PMV | I Needed To Lose You To Love Me

Description YT

Been a while, hasn't it?

Why a new PMV? Why an upload on a channel I effectively killed off? Why upload a new PMV after literally deleting all of my pony content spanning nearly eight years?

Simple;
I was angry.
I wanted to move on. I wanted to find a new lease in life because being a video editor, being a pony content creator, creating music videos, it was all so draining. No one ever seemed to appreciate what I did beyond "that's neat" or "this is cute" and consistently gave me criticism I never asked for.

There's accepting criticism, and then there's just an overwhelming amount of "opinions" because everyone seems to think PMVs/AMVs/Whatever are so easy to make and thus feel the need to needlessly nitpick things that are completely and utterly subjective.

"Too much typography," "not enough effects,"
"Don't bother with after effects if you can't code," "this seems too similar to the last thing you made," "why don't you use the pen tool," and I started to try to pretend that I wasn't remotely proud of what I had made, and then eventually started believing that everything I made was trash, either due to comments, peers or fellow content creators. I lost sight of why I loved doing what I do. So I stopped. I wanted to do something different.

But no one wanted to give it a chance.

So I said "screw it" and deleted literally everything pony off my channel.

No, I'm not re-uploading any of it. I'm standing by my decision. People treated me and my content like trash, so I disposed of it like it was so.

So, this video? What's it about?

Honestly it's a double meaning. Basically ever since I ditched the pony fandom in it's entirety and went off to make streaming my primary form of content creation, I've been a lot happier. I finally have at least a little bit of a grip on my mental health. I'm happy, for the first time in my life. All I had to do was leave the one thing that meant the absolute most to me.

Shortly after I left, I didn't even miss it anymore.

What I did miss, though, was making PMVs. I got inspired to make something with this song and banged it out in a few hours. It's super personal to me, and I don't care if anyone 'gets it' because it's not for you. It's for me.

Recently I was finally able to cut ties with someone super toxic in my life. Someone who's largely responsible for who I am today, for better or worse. I'm no longer under their heel. I'm free. Which plays into the themes of this video too.

Basically in order to love myself I had to ditch the community (and 'parent') that played a part in making me who I am, so that I can actually love who I am.

And I do. Pony or not.

I love the show. I don't regret the time I spent with the fandom. I just wish I got out before the fandom became my life.

But whatever. Life is too short to dwindle on such things.

So, what's next for me? Does this mean I'm back to making PMVs?

Who knows. Honestly I didn't ever think this one would happen and it did. I did miss making music videos so we'll see.

Enjoy, I guess. Thanks.

If you read this far maybe you care enough to join my Discord and chat with me there.
https://discord.com/invite/pN6kRUq