This hits so close to home, Dodie. You've put into words what I never really could. It's probably one of the hardest things I've had to struggle with, for a few years now. I know how it feels, you feel like a hallow image of yourself, still able to do everything as before, but being so "out of it" in a way. I remember reaching out my hand to touch an object, and telling myself that I should be feeling SOMETHING, but never really could. I understand being a robot, I understand seeing everyone else as humans while we somehow aren't. You go into a form of autopilot, going through the motions of life to still sustain living, but it's all very, very different. It's scary, yes, but stay strong, it gets better, I promise you. I've learned to face my demons, and grow a lot from this kind of illness. For me, there was no kind of "quick fix" for it. It was a continuous day by day cycle that I had to learn to manage, it was something that I slowly had to work around, and not let it get the best of me. I was afraid of everything, and afraid that everyone would think I'm crazy, so I ended up staying at home, neglecting friends, neglecting everything just hoping that things would get better on their own, but even you're own negative thoughts can still drown your own sane thinking too. So, don't do what I did. My only advice is to keep living, keep going out, keep writing and creating music, keep visiting friends, keep being happy and doing things that make you happy, literally live life as if nothing is weighing you down. The one thing I've noticed is the more time you're happy and doing things you love, the less time it may take to heal and be in a much, much better headspace. You're strong, you're brave, and you can get through this. I'm here for you, and so are so, so many other people to help. We'll get through this, keep you're chin up, Dodie! <3


I'm currently struggling with severe anxiety and it feels so good to know I'm not alone!


I'm sorry you are going through this Dodie ❤. Thank you for making this video, I have struggled with mental illness for years now. There is a stigma on mental illness that shouldn't be there and it videos like this help bring new light on the issue


Dodie, I really hope you're doing okay, this had me in tears, you're such an inspirational and beautiful person and I really hope everything sorts itself out in the end. I love you ❤


You are amazing Dodie! I have suffered with depression three times in my teenage years. I am now 24 and have been 'well' for six years. It gets easier I am a testament to that. Take care of yourself and don't over do it but staying in a routine will definitely help! Xx


Love and positive vibes to you Dodie. Hope you're doing well! :D and this was a lovely video and these videos give me hope in the dark shit storm of what YouTube and YouTubers have become. You're awesome and beautiful and you'll slowly get better! Thank you for sharing this.


I seriously love you as a person! Even when fighting a mental illness you manage to think about other people and love them. You are so full of love and I really hope you will recover soon!!


I cried through most of this video. Thank you for articulating the way I feel. I'm 51 and have been struggling with this since preteen years and it's still unbelievable to me that this is a thing. I'm a successful electric engineer who will be going back to school and changing careers to psychology and counseling because I need to help people who feel like me. Thank you for your amazing channel. You are one of a kind!


Your texts just connected so much with me and how I feel right now. I felt I could have written them to my friends. Thank you for this video because I don't feel so alone now. I hope you feel a little better soon x


I wish I had seen this video back when my depersonalization (I call it disassociation) was bad. I just felt like I was high all the time and I just wanted to feel "sober" again. I know this probably doesn't help, but it sorted itself out and I feel okay again. you can get through this dodie, we love you.


literally how I feel.. proud of you for doing this Hope you get help if/when needed


So much respect to you for being so strong and optimistic! You'll beat this thing, it just takes the determination you clearly luck! All the best!


I feel like this is the most relatable video that I've ever watched. It's so refreshing to hear that I'm not alone.


you're really brave dodie for addressing all of this.
I've been dealing with various forms of dissociation myself, and it's not fun, it's really awful.
I wish you all the best, take it slow and try and be gentle with yourself!


Therapy helped me masses to the extent that I feel like the mentally ill person I was is a stranger to me now. Throw yourself into it and you will thank yourself!!! Lots of love and luck to you dodie Xx


I know no one will read this comment, but I'm so glad that there is someone out there who feels like I do. It really helps to see someone who gives off positive vibes despite everything they've been through. Thank you Dodie for being a truly phenomenal person.


I've been watching you for years and I just met you this year at vidcon I know you won't remember me or respond to this comment but thank you just thank you. Firstly you've always inspired me in every way and just kind of helped me escape seeing someone so happy do what she loves. I have bipolar disorder I've always known this and I haven't told anyone I've anonymously talked to counselors and therapists and I've been diagnosed. Ironically it June 21st only a couple days before I met you. I don't think I've ever been happier than in that moment you hugged me and Evan hugged me and it was a huge moment for me so thank you for that. And thank you for being open about you mental illness in my eyes this only makes you stronger. Your a warrior Dodie and I hope to be jut like you some day.


I can totally relate, thank you so much and I hope all is going well 💕


I just wanted to say thank you for making this and opening up about what you're going through. It helps a lot to know there are others out there feeling the same way. I feel like there is still somewhat of a stigma against mental health issues in our society, so thank you for talking about it.


I just wanna thank you for putting this video out there. I've been dealing with depersonalization/derealization for the longest time and i always feel so alone because i thought it was an uncommon thing and that no one else had it. I  feel as if i am crazy and that there is no fix. It's so hard to put these types of things in words. but just knowing i'm not alone means the world to me. I hope you find the help you deserve and overcome this foggy feeling. i'll always be here for you and i love you<3


I want you to also add to your list: "I will be kind to myself." I think you are. I see a young girl trying to keep going and keep her chin up and that takes strength. :)


I remember feeling like this. I'm glad that you have friends that you can talk to about it.


I love you Dodie! We will get through this. ♥♥♥


I've experienced all 3 of these mental health issues to some extent. Thankfully I have never been to the stage you are but I really hope that you manage to get through this 😊❤


Struggling with anxiety can be hard sometimes for me and its nice to relate to someone who has been going through the same kind of thing (but differently than I have). Thank you so much for making this video. I hope that things get better for you soon. Please stay strong. :)


This video came at the right time. I know I have some sort of issue and know I need therapy, I've just been putting it off. This has definitely motivated me to do something about it. Thank you Doodie! 😊


Thank you, thank you, thank you for making this video. I have been dealing with the same things lately and I had no idea how to explain it to people around me. The way you explained it in the text messages it exactly.. it. That's the problem. That's how it feels. That's how it goes. And it's so comforting to hear that I'm not the only one who experiences this. Thank you.


I was just diagnosed with depersonalization and derealization the other day. on top of depression and anxiety with panic. we can make it through this tho ♡ love you so much dodie.


Wish you all the best, Doddie! :) Hope things get better for you! <3


Goodness I'd never related to something so much. I have very similar conditions, mine including mostly anxiety, agoraphobia and depersonalization, but also OCD and hypochondria. Thank you


I think you're incredibly brave to talk about this. And I know, even though I have been depressed earlier and I have anxiety, I have never gone through depersonalisation and I cannot imagine how it must feel. Though all this, I will say a few things. I don't know you and I will not pretend that I know you, but through your channel and your videos, I've picked up on some stuff. By personal experience, I know these things are not something you normally notice yourself and you don't even think about it. This is going to sound so stupid and like I'm telling you to forget everything, but I will assure you, I am not. I will advice you to try and do things that make you happy.

Through what I have seen of you on this channel, I've noticed that you always say you love making videos, especially these chatty videos. You love the "video every day of the month" things. Also, buy yourself some exclusive tea; treat yourself. Or a nice bathbomb (or 5). Write down everything thats floating around in your head. Do easy DIY-stuff with your friends, in those videos you always laugh so much. You don't even have to film it, just do it for yourself. Drink water, a lot of it. Take small breaks in your day. I will advice you to try and rub your hands together to create friction and warmth. When your hands are warm, place the palm of your hands over your eye sockets and rest the fingers on your forehead. This is surprisingly relaxing and only takes a few seconds. Take care of yourself, in all the ways you can. I know you can get through all this. And do visit that doctor. I wish you all the best xx


What a beautiful video! You expressed yourself in a very articulate way and showed how you are trying to make the best out of a not so fun situation. I've dealt with a number of depressive disorders on and off since my teens years and you are very right that it isn't always easy. Keep doing the best you can and give yourself space to feel these things ,when you are able of course :)


We're all right here for you dodie, and thank you for opening up about how you're feeling, it is an incredibly difficult and scary thing to do, but it is worth it. You're doing the right thing in seeking help, and please know that you are a loved and beautiful person, even when your mind is telling you other wise 💜


I have this as part of my psychosis - I have anxiety and you met me at a gig where I was hiccuping badly - I can now say i've been hiccuping for two years straight! Well done for getting making this though, I hope you get the help you need :)


I'm unsure what depression feels like or anxiety even though I feel like I may suffer from both. I don't want to go to the doctors incase they tell me I'm lying or I'm just attention seeking and I don't want to research the symptoms in case I (like you said) match the symptoms to my life.<br>This was such a great video, it legitametly made me cry :) Hope you feel better soon <3

I'm unsure what depression feels like or anxiety even though I feel like I may suffer from both. I don't want to go to the doctors incase they tell me I'm lying or I'm just attention seeking and I don't want to research the symptoms in case I (like you said) match the symptoms to my life.
This was such a great video, it legitametly made me cry :) Hope you feel better soon <3


i get how you feel i have been struggling for 4 years on and off, i wish you the best with therapy, and it works well for you! good job for taking action. would love to hear about experiences of therapy, i think it would help so much as I'm afraid to go.
But of course get your self sorted and happy first!
:) xx


you dont seem insane at all, Im glad you can publicly talk about this stuff cause im going through mental health issues and I find it hard to even tell my friends or any family


When she mentioned depersonalization I hadn't heard about it so I searched it and when I saw what it was I just gasped and went into hysterics because I always thought I was going crazy when I would have an episode of it and I just need to thank you so much for helping me with this


Thank you so much Dodie. I really needed to hear someone else talk about this, especially as of late. But I am really sorry that you're having to deal with it because it really is the worst. I think I've possibly suffered from depersonalisation for at least 5 or 6 years? But honestly I'm not sure when it began. I might know what the trauma was that caused it though. I'm already being treated for depression and anxiety, but yeah, I've been struggling again with depersonalisation stuff recently and I feel like now's the time I try to talk to a doctor about it. It's such a difficult thing to talk about too because you feel bad for saying that the world around you doesn't seem real?? Especially to friends?? Like it's not that we don't think they're real, but that things don't seem real.. which probably doesn't sound like much of a difference but D: So yeah I really appreciate you making this video! <3 Take care honey x


i've dealt with derealization and depersonalization for the past 5 years and it took a visit to a mental hospital for me to realize that i wasn't going completely insane. i wish i would have realized sooner that i was not alone. this illness is a thing that exists and is common, but it is not talked about enough. we are not insane. we may be a little sick in the brain, but we are not crazy. and we are real and alive.


Thank you so much for making this video. It helped me so much <3


I'm so sorry you (and every other person with mental illnesses) have to go through this. I hope it can get better, I love you <3


Thank you so much for making this video. I've felt terrible for the past weeks and I've been trying to surpress it but it didn't work. I was and am so scared but this video actually helped because now I know that I'm not insane and there actually is a cure for my 'illness'. The point is that my mum says I should just let it go, but I can't and I want to go to therapy. I'm only seventeen so I can't just go to therapy I need her approval. How do I do this?


Just going to put it out there, you are my hero and I hope I will be as awesome as you one day. I am going to imitate you and try to overcome my own grief and weird depression. Thank you.


omg yes, I've had DPD all my life and it comes and goes in waves. No idea what it was until I went to google a few years ago - felt so weird to know I wasn't the only one feeling like that, and actually reassured me when my doctor diagnosed me.. not crazy lol


I hope everything works out for you, I have had many problems with trying to get into doctor appointments and oh boy is it frustrating since you just want to get help. Also I can't thank you enough for helping me find the word for what I have been feeling the last 4 weeks which is depersonalisation and I can't wait to ask my therapist about it.


Thank you so much for this video! I am really really sorry your doctor didn't acknowledge your struggle, and I'm glad that sharing your experience had a positive influence on you too. I can totally relate to your struggle with your emotions during the video. They are so out of control and you try to keep yourself together but they just do their own thing.... :( since there seems to be this huuuge stigma in society surrounding mental health issues, antidepressants etc. i thought i'd debunk some myths, and put a video up about it on my channel, maybe you wanna check it out :)  Lots of love, Tirsa


Thanks for making this and thanks for being honest. You do NOT sound crazy. You are not strange. You are wonderful and talented and valuable. I can't say I know exactly how you feel, because we all go through things differently, but you need to know you are not alone and you are not wrong and you should not have to pretend. I have been dealing with my own struggles in the same categories, and it is hard, but you can do this. Much love!


Love this video. In my case, it isn't really mental illness, but I'm going to the doctor because I've been feeling exhausted. I was trying to keep it together and eventually my family noticed, and I was told I could have low thyroid. Such a simple thing!! I would have never thought that my fatigue could be a symptom of something more. It's important to have people around you that take you seriously and are willing to help you.💟


Dodie I cried. This is so true, i am so glad there is somebody else to help


I've dealt with minor depersonalization consistently for the past 2 years. So believe me when I say that you don't sound crazy at all because I go through almost the exact same thing! Thank you so much for sharing cause it really does help me, and hopefully others, by hearing about other people going through this. The video did kinda confirm my worst fear however, that at some point in my life, this feeling may get worse. But maybe now I can prepare by finally going to therapy or who knows. Just know that the intense depersonalization you are going through will not last forever, trust me. Thanks, even though Dodie probably won't read this 😂 but thanks


I appreciate what you do: so I decided that, based solely on this video, I would share my thoughts on what might be troubling you.You mentioned how: you felt this way since seventeen, having your anxiety spike after going to Wales, walking through a "dream world," and not being able to talk to your maid. both having a maid and going to Wales is something not many can do; but if they could would be ecstatic about. This feeling of "I'm not here" may be you trying to put distance between what you are doing, and how you feel about it. What is the "normal again" that you mentioned in the video? is it not feeling alone? Do you feel undeserving of what you achieved; and maybe I'm wrong. What I do know is that we'll be waiting for you to stand up whenever it is you're ready! Thanks for your support,!


Hi Dodie! I went through something VERY similar this past January - March. I started suffering from intense feelings I had been repressing for years after a traumatic childhood experience, which then caused the most severe anxiety I've ever felt. What helped me the most was having people tell me that I wasn't crazy and that all of my feelings were valid, because then I started working through those feelings and letting myself feel stuff I never allowed myself to. I didn't think I would make it to my college graduation and I now have my degree and a full time job that I love. You're not crazy and everything you're feeling is so real; sometimes to really, truly get to the place you want, you have to feel the worst and weirdest you've ever felt. Keep talking to people you love and doing the things you love. I know it's hard to see now - it definitely was for me - but it will get better.


Oh, dearest Dodie. My heart goes out to you. It deeply saddens me to see yet another human on this planet has had to experience this. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. However, I can say that as much as the past 3 years of (depression, generalised anxiety and depersonalisation/derealisation) have been the most difficult and terrifying of my life so far; I can truly say it has changed me for the better. There are positives and negatives that come out of everything in life.

Through this video alone, I can see how much of a strong individual you are. Trust me in saying you will be A OK. Even though it does not feel that way. I understand exactly how you are feeling, and so many others do. Looking in the mirror and not recognising yourself. Or walking down the road but not feeling like you're in your own body. Or just purely being tired of being in a body that your brain does not want to be in. You will find the things that help you the most. For me, personally its talking, writing down these thoughts, therapy, yoga, healthy eating and exercise. I also like to remind myself that depersonalisation is a coping mechanism-when our bodies are under a lot of stress, they switch off. I guess its to just give us a break. Think of it like that.

I wish you all the best with this, and remember-none of this is permanent. You are strong xxx


I understand how you feel dodie! and I'm glad you brought this up because I've noticed that you haven't been doing so well lately.. <br>thinking that you're making up symptoms or "faking" your problem only makes the issue worse. I thought for years that I was just "moody" and people just ignored my weird behavior. It wasn't until I cried every day for two months straight that I realized something was wrong. thats when i finally went to see a doctor and was diagnosed with depression. all those years I thought I was just being "dramatic" when I had constant thoughts of sucide or self harmed. I wish someone had told me that it was a real problem, and it wasn't just in my head.

I understand how you feel dodie! and I'm glad you brought this up because I've noticed that you haven't been doing so well lately..
thinking that you're making up symptoms or "faking" your problem only makes the issue worse. I thought for years that I was just "moody" and people just ignored my weird behavior. It wasn't until I cried every day for two months straight that I realized something was wrong. thats when i finally went to see a doctor and was diagnosed with depression. all those years I thought I was just being "dramatic" when I had constant thoughts of sucide or self harmed. I wish someone had told me that it was a real problem, and it wasn't just in my head.


I can every single word of this video! I'm nowhere near recovery personally but I'm on the path to it and seriously, as cliché as it sounds, it does get easier. If it isn't too hard for you, keep talking openly about this. Its so nice for younger people like me (16) to know that you can still have these things when you're older and get help and sort your life out haha, we're not alone! I'm just rambling now but yeah you're lovely and I hope you start to feel better xxx


holy, i don't know where to start. i've never heard someone with such a following talk about the one thing I hold so true to who I am. i am going to try to make this short. i have not felt like myself since i was 16, it's been 7 years this fall. my experience is similar to yours in the sense of just feeling a bit off for a while. for months i would express it as "i'm not here." depersonalization is a dissociation disorder, for me it's a separation with my mind and body. i literally feel like i'm constantly in my head and not connected to the rest of my body. as a product the outside world is dream like and reality is off. simply, i am not grounded.

the symptoms, - feeling like you're watching yourself (out of body experience), not recognizing who you are in the mirror, feeling numb, not recognizing familiar things, like places or people, not feeling connections to people -all get worse the more anxiety you have. perhaps your symptoms subdued for so long because you just ignored them.  my depersonalization has been a sequence of feeling off, then recognizing the symptoms and igniting extreme fear + anxiety (making the symptoms more prominent and terrifying) then gradually learning to ignore them again...the latter puts you in your initial state of just feeling off, only now you know why.

i don't have the cure, i believe it's different for everyone. but it helps to understand that often people who develop this are highly sensitive people and prone to it in the first place. sometimes it's not clear as to why it occurred, it can be as simple to always being an anxious person...try not to obsess as to why it developed.  your symptoms are more pronounced right now because they're being fueled by anxiety. talking with a psychologist will give you tools to ease it and eventually your symptoms will decrease and maybe even fade completely. if you find yourself back where you were initially, just feeling off i recommend meditation and grounding techniques. we are literally not connected to our bodies, we retreated  because of fear. we have to reprogram our brains to enter our bodies again if that makes sense.. i have instances of feeling truly present, like "i'm here" and it's the most beautiful and amazing feeling. we can do this. i hope you feel more like you :)


I don't think I've ever seen a video on the internet describe me more than this one. I relate so much on so many different levels, I hope you're doing better.


I really hope your okay dodie love you x


Dodie, I am so sorry you have these feelings. Someone I love very much struggles with similar periods of disjointedness and numbness (in the US, I think what you are describing is called dissociation - I've never heard of depersonalization), and she initally used cognitive/dialectical behavior therapy and antidepressants to regain control once she was diagnosed, and then more standard therapy and/or medication once severe symptoms lessened. I hope this information helps in some way, and I'm glad you're seeking treatment.


You are so unbelievably strong I admire you so so much thank you for posting this


I experience from dissociation and depersonalization a lot, like I forget that I can interact with the world around me. I feel like I'm sitting outside of the world watching it happening. What you're feeling is 100% validated. Mine stems from my stress and anxiety. It just sucks because it feels like there's no way to get it stop. Like a boyfriend I had for over a year broke up with me and as soon as he left, I felt like I never even dated him. I felt like it didn't happen to me, it felt like I watched it all happen to other people. And I would just to and grasp on to those feelings I had with him when I was grounded and in the moment. I just understand what's going on with you, and I'm so glad you vocalized it in a way that it more or less easy to understand for people who don't understand.


I can tell you're extremely critical of yourself, it makes me sad to see how confused you are about who you are. From what I can tell, you have a beautiful mind and heart. I hope you find healing and comfort someday and please never give up.. :)


I've always called that "i feel like im going mad and im not really here" feeling dissociation but how is depersonalization different? or is it?


Fighting tears is the worst :( I'm here for you <3


I just watched this today and I truly needes it, especially today. I have been struggling with anxiety symptoms for months now and its effected me physically and I need to do something about it, although its fairly fresh, I know the best thing for me to do is to get help.. so thankyou


Hi Dodie, I know I'm a bit late for watching this video but I've been going through a similar thing so I haven't been online for the last couple of weeks. I know you can never feel 100% better but I really hope that your illnesses fade slightly and you manage to start digging a small tunnel out of the groove in your brain, even if you have to do it with a tiny toothpick (it feels like nothing is changing but even tiny toothpick scratches are better than nothing)! I have a book recommendation: Am I Normal Yet? by Holly Bourne, it's a book about mental illness and it's aimed at teenagers but it has genuinely helped me a lot over the last couple of years. You may never read this but I genuinely hope you can make the hole you're in slightly shallower xxxx


thank you dodie so much. I deal with so much shit, i am so bipolar i actually have psychosis. Re-realization and  depersonalisation are big things in the things i have. I relate to this so much. Despite being on medication, my bad habits and problems have made me depressed for an actual reason. Knowing you deal with this too makes me feel so much better, no one around me really understands, thank you.


I watched your video everything you said was right and it was a great effort, well done.


You're not crazy. I suffer with depression and anxiety too and that is pretty much how i feel as well. I'm so glad you're getting help because no one should ever face this alone. Thank you for sharing your story


I'm 21 and I've been suffering depersonalization since I was maybe 14. I totally get the trying to get back to what's "familiar" but it not working. It's like those familiar places had simply moved on without you. But anyway, I can very much relate to you so much, so it's good to know neither of us are alone at least. I even went to a therapist a while ago, and they did not help. But I've found a new one that is so much better! Therapy really does help once you find someone who understands and who you can trust. Good luck, and my best wishes to you!


Hi Dodie! I was listening to a song, "Touch" by Sleeping at Last (do take a listen. I think you'd really resonate with it!) I was listening to the lyrics and thought of you and what you've been going through... I'm a huge advocate for mental health and therapy as I've dealt with my fair share of panic attacks and some of the dearest people in my life have been affected by mental health issues. I can't stress it enough, but what you are feeling is valid and once you find a doctor who can help you through this time, things will get better!! Even though it sucks, sometimes we have to work through the mud to get to solid ground! <3


depression and anxiety is something really hard to go through. just know that you're not alone dodie, and your followers and subscribers are here for you no matter what.


"I felt that I was not, never had been and never would be a living part of this overpoweringly solid and deeply meaningful world around me." -- John Knowles, A Separate Peace


When watching this video. "dammit, get a grip". You're not alone. Just keep fighting y'all.


Professional  Counselor here. I appreciate your honesty. Feel free to ask me questions. Depersonalization is real and actually pretty normal; it's just not okay when we realize it so frequently. Google grounding, diaphragmatic breathing, Cognitive therapy and mindfulness...some of the best things you can do for dissociation and panic ;)


I deal with depression and I was diagnosed with something similar to multiple personality disorder. I know it's hard, I've been dealing with it for maybe 6-7 years. Recently I've felt it hit me harder. Whether it might be that school is starting up again or that I have been overwhelmed with new surroundings or something else it is just very hard to deal with. I have a girlfriend who also has depression and low self confidence and when I stray away from her she has to find a way to bring me back. It's difficult to keep a relationship with her still but I do it to make me happy.


I can totally feel u, one day morning in my freshmen year, I was walking on the road, I just found I am not there and I am not me, I was just looking the world move but not actually there. This feeling makes me want to scream. That's the first time I start to research depression and so on, I didn't go to a doctor that time, cause I am just afraid to talk to them. I am afraid I can't explain it. The lucky thing is the urgent symptoms seem went away by itself, but it do come back time to time, should I go find a doctor? I know the answer is yes but..


Hi Doddle i myself suffer from anxiety and depression and i'm not going to say i feel exactly how you do as it is different for everyone,, i have had it for 3 years plus and find it difficult to live my everyday life and socialising and looked for help and councilling.let me just say you are an amazing person who brings happiness and joy to many people with your blogs and videos including myself and im sorry to hear you have been effected by this illness. i hope you can over come this and be happy with in yourself x


Things in my life have been awful since the beginning of my last school year, around the end of September. My friend was depressed, and she was self-harming. I still remember when I found that out and I will never ever forget it. After that things have been, bad. Not necessarily with my life or my health just with my head and my thoughts. I have not been able to move past that and I just want to cry all of the time. I hate how I feel and I really want to see a professional because I cannot figure this out on my own. But I can't even get to that point. It's a horrible, all-consuming feeling that I just can't get away from it. Thank you for making this, it kind of helped to describe how I feel. Thank you so much Dodie.


NO matter what you are going through, you have people hear for you. :)


I had severe depersonalisation/anxiety after a drug trip for 3 weeks and it was the most terrifying experience of my life, luckily it tapered off and I got better but I just want to say have hope because by no means is mental illness for life. There are so many things one can do, whether it is therapy, exercise, meditation, diet changes or whatever you will find a way to live happily with your mind :)


As a person that gave struggled with anxiety and depression since I've lost my father I can say that there's no cure for what I feel, there is a way to learn how to live with it, and how to slowly overcome. But there's no cure becaus its never going to bring my father back and I will never stop missing him. Im not saying you cant get better, because different people have different anxiety scenarios. I just want to say that I have been through the worst and I slowly came out of it, Im not cured, but Im better, which means that you can get better aswell, you will get out of it, be patient and grab up to something because most days will try to bring you down but you need to fight for the days that bring you up.


I've experience weeks like this and although I'm not trying to say it's exactly the same I can recognize how your feeling. I've tried to explain it to people but it's really hard when you don't know what's happening or what your even trying to explain. to me it always just feels like I'm almost sleeping like I'm walking and dining things but there is no real point because I'm not really doing it or I'm not really here or it doesn't really matter any way.


Wowie I can't even put into words how much I relate with this video. I can't talk about it to anyone, personally I would like to see someone but there's nothing I can really do about that as no one takes me seriously. There's nothing I can do or say to convince anyone of these weird symptoms I feel, but hey, ya know, "I'm sure she's just being the drama queen she normally is" ahh it's really not fun, but I respect you so much and I'm happy you're in a place where you can talk about it and help others, love you Dodie xx


This may sound bht I really wish I could hug you better. I've been where you are now/were and I still struggle every now then. P.s. I know this may just be in the video but don't force yourself to not cry, it only build up emotion and potentially make things worse. Hope you are feeling better, <br>Mark

This may sound bht I really wish I could hug you better. I've been where you are now/were and I still struggle every now then. P.s. I know this may just be in the video but don't force yourself to not cry, it only build up emotion and potentially make things worse. Hope you are feeling better,
Mark


hey there, have you ever tried a specialised technique with a dr, called EMDR, my dear Dodie? It may help with the scattered shards of memories that may feel like they're sticking to the sides of this groove you mentioned in your brain. EMDR has definitely been helping me in terms of my PTSD and GAD. Thank-you so much for keeping on keeping on. <3 ~ sovadea


:( This is the only video I've seen of yours but I relate. I started realizing I had a problem when I was only 9 years old and people tell me all the time, there's no way a 9 year old can have depression, 9 year olds don't even know what that is and the only thing a 9 year old can fixate on is cats and rainbows, as you said. But I was fixated on the fact my parents were so much older than my friend's parents and they're going to die before most of my friend's parents were. When I'd go to my grandparent's house (which live 1,000 miles from my parent's) all I'd want to do was go home so my parent's didn't die when I was gone. And I obsessed over it which triggered anxiety. At 12 I was diagnosed with MDD and I was failing every subject except English in school simply bc my brain shut down and I didn't want to try bc I didn't care and it was exhausting to put effort into school. High school I realized I had depersonalisation and felt like a ball of consciousness and didn't have a human body. I would talk to people I'd never talk to before which everyone thought was nice and tralala yay, I'm making new friends, but it was because I had totally changed and didn't see myself as a person like them. Idk how but I got out of it and I still just have issues with motivation and I've never really "treated" it for longer than 4 mo. But I know, the way to treat it is through therapy. Your therapist NEEDS to teach you coping skills or else it just won't get you where you want to be with your mental health. You need to get out of it in your own special way. I am a very happy depressed person bc I know what makes me happy and I do the things that make me happy and I get to thinking about the amazing things I can do and it motivates me to take steps into doing them. I write things down, like goals and how I want my lifestyle to be like, and keep them in mind and read them when I'm down or just want inspiration or both. I'm not high functioning though, I still fail a lot and I still get anxious a lot, but I know how to at least comfort myself and go for a walk or honestly just sit and "meditate" in a way. I hope you figure everything out and know you're loved by your friends you can obviously text/talk to that you mentioned in the beginning. Good luck with this special journey, it really can be enlightening if you let it be. :)


Jesus Christ I can't believe I haven't seen this yet! I get this permanently and I've been so scared lately... Thank you so much for making this it's so nice to get that reassurance you will be ok xx (btw seeing things brightly and weird things like that is probably mostly derealisation which is almost the same but more to do with the surroundings)


thank you dodie I really need that talk today.


dodie if at any point you feel overwhelmed or like taking a break from videos and the internet will actually benefit you, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't feel bad about it or keep making videos for our benefit. we love you so much and we want you to get better and if getting off the internet helps you on the right track to recovery then we'll be thrilled and continue to love you more and more until and when you're in a better place. we're all rooting for you


This video has helped me so much, I have had the feeling that 'I'm not here' for the last few weeks:(X


Be strong Dodie, I send love and best wishes from the other side of the world. Even though I don't know you, I know other people who have combatted depression and anxiety, and I really hope you feel happier soon. I have felt... sad before, and really angry, but I know it is not as severe as what others have felt, so I feel so sorry for you, because if what bad stuff I have felt isn't really that bad, then I sincerely hope nobody has to go through 10x worse than that. 🌺💕😌 Hope you had/are having a good day :)


When you make a video that describes how I feel perfectly


I wish the best for you sweetie ♥♥ I believe in you


You don't sound crazy. I've felt like that for so long. I have a depression and I've been out of school for a year now and I'm starting again this wednesday. I'm so, so scared and I'm afraid not to be able to function like every one else, because that feeling of not really being here keeps coming back every once in a while. But I guess I have to pretend to be normal and then maybe I will feel like it. I hope you will feel better at some point!


it's so strange, because i only now realize that i've experienced depersonalization before, if only mildly (and only once in a while). it would happen occasionally, and i always thought it was normal. i wondered if anyone else ever experienced it as well, but it was such a strange existential feeling that i thought, 'i don't think everyone experiences this.' and i just never told anyone about it because it felt so abstract to me. even stranger, i noticed it happening at a pretty young age, like eight or nine maybe? i don't really remember the first time i felt it. but yeah, i seriously never knew it was an actual thing that people struggle with, and on a much worse scale. so this actually helped me clear that up a bit. at least i know it's a valid, identified feeling.


I would love to talk to you Dodie or anyone for that matter. I'm really struggling lately and I can't find help and maybe just talking to anyone in general not even a psyocaratrist. Thanks xo


oh my god this is just so
OooooooooooooooooooooooooOOOH its me with words oh dodie no what have u done.
i cant write a comment that does this video justice so im just going to say thank you very much for being on this planet for everyone ESPECIALLY me and yourself


O gosh when you talk about the obsession part. I feel the same way. I feel like im getting more okay now and that is nice but that I obsessed so much over some things that they are forever ruined and its very easy to trigger bad thoughts by fenomenons associated with these things. I feel like I broke myself because i couldn't stop myself from creating the obsession.

I know that it is not my fault and that I did the best I could. I shouldnt give myself blame. Still...

Also its sooo good that you get enough sleep and go in and out bed at regular times and walk (excersise) because these things are the base of a good mental stability. It doesnt magically fix things tho, it takes a lot of time and I really had support of my friend but you can also think of a professional like a psychologist or a coach. If a day goes nothing like you hoped and you cant get up etc, dont hate on and blame yourself cause that doesnt do any good for you. Be patiënt with yourself, be kind. You need it most now


thank you for this. i needed to not feel alone today


Dodie, I wish I could meet you but U.S. life says that's not happening. I think you're so wonderful and sometimes I feel you are an older version of me. I mean this in the best way possible and you give me hope and light. Thank you SO much


To anyone who is suffering from any mental illness like depression, I hope you are having a good day and I want you to know that you should never give up no matter how bad everything seems, you can overcome it. Maybe not right away, but you can do it. :)


I understand this, and I honestly thought I was alone. It seems like lately everything bad is happening in my home, family, and life. But instead of feeling upset, angry, or any sort of emotion I just sit here. Numb. Not knowing whats  with me. Like i'm there, I know i'm there but i'm not, like theres a glass wall keeping me from everything. And its so frustrating to describe!  I have felt this way for such a long time and no one even knows, cares, or is too busy to realize. I just want something famaliar. Everything's too hectic, to...different. My friends say they understand but they don't. They just don't. And i'm just, I don't even know anymore


I relate to a lot of things you mentioned, but especially at the end when your friend says "I'm fine" and you wonder "HOW CAN YOU BE FINE??". I think that all the time. How can people be fine? How can people be happy? What if happy don't exist and everyone on this earth is unhappy, but pretends to be happy? What if happy never existed, but people made it up because it was too painful being unhappy? My brain will not stop thinking about this stuff.


3 mental breakdown 3 night in a row. Whoop whoop! Such fun. :(


Omg my therapist told me that too, she told me I was making everything up about my eatingdisorder because I wasn't underweight 'enough'


I relate to you so much wow... with this video and with your sexuality videos and just your personality seems so similar to mine and I feel so glad to have stumbled across your channel.  therapy really helps, especially if you can find a therapist who you can talk to about anything, even stuff un-mental health related. I know things are tough for you, and we all go through rough patches again and again once we think we are improving, but just your positive take on this is really going to help you. you go girl!!


I've had a similar thing for a while- not as a constant but sometimes it will hit me and it's so weird


You made me cry in a second at 4:15 I just want to hug you :c
You are always smiling and it make me just so sad ! :(
I hope you will be okay ♥♫


So there's a name for it. I'm glad that I can relate to other people about my weird mental issues but sad that anyone else has to experience it.


I genuinely hope things will get better for you soon and you can keep trying and that you find a nice therapist! that's important :) hang in there! I started therapy early this year and it's going slow but I'll just keep going like everyone else struggling with mental illness. We can get through this!


i have chronic bipolar depression, so my depression can snap on and off (it doesn't go away, just hiding.) and sometimes it lasts for months, and I constantly have that feeling in my eyes and stomach when I'm about to cry and if something small happens, tears, violence, aggression, irritation, laziness, etc, etc, etc.. and this never ever stops. Dodie even though our problems, minds, and illnesses, aren't the same, but the video had me balling my eyes out because knowing that my favorite person could be feeling something anything close to what I am, kills me and comforts me at the same time. I love you so much dodie.


I do this exact same thing everyday I'll keep my self awake a night just obsessing over how I'm me but I don't look or feel like me it's the strangest thing and it's so hard to explain


i know im "late" but god making this video has helped so many people, you have no idea. we are all proud of you for being able to make this video and talk about things that have been affecting you and how you feel and, just, that takes so much strength to talk about to thousands of people. im glad you feel comfortable enough to make a video about how your mind is currently, and just thank you for existing.


It's ok to not be ok, life isn't always a fun ride and sometime you have to be really down to really apreciate the good things in life, your a great person Dodie and this will pass and you will feel een better than before. Be strong and you'll surpass this becauss you're the best!!


hello! I'm not sure if you'll see this, but I would just like to say a really big thank you for just being you ♥ you've been such an amazing inspiration with your beautiful songs and always doing your best, and your videos had cheered me up countless times. I would just like to say that we may not fully understand what you're going through, but we're here for you :) circumstances may be really rough for you, but please don't keep it all bottled up inside! no matter how hopeless circumstances are at times, I believe that there is always a way, and you will get through them ^^ don't feel too rushed or pressured into doing things for us, because we understand that you're going through a really tough time, and want the best for you. I hope that you'll be able to overcome all that you've been struggling with, and will keep you in prayer :) God bless you love x


You have no idea how comforting this video is because I know I'm not alone. What you're describing is exactly how I feel and I too thought I was just going insane. Thank you for sharing this ❤


I have been struggling very much with mental illness, I don't feel comfortable enough to talk about it to anyone in my life though...


You are not crazy, you are not mental. You are a beautiful person and I am really happy for you that you are getting help! I hope you will finally get the help and support that you deserve!


I'm 15 years of age and its crazy because I have recently went through something similar to this. I honestly felt like I was spaced out into my own little world. like when you're not too drunk but tipsy, where people are speaking to you and the words are just coming through one ear and out of the other? and all of the thoughts in your head go all squished and every time you try to think about stuff nothing comes together correctly. also as if your constantly run down and dazed. I suffer from anxiety and did suffer with minor PTSD. right now I'm much better, I feel more awake, more in the real world. everything is much more clear to me now. I honestly just had to delete all of the things that we're making me stressed and put them to the side, and worry about the things that are more important uch as self love, doing things, speaking to more people and bringing myself back down to earth one step at a time. I really hope that this happens to you and that you will come back to your normal, happy self.


my doctor didn't refer me to a doctor until the point where I had a suicide attempt and had started self harming.. I'd gone there once before to talk and explain why I felt wrong and she told me the same thing, "you're making yourself feel this way, you're obsessed with the idea that you feel that way"... 5 years later I'm in therapy for generalised anxiety, depression and PTSD 👎 this is why I hate my doctor.


Ok for 1- Dodie...please know you have touched me by your music...I have only discovered your music yesterday.... So I have listened to your songs all day long...THEN I found out you had a 2nd channel and HERE I am and this video is the first one I clicked on. Because I know EXACTLY how you feel...I have had anxiety/panic attacks since I was 16 probably when my dad passed away. You are not scaring anyone away...we are all NOT ok...nobody is FINE! I wish we could chat...and I REALLY WISH you were coming on your to Oregon...I would fly to see you if you were close to the PNW!

I just wanted to let you know that I know how you're feeling and lately I have felt up and down as well. Keep being you- because there is only ONE Dodie Clark and I, as well as many others, think you are amazing. Sending love and light to you sweetie! Xo


i felt this way for a long time. i still do, but to a lesser extent. i actually ended up in a psychiatric ward for a week. it was absolutely horrible, like my worst nightmare from a horror film. the only thing that awful abusive experience gave me was the motivation to get real help so i would never be sent back there ever again. please dodie and everybody else, do absolutely everything you can to get outpatient help asap. don't stop going to a doctor until they help you. try your best to achieve happy and healthy minds, i believe in you <3


dodie you've mentioned before about having a fear of death?? I suffer with depersonalisation/derealisation and i also share the same irrational obsession with dying that you've talked about in a previous video, I often wonder if these feelings are connected, and depersonalisation is just kinda my bodies way of dealing with my death phobia, like my brain disconnects me from reality to help cope with the fear? idk if you agree with any of this but i though i'd share, best of luck xxx


I recently found out that I have Bipolar Disorder. I can't sleep and my brain is consumed with the thought 'Am I just being overdramatic?' Or 'Am I making this up?'. Most of the time I feel as if I'm making it up, and asking for attention although I don't want anyone, except for my close friends, to know. I'm scared. I feel as if there is something wrong with me, and I can't help it.


I have large nostalgia for 2012, it was the year I was most happy. I did not need to worry about anything. I was so open and free, now I feel the need to fit into society, I feel threatened by the on going trends of 2016. I wonder to myself; am I normal? What is normal? Why should I be normal? Am I insane? At this point I have a raging headache and no longer want to think about it. I want to go to sleep but I can't. I guess that's why I like what I do so much. I am a hacker, I now realise the only reason I have followed this path and become what I am is because I don't like our generation. I feel the need to isolate myself. I feel the need to sit behind screens and explore the world without actually interacting with people. The question still however circles my mind... Am I insane?


I'm not sure if you'll see this, and there's not much I can do to help, but I really hope you find the help you need and get better. You seem like such a strong person, and it's hard to get help, and it's hard to cope with things like this, and I really wish the best for you.


I have anxiety and panic attacks very regularly, to combat this along depression I would use Marijuana everyday. I started getting into dabbing but had several horrible incidents with the stuff, but it was never enough to get me to quit. Until my last use. That day I was having a severe panic attack when I woke up thinking about someone who abused me and thinking they wanted to hurt me. I tried to relieve the anxiety with a dab and instantly knew I made the wrong decision. This happened once before where I went into panic mode and just thought I was going to die; however, the last time it came down within hours. This time after about an hour I knew this was different. I couldn't remember anything, and the world looked really strange. This was a totally new thing for me besides one small instance where I had an "out of body experience" at school that lasted like 5 minutes. I had no idea that weed had these kind of side effects. So I tried to just tell myself that it will pass soon and it's only the weed. Next day came and I felt no better. I had retrograde autobiographical amnesia and my body and mind felt like two separate entities. I could feel no emotions, zero. Which for me is outrageous. I just became so apathetic about everything in life when I used to have so much passion. I had depersonalized and derealized and now I'm mostly just dealing with the derealization. My emotions are coming back but everyday is different, some days I'm depressed, the next I'm angry, then the next day I can be generally happy with bouts of fear.

I went to get help today but I wont be able to see a therapist for at least a month..  I can at least now feel like I do exist, like I know I exist even if I feel super strange about it. In the beginning I honestly just didn't know "was my entire life just a dream?" Distractions are obviously the best thing to do but sometimes I just have no energy, but I can't sleep with my anxiety. I have night mares every night that sometimes wake me up in a panic. I am just so glad to not be alone and to know what I am going through, I know this is a natural response, and that it will pass. I just can't imagine having this for years with no clue. I had to explain to the lady that assessed me today that while I don't want to die or kill myself, that the thought of "I'd rather be dead" does occur, like if I felt like this everyday and that my life is just a passageway to death I couldn't fathom just sticking through it. This is the hardest thing I've ever experienced and before this I thought I've had it tough with abuse and trauma, but this is the actual reaction to me realizing that I was abused. I know that I have PTSD now, but for some reason none of this happened until I really analyzed my past relationship and I finally told them off and to stay out of my life.

This is something you come out of stronger, I know it. This video could not have popped up on my suggested panel at a better time.


U don't sound mad. U sound like a person who is trying to come to terms with what's happening in ur mind and that's definitely not crazy. That's smart and it shows u r a strong, willing and determined person. I wish u every success in battling against this. Good luck. X


I haven gone back to my old house for more than 10 minutes since May 2013 (had to look through convos with old friends to figure that out, hurt to look.) I couldn't look in a mirror and recognise myself and I've still not been able to go to the doctor about it. Perhaps the websites might help me, like they have helped you.


i dont know whether anyone will read this but its nice to write my feelings down so yeah ive felt a similar way to dodie for about a month now and its really really really scary and different and i feel so weird and for some reason it always gets more intense when i do things with people i love being around. like i find it hard to appreciate things to the full because they feel so unreal and i feel like im floating through my life and im not taking anything in fully because it doesnt feel real enough to take in? time passes so quickly without me even realising because im too focused worrying that things dont feel like they should and its so scary ahh h like i was in london yesterday and i felt like i was in a bubble and the things around me were still happening but it wasnt me they were happening to and it was someone else somewhere else and that wasnt fun considering i'd gone to london to enjoy myself. things just dont feel right and even if i touch them to try and make them feel more real, it doesnt work and it isnt me who's touching them and i know full well that im doing the things im doing and the things around me that are happening are actually happening but it really doesnt feel like that and its so scary and its hard to appreciate things in my life when none of it feels all that real. i want to get help but im quite young so i dont know how hard it would be. sorry this was long and if you read then thanks i guess ahh i dont know i just wanted to have what im feeling right now written down somewhere so it feels more like i have control of it :)

That's so amazing to hear! I hope everything is sorted out now and you'll be okay in the future.

+TheMadChatter ahhh thank you so much, I was having a particularly bad day dealing with whatever I'm experiencing when I commented, I'm feeling considerably better right now ! thank you again though, it means a lot :)


The moment you said "i wanted to go in my bed and be normal again" and you began to cry, I just saw myself in you. And when you went angry because you were crying... I really saw me in you. Like, I'm crying so much, and most of the time why or what I have to do that it stops. And I even make it worse, because Im getting angry because Im crying and them Im crying more because Im angry... I already talked to my Mum, to my friends, but its only getting worse. the older I get, the more panic attacks i get. slowly im afraid of it. <br>that comment costed me a lot of tears, oh god

The moment you said "i wanted to go in my bed and be normal again" and you began to cry, I just saw myself in you. And when you went angry because you were crying... I really saw me in you. Like, I'm crying so much, and most of the time why or what I have to do that it stops. And I even make it worse, because Im getting angry because Im crying and them Im crying more because Im angry... I already talked to my Mum, to my friends, but its only getting worse. the older I get, the more panic attacks i get. slowly im afraid of it.
that comment costed me a lot of tears, oh god


i know it's really hard n ive been there. First things 1st u need to try n treat yourself ( buy somethink just for yourself). Make a list of at least 10 things your thankfull for. Get a good posertive self help book. Remember there is always someone worse off.


I just realized why I watch you and idolize you (even though you've asked us not to I do it anyway and I'm sorry but I do). We are very similar you look and act like I imagine the older version of me would act. I realize now after like what 4 years of me feeling like I do I am depressed. I should probably go to the doctor and get help but I don't want to. I don't want to be the one girl who has to take medicine because she's unhappy. And I don't want my friends to think its because of them or my family to think its them either. And none of this makes any sense because I was perfectly happy just a few days ago? I just want to go home. I don't know why I have to be like this? Why can't I be normal? I feel like I'm going insane.


usually depression can be fought by simply stopping being a bish


+doddlevloggle  My friend told me one day that she felt so depressed. She didn't want to do anything. Didn't want to get up, eat, she didn't want to live. She knows what it's like. I don't. But I kind of do. But not first hand. It can change a person so much you can see that they're not completely here. It didn't help that we're at different schools either. So yea I know how you feel....but I don't.


This is so fucking touching, good luck and I hope you feel better soon and find a lot of support!!


I've been feeling not good for a while. I've written it off as laziness and introversion, but what if somethings actually wrong? I think it began with me moving 5 years ago but who knows? I miss that place so, so much. It's especially  bad at school. I quit show choir and women's choir , haven't been doing as well in my classes either. I don't have any friends aside from my cousins whom I only really see on Sundays and still feel uncomfortable with. I think It might be a mixture of social anxiety and loneliness but I dunno. I used to cry myself to sleep because of it, not as much anymore. I thought about talking to my school counselor and my mom about it, but that didn't work out. I want things to change, but I don't think they will for a while. Nothing feels real, there's no direction in my life. God, I hope I'm not sounding too melodramatic.


Ok I'm two minutes in but I have to type I'm so excited by this topic coming up: I HAVE DEREALISATION!!! It sounds like you're describing derealisation not depersonalisation? Depersonalisation is more outer body type experience, it's what my ex had, whereas derealisation is what I have, where I can't access the info of what one side of the room looks like by the time my eyes have gone to the other side of the room, it's like being blind but it's my brain that's not taking in the information, nothing wrong with my eyes, and it feels like brain blindness, not eye blindness, I can tell the difference! (I once went blind for 3 minutes when someone threw a snowball with a rock at my face in high school. Lol. Shit happens. So yeah, they are distinctly different feelings, in case anyone wants to question that, which people often do, no it's not my eyes, I'm mentally ill). When I get it, it's my mind that's chosen to shut down and go on autopilot because it finds the outside world too stressful, and I can't get it back into manual, and I'm just awake enough to be aware of it, but lacking the control I would normally otherwise have, and I'm doing and saying very strange things. I like to hang upside down so I can feel my body, otherwise I'm totally numb. Everything is 2D not 3D and it's like my eyes are the barrier to a tv screen, and if I touch something it's not really there. I thought I'd gone crazy. it's so sad to me now that it took me months to build up the courage to google my symptoms because I thought I'd lost it and might end up in a mental asylum if I told anyone. Turns out it's just a symptom of severe anxiety! Started getting derealisation 5 years ago now, but it's almost gone! MINDFULNESS! Strongly recommend it. Let go of the past, don't worry about the future, and live in the here and now <3 <3 <3 It's been 5 years since I was living in peak anxiety, but I'm now getting there, it takes a while for your brain to stop freaking out at the slightest thing, 5 years and I still get it occasionally. I was waking up and going to sleep still in derealisation, and didn't stop feeling nausea whatsoever for a period of 3 entire months though, so I figure that's got to be pretty extreme, no wonder I still suffer. Naturally, I was a total trainwreck at the time as I'm sure you can imagine xD I'm still on Citalopram, but doing so so well for me! I'm even moving to London soon to pursue my dreams of being a singer-songwriter (what stressed me out in the first place, partially). I'm going to keep going back to Wales to pick up my prescriptions, as they're free here haha. Hope you feel better soon, Dodie. The mental health system is fucked, the first doctor I went to said he was "sceptical as to the existence of derealisation." Makes me angry, frustrated, sad, disappointed, and restless just thinking about it, I burst into tears in the doctor's surgery. I wish I could get him written off, he upset me so, so deeply. Thanks for sharing this :) You're a bit of an idol tbh, you keep talking about all the right things such as mental health, and also write epic tunes. Also, I'm a total hippie now as an aside, it's brought me peace :D :D So I love that you're wearing a hippie top hahaha. Namaste, girlfriend ;) xxxxx :*


Omg she said "I'm not gonna lie and say I feel like 10/10" and she made 6/10 and ahhh


Hey! I know this is totally random and kinda unnecessary to say, but momentarilly I am happy to be alive.
And fyi it feels like an achievement, because this happens very rarily.
So I wanted to share with someone and who would be a better listener than an old youtube comment section?


You probably won't see this because there's literally thousands of comments here, but I feel exactly the same way you do. I kept nodding my head as you were describing how you feel. About a month ago, I was in a store with my brother and a friend and I had to go sit down because I suddenly became so anxious that I got disoriented and started to feel like nothing was real and I was in a dream.

I want to recommend 2 blog entries that talk about depression and describe it so very well. I read them sometimes to feel better. If you want to read them, just search "hyperbole and a half adventures in depression" and "hyperbole and a half depression part 2."

You are amazing and I hope you feel better soon <3


"fine is the suckiest word, it never tells the truth"--Andrea Gibson


Oh my god. Why didn't I Watch your video earlier ?I've been depressed for a few years now and my depression got worse a few weeks ago, and I didn't want to Watch your video because I thought it would remind me of my problems and make it worse. But this is exactly what I'm feeling right now and I didn't even know it was a thing ??? Like I didn't know depersonalisation was actually an illness and now that I know it, I feel sooooooooooo like relieved. I'm maybe not as mad as I thought I was.Thank you so much Dodie. as always, you make me feel better. ♥


my doctor didn't refer me to a doctor until the point where I had a suicide attempt and had started self harming.. I'd gone there once before to talk and explain why I felt wrong and she told me the same thing, "you're making yourself feel this way, you're obsessed with the idea that you feel that way"... 5 years later I'm in therapy for generalised anxiety, depression and PTSD 👎 this is why I hate my doctor.


Dodie how old are you now! If you've felt like that since you're eighteen I've felt like this for weeks and I feel so far Away but I just wanted comfort in the idea that it would go away soon and id be back where my feet are but what if it doesn't go away

I've tried telling my therapist but he just dumbs it down and it makes me want to cry I want to fix it but I can't explain it and nobody will want to fix it as much as I do because they can't see it affecting the way I appear on the outside


i want to roll her up in a blanket and hug her and make her happy eventhough i know it doesnt work that way. poor baby, i dont want anyone feel like this :(


depression and anxiety is a crazy scary weird thing which honestly can feel like your dying and going insane and its disgusting to have to live through, that coupled with depersonalisation must be horrible. one tip about therapists, the first one might not be right, second one might be not right either or the third fourth fifth sixth even, but u do need to keep going till you find the perfect one for you or it will not work!!! keep fighting try to be happy acting happy often helps xxxxx


i've been going the doc's, many of 'em, fer 25yrs, and they still can't help.  they can't even agree what's wrong w/ me.  only that there IS something.  i've had over a dozen diagnoses, and i aint in the middle of nowhere, i'm only 3hrs from nyc.  there people are SUPPOSED to know what the shit is goin' on.  you dont sound crazy.  you sound like what my head sounds like 23/7.  that used to be an insult, but not anymore. try and keep your head up, Sis.  you do good werks.  i like you.  you're good people.  werds.


I smoke weed when I was 16 and almost immediately went into a very ugly bad trip. When I "woke up" from the hallucinations and absolute certainty that I had died, I got hit by so many panic attacks when I realised that I didn't exist. No matter what I did, no matter how hard I focused, I didn't exist, I couldn't feel like I was existing, everything was so strange and eery, and I tried to explain it to my parents, my friends, and no one could understand because it is weird. It's so weird. It's difficult to explain that you're you, but slightly off, away, like your soul is floating outside of your head and watching things go by and you have absolutely no control and - anywayyy, you see what I mean.
I remained like that for eight months, maybe a year. I will not explain it in details but I can tell you that I got better. I just tried to unfocus from the fact that I didn't exist, I just tried to stop forcing myself into "existing" and being there, I just tried to stop thinking about it. Just to make myself clear: I did not try to pretend I was not sick. I was very aware that I was, but I had noticed that if I stopped thinking about it every single moment I could, I could let go a bit of the trauma, and just start to live by obsessing over things that made my happy and got my entire attention. The best trick I found was playing world of warcraft. Then I started watching tv shows. A lot. Obsessing over them in order to stop trying to focus myself into reality. And it worked, because I just had to learn to let it go and not try to hold on to that fear. Then I started to go out again, see my friends, have fun, have a few drinks... (no drugs though. never again.)
I'm doing so much better now that I don't have to deal with this sensation, although I am very much more sensitive to mental issues. I have a lot of anxiety that I'm learning to cope with, I suspect I might be having some kind of depression, and I learn everyday to deal with it. I'm going to see a therapist soon and try to finally get rid of those leftovers I got from the trauma of my bad trip.
I don't know if you'll ever read this but the best advice I could give you is just to try to let go of your fear, try to not think about it as much as possible because if you focus on how weird reality is, you will only be more self conscious. Your body knows how to live and how to react to social situations, and so does your mind, you just have to trust them a little more. But I know it's easier said than done, and it is possible that it might be different for you to get rid of the depersonalisation. I wish you all of the best and please, keep us updated <3 It means a lot to find a youtuber talking about this issue. Thank you so much for sharing. <3 <3

Plume Blue I went through the same exact thing. having an out of body experience all day. panicking, thinking it would last forever. I would go to sleep hoping to wake up feeling my self again. I would cry most of the day but try to cope by doing things to distract myself. It took a good while before I felt okay. But I do still feel disconnected emotionally. Things that used to make me happy don't anymore but I'm learning to gain those emotions back by doing everything as I used to. glad you're feeling better

+doddleoddle i promise you will get there eventually <3 stay brave and keep being amazing :)

I'm so happy you're feeling better, so so so happy. Thank you for your advice <3

This is 100% what happened to me, or what I am still dealing with. When I got high and panicked I just couldn't stop thinking about death and that my whole prior existence was a dream that I could not recall. Absolutely the most terrifying thing I have experienced and it's only been 3 weeks, but I am so scared it will last so much longer. I finally went to get assessed for therapy today but it will take a month til I can be seen and I'll be home alone for most of the time with no family near me. I have been doing the same things though! Obsessing with shows and playing video games.. I have lost a lot of my excitability and emotional connection of course, but it is coming back.. I can't believe how common this is as I have never heard of it before it happened to me. Thankful for this video right now and all of the comments I can relate to saying it will pass and get better. That's the best advice I could give is to just remind yourself everyday that everything is temporary and how many obstacles in life we all have overcome.


Who dislikes vid like this? That very important video, hope you feel better...


Well I don't know if anyone will respond to it but here
For the last few days I've just felt numb inside. Like today I just keep walking around my house and I don't even remember thinking about anything I've either been doing that and/or staring at my ceiling or bawling my eyes out....I don't know why I've been doing this either. A few days ago I was fine laughing and smiling at silly things my little sister did but now I just don't feel anything except numb inside.
I thought going to my aunts would help because where really close(she's like a mother to me) but strangely it didn't at all and whenever she asked me if I was okay I just started crying...
I don't know maybe I'm going insane


What pisses me off about girls like yourself is you have everything going for you in the Uk, you literally are as a woman the one with all the power in our society. You are attractive and clearly able to express yourself! Your house looks better than my parents the one im currently in. I get mental illness ive had depression and anxiety as a man for many years which guess what means women wont go near me! Your gender can be suicidal and men will still take you on.

Truly you are a victim tho arnt you..... yeah right.

I bet you have an amazing sex life social life and work life.

We cant help mental illness but some of us are ill others cld and should learn to cope.


you are not mad, you are a genius, they are all a little crazy sometimes.


I have social anxiety and going to the doctor is a huge anxiety trigger for me... I don't know how I will ever function normally.


i always feel like somethings wrong with me. but i cant pinpoint it. I cant even describe how i feel. but i then i always think "what if im just making this up? what if im not actually depressed or something? what if i just want attention" but then why do i feel sad all the time? i cant understand anything.


So...I'm only 13. And I have heard SO many stories from other teens about being told they aren't really sick and I know my mom would blame it on one thing or another and I just don't know...I can't look it up because my parents watch my search history and will think I'm trying to be sick. But I'm underweight and sometimes worry about disorders, I have really bad episodes when I cry or get worked up and I just...I don't know anymore. If anyone has some kinda of answers or ideas...idk.

+Pablo NoEsEspañol thank you...my best friend has been trying to get me to go to the school counselor but I'm still very uncomfortable with talking about it. I'm thinking about going though. Everyone says it's worth it so I don't know.

I know I'm not in the same situation as you, but your parents truly love you, and they will listen if you have a real problem like this. If they don't, or they chalk it up to hormones or whatever, try to see if there is a therapist or a counsellor at your school. I had major problems with bullying when I was about 10/11 and trust me, there will always be someone who can help you. Stay strong.


I'm like crying the part where she talks about how some people turn it off and that they can't relate to this... But I do, no one believes me... My mom says I'll get over it and I can just turn it off... But I can't


Depersonalization. Don't take it for granted. Your mind is trying to tell you something. Just accept it and live life. Currently 3 months 24/7. You can contact me if you need someone to talk to.


It's so frustrating if I tell people I have anxiety they think I make it up but they act like they want to know what's going on. I know they think I'm making it up. I want to go to therapy, but I can't explain to my mother I'm anxious because she is going to ask a lot of questions and she is going to worry a lot and I don't want that for her. God.. Can't we all just hang out, everyone in the comments and Dodie, can we just hang out with each other.. I think everyone needs that here


my inner child wants to be comforted, but the outer tougher me won't let the feelings arise to the skin. So tears can be made so feelings are expressed. i know exactly what you are feeling, iv'e been away from every one for a good while now being in the military it fucking hurts. depression, stress will eat you alive, iv'e yet to seek help because i don't want pills to lean on, i want to invest my self into some one. iv'e also been told you need to love your self, and find self worth. before moving on to loving other people.


Lucid dreaming helped me a lot with my depressions

try it


Please save me. I'm about to give up. I can't live with DP for any longer. I'M ONLY 14 YEARS OLD GODDAMN IT!! I JUST WANT A NORMAL LIFE I JUST WANNA GO BACK TO NORMAL I CAN'T LIVE LIKE THIS PLEASE JUST SAVE ME!!!!


Hhhhhhaaa I distance myself from deep shit like this (just push it down) because then I just think of things like I am not in control like there are only ever two options - to do something or to not do anything hahaha so yeah I just try not to think about it hahahahahha if I think about it my day goes by with minimal activity and communication. I feel super guilty because I have a perfect life yet i am not content like what a selfish fuck and I kind of end up feeling what I see places haha that's bad I know but like once I am exposed to each problem I can't stop thinking about it hahahahahha hahahahahha shhhhhhhhhhh bye


Your problems are completely insignificant.  This is what happens when humans have too much leisure.  The human brain has evolved to be surrounded by problems to solve and tasks to complete.  When you just gallivant around singing songs and doing fun things, you're almost guaranteed to become a mental disaster because your brain needs resistance and you refuse to give it any in your life.  You're not using your brain they way it should be used, so it's breaking.


god who doesn't have depression now days


Hi guys I'm having a problems. I feel like  I don't want this anymore. I find it weird everyone seems to live on whilst the time will tick by and eventually we'll die with nothing to do about it. The earth will still do it's thing and I'll deliver absolutely nothing to society except taking up space. I think a lot. Too much for that matter. So I stepped to my parents and said that I think I need to get help, but my mom got very mad and upset and said she would not want me to. I'm getting worse by the day and i'm taking a big step asking you all for advice.


i'm 23, first class degree in mathematics, can't find job feel like shit life isn't real anymore!


I know why is your cure, your thinking about your self a lot. Try to think about other people who have harder life than you. Go to the nearest kids dorm and listen to their stories. Who lost their parents or their parents gave them away. Or if you have money go to Africa. Their are a lot of things that will make you feel your life when you see other people's life.


"It's all in your head." Worst lines ever given..

My Youth is starting to Phanic! at this pity party


Want to know what makes me fucking depressed but wont let it get to me?Being born only just now knowing I was born to die eventually of old age thinking how do you see your self in 60 years old in a hospital bed breathing my last breath fucking sad.


I have bad anxiety and a few people know BUT NO ONE UNDERSTANDS WHATSOEVER 😭😖😭


do you have a moment to talk about our dark lord sithis?


this is the problem in this world, everyone thinks that mental illness is not a disability. they all think disability is a physical problem, but i know how it feels to suffer with depression, anxiety. As myself who has Schizophrenia, don't get to the stage where I've completely emotionally destroyed myself.


So many sympathy seekers. I guarantee 99% of the people saying 'omg I can relate' are bullshitting liars.


I cant believe that woman told you you were making it up, she doesn't do her job very well then


i have been feeling so bad and i also moved a country and i have just been feeling like a have depression and anxiety and social anxiety  and i just cry every night and just miss the old me and i keep trying to be social and i just keep canceling everything and just i just fuck everything up and i dont have motivation and its just getting so bad and im certain that i have mental illnesess but then i dont want to say that cause there are people diagnosed and i dont want to be like selfish and just say i have a mental illness when there are people diagnosed and i dont want to hurt them tho i feel so bad and i dont kniw shat to think anymore  ..


4:14 don't you do it, because I will too


Yes..the worst thing is you can't put your finger on it, like there it is. Sometimes I even question myself..is this really happening, or am I just making it up? And I don't feel anxious anymore. Just weird and odd. That's worse..


just crying<br>too sad to talk about it...