I said this sadly but I'm not sad

Description YT

http://www.youtube.com/doddleoddle

I guess I just had to make something
My mind is a mess right now; I can't hold on to one thought and deal with it because thoughts are just sliding on top of each other, scary ones lingering a little longer than happier ones. I don't want to be negative or depressing because apart from the dull ache in my chest and ball in my throat my mind isn't actually that bad at the moment. It's about 19 degrees celcius in my head and the sun is hiding behind clouds but it promises to peek out and surprise me soon. I want to be in a humid dark room with green lasers surrounded by smiling souls and jumping to music I would otherwise hate, licking stinging salt off my hand and pouring poison down my neck. I want to be enfolded in safe, warm, familiar arms, skin to skin with someone whose heart is knitted into mine. But I'm hunched over in a beige bedroom, sandpapering off the black mud around my eyes and sniffing occasionally. I doubt everything I do and say and feel and think and make and share and tell and act and sing and write. But I just had to make something.