looking through a marble). Does the transcranial shizzle work in your case?


I don't think I've ever related to a video more... I've got Depression and an Anxiety Disorder. Before I was Diagnosed, I would try and put a name to it too, as it made me feel a little more... sane?


Now I know why dodie loves the quote "A bit of madness is key"


I don't feel numb, I feel hollow. Like I'm inside a shell. I have a therapist, she helps me with my anxiety. I haven't brought this up. I don't want to acknowledge that something is wrong all though I just have. I see her again next week, I will tell her. I'm making a promise here. I won't break it


Wow, so sorry you've experienced this but well done for trying to be positive and making an effort to move forward. This video made me feel less crazy because I literally have all the same symptoms as you. I feel drunk constantly and scared to even look at anything. I have to keep closing my eyes cos everything looks so trippy and messed up. I've actually been off work for 2 months and will probably lose my dream job because of it. It was two years ago now so did you get over it and if so how? I'd love to know! Thanks x


Rant time! I'm 14. I attempted suicide once and almost did it another time. Both of these happened in 8th grade. I constantly go through mood swings and don't know where my mind is. I've always been told how to be and I just don't want to. Im bisexual and non binary and I've only told 2 people. Im scared and confident and I'm going through one big panic attack. The music I'm listening to isn't keeping me alive anymore and I'm drifting away into my abyss and my best friend doesn't have her phone so I can't text her when I'm feeling depressed and I'm always depressed and I'm angry that I only lean on her and I'm trying to be better and refrain from making her sad. I'm sorry everyone. You won't miss me. Good bye. Thank you for your time, but move on. I'll be with you, but you need to realise that I've been dead inside for years. I'll miss my friends, but I'll see them in time


Okay so
1) thank you so much for making this video because I generally feel horrendous and bad and it's kinda like "oh, I'm gonna see my best friends! Why am I not really really excited that I'm going to get to see my best friends?" And then I feel really bad for not feeling happy and it's just really sad and just no like just why am I like this I'm so awful and I hate myself wow
And
2) I really hope you feel better even though that's a really weird thing to say because you can't just feel better but I just hope that you eventually feel okay xx

I know exactly what you mean. I went to a concert last year to see my favourite band- I was lucky enough to get a ticket (they sold out in 40 seconds flat) and I wasn't at all excited for it. I kept telling myself "oh, you'll get more excited as the date gets closer don't worry" and it got to a stage where I was in the line outside of the venue and I still wasn't even a little bit excited about it. It took me until they were about two songs into the show for me to actually enjoy it and have even a little bit of fun- to be honest, once that happened I had this incredible feeling of freedom that was like nothing I've ever experienced before in my entire life. Now as I'm writing this I can't remember what happened. I don't feel any excitement about the fact that I went there, and the only way I think I can get that wonderfully free, euphoric feeling back is to go to another one of their concerts. Hell, I have a ticket for their next concert in my area and the whole situation is repeating itself. I'm not excited at all. Not even a little bit. I'm just really hoping that feeling comes back- I've been pretty heavily depressed for almost five years now (that and a shitpile of other mental illnesses and symptoms and whatnot) and the way I felt that night was the best feeling I've ever had- in fact I think it's the only time I've ever felt truly happy since I was a hell of a lot younger.
Whenever I sort of re-realise that I'm not looking forward to it, I feel like crap because I know just how lucky I am to have been able to see my favourite band even once, let alone twice; and because I know I should be happy and it feels kinda stupid when everyone else around you is more happy for you than you are for yourself.

I know exactly what you mean. I went to a concert last year to see my favourite band- I was lucky enough to get a ticket (they sold out in 40 seconds flat) and I wasn't at all excited for it. I kept telling myself "oh, you'll get more excited as the date gets closer don't worry" and it got to a stage where I was in the line outside of the venue and I still wasn't even a little bit excited about it. It took me until they were about two songs into the show for me to actually enjoy it and have even a little bit of fun- to be honest, once that happened I had this incredible feeling of freedom that was like nothing I've ever experienced before in my entire life. Now as I'm writing this I can't remember what happened. I don't feel any excitement about the fact that I went there, and the only way I think I can get that wonderfully free, euphoric feeling back is to go to another one of their concerts. Hell, I have a ticket for their next concert in my area and the whole situation is repeating itself. I'm not excited at all. Not even a little bit. I'm just really hoping that feeling comes back- I've been pretty heavily depressed for almost five years now (that and a shitpile of other mental illnesses and symptoms and whatnot) and the way I felt that night was the best feeling I've ever had- in fact I think it's the only time I've ever felt truly happy since I was a hell of a lot younger.
Whenever I sort of re-realise that I'm not looking forward to it, I feel like crap because I know just how lucky I am to have been able to see my favourite band even once, let alone twice; and because I know I _should_ be happy and it feels kinda stupid when everyone else around you is more happy for you than you are for yourself.


I have exactly this.. buddy, I am so gone that I cannot even take a full breath in.. I feel super spaced out when someone is talking to me or especially when I'm talking to them. Every day is a struggle... I dont want to get up in the morning, walking is scary on its own.. I wish I can just wake up one day and this just be over. Also my memory is awful... awful awful


Honestly I'm so lucky my mother is a licenced social worker because my problems with mental health would exponentially worsen without her. I love having support.


This video makes me so sad because I'm 17 now, and I have really really bad derealization most of the time. When I'm at my home relaxing with my family it's usually gone, and it scares me because I know that I'll start to dissociate more and more once I move out and my brain has more to stress about. Once I go full-time at my job or go to college or join the military. I'm scared of not feeling like I really exist anymore, and I'm terrified that there will be no solution and as long as there is stress, I won't feel like anything is real. I'm scared of not feeling present during important times in my life. I'm scared of forgetting something important during my dissociation and accidently getting myself or someone else hurt. I'm scared of life not being vivid anymore.


First of all, I admire you for the bravery to not only explore these feeling to "figure it out" and to "cure" it and to also share it. It takes a lot of courage and strength.
Second, you are not crazy. The organ in your head is too complex for something to not go a little askew. It's okay.
And third, THANK YOU for sharing. For about 4 years, I've been trying to delve into and understand my mentality and recently before this video, I realized that the experience of depersonalization really fits what I'm going through. And so now I know that you, someone I Do look up to (but not put on a pedestal), experiences a similar thing. And I feel not so alone.
We've got this, Dods. I know we can do this.

Something I want to add to the second part is: You should not feel ashamed of your mental state. It's okay and there's not something wrong with you.


This might sound weird but depersonalization sounds like a blessing. I have depression and anxiety and im always trying to find a way out of this reality, but even weed doesnt help me anymore. I just want to be somewhere else.


I can relate to obsessive mind patterns that become all-consuming :c


I have been diagnosed with anxiety since I was 7 and depression since I was 8 this all was because of people in my family and now that I'm a little older and my mom has done all see can I am finally doing better. for the past year I was feeling as though I was not me but I was me I looked in the mirror it was me but I didn't like anything the 'other' me liked. I am now doing so much better and an now actually genuinely happy!


I intro reminds me of the texts I sent to my mom when I was depersonalizing and I told her I wasn't me and someone else was in my body and she thought i was schizophrenic turns out I was just depersonalizing and manic


hey dodie i love you. everything will be okay. i promise.


the part where she says she used to believe that if she got dementia she would just fight it but how can you fight it when the it is the thing you're using to fight with.

wow.


Goodness. I can relate to this completely. Wow.


Yes me too the past few months my anxiety has been really high and now I'm in two deep personalization feeling exactly what the young lady said in her video I personally am going through literally a weird scary dream I weather feel straight anxiety then this deep personalization it's like what I try to talk I can't talk I have the weirdest dreams if I sleep I'm just getting tired of this does anybody have any tricks that I can do to step out of this please


I watched this video when you posted it and I felt so sorry for you but didn't quite understand the panic and fear and general feelings you described- a year later this video scarily describes how I'm feeling and the way you're behaving and saying how others must think gives me chills as even just today my mum said similar things to me and and a week or two ago I was in an even worse place than I am now (good to know I'm not alone or crazy or hopeless or all of the above though)


Bro the whole everything being bright thing is so annoying to me with depersonalization. I wear sunglasses all the time now lol.   Edit: since it’s been 5 years have you gotten over depersonalization?


I’m not diagnosed with anything as far as I know but I have talked to a therapist and it did help but I feel as though I may have derealisation. I get this feeling that lights are too bright, or that I’m not real, bit like a movie at points, bouts of panic or a feeling that someone is waking me up from a dream but I’m still in the dream? I also struggle with some awful intrusive thoughts sometimes that can be triggered very easy and it’s just very frustrating now. I have gotten better but I struggle a lot at school especially in school assemblies, which make me panic a lot. I have a fear of fainting since I’ve fainted a few times before and it really scared me for a long time.
But hey. At least I have mostly accepted these moments of panic, I’m learning to fully ignore intrusive thoughts.
It almost makes me feel a bit brave or proud that I’ve powered through it and that I have knowledge about anxiety and the ability to help others understand what it is 🤷♀
I am trying to learn how to cope and I’m glad that my anxiety isn’t as bad as it used to be 🙂


so like....i've always had random flashes of derealization, my whole life, as any normal person. But lately I've come out of a reaaaaaally long period of deep unhappiness, only to have it replaced by derealization. It's not random flashes anymore, though. It's been going on for the past few weeks nonstop. yay. I am going through stress, but no more than I usually have anyway. I really don't understand why I have it. I don't have anxiety either. I just don't know. I suppose it started around the time I got into studying Mormonism and questioning purpose, life, and existence from that standpoint. Everything felt like it was clicking into place and making sense. But ever since such a deep mental growth, it's as if my brain couldn't handle the magnitude of it and is half-asleep/dreaming constantly.


Still beautiful,  you can fight mental illness but you need a very, very strong amount of willpower, you need to find out what you have as soon as possible and get help as soon as possible, you gave very good advice, regardless of how you got it, if you can fight it or not get medical help.


(Continuing) loved making people laugh, I was sad and gloomy all the time. I acted like everything was fine when it really wasn't. Finally my parents took me to a teenage phycologist and she made me tell her everything. From why I thought I was feeling this way, to what I hated about myself. But anyway, I'm better. And I don't want anyone commenting, "Oh my god she's just looking for attention" I'm not doing this for attention, I'm doing this so Dodie and other people who read this know they are not alone. So stay strong Dodie 💖💖💖

I'm the same but I've only just started seeing a councillor, hope you're happy now


5:23 this is how I felt aswell , and the thing about not looking for it , I tried to tell my mother and that's what she said I was doing . Today though cause of these videos I'm going to try and talk to her again , now that I now I'm not alone in this , thx <3.

So I'm back I did speak to her yesterday she said she would book an appointment and got straight of the topic and didn't even try to talk or ask me about it. I'm probably never gonna get that appointment .

Nevermind I'm telling her now , she came in and saw me crying and said that later if I'm ready to to tell her I should text her so I'm gonna mentally prepare myself.


I get depersonalization constantly. It's odd... usually it hangs in the back of my mind, the idea of "but this isn't real, right? you're not controlling yourself?" If I see my shadow or reflection, it ups rapidly, like I was shoved out of my own body and couldn't come back. If I see myself or lose my inner monologue, my own personal narrator, I can't be myself until I gain my inner voice again. In radio, they call silence "dead air." That's exactly what it feels like. A pause in the constant rush, the constant speed of my own over-thinking. <br>It's odd... I've gotten so used to my own anxiety that a lack of it is disorienting to me.

I get depersonalization constantly. It's odd... usually it hangs in the back of my mind, the idea of "but this isn't real, right? you're not controlling yourself?" If I see my shadow or reflection, it ups rapidly, like I was shoved out of my own body and couldn't come back. If I see myself or lose my inner monologue, my own personal narrator, I can't be myself until I gain my inner voice again. In radio, they call silence "dead air." That's exactly what it feels like. A pause in the constant rush, the constant speed of my own over-thinking.
It's odd... I've gotten so used to my own anxiety that a lack of it is disorienting to me.


To anyone else struggling with any kind of mental health issues in any way, please please please open up. Open up to a friend, a family member or a professional, preferably all 3.

Mental health is never the same as what people might consider to be a "physical" injury. Two people suffering from the "same" thing will have very different experiences and therefore should have personalised healing plans which are tailored to them as a unique individual.

To anybody who has a loved one who has opened up, all I can say from my experience is:  Sometimes it's very difficult and virtually impossible to understand what another person is going through, for me it was more than enough just to know somebody cares.

To anybody who has walked, or is still walking this road and has opened up, please be here for those who are maybe fearful of doing the same 👍


ive been listening to your videos on auto play for a good hour and a half now and this one popped up and god, im not one to cry (says the kid who full on had a breakdown today in front of my own family) but i started crying a little when you mentioned asking for help and not denying what you have. there have been so many times ive pushed my problems down and beaten myself up because the thought that 'my problems arn't significant' have come to my mind. that these unexplained fears and feelings that spring up on a daily basis dont matter because there are so many other things going on in the world and that no one has time for me and my problems. (which my wonderful significant other has taught me other wise, bless them) i lost my train of thought, but id like to say that after twoish years of having something wrong with my brain, ive finally told my parents that i wanna get things checked out and get medication and finally feel safe and ok for once. and im gonna try my hardest to actually feel the most ok i have ever, weather it be with medication, therapy, or other forms of help. and on a side note, thank you so much dodie. for existing and being alive and talking about your feelings and making videos and all that good stuff that we all enjoy. i really hope youre having a good day/night/evening today and that youre feeling better then when you made this video. i honestly love you so much and im excited for your new ep (in 1 day !!! aaa !!!) thats comin out !! okok im done here bye <3


i feel the same, i obsess over the past. i  have a lifetime of regret and its just a vicious cycle


shame poor thing

your vlog is amazing i hope you know--you are a light and im so glad to have seen your work


Watching dodie nearly crying is actually the hardest thing ever


I took acid once and smoked weed with it. I was suddenly hit with what I can only describe as a wave of derealisation/depersonalisation and it was fucking terrifying. My friend thought I was joking at first but things took such a severe turn when I grabbed her hand and said help me over and over again. It was probably a bad trip triggered by anxiety and the drug combo. But for about 6 hours, my thoughts felt like sand slipping through my fingers, like I nothing was normal and it would never be again. The feeling kept triggering worse anxiety. The problem with mental health disorders is that they’re very cyclical. They’re self-propagating. So the only way out is through baby steps; slowly making the cycle go from clockwise to anti-clockwise. What you said about “just acting normal” was the conclusion I best came to in my weird little episode. Because people will treat you as such, and you’ll start responding <b>genuinely</b> normally. 😊

I took acid once and smoked weed with it. I was suddenly hit with what I can only describe as a wave of derealisation/depersonalisation and it was fucking terrifying. My friend thought I was joking at first but things took such a severe turn when I grabbed her hand and said help me over and over again. It was probably a bad trip triggered by anxiety and the drug combo. But for about 6 hours, my thoughts felt like sand slipping through my fingers, like I nothing was normal and it would never be again. The feeling kept triggering worse anxiety. The problem with mental health disorders is that they’re very cyclical. They’re self-propagating. So the only way out is through baby steps; slowly making the cycle go from clockwise to anti-clockwise. What you said about “just acting normal” was the conclusion I best came to in my weird little episode. Because people will treat you as such, and you’ll start responding *genuinely* normally. 😊


Oml when Dodie wanted to cry she made me cry too... <3


one of my best friends is going through all three of these at once and it breaks my heart. this breaks my heart even more.


welp dodie im like you, in a world where im alone yet everyone is around me.


I've gotten depersonalization before, it's the scariest thing, it's like you're dead, a ghost, or just aren't in your body, and everything and everyone seems so fake it's like you're watching yourself and just so freaking scary I also usually get really nauseous and anxious as hell


I related to everything you said... I know I have extreme anxiety, and I have been diagnosed with depression, but I'm scared...

Hello. :) I have anxiety and depression as well and I just wanted you to know that it can get better. I'm on the mend after a pretty rough time in my life. Just keep on trying and get help where possible. If you need anything I'm sure this community will be here to support you. It does get better okay? Try not to be too scared. <3

I hope that you get better soon. Keep on fighting ❤

See, I've been alone for over a month. Though I'm introverted, being with my friends helps me not think about my depression and I don't have anxiety attacks when I am around them. Being alone for so long, I've started thinking about how scary growing up is, and how I should just be able to ignore my feelings so I don't burden anyone else around me... This video was wonderful because for two weeks, I have been telling myself that I'm going mad, and I related to everything

Really sorry to hear that. I get sooo depressed when I'm alone for too long. And I just can't stand it.


i just want to cry.  for you dodie seeing my self  in your vid.  it breaks my heart .  the feeling of anxiety hope your ok now . god bless


I've felt like this so many times, it's horrible!! You described it sooo well in your texts to people. That mad feeling is awful!! So frightening and disorienting!!!


Dodie why haven’t I seen your videos sooner. I feel this so hard I started crying. Thank you for making this video. I always feel so alone bc it feels like no one else can feel what I feel when I get “too in my head” I call it. So this makes me feel better. Thank you, thank you!

I hate depersonalizing. I once felt it for an entire week (bc mines just an extension of my social anxiety) and that was the longest I’ve had it, I think. It was terrifying. I was so scared that I’d never fully come back. Bc when I depersonalize it can last as short as a couple minutes. The hyper awareness and lack of control I feel is scary.<br>But yeah, thank you again dodie!

I hate depersonalizing. I once felt it for an entire week (bc mines just an extension of my social anxiety) and that was the longest I’ve had it, I think. It was terrifying. I was so scared that I’d never fully come back. Bc when I depersonalize it can last as short as a couple minutes. The hyper awareness and lack of control I feel is scary.
But yeah, thank you again dodie!


POV: ur scrolling through the comments crying in happiness understanding your normal 😂

I’m 13 next month and I’ve had this for over a year and guys trust me the only way to get rid of it is not care about it like legit forget about it I’ve started doing that and it’s going slowly like you are real your not dreaming and you are ok trust me if you wanna talk that’s fine just reply to this and go ahead 👍


for the past year I've not felt what is deemed "normal" I've felt sad for such a long time and I was so nervous to tell my mom that I needed to talk to someone, who wasn't her. So now we are trying to find a good therapist for me and I'm excited and nervous to tell someone whats been going on in my life. I absolutely love you Dodie and I hope that you get a great therapist💙


I'm coming back to this video, my face covered in tears and in great need of a tissue. I'm trying to cry silently so I won't wake up my mom sleeping in the room next to me. I commented on this video a long time ago saying I was getting better, but I haven't, I get worse everyday. I have no one I can talk to. It's not that I don't have friends, i just don't have good friends, and I feel so alone. It feels like no one cares, and they probably would if I just asked them for help, but I don't know how. I'm scared they'll say I'm just going through an emo phase, or I'm just a kid who had nothing to be depressed about. I'm scared they'll say I'm doing it for attention. I don't want attention at all, I just want to talk to someone I can trust and won't judge me. I feel so hopeless, and it feels like I'm always dreaming. My family says I'm just lazy, but I have no motivation to do anything. My teachers tell me I have potential to make a good future for myself, but I don't give a shit, I just want to curl up in a tiny ball and disappear. I just feel so lonely. My eyes burn from crying and wiping and crying again. I want it to stop, but it won't and I'm just so scared I'll do something stupid. I don't want to hurt myself, but I don't think I'm stable enough to stop myself if I start. I always try to tell people it will get better, but it's only half-assed because I don't feel like I'm ever going to get better. I just needed to get all of this out somehow, even if it was a YouTube comment that no one will read. Yet I still feel just as bad, and hopeless, and scared. I wish it would stop.


One of the hardest things about derealisation for me is that I try so hard to convince myself that this is all real and normal and fine but even the reality is strange! We're literally on a sphere of rock floating in nothingness, I don't understand what space is, I don't get what humans actually are, why we're here..... ugh. Have to find a way to be comfortable with uncertainty.


I’ve been derealised like chronically since I was about 6 years old , I’m fifteen now and way too scared to tell anyone . I told one of my old friends but he didn’t understand and now we’re not friends and he’s like forgotten about it . I really am sick of this limbo feeling and it’s horrible watching my life without being able to experience it . I’ve also been self harming on and off since I was about 11 or twelve , and am now self harming regularly because I am of course depressed like many people at school . How can I get help and feel normal without telling my family ? My family has had a lot of mental health issues and isn’t exactly going to welcome even more with open arms .


Hello I'm Grace. And I have to say some things. Oh Dodie you are the world's brightest charm even on days that aren't bright. I am not diagnosed with any disorders, however, I may want to consider seeing a therapist or counselor of the sort because I do have mental stress like everyone faces at some point as well as some things that may be considered fitting to a mental disorder. Nowadays, glorification of mental disorders have lead my past self to believe that self diagnosis was "cool" or "edgy" or whatever. I would speak to my friend who has real depression and anxiety in technical terms, making me seem like someone who shared these struggles when I am not anywhere near the level of pain she has gone through. I feel guilty about it. It's in the past of course. There was no hatred or anything and she is still my friend and she didn't think much of it, but even being the offender, I am offended by past me. I am disgusted nowadays to see merchandise glorifying depression, anxiety, social anxiety, etc. This is indeed a problem. When young people are introduced to the ideas that mental disorders are something to flaunt and wear like a badge in the attempts to be "relatable", is horrific. The reality is that I do have mild anxiety every once and a while, and it's not even fun to have moderate anxiety. Also, as many people do, I could feel depressed or angry on a certain day and while I don't have the real disorder, people still feel these ways. I couldn't imagine what it would be like to live with severe anxiety or depression every single day. To everyone who faces struggles that are moderate, and to those who face hell every single day, you are loved. I love you, Dodie loves you, and millions of people are on your side. (Like Nationwide lol im sorry i had to.) Don't you ever forget how genuinely beautiful you are. I know it's incredibly difficult to trust an online stranger, but we are all no strangers to hard times. If you read this far, then shoot you loyal. If you didn't I don't blame you. But I just had to say my thoughts which is something we are all privileged with. Dodie's channel is safe and loving and caring. Thank you Dodie and thank you to every beautiful person reading this. Stay strong friends. ❤


The problem with going to a therapist is that it's so expensive and at the moment, I cannot afford it. I have to save up my money and then I can go. I had some unexpected large costs a few months that kinda threw me under. Gotta build that back up.

amsaric search for a therapist who does EDMR therapy if you depersonalization is caused by trauma's. It really helps.

+amsaric That's wonderful news! I wish you lots of luck with the younger lady. :)

@Renee Campbell Thanks. However, I don't need someone to listen. I have friends for that. I need professional help. And I have gone to therapy sessions with therapists I didn't get along with. Not every therapist is the right fit... I might have found another one though so fingers crossed. She's younger but I loved her lectures and we starting chatting on facebook so we'll see. :)

hey! just remember that therapists are just people with a fancy certificate, and I know that sounds a bit harsh but I found that a therapist didn't help me at all. It was almost as if it was a waste of money, what really helped me was a friend I met via the internet, they were a way better help than a therapist maybe because they completely understood everything that I had gone through and I could relate to them a whole lot more. Just always try to remember that you shouldn't have to pay money to feel happy, there is always someone that will listen and understand  you. :)))

@Marlene Kostka Thanks, sweetie! I'll be okay, though. I'm working on other ways to improve myself. It's tough. It's so fucking tough, but I'm pushing to get through.


When she started not to cry that's when I really started relating to her. This all pertains to me except I have more derealization...


100% relate. Have you found any help yet?


How many years have you had dp? For me it’s been five. I only experience both at the same time if I’m panicking I think


I am 49 and going through my second bout with severe derealization.  It is not pretty.


Depersonalization is SCARY. Mine started recently. (at least to the point where i noticed because I've always felt like i was not in my body... That my body wasn't mine). Ive been feeling numb and as if I am physically floating within my "body" for months now. When ever i have panic attacks it gets BAD!!!!!  I get nauseous and really dizzy because "I'm floating within myself"   Anyways I've found that if I try focus on the real world and try to focus on feeling the world it kinda tones down the symptoms.

+Arie Marcucci Wow, never have I ever seen it put into words so accurately...

it truly is. i feel like.... you know those underwater pictures where there is a diver in the distance and all you see is the ocean and a spec for the  diver. if that could be translated into a feeling that is how i feel. like I'm alone in the ocean and i see the shore but it seems like ill never reach it... And i've been in the water for so long that I may or might not know what being dry and non shriveled is like. being on shore would probably feel heavy anyways.

@Lydia Highfield same. sometimes when I'm eating i can't feel the texture of things in my mouth but i recognize the taste so i know what it is but i can't feel it. its really weird. After I started becoming comfortable(????) with it... i releaized i wasn't i afraid of certain things anymore. like heights. i used to be TERRIFIED of heights. now its what ever. <br> this whole experience made me more spiritual to some extent. i am not as connected to material things anymore.  mostly because i can't feel them (LMAO).

@Lydia Highfield same. sometimes when I'm eating i can't feel the texture of things in my mouth but i recognize the taste so i know what it is but i can't feel it. its really weird. After I started becoming comfortable(????) with it... i releaized i wasn't i afraid of certain things anymore. like heights. i used to be TERRIFIED of heights. now its what ever.
 this whole experience made me more spiritual to some extent. i am not as connected to material things anymore.  mostly because i can't feel them (LMAO).

I've felt like this for about half a year, I never realized that what I was doing/having was we depersonalization....

I got my symptoms two months ago and I haven't felt the same since

you  are getting there once you realise what is going on you are half way there keep on going

Its so horrible..Honestly when this happend to me i was just looking at myself in the mirror and i was just like  "this doesnt feel like me, this person looks like a stranger" And i broke down in tears still looking at myself, and oh god that made it worse. I felt so alone and unimportant and alone. Idk why but its probably the worst feeling ever

Omg it's so terrifying, I relate to dodie saying she felt drunk because mine started after a night drinking and through i was just still drunk but it continued for two weeks.


when dodie's eyes got wet and her voice started to crack a little bit made me feel so sad??? like, i emphatize too much and this just broke my heart in half


Sometimes I get good episodes of depersonalization like listening to good music and looking out a car window is so much more enjoyable when I am in a depersonalization state. However, if I'm depressed and depersonalizing it's like I'm locked out of my own body. No emotions, I don't want to move, and it's like I'm alive but not living.


4:16 I almost fully broke down awh dodie i hope life gets less crappy :/


This is all im feeling. I thought no one would understand... I want to hug you ❤


You're probably not going to see this but if any of you also deal with this and there are times when it's REALLY bad, please do this:
-Name 5 things you can see
-Name 4 things you can feel
-Name 3 things you can hear
-Name 2 things you can smell
-Name 1 thing you are ABSOLUTELY sure of.

I hope I helped atleast one person with this. <333

+doddlevloggle you helped me, any help you need there are many people here for you

i just finished this lol. thank you so much it really helped me :)


Today I told my little brother I was depressed. As I expected he asked me why I was sad but I said "no, depression, as in the mental disorder." He looked me in the eye and said "depression isn't a mental disorder." I'm going to have to give him a talk about a disorder deeply rooted in our family, me and my relatives with ADHD, as well as my older brother who doesn't have ADHD, have all been depressed. Looking back I know why he slept so much. Ugh I hate feeling empty inside. Then when I'm not depressed I just cry about girls because...yay me I'm bad at that whole subject. Crying still feels better than feeling nothing from anything though.


wtf you just perfectly described how I'm feeling, like being a robot and in a different world and that stuff....


"My nice mental illness" it sounds so beautiful...yeah I have depression too. I feel you. I don't like understanding it but yeah...blah


This video made me cry because how real it is


i’ve been feeling out of it and drunk like - although i haven’t been drinking. and i haven’t felt ‘here’ for like a month now, v glad i found this vid : )


😓😓i feel you girl i haven’t left my house in a week and I have to go back to school soon  im so sad


the comments on this video; the people posting literal paragraphs, i hope you are doing well and if you're not, i hope you can overcome it & learn that it's a mental illness and it doesn't have to control your life :) i love you & stay safe <3


the fact that you tell all your friends this stuff is so different from my experience. I don't tell anyone, not cause they won't understand but I just don't care to? it doesn't matter if they know? I guess. does it help?


I just feel so scared, all the time. But what of? What exactly is there to be scared of? It's all irrational. It doesn't make sense. All my fears are irrational, but me being aware of that makes it even worse.
I'm not sure if I have social anxiety or not. Now that I think about it, I displayed signs of it from a young age. When I was about eight I went to a book signing. The room was packed of people, and my claustrophobia didn't help that. I panicked. There were people, everywhere. People. Lots of people. That's my main fear. Irrational as it is.
I badly wanted to meet my favourite author, but these people...and what would I say to her? I made my dad take me home.
Something like this has happened before. When I was nine I was at a TV studio when they told me to step in front of the camera and speak. I had the perfect script in my head, rehearsed. But, as I stood there with them watching and the cameras rolling, I froze.
Nowadays, things that make me anxious/panic are:
When the teacher says the word 'presentation'.
When you speak and everybody's like 'omg, she can talk!'
When a teacher sends you into another classroom to ask for something.
When you're trying to talk in class and somebody yells 'I can't hear her!'
When you're speaking to your friends but their other friends come so you have to shut up.
When you say something dumb and spend the next year of your life dwelling on it.
When the teacher puts you in a pair with somebody you barely know.
When the teacher makes a joke about you in class and everybody else laughs and you're trying not to cry with embarrassment.
When your mum tells you to call your friend to ask how they are.
When you have to read a page in class.
When you have to eat your lunch around other people so you just go hungry.
When your friend won't come with you to the toilet or the canteen.
When you are mentally preparing every single scenario.
When somebody asks if you're okay.
When you get offered something and automatically say no so you can't be a hassle.
When the teacher says pick a partner but none of your friends are in that class.
When the teacher won't let you work by yourself.
When you ask for something and they reply with 'help yourself'.
When you forget your earphones and are scared that somebody might try and talk to you.
When somebody says something nice to you and you don't know how to respond and you also immediately don't trust them because they just lied.
When you have to repeat yourself in class.
When you have to count up coins in a shop.
When you're the first to finish your test but you wait for somebody else to finish before getting up.
When you hold onto rubbish for a whole hour because the bin's on the other side of the classroom.
When you get the answer wrong in class.
When you get the answer right in class.
When the teacher says you can choose your groups.
When the teacher picks you to do something.
When you need help but you're too scared to ask.
When you make a carefully rehearsed comment and it gets ignored.
When they've seen the text, but haven't replied.
When you aren't sure what classroom you are meant to be in.
When you send random texts to yourself just to look busy.
When your friend doesn't want to come to the after school club with you.
When you need to buy something but the cashier is intimidating.
When you answer a question in class and your heart pounds.
When the teacher says 'remind me'.
When you are walking in the wrong direction but you can't turn around because you'll look stupid.
When you can hear people laughing and you think it's at you.
When somebody calls your name and you turn about but they weren't calling you.
When you have a good contribution to a conversation or the right answer but when you finally are brave enough to put your hand up the subject has changed.
When class has just started and everybody's talking to each other and you just sit there.
When you have to hold back a panic attack and just sit there all casual.
When you get put into a class with new people and you think 'crap! I was only just getting to know my last class!'.
When a teacher's speaking about a topic that relates to you and you feel all self conscious.
When you feel like you're going to cry if you somebody embarrasses you.
When you don't bother asking because you don't want to annoy people.
When you know something is stupid but you can't stop thinking about it.
When you are told to 'stop worrying'.
When you over think literally everything.
When you are worried that people are put off by you.
When you're home alone and you hear a noise and accept that you're going to die. //////////////////////////////////////

When you hold it in all lesson because you're too nervous to ask to go to the toilet.
When you don't know what to do with your hands.
When you really need to cough but you hold it in so you don't draw attention to yourself.
When people think you are ignoring them but you just don't know what to say.
When people think you are 'just shy'.
When you're told it's all in your head!!!
When nobody understands!!
When people don't believe you are anxious because you talk a lot.
When you're terrified about walking in late.
When you have to count money in a shop and it seems like you are holding up the whole queue.
When your mum says she'll be ten minutes and she's not back after eleven and you think something awful has happened to her.
When you miss a lesson and when you come back you're like 'what if the seating plan has changed?' 'What if I don't know what I'm doing?' What if...
When you are late and everybody looks at you
When somebody compliments you and you don't know how to respond.
When your friend won't come with you to buy a drink/to the loo so you go thirsty/hold it
When people say don't worry.
When the teacher praises you
When the teacher mentions something you like and everybody turns to look at you
sorry if you read this, this was really long I just needed to get my feelings out. Also, I over think everything and something I break down and have an anxiety/panic attack. I can be triggered by the smallest things like the thought of Dan and Phil leaving YouTube, but most of the time its social situations like going into school in the morning or performing in drama. help, please? xx

I feel the same, what do i do. Also I’m sad over nothing a lot

Fairylights and Secrets at Midnight same. I’ve had suspicions for a while idk what to do

I literally just sat here and read every single scenario, and genuinely related to all of them. I almost teared up a bit because I could feel the pain in this comment. I've felt that pain. It's good to know that there are other people out there who are the same. Though, it still hurts when all your friends are normal, functioning extroverts that have good charisma. Just know that you are a badass and you are strong because you deal with this pain every day, and you're still here. Stay strong ❤

dddaizy i didn't knew that i have social anxiety until I read this comment. I wish i could help you....but I can't

dddaizy I surprisingly relate to this... if this is what social anxiety is like then damn I might have it but I know that I can be social to new people and dont feel introverted, more ambiverted. Strange.

bandtrashdaizy this is amazing. Glad to know I’m not the only one. ❤❤❤

loads of people feel anxious they just don’t have the memory or the interest to write it down like you did

My fucking God I can relate to almost everything you said and that does sound alot like social anxiety you should try and talk to a doctor or maybe therapy??? idk that might help

Pierce the Daizy hello, i am sorry I don't understand how you feel but I would recommend going to try to find the right doctor to help you or maybe going to therapy. But whatever you do I wish you the best of luck trying to figure this out. (Also I just realized this comment is a month later... oops?)

SORRY I ONLY JUST REALISED HOW LONG THIS IS


“It’s strange now, when I meet new friends ... and I’m like, 'How are you?', and they’re like 'fine!', and I’m like 'how are you fine?'".

Dude, same.


when you are depressed your spirit is like a shadow to your body. you need to ground and feel roots come from your body to the center of the earth. i have gone through very similar things and this, combined with other things, helped me be happy again


Omg... The text messages to your friends are really what I feel.


OMG ive never related to a video more. its reached a point where people are making me feel like im making my sadness and depressive episodes up. as in ive even been diagnosed with depression but my parents have refused and said the psychoanalyst is wrong


I know this doesn't help, but I'm sorry you're going through that. You are such a lovely person and don't deserve to feel this way, you deserve to be happy and healthy.


this is probably the 3rd or 4th time i've watched this video. why? because i relate to it. i know the feeling of "maybe i'm going insane" and googling signs of insanity because you feel so isolated and like nothing is really real and like your life is a 3d movie and you're the only one in the theatre with glasses. i know the feeling of going back to an old place before things got bad, before your life changed dramatically in just a few weeks and all of these feelings getting worse. and like you can't escape these feelings, no matter how many distractions you make. no matter how many homework assignments you complete in a weekend or times you reorganize your room in a week, you're still restless. you still feel like an alien and like your skin isn't made as the same as everyone else's. when you drink 3 glasses of water but you're still thirsty. everything you see is out of focus, despite wearing glasses. and i hate this feeling. watching this video comforts me because i know im not the only one with these 'sensations' (or lack thereof) and that another person hates it just as much as me. my problem? im too scared to open up about it to anyone who isn't a stranger and seek help.


Life feels like a blur, my memories are mixed up and sometimes I feel like today never happened,everday is the same and i feel stuck with the same feelings and im scared ill be like this forever

And since nobody understands that I feel alone

Alone as in a different world, and i dont belong in that world <br>And everyone thinks this world is normal but you dont ( which makes it worse because theyll never really understand)

Alone as in a different world, and i dont belong in that world
And everyone thinks this world is normal but you dont ( which makes it worse because theyll never really understand)


Oh dodie, how I wish the US had something like the NHS. I had depression when I was 13-14 and often dreamed about going to therapy but little did I know how expensive it actually is. Thankfully I don't have depression anymore, but it turned into very problematic anger issues. My family is poor and we have problems and I wish we had a family counselor or something like that. My mom knows we need one but we just don't have the money. So basically all I have right now is short term coping mechanisms, suppressing my issues, or taking it out by screaming. If I felt comfortable talking to my friends I would, but I am not the type to be emotionally vulnerable around them. I don't know what to do except just sit and realize nobody has it easy.


I hope you get better, Dodie. We're here for you no matter what. 💙


I love your personality. And I relate to you so deeply. You are not crazy. Hope you are better now? :/


I think I might have anxiety,

I'm in 6th grade and basically I feel like everybody hates me and that they think that I'm weird or stupid. These feeling are eating me up. They're the first and last thing I think of in the day. Sometimes I get this feeling in my chest and I can't even pinpoint why it's there.

   Recently I moved away and after 2 years I think it finally hit me. I just don't think that I had accepted that I wouldn't ever go home again. Since then, I have been a lot more conscious of myself. I think I feel that because these people that I am now spending everyday with don't know me, not the real me. And I'm afraid that they never will.  I really miss my old friends that have been there throughout my life.

I'm just so so confused with who I am or who I want people to see me as.


I was so scared of going to the doctor because I was 15 and my mum didn't believe in mental health. Which ended up with me getting an eating disorder. However I'm all better now about years of therapy!


Recently I feel like I've related to this more and more. I consider myself to have some sort of mental illness. Probably a depressive disorder. Idk. I've had whatever that is for years. Maybe about 5. Recently I've had a pretty ugly mental breakdown. I live in a house with parents that won't really help much. They insist I'm fine. I'm really not. My exams (GCSE's) are in a week. I don't know what to do anymore.


Hey girl you should try and maybe get a dp manual might help :) I heard it’s helped a lot of others , and way of trying through it is acceptance also starts accepting instead of fighting the feelings you have overtime will get better


this video hit me hard. i never talk about my problems to anyone because i always feel that i have no right to complain because my problems are so insignificant compared to other people. so i just kinda keep pushing them down deeper and deeper and hope that when i eventually explode, no one is around so i can keep up the image of being the happy friend without a care in the world. i really don't know what's wrong with me...


Some questions for you dodie or anyone with depersonalization/derealization. For me the times where I wonder the most if I might have one of them is when I am majorly depressed. When I am "normal" aka not depfessed I look in the mirror and what I see is beautiful. But when I am depressed, I look in the mirror and what I see is ugly. I literal cannot see the tjings I love about myself. I dont see me. I am not sufe if this is just depression or maybe something more. I have never said that ever so yeah. Thanks for reading. Any help would.be amazing. I know I should get help, but rn my house is crazy so it wont happen rn.


I'm so glad YouTube has recommended this to me. Mental illness hurts so much that it's taken me a year to even do... Anything. I wish it would get easier. Damn it. Why am I watching this at 4:40am. Damn it all.


Dissociative disorders are hard. So proud of you for insisting and not giving up.   I fight cPTSD with its dissociative episodes. Keep going!


as you were talking, i started to realise its EXACTLY how i feeel, how ive been feeling like looking back the symptoms have just got worse and its been the past few years or so tht ive not felt right, and had weird symptoms but then its just got worse over this past year, and it has got worse, like i kept ignoring ove tthe years but i thought it would get better and there were moments that it did, but then cae back again and i just kept pushing it to aside nd now its got so bad that ive forgotten to talk to my friends, or even make plans or do everyday thing, and im really scared to go to the doctor , im just scared and alone right now because i know that something is wrong with me, because i feel so bad


this sounds a lot like how ive been feeling lately. i just dont quite feel like im all the way here. i know i have anxiety, but i dont know about the depression. it seems like ive been going on and off the he whole depression thing, ive been battling with myself, trying to figure out if im depressed or not, trying to tell myself im not or that i am. nobody want depression, but sometimes i wish it would just happen so that i wouldnt have to question myself all the time. life just not easy anymore, nothing makes me happy.


Dodie starts tearing up
I burst into tears

*Dodie starts tearing up*
*I burst into tears*


depersonalization. it's a thing?  I've been feeling this way for a long time. I developed depression in 3rd grade and had anxiety all my life. I've been diagnosed by a doctor with them. I feel that way, but I thought it was just a little effect of my anxiety. I'm only 13 but these feelings run in my family so it's kind of normal for me to get it. My parents understand and know how to help with my depression because my older siblings went trough the same things, but they never wet through depersonalization. I go to therapy and I'll try to bring up this topic. thank you so much !


I don't know if I have depersonalization or if I dissocate. Sometimes I look at my hands and it doesn't feel like they're mine. I don't feel drunk or detached from reality, but I do have to remind myself that I'm real sometimes. It feels like nothing matters when I get like this. idk, I do suffer from depression and anxiety.


It is ok to cry, it is always ok to cry. You are also obviously going trough something really hard, so you have a good reason for it.

I might have a mild version of depersonalisation, but not that it becomes a huge problem i think.

When ever I am in a social context three things may happen.
1: I am back inside my self and still quite conscious about what I do.
2: I first black out while talking and after a while returns to consciousness. Some times when I then return to consciousness I feel like I am looking down up on my self talking to another person. And i think like "what the fuck am I going on about". When this happens I start to worry that I might say something I shouldn't say. Because I feel like I have no control over my self. But it never happens that I say something that ruins the conversation.
But most of the times I come back after I said something and can't remember what I was talking about.
3: I feel like I am looking down up on a group of people that I am a part of. Then I try to understand the chemistry of the group.

I often feel like I am looking at my self from the outside. This makes it easier for me to question and understand my own nature. I like questioning things.

Another very strange thing that happened to me when I was a kid was that the area where I use to live just changed. Everything hade a slight offset of color and geometry. It was as if I one day woke up in another world. Where everything was similar, but not completely.
I remember that I got a bit of a panic and told my parents that this is not where we live. That everything was wrong.
After that day everything was different and would never change back again. For a long time I really missed the time before that day, I still do. But with time I have more and more accepted that it will never return to me. Now it feels like the word home is nothing more but a word that doesn't mean anything on an emotional level.


Oh shitttt dude I was unsure if this is what was wrong with me but this describes exactly what I’m feeling


Dodie, i love you very much. I feel the same. I'm so proud of you for recognizing your illnesses and symptoms and actively trying to fix it. It's so easy to just find comfort in it and stay there, like I've been doing for the last five years. You're such a beautiful person and I look forward to the day that you recognize that again. ❤ keep on keeping on dod


i feel like those background characters in Harry Potter that are unimportant and nonrelevant and just referred to as something like "a Ravenclaw girl" and I'm like a side character in my own life idk it's weird and im trying to use my fandom to explain how i feel daily ndcjnrlcjenocnwodndlciao

A Fangirl Too bad there isn’t a reassociation charm

I know exactly how you feel. It sucks being that random Ravenclaw girl that the Golden Trio pass in the halls, or something, or in the back of a charms class. But in a reality, everyone's the Harry of their own story. Or Hermione, who is much cooler, and is the real main character. Ugh this is such a weird reply this probably doesn’t help at all.


Depersonalisation is something I can relate to. I could be walking down a path that I have walked down the past 20 years and feel no connect to the area. Same with my childhood friend, I could be talking to her and feel no connection. I always know thats when my anxiety and depression is at its worse. It's a horrible feeling because you feel like you don't belong anywhere and that you have no home. When you are going back to the places from your past your technical wanting to go back to the way you felt in the past and that is to feel comfortable again.


Have you had your ferritin/iron level tested? I have been experiencing depersonalisation for 4 or 5 years and have had low ferritin the whole time, I've just found out iron defiency can cause depersonalisation so I am now focusing on raising my my iron levels..


I've had this disorder for about 3 or 4 years now and I never know how to describe it to people I talk to about it, so I always send them to this video to help them understand it better.

Thank you Dodie
x x x


Man this hit me hard. We are writing letters to our future self’s in school (I’m in 9th and well the school is going to send our letter to us when we graduate high school.) I didn’t know how to write the letter cuz I have so much to tell myself. We have to follow a certain direction to write it. We have to talk about our selfs now , our fears, what we hate about us or like. We pretty much have to have a self reflection and it sucks cuz the teachers gonna read it and when she read mine she’s gonna feel so bad for me. Here’s the thing, I like myself but I struggle with ptsd , depression, and anxiety...:.


I have a phobia of doctors, hospitals etc, and it took me 3 years to build up the courage to go to the doctors, who told me I'm making it up. People don't realise how much of an effect small comments like that have on people's lives, so please think before talking to people with mental health issues x


I really needed to see this video. I searched for people struggling with this type of stuff. Please understand what I am about to say is not meant to be mean or judgmental. It is meant to help you. You are talking about issues that people who really need help need to hear. It would help if you planned out your videos more. Dont go down rabbit trails.