Thank you so much for making this video. There are so many people who this helps in understanding themselves and others and you. You don't have to make happy videos or justify yourself, do whatever helps you. Look after yourself - that's the best thing you can do to help us and yourself. Take breaks and be yourself and rest. Cry as much as you want.


I relate to this so so so much. I spent a very long time feeling disconnected from reality, unable to truly interact with the outside world or fully experience sensations. It's only been through focusing on spirituality that I've been able to shake it. I still have some occasional moments of depression, anxiety, and derealization... but it's nothing like it was and it doesn't last anywhere near as it used to. This may seem a bit "churchy" but it's genuinely by the grace of God that I got out of my head. You're a lovely human being and I'll be keeping you in my prayers.
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid." -Psalm 14:25


You deserve to be happy. You WILL be happy. Keep fighting Dodie ❤❤❤


Thank you for this :) Wishing you all the best <3


You seem like such a nice, sweet, person who just wants to being beauty and love to the world. I'm sorry you have to go through all these terrible things. I wish I could send you strength and comfort.


“when you’re sad your  brain is dumb”

-me, last year, to my friend, who laughed real hard at it


This happened to me a few days ago. I watched this video before it happened to me, and I didn't fully understand it. Now I do, and I have discovered how absolutely terrifying depersonalization really is. Since it happened, I've been feeling very off and tired and my head hurts. I can't tell my family, they'll dismiss it as teenage hormones or something. I hate summertime because I spend a lot of time at home doing nothing, so my brain has a lot of time to overthink and panic and there's no one home to talk to. I need someone to help me and believe me, and I have no way to get to a therapist because I'm young. I asked my mom to take me to a doctor, but she just said 'Why would you need a doctor? You're perfectly healthy.'  Even if there is nothing wrong, I still want someone to confirm that I'm fine.


Oh love, this happens to me sometimes. I understand this. What I do is just blast music, read, or just watch Netflix. I'm an introvert this may only work for my hun. I know you're pretty extroverted but I use alone time to become myself. You may need other people, I'm not sure❤ I really do admire you so much and I'm going to become that person who is super ignorant and rude for a moment to tell you that you can do it and you're fantastic!(I hate it when people say that and don't understand what I'm going through) I understand how horrible you feel. You feel like a stranger who's daydreaming. Kind of just sleepwalking through life. We love you❤

I'm currently going through the same thing❤


I literally had a breakdown this week because of depersonalization disorder. I felt as if I were crawling in my own skin, and I couldn't get out so I sat there helpless in my bed. I felt extra dead this week, and I'm really happy I'm not alone. It's scary and very difficult trying to convince yourself that you're alive when you feel like you're constantly dreaming.


I guess my friends can always drag out of that mess when i’m going thru those terrible days.


I can't even put into words how amazing I think you are


"don't stop going to the doctor until they help you." if only american healthcare allowed that :(


See that's the thing, I don't really know what depression is, nor do I know anything about anxiety or depersonalisation. Sometimes I feel like I have depression; and I always feel like I have anxiety. But how would I know? And I'm scared looking up these symptoms is just gonna cause me to correlate and assume I have all these mental disorders

I think a lot of people feel that way.  It helps knowing others feel the way you do.  But know that reading about it will only bring you knowledge and empathy.  It won't induce anything in you and perhaps it will help put your feet firmly on the ground.  I used to feel the same as you.  I still sometimes do but knowing can also help you to helps others.

+Jasmine Teylor I wanted to say the same thing. Take a good look at your life and how you're coping, try to stay objective though. Are there things you don't do because if anxiety? Are there feelings you just can't shake off, no matter how hard you try? Reading into to has helped me but it can be confusing as well. Just trust yourself. It can take some time but if sometimes is wrong, you will notice it.

If your brain is causing you to struggle in your daily life then see a professional

There is nothing different from having a mental illness to a physical illness. The brain is just as important as the heart. We should nurture, take care of it, and check on it just as much as any other organ! There is a huge genetic component to mental health. If someone is really going to judge you for any kind of illness, do you really want them in your life? No one says your messed up if you get cancer...so don't let them tell you that you're messed up if you have depression or anxiety!  @therapylifetips (twitter)

If you think somethings wrong, it probably is. Try to believe yourself.

there's heaps of online resources that can assess your likeliness of actually having /depression/. e.g. https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/anxiety-and-depression-checklist-k10
I also found this site really helpful when thinking about dissociation (that's what depersonalisation comes under): https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/conditionsandtreatments/dissociation-and-dissociative-disorders

If you're worried, your best point of call is probably to see your GP. Normally they'll have you fill out a depression assessment like what I linked above and they'll refer you on to a therapist. I'm not sure where you're from, but in Australia if you're referred to a psychologist by a GP you can get up to 10 free or subsidised sessions per year.
If money isn't an issue, then you can always see a psychologist without a referral, and they'll be happy to talk about how you're feeling and what  you want to achieve by engaging in therapy.


I've always struggled with something I couldn't quit put my finger on. I've always been quiet, I've always watched from the sidelines. (For as long as I can really remember) In highschool I forced  myself into activities, it helped me a bit to enjoy something and make friends. But then highschool ended, and I had the roughest patch of my life. Needless to say a lot of difficult things happened, and I didn't at all feel like myself. I couldn't put it into words, my boyfriend tried to help me as much as he could, but eventually my depersonalization became too much for him. I don't blame him, but it made my life spiral even more out of control. I somehow managed to pull myself out of the darkness, I'm living more normally but I'm feeling myself slowly slip right back in. I'm realizing that I should get the help I deserve rather than push it off. But man is it scary. Then again so is not being myself


When you were talking about going to the doctor it's harder when you're a teen, or younger because for me personally it's scary to talk about it and you can't always just "go to the doctor"


when people say to stop obsessing over what your feeling, it makes (at least) me feel so insignificant and makes me even question if i'm feeling what i'm feeling. whether it be mental or physical pain, it sucks when people brush it off as nothing.


I told my friend about how sometimes I go into a state of feeling like I'm a piece of crap and how I kinda suffer from depression and she said " You're just a teenager, it hit you early." Im always told how pretty I am but I don't believe it. My friend doesn't think that something is actually wrong with me. She thinks it's just hormones. Honey, no.


It's just astounding how many people will want to hug you after watching this video

I completely agree. It upsets me so much that people who are so loved have so much fear that they hold back important things for fear of the few cruel trolls out there. It's horrible.

+ekeetley123 I couldn't agree more. Dodie is just so undeserving of anything except happiness. It's so sad that she assumed people would judge her or dismiss her feelings as fake or for attention. She's one of the most genuine YouTubers out there. I hope she knows what a loving fan base she has, because it's nearly an extra 300,000 reasons for her to get better

I wanted to hug her before watching this video. She has mentioned mental illness and generally feeling like utter crap before, but (as she made an entire video dedicated to it) a lot of people only started picking up on it now :( it's a shame to see such a wonderful, caring person have to deal with these awful things


All the best Dodie <br>Thank you for sharing so openly

All the best Dodie
Thank you for sharing so openly


this made me cry. I feel kind of the same. minus the depersonalisation. though i don't want to go to therapy because I'm scared im quite scared of the outside world lol...


I'm finally going to see a therapist this week. I can't deal with this on my own, anymore. I have an AMAZING family and new job and nothing should be wrong, but it is. I  want my head to stop being my enemy.


I've never had any mental illness except for some anxiety from when I was 9 to 11 but I was way too young to really count that. I also have something at the moment which I think is extremely mild anxiety that just makes me weird and shaky and teary most of the time, but I know that their are so many people who are so much worse off than me, including some of my friends. I'm only 13 so I feel like I'm too young to really feel anything major even now and I'm entirely diagnosed from YouTube and Google, mostly because I cry way too much if I try to talk about it out loud. I'm not really sure what the point of this comment was but thanks for reading my spiel if you got this far.


honestly, nothing surprises me anymore i've been through so much disappointment that's all i expect nowadays.

anxiety and depression has taken over me and i cant get out its to painful evertthing is to painful

False expectations will always let you down

Why does this speak to me so much? I try hard but I'm usually always disappointed and it's just why bother try? It's painful I'm sorry


I’ve been depressed for the last 3 years, and I started taking drugs about 4 months ago. I smoked weed everyday for about 6 weeks, and since then I’m feeling exactly what you describe as depersonalised and I just can’t shake it off. I think it was the weed, but not sure???


4:06 broke me. I've felt the same way as her for two years. it's awful


I've experienced something similar to this I think and it really is hard to explain. For me, there also seemed to be no point in explaining it, not in the sense that people wouldn't understand, but in the sense that, whilst I was going through this, I wasn't even sure if people were real and I was half convinced that I was a guinea pig being manipulated by some higher being to see how I'd respond to the mental torture of obsessive thoughts. It started in my first year of university and I really went hard at it in the first month or so in terms of going out every night, drinking way too much and experimenting. I suddenly became overwhelmed with work and social pressures and became a sort of recluse. I wouldn't talk to my flat mates voluntarily (which is so much different to how I presented myself in the first few weeks) and I almost made it my goal to get to Christmas without seeing or talking to anyone I didn't already know from home. I kinda tried to get on with my work, but I was failing that so I thought, well if I'm failing uni then I might aswell try to have a good time while I'm here. So some time in November, I decided to go on a night out with one of my friends from home and I went at it hard again - drinking probably the most I ever have and ever will do again. My friend told me that when we were in the club, I said to him that I wanted to leave as I felt like the worst person there and that everyone was looking at me which he confirmed wasn't the case and I was being paranoid. The next morning I felt extremely detached, as if my body was on autopilot and I took the front seat and the scary part didn't really kick in until the day after that. I was laid in my room after waking up at around 2pm and felt a little on edge so decided to take a shower. Then I felt really really weird, a feeling that I couldn't even imagine let alone try and describe right now. The best I can say is that my thoughts kinda felt like waves. Really powerful when they hit, like an obsession and then becoming slippery and impossible to recollect. I'd never thought so fast in my life and I wasn't able to hold onto each of the racing thoughts more than about 5 seconds before they vanished from my head. And they were thoughts that I had never considered before. They weren't 'real' thoughts (I can't really empathise now with what this was like, I just know that the only way I could describe my thoughts then was that they weren't real) and it felt as though I wasn't doing the thinking, that my brain was on autopilot now as well as my body and I wasn't in control of anything. I was just sat there watching as my brain unhinged itself. I went for a walk and it carried on so I called my friend and tried to explain that I was going out for a walk and the reason why. He later said that he couldn't understand what I was saying and I knew he couldn't. I was physically violently shaking and I couldn't compose myself enough to put words in the right order. I'd had little, very mild 'episodes' like this before which usually lead to a panic attack but I was always able to compose myself within 5 - 10 minutes. This time it was very different as following on from this night, the feeling persisted and I thought I had genuinely just lost it. When I tried to sleep, I could hear random chatting in my head, not like people talking to me, but just people talking and when I closed my eyes I could see dark face-like shadows that would morph into monsters and then unrecognisable blobs. I was in this state and feeling on the verge of insanity throughout all of November and December, over Christmas and the first couple of months into 2018. It honestly didn't go away until I, like you said, decided I would act normal and try to get used to this new way of thinking and feeling, however I didn't see a doctor. It's now August 2019 and I am 100% better and I'm still not sure if I think in the same way as I did before but I am doing so much better in my life than I was before. I decided to act as normal as possible quite early on (about 4 months into it) and maybe this is why it worked for me (although to actually feel somewhat normal again I think it took about a year of doing this). But I can't see why people can't recover if it's been longer than that. I do understand the idea of 'wedging yourself into a corner of your brain' as this is exactly how I felt and the more I thought about that, the more obsessive the thoughts would get. So yes, this is the best solution I've come across and it seems to have worked for me. I think what I experienced was a drug/alcohol triggered psychosis episode as a result of my obvious underlying anxiety. I think the depression I felt during that time was probably due to exhaustion from the anxiety of being on 'the verge' constantly. The only way I could sleep for the first few weeks was by waiting for my body to exhaust itself from physically shivering all day, and luckily, most of the time my mind would follow. So yeah this is just my experience and a message to say that acting normal and voluntarily taking responsibility for more things in my life definitely worked for me and I think it could for many others. Love you guys


ive had a similar experience, i felt like i was dreaming and everything wasnt real but i knew i was alive. ive felt this way for a few years (3rd grade, some of 4th, most of 5th, some of 6th) and it was super weird. every now and then it comes back and im like "whoa im like dreaming.." but i havent had it in awhile. btw, i just entered 8th and im 13, everything feels fine now but i wish i told someone then and didnt assume it was normal because now i dont remember like 3/4 of most of my grades.


Oh my god Dodie you are SO not insane. I don't think I've ever related so much to a video. The way you describe that feeling, I understand that feeling. I feel like my whole life is a mess, I feel like I'm watching a movie and I don't like the movie because it makes me sad and uncomfortable so I want to turn the movie off but I can't because I have to finish the movie. I so understand how you feel. I always tell myself that I need to stop and realize that there is nothing wrong with me and that I am being stupid for no reason. I wish I could put this feeling into words. Thank you for putting this into words. <3 +doddlevloggle

+Skylar Lange <br>There are good people in the world. Just gotta find 'em... we hide. :3 there definitely are people that will help others with no questions. Something called empathy. I'm sure a lot of us hanging around here have it!!

+Skylar Lange
There are good people in the world. Just gotta find 'em... we hide. :3 there definitely are people that will help others with no questions. Something called empathy. I'm sure a lot of us hanging around here have it!!

Thank you everyone so much. It's so lovely to hear support from people who don't even know me. I really appreciate it

I've had the problem of not knowing how to get help for so long and I just found a way so maybe my experience can help you a bit?
The way I did it was I got help to ask for help. Meaning I went to my university's mental health counselling and told them that I want to get help because of how I'm feeling and that I didn't know how to go about it. They explained the process to me and what different kinds of therapy there are so I could choose one that sounded the best.
Schools or Universities usually have mental health counselling or at least a teacher you can talk to. If you don't have access to those you could just go to a regular doctor and ask them, I'm sure that if they're competent they at least know where you can find out more about that. If you can, talk to your parents or other people you trust! They might not know how to go about getting help either, but if they can support you that's great as well!
There will always be people who tell you that there's nothing wrong with you, that you need to turn it off or just continue until it goes away, but sadly it doesn't work like that. If you feel like you need to get help then you do. And you deserve to feel better.

Sometimes it can take awhile to realize that how you are feeling is not "normal" -- that not everyone feels like they are falling apart, and like they don't want to go to bed because then it will be tomorrow and today will be a failure. But how you are feeling is not "normal" - you are not supposed to be miserable and feel lost. There are people out there who can help you, but taking the first step can be the hardest. If there is someone in your life you trust, I suggest asking them for help. It can make a big difference.  Otherwise, tey and take advantage of the websites there are and helplines and anything and everything you can. And if you can't do it today, because you just can't, try not to beat yourself up about it. You can do it, and people do care about you. You are not being stupid for no reason (I hope this helps)

+Skylar Lange <br>I notice you put that "nothing is wrong," which is a true statement in my opinion. There is a problem, but it isn't something that is "wrong." If you do feel like your life is a broken record, help is nice. All you need to do is know how to find it. :3 and it is an interesting journey... goes from painful to enlightening and peaceful. Over time, however!!

+Skylar Lange
I notice you put that "nothing is wrong," which is a true statement in my opinion. There is a problem, but it isn't something that is "wrong." If you do feel like your life is a broken record, help is nice. All you need to do is know how to find it. :3 and it is an interesting journey... goes from painful to enlightening and peaceful. Over time, however!!

+Skylar Lange are you at school? most have a councillor :)

+Skylar Lange Depending on how old you are, schools and unis have to have councillors, just walk in casually and not. e super stressed, ask if you can talk. Its amazing to finally talk, and its not mega stressful bc its just walking into another room.

+Skylar Lange I feel the same as this, its very very shit and I really hope you begin to feel better soon :) x

I want to get help. But I don't know how


I remember my childhood and how free i was back then.
Even though you live by your parents and have to follow rules, you are just carefree and enjoy every day as they come, because there has been so much to look forward to.
I was happy
As i grew older i started to get more and more worried about my life. Where will i end up? Will i make it in society? Will i stand on my own feet?
It feels like you lost paradise.


I used to think depression was just being sad. Now I know its not. For 2 months strait I have felt bad, there have been good days, but the rest bad. As I clicked on this video I burst out into tears. Dodie has helped me so much with mental health, thanks xx


Had this when i went on a holiday to new york last week. I'd been worried this would happen months prior to going so i went to see a therapist who went through a "window of tolerance" and breathing techniques to help with this anxiety. Once landed in new york i felt strange, like i should be a lot happier than i was since my dad had paid out alot of money for us to go. Everyday we went out to go somewhere such as the empire state, ground zero (9/11 memorial) or staten island i felt very disconnected to reality and couldn't pinpoint if it was down to the anxiety and depression or just the disbelief that i was in a city i wanted to go to since i was about 6. At the end of the holiday i researched what i'd been feeling and the first thing that came up was "denationalisation" mirrored what i was feeling in some ways. I feel like i should of had a much better time looking back at it and the pictures i took, especially since every single person i've spoken to says it's "amazing" and a once in a "lifetime experience". But now that i'm back home in a place of familiarity i can say that the trip was amazing, just not at the time i was there.


I felt the same way when I found out what it was as well. It's like this crazy disconnect that you can't fucking control, but it's so much more heavy than that. When I found out I cried tears of joy that I wasn't going crazy and that I wasn't the only person that this was happening to. I would tell someone what I was feeling, explaining that I'm sober and am not an airhead but they couldn't relate, had no idea what I was talking about so I probably sounded so weird to them and nuts. Why the hell is help so hard to get?<br> I think I'm on the right path to getting it now but it takes so much work that I already don't have the energy for to get.

I felt the same way when I found out what it was as well. It's like this crazy disconnect that you can't fucking control, but it's so much more heavy than that. When I found out I cried tears of joy that I wasn't going crazy and that I wasn't the only person that this was happening to. I would tell someone what I was feeling, explaining that I'm sober and am not an airhead but they couldn't relate, had no idea what I was talking about so I probably sounded so weird to them and nuts. Why the hell is help so hard to get?
 I think I'm on the right path to getting it now but it takes so much work that I already don't have the energy for to get.


I love you Dodie, you're not alone. I've been struggling with depression and anxiety for years. I can't say I know exactly how you feel bc no one ever could. But I feel for you and understand you can't just turn it off. You can only do and be the best you can ❤ stay true to yourself and try to stay positive!

Also one of the only things that keeps me going and keeps me happy is YouTube. Watching and creating. Being able to physically make something that you really want to do is such a good feeling and makes my mood do a complete 180. I may not be as successful as you are but I can only keep trying(: ily


i didn't know that depersonalizations was a thing 😭😭i can finally put a name to it, i've felt this so intensely but i thought i was just tired but i'm not , it has a name and it's a thing


I had this video on my watch later list for quite some time now. I would see it but always glance over it. For a long time I feel it was cause I never want to admit in my own life that I feel exactly as you just described. And it kind of sucks. Watching it now makes me feel a tad better that I'm not the only one who wakes up and has so much going on in their head. So here's hoping I can work like you to do better each day. Cause right now its really hard.


I definitely cried during this video because I can really relate. You start feeling empty and far away, then you start getting worried, paranoid, and depressed. then you have doubts and feel like 'what if Im doing this to myself?' I know I often feel like Im just a robot and everyone else is human, and you might feel like this for a long time before you have a good day, but you can live for those happy days because they are worth it. Just know that we care about you, and we think YOU are awesome; and I do mean the real you! We will be there for you no matter what and so will your friends and family. Just keep going and and I believe that you can make it.

P.S. No one thinks your high or are making this up! Many people can relate to what your talking about and it doesn't make us think any less of you! If anything, lots of people are happy that your talking about mental illness. Your definitely helping a lot of people just by having made this vid.


My mom noticed a little too much of her own childhood problems in me when I was about 10 years old. She didn't realize hers was depression and didn't get the help she needed until she was a married woman. She didn't want me to have to do that and so she took me to a psych and we found out it was depression  and anxiety. Cue ten-ish years of trying out a plethora of different medications (nothing worked for long due to changing prepubesent body chemistry), visiting out-patient clinics, group therapy sessions, a lot of tears, skipping school, and a short stint in a youth psychiatric ward, until finally, we found a combination of drugs that worked and I was pretty good for a few years. Recently there's been a small relapse, probably due to my body acclimating to the medications; so I talked to my doc and we're gonna try and fix it. It won't be as painful as before because my body has stopped growing mostly, but it'll be hard. I know things will go haywire during meds transitions and not everything will work for me, but I accepted long ago that I'll always have my depression and every few years I WILL have to find a better option. But going through the tough stuff only made me stronger in the past, and I know that I have people who will love and support me no matter what, just like my mom was constantly there for me growing up. I would not have survived middle school or high school without my mom knowing what was up and stepping in so early on. She put up with a lot from me and saved my life.  She taught me that seeking psychiatric help is nothing to be ashamed of and sometimes necessary. As for the depersonalization, I had several bouts in the past. I don't remember most of middle school, and sometimes I've felt like I'm just floating and observing instead of actually being present. It's scary and difficult, but it can be fixed.

My parents don't believe that I have a mental illness. I told them that I didn't feel right and they told me I just needed to grow up and get over it.

I hope you get better. We all will someday, I'm sure of that. Good Luck with your meds, and good luck with your recovery. :) I hope that you'll be fine one day.

She's so lucky. Its been ten years for me and while my parents believe in depression, they don't believe in me. They don't understand that physical/financial support is not enough and seem incapable if offering emotional support. I am barely able to do it myself, but a friend and many pets and books have  made me far more empathetic than they will ever be. I just hope that's not what kills me.

You're really lucky to have gotten so much support and help. It's been 4 years since my parents were told I have depression and they still don't believe me


when I was 8, suicidal thoughts started to come to my mind and the feeling of like I dont want to be here, this is not where I need to be. It was because I didnt have friends and I wasnt able to talk to anyone about it. Im eleven now (turning 12 in 4 months👏) and my depression havent left my mind yet nor did the suicidal thoughts and honestly it has gone worse Ive tried self harming and unfortunately my parents saw me and brought me to the hospital.


That's how I feel. That's 100% how I feel. Thank you


i have derealisation and life feels like i’m wearing goggles while watching a movie while daydreaming. i know it sounds very strange but it does feel like exactly that.


I can relate to this thank you so much for  making my morning


this is so fucking important to me. i don't know why this hits me so hard but i relate to this so intensely. "when the it is the thing you're fighting with" it's so hard. when depression is in your brain so deeply rooted it's eating at your happiness, you can't fight it. mental illness is in your brain. it is invading everything you are because your brain is everything. it really is like a bad dream 24/7 and everything is dulled. sorry for ranting.

This is so relatable. I had it so bad at one time where I almost committed suicide.

@emma taylor
Thanks for your support, really means a lot to me ^^
Please don't cut yourself either, I know I'm probably like the worst person to say something like that, but it hurts the people around you too...You're really helping me...
Thanks again for your support, you seem like a wonderful and nice preson, and I'm sure a lot of people think that way too

+K Resler try to talk to someone you feel comfortable with. Someone you know won't judge you and will be open to listening to you. It will be much more beneficial than pretending you are okay. If you can't find someone try to express yourself in a healthy way please especially since you're so young

This is me too and I want to cry because its been this way for about a year now and I'm only twelve. I feel like my life's not normal, and I don't want to tell any of my friends, because I don't feel like they'd really understand. I'm the person who acts like everything is fine 24/7 even when its not. I have a whole bunch of anxiety, I'm pretty sure I'm depressed, and I know I've experienced depersonalisation. (by the way I fought putting this out here since there are so many haters).

This comment is so important. I understand how you feel. I hate that so many people understand this <3

+Tlowief Kcalb YOU ARE A SURVIVOR. you have lived through so much and you are so above cutting. think of your life. you've been an adventurer, a lover, a fighter. you've been the sunshine on someones dreary day, and you'll find your sunshine too. don't cut like i do. you are so above it and so precious i promise you.

do your best, don't think you're alone. I was depressed for nine years and suicidal. It's a long hard battle but I beat it and if I did tomorrow I will have no regrets and die happy because I'm happy. I didn't do therapy or medication but maybe I should have. Please get help. Anyway depression does take over but you can beat it. Things get better if you want to. Do things that make you happy. Enjoy the small things. I know it's hard because it's hard to enjoy things but it takes time to heal.

@*****
I'm trying to...I mean I'm fine, no suicidal thoughts for almost two days...
Yaaay I guess?

I've been depressive for like 4 years now, never told anyone about it and started cutting myself like half a year ago, can't walk at the moment because my leg (thats where I usually cut myself, because noone sees it there) hurts way too much to do that kind of thing...I also don't trust anyone, don't think I will in the future, because everytime I do trust someone it seems like they just use me and dont really like me at all...aditionally I have a light trauma and always when I see naked legs, even if they're in hotpants or so, I get a flashback to when a friend of mine showed me her cuts...
And now I forgot what I wanted to say, but it still felt really good telling someone this...
Sorry for being such a downer...

Don't be sorry, what you said was right (at least for me). I wish there was a way to fix it or at least to separate the 'it' from your brain. It shouldn't become us. We don't deserve that and you're right, nobody deserves that. I hope you are feeling better soon. Just remember that there is a chance at happiness and we've come so far already. Really though, I wish I could send you a hug or something to make you feel better. Here, I'll attempt: <b>insert hug here</b>

Don't be sorry, what you said was right (at least for me). I wish there was a way to fix it or at least to separate the 'it' from your brain. It shouldn't become us. We don't deserve that and you're right, nobody deserves that. I hope you are feeling better soon. Just remember that there is a chance at happiness and we've come so far already. Really though, I wish I could send you a hug or something to make you feel better. Here, I'll attempt: *insert hug here*

It's the same with me with G.A.D. I've been this way since I was 4/5  and I'm trying to get my life on track with a brain that isn't on track. UGHH.

i just want to feel okay and normal again and hearing that someone i love and respect can relate makes me so sad. i wouldn't wish this feeling on anyone, especially not dodes because she deserves the world. i'm so sorry dodie.


Something you said hit close to home in this video. You said "I keep seeing everyone as humans and I am a robot" and "Everyone is gonna think I'm high. Everyone's going to think I'm on drugs". I have had my own mental health issues throughout my life and to this day, and even though my experiences are so different to yours I feel like we have had the same feelings at certain points in our life. So I feel a strong empathy with you. Everyone used to ask me if I was high all the time and they still do sometimes when I dissociate. I recently found the song "I am not a robot" and i have been told I am like a robot before and I feel like a robot often. But the song has encouraged me to start telling myself I am not a robot. It hasn't started helping me feel more like a person yet, but I still have hope it will.


You put my thoughts into words perfectly with your texts to your friends. Sometimes you can't even explain what you're feeling. It's absolutely miserable. Basically all you feel is, I'm here..but I'm not.


I stumbled upon a video of yours on you publishing your book and I watched it and was drawn in immediately because I understood how you felt because I went through it for 3 years straight with no relief and I don’t remember any of that 3 years because I wasn’t there. I picked up your book and reading through it I find myself highlighting things and crying because holy crap I thought I was the only one and that I was crazy. I feel saved knowing its not only me. I’m reading this part of your book right now for the second time!.❤❤❤❤thank you seriously, you have no idea.. you talking publicly about your struggle is so brave and you save people.


I can relate to this I always feel like this in fact I feel like it right now


god i've never related so much to a video. i love you so much dodie. i feel completely the same <3

+cary watts the way something is for you is not going to be the same as the way something is for someone else. Be less quick to judge, maybe.

+cary watts i relate to the anxiety and depersonalisation part, not the depression part.

+cary watts Some people don't have as extreme depression as others! I have depressed friends (who have been diagnosed by doctors) that don't feel suicidal, but that doesn't mean their illness isn't real. Recognising your illness and wanting to get better doesn't mean you're not I'll anymore. <br>Sorry if this sounded confrontational. I haven't suffered from mental health problems since last year so I know your opinion definitely counts for more than mine: but remember that everyone's mental illness is different and personal to them! I hope you have as nice a day as you can possibly have! ❤

+cary watts Some people don't have as extreme depression as others! I have depressed friends (who have been diagnosed by doctors) that don't feel suicidal, but that doesn't mean their illness isn't real. Recognising your illness and wanting to get better doesn't mean you're not I'll anymore.
Sorry if this sounded confrontational. I haven't suffered from mental health problems since last year so I know your opinion definitely counts for more than mine: but remember that everyone's mental illness is different and personal to them! I hope you have as nice a day as you can possibly have! ❤

I hope you'll also try seek help to get better as well then! Stay strong!


U r so amazing .I read an article where u described this .I have been getting help for most of my life and  I thought no one ever would get me .omg u get it .now i will share this with my therapist and i shared article with my mom .....i have spent more half of my like like this .i am better now.dbt has helped me ...mindfulness...medicine....u are an angel .


it makes me so sad to see you trying to explain it, and how you have to apologize for the people who've never dealt with mental illnesses when they don't understand, because its unfair that you can be in so much pain and nobody can see it from the outside. Like, for me, i have really bad insomnia, and i have ever since i was 6. I had a best friend at the time, and she didn't really understand at all (which is fine, those things are hard to understand if you don't deal with them). But anyway, I can remember one day when i was maybe 8 years old we were talking and she said "Why can't you just fall asleep, its so easy, ", and I just lost it. I started crying and she had to leave, it was terrible. Mental stuff like that is so hard because its on the inside,  you could be dying and nobody could know.


Dodie you are truly a beautiful human, inside and out


i know you won't see this dodie, but this video helped me very much three years ago when i suddenly felt depersonalisation for the first time at sixteen. literally felt like a filter was switched in my brain, the change was so sudden. that whole month during the summer i felt so fucking weird, so so so weird. i'm extremely glad i came out of it. now i've developed a mild(?) depression, but i'll take this anytime instead of that shit, ewww it makes me gag even thinking about that time. to anyone finding themselves depersonalized right now: IT WILL PASS! i promise, it'll feel like it's going to be the state you'll be stuck in for the rest of your days, but IT'S NOT. give it time, fight through. try to do normal things, but don't force yourself to socialize. increase your interactions gradually. this is just a passing stage to something new, i think at least.


seeing someone else struggle through like that made  me feel human for a second


I come back to this video every now and then just to remind myself i havent gone mad yet


i've had depersonalization and derealization, and the thing that really helped me was knowing that these things were called illnesses for a reason. these aren't "normal" or everyday things that humans are supposed to live with. it helped me to know that i could rationalize with it... it wouldn't make any sense at all that the world was "fake" or "unreal", would it?! i'm living with an illness, but i can, at least, try to really think through things. i know where i live, i know who my parents are, and i know where i am currently. i'll try to not let my brain (my illness) take over, because i know that it is just an illness. i am fully aware of where i am at this current second, typing this at my computer. i won't let an illness make me think i'm not. even though it doesn't FEEL real and i don't know who i am/what i'm doing here, i know that it IS REAL.
time and "being a human being" is a really weird thing for me, but i know that it IS real, even though it doesn't feel like it at the moment.
^this is just something that helped me, but everyone has their own ways of dealing with depersonalization and derealization. i'm not a medical professional at all hahaha. although, i do hoped that this helped.

for everyone else with dp/dr, keep fighting. xx


Oh my goodness I relate to this so much. You don't sound crazy at all. It's bizarre because your experiences sound really similar to mine in the sense I moved away from my family home at the age of 18 and have craved that feeling of 'home' ever since (I'm now 22). I hope you found a good therapist and are getting on well!


I have suffered from depression, anxiety and ocd for as long as I can remember, and when I first watched this video, I was actually kind of healthy, mind-wise. Happiness didn't seem as much as a distraction, my chest didn't physically ache all the time, my brain wasn't blurry. And here's the thing- I watched this, and I found it hard to identify. Because that is exactly what depression etc is! Even when you've experienced it as extremely as possible, when you finally break through for a little while, you forget how bloody awful and difficult it is. And now I'm re-watching this, because I am a bloody mess right now, mentally. And it makes me angry with myself for momentarily forgetting what it's like, but at the same time, if we didn't sometimes forget during the 'okay' parts, we would be stuck forever. And I guess that gives me hope. <br>Anyway this is rambly. My brain is rambly at the moment. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I am so lost and my brain refuses to shut up for even a second, but if I come back to this in six months and if I feel slightly better, I'll see if I can identify with myself now. It's an interesting thought.

I have suffered from depression, anxiety and ocd for as long as I can remember, and when I first watched this video, I was actually kind of healthy, mind-wise. Happiness didn't seem as much as a distraction, my chest didn't physically ache all the time, my brain wasn't blurry. And here's the thing- I watched this, and I found it hard to identify. Because that is exactly what depression etc is! Even when you've experienced it as extremely as possible, when you finally break through for a little while, you forget how bloody awful and difficult it is. And now I'm re-watching this, because I am a bloody mess right now, mentally. And it makes me angry with myself for momentarily forgetting what it's like, but at the same time, if we didn't sometimes forget during the 'okay' parts, we would be stuck forever. And I guess that gives me hope.
Anyway this is rambly. My brain is rambly at the moment. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I am so lost and my brain refuses to shut up for even a second, but if I come back to this in six months and if I feel slightly better, I'll see if I can identify with myself now. It's an interesting thought.

yeah I definitly can relate to that, too. One day I feel deeply depressed, thinking there is just one single permanent solution and that this solution would make sense, although I know it shouldn't and everyone and anyone would tell me that it doesn't in case I would tell them about my thoughts...
just few days later I can feel ok again, feeling like a completely different person, which can hardly imagine how to come to that dark down moments, although I kind of remember some thoughts that brought me there. And then I think: How could just anyone who did not experience all these mental health issues for a long time ever imagine, how it is, if I myself even can't sometimes??
So yes, that makes mental health issues so super complicated and difficult to communicate.


I can't emphasise enough how right Dodie is that anyone feeling this way should seek help as soon as possible.  You might face a bit of a battle to get relevant help/treatment, but things can get a whole lot worse if you don't.

And I say this as a 45 year old who'd been struggling with Anxiety and Avoidant Personality Disorder as long as he can remember being alive.


I had anxiety for so long (years) that eventually my body and mind couldn't take it anymore and I got depersonalised from the world. And this was so scary, I thought I was going crazy. Which just made my anxiety worse. This was years back and finally I've been able to accept whatever I'm feeling (or not feeling) so that I can accept everything. And I've honestly gotten so much better. If someone has a serious mental illness they will need more serious help. But for me giving up the fight is finally when I started getting better. Not trying to figure out what was wrong with me every.single.day. And just being, feeling, thinking. Whatever I was. And it's taken SO LONG. But I can finally say I've gotten there. I think I've gotten my old self back.


I have never been able to understand this video until now. I have felt depressed for the last few months sporadically and the last few weeks, everyday. I miss the person I used to be. So, so much.


I love you so much dodie you do not deserve to feel. That way just know you can always push through things.


nothing or everything. Non-stop for weeks or never. This is how I feel
Yes, I'm a year late but I just need to vent and scream and cry and laugh and just feel good.
I have felt strange ever since I was 8, I was never like the other girls. They would be asking boys out, I would be laying in bed looking out the window. This strange feeling turned into sadness at about 10, I would have random panic attacks, burst out crying for no reason, for be completely numb, feel nothing, and it would be like I left my body and I was just watching everything around me from someone that wasn't me. Everything was hurting and was numb at the same time I tried to tell my parents I tried to seek for help I tried everything, I was getting worse and worse now never sleeping seeing hallucinations feeling like I'm going insane always being put off being told, "Your just a kid you don't know what this is" "just a hormonal teenager" "your making it up for attention". And that's when I cut myself, multiple times, going as deep as I could. I was still numb.
I'm somewhat better now, I refuse to go near knives, but nobody believes me whenever I express that I don't feel right or normal, they all just think I'm a hormonal teenager who wants attention and spends to much time online. I'm sorry, but I just had to put it all out in words.


Hi I'm a first timer on your channel and I love it and I can relate to what your saying. X


I hope you are feeling better now and that the therapist helps you - I know this is so difficult to deal with. Thank you so much for sharing your story. We are all here for you and you are so valuable. Meditation and hobbies are so helpful. Love you


I'm so glad you cover these kinds of topics


My gosh, Depersonalization has affected me greatly before. I struggled with feeling like I wasn't there and that I felt like I wasn't in my body, like my brain didn't work at all in correlation to the real world. It all came as a side effect of my hypothyroidism and as I took my medication, it left me, however, I occasionally get it sometimes at night and that leads to thinking about death and therefore panic. I loved this video because it made so much sense and it's something that is hard to put into words. Thank you <3

I definitely recommend getting your thyroid checked. If you're extremely tired, cold or other it's often a side effect and a lot of people aren't aware of it. I hope you get well soon, dear.


Brilliant attitude. What a strong lady! Wishing you well  xx


I wish i had friends to talk to about my mental stuff like dodie does. Because it’s hard to be mentally ill, but it hurts so much more to do it alone


Thanks for making this video. It helps me feel


I just discovered your videos and music like 3 days ago and that's all I've been watching/listening to.. hearts, hearts and 50 more hearts.


Hey Dodie. New follower Here as someone who has recently come out of therapy I can honestly say you have nothing to fear. In fact you are entering the system at a ideal time after the recent etc funds it's received. My main thing I would say is focus hard on what they have to say and take each day as it comes mental illness as I'm sure you know is unlike any physical ailment. You'll get through this peep, stay strong and 'just keep swimming' <b>big hugs</b>

Hey Dodie. New follower Here as someone who has recently come out of therapy I can honestly say you have nothing to fear. In fact you are entering the system at a ideal time after the recent etc funds it's received. My main thing I would say is focus hard on what they have to say and take each day as it comes mental illness as I'm sure you know is unlike any physical ailment. You'll get through this peep, stay strong and 'just keep swimming' *big hugs*

+MsSmudge64 thank you! Hope you are feeling much better <3


I have had Depersonalization Disorder symptoms since I've had an Epileptic Seizure of sorts, in addition to being extremely overwhelmed and stressed. I researched the symptoms I was experiencing after a couple months, feeling as though I was just tired due to excessive schoolwork. I related to all the symptoms and began to tell my friends and ask them what I should do. They all directed me to tell my parents, so, I told my mom but she didn't believe me and didn't want to take me to the doctor. I always felt like I wasn't having enough fun because I couldn't take things in, and that I felt spacey, and that I felt like my senses were wrong, that I didn't exist. At random points I would space out completely and forget who and where I was. I felt like when I spoke the voice wasn't mine, I truly felt like you, like I was going mad or insane. But, this video made me feel happy and welcomed, like someone who I loved shares the thing that was previously "made up". I've been feeling a bit better, but not completely. My mom still won't take me to a therapist, so if you wouldn't mind (therapy being a very personal thing that you are in no way obliged to share) making a video on some of the tips your therapist gives to you? I'm sorry if I'm intruding or reminding you of the topic at hand, I just really want to know. Thank you.


i have a client who's a neurologist and after watching this video I asked him a bit about depersonalization. His theory is that it's a mild form of schizophrenia.


One of the biggest hurdles for my mental health was that I'm part of a culture that doesn't really believe it to be a legitimate illness. Which in return, I never valididated myself to get help if that makes sense. I was only clinically diagnosed with depression & anxiety just before I left for uni.

It's not over in a snap & while I am grateful that I'm a place where it is more accepted-
To anyone who was in my position & is desperate,
You matter & how you think/feel/behave are just as important.
"It'll all work out in the end. If it hasn't, it's not the end yet." xo


I can relate to you being upset about your bed so much because it is exactly what I felt as well. Unfortunately my parents throw it away for space reason and no one got why I became so mad about it.


Who else feels so happy and motivated then all of a sudden, life hits you?😢


I'm watching this 9 months after published, I understand what's happening with you and I want to go see a doctor but I'm too scared to because I feel like my family will tell me that I'm attention seeking and that I should just get over it...


My heart broke at 4:15 I also have depersonalization and I struggle with it I just want to live life as other normal people


About two weeks ago I had a very strange experience and I couldn't quite define what it was or describe it. It was the day me and my girlfriend got together so I was obviously very happy, this is why it was so weird that something like that happened on that day. I was in life skills sitting next to my friend and everything was super normal and I had the giggles and was happy lol. But then a fire drill went off which immediately through me out of my comfort zone. I still felt kind of ok though. Afterwards we were told to go back to class because we still had about 15 minutes of the day left. As I started walking. suddenly I felt weird. It was like when you are having a dream but you know you are in a dream so you know something odd or scary is going to happen. I felt detatched from reality, and the sky seemed to go dark. I stayed with my friends for as long as possible for comfort (but still didn't tell them how I felt) but of course I eventually had to split up from them and go to my class. Then everything got worse. I knew my way around perfectly but still felt like I didn't know where to go. I couldn't talk and felt suffocated and afraid. I didn't manage to get back to class and just stood behind a tree.<br>When I got on the bus and sat with my friend she went on her phone and didn't really talk to me all too much, but when she did I couldn't really compremend what she was saying. I tried to talk back but my voice seemed too loud and sounded odd. when we got off the bus I felt slightly better, and by the time I got home I felt fine. I didn't even know what depersonalisation was until now.

About two weeks ago I had a very strange experience and I couldn't quite define what it was or describe it. It was the day me and my girlfriend got together so I was obviously very happy, this is why it was so weird that something like that happened on that day. I was in life skills sitting next to my friend and everything was super normal and I had the giggles and was happy lol. But then a fire drill went off which immediately through me out of my comfort zone. I still felt kind of ok though. Afterwards we were told to go back to class because we still had about 15 minutes of the day left. As I started walking. suddenly I felt weird. It was like when you are having a dream but you know you are in a dream so you know something odd or scary is going to happen. I felt detatched from reality, and the sky seemed to go dark. I stayed with my friends for as long as possible for comfort (but still didn't tell them how I felt) but of course I eventually had to split up from them and go to my class. Then everything got worse. I knew my way around perfectly but still felt like I didn't know where to go. I couldn't talk and felt suffocated and afraid. I didn't manage to get back to class and just stood behind a tree.
When I got on the bus and sat with my friend she went on her phone and didn't really talk to me all too much, but when she did I couldn't really compremend what she was saying. I tried to talk back but my voice seemed too loud and sounded odd. when we got off the bus I felt slightly better, and by the time I got home I felt fine. I didn't even know what depersonalisation was until now.


the terrible thing about depression in my experience is that you think "oh ill just do xyz because i've always enjoyed that" but then.... you find that you dont enjoy it. its just flat. and it sucks. its so hard to be "normal" and happy.

that sounds really cruel, but what i mean to say is that if your plan doesnt work out, you didn't fail or anything. some days are harder than others. mental illness is really tough and it doesnt make a lot of sense. thats okay.


I honestly felt the same way. I feel like nothing is real its all a dream. I slept in a lot more, separated myself from everyone etc... I still go to school so a bunch a ppl forced me to go to the guidance councillor and I never felt comfortable to opening to this adult I met 5 mins ago. So I'm stuck with this


i'm watching this whilst i feel like i am literally going insane. things are making me literally scared of myself because i don't want to hurt myself and other people.

i'm going to try and book an appointment (again) and try and get therapy... i've been before but it gets worse every time i stop


Hey! Ive been struggling with depersonalization for awhile now but I didn't know that is what its called. AFTER SEEING THIS VIDEO IT CLICKED and i was like OHHH YES I GET YOU I KNOW HOW IT FEELS. I hope you are doing better and i start doing better as well:)) Thank you for your videos?? I feel like i relate to you a lot. You're like my role model basically lmao. ANYWAYS IM GONNA BLAST!! THANK YOU FOR ALL THAT YOU DO DODIE, YOU TRULY WARM MY HEART. MUCH LOVE <3 - A girl who relates


Respect to you I no exactly how you feel I have the same condition as you expect mine was triggered due to damage in my neck and spine which destroyed vital nerves.


I can't believe a doctor would tell you that you were making your mental illness up ugh. It's so disappointing that mental illness is brushed off by some doctors just like that. You should definitely attempt to seek out someone who will be more understanding and give you an actual diagnosis other than just "making it up".

Good luck, Dodie. I hope you'll feel much better and happier soon <3

+cary watts I hope you feel good about yourself after you try to diminish someone else's pain because it's not the same as yours. How would you feel if someone was to tell you that the way you feel was just an act? Probably not good. Sometimes it's better to leave comments like the one you posted to yourself. You don't have to believe dodie but you certainly aren't welcome to make someone feel like their pain isn't serious or real. Doctors can often lack understanding about mental illnesses, just like regular people do. Hopefully this comment, along with other people's helps you to better understand where dodie is coming from. All the best!

+kaylee Finally someone who gets it!! You're so right. So many people with depression are trying so hard to just cope with the way they feel. Not everyone will fall into such a dark place that they want to hurt themselves or worse. Everyone copes with it in different ways

depression isn't just self harm and wishing for death lmao. yeah, it is like that for some people but depression is a pretty common illness & there isn't just one "true depression". it's a broad term with a whole array of symptoms and saying that depressed people can never hope for a better future and have to be suicidal at every waking hour invalidates people with depression that experience it differently than that.

+cary watts +cary watts +cary watts the biology of depression may be the same in all people, possibly. But the cognition of it is different in every human being. Brain scans and the way someone thinks are two very different things. Saying depression is the same for all people is like saying everyone feels happiness from the same things, or everyone should like the same band because they make 'good music'. It's cognition that separates people, and nothing is the same in the brain of each and every person. So please stop generalising things. Everyone deals with it in different ways, everyone feels it differently, and everyone expresses it (or doesn't in many cases) differently too. All you're doing is hurting others with depression right now, and if you do have it you should know how lethal that can be.. So please stop..

+cary watts ooh, let's play 'who's more depressed'

That is wrong and makes it so much worse because you end up convincing yourself that it must be normal and everyone must be feeling it however bad you get and how much more ill you feel and act than everyone else (that's my experience of it anyway). I typed a whole comment out and then really scared myself by quite how mental I sound so i''m going to have to leave it at that. I hope that the doctors are helpful once you see them and if they're not keep fighting until they help you because you don't deserve to feel like this xx

cary i am sorry to hear that you are going through this. This hate you are projecting towards doddie is however not helpful nor appropriate. What you did here is mix up a chronic depression with a depressive episode and/or a depression. Those a three different clinical diagnosed forms of "depression" which alone vary in symptoms. And then also depression varies between people and in time too. "A truly depressed person has no ability to see a brighter future and you clearly have that ability" is just plain wrong. You cant make statements like that, just because your chronical depression is making you feel that way.
I am glad that doddie is not feeling like this, because it would be shocking (and nearly impossible) if she is already that far and has developed a chronical depression within our watch.

Now for doddie: (psychotherapist in training talking) You are on the right way. You have narrowed down your symptoms and i am glad you are ready to visit a doctor about it, even when other people here might be belittling what you experience. Dont listen to them. From what you describe it might definetely be possible to be a depressive episode, which most of the time when not treated will get worse and worse. And its especially dangerous because a diagnose which is the most common form of depression (F33 recurrent depressive episode) shows itself by depressive episodes which come and go , so it sometimes may look like your problem is gone, but then 2 month after it is there again, and this cycle goes over and over (worsening in altitude)
So better be safe here and get yourself checked out. For that i definetly personaly recommend not going to a psychiatrist first and formost, instead try to get a psychotherapist (especially a cognitive behavioral therapy practicing one) to see you. Because thats the most effective therapy for affective disorders (state of the art) and with a psychotherapist you wont be having the issue that you would just get meds and no further help. (even though sometimes meds are needed, but the practice should be to ONLY give meds if you first developed a threatment plan (psychotherapy) and only then) Because some psychiatrist are lazy to do that first and only perscribe meds, which is NEVER a good idea.
All the best, get well soon, my dear.

+Anonymous ginger I didn't mean to cause any trouble I think I'll delete my comment now

+cary watts There are many types of depression , the one where you think of killing yourself is the most serious form of depression . But they come in different ways to different people .

+NekoNat Oh my , I am so sorry , please find help , anyone who says it's not true is crazy ! why would anyone make something like that up .I havr been so lucky with therapy , they all understood what I was going through. Maybe , find someone who treated your friend or someone in your family , someone recomended . Or maybe look for someone who is specialized in OCD and depression

+doddlevloggle She was very bad , I am sorry you had her , anxiety is a big part of your teen years , that's why so many of us have OCD and depression  what she said made no sense

+Reina Malyn it's just that the evidence and facts aren't on your side. Depressed people have done brain scans and they all come out the same. True Depression manifests itself the same in every person which is why treatment is generic not personalized beyond circumstances. You would know that if you received any treatment for depression or got diagnosed.

+Jemima Budd talk to me when you've held a knife to your wrist for the past 2 weeks and eventually just cried yourself to sleep because you see no hope. That was me before I went to the hospital.

+Radicata then you must be partially through recovery at least because a depressed person with no help will not see a brighter future or have hope.

+Ekaekto depressed people all have the same brain activity scans. They think the same. It's a very similar disorder in all people they all share certain symptoms. Which is why treatment is generic not personalized beyond circumstances. You would know that if you were ever diagnosed as depressed.

they told me I was "too young to believe that and it was just having "teen puberty mood swings". my mum has since complained it got worse and the doctor shouldn't have just pushed it of and at least given me some good options to keep myself happy. we haven't her from her yet.

+cary watts What are you even on about? Because the way depression affects you is the only way depression ever affects anyone or what? People have different brains, different experiences and thereby differences in the way mental illness infests.

+doddlevloggle if you didn't get diagnosed then you don't have it. These people are experts. What you described is low mood not depression. Maybe if you spent every Waking minute thinking about, fantasizing about how good it's gonna be and the peace you will feel when you die then that's depression. A truly depressed person has no ability to see a brighter future and you clearly have that ability. I encourage you to go to group therapy and see what people who actually have depression go through. You'll be shocked.

She ain't depressed if she has the ability to see a brighter future. She doesn't have chronic anxiety because she really just has no idea what it's like. Bitch made all this shit up and it makes me mad because depression is so real in my life.

+doddlevloggle More dangerous than having a 17 year old go through years of their life thinking they're crazy? Wow haha. I wish you the best x

Psychologists have to diagnose a lot of people, after a while they get affected as well and might react like tis. I've heard of it many times. You just have to find another one, it's that simple. Sometimes you are not being helped, sometimes you are not compatible. You just find another one. Good luck. And thanks for the video.

+Cj she said it was dangerous to diagnose a 17 year old and put a label on me because I'd obsess over it - she thought at worst I had "low mood" aghhhhhh lol


I'm so glad you brought this up, spreading awareness. I honestly don't watch you or listen to your music, I'm sorry :(, but I can tell you have a beautiful soul. I'd like to tell you about my experience.
I'm not going to diagnose myself, but I've definitely felt (a sense of) depersonalization. The first time was long, long ago, I can't even pinpoint it, it was when I was a child. I would have brief moments of "Wait, hold on, I need to just take this all in for a second."
Now I'm sixteen. For some reason, this year, I've really tried super hard with school, more than I ever have and I think DP is how I coped with the stress.
One day, I woke up. Everything felt different, just wrong. I felt detached from myself. I couldn't listen to my own music because it didn't feel like my music. I'd talk to my best friend and I'd have this disturbing thought like "what if I'm not real, she's not real, and things are just working all on their own..?" Does that make sense? Probably not. My vision also felt distorted, like I was under harsh fluorescent light. Basically, think about sitting in a small, white room with fluorescent lights on, that's it.
Everything just felt two-dimensional.
I explained it to my family and they just laughed at me while I was scared shitless pretty much. I felt like I was losing my mind.
I looked it up and saw DP. I was disappointed to see that there was no cure. It makes it even worse.
I experienced it for 8 days non-stop.
Now, I'll get the feeling at the worst times, when I'm happy, hanging out with my friend. I'll just be acting as usual and then I get this overwhelming feeling and I sit there for 5 minutes and react minimally because I get so engulfed by this hallow feeling. It wears off and I'm me again, but it's still scary.
I can feel it starting to creep up on me again and I don't know why.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm making this up. If it's all fake, but seeing people talk about their experiences really help me out and I'm so grateful that you did. I feel so much better. Thank you, truly.


Gosh this is exactly how I feel all the time and I wanted to do was hug you


ive been feeling this way as long as i can remember; everyone that i talked to about this has said that im just making this up. most times (including now) i feel like im never there - just watching as life passes, watching the world go by as if it's just one big drama show going on for eternity. sometimes i forget who i am and how to talk, and others i just lose my memory as if i was never there. there's also a lot of deja vu - everything is so familiar yet so distant. you making this video gave me a lot of information and told me that im not the only one going through this, so thank you for sharing your experience. according to some, it's meant to be a phase that will pass but for me it's as if it was always there - does anyone know how long this is meant to last or is it just infinite?


I went the Human Givens therapy way and it transformed me. Still have a fight but it made me focus on what I was good at and what made me feel good.


“I will find a cure”<br>Oh god dodie no. My heart is broken

“I will find a cure”
Oh god dodie no. My heart is broken


This is 1000000% how I feel I relate so hard to this video and you're giving me hope:).. when my depersonalisation got really really really terribly bad like for the first time it was a month or something that it has been like.. there (bc sometimes it's not there and other times it's terrible.. idk how to describe it). I was about to go to ballett class and I was doing my hair in the bathroom and looking in the mirror then suddenly everything got so weird I saw everything as if it was a movie, I saw myself standing in front of that mirror.. I ignored it, went downstairs and it just wouldn't stop being that terrible so I would see my mom and burst into tears and I just wont stop crying I cried and cried and looked at my shaking hands shouted at my mom some weird stuff like "that's not real, what is that, I'm freaking out" and my mom tried to calm me down a good 20mins I then she would just put me into my bed, lying next to me until I finally calmed down.. it was the worst experience I've ever had in my entire life and I'm just so goddamn thankful to have my mom and my best friend (which are the only two persons that know of that scenario and who understand me). That all happened like a year ago I think and gladly it was never that bad again, it was nearly as bad but not THAT bad. I'm struggling but it's getting better and I'm also hoping to start a therapy soon :) It's just really really good to know that we as people are never alone with such things and that we're not turning mad or making that up.. well, maybe we are turning mad but you know at least we're not alone.^^


the part where you talked about pretending to be normal made me cry :( i relate so much and i just wish no one had to feel that way ever ugh


Trust me, your community here and your subscribers love you and there is no way you can scare us away, we're never leaving even if you want us too!


i have anxiety and depression as well these super deep thoughts that really freak me out ??? it sounds confusing but i randomly think things like "am i even alive" or "am i imagining my entire life, is anything even real" and sometimes i feel like i'm the only person alive if that makes sense. i know i sound crazy i just need to rant lmao. another thing recently that has been freaking me out is how fast time goes. like you think about a certain event or day for so long, for example, my the 1975 concert. it was november 22nd of this year. i was looking forward to it for so long and then boom, it's over. that's so crazy to me. time just moves so fast it scares me. i've gotten really off topic but i just need to say what i'm feeling and get it off my chest.

Sophie Grace it’s even more fucked up when scientists come out and say that we are living in a matrix

i've had depersonalization and derealization, and the thing that really helped me was knowing that these things were called illnesses for a reason. these aren't "normal" or everyday things that humans are supposed to live with. it helped me to know that i could rationalize with it... it wouldn't make any sense at all that the world was "fake" or "unreal", would it?! i'm living with an illness, but i can, at least, try to really think through things. i know where i live, i know who my parents are, and i know where i am currently. i'll try to not let my brain (my illness) take over, because i know that it is just an illness. i am fully aware of where i am at this current second, typing this at my computer. i won't let an illness make me think i'm not. even though it doesn't FEEL real and i don't know who i am/what i'm doing here, i know that it IS REAL.
time and "being a human being" is a really weird thing for me, but i know that it IS real, even though it doesn't feel like it at the moment.
^this is just something that helped me, but everyone has their own ways of dealing with depersonalization and derealization. i'm not a medical professional at all hahaha. although, i do hoped that this helped.

for everyone else with dp/dr, keep fighting. xx

Sophie Grace I know, when I was younger and was like 9 it felt like a year was forever and now it's almost halfway through the year and I just don't get It

This is how I feel. I feel like time moves too fast and sometimes I just need a break from the world.

I have the same exact thoughts. Just realizing that I live in this huge space with all kinds of strange undiscovered parts makes me all baffled and the overwhelmingness of it sometimes makes me anxious...

Sophie Grace omg you put it into words thankyou

Lena omgggg I have a similar thing too...omg I thought I was crazy 😂

Lena yay! it's honestly the best feeling when you think something is happening to only you and then you google it and you figure out that it happens to other people as well

Sophie Grace omg girl i just found out that it's a thing i've always wondered what it was i thought i was crazy this whole time😭 i've had this since i was like 8 or 9 and now i'm 19 and when first told my mom about it she literally got mad at me for sounding crazy so i didn't even think about googling it until recently can you believe that

Sophie Grace do you also sometimes be going somewhere and when you get back home you be like wait did i really go there ? like ofc you know you went there it's not like you forgot but like you don't feel like you actually did?? i really can't explain it exactly but i hope you know what i mean

+Sophie Grace it's no problem :) I can't stand seeing/hearing people going through really tough times

Amber Davison thank you that means so much ❤


I feel like I have depression and i'm going through a similar thing to you but I'm young and haven't been diagnosed or anything


I can’t believe you made a video about this. I LOVE YOU ❤


I have just got over the second bout of DP/DR in my life. For me, the second time around, I discovered the my DP/DR is largely depression based. Depression creeps up on me without any signs or signals, leading me to believe what my own brain is telling me i.e. the world is strange, odd, grey and empty. The worst thing of them all is the feeling of detachment and unfamiliarity of my surroundings and also myself.
I've started new meds for depression, and over the past few weeks of taking them, I've started to find myself again and find the lost familiarity with my surroundings.
I'm not saying everyone's DP/DR could just be depression, but it might be worth looking into.


I luv u.
I still never knew you made videos on this (where have I been??) but it's helped me so much. thank you.
though I don't think I have the disorder, I definitely have dissociative episodes where the world doesn't feel real, or I don't feel real to the point where I was so afraid to look at myself in a mirror that I shut the bathroom lights so I wouldn't have to see someone else staring back at me. I completely feel you on feeling crazy, but you're not crazy (as what my friend told me) it's just your brain's way of dealing with things when it all gets too much. I'm sending all my love always<3


This video may be from 2016, yet still, As a fellow person with anxiety and depression, I understand the feeling. My heart breaks seeing you cry, and most of the times, I cry with you. I listen to you when studying or having a panic attack. For me it does help, and even if I'm young, I can still relate.   -Love from a fan, 2018<br>(Yes, again, this video is old, yet I still felt like commenting this)

This video may be from 2016, yet still, As a fellow person with anxiety and depression, I understand the feeling. My heart breaks seeing you cry, and most of the times, I cry with you. I listen to you when studying or having a panic attack. For me it does help, and even if I'm young, I can still relate.   -Love from a fan, 2018
(Yes, again, this video is old, yet I still felt like commenting this)


i have depersonalization and derealization or atleast i think i do. i try to talk about it but no one understands. this sums up everything that i feel. thank you for making this video


Why did this video make me so happy<br> I'm literally in happy tears

Why did this video make me so happy
 I'm literally in happy tears


When I was 7 or 8 (yes that young!!!!) I would think that my days were dreams and I would be like "I can do this dangerous thing bc I'll wake up soon" and I would be a danger to myself and I seriously thought I wasn't living my life. I never talked to anyone about it  because I was so young and "young minds are creative" and I never even knew mental illness was a thing. It scares me how careless I was when I was so small. I could've killed myself because it wasn't me.


when dodie almost cried I felt like crying because she is such a sweet nice person and she deserves to be happy and if I could help I would but I don't really know what to do because I'm in a different country but I can do one thing, tell you that you are amazing and have great friends and music helps if you want to write and I hope that you can get better. you help me all the time so I want to help you, even though this probably didn't work, if you ask I will help.

+flamesmgee edits  that ain't dramatic that's true help

sorry if that was dramatic I really like dodie so oops :)


When dodie sounded like she was crying I wanted to give her a hug :(


Hi! I was a child when I first felt like I was "dreaming" or "floating", like I was there, but I didn't really felt like I was there, like my mind wasn't there, but my body was. I talked and laughed, I ate and touched the things around me, but there was no sensation of reality, of how it used to be. I remember knowing that it wasn't normal, that this wasn't how I was supposed to be like. I told my parents and they didn't really understand what I was talking about, I was a kid and I just thought "maybe this is how it's supposed to be like when you grow up" so I never really gave it much of a thought but the feeling persisted and I wasn't as happy as I used to be, I felt like I was watching my life from the outside, like I didn't really knew my friends. When I was walking I sometimes caught myself thinking "am I really outside, walking among these strangers? Where am I going? Why can't I feel myself living?" but I never thought about it much. It was "normal", right?
I am 20 years old now and I found your videos about this condition after almost 10 years of feeling like I was floating through my life. I don't ever know what to say... I am still wondering if I am actually suffering from this or if my mind is just making it up. I am so confused...
Anyways, I haven't given this a serious thought is such a long time and your videos just opened a door for me. Thank you! 💛🌼


I've experienced depersonalisation, but when I changed my diet and stopped partying it went away in about a year.  I'd suggest trying the same.  And stay away from pharmaceuticals, especially benzos.


Dodie, you are the absolute sweetest thing x


I don't want to be the guy who diagnoses stuff online, and I am no therapist, but I do study psychology, and from what I can tell the illnesses you are feeling could be caused by the "living-in-the-past Dodie" that you are. The further from your childhood you go, the more detached you may feel from your 'old self'. Another cause could be a change in sleep pattern. My experiences with my mental illness were due to me staying up into the early hours of the next day. Again, I can't really prescribe any sort of treatment to anyone experiencing this but if Dodie's experiences feel similar to yours, taking these things into consideration may help.

As for anyone angry or annoyed at Dodie not keeping up VEDJ, remember that youtube channels most of the time are for both the viewer and the creator, and this applied to VEDJ. Therefore, recognise that if Dodie doesn't feel like making videos will be good for her, then she doesn't have to and probably shouldn't for her benefit.


Almost every moment of my life, I feel like I'm trying extremely hard to be normal and feel right, but I can't lie all the time so sometimes I just don't say a word to people because I feel that if I do, they might think I'm sad or something and I don't want anybody to feel bad or have their time wasted on me.


I was reaching out to my friends about my severe depression and one said "You just need to think positive!" And another said "Maybe Harry Potter will cheer you up!" Like that's not how it works at all I appreciate the effort but you don't understand it unless you have been through constantly being at war with yourself and feeling so numb and dead but still fighting the courage to go to school when you have almost completely shut down and given up on trying anymore


Ive been in and out of this my whole life, as a kid I noticed it but I never saw it as depersonalization i just saw it as me living my life. 2 years ago it really hit me and i spent time trying to fix myself now coming back to realisation i kept trying to fix the wholeness in myself which im seeing now was stupid asf. I never seeked help. And I really am glad I didnt in a sense as im learning so much about myself getting “out of it” which is ridiculous to even say cuz u cant get out of life cuz it kinda um feels like nothing? Idfk lol my life mental illness isnt jokesss its actually really fucking annoying if your struggling with it and yea your probably going insane if your dealing with it. Advice just to go with the flow. Blahh thats my comment


I'm so happy you were able to create a life for yourself. Many people fall into holes when trying to build a life for themselves and never really get out of them.
And to answer the rhetorical question: I feel like I fell into some mental hole after I finally finished my... I think it's like the A levels in Brittain or uhm highschool in America ._. And I don't really know how to get out of this hole when in reality I've just left the biggest and in all honestly most useless seeming time sink (really I remember more from documentaries I've watched as a child than from those last 3 years -.-) while also leaving the one thing I've actually personally had to complain about and I have my spot in uni secured to find a way to enter the one industry I've always dreamt of entering so I should be fine but I am not which scares the shit out of me ;-; especially after I had a episodes of depersonalization or... the other thing I don't remember the term ._. shortly after entering vacation and the day after read about it to be a symptom of extreme stress but I didn't have stress at the time or at least not that I would recognize. ._.
And wtf am I writing a comment about my mental health to a video that's 3 years old by now? Fuck it this is going out into the world -.-


dodie, night in the woods is a game who taught me what depersonalisation is alongside a friend. thank you so much for sharing and im glad you're still here and trying to live every day. i love your music, alsooo you are so beautiful! <3 kisses from Argentina


My mental health has plummeted in the past few months and I often feel dissociated because of sensory overload. I don’t know why it happens to me or what’s going on in my head. And I’m going to see a neurologist for it. I just wish I could keep up with everyone else and enjoy the same things I used to. It sucks to realize how much depression has controlled my life.


4:13
I started crying when dodie got so sad over a bed cuz I feel sad over small things I can’t go back to and I believe that I shouldn’t because it’s dumb and I’m only 15 so I haven’t even had time to feel that way about anything


I can relate to all that you're saying completely and I know many other people can. We'll find hope and happiness again, many people before us also did. :)


Never wanted to just pass through the screen and hug someone so much before


you might have persuaded me to go to the doctor to help with derealisation <3


I have depersonalisation as well and it can be the loneliest place to be. This quote has helped me alot. "You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars, you belong here." Every other quote seems irrelevant to me but this one connects me to the world I feel so disconnected from. Hope it helps you too Dodie. You're not alone.


I still feel the same way after 3 years and i'm just sixteen yay ^-^ *cries on the inside*... Thank you awesome youtuber!!!!!


I can relate totaly.. I'm at my second month with dpdr :(


i do go to my school counsler now but i still can't stop feeling so guilty because people are dying and starving and shit and yet i cry like every night because of something thats in my Head or in the past and i fell so freaking dumb because im so privliged

Your pain and your feelings are 100% valid and you deserve help. Your problems impact your life and you are allowed to seek help for them - there is no need to compare. Keep seeing the counsellor xx

tip for how not to feel this way!! imagine if you were happy and someone was like "?? you can't be happy, people are getting married today, someone just won the lottery, they deserve to be happy, you don't" that sounds really dumb right? well apply that to you being sad. just because in your head someone has it 'worse', that doesn't mean you don't have it bad. you can't control your feelings and if that's how your brain reacts, then its valid. <br>think of if the things that were happening to you were happening to a friend. you wouldn't think that way, you'd be understanding and compassionate and try to help them. apply that to yourself!

tip for how not to feel this way!! imagine if you were happy and someone was like "?? you can't be happy, people are getting married today, someone just won the lottery, they deserve to be happy, you don't" that sounds really dumb right? well apply that to you being sad. just because in your head someone has it 'worse', that doesn't mean you don't have it bad. you can't control your feelings and if that's how your brain reacts, then its valid.
think of if the things that were happening to you were happening to a friend. you wouldn't think that way, you'd be understanding and compassionate and try to help them. apply that to yourself!

Don't worry that's perfectly normal I'm exactly the same

Everybody has their own struggles, please don't beat yourself up over your own feelings by comparing them to other struggles, your feelings are valid and you are worthy of support.

Thats like me thats why i never tell anyone anything because it feels like im complaining too much when i have a good life and ughh

When I feel something similar, it helps me to think of it like a physical illness -- because a mental illness is an illness. If you had a really bad flu, even if it wasn't going to kill you, would you still do what you could to feel better? Mental illnesses don't tend to go away on their own. It sounds kind of odd to say it, but a mental illness has nothing to do with you -- it may have some genetic links, but it can happen to anyone, no matter how happy their life is. I'm really glad you are going to see your counsellor. Getting help is super important!

I felt like this for so long, I refused to get help for so long because other people had it worse but a counsler once told me something that super applies to this: It's not about others, its about how YOU feel, and if you don't feel right you should do what you can to feel better.

i know what you mean.. people are telling me all the time I should stop complaining and being sad but I just can't, most of the time I feel so weird, and sad.


Hi, I suffer from the exact same thing. I watched your video on how you feel like your dreaming 24/7 and I was blown away. I would really like to talk to you about it. Its ruining my entire life. :(


Currently seeing my school counsellor about self harm 🤷🏻♀. It sucks soooo much and I'm on the verge of cutting every night but then I remember great youtubers like you that manage to pull me out of that state of just utter confusion mixed with stress, so thanks ♥.
To anyone out there fighting: you can do it, we all believe in you and we have your back.
Currently 2 weeks clean ✌🏻


I suffer from  major anxiety and minor depression and it sucks, I recently got a therapist and I'm trying to get better, and I'm sure you will too ❤


recently i’ve realized i’ve been in a dissociated state for about three years now. it affects my life so so much. nothing being real and me not being real. i do impulsive things and then regret them. i either cry or don’t cry depending on the month. having no sense of self is so strange and difficult. especially being a 17 year old in the peak of my teenage years figuring out who i am. i also have double vision and oh god does this affect me. luckily i’m on meds for certain situations now but overall it’s bad. i know this is caused by anxiety inducing situations but despite the situations that are anxiety inducing, i feel like this 99% of the time and it’s so difficult.


I wish I can go through the screen and give dodie a hug in the future, but for now...<b>digital hug</b>

I wish I can go through the screen and give dodie a hug in the future, but for now...*digital hug*


Sigh!!! I’ve felt like this this entire year.


I'd really love to talk with you if you're still going through this or what you did to cope? or anyone else that see's this comment. It's never happened to me before and it's happened so much lately. I'd just really like to talk to someone.

I understand, I surffer with DP and its  been almost 8 months since I got My first episode but theres nothing to worry about This is just a defense mechanism to deal with a stress factor or a traumatic event, This is not permanent and It isin' t harmful its just your minds way of coping with stress, I know It can be like your losing you mind but everything is gonna be ok. Stay strong.❤Some things that I do that might work for others to stay in the present is put Some ice on your hands, maybe Talk to someone and take Deep Breaths, Focus on something you like doing. Hope This works💕


For those of you in need of recovery steps, I made a short video describing it. Much love n peace


4:15 made me want to cuddle her until all her worries were gone


I went through a similar type of thing during and around my most recent exam period. I remember just going through the days and having sudden moments of lucidity like 'what the fuck, is this real, how am I here, it feels like 5 minutes ago was hours ago, am I in a dream'. It's hard describe my vision, but it was almost smokey. I'd go home and I'd be so tired and I'd lie down and think back to the day and be like 'did that actually happen? Was I actually there?'. I wasn't as scared as you seem to be, but I did keep wondering stupid things, like maybe I'd only just at that moment come into existence, and that all the previous things that had 'happened' had just been implanted into my brain, and that was why the memories seemed so far away. Yeah, I know it's really stupid. That went on for about 3-4 months, but since then I've taken time off, and it began to happen less and less, and with less intensity. I still get them now and then. I never told anyone about it though, because I didn't believe it was serious enough but, thinking back, it did have a really detrimental effect on my moods. This probably wasn't what you were talking about, but I just thought I'd try and describe to myself how exactly it affected me.


To anyone experiencing derealization, did you find any kind of therapy for this?
I’ve been having chronic derealization for 8 months. What i mean by chronic is that it started and never went away ever since. My vision is weird and when i listen to music it feels like i don’t ‘feel’ it.
I got used to it, but sometimes i get so sick of it...
Lots of love and support to everyone:) that’s about it


6:00. First of all, your feelings are absolutely real! Second of all, I'm crying now. Wow. I feel exactly the same sometimes. Wow. umm wow.


depression, suicidal thoughts, anxiety, depersonlisation and eating disorders...

trust me I have tried multiple ways of self harm, crying myself to sleep but just trust me the best thing to do is talk about it and please don't do anything stupid that you can't undo :) btw you look nice today and everyday


yes I know this was made in 2016 but when I just now watched it I felt like I needed to get her out of what she was feeling, boy did this make me sad, hit me right in the feels


Don't forget we're here for you, dodie 💜💜


I always felt that my dog was sad all the time so one day I wanted to do something about it. I noticed that he always looks at the birds out side so I believe that he just wanted to fly so one day I took him to the roof and  threw him hoping he would fly but he didn't and I think that made him more sad knowing he can't fly  because he won't get up from where he landed. I believe he won't be sad for long because he is only 9 months old so I hope for the best :-)


When I talk about it I feel fine. But when I'm alone I get stuck in my head.


Sometimes out of nowhere I have these really weird thoughts. One that keeps coming back is that everyone has their own world. Every single person is saying different things than what I hear and everyone has different relationships with people. It's kinda like I'm in a bubble watching a tv screen and I keep thinking that I am not hearing what people are actually trying to say. Ugh I can so clearly describe the feeling in my head but as soon as I try to talk or write about it I sound crazy.


I know what it's like, everyone just ignores mental illnesses but they really have no idea, I'm always here for you. I have mental illnesses too, your not alone ❤❤❤


hi dodie!
i'm so proud of you for coming to the realization of some of the obstacles you're facing and really seeking help from professionals. i have an anxiety disorder as well that causes me to vom (cyclic vomiting syndrome). no one understood what i was going through and i sounded crazy for a long time. people thought i was pregnant since i was throwing up all the time and for no good reason other than i was extremely anxious all the time. after a few years of struggling with it, i got put on medication that changed me a bit but i don't get sick anymore and i have anxious moments here and there but it's not like the hell i was in before.
dodie, you can do this. although i don't know you, i can tell you're being genuine, honest, kind, and the best you can be. it's so brave that you're making videos about this! it's so important! i wish the best of luck to you. dissociation is really difficult and talking it out in therapy, practicing meditation, and even eating right can benefit your mental health.
stay strong dodie!!

+doddlevloggle definitely loads better now. thanks so much for commenting back 💛 sending lots of love to you.

+erin nesbitt it sucks!!! And it's pretty rare esp. For adults (more common with children, not sure how old you are). For me, it got worse as time passed - instead being nauseous every morning, it would go all day and more throughout the week. I hope you're getting treated! I'm on a med called amitryptaline (don't know exact spelling) on a very low dose that really helps me. Let me know if you have any questions about it! It's a terrible thing.

oh my god this has been happening to me for a year now and I had no idea this happened to other people

+Alyssa Michelle oh my goodness that sounds awful. Super hope you're okay now <3 and thank you!